Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - We’re In a Love Triangle w/ Jay Mohr

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Jay Mohr is in the stud this week & we’re all feeling giddy? Jay admits he used to have a crush on Esther, Esther admits she has a crush on Jeanie & Khalyla and Stella Divulge their love for Jay as a Rom Com King in Picture Perfect. Jay & the gals discuss what they’re grateful for, SNL, panic attacks, marrying a powerful woman, comics talking sh*t & much more. Take notes, boys!  Thank You to Our Sponsor(s): Brotege Go to https://www.brotege.com and enter code TRASH at checkout for 40% off your first order. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/TRASHTUESDAY and get on your way to being your best self.”  For Hers - That’s https://www.forhers.com/trashtuesday for your personalized hair loss treatment options. *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com *Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/ for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesday Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonster Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/ Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A PRODUCTION: Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC: https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/  Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/ Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/ Edited By: Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/  

Shout out to our Patreon, our Golden Slugs, Brandon and Thomas. We love you, thank you for your support. And check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash trash Tuesday podcast. We have a whole extra segment today that's only going to be on the Patreon. We're talking about Coachella, we're talking about the women in space, and we actually like kind of gone to a huge fight. All of that will be on the Patreon, check it out. You'll get access to tons of backlogged extra content and we'll see you guys enjoy the episode.

Just one more thing. Yeah. Our golden slug. Sorry, I have a banana in my throat when I say this. Brandon's really hot guy. Really hot. And I've met him in person. Very successful, incredibly good looking black man from Austin.

Okay. Who works in AI. Oh my gosh, she keeps getting better and better. Ladies, find our golden slug. Los Angeles, I will be at the Comedy Store Friday, May 9th. You can get tickets at the link below. I'll see you guys there.

I've been having so much fun with you guys. Welcome to the show, J-Mor. Yes. This is about to be my Barbara Walters moment. Like you brought your notebook. I have my notebook. Like I've never been more obsessed with a guest. Like I, this is, you're, you're going to leave today scared. No, I've been obsessed with you too.

When you came on Tiger Belly, Esther was like, why didn't you tell me? We have to have him on trash now. And we've been trying for months. So thank you for finally doing this. Full disclosure, I had a crush on Esther for like, Why didn't you tell me? We have to have him on trash now and we've been trying for months now so thank you for finally doing this. Full disclosure, I had a crush on Esther for like forever. And then I saw you open for Norm and Irvine.

Yeah. And I was like, oh my God, Esther's here. She's so cute. And then I was in the showroom and I was walking out and you had a joke where you said, I broke up with my boyfriend because he wouldn't let me call him daddy. And I went, er, you have my full attention.

You have my full attention. You're a very good girl. I was like, holy smokes. She sings my song. Oh my God, I'm dying. Wait, okay, so I have Oh my god, I'm dying. Wait, okay, so I have to tell you, I remember that was the first time I met you,

and I was not obsessed with you then. And I'm gonna tell you why. You were a mess. Yeah, I was high, right? When I first met you, I go, that was weird. Then I see you five, six, eight years later. You're looking good. You're fit.

You're killing on stage. I go, what? Oh, I've never seen a man glow up so profoundly. I research you, you're married to Jeannie Buss. I'm like, this is the fairy tale story that I've been looking for in life. And I got, I'm so inspired. Like that's mostly what I wanna talk to you about is that I've been looking for in life. And I'm so inspired. That's mostly what I wanna talk to you about is that

I don't wanna be rude, but you were such a mess. Yeah, a drug addict. Yeah. Yeah, I was a fuckin' fall down, hope to die drug addict. Just riding the rocket until it disintegrates. Which is crazy, and then usually those stories don't end like this, like good. I guess it depends on what circles you're rolling

because I'm just surrounded by stories like that. What do you mean? And you know, like 12 step program and- I see. Like it's just redemption after redemption after redemption after redemption. Like every good thing that happens, guys are like, I told you that's what happened to me.

Wow. Yeah. There's a lot, Kyle, where do we start? Should we start with a gratitude list? Yeah. I found mine from like when I had 500 days sober. So Jeannie was still my girlfriend. Like I'm grateful Jeannie is my girlfriend.

So you guys got together when you were still a mess? Yeah, I was going through a divorce and that kind of just put it on the fast track, my drug use, I was like, I want to feel something other than frustrated all the time. So it was like my, I use at people, you know, like I'm going to use that. I'm going to show you, I'm going to go in the other room and use drugs at you. Whoa.

Well, I've never heard of that. Neither. Like, wow. I'm mad at you. So I'm going to go get high. Like to piss them off or to feel- No, like I got a secret and you don't even know about it. How wrong?

It all comes down to JJ not getting his way. Like that baby in a playpen, child of an alcoholic, crying until somebody finally comes and picks him up. It's the same thing. I get that. Every time I have one of those- It's like, fight me, soothe me. You're gonna do one of these.

I'm gonna make sure one of these happens. My therapist always asks me the same question every time I'm in like a spiral or a state of frustration, which is stop, how old is she? How old is she? And I always have to be like, okay, how old is this person that's acting this way? And it's never present me,

it's always the little child who. Therapists are so annoying. They're always like. They are right. but you have a therapist that's like actually proactive and hands-on with solutions right and questions I hate when they're like mm-hmm You're like bro the ones that kind of like they think that you're gonna come up with your own answers And you're like I'm not smart enough for that. I'm clearly f***ed up. I'm broken. Plus I can gaslight a psychiatrist. Like I got diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive, because it's like, just what do you... If you snort Adderall before you walk into the guy's couch, he kicks your bananas.

And then if you don't, the next visit he's like, okay, this guy's bipolar. And then you run out of drugs. He's like, well, he's very depressed. He ran out of drugs. He's like, well, he's very depressed. He ran out of drugs. What do you think was like the cause or the start of all of this like drug chaos for you? Was it just simply like getting famous and being like in that lifestyle of fame and money?

My addictive behavior, my ism predates ever using a drug. I've always needed more, that insatiability as a kid. My first addiction is your approval. Like as a little kid, like I need to know you like me or I'm not sure how to act so I put on this big show. If you like jazz, I become an expert at jazz. Like oh, you're from Hawaii. I start saying Hawaii and Kauai.

Hawaii, Hawaii whatever. I start saying like, ah, talk story, yeah. All of a sudden I'm like this expert Hawaiian guy. I become a water man because you like it. Wait, when you told me that one of your, I think it was a low point in your life, when you went off on your longboard and you were fishing and you were having like delusions.

Oh, I had a full psychotic break where I was talking to Ralphie May. Yes, but from that story, I'm a little bit of a people pleaser. He'd been dead a while. He'd been dead a while. I fished for my paddle board behind Dukes, and I'm out there and Ralphie Mae just goes,

J-Mor, if you're in sports and you got a bird on your helmet, you stink. And I was like, that's not true, the Eagles? He goes, come on, they stink. And I just sat there naming teams, and Ralphie's like, come on, they suck a fat baby. So what caused all this is, I don't know. I never asked my doctor what caused my bronchitis.

I never asked my doctor why do I have the flu. So I kind of don't care. And when I had panic disorder and I went to a psychopharmacologist, I was like, yeah, but why, why? And she was just very like, who cares, let's treat it. I'm not gonna get into like the archaeological dig. So but I always had that ism Which is like I self me like what do you think of me?

Like how do you perceive me obsessed with disease of perception? Like how are you? What are you thinking about me? Who's it was just gonna There's nothing I use that makes me feel good that I won't abuse Do you think that it's just your factory settings? This is what yeah There's nothing I use that makes me feel good that I won't abuse. Wow. So do you think that it's just your factory settings? This is what you- Yeah, it's my, yeah. And my mom's an addict, so it obviously runs in my family, or she was a drunk, you know?

Things could like accelerate it, you know, being, it didn't help, whatever I went through, but nothing, it's just, and I'm so grateful that I am, because I got to go through the leveling of pride, just be demolished and stand in line for medication with no laces in your shoes or surrounded by gangsters and just guys fighting over cheese sticks. I will say this about gangsters,

because I've dated a few. Two things, Jay. They like to go camping and they're very romantic. My most romantic boyfriend ever. Like unmatched Mexican gang-d*** puppet. And they love Morrissey. Oh my god! Oh my god, how do you know this? What do you think? I'm JJ Bananas, I know everything. Morrissey is the reason that I got into the Smiths and Morrissey is because of my cholo gang boyfriend named Puppet. Shout out Victor, who by the way,

Oh, the lady said, what happened? Still, by the way, when I launched my haircare brand, this is 25 years later, he was like, hey, my girl. He's like, he bought product. Like he went on my website and bought products from my hair care brand. Are you gonna cry? Yeah, because this means so much to me.

