Trash Tuesday w/ Esther Povitsky & Khalyla Kuhn - Young, Hot and Funny w/ Ali Macofsky & Stef Dag

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

The hilarious, hot, and young comedian's Ali Macofsky & Stef Dag are in the stu this week!! . The hosts & guests talk Moms and food stuff, getting cancelled, being jealous of the blue collar girl, why it's a red flag if you're a white dude who loves Japan and much more!!    #skimspartner Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com https://www.skims.com/trashtuesday HERS Start your free online visit today at https://www.forhers.com/trashtuesday   *Listen to Esther's New Solo Pod!* https://www.esthersgrouptherapy.substack.com*Visit Ebb Ocean Club & Holiday Shop* https://www.ebboceanclub.com/for Khalyla’s reef safe and biodegradable hair products! FOLLOW TRASH ON SOCIALS: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itstrashtuesdayTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itstrashtuesday MORE ESTHER:TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@esthermonsterInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/esthermonster/ MORE KHALYLA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/khalamityk/Tigerbelly Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@UCIyIoM_Nd8HtY19fuR_ov2A  PRODUCTION:Production Team: Tiny Legends, LLC:  https://www.instagram.com/tinylegends.prod/Stella Young: https://www.instagram.com/estellayoung/Guy Robinson: https://www.instagram.com/grobfps/Edited By:Arielle Jade: https://www.instagram.com/jade.rabbit.cce/

So your t-shirt says Wee Spa. Yeah, I took it from Wee Spa. I've never been. Oh my god. You need to go. You have to go. Really? Absolutely.

And you need to go with a pro. If Ali, you're a pro, then we should go. I would happily take you. And she has to give you the breakdown of each of the rooms. The playroom, the Jade room. I lived here for a year and a half. I never went. I thought it was like a gross, sketchy place.

It can be. It can be a little bit. If you ask Esther. You're bougie? I've never been, I'm not even bougie, but I'm like scared of it. What element of it scares you? Nudity from myself and from others.

No, but I think that that's why you have to go. Anyone who's like, I don't want to get naked. Yes, because everyone's body there is so freaking weird that you're like, okay. I mean, I wouldn't go if I was bloated. That's when you should go. Well, then I'll never go. I'm always bloated.

The only time, the most recent time I went, actually was the first time it pissed me off because there were like two girls there with like perfect little bodies. And I was like, you're not supposed to be here. Go away, go home. This isn't for you. That's when I'm showing up.

That's when I'm showing up. Shout out to our Golden Slugs, Brandon and Thomas. Hello, go home. This isn't for you. That's what I'm showing up. ["Splash the Water"] Shout out to our Golden Slugs, Brandon and Thomas. Hello, Slugs. The rumors are true. We have a Patreon. And this Patreon is giving, if I may say, if I may compliment myself and Kalyla.

We also have bonus content every week. I know last week we had a vlog from me at the Comedy Store with Bobby. We usually have bonus content every week. I know last week we had a vlog from me at the Comedy Store with Bobby. We usually have bonus episodes and we just share a lot more behind the scenes on the Patreon. I highly recommend it if you're a super fan. Hey guys, it's me, Esther. I'm officially on tour. You can get tickets now at the link below at prettylittlethabetour.com. I'm coming to Madison, Portland, Seattle, Olympia, Denver,

Boston, New York, and Philly on the Pretty Little Baby Tour. Use pre-sale code PRETTYBABY to have first access to tickets Wednesday, July 9th at 11 a.m. local time. Okay, thank you, slugs, bye. Do you guys know this girl on Instagram, the Skinny Society? No. Live something?

Wait, I think I see her sometimes and I try not to look but want to. I actually kinda like her. What is she doing? She's just like skinny as a mindset. You can eat anything you want, but just eat in portions. Don't pig out, it's giving piggy at the farm, girl. And I'm like, so true.

And then whatever product she posts, I buy. But she won't let me subscribe. I think she thinks I'm making fun of her. So she won't let me subscribe to her private channel. She won't let you? I don't, every time I try it says, this isn't available to you. And then I'm DMing her like, hey girl, can I subscribe?

And she's not answering it. You trying to get skinny, queen? And she won't let me, it's called skinny society. So true. She was kicked off TikTok. Yes, you know her. Wait, tell me why. I'm in the dark.

Because I think they thought she was fat phobic. I mean, it sounds like she is a little bit. Pro anorexic kind of stuff. But she's actually not. Yeah, then what Heather was the big drama, which was Remy Bader used to like hate on this girl and be like, you're hating fat people, shaming, whatever. And then Remy Bader came out, lost all the weight

and was basically like saying all the things that the Skinny Society Girl was saying. And so it was just like, it was shaming. She really doesn't, she doesn't say starve yourself. She's like, eat everything. Like, don't worry about carbs. Just maybe don't eat the full portion at the American restaurant that gives you five portions.

Well, you know who was the originator? My mom. All our moms. All our moms. I would go my mom versus your mom any day. Yeah, dude, my immigrant. My mom would take your mom. You think?

She just showed up to my house and goes, oh, Ace, it looks like she's thinning out a little. Stop. She's blind. By your baby? Yes. Oh my God. Yeah.

My mom's an immigrant mom. She's also like that. Yeah. Is your mom, she does it to you? Yeah. Yeah, I told my mom how much I weighed and she goes, you don't really need more than two meals a day. I mean, my mom always says it's actually really good to feel skinny.

Yeah. She's never been fatter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get it from both my mom and my dad. I remember my dad would be like, sometimes you should just skip dinner. See how you feel.

It's good. It's good to just sometimes skip dinner. Yeah. My dad's on ozombec. Really? So is mine, but for diabetes. My dad's on it just yet. Way to flex that you know someone on it for legitimate reasons. I know but for diabetes. My dad's on it. Way to flex that you know someone on it

for legitimate reasons. I know, for diabetes. He's kink at it because all these girls in LA are eating it. Because my dad is a weird dad. My dad's trying to get skinny. Your dad is part of skinny society. Please subscribe for sure.

So here's the thing. There is an original skinny society who literally, and I'm so excited to share this, but the person who wrote a book about this kind of diet, which was like just having a skinny mentality, right? It was not promoting eating disorders. It's just like have everything, just have a little, Bethany Frankel.

She had a book and it actually really helped me. And I have to say it mirrored a lot of the, cause I went to eating disorder school. Okay, brag. I know, well it was like a hospital, what would you call it, like a rehab center? Yeah, eating disorder school is a really nice way to say rehab.

It was a hospital. It was a B.A. program. A hospital for the funny girls. It was me and a lot of anorexic teens and I loved every second of it. But the main thing they teach you, one of my main takeaways is there are no bad foods. You should have, like we had-

Only bad girls. But only small actors. Yeah, so there was a specific exercise where we one afternoon would watch a movie and you would have to eat your red light foods, which are your danger foods, where you can't control yourself. And mine was popcorn and sour candy,

and so they make you have a small amount of it, and I think that's kind of what these skinny women are saying. I don't care about my weight necessarily, I just, I'm a, I know, I've tried, I think my sisters are concerned about that, and I'm kind of, me and my dad and my mom, we love eating, like we're gluttonous for food.

Yeah, but now I mean, because of the ozempic, he's really toned it down. But I just, I didn't realize that I don't eat normally. And so I started reading the book, Easy Way to Quit Emotional Eating, Alan Carr. Oh, Alan Carr's a smoking guy. Yeah, he does it for everything. Wait, how was the book?

It's really good, I don't wanna finish, because I don't wanna quit emotional eating. Wait, are you an emotional eater? I guess so. Is everyone? I think so. But it's kind of like what you were saying, where it's like, yeah, just like listen to your body.

