Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We Adopted Luke Binkow

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast     GET IT BEFORE ITS GONE - https://trashtuesday.myshopify.com/ We are introducing Luke Binkow, our favorite Comedy Store door guy. We’re talking about Luke’s house being burnt down in the Palisades, the importance of taking (good!) photos of your girlfriend, and the Xandemic. Strap in as we get to know Mr. Luke Binkow MORE LUKE!https://www.instagram.com/luke.binkow/?hl=en Thank you to our sponsors:Thank you to CASH APP - Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/4cq1zeop #CashAppPod.Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card.  Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.Thank you to ASPCA PET INSURANCE - https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/TRASHTUESDAY  The ASPCA® is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. For terms and conditions visit: https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/more-info/state-documents-and-sample-policies/. Products are underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company (NAIC #26581), or United States Fire Insurance Company (NAIC #21113) and distributed by PTZ Insurance Agency Ltd.Thank you to BEDUCATED - Beducated has an awesome quiz that will recommend a personalized roadmap to sexual happiness just for you. Right now, click https://beduc.at/pd2631-trash to kick off your personal pleasure journey.*Ebb Ocean Club is NOW IN SEPHORA* https://www.sephora.com/brand/ebb-ocean-club for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studio Ten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is like Luke's quinceaniera. Yeah, it is. He's like coming out. Coming out or coming of age? Isn't like a coming out party? I don't think I don't want to call on a coming out party if there's a way to. Come out, Luke. I don't know.

I'm like operating at 10% and me, 10% me and Luke's solo really scares me. Like that's fear in the blood. 10% is crazy. You're that low. I think I'm at 10% right now. You seem like more than 10% to me. I'll get, as we go on, the. It'll fill up.

I think I'm a 10% dropping. As we go on, it's going to, the tank is almost empty, guys. So look, you got to carry this whole show. Yeah, great. Thanks for having me on, guys. I really appreciate it. We got to figure it out. We need to introduce him, though.

He's kind of, I feel like we already, both of us have like, we've already decided that he's a new, he's our third co-hosts. He's our up and rising. He's our guy. You know, we both decided this, right? I was like, hey, you know Luke? She's like, oh, my God, I love Luke. I was like, literally when I'm, I saw you at the comedy store and I forgot what you said to me, but you made fun of me or something.

And you were just so weird. Great. Do you remember what it was. It was something about you being pregnant. I can't remember, but you were pregnant and having an issue, I think. You were like, are you going to have the baby right now? I was like, I'm like four months pregnant. You work at the comedy store.

What do you do at the comedy store? I'm a door guy at the comedy store. I check tickets and I go, I sit right there, sir. And they go, I don't want to sit there. And I go, sit wherever the fuck you want. I'll go fuck myself. How about that? I know all about the door guys.

I was in a long relationship with one of them. I was a door guy wife. What is the door guy, door girl tea right now? Anyone dating, beefing? Is that like a whole? I literally can't say. It's own like ecosystem, right? Oh, yeah.

That can't be on podcast. Yeah, I literally can't say. If you're in, you're in and you know, but like you guys are outsiders. Like you wouldn't get it. We're not outsiders. We're not. Actually, that would be a good thing if we all. I'd love to be an outsider.

I'm for sure an outsider. Oh, because you're like... Not a comic. Well, yeah, and you're like, people probably think of you as Bobby's ex and they're like, oh my God, that's Bobby's ex. Like, she's out, but it's like you're literally still best friends with him. Are you friends with your ex? Did I ask you this the last time?

Are you old enough to have an ex? Yeah, I only have one ex. Oh my God, his girlfriend? She's stunningly beautiful. She is a supermodel. She is stunning and so cool because I checked out her Instagram. You're a comedian. Yeah.

You do stand-up. Correct. And then how does she feel about that? I'm sorry. She loves stand-up. She's a fan of a lot of stand-ups that I'm a fan of. And she thinks it's really cool. I will say, I think most people find stand-up really cool until you're like super, super

close to it. And then it starts to be like, oh, shit. This is like, it's not it's pathetic, but it's like you have like a sickness. You're like, oh, sorry, I have a show. And people like, that's so cool. He has a show. And then one day you show up and you're like, this is six people in the back of a bar. You didn't even do well.

I feel like you articulated that really well for me. Yeah. Like I needed you to say that to people when I was in my 20s for me. Oh, yeah. Because I absolutely experienced that. Like, she has a show and it's like, guys, it's in a laundry mat. Yes. I had to stop.

They're doing their laundry. Exactly. No, literally. And I had to stop posting about a lot of my shows because, you know, you post on your story to show other standups and stuff like, I'm working. I got stuff going on. And then I had friends and family sometimes, like, show up. And you grew up in L.A.?

That's what I find really interesting about you is that there's hardly really anyone who's like born and bred California boy that like everyone feels like a transplant here. Do you live with your parents? Local. Okay. So I was planning on living with my parents are divorced. I was planning on living with my mom because I'm like, okay, perfect. I'm going to be a deadbeat stand up. Live in my mom's house forever.

Literally the dream. Do you have a nice basement? Oh yeah. Great setup. And then our house burnt down. And so I had to move out. Wait, so you live in the palisades? Yes.

Oh my God. House burned down. We have another fire victim today? Yep. Who was the other? Her? Oh, right, right, right. So, yeah, I was kind of like, oh, fuck, I got to move out now.

And it was also, it was funny because, like, it really felt like a huge reset on my whole life where it's like, okay, my whole life begins now at when I, 24 or whatever. I have no stuff. I've no nothing. I thought I was going to coast off the Xbox I got for Christmas when I was 13. That is insane. And all your stuff was at your mom's house. Everything. The only thing, it was funny because I was working two jobs at the time.