I'm like, oh my God, pop it. That's so sweet. But back to your no laces with a gang of f**kers. I've done a deep dive on this. Cause it's fascinating. Like you go to a Morrissey concert, it's like two thirds vatos. I went to the last Morrissey concert.

It's the same time as Mariachi. This is so interesting. I need to get into this more another time, but the last Morrissey concert I went to... This charming man... Like picture a Mariachi band. I get it. I think I understand what you're saying. He's got the hair like, hey, que paso way. Yeah, the Mexican greasers. Ah, so ching...

I learned that in rehab too. I learned that one in middle school. Really? Where did you go to middle school? Well, just my friend spoke Spanish and they taught me that. Where did you go to middle school? Where did you grow up? I grew up outside of Chicago in Skokie. Me? Skokie, Illinois, famous for KKK March because... Yeah.

I mean, don't ask me how I know. Okay. Shall we read? Oh, our gratitude list? Oh, I never bring todays. Well, I mean, don't ask me how I know. Okay. Okay. Shall we read? Oh, our gratitude list? Oh, I never bring today's. Well, I could pull it up. I just brought an old notebook. Look at that, you just get a whole notebook. My whole house is just notebooks.

Let's do an old and a new. Okay. I only have a new, but you can do an old, Jay. I'm grateful to speak at 7.30 this morning at a meeting. I'm grateful to secretary a noon meeting this morning. I'm grateful I'm healthy. I'm grateful I'm engaged. I'm grateful for access to 7.30 this morning at a meeting. I'm grateful to secretary at noon meeting this morning. I'm grateful I'm healthy. I'm grateful I'm engaged. I'm grateful for access to a jacuzzi.

I'm grateful for my sober brothers. I'm grateful to finally feel like I fit in. I'm grateful for my sons and Jeannie. And I'm grateful to know the door to change is locked from the inside. Oh, the jacuzzi really is a flex. So you live in an apartment complex, you get access to a jacuzzi.

Can we talk about? Jacuzzis? No. Never get in a jacuzzi with somebody facing the Jets, Esther. That's creepy. We both have a little blood pressure, we're not jacuzzi girls. Yeah, I'd have to stay, it'd take me 30 minutes to stand up.

Okay. I want to talk about this big headline about your relationship. You guys live on separate floors. Yeah, she lives above me. Oh, okay. Obviously, it was her idea. We need to know what floor do you guys have sex on? We mix it up.

Like if there's accoutrements, we go upstairs. Uh-huh. Big mirror downstairs. It depends also where the dogs are, because there's just a pain in the ass. I was thinking, like, if that was my living arrangement, I feel like I'd want to, like, go to his place for sex and keep my place, like, because I remember in an interview you said that you guys sleep separately, and it's like putting a Barbie back in her box.

Well, that's what I feel about her. She's like the Barbie in, like, all the things, nah. Your whole sexual history as a guy is like, conquer, conquer. What can I get this person to do? How far can I push this? And then you meet the love of your life and you're like, oh, I would never do that, that's awful. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what you mean, but I do know kind of. Like, I've been watching interviews of you guys and she's so calming and soothing. I'm like, oh, if I spent 10 minutes around her, I would try to marry her. Like her presence is just feels exactly like what the chaotic people in our business need a genie.

She's so wise and patient with you. I'm just curious, what is it about her? Did you feel that right away? She just soothes me. She's gorgeous. She's really pretty. So the first thing out of the gate is like, wow, she's hot. I'm a guy.

And then I met her when I was using. So there's enormous amount of ego attached. Like who she is was like, whoa, if I could be, yeah, that's what a place to put your flag down. That, you know, it's funny, like women have always been my higher power, and I soothed that higher power by bringing them money and gifts.

Then I run out of money, and I meet somebody with all the money. So the only thing I could possibly bring her was myself. And that coincided with completing the 12 steps where I learned about myself and learning to just be okay, just sitting and hanging out and not having to be performative. So it all was like this perfect unfolding timing.

I just felt like I knew her my whole life. I interviewed her on my radio show and I kind of imagined I got feels like, I think this is, I just her on my radio show, and I kind of, like, imagined I got feels. Like, I think this is... I just ended a marriage. She was just coming out of an engagement. I invited her on my podcast, More Stories, and then when she came off the elevator to do the podcast,

it was slow... like, it was slow motion. I remember the elevator. I remember the palm tree carpet because I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I just remember that. And then I just felt like I grew up, you know, like when you just have the same weird, stupid jokes and asides and get like,

you just like, did we grow up? I said to her like last week, did we grow up in like the same cul-de-sac? This is so funny. Like we just were silly together. That is such a nice feeling. Like you're right. Because when you find the person for you,

obviously you want them to be so different from you and complimentary, but there has to also be that like, wait, this feels like, could we be cousins? Like, okay, that maybe is taking it too far, but like you and your cousins Esther. I have one hot cousin, okay? You too. Wait, so did you go to the SNL 50th?

Yeah, best weekend of my life. Really? And I have children. It was insane. Why was it so good? You're in a room with Paul McCartney and Keith Richards. Like what world is this? And I'm watching Nirvana reunite at the concert

and with Post Malone and seeing people that I did stand up with in Manhattan 30 years ago, like Finesse and Tracy Morgan and just Dane Cook and Burr, like just seeing all these guys that I just came up with. There's no more extravagant exclusive event that I don't know if there ever will be in comedy unless you, like a Mark Twain award, I don't know. I don't even know if that would cover it. Yeah, I don't know if there ever will be in comedy unless you, like a Mark Twain award, I don't know.

I don't even know if that would cover it. Yeah, I don't know that it would. I'm curious, like, who is your crew from your SNL? That's the thing, I never had one, because I was, me and Sarah and Norm and David Tell were hired as writer performers, but Tell was just a writer. And so it was kind of, even within our own crew,

it was like, he should be, like Attell's better than all of us. Like he should totally be a featured performer, David Attell. So when we got there, it was Norm, Farley, Sandler, Spade, Tim Meadows, Rob Schneider, like they had been there for like five years. So they had this great crew that just felt impenetrable. So even if you were with them,

I felt like a freshman hanging out with seniors. Like you're in the conversation, but you're not really in the conversation. Totally. So I bounced after two years. Norm obviously stayed and wound up doing the news another year or two. So he is probably like,

that was your main sort of person from that time? No, I really didn't have one. I was in my own way, which is historical behavior for me. I didn't get on this show to wait my turn, but that's what everybody does. You go to their early episodes and they're playing a bailiff standing there not saying anything.

I'm like, I'm not gonna play a fucking bailiff. But that's what, in hindsight, that's what everybody did. And then I remember Jim Downey saying to me like, why don't you go to each guy's office and just do your impressions? And I was like, you want me to go door to door and like sell my, but that's exactly what I should have done. Cause they don't know you can do weird Harvey Keitel

or this person or Ina from the Food Network. They don't, don't tell Jeffrey. Then how? I love Ina, oh my god, and my mom outside. And don't get me started on my omelet party. But freak, Ina is her goddess. She lives all things. She's so awkward.

She is, I know, but the one. Pretty soon Jeffrey's gonna come home and I'm gonna make him chicken. But isn't she some rocket scientist? No, he was, but the one. Pretty soon, Jeffrey's gonna come home and I'm gonna make him chicken. But isn't she some like rocket scientist? No, he was in like Nixon's cabinet. Jeffrey was. Jeffrey, and she was, I don't know what she was. But Ina also has like a similar background

that's very unrelated to cooking, I think. Yeah, I don't know, she's just a weird lady. But I love that house. I want that house in Long Island. So I never really had a crew. But you know, it can be really easy to look back and be like, I should have done this, I should have done that.

But then it isn't that easy to walk door to door and just do your. It's humiliating. You might have read the situation, right? Like I don't wanna say like, oh, you shouldn't have gone for it. But like, you might've read it correctly and like you might've done that

and then everyone makes fun of you. Like I don't know, but I'm just thinking like, cause I've been in a situation where I have this callback for this movie, and it was me and the director and the casting director, and the casting director goes, "'Oh, I see you do stand-up. "'Can you do some of your stand-up?'

