TRASHFUTURE - Children of the Coren feat. Jonathan Nunn

Episode Date: January 8, 2019

What if you could never be fired from your job -- even if you crossed every possible line, to include threatening to sexually assault and then immolate your neighbour’s child during a row over drum practice? What if you were also insanely racist? In your published columns? Well then, you’d be Giles Coren, Britain’s worst food writer. This week, Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Olga (@rocknrolga ) join Eater London writer Jonathan Nunn (@demarionunn) to discuss Giles’s reign of terror in the British food writing scene. We also discuss transport secretary Chris Grayling’s scheme to fund a ferry company with no boats -- and, crucially, an article from Ed Husain on ‘Britain regaining its confidence’ that seems to be written by artificial intelligence. Please bear in mind that your favourite moron lads have a Patreon now. You too can support us here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture/overview *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We have an upcoming live show -- with comedian Josie Long -- in London on February 21st at the Star of Kings (126 York Way, Kings Cross, London N1 0AX) starting at 7.30 pm. You can buy tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-live-ft-josie-long-tickets-54546538164 *COMEDY KLAXON* The previous Smoke event has sold out, but on January 31st at 8 pm, Milo will perform his own show at Smoke Comedy at the Sekforde (34 Sekforde Street London EC1R 0HA) with Russian comedian Yevgeniy Chebatkov. Tickets are free, but make sure to sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/smoke-comedy-presents-milo-edwards-wip-tickets-54529080949 Also: you can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/, and what’s more, it’s mandatory if you want to be taken seriously. Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

I would you want to start with what you saw earlier today? So today I was walking down Whitechapel High Street and I saw a middle-aged guy in cargo shorts rollerblading while drinking a can of Stella. And I think that man is my new hero. You know, he's exercising. He's keeping hydrated. One of the undersold elements of Stella is that it contains a lot of electrolytes. I love a good sports beer.

Classic sports beer. I once genuinely was paid while I was at university to go to the end of the Cambridge half-marathon and hand out pints of alcohol-free beer as a recovery beverage. And there were and there were all these like middle-aged dudes coming over the finish line who were coming up to me and like doing this like shit banter being like, hey, don't tell the wife and I'm like, it's literally non-alcoholic. Why would I tell your wife? I don't know your wife.

I don't know you. Interestingly, all of those people are now popular food writers in the UK. Whoa. For shadowing. Yeah. Hello and welcome again to your free TF. The first one we're recording in the new year, I think. Yeah, it is.

It is. It's our first one of two. Two YOLO A19. It's almost got the year on. It starts. Hey, hey, you know what? I think we have to leave prejudice and sexism like that in the past year because guys, it's 20 freaking 15.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Justin Trudeau has just come to power. Remember then. Saddie. Remember 20, reference 2015. Oh, good days.

Yeah. Good days. I think I was still in university in one of my many degrees. Depends when in 2015. Yeah. I don't think I was even on Twitter. I know I was, but I wasn't posting that much. I think Sorry by Justin Bieber came out.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Oh, yeah. It's a really hard track. That's what got Jonathan into Twitter.

I'll tell you what it was. It was actually David Cameron. It was the fucking a pig that got me back on Twitter. Yeah, that was a good one. Was that 2015? 2016. That was 20. I think it was late 2015.

I think it was like autumn 2015. Yeah. That actually is what got me into the dark web because I was looking for the pictures. So you've seen all the other porn, so you have to jack it to David Cameron fucking a pig's head. Unfortunately. Yeah, that's I don't make the rules. I'm a complete. It was a homage to Steve Irwin.

Yeah. I love like my favorite thing on the show is me reference the stuff we were talking about before. Shall we just also do Australian Batman? No. Never do Australian Batman. Australian Batman stays as a room joke. If you want to know more about it at Alex Keely. So hello everyone again free TF this week.

I'm Riley. You may remember me from every other episode of this podcast. Also with us is Milo. Hi, it's me. Your boy. I'm still recovering from seeing a man role-blading drinking a pint of Stella. Good day to you. Well, yeah, I mean, it was a pint can.

Okay. I mean, you thought you tripped me up there, but I was ready for it. I was mad to it. We got Olga. I'm Olga. I'm at rock and roll guy. I'm the girl you made out within a club and then I left gum in your hair. Separate incident.

15 dudes listening right now are like, what? Someone call Australian Batman. He needs to help catch this crew. I need to wash my hair. And we also joining us have Jonathan Nunn of Eater magazine. How do you do, man? Good. And second food rights to be on this podcast as well.

Actually, yeah. I only do food writer episodes actually. RIP, daddy. I remember like tweeting about, I said, I'm going to, the J Rainer episode of Traff Future sounds great. I'm going to watch it. And then someone just commented, don't. It's the best.

Don't watch it. I know, listen to it this morning and I, yeah. Coffee enemas, roll water enemas. Enema. This is all food as enema. Yes. Realistically. That's what I call it.

Blink 182 is coffee enema of the state. Who could forget? Wait, who says Blink 182? Blink 182. I say Blink 182. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Britain.

This is like how you guys say Nike for the shoes. No, we say Nike. No, a lot of you guys say. No, but that's only people that's not, don't judge us by that. That's like British rednecks say that because they don't understand. Yeah. J Rainer is a food critic to you to me. He's a cryptocurrency mogul.

Yes. I forgot that. I forgot. J Rainer is sitting in front of like five or six different monitors sort of high frequency trading his like 400 pounds worth of Ethereum that is probably worth like 20 quid now. Eight screens. He comes in on the soft opening and he's talking about Ethereum. I was like, who is this?

Like Riley sounds different today. J Rainer, like cryptocurrency expert. Showing the world another side of J Rainer. Absolutely. You thought he was just a jasmine's issue. That was the purpose of my tumblr for a while. But then I ran out of the pictures. Got a great t-shirt.

Sorry. My t-shirt actually says sex drugs and raw water enemas on it. Available from little comrades. Oh, indeed. Oh, we're doing the plug at the start now. Well, I mean, it just, it came up. Did you do raw water enemas in any other episode? Was that just the J Rainer episode?

It comes up a little bit. I think it, yeah. I think we have, it was mainly on that episode though. Yeah. So one of the reasons that we're doing- Well, now we've established that. Moving on. One of the reasons we're doing another food writer episode.

You thought we were just going to have the one. No, it's two. Is that Jonathan is, in addition to being a sort of an excellent writer on food, is also an expert on Britain's weirdest food critic. Can you tell us a little bit about Giles Corrin? I'd like that I'm now like a Giles Corrin expert. I only get invited onto podcasts to talk about- I want to talk to you about Eater and food.

