TRASHFUTURE - Apes Vs. Crabs

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *SEE TRASHFUTURE LIVE ON 4/20* We're doing a make-up live show on 20 April in London now that we've recovered from covid (this time). Get tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-live-podcast-tickets-303412654417 *MILO ALERT* Milo has shows coming up in London and Brighton. Learn more here! https://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

Hello, welcome to TF. It is me, Riley. It's the free one. You figured it out, huh? I did, yeah. I've been looking at the calendar today. Let me tell you, it is the free one. You solved all those riddles that Riley set? Yeah, he basically swung over that pit of crocodiles, climbed that tree, jumped over that, you know...

Have a mouth, but do not speak. I have a bed, but do not sleep. What am I? Hussain Kuzvani. Yeah, that's right. Hussain is not joining us today, of course. He is in his bed not sleeping, reading the manga that he has written on his own duvet cover. However, I have a studio update for everyone.

A funny thing happened on the way to the podcast recording studio. The studio. Yeah, that's right. I, Sutilis, and I am somewhat of the Sutilis in this particular story. Okay. I entered the room. Oh, fuck yeah. Recording space.

And then... A key element of geography here to understand is that we, much like in a sort of like a music recording studio, we have a soundproof enclosure, and then we have a window. And on the other side of that window, there's like an editing station where the mixer is. Now I was sat there editing masters of our domain. Uh-huh.

And I thought, oh, hey, there's my good friend Milo. I'm going to walk up and say hello to him. Yeah, through the window. Now also bear in mind, Riley is in the soundproof studio where the lights are off, so it's completely dark in there. And I am sat in the brightly lit room adjoining it. And so as far as I'm concerned, He could not hear me.

Yeah. The fucking ghostly apparition just like presses his face up to the window and waves at me. I lost my ever loving shit. If the lights had been on, it would have just been the end of the graduate. But instead, you just had this horrifying experience. Oh, I had headphones on too.

I was like fully engrossed in podcast editing. I was listening to Hussain talk about Tenet. Yeah. You know what happened is you made a noise. I shit you not. That sounded like you're doing an impression of Mickey Mouse. It was kind of like, oh. Yeah.

You know, when you're so frightened by something, you sort of forget to make a normal noise. Yeah. And just whatever the fuck comes out of you. And in that case, it was, oh. You thought you were about to be like killed by the thin man. Yeah, exactly. Slender man's come for me.

Yeah. So now anything you hear from Milo. Riley's like, you thought I was Slender? Oh, I do go on. I'm so excited to be this generation's Slenderman instead of this generation's midsize could probably work out a bit more man. If you say the name of a techwear brand three times,

Riley will appear in your house. Oh man. You sent me that one techwear brand that I can only describe as like Rick Owens deciding to be inspired by Final Fantasy 7. What was it called? Oh, well that sounds like Hamcus, but what you're describing is Volabac,

which is the sort of goofy Elon Musk worshipping techwear thing where they make entire jackets out of copper because they think that that's cool. Well, if you want to be more conductive. Yeah, absolutely. If you want to get struck by lightning, then buy an 800 pound copper jacket, stand in a thunderstorm and curse God.

See how it works out for you. Yeah. No, there was one that started the D that you sent me. That I sent you. Anyway, regardless, very funny. This is now the techwear podcast. All of us are named after one now. We're all like Errolson Hew is here.

He's not talking, but he's here. This is the podcast where we advise you to go out in a storm and offend Zeus. We're all zipping our jackets back onto the back straps that they all have in them. We're having a lovely time. It's great. It's a great time.

No, well, I think I could have really scared my little bit more. Totally unlistenable techwear podcast because all the microphone picks up is the sound of synthetic fabrics against the microphone. Just crinkling. Oh, yeah. Nice. Well, no, so it's not that.

It's TF. And any joke you hear from Milo today is going to have the extra free saw of recent terror attached to it. That's right. Yeah. Once the adrenaline's up, you know, that's where the comedy comes from in the comedy glands.

Yeah. I am a survivor of a mild jump scare. Where's my parade? There should totally be a parade for the survivors of mild jumpscares. That should. Yeah. Oh, I got pranked good.

There would be an enforced quiet over the city. No, sorry. We just go down a very short street and then, you know, scurry up and mind your own business, hiding in a little hole. The opposite ever reclaimed the night march because we're too scared to go out at night.

We're just going out in the middle of the day. No. So we got some stuff for you today. We have some some items, some items that have been transpiring. I have a little more to say about MakerDAO as the planets came into their once every 135 year alignment

where I take feedback and input. And someone, I have someone on Patreon sort of commented like, there are a number of things about MakerDAO that are, we did not discuss in our episode with Molly. Shut up. I don't care.

I'm never going to read the comments. Do not correct me. Yeah. So I want to be very clear, unless it's going to be this good and relevant, do not tell me, do not tell me anything. But in this case,

it was good and I'm going to talk about it. Then we're going to talk a little bit about Satoshi Island, the cryptocurrency paradise that is being created off of Vanuatu. Formerly Little St. James. It's actually formerly Letaro Island, which is 90% a wildlife reserve for coconut crabs. Coconut crabs.

Yeah. Coconut crabs. I think they're quite fierce. Sounds delicious. I'm fierce and I'm afraid. I know. Aren't coconut crabs the crabs that ate Amelia Earhart? I'm allergic to crabs anyway,

so any crabs are fearsome to me. I feel certain that a coconut crab is the crab that ate Amelia Earhart. Do not at me. Diverting from its usual diet of coconut. They're huge. They're enormous. If you're making a cryptocurrency-based...

They eat those coconuts whole. It's crazy. If you're making a cryptocurrency-based society on an island, you're cracking open your skull like a coconut to drink the milk inside. But then finding there's very little milk, unfortunately. Wow. Coconut crabs.

They're pretty big lads. They're huge. Anyway, I can't wait for all those Bitcoin people to move into their house. Yeah, cool. I'll be eaten by the giant crab, the Bored Crab Club. Then a crab doing the pussy eating gesture.

