TRASHFUTURE - Bossed in Space feat. Laurie Laybourn-Langton

Episode Date: May 23, 2019

It seems like we have limited choices for the future of humanity. On one hand, we could stop the endless, destructive growth cycle that will ruin our climate, but that might affect shareholders’ portfolios. We could also build hellish capitalism in space, according to Jeff Bezos. This week, Riley, Milo, Alice, and Olga met with IPPR Associate Fellow Laurie Laybourn-Langton to discuss our options. Turns out, capital doesn’t want us to choose the good one! If you like this show, sign up to the Patreon and get a second free episode each week! You’ll also get access to our Discord server, where good opinions abound. https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We’ll be performing once again at the Star of Kings in Kings Cross (126 York Way, Kings Cross, London N1 0AX) on Thursday, May 30 at 7:30 pm. Get your tickets here and return to the podcasting basement! https://www.tickettext.co.uk/trashfuture-podcast/trashfuture-live-30052019/ *ADDITIONAL LIVE SHOW ALERT* On June 15, we’ll perform at Wolfson College Bar (Wolfson College, Cambridge CB3 9BB) in Cambridge. The show starts at 8:30 pm, so be there and be ready to hear about Gundams. Tickets are £8 for students and £10 for general admission: https://www.tickettext.co.uk/trashfuture-podcast/trashfuture-live-in-cambridge-15062019/ Also: you can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/, and what’s more, it’s mandatory if you want to be taken seriously. Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

So you have to picture me waggling my eyebrows theatrically. But how's this? So much for the lactose intolerant left. Oh! Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew! Got him. Damn, are you going to start writing for Leno? I think I have to, yeah.

Is Leno still in the air? Leno's on Mars now. Wearing like huge trousers. Oh, no, no, it's the last car. It's the last car you can drive is like the Mars rover. I thought you were going to be like the planet Mars. Look at my car. It's as big as a whale.

It's Mars tonight with Jay Leno. He's doing donuts in the Mars rover. I continue to be the only person on Mars. My guest tonight will be me, Jay Leno. A bit of the Martian where he just goes insane and starts thinking he's Jay Leno. Director Scott. Hey, everybody, have you seen this?

Have you heard about this? No, because I'm the only person on Mars. Wait, he's Mike Tyson. The pardon cast away with Tom Hanks' interviews, Wilson? No, it's the bit of the Martian where Matt Damon bites off a potato's ear, of course. Prang it up. Yeah, it's the potato of Interholi Field.

Hi, welcome back to GettingYourDickSuck.com presents Trash Future Podcast, the podcast of GettingYourDickSuck.com, the website. It's me, Riley. You may remember me from every other previous episode of this podcast. I'm here with Milo on the boards. Hey, yeah, it's me.

I'm filling in for our special son, Nate, our darling boy, podcast dad, who's also the son somehow, because he has a bad tooth. He's got a bad tooth, folks. If the audio is bad on this episode, it's my fault. Nate can do no wrong. No, it's Nate's dentist from a decade ago's fault.

Oh, yeah. Goddamn, he's always foiling our plans. The one guy who's been a consistent thorn in our side, our most powerful and old enemy. And we've also got Olga. Olga Koch, prostate hunter. Yep, she's hunting prostates. We've got Alice on the phone.

Yep, dental health entirely normal over here. Yep, of course, absolutely. Getting an extra row of teeth, in fact. Like a piranha. Hussein's in parliament right now, which is hilarious. Humble brag much. Yeah, getting his teeth checked out.

He demanded, yeah, he's in the teeth in the parliament dentist. The special dentist that all of these guys are doing. If you know what I mean. And we're also joined by Laurie Labrin Langton. Hi. Laurie, how are you doing? I'm well.

My oral hygiene is pretty good right now. Perfect. So, how are you doing? So, Laurie is an economist. He has worked with the IPPR in the past, but I believe you are doing something else now. I'm still doing some stuff with IPPR on environmental breakdown,

but also writing a book at the moment on the same subject for Verso and then doing some work with people who are doing a lot of thinking about the new economy. You're exploring a solo career. Exactly. The time has come for me to do that. I don't know much about environmental breakdown,

but from those two words, I assume it's good. Unambiguously. It's like the breakdown, like part of a song. Yeah, exactly. It's the bit of the environment where the drummer gets a little solo. The bit that everyone really wants to hear.

Exactly. I mean, actually, the developmental breakdown is the bridge in total. We broke up with the environment and now it's breaking down. Look, Riley's electronic music corner. Much of house music was actually born when people would cut out the breaks

and then replicate them to make entire records of just breaks. We took the drum breaks of rock songs and then extended them. We humans. What do you mean? The people in Chicago that started house music? We humans.

Also, this look. If we can do that, we can go to Mars. That's how house was born. Ultimately, the point of house was to lead to techno, and that's where techno came from. Wait, I thought the point of house was to diagnose mysterious illnesses. The moral arc of the universe is long,

but it bends towards techno. Yeah, specifically it bends. Millennials don't do houses anymore. They only do. It's a house in crisis joke. Thank you very much. I'm at rock and roll on Twitter. The arc of history is long and it bends towards Kreuzberg.

Oh, wow. That was a Berlin geography reference. Welcome to our insufferable podcast. Welcome to Riley trying to tell that story about how he got into Burgine once. No more than once. Many times. This is a sex podcast then. No, no, no.

It's a techno podcast. Riley, what was the last product we just did on these? That's actually because of the way that this is going to be released. That doesn't come out until a couple days from now. Checkmate lives. Yeah, so there's a preview for all you premium subscribers out there. But first, look, here's the thing.

We've talked about cool stuff and the point of why humanity exists, which is techno, for long enough. It's time to talk about a startup because I have a startup for us. The startup is called Cody. C-O-D-I.

As in agent banks. No, C-O-D-I. C-O-D-I. That just sounds like a porn stuff to me. Yeah, yeah. It does sound like that, but it's not. It's not, okay. Is it...

Is it like a coding school for little kids? Fuck. Hi, I'm Cody. Oh, it's like Clippy, but for coding. Yeah. It looks like you're trying to hack into the Pentagon. Could you use some help with that? I hope it's not for Islamic extremism.

You guys are ridiculously off base. Oh. Laurie, anything? Yeah. It can only be about coding, right? It's not. It's about nothing to do with coding. Okay, okay. I don't know. Maybe we should call them.

We'd give them some free consulting. Yeah, it's like calling a news website. Gettingyourdigsuck.com. It makes no sense. Like fast-order codeine for millennials? I can see they're being a big marketer. Nothing to do with that. They hate owning things, but they love them.

They need them on demand. Okay, I'm thinking fitness and pets somehow together. Petness. Okay, so wait. We have a porn star, fitness pets, and various kinds of either drug distribution or coding platforms. Just like yelling, get your cat real hench this summer.

Or agent Cody Banks. The best film ever made. Get your cat really high. Exactly. We're talking to you while falling asleep about fog hat for like an hour. It's the great new thing for your cat. It's just like catnip, but it's fentanyl.

Okay. So fentanyl for your cat is the strongest guest so far. By strongest, do you mean best or closest? Neither. Okay, here's the first blank to outline. Today, we're excited to unveil Cody, a new kind of blank that aims to improve communities

by connecting professionals to blank. Shut up. Oh, it's a new kind of opiate that improves your community by connecting professionals to fentanyl. Cody by Purdue Pharmaceuticals. Exactly. The cutesy name makes me think of like a robot,

like the standing security guard ones. A new kind of security robot. Like with a segway on the bottom. That delivers you the fentanyl. It's a new kind of security robot that aims to improve communities by connecting professionals to fentanyl. Okay, it's professionals.

So what do professionals do? They circle back. They do. They do pop balls to learn about their bodies. Exactly. They wear little golf visors and use adding machines with one hand. Well, they say things like,

Janine, get me the figures from accounts. Wait, what if it's like a secretary mistress service? So it aims to improve communities by connecting professionals to robot pussy. Yes. Is it British? If it's British, you could... It's from San Francisco.

San Francisco, how is it not robot boy pussy? Yeah, exactly. I'll give you a hint. The service it offers is only available in the San Francisco area. Robussy. A big one there is... Dr. Robussy.

Traffic is a big one there. Oh boy, is it ever. Is it a traffic thing? It actually makes a claim about traffic. It says it will improve traffic. Is it going to be some kind of weird living solution? Because San Francisco has the world's most hellish...

Co-Dominion stuff. It's going to be like a giant boy pussy that you can live in. The rent is slightly cheaper. Yeah, come live in this prison, the food is free. You don't live like a stackable boy pussy. Co-working space. Yes, Laurie has it.

