TRASHFUTURE - Give These Mugs a Thong-Slap feat. Andrew Law

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

Damn, it sure looks like Australia had its UK Labour in 2015 moment this past week, in which the centre-left party favoured to win has instead snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Why did the Coalition win? Why does Bill Shorten want to get rid of the weekend? Why does every Australian deserve a go? In this episode, Riley (@raaleh), Hussein (@HKesvani), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Nate (@inthesedeserts) asked Australia expert Andrew Law (@IllyBocean) of the Boonta Vista podcast to explain it to us. We also discuss Theresa May’s resignation and much, much more. If you like this show, sign up to the Patreon and get a second free episode each week! You’ll also get access to our Discord server, where good opinions abound. https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture You should also support Boonta Vista on Patreon! They’re a great show and we extremely appreciate them: https://www.patreon.com/BoontaVista *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We’ll be performing once again at the Star of Kings in Kings Cross (126 York Way, Kings Cross, London N1 0AX) on Thursday, May 30 at 7:30 pm. Get your tickets here and return to the podcasting basement! https://www.tickettext.co.uk/trashfuture-podcast/trashfuture-live-30052019/ *ADDITIONAL LIVE SHOW ALERT* On June 15, we’ll perform at Wolfson College Bar (Wolfson College, Cambridge CB3 9BB) in Cambridge. The show starts at 8:30 pm, so be there and be ready to hear about Gundams. Tickets are £8 for students and £10 for general admission: https://www.tickettext.co.uk/trashfuture-podcast/trashfuture-live-in-cambridge-15062019/ *COMEDY KLAXON*: Come to Milo’s regular comedy night on June 5 at The Sekforde (34 Sekforde Street London EC1R 0HA), This show also starts at 8 pm and features Alfie Brown and Mark Watson. Tickets are £5—sign up here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/smoke-comedy-featuring-alfie-brown-tickets-61860825394 Also: you can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/, and what’s more, it’s mandatory if you want to be taken seriously. Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

Hello everyone! Just a heads up, we've got a great episode for you with Andy from Boon to Vista. However, our live show in London is this week, Thursday night 7.30pm, the Star of Kings and Kings Cross. Tickets are still available and you can get them at the link in the description. Hope to see you there and enjoy this episode. Hello, welcome to TrashFuture. Today we're crossing over with Andy from Boon to Vista. Andy, how are you doing? Oh, you know, say I'm going to talk to you for the whole fucking show, eh? Oh, imagine, imagine.

What, imagine a world? We had a joke, Mylan and I were talking about what if there was a Boon to Vista in New Zealand and it was the same thing, but just like the accents were even more ridiculous and there's like, good morning, good morning. It's a little bit, a little bit weird. Lucy, how are you doing? Well, there's been an election. I feel like the Notorious Simpsons episode where they go to Australia, they're all just doing

New Zealand accents that whole time. Oh my goodness, is that, is that like your, is that entire episode? Because there's all those big birds everywhere. Is that entire Simpsons episode just your guys' Zen word? Yes. We were as offended, we were as offended as Brazil were when they were like, it's the worst place we've ever been, even worse than Brazil. The Kiwis are like, the Kiwis are like Puerto Ricans in the Bronx.

Like, you know, they're kind of, they're kind of in the same group, but they can't get made. I just recalled when the Simpsons movie came out, I actually lived in Alaska. And the whole thing was they moved to Alaska because you could never be too fat or too drunk. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty much the state. I mean, be honest with you. Yeah, well, it's Alaska and apparently Australia. Well, the only time you can be too fat in Alaska is if you get so fat that they hunt you for blubber. That's the...

Look, look, look, guys, there's a very important issue facing both of our countries. We are both in a slow rolling ongoing political crisis and only one person is brave enough to talk about it. Is it gollywogs? It's about gollywogs. Even more crisis. Really? Wow. A bigger crisis. The spectator hires an actual gollywog as a gollywog. No, Dan, fearless reporter Dan Akroyd has pointed out that alien chads are coming to Earth to get all the pussy.

Oh, wow. Yes. That's exciting from their base inside the moon. Yeah, correct. Dan Akroyd, and this is the most important thing we'll be talking about. We're going to talk about some Australian election shit, some Theresa May stepping down shit, maybe some Amazon stuff because we can't stop talking about that wonderful company. But we have to get the most important thing out of the way first.

Dan Akroyd is quoted as saying, the proof is going to start dribbling out. The aliens are interested in your OVA, your femininity, your reproductive parts and your DNA. I'm imagining just this is a scene of the great outdoors where he's explaining this to John Candy. He's like, well, you've got to understand that the aliens, they're interested in your OVA and your vagina. Yes, of course. Yeah. Out here in the forest, you've got to keep that shit locked away or it attracts bears.

I feel like it's very evocative to say the proof is dribbling out. It's got a real sperm test vibe to it. I was going to say, I kind of homed in on that one as well. I'm getting a truth cream pie. As I saw this article, it was like there was an anime zoom in as I laser focused on the words, going to start dribbling out with respect to the fact that Dan Akroyd believes that quite rightly that aliens are coming here and they're coming to fuck. Dribbling out is like bleeding out except it's just like come leaking out of you really slowly

until you completely dry out and die, but it takes like a number of days. I'll hit John Carpenter. It's just a planet that has the only understanding that they have of the human race is based on the mid-2000s TV show The Pickup Artist. This is a question. Take us to your pussy. I would say that if aliens had seen hentai cartoons, they'd probably be like, wow, there's a lot of fluids we could harvest.

I mean, they do seem to erupt. They come from the driest planet on earth and we've come to harvest moisture. They talk about their women focus being wet. I mean, I require this moisture. Are any of you on the call familiar with the show Keys to the VIP? No. Yes. No, I am not.

Yes. He seems familiar with Keys to the VIP. Of course I am. Keys to the VIP is basically it's a show from the early to mid-2000s, the cultural area, the cultural zenith of the West. I mean, Mario's let me love you. You need to say more about the area. I mean, when we talk about Nile Ferguson wanting to teach the glory of the West,

he's talking about the mid-2000s, the Fedora era. Oh, yeah. And the Keys to the VIP was a game show in which two pickup artists would be put into a terrible Toronto nightclub and then would have to like get girls phone numbers throughout the night. Oh, no. And they'd be given different challenges. Pretty good for a Quebec watch, eh?

They'd be given different challenges by four seduction instructors. Seduction instructor. The four horsemen of seduction. What was really like fascinating about that show was that they would do the previews of the guys who were supposed to be like competing that night. So they would like, shoot. You know, the guy would be like, yeah, here's the place where like, you know, I take the ladies and it would be like these really weird bachelor pads where I'm trying to like describe

like what mid-2000s aesthetic. It's like a gaming chair. No, it wasn't. It was just like outer Toronto. It was just like really incoherent like aesthetics and it was just like kind of modern like modernist and this very strange everything looks like an amateur sex dungeon way. Yeah. A huge poster for Sylvester Stallone's Cobra.

