Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We Drown IAN FIDANCE

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

BTS, BONUS CONTENT AND MORE! Only on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TrashTuesdayPodcast   Spooky season chaos starts NOW! We are kicking spooky season off with Ian Fidance! Things turn messy.....and wet.....fast. We are not joking. EVERYTHING IS SOAKED. Its unhinged, IT'S HALLOWEEN, and we are just getting started. *PRETTY LITTLE BABY TOUR* Esther is coming to a city near you! Grab your tickets now at www.prettylittlebabytour.com  *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday  MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/  MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A   PRODUCTION:Studioten42: https://www.instagram.com/studioten42/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Arielle Jade (Editor): https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/ Elisa Hernandez Kohler: https://www.instagram.com/ellie.lianna/ Megan Clements:  https://www.instagram.com/egggymeg/ 

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And if you're over 18, just download Cash App. And after you sign up, use our exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile. And you'll get $10 dropped right into your account when you send five, dollars or more to a friend within your first 14 days. And if you're 13 to 17 years old, request a sponsored account from a parent or a guardian. And then once you sign up, use your exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile to get $10 dropped right into your account when you order and activate your free cash app card and send $5 or more to a friend within the first 14 days. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by

cash app's bank prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, direct deposit, roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cashap, a block ink brand. Visit cash up.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. I think what I hate the most about being invited. Do we have another bucket? Do we have another studio? This is in a town. It's a blanket.

There's dog hair everywhere. My seat is covered. It's going to have to get it. I'm going to have to change my dress. Oh, God. The wet hair. Oh, Kalila. Yes, I'm here.

We have a Patreon. We do. Some juicy things in there. I wouldn't dare say on a regular episode. True. And also, sometimes when the producers clip something from the Patreon. I get nervous. And I see it on social media.

I'm like, guys. Is it supposed to be a secret? That was for Patreon. And then we have to take it down because you have to pay for that. Mostly because I'm humiliated. Me too. I mean, this week's Patreon, I'm like, guy, please don't release that. Give me a second.

Give me a second to like really, really, like, sift through everything I've said. But it has been really nice. And we're hearing from the sluggies, especially if you are a true super fan of the show. And you just feel like you're wanting more. That is where we're giving it. Oftentimes we'll record an episode for about an hour or so. And then we'll do another 20, 30 minute, whether it's a game or a topic or advice. And it's just more podcasts for you guys.

find it at the link below or I think patreon.com slash trust Tuesday podcast. We'll see you guys there. Thank you, Brandon. Thank you, Brandon. Hi, Slugs. I am right now backstage at the comedy store, getting ready for my tour. And I just wanted to let you know that this Saturday night, October 4th, I will be in Portland, Portland, Oregon, heard of it. One of my favorite cities. I can't wait to eat all your food. I will be at the Aladdin Theater. And you can get tickets at pretty little BabyTor.com or the link below. Oh, okay, I've got to get out of there. I love you guys.

Happy Halloween. Do you guys get it? Like, this is Esther dressing up for Halloween. How is me as Esther with a wig on far off? Like, this is insanity. I just want to say that I'm not operating on my fullest today because I woke up at 4 a.m. with a bloody nose. And I was up for hours.

I'm sorry. Did I roll my eyes? Did I roll my eyes? Oh, yeah. I woke up before I am with a bloody nose. You woke up just one time with a bloody nose. Well, it was a ball night. It's just sad when you want to sleep, but your nose is bleeding.

And so you have to... I feel like Kalila has slept with her whole, like, brain bleeding, nose bleeding. Well, I... Asshole bleeding. I will have you know the reason you're not going to be happy. I'm wearing your clothes today is because I am actively bleeding. But I took Esther's advice and I'm wearing a pad and I'm wearing spanks under me. I mean, I don't care if you bleed on them.

I'm just sad that I'm not bleeding. Oh, that's right. Sorry. I'll drink your fucking blood, all of you. If it will make me bleed. Do not. I'll let you drink my blood. If it will make me bleed, there's our baby girl.

Pearl. Honestly, yeah, we've been recording. Let's save it for the air. You know what's funny? You guys are like, I'll dress like Jenna. I'll dress like Esther I'm Kalila And you're like

Let's put Ian in a dress Super cute though Thank you And I'll tell you what it is Is that I knew that they weren't going to dress up So I dressed up as Esther And then brought clothes as me for Kalila You were just wearing a wig

But would I ever wear these pants Or this what? Are they low-rise? Look how low they are! I love that the panties Sticking out That's the thing My panties are more high-rise than your pants

I think the shoes The whole look if you stand up really is giving Esther Thank you. No, I agree. Have I ever worn gym shoes like this? You look great. I know. I think you should start dressing like this.

Why don't you take that wig off and let your like normal hair out? You look like I could pick you up at a Weezer concert. Guys, honestly, I'm gonna be Esther right now. Okay, here we go. Oh, the waddle. The waddle. And now run, run like Esther. I don't know why I walk like that.

I think it's because you guys sent me a video of your calves. And honestly, like, they look like calves of a person who is fully passing away. What? Yeah, they do. Her calves, the bone, you could like hold on. You could hold on to the bone. Oh, my God. Look.