Compared to WeWork or something. But it takes WeWork, but it Airbnb's it. I want to die. I'm dead. The way we do our jobs, whether it's how we get to the office, where our office is located or even where we eat lunch

has a major impact on how a city operates. If we want cities to be sustainable, efficient and livable, then we'll need to consider some of the norms to which we become accustomed. Including... Eating food. Including...

Like living in your own apartment. Yeah. So... It's Agent Cody Banks 3. The banks won't give me a mortgage. Each Cody provides a unique opportunity for neighbors to connect, share

and co-work in one another's unused home spaces. I do like. The countable noun is the worst part of this. So it's wealthy people earning more money from owning property by renting it out to people that use it.

How is it different from Airbnb? That's because I could do it by the hour, like a love hotel? Yes. Oh, come fucking my house. That's how the bus comes in. You could do it in my house for free. Just let me watch. Thank you. That's all I request.

Is this not socialism? I'm trying to remember Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry was the guy that had the chain of restaurants. Yeah, the secret cameras in the toilets. We could watch women pee. Wait, did Johnny be good? Chuck Berry? That guy? Yeah, that guy. Johnny was not good.

None. I can tell you that much. Johnny being very naughty and that's ridiculous. Every generation of celebrities has turned out to just be awful. What's going to happen to like Cameron Dallas is 40. Who's Cameron Dallas? The Vine guy who was

the star of Chasing Cameron. He'll do something awful through Cody. He'll just be Bam Margera. That's what Bam Margera is like that guy of 20 years ago. That's what happened. MTV was just Vine

but in the 90s. You got famous on MTV for no reason and then you got addicted to a head of yourself. You got addicted to all kinds of drugs and then you get fat and you have to sell yourself saying like, hey Gina, happy birthday on some website for like $40.

That website rolls though. My birth is coming up. It's on June 11th specifically. I would like someone to please buy me a cameo of Bam Margera. It's on June 11th and June 11th only. No. Yes, Bam Margera surprised me.

Say eat this pussy Riley. Look, so look, guys, guys, guys, if we want cities to be sustainable, efficient and livable, we need to reconsider some of the norms to which we've become accustomed, including

having offices. We can't have offices anymore. I mean, I hate the idea that they get you by like saying a reasonable thing. It's like we can all agree that cities are fucked up and we're like yes and it's like you've signed up for hell. Oh, perfect. So then we're just going to let a bunch of strangers

like make like, I don't know, like tinder for allotments in your kitchen table. Have you considered my norms? Have you considered hot desking in purgatory? What if

what if you were never alone again? That's the thing. If something like this ever becomes regular, then the market will never be regular. The market just adjusts to it and then the people who have all the property can just charge the adjusted rate.

So if it's then expected that you're going to rent out your living room for like eight hours a day, five days a week at least, then your rent will go up by that much. Yeah, when people on the right say that like socialism is wishful thinking, if socialism is wishful thinking, then like Silicon Valley is like the monkey's poor wishful thinking

where it's like oh, you would like everyone to have somewhere to live? Sure. You live in a gulag. It's just another example. Your universal basic income is a thin potato soup that everyone has served at a certain time of day. That's just it.

We've said this again and again. The Silicon Valley mindset is turning all of the Western world into what we imagined the Soviet Union was. Yeah. It's just, yeah, it's privatized Soviet Union, baby.

The gulag brought to you by Virgin Health. Something less efficient. Yeah, exactly. And we work would just buy loads of property now and then just rent that out and dominate the market. Aren't they the number one property owner in New York? Or like top three for sure? Almost certainly.

Yeah, it's good. And in fact there's some bigger property owners in New York and New York. We're not going to go into it. People with very big portfolios actually. Donald Trump just believing it's the tallest property owner. Thank you. Folks, I'm at least

four and a half inches taller than Adam Newman. His hair, it's disgraceful. It's very long. He wouldn't get taken seriously anywhere that's what matters. Look, that Christmas party they had it was literally in hell. I'm not joking. Other people were there. Pamela Anderson she was there. She can tell you. Thank you.

So, each Cody provides a unique opportunity for neighbors to connect, share and co-work in one of their unused home spaces. We are passionately committed to growing local businesses by developing a strong circular economy within each community. Strong circular economy.

Strong circular economy. I don't understand. It's like, what do you mean? Did you just call my house a small business? No, it's part of a complicated circular economy which is not money laundering somehow. That's how they solved the fact

this is a pyramid scheme. It's a circle. When I move my drug profits through my network of car washes, that's a strong circular economy. This is my local community. Listen, guys. This isn't a pyramid scheme so much as it's a kind of a business

centipede. It's an efficiency triangle. The triangle is the strongest shape. So, how could this pyramid scheme possibly fail? Anyone who talks about if there's supposed to be unlimited growth plus the circular economy, but the circular economy is about people dealing with one

another in sequence and it not using extra resources, then it basically violates one of the laws of thermodynamics. Everyone working in everyone else's homes making apps that are competitors to Cody. It's like

Cody disrupts the home office dichotomy by being there is no dichotomy. Everything's an office now. Everything's a home. Just sleep on the street. Do whatever. Feel free. The thing that disrupts that is just going to be, look, you're not using every square foot

you step on all the time. You could stack up to 18 people like cordwood in your living room. Are you really using all of your mitochondria? What have your mitochondria been doing for you lately? It's like those ads that say, like, how hard is your money working? Sitting there

in a bank account, why not give it to us? How much is your liver doing? Do you know how much uranium needs to be refined? How much are you working? Like eight hours a day? What are you doing the rest of the day? Why not be a desk for someone? Some people would pay good money.

This is one of the most grotesque examples. Every time there is a company that's like, we've disrupted something. Actually, what they've done is they put a technical veneer on just making your life stupid or more terrible. While you sleep

you can use your body as ballast for some kind of construction. We won the big ideas innovation competition. Oh, we got Google it right now and see who else was in the fucking running. Cody, formerly Hyvan. What is Hyvan?

Wait, it's Professor Frank's company. It's an I with an umlaut. What? What? H-I-U-M-L-O-T-V-E-N. Wait, so, but that... Wait, if it's on an I then it's a de-eresis, isn't it?

Yes. What a de-eresis means is that that has to be pronounced separately from the so be that. Like that's... They clearly didn't know the umlaut... Sorry, what's the problem? They clearly didn't know what an umlaut was. No, or crucially what a de-eresis is.

Crucially, I didn't know what it was because I pronounced it wrong just now. I know. But this thing, they named a business after it that's gotten a lot of investment and they called it, huh, even. Yeah. What were these just generated algorithmically though?

Oh, man. I think a couple of years ago. All of them now. It's like kids' YouTube. Startups are just kids' YouTube but like, they get higher budget. What if all your co-workers

were constantly swapping heads? Yeah, so this prize, they won this prize because they were accelerating the race to the bottom. Like what... Who sponsored this prize? They accelerated it better than anyone else.

Can you look up who else was in the Big Ideas prize? Because this is fascinating. It better have Uber for birds. Because I submitted that four years in a row. Big Ideas is an annual contest aimed at providing funding, support, and encouragement to interdisciplinary students

who have, quote, Big Ideas. Wait, do they give you any money or they just give you encouragement? Is encouragement the prize? I'm withdrawing my Uber for birds idea. I need funding. Those birds aren't cheap. Gotta keep those puppies caged.

By leveraging the creativity of students and the power of competition to drive innovation, Big Ideas creates lasting, positive, and impactful social change empowering a new generation of social innovators. So this isn't just a startup

you know, probably going to drive up rents and make everyone's houses more useless to them by stripping away the idea that you have any personal space. No, it's also a social fund because it's creating a circular economy that isn't a pyramid scheme for reasons.

I also love entering a competition for your startup notionally to get funding and then you come away with just encouragement. The startup competition is run by Big Time Tommy. It's like, hey, look kid, you don't get any funding but listen, if you believe in yourself, your startup's going to go great.

Keeping it old school. I want to be the bad reality show contestant of that. The one who's like, I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win. Sorry, your theoretical startup incubator contest is run by Carl from Aquatine Hunger Force.

Wait, are we not familiar with Big Time Tommy? Oh, it's the best person on Instagram. It's this really fat but really short middle-aged Italian-American guy. He's a gargoyle. Who's always smoking a cigar, literally smoking a cigar all the time.