And I'm like, no. And I literally just go, no, I can't. I can't just do my stand-up. Standing, yeah. And then I go like, was that a mistake? I don't just do my stand up. I would've said the same thing. Yeah, and then I go like, was that a mistake? I don't know, but I look back and I'm like, in that moment, it wasn't there. I couldn't.

No, that's not, that's a guy that's not in reality. Okay. I just realized Trash Tuesday's on today's. I know we saw it on your Gratefulness. It made me feel like I was seeing my name in lights for the first time. It was really beautiful to see that on your Instagram story. And then I gave a fuck yeah.

I'm grateful to New Trash Tuesday if I just said fuck yeah. Did you do your gratitude list? Yeah, I'm gonna hear yours. Let's hear yours, Kalyla. Here's mine. I'm grateful my mom is showing up for me more than she ever has.

I'm grateful my face is slowly healing. I'm grateful for the love of a really strong and kind man. I'm grateful I've been getting better sleep the past few days. I am grateful for my healthy and happy baby. Okay, let me get my minds on my phone. On the phone, huh? Didn't wanna put in the effort.

I wrote it in the wrong journal and I didn't bring that journal. Okay, I'm grateful for Don donut sleeping with me in my bed. That's my dog. People that don't let the dogs in the bed? Psychopaths. Yeah. I agree.

What's the point of having a dog? Right. Like, I always say the best way- You lay here now, over there. Like, fuck, yeah. I love you but stay over there, far away. Weird. I'm grateful to be stay over there far away, weird. I'm grateful to be able-bodied

and make myself healthy food. Grateful to take my daughter on stroller walks. Come on. I'm grateful for my family above anything else. I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to perform my standup comedy and express my thoughts and get attention. And I'm grateful for this platform

and all the listeners who get us. You laughed at the get attention thing, like a little embarrassed by it. But it's a primal people, it's an underrated primal urge. Like we know thirst, hunger and sex. But attention, if you're not popular, you get voted off the island.

Nobody's gonna wanna procreate with the guy that's the mope in the corner. So it is a primal thing, like being identified. Thank you for saying that because I do feel a lot of shame and embarrassment my whole life that I've wanted and like needed attention. And I often do wonder, okay, well, cause you're right, but isn't there something

a little off or wrong with those of us who like get on stage in front of the microphone? Like why couldn't I just be like a doctor or like someone that, although I guess that's- It says in a, you know, I'm part of a program and it says it's when our base instincts overflow. Like everyone has, we need thirst, hunger, sex,

attention, validation, but it's when it overflows, that's when it becomes a thing. So you just gotta, so it's like a constant monitoring thing for me. How are you doing now, like today in this moment of like, I'm, you're sober. Does, does it get hard? Like are you like, oh I have these bad thoughts or these feelings? No, cause I really, like I use it people,

I got sober at everybody too. Like if I gotta get sober, I remember at my intervention thinking, if I gotta get sober, I'm gonna sober everybody. Why, you fucks, watch this. But I knew it worked cause my mom got sober when I was 10. So I already had firsthand experience of like a family completely transforming.

You believed. Well, I didn't have to believe, I lived it. You know, like my class photos up until like kindergarten through fourth grade, I'm feral, I'm missing teeth, I got fever blisters, my hair is fucked up, I'm crusty-eyed, and then fifth grade, mom's sober. I'm like tan, my hair's parted down the middle, my sister's blow-dried it out, feathered it,

like 1980, I'm just like, yeah, shit's good at home. When you decided that, okay, I'm gonna act sober, everyone, what was the first thing that you did in terms of your glow-up? Like you said, you were a crusty kid with fever blisters and then the next thing, the next year you were just, you know, bathed and clean. I mean the war was over at home. That'll glow you up.

But like as an adult, like what was the first thing you did where you're like, okay, I'm going to, we've talked about the hair transplants. I'm gonna get hair. I'm going to do this. I'm going to whatever it is. What was the- Lose 60 pounds? Lose? Did you see me when I was fat? Oh no, I was high, I was skinny.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I was a speed guy. There's no conscious checklist. It's just day by day by day by day by day, living the right way and surrounded by guys that live the right way. So I don't know, I don't really have an answer that there wasn't like a thing like first I'm gonna do that.

It's just I need everyone around me. And I got the secondary, I went to two rehabs back to back. The first one, there was a Zoom call at the end of it with two guys from my intervention and I thought they were gonna like congratulate me like, good job, like argue over who got to come pick me up. And instead they held up a brochure to another rehab. And they're like, now you're gonna go here.

And I was like, what are you guys talking about? I just did 30 days. So I had to go to this other one. It was up in San Francisco and it was just like one of the, I went from like the grimy one with the vatos to like the fancy, we get a massage and there's art therapy and it was co-ed and I was like, whoa. But I got kicked out of that one for a girl said,

like I was inappropriate with her and I was like, it was, so I was, I had like this scarlet letter on me where my family was like, is this guy fucking kidding us? So I had to just do the action to just, I had to prove, the only way to prove that that was absurd, what I was being accused of was just to bury myself in the program. And so I just kept doing that and just always texting Jeannie like, it's funny, I would always be like, okay, I just left that meeting and I'm headed home.

I'm on, you know, whatever I'm on Riverside and Magnolia. And then we went to couples therapy before we got married a couple years later. And she goes, and he's always texting me where he is. Like, what is that? And I was like, no, I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. And I'm just checking in. Just, I'm actually doing this. So I was constantly, like whatever anybody suggested,

my sponsor was like, you gotta get commitments. I'm like, done. But also I was ego, ego, ego. Like I didn't have all these commitments. I'd go early to this place and I'd sweep it out. I'd ask for the key and I went early and I swept it and mopped it and vacuumed it. And it wasn't like from any sense of like magnanimous

or anything, it was just, I knew my sponsor was gonna show up with another like old timer. And when they saw me, they were gonna be like, they would go, God, he's the greatest member we've ever had. Thank God, thank'll go, God, he's the greatest member we've ever had. We'll go, thank God, thank God I sponsor him. He's the best. Like that need for validation.

This new father figure in my life. Like it was all to get his validation. But when you keep doing that to get somebody else's validation, I got my own validation. And I started liking the way I was behaving. Like people would say, like when you came to see me in the hospital,

you'll never know what that meant. Or like so-and-so called, like they would share at a meeting and be like, then this, I'm struggling and this guy fucking calls me out of nowhere and it just totally snapped me. And I was like, this is great. This is a great way to live.

Whoa. So you feel like you can really get that validation from yourself and your own actions. That feels so empowering. I can only get it through service. Stand-up has never come close to a commitment to service. It's the only way I can get out of self is to get into you.

Wow. I love that. If you want self-esteem, do a steamable acts is what they tell me all the time. I sort of, I agree with this in the sense that when I'm really, really struggling, I know I'm struggling because I end up fostering a lot of animals.

You know that it's a tough year for me if I'm throwing myself at- She's got a pig. Weird animals. Ravens. Oh, you like my macaw? Whatever it is, it's like I have to get myself- I got a macaw.

Like I give a shit, stupid bird sitter. The first rehab that you went to, was that in Tucson by chance? No, no, no, it was San Clemente. Okay, cause Bobby- And in hindsight, it was amazing. At the time I'm like, whatever. But it was awesome and I still go there to speak. The last time Bobby got sober,

we went to, he called me from one of those places, four days in, he was like, every hour he would leave a voicemail, you gotta get me out of here, I'm in Guantanamo, you gotta get me out of Guantanamo. But he had access to a phone that often is impressive. A pay phone, I think he's one of those coin ones. No, we had, it was like Tuesdays between five and 5.30, you can make a call to somebody.

They unlocked your phones and handed it to you and just like, time's up. Yeah. Which is great, cause phones are, a problem. It's a living dissatisfaction. The only reason you swipe is cause what you're watching isn't satisfying in you anymore.

And it's like, no, next, next, this game, that, that text, this person, that, it's just constant, constant next. And nothing on the phone is right now. Everything on your phone is some shit that happened or some shit that might happen. I don't even think we know what delayed gratification is anymore.

