TRASHFUTURE - From Russia with Bugs: Dispatches from Sochi ft Ryan Broderick

Episode Date: October 24, 2017

Half ‘sode this week with your boys – Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@milo_edwards), and Hussein (@HKesvani), sit down with Ryan Broderick (@Broderick), deputy global head of news at Buzzfeed and host of the Internet Explorer podcast to get a run down his experience hosting a Russian futurism conference (spoiler alert it sucks and nothing works). Short ‘sode this week because Ryan had to run in the middle because the GODDAMN NEWS never sleeps. We were gonna do a smart episode I swear. We just got way too stupid. In other news we’re having our very first LIVE SHOW in London at the Betsey Trotwood on November 14th with… Riley, Hussein, and Ryan Broderick (from this very show!), joined by friends of the show Pierre Novellie, Alex Kealy, and Olga Koch. We’ll be doing a mix of stand up and “show,” and at £7, you can’t afford NOT to go. Ticket link: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-podcast-live-with-pierre-novellie-hussein-kesvani-and-more-tickets-39214571840 Like, follow, subscribe, and all that shit.

Hey everyone, before we start this fantastic half-sode with special guest Ryan Broderick, deputy global news editor at Buzzfeed, with whom we unfortunately had to cut this recording short because the news never sleeps, we are having our first live show. It's in the Betsy Trotwood in London, in Farringdon, I think, on November 14th at 8. We're going to have such luminaries as myself and Hussein Kasvani, as well as Olga Koch, as well as Pierre Novelli, as well as Alex Keely, as well as Ryan Broderick from this very show. We're going to be doing stand-up comedy from Pierre, Alex and Olga, and we're also going

to be recording an episode of the show. So come on out, buy tickets on the Eventbrite link, we're going to be sharing through our Facebook and Twitter, they're going to be about eight pounds, so it should be a pretty good time. Anyway, enjoy the show. I'm changing the name of the podcast to Life Future, the podcast about how the future is my wife. And it's now a Borat fancast, where we every week are going to do an hour episode going

minute by minute to the Borat movie. Yeah, it's perfect. We need to really digest that whole movie, it's just so cool. Is the future my wife in the sense that there is no future? Oh, Jay-Z, G-Zim crepes. So hello, welcome to Trash Future, the podcast about how the future continues to be trash. I am Riley. You can find me on Twitter at Raleigh and introducing for the first time as a co-host,

not a guest. Oh, is this when I come in? Okay, cool. You're doing great, sweetie. Hussain Kizvani, I really don't want you to follow me on Twitter, but if you do, it's at hkizvani. I'm not responsible. Are you trying reverse psychology?

No, I keep on getting in trouble with serious types who keep asking why, but you keep seeing octopus porn on their timelines. You just can't stop making it. It's like, look, I just, you know, I'm doing this for the culture. And if, you know, if you don't want to, you know, maybe, maybe you're just racist. Look, guys, if you want to stop the octopus porn, you have to stop the demand for octopus porn. And who, and who, and who is this talking about the demand for octopus porn, our man

in Russia? This is, this is Milo Edwards. The guy putting the tentacle into a Russian anarcho death capitalism of the 21st century. You can find me on Twitter at Milo underscore Edwards or also on Instagram at the same. That really thinking his, his intro is through. And who is that other wonderful, sonorous Americans voice with us? Hi, my name is Ryan Broderick. You can find me on Twitter at at Broderick.

And I'm excited to be here. Oh, wow. You really shouldn't be. Yeah. Hey, I just, that's your first mistake. I just, I love to cast guys. I love to cast these mics. How many people briefly follow you thinking that you are Matthew Broderick?

I'm camping on that name just to spite him. Is that how you got your blue tick? Yeah. I was just like, come get me Matthew Broderick because I have your name now. No, I still think that blue tick is like a rare species of tropical tick. Which sucks your blood, but only online. Hey, I had to work hard for my verification, you know, like people need to know that I'm a real person.

You had to post so much content. I had to, I had to churn content for years. You had to scrabble at the content minds. You got content long. Dude, yeah. I mean, back in 2013 with the Upworthy Wars, it was, it was bad. Guys, cause Charlie Palmer is not here. I'll ask, shall we cast?

What's the usual response? Well, usually Charlie Palmer says, shall we shall, and then what do we say? Yeah. Then we just start casting. Oh, there's no call and response. It's just a, it's less of a call and response and more of just a, hey, fuckers, pay attention. Well, it's like, hi, I'm Charlie. I'm here.

