TRASHFUTURE - Farage Bonking Fanfic

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

For this week’s free one, we’ve Riley, Milo, and November discussing the Reform manifesto, which reads like a handful of Volk-centred social democracy policies with a lot of what you can only called overt fascism. Great to know that this will be “sensible politics” in about five years. We also read a paean to Nigel Farage’s f**kability. Of course it’s in the Spectator, but you are simply not prepared for it. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *EDINBURGH LIVE SHOW ALERT* We're going to be live at Monkey Barrel comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe on August 14, and you can get tickets here:  https://www.wegottickets.com/event/621432 *MILO ALERT* Buy Milo’s special ‘Voicemail’ here! https://pensight.com/x/miloedwards/digital-item-5a616491-a89c-4ed2-a257-0adc30eedd6d *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

We've been there this week. This week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gwen and Lauren. I mean, this isn't going in. Don't worry. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, please.

What's funny is that there's no context. You just like naming two women that you've said and they're going... More like Mr. Bean. Gave me sort of more of a sort of roguish air than I intended there to be like... Like Miss Bean. Yeah. In many ways I am like Miss Bean in the sense of like blundering into three and foursomes and then being like...

Okay. ways I am like Miss Bean in the sense of like blundering into three and foursomes and then being like... Okay, the episode where Mr. Bean changes his gender by accident. Walking backwards into the GIC. I think that happened to this journalist one time. All right, all right, let's crack on. Well, they changed your whole question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why nobody saw him walking out because he's a beautiful woman at that point. Beautiful lady.

They were like, well, you stop reporting on this. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not going to be able to do that. And then they were like, well, you're not's why nobody saw him walking out, because there's a beautiful woman at that point. A beautiful lady. They were like, well, you stop reporting on the Saudi government if we turn you into an

absolute smoke show. And he was like, yeah, I would want to. Yeah, who wouldn't? Now I don't need to report on the Saudi government. Exactly. Because I'm too busy like getting Instagram messages from footballers. Yeah, exactly. Is that one of the primary activities of like stacks transfer?

It's like, I guess so, actually. Okay, all right. All right. Let's actually begin. Hi everybody and welcome to this free episode of TF. We are coming at you from the studio. It is Riley, it is Milo, it is November. It is boiling hot.

The climate change is coming for us. And we are looking at the ways the different political parties are planning on beating the heat. Oh, beat the heat. There you go. That joke's back. We're all like slightly deranged. I know I am.

Because like... Isn't that hot? I feel like it. I've been on a bus for an hour through central London to get here on time. Bus in central London is hot. Yeah. I have been on a bus for an hour through central London to get here on time. Bus in central London is a lot. Yeah, I have been broiled. I no longer think that we have like, you know, 10 years to save the climate, you know, 9 years, 11 months to save the West.

I think we have about like minus 5 months to save the climate and it's fucked. It's just over. Yeah. Well, fortunately, we have an election campaign that's going to decide are we going to have five months to save the climate or five months and three weeks to save the climate via a series of privately funded initiatives. But we're going to talk a little bit more about the election in some detail later on where we're going to, I've gone through the reform manifesto.

Oh boy. Which is, I think, very sensible and well-costed. A lot of slurs. Very well-costed. A lot of slurs? Very well-costed slurs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can afford this one. It's actually free for the government to use these. Do you know this?

Some of these ones have fallen out of copyright. They're so old. It's good to bring back royalty-free slurs. Yeah, we're using John Blackthororn's phrase book, you know, just... Why does the manifesto start with, I'm in the bloody Japan. I think that the reform manifesto is likely to be, in my view, the document that defines most political conversation in Britain among the sort of uniparty elite for the next like five years.

I'm not another one of these. The last one was shit too. Yeah. That was the Tory manifesto, right? I'm afraid that this is the new one. Can't we have a nice one for a change? Oh, we tried that. It was racist somehow. Yeah, sorry everybody. What if we had one that was like my side by David Beckham and all the main political parties

had to just discuss that yeah Yeah, I mean Government would go on much the same actually improves with every reach But what I think is really fun And we're gonna sort of take a little bit of a detour before we get back to reform is just looking at the election campaign and Watching what happens as the conservatives get fucking Corbyn every single day. Get Corbyn did it. Yeah.

Well without any of the like genuine belief, no one's out here out writing for Ritchie Sunak and being like, I just got my heart broken, you know, like I really thought change was possible with this guy. But now imagine like the most briefcase carrying ass 14 year old, the most bullied person of all time. Like grown in a lab to be like a real bad carrier for Ritchie Sunang. Once again, like the world's most, the world's unhappiest leader basically is, has going on the radio and essentially just getting, I would say, as you said, November, getting like a kind of fan-shen sort of a self-criticism session.

Yeah, they put the big dunce cap on him and then they set him up in front of like an hour's worth of LBC callers, which I appreciate. The pensioners like Soviet, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, as ever, I'm in two minds about this, right? Because on the one hand, it's nice to see Sunak and Tories generally generally humiliated. On the other hand, when you see how the humiliation ritual is arranged, it kind of, you know, a bit of the sheen comes off. It's like, oh, this isn't organic, actually. It's just they've decided they're done with this guy. So they've just like set him up in front of the firing squad. Matthew In this case, they were like, how do you stay

energized on campaign? Which is supposed to be... Lyle Don't say coke. Don't say cocaine, do not say cocaine, do not say cocaine. That's supposed to be the gimme question that they give you to hit out of the park. Yeah, do not say huge ones. And where then they turn around and ask the labor candidate something like, when did you stop beating your wife? Yeah, yeah. And how many huge rails of cocaine does it take to get you through the average day?

Well, I think the correct number. I take a moderate approach to cocaine. I know cocaine is important to many people in our society. It gets people going. It enables people to start small plates restaurants, which are the backbone of many local communities. Yeah. Once they close the private schools, they're going to have to replace them with a new industry in like a lot of these market towns.

Small plates, you know. So what happened is Rishi Sunak then said... Not a father work, the Corkerfields. Rishi Sunak then said, oh, will I eat a Twix or a Haribo? Which in bringing that single Haribo... Yeah, only the right Twix though, never a left-wing. Bringing Matt Hancock to mind for me, he then gets berated by the caller who's like, how insensitive is that? Children's fucking teeth are falling out, you heinous piece of shit.

You've never had to think about dentistry in your life, which is a fair enough thing, but like, again, you can see what's happening here, right? It's bizarre because like Rishi Sunak is also the reason why you can't go to the dentist, but what they're getting him on is the fact that he eats a Haribo sometimes and he's setting a bad example about children's teeth. He's like, no, he's the reason that children can't go to the dentist. Like just get him on the thing. Like how are you accidentally right? How is that what's happening? It's the same thing as like, you know, Keir Starmer like responding to just stop oil protesters like agree with them or not. Like going and like spraying orange paint on stuff being like I agree with them looks if you disrespect Stonehenge I'll come

after you with the full force of the Lord is it kiss them a powerful druid with the full force of the druids the god of the summer solstice the god of the winter solstice I think they just stop all protesters should be put into a large wicker man and satellite, which will ironically emit quite a lot of carbon dioxide into the air, but that will teach them. But again, it's the, it's we're angry because we don't like how you're reminding it. It's like, oh, we need to preserve British heritage and British monuments. And it's like, don't you understand that the only way to...

We're angry at people telling us that in a way we don't like as opposed to the process that will, I don't know, probably wash Stonehenge into the sea at some point. But... Quite a distance. At the same time, right? Destroying the A303. Oh God. A very high sea level.

It's nearly arterial road in the West Country. Just stop oil has a point. No, but at the same time, right, as all of this is happening, you know, this is, I would say one of the most disconnected from people's actual priorities elections in recent British memory. You know, at the same, like the entire, I think I mentioned this on the other, on another show, but I cannot stop imagining that like the entire political class, basically minus Nigel Farage and the Greens, and Ed Davey, like the labor Tory uniparty, has collectively stolen the phone and hidden in the fridge. They're not doing hustings.

