TRASHFUTURE - An E-Mail Client for the Profoundly Stupid ft Tom Usher

Episode Date: July 2, 2019

What if an app made you pay $30 a month for some email hotkeys? What if Britain stopped burning coal only to build 30 gigawatts of gas-burning power? What if Justine Greening wasn't a reliable source on anything, but certainly not social mobility? Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum ) join special guest and feature writer Tom Usher (@tom_usher_) to discuss these possibilities. You know you love it, folks! If you like this show, sign up to the Patreon and get a second free episode each week! You’ll also get access to our Discord server, where good opinions abound. https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We’ll be performing at the Birmingham Transformed festival on 8th August. Details to come in the next few weeks. If you’re in the West Midlands, come down to Brum for a night of delightful soup jokes. Get tickets here! https://ti.to/birmingham-transformed/birmingham-transformed-2019 *OTHER LIVE SHOW ALERT* Come see Trashfuture live at the Edinburgh Fringe! We’ll perform on August 10th at 21.30. The venue is Venue 277, PQA Venues @Riddle's Court, Edinburgh EH1 2PG. Tickets are £11.50 and there are a ton of discounts available. Get them here: https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/trashfuture-live-at-the-fringe *COMEDY KLAXON* Check out Milo's Smoke Comedy tomorrow, July 3, at the Sekforde in Kings Cross — the show is £5 and features, among others, TF legend Pierre Novellie: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/smoke-comedy-featuring-maria-shehata-and-pierre-novellie-tickets-63482792742 If you want to buy one of our recent special-edition phone-cops shirt, shoot us an email at trashfuturepodcast[at]gmail[dot]com and we can post it to you. (£20 for non-patrons, £15 for patrons) Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

I forgot to wear deodorant today. Well, I showered. I forgot to put this t-shirt from a wine company on. On brand. I'm wearing this Canadian t-shirt. It's not Italian. Oh, yeah. This fucking shirt I got on.

Yeah. But I took a shower in shade before coming here because I'm going to a PC music night later with my girlfriend and some of her friends. What, like Sophie or something? No, it's Danny O'Hara. Her girlfriend is called Sophie, so that's fine. Yeah, my girlfriend is called Sophie.

So it is Sophie. Yeah, so my girlfriend is... She's headlining. Yeah, my girlfriend is Sophie. She'll be headlining, all right. Yes, absolutely. I was going to try... That's why I did that rule.

That's why I did that rule. I think she's an accomplished musician. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I just want to get my voice sampled in like a weird sort of round, hyper-complex, latex kind of way. I'll just have to try and get my voice sampled. Getting your voice sampled.com. But I forgot to put on deodorant,

but I found that Hussain, who's currently at the Bradford Literary Festival, has a Halloween size, links Africa to deodorant. What makes it Halloween size? It's like it's a candy you get on Halloween. It's tiny, so small, it's scary. We're making a giant deodorant cap.

We're making a giant size one. Is this a scary size? Yeah, it's extra spooky. Terrifying size. Terrifying size. You have a terrifyingly small amount of deodorant. You can share stories about how you don't get like razor blades and apples, but it's the sneaking links into your child's Halloween basket.

Really strong links as well. Yeah, absolutely. So we're we all so welcome to the Trash Future Studio. We sound like we smell like a PE locker room from school because it smells heavily of links Africa in here. Yeah, they're they're sneaking links Africa into your like links Aqua Sport or whatever. So you're like secretly becoming African.

That's the real danger of Halloween. That's what the government doesn't want you to know. Yeah, Steve Bannon has been warning us about. Yeah, I was saying that's eight dubs are turning everyone African by the deodorant. Yep. Yeah, but but Milo, don't don't, you know, all all humans are African at some point. That's why I can say the word because I use links Africa. Jesus Mary and Williamson went really dark for a second. That would be a great ad.

And that's why I can say the word because I use links Africa. Thank you. Hello and welcome back again to TF. It's TF time. It's it's it's DJ TF to just kidding. I would never listen to him. He's not very good. I'm Riley.

You may remember me from all the previous episodes of this podcast. I am joined in studio by Milo. Hey, it's me, your boy. I mean, some Chris, I'm living my best life. I've never listened to DJ Tiesto. Yeah, I imagine that it's like old Dutch music, just sort of like like beating yourself over the head with a clog, really. Yeah, I think it's I think it's trance, not not not not not not our

favorite here at TF Studios, where we all know that techno is the only way forward. And of course, we are we also have Nate on the boards. If you recall, there was a show from the 90s in the U.S. called The Critic and John Lovett's voiced it. But the whole thing, oh, I know, I know the critic very well. His line is just it stinks. And it's like Riley just names every genre of music and goes, it stinks. That's just how it is.

I expect that unless it's something you've already spoken effusively about, you're just going to hate it and I shouldn't even play it for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's that's the rule. Everyone like everyone on the TF Discord now knows that the stuff Riley likes channel is really it's exclusively for the couple kinds of music that I really love and chem sex. Could you really ever have imagined that the part of Discord? Riley would post in the most is when he's like, I have a special channel

where I only talk about things I like and I won't talk about anything else. And it's called Riley is actually like the really autistic child in school. I was like, his special like calm down room except it's online for Riley. But what if that guy had fans? Yeah, that is a terrifying prospect, isn't it? Anyway, thank you for being patrons. We're we're also joined by Alice on phone line from sunny disturbingly sunny Glasgow.

Hello, thankfully being spared the smell of links Africa. Yes, no smell of links Africa here. Or we don't or she or she would be just taking all of us down. We only have deep fried links Africa. And also, we are joined today by guest Tom Usher, who is a writer and columnist. You can find him online at Tom Usher. Tom, how are you doing? I am good. I actually think Tiesto is really banging.

Sorry to he did that one song with. Which was all right. Now, it's funny, just chance chance. Give chance a chance. Everyone knows that famous quick. That is actually Alice's motto. Yeah, exactly. That's those fucking hard just pronounced trans.

I hate when I buy biscuits and have all these trance facts in them. Yeah, I don't know what happened. I just went out. I went out to go. I went out to go see Eric Pritz. And now I have I took this pill and apparently it was estradiol. You're going to do one becoming trans joke in every episode until everyone gets thoroughly sick of it.

Yep. Yes, we are. So also, I want to know how how is everyone beating the heat now that we have another summer of record breaking heat waves in Europe? Oh, beating the heat. Jesus, I actually so my wife and I had have scheduled a vacation and we're going on. We're going on holiday next week's first time we've gone on holiday since we moved to the UK, except we're going to Marseille.

It's like 112 degrees Fahrenheit slash what? Forty two Celsius today. Something there about. Yeah, it's like temperature. The temperature that kills you. We we're going to enjoy a lovely holiday of only going out at night and hiding from the sun that wants to murder us, especially me, because I'm wider than shit. Fans may not know this, but yeah, I am a particular shade of white

that's basically translucent, Nate. Nate is so white that any time he puts on a shirt, it just turns into an oversized but tucked in golf shirt with an I.T. company logo on it. You're already a Nate, Nate, Nate surviving a tour of Afghanistan and then coming back and being killed by the sun in Marseille. No, I'm probably going to die of fucking melanoma on my nose, which is exposed from outside of my helmet and got burned all the time

in that country on down to tactical nose. Truly, I'll die an Australian, damn it. That's how it's going to happen. How about how about everyone else? Rack off, Bill, get away from me. Fucking nose. Are we all enjoying the temporary reprieve of lovely tropical climates that definitely aren't foreboding of anything at all?