It's like glass tables, fake leather furniture and then just leopard print on the walls for some reason. Yeah. And they would wear like boot cut jeans and like shirts with like three stripes. It was the primary era of the white belt. And I think really Dan Aykroyd has never moved on from the keys to the VIP era. The white belt is those parts of Britain that only white people live in. Buckingham shit.

Prime white belt territory. Actually, in a brief anecdote about Stallone's Cobra, I was recently at a gig in London where like half of the audience was this like huge group of lads and we were sat outside like a bunch of legends. I know a bunch. Yeah, exactly. The humble British legend in his natural habitat and they came outside and we were discussing that like how hilarious the film Cobra was.

And one of them came up and he went, that stories and such, but I've got to say Cobra is a class fucking film. We all looked at each other and immediately like this gig is going to go so badly. Like this is just like never has someone been so that never has someone enjoyed the film Cobra in such a different way to me. This sounds like they'd be better served at like a dapper laughs gig pre-turtle neck. But I mean, I just like I'm eating for McDonald's cheeseburgers guy. This is the kind of shit they should be at the Oscars.

Like Dan Aykroyd, like from Caddyshack, right? Like Dan Aykroyd. The guy who was in Ghostbusters randomly in Pearl Harbor too for some reason. He was in Ghostbusters, but thanks Ghostbusters was a documentary. He goes on to say he goes on to say you can't have you can't have women playing Dan Aykroyd Bill Murray. They're not women. This is the historical figures.

Is this the Cobra guy again? Yeah. Okay. He goes on. They would love to draw blood and fluid and would love to impregnate a woman and produce a hybrid baby. This is what they're up to here. A hybrid baby.

No. Like a Toyota. Is it an alien or is it like one of these like fitness YouTubers? Sorry. How do you go on? I think that there's some very valid concerns that Dan Aykroyd is raising here. And this is due to a topic that has been discussed on point of vista before and I'm going to have to bring up now, which is he's right.

If you go online and you look at the prominent sales of silicon overpositors. That's right folks. That's right folks. There's all kinds of greasy freaks out there buying themselves big silicon alien dicks. And then you get yourself a mold and egg mold and you can make your own gelatin eggs. You use an overpositor to lay them inside yourself. And if they get stuck, according to the manufacturer, it's okay because your body heat will eventually melt the eggs.

It's absolutely incredible. I mean, guys, this is the wonders of consumer capitalism. Yeah. And the thing is, I was going to say, finally I can give birth to my homies. My gelatin homies. I love the idea that it's like we might die of climate change, but before then you'll be able to live out your alien dick impregnation. Oh no, climate change is melting my homies.

He added. He added. I believe some, some important some aliens are here to harm us. There are many that come here with nefarious purposes and want to use us as lab rats. Anyway, Dan Akroyd is now the Australian Liberal PM and he's extending the lease on Nauru. That's it. Better a room for the people who love you than a whole space for the aliens, hungry as fuck. That's what I say.

Better a nest of homies that you've laid yourself then. Stick with the aliens you can trust. What I'm saying is Dan Akroyd is not against all aliens. He just wants a points based system so the best aliens come in. He's like, look, they're coming over here. They're raping over it. Look, some of the aliens, I'm sure they're good people, but. Yeah.

Yeah. Stronger sky borders. Stop the wall around the earth. Close the earth from the sun. Let's break this motherfucker up. Stop the UFOs. Yeah. That's what we're, that's what we're all about here at, at, at TF.

We've decided we're a stra, we're a stressorite podcast and we're all about universal healthcare for humans, not aliens. Build a wall around the earth. Where did Dan Akroyd publish this though? Was this like self published or was it like, did the independent just be like, well, we could use the page views. I'm going to see if Dan Akroyd's ever self published a book. He just goes on TV every now and then and has a little stroke. Like it just has a minor stroke on air. Just, just has a good time.

Yeah. They get him on Larry King or whatever and he just, they just go, just go for it, Dan. Just rattle it out. What's funny is that he just seems like an earlier stage of what happened to Randy Quaid, who was at one point a normal actor and has now gone completely insane and like, goes on meth binges with his wife and talks about how like, you know, how Trump is the only way to achieve cultural purity and how aliens have abducted him and like done things with his butt. Like Randy Quaid, guy who was in...

Oh, I see. He just moved to the US interior. Randy Quaid, guy who was like in Independence Day, like had a major role in the film is now completely insane and has like, has a beard that looks like David Letterman in retirement. But imagine that guy yelling QAnon shit at you. You think the aliens aren't real. I saw them on the set of Independence Day. Well, you know what else?

I want to stick to Dan Ackroyd for one second because I've just realized something. Just now, Dan Ackroyd owns a winery in the town that I'm from in Canada. Oh, he's Canadian, isn't he? Now that's the real insanity, buying a winery in Canada. No, fuck you. Canadian wine's great. Wait, wait, he's... Fuck you, eh? Canadian wine's very tasty.

No, no, no, no. Okay, technically it's beer, but you know... Canadian wine's great. In the region I come from, Niagara and the lake, we have a microclimate between the Niagara, Scarven and Lake Ontario that produces ideal growing conditions for certain cool weather grapes like Chardonnay, Riesling and Pinot Noir. You take that the fuck back.

They make it sparkling. And the only person who buys it is Drake. Trash feature is now part of the CBC. Yeah, I guess actually Nate's right. Drake's the only person who's buying all this wine to take on his weird Jeffrey Epstein style plane. Jeffrey Epstein style UFO, where you can get obby posited. Everybody thinks that it's going to be a weird international border sex adventure,

but instead Drake takes miners onto his flights just to make them drink Canadian wine. He's like, look at all these products from Canada. It's just like a Canadian trade tour. Drake's just like, have you ever had poutine? With maple syrup, cheese curds and softwood lumber. They're like, Drake, why do you sound like you're from Winnipeg? I was reading a whole thing the other day about how it was all of the people

from like the Chamber of Commerce in Toronto all talking about like how much Drake has improved tourism there personally. Everyone in Canada loves Drake except for sports fans. So have you guys heard of what the Drake, have you guys heard of the Drake curse? Oh, no. Drake, the Drake. Also, I don't love Drake. Is it related to the Colonel Sanders curse of that on Japanese baseball team?

Drake doesn't make techno music, so I don't like him. So I don't know if this is true, but Drake has been banned from every, like from actually being in the bleachers of every Toronto Raptors game despite being like their mascot because every time... Despite the GIF? Yeah. The popular GIF? Well, because every time you go to see a Raptors game, they lose.