Yeah, we'll definitely get on to that. Eater was responsible for two incredible Toronto meals for me this week. So thank you very much. I had no responsibility for that at all. It also sounds like a porn genre, which I enjoy. But yeah, the last podcast I was on, it was the other Giles Corrin thread, which I did. November, that they want to talk about. Funny enough, they're an anti-J Rainer podcast.

And we're, this is a Friends of J Rainer podcast. The two genders. The two genders. The two genders. He's more of a father figure to us. How did you get him on? I called him an idiot in the Uber Butler episode. And then I was like, wait a minute.

I have no animus against him, but then he listened to it. And so I was like, hey, man, I'm sorry, I called you an idiot. And he was like, yeah, I'll just come on. I was like, all right. But also, I think I saw, I negat him into coming on. J Rainer listens to Trash Future. Yeah. Hi, J. That's that's untrue. That's probably liable, in fact.

Anyway, so also this is- These opinions are not established by J Rainer. I'm interested also to introduce our American audience to Giles Corrin, perhaps the single, the single most Giles Corrin person in history. Yeah, he's a difficult one to describe. I was writing an article recently about I've kind of got this running thing called

It's sort of a year in racism in the British food media. Okay. And I realized that it started in July and it was going to be about one specific thing. And then like something else happened and then something else would happen. And then I realized I had to just make it a live blog of racism. It's now this like sprawling article about

like 6, 7,000 words about racism. But in it, I talked about the American food writing scene and how it's just like so much better. And anyway, the article was sent to America to be looked over by the American eater editors. And that was like the one bit they all honed in on and said like, no, the American writing scene is like tons of things need to be fixed.

There's like tons of racism going on. And I just want to be like, guys, like we have Giles Corrin here. The like one of the major food critics is like the literal son of like our future queen. So like, and yeah, I think I said like last week like four of the like four of the six national food critics have more famous fathers or mothers than them. Which like says quite a lot about what food writing is in.

Food writing in Britain is what starting a fancy Hawaiian shirt company is in America. Food writing in Britain is basically what you do or national food writing in Britain is what you do if you're basically like really lazy but really hungry and you're kind of a dumb ass, it seems. And also like Michael winner was like the national critic for like quite a long time. I was going to ask actually, are you specifically a Giles Corrin expert

or are you just the most popular food critic expert? So you had to be a Michael winner expert. And then when he died, you're like now I have to be a Giles Corrin expert. What's your famous dad? I don't have a famous dad, but I do have a famous grandmother. I had this lady called the Queen. She's my only my biological grandmother who I didn't really know that well because she didn't raise my father.

I mean listeners over a certain age will know who she is. I mean, J Rainer will know who she is. She ran a brothel in Stretton during the 80s. Is that why you love her? Nice. Actually it was Uber Butler's big brothel. J Rainer fucked my grandma content. It's like a surprising revolution.

This is like the Ancestry.com podcast. We all cry at the end. But it's like this very like specifically like English kind of brothel where she got caught because in the morning she had too many bottles of milk being delivered to her house. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us.

She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was making tea for all of us. She was putting milk in first.

So Giles Corin is another one of these people with a very fancy parent. Like most of the British national food critics. And we sort of... There's a drama around this that unfolded recently where he also wrote a book he won a bad sex writing award for.

Where he described a woman's vagina as an enameled pepper shaker. What? And was that hip? Sounds about right. I put my nose up to it and then I sneezed. The bit I remember is that his dick rattling against her teeth.

What is his dick made of? What is his dick made of? What is his dick made of? I have a dick like wind chimes. I have a dick like wind chimes. I have a dick like wind chimes. That rules. Giles Corin's dick is like a sonica.

Giles Corin's dick is made by Dyson. It's actually hollow in the middle but generates quite a bit of thrust. Right. So this is kind of who we're talking about here. And I've got sort of a whole bunch of... I have a whole bunch of extracts

from reviews he's written that Jonathan's been kind enough to send me. And also there has been this unfolding drama with him having his own sock puppet account named after a book of character from one of his books. Yes.

I mean, I know he's pretty stupid but this was a surprise even for me to uncover that. But I think ever since that first thread he's been extremely rattled by the reaction to it.

It's kind of the first... Would you say he was rattled by his dick? Because I think it was the first sort of criticism of him that really stuck. Because he's been criticized before but if you...

No. There is like a literal thing on his Wikipedia which says criticisms and controversy. Which is, I mean, fair enough if I would want that on my Wikipedia... It's just quotes for women. And then his dick rattled.

But... Yeah, it was the kind of first thing that stuck because it was just a list of things that you can't really argue against when they're all put together in one sort of thread. So... It's like 12 rules for life. 12 rules for living life is Giles Corrin.

Number one, rattle against the teeth. Number two... Number two, insult your own writing with your own sock puppet account so people will leave you. Number three, be careful with that car door. Have fun and be yourself. Yeah.

So he didn't really address it except to obliquely refer to it in articles and he, I think, called Eater a student magazine run by white privileged people sort of erasing my identity in the process. Giles Corrin's like,

damn, all these white men in the media. And... Yeah, I think that rattling made him do something which he probably wouldn't have normally done, which would be to use this sock puppet account to address

someone dragging him on Twitter. So the person who dragged him was a chef, actually, called Tom Eagle who runs a great restaurant called Little Duck in Shoreditch. And, I mean, Giles was sort of setting him up for the line. I think he was hosting a radio two show

and he said, what topic do you want me to talk about? And then Tom replied, how about institutional racism within the British food media? And then Giles said, okay, give me some examples. And then Tom said, I'm going to ruin it, but because it was very

well worded, but he said, well, how about let's start with the parody account that run the parody articles in the Times, which run by a bilious racist. And then it got about, like, a thousand retweets. And then he responded

to himself from another account telling Tom, oh, you like to pick on Jewish people, do you? And then started using sort of, like, Jewish slurs to sort of imply that the reason why Tom

attacked him was because he was a sort of anti-Semite and not because Giles is an idiot. Okay. Giles is like, I like the way Snorub thinks. Yes. I think the problem is that he didn't make any attempt to not make it

sound like Giles Corrin. So when it came up... What's the account called? Not Giles, not Corrin? Well, there is a part of this story kind of. He's like, did those slurs rattle against your teeth as they came out? Like, wait a minute, that sounds familiar.

Right. So he's in this situation. He starts defending himself with this character, with this account named after a character from his terrible book. And when did Penny drop for you that this was him? The Penny dropped immediately, there was

it. The Penny was just lying on a flat surface. Because Tom's whole thread was something that I retweeted. So I was tagged into this thread at the time and as soon as that came through I was like, this is Giles Corrin, but I

couldn't prove it. And so I just, like, looked at his followers and the first thing was I just looked to see, like, the history of the account and it was him defending his wife. Who also has written some terrible stuff as well. So that narrowed it down to Giles Corrin or Giles Corrin's wife.

