TRASHFUTURE - ASSFUTURE

Episode Date: September 21, 2017

Riley (@raaleh) Milo (@milo_edwards) and Olga (@rocknrolga) sit down for what is probably the least coherent episode we've ever recorded. We talk about the Bodega, which is a stupid start up that invented a vending machine in order to spread poverty around the world, and about the Inspiration Trust's newest kid jail in Great Yarmouth, which requires you to shit in a bucket while making full eye contact with a teacher. Because of respect. STREET respect.

Because we all we alone have access to transcended morality can it is us it's only us somewhere in trendy East London mostly so it doesn't get murdered I love qualifying I'll tell you there are a couple of things actually that Riley's Riley's reversal corner juggalos good now juggalos knew that what's it what's a juggaloo is that like a jiggaloo who juggles like what that's an extraordinarily literal interpretation of what I've said really how the hell else am I supposed to be insane clown policy and they drink they go and they go to the gathering they drink they go they go to the gathering they drink

they're very very good is the thing because now now the vanguard against fascism in the States is actually fans of the insane clown posse which shows me that 2017 is actually very good fighting fire with fire with Fago I still don't understand what Fago is can we stop can we stop using words that I don't understand please okay so insane clown posse is a is a rapping duo that dressed like clowns like imagine they're like they're like trashy kiss like that's their yeah yeah I know what insane clown posse is I was okay with okay yeah so their fandom is called juggalos which is sweet right and if it's a girl it's a

jagalette of course right okay why why are they called that is their reason I'm not really sure so basically for the longest time they were really offensive and then all of a sudden they were like all these offensive songs were just metaphors for Christianity and then well it's that what they do is they'd say that all of their albums that the ICP released were cards in the Joker's deck and that like it all played into this whole sort of universe that they created called the dark carnival and like they're all just sweet and all over and so essentially now what's happened is that the dark carnival includes a

dunk tank for Steve Bannon and it's gonna be the first shower he's had in years well we really broke Olga earlier than usual it's like it's like it's like how welcome welcome to my man cave where actually I have all of my antifa stuff in feminist lineage feminist literature tight tight tight ah anyway who's who's who's here and who's where should I like my name's my name's my name's Myla Edwards you might remember from you from every previous episode of this podcast I'm in Moscow I am at my line the score Edwards on all relevant social media a toa my name's Olga and sober for nine months if only country to what you may

think based on the Olga I am in London currently live well the old switcheroo live at this moment currently alive currently live and so I'm wanting to find you on Twitter what would they do oh at rock and roll go at rock and roll go and I like also from every other episode of this dang podcast and Riley at Raleh our double a leh my poorly advised Twitter handle such a bad it's pretty bad it's a really bad Twitter handle I will say I think we need to bring back calling this podcast job of the huts podcasting palace I probably like edit in instead of the normal theme song I do hope the role of the

older is like that was chained up and slightly naked there that's kind of yeah I mean I I'm personally I'm trying to grow some twlech head tails she's gonna be pretty great and then I'm gonna desultrally try to choke like erotically choke Jabba and then get fed to his pet erotically joke I love a good erotic joking that's like like that like sexy lady being fed to the rancor like that's definitely like early vor slash empreg porn right what is vor slash porn vor you guys you guys one of my friends is into cannibal Riley why do you know so much about porn I mean I thought that I watched porn but like

good god I mean you know I just I don't have a lot going on you know how do you feel about anus is being referred to as poop shoots and porn poop shoots that makes it makes him sound like parachutes but for poop yep when they when they dump out the septic tank of an aeroplane there's like a little a little parachute for every little time so they float softly to us and then that's the 69th airborne son you're a member of the 101st pairborn I don't like this is no time to be acting like a sissy because hot take hot take number one Milo because I didn't get it there because I'm a because I'm a hashtag

millennial I I'm just I I do a lot of eating the booty essentially yeah I like eating ass literally love and if anyone can attest to that it's me I was hoping to go further with the like change the name ask future the podcast about the future is asked well you know when when when called upon I was really hoping to go further with the kernel of the 101st poop airborne giving a motivational speech that was that was where my comedic riff was going can you not hear me what is going on he's too busy eating out oh why why can you not hear me I'm talking oh it went on to my headphones that's what happened Milo

