TRASHFUTURE - 2018: A Year of Brain Expansion Part 1 of 2 (feat. Simon Childs)

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

We’re leaving negativity behind in 2019. Instead, we’re getting up early each morning to jog 10 miles while playing influencer audiobooks at 2x speed. However, a lot happened in 2018, and we at least need to discuss it. This week, in part 1 of a 2-part episode, Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), and Nate (@inthesedeserts), join Vice UK home affairs editor Simon Childs (@simonchilds13) to discuss 2018, the year our brains got so irradiated by dumbness that we began appreciating Joker memes in earnest. Please bear in mind that your favourite moron lads have a Patreon now. You too can support us here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture/overview *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We have an upcoming live show -- with comedian Josie Long -- in London on February 21st at the Star of Kings (126 York Way, Kings Cross, London N1 0AX) starting at 7.30 pm. You can buy tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-live-ft-josie-long-tickets-54546538164 *COMEDY KLAXON* The previous Smoke event has sold out, but on January 31st at 8 pm, Milo will perform his own show at Smoke Comedy at the Sekforde (34 Sekforde Street London EC1R 0HA). Tickets are free, but make sure to sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/smoke-comedy-presents-milo-edwards-wip-tickets-54529080949 Also: you can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/, and what’s more, it’s mandatory if you want to be taken seriously. Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

Hi everyone, it's me the trash future Italian correspondent Rocco Sifredi I'm a little bit nervous because I'm new in town and I've never been on a podcast before Although I do like your studio. There's something very familiar feeling about that black couch against the wall I've just spent the day doing my favorite thing to do in every new place So wandering around Whitechapel asking girls if they like dick But this guy called said he can came over with his sharia police and said this was haram So I just came here. Um, is that come on? Why does that guy have his dick out? Wait? Hello and welcome once again to the laughably out-of-date

2018 year-in-review episode of TF My name is Riley may remember me from every previous episode of the podcast I'm of course joined in studio for the first time since it's returned from New York by Hussain Kassavani. Oh, yeah, I'm back. I Mean, oh, yeah, shit. I'm actually in the studio. I forgot but I was recording Remotely before when I first came in a couple of days ago. It's smelt like one giant damp towel This whole room just smelt like a damp towel Time to have exactly one damp towel and a great time Delicious, we all share a big big big towel

Mm-hmm 2019 is a year of big wife and big towel Made on the boards. So my wife actually owns my not not big in the sense of physical size wife But big wife in the sense that she controls everything actually owns an enormous towel And I used to make fun of her about it because it was like this is a beach towel Like why is it a bathroom towel? But then I used it one time and I was just like this is amazing I'm squarely in the pocket of big towel. So the fact that you just said it's the year of big wife and big towel It's like for two days. It lets me know that this is my spiritual home. Yeah, this is finally the year. Enjoy

It's just finally the year when we speak to our Primarily male fan base and remind them all to get nice towels and more than one pillow for their bed Also, they have to get married. They have big wives and also stop Referencing the show on tinder. No, just stop stop doing it. Keep doing it. No referencing the show on tinder I love it when people send me DMs of guys that have referenced the show on tinder. Keep doing it It sustains me and we have special Italy correspondent Milo who is very rarely seen in the same room as Rocco Saffredi Hello, hello there my my good bitches as as Rocco Saffredi is in London I've had to come and replace him in Italy by touring the streets of Rome and asking nearby people if they do or do not

In fact like dick And Sitting in with us today is vice home affairs editor Simon Childs Simon. How are you doing? I'm good, man This studio is way nicer than my office. So I'm just pleased to be here The office is in worried about the state of your office So I said this is our laughably out-of-date year-in-review episode Because mainly it is we have decided to look at 2018 quarter to quarter

and pick some of our Not necessarily highlights or low lights, but the lights. We're looking at the lights We're looking directly at the lights and we're not blinking Of the news yeah, and Simon who is one of the showrunners of the news Is going to be here to help us unpick its intricate plot lines and see if our fan theories are correct And if you stay right for the end, you'll see the post-credits sequence where we tease 2019's news There's been some great writing on this season of the news. I have to say Emmys across the board

So we're gonna decide what's canon what's what's in what's mere head cannon and what's mere fan fiction? Yo, I love to write fan. There's a lot of fan fiction Fan fiction about the news where Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau finally get over their differences. Welcome to the show Aaron Sorkin Will the intrepid trash you should always be able to tell their cannon from their head cannon from their siege cannon tune in to find out That's is what the newsroom is. It's it's fan fiction about the news. Oh I love when we uncover a little thing like that So because we also I love that we're doing it by quarter because we're channeling Grant Finlayson online business ninja from LinkedIn Exactly so we've split it up into quarters. We did specify how we were gonna split it up into quarters

So everyone's kind of done it differently I've got Q3 the strongest and biggest dick of the quarters Who has Q1 me Milo, that may be you. All right Do you want to start us off with Q1? Yeah, my my version of the Q1 news is actually a kind of as Q1 was so long ago I mean, we may remember our profits, but do remember the news And so mine is a quiz And and we're gonna we're gonna begin with a with a Riley Quinn favorite on the 8th of January

There was a cabinet reshuffle, but who was in and who was out? Can you can anyone in the studio name anyone who came in or out of the cabinet in that reshuffle? Lucinda gun there is really When Lucinda gunch was made minister of of foreign extramarital affairs, I really felt that There are some extremely rel names on this list, but there were also some real trash future favorites So I'm hoping you can get at least one. I actually wrote an article about this and I'm like really struggling was Dominic Robb possibly

Nope, afraid not So he came in late. There's three in three in three out This is gonna be like career ruiningly shit when I can't remember anything that happened. It was was Yeah, okay. Hang on a sec. Hang on a sec. It's a Gavin I think a Gavin was made secretary of defense. Yeah, but then had some porn controversy I think that's Damien Green with a porn We spoke about this last week Resigned pre reshuffle, okay, but was Gavin Williamson made defense minister. Yeah, I think so

He was not I don't know if he was I didn't I didn't make it hang on I didn't note down people who were moved around within the cabinet This is only people who came in or went out Okay, because obviously making a list of all the different movements would have been maddening Theresa May reshuffles are not like small affairs. It's like full Mad Max out here. I I gotta say I genuinely don't know it was supposed to be like a year new me kind of vibe like Let's sort of get rid of the cobwebs and start this year and you and be not terrible I just remember it going really badly and fucking up immediately and that's what I remember