Oh! Happy. Good God. When people look at baby. beefy and they're like they're so little they're so cute I'm like I don't know what you're talking about you look like you're laying in a field in the Ukraine and we're watch you on drone footage

crazy I don't know what is wrong with the lower quarter of my body this is really astute of you because I bet you you're not using your feet or your calves probably up to your thighs so the only thing that's working is this you're powering up

from just mid thigh wait because that this is always achy up here. So you fire this first and you don't ever, that's why there's no blood flow. That's why you're white. You lead with your pelvis when you walk? I like lead with my hips almost. No, it's not a,

it's not a sway. It's like a broken. I'm sorry. Now tell us about your bloody nose. There's something more to. I had a bloody nose at 4 a.m. so I'm just not at my fullest today. Kalila's bleeding, has a baby. It was probably up all night. I had two episodes last night. I was up this morning at 8 a.m. to play.

tennis. What the fuck? No, I was up at 6.30 to meet my friend and Morvisa to play tennis. Wait. Okay. I love tennis. I know, but it's the energy. We're not worried about the activity itself. It's the energy it takes to be like, oh, did it. After you

said 6 a.m., we didn't hear anything else. Dude, I played tennis. I've gotten off my meds. I feel great. Things are really good, man. My buddy runs a sober living house and he's busy. He's got a family. busy, but, but, bah.

And so the only time we could figure out to hang was this morning. I was like, all right, I'll wake up and we can play tennis. And he thinks he's, like, better than me at tennis. And he's, like, so off on that. And then I took a video of him being, like, super competitive in the, like, when I was in my car. And he's like, you really think you're better than me in tennis. I'm like, yeah, man, you're like really bad. And he doesn't know I'm taping.

And he's like, I'm legitimately flabbergasted. This is like, this is sounding. Like my best friend, Jenna, who you know, where it's like every time we have family bowling night, she sends the family group chat, like, number one. She's number one, and she is always last place. But she comes in with a full energy of being the best. And I don't even think, like, she only has gutter balls, but she is, like, super compelled. She has, like, really convinced that this is it.

Not me. I walk in a loser. I walk out a loser. There's no exchange of energy. And you don't really even walk. You limp. Yeah. I want to. Wait, okay, so you know how there's like this common conversation that's come up on this podcast before? And it's like, oh, if it was just us on a, you know, deserted somewhere, who would you eat first? Okay. So I always thought that that, like, topic of conversation originated from the Andy's plane. Originated? Originated.

You sounding like me. I think you lost too much blood. In Texas on their own So let me answer first I'd eat Colila and start at the pussy That's right But that means today You'd be eating Jenna Because I am dressed as Jenna

Yeah but your pussy's bleeding You actually thought I smelled good Oh did you? Were you the best smelling one? That was the worst No I was the best I forget so we're gonna have to do it again

So I always thought that was from because you guys know the story of the Andy's mountain plane crash from 1973. Oh, the Chilean soccer team? Yes. That's from the movie Alive. N-D-E-S. I thought you're saying like Andy is someone. Like, you know our friend Andy that crash in a plane.

A little fun tidbit about my fun childhood is that for some reason my mom replayed that movie over and over again in our household. What? Yeah. Your mom would. That is crazy. And I'm like, how many times do we have to see this guy cry over the fact that he has to eat his friend?

And then she repeats like, Darnie? All the time? He's There's actually a movie that I highly recommend called The Snow Society that's a Spanish film on Netflix. Have you seen it? No, but I want to so badly. You should watch it. I wanted to watch it with art. But it's all about it. And I always thought that the guys were like sitting around like, who are we going to eat?

But they ate the people that already died. That already died. So nobody has to be saying how they're going to kill me. No one's been saying that. Wait, wait, wait. You think if you're on an island, you have to kill someone and then eat them? But that's very Lord of the Flies, I think. Yeah.

If it's just whoever's dead. Then why is it like you guys are... Because you would obviously die first. No, because I think that there are people who are offended by the idea that their friends would eat them post-mortem. And for me, it's like, look, if I'm already dead, please have at it.

I think we don't have to wait to be on an island. I think we should start eating our loved ones when they die because that's a way for us to be one with them and it's their final gift to this earth is to keep us fed. The reason we cannot do that anymore is because once upon a time as a funeral ritual in a small island in the South Pacific, they would eat the brains of the deceased.

And there was this bacterial, like, a brain eat. That makes sense. Like it was a bacteria that they would then acquire, that they would turn into, like, encephalitis, like inflammation of the brain. So then it was like the World Health Organization had to intervene and say, we cannot eat the disease anymore,

even though it's part of your ritual because I think the disease was called like Kourou or something like that. It is career, right? Really? I thought you were just naming one of your relatives. I didn't know you were. Honestly, it's from my, it's what we did. I totally am with you.

Like, I'm just so shocked when I watched the movie, Snow Society, like, how much the survivors did not want to eat their dead friends. They're like, we can't, we can't. And, like, obviously it's gross, but I don't really have, like, a moral objection. Was that real or did they church that up for the drama of the film? Supposedly that was real. If you're a good friend, this is what I would do. I'd have a little speech right beforehand.

Guys, it's looking like I'm the first to go. Please, for the love of God, stay alive and use my body for calories. I'm going to give you full permission. And if you don't, you wouldn't be respecting my final will. So like, do that. I'm out, guys. Eat me, me, me, me, me. I would say, before you eat me, shove your hand up my ass and make me a puppet and entertain people and then eat me.

That's what I would say. I mean, I would obviously want people to eat me. And if you don't make me a puppet, you're disrespecting my dying wish. Yeah, I feel like I wouldn't even need to say that. I think people would know that I want to be eaten. And I'm dead. Clearly people are like pretty like bent out of shape about it. Yeah, that makes sense.