yeah can you hear me yes I have been talking this whole time and once you edit the recordings get it you'll realize how dumb the two of you sound it's that you're going like I can't hear you I can't hear you unless you're talking about eating ass sometimes all right shall we shall we do the podcast maybe probably yeah yeah are we good are we good with doing the podcast I mean no but it's why we're here so the podcast is just me describing memes right yeah of course it's I'm gonna give you more memes so that's it also I saw the other day there's there's a Russian magazine that's called Timia which means like in

in the in the theme but because of the way it's written it look if you read it is as English as it looks like be meme it looks like what it looks like it says be meme which I mean I now want to subscribe to this magazine I suspect it's probably really boring though so I did a little scan of the news and and also of Twitter I would say I did a scan of Twitter I mean I was lying in bed at like five in the morning just going through Twitter because because my brain is broken number one there was a very in response to the Hillary book there was a very fun Hillary tweet on Hillary Twitter on Becky Twitter as

people have been calling it which was saying you know if Hillary just stood in the middle of Fifth Avenue doing nothing people would probably claim she shot someone I saw that and I was like no if Hillary was standing in the middle of Fifth Avenue doing nothing then people would claim she wandered off from the old age home and probably needed to be brought back into the warm slam burn or Hillary better pour some cold water on that one cuz trash you just got your number you're old bitch I don't know I just I just I hate all sides so much like I mean like Hillary Twitter is so dumb but I also just like

that I also think people who didn't vote for Hillary because they didn't like her very much are also kind of dumb because they ended up with Trump who they generally speaking like less I still find that dumb even I like fine fine Bernie was better we get it but like you know it's also dumb not to vote for someone who is like better than the only alternative that is that is dumb but it's it's we've reached this point I think in comedy especially where like I mean if you kind of describe it fully is if you hate hipsters you're hack but if you like hipsters you're also hack yeah so it's like every position is hack yeah

there is no non-hack position exactly everything is hack except except being a dang teen yes actually except having except having your own fucking nihilist podcast dank memes that's a tattoo I'm gonna get you know what you know what isn't a lower back tattoo I know what isn't hack what isn't hack is ass future the podcast where the future is ass the future is eating ass yeah the future is eating ass like every every one's wild about eating ass now in a way we're all eating Trump's ass right now guys I'm turning around eating ass taking a beating ass is it is this your you're doing a pivot to anal wait Riley

do you like your ass getting eaten I'm less I prefer I'm more of a giver is a pivot to anal like stoop to conquer but just something like that I'd be I would totally I would totally date a girl who I'm not even gonna finish that thought it's just Milo answer the damn question do you like it when people eat your ass I mean like why not it's an enjoyable sensation never heard anyone be so non-committal about something to do with the butt usually people are very good about it there are marches I'm like I'm like the guy the guy in the 101st poop airborne who actually can't handle when when they really get into

combat I was like fine in the training but then but then once but then once someone starts laying down some MG 42 on us I'm like whoa man this isn't what I signed up for you see you see someone's leg getting blown off by it by an errant rim job and you're like man I've got the Moscow autumn cough and last night I went out and got drunk and smoked a lot of cigarettes which did not help I mean would you like some ass for that throat just soothe your soothe your throat with the refreshing taste of ass I'm gonna skip on to something else now I'm afraid doesn't have to do with ass but

doesn't mean we can't talk about ass during I'll find a way to bring it up don't you wait life um life finds a way if you if you tweet at Riley the words you eass the cops actually come up throw a flashbang through your window I may not be hashtag verified I I've I've so I've like completely lost the thread of this Apple ready hey we haven't really done the episode yet shall we get into it let's just fucking it into it okay guys guys guys do you like stores stores yes like grain stores or like like Radio Shack like what are we talking radio no this is something that's been really making the

rounds on on on Twitter recently which is it oh I thought Riley was making the rounds on the the Twitter internet a recently hey hey Riley Riley sliding into the DMs like hey enjoyed your tweet about Trump might I eat your ass tips for Dora mullady wait what's what's the like like like online socialist version of a fedora it's like a fucking supreme hoodie I think I mean he's not wrong and you do own one of those but in the meantime a text start up called bodega that hopes to replace mom and pop shops with unmanned boxes that rely on an app and artificial intelligence is facing a massive backlash from immigrant