Like the intuitive eating of it all. The intuitive eating of it all. And I've never listened to my body. I'm like, oh, I'm bored. I should snack. Yeah. Snacking is fun. It's like texting.

It's like a fun thing to do. Yeah. And if I go to, you know, if I go to a restaurant and they give me a big old plate, I'm like, they want me to finish all of this. It'd be rude to leave some on the table. Exactly. So I'm like oh I should listen to my body. Does anyone have immigrant parents here? Yeah I do. You do? From where? Philippines. Do they like are they big food like eat everything? Yeah it's it's one of we're a culture where it's like are you hungry? If the answer is no here here, have it anyways. There's no, it's, it's rude to turn down food. It's such like a love language.

Yeah. Every 10 steps you take in the Philippines is a food stall. It's just part, we're, I think the Filipinos, you brought up that, uh, you sent me that article, like we're the biggest snackers in the planet. Yeah. We're the biggest snackers in the planet. Wow. I love that.

And we're just a snackish culture. So, and, but my mom is really like 90s kind of disordered. Yeah, that's how it's been since you were young. The slim fast and the overworking out. She's in her 60s now and she's still jacked. Yeah. Like ripped 16 pack, like really toned arms. Yeah.

Really strong. So yeah, that never leaves. Wait, you were saying that you and your parents love to eat, but I thought you were sort of insinuating earlier you have an almond mom. Well, she's not an almond mom. She's very odd about her food. She'll yo-yo and wait.

So sometimes she's pretty heavy, pretty big. And then sometimes she's tiny, and she'll be like, yeah, I think I'm smaller than you. My mom will do that too. She'll tell me her weight. Yes. And I'm like, smaller than you. My mom will do that too, she'll tell me her weight. Yes. And I'm like damn girl. Yeah but she's not an almond mom

because she'll go to this Mexican food spot by her house and get a giant burrito, super supreme burrito and that's like her meal for the day. That's what my mom does too. Yeah so she's not an almond mom, she's like a bit, like if you open her fridge right now there's gonna be like a giant gallon of milk, a giant thing of shredded cheese.

And that's kind of like it's like keto. Yeah. So it's not like healthy stuff. It's just kind of. I heard that shredded cheese is terrible. And you should always buy block cheese. Why? If they shred it from the beauty space, actually,

I learned this from them. They use like industrial grade surfactant or something to keep the strands separated. So they don't clump together. And it is like actually really terrible for you. Also like lunch me, lunch me is like carcinogen. I mean, it's all bad. I will say my sister whose whole personality is cheese,

she's always telling me like, you cannot buy the shredded, it doesn't taste as good. You have to shred it yourself. And she like knows taste. So at least I'm like that. I think there is something too. Like when you shred your own cheese, you feel, I feel like ancestrally, I'm like cave woman.

Yeah, yeah. You know, so like I feel like I've really. And owed to the pilgrims. Yeah. I have to say that I used to dread anything like that. I would just be like, oh, why do I have to do this? I'd be so mad at any little task like that, but then I've had to retrain myself,

no, this is actually good for you, this is meditative. Because I used to hate making my own almond milk, and then when you do it. Wow, you do that? Once a year. But the meditative process of like soaking the almonds, removing the skin individually from each, I'm like, it's like, oh, I am useful.

Yeah. I'm a useful woman. I have a purpose. Someone wants to get me pregnant. Like I can keep children alive. Yeah. Can I go back to your keto? Did it make you constipated?

Of course it did. Well it is now. Okay, so. It is now. Now I'm really taking laksa bits a lot. Yeah. I'm in a bad cycle right now. I'm in a bad spiral right now.

I'm always constipated, so I just like. I've been constipated since the day I was born, honestly. Oh my God, I found my people. You know what happened? Well here's the thing, I did a five day Prolon fast. Do you guys know about Prolon? Yeah. What, a paltrose big thing?

Oh, she's into it. Yeah, it's a fast, mimicking fast. You actually eat for five days, but it's like these little bars and olives and like olive oil and like little powdered soups. But it's like, you know, it's from like 600 to 800 calories a day. So I did that.

And then after that, I was like, maybe I should. You're so toxic. Your insides are so f***ed right now. Yeah, I have an eating disorder. Yeah, this is what I'm saying. But obviously in my head, I'm like, well, it Yeah, I have an eating disorder. Yeah, this is what I'm saying. But obviously in my head I'm like, well it's good for cancer cell removal. Yeah, that's what they say.

But fasting is actually really good for that. And so I did that and then afterwards I was like, let me just do like keto. And then, but I definitely did it wrong. I was just like eating beef a lot. Okay, that's like the meat diet. Cause keto would be veggies. I was kind of like in the manosphere.

Yeah. No, no, keto you can't have vegetables cause vegetables have carbs. Yeah. Oh. What? I think, like half a cup or something. I think the fruits you probably,

they're probably more afraid of with keto. Yeah, yeah, fruits are like no. Yeah, but the cauliflowers, the broccolis, they hardly have, cause they have so much fiber, it cancels it out. I'm from the Atkins school of Atkins diet which is basically just rebranded as keto right? Yeah it's like net carbs you have to focus on but I was also then eating a lot of like fake sugar when I was like because

I'm on the road so much so I'm at airports I have to grab a snack so I find like a protein bar that has little carbs but it's like yeah but it's like fake sugar It's like that can't be good. It's also like milk protein. Oh my God, the Bear Bell bars. Bear Bell. Oh, those are yummy. Those are so yummy. It's like a candy. Those like changed my life for three months.

I love like a Quest birthday cake favorite protein bar. Oh, in the microwave? Oh. Subverting the form. Little trick from your eating school. I can play. Wait, so to the audience, Kalyla just had to step out for a technical difficulty.

The constipation did remind me of the TikTok I'm bored question, and they asked natural accidents. Oh, have you guys seen the trend, like, I'm bored, tell me you're most unhinged. Yeah, but I don't like these. Why? You know why I don't like them? Because I like looking through the comments, but I don't like the people posting, because I'm like,

you just want people to stay on your video for a long time looking through comments. Sure, but if that's the vehicle that gets us to all the crazy people commenting, it's fine. But then I guess the comments I'm- But then my stand-up clip's bombing. Yeah, same. But then I guess the comments I'm- But then my stand up clip's bombing. Yeah, same. So I'm pissed, so I'm pissed actually.

You know, it's actually admirable because you're right, like this is why it's hard for our clips to get views. Yeah. Oh, constipation hacks? Okay, we knew you were coming today. I've been doing a lot of massages. So I'm just like constantly rubbing my stomach. First of all, have you ever done an enema?

Oh, I used to be addicted to enemas. Oh my god. I had an enema addiction in college. Do you have to go to enema school? Yeah, school. No, I was really bulimic for like 15 years. And I think I fucked up. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Awkward turtle. I know. And so I was doing Oh. Oh. Awkward turtle. I know, I know. And so I was doing a lot of enemas and stuff. I've never done it. Is it fun? When it works, but sometimes it doesn't work

and then you feel really bad. Wait, excuse me, you're constipated? You've never done an enema? It's fun. No, I just struggle. I think I've never. You're just like normal. No, don't say that.

Do you have good parents? No. Okay. No. But I don't, like when I'm constipated, I just sit in pain and. I cancel plans, I cancel shows. It sucks.

I cancel road dates. I also, as I'm getting older, I'm turning into a diarrhea girl. Oh, lucky. That's so awesome. It is kind of fun. It's like so different and it's like so exciting. I imagine Bella Hadid is constantly having diarrhea.