There's this amazing video where he's like, hey, Big Time Tommy here. Listen, if there's one thing I do in my life, it's keeping it old school. You can slowly hear this building 80s dance music in the background. He's like, I'm chilling here with my boy, DJ Vinny Dice, and he goes into this room

and his mate, who's called DJ Vinny Dice, who's DJing on decks that are covered with pictures of dice. He's playing this like, pounding 80s dance, who's like, and he's like, he's like really jamming it. But you can just see it from the guy's like, it's like him with a cigar,

selfie mode, camera flips around, it's DJ Vinny Dice, he's going in, he's going like, give it up for my man, Big Time Tommy! And then the camera pans around the room and there's just no one in the room. He's just like, really aggressively DJing to an empty room. And that's the problem Cody aims to solve.

Yeah, and then Big Time Tommy just goes, old school baby! That's just the end of the video. Does anyone think that late capitalism is just something constructed to mock basically just us in this room and the people that listen to this podcast? Yeah, I think.

My working theory is that actually all of us, like we're in a final destination situation and we died a while ago and that we are, we just were too bad. So we're in like an early circle of hell. Yeah, but there's also weird technology. So it's like final fantasy destination.

Like the fucking, like the the US who invented the sword missile thing. The two avoid collateral damage, right? Just like shoots a sword at you instead of a bomb. Like, here we are. We're like, you know, like the first couple circles of hell in Inferno, we're just like... Yeah, we're being chased by bees

for like time and age, or some other sin that doesn't exist anymore. Like when you're a codie. That actually is a form of Simon. There's like too much wind or like these like early circles. That's one of the circles. Adulterers were all weird.

Adulterers had too much wind. Their circle of hell was just, it was windy. Like, because adulterers hate flying kites. No, because they're blown on the blusters of their passions. They be getting blown, that's for sure. Because you cheated on your wife with a can of beans? Sorry, that's very stupid.

But you know how like, Piers Morgan, thank you very much for laughing. Piers Morgan and Greg's had the same PR guy. I feel like Terash Future and Cody have the same PR guy. Yeah, wait a minute. Folks, folks, folks. Do we want to hear the three benefits of Cody? Yes. There are three.

Also, a codie sounds like it would be like a time period in like a weird posh sport, like eating fives or something. And at the end of the first codie, the score is 14 hands to three. Or like at some point in like the eaten wall game. Like there's the Cody announced and then everyone just like gets to go take a rest and have some tea.

Yeah, everyone has to get one bowl out and sing a song. Wait, is it Cody a really fancy bank? No, that's Coots. I never knew how to pronounce it. It's a really fancy agent banks. Cody. Look, look, look.

The three benefits. The three. Number one. A better commute. To someone else's house. Right. So it's still a commute. You have a commute to someone else's house if you take out burglary and it's more societal.

Yeah. A better Uber journey to there. Wait, but in this moment, I'm renting my house out to someone else. I'm just exchanging living rooms with someone. Presumably, yes. Damn. Wait, this would be an amazing way if you were a burglar to just like case people's houses.

That's the other thing. Is that to your point Olga, if this was to become widespread and then any landlord was just going to expect that you're going to do some Cody renting to someone else, then you would be paying for that premium

by renting Cody from someone else. But you'd be paying their premium by renting Cody from a third person. Okay. I'm writing the first ever Cody romantic comedy where it's like she lives in a pietta tear. He lives in a penthouse. None of those people are using

Cody. They're like, they all have like like child sacrifice dungeons to go into. They can do their work in the basement of that pizza restaurant. Agent Cody Wanks. Instead of spending time traveling to and

from the freaking office or a traditional co-working space. I love my traditional co-working space. Co-working space is too newer thing to be talked about about. Use a workspace right in your own neighborhood

and he gains several hours a week. A traditional co-working space is a plantation. Oh boy. Yikes. Well, we said that. To be fair, a lot of the same people are heavily invested in those too. Trash issue does not

endorse slavery or plantations. I don't think you've ever implied that we did. Whoever. Benefit the second. A great co-working community. If you work from home, you know it can be isolating and mundane. Oh my.

Cody lets you surround yourself. It depends how much red dead redemption you play. Cody lets you surround yourself with like-minded professionals who can offer a lot more inspiration than your houseplants. It sounds like an orgy now. Wait Hans, they're saying that people are more inspirational than plants.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a houseplant? Not much fun, huh? Wait, I'm renting out my living room to multiple people? Apparently, yes. They're gonna fuck in my living room. Hey, look if you get more than two people in a room, they fucked. That's the rule. Old school, baby.

Old school. It's me. DJ Vinny Dice. No one else. If there was another guy in here, we'd have to fuck and that would be gay. I don't make the rules. Yeah. There's also another.

Sorry, I just remembered another amazing one. He's like, you know we Italians, you can just see him. We Italians have a lot of phrases we like to use. Well, I'm here teaching my friend Michael some of our Italian phrases. Michael's not Italian, he's Chinese.

He just turns the camera and looks like a Chinese guy there. And he goes, so I'm teaching him Italian phrase today. It's forget about it. Yes, that famous Italian phrase. It's just the bit that killed me that was just he's not Italian, he's Chinese. In case you were looking at him thinking

that guy's not Italian. He's just going to get to a Chinese person and be like hey, what part of the boot you from, buddy? Shanghai Lemiglia. Oh, Shanghai. It ends with a vowel. Of course, it's from Italy. Oh.

Yeah, so that's the thing. They're basically pitching it like a swingers party. You know, like my professionals more inspirational than your house plans. You just put all of your lanyards in a big fishbowl and then just Oh lord.

No, surely they'd do an app for the swinging thing. They'd be like a randomized. I don't have to fuck my succulents anymore. Yeah. If you work in a building like this, no one would have keys because you have to open the door with your phone. Why have I broke again earlier today? I know and the door wouldn't open.

So we had to fuck on the street to keep warm. You didn't have code over here. Again. So is this going on in LA, San Francisco? San Francisco. In Berkeley. All of the wealthy communities get to have the succulent orgy things

and then the rest of the neighborhoods are left working for Walmart and just stocking the shops. I think most orgies are succulent in one way or another. They're full of plants that require little to no water. Anyway, yeah, well, that's the thing.

These innovations are always created by people in San Francisco who assume it's going to be a bunch of tech zillionaires using it for fun. Uber was like, at least its PR was that this is a way for middle-class professionals who are bored to earn a little bit of fun money

on the side, driving your Tesla and recording YouTube videos in the front, which we know you love to do because they love to drive. Tinder date comes in me and Tesla on autopilot. We have Uber to thank for that in some ways. But that was the PR. Just like the PR for this is

break up the routine and go to someone's house. But in fact, it's just going to basically if it goes to scale, which fortunately it won't because it's incredibly dumb. If something like this goes to scale, it will be pitched as a lifestyle choice

that then very quickly becomes a necessity for most people. We're very sorry that we opened Kodi Austria and we did not fully establish what would be going on in various of the basements that we enable people to exchange. I knew it was coming!

I knew it was coming! You're a comedian too. You have the sense. You can reverse engineer a joke. You know where it has to lead. Olga doesn't see the joke matrix anymore. She just sees blonde brunette, Joseph Riesel. What's the third then? These have been devastating so far.

The third one's the worst one by quite a margin. Oh, excellent. Strap in. Supercharge your productivity. Yes. Gettingyourdicksucked.com Gettingyourproductivitysucked. Make sure you follow GYDS.com

on Twitter, D-O-T-C-O-M. We're going to have a website up soon. We've already paid someone to make it, I think. People are like, wait, I completely understand the concept of gettingyourdicksucked.com and I want to fill it on Twitter, but how do you spell .com? So, supercharge your productivity. No more hunting down

the only table at the coffee shop that's near an outlet. Instead, you can hunt down the only seat at your neighbor's house that's near an outlet. The library. The idea store. Yes.

Hey, go buy an idea, pal. Read a book. You know how to read. In someone's home. Excuse me. Reading a book, that's some fourth grade stuff. You're clearly very full of stuff. Sorry, guys, really quickly.

I can't poop in public places, so that's why I downloaded Cody to go. That's the next one. I'm going to rent someone's from room and I'm going to come up with that where we have been being people's toilets. They're done. I'm into that. I get so insecure in Starbucks, I can't take my time.

Because you're intimidated by how fancy it is. I need to go to someone else. That's the thing. So, Laurie, your idea is to make every day like Notting Hill Carnival. Where people just sell you the chance to piss in their toilet for four pounds. That's sex.