business owners and skeptics across Silicon Valley and this is now me editorializing rightfully the entire fucking world yeah I mean it's just a vending machine isn't it yeah it is it is a box full of stuff that's like you open up and then you take something out and it recognizes by like a wait and a camera what you've taken out and then automatically charges your credit card it's a slightly improved vending machine I I really love things that reinvent things that already exist it's it's one of my personal faves it's like a one day Silicon Valley is gonna be like yeah so we've invented this thing so like are you

tired of like eating food with your hands well we have developed this new thing it combines a long narrow shaft with three fairly sharp prongs and you can use this to deliver pieces of food which you can buy from us at a cost of $150 a bag from the specialized food bag to your mouth without getting your hands all covered in food we call it all it only works with the proprietary special food bag right yeah oh yeah definitely we call this the each right and side in or something slick futuristic design stainless steel yeah Wi-Fi

capability machine washable oh yeah connect connect your phone and you have to like you have to scan a QR code on the food which enables the fork to adapt to the food that you're currently eating yeah so if you bought such a thing the only food you're beating would be shit and die I'm just gonna say you don't need a fork to eat ass well I don't know how you do it so I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna read a little more from this this article for the past ten months the pair of founders have been testing out the concepts at 30 locations rage raging from like apartment lobbies to dorms and offices to gyms and the

idea is to assess what the most hundred most needed items are in that community and there here's they give the example to get kind of odd in a sorority house for instance young women might regularly need to purchase pretzels makeup remover and tampons meanwhile an apartment block residents might regularly buy what the fuck is going on wait is the main benefit of this invention they'll finally allow women to buy tampons what the fuck is the noise is it secret Russian Christmas we're opening we're opening the takeaway that we just bought or rather is opening it and I'm watching with with barely concealed glee what I

would seem so ghoulish to me about this though is that the quote unquote bodega says like in a sorority house for instance young women might regularly purchase pretzels makeup remover and tampons which sounds to me like a party or meanwhile women they love pretzels that's what they're stereotyping about women they just love pretzels I'm with her because I believe in pretzels for all meanwhile in an apartment block residents might regularly buy toilet paper pasta and sugar women don't buy toilet paper no just tampons because they don't have asses you don't need

yeah you soak it in vodka you put in your ass you're drunk and clean you're good you're good you're good time to run for president now go stand in the middle of fifth avenue go stand in the middle of fifth avenue run for president and then celebrate september 11th by vomiting and fainting in public okay what are the other things when I when an item is bought bodega gets a note to replace it and then regularly sends people out to restock the boxes but what this means is like they're going to be like houses that have this bodega thing in their main living space and like just people are going to be coming in and out of your house freely to restock like this like

private pay cupboard that's just in your house so you feel like out of money you're starving to death and staring at a locked cupboard of food you're not allowed to have but that's just vending machines but it's like it's a vending machine that's taking over a space inside your house I mean how great is that I mean doesn't everyone want a shop to be actually inside their house um what I love about this is that the you know the capitalists snike it now because they can run a business where they pay no staff and yet still manage to sell loads of shit and make loads of money but when they're not going to like it is when the machines gain sentience and begin keeping all the profits for themselves or murdering their former enslavers you I've

just realized you know who actually this would be amazing for who the target market of this product is who all right youtubers because they now leave the house with Paul Joseph Watson will be able to activate to like subsist on cheese doodles without ever leaving the house I see what you mean imagine my shock when I was murdered by a vending machine but I think I think what's integral to their existence is having someone in their life to hate but if they're not interacting with with the target demo of their hatred I feel like it's not going to get fuel maybe just like someone in an off license was mean to Paul Joseph Watson once 100 percent and now it's like that amazing Mike I feel like someone everywhere has been mean to Paul Joseph