Like I remember when I was held like 5150 and not quite rehab, but I was in a place because I tried to take my life when I was a teenager. How'd you try it? OD. I took all my dad's heart meds and everything. So I was in children's hospital for a week and then transferred.

But the same, they had the, what do you call it? A contraband. So you can only have your contraband from 5 p.m. To 6 p.m. And I remember my best friend would drop off these Korean jellies for me because we had no phone no nothing and My whole day was revolved around looking forward to tasting that jelly. Yeah, and I don't I cannot imagine It was if I'm really good, I'm gonna get an ice cream sandwich. Yeah. Sniper Jim's, this Vietnam vet worked at the rehab

and he's like, he's gonna come by with ice cream sandwiches. Like I can't wait for my ice cream sandwich. But do we have an equivalent of that today? Like as, you know, I don't, everything I want, I get almost. I hope I get likes on my post. But you get that almost immediately even, right? Well, I was talking about this with my therapist recently because I'm like, you know what?

The thing that we're not talking about in therapy that I need to bring up because it's like I'm avoiding it is the phone. And it's so embarrassing. I have so much shame around it and the way that I need it and the way that it's taking me out of everything that is real. And she brought up a good point.

She's like, you're not broken. She's like, it's designed. The smartest people in the world are designing it to make you want it more and more. So I'm like, okay, I am a victim. It's not me. I'm not a monster. Does that solve the issue?

No, but at least I'm giving myself a little bit of a... But you had shame your whole life though, it sounds like. I guess. That's like a recurring thing with you? Yeah, I think so. Where are you in the birth order? Youngest, but by a lot. My older sister's eight years older.

Okay, I'm six and five years older. Oh, wow. And you have two older sisters. Yeah. I feel like that's why you're like kind of a girls' girl. I mean, I was raised by women, yeah. My dad worked in Manhattan. We lived in New Jersey.

My dad would go to Manhattan, come home at 6. I mean, yeah, I guess so. You always want a guy with sisters. That's always a good sign, I think. Yeah? Yeah, because. But where do you think this shame thing is? Because are you a, you're hardest on yourself, obviously.

You give other people way more chances than you would give yourself. I think so, yeah. That sounds about right. I don't know what it's. That is so true about you, Esther. Some of the people you surround yourself with are literal demons.

She's with you all the time. She forgives them over and over again. And if enough. Was that your role as a kid? Maybe. Cause I, child of an alcoholic, parents, sisters, you know, sisters that you're a part of are going to brawl. Yeah.

So it was like, hey, everybody, everything's fine. Hey, it's great. Look at this little show I'm doing. Look what I can do with my eyelids. Do you flip them? No, I can't. I knew you were going to react to that. As soon as I said that, she's going to like this.

Didn't everyone do that at that age? I couldn't do it. You know what we're talking about? That sounds so scary to me. As soon as I say it, she's gonna like this. Didn't everyone do that at that age? I couldn't do it. You know what we're talking about? Yeah, that sounds so scary to me. So was that your role? I think a little peacekeeper, a little bit like let me be the silly one to keep peace. And then if you're not keeping the peace,

then your world crumbles in on you like, oh my God, it's not working. Yeah, that feels like something. Is anybody in your family alcoholic? No. Oh. Well, it's not working. Yeah, that feels, that feels like something. Is anybody in your family alcoholic? No. Oh. Well, my grandma, but I- Your dad is gambling.

My dad was a gambling addict, yeah. I just felt, because we're all in the business, it's just like this war for attention. Yeah. Like just, hey guys, you know I'm here, right? Like I was left alone a lot. Like when you're upstairs, like when you're, you know, they give the big bucket

and put it next to your bed when you're throwing up as a kid, like he'll be all right here. Take this Tupperware, we'll be downstairs watching TV. And then if I called too much from upstairs, they would turn off the whole light. Like that was my cue to shut up. I'd say if I raised my kids like that, I'd die at all. Yeah.

It's hard. You grew up in Hawaii? Philippines. In the Philippines? Yeah, but my partner is Hawaiian. Okay. Yeah, I think that's where you picked it up from. But in the Philippines, my mom was the opposite.

She was a helicopter mom. So she never left me alone with a bucket or the Tupperware and said puke here. She had eyes on me every second of my existence and she was very hard on me and she was, she made sure I walked the straightest line possible. And when I didn't, I got my ass beat brutally. Do you have brothers and sisters? I have an older sister who is a year older and she's my war comrade.

Oh, so his mom was like that to both of you? She was like that to both of us. And was mom's mom like that to her? Yes, yes. Well, more psychological for her, more physical for me. So I think she got the worst of it all because she got the emotional psychological abuse because she was very tall and athletic. Your mom?

No, my older sister. She's six feet tall. So my mom couldn't quite catch her in the mouth the way that she did. Your mom's Filipino? Yeah. Yeah, they'll throw. Filipino ladies will fucking smack you in the mouth. Dude, we did. Your mom's Filipino? Yeah. Yeah, they'll throw.

Filipino ladies will fucking smack you in the mouth. We have literal like boxing in our blood. Like we make and create the best boxers in the world and I'm telling you, my mom is one of them. I would have to pluck my braces from my lips. Oh. Because she would just out of nowhere if it was like, oh, you broke the shampoo bottle or the lid came off boom straight

Straight right so hard to picture because she's wonderful now right but but again, it's like oh if she's Incredible now she's gentle now and how she I'm probably for both of you how your parents are with your baby You're like who's this yeah? I, I'm like, we love the baby? Like, because I feel so, my mom, I think the feedback I always get, my mom's like, it was never enough for you, like, that I was just this, like, always needy.

I was very needy. That insatiability. Yeah, so I think that's like the tangible feedback I have of where my issues were, whatever. Yeah, it is weird seeing your parents with your child. Because for me, the thing that makes me emotional is imagining that she was also probably very gentle with me in the same way that she's gentle with my baby.

I think, oh, she probably loved me just that much too. Well, she loved you more than she could even conceive of what love is until you've had a baby. You know that. I tell guys this all the time. It's like, before you were born, there was a baby shower. Like, people came over to the house and they got drunk during the day and they're like,

oh my God, they rubbed your belly. And they're like, come on, oh my God, Clyde was having a baby, oh my God, they rubbed your belly. And they're like, come on, oh my God, Clyde was having a baby, oh my God, yeah. And before they even knew what you looked like, nobody knew if you, sometimes they didn't know if you were gonna be a boy or a girl, you had no hair, elbows, feet, clothes. You were just an idea, the idea of you,

they came for a party. That never changes. Yeah. So it's just, as we get older, we just keep, take, we just become like these dented kens as we go and we go, but we have to just remind ourselves like at the greatness of Esther. Like when you, when your mom was pregnant with you,

people lost her. Your mom was like, I can't believe it. Like yeah, oh my God, I'm pregnant. Like that's, you were this idea and you're now you're like this human being, like the magnitude of you. That is the crazy thing. Like the first revelation in the hospital

after I had my baby was like, I was this to my parents? I had no idea. I can't believe that I was this. This is like, it's not like I didn't think they loved me. Like I have a great relationship with them, but like. The ghost. I'm breaking the walls.

Oh yeah. But like to be that, once you realize like you are that to someone, it's just, I don't know. Tumbling. Yeah. It's really special. And you realize they actually did the best they could. ["Skincare by The Bachelorette"]

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We love ForHers. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We talk a lot in this episode about therapy. Panic attacks. Oh yeah, girl, low grade anxiety, bipolar. Hey girl. We're open about it. We accept these parts of

ourselves. Dude my therapist really made me not hate myself last week. I'll tell you the one indispensable part of my life is therapy. You need someone to just have an objective view and get you out of your silly little head and tell you what the facts are and not have you just spinning, spinning, spinning, because that's what I do. And above all else, therapy should be accessible to everyone. The thing that we love about BetterHelp is it's convenient. You can join a session with a click of a button helping you fit therapy into your busy life.

And you can switch therapists at any time, which can be a really daunting task. BetterHelp makes it easier than ever. Your wellbeing is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash trash Tuesday today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash trash Tuesday. I wanna get back to one of the things on your gratitude list, which is,

you're thankful you're not a gossip. Yeah, it can be. Okay, so can all of us. It's a daily battle. Yeah, same, same, all of us. But I don't like the way I feel when I do it. I don't either, but I wanted to ask you just, and if it's too sensitive, we can always like cut it out.