I don't think they should. I don't know. They've got a pencil. A pencil? Yeah. Just right in front of the... Fairly Socrates. What tongue?

I don't rightly know about the tongue Socrates. Which one of us is Socrates? I don't know. It's like waiting for Godot. Socrates isn't here. But Glaucon is the pussy eating gesture. Truly the pussy eating gesture if there is no tongue. I'm Glaucon.

You're Crito. An Alice is Euthyphro. That's right. Anyway. Alternatively, you're Vladimir, you're Estragon, and I am Godot. No, you're the tree. Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's true. Vladimir and Estrogen. That's right. That's a great Alice screen name. If you... You know what? If you're seeing Alice with that screen name, this is where she came up with it.

Estragon is Fenboy Aragorn. We're going to talk about some stuff. We've dithered and delayed for far too long. And we have a lot of stuff to talk about because I really want to get to the article today because boy, it's fun. It's a lot of... It's a real window into the brain madness

of a certain kind of columnist that's coming in a lot more to the fore recently. The same kind of window into the brain madness that you could get if your skull had been opened by a coconut crab. Or that you could see me emerging behind and do a little Mickey Mouse Yelp. That's right.

Yeah. What if a coconut crab had appeared in that window? You'd be scary, I'm sure. You're allergic. You would have been terrified on two levels once you figured out what it was. I'd be like, thank God for that pain of glass. Oh, like a breakthrough pain of glass.

A coconut relative to a pain of glass? Easy. That's true. Rishi Sunak. Crab Enthusiast Rishi Sunak. Coconut crab enthusiast Rishi Sunak. A sometime chancellor of the UK. It's very funny.

I don't want to talk about this too much. We won't. But it has now been leaked that he was like personally responsible. He stood in front of the big sort of convoy that said, you know, energy bill relief and said no. He stood a thwart the money and said no.

Classic. Which is very amusing. They're also coming after his wife, which means the possibility of Rishi Sunak hauling off and slapping somebody is getting higher every day. He's going to have to get out a little step and like Emmanuel Macron.

No, fuck. Nicholas Sarkozy had to step. He's going to have to get out a little step and put it down in front of you. The French love to elect a short man. Let's see. Let's see if that holds true. Yeah.

And then although I regret to inform everyone that I did see a picture of Rishi Sunak's wife today and I'd be like, maybe I'd slap someone for that woman. You know what I mean? So kind of nice with it. So if you're listening and, you know, want to get with a man who's got

a different political career ahead of him. Yeah, that's right. Allergy to crab. Rishi Sunak now can't slap me because I'm saying his wife is nice with it. Okay. All right, children. Rishi Sunak is implicated by League today

as basically being perfect, personally responsible for blocking energy bill relief. We talked about the like treasury guys with like back tattoos of like Ludwig von Mises. He's the guy. It was him. We've now identified him like in a game of Cludo. He's got a back tattoo of a coconut crab.

Terrify. The reason I want to bring this up, right, is that once again, it's a situation where if some policy is changed, then there will be some claim that some intrepid journalist who published this leak, who got this scoop, or that it was by some pressure from the opposition where none really or not much really is coming,

when it will be somehow placed on the altar of our various democratic institutions, whether that is our opposition party or in parliament or our adversarial press, that have somehow made this thing happen. But the thing to remember is, don't forget, this is an argument between friends and they were essentially passed in note

by someone in the other group. Yeah, this is Tori Ratfucking. And it's also not only the, not only the heating bills, it's also his wife, who we talked about previously, is a non-dom, which is weird, because she looks like she'd done the shit out of me. She's legal in her.

She's legally, well, she's not legally resident in the UK for tax purposes, or rather she is, but it's not like her natural home. Non-domiciled status enables you to, and I believe it's assets and money that you make offshore if you don't bring them into the UK to not pay UK tax. If you want to hear more about that, check out the bonus episode we did with Kodro Korab,

where we talk about what those laws are and their history. I'm sure they're applied very fairly. That's the other thing, right? It's all you'd have to do. How they pick this guy for Chancellor, where it's like all you have to do is not claim that status for like a couple of years, or pick someone who is less implicated

in all of the financial shit that everybody fucking hates to be the face of it. But you couldn't. You couldn't just do it a little bit less. You had to have it. You had to have the non-dom wife. You had to have the Chancellor that doesn't understand how to use a contactless card.

You just, you couldn't, yet they just couldn't bring themselves to lower, to just turn it down a little bit because they're just piggies for it. Yeah, and they were right to, because it's going to turn out not to matter at all. Like this is, as we've mentioned, an entirely like internal conservative conversation

that is being conducted through the National Press. Yeah, absolutely. You are like powerless to do anything about it, or even really say anything about it. So, you know, the sort of, the cost to the Tories institutionally from this, very low, I suspect. Yeah, of course.

I think it's more just like, how do you not see that this would happen from an individual perspective? You don't have to see if shit's going to happen. If it's not going to matter, you don't have to predict like the individual constellation of bugs that are going to end up on your windscreen when you're driving down the motorway.

But like, okay, fine. But like, it's fine. You just, you just push the big like manufacturer consent windscreen wiper and it's just gone. It's fine. Okay, Stalin is going to have to get up and say, look, this is a disgrace. The decision to block energy bill relief

should have been taken by a committee. Another thing in UK news I want to discuss before we get to the tech stuff, is that I've held off talking too much about the Channel 4 thing as well. Again, a new piece of information is arisen that I find, you know, to sort of just too perfect

in terms of like, again, these sort of ideological, cultural vandalism being perpetrated sort of currently. The Nadine Dory's noted erotic novelist and in her sort of

in her great experience, right, as a writer of, you know, bodice-ripping erotic novels, the Harlequin Romances or whatever, has now they've said, okay, well, you're just in charge of the culture. This novel is a danger to your bodice. Do not read if you're wearing an expensive bodice.

They put her just and remember, so for American listeners, is how you get put in charge of stuff is like, you're like, oh yeah, you've been the MP for, I don't know, Lewis for 30 years. Why don't you have a go at managing the health system? Why not?