By toilet, they mean bussy. With Cody, you can stay focused on your work in a secure, comfortable workspace. I don't know how they guarantee it's secure. You're just going to someone's house. They could murder the shit out of you. Only doing the little Richard thing. In a secure, comfortable workspace

with a reliable Wi-Fi connection. Again, how do they know? Because all the people that we're doing it will have those two things. Because they mumble them the house. For about... And here's the best thing of all. For about half the cost of traditional

co-working alternatives. Wow. That's so cheap. That's not that much less, considering. If you're paying, I don't know, 800 bucks a month for a WeWork, it's 400 bucks, sure, but where's that 400 bucks going? Like someone else is providing the coffee,

the space, the infrastructure. All you're doing is connecting people via a text message. Wait, so that doesn't get paid to the... It doesn't get paid to the person No, of course not. It just gets paid to the system. It's not even as progressive

as Airbnb. It is the mob thing. It's you kick up to Cody and nobody else. You kick up to little Cody. No, of course. I just realized I have drastically misunderstood this idea. Of course, most of it goes to the person you're

renting from, but still, that seems like... It still seems like a pretty bad deal for everyone. One of the biggest things for WeWork is to get all this VC money to buy the buildings to be one of the biggest property owners in, say, New York or whatever, pay for all the free pints that people get

to pull in, thank you, in these places. And this, of course, like any other these apps is outsourcing it and placing the burden down upon other people. So the company will take a cut, right? And we'll get an enormous amount off the back of it because it doesn't have to

invest in anything. It just comes up with the people in San Francisco who will sign up to it or have decent homes with decent Wi-Fi. It will scale initially, if it does well, off the back of its little encouragement from that price. And then it will know that people will start to buy into us. And then LA and London

and Berlin will go, oh, great, this is a great idea. And it will snowball from there and then VCs will step in and make loads of money. And then people said, well, make loads of money themselves and they'll buy out and, you know, you're off to the races and you could just keep doing that. And then the toilet idea like we love about it, but like you could do it, right? You could do this

stupid crap over and over again and create this buzz, work out what your constituency is to make it look like a massive idea, attract VC money, jump out, whatever, let it scale. And it just you just, it's a hype. It's a hype economy. Just keep hyping.

But then like... That's all it is. But in a perfect world, you would get everyone on Kodi, which means that it's like a zero-sum game for people who are renting and like renting out and renting the space because they are wasting the money to go to someone else's house while renting their own.

So literally the only people making money are Kodi. And landlords. Yeah. But you wouldn't even get that, right? That's the thing. So yeah, that's where it would extrapolate to a certain point. But this is just about hyping something up to get funding, to make a bit of a bubble and then buy out or get bought up by one of the big firms

and that kind of thing, you know? Yeah. I mean, we say that Kodi had no capital expenditure but obviously they've spent a huge amount of money on blue sky thinking and learning about their body. Oh, and improv workshops for their workers? Oh yeah. Team building? Obviously. My favorite hype man detail is that

at the height of his fame, Mike Tyson paid a guy $50,000 ago to yell guerrilla warfare at his press conferences. $50,000. And how much did you receive that for $150? Mike, call me. And how much did this podcast receive to hype Kodi?

Not enough. Technical difficulties. Just encouragement. The true currency. Big time Tommy told us to do. We can be bought for the price of kind words but no, I revised my earlier thing. Cameo from Bear Margera, don't want it.

Cameo from this Tony fellow? Big time Tommy. You can have to get his name right if you want to. I want to come in from the Kodi fund. That's what I want. I'm an inspiration guy but he's never actually achieved anything so it's amazing. There's this incredible bit where he goes

listen kids, it's final season is coming up. So if you're in college, you've got to hit the books and study hard for those tests. I've forgotten like what do they call them now in the college there? You have to write the things on the paper

and then they tell you if you're good on that. Test, yeah, that's it. I want him to read my 23 and me result. 10% Eastern European. I think more than 10%. 20% Sicilian. I'm probably 99%.

100% old school. 100% old school, 100% not gay. He just looks at it, squints, puts on a pair of half moon spectacles and is like ah, you're probably Italian. 10% Sicilian. 20% Roman. I'm going to set Florence.

Just clearly can't read. Of course, we can get made because we was only half old school. All right. So that's the Cody. Mostly it seems like he used to talk about big time Tony.

Exactly, big time Tommy. Tell me if you're listening, we're keeping it old school here at Trash Teacher. I bet he's into WeWork as well. 100%. Laurie, this is drawing from your report from the third chapter specifically. Between 1900 and

2010, global resource consumption increased by over 800% and resource use per person has nearly tripled. It is estimated that each year human activity is on average consuming more than 70% more ecological resources than nature can regenerate. However,

it is only the rich people who do this and are able to do this because in fact most people's dividends from say this exploitation are shrinking to nil. Yeah, I mean, we've really messed it up. Well, we haven't, right? So this is exactly to your point.

We're in a situation where what we're calling environmental breakdown, so it's not just climate change, it's all sorts of other stuff. It's what we've done to our soils, it's driving extinction of species has reached a critical level and we've got a big difference between what scientists are warning

and then what politicians and other leaders are saying we should do, right? We can understand it in three ways, right? So we've got the scale and pace of this thing is extraordinary and not accepted in the political debate. The second is then what that means and the third is what we need to do about it

and those three elements are not being spoken about. So on the scale and pace this goes beyond climate change to, as I was saying, the depletion of our soils because we over-farm them, we're killing enormous amounts of species because we're destroying their habitats and some of the changes to these key natural

systems. So we talk about the climate one all the time, but it's also water, it's nitrogen that makes it enable us to be able to grow food and other things are being changed in a way that we have not seen for millions of years or in some cases billions of years, right? So this is

an unprecedented change, it's reached an unbelievable level now and we've got many UN agencies warning about this, we've got campaigners now really beginning to bring it up, the media agenda. The second thing is that doesn't mean just getting really sad about seeing a video being shared about showing emaciated polar bears

on Twitter or whatever, this means growing incidence of famine, it means more migration of people across the world and ultimately more conflict and economic destabilization. We're entering a new, we already in some ways have entered a new type of world that's going to be vastly different to the one

that we were born in and grew up in, more destabilized, more shocks. I hear what you're saying. We're about keeping it old school. Sorry, I hear what you're saying, but have you considered that we just don't do anything? It'd be fine. Yeah. Well, and this is basically

the narrative, right? That we're sort of like, well, yeah, fine. You know, as an individual care about it, like hear Extinction Rebellion. Don't use plastic bags, for example. Yeah, exactly. Don't have your GMT, but don't have a straw with it or demand that it's a paper straw or whatever. But this is a huge deal out of demanding

that's a paper straw. Demand that they make a straw out of your dick. If you're leaving the land that you've been living on, consider codying it. Yeah, exactly. Use assets more, use them more sustainably, etc. Use the individual,

probably cause this problem, use the individual need to care about it, use the individual need to do something about it. But this is a structural result of the way that our economies have been built. It was not our individual faults. And by our here, I mean people who are under the age of 40 or

whatever, who have been alive for a much longer amount of time and have been in the nations that have disproportionately caused this problem, right? Because it is not us, it's the structures around us that necessitate that this happens. We live in economies here where there's not what we can do about not destroying the environment. Fine.

I could not go and pour bleach into a river or I could not. It's not so much fun. Exactly, this is the bottom line. Capitalism says like pouring bleach in a river is fun and you might wonder what am I supposed to do about it? That's the thing, if there was... If we had a model where

let's say pouring bleach into a river was like a, I don't know, a rite of passage or whatever and we could then charge for the privilege of pouring bleach into the river, everyone did it. It was a significant contributor to GDP and maybe, I don't know, like Alan Sugar or Richard Branson had a huge pouring bleach

into a river company. We would say, look, we'd love to stop pouring bleach into this river. But I'm afraid it's just not realistic. In fact in every society where they've tried to stop pouring bleach into the river, they've actually fallen apart. Listen, I gave you guys a very simple task

to go out and pour bleach into the river and what... Now Margaret, what is it that James exactly did? He poured the bleach into his own asshole. Now, James, it was a very simple task. I wasn't asking you to build a very complex highly technological email

phone. I was just asking you to pour the bleach into the river. Could you explain to me why that you poured it into your own ass? Are you turning Alan Sugar into Jason Statham? That's nothing like Jason Statham. Jason Statham.

Listen, James, if you don't pour this bleach into the river in the next 15 minutes and then some genius comes along and makes an app that's like, oh, we'll more efficiently share the bleach asset so that we can pour it into the river and cut down the... We'll pour the bleach into the river in a reusable container.

Yeah, exactly. On the way here, I there was a guy on one of those electric scooters. He knocked me over and me as an intellectual liberal stood up and thanked him for driving an electric scooter.