They're basically not coming out with policies. They're just trying to wait it out so that the process can take its own logic. I mean, the Tories will drop in a slur every now and again. You see their, their new campaign video, which is just like putting out like rolling out a red carpet on the beach for the small boats. Just fully like, that's not going to have any negative repercussions. I don't think. No, nor is being like, oh yeah, Keir Starmer is an enemy of the state. No, no, nothing stochastic is going to happen. You know, stochastic, pretty certain those

are the guys who like gave you a voucher in school to buy a horrible history's book. That's right, yeah. Well the Tories just want to do a Met Gala for refugees, which I think is admirable. Yeah, well this is why we're gonna go back to the reform manifesto later, because what the Tories have decided, and they're right by the way, is the energy on the right is not in basically doing Blairism but like with like... It's not let's talk about fiscal solutions, it's let's kill the fuckers.

Yeah, exactly. It's in Haribo's and a right Twix. Yeah, well that is, it is essentially exterminate the proof. Terrible reboot of a two finds of lager on a pack of depressed. The more juvenile. Yeah, it's kind of like a muppet babies situation, you know? Any case. The other piece of news, of course, is while all this is happening and there is no more

like just ripping the copper wire out of Britain since than multiple now sort of people close to the Conservative Party getting done by the cops for having bet on the date of the election? It's only getting worse and I wish we had predicted that and put some kind of a bet on it perhaps. No, it really does feel like it's something that's been going on forever and we're just only now noticing. Now that we've turned the big noticing things on and the gambling commission has gone, okay

well maybe we should look at like who bet on the time of the election and the answer is like a couple of Tories and like one of Rishi Sunak's bodyguards who is clearly like in the front of the Land Rover like oh, yeah I might as well get like, you know, 500 quid off. That's cool though. If you're Rishi Sunak's bodyguard, you should do that Oh, no justice for that guy Yeah, yeah It's like A-Cav except for the like Met Police guy who drives Rishi Sunak around all day has to listen to him So I may as well get 500 quid off of Ladbrokes. Do you get paid less to bodyguard Rishi Sunak because just like, by surface area, there's

not that much of him to guard? Like, you really can be half arse, just like, vaguely like, sticking your leg out in front of him like he's a wicket, you know? I was on the Boris uplift for a number of years. They had three guys on Boris. It was a real terms pay cut. No, this is... I think of... If you're in that position, I think of betting on the election date, like card counting,

which is it should be allowed and it's just you winning. They make a really cool movie about it every now and then and you're just like, man. Okay. Anyway, but look, I want to move on from election talk because we will get back to it, or at least the Tory election talk. Yeah, I regret to announce that it's still happening. Yes, unfortunately it's still happening. On the other side, just looking in at some of the labor trying to reconcile its position

of needing to sort of, trying to maintain the normal people vote, the regular vote, while also according the swivel-eyed lunatic vote at the same time, leads especially health secretary Wes Streeting to often take strange positions. Yeah, well I mean, Wes Streeting doesn't believe in anything, but he is extremely transphobic. So that's fun. Is this the cubicle thing? Yeah, it's he invent It's this really I don't I yeah, so so what he said was and and star on the double down on this as well That we need to like respect single sex spaces like hospital wards, which find me a single sex hospital ward, right?

By not any hospital ward exactly Corridors by not having like trans patients in them but instead transpatients should get put into a like a cubicle. But like respectfully. Like a respectful cubicle. Like a nice cubicle. Join me. The respect cubicle. Like yes, okay.

George Galloway cubicle. No, I don't want him in there. No. It's not even a doctor. It is a cubicle, but it is outfitted like a first class cabin on an Emirates flight. How about that? I really like as a kind of thing of not separate but equal, but separate but better. They're like, okay, there's a bunch of like cis women in this corridor who are pissed off because I'm in a really luxurious like Orient Express kind of stateroom with my broken leg.

With George Galloway. Yeah, exactly. Would you like me to be the doctor? Yeah, no, just do that. Do that and incentivize people lying about being trans. I think it'd be funny. Yeah, and right, like this is, of course, again, because we know what happens, you know, when you are outwardly weird and your main thing is being weird, which is that... You get put into respect to you. Well, which is that, you know, in the case of the conservative party now, I think

the average age that the labor conservative voter crossover happens is 71. Jesus Christ. Right. Because I know we've got an aging population, but how have there been enough of these old bastards to like keep the fuckers in power for 14 years at this point? But this is, but this is also right. This is a narrower and more fanatical base, is who you appeal to.

It's just wild though, cause like years and years of like labor electoral strategy was like we wait for the like really old insanely racist Tory loyalists who vote for everything down to like dog catcher to die, right? And what happened was they had a like a kind of Battle of Stalingrad level of reinforcements. They were busing those fuckers in, from God knows where, and they just, finally, now, were down to the dregs, you know? But... The only refugees we accept are actually guys over 70.

Interrogating them about their views at the border. Like, yeah. Let me see your Facebook, and if the answer is I don't have one, you're going back. That's right. But this is but this what I see is like it's labor being like, well, I get is just like so much in British politics moves to the sort of the rightmost post as inherently sort of sensible or to be negotiated with as the protagonist of politics.

Therefore it is very important for labor, which has now captured the vast majority of politically kind of apathetic, but otherwise regular people. It's imperative that they, like, continue being sort of alienating and strange. Just like all of the sort of, as you say, like, transphobia itself is always an election loser. And so they have this, like, you know, locked in Bath Party majority for exactly one parliamentary term most likely.

That they're then going to just be like, well, we must continue our rightward march culturally. We must continue our rightward march economically as we wind down the state slowly. Yeah. And I mean, this is like, on the one hand, it's kind of electorally, it's a bit of a sideshow, but it is frightening on a personal level, right? And I think you have to think about the tweet that Kamie Badenok did, right? That's like, oh yeah, we wouldn't have gotten any of this shit done if we hadn't gotten gender critical people like into a number of like institutional positions in like the

EHRC or the Tory party or whoever else. And that's applying to the Labour party too. I think you can look at it as a piece of kind of like institutional capture. Gender Leninism. Basically, yeah, right. It's that a bunch of people who consider themselves to be a vanguard party of making everybody else insane about trans people have been like sort of carefully put into like influential positions, which is very dangerous. I love to go to the respect Gulag. Anyway, I want to move on. Where's Streeting?

Where's Ulichny? I mean, where Streeting has the energy of a man who'd be airbrushed out of a photo with Stalin, right? Like he would be. He's like going to be one of the first to fall in the purges. Stalin pictured here with this kind of like novelty hot dog in a suit that you would see outside a car dealership. Stalin pictured here with tallest child in all of USSR. Scientists inflate him slightly and experiment.

We give normal Vladivostok boy growth hormone. Taken from beast. He maintain normal face of baby, but become very tall. We put suit on him, he's cute. We make health minister. I want to move on. Build a health minister in the lab. I want to, I want to move on though.

I want to move on because I'm sorry, we're all going to have to cancel, I think a lot of our plans. Yeah, because I'm going to be in respect cubicle. Well, I have some bad news for you both. Israeli arms manufacturers have been asked to not attend the 2024 Euro Satori Missile Festival. Oh. That's... I love the Missile Festival.

And that's one of their favorite things to do. It's a real sort of like, you know, sort of focal point, the social calendar, if you're a Missiles guy. Well, the thing about the Missile Festival is you don't want to camp near the toilets because it smells bad, but also the toilets is the only source of fresh water. So you don't want to be too far. But then you don't want to be too the toilets because it smells bad but also the toilets is the only source of fresh water so you don't want to be too far but then you don't want to be too close to the stages because obviously the sounds of the surface to where missiles going off is pretty noisy when you're trying to sleep. So, at the end of last month, the French Defense Ministry announced that Israeli defense firms

were disinvited from this like giant defense trade show like the biggest French arms industry expo essentially. Yeah, their version of like DSEI that we have exactly. Because the conditions were not right to welcome them while the French well Macron was calling for an end to Israeli operation. He's woke. He's Hamas. Yeah, Emmanuel Macron welcome to Hamas.