Why not indeed? I've been the MP for Martin Lewis. And so Nadine Dory's has just been like, yes, it's been sort of gone, it's been a Tory MP for a while, has been very loyal to Boris. Incidentally is one of the more like

vengeful and petty Tories and as such, perfectly positioned to use any sort of ministerial post, but especially CMS as sort of a large grindstone to grind a series of axes that she's stored up over the past 30 years.

Well, you've got to sharpen those axes somehow. So she's basically selling Channel 4, which is a, again, for American listeners is, it's a state broadcaster. It's like the BBC, but except less stayed, the

taxpayer doesn't pay for it and you can see tits on it sometimes, if you're lucky. So they what they do is they, it's a commissioner organization, they don't make their own stuff and it's very popular, most people like it. And what's very funny, right, is that Nadine Doris is like, yeah, well proceeds from the Channel 4 sale,

this thing that, you know, invests in making a lot of independent stuff from around the country, not just London. This proceeds from the sale of the one organization where you could reasonably sell those kinds of creative products will be invested

in like a one time cash infusion for independent directors and creative skills. Cool. Yeah, that's good. Are we or are we not independent creative skills? Because I think we should get a seat at the table here. I think we should get some of Channel 4's like, Largesse.

Well, because I think Nadine Doris is remembering that old phrase, which is that, you know, if you teach a man a fish, he might not ever even actually successfully fish, whereas if you give a man a fish, hey, he's gonna eat for a day. Which I think is a good way of looking at it. If you take

a man's fishing rod and you throw us in the canal, then it'll greatly benefit other fishermen. That's right. It'll benefit the canal, which will now have a fishing rod. Downstream, if you will. They're like, yeah, we're gonna sell it so we can compete with Netflix, as though the only thing holding it back

from competing with Netflix, this like, you know, relatively like parochial pretty stupid TV station, was that like, it's just not dynamic enough. Yeah, not the fact that it isn't able to lose billions of dollars of investor money every year. Also, Channel 4 is about as dynamic an institution

as you can get in the UK. Like it kind of makes a fetish of it sometimes. Like the sort of the culture that Channel 4 likes to present for itself is being a bit alternative, being a bit edgy, right? And honestly, it's one of the few mass-market

things in British media that like does that at all. And now it's just gonna be like, yeah, now we gave all your money to like, TikTok Shopping Hall. Yeah, absolutely. Mark my words is that we're gonna get some shows

on Channel 4 and the next, like once the privatization goes through, we're gonna get some Quibi level shows on there. But maybe they'll buy the Quibbies and we can watch Quibi on Terrestrial TV in the UK. Yeah, that would be really cool.

Channel 4 can be buried with its golden arm. Yeah, that's right. The golden arm of the state. So yeah, I mean, mostly what I think is happening is yeah, just like you put these people in charge of everything and they're just taking revenge on all the institutions they feel haven't been excited

enough about them in the last several years. Yeah, and like it's quite easy to be rude to Nadine Doris. Fun and justified too because she's awful and also very stupid. And so yeah, we're sort of now in a sort of authoritarian thing, we're like, oh, we can

just shut down a TV station that makes fun of me in a way I don't like, which is fun. Well, and it's also this running thing of how like the Tories have this like complete bloodless commitment to austerity, even beyond the stated aims of austerity, which is to like save the

taxpayer money or to like balance the books or whatever, because they have these things on the books that like make money like Channel 4 or like the royal mail back in the day or whatever and they're like, no, we have to sell them off because even though these are actually profitable businesses which we own,

us owning things is wrong and it shouldn't be allowed and actually the government should have less money even though that's against the logic of austerity by selling these things off. We're running it like a British business. Exactly, by destroying it. Yeah, everything should be

shit. This country's shit is supposed to be shit and you don't like it and you can fuck off. You know what it is. It's like the Tories are just like Maoist third worldists. That's the explanation. Yeah, I mean, we've already talked about how like my little theory of how the Conservatives are actually like a deep,

deep Maoist plot to provoke a revolution that we just haven't provoked. This just, yeah, more grist to the mill. Absolutely. Also, all of the transphobia got worse. Oh, right. Yes, of course. That also did happen

with the essentially there was a vote to ban. I want to talk about this like more fully on a subsequent episode. But suffice it to say for the moment that I'm a contentious issue on a bipartisan basis now. Oh. Boris has managed to come out and say

I don't think trans women should compete in women's sports which is, yeah, chase the headline king whatever. And at the same time we have Keir Starmer going well, actually, I don't know what I think. And if I did know what I think it would be something that was pleasing to both sides

because it's a very contentious issue. He used to just repeat the text of the law essentially. Yeah, he's not even doing that. No. Love Keir. Yeah. I'm going to sell Boris Johnson on trans women just by getting him in a room and explaining to him that trans women

are a type of women that he can't get pregnant. He's going to display some Tory flexibility and come out and just be like go from full trans rights from zero to 100. Chase Boris Johnson I hate that you were standing by the lights that we keep in the studio

and you said that. Cracking stuff, you heard about this. Used to be chaps, now they're women. Bloody fantastic. We're improving the ratio of the world. Yeah, that's an idea. All right. And this also is all coming hot on the heels of like a

gay conversion therapy ban that specifically excluded trans conversion therapy. Yeah, which then imploded the government's flagship LGBT conference. Also, the EHRC has been doing some more shit, so go back and listen to our episode about that particular

institution. So you talk about how that got hijacked and just in general shit's bad. It's not good. Maybe there's something we could maybe make maybe this new information I have about MakerDAO

could help potentially. Yeah, maybe. You know, I'm up for almost anything that leads into a segue to the next segment of the podcast. Do you think that we could, you know, as trash future, cunningly apply for some government funding to set up a trans

conversion therapy center that makes you trans? Exploit the wording of the law. I think we could should, must and will do that. That's right. Yeah, of course. So we could Dr. Kasvani is now taking appointments.