I just came back from Albania, actually, for two weeks, and it was so fucking hot there that I literally like every time I was getting on it, I basically was like getting fucked at a festival. And every time I'd come back with like a bottle of wine that for weirdly costs like 30 pounds, even though we're in Albania and I thought everything would cost like 3p. Just I'd literally leave my leg out in the sun, obviously, because I was just so fucking waved off whatever the fuck I was doing. And it'd be sizzling.

You can probably see my whole body is a reddish brown colour. Yeah, you can see my head as well. Also, it's a reddish brown colour. And it's just every time I went out there for so when I came back, I was like, oh, actually, it's quite pleasant here. Not even that bad, except when you get on the tube and it's like the screeching seventh layer of hell, basically. You're the kind of guy, Tom, who when you say,

I've just come back from Albania and like the imagination really runs wild. That's what you may have been doing. That was my tour of Afghanistan. I just came back from my tour of Albania, basically. I was closing some deals with some very serious men. Basically, if you want to if you want a Soviet made toothbrush, call me. I've got thousands of them. See, the because this is welcome to the new normal.

We're all talking about, oh, yes. Well, when climate change comes, when climate change comes, guess what, everybody, it's fucking here and it's it's in Europe. And I think it's here to stay. I don't think we're ever going to get a summer that doesn't have a record breaking heat wave for a while until maybe we're plunged into a global ice age for some reason. Yeah, on the plus side,

France has managed to find a way to be extremely racist about this. Oh, yeah. Yes, they do that. They've been sneaking in on the boats through Greece. They've been opening swimming pools in towns at night to try and let people cool down. And they've had to close them because they're being a bit racist and they don't want Muslim women wearing like. Oh, yeah, the burkas. Yeah, burkinis.

What the hell, man? Look, if you want to, the only reason we let people in the pool is to look at their titties. Yeah, we only let in the fatter boys. It's that the entirety, the entirety of France is like creepy guys taking like trying to take pictures like down blouses and bikinis on phone. On camera. Now they're just boiling. You are. This is like some crotchety French lifeguard,

like like fanning himself going like, oh, the first thing you let the women wear the burkinis into the pool. The next thing you're telling me, I cannot take everyone during my job as a lifeguard. France suffers really badly during heat waves, probably because like their skin can't breathe through the blackface makeup. Also, if knowing French men, if I were a French woman and like it was allowed that I could like not be leered at by them, my God, I would do that right away.

Never remember you're a French woman. Oh, my. Anyway, so yeah, so France, France is trying to beat the heat with some pools, but they had to think of the idea that there are non-white people living in France and so decided to die of heat stroke instead. I mean, because famously, what's 16 years ago, in the heat wave, France had something like tens of thousands of people die. Mostly old people, mostly in the south.

But yeah, exerting themselves really hard from drawing Muhammad too much. This is dying, dying in a French heat wave, keeping the pools closed because you're mad that someone's wearing a burkini is, if anything, the fifth or sixth crusade. Yeah, I mean. If you got to die for the glory of France, then that's just the way it's got to be sometimes, you know, as I lie on the pavement. Last breath, escape, escaping my lips, keeping the pool locked.

Day is full. This is like Charles Martel would approve of this. Charles Martel actually died of heat stroke. If anything, this is like the Chanson du geste, but like, you know, instead of pulling down a valley on some invading moors, Roland is just a sort of fat old fat old man locking a pool closed and tying of heat stroke because he's mad, he can't look at some titties. Well, the most French way of dealing with this would be to divide France

into two parts, one part which sort of resists the climate and the other part which sort of accepts a kind of compromise with the climate where like they agree to like let the climate take the people at once, but they get to have a kind of like moderate temperature in that part of France. Yeah. So we can't negotiate with the climate. The UK has some of its own strategies. The United States government does not negotiate with climates.

That always reminds me, whenever you say something like that, it always reminds me of something I think I've mentioned before on the podcast, where a very early job I had was at like a like a fancy suit store. You said a fancy suit store. Fucking surprised. Okay. Number one, I'm a ragamuffin now. I don't wear any nice clothes.

Number two, wearing a fucking wine company, Teja. I've never seen a T-shirt look that clean before. You describe yourself as a ragamuffin. Yeah. Number one, but I remember that the owner of the suit, because I was the owner of the suit shop, I was working there sort of when the financial crisis began, always referred to quote, these economic times in his pep talks to the sales staff, as though those times were particularly and more than others

economic, just as we do not negotiate with climates. No matter what the climate. Exactly. However, always be economic. Also, England, not just England, but the UK has also decided to beat the heat in a number of ways. Oh, beat the heat. We have, as I recall, every single god damn time.

No, no more. We're not doing any more coal power, which is good, because like decarbonizing the UK economy is sort of like pissing in the wind, but having a strong piss into the wind. My mate actually works for, was like a freelance of a Greenpeace. He's like filming an age, I don't know if I can even actually say this, but I'm going to say it anyway. But he literally was like filming them doing some fucking wild shit. Like they were basically trying to shut that.

They tried to put like people in like liveable cages outside the front of BP main office. I don't know why we never heard of this on. I thought it would have been all over Twitter, but it wasn't. And basically they'd like did this fucking like action movie style operation where they literally parked like all the cars around the office for fucking like weeks, basically. And then they hide in like toad, like cranes, trucks, everything. And basically this military operation, they ended up putting these cages for like kind

of boxes for humans to be able to live in for like about a week, having everything you needed to live in for a week. And they have it all around the entrances of the BP offices. So no one could get in or out except for the fire exits. And apparently the fucking police just weren't having it at all. The police just fucking came in and they're obviously under pressure from the BP execs. And they just fucking tore these fucking cages apart and they like solidly reinforced cages. They just fucking went out and like these like dodgy, weird police.

But I mean, yeah. So basically like Greenpeace are really going for it because they're protesting. There's new frack, there's new drilling in Scotland, I think they're trying to drill. And it's like apparently it's going against their agreement against the Paris agreement or Paris, whatever. So basically it's they've said openly that if they do this drilling, then it will literally go against that climate agreement that we all made, but they just don't give a shit and they're just going to do it anyway.

And so Greenpeace are trying to like protest against it and they're doing everything they can. Alice can't believe there was new drilling in Scotland that she wasn't part of then. Well, the thing I was about to say was can I get one of those cages? Yeah, I know, isn't it? Just to live outside for the seven days when you're feeling sad. To live. Because we were talking about this before we started recording.

But obviously the UK switched away from coal pretty quickly. Like in the last decade, we've cut coal significantly to the point where like there are long stretches now of days. Recently it was multiple weeks where there's no coal being burned. But the replacement for that has been natural gas. And obviously under the current government, they really don't give a shit about popular opposition to fracking. Because the UK is the world leader or at least in new construction,

and certainly within Europe, the leader of offshore wind. And offshore wind is pretty significant. Onshore or solar even relatively significant, even though it's not like the sunniest country in Europe by far. But because the slack and all that is all natural gas. Basically, you might have good days where 30, 40% of the UK's energy mix is renewable. The rest is all natural gas. Because they've closed down nuclear.