Oh, no. Oh, we don't want that. So he has to like watch it from home. He's not allowed to like go to any games. Oh, that's fun. Well, I think if anyone... Who is the real threat? Is it aliens to our bodies with their ovipositors

and their eggs that will dissolve in our body heat? Or is it Drake to the Toronto Raptors or allegedly Toronto Miners? Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. I hate to have to say this on two trashy episodes in a row, but I guess technically in space there are no rules of consent.

Oh, fuck's sake. The most international waters of all. Like if I were Jeffrey Epstein, I would simply build a space plane. Exactly. A space plane of sorts. Like he doesn't... He's never heard of a rocket. He thinks it's a space plane.

You know, when they went to the moon in that space plane. Yes, exactly. In Jeffrey Epstein's space shuttle. It's a kind of space motorcycle. Yes, well, but here's the thing. Here's the other thing. Now that we've talked about the important stuff, we can get to our dessert, the fun bits.

Theresa May finally gone. Well, says she's going to be gone. Says she's going to be gone. But let's be honest, this is Theresa May. Her departure also wasn't even like the top of the news agenda yesterday. So that's kind of where we're at. But what I found really funny was that in all of this, Vince Cable, the Lib Dem leader,

has given free resignation speeches and no one has noticed. Wait, he's resigned? He's resigned. He's announced his resignation three times. I am trying to resign. And no one has noticed. No one has actually realized it. Like he's saying, please let me go.

Please let me go. It's so curb your enthusiasm. And he actually looks quite a lot like Larry David now. So it's kind of all coming together. And he also, he has a penchant for fedoras. So he really does seem like Vince Cable is going to be the world's oldest school shooter. Economic genius, Vince Cable.

Yeah, I mean, well, the reason why Theresa May's resignation wasn't top of the news agenda is that it doesn't fucking matter. No one cares because it's so irrelevant because it's just another interneesine spat in the Tory party between like the analogy. As I've been saying, it's like basically you're on a plane that's going down and the air hostesses are saying, don't worry, this is all under control. And then just from the cockpit, you're hearing, I don't know Barry, maybe we can talk about the altimeter after you talk about why you fucked

my wife. Like that's the like, that is the whole Tory government. And then, but then everyone who wants to oust Theresa May and replace her only have worse ideas. They're like, God, this Theresa May character. Oh, get a load of her. Whereas if I was in charge, like, it's like if you're at the First World War and they're like, God, we need to get rid of Field Marshal Hague.

This charging at the Germans with bayonets thing really isn't working. People should be using my strategy of charging at the Germans with big rubber dildos. Then we'd be fine. All the positors. All the positor weapons. We're going to put gelatin eggs in the fair mat. They're going to be so horned up for alien dick.

They won't know what hit him. So, so, so what, what in fact happened is that she was after the European elections, which we've held. She has decided, she said, I'm going to put the Brexit deal to parliament one more time, but she didn't even get to, she tried so hard. She got so far. Yeah. And yeah.

So she is, she is now going to go down in history as the Lincoln Park Prime Minister. She's the rapper from Lincoln Park. She is. She is the prime ministerial equivalent of the rapper from Lincoln Park or perhaps the rapper from Evanescence. Yeah. And as, as much as you, she's quite, she was quite inescapable,

but you can't say she really did much to improve what she was working on. I think Matt Hancock is the rapper from Evanescence. He's like, rap is a fantastic way to learn about your body. Yeah. Matt Hancock is someone who's when asked his favorite rap. No, actually, that's not true. Matt Hancock helped. I hate to give him credit, but he helped save Grime as a music genre.

When he was, when he was DCMS secretary, he undid the think section. They weren't letting venues book Grime artists because they said, oh, this is Grime or whatever. Yeah. Well, they would, they would say, what is the ethnicity of the music you're playing? And if you wrote black, they wouldn't let you play it. Like it's degenerate. It's degenerate rhythms, rhythms, touch the ovaries of white women in strange

ways that we don't fully understand. And as much as we like to own him, like you just remember Matt Hancock was the DCMS secretary who oversaw the dismantling of that particular rule. Oh no. I unironically love Matt Hancock. Genuinely. He's the exception that proves the rule. Like, I mean, he shouldn't be in charge of a pencil, but he at least seems very sweet.

Did you see him the other morning on Good Morning Britain when he was being, Piers Morgan was trying to have a go at him. And I was like, don't you touch my special boy? Because basically, immediately before the interview, this was like not on air, but they had been recording it. He'd eaten a strewpwaffle. Yes, I said that. And then Piers Morgan is being like, well, you're on a health secretary.

What kind of example are you saying that they're bringing up statistics on screen of like the amount of sugar and fat in a strewpwaffle? He's like, is that what you're saying? A healthy breakfast. You know, there's children watching this. They're eating breakfast right now. Are you saying Matt Hancock, the health secretary, that that's what they should be eating from breakfast?

And he's like, well, look, they're quite tasty. I mean, I think anything in moderation is fine. He's like, but you are supposed to be saying an example. And he's like, well, you know, you've got to have a little bit of pleasure in life, haven't you really? And then like, and he's just like grinning like a Labrador into the camera and Piers Morgan is trying to do his like fake, puce-faced rage. And he's just like, I don't know.

It's just a waffle. That's true. I think Matt Hancock is a Labrador that's been turned into a human by a witch with a f-palchon for hours. And he's like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

His lungs right next to the yet another choose for another hour or younger is back up. I've usually come to that place, where is Matt Hancock? Jeff, is it just Matt Hancock? Oh, it's Mani. I mean, you know, he's like, maybe he's like, I don't know. Like, did I, you know where did he go? I, you know, he's a fan there? He's an attire where you just keep being hilarious.

He's a fun thing. He's shooting cocaine. And he's sitting on hisissements. Bro, I can't say that's hilarious. I, I'll just ask you that. He's like asking as same الق Flowers Apart from the one thing. You can see how she broke down crying at the end of her resignation speech.

She was said. Port Theresa. All we can say is to eat. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Port Theresa. She's not actually Lincoln Park. She's like the fucking like, um, she's the meatloaf Prime Minister, right?

Cause it's like, I would do anything to make Brexit happen, except build any form of consensus. It's just like, oh yeah, I'll do anything to make Brexit happen, except do any of the things that would be necessary, like define it in reasonable terms or like try and work with the opposition. Like, oh, apart from those things, I'll do anything. Well, judging by the judging by the reaction from the media, maybe she should have started the crying like at the start of the process, maybe on the first two years ago. Yeah.