Exactly. What is she right? I think the most recent thing was she was saying that she would be upset if her daughter didn't wear makeup when she grows up. To be fair, she wasn't clown college.

This whole thing happened because Giles Corrin, I think, is like, he's an insane solipsist. I think he's just someone who shouldn't be on Twitter. He's just like a very angry man and Twitter is not his medium.

He starts like making pedo threats against Michael White and... Oh, that one was really good. And Elon Musk was like, did someone say that? So the other tells that it was him.

So I looked through followers and this is like some random account with like 55 followers that has tweeted once and has replied to tweets maybe three times and Richard Bacon

is following it, Sarah Weiner is following it, the actual Stephen Fry is following it. So this is already... is like proof. It was one tweet, but it was a very good tweet. Up there was some of the best drill stuff. And then

so I retweeted the tweet and said so Giles Corrin has an alt account and then someone DM'd me saying oh, by the way, check out the name

it's from one of his books and then someone else DM'd me who wanted to remain anonymous because they wanted it tied to their work. DM'd me to say that they did like a password reset thing and that the email address

that had come up was G-I-STAR-STAR-STAR-STAR at T. STAR-STAR-STAR-STAR Richard suspiciously tallyed in with Giles.corrin at the time. It's incredible.

That's an amazing thing. Why I love Giles Corrin so much is that he is the apotheosis of just pissed and dumb. Well, I also love that he's named this alt account that he wants to keep secret after a character from his book which seems superficially dumb, but it's actually genius

because Giles Corrin realizes that no one has read any of his books. What's the name of the character? Pavel Pilnic. Good. Good grief. Good grief. I want to get to some of these excerpts here

because they are now we've sort of done some table setting of just the madness of Giles Corrin, his willingness to just routinely embarrass himself in public by getting into fights that he really hasn't thought through. You think he sexually gets off on it?

The embarrassment? It's a theory. That's one theory. Please call. I'm on your trash huge app now. I mean, one of his latest things he's trying to pass it off as the more you get upset at me

the bigger my profile comes and he actually said the words. He's Ben Kenobi. He actually said the words like it's my passport to the big bucks. Oh yeah. So Giles Corrin is a Facebook guy.

He's talking about all the haters giving him attention and they're just jealous because you're just like you're hating me all the way to the bank essentially. I think he's an Instagram guy actually. I mean, he is now moving to I mean, I've noticed that he's been he hasn't tweeted for about a week now.

Giles, are you okay? He takes me on. He's cool. He's moved over to Instagram because they're much nicer there but sometimes you get these stories where he's like sweaty and doing these rants to camera and there was a really good one where

he was ranting in this restaurant where he was like fucking hell, I'm in this restaurant and some prick at the next table was just like taking out their laptop and like doing their work. He's like on Instagram live. Get a look at this asshole.

Hey pal, maybe punch trying to eat over here. So he makes like five or six videos about this saying like the state of this guy like the state of like British restaurant diners in 2018. A heated dining moment. And then

there's like the next video is like somber saying someone's just the enemy and it turns out it's the chef of the restaurant just doing some work in the corner. Oh my god, he admits to it? He admits to it. No, to be fair

that's kind of cute to be like sorry guys, my bad. The most powerful brain in this instance I was wrong but nevertheless as a rule of thumb it stands. So what this is from his review of the

Chinese restaurant khaki when I phoned khaki to see if one needed to book the guy answered the phone in Chinese Taka Taka Taka Baka Taka Taka he said I mean first of all it's not an accurate transliteration of Mandarin.

I think your phone line might be acting up. You might want to contact your service provider then he makes a story where he's like okay, yeah, no that was that was just my phone line fucking out but that doesn't mean it doesn't mean that the Chinese aren't annoying with the way they talk am I right?

I was on the phone line that sounds like a Chinese guy service. I didn't know I don't know what kind of add-ons they put on your program and then he obviously follows that up with more Taka Baka again definitely not a good transliteration of Mandarin but

and then just a review of the restaurant where he's like yeah it's pretty good. There's also a bit just after that where he's like for a few who think that might be racist here's my impression of a British person flubba-dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba and that's his get out of jail free card

for that. His defense is that he can't understand English sounds either. Yeah my defense is actually that I'm technically too stupid to know what racism is. He's so smart that he only understands the written word. And that's like and then just it goes into into a review like the real the really

brilliant bits of Giles Coran's articles are on the front and back of them because then in the middle of them they tend to just be food reviews which you know you can criticize as food reviewer I don't really know it makes a good food review. Oh they're pretty bad as well. It's like you know have you seen this

making the rounds where it's like every recipe online starts with a completely unrelated thing where it's like I was walking down the street and thinking about 9-11 and it's like an apple pie recipe. Wait Nate you have to talk about the casserole do it. Yeah so

well we were I was cooking dinner for Christmas and I was cooking this stew that I found in the New York Times cooking site that involved a pottery mustard it's like a French style beef stew I guess and we had joked as a as hyperbole like that every recipe has to be about like well

when the planes hit the towers on 9-11 blah blah blah and that's like the story at the start of the recipe but literally that was the start of this recipe it was it was like it was like sooner in the aftermath of 9-11 attacks the chef made this recipe and it became very popular in New York and we're just like but it was that same setup to a recipe we

obviously like you know we felt we had struck gold in a way. That's probably where I saw it but I mean but it is like a meme right. Authentic first responder casserole. We need more recipe books like this. I think ISIS cookbook. Oh yeah hello. Oh I

hang on let's let's put someone DM us that please. Probably like visibly broke a sweat when the ISIS cookbook was like how do you know about my secret projects? It's like bomb recipes. It's like the anarchist cookbook but for like a nice gem awesome yeah

thank you Kanye very cool so after after this this this this sort of weird transliteration of Chinese he then wrote another another article where sort of responding to people calling him out about it the I'm not mad article indeed he wrote

the best I'm not mad article where he did the ultimate Giles Corrin move I'll read this in these days which hunt can start anywhere a review of a Chinese restaurant in the times a couple of privileged white boy opportunists sniffing to take one down one of the dinosaurs

who stands in the way of their own ascension and before you know it there there is police interest in national news pick up he's like one of those rare racists who also acknowledges white privilege it's so crazy yeah oh it gets

it gets more he's like oh I'm racist well maybe you're racist everything about that so in the end I decided to report myself for a hate crime to see what would happen this is why I think he gets off on the sexual he's he's martial madnessing this

he's like yeah well now what you're gonna say about me bitch I sent myself to jail he's he's so angry at people telling him like don't be racist against the Chinese that he's willing to invent a bunch of white

people who are trying to take him down and then he he tries to own them by trying to get himself arrested away and his position on everyone trying to take him down is will you enter cram book that's a private school I may have gone to college