Thank you, sir, for reminding me. Yeah. On his way to fuck your wife. Yeah, exactly. Using an app. In my life. Cody, that's what it's for. In my own home. I ubered to my

Cody where I got to live a room while my wife was cocked. No, you were cocked. Yeah, you were cocked. I didn't know anything about sex terminology. Sex terminology. Any case. It seems quite sort of... It seems

quite painfully clear that as long as it is a sort of existential imperative for the societies in which we live to organize themselves around growing returns to capital that we are not just going to be in a situation

where we say, oh, the top 100 companies in the world contribute 71% of the emissions. This is a statistic I think a lot of people know. But I think if you look at environmental degradation as a whole, as you do, then you can notice that it's not individuals who spend money to consume

who do this. It is people who invest money to make more money who do this. Because, again, beloved why the circular economy is bullshit is that you do consume energy, you do consume resources as you

as you chase returns. And we might think, oh, yes, well, I don't know. Honda is using recycled paper in its dashboards or whatever that all of any PR campaign around making one of these massive polluting companies look greener

is essentially nothing and that as long as there are pools of capital chasing returns, we are never going to escape this problem. Yeah, let's put it like this. We're all as individuals who are not involved in the structures of the economy. We are stuck in those structures, right?

And as you say, those structures about accumulating capital and getting returns from it. And there's very little, these campaigns about not flying. And that's useful, right? We've all got to consider those individual choices, whether we use the app to go and pour bleach in the river.

But we're still captured within those systems that necessitate us to move around in certain ways to consume food in certain ways and that kind of stuff. And there is an argument out there that says, hey, look, fine, those structures exist, but we can decouple them from their environmental impact.

We can continue to have this relentless economic growth measured in quarterly GDP growth and we can decouple that, right? So we can do all that we're doing now, but we can stop it from emitting carbon and we can stop it from destroying soil and all these other kind of things.

Well, that's people's Republic of Walmart, isn't it? Yeah, well, yeah, right. And the evidence is growing more and more and there's a fantastic academic at Goldsmith University, Jason Hickle, who's done a lot of work in bringing together the empirical evidence that shows that in the case of carbon emissions,

the one that everyone concentrates on and ignores the rest of the environmental stuff, you maybe be able to decouple economic growth from carbon emissions, but you're not going to be to do that in time in this sort of 10 years or so period that we've been talked about. But then for resource use in general,

it's probably not possible to totally decouple the two things that if you pursue relentless economic growth, it will necessarily destroy the planet. And you can just think this compounding growth over and over again. If I've got...

If I grow at 2.5% a year and I've got a whole pile of stuff, fast forward many, many, many decades and that pile of stuff is many, many, many, many times the original amount of that stuff. And so that kind of relentless dynamic is something that we are...

It is extraordinary. You see these memes on the internet at the moment, right? Like, oh, I just went to work, which feels pretty weird because we're in the middle of an extinction event. And I know people who have kids now who are doing their GCSE mocks and they're like, why am I learning about Shakespeare

when I've just been told by the scientific community that the world is being destroyed. And then the prevailing political narrative is oh, yeah, so energy saving light bulbs and stop flying. And people get crazy about the light bulbs. Yeah, and then people are like arguing about the light bulbs

and you're like, no, no, no, hang on a minute. This is quite... Very extraordinary moment because arguments that have always been made against this relentless seeking of returns from compounding investment in capital has smashed through

these environmental limits. So it's almost an arithmetical result that we need to change our economic system fundamentally and to have done it incredibly quickly. Not only that, it's that we talk of a lot of the people who argue against this

say, oh, but how dare you ask people to sacrifice economic prosperity? The problem is, and again, even if you go back to the episode where we talked about the Tony Blair report on why Britain needs to get more racist, he talked about how, oh, yeah, well, people are anxious because

the economic recovery hasn't gone to local communities but has benefited the economy as a whole, which means that the economic growth that's driving the extinction of everyone, everywhere, forever, it's going, even then,

it's going to like four guys. It's like Jeff Fairburn and Jeff Bezos. A lot of guys named Jeff, basically. Big Time Tommy, DJ Vinny Dice. Milo, that's just the problem. It's not going to Big Time Tommy and DJ Vinny Dice. Joey Capitalism Amygdia.

Yeah, it's going to it's going to be MCM Leo. What if we get Jeff Bezos to date a communist thought? And then he like buys her, he just like gives her credit card or cash and she just like redistributes it into the community.

I think that might be look, that's a little bit of a preview of what's coming. What if Jeremy Corbyn had a huge sexy ass? Guys, if you want me to fuck Jeff Bezos, what if Jeremy Corbyn was summer ray? And he had like an Amazon

wish list but it was like nationalized railways. He's like, you want my private snaps? You want my private snaps? Olga, friend of the show Pepper wants a picture of you with a gold microphone. My phone's just died. Can you do a selfie? Yes, I'll send it to her. I'm a huge fan of Pepper.

Everybody consume Pepper's content. Right, so in effect, we live in a system that is putting a brick down on the accelerator of a car headed toward a canyon and says that if we remove the brick

then the brick won't be comfortable. Yeah, that's nice. Very good. Just to characterize this, there's two or three basic schools of thought. There's de-gross, right?

And then there's the People's Republic of Walmart decoupling thing. And then there's my third synthesis thing which is full beard Sufi life of this world is illusion, just get drunk all the time and give up. Which of these is least likely to kill all of us?

Wow, that's a good way of putting it. I've not heard it like that before. What's the fourth one? Steven Pinker's idea. What? Yeah, come on. Steven Pinker's idea is that we can stop most of climate change if we deploy...

I forgot about this. In fact, the solution to climate change is simple. By the way, it's not complex. There aren't all these things happening. It's just a carbon problem. Yeah, absolutely. And he's gone to Harvard, so you might want to revise what you've said.

He has the IQ haircut. Yeah, he has Malcolm Gladwell. Who else? Adam Newman, the WeWork CEO. They all have the IQ haircut. Christian Nemitz. What do the Cody guys have? Hi, Christian.

Robbie Travis has like a proto IQ haircut. No, Christian. I think Christian Nemitz listens to this show. I'm a great fan. You know, Steven Pinker's idea is cloud ships. Right. So I think zeppelins that spray sort of like a silver material

and we can just continue growing forever and there'll be a silver material in the clouds and then those contradictions are solved. Because it reflects the light away, you see. Every cloud, honey. So it's all we have to do

to solve this very sort of core elemental problem with the way our society is organized is some final fantasy shit. If anyone ever tells you this stuff, you need to you need to ignore them or you need to throw milkshakes at them?

Yeah. Like ban them from ever going in your living room to co-work through Cody. Like this is... But then he spray paints his dick and he's like, I'm C3 p.m. Just throwing milkshakes into the atmosphere to protect us from climate change.

But look, we have one other solution because Steven Pinker, according to this solution, which is to build a bunch of zeppelins that's thinking too small. We are going to think bigger than that. This is thinking too.

Are we ready for this? Because thinking too says just not de-terraforming Earth is too complicated. We have to do something fucking wild. Oh, no. Nice. I have an inkling.

Are we starting a ska band? Is it Cody again? Jeff almost, maybe Cody can play into it. Jeff Bezos asks a crowded room last week. Do we want stasis and rationing? Or do we want dynamism

and growth? We know this is an easy choice and we know what we want. Folks, what do we think he's talking about? They were like, sir, this is an oncology unit. I have an idea and I think it's Amazon

going into the Weyland Utani business. I mean, yeah, more or less. Quote from Bezos. The Earth is finite. True. If you listen to my last comedy book club, you'll know that that's more or less an analytic truth. And if the world economy and population

is to keep expanding, space is the only way to go, folks. We've got to shoot people into space. Off-world colonies. Look, why solve our problems when we can just shoot our problems into space? Given how long I've been waiting for my Amazon order

that I ordered last week, if I was living in space, I'd be waiting even longer, so I'm not hugely optimistic. The problem is, if we just shoot our problems into space, then we get to preserve the system that has made Jeff Bezos

able to be so rich that he could probably buy a lot of murders. Like, every time someone gets canceled, we shoot them into space. But then they start a new and powerful base on the moon. But the other thing to remember is,

yeah, the Earth is finite. It's very easy to say that, yes, of course we're happy with Jeff Bezos not having any of his fortune. In fact, having it shrink considerably. But if a moment of seriousness, if you look back into the Japs,

a lot of pension funds are invested in industries that are destroying our futures as well. There is some growth that is enjoyed on a mass scale, not much and not nearly

not most of it, but that's all going to have to stop too. Can someone give me a reason why my program of up isn't like the same option here? And so Jeff Bezos basically is

in saying that alongside I mean, I don't know if he's one of the people that bought one of these boat holes in New Zealand that all the tech being there. I'm almost certainly he did through the 18th of the show's collaborations. Yeah, so all these tech being there, they buy

these like, these retreats in New Zealand when the world that the policies they espouse ends up happening, so everything collapses. They can run away and hide under the ground in no boat hole. There may be those in there as well. She's not interested.