Milo help us out bestow your knowledge upon us. On the on the outs. We've got Patrick McLaughlin never heard of him James Brokenshire the man who I'm sure Riley has invented He was out was he housing? Use immigration actually I remember him. Is he now housing? Sorry, this is gonna get re-boring and like V plus anything Is immigration even a ministry? You can be the immigration minister. It's subject. It's a junior minister from the home office I know that because I have spent a lot of time immigrating here. Oh Excellent, it's Riley's favorite thing to do

Well, we all know it isn't but we won't comment on that further Yeah, also also out was just in greening pouring one out for our girl and Didn't she refuse to take up a position? Yeah, she sort of she kind of Yeah, yeah, she was gonna be moved to DWP, which is like the biggest hospital passing politics. She was like, no No, thanks And and in we have Caroline nooks Again, I'm just I'm just shaking my head here Claire Perry again

Caroline nooks and Claire Perry Yeah, Esther McVeigh who I've heard of but I'm pretty sure from the context of her selling something on QVC Oh, she was DWP for a while, but then she got embarrassingly forced out because of Major fuck ups with universal credit that really haven't stopped See I hear the name Esther McVeigh and I imagine she's like a dark member of field Fleetwood Mac I mean in the grand scheme of things. It sounds like a Fleetwood Mac name, but maybe I'm getting something mixed up Oh She's have a TV show. Yeah, she was like 90s and you know, like one of her producers was Adam Curtis

No way. Yeah, Adam Curtis worked on her show and he used to make movies about talking dogs. Come on. I mean making Going from daytime TV to like, you know disgraced and fired DWP secretary or maybe resigned That's a very Adam Curtis like arc Backwell bag daddy was waging war in the Levant Pensions something completely different and yet somehow related was also occurring And the last one who was in you're really gonna be kicking yourselves for not getting this it's our boy hip-hop air horn Please Matt fucking Hancock. Oh How do we miss that? Oh

We missed it cuz back back then we didn't have the app to keep track of these things I Very I Is there still the app or people still on the app was that I might have it? Wait, let me see if I got my phone Okay, hang on. Let's check out the mad Hancock app. You say now that I have my tunes for the UK Let me see. I think I did it. I think we all deleted it because it was looking at all of our nudes It was it was a spiritual predecessor to tick-tock, right? It's mad Hancock's like lip-syncing app. It's huge with the tweens

Keemstar talking about all the drama that's going on in mad Hancock. Oh When he's not like saying very true stuff about Egypt, of course, no Absolutely, but for yeah, I think it would be fair to say without libeling Matt Hancock that he is a messy bitch who loves drama. Oh Man we wow that we really didn't get any of those, huh? Well, I mean, yeah q1 more like 10 years ago. Do you feel me our brains are broken If it was like what did drill tweet on the 8th of January? Sure, we know but when it comes to actual world events Nope, nothing moving swiftly moving swiftly onto the 11th of January Teresa may promise to eradicate what from the UK by 2042

ethnic people No, um negativity Tori Instagram sorry, it's just Tori Instagram shit. She was gonna eradicate negative thinking. Is it core power? I mean man, you wish it was it was actually avoidable plastic waste, which is it's such a boring target. I love it like just Not even not even plastic waste but avoidable plastic like you can define for yourself what avoidable is and you you're giving yourself like 25 years In which to do it incredible Very good that that was just that was just a little fun one for us to have

Yeah, a little bit of a little bit of dessert for the lads Which major 15th of January which major government contractor went bankrupt with debts of one and a half billion Capita Keemstar Where would Matt Hancock have been without the vital services of Keemstar No, it was Carillion remember remember that. Oh, yeah, that's right. Also start to the sea also bankrupt So does Keemstar. I know I keep confusing them with the guy who sang Ride in Dirty Damn It's amazing actually looking back over this how many of like the massive public sector scandals have been so completely

Overshadowed by whatever happened next week Which is even more of a scandal that you forget about the time like a half of the government collapse because they're giving all their Contracts to this one company that was run by like fucking smooth-brained idiots That's good. No, maybe it's because it's every two weeks There's a government contracting scandal because they can't stop giving vital services to morons at least they learned a lesson they absolutely They definitely won't be doing any more any more contracts with capita the Tories have definitely left that shit in 2018 Yeah, except with that

No, that's just believing in yourself. Yeah, that's investing in self-belief Yeah, actually a Carillionist the administrators of Carillion is still looking for someone to offload their collection of freight boats, too So seaborne freight if you're listening Anyway 21st of January the UKIP NEC passed a vote of no confidence in the UKIP leader after a controversy involving his girlfriend What was his name? Was it Paul model? No You're correct it was not a card

Yeah, that's the car leader. Come on Pond model had resigned by then. Yeah It's that guy who looks like sort of a character from 40 Towers Helmet. Yes. Yeah No, no, no, no, no, no action we put the bear so it looked like like a sort of

Pet short boys album cover. What was his name? Uh, his name His name. I feel I put this question into just to demonstrate to everyone How how often the UKIP leader changes and how no one has any idea what any of them called Um, his name was Henry Bolton. Where is he now? Oh He's like he's like with his he's like with his weird girlfriend, right? He started a new party. Oh did? Oh

Yeah, I know that's later. You're spoiling or foreshadowing the rest of the quiz Yet another new centrist party, huh? Yeah Well now now now you've ruined some of the march section of the quiz. I hope you're all proud of yourself Um, uh, cool, uh 30th of january a leaked government paper revealed what say that again a leaked government paper Revealed what? It could be anything. It was something to do with with the uh, the brexit Summaries executive summaries that all of them like every single one of them was negative

Yeah, basically. Yeah, it revealed that like brexit any kind of brexit no matter what the government negotiated would damage the economy by like At least some percent and then the and then they said why was the government hiding this data? And then the government said we weren't hiding it and then they said well, why didn't you publish it then and then the government went Again if you just go back to that all tories are instagram people Then you just it becomes very obvious that they weren't publishing it because it wasn't their best angle Just can't believe that I got one of these right It's jay shetty tactics like, you know, just like okay, uh, we've received a deal for brexit It could it it was worth a million dollars might have been more might have been less

It's full on magical thinking because they're like we can never say anything negative because then the spell will be broken And you know, then it's and then it's the secret. It's the secret. They're doing the secret Uh, it's great. I love that paper was just a toxic negative person and they're cutting it out of their life The government's doing self-care guys So we made it into the end of january. I can't believe it. Yeah, we're now in february Holy shit, we're gonna get through this guys together That's that's all join hands and sing come by our Um third of february british youtuber ksi defeated fellow youtuber joe weller in which discipline