That is so cool. But it's kind of annoying because this is happening to me, but I'm like not like, people are like, oh, Zempik, you get diarrhea. And I'm like, then why am I not on a Zempik at this point if I'm still getting diarrhea? If that's the biggest downfall. Right, are you wanting to be on Ozempic?

No, I don't know. I thought Ozempic made you constipated, it just made you not hungry. I don't know. I think it's, you guys, look, it can land differently on everyone. We all have different bodies. I guess I don't want to say it's all.

We don't have to fight over this. Let's call your dad and ask him if he's getting diarrhea. Yeah, I don't know what he's getting. OK, so the unhinged constipation hacks are a brief walk through TJ Maxx or Marshall's. Wait, it's so true, actually. Wait, what? How?

Because you always have to go to the bathroom when you're in one of those places. And then there's no bathroom. Everyone says, like, Target, Barnes & Noble. Wait, are you serious? I haven't heard of this before, but this makes sense. I think it's not that you get excited. I think it's that your nervous system finally calms down

because you're in a state of peace, like shopping, as a good capitalist. And maybe that lets, because I noticed, OK, you know how sometimes you get, it's quiet, and you get embarrassed that your stomach grumbles? Yeah. So who is it? Oh, my pelvic floor therapist told me

that when that happens, it means that you got out of fight or flight and now you're in the relaxed state. So I think you have to be relaxed to shit. Yeah, well now, so now I'm constantly, I wake up anxious because I'm like, is today gonna be a bloated day? And then that's actually bad. Do you take probiotics or magnesium?

I'm a magnesium addict. Okay, good. And I do take probiotics. I don't actually believe in them. I don't think probiotics do anything. I think they're kind of a front for something sinister. I thought that for a while too, and I still a little bit do, but.

But I am on a big colostrum kick, which is like the bacteria found in cow breast milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haven't looked into it, just bought it. I feel like, do you have colostrumrum from your milky, milky milk? No, I don't. Breastfeed us right now so I can take a shit. Did you save it?

No, I didn't do, I did not have a, I didn't get freaky with my breastfeeding journey. No? It was pretty bland. But we did have on this show, a comedian did drink someone's breast milk, and it was bleeped out. he drank her breast milk. I understand. And this came up because they were saying

that his friend refused to drink his wife's breast milk, and we were wondering if he would. I mean, I don't think anyone's expecting their husband to just chug back breast milk, but I think out of curiosity, you should just give it a little. We drink your cum, you can drink our breast milk. Yeah. I feel curiosity you you should just give it a little come you can drink our breast yeah yeah I feel like if if you drink someone's come they should drink your pee yeah

is that a hot take I think that is a hot take it's a tit for tat I've never heard this it's a tit for cum wait I also heard you talk about girls who don't like attention like when you're talking you because you did your monologue about the candid girl. Yeah, it clearly got me canceled. What do you mean? People got so mad at me for that. Why? I say really bad things on the internet,

like genuinely horrible things. I don't agree. And the things that people get mad at me for are like that take, which was like, all cool guys think they wanna date a cool artsy girl, but they actually wanna date a cool artsy girl but they actually want to date like an Emily who does pottery and like loves Japan. Yes.

And people, I think because I pissed off Emily's, Emily is an archetype of girl, it's not like actually her name. Yeah. And I mean there was like truly like millions of like tweets about it, there was like articles written about it, it was articles written about it, it was added to this Know Your Meme archive,

reporters were reaching out to me. I was like, what is happening? M. Rada called me a misogynist. M. Rada, I'll say that again to camera. M. Rada called me a misogynist, and you know who came to my defense? Mr. Beast. No.

Wait, are you serious? Mr. Beast. No. Mr. Beast. Me defense? Mr. Beast. No. Wait, are you serious? Mr. Beast. No. Mr. Beast. Me too. Mr. Beast commented like, totally. Mr. Beast knows who you are? Bitch.

And Emrata hates me. And that's actually when I started panicking, because I was like, do all the girlies think that I'm a misogynist? I was like, is Charlie XCX sitting there going, this bitch is a misogynist? I'm going to kill myself. I think you're actually just a comedian with a take.

And maybe they have a little Emily in them and they don't like you. Well, Amrata. Yeah. Don't even say it. Kind of patient zero. Yeah. And there's some sort of things I can't say on here

that I want to, but I won't. Wow. But yeah, at least Mr. Beast is a girl's girl. Yeah. That is so soothing to me. His game show on Amazon, like, it brought my family back together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm addicted to Mr. Beast videos. on Amazon, it brought my family back together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm addicted to MrBeast videos. They're so, I'll be like, I'm just gonna watch one just to see what he's doing, and then, it's like four hours later and I can't stop. I should track him down when I go to North Carolina. Yes, I heard he's nice. He lives in North Carolina, I should find him.

Be in a video. Yeah, dear MrBeast, we all wanna be in a video. Yeah, dear Mr. Beast, we all want to be in a video. Yeah, could we do it? Could we stand in a square for hours on end? You can stand the longest. I would make you guys lose so fast. No, I would win. I would lose immediately.

I feel like being in a Mr. Beast video is like what being on Letterman was for me. Yeah, we don't want to do a tonight show anymore. That'll make your career. That will make your career. Wait, are you like a winner? Like, are you competitive? I'm very competitive, but I also would give up.

I think I would give up. Like the same thing that we're talking about with food. I don't think I have any sort of like determination to like do something. Yeah, I don't have any willpower. So wait, I wanna talk though more about this, like the girls that don't want attention. Cause that, when I heard you mention that category of girl,

it did trigger something in me of hatred. Because we can compete all we want with anyone out there, but there's one person we can't compete with, and that's a girl who doesn't want attention. Like I will never. Yeah, that's the coolest girl in my life. That doesn't have an Instagram. Yeah.

Which is the coolest girl alive. Just exists to, I don't know. Do you feel like? Yeah, like isn't turning her life into a memoir. You're looking at me like you're a girl that doesn't want attention and it's really bad. No, I want attention so bad. I'm just, I'm trying to.

We're on a podcast. Like, yeah. There's 10 cameras in this room. I'm trying to imagine like who that girl, like I'm trying to picture it. Cause you don't know. You've never seen one in the flesh. Yeah.

It's like in the scary movie when you don't see the monster and that makes it the most scary, that's what this girl is. Yeah. But I was saying that there's that girl and then there's the girl who's aware that that's the coolest type of girl, so she tries to emulate her,

but by virtue of emulating it, she's the opposite. I guess that's why I'm picturing it and not getting upset because I'm like, well, that's corny. It's like the girl who's on the third slide of her boyfriend's Instagram carousel. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of like a blurry photo of her in a bookstore.

And it's like she is aware that she's this blank canvas. And people really got mad at me because at the end of that video, I jokingly was like, but I'm a girl's girl, I don't know. And then everyone was like, doesn't sound like it. And I'm like, why can't we make fun of other girls? Yeah. Why can't we make fun of other girls?

I'm here to tell you that everyone is wrong. You had a funny take. Yeah, it was like whatever. And then people almost just used it for content to like, like it's not. Yeah, it was like people like writing. You're a comedian. You're not like.

Yeah, this one guy did like a three part video series explaining why I'm like a misogynist, why I should basically die. He was like, as a queer BIPOC, this is actually a a three-part video series explaining why I'm a misogynist, why I should basically die. He was like, as a queer BIPOC, this is actually a really detrimental take to my community. And I was glitching watching this video. A year later, he DM'd me recently and was like, I'm sorry, I was kind of going through a manic episode.