Watson at least once man is the dick van dyke of the all right but basically Mike Kaplan is a very similar joke about how all these people who would if they could ever time travel they would go kill Hitler so what if because he's Jewish and he's like what if Hitler wanted to kill Jews because as a baby people Jews kept killing him you're trying to kill him because they're time traveling Jews but that would mean that hits that baby Hitler was like immune to death like baby's day out style maybe Paul Joseph Watson thinks that the second world war is like that film looper yeah that's the Mike Kaplan joke yeah that's that's kind of the joke that's the joke we've

been doing for the last few minutes my love thank you for going for yourself except it's not called blooper it's called baby Hitler and the time traveling Jews baby Hitler baby Hitler running backwards on a pig baby Hitler um yeah yeah i'm in favor of that film let's make it let's get a budget together okay uh there is actually something about i want to move on to but yeah for one that the fortunately um because the bodega company was so incredibly just like tone deaf and all of its advertising because like their statement was actually we want to put your local corner shop out of business but they call themselves bodega i think that's like that is almost criminal like what do you what do they think all those people are going to do like the people like like

the people who are living in like london working in off license is new york and working in bodegas what are they going to do when all but they're put out of business by essentially vending machines like i don't know i mean i don't know if that's the argument that i would be compelled to make because i think the idea of not eradicating an industry because it puts people out of jobs is a reason to keep making i don't know growing tobacco or whatever right yeah so i don't know if that's the only reason but i think it's like i i think it's it's something you should be conscious of i think you absolutely need to think about employment yeah but also it's a completely pointless product yes that's the thing that bothers me it's i think

also does this make me feel like a bad socialist grow as much tobacco as you want like but not too much the company that came up with this bodega thing they're like they're like some 1930s guys in high trousers who are like say look at these immigrant people making money from their own business well we're gonna put a stop to that these are the bodega the bodega people are actually time traveling racists yeah why aren't we making money from this that's what i want to ask we for we like two ex-googlers uh could make millions on uh eradicating the livelihoods of basically everyone else but the problem is not technological change the problem is that like all of the benefits of that technological technological

change really amounts to a massive upward transfer of wealth to a very small number of people yeah the kind of the kind of people who when they see people making money their first question is why aren't we making money from this and therefore and like and they then they're trying to disguise it as them helping out it's like it's you shouldn't it's we shouldn't like it's not that like technological change is necessarily bad because it makes some industries obsolete it's that the ownership model of capitalism means that when industries are made obsolete like three people benefit from it and then three million people are put are put out of work and told to retrain as coders but they're like you know like a like a 50 year old who's worked at

bodega for 30 years and it's like oh i'll just learn ruby on rails now it's already an obsolete language oh god this whole thing like everyone should learn how to code pisses me off so much because like first of all like coding is hard right point one and like i mean it could be that hard i just can't do stuff that's that hard thank you and point two is like we don't need an entire world population of fucking computer programmers in fact the number of jobs for computer programmers is surprisingly small do you think is do you know who does need an entire population of computer programmers is silicon valley who wants a hot a large labor pool so they can pay lower wages to computer programmers um hot take why do you think no i mean all of the computer like the the computer

game companies they're essentially just like slave labor yeah like that's that's and that's why like that the sort of that there's this big like that big meritocracy argument that you keep getting for like for immigration right which is the oh we only want the best and brightest that the u.s keeps using to justify its h1b visa program or the uk uses to like justify its shortage occupation list or whatever really is just a concerted push by the tech industry to put drive down labor costs in effect yes sucks whoa shit that's woke oh god i want everything i've said to be edited out i feel like i'm sounding like a libertarian cock you want me to be fair you i'm sure if anyone in this room would like the age of consent lowered my favorite kind of cock it is me Olga just dates

teens everyone i love teens she dates dang teens do you reckon there's like a there's an algorithm that just loves eating ass could we get like an ass eaters category on facebook avatar it just appetizes you like you mean it's an algorithm yes sorry what my name is Olga and i love ass this is this i think that's the that's the name of the episode well we're going to do another few minutes about education i think after this brief break are you doing the poke are you doing the talking about ass eating or pussy eating ass eating so are you looking up and down or are you going in and out you're so you go up and down up and down around the town okay okay my man

my man eating my man eating that good ass supersize me please cut this out it's so racist i'm not cutting any of this please i'm picking you up i mean the only reason i cut it out is basically because i only really know my man laughing as like a come-town tank see you see what what really what really killed ass eating was the talkies remember how we talked about how we're going to try and keep segment too tight okay let's keep it like an asshole i got halfway through one sentence like an ass there is there's been this sort of growing movement tight tight tight in in the uk of allowing private charities and trust to take over schools and one of the most recent ones has been the very creepily and not at all weirdly named inspiration trust