I'm okay. So we're casting now. Yeah. We are now, we are now casting. I didn't record everything, everything before all the racial slurs you guys said are fine. No one's going to hear that tentacle stuff. Yeah. That's what you say, but it's in like, you know, a separate B role, isn't it?

The black man. It's going to come out years later when you're all in positions of power. I'll be a successful columnist at an obscure hipstery magazine and then someone will reveal it and my life will be over when, when, when Ryan is president of the United States, anyone can be that embarrassing racist and sexist commentary is made in the past will surely hurt him at the polls. Guys, guys, let's be real. When we're all video game streamers with like a million subscribers on YouTube, that's

what happens. We're let's like, let's be real here. The podcast tapes come after like the deal with Disney and Twitch. That's the thing is I'm not going to be when I'm a video game streamer. I don't know if you guys have picked your video game streamer names yet, but I'm going to be Saint Vincent, Northrop Grumman. That's cool as opposed to Lana Del Raytheon, that's really good. Well, that's that's an existing very popular Twitter account.

Is that real? Yeah. Lana Del Raytheon is like a goat follow. That's good. A goat follow either a Twitter person or just like a shepherd. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

One of the two. Well, in our post capitalist future, you're either like a really cool Twitter account or you work on a farm. So yeah, goat follow is like perfect. Maybe both in the while you're probably fucking Dawson hipsters who own their own goat farm. Once we once we socialize Twitter, what's it? Poster's of the world, you know, I have a vegan goat farm. All of the goats are actually made out of processed mushroom.

But I think my plan to milkshake duck online is I'm going to invite women back to my house to have a very, very fancy snacks as I have done with my two coos today. Your cheese plate is really nice, but I'm hitting you with that brazala. I'm hitting you with some Comte. These fucking these fucking truffle, truffle ass Chris. They are the poshest Chris that I've ever. My man hosting. Oh, he holds a little bottle of fucking Chateau Nifter pop.

You're basically just giving all these like right wing Twitter people like a list of like what to say when, you know, it's eventually found out that no, I'm just living. I'm living fully automated luxury communism now cool ahead of the game. Yeah, I'm ahead of the fully automated like we're going to nationalize Twitter. We're going to nationalize M&S posh crisps only posh crisps. Oh yeah, and just the M&S ones that are really like that. Oh tide. We should nationalize tide chili crisps and walkers. No, no walkers.

No walkers is the people deserve better than what is the way your champagne socialism works that in your vision of socialism, everyone will have champagne. Yes, I mean, I mean, no, I mean, no, I know that the region of champagne is too small to supply the world with with champagne, but you know we will find similar regions with similar soils and climactic conditions such as the south of England, given global warming and we will be able to expand champagne production and reduce the restrictions of like of like D. O. P. designation within the EU.

I've read this Nigel Farage thing before. Yeah, yeah, I heard him say this exact thing. Yeah, we're taking back control, but of champagne. Yeah, like old man Farage. It was you all along. Speaking of Nigel Farage, has anyone here had a run in with a brexit here recently? Actually, so it would have been around like this time last year. I went to Essex.

OK, and I did a video where I just interviewed like a ton of people from Essex and asked them like if things had gotten better since Brexit. But obviously nothing had changed because but they thought I had and I talked to loads of them and it was like not pleasant. Yeah, I would not recommend it. See what I'm doing right? I mean, talking to people in Essex is never pleasant no matter what you talk. That's true. That's actually yeah.

Speaking as someone from Essex, that place just a like a god awful cluster for it was really great. Like if North Korea has to nuke someone. Hey, hey, hey, little rocket, they should never guess what plush and brain tree is said about you. Yeah, the minute Kim Jong-un scenes sees Towie, it's just all over for them. I think I love the fact that there is a place called brain tree in Essex. There's a place called brain tree where I'm from, too.

I mean, like people in Essex probably think Brexit is a cross between like brunch and cross. Have any of you guys had any encounters recently with any Brexiteers named for porn stars such as Peter North? Well, that's me. Yes, I I had an encounter with Peter. Yeah, a pocket. I don't even know what he is.