So I left my work where I was wearing a button down collared shirt to go to the comedy store to work. So the only things that survived were my two uniforms. And while I was at the comedy store where it was like, oh shit, I think my house is burning down, there was like immediately I'm being made fun of. There was no period of like, oh, I'm so sorry. But I think that was that helped. Yeah.

We like to laugh at trauma here. And what about your dad's house? He's coasting and totally fine. He moved to like Santa Barbara. He's chilling. He's probably like score, get fucked. L for you. So you guys are what he doesn't like you?

I wouldn't say he loves me. I guess loves. It's a crazy word to say for your dad. But like, you know, we don't talk that often. When the house right now, he texted me, he's like, dude, so sorry. Like if you need anything, work boots, work shirt, you know, any kind of equipment. I'm like, equipment. You think I'm going to rebuild the house?

What is this message? And are you close with your mom? Very close with my mom. I feel so bad for my mom. I feel bad talking about it. It's not very funny. But I feel bad for my mom because when my parents were, she like kept the house. That was like her big thing.

It was like, I just want the house so that the kids can like be in the house forever. And like you always have a place to come back to. And then it burnt down. And then now I'm like, yeah, I'm going to live in an apartment with Joey. And she's like, what about that? I'm like, I know. I'm sorry. Maybe you guys will get under one roof.

again, but maybe it's also for the best. I know, I know. It's kind of like, it's funny that I, like, aspire to be like, one day I'll move back home. Back in my mom. Yeah. I kind of don't believe in that anymore. In what?

I don't understand, like, setting your kids off on their own when they turn 18. No. With, like, no financial help with no backing. Like, that does not make sense. Maybe for a certain generation, like, a long time ago. But as it stands now, it's like, no, your kids got to live with you. for way longer than that.

100%. Yeah. And like, especially in a place like LA or whatever, it's just so expensive and so difficult. It's not really possible. And you're going to put, if you're going to force your kid to move into somewhere very sketch,

because that's the only thing that's affordable. It's like, but I feel very lucky. Hopefully I get to go back in there. When I saw you last, I asked you like, what's it look like for my son's generation? Yeah.

And dating. And you basically said, oh, like, it's fucked. Yeah. Like they stand no chance that generation. What? I wouldn't say they stand no chance. I just think dating has changed a lot for sure.

People have like different perspectives. I feel like when they're dating now. And do you think that mothers our age would be able to guide our sons when it's time? Yeah, you can guide your kid. Or do you think the internet will just kind of take over their life. Yeah, it's hard because like you really do get so shaped by the internet. I feel like I was kind of, I'm 25. I feel like I was the last generation that like I had a flip phone.

I wasn't directly on the internet. But then eventually, you know, it clipped me. you know, at an early age, I'm like looking up naked pictures of Megan Fox on a DSI. Kids now, they're so tapped into the internet. It's like, you could be anyone. Well, how did you meet your girlfriend? On the internet? Yeah, yeah.

On Raya. How'd you get on Raya? Because I'm fucking famous as hell. I'm on Trash Tuesday. Hello. I lied on my application. Yeah, you're just a normal guy to us. Yeah, well, I try to, I try to say humble.

I lied. I lied on my application. I said I was a film producer. Can't they, like, don't they vet that? Can't they like, because I feel like Raya, I never found like younger, okay people. They were always like old predatory fucks. Well, you know, if you say you're a film producer, they just assume her predatory fuck. They put you right on there.

I know, I hate it. It's funny to be 25 and say you're a film producer. I know. I feel like you'd be like, you're broke. Yeah, I know. It was because they check your Instagram and I don't have a lot of Instagram followers. Oh, but don't you make video content? I do now, but at the time when I applied, I was like pretty young.

So you just want to make sure everyone knows like you were lying at the time. Yeah, I was lying. But now, now I could be like, oh. Famous podcast. Famous podcast guest. Wait, I have a question for you, Luke. Yeah. Do you take good pictures of your girlfriend?

Wow, it feels almost like a question that was set up by her to be asked on this podcast. She recently just told me that I'm not, I haven't. I don't do that, apparently. I don't take good photos of her. But how bad are they? Because I have things to share. Well, like, I take a, if she wants me to take a photo, of course I take a photo. And we take photos together and people take photos of us.

And it's like, I'm always like snapping a photo for her because I want to remember the moment that we're at. Oh, we're eating breakfast. I don't take a photo because like this is a nice moment. But it's like, you know, it's very candid of a photo. Yeah. So she sometimes will be like, you got to know that I want a photo taken in this setting and then be like, I'm going to take a photo. And then like, I'll, I agree with her. I think like you need to learn.

Let her light. You need to learn. Yeah, I guess. I feel like Dave takes incredible photos of you. Okay. Like, I know you think that. I know everybody thinks that. No, he doesn't.

I mean, he can, but it's like to get those paparazzi shots, we have to take millions. I think this is an epidemic of partnerships because, and it's for a good reason, right? It's like your partner, the guy thinks you're beautiful. And so he doesn't understand that. you actually do look like dog shit in 90% of the photos that exist of you. It's like they don't know. They literally just don't know. You really not know when it's like, oof, that's a rough one of her.

There's never been a rough photo ever taken over. They don't know. They do not know. And so that's why I can't get mad because I'll be like, this is horrible. And he's like, you look beautiful. And I'm like, I don't, there's nowhere to put the anger. We're biased. It's a biased opinion.

That's insane. That's really insane. I don't know what the reverse. of it is though like what's the equivalent for a guy because like I don't really need like a photo take it of of me well I'll give you an example of what happened to me like I really truly believe that if you want to feel really badly about yourself you should ask my boyfriend to take a photo of you I disagree he's so tall it'll be from a good high up angle let me okay let's let's let's look at a photo together okay we don't always fly first class it's very expensive but when we do

it's like a little treat right our last trip to hawaii um i had a baby so we were like okay let's fly let's go on a life flat seat very special occasion on instagram kelly slater's wife posted a picture of her and her baby in first class and it was such an adorable photo and i'm like i want one just like that and so i told my boyfriend aloha when we get there and when baby and i take a nap please please just hover over us and get that photo. And he was like, no problem, babe, no problem. Plain lands. I'm like, hey, you got the, did you get the photos?