Is boxing right? Yeah, it was boxing. I was gonna like try and make a joke about like how it was As soon as it's youtubers, we all know Well, look, it's just you know, at least the real fucking news It's like what a teenager said to me when I asked him do you watch the news? He was like, yeah, I watch joe rogan uh You know, we're just like one step lower. Yeah, I watch keemstar daily, I I keep caught up with mom's basement I found out all of the goings on

I'd love it if we could get the brexit news from the joe rogan experience I mean, you probably will be able to join paul junker Smoking a blunt on the joe rogan experience No, I think one I had one better. We have to get it from like phase banks Where he's like, yo a nation an ethnically homogenous nation of people that love you is way better than a continent a continent full of sharks Hungry as fuck Yo, this european clout shit is funny to me Uh, yes, so so so that was boxing

Yeah, um 21st of february february was a bit of a slow month in the early stages, but it but it heated up 21st of february and this is a great name that sound the great name klaxon minette batters became the first ever female president of what I should really know this um Minette batters Which sounds like a cockney saying something bawdy Oh minette batters when you say that Can you give us a hint um, it's uh, it's a

A uk professional body was it ksi one of which you wouldn't expect there to be a female president the ksi The kimbo slice institute I was gonna say I don't know the national trust Uh No, it was the national farmers union Um, and I have to say if the first female president of the national farmers union was going to have any name It was going to be minette batters That's quite fun. It's not as I mean I'd rather that than what we've been getting more recently

Which is like woke defense female defense contractor CEOs Where it's like meet meet the woman who's dropping the bomb on the Yemen of sexism It's like thank you We we are literally one year away from a legally blonde sequel where she becomes head of the cia and it's like doing woke waterboarding I mean wasn't that wasn't that like the premise of that show with claire danes Oh, yeah, I feel like we have had like various series in which a blonde woman who's slightly Like a little bit unstable Does get to spend her time waterboarding brown people and having sex and you know what the interesting thing is in the show homeland

Yeah, that's it. Yeah in the show homeland. Um, the city of new york is a setting, but it's also kind of a character You know what I mean I'm just laughing because I then I originally thought it was the crown estate And then I realized that there's some really amazing names in the crown estate and none of them are minette batters So, uh, there is however one that reminds me of the fake european negotiator names that we used to make up Periodically because they're a director of energy minerals and infrastructure is uh, hoop hoop denrugin No, it's not H u u b space d en space r o o i j e n

Is No, this is this is hoop denrugin with my new track burning up the charts, uh king pussy I'm just thinking that like actually when when startups run out of vowels to delete in their names They're just gonna start adding tons of them and then there is going to be a software company called hoop denrugin That's the boom and bust cycle. All start ups are just going to sound dodge economics 101 You gotta learn that before you can talk about socialism All right, milo. What's our next one? All right, uh, so on this is just a real news item rather than a dumb one

Um 20 cents of february, uh transgender model monroe burgdorf was appointed by the labor party to which job She was working like um, diane abbott's office, right? No, I feel like it was more like a No, some sort of like advisory role to do with like equalities. Yeah, maybe it was controversially about women's rights I say controversy, you know, I mean like yeah Controversial there was the whole row with her and was it's glory all right where she got kicked off their advertising campaign Controversial among people who suck. Yeah. Yeah enemies of the show. Yeah enemies of the show haters just haters Inquit haters

Yeah, we call them trigger pod subscribers Come at me a t word Um, what was the body anyway? Uh, yeah, it was lgbt advisor Okay, got it. Yeah I can't remember exactly she basically she had to resign because a load of idiots made a big fuss about it But I can't remember exactly what the fuss was. It was something really dumb It was like she had said some stuff that you could construe as bad Like that I think that was main maybe one of the sort of overarching things of like the early part of the year

Is that like everyone was getting sort of cancelled in politics for dumb shit? They said five years ago on social media And I think she was one of them because she had said something like I don't know Something like reverse racist or whatever or reverse racism doesn't exist or that that kind of shit Yeah, it was a it was a stupid invented controversy I know well Because I can't remember I don't want to endorse that but we fit chances are it was a stupid

It was dumb and interpreted in bad faith. That's normally you will not go wrong in british politics Oh god If she like did the usual british thing and just put on like like a hitler outfit and then kicked out the labor party for that We're gonna be so fucked She probably did monro bugged off go on go on trigger pod Put tape over your mouth. So now the final month of q1 march Well, we've got the first news item from march is kind of an overlapping one from february So this goes from the 27th of february to the 4th of march

Which well-known creature visited us and where did it come from? Oh, that turned out to be mr. Burns have been gotten a um Uh a series of medical treatments to treat death for another week. It wasn't actually a creature from somewhere else Well-known creature Was it a whale? I feel like Every other every other year there's a whale It's like a leap year and maybe this is one of those years I'm pretty sure I was like a teenager when that happened

What was there was there literally 15? Yeah, there was a whale that swam up the Thames and it was there for a few days and it was a whole thing But this was in like literally 2007 It was like I know we joke about like oh that feels like it was years ago But that that in that case it was literally over 10 years ago So so it was the creature that visited us in february march steve bannon or was it another whale? No, no sadly you're you're well off the track there. It was the beast from the east Does it remember the beast from the east?

Yeah, that's it the weather It's unexpectedly cold weather. It was like so cold and then later on the year was like so hot. What damn On average global warming. That's just a hoax perpetrated by wacky environmentalists and everyone I just included that one because you know dad's losing their mind being like I remember because I flew back into London when that was going on and everyone was losing their fucking minds I remember like my dad went to pick me up from the airport Heathrow and he had to drive around the m25 and like people were saying like oh be careful

There was like less than a millimeter of snow on the m25 That's that's why I I love having moved here from canada right because like in in canada there will be sort of like Waste or chest high snow every year on a regular basis and all of the cities like stay fine Like nothing happens. Everyone just carries on about their day Whereas every british person when there is like a millimeter dusting of snow turns into bambi and the city's shut down Our country only works when there's like very light drizzling rain. How do you guys own everything? I really don't get it Oh, I can always reflect on joel golby's article that he wrote for vice about england being amazing Where he said trains get cancelled because of leaves on the tracks as if that's something that we can fucking predict every year on an annual basis

It was like I was on a train once which got cancelled because there were too many leaves on the track Well, the thing is riley not everyone can harness the power of male feminism like canada Awesome Fun. All right. Nothing melts the snow like saying the word person to yourself over and over again All right hit me with more march. Okay Largely smart weather um uh