The spooky, the spooky room where I scare Milo, we could do like, you know, yeah, perfect. All right, done. Well, that's in addition to being an oil warehouse, which I forgot that we still are. We can't make you trans. We can't make you scared. So basically what

this listener sort of informed me about MakerDAO was that it's not just the Huntington Valley Bank that is sort of collateralizing real world assets in these things. And for example, there is they've tokenized a number of things, including freight obligations.

So like using Maker to create credit lines that are against tokenized freight invoices and supply chain financing solutions to basically please tell me that a class one railroad is getting in on this. Tell me that Norfolk Southern or CSX has now had

to like agree to transport your ape. Well, this is so far so far. This is these are tend to be like startups that deal with this stuff that then get the assets from somewhere else. Another one is you American agricultural real estate. So you basically take

a farm, right? And then you sell it, you put give it to a trust and then the trust sort of tokenizes the farm and puts it in the vault turns your farm into an ape turns your farm into an ape growing apes boys. Yeah. And so like and so what you get

really is the income from a rented farm property, right, is then collateralized against like the input in the vault and used to create die, right? But the funniest one. Yeah, it's just just a supply chain financing firm. Cool. So you take the supply chain obligations collateralize

them and again use it to pump out crypto that you switch for dollars and again definitely definitely a winning combination of supply chain finance and dodgy crypto stuff two things which have never precipitated huge financial problems on their own.

So surely when combined must be extra safe and also a villain from a previous season of trash future coming back to supply chain finance and pull country Bitcoin minor. Absolutely. I'm just out here in the country

literally doing the calculations on doing the calculations by hand working it out. I mean, there's another company in Dallas that's like using a bunch of single family homes into Dallas area and again

collateralizing them on via this block collateralizing them and then putting the collateral in the vault and I think the thing that this hit home for me and why I'm bringing it back up again is to remember like in the event of a price like not even a crash of a theory into

nothing but if it just loses a significant amount of value which is the volatile cryptocurrency it will then if the basically like that if the value of if the value of your collateral that's why you have to over collateralize. If the value of your collateral gets too low because

usually you'd sell it for an Ethereum token or whatever then it gets liquidated and you have to call in all of those loans anyway. So a lot of these physical things more bits of it that more people are depending on maybe the apartment in Dallas I'm living in

has been collateralized as part of Maker Landlord changes abruptly because your home has been or your home has been sold in as part of a what is essentially a collateral call. My landlord's been

to the trash future trans conversion therapy center has come back a landlady. That's right. No, I think it's but I think it is worth going back into because it's like it's not just through the Huntington Valley Bank. The Huntington Valley Bank worries me because it's more systemically

connected to the rest of the system systemically corrected to the rest of the economy because of its exposure to the deposit insurance. Other banks also it's more geographically linked because it's going to be a bunch of shit in Bucks County, Pennsylvania

rather than one apartment development. But it's that anywhere this thing can because it's so hungry to be fed collateral to turn it into stable coins algorithmically balanced stable coins that you're essentially sort of taking more chips

of just real actual stuff that matters and putting it on the table that says Ethereum can't go down basically. I mean, makes sense to me. Yeah, why not? Let's more sounds good. More real stuff in my opinion. All right.

Anyway, I want to talk about Satoshi Island, formerly Satoshi Island Toshi Island, home of the coconut crab. Well, it is a 32 million square foot private island located in Vanuatu near Australia

and Fiji and the island was itself purchased by a holding company called Satoshi Island Holdings Limited. I can see why they bought that island. That's right. It was it was meant to be determinism. Yeah. And basically they narrowly outbid

I'm very scared of coconut crabs, LLC. Milo, I didn't know you had an LLC. Yeah, they pulled out the last minute after making a mystery discovery about the island. So basically the idea here is they want this 32 million square foot island to become like

a country, like a state within Vanuatu. But that is entirely tokenized. Everything. 100% of it. It's like it's like a Britain. That's right. And a tropical paradise much like Britain

as well. That's right. Yeah. Full of crabs. Different kind, but still. So this goes on. It says the press release says it is intended to become a home for crypto professionals and enthusiasts. Let's be a pro-crypto enthusiast to the point that I move to an intentional

Vanuatu. Yeah. An intentional community that's several thousand miles by boat or plane from anywhere else, right? Other than like the one thing that crypto relies on is like massive supplies of electricity and also fast internet connection, which I imagine are two things

which it's quite difficult to get on an island in the South Pacific. You know how in Pitcairn Island, right? Which is like one of these tiny, tiny British dependencies in the South Pacific. Like everyone there is essentially descended from

a handful of mutineers and this led to shall we say some bad effects down the line, right? I'm just picturing this like plus two hundred years but the original founders are all crypto guys and I think

loads of depravity as yet unimagined. Yeah, also wasn't it the case that crypto fuck that Pitcairn Island went on to become something of a nonce hotspot? Yes, that was what I was alluding to. Which, you know, I imagine a crypto island

could probably get there quite a bit faster. Turbo nonce island. The thing is you're talking about two hundred years but remember this is like they're trying to tokenize and economize every social interaction, have no taxes and assume that stuff like water provision is just going to like

happen via free exchange. So two hundred years is optimistic for them having maybe they could like, you know be like become sort of they could go so libertarian that they sort of in about five years or like one generation

become an un-contacted tribe. Oh yeah, cool. We can only hope. That's what happened with those islanders you know, the guys with the bow and arrows, what are they called? Sentinel Islanders. Yeah, Sentinel Islanders, yeah. They actually, they're a remnants of a previous human civilization which invented cryptocurrency

and then they went to that island to become a crypto community. So it's like a Bitcoin but in Roman numerals. Yeah, exactly. Everyone died off except then and then we all started again from the prehistoric phase. Yeah, so after years of preparation

a green light from the Vanuatu Ministry of Finance by the way, Vanuatu makes half of its national budget every year from selling $130,000 citizenships. Awesome. And all approvals in place. Satoshi Island is now ready to be developed into a real world crypto economy. Finally, and blockchain based

democracy. It will contain several quote, NFT zones also known as neighborhoods. Also known as neighborhoods. With the neighborhood. Cool. Surrounding a central grassy patch emblazoned with the Bitcoin logo. Oh, no.