has taken over a school in great yarmouth and the inspiration trust sort of already gained some notoriety a couple years ago for taking over a school in wembley and instituting the most insanely strict disciplinary codes um that really anyone had ever heard of and they have now taken over another school in great yarmouth which has i think quite reasonably prompted some um questions asked from the parents yeah people they look at a school and they say why can't this be more like a concentration camp i mean the um they got this uh they've got this this disciplinary manual which has been making the rounds um which just as an example uh says that uh students have to go to bed at half nine and wake up at six um it's how do they monitor

that uh how's that reinforced well they they reinforce that by like shaming parents so like if they so they they say that it's the parents who have to discipline the students at home and then the school is disciplining the students at school and so really they're being kind of disciplined a hundred percent of the time is this school kind of bdsm is that like that it's i mean in in in a sense i mean like it's um they uh they are so obsessed with the idea of discipline that students have to um have to walk in single file in their classes from class to class and if you talk in the hallways you're punished you're not supposed to go to the bathroom during class it's about that i'm getting a little turned on nice and they are fed only on thin

we're gonna get another fellow orgasm and if you talk in class you have to eat the headmaster's ass um and and it's one of the communicates says if you are sick and you need to vomit no problem we'll get you a bucket that's probably all your body wanted to vomit and because you're probably not really ill and instead just trying to get out of class if i went to this school i'd probably want to vomit today to the change of like one minor subject to this school might be they accidentally really enable bulimia there's like a load of there's like a load of like teenage girls who are like hell yeah i can do it at my desk because they're getting so much food poisoning from eating ass yeah exactly if charlie parlor went to this school he'd be having a whale of a time

well um and so it's but it's it's instilling what i i find it so annoying i'll i'll got some selections here is that they say your children's job is to attend school every day on time follow all instructions the first time every time treat everyone they meet politely which we'll find means with utmost deference and get the top grades they possibly can and everything they do which essentially like it's just complete anathema to sort of critical thinking creativity uh it's and it's basically it's it's suggesting that sort of the most ideal kid is a complete robot it may not surprise you to learn that the inspiration trust tends to take over schools in relatively deprived areas oh god well yeah but i mean that's not surprising is i mean that i

feel like of all the criticisms we could make that's probably not one of them because like all of the schools that are up for takeover all in deprived areas because that's where the bad schools are because in the middle class areas the schools aren't bad for reasons which are also due to capitalism but like there's not really like their state today is to make the school better this guy's driving forces what's this thing i this is something weird like myla you read his blog right yeah i did the guy the guy was great i fucking love um the man in charge barry smith i will now i will now read a short excerpt from this man's blog yeah he says he says uh this is this is a this is a section about a school trip which i really enjoyed as per normal we entered

the tube car good explanation there of how how a tube works although also who describes it as a tube car we're back into 1930s talkies man again we ended the tube car traveling on the underground railroad no not freeing the slaves but getting from one end of the city to the other quickly we we stood in silence we got our books out we read it's becoming weirdly like slam poetry at this point um when seats became available we sat when adults needed a seat we immediately stood and offered our seats okay so plot twist the headmaster is also a child that explains everything thank you but we're now we're now coming up towards my favorite detail we changed at canary wharf we formed a perfect line again we stayed in order we counted down each person shouting out their

number in french okay like uh oh why do they have to shout out their number in french um it's like it just so i love just that detail like oh yeah i made the kids number off to make sure they were all here again like so they're about to jump out of a plane in band of brothers um and then um but then also just the random detail that they have to do it in french now like it's not enough that the children are like militarily disciplined they also have to be militarily disciplined in french wouldn't that look like a really sinister countdown yeah on on busy but narrow pavements we stayed eyes front silent single file not a second was wasted i think this man is writing this with a full erection that is that is really the impression i get where does he get

the money again and again and this always happens when we take our kids out members of the public congratulated the kids congratulated the teachers stopped and pointed look at that fucking weirdo they said with an erection leading a bunch of children around how disgusting took photos as a perfect line of mikaela pupils proudly walked by mikaela kids turn heads mikaela was the school they took over they took they took over in north london yeah you also made it sound like kind of hostile like the inspiration trust turned up with a r 15 so like it's our school now as ever staff at the venue said they'd never seen such polite children the kids shone in the shop their manners were impeccable they spoke clearly to shop staff they wish shop staff have