The first crack that she had out weeping. She'd be the first, she'd be the first drill Prime Minister every speech he gives. She's crying. No more time. That picture of her past my Brexit deal and it makes me feel really bad and the media would have gone on board. Everybody would have been down for it. Picture of her on the front of the Daily Mail crying.

It's such a visceral image. It's like, it's worse than any pornography I've ever watched in my life. Like, it's just, you know, like, you know, when you've watched, you know, when you sometimes you've happened on some pornography and afterwards you're like, oh, I wish I'd never seen that. That's how I feel about that picture. I'm like, there's something like, it's like her, her face contorted into some kind of actual human emotion is like so weird to look upon. I wasn't happy about it.

It did not affect me in a sexual way. Just in a kind of like guts are all discussed way. So I think the other thing to remember is that like anyone saying that she, she tried very hard and deserves credit. She was a public servant with an impossible task, etc. To remember that in her tenure as Home Secretary and Prime Minister, she like oversaw the deportation of many British citizens, skyrocketing food bank use, cutting all the most disability benefits, like she oversaw the more people in poverty and more rich people hoarding all

of their obscene wealth. She made Britain a stupider, crueler society and we're good to be rid of her. So here is, here is what she said. Her replacement will be cyborg Hitler and for that we are sorry. So here's what she said from her speech. Security, freedom, opportunity. These values have guided me throughout my career, but the unique privilege of this office is to use this platform to give a voice to the voiceless and to fight the burning injustices

that still scar our society. You mean like when you deported a bunch of citizens to Jamaica? Like when you, they literally canceled people's passports. They literally denied a guy cancer treatment because they're like, oh, you can't prove that you were brought here when your parents were British citizens because all the paper that could have been used to prove it was destroyed by us for some reason. They literally made her make a guy die of cancer because they're like, well, technically the rules don't let us treat you in the hospital.

This summer, Theresa May, Steven Segal, burning injustice. Like when you, when you see the things that they do, like whether it's banal cruelty, like them just turning around and deciding to like slowly but surely jack up the costs of how much to renew visas so that hoping that more people will fall out of, out of legal status and be able to be deported. Like, or when it's things like canceling a guy's passport while he's visiting his dying parents in Jamaica or refusing a guy NHS treatment for cancer. It's all this stuff about like, oh, we feel sorry for Theresa May.

If you feel sorry for Theresa May, it's because your parents are Tories who were just as cruel as her. Otherwise, and you're recognizing that weird, like dying robot running out of batteries look as in motion. Otherwise, like, I just don't understand how you could look at that. My parents took me to Jamaica every year. I don't see what's wrong with it. Also, I love that.

To give a voice to the voiceless. Yes, the, the many large pools of dark money hidden in the Cayman Islands that represent most of the conservative party constituency. Money is the most voiceless person of all. The guy who's benefits they cut and who died, he was 37 kilograms when he fucking starved to death. Like that guy kind of needs a voice. Yeah, but also one of the taxpayers who live in like Maidenhead and Kenton stuff, they

need a second like garage extension. Can we please also bring up the fact that she as a means of trying to like buttress her moral credentials in her farewell speech, she brought up the kinder transport when Britain has literally done everything it can to stop the resettlement of refugee children in Britain. Yeah, she hurt her tenure. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She heard about the kinder transport and was like, oh, thanks for warning me. I'll make sure that doesn't happen again.

Andy, I know we're going, we're going on a tangent about, about British politics, but yes, Theresa May has just, there's nothing that she's done that hasn't been too face or cynical in my opinion. And all of like this idea that she was just doing the best that she could. I mean, in the sense that she's really dumb and really likes being owned, that it's just sort of her kink. I can, I can get behind that. But as far as like her having any genuine intentions.

No, she had genuine intentions. It's just her intentions were to make Britain. Yeah, very bad intentions. So I'm going to quickly run through the seven burning injustices she promised to address and then we'll move on to something a little bit the farthest away from us possible. The seven. That's right. We're going to go to Australia after this.

The seven burning injustices. Burning injustice. The first, if you're born poor, you will die on average nine years earlier than others. How do you think Theresa May did? Considering that even American journalism is like, wow, Britain sucks now or like it's welfare status gone. It looks a lot more like America. I think she did badly.

Yes. The life expectancy gap has grown. Yep. She, she, it got worse while she was in power. Maybe she's just trying to help put people out of the misery faster. You think of that? Meritor. It did not get better.

The Tory response is like, well, millions people might be using food. Banks, but also millions of people no longer feel guilty about the food they aren't using in their pantry. So it's impossible to say if it's good or bad. Yeah. If anything, it's just made the food banks more efficient. Yeah, exactly. It's like, Tories are dignitas for poor people.

Burning injustice. The second, if you're black, you're treated more harshly by the criminal justice system than if you're white. They had to scour high, far and wide to find a single white person that was affected by the Windrush deportations. They found a Canadian, but she had managed to fucking get help through a, through, through like a refugee NGO, but they, after weeks and weeks of scouring through the cases, they found one white person because the program was organized to deport black people.

Yes. Correct. If they send me back, it's not that bad. The wine's very good, eh? Drake's offered me a lift on his plane. The wine is good, you asshole. In British Columbia, in Niagara on the lake, it's very good. Stratus is a fantastic winery.

Two ass emplage. Okey dokey. He's very weird during that while you're wearing a full blooded Italian t-shirt. Welcome to Trust Future, the patriotic Canadian podcast day. God, okay. Canadian wine. I'm going to go to Canada this summer. I'm going to bring you back some wine and then you'll fucking see.

I'm going to own you by bringing you back free wine. That's a Canadian own right there. You're going to be sorry when I give you lots of free wine. From June 2016, the average custodial sentence for black people in Britain has increased. The white custodial sentences stayed the same. Damn, I can't believe that black people started doing more crimes in response to Theresa May. What a campaign of several different disobedience they were waging. The third burning injustice is if you're a white working class boy, the most underserved

group, David Goodheart, special boys, you're less likely than anyone else in Britain to go to university. How do you think she did on that one? Probably fucking terrible. Yeah. She actually did net net zero. The number of attendees at universities has gone up, but that's same as trend on trend from previous years because Britain keeps building insane terrible universities everywhere.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Like the University of Butthole in South Buckinghamshire. Yes. The University of Butthole, Milo. Where you can do it, where you can do a degree in like the many crimes of Joey Barton or whatever, like bizarre, like I'll have a degree in media and noncing. Number burning injustice, the fourth, if you're at a state school, you're less likely to

reach the top professions than if you're educated privately. How do we think Theresa May did? Well, by the looks of a fucking cabinet and all that, well, didn't they want to reestablish grammar schools? Like wasn't that part of their thing? Like I can't imagine they really fucking care about those. They wanted to let the power of the free market educate. Oh yeah.