During the time when you were at your lowest, I remember there was like a whole, a lot of talk amongst like comics, like the Joe Rogan's, those guys. And I'm sure there was a lot of like snickering behind your back, oh look where he's at, look how terrible he's doing. Well I don't even know, but I was so checked out

that that's, it was way before that that that shit was going on. Oh really? Oh yeah. I have no idea, it was confounding. Cause I've always just tried to help other comics my whole life. That's so interesting. Like you can't book me unless Burt's coming also.

Yeah. Like well if Sigoura's not coming, then I'm not doing the gig, because that's my guy. Can we talk about like just, because I don't really have a clear picture in my head. I only have bits and pieces. I've never heard Sigoura say a negative word.

He's never. Yeah, okay. But it is weird, like, it's the Rogan, just something, they just don't like the cut of my jib. I don't, it's, and I had to sit down because it really affected me. And I was like, I'm gonna make a list of comics that don't like me and comics that I know love me.

And I started with the love me list, and I got three comics. It was like J. Leno, Louis Anderson, Greg Proops, I don't need to write the other list. Whoa. Well, throw Bobby in there, because he's always loved you, loved you. Well, this is pre, you know, this is a very long time ago.

This is 18 years ago. Really, that you felt, oh, I have love from these people, it doesn't matter who doesn't like me. Yeah, like like this is ridiculous Did you ever want to figure out why they didn't or you just like I I'm not even gonna bother Like me and a red band got into it over like Twitter back in the day It just everything seemed like gossipy and weird and I was just never understood why but I mean I'm sure I was cunty at the time too,

and I got dragged into Twitter. When you reply shitty to somebody on Twitter, I don't have it anymore, because it's just a negative place. And I always wanted to go on Rogan to set the record straight back in the day, and then Rogan becomes a metropolis. It's not even a comedian anymore.

It's just, he's like IBM. You know what I mean? Like you're shaking your fist at a building at this point. Yeah, yeah. I've always been like, I came up with those guys on the East Coast, like the Bill Burr, the Patrice, the Rich Voss, like we all, Chappelle, Dane Cook,

we were all at the clubs at the same time, Keith Robinson, and we would always just obliterate each other. Like, you never want to be the last guy at the club because they have a half block head start of watching you walk. And they'd be like, look at this motherfucker with his tight pants on. So they had a head start on you. So you always want to get there and be in the seat where you got to see the guy coming in. Right.

And I think when you go and have great success and you stay that, it rubs people the wrong way. What do you mean by that? Like this guy's in Jerry Maguire and he's breaking my balls. Because I see it now, like, because I'll battle with jealousy. Like, because guys that used to open for me are doing arenas. Well, that's what I wanted to ask you. Like, you know, when you were seeing these guys

just sort of like become bigger and bigger podcasters and your name would get thrown out there and there was really no way for you to like clear the air, right, and be like, hey. I just never understood it. And I never, I made a point to never bad mouth a comedian on my podcast. That's, that's beautiful.

And I think that that, see, to me, I think the reason why I'm like, why am I so obsessed with J. Moore? I can't stop researching him. I think you're like the face of what masculinity should be. Like, because everyone is, it's gone out of hand. It is. The boys club needs to fucking die.

Didn't every guy get up at six a.m. and jump rope this morning? Come on. But it's like boiling. Didn't every guy get up at six a.m. and jump rope this morning? Come on. But it's like boiling. Didn't everybody hit their knees and pray and meditate? Jump rope and lift weights. It's having to appear like you're tough and macho where it's like, and you're just,

you're laying it all out there and the vulnerability is like so to me, that's what's masculine and cool. And also like the culture needs a cool man with a rich powerful woman. Like we just, we don't get that often. Because most men are not down for that. They even mentioned funny, which is fascinating.

You know what I mean? No, I mean, it's not, I'm not even making it like a joke. It's like my whole identity, like I'll rock a mic against, I'll put my setup against anybody's on earth Yeah, you know like Bobby was complimenting me, but but it's just so funny like that. I've transcended that in your mind is so flattering Oh, yeah, no truly and that was the thing that bothered me at the time too was it was like this this army of Not very good comics. It's just a an ocean of meh.

Like this whole fucking crew stinks. I think you hit it on the head though when you said, like, you got success, sounded like earlier than everyone, and you're like the good-looking guy in movies and SNL and all that. And I think that it's so fascinating to me, the human mind, the entertainer's mind, that like, they, people can surpass you,

but they will not let go of that feeling of you're better than them. And I, because why else do you obsess over, bully someone? It has to, maybe I'm projecting, I feel like it has to be insecurity, jealousy, whatever. To to me I go oh that's the root of it like you were in Jerry McGuire and you came back and tried to be cool and I mean I was a ball breaker too Esther you know but that's if you spend time with any of the guys I came up with that that was

how we talk to each other and if you go if me and Greg Fitzsimmons are podcasting we'll be like yeah just you know we'll do that like Don Rickles cut each other. And if you go, if me and Greg Fitzsimmons are podcasting, we'll be like, yeah, just, you know, we'll do that. Like Don Rickles cut each other down stuff. Like it's, it's funny. Yeah. Do you guys also think it might be that Jay is handsome? Who the hell is that? Oh, let me tell you about this lady with this great point is, like me, my favorite rom-com of all time, still in my top five, never leaving my top five,

is Picture Perfect. Cinderella watch, you're such a romantic. No wonder you love the Mexican romantic guy. I do, and I think, and by the way, one of our really good friends who's done the show a couple times is Socie Bacon, and Kevin Bacon played the other hot guy in the movie. And did you have a thing for him too?

I had the biggest thing. And I also didn't know you were a comic. I thought you were a movie star. What is your name? Stella, hi. Hi, Della, how are you? Stella. Stella?

Stella. Oh, okay, she's a little far. Hi, Stella. Hi. I thought you were a movie star. I didn't know you were a comic. Jeez. Like truly, that's how I viewed you. You're coming more often. Thanks. So that probably has to do with the jealousy, I. Hi. I thought you were a movie star. I didn't know you were a comic. Jeez. Like truly, that's how I viewed you.

I come more often. Thanks. So that probably has to do with the jealousy, I would say. It made more sense to me when I watched other guys really pass me. You see a guy like Sebastian sell out the garden, or like Bert and Tom. And like I'll watch Kill Tony,

and I'll get those pangs of jealousy, and I'm like, oh I'm doing exactly I feel I'm just not taking it to a public forum and making it a topic But then I you know I'm thank God a part of a program where I have to check that and work on it and I put pen to paper and Realize what it actually is is I'm not getting my way what it actually is, is I'm not getting my way. Whoa. Is jealousy something that we need to curb every time though,

or is it something that we should allow a little bit of the time to sort of fuel us in the direction that we wanna go? There are times where I'm just like- Most of my success is based in jealousy. I think mine too. That guy's, you know what else I learned? I learned when I came out of rehab,

I was like, oh, I'm not a sex addict, I'm a child. Somebody has that, I want that. I wish so many people could say that. I'm not a sex addict, I'm a child. Somebody has that shiny thing, and I want that. I want that shiny thing. He's got a podcast, I want a podcast. The only reason I did a podcast is

because Tom Segura was opening for me and got a podcast, I want a podcast. The only reason I did a podcast is because Tom Segura was opening for me and he kept talking about this Rogan podcast. I'm like, well, I'm gonna fucking do it then. Let's see how it goes. Yeah. ["Dreams of a New World"] Hold on a second, hello.

We're a little busy, but if you want to talk to Esther, why don't you call her on her phone? Call me on my banana. Call, yeah, she's holding a banana. Jay, I have a question about, I was just diagnosed with bipolar. Congratulations. Thank you so much.

Type one or two? Two. Oh, okay. So you don't have the big, big mania. Not fun. No. No. We like the type ones.

Yeah. Yikes. Yikes. But didn't you feel good about the diagnosis? Like suddenly everything made a little sense. Yes. But my question is like, how did you figure that out in your process, in your journey? Type two bipolar?

Or just like you said you were bipolar, manic, depressive, No, I, okay. I would do drugs going before the psychiatrist and he would wrongly, judging by the person sitting in the chair, bouncing off the walls and then sullen from visit to visit. No, not your bad.