You didn't say anything wrong. And I was like, yeah, fuck you. It got millions of views, his video. People were being so mean to him. That's what Emerada commented on that video and was like, good take, she's a misogynist. Dare I say, I think it's anti-feminist not to be on your side.

I agree. Because it's like we should be allowed to think from the heart. Also, I'm making fun of myself. I'm making fun of myself. I'm making fun of guys because guys are claimed to be like, I just want a cool, I want a cool FKA twigs type girl but it's like no they want like a quiet yeah they want like a hot girl who reads who reads like the subtle art of not giving a fuck like those types of books and that's fine and I love that girl and I can be

that girl too you know what I'm saying when you're ready when we're ready we'll be that girl that girl is happier than all of us. I think more than that, I hate other girls who are more like me. Like if you're so cool, I'm like, I just know that I'm not capable of that. They're out of your radar. But when someone's in a similar sphere to me, that's what stresses me out.

Or someone who I know I have the capability to morph into or become, but I don't want to. They're like you 2.0. Yeah, that's stressful. There was this girl, well, I guess this is like just specific to my boyfriend. Sorry, I'm not decentering men yet. But there was this girl, I was at a comedy show

and this girl was like working the event, which I should have felt good about, like, oh, you're working the event, I'm on the event. I'm always jealous of the service girls. But I'm a service girl at work. I'm always jealous of a blue collar service girl. I've been that girl and I don't feel above it yet. I'm like, I know you.

No, I think they're cooler than us because they don't want the attention. I know. It's what we just said. They're also, you know they're like low-key a fantasy for guys probably, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're getting things for people.

Yeah. You know, they're like, they're being- Wait, is your boyfriend a comic? No. Okay, because when I was dating a comic, we would like, you know, go to shows together and there was like a waitress at the club that he had, like had a threesome with.

And I was like- Oh my God. You know whatesome with. And I was like. Oh my God. You know what I mean? And it's like, it just destroyed me. I'll say this a little bit, you know, a little hello from the later stage of life. I will never have a nanny under 65 years old.

No. My sister has a hot nanny and I don't know how she does it. She even stresses me out and I'm not even involved in this at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But her hair is always done nicely. Speaking of my hot nanny. She does it. She even stresses me out and I'm not even involved in this at all. But her hair is always done nicely. She does fun hairstyles.

Oh, I got flowers. That's gorgeous. Oh. Cute. Wait, we're talking about how we're jealous of service workers that are pretty. Oh yeah. I think there's nothing more romantic

than being like an aesthetician in Charlotte, North Carolina. Yeah. Who does solid core every day. Yeah. I really romanticize that life. I have the same disease as you. I always think about, if I just worked at Walgreens and just walked to work from my parents' basement,

I mean this is a little different than what you're saying. No, but I get it. You know what it is though? It's a lot grimmer than the solid core. But you know what it is? It's because the girl doing the service job, and I have a joke about this and I'm like trying not to do the joke,

but it's like, when I worked in service, I felt so hot because I knew that I was like, I was more than service work. You were a small town girl. Yes. Yeah. And so that's who I'm envious of because I'm like, there's so much possibility there,

like untapped potential. You can be a surprise. Yeah. There's mystery. They're 22. Yeah. Let's just call it like it is. They are 22.

And I can really just charm people behind the counter at a fast food joint. Guys like that girl more than comedians. Oh yeah. Comedians, you're begging for it. And those girls love male comedians. Like they're chuckle fuckers. Wait, so where were we fucked?

Hot nannies. Hot nannies, being jealous of the Walgreens girl. You know, you're so, I know you're really anti hot nanny. We share nanny. Hot nannies, being jealous of the Walgreens girl. I know you're really anti-hot nanny. We shared nannies. I don't need to, why even go there? I wanna disgust it. I wanna male nanny. That's also bad.

I'd rather bring a predator into my house than a hot bitch. I'd rather have the kids suffer than me. Yeah. Now my stomach's growling. Maybe I'm still safe. Yeah, it means you feel safe and comfortable. We're putting down other women you feel good.

Yeah. You feel safe. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh my god.

Because I've been having diarrhea, I've been trying to eat more bananas. Wow, this is great. Thank you. They're so cute. The greener ones are better for your belly. Yeah. I can never decide if bananas make you constipated

or help you shed. I think they make you constipated. I'll Google, because I fluctuate, so I'll Google how to loosen up my poop, and then the next week I'll Google how to firm up my poop. And it's always the same things. It's like popcorn, bananas. It has some flaws.

It's yin and yang, baby girl. Wait, last night you were telling me, Ali, that you can be avoidant in relationships. Oh yeah. You are a fool now. Get me out, get me out. You seem like you're not avoidant. Oh, I'm a cancer.

What does that mean? Yeah. I'm like a- Oh, I have cancer in my thing. Yeah, I'm like deeply- You mean you have cancer? No, don't put that out there. No, I have cancer in my thing. Yeah. I'm like, do you mean you have cancer? No, don't put that out there. I'm sorry.

No, I'm a can. I'm a cure. Very healthy. Yeah. I am. I probably will get camped. Do you guys ever feel that way? Of course.

I'm like, I know that it's going to happen. I don't know when and I don't know what kind we all eventually die from. Right. Sort of cancer. Yeah. That's what it feels like. It's old age. It's cancer, yeah. It's usually some type of like mole that turned into, you know, a gigantic face tumor or whatever.

My sister, okay, settle this debate for me. My sister is trying to claim that she's a cancer survivor because she had like a cancerous mole on her face that got removed. And I'm like, girl, you didn't go through. She gets like the pink stripe in her hair. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, you didn't go through. She gets like the pink stripe in her hair. Yeah, yeah I'm like you can't be claiming this. You had no, like you got a procedure, you're fine.

There was no, no one in the family was worried. But those moss procedures, when you get them cut out of your face, it's never just the mole. They always go deep. Yeah they went deep. But it's out. Better claim it.

Maybe I wouldn't use, I went through cancer, maybe not I'm a cancer survivor. Sure. I had a cancerous mole. Yeah, that's a little bit too. I think a cancerous mole I would be okay with, but her being like- I know I want to have to say the word mole.

Yeah, it's gross. That's not fair. Don't make her do that. You make her say cancer instead. I'm gonna be like, shave your head. No. Are you like anxious, that's how I- I think I'm anxious to touch, but I be like, shave your head, now. Are you like anxious attached? That's how I-

I think I'm anxious attached, but I also like, I've only been in long distance relationships my whole life. Okay, huge red flag. That feels avoidant. I know, my last relationship was open and long distance. That's not even a relationship, that's a friend. That's a pen pal.

And I like having my own life. And I like, like I do things like, I will randomly disappear and travel by myself for a few months. And I need that. Even if I have a boyfriend, I need to do that. You know what's nice? I have a boyfriend and I asked him,

cause I'm like, I wanna go to New York. I wanna live in New York. I'm like, how long could I go to New York? And I'm thinking his ass is gonna be like, don't leave me, only a week. And he's like, I don't know, like two, three months. You're like, okay, so are we in a relationship? But that's cool.

It is cool, it's nice. But you should do that. I know, I'm going to. You're young and hot, you should do that. I'm going to. That is like, that's the one thing, like being in the mom stage now, as my fucking niece called me,

because I was like, you used to think I was cool. She's like, you're in the mom stage now. I don't know. But that's what I wish that I would have done is like more New York comedian time. Like, that's your whole life. Yeah, that's not that cool. No?