But even if you say that, there's, I feel like there's a lot of people are going to be like, I just can't. We just, we had so many fun times. I don't think it's the idea of like I can't eat, I can't eat Kalila because we're friends. I think it's like, I can't eat Kalila because she's a fucking human being. Yeah, it's gross. I don't think it has to do with like the language of your friendship. Yeah, yeah.

But I think it's both because if you see a face and you recognize it, I'm not saying you couldn't eat anything. What are you going to eat face first? Yeah, that's what. You're a psycho. I like to start with the cheek. Wait, that's what we do. The cheek is very tender. Yeah, in C-Sysig and fish and pork and like cheek meat is the best meat, unfortunately.

Kalila is a little quiet in this section. She's totally like looking forward to eating her. Wow. You've seen your body. You think we're starting at the bottom? No, we're using your bones as weapons. We don't even have to skin you. Just break it off.

We're just going to break you off. Crack it a celery stick. One thing that they did, the real survivors did, was they had like a group of three guys that did all the like carving. The blittering. So, yeah, so that no one else had to know who they were eating, which is probably really helpful. That's really healthy. Oh, it's like blind hiring. Yeah.

Because it does make a difference. I don't care what you say. It makes a difference. If you see that face, that birthmark, you know who it is. But why is that different than like if you see the cow's face before you eat its fillet, you know? Well, it's like if you knew the cow, it would probably be the same. Well, that's why we don't meet our cows and we shouldn't know who's getting chopped up to eat. Yeah, because they'd be like, oh, it's little Benny.

I can't. Who would butcher you or you? Probably me. I'm pretty good butcher. Oh, okay, hottie. I mean, just because I know how to like properly like, cut meat and like clean out meat. My thing is if I wasn't doing comedy, I would, I think I would love to go to butcher school.

Look at him with his axe. Can I tell you, wait, you know who you need to learn from? My partner, my partner Aloha is one of the best. He hunts and he butcher's the whole animal like from beginning to end. And he cuts all the pieces for you. He butcher's whatever part. You want the cap steak. He'll get you the cap.

Yeah. He'll tell you what. Dude, this guy. Great butcher. But he'll teach you anatomy to where it's easiest to start. from. Is he a butcher? No, he's in everything. He's in everything, but he, he hunts and, you know. Oh, because I was going to say, could I work with him for my travel show? You could. Yeah. I want to work with a butcher. Oh, a real butcher, like, yeah, yeah. How did this come up? Yeah, I watched the movie

yesterday. Oh, did you? No, Snow Society, which I think is better, supposedly. Snow Society's about that crash? Yeah, and it's supposed to be more historically accurate. And it's in Spanish, but it's dubbed on Netflix. It's good. I highly recommend. Just her just had me translate every line for her. On my way here, my stepdad texted me this thing. He was like, hey, you know, thank you for buying me whatever deodorant that doesn't make his armpitage. He was like, I'm so touched by it, but nothing's going to change. I'm still only going to give you $150 for your birthday.

And I wanted to ask you guys, do your parents still give you money for your birthday? No, they never gave me money for my birthday. Right? You think they're paying me for being born? They got to pay more for me to be born. Never. No. Every time my mom tried to give me money, I give it back, or if she'd buy me things.

Okay, but she's giving it to you. Well, she tries, but I don't let her. So you never open a birthday card carefully because you don't want the cash to slip out, and you pretend, you never have to pretend like you're reading a birthday card when looking at how secretly counting how much money you've gotten for your birthday? No. Grandparents, yes. I would like, I would read the card and then be like, whoa, the money.

Never like the money, the money. My grandmother always gave us money. gave us money, like, for Hanukkah, for birthdays. I think it's just so cute, though, that I'm 40, and no matter what, like, he still puts money in my birthday card, like, I'm a kid. Isn't that what you want to do as a parent to give money? I mean, I'm an asshole because I don't take it, but, you know, like. That's sweet, too, though.

I don't know. I think, isn't that, like, you want to take care of your kid and you want to make sure they're okay, you know, like, I don't know, I think that's nice, right? Yeah, I think it's nice. It just didn't happen to me. My dad would always give me money when my parents would like go away for a trip and I was like in college and he would call it my special gum because he didn't want my mom to know because they're both of this mentality of like, no, you have to work for your money. And he was like, do you know what you're going to be alone? And so he started saying, I left you that special gum because he used to get gum from Starbucks that I loved, but it was too expensive for me to get.

It was like in the tin. And so I would say like, Poppy, can I have some of your special gum? So the first time that they left, I was like a freshman in college. And he was like, I left you to special gum behind the photo. And so he started leaving, and then I looked, he started leaving me money there. And for like 15 years, my mom didn't know what he was talking about, special gum. She thought it was gum. And, like, three years ago, she found out that it was money.

That's so sweet. That's adorable. And then she gave me a pack of gum, like, two months ago when I went home. And on it, it said special gum, and inside there was some money. Hell yeah. Oh, that's nice. But they didn't do when I was, like, growing up. It was like I was already

could be making money on my own. Yeah. I feel like they wanted to like teach a lesson. Will you do that with your kid? No, I'm going to do everything. I'm a sucker. Oh. I'm a sucker.

I have no backbone. I thought I did. And then now I'm like, I don't. You want to talk about no backbone? What happened? This bitch I never said no. I don't know how to say no to my animals or my human children.

It's horrible. Oh, that won't come back later. I mean, donut is what, eight? And you still don't say no to her. She's nine. She only listens to me. Yeah, I know. She only listens to me.