He goes, oh, my God, I got so many. That's the first red flag, honestly. Because when I'm fucking up a photo, I'm just like, I'm just going to take as many as I can and one will work. Anytime someone's like, I got so many, don't worry. Because then it's like, it's a hundred that look exactly to say. It's got to be one photo. I got the photo.

I've never seen a photograph of myself or me looking like an, actually Ferdinand the Bull. Like I look like a physical farm animal like smashed into a tight life flat seat with my baby's hair like we're all sweating and uncomfortable I'm wearing like what I thought was like cool

monotone like tan on tan I looked like a bull like smashed into first class. Maybe it's the styling. Maybe you went wrong over there and he just got the photo of it. True. To defend the boyfriends out there.

Maybe you weren't prepped enough. Maybe Kelly Slater's wife. She needs. knows. Maybe she was awake. Yeah. Fake it. Oh, yeah.

By the way, if that's a posted photo, you know that was staged. She probably, I don't know who she has, I'm sure she has an assistant that took it, maybe. In my head, Kelly Slater took the photo and I'm like, he's a good man. And in my, and after that, I was like, Aloha, like, you got to fucking stop with it. Should you hate me? Like, do you hate me? I know the feeling. This is the shot that he thought would be gridworthy.

They need to see it. This is the best of the best. Oh my God. It's so bad. It's so bad. Oh my God. It's so bad. It's really bad. It's bad. Oh my God. It's so bad. Oh my God. I can't look away. You look like you're crying. Look at my sideburns. I was like, babe, you gave me sideburn. You've never looked like that the sideburns. Like that's me kind of shit. Honestly, I was like I never step. Is that your nose? Is that me? Or is that like a fucking farm animal? I'm telling. You're telling you. He saw this photo and he didn't break up with you. It's very Picasso as track. Yes. Like, what is going on? Guys, don't even show the second one.

No, I want to see it. It's the same but different angle. But see, does they've ever done that to you? Yeah, this is what AI is for. You got to plug that into AI. Look at this angle. Your face isn't even in it. What does he try to get a photo of?

He's getting up your nose. Yeah. Wait, what did he? Okay. What was his vision? Let's go back. No, no, no. reference. When you saw this and you reacted, what was, what did he, what was his defense? He was like,

you were sleeping. That's what she looked like. And I basically, I was like, Aloha, you need to start a business. If someone wants to retaliate. Retaliation business. Yeah, retaliation business. Or like, if you want someone's self-esteem to drop, like that's your business. Yeah, it's like modern, like not fucked up revenge porn kind of thing. Or it's like, I'm going to get. a photo of someone you don't like that just really look horrible and I'll post it on my story. Yes. Happy anniversary. And you're like, oh, she doesn't look as good as. And you know, I had to send this photo to everyone I knew. I was like, hey, is this what I look like. Just for them to be a Kalila. Obviously not. The whole thing is just like gray. It's like a really dark, like sad.

Thank you. I feel so validated. The lighting is very grim. Yeah, but we got into a huge fight. I was, I feel very validated. Yeah. You know, I apologize on behalf of boyfriend. Thank you. I appreciate. that. Can you swim? Yeah. He serves. You hate that. I'm triggered. I know she's triggered. Why? You can't swim? No. What do you mean you can't swim? It's just, it's what I mean. Have you ever been in like water? I've been in water and I hate it. I so this week we started swim lessons for Ace, my daughter. Okay. And I was like, I don't want to get in the water. Like I just don't. I don't want to be like in a wet swimsuit with my child. Like I just don't think I can like handle it. Like I can't care for a child and be wet at the same time.

Do you get in the shower? No. No, she doesn't. I go to the swim lesson and the teacher ahead of time is like, some kids are fine without the parent in the water, but like, you know, I do recommend it. So I'm like, we get there. She goes in with the teacher, immediately starts having a huge meltdown. And the guy's like, do you have your swims?

I'm like, yeah. So I rush, I put it on, I get in. I leave. The whole experience is like terrible. Is this her first time in a pool? No, but it's like her first time in a pool in a while. Yeah. I was freezing cold in a wet suit.

She's crying. You can dry yourself off. Hang on, you wore a full wetsuit to the pool? No, my suit was wet. Oh, oh, oh. But it was shorts and like it was, I do wear. Jeans and a t-shirt. Yeah.

And your new balances. Like, everything about getting in the water is triggering for me. Like, as you know, when I was in junior high, like, one other girl saw me in my swimsuit and was like, I didn't know she was fat. And, like, so I never wanted to be in a swimsuit. That's kind of nice, though. Oh, I had no idea that you were fat. You do such a good job covering it up. I had, oh, my God, I had no idea you were fat.

It's like, oh. Okay, core trauma healed. Yeah, there you go. You're welcome. What's nice? Okay, hate being in a swimsuit, hate being wet and cold. I have a hole in my eardrum, so I'm like, I'm like, nervous about getting water in my ear.

Yeah, what do you have? Yeah, you got anything for that one, Sassy Boy? I think everyone's got holes in their ears. That's how you hear stuff, so you're not special. Wade, but all of these things, things that you're saying, I hate to, by the way. I don't like pools. I was a swimmer for like, what, 20 years?

To this day, like, you couldn't pay me to just like, look at a pool and be like, guys, I'm getting in. I hate the pool. How do you manage getting wet? The ocean's different though. How do you manage getting wet and then getting out and then still being wet? I don't.

I get off with a towel. Is this fucking real? Okay, so you're an ocean person. I'm an ocean person. I think the people that make the biggest mistake, when you get on land, you immediately, get out of your wet stuff. You don't sit around and in your wet stuff. You stand in the sun. It's a beautiful sunny day. You go in the pool. You jump in the pool. You have nine beers, first of all.