Like so the backstory being that he had published. So he was the first milkshake duck in this. If we talk about milk, you know, that pixelated boat was the first milkshake duck. For this particular segment of this particular segment of lots of men who are who have been owned online in a short period of time, not naming names, one of them is Peter North. So the backstory of Peter North was that he wrote this blog or whatever on his WordPress account about how Brexit was actually going to be all about

pain and inflicting pain. And actually, that's fine because depriving people of welfare will only make them stronger, like in the Deadpool movie. But it was completely. Yeah, it was, you know, that OK, it's going to be shit. But you're just going to do it. Did he actually say like in the dead? No, that's that's that's that sounds a lot.

Like you've seen. I don't think that Peter North really watches movies. I think that he just. Well, it's unpatriotic to watch films because most of them are made in foreign. You know, I think he's the type of guy that will just watch the same episode of Only Fools and Horses over and over and over again. So that was fine. Everyone was praising him.

Everyone was like Peter North. He's, you know, he's the woke brexitter. He's the one who tells us the truth. And then the next day, Peter North was like, well, I agree with all those things that I've written, but also brown people are bad and they ruin they ruin Bradford and they've taken down house prizes. Bradford used to be so. So Bradford used to be the place where I was always my favorite destination.

I remember when, like, you know, Twiggy would have her big party. Yeah, you know, the Bradford music scene used to be amazing. It's very well documented that Dawson was modeled on old Bradford. But thanks to the Asians that moved in recently, Bradford has now become bad and it's just filled with curry shops. Old Bradford sounds like a brand of flapjacks you could buy in a corner shop, but like a very, which is ironically probably be run by someone. Have a rough time.

Old Bradford have a very disappointing night with old Bradford. So so many people called him up on it myself included because I have a job which allows me to be on the Internet all the time. I love, you know, love, love, love to capitalism. Here's the great thing. If you boss doesn't pay attention, we all have a job. It allows me to be extremely online. So I got to have a good back to back and forth.

You've got back and forth. Back and forth. Yeah, we should probably talk about the porn star, right? We should like, oh, we're going to talk about it. I would like to see a fucking talk show in Russia today. And it probably soon will. So that that was, but I want to find out more about the porn star because I do feel that there is they exist in the same universe.

Okay, here's the thing for it. Peter, Peter North. Let's say Pete North. I have his I have his article here and he said that with Brexit. He admitted that every economic every sort of economic fairy tale that the leave camp told was a lie and that quote. Effectively, we're looking at a ten year recession. Nothing ever experienced by those under 50.

But then he goes on to say I'm of the view that in recent years people have become increasingly spoiled and self-indulgent. That is to say, everyone seems to be having sex, but me, Peter North, which is quite the opposite of the other Peter North. Yeah, he loves to fuck. Yeah, he fucks. It's it's everyone around me seems to be having sex with me. Dude, I remember the first time I saw pure North ejaculate.

That changed my life. That was unreal. I've never seen such a large quantity of anything come out of anything. Yeah, it's crazy. I remember Peter North. He likes making people white. Which Peter North am I talking about? Wow, yeah.

Oh, God, we just milkshake ducked. We milkshake ducked so hard. Well, here's the thing. I'm searching for the other Peter North and I'm just getting Peter North porn videos, free come truck compilation. Yeah, I'll be super honest. I actually didn't even know about this Peter North guy, the Brexit one. So I tried to Google it while you guys were talking about it.

I just like fell down a rabbit on my phone and just Peter North coming on stuff. No, like this guy, this guy's like that's the thing is like like like Pete North, the like like the leave campaigner, like he tends to shoot eight ropes of like misery and racism. Peter North comes on the European Union. Must watch for all true patriots. So tight or Peter, Peter, Peter North leaves the European Union gaping. Oh, yeah, I was going to say that the only sex act that Peter North

wouldn't perform would be the Eiffel Tower. Could Peter North just be one person? Hey, you guys want to know a Peter North fact now that we've phased out our Steven Segal fact section. Yeah, yeah, Peter North is fucking Canadian. Respect. Wow. That's amazing. Canada is awesome. Yeah. Yeah, guys.

So, you know, maybe a little more respect towards Riley. Like all Canadians love giving people a little dusting of snow. So Hussein, how do your encounter with the fuck's way less Peter North go? Well, I can't actually remember how it went because there were came a point when everyone just started like piling up piling on it. Yeah. So I think my theory at this point is that actually Peter

North is one person with two different personas. And that Peter North, the porn star is actually like a super break. Hardcore leave. Yeah. Dick Durjeckl and Mr. Racist, or he's in like some Tim Horton somewhere. Of course, he's like making Brad, the big, which we know he's making. He's in Tim Horton somewhere making double doubles, which if you're Canadian, you know why that's hilarious.