And then I'm like, oh, it's okay. I love you. I'm sorry. Ace has ruined, like, four pairs of her prescription glasses, her daughter. And she just goes, I didn't know what to say. What? And now, Ace, be whining if you point at the wrong thing that she's trying to ask for. Oh, you wanted water?

I feel like that's, like, unavoidable. Yeah, that is such a stage where, like, you can never do anything right. I ain't seen your baby do it. He's starting to. He's starting to. If you give him the one thing he doesn't want, he's like, mm-mm. All I'm saying is if my daughter is a bitch. You think, you think.

They're babies. No, my daughter meaning ace. If my daughter is rude, ooh, she don't have to come live with her Tia. She's not going to be rude. No, I don't think she will. She's not like, she's just not like that. No, she's not. She's not rude at all.

You're still drinking mouth. Valley? Well, I'm back on it because... It's not true. The allegations are untrue about the arsenic. What are the allegations? Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Don't do this right now. Is Mountain Valley? I've been drinking Mountain Valley for like a decade because I thought, oh, it looks so

pretty in a green bottle and we always had it in studio for Tiger Belly, but it probably is one of the worst ones. What? No. Is it one of the higher arsenic, one of the higher, like... How do you know this? Someone, some scientist on TikTok actually did a breakdown. He must be right. Oh, I bet that's really.

They did like independent testing But still below legal limits So it's better than your This guy's a scientist? Not this guy, not this guy. I don't trust that guy. That guy looks like if he was a scientist He'd be like so actually blow jobs

Make your heart healthier. Wait, but the thing is that that means then That arsenic is in natural mountain water. Probably everything, you know? This is bad news for OCD people. Like us. That's all I'm saying. Ian, what's going on with you in the love life?

It's just. Well. Last you were here, remember, girly pop, you thought about moving out here by the beach. She put the axe on it. Wait, really? She broke up with me. Yeah, yeah. Okay, what was it like if you want to talk about it?

Like, what happened? I understand. I mean, it's like I'm just happy that I told myself I would put myself out there to date and tell someone that I really liked them and cared. and so what's what are you going to do you know i mean it's like also it's not tenable i mean i live in new york she's in l.a would is that like kind of what was driving the this isn't working no i i mean like she initially was like i need to be monogamous and blah blah blah and i was like okay and then you know like took a minute to process and then i was like all right and so she was

like and i can't do this if we're not like super monogamous like i get jealous if i see see a girl like commenting on your things and I was like wow you are porn star and you just filmed a gang bang but that's okay and that's work I yeah yeah yeah I gave it some thought and I was like look like I really like you and I would like to be with you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes like let's give it a shot and she was like give it a shot you don't sound excited and I was like maybe we should not be together when like two days later when she broke up with me like again it was like I can't handle being in relationship I was like it's all right we're still buds I think I might see her when I'm

out here oh good get coffee and catch up yeah I feel like I does not at 6 a.m. I only play tennis at 6 a.m. oh god do you have any other love life updates or any prospects um not particularly yeah it's just not every time I think I can everything in the world comes up to prove I can't is it You know, because I'm like just traveling so much. You are. You're a busy guy. And I can't do the yearning of like, I miss you.

I wish you were here. It's like, well, then get here. Like, let's make this work. Yeah, I'm totally cool with that. I think like the next person I'm with, and this is so selfish, which is why I'm like putting up a wall of being in a relationship because I think I want the next person to completely change your life to just travel with me everywhere. And that's not fair. So what can you do? It's also not an unreasonable want what you're wanting.

And you're not, like, delusional to think. I know that someone wouldn't want that. Like, I met a gal and we, you know, had a very, like, intense sexual thing and, like, a hang for, like, a week. And then I had to be, like, look, like, I am, I would rather have this conversation now than, like, slowly ghost and, like, give you bread crumbs because that's not fair. And like it was a difficult conversation to have And I don't know how many more of those I can have So I might just become like Asexual and kiss my cats and that's it

Like I don't know It's just I don't know if it's worth trying anymore Because it's so like such a defective existence You know? I had a friend recently who broke up with a cokehead Yeah Really great girl, great job Who is you? Got into this a couple month relationship with a dude

Who showed her all the good part up front later. I'll just say real quick, you look so cute with a little halo over your head. Thank you. And this and that and this.

Thank you. Open the gates. Come on in. So he showed her all love bomb, showed her all the good parts up front. Classic Merle. Typical shit. As the months past,

she started to see certain patterns, started to see that, hey, he would shut down and then started mistreating her, then cheating, then doing all the bad stuff. And she thought she had the final say when she wrote him this lengthy email explaining just a breakdown of who she is,

what her values are, how she will never be treated a certain way she won't accept it. And it was long. Even for me, I'm like, you think that Cokehead motherfucker is going to read, open your email and be like, gee, I get where you're coming from. And boy, do I apologize for my actions. No. What she should have done is ghost his ass. You treat me a certain way. You have zero access to me without explanations.

And I had been trying to tell her to do this because that's what he will respond. She's like, he will change if I explain myself. I'm like, no, he will not change if you explain it. I don't care how many fucking emails you send him. Just leave. Like, terrify him. Like, just leave. Or actually, not even, who cares?

He was shitty anyways, but just leave. That just seems like a really shitty immature male. Yeah, he's shitty. And I was like, you're trying to do this with a 40-year-old man. Because I feel like wouldn't you want someone to just speak to you and tell you what's up? Only if they tap me with their foot. What? What do you say?