Why is this boat hole filled with acid? Yeah. Why is this boat hole filled with canned goods? Okay, let's assume he has one of these as well as the space suggestion. He is the current iteration of

what has now been a process that started probably in earnest in the 1400s. So basically the western nations, so this country, France and others, in the Netherlands, invented this early modern capitalism in which you had the same

kind of trends that we see now of profit making from compound growth. And that basically accelerated the impact that human beings have on the environment, right? Human beings are always going to have an impact on the environment, hundreds of gatherers going around and harvesting stuff and

making fires, that kind of stuff. These dynamics of capitalism accelerated that exponentially so that we were tearing down forests and we're doing all this kind of stuff. We're always seeking new frontiers that can provide us with the cheap things that we need to keep that game

on the road, right? Slaves, cheap labour. Or the environment, cheap nature that we feed into this process to create energy and to create soil to grow crops from, on and on and on. After the 1400s, 1500s people who were

seeking these returns and feeding us that compound growth then went around the world and created empires and they found new frontiers in which they could extract from nature and they could extract from human beings and other things as well. And that has led us to a situation in which like

those early people in Europe crashed up against the environmental boundaries in their own countries. So this island that we're on in the Britain used to be a massive forest, we just cut that all down and it caused extraordinary environmental degradation. And similar things happen in other

parts of the world. You bang up against the limits in which that cheap you can use that cheap stuff. And we've banged up against the ultimate limit because we have destroyed the environment so much that we are eroding the foundation upon which society even occur because that environmental breakdown

is so severe. So Jeff Bezos is just the next iteration in the intellectual journey that then says, oh well we destroyed that bit. So let's go to the next frontier. I like that one of those guys, Alexander Hamilton invented, well

more or less, central banking and our cultural response to that was to make a zany musical about him. I think that's going to be fine. I think that's equipped to like defeat that. Oh my god. Yeah, well that's the thing. Game's up, kill yourself.

That's the thing, Laurie. All of your saying about just like, you know that's based on the real fact of just the fact that there's not that much earth and that on the earth there is not that much resource. Now to sustain all of us, yes there is enough, but to sustain

infinite limitless compounding growth, no of course there's not. You're budding up against the laws of thermodynamics. But here's what you haven't considered is that you haven't considered that we could just build infinite O'Neill colonies which are miles long space stations that

of course contain just a few million people each. O'Neill colonies are where everyone has to wear that surf brand from the late 90s. So there have been This is just sea-steading. It's sea-steading but dumber because there's no oxygen. Yes, right, that's correct. It's sea-steading but for people who haven't

seen Apollo 13. We're going to have a bunch of these space stations with really dubious age of consent laws. And that's the future of humanity. Hey, I've got this friend Jeffrey and he says that the biggest international waters

of all is space. Wait, isn't there like a thing where it's like, when you go into space you come back, the time moves differently there. No, you get fucked up with radiation so you lose all of your bone density and you get really sick and die. In space, nobody can hear

that you're 14. The problem is that is depressing. So we don't think about it. Wait, okay, but also I would just like to I feel like one solution that hasn't been addressed this whole time that's just been like the elephant in the room is the kingdom of

Asgardia. Oh yes, you were telling me about this. A country that was founded in 2016. It doesn't have any physical manifestation just yet. But what it is is a micro nation formed by a group of people who have launched a satellite into the Earth orbit. They refer

to themselves as Asgardians. Okay. The audience of the ass. And they have given the satellite. A lot of microstates. I love to massage the microstates. A lot of ass related microstates. And they have given their satellite the name Asgardia 1. They have declared sovereignty over

the space occupied by and contained with Asgardia 1. The Asgardians have adopted a constitution and they intend to access outer space free of the control of existing nations and establish a permanent settlement under the moon by 2043. The constitution just says my girlfriend shouldn't have to wear

a car seat. Where are the Asgardians from? It's a slow burn of a job. Where are they all from? The administrative center is in Vienna, Austria. Russian. But you know that the head of the nation is a man named Igor and he is Russian.

Classic. These satellites are in the shape of a basement. It was a request from our host in France. Oh my. Okay. So. O'Neill. Let's hear about O'Neill. So this is what all of Jeff Bezos is big thing.

We like this. We make fun of this. But the fact that there are a bunch of like insane billionaires who have these space ambitions to fix all of like the environmental to escape them. Yeah. To escape. They say

it's probably to escape them. Yes. But the marketing is about how, oh, everyone's going to be able to solve it this way. This kind of thing, like this is written about in Bloomberg, like a lot of politicians and powerful people read Bloomberg. And they're just like, well, this is believable enough.

Yeah. What's also this ridiculous thing where like it's like billionaires like Jeff Bezos in particular are like weirdly taken seriously on stuff that they know nothing about for like reasons. And it's not even just because they're billionaires, because like no one asks like Alasharezmanov what he thinks about the future of the human race

because everyone's like, yeah, that guy just like murdered people in the nineties and took their stuff and now he's a billionaire. Sure. He wouldn't know about space. And just in the same way, like Jeff Bezos is a guy who like sold books out of his garage and it got out of hand. And then now people take him seriously on what the future of like the human

race might be because like he enslaves people and doesn't let them piss. Is that good enough? Is that like, is that like, oh, this man can build the utopia on Mars where we all work on a production line where we're scared to piss? Like what? Luckily enough, Milo, that actually does factor into his

plan. Oh, of course it does. This always factors into his plan. Before we go further into the pieces, before we go into further into Bezos's plan, he was basically what Bezos is doing is using his billions to enact the fantasy of this mad Princeton professor

called Gerard O'Neill from the 1970s, who was like a tech utopian. So his vision of space is more or less what colored the imagination of Bezos as one of his students. And this is a quote from a paper. O'Neill's space colonies

promised to be the productive wonderlands of consumer abundance, providing capitalism with the necessary limitless space, phenomenally cheap solar energy and the resources of the universe to expand ad infinitum. Solar energy is free because you're on the sun.

What are the Jetsons once? Yes, it's the Jetsons. He basically is inspired by someone who wrote the Jetsons into an academic paper. His vision is suburbia, American suburbia, but in rotating space colonies

because just not de-teriforming the Earth is too hard. I like the Libertarian hellscape better. I would rather live on Murray Rothbard station than this. Where is our solution? It's not the Jetsons, it's the Flintstones. We're keeping it old school.

The Flintstones. Everyone's Italian. Betty's a piece ass. Italian-American space colony where people are just endlessly sucked out of windows they open to tell each other. Shut up. DJ Vinny Dice on the

Brontosaurus once and through. Italian-American Flintstone space colony let's fucking go. Oh, yeah. Bezos describes an idyllic life aboard his future space colonies. That phrase fucking kills me. This is free article.

Bezos describes an idyllic life aboard his future space colonies. Each of which could have its own theme. I love it. My entire civilization is fancy dress. I'd rather live on the Shrek planet, please. Not the orgy planet. Just the ball pit planet for me.

Yeah. The orgy planet is just Earth. Sorry. Westminster, I think you'll find. It's more Kensington. Some might resemble historic cities. Others might be space farms or interplanetary wilderness areas.

You've got to grow this space somewhere. Like Paris and China. And you could have a recreational one that keeps 0G so you can go flying with your own wings. Direct quote from Bezos. Again, interesting use of your own wings. I'd also like 0G isn't flying and doesn't require wings.

Also, it kills you. It makes you dead. If you live in 0G, you'll die. You read this stuff out and again, I go back to late capitalism is just satire to mock the people who are golden and listen to this book.

He used to sell many books on Amazon. Now he just sells Atlas Shrugged. It's just like a warehouse just full of it on Mars. I keep thinking about how my cousin who frequently attends trash future shows, shouts out she asked

for a copy. Yeah, she's great. She asked for a copy of the communist manifesto when she was a preteen, like a tween, and then her mother bought her that and Atlas Shrugged so she could get a vote. A balanced view.

A balanced view? Yeah. Love it. That's what the balanced view is. The balanced view is either we don't de-terroform the world so that we can go from 10 years from now to 10 years from now being Mad Max to 10 years later

being all dead to just imagining that we can make the Jetsons because epic pretty cool and all the stuff that's a structural problem with the fact that it's very hard to live in space was dismissed as being depressing. Also, they're the same people that are

going to completely green energy sources and stuff on Earth. That's unrealistic. But moving everyone to Mars to a planet that's themed around the film Saturday Night Fever. Yeah, that's completely realistic. That's so doable. If only we were just thinking inside the box like that. Bioshock gave these guys too much credit.