They are building some new nuclear, but it's relatively limited. And so they want more. They basically, they're fine with giving subsidies to companies to do offshore wind. But the bulk of the UK's energy mix is natural gas. And so it's like, they can be like, yeah, we've gotten rid of coal, but that doesn't mean anything when you're still using a fucking oil derivative basically. And the whole goal, especially Theresa May's last policy of, by the way, in my last 10 days as Prime Minister,

I'm going to try and announce a goal to decarbonize the UK economy by 2050. What if that's the one thing she gets done just against all the odds? Just a series of Mr. Magoo-like mistakes where she just accidentally pushes one button one time that causes someone to misfile one thing that accidentally saves the world. It's sort of like the Matt Hancock unintentionally unbanning grime. But even then, even if it does succeed, it's so paltry. Society is going to have crumbled by then, right? We'll have decarbonized our economy, but not in the way we've wanted to.

How does everyone feel like the society is going to crumble? I've got this idea that society is going to crumble in this really slow, grinding way. I feel like everyone's got this idea in their head, that society is going to crumble in like a the day after tomorrow style way, where everyone's going to die in once. But I don't think it is. It's going to literally be like the truth. It'll just be like a little bit worse every year.

Every day, exactly. Every day, the trains will be like slightly more delayed, and every day it'll be slightly more busy, and every day it'll feel slightly more packed, and then suddenly you'll just be like, oh, shit. Actually, this has just been going on like worse and worse and worse, and then suddenly this won't work anymore. We won't be able to take like flights anymore.

We won't be able to do all this and stuff, and it will have like electricity blackouts. Well, I mean, the thing is, it already sort of is doing that for people who are most dependent on, even in the UK, for people who are most dependent on the state, already the state is saying, sorry, we can't help you. I guess you're just going to have to die. For old people and stuff in the winter and stuff like that. So we've kind of, like society already kind of has started to fall apart,

just from the bottom up, unfortunately. And the whole idea that we can solve these problems by 2050, when all these problems are going to accelerate, and we're already having fatal heat waves in Europe, seems ludicrously paltry. That's fine. We'll just be a prepper, and you can have like a backpack full of stuff, and you just work it out. Sorry, the podcast Bunker in New Zealand.

You guys have already got it sorted though. You've got stocks of links, Africa, some beers, sermen and peanuts. Oh, friends of the show, dumbcrenshaw, on Twitter at anti-gravitybong, sent me this article today called, How Sustainable Will Bitcoin Be After the Apocalypse? Exactly. How am I going to buy drugs off the internet after the apocalypse? Oh, so this article, so thank you. What do you mean they won't be the internet?

Wait, they won't be drugs? How am I going to get my 99% flake from Columbia? So thank you, anti-gravitybong. He writes, or sorry, he sent in the article says, from bitcoin.com, sorry, news.bitcoin.com. Getting your bitcoins.com. Bitcoin very much depends on the internet, and the cryptocurrencies networks of miners and nodes depend heavily on electricity.

The digital asset could survive well if there were no loss of web, or a global electrical power crisis. They depend entirely on electricity. It's a fucking computerized currency. However. What are they using a fucking logic machine? However, if these particular events took place in an apocalyptic situation, bitcoin may have a difficult time.

And if the power grid fails, global citizens will have more problems in their hands than worrying about bitcoin. Yet the blockchain could still survive offline, and node operators and miners could reboot the network as soon as the internet connections came back. It's not coming back. But isn't bitcoin specifically the thing that is massively contributing to, in terms of every process it does, it massively uses so much energy.

Like the town hall meeting in the irradiated waste, as we're discussing whether we're allowed to eat the people that we've just clubbed to death. And then one guy at the back is like, yo, when my internet connection coming back, though? That's me, that's gonna be me. I suppose very big on Twitch. There have been multiple theories of the blockchain being kept up-to-date

in a post-apocalyptic scenario with a 2400 ham radio band connection. Jesus Christ. They fill up everything. Just take my... It's a trip. But the guy goes around these like blasted atomic communities delivering the bitcoin legend. You turn your own pass into bitcoin.

So wait, what we're suggesting is what? That there still is a blockchain, but it's just a guy. There was one guy who was the blockchain. And it's just doing algebra on a piece of paper. You know, I just realized, Riley, I know we might have to cut this. We've got to review The Postman for this podcast. Like The Postman and Waterworld.

Kevin Costner may have unintentionally predicted one of the two potential futures that we might foresee. Don't cut that because then people will keep us honest. We're gonna review one or both of those films. I've saw Waterworld as a kid in theaters. What a fucking sick one. It's an amazing movie. It sucks plot-wise, but man, is it fun to watch.

It's fucking sick. It's super accurate. I mean, if you're already drinking your own piss like me, then... Look, like any good podcaster. Anyway, so I think we should... Everything we've just said, bear in mind, because it makes everything else we're about to say completely irrelevant and pointless.

And also everything else, like out with the show. Like your life is meaningless. The one thing that I want to throw in there that this is super interesting is... We talked about this with wind power in the UK. It's like the way that they've subsidized it is basically with tax write-offs, with tariffs. But there's zero state investment in it

to the point where the UK spent something like 2 billion pounds last year on subsidizing fossil fuel extraction and less than a million pounds on direct investment in renewables. And one of the more insane things about it is a lot of the offshore wind being built off the UK is being built by sovereign wealth funds from other countries. Like whether it's from the Emirates or from Norway, it doesn't matter.

But like the UK, basically the UK government's point is we refuse to use the state to solve this problem. Hopefully some nice businesses from Denmark or Abu Dhabi will do it for us. Yeah, we have to encourage them. Well, like according to the Greenpeace people... They're famously sustainable Emirates, though. They'll never be affected by climate change.

Not the super rich oil nation that lives in the middle of a fucking desert. No, no. If they're affected by climate change, they will simply drive the Lamborghinis faster than the climate changes. What were you going to say though, Tom, about Greenpeace? Yeah, the guy who's working for Greenpeace was saying...

Oh, the guy who's working for Greenpeace was saying... They're basically... BP obviously in Shell, all these companies got this huge kind of green push in terms of PR. The whole thing now is about being seen as green companies. But apparently like the reason why Greenpeace is so obviously pissed off more than they normally are pissed off with BP, I think, is because they have this whole image of being green or they have a marketing has been specifically been being green,

but they actually... Something like 7% of their total investment over the year is green, is renewable energy. 7%. So it's like literally 93% of it is fucking investing. Not just like doing what they normally do, but new business and new investment is into fucking coal, gas, oil. People need to start thinking of companies investing profits into coal, oil, gas, etc. as slowly squeezing a trigger that's pointed at you. So we're investing...

We're only squeezing the trigger with 93%. Exactly 93% for us. We're pointing the gun away from you with 7% of our capacity to do so. So maybe... And that gun is loaded with no more Bitcoin. So as I was saying, all of what we said in the previous segment makes everything we're going to say in this segment and every other segment of this show ever irrelevant.

So anyway, with all of that being said, I want to talk about a startup called Superhuman. Oh, great. Nice. What do we think that is? Probably something to do with like blood transfusions, where they take blood from the young or something. Oh, like the Peter Steele thing.

Yeah, that's just Palantir. I mean, what? That one already exists. No, it already exists. I thought they might have done an app for it or something, where it's like deliveries for blood. Maybe it's for mechanical. Is it like...

It's Uber Eats. It's Uber Eats. Limbs and shit? No, it's getting pizza from Ping Pong, but from Uber Eats. What? Yeah, that one failed. Sorry about that. But it was like eight layers of jokes in there, right?

Sometimes that's not going to work. No, so no, it's none of those things. Excuse me, the delivery boy didn't carry my pizza carefully enough. The child has fallen off of the pizza? Yeah, the child is just in the side of the bar. Like, you know, I'm not going to... How am I going to eat this? Okay, superhuman.