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businesses because self-care businesses don't just switch to Boulevard, they stay. Visit join BLVD.com to learn more about Boulevard and book a demo to see if it's right for your business. And for a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. That's J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com to learn more. J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com. I think so, too. Remember when you got your first job and that paycheck and you were just counting down the hours? I had to go to the bank, deposit it, and then I had to wait. Cash app is built for the way you and your friends move and save money. Splitting pizza with your friends, for example, or paying someone back for.

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And for a limited time only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn additional cash for real and if you're over 18 just download cash app and after you sign up use our exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account when you send $5 or more to a friend within your first 14 days. And if you're 13 to 17 years old, request a sponsored account from a parent or a guardian and then once you sign up, use your exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile to get $10 dropped right into your account when you order and activate your free cash app card and send $5 or more to a friend within the first 14 days. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cashapp's

bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, direct deposit, roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cashap, a Block Inc brand. Visit cashap.com slash legal slash podcasts for full disclosures. I think what I hate the most about being invited. Today we want to talk to you guys about Boulevard. If you're running a self-care business, there's so much more to that business than just the service you're providing, but actually having an easy, smooth booking experience. I find that when a spa uses Boulevard as their booking system, it is so smooth, it's so easy. Boulevard is the fastest growing

client experience platform built specifically for appointment-based self-care businesses. It's not just software. It's a smarter, more personal, and more simple way to manage all of your business's locations in one place from bookings and payments to appointment reminders and client profiles. Boulevard elevates every client interaction and works as beautifully as you do. Might, might I say, 5,000 top beauty and wellness brands choose Boulevard to streamline and grow their businesses because self-care businesses don't just switch to Boulevard. They stay. Visit join BLVD.com to learn more about Boulevard and book a demo to see if it's right for your business. And for a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year, subscription.

description. That's J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com to learn more. J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com. I think so, too. Remember when you got your first job and that paycheck and you were just counting down the hours? I had to go to the bank, deposit it, and then I had to wait. Cash app is built for the way you and your friends move and save money. Splitting pizza with your friends, for example, or paying someone back for movie. tickets, no need to wait forever to get paid back when it can be done in one tap. Plus, Cash App is super safe. So when you bank through Cash App, you gain access to instant alerts, the power to lock

your card in a tap, an extra safeguard so that strangers cannot find your account. This is a really nice feature. And there are no hidden fees, no surprises, just simple money that moves to fit your life. So take control of your money today with Cash App. Oh, and if you're between 13 and 17 years old, you can still sign up. And for a limited time only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn additional cash for real and if you're over 18 just download cash app and after you sign up use our exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account when you

send $5 or more to a friend within your first 14 days. And if you're 13 to 17 years old, request a sponsored account from a parent or a guardian and then once you sign up, use your exclusive referral code Tuesday in your profile to get $10 dropped right into your account when you order and activate your free cash app card and send $5 or more to a friend within the first 14 days. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, direct deposit, roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Inc brand. Visit cash app.com slash legal slash podcasts for full disclosures.

I think what I hate the most about being invited. Okay, today we're going to be bobbing for oranges. Okay. We're not using apples because somebody. He's allergic. Who's allergic to am? Me, obviously. Are you serious?

Yeah. How do you keep the doctor away? That's why I don't. She don't. I don't be. We see him twice a week. I message him last night, actually. You message your doctor?

Yeah. About what? My blood work. Why do you have this relationship with your doctor? You don't, you don't message on my chart. Yeah, what the fuck? No. Don't you message him?

Not in the frequency. Well, I'll be honest. I hadn't messaged him for two years, to be clear. My doctor is like my childhood best friend and his brother is my criminal defense attorney. So you literally hang out with your doctor. Yeah, I'm going to see Blinkin A2 with him next week. Okay, but me writing to my doctor about the blood work. Well, no, because I know my doctor before he was a doctor.

Like he's like, my, I'm like, I have this. And he's like, yeah, you're a crazy person. It's nothing. I'm like, oh, okay. It's not some guy that is like, um, that I had no relationship with. I would never just, like my dentist has. texted me and I'm like, Dr. Stotsky, you gotta chill. I mean text. I mean in the medical my chart thing.

Oh, oh, I thought you're like texting with your sterile doctor. I wish, no, it's like you have results and then he writes me message and then I write him back. Okay, so it's usually bobbing for apples, but you're each going to take turns. We'll give you 30 seconds. You have to put your hands behind your back and you have to get it. Damn, that's really hard. Wait, wait, wait.

Apples are easier to bite on. Mm-hmm. These are... You can thank somebody for that. This is crazy. I said we should bob for bananas. I'd say I should put a hole in the bottom. We can bob for some cuck.

What are you right? Okay, I'll go first. Let me chop the hole. In one minute. I have, okay, I just want to say I have nurse shark teeth. There's no sharp edges on my inside. I thought you said, nor shark teeth. I was like, what kind of island condition is that?

Dude, I ground down. my canines, I ground them down so they're round. Yeah, I have nothing. Because I grind my teeth too much. Wait, hold on. I need to take my wig off. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Wow, you're going to get like soaked, dude. 30 seconds on the clock.

30? Only 10 minutes for one. Wait, where is she going to put them? I'm getting anxious. You're getting get, that water's going to get all over your shirt. You should probably take it off. Do it. Oh. May I just say that because they're oranges and the hide is really thick, can we just use our hands for some type of... I don't think it should be behind our back.

Like right here. What does that have to do with... So you can hold the thing if it moves. No, but that's... No. Okay. Hands behind the back. Behind the back.