Maybe maybe it's one of those like niche upsides of Brexit. They've worked out that actually due to some sort of bizarre regulation, the British poor will thrive. Finally, we're free of European stranglehold porn. You can make as many fake taxi episodes as we want. OK, hey, female fake taxi is nothing better than that. That's exactly what our number one porn exports. OK, but the beginning of every fake taxi video is like four minutes

of just them talking in the back of a taxi. Yeah, it's incredibly mundane. It's just like it's just it's bizarre. It's super. But wait, do you do fake tax your female fake taxi? Kind of really more into the one where it's like fake driving instructor now. Oh, right. Interesting. I'm still I see I'm I'm a I'm a I would like a twist with fake driving instructor to be they really don't know how to drive the car.

And it's actually very dangerous. Like, yeah, I'm not qualified to teach this at all. Also, just like watching really grim British porn stars try to climb over like a stick shift in the middle of a car park in the rain is like the amazing thing is they always acknowledge the reality of the camera backseat. They're like, oh, by the way, there's a camera there. Well, you're feminist.

You know, like I'm I know it's that's why I love this is why I love fake taxi is because it's meta. No, it's it's it's got several levels of metaness to it totally. Totally because for example, OK, number one for OK, I'll give you an example of a film, a film like a speed, you know, it wouldn't be called. You know, this is a pretend bus, but imagine if this crazy shit were true about it. So, you know, so that's suggesting that first level, which is, you know, fake taxi.

Oh, this is people play acting a taxi. The second level is that this was never a taxi to begin with and the level of artifice is within the story. So the problem with titling something fake taxi is the question is, where's the artifice? Where's the fakeness? It's like it's connected in New York. They just create smaller and smaller taxis inside of the taxi to fuck in. It's like a matryoshka doll in dildos.

Exactly. It's like, oh, here's our fake taxi, and then we're going to film fake taxi inside of the fake taxi in a smaller fake taxi. Equally, you could say is like perhaps the taxi is just a set like maybe the taxi is not a real taxi. It's just a simulacrum of a taxi. It's a representation of a taxi or then there is the entire like, like, you know, if a taxi is used as a porn set and not an actual means of conveyance, is it even a taxi anymore? Or is it a porn set shaped like a taxi? Essentially, I mean, we can get some really interesting fucking like,

like signifier and signified up in this bitch. I have a porn story in which I may have I may have starred in a porn movie by accident by accident. Tell me more because my mum listens to it. I'm going to say I may have starred in a porn movie. I feel that you. It's pretty binary. Like you tend to know if you have or have it's actually untrue, but hold on. I have a story after that. It's proving that exact.

How did you end up in a fake porn? I was I was on. No, I'm sorry. How did you actually end up in a porn? I was on a bus heading home. Oh, the classic stuff. Yes, it's a it's a very it's a very British porn story. And there was so I was like in the middle. Little did I know it was a fake bus.

It was I was in the middle row and there was a woman sitting in the front, just like minding her own business. And then we stopped somewhere. I'm not sure this was like somewhere in Lambeth. So this guy comes up on the bus and, you know, sits in the kind of aisle next to her and they're not talking for a bit. And then all of a sudden this other guy comes up from the bottom of the bus with his camera. Right.

So then I'm still in the I'm still in the middle. Like not really sure kind of what's going on, but not really paying attention. And this guy is like setting up the camera. He's talking to these other two people in the front. It's like, oh, that's like this is like super weird. But that's fine, whatever. And then like 10 minutes down the guy who not the guy of the camera, but the other guy who came up, I'm not going to describe them

because I can't actually remember what they were wearing hoods. He was just like, he was just like, oh, yeah, you'd like, you know, I'm going to sound really weird saying this because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but he was just like, hey, you dirty slut. Um, and I was like, whoa, okay, that's, you know, that's sort of like confrontation. I mean, offer. And then she was just like a grill of mindset. And then she, she's like started touching him and stroking him.

Um, and they started making out and this guy like has a camera. He said, have you ever considered that this guy just doesn't jack off? Yeah. Have you ever considered that you were actually seeing a level 10 nofap wizard in the wild? Yeah, like hindsight. Maybe I will never see what would happen if you totally just like embrace the superpowers of not masturbating regularly.