None pizza with a left child? Yes, none. It's okay. So, so far, we think it's a child pizza delivery business. Yes. The fastest blank experience ever made. Sex. Yep, that's it.

Oh, wow, it's my penis. Yeah, it is Milo's penis. The startup called superhuman is Milo's penis. And it's fast at sex. Thanks, everybody, for playing. You got it right. Because that's how women like it. They want it to be as fast and as short as possible.

Yeah, absolutely. So, you have more time for business. Like, you ever watch Planet Earth, where then they'll, like, show birds fucking or whatever? And it's just like one flaps up onto another, one for, like, four beats over its wings and flies away. Damn. Yeah, like normal sex.

Exactly, yeah. Well, I put on my giant fake wings. Every sex game I have is deadless and accruous themed. So, superhuman is either something involving, like, improving the human body, or it's, like, task rabbit, air task, or kind of thing. It's neither. It's so far away from both of those.

Oh, shit. We rebuilt the blank from the ground up to make you brilliant at what you do. And we specifically designed it for those of you who want the best, the butt plug. Dick. It's got to be something sex-related. Or, like, how is it not sex-related?

It's the least sexy thing possible. What? Like, your CV. Ann Whitticombe? Yes, that's it. Yes, Milo, that's correct. We've rebuilt Ann Whitticombe. They've rebuilt it from the ground up.

We've just made her stronger than ever. Someone has to do it. Yeah. We can't rebuild her. We have the technology. Yes. It's the six million dollar man, but Ann Whitticombe. Six million dollar Ann.

Yeah. Hey. That would be the opposite of a sex robot, an Ann Whitticombe robot. Yeah. We set out to design the most beautiful blank experience ever made. We repeatedly poured over every pixel.

We meticulously crafted every interaction. Everything from the iconography to the typography has been relentlessly refined. This could literally be robot Ann Whitticombe. That's what I want it to be now. Robo Whitticombe. But it's called superhuman, though. But it's called superhuman, yes.

It's superhuman spelled in, like, nope, it's spelled the normal way. It's superhuman, and it's superhuman. So we're back to the Uber Eats. Yeah, we're back to Uber Eats. Robo Ann Whitticombe delivers your soup. Yeah, we're back for Uber Eats, but for the parts of the child that billionaires eat.

Wait, so is it, it sounds like something related to, like, web design. Either web designer or... Delicious. Yum yum. Wait, but that child's not dead. That penis is still attached. No, it's just cannibalism.

It's not pedophilia. Turn the camera off. That will be, like, America in 15 years, like where, like, pedophilia is still illegal because that's too weird, but, like, cannibalism of children is legal as hell. Yeah, that's just nutrition. Post-climate change apocalypse, America.

Everyone's like, oh, eat around the dick. Don't be a perv. Fuck's sake. So, yo, if you're a cannibal, is it gay to eat what someone says in the Burkine toilets? It's so impolite. If you're a cannibal, is it gay to eat the dick?

Yo, me and the boys doing some cannibalism out here on the... Dear penthouse forum, is it gay to eat the dick of the guy who just killed? Okay, and it costs $30 a month. So all of that stuff I said is it's ad copy and it costs $30 a month. It's, like, something to make your pictures...

What's that name? Does it make it... Is it, like, a service that does your Instagram posts for you to make you seem more glamorous than you actually are? Close. Oh, no. I saw a fake one of them where it was like, we're gonna make your Instagram,

like, make you look amazing on Instagram, but it can't be that. It's not Instagram, but it's another form of communication online. Make your Facebook look amazing. There's 1400 board ham radio that the blockchain runs on. Makes you an excellent 4chan poster. And it costs...

The most racist 4chan poster ever. They don't have $30 a month. They help you type 50,000 slurs a minute. It makes you better at podcasting. Milo is closest in that it helps you produce words faster. I'm just gonna read their big headline thing. N or otherwise.

No blank. Superhuman is not just another email client. Is it like... Mocking. Email mocking. Not even. It's just... It's like, you know how if you open up your phone

and you have email, you have a little email icon on your phone, it's that. It's an app that... It's an email app. What does it do? What does it do? Like a plausible word soup.

Make your emails look nice, or does it like make you format your replies to look nice? When you're doing three plus hours of email every day, it's your job, the CEO said. And every single job has a tool that makes you do it faster. Fucking hell, man. That's right. It's a subscription service for...

30 pounds a month. Well, $30. But $30 is not enough. 90 cents thing, better. Every single job has a tool, your boss, who makes you do it faster. By saying, hey, if you don't do that faster, I'll fire you. Yes.

Also, this makes me just think, like there are people who's... This is such David Graber shit, right? Where if your job is so much just checking and responding to email, this just confirms my hypothesis that most white collar jobs are just people hanging out but wearing dumb clothes.

There is, man. Seriously, all jobs are just complete faff. I know there's all that stuff there's been loads of articles about, is your job really real? But I swear, my job's not really real. No one's job is really real. Like it doesn't exist, actually. It could completely just...

All of it. I mean, climate change could literally be like, oh, we're going to just delete society tomorrow. And everyone would be like, yeah, cool. I'm just going to go back to doing what humans actually do, which is just have sex fighting. And trying to like... That's what we do.

Climate change happens as well. I mean, like you can literally stop marketing and being an in creative director. They could like wipe out all career directors tomorrow and the world would still carry on completely normally. They'd probably just resurrect it though. Like in the like blasted waste, someone would reinvent being like a fight promoter.

Being an influencer. Trash hater is the jargon experience now. The idea of standing in a cave, holding a fire, and being like, we've had fire for over five years now. But no one has thought to truly reinvent what it means to burn. Disrupt fire. We've not done anything like...

So that's what we're going to be doing. I genuinely think that most like... In the movie Land of the Dead, which is one of the Night of Living Dead sequels, all of the zombies just walk around continuing to do the things they did when they were humans. And all the humans live in like a fortified apartment complex called Fiddler's Green.

It's a really good movie. Is that one of the original George Romero ones? It's the last George Romero one. Fiddler's Green is one of Jeffrey Epstein's properties. And so like the leader of the zombies was a guy, as much as they have a leader, was just a guy who pumped gas in his life. And so he was just hanging around the gas station

sort of holding a gas nozzle, petrol nozzle. Zombies are very anarchic. They don't believe in hierarchy. Well, I mean, you say that. And so I genuinely do think that people whose jobs are eight hours of email could become zombies and just continue doing their jobs. But marginally less useful than someone who pumps gas. Thank you for your email.

Well, the fucking Gmail already does all my replies. You wouldn't even need, you just type a button. So this is that, but it costs a lot of money. I'm waiting for Gmail to like, learn what my replies are actually like, and start giving me options like, go fuck yourself. Yeah, but I am. That's what I'm really waiting for,

is them to actually start to learning what I'm really going to be like, and be like, say some weird, like I swear they actually start to predict my text. And they'll start putting slang in my predictive text. And I'm like, what the fuck, man? Start saying like horrible, like, whoa, stuff. It just keeps trying to get me to do this sort of like,

marketing style speech is like, absolutely. If it gave me a button, I could push it said, we live in a society. No, if you could, it'd be just like that, that thing where you're hitting the button and it's like folks. Just hacking somebody's recommendations to make it all slurs. The spectator. Meanwhile at Lionel Shriver's house.