Okay. Set. Go. This is crazy. This is crazy. She's drowning. Oh my God. I've never seen it.

someone standing waterboard themselves. This is wild. It looks like a hungry hungry hippo with no teeth. Wait! She's going to drown. Give me more done. Oh my God. I'm telling you, it's so hard.

Oh, she got one. Way. She got one. You look like a newborn baby. Let's see it Oh my god She's a little baby I don't want to do that

Do I have to do this All right Wow Realist motherfucker ever No I honestly think my teeth have no Look I literally bit my lip Look guys Do you think these are going to do anything

Oh my god I can't even chew through steak Ready? Come on down Do you want to pretend like you're puking after a night out? Let's hold your hair. Jenna looks like a woman's barber in a prison. Jenna doing hair on D block.

Damn. That is me. Yo, you got to put money in my commissary for that. And by my commissary, I mean. Three. That was crazy. One, go. She's winning already.

my god dude you're like making out with orange you're like intimately getting in there holy shit oh my god yeah one one one she just goes all the way to love oh god two holy shit she's a monster oh my god this is crazy this is crazy she's so crazy this is crazy yes four three who are you oh my god this is amazing. You're a sick fuck. Wait. I was afraid to do what you were doing, which is to go to the bottom.

Wait, remember? Does everyone remember? My teeth aren't sharp. Kalaila literally just, she's a free diver. She just free dove to the bottom of that bucket. So that you just have to go deep enough. So that you can get to the bottom. I was afraid to go deep, honestly.

I know, we need some ebb shampoo. Ebb Ocean Club. Go at Ebb Ocean Club. If you wouldn't know how to free dive. Hashtag Ebb Ocean Club. Wait, hold on, hold on. There's two floor on.

Can you wipe these off? Kalila, that was incredible. And I would like to go again now. You're a furry. Can I say at first it looked like, you know where a dog tries to get a tennis ball in the water and the debt perceptions off? You put your head in and then you want,

Did she get got it? I was like, oh my God, this is great. I was so scared to go deep. Wow, you're so brave. I think you can, because you're a good diver. You just didn't think the strategy through. No, I didn't want my ears to go in the water. Oh, I don't want my ears to go in

because I'm susceptible to ear infections. You are? Then don't do it. Well, no, your ears get wet. Then my ears get wet? I don't think so. Okay, am I up? Well, I'm obviously not going. Oh, my.

my god what did i sign up for i'm in a dress sucking orange cocks in a fucking bucket just like oh god i'm trying go go deep pinned orange and bite let me tell you honey you're gonna tell me twice okay is all i know how to do with go deep will you do my hair next mrs i'm gonna get water everywhere do you have a towel yeah i think we need a towel i feel bad i've never done anything like this before like bobbing for apples or yeah Okay in the water? I'm a terrible swimmer. This isn't gonna go well for you.

Just make sure you don't inhale through your nose. Look, try your best, but then also the who gives a shit. Okay, you're right, you're right. Should I try again? Oh, she can't be stopped. Yeah, go for it. You didn't need to get it now. She can go for me.

I think four. Four? I'll actually drown. Yes, her would. Here, I'll put this away. Oh my God. Watch your bow, honey. Oh no, everyone's gonna get a front road.

is going to get a front row seat to my bald spot. Do you guys have a Yamika? You're wearing one. What do I do? Do you go? Three. Oh, God, I'm so nervous. One.

Balba. Talila, how'd you do this? You have to go all the way down deep. Oh my God. Kalala can not be. You're a fucker. Don't. Don't dip your ears if you have ear inside.

ears if you have ear infections. Oh, God, I'm not going up. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm like a dog. Just get in my ear collapse. Just don't do it. Just don't do it anymore. Okay, we're done, we're done.

Good attempt, Ian. No, that was horrible. Oh, did I get you wet? You got the whole studio wet. Look at the chair. I'm sorry. Look at the chair. Look at the chair.

Dude, that was like Vietnam. I don't know. I'm not understanding how you did that, you're a psycho. I felt like that was like Vietnam. Dude, how did you do that? That was crazy. I have to try again. This is literally how I felt.

I'm like, oh, that's my ear, Clyla. Here, here, I gotta show you how. Guys, if everyone, can I show you a proper strategy? Oh my God, look at her. She's in her glory. Can I show you? Do we have another bucket? Do we have another studio?

This is in a towel. What's a blanket? There's dog hair everywhere. There's dog hair everywhere. What's a flower? My seat is covered. What is going on? I'm going to have to change my dress.

Oh my God, the wet hair. My hair's wet? Okay. So you got to go push all the way. I get, I know the tactic. I just scared that my ears are going to get water. But then you also need to just stand up and so you can push all the way down. Dude, I did that.

She's disgusting. See, it's going in her ears. It's going... Dude, let me tell you. Oh, wait, I didn't get the bell. If you were my girl, I would hunt and fish too. It's going in your ears. Oh, my God, what is she doing?

This is sick. Oh, my God. She's sick. You know, down there, girl, come on. I feel like I'm, like, using a sled dog right now. You can do it. Damn, there's so many germs in that bucket. Come on, under your jaw like a snake.

She won't stop. She literally will. The noise she makes before she goes in is haunting. It's like this. Yeah, she's a professional diver. She's crazy. You've seen it here. Oh my God, my watch says loud environment.

The sound levels hit 90 decibels. You're a beast, dude. This is crazy. Watch it, little head. Oh, oh. Oh, oh, watch. She's pulling it with her tongue. What is happening?