That's the thing. Like I have, I have basically, I've realized I have a porn story every episode, which is why I'm a fucking weedy nerd. Um, if I, if I just stopped like ever masturbating, I too would get groped on a bus and then smoke weed, delete Facebook lawyer up. That's what I do. Hit the gym. Hit the gym.

That's, that's, that's what you do. At the end of all this, at the end of all this, she like, she gets up and then kneels down and I'm like, shit, I know exactly what this is. And then the guy with the camera is just like, stop, stop. And then they just look at me and I was, and then I just kind of, oh, I didn't even say anything. I just kind of went downstairs and just sat there wondering what the hell happened. That's my porn story.

That's cool. Yeah. I don't know if that porn exists. I don't know if it's like somewhere on like, you didn't Google lambus on porn. Cause I regularly do. The weird thing about that porn is that it exists. Like there are two separate copies of it from different viewpoints because every

double decker bus also has a CCTV on the top deck. So like there's a copy of that porn film somewhere in the fucking like, I have a lot of questions. Which was number one, did the driver not see it? Number two, if the driver did see it, was he watching? Was the driver part of this whole thing? Was I actually on a bang bus? Like, you do know the bang bus is in a bus.

Was the driver jacking it like a real port? I am so excited for like someone in Silicon Valley to be like, wait, lots of people need to get from some places to other places. And so what if instead of having a lift, we could have a large like vehicle that would take people from like around where they live to around where they work and had some set stops along the way. Oh my God, you just invented the bus. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We have one other feature. You can fucking it. What if Silicon Valley has invented the bang bus? Consensual sex. Speaking of like like Silicon Valley, inventing dumb bullshit. Milo, you've been sending some weird shit to the show's WhatsApp group recently. You want to get into that at all. The non-racist stuff, preferably.

Yeah, the non-racist stuff, please. You don't want to milkshake duck yet. I'll keep away from high. Let's get back to Jim Crow stuff. That's a bit, that's a bit spicy for the modern millennial. Is it these damn liberal snowflakes? Yeah, so I mean, so currently I'm, oh God, this is almost upsetting. It's just my life.

So I'm being, I'm being paid to be like the one of the hosts of this kind of like robotics show in Sochi in Russia, because so like basically there are a load of Russian hosts and I'm being like the kind of English translator, I guess. Anyway, so, but then this thing called the International like Festival of Youth and Students. Now they call it. So no mature students then. You have to be what young or a student, but not necessarily both.

I don't know. But yeah, basically it's not very international because it's happening in Russia. So like they call it international by which they mean like there are some like dodgy countries that are also here, but it's mostly just Russia. And basically like the point of every exhibit is like, oh, Russia's great. Or occasionally in the case of the international exhibits, oh, the West is bad. So yeah, right. And so we're at this robotics exhibit basically, which is like, yeah,

Russian robotics, this is the future, except like what qualifies as futuristic in Russian robotics is one or both of these two things, which is a things which you could literally buy as toys for children in the UK like 10 years ago. Like what? Like there are loads of things on display that are basically Robo sapien. Do you remember that? Do you remember that children's toy Robo sapien? Or there are things which simply do not work.

Like there's a really creepy pushkin head robot. But yeah, anyway, so there was one exhibit in the exhibition that was just like the Wikipedia page for the word robot, a displayed on a TV screen. All my favorite exhibit there, though, was like, there was like a stabilizer. So, you know, like what? Like a steady cam, like a stabilizer for a camera thing. Yeah, right.

So it's somewhat the Russians have invented like a primitive version of this, but it's just like a generic stabilizer. It's not like for any specific reason. They say you can use it for all sorts of things, right? This guy is negotiating. He's like, yeah, this is the future. Like this is going to revolutionize the world. And he's saying this while one of our cameraman is filming him saying it,

using a better and more developed stabilizer than the one he is showing to. Like there's like levels of irony, which I'm not even fully able to grasp, to be honest. Well, I'm literally looking at, I've literally been writing all this down because there's so much of it. Oh yeah, there's a room called technology of the future, which is just empty. That's very, that's like very enlightened. Dude, I saw that at the moment when it came. To me, that just suggests that like Russia knows that we're going to be annihilated in a

nuclear war and we're currently at the pinnacle of human civilization. It's all downhill from here. Yeah, I mean, like another thing I particularly enjoyed, right? So like the warm up to the show every day was like some guys that they called this like our robot musicians and they were guys who were dressed up like robots, but by dressed up like robots, they were basically in like sort of primitive Halloween, the predator costumes. Didn't really look that much like a robot, but like whatever,