I mean, that grass is just going to die immediately because none of these guys will think to maintain it or get anyone else to maintain it. Oh, absolutely not. They also have like just a zero aesthetic taste is what I love about the crypto people. Everything's like, yeah, what is the grass had the Bitcoin logo? It's like, hey,

what if you fucking had a shower buddy? And basically, like, so they'll grant like a couple thousand foreign national citizenship a year among the ones they just they granted in 2020. This is from the Guardian. We're an Italian businessman

ex ex ex accused of extorting the Pope. How of what why what what confident Oh, I see immediately what confidential information you could. Okay. Yeah, right. It's not even really that confidential

is it? It's just like, no. And South African brothers accused of a three point billion dollar cryptocurrency ice South African brothers. Yeah. So they basically, yeah, they make most of their money. It's a it's a country of several tens of thousands of people

that make most of its money selling citizenship. Yeah, Italians who try to extort the Pope. Awesome. And now they're like, we're going to put the Bitcoin island here, which actually is really the silent partner in that relationship.

Yeah, my brother and I are going to Vanuatu for a job. So doing a little bit of mining if you know what I mean. So it's been owned by a property developer called Anthony Welch owned by a lot of people I think now.

And they they basically like they that these two property this property developer and his wife who just owned it for years and now have sold it to the Bitcoin people. But after they what they've said, we're trying to build

a community. He said this despite the fact the small island currently has remember how you said you needed like internet and stuff. Yeah. Well, it has no electricity or water or phone or internet. I'm guessing it doesn't have like an airstrip

then. Well, no. No. What it has then is a dock, right? And then so you get the boat to it from somewhere that does have an airstrip. I presume. I don't know if it has it. Just plug

this fucking island into Google Maps for me and go get directions. So you're having to do like a like a World War II landing craft type situation, you know, get out of the shallow water and wade up there. I think you're having to do like an Indiana Jones sort of like red red gas along

map kind of situation. There are some sort of there are some buildings on the island because it's a private island. Like you have like generating electricity, but there's no electricity and there's no water. No. It's all like stuff that you put in your rich person private island house. They say, you know, weird temple

or whatever else Jeffrey Epstein had on Lawson James Island. The crypto paradise my partners want to build is a really cool idea. It's a wonderful use of a place we have been able to live on for 12 years. The key issue was trying to find a government that would permit a society to

exist entirely on the blockchain. What does that even mean? It doesn't. You have to exist in the real world. You can't exist on the blockchain. Out of heaven. You're a thing. You have to breathe. What the fuck are you? You have to

like eat food and take shit. What are you talking about? That's kind of the ideology here, right? This idea that, well, everything I can just going to understand myself, you know, in terms of I'm just going to understand myself in terms of a series

of transactions, things that can be optimized and monetized and all this stuff. I'm going to understand all of my interactions with others as things that could be improved by transacting. I'm going to imagine all of my interactions with my daily needs as things that I could I could be I could

microtransact for because presumably I'm going to be the recipient of so many transactions that I will be able to transact for everything else that they are the recipient of mine. It definitely won't be the same thing as NFTs where it's just like five guys trading with themselves. And the crucial thing is five guys trading

with themselves can make a number go really high. Oh, yeah. But it can't necessarily clear a patch of land. Hmm. You need another guy to do that. No, you need you need Jerk van der Klug to do the plot of Far Cry 3 for you. That's right.

I've been hard to pacify the local population of a crypto island. It was very easy. Yeah, there were like three guys to all millionaires. They surrendered immediately. As soon as I showed them I had a gun they were like, why man? What the fuck? Just take it.

Three guys and 500,000 crabs. Yeah, that's right. Add a little bit more trouble with the crabs. You ever seen a 7-6-2 round bounce off a crustacean? I fucking have. Jesus Christ. The idea of

Jerk van der Klug beating a crab to death with another crab. Am I the fucking depleted uranium or sweet? The key issue was trying to find a government that would permit a society to exist entirely in crypto. Most countries... Isn't Vanuatu still a British dependency?

Is this our fault again? No, no, it's just a country. It's a straight up country. Most countries in the world, for example... They want to collect tax. Country classic. Therefore, they don't want crypto transactions because they can't monitor what's happening,

but Vanuatu has no income tax at all. Great. So I've just looked up economy of Vanuatu. Can I tell you what proportions things are in the Vanuatu economy? Please. 59.4% of the Vanuatu economy

is fish. Right? 13% of it is tugboats. 10% is perfume plants. 2% is cocoa beans. And I guess they're hoping that the rest is going to be

apes? Aboard apes. This is a country for whom selling their postage stamps is 1% of their GDP. Because they're not going to levy tax. They don't levy income tax.

They're just hoping, I guess, that a bunch of people will move here and start pyramid schemes. They want to be the pyramid scheme. In Miami, they revealed the mechanical-looking bull.

It's like, yeah, come to Miami, a city that is going to be the fucking ocean floor in 10 days. I'm looking for... I hope I live long enough to scuba dive to see the crypto bull. So, again,

it's the same thing with Vanuatu. I can't imagine, like, Letaro. Let's just... I feel like running all of those coal-fired Bitcoin miners might cause Letaro, the island with the coconut crabs, and potentially all these crypto people

on it, some issues in the future. But the other thing is, there are tens of thousands of people who have expressed interest in spending the hundreds of thousands of dollars to purchase the citizenship NFT Matt Hancock for example. I hate the phrase citizenship NFT

more than anything I've heard in the last couple of days. Service guarantees apes. And, like... I cannot tell. I literally cannot tell if they spent $10 million on the island knowing that

a lot of people would spend a lot more money on buying the citizenship NFTs if they want to come live on the island that you have no intention of developing or if a lot of people are going to go and starve to death in this remote, relatively inaccessible island. It's going to be like fire festival, but even dumber.