She's like turning into something different. Yeah. Yeah. We're like watching an animorph in real life. Yeah, you did it. You did it. Guys, do you see how calm? We get the paper towel.

You won. You won. There were no other contestant. There were no other contestant. The contest had finished. Jenna kind of did it, and I acted like a poodle. Can I just say, can I tell you why it means so much to me? Oh, no.

Oh, my God. I haven't been out to house in so long. I've been like, my baby has a sleep progression, and I haven't slept in two and a half weeks. And so, like, I haven't gone to the gym, I haven't gone for coffee, haven't gone on a date, haven't gone to work out, like, just nothing. like the only... This is an event. Out of... Yeah, this is an event. So thank you so much for... Man, this is like right up their alley.

You guys somehow made it so that Kalila could do her favorite thing, which is dive. Dude, and I have to say, too, for myself, if I can get serious. It's been like forever since I've had a blanket covered in dog hair used as a tail. I'm just so happy.

It was just so... I can't get white hair off me. I just really appreciate it. It really feels like your childhood, huh? Yeah, I have to be a scientist in an hour on an audition. I am exhausted. Esther worked really hard there. I'm about to pass out. Yeah.

Can you answer it? Mm-hmm. The evolution of Kalila competing is so funny. It's like, I could never do this. Then does it and it's like, do you guys want me to show you how I did it? I'll show you again if you'd like. Just hold on. But honestly, I will say that watching you do that is like watching you do.

dive. Like you become such a calm person when you dive. Yeah, it's true. No one else was calm. I think it's like water. Water really like it triggers my mammalian yeah my mammalian like dive reflex. It slows my heart rate down. When you submerge your face in water like that. Especially like cool or cold water. She goes, I could hear it. I could hear it.

He went and before you go, you go like, Yeah, she does. Yeah, you gotta hold your breath. Yeah, I mean, you know how to do it. You were amazing. Will you be my protector? I'll be protect you. I'll be predicted you.

I have two brain cells left. That's the only reason. I thought you were Harry carrying yourself in front of us because you just went down, you weren't coming up. I was like, should I pull your head up? What has happened? No, Kalila can hold her breath for a very long time.

Yeah, when I say she's a diver, I really mean it. Like, she will go all the way down and find those holes. I'll find your bloated dead body. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, how long can you hold your breath for? Like, at least...

On land, probably the same as you guys. No, in water. You'd be holding it for like a minute. I like a minute and a half if I like it. No way. Yes, I'm telling you. How do you hold it longer underwater than in the, on upstairs?

No, upstairs is longer. Longer upstairs? Yeah, upstairs is going to be a three minute mark. So can you, so can you, so can you. Everyone can do it. I spoke two packs a day. But if you're out of... breath going to the bathroom. One of the best

divers I know is a smoker. Really? Oh, that makes me feel good. Yeah. Okay, so we're playing charades. And is this what? Like, what's the need? A horror movies. Okay, I don't know any horror movies, so I should definitely be acting out. Well, we're all going to act out.

When have you ever not acted out? Okay. Now, where am I acting out? Over here? Wherever you're a little hard. So it's four words. I'm doing it wrong already. Are you speaking if you're supposed to be acting? allowed to speak? No speaking. Okay, four words.

The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, we know it's a movie. Yeah, we know it's a movie. I'm just trying to be proper. Okay. Go, go. Proper. You know what that means. Two. He's second word. Oh, no. You suck. Oh, how do you get the person to know? Just go. Okay, your second word. No. What? Dancing. Cowboy. Square, square, square dancing. Cowboy. Cowboy, bebop. Okay, go ahead. Oh, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The lawnmower man. Yeah! But you could have done that all without saying the words.

That's not fun. But you're right. Oh. Okay. Okay. Ready? Psycho. Yes.

Oh, so much. I didn't even get to the reing, reing. How'd you know that? The shower. That was wild. That was crazy. fucking level. This is next level.

Oh, this one's a little bit tricky. Esther. Not for Esther. Esther just has all the movies. Not for this idiot savon of horror movies over here. Every horror movie is in her head. She's going, br-r-r-r-oh- Okay. Signs.

I know what you did last summer. I see dead people. The screen. The pointer. Ring. The seven, the scare. The, the. The.

The. The. Okay. The Conjuring. Amityville Horror. A werewolf in London. Tiny baby. Baby pointer.

Oh, I know what it is. Is it Polter? Yes. Aster. It's a hard one. I was like Rosemary's baby. Close. I said the pointer.

You're so close with the Amityville. I was like, uh, adjacent. I've never even seen Poltergeist. Poltergeist. Oh. I don't even know how to spell that. If you're watching it home, yes. I did just touch the back of my ear and

smell it. I'm sorry. Very normal. Very normal. Yeah. I hope you smell it. Any piercing I have in my ear, wax. Like what? Who's not smelling? No one's going to get it now because Esther's... This is so hard. I suck at this part.

You want to hand it off to Jenna? And then disqualify yourself? We can do that. Oh, the addition? Cutting feet. Saw. That was a good guess. Washing. Cleaning blood. Cleaning. Hostel.

A human centipede. I'd act that out differently. Cinderella. Scrubbing, cleaning. Toes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.

The shoemaker. The Shining. Yeah. Here's Ian. Yeah, let's go again. See, with me, I have to know the exact words because I don't know the movies. We don't care. Just go. Oh, it's my turn again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, Exorcist! Yeah! Yes! Wow! Oh, my dear. What?