Well, also they're using the Department for Education to strong arm state schools into going into receivership for private entities. So you can learn the type of math that they teach you at Oscar Meyer. So I assume she did badly. It is found that people from professional backgrounds are 80% more likely to get into another professional job than their last privileged peers and the number of the cabinet who attended public schools has gone up. Yes, no surprise.

Fantastic. If you're a woman, you will earn less than a man. Can't imagine that's gotten better considering no one's earning more than they did before 2008 in this country. Women on average still earn 18% less than men. So Theresa May has so far one problem kind of got better in a way that doesn't really solve the underlying issue by accident through no intervention of hers. Everything else has essentially gotten worse.

Well, Theresa May has now made that even worse because she's now earning nothing. If you suffer from mental health problems, this is the next burning injustice, there's not enough help to hand. Let's see. Hang on. I'm looking at this here. Children's mental health is especially strange. Just 16% of children referred for help last year were seen within six weeks.

I was going to say, aren't the wait times for mental health services particularly for children like obscenely long here? Yes. Basically, Theresa May promised to solve this particular burning injustice by giving a real risk cut to mental health care to then incentivize it to do better. She basically tried to like Jeff Bezos gamify the Amazon warehouse of like talk therapy in Britain. Exactly.

She was giving a little spank on the behind in a way that was going to turn on Britain's mental health services and make them, you know. You get an ad-a-boy from your therapist and told to just focus. And finally, burning injustice the seventh. If you're young, you'll find it harder than ever to own your home. Easier than ever. How do we think that Theresa May did? Andy, any insight?

It's probably pretty good judging by everything we've heard so far. She's got to win one sooner or later. It's like flipping a coin. Since you're a resident of a country that also has a very sane property market, I imagine you can tell just how easy it is for people to own their own homes in Britain. Oh, yes. Homeowner shape among 25 to 34 year olds has fallen steadily over the past two decades as property prices have soared.

Again, nothing. I personally don't pay the bear tax. I pay the home tax. So that's the assessment of Theresa May's seven burning injustices. And let's not forget the eighth burning injustice, Grenfell Tower, which again, she- A literal burning injustice. A burning injustice that she oversaw and referenced in her speech while failing to do

anything to help any of them. Because aren't there still like 20 other council blocks covered with the same shit? Yep. And now I haven't done anything about it. Look, look. That's expensive to replace. Well, the Grenfell Commission report still hasn't been published. And she wanted to like, in the speech, so I got this impression, but she kind of wanted

to be, she wanted to make that her legacy. Well, not like an intentional sense. Obviously she wanted to kind of be like the Brexit Prime Minister with these intentions of like uniting the Conservative Party over like the Europe question, and obviously that fucked up in a major way. So her thing was, oh, there's a concession prize. Like, you know, maybe I can take credit for responding to the Grenfell fire by doing something or like saying-

By leaving the people unhoused and not making it a priority to remove the flammable climbing. But like, what, 30% of 30% or something like are still living in like bed and breakfast, motels, and the rest, you know, and like a biggest percentage like living, like still living in adequate housing. It's a real adventure, you know, they're experiencing the great outdoors. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's what it is. It's welcome.

Welcome to Tory Britain, where everything's in escape room. Oh. Your prize if you escape is death. That is the only escape. Prize is sweet release. Also, like how Theresa May like out has all these like notional goals or whatever of her and it's like, but you've not even, she's not even tried to do anything about them. It's not even that she's tried to do something about them in like some wrong headed Tory way.

It's just like, like, oh, young people owning their own home. Well, like, have you built any houses? No. Like, have you, like, have you tried to do anything to curb like the ridiculous like commoditization of the London property market by like Russian Chinese investors? No. Like you've not even attempted to do anything, not even a fig leaf thing. It's just like, oh, somehow magically this massive systemic problem has not gotten better

by me doing nothing about it. I'm shocked. I'm shocked that the PM of the landlord party hasn't solved the landlord problem. Well, it's a boycott B and Q. That's going to solve the problem. Look, the problem thing is Theresa May was trying to be a one nation Tory, which is a political philosophy from the 19th century in an era of like extreme capital mobility. You it is impossible.

It is a contradiction to try and be a conservative who redistributes in an era where you can move billions with a click. Like it's just not possible because capital, if you're the party of capital, capital disciplines you too much like and so it is she went out to solve these burning injustices and then just realized she could do nothing because all of these problems are created by the market. And if you are a party of capital in a global in a globalized world of capital mobility, you can't discipline the market. It just disciplines you.

So basically all that's happening is Russia. Yeah, kind of. So all that's basically all that's happened is she has correctly identified a number of problems and then quite promptly and decisively did precisely nothing about them. Well, and also if you're the Tory party, you can't have a political ideology from the 19th century because you're never going to get the DUP to vote for that because they would find that far too modern. I was going to say, well, you can't you you also can't recreate their signature political

or economic achievement of the 19th century slavery. The Tory party oppose burning which is at the stake and until they're prepared to negotiate on that we cannot support their manifesto. So I want to I want to go across several oceans now though. I want to go somewhere that our friend Andy might find a little closer to home. That's right. Is it my home? Go ahead.

We're talking about Andy's home in Canberra. Yeah. So you guys just had an election. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, your arms tired. Yeah, we did. We did.

It sucks. It sucks. Big time. So basically if I'm if I'm not if I'm not wrong here, your fascist party call your light fascist party called the Liberal Party allied with your outright fascist party called the National Party in order to beat radical radical radical socialist Leninist revolutionary William Bill Shorten, who was willing to actually propose a minor tax on diesel pickup trucks. I wish you called you to Riley.

They're called fucking you. You can't come for our fucking youths. We will kill you first the youths and then the sausage and bread has to stop. If he touches me fucking you and I'll be spitting chips. Hey, yes, come on every episode. Fucking rack off. Get away from me. Is that a fair assessment?

Well, I guess the National Party isn't the psycho nationalist party. They are like the country party, the rural party, basically. So they have a coalition with the Liberal Party and they then harvested a whole bunch of preferences from the actual full on saying the quiet part extremely loud nationalist and fascist parties that have sprung up lately. Yes. The Fraser Anning omelet. Yes.

Our eggy friends. So so the only good news, the only good news to come out of this election is that Fraser Anning lost his seat. He was not reelected. Fuck off Fraser Anning. Get the fuck out of here. No, no, you go back to where you came from. I mean, he's just going to go to America and be like a consultant, right?