Emmanuel Macron, il est très réveillé. And then they also. The worst part is they just say woke. They just say woke-ism. Yeah, woke-ism. Woke-ism, woke-ism, woke-ism. Yeah, macaroni woke. Yeah, so they banned representatives as well from firms for personally attending the show.

And I think we talked a lot about like official, now this is not a direct result of the ICJ, like making any provisional measures findings. It's not a result of the ICC looking at anything in a pretrial chamber. What it is a result of though is I think probably those institutions exerting pressure on national leaders because whatever you want to call it, these things do have some weight and they are now resulting in Israeli companies having a harder time doing business with people they want to do business with. And making their arms deal is very sad, you know?

I don't want to over-escribe relevance to those particular institutions because those things aren't done yet. They're not codified in law yet. It's an inconvenience, right? And you're going to get a lot of hyperbole from Israel about how, you know, this is a sort of blood libel or whatever. But like, it's good that it's happening, I guess. But on the other hand, I do feel a bit like, well, I'm glad everyone can have a nice missile show, you know?

Like, a good clean missile show. Yeah, David Guetta is doing the Saturday night. Yeah, now that we don't have the Israeli on... The Israelis are so upset they're not gonna get to see David Guetta. He's like, He's their favorite. Yeah, going to see the like techno tent at EuroSaturi. It's not really the main thing, but you can still get like down the line. But yeah, just now that there's not Israeli arms manufacturers there, we're just gonna

have the like, just the nice ones. The average quality of the MDMA is gonna go way up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, God. You know, this is, I think just a good example. Armand Van Heimers, is that anything? Again, this is also still contentious and like going back and forth in court. Uh-huh.

Right? But still, it's interesting. Being sued to be invited to a trade fair is a really funny bit, like... I have to go to the party. Yeah. You can't... I will call my mom and she will call your mom. I'm writing to you under the Freedom of Information Act 2000 to ask why you didn't tell me you were having a party. The Israelis are very upset.

They want to see dead mouse and TSD. On the Sunday afternoons they were planning to take a mushrooms. Freedom of Information Act request put in by the Israeli government. Are you mad at me? Yes. Yes, very. Because you keep doing all that shit. We told you to knock it off.

But this is, but there are other more, even more pernicious forms of sort of boycotting going on, not just at innocent missile trade shows, but also at some local, at some regional literary festival. Oh, the stochastic book fair. Yes, that's right. What a great line. I love it. I'm so glad you enjoyed hearing it. I love being able to react to it naturally. No, this is of course, this is not just Israel that people are boycotting.

The Hay and Y. Hay and Y Book Fair. Yeah. It's also because of... Into which, like, Hamas, as I understand it, personally paraglided, right? And ruined the David Light Show. Yeah, and lightly pressured... What was it?

I don't remember which sponsor it was. Bailey Gifford. Bailey Gifford. Yeah, sure. Sounds like a girl that I want to... I was going to say company that sounds like an OnlyFans girl, yeah. Yeah, a little bit. They lightly pressured, using their terror tactics of writing letters and stuff.

Asking. Yeah, asking nicely, Bailey Gifford to like, divest from the Hay & Why book festival. Is that what's happened? Well, what happened is that these festivals were sort of sponsored by companies with links to arms sales, especially to Israel. And fucking everything in the arts is a thing. And like this is a valid critique of the arts, right? Is that you go and see like a painting or like a book festival or you know gallery opening,

whatever the fuck. And on the outside is like this is sponsored by like all of the guys who are at EuroSatury missing their Israeli friends and Len Blavatnik. I always thought it was really funny that at Oxford there's a Len Blavatnik school of government. Yeah, the thing he's really good at. It's like, huh, wait a minute. Aren't you just doing that all the time?

Never mind. So, any case, right. This is no in Bailey Gifford. This is from Celia Walden in the Telegraph She says the arts world can't afford the price of purity Which which is an interesting thing right to be like to admit the the thing that I think everyone you know Already acknowledges and has noticed which is that like wow There's so much of this money from like really fucking sinister people flying around and there's so little funding from anywhere else

Least of all government. So like if you want to do art stuff in a lot of ways, if you want to do it with like a budget, you can't do it without these people. But that's good, possibly. Well, it's the, I think what's being argued obviously her by her and then I have another selection from a Daniel Finkelstein piece. In both cases, what's being argued is in the first one a little bit more subtly in the second one with the force of a sledgehammer, which was the obviousness of a sledgehammer, excuse me, not force, surely. Trademark Finkelstein subtlety.

Indeed. In both these cases, right there, the argument is you should be grateful for the patronage of people and not question them. Yeah, Cesare Borgia is not a nice guy, but like you wouldn't get the oil paints without him. So like fucking maybe chill? And say, so she says, in a coup for protesters, Bailey Gifford has canceled all of its remaining deals with literary festivals. It's now hard to imagine why any company would put themselves the ethical ringer for arts festivals in the future.

After all, the sponsorship of a major event... The Win P. Burger, Cheltman Book Festival. ...is only a worthwhile marketing strategy if it shows businesses in a good light and you have to wonder who would be considered pure enough to fund the arts. Almost as though what she's saying is, let people watch their reputations, please. Yeah, absolutely. It's very annoying that people aren't just that... Like, look, here, BP is going to feed you a spoonful of slop and they put some sugar on it and it's annoying if you mention that yeah

But you can see an exclusive interview with the author of like the smallest wife or the things that we know to be true That's right It is it is very funny though to think of Bailey Gifford trying to manage their reputation by sponsoring the Hayon Wye Literary Festival. It was like going to the Hayon Wye Literary Festival to watch the interview with like Salman Rushdie or whatever and being like, you know what? I am going to let Bailey Gifford manage my assets. My $400 million of assets.

I wouldn't buy a ticket to the Literary Festival, but I do have $400 million of assets. It's a real kind of like Jeffrey Epstein, the New York financier thing of like Bailey Gifford, the sponsors of the Heyum Whitelands Ferry Festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. They're up to other stuff. Yeah, but like legitimately though, like that's part of what it's for. And yeah, some of it's the kind of like, you know, ads on the like, subway station in Washington DC under the Pentagon for like micro targeted to one specific guy of like you should buy this specific missile system.

Yeah. Bill. Please sup. How are the kids? But like some of it is also just like. HSBC advertises in the airport. What do they advertise? HSBC in general.

We connect, we're banking for the world. Yeah, because you want to have like a positive association when people hear the name, you know? But HSBC are a company that people use, if you know what I mean. It makes more sense to be advertising it to people in the sense that like, whilst it's very general, like they advertise Google to be like, hey, remember Google? Yeah, but it means that anytime they come up in some kind of like a negative context or anything controversial, you know, say Bailey Gifford, you know, the company that did all

that shit, you go, yeah, but also the responsible corporate citizen, this one's the hell my book festival for fuck's sake. Like, yeah. Yeah. I heard about the darkest wife there. Exactly. Daniel Finkelstein had this to say, he said, the fossil free books campaign, which forced the investment management firm Bailey Gifford out of sponsoring book festivals is a good example of the Omni cause, which he thinks is behind all of this. It combines performance, the use of peer pressure, and the linking of apparently unrelated causes.