It's fun. I think it's way cooler to like be a bitch that's in Barcelona. You know what I'm saying? I went through my Spain days. Yeah, Spain's good. Yeah, but what are you gonna be doing there? I just went to Barcelona by myself,

and I sat at wine bars, and I read, yeah, I'll say it, Tolstoy. I was reading Tolstoy in wine bars. That's my dog's name. And just meeting random people, really? Okay, you guys on the first date? Hello? And just like, I would meet random strangers,

like I talked to strangers, and I made so many friends. Met a hot guy. Yeah, Barcelona. Yeah, it's just like fun. I love Barcelona. How long were you there? I was there like a week, but I used to like, I would backpack by myself, like South America.

Do you think it would be the same vibe if I went to Barcelona and was reading the easy way to quit emotional eating at the bar? I'll be sitting there at the bar with you. We'll be leaving on the next flight out. Bored as fuck. I mean, but you're just romanticizing a vacation. Like, you can't be doing your stand-up and your videos and stuff there, right? I know, but that's why it's great.

It's like, this is gonna sound really horrible, but once you're in a stage where people know who you are a little bit, and it's like, your life becomes like, but then you disappear in Barcelona and you can pretend to be that girl that works at the Walgreens. It sounds like you feel like you're locked in this status of being perceived in New York maybe

and you can get out of that there. Yeah, a little bit, but I think I've always had this itch to do this, but it's just like, it feels like being alive. Yeah, I'm the same way. I feel, I know it's gay, what I'm saying is gay, but it's like you feel alive when you're performing. I don't feel alive when I'm making a front-facing video. I wanna kill myself when I'm doing that.

So when I go to Barcelona. Well then you do feel alive technically. Right, right, right. You don't want to be. Right, but when I'm reading a book in like a wine bar and I'm like, hmm, it's like, and I'm journaling. I mean I did it today, I sat at Dialogue Cafe, y'all say it, I sat at Dialogue Cafe. And I wrote a journal entry and I'm journaling. I mean, I did it today. I sat at Dialogue Cafe, y'all say it. I sat at Dialogue Cafe.

And I wrote a journal entry, and I felt alive. I hate, I cannot journal in public. That's so stressful. But you know what ruined it is the waitress came up to me and goes, I was literally just watching your video in bed. And I went, oh, I'm a content creator. That's fucking embarrassing. I don't like this.

I feel like I have to shake this out of you. It's cool. Which part? The Barcelona part's the best part. The Barcelona part's the best part. That's being alive. I will never regret my Barcelona days. No, and you never will.

What did you do there? I got analed so much. What? Yeah, see, that's the scary thing. I've never traveled without just getting railed constantly by Australian tourists. Yeah, to hostels. In the hostel, always. Yeah, so I'm like, what does it look like to travel? That is what life is about. railed constantly by like Australian tourists. In the hostel always.

Yeah, so I'm like, what does it look like to travel in a relationship? If you're young and hot, why not have anal in Barcelona? In Barcelona. Right? Why was it exclusive? My asshole. My asshole.

Ouchie, my asshole. Well, I don't know. They do that there. They do. Without asking. Without asking. They do. Oh my God. They just put it in.

Only girls who have been to Barcelona or Spain understand what I'm talking about when they just put it in with no asking as if it's just the norm. Yeah. And then you don't stop it is the other thing. I don't know why I didn't stop it. It would be disrespectful to their culture.

To the Spanish culture as a whole, right? Yeah. How do they just get it in? It's not easy. Listen, I... You take as a whole, right? How do they just get it in? It's not easy. Listen, I... You take big shits, what? You drink a lot of wine before it happens. Yeah, I was pretty hammered,

but I dated a football player for a while there. So sexy. Yeah, who played for... See, you need to go to Spain to do that. That's like, you need that story. I just think if I show up in Barcelona, no one was trying to anally rate me. You'd be surprised.

Really? Yeah. I think everyone leaves anal. You think I'm a shot. Everyone leaves anal. You could do it. It's like their passport stamp is you just getting railed in the ass.

And now I'm scared I want to go to Barcelona, but. You should. Or go to like, or Argentina's really fun, Columbia's really fun. We're gonna go to Barcelona. But you should. Or go to like, or Argentina is really fun. Columbia is really fun. We're going to go to Minnesota. Yeah. We're going to go clean up. To the Mall of America.

We're going to clean up. And we're going to do our sets. Oh my God. Have you guys seen the girl at Mall of America who does the spinny roller coaster ride? She's the queen of it. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Do you have an algorithm of like a 12 year old?

Yeah. My algorithm's crazy. Like a pedophile's algorithm? Yes, yes it kind of is. It's like autistic women who go on these rides who I love and then it's also like single mom content. It's like how to parent a child alone. Why do you have that? I don't know, I love it.

I love knowing what the kids are up to. Well, don't say that. This podcast is sponsored by Skims. There are three things I always consider and I prioritize when purchasing anything that touches my skin. And that is, is it comfortable? Is it supportive? And do I feel cute in it? And before skims, underwear was sort of just this afterthought. What I actually wear under my shirt, under my jeans, really sort of dictates and defines how I feel about myself for the rest of the day. Life hack, if you want to feel cute outside of what you're wearing, make sure that you're choosing comfortable underwear that you still feel cute in. Take my word for it, the Scoop bralette from the Fits Everybody collection. It is so flattering, so supportive, so cute. Go get you a couple colors.

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upfront. So, if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time you find the best treatment option for you through HRS. Start your free online visit today at forhers.com slash trash Tuesday. That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash trash Tuesday for your personalized weight loss treatment option forhers.com slash trash Tuesday weight loss by hers is not available everywhere compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety effectiveness and quality for the FDA prescription required see website for full details important safety information and restrictions actual price depends on product and plan purchase. Do either of you guys and I always I'm I'm sorry, resident, like mom, have to ask this of every

young woman, do you guys know or not know if you want kids? I'm not craving them in any way, but I know some guy's going to convince me one day and I'll go, whatever. By the way, what you should worry for is when you get to 35 and no guy is trying to convince you. That happened to me. How old are you? 37.

How? Thank you. You're so young. Yeah, you're a baby. Thanks guys. The young girls think I'm young, so it's true. What about you with kids? I don't know, like I wanna have a kid,

but I wanna have like nannies in a team. Yeah. That's what every mom deserves though. Yeah, that's what I want. That should be bare minimum. I only want one for selfish reasons. I know too. I only want one so that when I'm like 50,

there's someone looking at my estate for me. So I'm gonna pass your purses down to you. Yeah, and I really just want a gay son. But you said you don't want a son. Well, I don't want a straight son because he's gonna shoot up a school. But my gay son, and I'm gonna raise him gay. Yeah.

You know. A daughter, I would give her an eating disorder. Well, I mean. For sure. The apple doesn't see. That's the culture. It's about me giving my daughter an eating disorder. But also I think the world's gonna, I think the world is gonna end in my lifetime.

Yeah, probably. That's kind of my vibe. At least for you it will. Yeah. So I'm kind of like, I don't know if I wanna have a kid when the nuclear winter happens and then I have to like try to make her feel better about it. I just wanna passively say

and we don't need to engage with it, but I've said I think four things that I regret, but it's okay. I just wanna publicly acknowledge that. What? What do you regret or you don't wanna? Well, I just want to publicly acknowledge that. What? What do you regret or you don't want to? Well, I shouldn't have said my sister should have shaved her head.

Oh. By claiming she has had cancer. I don't feel good about that. I also don't feel good about saying that, you know, I have a bunch of autistic women on my TikTok timeline. We all watch Love on the Spectrum. It's like my favorite show of all time.