Oh no, someone must have hacked my Gmail. So, Superhuman claims it does not store any emails that it uses on its servers, yet users are still required to grant the app full access to their email account. So there's a thing that's like a service called unrolled.me, right? Basically, it absorbs all of them email you're subscribing to,

you know, like chain, like brand emails, like all the cool chain letters you get. All the, yeah, I was gonna say chain letters, like it's 1996 on AOL. But what it does is it gives you like a sort of HTML page, one email summary at the end of like every day that's, what's it called, you know, that it contains all of like the ad emails

and all the things that you're signed up to. But like they're banned in the EU because like they, even though they say they don't, it's been proven that they rapaciously sell your data. Like they harvest your data from your emails and sell it to advertisers. Don't worry, these guys don't do that. They've said they don't.

But so, we can trust them. Oh yeah, we can. So here's some other things about this service that I found really funny. There are three more things about this service I find really funny. Here's the first one. Built-in insights from LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter

about everyone who emails you. Oh gosh. LinkedIn already does that by emailing you 500 times a day being like the dog of someone you met once in 2002 who's just got a new job at McDonald's. No, they do, they use AI to do personality analysis based on scraping the social medias of people who email you. Great, so now everyone I email

will know not to take it seriously because they'll just be a box with one of my tweets that just says women be posting. Superhuman weaves social insights into your workflow. See what people look like, where they're based, and what they do. Find ways to break the ice or topics you can bond over and reasons to get back in touch.

So basically it's like the Gmail nudge, but just more of that is shaming you and to be friends with people. Yeah, it's like a Facebook poke where you can ask someone how their ski holiday was if they didn't tell you they went skiing. Yeah, it's... Look, we've talked about this before actually that a lot of the Silicon Valley bros

clearly just don't know how to interact with other people. And so they're like, I need to invent a product that will assist me in interacting with other people. It's like, guys, why do all this work when you could just start a podcast? Yeah, and so I just love it when someone who I've not met before and never spoken to

emails me telling me personal things that they could only know if they've obsessively studied my social media footprint. I love that. It's my favorite. It's kind of weird to get an email from a human these days. Like, unless you're on a job, it is kind of rare. Yeah, unless you're email... Email as well, just have it be like,

what's it like working at your workplace and your full address? Are you over a list of your fears? It's just scraping stuff from your smart home. So it's like, hey, I saw you needed to buy toilet paper. Incidentally, have you considered a toilet paper subscription service? You have swamp ass.

Have you considered a toilet paper subscription? Well, you just suddenly realize that you needed a shit, but the post hasn't come. So you're just waiting. You can't take a shit. It's not been delivered yet. Yeah. It's great. The home of the future.

Yeah, absolutely. And then a million different bots that will sort of have strange, mostly wrong emails that say like, hey, are you still enjoying working at your workplace? We've monitored your cameras and noticed that you haven't been shitting as much. Try a new brand of nutrient slurry.

It's like, don't even my cameras. I've been shitting constantly because I tried that new brand of nutrient slurry. Be astute, personal and effective and ultimately brilliant with people. That's what they're advertising. You can finally be brilliant with people. You just have to know a lot of facts about them.

Wonderful. I love it when it happens to learn anything. You can list. Were you going to say, Tom, sorry? No, I thought it was, I can't actually believe it says that. I just couldn't believe it actually. It's just like an email client that gets you late. Is that the thing?

It gets you better than late. It gets you investors. It gets your response. It gets your meeting request response. It's for Silicon Valley people. Signing up for, this is now from an article about superhuman. Signing up for superhuman is not easy. What?

First, you have to fill out a long questionnaire about your email habits. What the hell? Oh man, that sounds like the worst thing ever. Then, if you're approved for access, there is a mandatory session in which a representative gives you a video conference tutorial. Jesus Christ.

Wow. If you're like fucking shortage house for emails. That's not the worst sounding thing ever. Yeah, if you have to queue up for three hours and you're most likely just not to get in. I swear to God that this company's investors must have been like somebody who had a bet, like I need to waste a billion dollars.

And I can't make any money on it. It's a Brewster's Billions. Brewster's Billions, yeah. It's an email client with a swimming pool on the roof that's full of cunts. Yeah, or I was just. There's no bikinis. I was going to say.

It's a French shortage house. It's an email client where you can do literally whatever you want and Ben Clark is usually playing. Email Hine. So then, if you're approved for access, blah, blah, blah. The CEO spent a full hour teaching me how to use the app's many features. What the fuck is the CEO doing doing that?

Yeah, right. For every customer. I mean, this is for a big Kevin Roos. So I think that's why. But no, it is a mandatory hour long training session that you can't get out of. Imagine having to talk to someone literally for an hour about email, just email as well.

But imagine your company pitch being like, you fucking suck and you don't deserve to be here. And then the reward for putting up all that shit instead of getting into a club is email. Yeah, email. We let you. Yeah, we let you. Let you email.

Yeah, you got to fucking earn the fucking email. We let you give us your data for free. No, you pay $30 a month. You pay. Yeah, you have to really, you have to audition to pay $30 a month to this email client. And I've looked at what they do.

And yeah, I mean, I guess it's a bit faster. It's a quick client. It seems fine. Would you be like faster? How can email get any fucking faster? I think they just do marketing. They give you some like some hot keys. Oh, Tom, Tom, Tom.

I don't understand. Email can be so much faster than you can imagine. I sent an email so fast. I shat myself. My toilet paper subscription had not arrived. And the thing is, we have to remember, we only have about 20 years of email left. So we have to get as much of it out as we can.

Yeah, we've got to do it fast. Maybe I'll subscribe to CP email. 10 years of topsoil, 20 years of email, but fortunately an eternity of blockchain for some reason. Yeah. Anyway. Steam-powered blockchain. All of this strange shit around like controlling

access to the product is about this concept that the CEO calls product-stroke-market-fit. That's just full words. Product-stroke-market. Product like slash. I was really excited about making a fucking, a jerking off analogy here. That was just you using British pronunciation.

Well, he started thinking of a product and then he had a stroke and then he was like, how does this fit the market? So he, this is now from a blog post by the CEO. Also, once again, why is the CEO doing this? Why? Combinator founder Paul Graham has described product-market-fit as quote, when you've made something that people want. Wow.

It's such a good thing. This is why these people make billions of dollars. But they're literally just like making up new market words for stuff that already happens every day. Yes. But that's literally, I mean, I can't get my head around how annoying. We're doing this instead of investing in like, you know, a solar panel.

Yeah. There hasn't been a product market fit this good since we started producing all of these brown shirts in the 1930s in Berlin. Yeah. So I'd say it's a good thing that we have like, what, 12 different exclusive access email clients that cost $30 a month.

But we can't get like, I don't know, a bus or train that dependably goes from one place to another. Well, Sam Altman characterized it as quote, when users spontaneously tell other people to buy their product. But these descriptions of product market spontaneously as they like, for no reason, like just like, go to buy it. Yeah.

We've got like product Tourette's email. Oh, it's, I'm really, I'm really pleased to hear about your sons, the recovery from leukemia. Buy this email client. The descriptions of product market fit though, all seem post hoc and unactionable. I had a plan, clear understanding of where we're doing. Really sounded like all seem post hoc.

Post hoc to my email client. Ad hoc is so bad that I'm into post hoc now. But I had no way of conveying that to others and no plan for the part that should come next. I eventually started to wonder, what if you could measure product market fit? Because if you could measure it, These calipers.

Then maybe you could optimize it. And then maybe you could systematically increase it until you've achieved a benchmark. So here's the indicator we decided to use. This is a Dof punk song. Here's the indicator we decided to use for superhuman. We asked users quote, How would you feel if you could no longer use our product?