who were like playing the drums and guitar on stage. But then at some point I realized that they weren't even actually playing the instruments, they were just pretending to play them while like various top 40 tracks were played in the background. So I was like, wait, hang on a minute. These people are neither robots, nor musicians. You could have had robots pretend to play. Like the point of having people is that people can actually play instruments,

whereas robots can't really. But like if you were just going to pretend you could have had robots pretend to do it, like there are robots. So wait, Milo Milo, what's the point of this exhibition exactly that you were asked to somehow host? I think I think the point of this exhibition is like Milo's career is dead. Like I think that is like the the best bit was right that I'm on stage and they have that they've built this like primitive version of a self-driving car. Well, it's like, it's like small.

It's like the size of, you know, like those electric, jeep things. To me, this basically just sounds like a guy dressed up as a car. It might be. So basically we're, and like you say that, but that's quite close to two. So we're like, we're describing it. And as we're describing it, it's supposed to drive across the stage. And we're like saying like, oh yeah, this thing is so great. You know, it's really top, top quality stuff.

And we did that show four times, all four of these times that self-driving car ran me over. What's even better about this is that after the first time we did the show, the stage manager got everyone together and she was like, okay, guys, like Milo and Andre, like the presenters, you need to make it really clear to the audience that like it's a self-driving car because at the moment, like people think it's shit because they think that like there's just some guy controlling it with remote control or something who must be a fucking idiot because he keeps crashing into everything.

But no, it's self-driving. And then one of the other, one of the main directors goes, no, but someone is controlling it with a remote control. And she's like, what? And he's like, yeah, the self-driving function doesn't work. And then I'm like, wait a minute. So some fucker is controlling it with a remote control, has still managed to run me over four times.

And didn't you see like two robots fight or something? I seem to remember like something in our WhatsApp about this. Yeah, there's like a robot wars element to it. Like where they, well, you remember that show robot wars? Yeah, yeah. It's basically like a primitive version of that. That is the most, that is the most like, okay. Hussain actually only takes in media in the form of anime,

which is why I only text him in emojis, which we all know are anime. The fun, the fun thing about the robot wars thing is that all of the Russian teams have built massive robots, which aren't very good. And there are like three teams of guys from India here. No, Milo, this is the plot of Pacific Rim. I have no idea. And they have no idea what's going on. And they've built tiny robots, but they've just been fucking everyone up.

And so that's been really the, a lot of the Russians have found that. But you realize this is just Pacific Rim where the Russians have churno alpha, which is like the largest and strongest Jaeger, but like that is based on the oldest technology. Yeah. It's like this rickety giant thing that's like giving them all cancer. Yeah, but also like a it owns and be Pacific Rim owns and see the only movie I've been excited about in years at this point is Pacific Rim and Pacific Rim to yeah.

Go get John Boyega classic of Riley to only be excited about a movie that's about rim. Look, Milo, you know how I feel about butts. Peter North did a movie called Pacific Rim. Will do. Probably. I mean, if he has any, yeah. I forgot. I forgot to tell you the one, the one best thing about this exhibition was that they did this dance

number several times with all of these light dancers who were somewhere in age between the age of like 12 and 30. It was hard to tell. And they were like promoting one of the robots who had on show and this like they're all like dancing around the robot and it ended with them all doing a synchronized dab with the robot. That's awesome. And I was like, this is the future liberals want. Did you get to dab with the robot?

Sadly, no, I might try and work on that tomorrow. Maybe get a photo. Oh, yeah. So the day after tomorrow, Putin might be coming. Whoa. That's cool. I might, I might get to meet Putin. You start with Putin.

Yeah, screw the robot. Dab with Putin. Yeah, dab with Putin. Yeah. Well, my, my aim is to get a selfie with him while I'm doing that like thumb and fore finger like punch you in the arm circle thing on my knee. Oh, I thought you meant like with your finger and your thumb and the shape of an L on your forehead.

It would be kind of cool if Putin like had this game of the circle game. He would probably, I mean, he would recognize it. I bet you'd recognize both play circles. I think I wouldn't want to get punched in the arm by Putin, to be honest. I mean, no, Putin would probably punch you in the arm, but with like a polonium tipped fist. Yeah. Well, as you know, I would, I would rather Putin punched me in the arm than I punched Putin in the arm.