And then I did the 12 steps and I realized my biggest mental illness is I'm an alcoholic. So that helped me get free of me temporarily. But people do need, you know, I still take something like a mood stabilizer like there is. Fun. What are you on? Stratera. I'm not familiar. I've been on a couple SSRs.

What are you on? Lexapro? Lexapro. What are you on? Prozac. Oh, old school. Hell yeah. Anybody ever take Paxil? Back in the day, yes.

Paxil was one of the first ones that I took. Never, not even on any other. I can't come on any of them. I had sex with Jeannie until she was shorter. Just fucking, gush, gush, nothing. I've been on effectsers. Sheets wet with sweat like, ah, fucking maniac.

You know like when horses get like real frothy or, just like, ah! Like a fucking maniac. You know like when horses get like real frothy around, just like, ah! I know that feeling. Why are you doing this to me? Cause I'm happy finally. But you know, what's interesting is I would just quit. I wouldn't even try. No, I know.

The moment I realized, I'm like, oh this doesn't happen when I take Effexor or Zoloft or whatever I was on. I was just like, why bother? I was like, I know I can get this. It's a typical guy. But no, so I had to get off of that. And when you try to get off this shit,

they're like, well, you take two a day. Slowly. Break one and a half, do that for three weeks. Then you're gonna take one and then you're gonna take that in half and do that for it's like bro I quit cocaine in an afternoon craziest poison ever heard of let me tell you why you actually have to do that because I did not do that oh what happened I ended up at BHCL Hambrough

5150 because I went a little loony bin yeah it, it's like an equalizer on an old stereo, where all the things are up and down, and you just jam them all up, and then you slam them all down. When I got off Adderall, thank god I was in detox, I literally could not open my eyes for four days. I just walked out, and when I would run out of, I was kind of, yeah. So I just kept taking naps, and then they

would offer me a Valium. I'm like, I don't I just kept taking naps and then they would offer me like a Valium. I'm like, I don't wanna get addicted to Valium. Like, what are you doing? Take it. So I just took baths and slept in detail. If I could do rehab as an adult, sober, it's the best. That does sound really fun. Would you go to rehab just for fun, Esther?

I feel like you would. Of course I would. You would love it. I know I would. Oh, group share? Esther's got the floor. Don't interrupt Esther, she's talking. Everyone gets what they get for mealtime.

You don't get upset. This is what we're eating. That's it. I love that. Everyone has to sit here. You know that's where she sits. I know, I've always said like, I'd love to go to prison for like two weeks

and just like get in shape and then like come out. Prison, no. For like a routine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Speaking of a lot of prisons, you wouldn't do well. Yeah, we're talking, what are we talking, like maximum? You can walk between the bars. But you know what, Jay?

I beg to differ. I actually think she is, she has kingpin energy. Oh my God. She is, if we're talking orange is the new black, she is the lady in the kitchen. Esther, look at me. That's not true. She's a creep. With every. Esther, look at me. That's not true. With every fiber of your being, you know that's not true.

I know. Esther, get arrested. Jesus. Felony. OK, what should I do? I don't know. I haven't seen you like Manson and falling. And you're very susceptible to a cult.

Yes, I am. I totally, I'm telling you, I had a crush on her. I get her. I would have ruined your life But you never forget me she would join the cult yes, but she would be Sheila Sheila to the bag one and she would eventually eclipse the cult leader Documentary oh show Sheila bag one Kail, the only way I'm gonna take you seriously is if you fess up to having had a crush on me. So this is your moment.

I will say that I had a crush on your tits and just your tits, not the rest of you. The first time we met was- I can say I've never even noticed. First time we met in the green room? I just wanted to get you a sippy cup. Oh! That's how I feel about her.

Very, no, you don't. Trust me. You feel very differently than I do. Wait, I have a question. A couple, go ahead. What? You have a crush on me. I have a crush on Picture Perfect Jay,

who has a crush on Esther. Guys, this is a love triangle. Wait, but you also have a crush on Jeannie. Yeah, I have a crush on Jeannie. She's very crushy. Jeannie is like, I, again, five minutes. You think you Wait, but you also have a crush on Jeannie. Yeah, I have a crush on Jeannie. She's very crushy. Jeannie is like, again, five minutes. You think you know, and you don't even know. It's like, it's, she, okay.

There's two older brothers from her. So when the dad dies and she's fingered for the owner, it becomes a Shakespearean tragedy immediately. Whoa. Dad dies and she's fingered for the owner, it becomes a Shakespearean tragedy immediately. It becomes this crazy, there's six siblings. And it's like, no, no, no, no, this one. She'll run it right. Yeah. So it's just this constant.

She's, I mean, the way that you guys interact, like I was watching this interview with you guys together and it's funny because you were like... I can't stop touching her butt. She owns the Lakers and I'm just rubbing her ass in totally. You were talking... She's talking to Ari Emanuel, I'm like, uh-huh. You were talking about how like,

you were basically like kind of making light of all the trouble you were in with your addiction. Oh, you were like on the freeway or something? I was skateboarding on the 10 because I ran out of gas and I was live streamed it to show everybody how committed I was to the gig. Like, I'm doing it, Tempe, I'm coming your way. Yeah.

And you're making these jokes about it. And then she's sort of, she's like, you know, I think it's really like nice that you can use humor to reflect on that. But for me, I was really scared about that. Like, just the way- She goes, we thought you were filming your own death. And my producer goes, that would have gotten so many views.

She's probably so mad at that. But she just seems so soothing and like, do you feel that soothing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she's- She's like a grown up. Well, you're the original Travis Kelcey then.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm suddenly Robin, not Batman. And I was Batman always. And with her, I'm invisible. And when we're together, nobody recognizes me. It's the best. It's fucking great. And just to be like, she's on the red carpet.

Because I've done it with two other wives, now I know how they feel, but now I'm just like, this is awesome, I don't have to give these answers to ET for three minutes and five seconds. That speaks to what she was saying earlier about how we need more men to be okay with being with incredibly successful women. I don't know how you couldn't be okay with it.

I don't either. I know, I'm like, how are they not? It's so, like, what you guys have is so, like, cute and sweet and special. Our culture needs examples of that, because we don't have them. Here's a crazy story. When I was in, I lived in Malibu on the water by Dukes, and when I was in rehab, my landlord threw all my thingsu on the water by Dukes. And when I was in rehab, my landlord threw all my things out on the beach

and he told my family, come get his shit, the tide's coming up. So like everything I own is here and the tides. So then two years sober, we get married on that beach by that guy as the tides going out. So there's a lot of fairy tale. Like if I read that, I'd be like, that's not true.

But that's what happened. I knew there was a fairy tale here. Wait, okay, a couple, like last year, I'm at the Ice House doing this. We're gonna have to adopt Esther, Janie and I. I know, you really do. You're gonna ditch that kid. I'm at the Ice House doing a set,

and I see something about like the bus family. Now she did the green room. Her brother owns it. Johnny, the oldest brother. Okay. I was just going to say, did Jeannie marry you and then buy you a comedy club? That was okay. That far away.

So far. I would love to play there. But in my head though, Connecticut, I had fantasized that it was a retaliatory move against Rogan Who's got that kind of time? I do you can't beat you can't out kitten a kitten. Yeah There's nothing to defeat. It's it's it's the Death Star at this point. You can't out kitten a kitten You can't out Rogan Rogan. There's no there is no competition. I I've won. Yeah. I'm the happy, like, it's ridiculous.

I have my kids back. People visited me to do welfare checks on my sons, not under the guise of coming to see me. Do you know what I mean? Oh, really? Wow. I have my kids back. I remember you, you, you told you told us like during one of your interventions that your family, your loved ones had to lie to you

about you interviewing all of the Wu-Tang Clan. Yeah, they told me to get me to my intervention. They said for the next morning at 8 a.m. for my podcast, I was gonna interview Wu-Tang Clan. And after I was so high, I thought that was true. I thought, I do this in my act, I thought Wu-Tang Clan was coming over to my house at eight o'clock in the morning.

I thought the eight blackest men alive were gonna set alarm clocks and come across town to stroll into my cracker cracker house so I could interview them and help them with their careers. Meanwhile, I'm doing a talking dog movie and I'm not the lead dog. I'm a receptionist at Chewy Vatan. And I hope I get the role as the masseuse at Bark Williams.

Yeah, that's how it went down. That's so funny. I gotta get Wu TangTang on more stories. I feel as though we- I got Flavor Flav coming up Wednesday. You know that we lost to him and his family. Really? We lost to the Flavor Flav family.