Fourth of smarch who has possibly well who had rather possibly the least satisfactory trip to zee zee's of all time There was two cool bodybuilders No, I think for them it was quite satisfactory. It wasn't it wasn't it wasn't the bodybuilders. It was um Skripper it was skirple right skirple and his daughter went to zee zee's and um His daughter yeezies No, they went to zee's

My daughter after famous american sneaker because I believe in the west I mean that's something that's something that riley will definitely do. Yeah, how many how many like sort of 28 year old russians are called levis Probably a lot my gun that I have met literally literally none zero naught percent Jesus so yeah, there was it was there was And and then every I remember every sort of sensible every sensible centrist commentator in the uk was like well We all have to die now time for a war with russia time for a while My favorite my favorite was when um, the dumbest american ever who happens to work for the tony blairs to yasha monk basically said Jeremy corbin calling for reconciliation after putin has poisoned 500 people in salisbury. It's like

I think there were two people who were poisoned 500 people who had their clothes Screamed because they might have been exposed and the idea that putin did it himself It's just like just flies over and his gold zeppelin poises people and flies away like a final fancy villain Like it's just but hey man, I don't get paid by harvard to to to rep tony blair. So what the fuck do I know? There's some there's some guy being interviewed by sky news outside zee's is like and you also were affected by the nerve agent He was like I think I've just got indigestion from the calzone I really hated that story because you had to sort of choose between believing the british state or the russian state and it's like you guys both kind of suck and like

I probably am stupid if I say that like it's all a big conspiracy actually but also that just means like Oh, yeah, the british state. I'm gonna knee-check believe them and it was just like everyone being quite annoying and stupid People who have famously never lied before about issues of national import. No, that's true. Yeah. I mean in the end I did believe the british state over the russian state. I just kind of resented that Being obligated to like be like you're you're correct on this one one time Yeah, it's like it's like a riddle where you're faced with a series of doors And there's two guards and one of them lies sometimes and one of them lies all the time The russian state being the one that lies all of the time

What's the thing is like a stop clock is right twice a day, but that's no reason to go on a shooting spree yes, but also You do face a difficult situation when you think okay I can either believe the british state who famously lied about everything from hillsboro to the iraq war Or the russian state who's like it was just food poisoning, but it's just food is bad. It's terrible Because they're just trying to bring down they've just they've invested all of the money from like gas prom in a short position against zeezy He does not eat enough dill soup Send him back to russia. He will be healthy in no time more smart. Yeah, wait smart smart

Uh, so well, uh, yeah six six of march who announced that he would be starting a new party called one nation That guy whose name I already forgot It's funny that you cheated and yet you're still not going to get this right Fuck of all the many centrist things was this the one that failed before it had its launch And it was like um it was like the guy who runs innocent smoothies or something No, no, this was the ukip guy, henry bolton and it was it was a party to the significant right of ukip So it was it was another failed new party, but sadly not a centrist one In fish hook theory. It's right there with the centrist, of course

Wow, I can't believe I forgot his name again It's like ukip leaders are designed to be anonymous. They're like spies It's supposed to be the ukip ukip. That's why they're so popular with gamers because they just have agent 47 from hitman as their leader Just in different costumes They've got like an avatar from little big planet A little like a little like sack doll that's saying get rid of the muslims Um Uh, okay, seventh of march. What very special prince made a visit to the uk

The christmas prince The christmas prince being the crown prince of saudi arabia The world's greatest irony that santa claus is saudi arabian and he doesn't actually celebrate christmas himself Which is why he can work on christmas Didn't didn't like we make a bunch of humiliating billboards about that About yeah, we did So it was mom and mince. Yeah, we were like subbing for saudi arabia Well, I mean saudi arabia does fin damas on a regular basis

um Yeah, there was all these billboards up all over london that said like welcome like i haven't been so like welcome saudi arabia or whatever It was very odd All kinds of journalists were just very excited about mohammed bin salman for a while Yeah, yeah, there's no you'll we love you. We love hanging out with you. You'll never do anything bad to any of us We didn't took you for Who had the most unsatisfactory visit to the saudi embassy of all time That was one of my that was one of my favorite twists on the news this year

What? Just just the the great the great that Mbs is Obvious heel turn that didn't happen sort of you know when he was carpet bombing yemen that didn't happen when he was like You know Rassly restricting the rights of dissidents and women in his own country that didn't happen when he was like Tass at least sort of funding sort of extremist jihadi groups all over the world That really that was all his baby face time. His heel turn came much later. I really didn't expect you guys to write that in

Yeah, well the real twist for me there is that the russians clearly thought that they had the oscar for the most stupidly bungled assassination in the bag with the two gay bodybuilder Cathedral enthusiast line doing a nerve gas attack in zz's but then Then you had the saudi's with oh, yeah We'll just dismember a guy in our own embassy and then send a guy out in his clothes And then when it emerges that indeed he didn't leave the embassy will be like, I don't know. I guess he's playing hide and seek Ha Suggesting that everyone doesn't have object permanence and actually it's when

When someone leaves the room they do still exist or when they release the cctv footage and like you see he left the embassy And it's like it was literally reverse like wow, it's amazing how he left the embassy by walking backwards Cars were driving backwards In australia guys Yeah, australia is quite a long way backwards in time to be fair Smarch smarch smarch smarch smarch is on Yeah, and my final news item in 19th of march which storied university town was revealed to have done a little too much analysis Oh, uh, I think I know what you're doing here. You're talking about famous political consulting firm oxford analytica

Cambridge and A real There is a real company called oxford analytica. Sorry. Sorry dock docks bridge analytica Shout out to my boy is it Durham? That's totally I'm not gonna if you're listening and you go to Durham, please donate to the patreon It's a thing we believe you we support your lived experience. Okay So, yeah dock dock bridge analytica

That was that's a story that definitely did just kind of go away In a way it was dock bridge because Cambridge Analytica did kind of docks a lot of people Um in their own in their own special way Um, yeah, they learned because they learned about they'd managed to like somehow make people vote for brexit by like learning learning about like what friends character they were or like which type of french patisserie bread You would be in in the event of an apocalypse And then they somehow managed to like buy some sort of beautiful mind shit derive how to make people vote for shit from that Unbelievable, but that was all that was all a bit kind of smoke and mirrors. You right?