Yeah. I think it's really interesting how there's many different universes and they're like, you could go to themed planets but not one of the planets has legal abortion. Like, yeah, you live in Shrek but you still can't get an abortion. We just go back to like, you can't get an abortion. Wait, apartheid is everywhere. What the hell?

Well, okay. It's interesting to say that because one of the biggest cultural moments like lost moments recently was the film. Anyone watch the film District 9? Yes, of course. Right. So that's this. The planet becomes

this sort of dystopian underclass that like feeds the few space stations that enable to keep the whole thing going. Laurie, you're right, but you have it backwards. That's the thing. Don't worry. There's still an underclass. In Jeff Bezos' Utopia, there is still

a downtrodden underclass. It's just you have it backwards. It's the Irish. Finally. Meanwhile, the original pyramids came. Meanwhile, all heavy industry would be moved off Earth.

Again, of course, easy, way easier than just, you know, sorting out the planet. I was joking with the better life in the off-world colonies. Yeah. They always are. Meanwhile, heavy industry would be moved off Earth. Again, simple. Famously not heavy at all.

Famously heavy things are difficult to put in space. So easy to launch and just have a logistical chain that goes to fucking space. Meanwhile, heavy industry would be moved off Earth to preserve this unique gem of a planet, which is completely irreplaceable, but not more irreplaceable

than my hundreds of billions of dollars, by the way. There is no Plan B. We have to save this planet. We shouldn't give up the future of our grandchildren's grandchildren of dynamism and growth. They need dynamism and growth. How will they live without growth? So Jeff Bezos could live on a nature reserve

in what used to be fucking Ohio. It's horrifying. Jeff Bezos fucking, just like everything he thinks is like inspiring. It's just like a garbled, like if you hit yourself in the head with a cinder block and then watch the speech from Independence Day. To Jeff Bezos, that is like the most inspiring

thing is possible to write like Jeff Bezos is like unaware that poetry exists. No, Jeff Bezos is basically just like has suffered the effects of smoke inhalation and then watched a Liz Truss speech. He's just suffered the effects of that

inhalation. Yeah, where he's just like it's like yes, dynamism and growth forever because we can just keep expanding like a virus. I say keep expanding like a virus. It's not human population that expands

like a virus. No, that's enthusiasm. That's Malthusian bullshit. It's human need to grow these pools of capital forever. The magic money. It's MCM. There is no magic money tree because we're all going to die. Man Crush Monday?

That's what's ending the planet. Too many man crushes. Jeff Bezos just really quickly. You said that he doesn't have any poetry so I'm just going to read a poem that I wrote for him real quick. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I've pissed in a bottle and I've sent it to you.

Thank you very much. With all the primes. So here's his plan. Earth ends up zoned residential in light industry. It'll be a beautiful place to live. Does he think he's the mayor of a subdivision?

No, he thinks he's the mayor of Earth. It's a really shitty homeowner's association. You can paint your Earth in this range of Earth tones. That's what gets left on set for Bezos' entire space plan is that he's going to say he's going to decide what colonies get built because he builds them all

and then he's going to zone Earth. Wait, the whole... Jeff Bezos, there is no emperor of humanity. There's the leader of the humanity homeowner's association. All of Earth is going to become like the boardwalk in Newark in the Sopranos

where all the mob guys are trying to get in on the rezoning of Earth. Jeff Bezos is trying to build a space station and it falls apart in midair because a bunch of Italians stole all the copper pipes. Because

Meadow's boyfriend didn't do any of the riveting because Don Vito was too busy hitting on him. It's like two cultural references. Yeah, yeah. And they're both right. Yeah, it'll be a beautiful place to live. It'll be a beautiful place to visit.

Folks, it'll be a beautiful place. We're going to turn the whole earth into a Trump resort. It's going to be fantastic. You know what it is? It's Trump's ice rink that he made in Central Park that he made a big show of renovating for the public good and they just kind of forgot about.

It'll be a beautiful place to live. It'll be a beautiful place to visit. It'll be a beautiful place to go to college and do some light industry and to learn about O'Neill. Yeah, you can learn about O'Neill. You can like, you know,

you can be on the lacrosse team. You can go to keggers. Jeff Bezos wants to turn the entire world into like, I don't know, like a mid-range American campus university. He wants to make the northeast into all brand ice and he wants to make the Midwest into all, I don't know,

I don't know, American universities. I'd love to go to Baylor forever. Yeah. We're all just going to be in uni forever. Yeah, I love those nights at uni when you go out with the lads and you have a few too many sand bookers and then you just find yourself

just like manufacturing parts for the Huawei factory. I'm going to love to live in the district of the earth where I have to wear sub-fusk to dinner. That's going to be a fucking task. I went to Mecca, Sarah Lawrence because I wanted the college experience.

Yeah, but the thing is that like hell university earth, it wouldn't be Oxford or Cambridge, it would be Durham. We all know this to be true. It's like you have to pour a bottle of pour over your head every single day. Amazon's shit, but you know what's worse, Durham.

Fuck you, Durham. Real talk, all of their celebrations are ridiculous. Yeah, everyone in Durham is either wearing black tie all the time or dungarees all the time. That's the only two kinds of people you get, don't ask me. It's too gendered. It's look, it's it's it's

that's Jeth-a-fishing for Jeff Bezos. I want to start like a restaurant and the only thing of the restaurant is that like the toilets are just confusingly labeled. One of them just has a tuxedo on it and the other one has a pair of dungarees on it and people are like, but which is which?

One of these space stations. Welcome to 2019 town. The confusing gender toilet restaurant. It's not woke, it's just confusing. Yeah. Yeah, so that's his that's his vision of earth is I mean

modeling basically. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is just the continuation of the historical trend that when it crashes up against certain boundaries it has to seek to seek other kind of boundaries

as well. The other thing here is that there's a we really need to get people to understand the scale of environmental breakdown how bad things have got and it's not just climate change.

It is all the other things that we've been discussing and that is pushing us towards a situation where there's going to be famine, there's going to be mass migration, I think to say like the mass migration itself is not a bad thing. No, no. So much as like the fact that it's compelled. Exactly.

We got to get people to understand this because this crossroads right and one one direction is that we structurally change our economies so that we derail this enormous machine that's smashing through these environmental boundaries and we realize that we have the kind of

technologies and we have the kind of models for society that would enable us to, you know, support those people who people are going to be displaced but we support them and we don't do it in a violent way. We make sure that we're working with their communities and sort these kind of problems out. Or the other fork

in the road is that people you get this horrendous and this is the thing that Jeff Bezos is I mean he may be thinking about this is that the as all that horrendous stuff kicks off and you interpret it as horrendous the power of this ethno-nationalist right that's behind Trump behind other people grows

because you hear about the migration stuff and you immediately think oh we've got to build the walls and I agree with that politician over there and oh we've got scant resources left so we've got to fight over the few that remain. There's a sticker campaign in London at the moment which has a little rhyme fun little

ditty that says something along the lines of plant more trees save the bees deport the refugees which has come from a lot of the well that really took a turn with line 3 the first two lines are like

a thing that's out there in the environmental movement this is the new sort of eco-fascist turn that's kicking off. Fascism arises as in some ways a fear reaction exactly and has got this this is really the horrendous interesting mix between the

the fear element of those people over there are coming they're coming to get the stuff the limited stuff that we have so it's a very zero some kind of logic but then it's also got this rooting in this idea of like blood and soil of ideas of race and location

and it is very interesting and horrifying to see how a lot of the ideas of some of these so-called identitarian movements that exist in Europe now which believe in this great replacement white genocide theory have begun

to merge into the real world and link with the environment or environmental concerns and the guy that shot up that those mosques in Christchurch New Zealand explicitly identified in his manifesto as an eco-fascist because of these kind of concerns

so we sort of in this situation where we rapidly need to understand how bad environmental breakdown is and then rapidly need to understand that it is caused by our economic system lest we open this door up to the eco-fascist ethonosis right because if we don't

realise the structural causes of this we look around and be like oh my god I just see people coming for the scant resources we have and then you bind the eco-fascist thing all the while very very wealthy interests build their space station and escape Well it's because fascism as like

there are many definitions but it's like militarily enforced nationalist nostalgia is basically a cup and ball trick where it says that you have more in common with the billionaires of your society than with your fellow working class of another society and so it says well you and

the billionaires need to band together to defend yourself against the others who are degrading you who are causing this degeneration who are making things worse, who are making you afraid but it's a trick it's a shell game Exactly and it