I feel like him phoning like the literal police to report himself is the ultimate like sir this is a Wendy's I mean you're right the restaurant reviews do start really far off I called the police to report myself for a

hate crime I called the local police and here's a conversation that really happened the woman who answered the phone asked the offense was I described the article she laughed and then said I really shouldn't laugh but it's a bit like Andy Warhol isn't it you know in the future everyone will be racist for 15 minutes

I don't think Andy Warhol said that doesn't make sense it doesn't make any sense are you just racist for a minute you just you just like go into like a little chamber where you can shout all the slurs that you want you come out and you're done for the day a new Radio 4 show 60 minutes of racism

where celebrities can come on and just be racist for an hour and it's like a no holds bar save space it's like a no holds bar place where Australian Batman can just be Australian Batman he said like consistent racism accusations against him this is not

just like his 15 minutes of racism and but then the most the amazing thing about the rest of this article is that it just sort of meanders into different territory I took my daughter Kitty down to Westminster on Sunday to buy a poppy listen to Big Ben and think about

the sacrifice of the men and women on all sides who died in the first world war and also other wars yeah hi police I'd like to report myself for being racist anyway I have to go cry at this at the scene because I'm proud

because I'm proud of my history also crucially he conforms to the fact that in posh British families all the all the women have animal names and all the animals have women names my daughter kitty and my cat Jennifer and my poppy poppy half asleep

on my shoulder on the bus home kitty played with her poppy and said to me dad if the hundredth anniversary of armistice is such a big deal just imagine what a fuss people will make on the thousandth wow well I'm really looking forward to the thousandth anniversary of the battle of

Hastings is going to be huge I pour him one out for my boys at the centre top wearing a mock arrow through my eye to remember the fallen I love I love going down to remember remember our glorious fallen soldiers

and just doing a big fat line of ketamine and writing an article just barely staying awake just being like yeah fuck it whatever I'm going to put it on yeah fuck it whatever I'm going to put in some stuff about the soldiers people love that 2066 I'm going to be going up

to people on the street going where's your fucking bio tapestry pin and the last the last little bit of this is really where the altar the ultimate in corn I think no American writer gets that has this level of like a white knuckled grip

on his own sanity this is from his review I that's not true I think this is like look I think is it I think Giles corn is like a John Pador it's style figure it's just he's mad at a lot more than like you know shippers interesting we're currently

building the matrix of people who write things I would also add that John Pador it's while being insane has never threatened to fuck and then set on fire the 12 year old son of his neighbour who was playing drums too loud like there's a certain level of crossover in terms of crazy between British pundits and

writers but like there are many times when the British pundits just go so fucking far out of bounds you're like how does that person then go to work the next day and everything is normal that's the question that I always ask myself when I see Giles corn stuff because some of it just goes so fucking insane and then it's everyone treats like oh it's just Giles just being Giles come

on Nate we've all had a couple too many bumps on a Wednesday night and said some things about someone's 12 year old son that we regret that he was going to rape him and set him on fire because he was drumming he was too he was drumming too loudly so he was like oh the only thing I can do is fuck him he's actually

referencing the old Dane law where that was the punishment for vigorous drumming it was either that or they had to pay a weir guild to your family this is from his review of Q grill in Canada that's why I also love it's food reviews all of this madness

is coming out in restaurant reviews here's a recipe for roasted 12 year old child from his review of Q grill everyone knows the easiest way to tell a racist is when they say quote I'm not racist but I've often considered trying the I am racist but in both speech and pros

I am racist and the rules of racist improv I am racist and and also kind of insane I'm racist and I'm not afraid to say the total absence of englishness from Camden Town today makes it feel to me is both racist and racist

makes it feel to me is bogus pointless and wrong he is right that Camden Town is terrible to be fair there's like the one thing I'll go back for Charles Korn there but he's right but it's not terrible because there are like non-white people there no no it's it's it was always

terrible it is just like full of italians as well who spicy white spicy white garlic white and and thus it becomes a suitable place

to take one's children for tea as there is nothing dangerous happening anymore all the restaurants being bland chains selling children's food to 25 year old foreigners in hipster costumes they got from Uniqlo sipping much worse cappuccinos they could get back home baffled as to why Amy Winehouse isn't at the next table

is employed attacked foreigners don't know that Amy Winehouse is dead that's the point dang these foreigners they don't even know their Amy Winehouse history they want to come live in our country live by our laws and they don't even know what year Amy Winehouse started exactly

they don't even know who Blake Fielder-Civil is I feel like it's like a counterpoint though to his thesis that saying I am racist and will make it sound any better because it turns out it does not I like to like hit accusations of racism

off of the past by wearing this white pointy hat then I hate when people ask if I'm racist I hate but you know what it is is he hates when people ask if he's racist not because of the accusations that he is that he is a racist but because he doesn't like getting the questions he wants

to just he's like I'm look I told you last week yes cards on the table guys and all of the cards are just like guys in blackface it's great so then he reviews the restaurant Q Grill in Camden which I've been I don't love it

it's not in Q and then he says when you roll yourself out into the Camden sunshine all four of you crusted in old beer ketchup and prawn skins it doesn't matter what you look like because he always comes out of a restaurant looking homeless because all the passers by judging your appearance

and parenting skills are foreign and it doesn't matter a damn what they think it's like I love getting my children taken away from me by the court because I want to cover because I'm covering them in prawn skins to own the Italians it's incredible

I'm crying in the court but judge I am a prawn you got to go see very good right so this is is just like I am massive I am a massive racist I'm a huge piece of shit and fuck you all for noticing it is basically the Giles