You get in the pool. You're a problem. You're splashing. People get mad of you. You get out. You eat a wet hot dog or wet Doritos. And then you dry yourself off with the towel and you lay in the sun and dry off. Yeah, you deck change. Or I never keep my bottoms on. I always take them out immediately. I'd love to see my bottoms out. But where is the time? Where am I going? Just going to go naked. Under the towel. Yeah, under a towel. deck change. You can keep them on. They dry pretty quick.

Unless you are in like jeans or something. I don't know what your fit is in the pool, but it's pretty quick drying stuff. But then also keep mine, guys, there's a crying toddler. There's a lot of factors. This is an outdoor and indoor pool. Outdoor. I'm kind of on your side still because I hate the pool. I love the ocean, hate the pool.

Okay. So then I'm like, oh my God, that was so horrible. And I already signed up for eight lessons. I hate that about kids swim lessons. You have to sign up the whole. So I'm like already planned like Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Also, it's a horrible time like right before this. I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to do this.

Like my whole life is ruined. And I email the T-shirt like, hey, it seems like that didn't go great. Like, are we cool? And he writes back this long thing. He's like, I don't think you guys are ready. What? And we got removed from the lesson. And he says to try again in the fall.

I don't think you guys are ready. It's crazy. I like how he roped you into it also. It's not an a-thing. It's a you thing. Yeah, your team is not prepared. Now I'm like, is it me? Because every second we're in the water, I'm like, I hate this, I hate this.

Like, it's so uncomfortable. Oh, and then. Are you saying that? Not that loud. But like the teacher's like showing Ace like blow bubbles, like hum through your nose in the water. He should be teaching you. No, he literally. And he goes, mommy do it.

Does it? Mommy do it. And I'm like, no. And he's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, I'm scared. And so I didn't really. realize, like, I was going to have to also demonstrate. Right.

Is this important? Like, I've never hummed through my nose in the water. Like, do you need to learn these skills? Yes, like blowing bubbles? Why? Because you need to know that you're not going to inhale it, that you're going to exhale the water. So when you hum, you don't inhale? No, you don't.

You go, bubbles is like the guy taught kids how to swim. Well, you know what they do? They just put the baby under. Did you know that? After some acclamation. Yeah. Not like, oh, here you go, baby boom. If they did that to me, I would immediately.

inhale. If you actually, they do this thing where the baby goes in this way, because if the water hits the baby's head first, reflexively, you're going to do the right thing. You're not going to inhale the water. So they do, they usually dip the baby in, like at an angle and up like this. Yeah, she was fine. Like, obviously that's what they do, but I just couldn't believe it as someone that, like, if that happened to me, I would, it would be bad. Because when I was younger and people would dunk me in when I didn't want to. When I panic, I, yeah. Or like when I went down a water slide that accidentally went too fast, as soon as I go in, it's like horrible. Yeah. We went too fast. Water slides are awesome. I love a water park. I love getting in there sloshing around. Seeing people's tattoos.

Did you go to raging waters? Yes. Me too. Big time. Hell yeah. I got every kind of fungus at raging waters. I did too. I think my teeth even got yellow there. Perfect. That's what you want. I remember, This is by the way why my teeth People are like why do you have such white teeth? It's because of a core trauma with a boyfriend After Raging Waters What do you mean? My high school boyfriend

A couple of weeks after Raging Water You started dating someone new And one of the things he told me He's like yeah she's got really white teeth Yours were a little yellow What? It's from all the nacho cheese And I was like after our time in Raging Water

Exactly The fuck I like how you blamed Raging Water She's like my teeth are yellow Must have been the water It's been raging waters. Yeah. Drinking a lot of that water.

But that was my last memory with him and then it was raging waters and then you have, your teeth are not as white as hers really like send me, sent me into a tailspin. Well, people with super white teeth, this is a PSA. That's scary. I'm mad. No, no, no. Worse than that. They are using white strips.

And you know what? Those are bad for your enamel and your teeth are going to melt and rot away and not be strong and you're going to be no teeth. And then who's going to be smiling me with my. yellow teeth, okay? You're going to be jealous. Is that true? Do you use white strips? Yeah, I use white strips. Yeah, well, not anymore, but I did at that time and guess what they were really white. They work really well. They work so well. But then they burned like the top part of my gum and they get like they thin out your teeth. I use them a couple times when they hurt my teeth.

Yeah. Yeah, it makes them sensitive. Are you, do you do drugs? Like, like I don't understand the question. Okay, alcohol is, okay, outside of alcohol and weed, other fun things do you partake in when i was in high school i was like a major stoner druggy that was kind of a culture i went to like pally high shout out pally high it was like very like california school off the beach everyone's doing drugs we had the funniest slang we had like the most drug slang that was hilarious you must have been so cool i was not cool at all i was not cool at all i would hang out with the stoners all the time that was about it um and then ultimately i got busted by my mom and never talk to those people ever again.

I had it. I got drug tested like every day for a year after that. I was in a lot of job. For a year? And your mom did that? Mm-hmm. How'd she do that? Oh, I love her.

I know me too. I'm subscribed. She bought, um, I remember because I would, you know, you get busted the first time and you're like, I've never,

like, I've never smoked weed. Like, I'm really sorry. Like, it's my first time. And they were like, okay, we understand. Then it happens again. You're like, oh, this is like the second time

I've ever smoked weed. Like, I don't know. That's a problem. then it happens again and they're like okay this is a trend and you're like no i don't know they looked through my bag i had like i don't know if you guys did you were you stoners at all i smoked weed and i had like the arizona iced tea thing where you unscrew it and there's like a bunch of weed in it and like i had all this all these like accoutrements i was into like dabbing i had like dabrigs with torches and stuff under my bed so i got in a lot of trouble and she ordered like 300 drug

tests off of amazon and i didn't know and i remember she was like oh really i have a drug test So if you don't think, if you're not high, go take this drug test. And I was like, fine, fine, I will watch. And then I went to the bathroom. Instantly called my friend, yo, how do I pass a drug test? And they were like, dude, we got you. Just drink a lot of water. There's stuff you could take at the liquor store that like, you know, helps flush out your system.