Most of the coverage of the attack on book festival sponsorship... They're not unrelated causes, you just refuse to understand the links because you're being obtuse. It's all the stuff about how like, oh, you know, someone says Gaza is a climate issue, right? And it's like, you don't want to follow the sort of like three or four steps of logic involved there. So you're just like, no, it isn't. Yeah. No, it's not. That's stupid to me. And it's like, at some point... Doesn't immediately... It's again, you're not getting it on purpose, but what you then have to say is, well, it doesn't immediately make sense to me intuitively right away. So

obviously it's nonsense. And it can do if you have a worldview that's based in like compassion or like understanding that like other people matter. Right. At that point, the Omni-Cause is just like, it's not even that radical. It's just like, it's observing the world. It's what would have been called liberalism 20 years ago. It's like, it's just moderation. It's just like, uh, yeah, it seems like other people are just like sentient beings or something. It's also quite funny to be like, I refuse to acknowledge that Gaza is also a climate issue, but also, crucially, I wouldn't care if it were. Yes.

It's like, well, you may as well acknowledge that it is, because you'd still be like, no, but it's still gay to care about it, so I don't. So most of the attack in the book festival sponsorship suggested the campaigners opposed Bailey Gifford because it invests in fossil fuels in Israel, but I think it has it the wrong way around. What's actually happening is that the protesters oppose fossil fuelsifford because it invests in fossil fuels in Israel, but I think it has it the wrong way around. What's actually happening is the protesters oppose fossil fuels and Israel because they are being invested in by Bailey Gifford. That's that trademark Finkelstein wit right there. I mean, Danny, right? Like if maybe just as a thought experiment, maybe it's like Mr.

Beast social experiment, right? What if Bailey Gifford just as a treat divested from those things and then we saw if the protesters are still mad at them? Mr. Beast's social experiment, right. What if Bailey Gifford, just as a treat, divested from those things, and then we saw if the protesters are still mad at them? Just an idea. We could try that. He says, the target is the people who manage investments, and the very idea of investment itself. The target is capitalism. Oh, no.

Yeah. The Hay on Why book. First, the Hay on Why book festival, then the Sealed Train, and then Global permanent revolution. I mean, we live in hope, right? But like, I think sure for some people, but like, I don't think that that's necessary or an inherent part of this Omni-Cause, right? Like, I'm not trying to gaslight the guy here, but like, I think there are a lot of people

for whom the Omni-Cause is just as you say, just like quite a liberal thing, I guess. He says Israel and fossil fuels are indeed connected, and what connects them is Bailey Gifford. Again, that is sort of like, you kind of have a point, but you haven't understood the point that you're making. What you think you're saying is that people don't like investment managers, and investment managers invest in both Israel and Bailey Gifford. And also, it was very funny.

This is the missing point of people not liking investment managers because they invest in those things. Well because of the attitude in which they like the resources and there's like distribution that allows them to choose to invest in those things. Right. If they didn't choose to invest in those things, I think there are a lot of people who would be like off the bus at that point and be like, yeah, these, these investment managers are like cool.

Yeah. What you're describing is again, basically liberal. Yeah. Liberals. Like basically liberals, the squishier end of sock dams I think it's like and it's it's just like you have to be like it's a relative minority of those people who are just like No, the whole system is fucked I wish it were more but I think I think a lot of people do not have some kind of deranged

specific beef with investment managers as a career choice with investment managers as a career choice and are just observing things that happen rather than like grinding that out. It's like someone walking into Michael Burry's office, you know, like the fucking, the metal is blasting and they're just like, why have you shorted Israel? Why you've got no money in Israel? And he's like, it's going to fucking zero. It's worth shit.

How do you know that? I read every IDF tweet. No one reads all of those tweets. I read every single one. They're full of shit. So it says, this is why the fossil free books campaign doesn't focus on, for example, Iran. I guess I must have missed like Hassan Rouhani in conversation with... Like Marina Hyde at the... Hasan Rouhani in conversation with Salman Rushdie.

A very controversial... Yeah, I would go and see that one. Whoever it was sponsored by. Is it promoted like YouTube box? Just coming over the table at him. Like, old man fight. Doing a staredown. Yeah, that would be sick.

Yeah, but Bailey Gifford refused to answer questions about their investment in delicious baked rice dishes. It's just the oldest fucking rhetorical trick in the book, right? Is that why are you upset about the bad stuff that we're doing instead of the bad stuff that's also happening that we're not doing? Why can't you do a protest for the army as they go and invade another country that's also doing the bad stuff you don't like? Why are you pulling on levers that are connected to things?

If the resolve of business collapses every time a boycott is threatened, or there's some bad publicity in the Guardian, which was against the boycott! Yeah, because of Marina Hyde was like, yeah, because of Wokes or whatever. She had a more sort of developed take than that, which is that like Art isn't political and it's actually very rude of you to introduce politics to my art Which is hysterical right because I'm sort of we're at a like a sort of point of contradiction There right where someone who is like very well aware that art impinges on politics and vice versa It's having to be like but I don't want it to. I want to have my ward garden, I want to have my literary festival, and I don't want to hear about any of your stupid bullshit like a genocide or whatever. And I really like that we've got people

to like lose their patience like that. I say we, like I'm taking credit. I really like the fossil free books have like got people to that point. Yeah, well it's the again, it's like, well hang on a second. If none of this is political, the Why is Bailey Gifford feel like it needs to wash its reputation? Yeah, crazy. And how come they're using these books? If... How come they're doing it then? Maybe they're just nice. Maybe they just like books.

Maybe they just needed somewhere to park their money. Yeah. Don't remember us for the stuff that we sponsor overseas. Remember us for the fact that without us, you wouldn't have got David Beckham's My Side. That's true. David Beckham and Hey on Why is a really funny bit actually. Yeah, I wrote that bit about when I was in Spain.

That's why it's mostly about Madrid, yeah. David Beckham in conversation with Hassan Rouhani and Heyum Y. Okay, stop making me want to go to a literary festival. Yeah, yeah. They're a good time. You two feathers need to calm down. I know you've got your differences, but easy. Gary Neville just also there.

It was bloody ridiculous. Of course Hassan Rouhani and Salman Rashti aren't gonna get on. There was a bloody fat twat. We all forgot on this. It emerges over the course of a kind of like footballer moderated discussion that Salman Rashti and Hassan Rouhani are both madder at like Alan Shearer than they are at each other. Yeah. We finally bring peace, we squash the beef.

Yeah. OK, Bailey Gifford. Hassan Rouhani threw a translator. The way they did over Raoul Moat was disgusting. I think you know what we're going to do. I had some stuff about like Nvidia and AI. We're going to park that. We're going to put it in the next episode. I had a really good joke about it. I have to remember it. I will not remember it.

We will leave this. We'll even leave this part in. So you listening don't think we've forgotten it. I just want to move on to sort of our main our main meat and potatoes here. Talking of course about the reform party which is going to, like I said, over the next five years, remember what they talked about, remember what they promised. They're going to reform us. That's the thing.

I think that the name alone is worth thinking about. They have always named themselves very actively as to what they're going to do. UKIP, Brexit, reform, and so on. It is a... And you know, this is... And they've always been sort of... They've always been serving the same role. It's always like maximum intentionalism.

There's a clear plan. The plan ends with like, well, I don't know where it ends, but like the next steps of it are pretty fucking brutal. Where it starts isn't great. Yeah, no. And you know, we talk about the whole... So I have A303, we talk about the whole... So I'd be A303 in that way.

The whole... It doesn't start anywhere good. None of the sort of like stops on the way are any good. And it doesn't end anywhere good either. Look brother, no one likes Basingstoke. But you know what's worse? Fucking Wiltshit. Yeah.

Talking of reform, right, is that it is confronting, and I think this is in the manifesto as well, it is confronting that things are broken. It's just that the energy of like managerial right-wing politics has always come from The fact that the motor has always been the extreme and then you just and what has always happened Well, not always but what has happened consistently in the last sort of several decades is that the that extremes like you might say social conservative exterminate the Brute's motor was used but like controlled to power a sort of neoliberal hysteria.