Coran summary but if you can't handle me at my worst he is Giles Coran is a white lady live laugh love Marilyn Monroe quote person just in the form of an insane food writer well-behaved food writers rarely make history wait can I ask a really stupid question

yes how is he like as a food critic he used to be so he's actually been writing for like a huge amount of time now I think since 93 like he would have been like mid-20s my full life yes

he used to write well I mean like British food writers always had this kind of problem that it's seen as this sort of sub-section of British humour writing which can be which can be fine like if you're as good

as A.A. Gill and there were problems with A.A. Gill as well but I can't remember any of those if you're as good as him and you can do that digressionary style of writing and you can like just like nail an exquisite turn of phrase

and that's fine but if you're Giles Coran trying to do that it just doesn't work and I feel like his older reviews actually used to have some sort of writing off merit about food and

now they've just sort of like devolved into this like sub-A.A. Gill shtick that ultimately says like nothing about food at all quite a bit about Giles Coran quite a bit about Giles Coran I feel like he's like using these columns how to like work through like his issues

and using his these columns to work through these issues which is clearly that at some point in like the mid-2000s he ate a piece of beef that gave him a pariah on disease we're in the middle of like an amazing one of those like uplifting Oscar-winning films about a food critic who's like

having a breakdown and he's writing about food but really he's writing about himself and like the latest one starts off like it's like pretty much like half of the review is about him getting emails from people who used to go to the same college as him in Oxford one of them says that

the warden told a student that it's upon the student saying that he wanted to go into food journalism saying don't become like that Giles Coran he's a discredit to the college it sparks just like

existential crisis in his life like all the criticism of him before it's just like washed off his back but the warden of Keeble College has like suddenly like hit him like right in the heart and he asked the guy to go to the warden and find out why

the warden doesn't like him and the guy just like refuses to do it and he's like can't you ask him yourself look I'm just saying talk to him a bit persuading to change his mind if you're reading any of his articles like the first letter of every sentence

has just helped me Giles Coran has been held captive by Giles Coran for several years sending in fill leotardo to the warden's office like we told you before you kick up to Giles Coran and nobody else

I'm sorry I'm just like little Carmine but no to answer your question I think if you want to read a review and actually find out something about the food and find out something that puts that food into context

and find out why it works I think probably the best critics are Marina in The Times and I thought it was you well I'm talking about national food critics but Marina and Fay is one Fay Maschler in The Evening Standards

and all you can just read me and eat at London it's also entirely about yourself but it's much less racist on balance so moving on a little bit transport secretary Chris Greiling has found himself

in a little bit of hot water so to speak recently very evergreen Chris Greiling he's great he's like the work experience minister who's just constantly fucking up he's three kids in a trench coat

on Christmas Eve contracts have been published for emergency ferry services nothing for stirring not even a mouse not even a single thought in Chris Greiling's brain neither of Chris Greiling's brain cells they were asleep waiting for Santa Claus

I mean that's the thing his job is to coordinate like food deliveries to the UK in the event of a no-deal Brexit and I'm pretty sure Santa is one of his plans guys don't worry we can just use Deliveroo France thanks Liz Truss

so Christmas Eve contracts were published for ferry services to get supplies to Britain in the event of a no-deal Brexit and it emerged that one of the three companies contracted has never run a ferry service before and in fact owns no boats British listeners will be well familiar with this but American listeners are in for a treat

where we're going we don't need boats Seaporn Freight turns out as just a Colin Farrell movie from 2003 look we might not have any fucking boats but that's not the point here you're gonna come in here and talk to me about fucking boats when we're sitting here and I thought I was dead

Seaporn not only doesn't have any boats but has no contracts with any ports it appears to just be a web page they're just gonna only make ferry trips during a storm in which case the old rule applies any port in a storm anyway sorry for having read things

fuck you know what boatry art so Mr. Grayling told BBC Radio's Radio Forest Today program Seaporn is a new start-up business and government is supporting a new British business and there's nothing wrong with that this podcast used to have a segment

which was like new products, guess what it does and it always was it does nothing and this is literally Seaporn Freight it does nothing it's Wi-Fi connected is that what you will about Seaporn Freight they are Wi-Fi connected

I think it's one of the start-ups upstairs their Wi-Fi has been disconnected for non-payment I make no apologies for supporting a new British business Grayling followed up we've looked at this very carefully and we've put in place tight contracts to make sure they can deliver deliver for us

I love that he thinks that like a contract is gonna change the fact that they don't own any boats that's the thing I did a little more research into this and it's a run by a guy called Ben Sharp who has a checkered business past

he's been managing director of several different companies all of which failed immediately and he owes millions to the HMRC it's basically this looks like a guy who has made an entire career out of just fucking up enormously oh he's Lionel Hutz he's Jaws Curran

that's another old Jaws Curran another all his seaborn freight that's the only thing that makes sense and so this is just a guy who like as they I think Chris Grayling may have been suckered by a multi-level marketing scam like no we just have they don't have any ferries

what we're doing is selling a ferry system where then we sell ferries we're not even team to own ferries we just need to sell ferries to other countries and then they kick up to us we have friends who have ferries what is more ridiculous that this is this like

very like high-tech scam that's been pulled on the British government or that this is completely sincere and like the owner is just like frantically googling how do I find a boat he's like blowing up loads of Lilos that's like that's actually probably is

like one of Chris Grayling's other backup plans one is Santa to get a bridge across the channel with Lilos Ironically Giles Corrin probably could help here because I'm certain that at least one person in his family owns a boat so the sharp goes on the directors of Seabourn freight

are experienced business people with a long track record of an industry they have between them open and in some cases closed a number of businesses yo never open a business you can't close these are all my losses was lessons like you have to fail forward

Instagram guys the only problem is if they fail forward we're all going to starve some of their businesses made profits of up to a million pounds it was actually a loss he just invented or invested all of the money into swimming lessons we're getting we're making Britain fit again

it's carbon neutral it's just David Rolliams crossing the channel with a little volleyball with a face drawn on it it's D-Day all over again let's fucking do this let's fucking go

he's bought all those fucking troop carrier boats with like the flap down then this is what like all the Brexit is talking about when they're talking about Dunkirk spirit just like our entire like food produce is going to be sent over on dinghies and fights just being massacred by the Luftwaffe

a bunch of old men with badly equipped boats rescue some of us this is like a very Giles Coren style mindset though where it's just like fuck you I'm a big fuck up everybody hates me I've never done anything right give me a million pounds

I stand by every word I think also it's like it's just so dumb when government invokes the Dunkirk spirit in the sense that like the whole everything that's good about Dunkirk is nothing that's good about the government it's like a massive fucking government error being bailed out

by a bunch of blokes who fish that's actually an example of the government completely fucking up and the British people coming to their own aid like saying like well never mind guys because if we completely fuck this up which we will you'll just sort yourselves out you've got a good track record

it's like that's the thing that I always think of anytime I see one of these like Adam Smith Institute psychos talk about the power of free enterprise or whatever where it's like what they've got is they just now have the stupidest people in history who are managing more or less the wind down

of the British state right where it's like we have Matt Hancock who's like you know parkour is over a low bench that says you know respectability and politics or whatever and like he's trying to replace the NHS with apps Chris Grayling has like contracting out sort of essential infrastructure projects

to like a bunch of guys who clearly are like you know get an Instagram business idiots who are like my favorite store is the bank they just bought a bunch of Facebook advertising and totally worked on it and like the next thing they're going to do like Gavin Williamson like the secretary of defense

is going to contract and season replace the army with like phase clan like this they were buying Facebook advertising for a boat that's written on the side like they're going to give a ferry contract to a company that owns no boats because it's a Chris Grayling thing and he's like whoa click

it's like it's like it's neoliberalism is not it's specifically not smart it's just about like jamming up like the public works as much as possible to transfer as much of like commonly held wealth into like the sort of big pudgiest

like IT manager from Luton like piggy hands they can possibly like push it into right it's this is just like you had a specific guy in mind very vivid inter neurotic real quick I love to get piggy with my man's hands