I'm not gonna get it. A whale? A whale. Joss? Whale? Whale. Whale watcher. Whale hunter.

Whale. Whale killer, diver, jumper, jumper, singer, opera, whale opera. The whale. The whaling! The whale! I love the movie! Wow!

I don't know what that is. The whaling is one of my favorite Korean horror movie. I've never even heard of that movie. The whaling is, it's hard to say what it's about, and the ending is also very ambiguous, but it's basically... Okay, next one. Yeah. Exactly, exactly.

Very good, very good You were turning into me Okay, here we go Oh, you guys aren't going to get this Don't underestimate that one This dead bitch I have to give one clue Since we are a lack of time

Your tits look so good It's hard for me to focus It's not an American movie Parasite That's not a horror movie Oh, oh oh yeah Okay Train

Dead people Sleeping Souls, angels zombies The dead meat train Zombie train The train zombie Train

Training Night of the Living zombie Okay second word Zombie Train train Second word Two words Trains

Second word No zombie Training Day Train to Busan What is that Train to Busan is the Korean movie I don't know And then put that on me.

See, I need the words. Exactly, I need the words. But it's basically zombies with a train in Korea. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's a really good movie. Oh, man. Okay, Esther? Oh, this is my team.

Dude, I'm glad. Scream. Oh, wow. Nice. We all got it. I'm so happy. Oh, okay. This is very easy.

Saw. Oh, my. Okay. Okay. I think all of us did. We all did. You all did. Esther also said it very cool.

Riley. Saul again. Okay. This is the name of the movie. TV. What? Ax. Princess.

Oh, Pearl. Yep. Wow. Oh, Jenna. Are we not having fun? We are. I'm just astonished that I got it. Yeah.

I'm astonished that she got it. You're saying shock. Oh, you nailed it. This one's hard. Try, try. I don't even know if. If I, if I, if I'm doing this correctly. The ring.

The ring. The ring too? Ringo. Ringo star. The orphan. Listen, there's another movie with this. Oh, oh. Is it the grudge?

Yes. I only know that because I saw, not the one that you picked, but earlier I saw that that was one of them. Oh, I see. Well, that's a little magician revealed her tricks. Yeah. I didn't know that that's what you picked, though. Man, I'm so bad.

I would have just acted out me holding a grudge. How do you act that out? Yeah. Oh, I would call that a fantasy novel called Finally Quiet. I think we have two more. Oh. The ring? Fuck yeah.

All right, Jenny, you're up. That's one. I could see the thing, so I won't play. Okay. Oh, that's funny. It's funny to see you. Is it this one? Hold on.

Nightmare on Hempel Street. No, wait. I need, I need something. Okay. Okay. I think it's this one. I'm not sure. Oh, but God.

The movie with the black people. Get out. Yes. Finally. That was a good clue. I would not. That was great. It was Catherine Keener's.

Originally, I was just going to be like, get out. I was going to leave. Stupid. So who won? That was good. Right now. Esther and Jenna tied at four each.

Wow. Wow. Bitch. I think you and I lost. Ian 3 and Kalila 3. We're in good company. But also Esther won because the only reason

that I got the grudge is because earlier I saw that it was one of the options. Oh and Esther also sat out because she saw one. So those are two more. So technically three, three, two. But I got four.

So that would have been I have three. Three, three, three, five. I'm gonna give all my points to Kalila because I'm scared. Smart woman. Aren't you relieved that I can at least save you? Now you know, like I've proven my skills to you.

Yeah, you know, that was intense for me. I'll die. That was intense for me. Wait, watching her do that. Tomorrow with a tattoo of an orange. You guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I'm exhausted. today. I did a lot. Thank you. Ian, thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me, guys. Are you on tour? I always love being here. You guys are the best. Are you on tour? What's going on? Yes. Ianfinance.com for tickets. I'm going to be fucking everywhere. I'm on the road right now till February. December 31st, if you're in San Diego, I got two shows spend New Year's Eve and my birthday bitch with me in San Diego, American Comedy Company, and subscribe to my YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy. That's where my travel show is Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs and I Animal 69 on Instagram so check

it out. What's your Instagram? I Animal 69 and you are Jenna Jimenez. I thought you were Jenimal. Oh that's my name name name name's my name's I Animal or Eanimal yeah. I forgot about it too until last night. Really? I forgot to. And I've been begging Jenna to do a set on one of my

gigs. I want to do it so badly you have no idea to be able to be on stage with you. be fun I should just make you come on stage with me you make me come right now you heard it here folks I've got a problem we'll see you guys

you guys are the best thanks for always giving me treating me like family I appreciate it you are family we'll see you next week with a brand new episode yeah you're a repeat offender here

you too you too today we want to talk to you guys about boulevard if you're running a self-care business there's so much more to that business than just the service you're providing but actually having an easy smooth booking experience i find that when a spa uses boulevard as their booking system it is so smooth it's so easy boulevard is the fastest growing client experience platform built specifically for appointment-based self-care businesses. It's not just software. It's a smarter, more personal, and more simple way to manage all of your business locations in one place, from bookings and

payments to appointment reminders and client profiles. Boulevard elevates every client interaction and works as beautifully as you do, might I say. 5,000 top beauty and wellness brands choose Boulevard to streamline and grow their businesses because self-care businesses don't just switch to Boulevard, they stay. Visit join BLVD.com to learn more about Boulevard and book a demo to see if it's right for your business. And for a limited time, Boulevard is offering new customers 20% off your first year subscription. That's J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D dot com to learn more. J-O-I-N-B-L-V-D.com.