could get to a point in the not too distant future where you won't even have to go that far, you will literally have populations who see certain types of people trying to just mass, like migratory crises that we just

that make the so called migrant crisis that we saw over the last half of many years that will be Charles Page talking about an order of magnitude higher than that and I'm I'm particularly concerned about Britain because you know people lament the fact that Britain is no longer a powerful country

or this kind of stuff whatever but it's still a famous country and I'm concerned that as a famous country we will shoot people in the English Channel who are trying to come over and I found it astonishing and terrifying that over Christmas Sadid Javid, the Home Secretary

managed to persuade the Defence Secretary at the time to dispatch the Royal Navy which there's one boat left so I assume the Royal Navy is the name of the one boat and well yeah I mean actually Chris Grayling had sold off the boat so he's actually just a dingy

with Royal Navy spray painted on the side because that's if we can take some solace in the fact that like and people try to get here as they will and should like at least the fascists are too cartoonishly incompetent to do much about it

but this is the problem, they've created enough of a foundation has been created by so called mainstream politicians to mean that these kind of views become very seductive like people are going to get displaced this is something that people particularly on the left need to realise that destabilisation is guaranteed

our job or people who are interested in this job is to make sure that they create the political narratives that when things increasingly kick off we don't think loads of migrants oh my god build the wall or shoot them down in the channel

we think ah there are structural causes for this problem and we need to make sure that we're supporting our fellow people who by the way are experiencing a problem that has been caused by very wealthy nations as we were saying earlier well like I know Steve Bannon

got I think over hyped for his intelligence for having read two books but I'm a show down the ground as a manifesto everyone was like oh what a genius because he reads but one of the things which he said was like a foundational influence

was this racist wrench novel camp of the saints which is very much about this and I think that was one of the few times when he was genuinely prescient yeah well eco fascism to me is a very exciting concept just because I'm waiting for like Tommy Robinson to have a milkshake thrown in and go is that a plastic straw

actually like what's the overlap do we think between the people who are at demos wearing those shirts saying like war crimes in Northern Ireland I did them and I'm not sorry and being hit with a milkshake is social murder I'm not sure

probably a Venn diagram it's a perfect circle but here's the thing we talk about you know oh yeah doom and gloom eco fascism a massive a massive crisis that we're creating because we need to keep funding blah blah blah but have you considered subscribing to the patreon

this is a quote from Jeff Bezos a quote this is his solution is his better vision this is his vision our vision of a better world is one we are radically more equal and empathetic in which the resource of society are shared by all Jeff Bezos' vision quote

that wasn't his vision this is a vision quote quote quote quote because this is very important if we're out in the solar system and we can have a trillion humans that means we'll have a thousand Mozart's and a thousand Einstein's no no

this is a good thing literally what the fuck yo what if 10 Michael Bay's directed transformer he's also he's confusing like all the humans who've ever been alive with all of the humans who are alive now which are very different numbers how many Joseph Fredtos

yeah it's not like Mozart and Einstein are still alive now we have zero Mozart and Einstein's now if they work in some off world fulfillment center then it doesn't fucking matter how smart they are

what if Mozart use ipad wouldn't it be so cool if like we had 10 Tony Starks and 10 iron men watch him the iron man is a sex robot Einstein got cancelled because he got

dreads how funny would it be that's basically how Jeff Bezos is a stupid guy who's like damn what if we had 10 Vin Diesel's are we gonna have 10 Bezos's that suck each other's dicks

otherwise I'm now going to Mars agent 30x look look I think we just have to decide you know there are three there's a triple fork in the road if we expand into space poll walker will come back to life

the only reason to go because there's gonna be 10 me so I can find like fuck myself either to buddy what are you 10 I just one other one would be enough well because that would be like Mars me like with a tentacle and shit just one tentacle so that's what we have we have three choices for

society we have eco fascism descending into mad max we have a radically fairer society where we dismantle the power of like billionaires in capital to demolish the world to like build their own insane you know space ideas or three

we can be as smart as a million Einstein's no no no plan D plan Alice master spare like he has like he has done us an enormous favor here because in the way that that sticker of the like you know save the bees growing more trees or whatever

deport refugees like sums up in one quick meme the the eco fascist side one of those options he's done a great service here because he has provided in one completely outrageous meme like literally him speaking crap like he's the other one the like techno you cook to utopian

hyper capitalist outcome yet it's very useful it's it's he's shown that basically it's he's just plagiarizing the Jetsons which wasn't even a very good cartoon and he's and he's also he's plagiarizing Magellan and he's plagiarizing other like early imperialists and that he's just expanding

that outer space like it's astonishing so look if you don't want to plagiarize Magellan what you should do is a number of things you can subscribe to our patreon to get a second episode for every every link damn Magellan wouldn't have done that Bezos wouldn't do that no um

look Laurie thank you very much for coming out today my pleasure um in the meantime yes you can subscribe to that patreon you can also come to our live show the only possible infinite growth is the infinite growth of the trash teacher patreon exactly we need to be able to build a competing space station that will

suck less yeah it will suck your dick well yes also please keep sending pitches to the gettingyourdicksuck.com dms on twitter remember the only joke is the url it was the last url available it's a serious news site yeah

and also to come to our live show on may 30th at the star of kings the link will be in the description well it's gonna be bitching Alice is gonna be there Alice is coming well it's coming to London if I'm not like too blackpilled by then and just like rolling hole and pushing smog

into the atmosphere we're in the space station already I love that convince Alice to stop turning on generators around her house with petrol you will never convince me of that yeah baby please come see my new show if then that I'm performing

in a variety of festivals this summer including latitude and the Edinburgh fringe and also Alec Fullerton hi daddy he's older than just 19 also yeah sorry go ahead more comedy news on Thursday the 23rd

which I think is the day after this comes out Olga and I are both doing a comedy show at Smoke which is at the Secfords Alec we'll see you there tickets are a fiver get them get them the link in the description yeah

Alec Fullerton ASMR Patreon only episode yo you gotta pay $15 a month to get the Alec Fullerton Patreon Alec Fullerton is a 19 year old I met at Glasgow that I'm obsessed with and then he keeps DMing me saying he's actually 21

really? I'm not 19 I'm 21 that's not that's the same can I do a quick plug as well everyone should go and google Green New Deal because it is the solution to this it is the third track

it is the way in which we deal with the social and economic destruction of neoliberalism we stop the crazy billionaires launching space stations we actually sort the problem out and the idea is right people are working on it there are all sorts of groups google it and get involved

but also for balance google Venezuela yeah God I always forget to say that I've written on my forearm I always forget to say that that's the thing like yeah I don't want to die but like Venezuela yeah if you're going to read the communist manifesto

read Atlas shrugged and if you're going to google the Green New Deal google Venezuela and if you google if you're going to google get any dicksucked.com but why not treat yourself and get your dicksucked but not on the website we don't talk about that it's a serious local report we are reinvent we are using the money

we're making from the patreon to fund a crucial local service in terms of investigative journalism but we're doing it as a dick joke Alec Fullerton is the Glasgow reporter he's our man on the ground is he do you know if Alex is going to a Green New Deal

yet Alex sorry Alec he seems to be the linchpin we're everybody he's going to make 7 billion more of the is your name Alec Fullerton come with me

if you want to live okay number one everyone listen to this follow Alec Fullerton on twitter number two i don't know what his ad is we'll put it in the description it's Alec Fullerton we have to get one Simpsons reference for episodes so it's the auto dialer

this is the direct podcast to Abraham Abramson Abramson is a kowski are the biggest gossips in town okay so Alec Fullerton google the Green New Deal everyone else do what Alec does add Alec Fullerton or DM him quizzing him on the Green New Deal ask ad alec fullerton about the Green New Deal

I bet you wish I bet this guy wishes he never talked to you how dare you all men love me alright alright we've done way too many plugs also May 30th and June 1st i'm doing my tour show in Brighton

May 30th it's the last show that we're doing no man it's been a long episode and day and life May 31st and June 1st we'll fix the capitalism we won't be that much longer we can only hope

September 1st is my birthday and i'm renting one of those hot tub boats that goes on the canal on Cody is Alec coming i'm gonna bring Alec can we invite Alec if Alec comes down from Glasgow can he come to your birthday

100% that's your invite if you come down to London you can come to Olga's birthday on the hot tub boat in the hot tub boat on the canal no one else just Alec i'm not even coming okay

this has gone long enough especially since it's probably the most when you think about it depressing episode we've ever done have a good commute unless you're working at a Cody in which case enjoy shitting in his stranger's toilet and mouth goodbye