He's going to get a job on like the rebel TV. He's going to do reverse Milo Unopolis and go from Australia to America to be more racist. That's probably apparently, apparently like we finally did answer our question of exactly how Nazi is to Nazi. And the answer was the answer was openly being a Nazi. We thought we'd answered that question at the Nuremberg trials, but it turned out that no, it turns out there were some lingering, lingering questions to answer. No, it turns out we're okay with, we're okay with like dog whistling about, you know,

African immigration and African gangs and all that kind of shit. We're fine with all of that stuff. We're fine with the Liberals ran an ad during the election, which was about Bill Shorten's Labour Party announcing that they were going to raise the refugee intake. Only back to what the Liberals had already cut it by recently. And they, the ad was Labour, Labour wants to bring in like 30,000 more immigrants every year and tax you to pay for it. The ads were straight up just saying like your money is going to be stolen from you

and used to pay for these brown people. Yes, that's basically like they might as well have created a billboard where it's like, I'm sorry, Sheila, we can't have Christmas this year. We needed to buy refugees, flat screen TVs. This was like when you would come on our show recently, Riley, and there was all the electric vehicle stuff where Labour had introduced as one of their very small measures for doing anything about climate change or any form of environmental action was to say, I don't want to set this very modest target for 50% of vehicles being sold,

being electric vehicles by 2030. And the Liberal Party jumped off from that point to say things like they are trying to take away the weekend because electric cars take so long to charge. So you won't be able to take your boat to the coast anymore. The socialists are trying to make the weekend illegal because of climate change. Why do we care about climate change? We live in a massive desert whose primary industry is agriculture. Why the fuck would I care about global warming?

Why would that be any kind of problem? So basically what has happened is I think like a very notable thing here is there are parallels, not precise ones, but parallels to like Trump's election in 2016 where all of the polling was saying, there's no way he's going to win this thing. And everybody was like, look at this guy. What a dickhead. There's no way he's going to win. And then he won and everybody went, ooh.

So that's basically what's happened here. Everyone suddenly switched to like, he's a genius. They didn't understand how much people loved Donald Trump. So News Poll is one of the major polling companies here, one of the major political polling companies here. Scott Morrison, who unfortunately is still the prime minister, the whole time he has been leading the Liberal National Coalition, the Liberal Party has not won a two-party preferred News Poll against Labour.

So they have been behind the entire time that he has been leader. So everybody was saying, well, you know, it's pretty much a shoe-in. Even like the betting agencies which take bets here on who's going to win the election, which a little questionable to me. They do that here too. You can bet on minor political things here. Like who will be the next Tory leader? Or how many times will Corbyn get interrupted in his like PMQ speech?

You can bet on anything. We love to bet. A thing came out the other day which was that a newspaper editor admitted to having laid a four-figure bet on the Liberals to win the election like a month or two ago. And he's the financial editor of the biggest newspaper in the country. And they like, you know, ran a massive campaign against Labour because they're a fucking Murdoch paper.

That can't be bad. He placed that bet in a personal capacity. I promise it didn't affect his judgment. I was very sceptical about that until I heard that Rupert Murdoch was involved. And then I was like, well, that must be above board. That guy's never done anything bad. I presume that Scott Morrison won because of the amazing inspiring speeches that he made during the campaign.

I believe that Australia is a place and that that place is an Australian place, which is a promise to every Australian that they have a right to be Australian. Every one of those things is just absolutely fucking worthless. All of this, where the country of a fair go, if you give a go, you'll get a go. And that means people will have a go. That's literally the shit that he was saying. It made me feel... That's not a political sentiment.

That's a Eurovision Song Contest entry. Has Scott Morrison just been having a stroke since he became Prime Minister? It makes you feel like you're having a minor aneurysm. Every time that you were listening to the Prime Minister say, yeah, yeah, a fair go for all. If you have a go, you'll get a go and you'll be given a go. And then you can have a go. It's never really clear...

All the refugees go. Why does this room smell like burning toast? I want to ask, I want to ask, do you guys have a Jeremy Corbyn figure? Unfortunately, that's a big fucking no from us. A jam grandad. So there is no one on the left. There's no Jezo. There's no leftist.

There's no Jezo. There's no Bernie. There's just... There's nothing happening. I would say that there are Jezos and Bernie's, but they're all like racist surfers from Brisbane or something. So there are guys called Jezo and Bernie, but they're just hanging out on the beach.

They live on the Gold Coast and they're like, get the fucking refugees out. Ah, there's Scots who live on the Gold Coast. Yes, the Gold Coast of Scotland. It's a fucking disgrace. Anytime we do anything with Buntavista, it's always like accent future. It's also funny too, because Milo and I have...

Anytime that I fuck up an accent, Milo lets me know. Anytime Milo does an American accent, I'm like, what undersea American Atlantis did you find that person in? American Atlantis. The very same. So look, look, fortunately, newspaper The Australian has issued an editorial giving Bill Shorten, well, former...

The former party of Radical Communist, William, quote, Bill Shorten, some advice. Do we want to hear what the Australian... It's amazing to me that they called him William and his middle name is Bill. Unbelievable. Do you want to hear what the Australian's advice for Labour is? Go get full racist.

I don't know, kind of. It's time to get racist. I told you, don't bury the lead of the segment. Turning the big racism now, looking back at the audience. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's what we're doing. Labour's vote, this is not attributed to a single person, it's the editorial staff of magazine The Australian,

newspaper The Australian. I like that collective responsibility, just following orders, that kind of stuff. Is the Australian a Murdoch paper? It is. Okay. It's also the only broadsheet left in the country. Oh, good.

Yeah, as long as papers abroad can read. So the Australians sold everywhere, and then there is also the sort of main tabloid papers in each state, like The Herald Sun and The Daily Telegraph, that are basically just carbon copies of each other in Sydney and Melbourne, and they're both Murdoch papers. At least in like Melbourne and Canberra

and some other places, you can get like some Fairfax papers, like The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald and stuff like that. Queensland, you basically cannot buy a newspaper that is not bought to you by Rupert Murdoch. Queensland, you just have like Ben's Twitter feed. Yeah.

I was going to ask about that too, because I noticed a lot of commentary on election night with people complaining about Queensland, and I got the impression that that gave the vote, or significantly skewed the vote towards the coalition, as opposed to like up until that moment when the Queensland results started coming in, it seemed like Labour might actually do far better.

Yeah, the Queensland vote generally skews to the right a lot, but interestingly, there was also the other minor parties, the big time racism parties. So there's One Nation, Pauline Hanson's One Nation, and who, I don't know if you guys saw any of that stuff. Sounds like an 80s since pop supergroup. Pauline Hanson's One Nation. Pauline Hanson's One Nation.

And there's also the Fraser Annings, sorry, Fraser Annings Conservative Australia Party, so I think they didn't win anything. Also, all of the Clive Palmer's United Australia Party, and so they diverted all of their preferences. Caroline Vladimir Putin's United Russia. And I believe we have a clip for United Australia. Oh, yes, oh, yes.