Yeah, going out like a crypto Amelia Earhart. But I just... Yeah, that's right. But I just don't understand at any point what the point of this... What is the point of a crypto island where you sit around

and... Big government can't push you around. There is no government. It's just a couple of years ago. What else there isn't? Electricity? Running water? Stuff like that. The whole thing with crypto is you can do it anywhere and they themselves have said that the thing with crypto is

the government can't really tell you what to do because it kind of operates outside of the existing financial structures and traceability, although that's maybe changing a bit. So it's like either you believe that crypto is this libertarian thing in which case, why the fuck do you need to go out and live on an island with a bunch of other freaks

and die? Or it isn't? In which case, why the fuck do you care about it? Because it's utopian. In fairness, going to live on an island with a bunch of other freaks and dying is kind of like a good description of moving to Britain. Yeah.

It's because it's got this fundamentally utopian impulse. That's why every project we talk about at least not like the Z-Py one. It's C-steadying, but with a more crypto angle. They try and pull this thing about twice a year at this rate.

Sometimes it has a more libertarian slant, sometimes it has a more tech slant. I genuinely was absolutely certain we had talked about this before because it's not even a memorable number in terms of how many of these we've talked about.

I've fucking read about so many of these proposals. They never pan out. They never should pan out. They're always traps and scams to part idiots with their money.

If you want to start a real micro-nation and a place with no water and electricity, go occupy a fucking sea fort like Sealand. There is, I think, there is this... I think it's built this desire. I think that it's accelerated

with the crypt, the utopian nonsense of crypto. It's accelerated this desire to escape. I think that's what it keeps selling is this promise that things are bad. You are essentially

crushed by forces all around you, whether that is these institutions that seem so overbearing. But also these institutions that are designed to surveil and discipline. You know you're being ripped off

by your power company, all this stuff. You know that there are... Now you can get ripped off by one guy or the generator. Who is the power company? Yeah, of course. But it's the same reason why all these sorts of cults and intentional communities developed in upstate New York

in the 19th century. In the 18th and 19th century. Yeah, these guys are like the shakers, kind of. Well, because it's all... You're living in a way that feels like you have been transported and alienated from

any kind of community. You've been alienated from yourself. You're having to live in these awful towns and work in factories or whatever. You know who the most famous denizen of those New York intentional communities was? Was Charles

Ghetto. So I'm looking forward to the next US presidential assassin having previously been on this island. Sean. Or like making the pussy eating gesture. Well, he... Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, eating Joe Biden's pussy.

That would be fun. On a long enough timeline, a US president will get assassinated by somebody who has been photographed making a pussy eating gesture. That's just facts. You think John will be... There's not a daguerreotype anywhere in making a pussy eating gesture. Yeah, Marina Oswald

will be a photo of her husband making a pussy eating gesture with a rifle. Yeah, sorry. It's the Life Magazine cover, but he's holding an iPad and he's wearing a board A, buddy. Yeah, nice. So look, I think that it is

based... The reason we're seeing this uptick in... It's based. In what is essentially, and no longer the religious dissenter communities of 19th century America, the libertarian dissenter communities and who are...

What they want, right, is they heard this wonderful thing, right, that the economy that we have set up, the neoliberalized economy, the economy of Hayek, it promises you freedom and they have lived by these sort of the... Whatever sort of religion you want to ascribe to that,

whatever commitment they have to that and they've lived with it, but then it has been debased and it has been... All of these things aren't born out. And so, of course, if you're a true believer in it, that you are going to, as happened here, as happened in the

colonization of America as well, right, escaping these... Escaping something to try to find the pure version of what you know it's supposed to be about. You think they're Hayekian salafists. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what they are. They absolutely... They were promised Hayek,

but they feel like they're on the road to serfdom anyway. And so they're trying to escape. And it is this attempt to escape an established community based on what they think are the real grounded principles that everyone else has misunderstood. You know, because if everyone understood them properly,

then they would have the life of freedom that they believe that they deserve and could get, but they don't. And so, of course, if someone says I've got a private island where I've agreed with James Law Cyber Texture, who is the architect they got to design, like the Identicate Housing,

and everything's going to be on the blockchain, there won't be any of these institutions impinging on your freedom. There won't be any of that. You know what's really going to impinge on their houses and their freedom in a minute is the fucking ocean. Yeah, all the coconut crabs, yeah.

Which are only going to move further inland the more the ocean impinge. I mean, the highest elevation on Satoshi Island is 88 meters above sea level. So, yeah, no, enjoy your new waiting pool houses. Awesome, cool.

Yeah, I mean, also, again, everything's going to be on the blockchain apart from the running water and electricity, which won't be there at all. But the idea is that if you just introduce a free enough market where there are low enough transaction costs

and no institutional frictions, these things will be planned. You could make them together and there needn't be anyone in charge because every, the emergent wisdom of the crowd that, again, like Kayak has promised, right? That's all just going to be governing it

and it's going to be all of us together voting on things to do with our various tokens and buying and selling them from one another. Well, it's just a laugh a curve, right? Because if you lower the age of consent enough, eventually electricity just springs from the ground. So, this is from the actual, like,

in-depth, this is from the article from bitcoin.com, a website I read that you don't have to. Oh, wow. Which is an in-depth look at Satoshi Island. They say, Satoshi Island citizenship is the ultimate NFT for any aspiring Satoshi Islander. Provides the holder with exclusive benefit.

I mean, immediately a baffling sentence. Satoshi Island citizenship is the ultimate NFT for any aspiring Satoshi Islander. Presumably, yes. That's like saying, I don't know, like owning a Primark jacket is the ultimate jacket for anyone who wants a Primark jacket. Do you want a Primark jacket, Milo?

No. Okay, well, you know what else I don't want. So, Satoshi Island is taking the next step in the evolution of NFTs by introducing a way to turn digital ownership into physical. Anyone can own a piece of the island by acquiring Satoshi Island land NFTs that can be bought and sold easily without any of the complications

associated with the transfer of traditional real estate. Or any of the security. Or any of the running water. Yeah, indeed. Well, we've defined regulation and now you can be, you can buy this like wedge of land. Fantastic. And then you get a house, of course.