The ultimate sort of like example and crack up of this was Cameronism, right? Do you remember the Cameron billboard? We can't go on like this about the NHS. It's like, yeah, it's all fucked and I'm going to take that energy. I'm going to use it for like sort of again, like the kind of ram raid privatization, but like in a kind of like mannered way, right? And it was the weirdly yassified Cameron. Yeah, it was the yassified, smooth Cameron.

Yeah, it was a very smooth Cameron. Yeah, and ultimately he like lost control of it as a motive force and took us out of the EU over it. So... And now, right, we have reform, which is that motive force, but just that motive force, essentially. Yeah. Flywheel not connected to anything spinning really fast. I want to first talk, of course, about a funny story with reform. Okay.

Which dozen of their candidates have gotten their old blog posts found this week? Well, it's because they forgot to vet them. Yeah, I Personally if I were running a political party for election, I would maybe remember to do that Well, they thought that they did. Okay, you know what this is. This is the lesson in tech procurement Yeah, okay when you spend sort of some like a hundred thousand pounds or whatever, onboarding a tech partner to auto vet a number of your candidates, you should familiarize yourself with how the service works. For example, if let's say you're a political party, let's call it a deform UK.

You know, just a random one. Tansamate UK. Yeah. And you bring on a piece of vetting technology. You should note that you're required to put in the names of the people that you want vetted. They're not just going to, you haven't hired some whiz bangs with a boffin and so on, who are going

to tell you which of the candidates for your fascist party have like previously praised Adolf Hitler. This is a problem with being stuck in the 40s for reform is that they're expecting a kind of Barnes Wallace, right? The backroom buyers have invented this nonce detector. It goes beep beep beep beep beep beep. Have you previously praised Adolf Hitler?

I imagine probably does come up at the interview though. It's sort of a key competency. Have you praised Adolf Hitler? I imagine probably does come up at the interview though. It's sort of a key competency. Have you praised Adolf Hitler, but have you kept it private? Are you willing to start? So basically, they are blaming now the company they bought a technology solution from, but essentially neglected to turn on as having sabotaged them because it's owned by a Tory donor. Cool.

Yeah. Now, the anti-Nazi detector. Yeah. One of them, of course, obviously did some Hitler praise. Standard, standard reform candidate thing. Another account in the name of another party was, you know, talk to her. We have to deport Diane Abbott, things like this. Specific sort of nastiness, only really equaled by her fellow Labour Party members frequently.

Oh sure. Talking of like migrants bringing in diseases. But here's my favourite one probably is Dave Holland, who is standing for reform in mid-Bedfordshire. Nadine Doris' old seat. Bedfordshire, it's all mid. Wrote on his official website that the increase in gender dysphoria could have a range of causes including canned food, the pill and carfumes.

Carfumes? He said, how can we say with certain things? He's the first reform guy to be in favor of the U-Lens, but only because it's poor spamming everyone. I'm sorry, the carfumes are turning everyone gay. You can tell because of the like kind of silky femininity of like every host of Top Gear. Yeah. Well hello James May. This is, but that's the thing right?

We talked in the... Good transition say James May. We talked in the, in one of the previous episodes about AI Steve, right? And how AI Steve ended up like, actually kind of creating the average basic voter who kind of just isn't really that connected to politics, which is like, scrap you, Les, four day work, we have tuition fees, mandatory national service. Yeah, well, reform prefer AI and Eve. Yeah, but then in this case, right, it's the same thing.

It's like we're getting the sort of your ordinary weirdo is this is buy in for them. It was, of course, it's going to be very successful. Says on his website, he says, how can we say with certainty that tinned food, car emissions, radio waves, food additives, mercury or other mandate influence isn't causing an increase in gender dysphoria? Radio waves. Yeah, fucking Lauren Laverne on XFM turned me trans.

I remember when all the 19th century hatters all went trans. Hence the stacked trans hatter in Alice in Wonderland. That's how I remember the character. When challenged on this by the newspaper, usually, right, a media trained candidate would say something like, I was just asking questions. It was 20 years ago. I think it's pathetic that you're trying to dig up things that I said that I don't stand by. Instead, what did Dave Holland do? Not that. Teach the controversy, maybe.

He said, well, it seems unlikely, this was a response from being questioned about it, it seems unlikely that everything we do and have ever done as humans has had no direct or indirect consequences. Whoa! Okay. Kamala harassing his way out of it. Jesus Christ! There's a nihilist caucus in Reform UK? Jesus Christ, there's a nihilist caucus in Reform UK? Who gave them copies of Derrida?

It seems unlikely that everything that we do and have done as humans has no direct or indirect consequences. Like the sum total, so basically in response to that, he says, well, the sum total of all human action throughout history has had both direct and indirect consequences for other things. Yeah. And therefore it's not weird to say that Lauren Laverne's morning drive time show on XFM made me transgender. Yeah. It may well be the case that we have always had the same proportion of people with gender dysphoria and it has only been in recent years that they've been felt that they can express

their true selves. However, that seems unlikely to me. The tin food is much more likely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes more sense as the beans. As I said, my article asked questions. I don't believe there's anything in there that is critical of the transgender community. I mean, that's sort of true. It's strange to say because this is clearly like a weird guy who is thinking out loud, which is not generally a hobby of politicians for obvious reasons.

But like for both good and ill, right? The kind of, the respect cubicles thing, that's a concretely transphobic policy that's grounded in no beliefs whatsoever. There might be a few people with like extreme bigotries involved in the making of it, but West Streeting doesn't believe in anything, right? There's no kind of like animating thought about trans people there because we're not considered. Exactly. It's like poll number go up. Whereas this is a guy who's like, as far as I can tell, not proposing anything concrete that would like

impact my life negatively, but does think that I exist because of beans. And on that basis, fair enough. He's doing me less harm than West Streeting. A lot of great bean based people out there. You could have a conversation with Dave Hollins. Not to do the thing of like, oh, I could have a pint with Nigel Farage, but like, this is a guy who does appear to be exercising some capacity for higher brain functions. I could have a beans on toast with Dave Hollins. I could communicate with this motherfucker like they're like squid in a rival, but like

West Streeting, I might as well try and talk to a fucking toaster. Yeah, making beans on toast. Try and make West Streeting trend. There's some like, interpolating consciousness happening there. Whereas the Labour right, there just isn't. There's nothing there. Like, Dave Holland might be. There's nothing there. Like Dave Holland might be a weirdo. He probably... I can't speak to whether or not he's personally

transphobic. I only know that he endorsed a very transphobic manifesto. But as you say, he has beliefs. He seems to be... They're weird. You know, they're based on a lot of the sort of... He has the beliefs of a Dr. Bronner's bottle, but at least it's an ethos. Yeah, like, to be clear, this isn't me endorsing Reform UK here, it's just me suggesting that, like, the political fringe not having everything locked down in terms of, like, a party line allows for a lot of idiosyncrasy that you would never ever be allowed to have in the Labour Party, you

know? I also like that this implies that, you know, like if you tried to kill yourself with the fumes from your car in your garage and then you didn't succeed, you might just like accidentally make yourself trans? Yeah, it's happened to me. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to slurp down this can of beans and I'm going to turn on the car. You got the radio on in there as well too. So it's like one final dose of my two favorite things.

Beans and the Lauren Laverne show on XFM. Before I die and don't become transgender. I think Jeremy Vine knows that he's transing people. Okay, this morning we're turning people into women. That's right. People into it. Interesting. Dave in Southend, I hear you've changed your name since the start of the show. We're turning, we're flipping everyone around.

Jeremy Vine on BBC One with the big like pronoun on the top. Counting the, okay, so the actual reform manifesto, this is, this, I say this document that like... Yeah, heinous ghoul stuff. I imagine. Yeah, well this is... It's what Labour are going to be responding to and saying, well, that's all very sensible, but we must be sort of more cautious about it. We can't ban beans entirely. What kind of, like, feeling and shape am I being put into this time, after the respect cube? What comes now?