And then measure it. If those who answered, very disappointed. Just nagging your users. So the idea is how is like, can you, can you give someone something and then taunt them by pulling it away? How miserable would they be? It's a deeply Dickensian way of looking at marketing.

That's amazing. So basically it's like the only, we only want people who want to be here. But how badly do you want it? It's like, I too want email to be like, pledging the meanest sorority. Like I don't get it, but.

It's Silicon Valley culture fit, but for consumers. All of that, they treat all of their subscribers like dogs, like you want the ball, you want the ball, where's the ball? You want the email server? But they're doing the thing that Alex talked about in that one episode where they're making reassuring noises while they're patting your head. But they're like, oh, you're a fucking dumb ass.

Oh, you're a piece of shit. And you're just, you're just here to love it. You're just here to absorb it all. So at the outset, their email client only measured 22% of users who'd be very disappointed if it were taken away. Again, all of these people need to under, well, I guess these people, they're all venture capitalists. Nothing's going to get taken away from them.

They're just going to be emailing the other five people that still have email from their nuclear bunkers in New Zealand. I don't know. I'm just Googling up a document here that says, 22% of people have brains made of wet cake. Sorry, I couldn't hear you. I was responsibly Googling Venezuela. Because the thing is, no...

Responsibly emailing Venezuela at higher speeds than you'd ever thought possible. Everyone's like, yeah. The Soviet Union and Venezuela, they never had this kind of innovation. Yeah. They never had a thing that read all your posts. Venezuela's greatest failure is not being able to read email

because they can't pay the subscription anymore. Yeah. They never had a huge organization that you had to get vetted to get into. And then you have to pretend that you'd be really disappointed if it ever ended. And only through that organization, you could get special benefits.

Once again, the modern capitalist west is just all of our worst nightmares about what the Soviet Union was said to be, but expensive. So, with your early marketing, you may have attracted all kinds of users, especially if you've had press and your product is free in some way. But many of those people won't be well qualified.

Wow. Why do they hate people emailing so much? Why do they suddenly become an email etiquette? Because they need a van. Do they need people who spontaneously walk up to their, I don't know, setting up a class system for email? Like a family funeral where they'll say, like, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you considered super human? It's just a bit in children of men where they drive through Night's Bridge and it's all sealed off. And on the inside, it's very well curated gardens and a guy walking a camel. But for the least sexy or fancy thing ever, just email. That's exactly what this is.

You can email again. But many of those people won't be well qualified. They don't have a real need for your product and its main benefit or use case might not be a great fit. You wouldn't have wanted these people as users anyway. So you can politely disregard those who would not be disappointed without your product. They are so far from loving it

that they're essentially a lost cause. This sounds like actually I'm meant to break up with you, so I'm not. So then the idea is once you've identified the users who would be disappointed without your product, you analyze their feedback to convert them into fanatics. This is the only email client that ends up with you taking flying lessons where you're like,

I don't need to learn how to land. I'm doing so many business deals, I never need to take off or land. I'm constantly in the air. Imagine if you actually tricked a bunch of Silicon Valley people into doing the next 9-11 because they thought it was like for innovation. It would be so easy.

Yeah. It would be incredibly easy to trick these people. Gettingyourdicksuck.com, we've done that. No, we haven't done that yet. We still have to launch the site. Yeah. Send pitches, by the way. If you have a pitch for gettingyourdicksuck.com,

send it to atgyds.com. On Twitter. No jokes. That's .dot, not an actual dot. Yeah, it's D-O-T-C-O-M. No jokes. They have to be serious pitches. The only joke is the URL.

I cannot emphasize this enough. Anyway, so yeah, that's superhuman. It's a $30 a month email client that seems designed to become more of a religion than an app. Yeah, that's some stuff. I mean, but the fact that you've got people like Kevin Roos or whomever, Sam Alton, and people actually like tech bloggers writing about it

makes me think that people actually think, oh, this is what I want. I mean, clearly they must have gotten funding, too. That's just insane. Yeah, it's because consumers, and especially these consumers, pay pigs, and they just love being humiliated. I just don't understand what it actually does yet. I still don't understand what it does.

It makes your, as far as I can tell, it provides some shortcuts, hotkeys, and triage for your email. And that seems to be mostly what it does. Well, I mean, Scientology started out as an email client, so. Anyway, so that's, if you're worried about homegrown radicalization, look, scrap, prevent or whatever.

Look no further than the tech industry. Anyway, before we close out, I've got a reading for us here today, which I thought would be very fun. Oh, reading the vegetables of culture. It's hot. Can we have podcast outside today? We have a video.

We just watched the post, man. I think that would just be us hanging out and just watching a video on a movie on Twitch. That'd be fun. Let's do that. Instead of algebra today, can we have cocaine? So guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, did you know that Jeremy Corbin is all wrong

about social mobility? It's all about aspiration. Yeah, I saw this one. Yeah. This one. Aspiration in the sense of, like where you have pneumonia and you inhale fluid into your lungs.

In terms of like different kinds of consonants. It's a consonant thing or a fluid in your lungs thing. It's water on the knee, operation. Water on the knee. Yeah. No, social mobility is something we need because social justice, as we'll find out, as Justine Greening, a former Tory MP

and education minister, current Tory MP, former education minister, has written in The Guardian. Yeah, well, if you want to advise on what the Labour Party's policy should be, who would you listen to other than a Tory? Yeah. I mean, that makes perfect sense.

Remember, like, that is basically new Labour. Yeah. Yeah. It's getting quite... I don't know if I'm just like... I used to read The Guardian quite a lot. I mean, we've talked about this before. But it's getting really, really, really

more right-wing, noticeably, or maybe I'm just becoming more left-wing, but really, really recently, I've just noticed it's become right-wing to actually like a dist... I can't believe... I feel like I'm a bit naive been saying this, but has it actually just recently done this?

No, it has, because like the U.S. Masterhead had to formally denounce an editorial by the U.K. one for being too transphobic. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is... I was actually a subscriber to The Guardian then just got disgusted by it and cancelled,

because like in the 2017 GE, I noticed like it wasn't necessarily the best, but it was probably outside of like community-driven news. It was probably like the best major thing covering the Labour Party. And then it just became... Why did Jeremy Corbyn put shit in my pants over and over again? Yeah, over and over again.

But they still have Owen Jones though. They still have Owen Jones constantly. That's why I cancelled my subscription to DeBeak. DeBeak still hiring the like centrist Guardian hand-ringers? Yeah. Wait, how about a composite magazine run by Islamic skeletons called DeBeak Zone? Oh, Jesus.

Anyway. Oh, boy. So let's hear what Justin Greening has to say as to why Jeremy Corbyn is wrong about social mobility. Look forward to hearing it. I'm often asked what social mobility is in simple terms. Is she often asked that? Who's asking her that?

Stop talking to Justin Greening, first of all. And second of all, stop asking her questions as though she knows anything. For me, it's about one word, aspiration. It's about being able to go as far as your effort, talent, and hard work can take you in life, unimpeded by class, the school you went to, or your background. But crucially, no further.

She didn't say crucially, no further. I added crucially, no further. Because that's what she said. I really wanted to say that, though. I really... Yeah. Because like... And not a step further.

Not a single step further. Your life, if you are not good enough at like hacking an email server to like produce a better result or whatever like the previous guy did, and you're not good enough at that to like have a house, you still shouldn't have a house. Yeah. Because that would be unfair.