Because if I punched Putin in the arm, I would just then get shot to death. It's incredibly scary security. But he might like if he punched me in the arm, that he might let you like play the circle game with him under the guise of, you know, he really likes Westerners and he wants to open up relationships. And like Putin loves banter. He's a lad. Yeah.

Yeah. You saw him shoot that crossbow and ride that horse. Yeah. That's like, that's banter. Classic, classic banter. Lad. I mean, Putin's such a banter lad. I bet he reads nuts is not still in print.

Yeah, it is. It is. Oh, I mean, they're always going to be 14 year old British boys. Yeah. Well, when you get that's where all the milkshake ducts Germanists are going to go nuts. I cannot wait to see all not to become like an alt left magazine. I can't wait to see all of those incredibly like sort of, you know, like sort of philosophically articulate, but sort of impenetrable articles about like Lucy Pinder's tits.

But it's so much more than. No, good. The industrial complex. We'll start like Lucy Pinder is in fact a big fan of JG Ballard. Well, I mean, like in the sun, but I was noticed by the page three girls is they always had like a speech bubble. Yeah. And what led me to realize was that topless women

with giant boobs are incredible reactionaries. Milo, do you have any more dispatches from the like Robo dystopia Russia fair? Right. So yeah, there's there's one more thing, right? So today we had the final of this competition for programming this like incredibly shitty service robot that this company with the sponsoring us have built, which is basically like, you know, those like electronic order terminals in McDonald's. Yeah, it's like one of those with like wheels and primitive arms and a face.

What? Why? How is far less reliable? Yeah. It's just got like a big touchscreen on it, which helps you to interact with it. And in theory, it's also voice actor, but they just don't work. They're just bad and they don't work and it can't get over like even trivial bumps in the floor and stuff. Like it's just really dumb.

Anyway, they had this competition for like various teams of programmers to design like you can. It's like on an open platform. So you can like program this robot to do different things. And so like they all like one of them programmed it to be like a waiter, another one programmed it to be like a concierge in a hotel and like has different, you know, services, whatever. Anyway, this one team programmed it to be what they called a national security agent.

And basically what this does, they very happily told us during this fucking presentation is that, you know, like, obviously, like, you know, CCTV cameras can't see everywhere. They have blind spots, but our robot can see everywhere. It can get it can get into any corners and it will find terrorists with its it can like see their faces and I'm translating literally compare people's face with a blacklist and then report them to the security agents. Well, I feel safer already. Fortunately, you have to look at directly in the face for this to work.

So, you know, so you mean like the cell of autistic terrorists is going to be doing very well. Yeah, basically. Hang on one second. Someone's knocking at my door. Okay, okay. I'm I'm I'm back in the room and I've I've restarted my recording. Yeah, don't worry that. Yeah, that was just that was just some some Russian dudes

who also hosted this thing who wanted me to go with a to a casino. You should go. Wait. Well, I imagine they are going to lose all of their money. Yeah, I was like, and I was like, why are you still here? I was like that. I was like, I'm recording. That's like the lamest thing that I've ever heard in my life.

Why would you record the podcast and not go to a Russian casino with a bunch of strange men? That's the thing. Every time I talk to girls like, hey, Riley, so like, what do you do? And I give them that answer. That's always the answer I get. Yeah, I mean, they gave me a look, which basically said, no. Because there's like basically like Russian men love all of the things that like cartoon men in like gangster films love.

They love like drinking and smoking and prostitutes and gambling. And like they have this like weird concept that like when they're away from their wife, they can just do whatever they want. That's like how it works in Russia. So like when they're in when they're on these like work trips, they're all like, it's like fucking girls gone wild, but for people called Vadim. Oh, so you're basically just in Westworld. You're just surrounded by robots and like insanely debauchers like sociopaths.

Yeah, it's just like it's less fun than Westworld though. It's not as brilliantly written. It's not as expertly, narratively mapped out as Westworld. I fucking hate prestige TV. Like there are way less amenities in Southern Russia than in the Wild West. So Milo, to get back to what you were saying, you're basically there was demonstrating this national security cop bot that basically just like narks on you for being on a list.

Yeah, basically. And I can't see that being misused, especially in Russia, which is as we know, a constitutional democracy. And so I think that's probably a pretty good place for us to, after this extremely nicely structured first segment, take a brief break. See you in a moment, everyone.