And all the houses, weirdly, are going to be the same because only one architecture firm is making them. You can only get one kind of house. Question. So, if my house catches fire, right, is that like, do I

wait for the market to provide me with a fire department? Or do I like, then try and commoditize that fire? I think probably both. Okay. I think you'd commoditize the fire while you have it and then the time it takes for the fire department to put it out is arbitrage. I see.

But in the meantime, you can go and have sex with the youngest person you can find. And that time until the fire department puts it out is forever, by the way. Or no, the sea level. Yes, yes. You know what? You make a great point.

So, each living quarter resembles the coconut craft. It resembles a luxurious shipping container. We fucking containerize the crypto guys. Fantastic. Where they belong. A luxurious shipping container. A lux modular shipping container.

And it's designed. It's one module. Get in the chew. Get in it. Get in the CHU. It's 60,000. What is these people's obsession with fucking shipping containers? I love that we've already had the discussion on here that like, actually building dwellings and shipping containers is more expensive than just building them from

scratch. I think they look like shipping containers. They were created by this firm called James Law Cyber Texture in Hong Kong. It's a smart and sustainable glass walled block that can be combined and arranged into hundreds of different positions that can be anything from a family home to a sprawling office space. Cause remember

they want a lot of businesses here. And they say, yeah, of course, of course, all the energy that the island uses will be self-generated by way of renewable methods, including solar panels and specialized waste management systems. But then you look at the actual like ambition to the, to as to what the thing's going to look like. And it's just

identical. It's an identical drawing of like, you could just Google image search, reverse Google image search, and it's identical to like every other one of these modules that ever gets like proposed. But they say, you know, that it's $60,000 per. But again, it's

like the only, it's the only, it's the only house you can get. That part's not on the blockchain. They just decided that's the only house you can get on this island. And that is something that we on this podcast like to call communism.

Communism is when you have running water and electricity. That's my understanding. That's right. Well, they say they say made for the crypto community. Satoshi Island, which again is there's a picture on the website of like some laborers like with some concrete and standing around some trees.

Right. Satoshi Island. Who are those guys going to be? Where are they going to get the concrete from? I assume some kind of a DeFi transaction. Oh, okay. They say it's toys to become the crypto capital of the world intended to bring together thousands of crypto professionals.

But they say it's the it's a place to live that's the ultimate constant networking opportunity. I mean, really depends on what sort of people you're looking at network with crabs. Yeah, crabs. If you're looking to meet lots of coconut crabs then, oh boy. And then maybe eventually fish.

Yeah. The last thing I want to say is talking about James Law, cyber texture. He says to meet the goals of like this is it be him being interviewed by prestige magazine some years ago to meet these goals various like you know, social ecological goals.

We need technology driven architecture which I call cyber texture. Sure. Absolutely. That's right. And so I guess I think I have that. Of course, I still have that. That's right. Yeah, that's perfect. Anyway.

And so that's where they're going to get. I mean will everybody who move there die immediately? Will they all get actually was it just a scam and there was never an intention to move there anyway? Yes. This is all a plot by the coconut crabs. He wanted crack open their skulls

and feast on the goo inside. Yeah, I thought I was in suit saying like, yes, move to our safe island where there are normal levels of crabs. Yeah, I thought it was weird that the invitation was like, let's go start an intentional community. Do not bring weapons.

Okay. I want to read a brief article for the last of this because this is fun. Do not bring crab hammers while the crab destroying devices. You will not need them since there are no crabs signed. Definitely not a crab. This is by

you know who Michael Deacon is? No. So Michael Deacon basically he's trying to write a satirical look at the news column. Oh, I hate this fucking sketch. Bullshit. Excellent. Yeah.

So he writes that column plus like a feature column. These are guys like this is like this is a guy was his job is to like just kind of write his let's say write his musings and Alice, you and I sort of concluded

as to what I have a theory about this. Yeah. And I think let's get into it and then you can tell me your theory. All right. I'm silencing women again. I think this guy's a crab in disguise. That's right. So this is from Michael

Deacon's column way of the world, his satirical column. Again, he's trying to make a this is supposed to be funny. Don't forget comment. JK Rowling is right. Woke men are ruining beards for the rest of us. What? Well, not long ago you see facial

hair was all but ubiquitous. Now innocent men risk being mistaken for insufferable left-wing beard splainers. Innocent men beard splainers. Okay. So I want to try let's see if we can because this is supposed to be like this is something supposed to be a satire I think the satire is to get on.

He's doing an irony. He's doing a bit and so we're triggered and owned if we get mad at him. I think he's trying to sort of like try to own like a bearded version of Owen Jones, I think. A bearded version of Owen Jones would be quite powerful, I think. That's right. Oh, get a beard. So

let's see how it looks. He writes in his comedy column. Gillette says that sales of his razors have shot up 30% in the last year. You may think the reason is obvious after letting themselves go during lockdown men decided to smarten up and return to the office. I think the reason is actually very different. They decided to pull up

their pants and go back to the office and listen to some real music. Yeah like the big bopper. I have to read the sort of comedic bits of a newspaper and like do a sensible chuckle. Yeah. So are we all ready for a sensible chuckle because here I come. I am ready

than I've ever been in my life. Men simply dare not wear a beard anymore because they fear being mistaken for some insufferable woman hating woke activist. You can hear him getting mad. You can hear him getting so mad when he's typing. You have to

like, generally speaking I would say when you want to carry off a bit like that you got to try not to get mad while you're doing it. Yeah, that's kind of a key element of the carrying off a bit. This leads me into my theory, right? My theory is that this guy is

dark side Adrian Charles. Okay, go into it. He's noticed something and it's bouncing around the walls of his mind but unlike Adrian Charles, Adrian Charles is like

perfectly glossy, smooth frictionless brain surfaces, right? And so he'll perceive something and it'll just slide straight through and it'll make it into the form of a column where like Adrian Charles grapples with hearing the word

roadmap for the first time and goes oh, interesting. And draws no conclusion. And not even doing road works. Yeah, exactly. Whereas this guy has the sort of like enough of the sort of animating grit of like British spite that he's like

getting mad at the thing as it's like occurring to him. My question to bearded woke men is do you want to use my toilet? There's no getting away from it. Of late, beards have become synonymous with a very specific type of man.