What do you mean? Well, um What's incredible is that benedict cumberbatch found the time to do this all while being in sherlock I think it's that this was all a bit smoking. I thought this was all a bit smoking mirrorsy because like This is just stuff that advertising agencies do All the time Yeah, I mean, it was obviously super shady, but I think maybe one of the sort of mistakes Taken from that is like, oh my god. It's so bad that our democracy is under it. Like it is fucked up They did that don't get me wrong

But everyone's like, oh no our democracy is under attack And no one really discusses that like this is happening to us all the time the entire time just like buy brands and Is if that's somehow like more fine. Hey, they're just trying to sell you stuff. It's like, yeah, that's kind of fucked as well Yeah, I mean like my favorite was similarly with the cambridge analytica stuff when people tried to make the argument that somehow Malign russian interference was able to make america racist and it's like look Russia I don't think russia could could could could undertake a task that challenging to make america more racist than it already is Like I feel as though we didn't need the assist That's the end like like cambridge. It's just it's our

Mueller investigation Right where we think that or not we do but there are a lot of people out there I think are probably in the political center Who think that the fact that they've uncovered some wrong Like, you know, you you called a russian guy once if you're you know, paul manifold or like you bought some facebook ads If you're cambridge analytica that we're going to be able to like just go back in time to like before politics was back I mean, I would I would argue a couple things on that number one donald trump's a huge dumbass and they absolutely did

Incredibly legal shit with the russians, but I take your point I don't think that you can you can you can look at that be like, okay The Mueller investigation as an entirety is like a thing that you know, it's just is is a liberal kind of brainworm But I will say what you're if you're pointing at this Riley the idea that people think that That a the Mueller investigation is going to turn up some sort of skeleton key That's going to make everything go back to normal That's the liberal delusion in america and here in britain There's a certain subset of the kind of centrist remainder position who believe that

And there's enough wrong doing on the part of someone like cambridge analytica that could then prove that leave.eu Use mind control and that the referendum should be declared invalid That somehow that's going to make things go back to normal. Is that where you're yeah, okay Because like I guess I'm just careful about be like oh the Mueller investigation that dumb shit That doesn't matter because like no, they definitely did some crime a lot. It's just that it's one of those things where They didn't them doing real estate crimes doesn't didn't somehow make america be racist when it wasn't racist before Jared Jared Kushner just fine. Just making the deal that invents racism for finally selling exactly He undid the curse of 1984 when racism was

Racism was made illegal Jared Kushner, you know was approaching chinese buyers and they're like well We can't in good faith buy 666 5th avenue from you unless you push this button that makes america racist and he said I don't know if I can bring myself to do it, but but sometimes business is more important than conscience And push the damn button. Yeah, absolutely. Jared Kushner was spending a lot of time on bodybuilding in the cathedrals of europe top roo Okay, is that march or did anything else happen in the last 10 days of march or did we all just go to sleep for a while? Uh, that wasn't nothing interesting happened. Just the world continued to be bad We've already been recording for 40 minutes. So you better be glad that nothing happened

Okay, let's quarter two quarter two quarter two hit me hit me with that quarter two All right, so we'll start with some smart stuff and some dumb stuff, right so April some statistics came out to show but apparently london's murder rate had surpassed new york city's murder rate Fuck you new york Which number one big wins big win. Fuck it. I'd wrecked Hey, just because you don't find the fucking body doesn't mean we're not doing some fucking crimes, man Whatever says Jared Kushner came into town and came into power like all the crimes have been real estate crimes Which i've technically classified as business and therefore

Yeah, um, but it turned out that those statistics are pretty dodgy um Because they didn't account for like spatial differences. They didn't account for Um types of crimes Uh, so it kind of you know measured a knife crime in the same way as like a gun crime Uh, also, but what it did do and what it's still doing is it's a statistic that a Surging far right was using to discredit sadeek khan Um, who their main line of attack is who sharia police have been working very hard

Yeah, like well, he says that the sharia police is too busy arresting people and swindon on twitter Then they are like tackling like the quote unquote knife crime epidemic happening in london um Without kind of acknowledging or even acknowledging but just refusing to kind of even accept that like policing is not an issue for the mayor of london um It's an issue for like central government and things were not kind of considerably better under barris johnson, you know, so Uh, but that was like the first time of that kind of line of attack really kind of came into fruition

Uh, who you say who you saying made that line of attack? Who made that line of attack? I mean it came out like all the kind of right wing accounts were kind of exciting these statistics because I never get that It always feels like there's some sort of racist vibe in it. Oh, yeah, of course Which I don't understand in relation to knife crime. Yeah, well, I think you know, and this is really weird because the attacks on city can You know, they are like they are confluence. So they kind of take him, you know, so they'll Pick it straw. So they'll kind of say, oh, yeah, we know that like knife crime is an issue that um disproportionately affects like young black kids who live in like estates, right?

Um, and that this is an issue to do if like local community and local policing and stuff like that But we're still going to blame him because but and then what I've seen like the most extreme things that I've seen online recently Have been like, you know things to do with how london is becoming less white and that's because of like a non-white mayor Yeah, um, it's a very weird one and like one that probably warrants its own show Then like this particular segment, but it was like I did notice like a real spike during that time Uh, which was kind of yeah very telling that again The other thing I noticed about that is the the refrain about citing that crime statistic is always that sadeek khan has decided That it's illegal to he's more interested in having the police arrest people for saying that the irish were the first slaves

And he's fine with london being like a charnel house of constant knife crime everywhere on everyone Yeah, right and like that's and that is in it has this statistic has wormed its way into the imagination of people Who've probably never been to london could say the american far right absolutely loves it I have I definitely seen that and and americans too and they're they are Actually imagining that like sadeek khan called the police and I was like no don't enforce the law on knife crime anymore We're just going after people being talking about white people irish people being the first slave. That's the only crime now Yeah, these people up my ass all the time about the murder rate that don't understand it It's a simple dispute about sanitation that ended with someone going into the witness protection program

Also, something I'd point out too is somebody who's I lived in new york for a while New york's murder rate is at its absolute historical low and so on one hand It's not good when london's murder rate is high even if it's In a month or a quarter higher than new york's but new york's is at such a historical low right now that It's it is also. I mean, I guess I just look at a city like london. It's it's hard to look at that and say Okay, london is now more dangerous than new york because it's hussein discovered in new york Um, there's some problems that we have that london doesn't have like uh, well You typically don't have people taking shits in the subway station. No, uh, also you can buy fruit in most places