What kind of fucking, like, shame dodecahedron? So, basically, we'll start with sort of some of the headline pledges, right? Obviously, they're mostly an anti-immigration party. So they say they will finally stop the votes. They will leave the European Convention on Human Rights. They'll prevent people from claiming asylum, setting up a new Department for Immigration, freeze all non-essential migration and so on. Basically, like, take the way... Because the problem with the conservatives, right, is that they have always for their own animating motor, right?

The animating motor of, like, of right-wing politics that we talked about over and over again, we've sort of seen this, is trying to tear itself out of the housing that sort of drives it places and allows the car to continue driving. Right? Because like we've said before, the country is set up in such a way that it's membership in these various international institutions that it makes it convenient to do business with. If you care about governing this country in a stable way, right? And you don't want to do like a massive program reform to turn us into fucking Nazi Germany then you have to do stuff like stay in the ECHR probably and like you definitely need a shitload of like

essential migration we've talked about with Emiliano stuff like you know agriculture and the the care sector requiring a shitload of... The circumstances under which that my all of that excess migration happens is very bad. Yeah of course. But it's just like if you want the thing to keep working in the quite evil way we've set it up, you need to continue doing these things that you consider to be disgusting. You are looking at the fucking death machine and going, well, I would like to dismantle it, but to replace it with something worse.

Yeah, I would like this death machine is not nearly painful enough. Or it says reforms healthcare plan as well, involves cutting waiting lists to zero by introducing 20% tax relief on private health care and insurance. So a lot of this is through like tax cuts and trying to say, well, a smaller government in every case is going to be replaced by capacity in the private sector. It's really just waiting for us to forget that Liz Truss happened. Oh, well, exactly. This is because it's the same.

The same people who would consider the UK's main problems are the woke IMF. The same people who consider that the UK's main problems are a structural lack of investment that needs to be turned around with more investment. That basically like these people are not going to forget that. These ideas are going to continue. Just because my economic orthodoxy has been proven comprehensively wrong doesn't mean I'm going to abandon it. And not even just wrong, but ineffective for managing international capital.

For continuing to be a kind of international financialized capitalism power player. Right? Because, I mean, this is reaching to something we talked about a long time ago, but I've always conceived of these things as capitalism arguing with itself. Sure. Right? The sort of Cameronite, Toryism, the sort of Starmorite, to a lesser extent as well, Blairism, all of these were different tendencies of essentially like internationalized capital that is about not being connected to any one particular place. That's about being able to work anywhere and being able to, like the elites being able to interface

with one another and understand, well, you may be from China, I may be from Germany, but we all go to the same three Michelin star restaurant. We all work together, we all understand that it's more convenient for our business model to have gay people working here, and to seem sort of cuddly and nice so we can make trillions, well, all this, right?

That was that model, and that model was increasingly coming into conflict with the more provincial, physical, heavily industrialized capital that's represented mostly by like, petro capitalism. That's why like the oil industry is such a gigantic funder of like extremely socially conservative causes. That's why the Pope brothers exist. And book festivals. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mohammed bin Salman fucking loves the Hayon Wye book festival. So it's no surprise, right, that Nigel Farage, who is the personal avatar of that particular tendency in Britain, is engaging in a bunch of policy reforms that are incredibly antagonistic to what even the IMF has said that they want. Because it's like, those guys are pussies. We're from real physical capital that's all about those mud covered men working really dangerously at what's some kind of oil rig. Yeah, everybody on the right loves the Pinochet stuff about death squads, but they forget

the Pinochet stuff about fucking the economy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate the gays. I love the slippery, greasy men rubbing against each other as they operate the oil rig. The party would also exempt frontline health healthcare and social care workers from the basic rate of income tax for three years, right off student fees pro rata per year over 10 years of NHS service for doctors, nurses and medical staff. Again, like sort of looking at things that there are a few things like make it cheaper

to be a doctor. You know, right now it's incredibly expensive to be a doctor and your pay is very bad. We need quite a few doctors. There are things in this manifesto that are willing to, it's not even saying it's 5% good, it's what I'm noting is like, it is acknowledging that things are very bad. Yeah. So be it in a sort of like arsonist holding like pack of matches. Exactly. Right. And that it's, you know, this is, I think these are the kinds of things that we can expect from reform and the Tories as they merge into basically one right wing party

over the next five years is to be, is to be essentially like we, yeah, we have to the, look, the, the NHS is a lumbering dinosaur that must be cut Private health care can fill in the gaps will tax incentivize it by the way We're also gonna like cut student fees for doctors as being and understanding getting in gaining the ideological flexibility To like do both of those things. Mm-hmm Also, of course because it's a party of like Facebook addled wing nuts They're going to put on the excess deaths and vaccine harms public inquiry. Jesus, okay.

Yeah. Right, okay, good. This is the flip side of being sort of of an idiosyncratic cast of mind. Sometimes it leads you to the relatively harmless insanity of what if the trans people are caused by the radio, but sometimes it leads you to the much more harmful insanity of what if the vaccines, you know, are killing people or whatever.

Yeah, I mean, this is because these are beliefs that are supposed to be had by like the herds. These are not the shepherd's beliefs. Right? The whole point is like David Cameron doesn't believe, sure, does he believe half the shit he says? It doesn't really matter. But he's not supposed to be as much of a true believer as Liz Truss was. Liz Truss had the beliefs of a...

The zealous beliefs of an enthusiastic follower who ended up in a leadership position she shouldn't have been in. Someone, again, like a reform candidate, again, it's the same thing. You end up, you are an enthusiastic follower and promoter of a cause that the leaders of that cause want you believing, but they don't want you leading. Because will be weird and off putting the next one. They talk about the taxes of obviously they are they are imposing bigger, more swinging tax cuts than the Tories.

Incredible. Right. You know, this is because the Tories, of course, are like having to raise taxes, but trying to lower them a little bit because they're being fundamentally in this. They're swan song manifesto They are actual there's they're they're being very very cautious while trying to appear radical Whereas reform is saying oh, yeah We're gonna increase the income tax threshold to to to 20,000 pounds from 12,000 12 and a half thousand

We're going to abolish inheritance tax effectively only very few people will pay it. They're gonna scrap VAT on on Energy bills lift the VAT threshold on businesses, but then reform IR 35 and so on and so on and so on. Some things that are quite reasonable. IR 35 is an insanely designed law. However, We don't have a like well designed tax structure in this country. Again, as you say, the arsonist recognizing that the building is quite fucked up. Yeah. Right? And there's one way to solve that. What strikes me over and over again, while reading this manifesto, is when you properly

acknowledge that the building is quite fucked up, you will get support for people in burning it down and building a much crueler building in its place. Yeah, especially if you do it on the basis of like, if you're trying to appeal to people who's concerned about the NHS is partially the ways in which it is obviously fucked and partially I want a white doctor, right, then saying, oh, we're going to make it easier to train here, but we're going to make it harder to immigrate even if you're a skilled immigrant is like an obvious way of doing that. It's a very emotive way of doing that.

And it's, you know, oftentimes quite successful which is frightening. Exactly. The reform voters handshake me between their views on the NHS and their views on BBC television shows I want a white doctor. On energy, the party proposes scrapping all net zero plans and part of their argument for this is they say net zero means reducing man-made CO2 emissions to stop climate change, but it can't. Climate change has happened for millions of years before man-made CO2 emissions and the climate will always change. We should better adapt to warming rather than

pretend we can stop it. Up to ten times more people to have cold than warmth. And in Roman Britain, some 2000 years ago, it was two degrees warmer than it is now and grapes or wine were readily grown in Yorkshire. Okay, cool. It's not Roman Britain now though. No, no it's not. We grow different things. Yeah, I've heard this.