I'm like, no, I'm in the bathroom right now. I remember my friend just like pausing for a second. I mean, yeah, it's over. You're totally screwed. I peed in it. It came out positive. And then I was like, that test must be broken. That is positive.

She's like, all right. I got another one. take it again. I took it. It was positive again. And then she's like, I'm like, it's broken. It's broken. You're reading it wrong. You're reading it wrong. And she's like, okay, you know what? Here, we'll do like a test. We'll do like a baseline test. And then she looks to my dad and she's like, you, you pee on it and like, we'll test it with you. My dad's like, I'm not fucking doing that. And she's like, what? You just pee on it. And test. He's like, I'm not doing that. And then I was like, oh, it's, what's up with that? I tried to like deflect it on the head.

With that. Look over there. By the way, what was the punishment? Wait. He was obviously like smoking weed and was like, he's going to get in trouble down next. Oh my gosh. I was in high school during the Xandemic.

Did you guys ever hear about that? No. What's the Zandemic? Everyone was taking Xanax all the time. Everybody, everybody taking Xanax all the time. In high school? All the time. Oh, my God.

Oh, it's not expensive. And it was like everyone was taking Xanax all the time. I remember one time we were out hanging out like in the courtyard. and behind me someone like slams a basketball super super hard on the ground you know like and I turn around and it's a kid laying on the ground and it was not a basketball was his head bouncing off the concrete and it was like oh my god this kid just passed out his head so hard and a security guard like Dean type of person runs over and he's like oh my god oh my god what happened like what did he take what did he take and everyone's standing around's like uh he's like tired

I think. He's like really tired. And I remember the guy's face like going from like panic to like, are you fucking serious? Can we just can you level with me for one second? I just tell me what he took. And we're like, yeah, I think it's like the heat. Like it's like heat stroke. Like I can only imagine the frustration of this guy of like, your friend is laying here. He just hit his head. Do you want him to get help? And he leaves in an ambulance. And the kid who sold him the Xanax comes over and is like, guess what? I sold him all that Zanx. and I have more and he like sold out of all of it. Sold out? Everyone bought it. He should be going to jail. There's no, um, Pally High from my son. There's no raising him in LA. It was so fun though.

Like I wasn't, I didn't get so sucked into it. Luckily because my mom like pulled me out when I was like getting a little too deep into it. But it was like so fun. We're taking deep breaths. I'm like, can't believe you had that as a teenager. Well, it's like, why not? Like I have nothing going on. All I have is like math class.

I'll be fine. I should just do drugs. I will say what you were saying, though, of like, oh, you shouldn't do it at that young age, though. Not just because you're predisposed to something, but I think something I regret so much was I was so interested in weed that I have so much weed knowledge and so much knowledge about like glass blowing and like where I feel like that's a time where you develop your special interest, like movies or writing or surfing or whatever it is. And I locked into this like very spongy brain part of my life where all I know about.

is weed and I don't even really smoke like that anymore. You could write a really good stoner movie. I could. I guess I could. You guys, great sex takes a while. It does not happen in a hurry. I don't care what anyone has told you. It involves a whole lot of education, learning.

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Hey, Esther, have you seen these videos where they just like throw the baby in the pool? I hate these, by the way. Wait, why do you hate these? them. Yeah, this is traumatizing for me. I think that my take on it is yes, survival is really important for toddlers and like especially if you're a family with a pool and all of these things. Like it is important. I just never want to associate the water with something that my kid is scary. The water should be fun. It should be respected, but it should be a place where you feel calm. Like that's always where it's felt. That's a loss cause of my household. Let me let me help you.

I feel like the same thing. I think that's like when you're raised going to the beach at a young age. You have like your experience with the ocean is nothing but like fun. And you learn to respect it because it's mother nature. Yeah, because you got fucked up anyways. Yeah. Like you will eat sand and you will get a good tumbling in there and you're like, oh shit, like that was crazy. But this age, like it should just be a positive association.

I know why these survival things like are out there. And if that's why like what's my rule if I ever purchase a home? No pool. I will not. You really would not have a pool even with all this. What if you did all the safety precautions? No pool, no pool. Really?

Nope. No. Why? I will not. I don't. And I'm a swimmer. I'm a competitive swimmer. I were you on the side of you need a pool.

You said you have all this trauma. You can't even get in. You're like, I can't imagine being wet. I'm like sick. You can't take a shower. I'm glad you asked because there's something about like for me if I own my own pool, like, and it's mine. I can like in my own privacy.

I can like beat the pool. Okay. I think my fear. I guess. I mean, you see it every day. It becomes familiar. You're like, okay, you know, I know this body of water. There's like, there's privacy.

Like, no one can see what I'm doing with the pool. It's like pooping in your own bathroom. Yeah. Like, I do aspire. I have always secretly, like, fantasized about wanting a pool. In a way where like I have nightmares about being in a plane crash. It's like, ooh. It was my own plane, though.

That's why I need my own plane with a pool in it. That's so funny to me because even like I've spent my entire existence in a pool in a chlorinated pool. That's why I can't believe that. So my in-laws have a huge pool in their home in Hawaii and they have fences so high up. And their whole thing is not even that any of the kids might get in there. It's that any of the neighboring kids who want to sneak in like use the pool, you wake up in your own property and there's a floating body. No, thank you. I don't want that liability.

Wait, what? That was, you just got really far. Uh-huh. That's where my brain goes. A floating body? You've never snuck into people's like pools? Oh, great. Another floating body in my pool.