Which is very difficult to get in new york. That's very true. Um, get the water stuff. So yeah, yeah, so Then in the middle of april something quite significant happened um, tereza may had to apologize uh To leaders of caribbean communities across the uk after the windrush scandal first emerged in the windrush scandal um, you know People who lived in this country for decades who had kids who had families who were brought into the country to rebuild it

um Who this country owes a great service to were basically being told to get out to go to countries that they had never been before To be with families or to be like in places where they didn't have families And it was this huge scandal that you know was uncovered by A mix of reporters like I think most people like know The guardian for being the people who spearheaded it, but it had been reported by like the voice before and like Media diversified did some interesting stuff or they did right. They wrote some really interesting and powerful pieces about it Um, and it was pretty defining because obviously tereza may has this

reputation as being like the deportation home affairs um of a deportation home secretary during during the good days when racism didn't exist and we were in and we were in europe and everything was fine um, you know, so she was locked then Nice men in pointy hats would keep an eye on it for you The go home bands were um always protecting us always watching us like a silent duck Then the go home the go home vans were just reminding you to visit your family in the home counties You can't help but notice the symbolism when

The the moment that all liberals want to return to the opening ceremony the 2012 olympics featured a tribute to the Windrush generation and then the government fucking deported them Like they went after them aggressively and deported them as while they were like in their golden years like it's insane Um, yes, I'm saying let's bring in guy. That opening ceremony very very fireworks. It was so beautiful. It was so well done It's so touching. Yeah, it was like it was like my favorite overproduced anime I guess like kind of the fucked up thing about the whole um Windrush scandal was how that like barely touched the sides of the hostile environment

It was like it was like only like Sort of the most Quite on quite deserving not not even migrants like they were citizens and they were still being deported Yeah, and it was like only people who was so completely unambiguously unjust really I mean like, you know like massively well done to the guardian and everyone for like making it a huge deal and like taking down amarad But like It's kind of a shame that it didn't sort of undermine the whole logic of british state racism

Which is possibly a bit too much to ask But that would have been nice and it was like it happened like a couple of months before the first year anniversary of grenfell tower Um, the grenfell tower burning. Um, there were lots of like weird like wild brained Like takes about that and i'm i'm tempted to say that brendan our friend brendan was part of that Where it was kind of like, okay, we know that this was kind of shit But like we can't like just stop deporting people, you know Like We can't really stop doing that

You know if we start doing that it sets a precedent and then like Oh, so we're gonna put border agents out of work Right, right and we love jobs and we love business and if they want to be fair as the labor position And if they want if they wanted to start if they wanted to start their own businesses Well, we're just taking that opportunity away from them Um, so that was good and fun and i'm pretty yeah, i'm gonna say that brendan was part of that But like if I wasn't if he wasn't and brendan, i'm sorry don't sue me But also I think the brendan would have been like is what's happening to the windrush generation bad

Sure, but who are the real victims here the huganos Uh, no, no, no, no, no one complained no one complained when those deportations happened Uh, everyone is standing up for the people of color, but when the little french lace making people had to go to america Nobody cared no, no, no I was just gonna say that the the government had the landing cards from the 40s through the 70s You know in paper copies and they just destroyed them without digitizing them. Nobody knows why they just did and uh And then of course when messy bitches love drama exactly they love drama Marie condo and then Marie condo came Marie condo came in and told them to they they couldn't

From the windrush generation so they had to throw them out. I mean it's just that was just self-care That was government self-care more government self-care. I mean they threw away the paper evidence They threw away the paper evidence that could have substantiated people's Right, they're absolute right as citizens to live in this country And then they said oh, we just don't have paperwork and just and they they went on a deport first and then solve it later Kind of thing well building on what Simon was saying earlier, right? You were saying like the problem was that they they attacked the hostile environment policy around the edges Where it's like what happened is like they're attacking it because the government failed to live up to its own rules

And it failed to live up to its own rules in such a way that like You know it that if this paperwork had existed then these deportations wouldn't have happened But we didn't question why are we being such immigration hawks in the first place? Yeah, totally and like the fact that they destroyed those papers like suggests because it was kind of reported as like I can't believe the government has fucked up this badly to be deporting British citizens Whereas actually like if they like destroyed the their landing papers and then I think they then later like Demanded that you needed like certain papers then it's like well, that's pretty much intentional And it's like yeah, I think the hostile environment sort of it's to do with like

migration targets And once you've got like in government you've got like an absolute target You kind of just have to make it happen and everything else goes out the wind is a bit like austerity. It's like You know everything the government does is to reach a certain target And it doesn't matter who the fuck gets hurt in the way And it's the same thing with windows. I think like they had a target And so basically like these kind of faces bureaucracies were just like just being absolutely like fucking What's the word?

Like Kafka certainly is a cliche but like Kafkaesque and um, yeah, and then yeah, so then it makes you question like I just I just like to stop you there to save it. We don't misuse words on this show So if you want to use Kafkaesque use it in the right way for example, my youtube channel got demonetized I feel that's quite Kafkaesque. Okay. Yeah, sorry I'm not allowed to save a I'm not allowed to say slurs on fortnight anymore Also, also Kafka, I don't want to like reduce the currency of that word. So I apologize. Thank you We're trying to like make discourse better on this show. Sure. Sure. Thank you But but then also, I mean I I agree with your point and I guess

For something that I I realized too in watching this because I wasn't yet living here, but I was waiting Last year was dealing with immigration. Um Was the fact that the guardian searched and searched and searched and they finally found one instance It took they may have found a few more later But initially they found one instance of this happening to a white person Everybody else was black and you and and the idea that you could look at that and think Oh, well, this surely must be a coincidence. They must have just made a mistake Yeah, it's it's just like something out of the thick of it. You know, it's like this this weird strange fuck up

It's like no, it's like it's got to be more than that, right? Yeah, and I and I feel like I mean The government and deporting houses of black people using this one weird trick Fuck It led to the resignation. Sorry. I'm just like pushing us all along here, right? It led to the resignation of amberud who was tipped to be one of the treason may successes um a pro e you sort of um a pro e you sort of uh Pm to be but another one who got vanquished

Thanks to just gross In competency like there was a there was something that happened in regards to like her email like emails or text messages or something Do you remember that? No, uh, it basically like it basically just showed that she was aware. So she kind of consistently lied to parliament, right? I mean, I do remember a lot of sort of They would admit one thing and yeah, and and like it kind of yeah I just got put they had to a bit more and more so it became clear that they were she said on like the radio But there were no kind of like targets and this was just a bureaucratic mistake and then a bat was proven to be wrong