Way fewer aqueducts kicking around. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, it's as though saying, look, we're just going to go back to kind of importing the money. Go back to before Britain was woke, the last time it wasn't woke, Roman Britain. Yeah, it's about Adrian's wall. Yeah, didn't have to worry about the ASMP, did you? No, they were all north of the wall. I tell you what, the time was right, people in this country, right, they didn't complain about genders or whatever, you painted yourself in woad, didn't you?

You painted yourself in woad, you pledged your allegiance to Boudicca, the Queen of the Ice-E night, and you know, you act away as a centurion, and that's just how it was. Listen, listen, how can I be a sexist, Yeah. I pledge my allegiance to Boudicca. Yeah. She's all right. I'll tell you what, she's one of the good ones. I said, you know what? I was like, I didn't know they let women drive a chariot. You ever seen them try and Bay Park one at Sainsbury's? But you know what? She was actually pretty good at it. Yeah. Oh, your brother has so many interesting views that he airs in this part. Thanks for coming Matthew, my brother.

I do periodically like to remind people that that's a specific impression of your brother specifically. Yeah, yeah. One of my brother's classic ones recently was Jeremy Corbyn would never have voted for him fucking lefty but I tell you what he's got some bollocks. Your brother fascinates me. So, on it goes. Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with Milo's brother. It will introduce a patriotic curriculum in schools while banning the teaching of woke. What they say is, a patriotic curriculum in primary and secondary school.

Any teaching but a period or example of British or European imperialism or slavery must be paired with the teaching of a non-European in currents of same to ensure balance. And of course you can season this with the bad stuff that is actually happening like you know the ceiling of the classroom is falling on your child killing them and be like, the reason why that's happening is because they're spending all their money on teaching them woke and gender. Yeah. Well, the ceiling's falling on them, toughening them up. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Also again, it's like, but hang on a moment. Was like mandatory national service holding up bits of ceilings. Yeah, that's right. Just be a joyce for a year. Oh, hey, oh, Jeremy, if you talk out in class again, your national service will start. You'll have to be a joist. Yeah. People have gotten lazy with all of this building regs and stuff. Back in my day, we just used

to hold up the ceiling. People used to trade off. They said women held up after ceiling. Yeah. You get the taller boys in class. Problem is, Christ's a ripple on the floor above. Leave it out, we're playing snooker up here. Also, it's like, well hang on a minute. You, because again, the whole point of that, right, is the reason that people talk about European slavery and colonialism and so on, is that much of the inequality in the world now and inequality within developed countries, between countries like developed countries and developing countries and so on, so much of that is down to that process that sort of formally ended I don't know what like

70 years ago and informally ended never. Yeah there's regular question like why are all these like refugees coming to the UK and one of the answers is because they speak English. is because they speak English Why do they speak English because we fucking colonized their countries back in the day. Yeah, we made them learn at gunpoint Yeah, yeah What the demand here is is people shouldn't if they are people should be made to be confused the teaching the Teaching of the curriculum in the UK must be intentionally confusing. It must muddy the waters And we're gonna teach them that like wrong definitions of words, like in dog tooth.

Yeah. We must also say, well, it's reduced to just like, concepts and ideas flying around like billiard balls. Just being like, oh, slavery is... That's in the classroom about. Sorry. Slavery is bad. And, oh, we did slavery, but also Mansa Moose's empire practiced slavery so it all evens out.

Yeah, I remember him from Civilization VI. Yeah, exactly. Leonard Nimoy told me about him. Also, he says, Didn't I? Our children must be taught about their heritage. Ban transgender ideology in primary and secondary schools. Ban beans.

Ban petrol fumes. Ban the radio. That one guy just ends up being a powerful backbencher and his stuff makes it... No gender questioning, social transitioning or pronoun swapping. You got a license for that haircut. Yeah, well, exactly. Pronoun swapping like it's Pokemon cards. Children are meeting up in bathrooms and engaging in pronoun swapping.

Having to hot desk my pronouns. All the she hers are taken, I'm having to fucking say them. JANUS Any other Neo pronouns, like someone who forgot their P.E. kit. Like, oh for fuck's sake. LLOYD If you didn't bring your she-her, you're just gonna have to do it in your zee-zare. JANUS Yeah, again, it's like, what we're talking

about is from, and again, like, it's, I think it's a bit have I got news for you to say, the libertarian party wants to like mandate who can have what haircut. Yeah. But that because they have I got news for you that that sort of observation is missing the point. Yeah. The free speech stuff was never sincere. Yeah, of course not. It was it was about it was about reinforcing a hierarchy that is that they believe free markets contribute to but don't entirely get to. Right. Because if you let the markets be too free, then they'll start impinging on other important hierarchies like men above women, white people above non-white, and so on.

Yeah, you need some kind of fusion between corporation and state to enforce those things. Ah, it would never work. And then you like mobilize the whole economy and it all works out very well, probably. Yeah. So other proposals include for their economy and benefits, include like a two-strike rule for job seekers where benefits get withdrawn after four months of unemployment. So it's like, okay, star, you have four months to find something star fucking bring back the poor laws, I guess.

But also at the same time, making St. George's and St. David's Day a public holiday to celebrate English national identity. It's like they they went to the 2017 Labourifesto, grabbed a couple of headline policies, tortured them until they became evil, and then re-presented them along with the sort of most like bat shit and say nonsense that Liz Trust campaigned on. Basically. Well, because of these days, because of work, you can't even get hot cross buns because they're going to have a crescent on them because they're Muslims. You know, reform would change all that.

We can't get hot cross buns now because they were turning everyone transgender. It's the raisins. The raisins actually are identifying as sultanas now. Sultanas are the female raisins. I will not elaborate. We've got only 15 minutes left before we have to stop regardless. But I want to read this article from the spectator. Oh boy.

Mm-hmm. It's by Zoe Strimple. Uh-huh. And it is entitled, The Mysterious Sex Appeal of Nigel Farage. What's mysterious about it? Come on. Yeah, right.

It's a smoke show. Yeah. Huge cock as well. Cute monster. Yeah. Yeah, he's not been eating his beans. It's a smoke show. Yeah. Huge cock as well. Yeah. Cute monster. Yeah. He's not been eating his beans. It's like, this is, well, the, well, like, while Sunak is getting like told off for having

a twix and needing to like, you know, apologize to the assembled, like pensioner Soviet. They're writing the same kind of article they wrote about Boris in 2019. About Farage. Or about Rishi in 2020. When he was doing ETA to help out, I'm sure you could go back in the archives and find a bunch of things that's like, yo, is this guy like Loki Hart or what? Like... He'd eat me out and help me out.

Remember Dishi Rishi? Fuck I do! Yeah, I just did the... Yeah, Dishi, Dishi, if you're like bending down. I just did the thing where I accidentally glanced over at Riley's laptop screen and I just saw the sentence, Farage brings to mind the kind of bonking. And I was like, oh no.

He evokes the bonking. He evokes bonking. Bonking, fantastic! Collutinous bonking! So, I remember sitting on a bus a few weeks into hashtag Me Too and thinking all... What a start. That recipe level first sentence.

Yeah. And thinking all the men looked disengaged. They were buried in their phones or listlessly looking out the window. Yeah, that's people on a bus. I hate men as much as the next girl, sure, but like, what were they meant to be doing in that moment? I think like offering to light her cigarette. All of of them just doing a deep sort of personal inventory of themselves You know I imagined them thinking it wasn't worth worth it to look up lest they be accused of making unwanted advances

lady Jesus we've we've we've all felt this way sometimes, but you don't have to write this These days I spend fewer mornings worried about the fate of the red-blooded male but nonetheless it's not rocket science to suppose that a significant swath of men it isn't really worth showing their appreciation of women. Can we just show her that like Hinge has an age filter and you can set it upwards? Nor is it surprising that the decline of male lustiness comes with the dimming of men's better traits.