Just in greening in the irradiated waste of 2027, negotiating with the mutant biker gang and saying, look, I think the question of who should have the most water is about aspiration. The Sutton Trust report on social mobility recently released continues to show a version of Britain that's not just unfair, but one that perpetuates a scandalous waste of this country's talent. If only someone had been in government trying to do something about that.

No, Britain can no longer afford to continue like this with report after report, but no change on the ground. So how do we break the cycle that says you largely start... Sorry, I'll try this again. So how do we break the cycle that says where you start largely determines where you end up? Well, Justine, you're in the fucking cabinets. Yeah, she didn't have any power.

Boris Barsh Johnson calls it the cabinet. If you're in the cabinet, you don't have any power. Come on, that's... Justine Greening was doing self-care. She didn't have... She wasn't able to do any policies. She's kind of toxic people out of her life. I think that kind of is what happened when she left.

It was kind of a cutting the toxic people out of your life thing. I look at it this and it's like... Even if you're extremely good at what you do, there's like three industries in this country you can work in and you'll be able to own your own home in London. Racists. Irony Pogcasta. Irony Pogcasta.

Extremely successful Irony Pogcaster. But you know what I mean? So it's weird because the idea that the answer is things that promote people based on talent alone and that's going to solve problems as opposed to public goods that are accessible to everyone, it's mind blowing. You know what I mean? Like the idea that the problem here is we just haven't cherry

picked to the brightest and the best enough and that's got to continue. That's somehow going to solve the problem. When you have 40 years of evidence, that does not work. Justine Greening believes that actually if everybody here in the country invents the next TikTok, then we can all be billionaires. Whoa.

The song by Kesha? Why if everyone was Kesha? She's got a dollar sign in her name. That's what I call making money. I mean, look, if you want to go back to the James Medway episode where we talked about Calculator Santa, this is pure Calculator Santa. Everyone in the country needs to just want it hard enough,

close their eyes really tight, click their heels together and say there's no place like home ownership and then they can get on the ladder. Oh, little boy, you can have everything you deserve and nothing more. I don't give a shit if I own a home or not as long as I can live somewhere that isn't costing me like 75% of my income and it doesn't suck completely.

Hey, I hope you have just enough talent to be able to live a life of dignity because otherwise you don't get it. Well, I mean, I'm saying this knowing the answer obviously like these people are fucking insane and they don't care, but it's just strange to me because it's this idea that the answer is we got to have more homeowners.

When there's too many goddamn homeowners, that's the fucking problem. Justine Greening's answer is we need to have more businesses and people who can code and people who believe in themselves and the economy and how the economy- What if you coded yourself a house? Yeah, what if you actually made the economy go faster and more?

There was a guy in Sweden who bought like $11 with the Bitcoin at the very outset and then sold it in like 2017 for millions and millions of euros and bottom department. So fuck that guy, but hey, someone did code themselves a house. Yeah. What if Justine Greening wants us all to be doing that

because all of this social justice membo jumbo means that what if we don't code the next app or by getting on the ground floor of a cryptocurrency or do the other things that show your real worth as a human and show that you deserve more of the benefits and burdens of social cooperation? I was going to code an app, but then I worried I might be called racist, so I didn't.

I was going to code an app, but then I got high. So first of all, not by ducking the scandal of weak social mobility, but confronting it head-on, we will solve this problem. The report shows how wrong it was two weeks ago for Jeremy Corbyn to formally ditch social mobility as an objective for a future-labeled government and focus instead on social justice.

It's anti-aspiration, in my opinion. If Jeremy Corbyn won't support an individual's aspiration or justice, that's gay, first of all. Get rid of that. Why would you want things to be fair for your fellow man so you can hang out with other dudes? Sus. Berry Sus.

No, absolutely not. I'm not having any of that. I love how literally these people can come out and just be openly like, yeah, I'm anti-social justice. What kind of nerd would like justice? Without even bothering to say why they're anti, it's just like, no.

It's because social justice is anti-aspiration, because it says that you can just have a minimum of a house and food and stuff, even if you don't make nap. Yeah, that's a participation trophy, as opposed to being meritocratic and aspirational like somebody who has all of this merit, like fucking Justine Greening. Giving people somewhere to live is patronizing,

unless your parents do it. That's fine. I love the idea of the Guardian having a new editorial, so journalists should be careful about which rooms they walk into by Mohammed bin Salman. How to own the room by Mohammed bin Salman. He has completely failed to understand that social mobility is not just about

a few talented people getting to the top, though I suspect it quite a bit is. No, it's not, because they're not talented. It's about a few idiot fail sons getting to the top. Yeah, exactly. It's about fucking Donald Trump Jr. and like the kind of asinine morons in the Tory cabinet getting to the top

by sort of blundering their way through kind of various scandals relating to like putting vegetables in people's arses at school and then like suddenly finding themselves in charge of the country going like, oh, I don't know which button do I press? Probably the one that says racism.

That's the problem we face now. Instead, strong social mobility is about everyone reaching their full potential. And not a step further. Also like, why do you want to reach your full potential? Why can't we just have a house? Why is it like... Why do you want to live in a building

that was built by another dude? Well, it's the... Look, this is the... Why won't the hard left understand that I don't want to eat my vegetables before my desert? Look, this is the other thing, right? This is such psychotic boomer mindset

that all of society is basically built so that you can become the best version of you that you can. It's all about... It's dark Marianne mindset. Yeah, Justine Greeny is dark Marianne Williamson. I was gonna say that there was a particularly like pernicious thing, I remember this

from the 2016 election in the United States, is that the Democrats refusing to talk about actual social welfare programs. Instead, talk about a ladder out of poverty. Because the idea is, it's the ladder that if you're good enough and you work hard enough, you can get out of. And it's like the idea being that, no,

people shouldn't be fucking poor. No, we still have poverty. We can fix that if we want to. We need to have poverty so that it's fair to the people who work to get out of poverty. Because if no one's in poverty, then why did those people

that just worked so hard to get out of poverty work so hard? No, it's literally, it's like student loans. And it's like, that's literally the same argument. Like, well, my legs were fucked by polio. How dare you walk? Honestly, I was gonna ask, how dare you walk?

Nereza, the ladder out of poverty was Jacob's ladder. It went to hell. To be fair, it did get them out of poverty. Like, yeah, well, it's also amazing. Just like the most boomer mindset thing of all is being like, oh, well, you know, I now have like infinite money and everyone and everyone like young

is like massively struggling. And I never really had to work as hard as they seem to be working. It must be because I'm phenomenally talented. That must be the reason why circumstances cannot possibly have changed since 1970. Absolutely not. Like, when I first got a job and bought a house,

it was priced in like D and sixpence. Like, I bought my house with like 14 tanner and a stick of blackpool rock. But no, nothing's meaningfully changed since 1968. That can't be the case. Honestly. Now you just have to buy your house with Bitcoin like that one Swedish guy.

Exactly. That's the only way left to be successful. And the thing is, if we work to eliminate poverty, then that Swedish guy that invested in Bitcoin at the start, then what is his reward for seeing the future? Yeah. You know, he might not even have invested in Bitcoin. He could have just lived quite comfortably in this house

that he would have had for free. Yeah. What if our young people weren't investing in Bitcoin or making apps that show you the social media profiles of different marketing agencies emailing you? What then? Yeah. What kind of society will be be living in?

Young people have it much easier now because in my day, a young person, all they had to do was be mentally disabled and be near the murder of a policeman. They get hanged. So it's much better now for young people, actually. So it's way more important for Britain that instead of simply struggling on drawing

on the talents of a privileged few, everyone is able to succeed on their own terms. These are the challenges that drive me to make sure Britain has a quality of opportunity for the first time ever. What's really fired me up has been meeting the great British businesses and organizations that are making a positive difference. My least favorite BBC competition show.