Yeah, she knew about it and eventually it had to lead to a resignation She's back now though. So that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, you know, play zester mcvay from the first quarter Yeah, so you guys brought that character back. Yeah. Yeah Um 2019 is the year. I feel like people will just come back from the dead Uh, I save it without any irony. But anyway at the end of april a comeback happened. See that was a good segue, right? Um, and can you guess who the comeback was from? Are we talking like we're talking we're talking youtube baby like we're not talking politics. Okay. Okay Oh, was it logan paul

Yes So he had done. Yeah, he he had made the apology documentary Um, okay, because that's what youtubers are doing, right? Also 2018 the year that youtubers were somehow just all doing like stupidly long documentaries about things that did not need to be that long A tour through my feelings starring logan paul Directed by verner herzog obviously at the beginning of the year He had gotten to trouble because he went to japan and he went to the suicide forest And he was just like, yo dead bodies whack. That's crazy, man. That's crazy

Damn these dead bodies is cloud chasing And he got into a lot of trouble for that and he lost like all his deals Um, because he wasn't as good as business as pewdiepie every year. He wasn't willing He wasn't willing to just say the n word like consistently and like not give a fuck Um, he had to take a break for a while and then he did this reinvention So he's part of his reinvention was like yo, i'm tired. I'm gonna stop doing daily vlogs Um, you got a haircut That was that was kind of substantial, I guess for some people

And it was just like yo, what if hitler had got a haircut? Make sure you think 2018 is the year I reinvent myself and I'd learn things and I take names and I take lessons So he dapper laughs Yeah, well no, because he kind of tried to do it for a bit more great names such as seph and molly So he did he did this documentary which was supposed to be about suicide And it was like I want to learn more about why people have mental health issues And at a time when like everyone was talking about mental health and like exhaustion and stuff like that It could have been a really good thing, but most of the scenes in that movie were just him walking through forest and slow motion

Um, and just like, you know, just definitely enjoying the fact that he had a new haircut It's so sweet. It's like wow my my ears can feel like air now. It's weird, right? There's definitely something galling about logan paul taking a look around and going Why on earth would anyone kill themselves? It's like look at your career logan paul and ask yourself that question again Um, so, you know later on in the year logan paul decided that he wanted to Reinvent himself and now he has a podcast Which as we all know is a good way to yeah tell people that you're a normal insane person Exactly. It's a great way. It's a great way to meet people

trigonometry Yo, that's a q4 startup surely Um, okay, so let's go to may Um, I have a couple of stupid ones to may so I'm trying to look at like what the what the what the smart ones were Um, let's start with some stupid stuff. Let's start with some stupid stuff. So On on on the net on on the news of rappers getting into beefs of people Uh, introducing lil yachty Uh, lil yachty and dead mal five. Is it dead mal five or just dead mouse?

Oh, I love dead mal five. Please call him dead mal five Um, lil yachty wanted to do an edm song any original german dead mal funf Um, so so so he tweeted I want to do a big edm song and perform it at one of those festivals Which edm dj want to make it with me? Um, and he added like a bunch of him including uh dead mouse dead mouse was like i'm good Thanks, and that does cause like loads of beef. Who wouldn't want to do a song with lil yachty? I would do a song with lil yachty Of course you would because you're a clout chaser. Remember that song broccoli from a couple years ago?

It was very good Yeah It also brought broccoli contained a line that that really kind of shocked the american conscience in a good way Or or bad way where he basically said um, and we're touched my gang We're gonna turn this shit to columbine and needless to say most people don't make crap jokes about columbine I said that cost me 10 times three So I just I remember being like wow you went there in like the first line of the song. That's an amazing song Yeah, it fucking rules and at that moment there were loads of people in the west country going

Why are they talking about harvesters on the news? Um, let's go like yeah, I feel like you know, we're not a drumpf podcast But like obviously trump drumpf did something quite substantial. Oh, damn. He uh, did he kiss pootin again? No, no, but he pulled out of the iranian nuclear agreement. So he started beef with iran again um Which was something that we expected to happen So during that time obviously sanctions like sanctions were said going to be reinstated and I think now they have been or like They pretty much have

They've pretty much in name have been and that was combined of like the travel ban and stuff. So uh Yeah, like any sort of any sort of like idea that iran could kind of reconcile with trump Uh, well that was just confirmed. Damn Uh, yeah, I was really hoping that don't let donald trump master of deals Would be able to go and engage in the delicate negotiations that would bring a sort of decades old Uh, uh, antimony between iran and the united states to a close I really thought that one of his rambling stories about how he could have fingered lisa rena in the early 1990s really would have

Would have sold it He was um, I mean, you know, he was he was donald trump is high renaissance man donald trump is just uh, he was just like he was just I fingered your sister at the feathers. She's really fit He he uh, he just like eradicated all like the fake the fake friends Exactly. He's not even there for real ones like bb and yahoo like I guess oh and uh, jeb jara Of course, uh, bb. Do you love me? Anyway I guess on that

It's a little worth mentioning. There was like a year of protests in iran that sort of didn't really get much coverage Yeah, even I forgot about that. Yeah all like Coverage or even sort of coherent political reaction From anyone in the uk. Yeah, it was just a lot of people going like well Like the iranian government is bad, but we don't know about these protesters. Good good for them. Yeah, good for them I feel like yeah, like brexit just kind of is made everyone's brain into mush As you kind of see as you like go further down the year. There was some good news though Um stagecoach group announced that the rail services on the east coast mainline would be brought on back under uk government control

A big win for socialism in the battle of ideas Um, it also set the precedent that like this conversation about privatized train companies Um or railway operators. Um, it's starting to turn the other way Uh, so it might make the case for nationalizing Um much more palatable right? We should nationalize everything. Um, except for podcasting because I need I need the money. I I have like child support to pay Um, I've got a soundcloud album that needs like mastering. Um, yeah, so that that was that was that was good I mean, that's kind of like the I feel like

That's the perfect sort of ground for like Jeremy Corbyn and the labor party to go on because it's the perfect clusterfuck Like like how shit the trains are is the perfect clusterfuck between Like angry middle-class commuters and like they are like working class power It's like loads of people in Brighton who like bought massively expensive houses to like live by the sea and still work in London Whose lives are just completely fucking ruined and then like an organized trade union. That's massively powerful I mean, we can we follow that and poor people don't use the trains. Haven't you read the statistics? That's true. I don't hate trains Yeah, dude