The decline of male lustiness. Those that were not creepy or sad, but fun and spice of lifey. I ask if the man is creepy or sad. Winning audacity thickened with masculine charm. This is some of the best writing I've ever seen. I understand that they still make these. Like, I don't think people are having trouble finding men much. They're around. I've seen them. Yeah, for sure. On buses.

Yeah. But they're all just looking at their phones now. Yeah, they're all on their phones watching Andrew take. Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah. They're not sort of standing up to light your cigarette because it's actually a beta. Well, you can't smoke on the bus now because of the woke. They did that so that men wouldn't be able to light women's cigarettes on the bus.

Well you need two ants to light a cigarette and one of your ants is already in use holding up the roof of the bus. You can't let go, those people are playing billiards up there. The concrete bus. I was fond of the generosity of a committed drinks buyer who may hope for something physical but who is also just happily paying homage. I was fond too of the capable of the man capable of giving compliments and meaning them and the raw sexual appeal of men who really like women whether that is betting them marrying them or talking to them flirtatiously about

real important things. What is she actually saying here? I like the hard border between marrying women and having sex with women. Like she considers those to be entirely different endeavors, which is sort of revealing of a certain type of person. Well, it seems however that rather than entirely kill them

off, hashtag me too has created an appreciation of this ever more rare subspecies of male. How else to explain the continuous rip-roaring romantic success of Nigel Farage? Uh huh. What? I mean, look, here's what I'll say here. I do not think it is untrue to say there's a certain kind of person in this country who's

desperate to fuck Nigel Farage. I just don't think that kind of person is someone we would call normal. No. But I feel as though Nigel Farage... How old is Nigel Farage? He's in his 60s, right? He's gotta be. I feel like he doesn't... He is only 60, which is to me baffling.

Oh. So the like fags and like pints. Yeah, he's not like an ugly man. No. And he's the kind of like... He's the kind of like eccentric wacko that a certain kind of like... Drunk person. Like an alcohol... Like he seems to me the kind of eccentric wacko that a certain kind of like... Drunk person. Like an alcohol...

Like he seems to me the kind of eccentric wacko that like a sort of isolated alcoholic would find very charming. Yeah, if he was in like a rural pub. Yeah, they'd be, you know... Sure. Yeah. So, I do not like Nigel Farage the politician, nor particularly the man. Interesting, because you've chosen to write an article about how sexy he is.

He seems brash and vulgar and big headed. Sexually. I'm desperate to fuck him. Sexually, I prefer to go for a skinny young man with cheekbones and a natural six pack any day of the week. I'm sorry they're all transgender now. I'm sorry we did this to you. They all listen to the radio.

Yeah. They ate those beans? I've been forced to go for Nigel Farage. Although he does have a natural six pack, so you know. That said, his approach to women and fun, the boozy nights in the pub, the rounds of cocktails, the clouds of smoke, and the obvious enjoyment of the ferris sex is a reminder of a jollier time of humorous, rollicking, chance-taking, and cheekiness. The clouds of smoke, Nigel Farage says she's shoplifting from Tesco.

Can we fucking like stack the deck and get this lady on like dining across the divide or something? Anything to get this woman on a date. Like Jesus. With humanitarian aid, we need to parachute in some men to this woman's location. Unfortunately, they're all connected by radio contact to base. Oh, fuck. They're gonna be women by the time they land.

Look out! Farage brings to mind the kind of bonking that wouldn't be followed by a chilly ghosting, but rather more invitations to drink and bonk and make merry. Only a plonk would call time out and sozzle bonking. This is an unserious country. Yeah. I love how you just had that in there like a hadith. Like on word for word, like a verbatim.

Yeah, I'm not thrilled about what that says about me. But compare that to today's pole-faced culture of scrupulous consent-seeking and feminist allyship. Not, I mean, what? It does, but also if you're looking for like a sort of an unwoke man or whatever, again, I find that there's no shortage. Like, you could just like fucking get out of the app, get in the apps. Yeah, I don't know. It also seems weird to be like, she's sort of saying like, oh, it's kind of sexy when

men are a bit like devil may care or like, you know, not like, I don't know. But the only example she can think of of this is Nigel Farage. Yeah. Surely there are sexier men who like smoke and are like a bit fun. Yeah. Like surely you don't have to go straight to Farage. No. Well, the idea of a Farage sort or of a Boris type looking for women on dating apps is simply

not possible to imagine. Yeah fucking is. Okay. Fine, go to a pub. Like... Yeah. The man I saw drinking a pint in front of a 12 inch television on Christmas day alone. But like, also, part of it's like, I like a man who's a bit of a throwback and isn't

like, you know, obsessed with this modern woke shit. Why can't I find one in this modern woke shit? It's like, surely you need to adapt a woke shit? Surely you need to adapt a bit too. Like you need to become a bit less like modern. Like these are blustery, slightly unkempt upper middle-aged men who drink too much and probably have bad breath. Jesus, go to any pub. There are like the herds of the fuckers. What do you think that they're what? What Zoe? Do you think men are primarily like, especially

men in their 60s. In this country. This lady is like an old man chaser and I respect that very deeply but she needs to like get some tips you know. Like bad breath is amazing. How is that a plus? There really is someone out there for everyone isn't there? I have like a like a really posh friend from university whose dad at some point, like a couple of years into retirement, decided to simply stop brushing his teeth.

And was like, and he was being queried on this and he was like, he was like, well, I don't see the bloody point. And then his mother was like, I will divorce you. And he started brushing his teeth. Yeah. Yeah. I love Lisa Strata. But yeah, old men be doing this shit, you know.

Yeah, and apparently some people will be finding it hot. I don't judge much. Admittedly women at the Spectator, but still. Yeah, for sure. Like, but that's another thing. You work at the Spectator. Surely this guy is like a regular visitor to the Spectator offices, or if not him, someone who will shortly grow into him.

Someone who works there has to be exuding this vibe. It's the descent of the old school good time man. Of course an aroma made extra attractive for being so rare, and thankfully, like other unethical luxury goods, it hasn't yet been entirely banned. Yeah, it's a lot like taking a flight when you could get the train. Well, it's something Nigel Farage probably won't do again. Anyway. I...

That's wild to me. Yeah. What a thing to have written down and published under your own name, huh? Yeah. The other people who write for the spectator reading this and being like, hmm, hmm, maybe, maybe I'm in there. Maybe I'm in with a shot. Jesus. I'm an old man with a drinking problem and reprehensible views.

Maybe I'm hotter than I thought I was. Seriously, if this woman got on like hinge or whatever with the bio, like, I am looking for an older man with like a drinking problem and reprehensible views, probably do very well. Getting a lot of messages like, well, I wouldn't say reprehensible. Just getting a lot of arguments, you know? All right, all right. I think that's probably all the time we have for, but it's Thursday, so thank you for being a free listener to the show.

We are going to have a bonus episode, of course, this week. It's going to be $5 a month, as usual, to subscribe. We're going to get back on our $10 shit with Lilith Left On Red, when November gets back home. We're going to back on our ten dollar shit with Lilith left on red when November gets back home We're gonna do a quick fire third in the Aubrey match here in series HMS Surprise My favorite so far. It's always birthday It wasn't on the podcast Yeah, it's hard tough to tell the difference sometimes yeah Edinburgh show mostly sold out now, but there might be some tickets left

Yeah, there's a few left. So get after that. It's August 14th in Edinburgh as I sometimes. Edinburgh show mostly sold out now but there might be some tickets left. Yeah there's a few left so get after that. It's August 14th in Edinburgh as I said. Hey my Edinburgh show why not? Yeah that's only got a few tickets left as well. That's more tickets for that. I'm not going to lie to you there's a lot more dates of that. Okay all right well. All the more reason to fill them up. Yeah that's right. Come early come often. Anyway we will be right. They come early, come often. Anyway, we will be seeing you at all of those various locations. Bye, everybody. Bye.