Hang on, I'm going to put that in. So the deal with Clive Palmer is that he is a mining billionaire. He was previously elected. He's sort of the earth kind of guy. And he mines salt from the earth. So, you know, he's running himself on this platform of like standing up for the working class because he's outside of the political bubble

and he's independently wealthy, so he can't be bought. Is he a working class billionaire? He's a working class billionaire. That's how he likes to position himself while he is still engaged in a dispute where he has shut down a nickel mining factory and still owes $7 million in wages to all the workers who were there. Amazing.

But I'm not going to pay them. I mean, that would be, you know... That would turn them into elites. It would make them not working class anymore. They'd lose touch with their roots. And then they would get like weird hair. It's tough love, right? He's teaching them to be hungry.

Teaching them to be self-sufficient. Exactly. So, if that's our... Oh, you said finish off with United Australia because I want to get into this editorial. Basically, what has happened with the United Australia Party is that Clive Palmer has spent $50 million of his own money just blasting the airwaves

and putting up billboards everywhere with incoherent ball-faced lies as promises to people. Like, if we get elected, you just won't pay tax anymore and we'll give you all a free car. Like this... That kind of level of shit. Not only electric, Percy cars. Running candidates.

Real diesel car. Running candidates in every seat in the country. So, he spent $50 million of his own money to not win a single seat, but that kind of doesn't matter to him because what he did through this through our preferential voting system was redirect all preferences from votes that came to his party to the Liberals. So, basically, you can see in the preferential voting flows throughout the country that like in Queensland where there was a big swing towards minor parties,

the little super-racist minor and independent parties, that they all directed their preferences to the Liberals because they would rather have the Liberals in than Labour or the Greens, which has basically played a big part in the Liberals getting this victory. So, now Clive Palmer basically gets to say, oh, good, I have directly intervened and spent $50 million of my own money to make sure that a conservative government gets in, which isn't going to do anything about mining royalties or climate change

or emissions trading or anything like that. So, basically, he spent $50 million of his own money to be like a preference re-diverting super-pack for the Liberals. Yeah, that's what they call a fair go. And this has resulted in because the quality of his candidates didn't matter. All he had to do was register someone to run in every seat in the country and pay for some ads. Now, this resulted in some very interesting ads

and I've provided one for you to play the audio of right now. Send him on their way. Episode title, Thong Mushroom Slap. But hang on, isn't a thong a flip-flop? So, you're like slapping them on the foot? No, no, that's correct. I am assuming that this is to take your thong off and slap someone across the face with it.

I think this thing is like a real red-blooded Australian man is wearing flip-flops at all times in case he needs to send some bogan on their way. Yeah, so that guy's in multiple TV spots and I'm pretty sure he uses the word mugs in all of them. You gotta be joking. He had quite a lot of Bob Catter energy. Yeah, these people. You gotta be joking.

So, now that we know who's joking, I'm gonna quickly dive into this editorial from The Australian. Labour's vote has plummeted this decade, leading support to greens in the quote-unquote woke inner city. The Liberals in aspirational suburbia and a colorful circus of micro-parties, independence and nationals in rural and regional areas. I love the racism circus.

I bet all those more parties weren't that colorful. I think colorful was exactly what they weren't going for. Well, we got racists of every shade and strike. This guy's really racist towards micronesians? I love it. Liberals in aspirational suburbia. Yeah, I only like macronesians. You moved to a detached house and then all of a sudden you stopped just listlessly lying around

and go out and put on a tie and make something of yourself. Stop being woke. I also love the idea that Italian-Australians still talk like Italian-Americans somehow. Everyone else has an Australian accent, but they're just like, hey, fucking forget about it. Hey, I live in Queensland, the Miglia. Well, actually, no, because in Australia

they have Guido Italians. They have Guido Greeks who are really racist. Wait, what? Yeah, because fucking Melbourne is like the second biggest Greek city on earth after Athens, and they're all donating loads of money to Golden Dawn. That's true. They're so racist.

They want to keep refugees out of everywhere they're genetically connected to. We've got to save grace from the Greeks. So, labor must not rush to easy answers for its poor showing, says the Murdoch paper. The problem was labor's crazy adventurism. Mr. Shorten's message did not have cut through because he was saddled with inferior,

not to mention risky policies, especially on negative gearing for houses, the capital gains tax, franking credits, climate change, and regulating the labor market. It was a collective failure of thinking. Damn, I hate it when we have a collective failure of thinking. Why did he want to ban the weekend? That was the big...

If only he hadn't tried to ban the weekend. Bill, people love the weekend. You read that report upside down. You thought it said people hate the weekend, but it didn't. It said they love it. Because they want twice as much weekend. Yeah.

Sorry, but that would prevent people from being aspirational if they had too much weekend. Now, by inferior and risky policies, what this guy means is that they ran on policies. They had some policies, and they put them up. They ran on policies instead of someone whose brain is dying having a stroke and trying to communicate with you.

I just believe that Australia is in and of itself a kind of weekend. The rapper of the weekend, in a lot of ways, he is an Australian at heart. Because at the weekend, you can have a sausage and bread. And I believe that that is what Australia is about. It's Saturday, it's Sunday. It's getting in the ute with your kids.

It's having a sausage. And we stand to protect that, or at least to make it part of the ongoing struggle that is the days of the week. Thank you. Sorry, Andy, you have to sit through this shit, but welcome to Trash Future, the Accent podcast. That was Labour's crazy adventurism

of engaging in minimal promotion of workers' rights, going back to what things were in the middle of the coalition government before they were cut further. It was crazy adventurism. No matter what you do, a Murdoch paper, if you're not trying to send refugees to the moon without spacesuits,

then they are going to call whatever you're doing radical, unelectable communism. And it should be pointed out as well that the policies around negative gearing and franking credits were literally just pulling back in a bit some of the upper-class welfare business of allowing people... The negative gearing stuff is something

that has massively contributed to the huge explosion of the landlord class in Australia. It's part of what's making it really hard for young people to get into the housing market. And the same thing for franking credits, where franking credits is this bizarre policy. We are the only country in the world that has a policy where independently wealthy retirees

who have self-managed funds of shares, when they make dividends from that through a company that is managing their shares, that company pays the tax on the dividends. But the person who owns the shares then gets a tax refund from the government, despite not having made any income or paid any income tax themselves.