More than 300 of them across the specter of industries representing more than 2.5 million employees. The specter of indices. Have signed up. There's a specter holding here. It's of apps. More than 300 of them across the blah, blah, blah have signed up to the Social Mobility Pledge Initiative

I set up last year. Oh, thank fuck for that. Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine now. A bunch of big companies have signed up to the Social Mobility rule. We're all going to get our dicks out and make a promise. Oh, yeah, I'm sure everything will be great. I'm sure they don't have a vested interest

in everything staying exactly the fucking same, do they? No, let's just trust them. The people that have been making everything fucking worse for the last 40 years. Hello, I'm Justine Greening and my idea of how everything should be better is we just trust the people who've made it like this. Actually, Milo, I think you'll find that they're doing

their bit to make the ladder of opportunity more accessible by working with local schools and offering apprenticeships and taking a rounded view of so much potential through contextual recruitment practices. Now we need Matt Hancock to come in and go, look. A ladder of opportunity, it's exclusive. Some people are disabled.

We need a ramp of opportunity. We know what we need actually is a ferris wheel of opportunity so people, it's more fun to get on. So it takes you all the way back down to poverty. Well, no, there'll be a slide of entrepreneurship that'll take you back down. We need the roundabout.

We need to all get on the carousel of innovation. Unfortunately, it's the carousel from Logan's Run. It's a great way to learn about fake holes. Personally, I think that we've been treating the economy like whack-a-mole when it should be much more like ski ball. But I mean, seriously, though, think about that for a second. Nobody ever looks at lottery winners and be like, man, they really just deserved it.

They just worked hard and they got, it's like, no, they just fucking won the lottery. In the same vein, it's like these people look at though. They invested sensibly in lottery. I think they ended up demonizing every lottery winner. That was most of the lottery winners. They ended up just demonizing in the sun and the mirror.

But I mean, not the mirror. Because they didn't make an app. They didn't do, they didn't make an app or they didn't ingenuate as the future or they didn't put their PPE degree to good use by getting involved in a third sector. Do you remember that guy who won the lottery? It was in like the mid-2000s.

He spent like all his money on like dirt bikes. And he turned his house into like a dirt bike. And he got into jewelry and stuff. That's what I'm talking about. And he just like constantly having articles about him just doing wacky shit. He made his neighbor's lives a living hell for like eight years until he bankrupted himself

through spending all his money on dirt bikes. But what else would you do? That's what you should be doing. That is your legal obligation is to raise your money. And then he won the lottery again. I don't think I'm making this up. He won the lottery more than once. And he went bankrupt more than once.

This is the only person who deserves to have a lot of money because rich people, they just like hoard it so they can sit on top of it like a dragon. He's contributing to the economy. Social mobility is a pointless idea because it just enables the children of rich people to become very rich. And they don't even buy dirt bikes.

Which is cool, jewelry. This is the real trickle down economics is we could all become dirt bikes. This is really advanced Keynesianism, right? Everyone just used to buy a fucking dirt bike right now. We know Britain needs to become a country of ATV driving people. With a dirt bike left.

So get on bitch, we're doing socialism. Yes, social mobility is hard and it's complex but the solution isn't to ditch any attempt to achieve it, play politics and give up which I think is what Jeremy Corbyn's doing. I think he's trying to freeze everyone in their current class positions according to Justine Greening.

Justine Greening was in the Tory cabinet and then resigned. She literally played politics and gave up. Why does Jeremy Corbyn want humble mine workers to ring their flat caps and doff them at their bettas? Jeremy Corbyn famously loves deference to nobility to be fair. The man basically is a believer

in the great chain of being. This is like, yeah, god damn it. The article just gets our protractor to measure Jeremy Corbyn's bow at the next Senator ceremony or whatever. But this, okay. Instead, let's make a decision that the status quo simply isn't acceptable anymore.

And what, Justine Greening? To be fair, the members of status quo should cut off those ponytails. Come on guys, you're in your 70s. Let's make a decision that the status quo simply isn't acceptable anymore. And what, politely ask businesses to offer more apprenticeships?

Yeah. Yeah. Structural change is actually anti-ambition. What we need to do is be less ambitious, which in a way is encouraging more people to be more ambitious because we're not being ambitious. Thinking too is back.

We're taking up less ambition space. It makes you thinking too. Well, that was an experience. I think I'm all fired up. I have to go see a PC music show now. Tom, thank you very much for coming on today. Thanks very much for having me. I really appreciated it.

Do you have anything you want to plug before we go? No, I don't. Stay off the alcohol, stay off the drugs. But stay on the hallucinogens. That's the good shit. Those aren't drugs. Visit Albania. And the social mobility as well.

Make sure you stay on that. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Do I have something I want to plug? I do. Is this going to come out on Tuesday? On Dang Tuesday. So on Wednesday, which is tomorrow, the 3rd of July, there will be a smoke comedy featuring

TF favourites, Pianovelli and Aidan Takko Jones. Aidan Takko Jones? Rack off, Bill. Get away from me, fucking truck. It's Aidan Takko Jones. I think I said this the last time we spoke, but he is the opposite of Andrew Law from Buntavista. Yeah, he's the most.

The way Takko sounds is much more like this. Oh, mate, it's fucking brutal. If you're going to listen to Buntavista, Andrew Law sounds quite a bit more like this. Good morning. Morning, Lucy. If you'd like to come to smoke comedy, the link to the tickets will be in the description.

You can come along, you can see Aidan. He'll be talking about how he's a cocaine baby, I'm sure. That's mostly what he talks about in his stand-up. Andrew Law has the same cadence as Barack Obama. He does. I've just realised that. If you're a fan of Trash Future, which I guess you would be, at Ili Boshan on Twitter and tell him that he sounds like

Australian Barack Obama. Otherwise, we have Andrew Hussain Law. Andrew Shereela, please. Very good. We have live shows on August 8th at Birmingham Transformed and on August 10th at the Edinburgh Fringe. And on July 8th, we will be able to announce a very, very big announcement for something we are going to do in September.

So we're announcing a forthcoming announcement. What? This is very Soviet Union. This is a PR fucking email except a podcast. Yeah, I've done it. And if you pay 30 per month for the Patreon, we could organise this for you much more efficiently. And there will be hall keys.

Yeah. That's a good amount is that you hogs. That's a good amount is the drink, the acid from the sink tea. I'm just excited, but I'm going to be in New York for when we have to actually announce it. So I at least want to do the teaser announcement. Anyways, so I think that's all from us. Subscribe to the Patreon.

You all know what to do. Oh, buy a shirt. Yeah, buy a shirt. You can email us to buy a shirt. It says what? We're sold over 40 of the shirts. So come buy a shirt before they're all gone. Buy a shirt before they're gone.

They're exclusive. They are very exclusive. We're excluding people from them. You have to do a questionnaire. There'll be a one hour walkthrough with Milo. But did you have the features of the shirt? Mostly it's just an excuse to get on cam with Milo to see him shirtless.

Exactly. Yeah, because I'm demonstrating achingly slowly putting on a shirt. He's like weirdly ripped because he's still sort of homeless. So, you know, you do want to sign up for that. Yeah, you do. I'm getting jacked, guys. Ask me. All right.

Later everybody. I have to fight the other homeless people. That's why I get so ripped. Actually, actually later, everybody. Bye. Find me.