Are you really worried about being canceled or something? No, no, there's certain things. You know when you say something and you're like, oh if I had more time to elaborate it would make sense. But in the conversation of a podcast, it's like, oh that could be. If it makes you feel better, I think it's insane that your sister says

she's a survivor. Yeah, she'll kind of bring it up. If it makes you feel better, we hate your sister. If it makes you feel better, we're actually canceling you right now. Yeah. We actually are. I wish I had that trait where you're like looking back

and be like, I shouldn't have said that. Well, I'm doing this thing, but I feel like- I have that at all. That's good. I don't know. In therapy, I'm kind of just being aware. I'm becoming aware of things. And so I'm like, oh, I don't like that

But I also don't I like a similar thing where I don't even want to fucking talk about it. But like I People online like to call me the comedian that can't take a joke and why because like I've had instances on this podcast of people where they say something that they think is funny And I'm like that's not funny. It's mean and then we like get into it And there's all these people they like make fan videos about it. They're like she's a comedian she can't take a joke and like I I hate I Hate a lot of things, but it's like I just I don't I

Don't know. I don't wanna not be allowed to say how I feel, but I also do wanna look at this like, this is a comedy podcast and this is fun and it's funny, but I think all things are true. Like I think, yeah. You can have a personal line. I like when things get serious. I don't like when people call specific people ugly publicly

or like that this person is ugly or fat or whatever. I think that's me. And that's probably my line. Yeah, for me, the line is pretty clear. And in your instance, I don't know, you've always been someone everyone's punching bag. So of all people who can take jokes, it's you. I mean, the amount of times Bobby has called you, I don't know, 90,000 different names, and you just sit there giggling. Yeah, that's the thing is I like it,

so I feel that I also am allowed to say, wait, that feels real and is mean. Exactly. And people get so mad at me. When you have a line. People don't like bank in the front. They don't want you to have a line. Yeah.

I also do want to see one other point of view of it, which I'm actually taking in a good way, which is this is a comedy podcast. And so that's why I apply that to your thing of like people trying to cancel you for your like hilarious rant on a TikTok. It's like, that was comedy. Right, it also wasn't controversial, I don't think.

Like I'll say actually controversial things, but also it's kind of what you're saying, where like if I say something controversial in my standup, it's like I've thought about it, I've workshopped it, I feel there's nuance or whatever, so I can like defend it easier. Like I'm like, no, well this is what I meant. That rant I did on Subway Takes was kind of like

me off the cuff, I was like hungover, blah blah. So then I felt- That was off the cuff? Yeah, so then I kind of felt misunderstood. Like I felt this desire for the first time ever to defend and be like, wait, that's not what I meant. And then I was like, wait, fuck you guys. You also would speak out of turn potentially

if you were speaking just off the top of your head. And also, again, what I was saying wasn't crazy. It's not like I'm like, I didn't mean that racist thing that I said. It was like I was making fun of myself and girls and whatever. So we have some red flags to share with you guys. I feel like you're gonna have no red flags.

I feel like you're gonna be like, no, it's all good. Oh God. You guys can tell my dad's bad, right? It's bad. These red flags, like he say he's a perfect man in every single way, except for this one thing. Okay. Okay. A man who only wears clothes from Bass Pro Shop.

That could be kind of hot. Is he a fisherman? Good question. Is it part of his industry? My opinion doesn't change. Yeah. Whether he is or is not a fisherman. What is your stance? My stance is green flag.

Because if you're only shopping at Bass Pro Shop, you don't have a sense of style. You're not shopping anywhere else. You're like a simple man who likes simple things. And you are going to be a good father and show up to your kids. And you're not putting a lot of creative thought into your own appearance.

Yeah. Which is, which is embarrassing for a guy, I think. Yeah, I mean, honestly, like the gym selfie. Yeah. Which is embarrassing for a guy, I think. Yeah, I mean, honestly, like the gym selfie. Yeah. Quite possibly the worst thing ever, right? I was looking at a guy today at Dialogue Cafe, who I think it's really cringe when you can tell a guy is doing a look.

Like he's like going for a certain style. This guy was wearing a crisp white t-shirt with one of those padded vests on top. You know what I'm talking about? Funky sneaker. Wait, what's a padded vest? It's like a vest with- Almost like a crossing guard vest,

but without the colors. But it's like quilted almost. It has little bumps on it. And then funky sneakers and cargo pants. And I was like, you're doing that look. That's embarrassing. I can see behind the veil. Because you know that they put a look together

and it's just giving feminine energy. Yeah. Yeah, that's a term. I don't like that. But there must be girls that like that because plenty of men are doing that and thriving. I don't understand why. The outfit is giving like, give me your pussy please.

Give me your pussy please. I get pleasure from giving pleasure. Like that guy. Oh no. No, Bass Pro Shop is a green flag for me. I think it's cool. Yeah, it's like he's buying tackle and a t-shirt. It's fine.

Pink green. I think we'll thumbs up. Although I have a big family of hunters and fishermen. And it's like, I did date a very conservative racist man that loves Bass Roads. Yeah, I guess it's like, what's your intentions behind it? But the liberal guys are wearing it. Like, in the way that they're wearing Dickies,

which is like a blue collar. And Carhartt. Yeah, and Carhartt. I thought Dickies was a Cholo thing, but yeah. I'll stick my neck out there to be canceled today. Could it be sort of hot to be with a guy who's like a conservative asshole? Yeah.

I get the like allure to that, the charm to that. Like the naughtiness. Yeah, and you're kind of his like funky Brooklyn girlfriend. Yeah, okay, so everyone's on board. Okay, we're all going down together. That's my dream. Okay, so this actually goes into my next red flag, which is a white guy that's really into Japan.

Oh my god. This is the worst type of guy. Inex my god. This is the worst type of guy. Inexcusable. This is the worst type of guy. Just deplorable. Boo. Execution style. But say why.

As an Asian girl who grew up in Asia, whose mom married, I'm a product of sort of like that fetishizing maybe, I don't know who knows. I hate that shit and they always defend it with like, you know, you just had a type, it's my dick is all, all. Oh, you wanna talk about it? No, that red flag.

I hate what guys were into anime. Well, the anime thing is fine, except if they're white and they only date Asian chicks. That's what I'm saying, but it always is. And they go to Japan for cherry blossom season. Always. I have a question. As white women, are we allowed,

Wait, did you take a bite off camera? Yeah, well I just went away from the mic. Okay. It looks like you were so far from the film. My chocolate was banana muffin. As white women, are we allowed to be really mad at white guys that only date Asian girls? What's our what are we allowed? You can be mad everyone can be mad at them. That's full permission

I always think it's a very submissive type of white guy. It's always gonna be with we call them losers LB H's What'd you say? Now the thing it's like oh go get you an LBH, go get you a loser back home. They're losers back home. It's like 90 day fiance when they think they're gonna like come to the US and like have this life. But it's like a hip thing now. I feel like hip guys, I see it in New York,

they want like an Asian purse. Do you know what I'm saying? Like this girl is like they're kind of like, I'm not a bad boy, I'm dating an Asian girl. And they like take film photos of her. Hashtag 35 millimeter. Like that. 35 mm is really killing me. I think that even the modern Patagonia wearing tech bro who's dating exclusively Asian American girls is still an ick for me. It all stems from that same passport bro mentality and the fetishization

of it all and the idea that oh the Asian girl is submissive that we somehow you know quietly bind her feet and say yes sir yes sir it's like it all stems from that. Now, if it just happens to be that you end up with an Asian chick and you marry her and have kids, but that's the first, if you have a history of it, that's a problem. I love the reverse, like a John and Kate plus eight situation. I love a white woman with an Asian man. I think that's beautiful.

We should be fetishizing Asian men. I feel like that's on an upslope. It's happening, yeah. I felt it. I felt a change in my heart man. Yeah. I feel like that's on an upslope. It's happening, yeah. I felt it, I felt a change in my heart and my future. I really like East Asian guys. Oh. East. My ex was Indian. My whole college was Indian guys.