How do you guys get on these games? Like, that's my happy place. Why aren't I on Hollywood Squares? You should be on- You think I'm worried about Rogan? I wanna get on Hollywood Squares. Wait, you and Genie should be on Celebrity Family Feud. Yeah.

Wait, and then have Esther on as one of your child. I'm not a good- With her sippy cup. Bobby was on Celebrity Family Feud and he didn't really have a family, so we were his family. Yes he does, I've seen his mom on Bad Friends. She lives in Arizona though.

Hey man, you wanna be in show business, sometimes you gotta skateboard on the 10 10 to get to the game. No, no, no, don't know. We do not stand by that. Bobby. I love when Santino crosses his eyes to do his impression. Bobby's mom. So I have some sports questions for you

that my husband submitted. I know nothing about sports. So but basically my husband is a Celtics fan and he wanted to ask, are you embarrassed when you have to claim the Lakers have won 17 championships knowing full well five of those were won by the team when it was in Minneapolis? No, because the Celtics won five in a row in the early 60s when, you know, they, come on, guys were like smoking on the court, like, so it doesn't really count what they got either.

Who are you, are you a fan of, what's your team? You don't mean that. Oh, is it the Lakers? You know, come on. Is it the Celtics? What's the matter with you? Of course it's the Lakers. Oh, okay, I don't know.

Can you imagine? I told you, I really don't know anything about sports. Oh yeah, I don't want, yeah, I don't, aw. I put it on her heels, I'm like, no. No, really don't know anything about oh, yeah, I don't want yeah, I don't know Self-dicts, it's you know what like I said can't out-kitten a kitten they got one more championship than the Lakers, okay? Okay, um and then my what's his name Dave fuck you Dave He also wanted to know who's the funniest player on the Lakers. Austin Reeves. Okay. Austin Reeves.

He bowled with us. We bowl every Tuesday. Our little family bowling night. And he was there by chance in the next lane with another player, Cam Reddish. And we're like, let's just, you know, join squads. And my 13 year old son and him got into the craziest shit talking. And Austin Reeves was like a superstar. and my 13-year-old son and him got into the craziest shit talking. And Austin Reese was like a superstar.

He's like, man, I'll beat you left-handed from Arkansas. And my son's like, all right, bet. And he fucking bowled like two straight strikes left-handed. I'm like, oh yeah. You play in the NBA, you're probably pretty good. Now I saw that Jeannie is a producer on the Netflix show Running Point. It's her show, yeah, she brought it to Mindy.

Oh really? Yeah. Will there be a J. Moore character? I wanna play, did you see the show? You'd love it. Yeah, it's so good. I was like, I should play Travis Bug's sponsor when he gets out of rehab.

That's amazing. I floated it to Ike, because I'm like, she's got enough to worry about, playoffs are coming up, she's gotta worry about shareholders and salary cap aprons. Stuff that I don't even know what's happening. So Lisa's on there too.

Lisa Gilroy. Oh yeah, and Brenda Song is on the show. Okay, this is the last question from my husband. He wants to know if you would support his gender swap reboot of Gary Unmarried called Mary Ungarried. Mary Ungarried, oh Dave's funny, okay. Mary Ungarried?

Yeah. Well you produced that show. Sure oh Dave's funny, okay. Mary Ungarried. Yeah. Well you produced that show. Sure. Dave's funny, is he a comic? He's a comedy writer. God, Dave. Of all the questions, he throws the Celtics in my face. Oh is that, I didn't even know if that's what it was. No, because they have 18 championships, we have 17.

We were tied, because when they won in 2020, she fulfilled her dad's quest on his deathbed, like either pass or get even with the Celtics. So they tied at 17, then the Celtics won. But we just got Luka Dantridge, who's like Pele famous. Yeah, okay. He's so good, LeBron James is markedly the second best player on the team suddenly, it's weird.

Wow. Crazy move with Luka. And LeBron is on the Lakers? I think so. Okay. Let me with Luca. And LeBron is on the Lakers? I think so. Let me ask her. Let me ask Dave. Were you a Lakers fan pre-Jeannie? Yeah, well I grew up with the Knicks and then when I came out here it's like, oh this is Kobe and Shaq, like it's on. Okay. Yeah, so I get season tickets and sit on the baseline and get drunk and heck all. Okay, okay, wow. On topic of beauty, you're really open about hair transplants.

Yeah. And I wanted to ask you. Why are people not open about anything? Like who cares? Okay, so I have found that men in my life have been more secretive about their hair transplants than women have been about their Botox and other cosmetic things they've done.

And I... I've got Botox, I got... Really? Yeah. And I find it interesting that oftentimes... I'm a lot older than you Esther. A lot of times men sort of like shit on girls for getting work done and things like this,

but I find that the men in my life are really secretive about what they've gotten. Which is absurd because you don't have to do a deep dive to see pictures of me bald. No, but even- You know what I mean? Like, I was fucking bald.

No, but they're, I mean, listen- It's not like, wow, I didn't, they're not gonna forget. But some do, there have been people- Yeah, they're gonna forget, you know? People we know, Esther, who were obviously bald, who are all of a sudden not bald, and they still don't like to talk about it openly.

It's my hair. It is your hair. You grew it yourself. Yeah. They plant the little holes and they put the bulbs in. So I used to date Tony Hinchcliffe, and the first sleepover we had, I'll never forget, like, we woke up in the morning and he's washing his face, and I'm like,

I've never seen a man wash their face. And he just looked at me, he's like, we work in show business. And I'm like, okay, yeah, men... That makes him likeable to me. I love that. I mean, your whole job is like... Yeah. It's like, you can't deny we're like,

we're on camera to entertain people, I don't know. So I think that's cool. Did you remember me bald? I think I do. I think I was bald when I saw you with no... No, if I was high, I was, I don't know. I just know that you were a mess.

I don't remember what you looked like, I don't remember what you said, I just remember walking away and being like, is he okay? No, I was not okay. It's just, you've just become this fucking too- How many years was that for you? Probably four, four big ones.

And it's just so rare, again, like I know I said this in the beginning. But I quit drinking in like 98, cause it was a problem. But then when you drink NyQuil alcoholically, I just drink two bottles of NyQuil a day. Just to sleep or just to? Shit, to sleep.

Why ruin that? You probably take Ambien and go to bed, you nerd. I'm so Amish. I don't even drink coffee. I literally take nothing. I'm off coffee now too. I'm such a square. My anxiety got so bad that I had to get off coffee.

You haven't, you've talked about anxiety, right? I wrote a book about having panic attacks on SNL, you know? Yeah. But anxiety and panic is very different. Because anxiety, stimulus, response. My bosses a dick to me when I drive to work, I get anxious. Panic is I'm taking a shower, that towel's yellow. Oh my God, my insides want to be on my outside.

Same, I think for me panic, I always describe it as like being in Disneyland with your favorite people with an ice cream cone in your hand thinking it's the best day ever and then all of a sudden not being able to breathe. Like that's how- You're dying. Yeah, you're dying.

And it's not even like a- I'd rather get pneumonia twice a year than get another panic attack. Same, you clutch your chest, you cannot breathe, your limbs start to do this. You're fully convinced that you're passing away. That's- Until you can sit with it.

That's the level I've gotten to on planes. I'll get, I'll be like, I'm having, well, I almost drowned last year. I had a panic attack in the ocean too. Oh, you'd in the ocean? Yeah. How did that happen? Usually the ocean is so just grounding for me. You know me and a panic attack in the ocean too. Oh, in the ocean? Yeah. How did that happen? Usually the ocean is so just grounding for me.

You know me and you, we love the ocean. I've seen you on your Instagram in that ocean fucking around. I mean, that's what we love to do, right? Yeah. So I go to this meeting on Sundays by the pier and then after the meeting, me and like four or five guys, we swim to the bouillon back.

And it's not a nice swim, it's 250 yards. Wait, you guys go swim and back? Wait, I wanna join. Sure. You know I was an ex-competitive swimmer. Yeah, I've read your file. I know, you thought I forgot who you were, like we started at such a deficit.

I was like, oh no. Like who forgets Kailila? Oh, thank you. You know what I mean? I have the same issue as her. She's a rocket ship. Like I can't believe you remembered the meeting as her. She's a rocket ship. Like, I can't believe you remembered the meeting at the Irvine improv with Norm.