a nice day they made great eye contact so wait maybe this is like a rehabilitation academy for like posters um as we queued to enter the planetarium the kids showed off reeling off loads and loads of french as if they're just saying random phrases but in french like not actually talking but just like just saying like bonjour quoi que monsieur bon plumeuse using a broad range of structures projecting beautifully their accents stunning members of the public again all all of this is in conversations and interactions that definitely really really really definitely oh oh god it gets better french tourists were overheard discussing how smart and how polite our kids were they also went on about how good our kids french was like and then everybody

clapped is like the next line that i expect in this you know jesus christ that sounds like the guy had some like really traumatic sexual experience with a french woman once but also don't you notice that like at turns the kids are either completely silent in a queue or spouting off random french phrases mostly help me have me please dear lord help me in perfect french action i sort of imagine that guy having a sexual experience with a french woman who is like that was really bad sex and he's like but i use such a broad range of structures and remain silent throughout but i queued up perfectly i'm just imagining this guy like organizing a weird orgy during which everyone is silent and having sex with each other but in single file

oh god um but as to the as to the animus of this guy i like i've tried i've done some research on it i genuinely don't know because he's not it's not like he's got a religious agenda and it's not that he has even necessarily a social conservative agenda does he have children himself um i don't i don't know i don't know but if he did they would he ask no child of mine i mean what honestly what i actually think happened is that like eat your ass greggory there's no desire to tell you eat your ass i think so i think there was like someone went in with the movie ticket from the last action hero to like a really hacky 80s high school comedy and like he's definitely put like the the football team on double secret probation

and they need to and they need to pull off the biggest prank of the semester oh yeah like barry smith is definitely gonna try and like you know turn he's essentially gonna try and turn like Thorpe park into like the children's sadness factory oh god like yeah but also the name barry smith he sounds like a divorced driving instructor barry smith also sounds like a fake name i'm pretty sure he has like a so a background his real name was pull joseph watson all along imagine my surprise other other elements of the of the document that i thought were fun were um that uh basically the uh that they exist in acronyms so they say that in order in order to interact with the staff you must always think of your steps number one sir or miss every time

number two thank you every time number three excuse me every time number four please every time but it really gets me is number five smile every time do they have to say thank you even when it's not warranted like if it's like there is like you you've got detention and they're like thank you thank you for the bucket thank you for the bucket thank you for allowing me to vomit sir like they're one of the other rules is pupils are asked to track the teacher by keeping their eyes on them whenever they're talking like you're not allowed to look out you're not allowed to look off to the side and it says in quote you never turn around even if you hear a noise behind you you don't look out the window you never lose focus this school is so vulnerable to a shooting

the kids are sitting perfectly still in single file while one of the other kids who has justifiably gone insane mose them all down well toilet breaks during or between lessons are not permitted hmm so between lessons either yeah nothing where the fuck do you piss in the bucket there's a bucket everyone is assigned a bucket can we go can we go undercover in this school you can't look in the bucket as well you have to piss while making eye contact with the teacher we do like trash future never been kissed where the three of us go pretend to be pupils in this school and we just like oh my god we need to fucking go to those schools i i during a french class uh take a shit in the

bucket well while never breaking eye contact with the teacher and while counting from one to 30 flawlessly we fuck so many underage teams yep it sounds like sounds like a japanese porn film but but then again doesn't everything do you know what the um you're on trash future do you know what the what the what the like creepiest thing is their main form of punishment which you get for like demerits like if you look away from the teacher whatever well my school has demerits is no but that what you've have if you get a couple demerits you get put in what's called isolation yeah that sounds like detention it's like detention but it's like like being shunned by the amesh like you're not allowed to sit with anyone else at lunch for example oh god you just

have to be by yourself and you're only allowed to have like candles and horse and cart and stuff it's like it's it's and um yeah it's you are you're literally like not allowed to interact with anyone ever and it even says on the guide like your homework is your top priority you should never do anything you should go to bed early and always do all of your homework the point where it says when you leave school walk directly home don't socialize with other other peoples sit down in a quiet area and do your homework immediately and then go to bed at 9 30 when do you eat um you're not allowed to eat actually because that doesn't focus on exam results also because because eating eating leads to pooping and pooping these toilet breaks