At the weekend, J.K. Rowling gave them a name, Beard Splainers. These are men who... She's just recycled that from fucking Graham Linehan of all people. J.K. Rowling parroting something that Graham Linehan said? Come on.

But genuinely though, this is like a weird turf bug bear. And to try and like smuggle it in under the guise of like doing a faint irony. That's real weird. Well, I mean, it's real weird because I think that... I'll go on.

J.K. Rowling gave the name Beard Splainers. These are men who, despite purportedly to be... Despite purporting to be impeccably progressive, appear to spend their every waking moment on social media belittling women. And without exception, absolutely all of these men have beards. Just as punks have moheakens

and monks have shaved crowns, so too woke men will have beard. I think woke men should get a tonche. I think that would be good. I think we should start embracing that. For me, this development is particularly distressing because I often have a beard myself. My look veers

between Chubby George Michael and the full Captain Haddock. Yet now I suppose I'll have to go to the bother of shaving every morning. Otherwise, strangers will take me for some preening podcast plugging brooch list. Podcast plugging? Well, here we go.

This really... What a fun little vignette about our times and our ways of living, you know? Of course. I enjoy the contrast between like Chubby George Michael and full Captain Haddock which would be two fun additions to the kind of gay, twink otter bear

taxonomy. Well, it was on reading that paragraph, right, that I've developed a further corollary to the Alice Heer theory that is that the distinction between him and Adrian Childs, which is

that every British columnist is Adrian Childs. And that like the nervousness of someone or anxiety of someone like Raphael Bear keeps them from ever becoming full Adrian Childs, the contrarian impulse of Dan Hodges, his desire to do something with his column.

It's like the sand in an oyster, right? That's how you get the poles. Whereas Adrian Childs, of course, is a perfectly untroubled oyster who will never, ever create a pearl. And yet he creates the greatest pearls of all.

Absolutely. And so too, to all of these other guys, like Raphael Bear's shoes column, a classic, an eternal classic, a certified banger exists only because he briefly let his guard down and allowed himself to write like

Adrian Childs. Yeah, that could have been written by Childs. Yeah, of course it could have. But I think it's and so this is Michael Deacon as I think the closest to Adrian Childs as his opposite. Where Adrian Childs is like his warrior. Yeah, he's dark Adrian Childs

and Adrian Childs is of course Adrian Wilds. As a perfect Zen existence, just drifting through his life, just observing things as they come up and allowing them to slip away. And, you know, Michael Deacon on the other hand is sort of so

he is, he's so close. It's just he is unable to stop reacting. So what's curious is that the child'sness applies to all British columnist, irrespective of political affiliation, age, class, gender

even. I've read Liz Mayer columns that could have been written by Adrian Childs. It's truly, it is a universal, a universal truth, a grand unified theory of columnists. It's not that being a columnist

is a sickness, it's just that Adrian Childs is the only Yeah, trying to deny the child'sness of your job. That's the sickness. Human condition is that our core, we are all childs. There is a child inside

all of us. We're all childs of God here. Yeah, that's right. Also, hey, this is Adrian Childs, Adrian Childs of God. Do you think it's time we pause for dinner? I think it's time we, well, I have four minutes until I can eat. So yes,

absolutely. Yeah, we got, we got some Korean on deck coming into the studio. So I'm very excited about that. I'm also very excited about is the live show still happening in the future from this episode? That's on the 20th of April. Yeah, I would hope so. I hope April's not going to go that fast.

Jesus. It's the 7th. I don't know if you're listening to this. It's no longer the 7th. No, of course. It'll be five days from four days. It will be some days from now when you're listening to this and the live show will be some further days from that.

Don't worry about it. If you're listening to this, hey, it's today. Yeah, whatever today is. That's the day that today is. Yeah. This is the level of organization that my brain feels like all the time. It's whatever that says. So anyway, maybe there are tickets left to the live show. I don't know if it's close to selling out.

Yeah, they may or may not be. There's also the Britonology and CloudCards live show on the 3rd of May. The tickets for that are on the Trash Future website. You need to go to our store on the website. You need to navigate on over to the website to open up your internet browser. Open up Netscape Navigator.

That's right. Type in HTTP. You need to go to the Crypto Island. Yeah, you could get a ticket there. You can get an NFT of the ticket there, so we know you own the NFT. That's it. Board a pod club.

So yeah, that's happening. I'm sure Milo's got some dates. Yeah. 12th of April, which is this. It's today. It's today. Hey, today, there will be

a smoke comedy with Alex Keely and Mickey Overman. I'm emceeing it. Why not come to that? Also, on the 1st of May, I'm getting my 2019 tour show, Pindos, filmed. There's many tickets. Please come to that. The links to all these are on my website. On the 17th of May,

in Brighton, I'm doing my new show, Voice Mail, my favourite town in the UK. You're going to get a crystal? I do want to go to Bristol. I just need to organise it. Are you going to get a crystal when you're in Brighton?

I'm going to get some Brighton rock, hang out by the pavilion. I'm going to get some crystal meth. You want to get some white guy dreads? Anyone wants to smoke illegal drugs? Illegal? Come to the Brighton live show. All right.

You can say, no, I don't smoke illegal drugs. That's right. I'll be like, it was all a test. There are no illegal drugs here. Only these coconut crabs. I'm leashing the coconut crabs on the audience. These drugs sniffing coconut crabs. They're only here to sniff crabs.

I'll cop with a coconut crab on a leash. It's got a little vest on that says police on it. Adorable. I support the police crabs. I welcome them. I would encourage them, though, to not crack open our heads and feast on the goo inside. All right, bye everybody. Bye.

Thanks for watching.