We gotta put this fence up, keep the kids out. Exactly. I never snuck into other people's pools, but I know that's a thing. Yeah. Like pool hopping. So no thank you. When you live close to the beach, like this has been sad a lot. I think when you live close to the beach, it's like a pool doesn't have the same kind of effect.

Exactly. Wait, really? I didn't know that. If you're an open. Ocean person, the pool sucks. Like when I see people like in a really nice hotel, beachside hotel, a resort, and I see them in the pool, I'm like, what are you doing? The ocean is cold. I guess, yeah. If you're in a place for the ocean, if it's a really cold day, maybe you wouldn't do that. But I think that a lot of ocean people hate the pool. That's my feel. Or I hope it's not just me. I hate it. I'm not arguing it. I'm just shocked as a non-ocean, non-pool person. Okay, what about this? What about the jacuzzi? Are you going to jump into yakuise? First, I'm not jumping in anything. Okay. Are you going to step into the, are you going to hot tub it?

Yeah, I'll go on the hot tub. It's hot. Okay, but I thought you had all this trauma about being wet. Okay, yeah, I'll have like a stack of three towels and I'll have a hot bath ready to transfer over to. The jacuzzi makes sense because you like baths. So the jacuzzi, a bubbling, warm. It's almost like a giant bath for her. I can't do jacuzis because I have pots so my blood pressure gets everywhere. Which, by the way, I think I have that too. I think you do too.

Yeah, why didn't you tell me? I did. I was like, you're like me. You have low blood pressure. Yeah, I didn't know we had like a name for our thing. Yeah, we have pots for sure. And the last, I knew for, I was like, I'm never, the last time I got into a jacuzzi was when I was 17 years old and I went to a party at Caltech in Pasadena with a bunch of nerds and I vomited right into the jacuzzi. No. Yeah. I wouldn't really faze me. Wait, what? Were people in it? The guy I was in the jacuzzi with didn't care and he still made out with me.

Oh. It's crazy how common that was at high school to watch. I remember watching people at like after prom, making out, making out, girl turns around, sprays, vomit everywhere, turn around, making out, making out. It's like, oh, dude. I mean, I respect the dedication and the true love you must feel for another person to put up with that. It's not love.

It's just horniness. It's just like power through, baby. Did you go to college in a different city? I went to college in Orange County. I went to Chapman. So you have not left, so cow. No, I have not left. Honestly, I really love California.

I think it's kind of a burden growing up in California because everywhere I travel to is kind of just like, okay, this place is cool, but California is better. It is just a better place. I would love to see a place that's better. And a lot of people are going to say New York. I love New York. I would say they're not comparable places. New York is completely different. It's not similar to California at all.

I think that's a good point. They're really not comparable places because they are so different, but they do end up being compared because that's like the two choices. to live. So you would always choose L.A. over New York. Since I grew up, I plan to move out of L.A. Because it just feels like something you have to do is move away from where you grew up. But it does feel like a little bit of a burden. And with comedy, like I'll go to other places like Austin, like wherever, Chicago. It's like I love it over there.

But like California, I love to surf. I love good weather. I just, I like to snowboard. I mean, you can do all of it. Do like sushi? I love sushi. I was shocked to find out that there's not really sushi. in Chicago. Yeah. Really?

Not really. There is, but like I wouldn't have it. Yeah, isn't that weird? I always thought sushi was just like a place that's everywhere. It is kind of everywhere, I'm sure, but it's just, I don't know. I wouldn't, I didn't start eating it until I was like in my 30s. I'm also expensive. I just really like California.

And I wanted to work in film before I got into comedy. So what year did you graduate high school? I graduated high school in 2019. Class of 2019, the Dolphins. The dolphins. You guys were the dolphins? My elementary school was dolphins. Shout out.

Shout out. Shout out the dolphins. You're really reping the dolphins with here. I hate swimming. Can't swim. Water is scary. I was on the surf team. The surf team?

Yeah, for a little bit. We had surf class. Surf class. That's so cool. We had Homeck. What did you do in Homeck? I embroidered sweatpants to say slave for you on the butt. obviously why would you ask why our home act was so different

we're hoping to do a little improv where you guys are going to try and get into the club or the comedy store and you're not on the list and tickets are sold out tickets are sold out but you know people inside you're on the guest list you know people on the show but you're not on the list okay let me hold my drink like we're at the bar drinking oh it's over there okay we're on the list hey cool yeah um i'm just gonna need your name to like look it up so if you can just tell me the name my name is namey namey are you serious yeah it should be for two for me and my friend right i'm looking it up here and i just don't see your name on here we're on the list we're we're friends with the comedians it may be if he could like come down and like get you guys or something i just can't really let you in can you say something

i thought i was doing my own eventually oh sorry yeah you guys are together oh we're okay oh we're I thought we were together. I kept looking at me. I was like, you're doing good. You separated us. It seems like you guys don't really know each other. And you're saying you guys came here together. No, we do.

We do. We do. Hey, so I'm on Bobby's list. Oh, Bob. Okay, yeah, you're good. We love Bobby. So you can go up there. But yeah, you're not.

You're not able. You don't even check if her name was on the last. She's friends with Bobby. Yeah, of course. Bobby's like. I'm friends with Bobby. It's the way I came in. I'm friends with Bobby.

I'm friends with Bobby. Hey, go call Bobby. And they'd be like, okay, go call Bobby. And even if he didn't know me, he'd be like, she's hot enough. Let her in. Also, they probably like, will never get a hold of Bobby. Yeah.

So that is like calling. Yeah. Let me just call Bobby. Yeah, no. Nobody's doing that. I'm like, okay, if you're friends with Bobby, that sounds about right. You, the way you're talking to me, I just don't really trust anything that you're saying. And you seem drunk, honestly.