how is this legal well that's the thing it's I think again I think it's I think there's like it's connected to the fact that like these like we sort of it that we internalize sort of a lot of the um pathologies of poverty in a lot of people who are less well off rather than in the system that creates their poverty so we suggest that the problem with deprived areas having bad schools isn't that um you know there is there is like like enforced family chaos due to like benefit slashes constant like crazy surveillance by police and social workers and stuff an uneven life created by sort of the criminalization of entire categories of people but schools like this allow us to say no the poor are just naturally wild they're just crazy by

themselves and so we have to keep them in order right well yeah well like here's the thing isn't it is that like so um in that I think in the UK in recent years there has been like some success with like these kind of people who've like turned schools around and like the kids have gone a better education and stuff which is like it's a good thing because like you have I think a lot of these schools like having attended like a school that was a bit like this for a while like you get like schools where there are like quite a lot of like smart slash normal kids but then there are like there's like a 20 percent of kids who just so completely destroy the fabric of the school that no one learns anything um and therefore if you like if you have these schools that are really

well run they can ensure that at least like a good percentage of like kids in deprived areas are getting good education without like so I mean like yeah obviously like a lot of the reasons behind like the broader broad brush causes all of this are to do with like society right but given that like changing society would take a long time changing schools is quicker in terms of a way to ensure that more of those kids aren't then entrapped in the cycle of poverty however this particular school is insane um so but at the same time like this is just a complete like the sort of incredible disciplinarian um the the sort of insane disciplinarian nature of of Barry Smith's um tier tier school for tots uh is just like this weird pathologization of

of of just entire areas and dehumanization yeah oh yeah for sure I mean like my point is I don't have a problem with these schools in principle I have a problem with this school in particular because it's run by an insane person it's it's run by an insane person who who makes up um who makes up interactions they've had with people on the street because their students are at once silent and very well queued up and also babbling random french phrases do you think I would like the idea of these kids learning better french than him so they can start like trashing him behind his back in like fucking Marseille slang do you ask what you think it's the headmaster say in beland this is definitely not a very good work children no ass eating for you today

but sir may have some more you have to go to bed without your ass I had is I had to confiscate your child's ass because his ass is mine no Milo yeah question okay okay actually before we go to the before we go to Steven seagull fact let's do a little um let's do a little uh uh wrap up on uh mr barry smith and his fantastic de kenzie in uh teen prison uh what do we think it sounds like a great tv show that I would watch yeah it really does sound a lot like those crazy victorian prisons in britain that they had in the 19th century you know well they thought that like the solution to people learning how to be better criminals in prison was to keep prisoners isolated from each other

24 hours a day um which just meant that all of the prisoners went insane like that was literally the only consequence and they were like oh yeah I guess we better not do that anymore it's crazy yeah I think that uh the mackayla school in north london and the great yarmouth charter school in great yarmouth um I much prefer them as settings for like a snobs v slobs teen comedy where barry smith definitely definitely definitely like ends up trying to give like a really important rally and then just gets pantsed and then everyone gets to see that he has a tiny dick and there's like there's like the beaming the beaming mayor of the town comes to inspect the school and they like pour custard all over the headmaster at the crucial

moment and he's like those dang teens this is why I've always hated the teens and because that gets so much attention they completely ignore the fact that there were three adults pretending to be students in the school and they also completely ignore the fact that the the teens dunked this custard over his head while speaking perfect french just add in something there were no french tourists around to notice it that's what happened barry smith taught the teens such perfect discipline and coordination that they were able to pull off the most insane custard dunk in perfect french in the history of the school you guys are going to be legends forever but wait those those three cool those three cool older teens where did they go

and we're just off to free another school wait is that kirsten dunst it's like never been kissed but never been remmed oh god kirsten kirsten dunst playing olga cock playing kirsten dunst playing a school child oh my god the headmaster is playing with a cameo of olga cock playing kirsten dunst the headmaster is played by kevin spacey it's it's the it's me the fat suit but then it's you in a fat suit wearing specks um but like the kevin spacey is like playing the frank underwood character as the headmaster

and you know it keeps like turning to character they might think that the custard mix means the end of this but they're wrong all right i'll play their game for now i think we've got a great new setting we've got a great new movie pitch uh for uh never been kissed to never been remmed set in the in the great yarmouth charter school this awful expression of just once again the pathologization of the of the behaviors of people who tend to be in poverty she's tired of being single so she's had to go single file she's never been kissed but has she ever been french kissed ooh and random outbursts in the canary warf tube station yeah then it really is there really is kind of a whole hitler youth element to the way in which he describes the children well yeah they