Like, I assume everyone forgot. You said that thing on stage. It's stuck in my craw. No, I never assume people remember me. I'm with you. I'm the same way. I would rather be that way. I'm so the opposite, like, you know?

It's me! You know? I always remind people where they met me so it never gets awkward. That's a good social skill to have, for real. Yeah, like we met here so and so so they don't have to be like, you know, weird about it. Well, it's like the famous person thing where they always, anytime you meet a celebrity, they'll be like, nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Yeah, they never say nice to meet you. Smart. I know. You remember me? I always go, how could I forget? Come on. So we're swimming to the buoy. We do this all the time. And I'm a you remember me? I always go, how could I forget? Come on. So we're swimming to the buoy. We do this all the time and I'm a swimmer too.

You know, and we get to the buoy and this day, I'm coming back, I'm like 20 yards from the buoy. I'm like, wow, that's fucking far. It's 200 yards is far with the currents and the waves and the thing. So I start doing that, you know, like, woof, little anxious, and I'm like, guys, we should swim together, like they're over there

and I'm over here, and I'm thinking of every shark attack on Instagram I've seen. Especially if the water's murky. Yeah, I'm like, woo, like, is this sharky? Is this what Laird and Gavin were telling me about? Of course it's sharky. I know it is. And I'm like, this is weird, you know, like, woof.

I'm like, guys, seriously, let's swim together. And then I'm like, is weird, you know, like I'm like guys seriously, let's swim together And then I'm like, wow, I'm really having an anxiety attack And then I'm like, I wonder if you here's the thought that did me I wonder if you can swim while having a panic attack. You can't So I'm now 150 yards away and I'm just fucking I'm like Mark. I need you He's like this German. I was like, are you okay? I'm like, Mark, I need you. He's like, he's German. I was like, are you okay?

I'm like, no, I'm not okay. And the German guy grabs me. I'm like, get the fuck away from me. And I had to be like rescue. A surfer came out and got me. No, wait, did he just freeze? You forgot. No, I kept moving, but I was, it's just like,

ha, ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. And then like the, the truck with the lights was waiting. The lifeguards were out. Like like it was if it wasn't so horrifying It would have been embarrassing God, I wish I never heard this story because I've been convinced my entire life that the only place I cannot get a panic attack is the water. I can have one anywhere Then I take my guy home to I was there with the German guy and I dropped him off in Marina del Rey

so now it's been two and a half hours since. And then as I'm driving through Marina Del Rey, I realized I haven't thought of God at all today. Like when I was having, when I was drowning, I didn't have a thought of a higher power. And that, that scared me more than the, or as much as the drowning, that when I was actually going to die, I didn't say, God help me, God get me over there. I know you'll, and it wasn't like God, whatever you believe in, turned its back on me. I was so consumed with self in this bunker between these ears, which is my fucking prison all the time anyway, that I completely sealed my, this is three years sober, like a daily spiritual, it's all about enlarging your spiritual, fucking out the window.

I was an orphan and it terrified me. And that's when I actually started meditating as a result of that. So I was like, oh, there is one thing I'm not doing. You know what's interesting is that I could not even meditate because the idea that I was hyper fixated on my breath would send me into a panic.

Yeah, I can't focus on my breath. It's too... Yeah, so I'd have to meditate with my eyes open for the longest time. But one of the books that I read when my panic attacks were so brutal and they would show up everywhere and anywhere was this book called Dare.

And it was like what you talked about, learning to sit with the anxiety and sort of breaking it down, not an anxiety with a panic and knowing what it is. And when I started to realize that, oh, this is just. It's no different. Like what's happening in my body is no different from excitement. It's just adrenaline, right? It's adrenaline. And life saving levels for no reason. For no reason at all. And so when I broke it down that way

and realized there's no way to fight my way out of this, there was no way to convince myself out of this, that I literally just had to write it out, and that I knew that there was the other side of it, which is if there's gonna be a peak, and then it's gonna come down. And I just had to believe it with all my might, and then I was able to sit with it and be like,

okay, it's just adrenaline. Let me take it a step further for you. It's not actually happening, because once you have a panic attack, you get anticipatory fear of where you might have a panic attack. Right, fear of the fear. So it's really that.

It's really the few. What if on this plane, I've been on this plane a long time, then I start doing it. Touch my hand when you say that. It's like they're cold and clammy. Oh, so are yours. Yeah, well my hands are always cold. But it's, none of it's actually happening. Nothing in the present moment is ever lacking.

Right. And if it's, I'm somewhere, I'm like over Denver, what if I'm still, but right now you've been in this chair for over an hour and not had a single thought about angst or panic. And we're talking about things that would make people uncomfortable. So if I can go my whole day in a chair,

then by law of averages and by definition, it's absurd to think that because I'm in this chair at this moment, suddenly I can't exist. I'm this freaky fucking panic. Oh no, it's always because I'm thinking, with the exception of those early SNL panic attacks that just came and I thought I was dying and I was going on, it's all about some shit

that might happen. So if I can get back to right now, because in this moment, nothing, I lack nothing in this moment. I'm just this vessel, this thing, I'm a spiritual thing, having a physical, nothing right now is actually going wrong. Right, the be here now also really helped me.

I'm just sitting in a fucking chair, which I do, it's my idea of a good time. Yeah. Just sit at home on a couch and watch Dateline after Dateline after Dateline. Little popcorn, little ice cream. Where do you get it, where's the first, this is what I would say to somebody,

when it comes, you don't get panic attacks, you just have low grade anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. Which is in itself sort of like even worse because it's like chronic and it never. Where's the first place you feel it? The first fucking thing where you go, uh oh, where in your body?

Probably my chest. Yeah. Or. Is it cold or hot? Actually no, that's not true. It's always my left arm. It's like a little tingle right here. I feel hot but my hands feel cold.

But that spot. It's this spot right here. I feel hot, but my hands feel cold. But that spot. It's this spot right here. Is it a gas, vapor, or liquid? I would say it's probably a gas. What color is it? Quick. Red. Okay, what's its name? Freddie.

Freddie, go fuck yourself. Now, like you have to, it's like, oh, this is that, mine's like, I just get like, like'm gonna do this stuff. Now, like, you have to, it's like, oh, this is that, mine's like, I just get like, like, Gobstopper fuckin' jaw, and then it's like, like that roller coaster, whoosh, through here, and it's icy white blue, and it's ice cold, and it's like a, ah. Ooh.

And it's named Kaila. What's its name? Oh, fuck. No, I never name mine. I don't take my own advice. Who was? Don't worry, we don't either. I wish that I did. This is fun.

We should have Jeannie on this podcast. She is gold. If you don't know this about Esther, she has a thing for historic blondes. Yeah, iconic blondes. And Jeannie is, when you referred to her as a Barbie being put back in her box when you put her to bed as that That really got me. But you know what my nickname for her is what poodle why? poodle My god, okay, she's the we know I can tell and your guys chemistry is like I love it

I could watch you guys together all day. Cause she's just, again, she's so calming and you're like the wild child and she's just like. I can tell when she's embarrassed cause she tells in mixed company, she'll go, he's a comedian. That's what I know, she's like, like a little, you know he's a comedian.

That's so funny. Oh my God, Jay, thank you so much for making our dreams come true today. Aw. You are the best guest. Did you get all your questions in? I did. I got everything in my notebook. You're like, don't worry, Dave, I'll ask him.

Fucking Dave the Celtics fan. I didn't even know what I was asking. Now I see that it was like a mean question. I don't, that's how little I know. Get out of your head. It was fun. Yeah, no thank you. Don't second guess it. I don't that's how we'll have your head. It was fun. Yeah. No, don't second-guess it I won't people can find you more of you on more stories your podcast, which is amazing

Why don't you guys come on more stories? We'd love to we'd love to we'd love to what about Stella? She's no like bring in Stella to rule. I'll have a lady party My dogs are all happy at the same time I go lady Cuz they're like three pounds That's what I call it. My dogs are all happy at the same time. I go, lady party. Cause they're all like three pounds. Lady party. Then they pee on the carpet and like, we like lady party. Jay, you are our favorite girls girl.

Yeah. And we hope you come back. Whenever. Thank you, Jay. And thank you to our listeners. And we'll see you guys next week with a brand new episode!