Poor people just have jobs like chimney sweep or muck scraper that doesn't really require them to go very far I assume big genius chris chris grayling Then kind of capitulated he said Um, as the story went on he said that the rail industry had collectively failed passengers um, and that was followed that was followed when uh, I think it was the east coast mainline or it could have been southern rail like, uh Issued like timetable changes because of strikes Um, I believe that was the case, but it was a it was a interesting move from a transport secretary who uh, In otherwise just pretended nothing happened

So may it was quite boring year except for the whole little yachty thing. Did the world cup start in may? It didn't did it? No as much as it was no ireland had some big news and oh, no We had one big significant thing which was that we news that we are getting a new joker movie this year Uh Amazing Which I feel like will be like a big cultural moment. The ultimate joker move would be for another studio to release His rival joker will be on the same day. It'll be like it'll be um, it'll be like the same as the spider verse But it'll just be full of jokers

Um, I feel I feel I feel that's the only way what if everyone was well also we repealed the eighth amendment in may or ireland did Oh, shit. Yeah, which is actually like just that is wicked. That is important. Good news corner for a terrible year Yeah, that is that is important. Um Yeah, did so they're just gonna put one of my male feminist points on the board Um, but there was like a really bad taking the spectator wasn't there about it like melanin Donner or something a bad taking the spectator. No, you must be thinking of another magazine No, but there was like an astronomically bad one Again, I think you must be thinking of

What what was the take it was something along the lines of like Well, it was kind of like, you know abortion, you know abortion is bad in all circumstances and like ireland is losing its way by Ross doubt that Ross doubt that in the new york times. Oh, yeah that yeah Yeah, he wrote he wrote a piece basically saying that ireland was losing its catholic soul because of abortion being legalized And I think there was there also was a really terrible one in the federalist But I mean that's part of the course there insane I think one of the one of the ones was that because more working-class women get abortions that it's an anti working-class policy Because you're killing unborn working-class people. I think that was one of them. It's like a real galaxy brain type

That is really really galaxy brain that is that is thinking too right there Um, so in june a very actually you shouldn't kill unborn babies because they don't use the trains anyway In june a very significant thing happened, uh, which was the big tommy robinson protest that took place after he got arrested Um, because he was filming a ongoing trial Outside of a courtroom. Yeah Something that I feel like people dismissed initially, but it did because so 15 000 people Uh rallied in support of him including a bunch of new groups like generation identity Uh, the de fla

Um, and you've covered like yeah, you've covered that a lot simon I mean, I feel like yeah over the course of the year, I guess because when did he get actually put in prison? Uh Shit, I kind of can't remember. Wait, I'll try and say that in a way that doesn't involve the specific date Um, but yeah, I feel like over the course of the year tommy robins sort of like consolidated his position as Mr. Far right and like he's the sort of sun around which that galaxy now Kind of circulates the annual far right pageant Yeah, except it's fucking like sort of bi-monthly or something

And he didn't he didn't do super well in the swimsuit round, but then the talent round Who boy did he smash it with that rendition of jeff buckley's hallelujah? Oh, yeah, wait, I just remembered like a really good moment for the year which was seeing um Before he got arrested tommy robins did a thing called day for freedom Which was like this obviously like very specious far right ironic like freedoms. Yeah Yeah, it was like this sort of very specious far right argument on free speech that you should be able to be racist whenever you want and um What was her name this drag queen like did a thing and she gave the speech where she was like, um, so There was an interview in the guardian where shinaya twain said she might vote for trump

And then the whole of gay twitter cancelled her while I haven't cancelled you shinaya Oh, yeah, and like there were a bunch of like old dudes who were just like very confused about what they should do Yeah, and it was extremely funny because like the people who organized that protest were like these media savvy young kids Who were like liberal once upon a time and they decided to like just become conservative because that's how you make money um, but they you know So they kind of set up this like weird You know young left party. I don't know. No, it's like a young right party. Which ones are those like I can't even remember his name The irish guy callin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah the guy who left rebel media. Yes. Um, I've been lauren southern and a couple of them

Um, and lucey brown, right. So all these people who have like living near peanuts You know, they live in cities they go clubbing I was going to say that riley's probably dated lauren southern before he came here, but um, he's been he's been here for too long so Riley did a benzo off of her in a public toilet We would have had to have been high school sweethearts Yeah, I would that wouldn't surprise me. Um, sure. I was high school sweethearts with lauren southern

But like I was watching a live stream We're just like all these old guys who were just like really uncomfortable like Watching this like watching this drag queen dance a shinaya twain And like I remember one stream where like some guy was just like picked up on the microphone be like what the fuck is this? Right. So it was great. It was great. Um, so that was fun That was fun because it also kind of consolidated while it consolidated like him is now the leader of the right movement And it kind of led to him led to tommy robinson becoming like an advisor to ukip later on in the year Yeah, um, it also led to the ascension of like guys like sargon and the god the nazi pug dude

Um, yeah, and he got like an estimated two million pounds in donations Right, right to free him and was backed by the middle east forum, which is this like very wingnut american think tank So it was also like him becoming a very international phenomenon. Yeah, which he was already a bit But it's like really it can like kind of like consolidates it. Um, which kind of plays very well I'm also just imagining like what you would want tommy robinson's advice on like i'm imagining ukip being like Look tommy, we know you don't know much about politics, but how is it that everyone can remember your name? No one can remember any of our names You it's got to be catchy it's only got to be a few syllables and you've got to name yourself after a very notorious british football hooligan

Oh, yeah, you have to invent yourself a new name. Yeah. Um, just like the joker I just want to say like The whole way that thing started was so fucking annoying in the first place like it was him reporting for the rebel media going outside a like trial of a rape gang in Canterbury and then supposedly exposing them and it's like dude. They're already on trial like you are not spotlight They're literally like in the fucking courtroom. Okay, and the last story because i'm conscious that we have to move on Is this the stupid story from? Which was about the chicken

Uh kfc ran out of chicken That's that that's a tldr kfc ran out of chicken people got very angry about it one woman called the police The other one wrote a letter of complaint saying that you would have to go to subway instead Um, this bodes very well for brexit britain Who we are currently being warned may face food shortages Um, they specified what kind of food shortages Basic vegetables right from farms and you've got like ministers saying oh, yeah like if you have a food shortage It'll be fine because it will just mean your nation will get stronger

Because you'll be able to survive more Um, which is very thinking too, but yeah, okay, so I will end it there Uh, a very stupid quarter. Um possibly could have been more stupid You