tend to be sort of following orders in barking out commands and stuff yeah and there's like a but they're also they they know loads of like propaganda about the jews like that's the that's the one element like when members of god they're so polite and they're like yes we're very polite unlike the semites and like what what did that child just say myla what is happening to you i mean i i do like the idea it's it's that that's sort of extremely disciplined children thing is just creepy yeah it's it's very hitler youth is literally what it is teens will be teens and berry fucking smith will not stop them when i mean there were actually some dang teens who rebelled against the nazis weren't there there was that

whole i can't remember what the group was called but there were a bunch of them that were like juggler went around like in their spare time a la heathers murdering like ss officers and shit and then loads of them were executed i mean that's a pretty lit thing for teens to do it was pretty work to be fair oh my god should we do like a cw mtv type half hour like comedy drama about it like teen wolf teen wolf but like teen else is she wolf of the ss exactly i think that would be amazing i yeah i mean one for the trash used to listeners if you uh if you know the group of people i'm talking about and can hit me up with the name of them do do tweet wait but that'd be amazing because you could cast really hot like hot arian looking dudes oh teens hot arian looking

teens yeah i could be the casting director you can do the casting couch you want to be a star don't you don't you don't you want to be in the talk is um a mile oh i would like to see this school being run by tony soprano i think that would be better like he just gets a kid in his office like do you ever fucking think how does this make me an asshole you said yeah you gotta wear the uniform jacket you said that mrs mrs delano had a 90 pound mole removed from her ass that's two days in isolation now it's just business it's a matter of respect milo i got a question for you about um now that we're talking about the movies and the talkies um do you know who might be good to cast as uh barry smith in uh never been kissed to never been rimmed starring tony soprano

never never never been kissed to never been rimmed colon on deadly ground correct and that's not that's not the mark of that's not the punctuation mark colon that's just the word colon on deadly ground on the deadly ground of her colon so uh what what's he been up to having to get more creative with the steven seagull facts now because we've now done quite a few of them um so what i did today was i just put steven seagull into google and you know how google now suggests to you like popular questions about steven seagull yes yes yes what are they and you can and you can like drop down open the boxes well one of the questions that came up was what is steven seagull's race and what i love about this is not so much the answer but just that

this was a popular question on google people are like can i like i don't like him but i don't know i need to know what race is um so in case you're alt right and you only want to like steven seagull if he forms your if he conforms to your narrow definition of racial purity uh steven frederick seagull was born in lansing michigan to patricia and fischer a medical technician and samuel seagull as high school math teacher his paternal grandparents were russian jewish immigrants oh no the jews again and his mother had english german and dutch ancestry that was ironic anti semitism i wish to clarify yeah got it got it the following the following two questions are is steven seagull native american and is steven seagull white i like the idea the same person

asked all of these questions but he didn't really feel the first answer really like got to the bottom of it and he was like no what i mean is is steven seagull native american and they're like it's still okay it's like no what i mean is is he white i can like it's you almost understand why someone might be a he probably i imagine he probably would claim to be native american um i learned i learned ike do from a sitting bull himself and secondly i think he really tries to he after the movie glimmer man came out he started talking not just in that film but in the rest of his life and like like a like a weird creole like half creole accent oh god so he's like the original rachel dole though yes steven seagull is like trans is like trans racial but he's been he the problem is he

just is like trans racial eight ways like a woke russian doll like a woke ultiracial matryoshka doll oh yeah the matryoshka i said it right this time yeah you did you did get it right i can't remember what you called it before matryoshka matryoshka oh yeah this this podcast is really about a learning experience for me riley we're slowly going to teach you russian that's like that's like the i think riley has his own patois it's like how the how the italian americans can't actually they say gabagool when that's just not what it's called similarly you're like you could you could form like a new like riley's uh american the russian uh matryoshka doll hey be nice be nice your babushka she does a lot for you i told you i'm going to go for halloween

as a gabagool hey kids sit down eat your bush but do you think it's time for us to go sit down eat our borscht single file silence between classes whoa whoa whoa no vodka till you're 21 all right good night everyone you