You have the biggest drink. I've never even seen this size cup served at the bar. It seems like you brought your own jug of alcohol. No, it's electrolyte water. Do you want to try? Try some? No, I don't want to try your drink, but thank you so much, though. Okay, Luke is here for the first time. We have to see you again, many more episodes, but let's actually get to know you. This is like Luke's Quintaniera. Yeah, it is. He's like coming out. Yeah, sure.

Coming out or coming of age? Is it like a coming out party? I don't think I don't want to call it a coming out party if there's a way to come out, Luke. I don't know. What's your special interest? Is you guys think I'm autistic or something? What is this? What is your special interest? And I'm coming out. We already know it's weed. Weed. But do you still smoke weed?

I've only been like experimenting with it. I like to say like I smoke like a mommy now where it's like I'll take the tiniest puff and then have the worst experience. And then take like three months and then come back to it. I think my brain has changed. You smoke weed when you're younger and you're like, oh my God, like we ate cheese fries and we watch this movie and it was so funny. And then I smoke weed now and I'm like, oh my God. Like my girlfriend hates me. Everyone hate what am I doing with my fucking life?

I'm doing stand-up. This is a disaster. I should go back to work. I feel like I hear that a lot from people that did it in high school. Are you doing a lot? When I was in high school, I was doing a lot, but now, no. What's something your friends don't know about you? Tell them now and they're here.

Bring them out. That's interesting. I feel like I say a lot to my friends. What's the thing they don't know about me? Do you have friends besides me and Kalila? You guys are obviously my best friends, and I think it's us three. And then my other best friend, my mom, obviously. We love that

My mom notes everything about me He's like the mascot of our show He's a son He's a son of the show I represent all sons out there Happily Happily What's something my friends don't know

About me I don't know You're so handsome Do they know how handsome you are? No I don't think they know that Do they know how strong you are Yeah they know how strong I got super strong recently

And then I gave it up What did you do to get buff? I lost my mind and like It was for Coachella Like me and my friend are competition Oh god, I love this because the things I would do to get hot for a Vegas weekend, extreme shit. Yeah, I had a food scale.

I was weighing every single thing that I ate. I mean, I would salt and pepper or something, but I would just like everything I ate, everything I ate tracking all of it. Your macros. Yeah, all my macros going to the gym every single day. What's your biggest red flag? Probably what I just said. Yeah, I agree.

Yeah. What I just said, if not everything before it. Yeah, I think my biggest red flag genuinely is that I'm very, self-involved. What did you eat up until this point today? Have you eaten today? I had a spicy Korean breakfast burrito from egg tuck. Did you get it delivered?

No, I just moved into a new, or not moved in, but I just signed the lease today with a new apartment. And I walked across the street to get a breakfast frito. Have you lived with a girl? Yes. Besides your mom. Yeah. Okay. Well, then no.

No, yes. I've lived with two girlfriends. Yeah. My girlfriend that I have now, I actually lived with her for. like eight months and then I moved out and now we live separate but it wasn't like bad vibes that I moved out but it was because my house burned out and I had nowhere to go we'd only been dating for one month and then I just made it oh whoa I mean but that's very like on brand for that age I was 20s I started living with every single boyfriend since age of 17 every single one I support that yeah what's the point

of being together you wouldn't you wouldn't support it if ace was doing it no I wouldn't is an And Ace and Bernie are going to live in my room forever. My room. They're not even in the home, the room. Yeah. Wait, I actually do have a topic to bring up with you, Kalila. So I had called Kalila earlier this week. Oh, no.

What did I do? And I noticed that when we get off the phone, I say, talk to you soon. But she says to me, talk to you later. What's that about? Oh, my God. I want to talk soon and you want to talk later. Later after soon. Later is after soon.

Yeah, later is after soon. Oh, no, I don't think so. I think soon is after later. Wait. I kind of agree, actually. What? Yeah, you're wrong, you're bitch. How?

Explain yourself. Yes, finally. I see later as like later today. That's like the full sentence. That's the same too. Because we're always constantly texting, so we're going to hear from each other at some point later in the day. If we get lunch together, you know, it's a nice lunch, boogey, I order for the table, everything's good, I pay, obviously. And then we leave and I go, okay, see, I'll see you later.

That's like, oh, I'll see you later today. Today. But if you, I say, oh, I'll see you soon. That's like, oh, weeks from now. Yeah. Okay, so if I'm at a meeting or if in a business setting and I say, I'll chat with you guys later versus chat soon. But see, you're having to do little changes. I'll chat with you guys soon.

Don't say, don't say chat soon. But how did I say it? I'll chat with you later. Talk to you later. Yeah, and we talked later that day. And I said, talk to you soon. How soon were you thinking? Sooner than later.

That's how soon I was thinking. Sooner than later. That's a pretty strong argument, actually. I fully disagree, and I think I'm in the right here. Okay, the comments will need to sound off. What's sooner? Soon? Or later?

See you soon. Oh yeah, I'll see you soon. I'll see you later. I see later as today. Thanks Luke. But I do think that it's fucked up that you guys don't say the same thing. Clearly there is some contention where it's like, oh, you're not going to say the same thing as me. I'm also not expecting for Esther to hang on to my every word. That's your problem. The second that you hung up, I go, that's going to come back to her. And I'm like, she's not even thinking about her right now. But that's going to be. coming back. You know what I'm going to say next time? Mm-hmm. All right. Bye. Yeah, I'm going to say she just says bye. Some questions from our Patreon slugs. Kalila, what are your best tips for getting over your breakup with Bobby? That's funny. So she's having the same breakup with Bobby or breakups in general. I'm going through a rough one. Oh, I'm sorry. That's the worst. And would love to know how you navigated through all that. Thank you. Thank you, Lauren. And I'm wondering why you're only asking Kalila for advice. Esther has been broken up with the most.

Yeah, she's the dumpee, right? Yeah, I'm a dumpee. Yeah. Do you dump or get dumped? I dump. Oh, how do you dump? Are you honest, in person, face-to-face? Not text it.