Where? NYU, all Asians. Honest scholarship, I was poor, don't worry. You got in though? Yeah, I think it's like a false thing that NYU's like a good school. You are giving I went to NYU though. That's so mean. I know, I'm sorry, a it's like a false thing that NY is a like a good you are giving I went to NYU though That's so mean. I know I'm sorry, but I know and I know and I went to Gallatin, which is a school

You make up your own major. It's really Awareness and troublemaking. Oh, that's so fun. What? Bad girl your performance artist. Oh, that's cool. Is that cool? Yeah. I don't think we should be encouraging that. But everyone was, there was a bunch of hot, rich, Asian, Indian guys. But they were all in the business school.

They were kind of like chatty bros. Business majors are a turn off to us, we've decided. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think college degrees in general are a red flag. Yeah. That's crazy. I want a guy who's working with his hands, who's working in the shop all day. Yeah.

Whatever that shop is. I just want a man who can fix my fridge and floor and put a bed together. I think there's some value to that. My ex, when I was moving into my new apartment, he called me a task rabbit to put up my shelves. And I said, I wanted you to do it. No, but that's actually nice that he took the action

to get a task rabbit for you. In a way, he was using his hands. Imagine if he had attempted and put all these unnecessary holes in your wall. Yeah, oh my God, that would have been so embarrassing. That would have made it even more embarrassing. Ew. And just turn it off.

That's an egg. Yes. Yeah, he's using the like, stabilizer all wrong. Yeah. In our relationship, we's using the like stabilizer all wrong. Yeah. In our relationship, we have a third man that comes over and he does all the hard work. That's the key. And he fucks you.

Yeah, he's a really big part of our lives. He has to watch it. He fixes things. It's great. I don't know what the ideal profession for a guy is. It's all bad, right? Ideal profession for a guy.. It's all bad, right? Ideal profession for a guy. Are you like an F-Film editor?

I feel like you have it right, Esther, with a writer. Yeah, I like that. I'm happy there, writer. Your writer's cool, because then they're like tucked away. They don't see the sun. No, no, no, non-performing. But then he sometimes will be in stuff,

and I'm like, this is not what I signed up for. Yeah, you're not supposed to be a superstar. Yeah. I have a construction daddy, so if you need anything fixed. And when I tell you, when you lay eyes on her man, you are gonna want nothing more than a piggyback ride. When you see those shoulders, you're gonna go nuts. I've never dated like an older man.

What's the oldest? 35. Oh, wow. I never had my old guy who's not on the internet. Yeah, I think that'd be fun. And it's like the older we get, the less fun that is, or novel that is to be with an older. Yeah, I just said we're not young.

No, no, no. The age gap, it keeps going. I don't know. No, no, no. You don't age out of being a man's younger girl. I firmly believe that because everyone gets older. Yeah, but I don't want a 60-year-old man. I want like, I want like 48.

I want that. I don't want to be with an old man. I just wanna hook up with a really old man once just to know what it's like. How old are we talking? Like 60, maybe 65. I want my Lolita moment. See, mine's not even about that.

I'm just like, I want to know what it, like what being with an old man is like. So on their way out old. Not totally, like I want them to be coherent. How coherent? Like I could last a dinner with them. Like we could do a full dinner, they're with it. They're not in bed by 6 p.m.

But like, I just- You want them to tell you stories about the 50s. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, were you alive during the war? And you're not into this at all? No, no, I think it's cool. Oh, okay.

I would like to have that experience. But I think in a different way. I would like to have that experience. I would never, I'm not like, think I would end up with that guy. It's like a fun life experience to have. You don't feel like you have that experience. I would never, I'm not like, think I would end up with that guy. It's like a fun life experience to have. You don't feel like you have sugar baby potential. No.

I'm too scrappy. Like I don't have that in me. I'm too like, I grew up poor and I'll like figure it out myself. Similar with the Asian fetish, sugar babies, the guys who get girls, I mean I'm basing this off my friend who did it like two times, they tend to like the women also submissive. I followed her on one of these dates because she was doing like, she was getting paid to

like go on a date with this guy so I like followed her because I was- This is so funny. And so I'm like just kind of like watching from outside and then when she was leaving. Did she know you were following her? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I was asking her about it and they were talking about music taste and she's like, oh, I like rap

and he was just like, you shouldn't like that. You should like, he just wasn't happy with any of her answers. He just wanted her to listen to jazz and be really soft and sweet. Play the fantasy. Yeah. But I feel like they also kind of want like a brat.

Those older guys kind of want you to be like a bratty, whatever. Yeah, that's how I feel about Bill Belichick's Jordan. Yeah. She's running the show. Yeah, like how she's probably, you know, pretty conti to him and that's what gets his dick hard. Right.

I truly believe that. She might be his dominatrix. They also say that about Melania. Melania is a sex slave. Melania is in a lot of danger and we have to get her out. What else do we have? A guy who is really into rock climbing. I have feelings. What? I feel like rock climbing guys, like if that's your thing, it's not like, oh, I do it to exercise. It's fun. Haha.

Like if you live in the rock climbing gym, there's something like murdery about them. Like they might not act on it. But documentary with that guy and his girlfriend, Brian Laudry. Brian Laudry. Is that the guy who did the face? Oh no. Yeah. Alex Honnold. Yes, him.

Yeah. Wait, who's that? Well he's like pretty on the spectrum I think. Oh, the like free climbing guys? Yeah, the free climbing. Yeah, I do kind of like him. Free solo. Free solo, yeah.

But I think in general, like I think rock climbers are like, I don't know, they scare me a little bit. Well it's interesting because there must be some connection of like you're obsessed with rock climbing and you want to kill someone. Like I see the pipeline. Like it's the same kind of brain that wants to like escape rocks that would maybe kill you.

Well, and it's like, it's a very individual sport. Like it's just you. Like it's very you and your adrenaline. Yeah, and you're risk averse. I think it's a fine line. Cause I like when guys have hobbies, because they need that. They need that.

Guys either need hobbies or to go to war. But then when they get a little too autistically obsessed with the hobby, you're like, okay. Like when guys get too into Bitcoin and stuff, you're like, what's going on? And I feel the same with rock climbing. I don't know if men should have hobbies No, because then they start killing us and they start killing us. They need hobbies You need a guy who's like into like making not not knives. That's bad

But like you need you need him to be stay active. They need to stay active keep their hands busy I had a neighbor who was into whittling. That was scary. I knew from a young age I was very young and I'm like this isn't right It's like he would get like wood and shave it down into like spears and knives and things like that I was thinking that's a little freaky men were born to battle and to fight for your honor And so you need and because we don't do that anymore, which is a shame and that's what happened with the internet actually You you need to give them something else, you know? Yeah.

Okay. I think, I think men need hobbies more than we do. It's scary to be his like- We have gossip, they have hobbies. Yeah, it's scary to be his primary focus, I think. That's bad. You don't wanna be his primary focus. Interesting, I obviously have never had that happen,

so I can't really speak to it, but it sounds terrible. Yeah, I guess it sounds really bad. I am dying to be love bombed, though. Is it a red flag or green flag? I'm still just not clear. I think it depends how into it they are. For me, it's a red flag because I don't want a man with hobbies or interests. Wait, but you know what?

What? If you're rock climbing and you're really into it, your fingers and forearms are so strong. And callous. And callous. Yeah, you've got veiny arms. Yeah.