IT manager from Luton with his pudgy hands gripping your hands you know exactly what I'm talking about though right it's like it's like these these guys who might have been fancy themselves corporate raiders in the 80s who basically started a limited company got a website copy their terms and conditions

from just eat which they literally did the terms in addition to the website it says we make no assurances in the case that you place a food order and it doesn't come through properly make sure you've got your address written properly to collect like what your supply of insulin and beans in the event

that we completely fuck ourselves over corporate raiders of the Lost Ark look we didn't promise that we owned an Ark of the Covenant we were just trying to borrow against the potentially getting one the whole thing is completely stupid but it just it goes to show like that capital is not

even trying anymore well it's insanely short-sighted isn't it like they're literally they can't even see in advance what's going to happen two days afterwards they don't have a fucking fairy and the whole the reason I think that the Tories are a fundamentally Instagram political party

is that as you look at like what Grayling was saying he was like I make no apologies for supporting a British business and he's all he is just like and or like Sajid Javed referring to himself as the Saj it's all of these got like it is government buy

a Instagram story about how you like to read audio books at double speed on your jogs that you can get more like brain knowledge it's an Instagram story about like it's government buy a post that's a picture of a garage that's like no excuses for success

or whatever like that's what these people are I'm out at 15 prostitutes using nothing more that kind of cutting that bit it's it's like because I was saying earlier right like we know that American conservatives are fundamentally Facebook people that's what we were talking about last episode their Facebook people

who like want to talk about who are resentful of everyone who get into like pointless petty arguments who never let anything go and all this and British conservatives are sort of so doply optimistic that they just and they they are so

riven with sort of with like a combination of like self-regard and complete faith that the future is going to be amazing so long as they can just stay in power that they are based they are Instagram people they are the political party of like some white lady going to India

and saying that she was inspired by the locals who like were impressed by her iPhone I feel attacked she lost her iPhone and she was like she was like this is like more money than some of these people will make in their entire life yeah that's that's what

that's what the conservative party in this is Wendy's so I've got a final a final segment here which is an article I found today by Ed Hussein in the telegraph and it is

it's it's a very it's very special to me not because of anything it says in particular but because I'm pretty sure it was written by an AI because genuinely every paragraph seems completely

unconnected to the others and like it could have been made by a Markov chain so this guy at Hussein was a senior fellow at them for Middle Eastern studies in the council of foreign relations in New York an advisor to the Tony Blair faith foundation and he co-founded the Islamophobic Quilliam

Foundation with Majid Nawaz so you know this guy's good Quilliam sounds like a white trash child name yeah no Quilliam, come here it's the member of the Black Eyed Peas who's also a medieval

writing instrument thank you thank you that was way more than that deserved that deserved booze so he has written an article for the telegraph that I think is probably one of the most telegraph articles ever written written must rediscover

its confidence and lead the world it is responsible for creating written must slay but not as it did previously I love a self-help article but for a country Britain needs to do self-care cut those toxic people out of your life

like the Irish government see that's a fundamentally Instagram point of view which is the you're beautiful cut all the toxic people out of your life that's what they're doing look, if Leo Veradkar is going to keep talking Britain down, I need that bitch in my life blocked

for centuries he writes, Great Britain has guided the globe really, I'm not aware that they were responsible for gravity and atomic plates guided is an interesting word now the world needs us again this is like Batman coming out of retirement we need the red coats

the world's going crazy for over six years, the Wehrmacht guided the people of western Europe okay, honestly four years ago, I was dating a German guy and a man on the train came up to us and said, you are speaking English to each other your love is dependent on my language

you have to pay us a tax I'm not kidding the tax with language tax because our love wouldn't be possible in English language, I'm not kidding and that woman grew up to be Jealous Karin all he could hear you saying was to him, I said

the self-flagellation so I reported myself for a hate crime and then I fell asleep writing an article logged on to my alt that's just named after myself so the self-flagellation over Brexit and begging for European acceptance is unbecoming of our great country

Britishness is about values, ideas, history and an attitude not skin color because now he doesn't want to fuck Britain no one wants someone who's insecure now this is like stuff you'd find written on ill-advised Topshop collection of crop tops in the mid-2000s

like Britain is an attitude also, what does that mean? Britishness is about values, ideas, history and an attitude that's nothing! you could say that about any country we have values in history unlike those damn Moroccans

no history they just sprung forth from the earth they're Autochthonous I think people don't know about Moroccans they can't remember anything I have met Russians who genuinely believe that Russians are Autochthonous no

I was once explaining to some guys in a Russian travel agency travel agents, people you think would be familiar with the concept of travel who argued with me that no, in fact it's not possible that any people from northern Greece and Macedonia moved north to the area surrounding Kiev and settled it

and a lot of those people eventually became what are now known as Russians and in fact it must have been Russians who moved south and settled ancient Greece wait what? Russians didn't start the world? whoa we're gonna have to shake a break

we're gonna be back after these messages I would get a little technical difficulty sign it's all gonna really drunk we apologize for the following untruths for the context I am Russian yeah aside from brexit, two other factors

impede the assertion of British confidence around the world assertion of British confidence sounds like a Nile Ferguson book what is the assertion of British confidence? why is confidence so necessary? it's a pickup artist technique again, it's more

this is just it's just believing in yourself stop Britain, stop being a beta, be an alpha they think the bank of England needs to stop printing money and start printing self-belief and affirmations as we all know, the great Suez crisis in 1956 when Britain just stopped believing

in itself we were negging the Egyptians we were like, yeah, nice canal I guess best canal, is it real? first a bit fat though first, an abiding sense of imperial guilt nozz away at our national conscience

yes, Britain built an empire, but so did Turkey Turkey has no misgivings about a single act of imperial conquest of the entire Middle East in Balkans and national pride is very strong in that country a country which is famously good and run by sane people and everyone likes them but also, it's like