Yeah, in-person face. I've only dumped one person. I've only been seriously dating one person, but I see myself as a dumper rather than a dumpy. Oh, gosh. Dumber energy is really scary to me, but, but did she take it well? Yeah, she took it. pretty well.

Was she expecting it? The problem was that I feel really guilty about was like I came there to do it. And then it kind of got away from me and we had a great weekend together. And it was like really nice, amazing weekend. And then I was like, okay, and by the way, the reason that was here. You know what? I take that back. I actually really appreciate this because a lot of times guys will just are so afraid to do the dumping that they will just do all the wrong things.

So that eventually she's pushed to her limit and she does the dumping. I just can't. Okay, that's true. You are right, but I cannot believe what I just heard that he did. I feel really bad about it. I was young. I was in college. I don't know.

That he had a great weekend? Yeah. How did you have? Why didn't that change your mind? That was brought up in the discussion. And why didn't you say it in the beginning of the weekend versus after we've already had this amazing time together? I know.

I know. I was a pussy and I didn't bring it up. And then ultimately I kind of realized that like it was a great weekend, but it didn't change like how I was feeling. And I think it would have been unfair. I wasn't living with her at the time and I think it would have been unfair to like take another week.

I respect that. Yeah. I respect that. What are my best tips for getting over a breakup? I went on a ketamine journey. Wow. Crazy advice. I dove into the heartbreak.

I wasn't trying to avoid it. I was like, you know what? This is also my breakup with Bobby was a long time coming. It was slow. It was slow. So we were in therapy for two years. There was like a lot.

lot of like, hey, this might not be working out. So we were almost like prepared to end things. My motto in life is the only way out is through and I knew that I had to just dive into the heartbreak. I wasn't going to avoid it. And I did. And he didn't. He avoid, avoid, avoid and playboy, playboy. And I was like, I'm going to crash. Let me just crash out for three months, six months, however long this takes. Take some ketamine. Get some clarity. Get it out of the way. Avoiding it sounds so much better. Yeah, it's like purging.

And once it's out of your system, you've cried it out. You've like felt every single molecule of agony. And you've walked down memory lane 12 million times in your head. And when it's out of your system, you're like, okay, I'm ready to move on. I disagree. Don't do that. Avoid it. And parse it out in like little ity spurts.

Take it out on service workers. Take it out on people who you don't think matter to you. and then feel guilt, get over it, and then you'll do that for like 10 years, and then you'll be fine. Yeah, what about you? What do you do, Esther? I, every single person that I see,

I tell them what's going on, and I say, can you believe this? And I just tell everyone around me. You missed this era of me being dumped at the comedy store, but everyone would you should smile for? I wish I saw. Oh. I think that's a really, like, nice way to know someone

when they're at their rock. bottom. Many do. And I, yeah, I just everyone I saw, I would cry, like, I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening. Were you blindsided each time? I'm thinking of just two people. I feel like I'm never blindsided about a breakup. I feel like I always know that at any moment someone's going to break up with me. Like, I'm always like ready. And why do you think they're breaking up with you? Why not? Why not break up with me? Because you're never going to break up with anyone, right? Like that's your thing. Like you're, I can't break up with people.

I didn't, I'm not saying. No, I don't want to. I never want to. Even the guy you hated, like he's, the guy who smelled like fish. Oh my God. That I'm, I know where he lives today. Yeah, you know, I'm, I would never have broken up with him. But I do remember when he worked at a fish.

He worked at a fried fish store. I don't even know the backstory of why he smells like fish. But like, I actually did write a journal to myself like a week before he dumped me that was like I probably shouldn't be. in this but like oh well you're wow that's like I don't turn away love I do I would now Dave no you're safe Dave I actually did recent so I read that book Strangers by Bell Burden right it's about like a big divorce and like a pre-nup and I told Dave I was like if you wanted to I would sign a pre-nup like he he was like well the whole point of is you do it before you get married but I was like I would sign one that

says if I leave, I get nothing. Like, you could have everything from our marriage. But if you leave, I get everything. Like, I would sign that today. But that favors you because you're just not a lever. Exactly. But that's how competent I am. That's a crazy freedom. Why? I've never considered that being a thing. I'm like, okay, if you leave, but because then it's like, oh shit, I got to, you would have to convince your wife to leave you. It's like an opposite pre-nup. I think so. That's crazy. because then you could just misbehave within the marriage and be like, I'm not leaving, but I am doing all of these things. I just don't like wearing pants anymore. What's the big fucking deal? I haven't thought about all these other things, but there's things to think about. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't think that's a good pre-nup, a post-nup, if you plan on it. Right. My breakup advice is similar to Klyla. Feel it. Tell everyone exist in the breakup. Through that sadness, you will get hot, you will make new friends, you will discover new things in life. Like, it is a breakup is a reset similar to your mom's house burning down. Like, it is a reset and good things will come up a reset. Right? I don't think his mom wanted to break up with a house. No, I know.

It's a shame. I don't break up with me, but no. But, yeah, no, I totally agree. Just sit in it. And then I disagree. And I say, don't address it. Ignore it. If people ask, like, wait, are you guys still together?

Be like, huh? Yeah. No, we're still together. Just completely lie. Don't address it. And you'll figure it out later. in a couple years. The guy's way versus the lactating mothers way.

Lactating mothers will give you different advice. Is that the name of this podcast? Lactating mothers plus Luke. Lactating mummies. Luke in the middle of two lactating mothers. His dream come true. All right, guys, thank you so much for listening. And as always, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode.

Wait, Luke, where can people see more of you? You could follow me on Instagram, luke. dot binko and I'm at the comedy store you can come there and I'll let you in for free if you harass me if you're not on the list and you know Bobby that'll be okay we'll see you next week with a brandy episode by slugs