So that's kind of hot. That is good. You can get your coochie sanded. Widdled. Yeah. Okay, the last one is grossed out by like fast food or if you like you want to get McDonald's. Red flag by eh. Green flag to me.

Wait, they are grossed out by. The man is grossed out by. You're so skinny girl. I need a guy with an eating disorder as well. I don't like when guys eat fast food. Have you ever dated boiled chicken bro? No. I've dated boiled chicken bro.

That's okay. It's okay to be a boiled chicken girly. You cannot be a boiled chicken bro. That's okay. It's okay to be a boiled chicken grillie. You cannot be a boiled chicken bro. It is so annoying. They bring their own bag of boiled chicken and broccoli everywhere to your family get-togethers. I want a guy who's ordering pasta or steak at the restaurant. But fast food to me reads like little boy. Like you're stuck in like a same with like overly messy. It's just like too little boy. That's my boyfriend. Yeah. He's a little boy, like you're stuck in like a same with like met overly messy. They're just like two little boy.

That's my boyfriend. Yeah. He's a little boy. He's always well. Yeah. He's messy or fast food or both? Both. Yeah.

Yeah. His diet is that of a 12 year old. How old is he? 31. Does he look like he eats fast food? No. What does he get? I'm just curious.

He like, like from where? Where you tell me. Taco Bell, his orders a Crunchwrap Supreme, no tomatoes, and a cheesy gordita crunch. I've never even had Taco Bell. Stop! What? I had an on the mom. Wait you're from New York? I'm from Jersey, but my mom's from former Yugoslavia so she didn't let us eat McDonald's or anything or soda I gotta get you to Taco Bell do you think it would make me shit my pants yeah let's go yeah let's go and then McDonald's gets a quarter pounder with cheese fries I think that me and your you should keep me and your boyfriend away from each other. Okay. Quarter pound of a cheese. So good. So good. I get extra pickles. I'm a pickle girl. I love a damn extra pickle. Me too. All the pickles. I just had a hinge thing that said what's your

McDonald's order and it was a really good filter for like guys that were like that's disgusting. Why are you eating McDonald's? That's smart. Well, yeah, I think it's gross for a guy to yuck your yum. If you're into McDonald's, they should support you in that journey. But I like a guy who takes care of himself. That's cool. Because also people who take care of themselves

are more sexually. You're more horny. Your sex drives higher. This explains a lot. This is true. It's true, you'll never be hornier than when you're in your gym moment. See, I have trauma from when I dated a guy where

he would make us dinner, and then I would clean my plate, and he would leave half, and I would finish it. So I'm still just like, I'm- He's a skinny society. Yeah, no, truly. And he's very skinny. And so I think I'm just now, I'm still just like, I'm- He's a skinny society. Yeah, no truly. And he's very skinny. And so I think I'm just now, I'm like, I need a guy that eats.

So if it's fast food, I don't care, but I don't want a healthy, healthy guy. Yeah, as much as I'm like, oh, I wish my boyfriend were healthier. I'm like, I don't wanna feel now that I'm the fat one in the relationship. I want a guy who's concerned that I have an eating disorder. I want him being like, you barely eat, and I'm like, one in the relationship. I want a guy who's concerned that I haven't eaten this

or you know I want him being like you barely eat and I'm like stop, I need that. I've never had that, I'm always like babe tell me to stop. Yeah me neither. Babe hold me back, why did you let me do this to myself? He's like I'm not gonna tell you, I'm like you have to. No I want a guy who's texting me like did you eat today and I'm like yeah.

He's like I don't believe you and I'm like oh. But I am like binge eating guy who's texting me, like, did you eat today? And I'm like, yeah. And he's like, I don't believe you. And I'm like, ugh. But I am binge eating as he's texting me. One twisted fantasy I always wanted, maybe this comes from being a child and wishing I was on TV or something, but I always wanted a corporation to call me in their office and be wanting to control my body. Even if it's like you're too fat,

I would just wanted like a corporation, I wanted it to be so important that Disney's like, you need to like cut back a little. That would make me feel like, wait, I don't understand, but for what? Like if you're on like a Disney show and they're like, you're fat. And then you're like, oh my God,

like I'm so important to this corporation. I would love to be like Christian Bale and be like, no, I had to get fat for my movie. Oh, the felt, not that. I want a manager that's giving me cocaine. And it's like, this is good for you. You have another appearance in 10. Judy Garland style.

Yeah, and I'm 12 years old. That is my fantasy. Anything else to cover or we should just get out of here? Iris lyrics, like, I don't want the world to see me. I already know Esther would hate anyone writing this about her.

Why are you saying that? Because it's romantic. You don't like romantic stuff? And you hate that? Ah! Well, read the lyrics first. Okay. And tell me if I'm wrong.

Okay. I'd give up forever to touch you because I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now. This is gross. I love this. I love this. I love this.

Me and my ex used to sing coffee shops and write each other poems and then read them to each other. Like I am that bitch. Ew! I know, I'm disgusted. I said I'm a cancer. I'm with you. You like it too?

I love it. Are you a cancer? I'm a Scorpio. Okay yeah, we're both water signs. Yeah, I love this. I love this shit. I wanna wear my boyfriend's blood in a vial around my neck.

I want to die in his arms. I don't care if we end up together now, but I want to die in his arms. That's hot. I know. I want to get tattoos of each other. I want it to be dark. This is a cover up of a boy's name.

Really? It is? I didn't know that. Yeah. I think that's so cool. I got it when I was 17 in Vegas. Yes. My boyfriend has a cover up tattoo of a ex's name

and so, but it's like so see through, so I always am just like, hi girl. Hi. Hi girl. It's like those optical illusions where if you squint your eyes, you can see like a symbol in it, but it's just like Jessica, You're like, god damn it.

Wait, Esther, this is a nick for you. Yeah. Put your anxious avoidant. I don't understand. Oh, wait. I am. But I just think that a guy being this into you, it's scary.

Well, the context is that it's an angel that falls in love with a mortal. And basically, if you've never seen the movie. Wait, the movie? Yeah, City of Angels. This is what, they wrote the song for Nicolas Cage's character, who is an angel falling in love with Meg Ryan,

who's a mortal, and he gives up forever, and she dies. Look, yeah, sorry. It's complicated, because obviously I wanna be loved, I want attention, I want someone to find me beautiful, but there is just something where when I think of like, the one or two guys I've come across, you know, have some interactions with and they're really into me,

I think ultimately that it has grossed me out. And then maybe that's a little self-esteem, maybe it's just the wrong guy, I don't know. I just have never really. Coming from the right guy though, the mushy gushy feels really good. Coming from the wrong guy, it's alarming. Yeah, it's scary.

Yeah, if I already love you and you're telling this to me, I'd be like, oh, okay, but if it's someone where I'm like, yeah, no thank you, that's scary. Yeah, because then you're like, I'm never gonna write something like this about you. It's like getting catcalled, it's like if a hot guy catcalls like, oh, okay. But if it's someone where I'm like, yeah, no, thank you. That's great. Yeah, cause then you're like, I'm never gonna write something like this about you. It's like getting cat called. It's like if a hot guy cat calls you, you're like.

Yeah. Oh my God, I'm so sad we have to go. This has been so much fun. I'm so glad that you guys are both here today. Are you guys on tour? Like where can people see you and find, and you have like a dating show, Hot and Single? I have a dating show that's everywhere.

What about you Allie? You can check out my website alliemukovsky.com. And I watched your standup last night. Allie is so funny and I've watched all your clip stuff. You guys are so funny and fine. You're pretty too. Like I guess you can just have it all. But yeah, thank you guys for being here. I hope you guys come back on the show. This was so fun. And Sluggies, we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. ["Slow Down"]