the logic behind this is yeah, Turkey did a genocide in the Armenians why are people keep getting mad at us for doing it? I love a person who would like historically probably be racist against Turkish people but then whenever they can like take beyond their side for argument's sake

they'll be like, fuck it, let's be more like Turks but they're still not allowed in this country I'm not racist against the Turks I have an Ottoman in my living room we ended slavery and obliterated Nazism we roasted the Nazis we really want to keep trading on that

for quite a while and also it was the Russians who did that mainly 16 million people, what up? or even 18, it was a shit ton of people it was 30 million, I think total Soviet deaths, not just soldiers but also alcoholism it's not strictly related to war

it was a sad time the casualties in the Soviet Union's ongoing battle with alcoholism but I get also really upset when you started a thing and then you ended a thing and then you pat yourself on the back for ending a thing it makes me so upset, oh we ended slavery you fucking started slavery

when someone kicks you in the nuts and then wants you to thank them for no longer kicking you in the nuts I'm done kicking you in the nuts now be grateful my foot's no longer on your balls slavery was just tough love second, based on this narrative of historical grievances

an entire culture of competing victimhood is taking over university campuses in Britain you're watching BBC3 and this is competing victimhood this is kind of where I this is where I'm getting to, right? we've talked about this over and over again this is like standard Brendan O'Neill shit where it's like we have to stop being embarrassed

about the past we fought Nazism, universities are safe spaces what really gets me about this is not any individual thing that he's saying but like he just put the first word into Siri and just let autocomplete

finish the article for him it's magnificent it's just like every sort of like half-assed tweet on like any of those subjects that you see like on any given day by like any random bozo on Twitter and it's just like strung into an article

the whole, the whole thing is just it's striking how low effort it is at this point they're not even, it's not only are they not even saying anything new they're just saying we need to believe in ourselves we need this, the problem is we need to believe in ourselves all of these people's brains were poisoned by inspirational sports movies

after Brexit we should consider as a punishment for people who talk Britain down having them pulled into four pieces by horses, Genghis Khan did it if it's good enough for him yeah but also like the okay I'm about to maybe spew bullshit so get ready for it

I'm not sure we noticed the weird hierarchy of what pride is okay and pride isn't it's okay like you saw a sports movie and you're like British pride is fine but like LGBT pride isn't like where where's your hierarchy of pride oh his hierarchy of pride is anything, anything that

I want is familiar to me is good any limit on my behavior or even a mild criticism of something I like is Stalinism neutral pride lions everyone likes lions that's true I can't fault it and then

but the other amazing thing these people do that I love is because they all worship STEM they all think that like counting is the best thing is the highest human achievement and he actually then puts in a chart of university freedom

where it lists all of the universities in the UK ranked by freedom it forms the shape of a bold eagle and it was collated by spikes and put in the telegraph so again you know it's good it's all just merging together and it's like it's like someone just took a giant

shit in a play-doh machine and just punched out a star shape from it that is so fucking I thought you said a play-doh machine like the platonic form of a shit article that sort of is what this is it's like all other shit articles

just sort of participate in this something else is going on here like this clearly isn't an article this is some maybe it's like some magic words maybe it's a summoning sequence for Cthulhu I'm not entirely sure but this chart is incredible

where does he get to the restaurant review the categories on the chart where you can be like marked up or down for being more or less free is you get marks down for having rules about fancy dress and you get marked down for having rules for bullying and harassment

and you get marked down for having a workshop on sexual consent thanks spiked awesome it's having a theme counters rules about fancy dress yeah that's what I was thinking is it just like you can't like dress up as a native Indian or is it like

you have an 80s theme and Ed Hussain dressed up as a 70s guy yeah the BG's career did technically extend into the 80s but no one would listen to me partly because my voice was unbearably high I was committed

how does having a sexual consent workshop make you less free how? I don't understand because time is money baby thank you Instagram Tory my love I'll go to a sexual consent workshop but you better be paying me I could be doing business right now

I could be at the bank I could be making a chart about universities in the UK I could be roasting a child to death right now Mr. Corrin what university ranked the highest? hang on University of Phoenix

University of Phoenix online well it gives you a red amber green status hit me up with some green ones okay the freest universities oh there are no free universities the best are amber Aberte, Aberyst with

Aberte, Bangor, Burke Beck Birmingham, Birmingham City, Bournemouth, Bristol Brunel, Cardiff Metropolitan, Dundee Durham, Edge Hill, Edinburgh Napier this sounds like Coca-Cola League 1 Birmingham City 1, Edinburgh Napier, nil the least free are York St. John

Westminster, UWL, Warwick, UWE Bath, UCL too long of people lived under the jack booth oh interesting Cambridge is apparently freer than Oxford by a quite considerable amount because Milo's gone what's up

damn damn I can't believe you do me like this times rather so back to Ed Hussain's weird summoning sequence rather than feeling British we've begun to hobble separately as new

tribes define feeling British it's like feeling yourself but also doing slavery it's when you feel yourself so much you just conquer most of the world and brutally exploit it you have a level of self-confidence that could be seen as a world historical crime

well the thing is that Britain's never apologised for the slave trade but more importantly than that we've never apologised for creating Australia look I'm not apologize for being successful work hard play hard it's nationalist live laugh love basically

feeling British doesn't mean anything and he says we hobble separately as new tribes of gay, Muslim, trans, female, black with the white middle class male as an eternal enemy in some imagined war every single line of this could basically be a headline from an article that it's appeared in the spectator think about it

I mean shortened so it's headline speak but the why not Britain line or rather than feeling British we've begun to hobble separately as new tribes of gay, Muslim, trans, sexual, female or black with the white middle class male as an eternal enemy in some imagined war

all of this sounds like I mean to step out of semi comedy mode and go into some more serious all of this sounds like like a compendium of things people have complained about in columns in British right wing media but none of the cycle that always plays itself out that a thing happens

someone misrepresents the thing a lazier journalist misrepresents that misrepresentation into a thing that becomes a rage article in the Daily Mail that causes people to like send racist tweets and Facebook messages to people involved this happens over and over again and this seems like the more

genteel version of this there's no imagined war where white men are the enemy it's just that white men have been getting called out for like making an effigy of Grenfell and sending it on fire for example and that's somehow proof that we're not feeling British enough it's like to me this just reads like I think going back to the boilerplate

argument that this is just you can say this gibberish in 600 to 800 words and one of these fucking publications will publish you because this is just the thing that needs to be fed into the veins of the sort of Brexit and Brexit adjacent people in this country like this is what they believe

and this is what they need to have fed to them and so when I read this article like I just I do see a certain coherence but the coherence is I mean I love this paragraph in India the rule of law as in the United States is derived from English common law and the Magna Carta's principles so therefore colonization is okay because India which is mad mad

it's just energy everything about this if you read between the lines it's just it's like a soothing balm placed on the consciences of a bunch of racist old dudes who are mad that like black people exist oh yeah this is basically an article designed

to like sort of stoke the I think it's it's just there to make life a little bit easier for guys whose veins are permanently bulging out of the sides of their heads because one because someone said that it was okay that Ireland was independent honestly did you guys know

that it's actually British people who brought blowjobs to the US they wouldn't have blowjobs if it weren't for England I'm just making shit up you know that's me I'm Olga I'm just I'm just I'm 30 30 I mean

people for arbitrary things we can just take credit for anything yeah I mean that's what they do that's the great amazing thing right where it says in India the rule of law came from the Magna Carta so did blowjobs yeah it's the lost Magna Carta the mouth Nicarada penthouse penthouse letters to Magna Carta and

I mean there's no Kamasutra also and the member shall rattle off thine teeth it is the language of Chaucer and Shakespeare that is now the only language of power and technology it was it's JavaScript it's JavaScript why do they always do that

it's like it's always Shakespeare and Chaucer it's never like Giles Corrin and Jimmy Savile it's also the language of those guys the C and C++ stands for Chaucer they always oh yeah we have Shakespeare and Chaucer they never say we have we have like these other

fucking like monsters and it's like they think that they just ignore all that bad shit and they're like well maybe the world is more complicated than that England's not uncomplicatedly good you idiots like is this not like Turkey it was John Locke's influence

on the American founding fathers that led to the declaration of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness this guy's like gone to one civics class also he's just talking about America as though America is this country that's like unironically good that no one has any problems with

well if only we could be like America where everything's completely fine by the way it's like happiness never occurred to anyone before John Locke it's like yeah it's one of these things where it's like he's doing the Steven Pinker thing where he's thought so hard

he becomes a dumbass you really should have stuck to the first two lines but you're right it is like unconsciously making the case for colonialism and like that this was a thing that actually brought some good to places

in the food world there's this like weird debate going on about like cultural appropriation where in America it's like everyone knows that it's a thing and everyone knows how it's defined and there's this really weird thing that happens in the UK where no one actually knows the definition of cultural appropriation

so everyone's like and even like the most centrist food writers not just like someone like Charles Koran it's like well maybe like Vietnamese food is like this amazing culture clash of Vietnamese

people and French people and like so you get like banh mi with baguettes and like if like culture appropriation is a thing then this food wouldn't exist and this is what's great about food where it's actually like the baguette was

forced upon Vietnam by the French like this is not like this happy collision of cultures that I love how British colonialism is like concentration camps and French colonialism is like you will eat this funny bread I don't care if you think

it looks like a penis I would watch you eat it yeah but it's also where it's like the colonial powers would be like yeah if we didn't brutally exploit the Vietnamese they never would have had baguettes they never could have gotten them later or India was just a lawless anarchy

until we told them about the Magna Carta or like you know no more jobs or like John Locke invented like being rational or whatever it's this whole it's the whole Stephen Pinkerton pop lock and drop it

if people love that shit though like when they go to India and then they see these like remnants of British colonialism or like little fragments of sort of British culture in everyday life it's people love that and some Indians love it as well like it's you get this kind of

uncomfortable thing with some sort of more high-end Indian restaurants in the UK where they basically have this like colonial theme and like I mean Dishoom has it but I'm

like I don't mind giving Dishoom a pass on it it's sort of like kind of their story to tell their Indians and they do have King's Cosperance actually has like an anti-colonial theme I think they probably realised about like the third restaurant

we should put some anti-colonial stuff in this one but there are some others as well where they're sort of playing up to the British like of this sort of like the Rajira

but there's also this Indian nostalgia for it as well so it's not just it's not just the British nostalgia for that kind of thing well and I think that's one of the things like these people who write articles like this don't understand people aren't saying that like it's uniformly 100% bad

like nothing good happened at all they're just saying that it's so overly bad in whole that like it's no point defending it because like well it would have been better if you hadn't murdered all those people on the plus baguettes thank God for the baguettes

anytime someone does say yes they brought them railways in the Magna Carta it's like you're clearly looking at such an unbalanced assessment like you're not playing devil's advocate at that point you're basically just you're just sort of trying to think your way

into being okay with the fact that we are the baddies Hitler the highway guy that's like Bill Nye the science guy but a very right wing version so he concludes confidence in our history and values invites migrants to integrate and become British

yeah don't don't say anything of how you are become British anglicize yourself together we can defeat the forces of darkness on the rise around the world but without a confident Britain Voldemort's back in history and philosophy we cannot

lead patriotism pride in our past and future should be the clarion call of 2019 and beyond how can you have pride in your future man I'm gonna I'm gonna get so much shit done in 10 years time I'm proud already leaving shame for the empire in 2018

pride in your future that's another Instagram thing where you talk about all the amazing businesses you're going to start shame is toxic don't look back and how everyone's going to be sorry they were mean to you this is just like someone who's done a bunch

of cocaine talking about how they're gonna like get really rich by doing the next small plates restaurant yep well I'm glad you resolved that I'm glad you resolved that article oh very nice so I think we've been recording for quite a while now I think it's time to go back to our

daily lives yeah shall we do that fellas yeah sounds great fantastic so all that leaves for me to do is to thank Jonathan for coming on thank you for having me it's been a pleasure to thank you for listening

to remind you that we have a patreon you can subscribe for $5 a month for the additional second podcast episode and that you can commodify your descent with a t-shirt from little comrade maybe your favorite get your favorite line from gels corins books

and have eddy's green print that that'd be pretty cool just like t-shirt for flubba-dubba-dubba and finally our theme music is provided by ginseng it's called here we go you can find it on spotify it's extremely good Milo any comedy dates yeah 16th

of January which is a Wednesday smoke comedy at the sec food where the headliner is ahesha it's going to be a fun show also tbd but 31st of January which I think is a Thursday also at the sec food I'm going to do a preview of my Edinburgh show with support from

Yevgeny Chebukov who is like a famous Russian comedian is going to be in English yeah fun times and on the 21st we of February the 21st of February we are doing a live show with comedian Josie Long at the star of kings in kings cross

so you should come to that event bright tickets will be available possibly in the description of this episode maybe we'll see yeah and also the only reason we don't thank Olga for coming on is that technically all goes on every episode she just sometimes chooses not to speak can I also plug something plug plug

hi my Edinburgh award nominated show is coming to soho theatre January 14th January 19th please come and see it and I'm off to go pay a tax for speaking English goodbye this is opposed to Olga's other show which you should not see only see the award nominated one I agree with it

you