We spend something like $6 billion a year on just giving money to people who are already making money hand over fist from this shit. We had these people in the news. This is one of these ones that like bends my brain that people weren't just sickened by this and voting against it. Because they had the only people they could find

to put on the news and talk about this shit. There was one guy with an English accent who gave the interview from the back of his 45-foot motorized yacht. I've already told you that Caviar Bath has nothing to do with the strength of my arguments. And the quote from him was, I think that this policy is the most unfair thing

I've ever seen in my life. To keep it in perspective, there are people like him who are saying, I'm going to lose $30,000 a year. Now, what they mean by that is, I'm going to lose the additional $30,000 income tax return that I receive from the government, income tax refund that I receive from the government.

On top of the tens of thousands of dollars in profits that I'm already making on my share portfolio, and if you're making $30,000 on the tax refund part, it means you need to have a share portfolio of like $2 million. That's aspirational, Andy. That's the culture of the aspirational suburbs. You know what, that guy on the fucking yacht,

I might not have matching column with him, but he respects the weekend. That guy, he cracks open a stubby, he sits on his yacht, and he enjoys Saturday and Sunday. His life was one big weekend. We need to stop the boats. It's just that's the boat we need to stop. So, labor's climate policy, for example,

was grand on rhetoric, but splintered under scrutiny. For example, Mr. Shorten refused to engage in rational debate over the cost of his bold 45% emissions cut, evading questions by ludicrously claiming that it was the same as the coalition's target. But the coalition has also said things like, I think during the campaign when Scott Morrison was asked, so what is the coalition actually doing

about trying to meet our climate target? And he said, oh, that's already been addressed through policy. And then just like brushed this person off and moved on to the next thing. He's busy, he has to invest. So then when journalists asked the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet what policy he was actually referring to,

there wasn't one that anyone could find. The only policy that's been passed about anything to do with the environment was just something to do with like one type of endangered species somewhere. Like absolutely nothing to do with emissions or anything like that. And the endangered species in question was your owners. It wasn't a policy, it was more of a vibe.

We're giving climate change a fair go. When that didn't work, he said the cost of not acting was even greater. Which it is. Yeah, I love that. I fucking love it when they're like, yeah, God, doing something about the environment, but how much is that going to cost?

Well, it doesn't matter how much it's going to cost because if we don't do it, we're all going to be fucking dead. How rich do you need to be to be like, no, I'd rather stay this rich and be dead. I'd rather live in a fucking gold sarcophagus on a melting planet than spend any money on doing anything about the fact that we're all going to fucking die. It's all right.

You're going to get to live in Jeff Bezos' Elysium Space Station. Oh my God, the fucking paedophile colony in space. Yeah, all the rich people are just going to move to Mars where there's no age of consent or... That's the thing. Hey, buddy, they go to the red planet for a reason. The Australian goes and dismisses this as slogans and gimmicks. Not dying is a slogan or gimmick.

Unlike what fucking Scott Morrison said about how Australians should have a fair go and every Australian, ultimately, when you think about it, is a go. Webster's dictionary defines fair as etc. It's amazing to me that people in Australia haven't seen the film Mad Max, like the only Australian film ever made. I also am laughing about this because correct me if I'm wrong, Andy,

but you guys have been having horrible fucking heatwaves in the summer that have been killing lots of people, right? People need to save money on their recognition. The idea that they're like, oh, I wonder if this has anything to do with this climate change I've been hearing so much about. Oh, no, it was always 45 degrees in the summer in fucking Australia. It's Bill Shorten's doing it as propaganda.

All these heatwaves you think you're experiencing, it's actually a slogan and or gimmick. Listen, he's making the weekend too hot because he hates the weekend. He's trying to burn out the weekend. He's trying to stop you having a Barbie. Okay, by making it too hot, which is why you have to go out there and get a melanoma to show Bill Shorten that you're fucking serious about the weekend.

So to conclude this article, as Troy Bramston wrote this week, labor is me on Twitter, Troy Bramston, you fucking coward. Troy Bramston wrote this barbecue. You can't destroy Bramston wrote this week. Labor is still struggling at its identity, having a moved away from the center ground where, of course, elections are one. Whoever leads labor will need to pull it away from Bill Shorten's

class, Warren Envy, and back to the policies of Bob Hawk, its most successful leader. I mean, to be fair, a man who held the world record for downing a yard of ale. And people say to me, Marlowe, isn't that... They say to me all the time, they're like, Marlowe, isn't that really surprising that a man who initially held the world record for downing a yard of ale

then went on to become Prime Minister of Australia. And I said, what you haven't understood there is that that is how you become the Prime Minister of Australia. Everyone lines up and they get the yards of ale and whoever does it fastest. That's where William Bill Shorten went wrong. I don't want to get into, like, encouraging Australia's problem-drinking culture,

which we already have. But let me just say, during the campaign, Scott Morrison did a photo-up thing at a pub. And as soon as he got in there and got a beer, everybody in the pub started singing in unison, like a football. You must immediately down this whole drink deal. And he just went, ah, and like took a sip of his beer

and put it back down. I was like, fucking pussy. That's the Australian bacon sandwich moment. Fucking pussy. That's the Australian Ed Miliband eating a bacon sandwich weird moment with Bill Shorten failing to chin a drink. But that was Scott Morrison. That was Scott Morrison.

That was Scott Morrison. Sorry, William Bill Shorten. Scott Morrison has tequila in his coffee. That's why his speeches are so good. And he still won. Look, yeah, it's weird how like the person who was apparently the political elite, elitist asshole can't drink in the pub with the lads is still the prime minister because

surely the Murdoch newspapers don't have any other interests at heart besides good at drinking skills. Yeah, it's that. And you have to be nice to mining companies and you have to drink really fast. You can accuse Bill Shorten of sloganeering, but I don't know how you can argue with with a figure like Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison when he makes statements

like this, it is my vision for this country as your prime minister to keep the promise of Australia to all Australians. That's amazing. How do you argue with that? How do you argue? No, I know what this is. He's doing the Marcus Aurelius speech from Rome. There once was a dream that was not from gladiator rather.

There once was a dream that was Rome. Whisper with me now, brother. Get out the refugees. There once was a dream that was Australia, but you could only whisper it. Dealing the Aboriginals. So the takeaway, I think the takeaway here is two things, right? Number one is that what the polling wasn't picking up here

and the polling is totally fucked in this country and isn't working or anything. But the thing that people were paying attention to was the two party preferred polling, which had Labour a bit out in front for dozens and dozens of polls in a row. But the other poll that was important was the preferred Prime Minister poll.

And so keep in mind that the entire time that Scott Morrison has been Prime Minister, they have never won a news poll as a two party preferred rating against Labour. The entire time that Malcolm Turnbull was Prime Minister, he lost 30 news polls in a row. That was the metric that he used as justification for unseeding Tony Abbott, previous Prime Minister, because he lost 30 news polls in a row.

So they've been losing, like they've been... Yeah, a raw onion. Doesn't that count for something? They've been rated more unfavorably than the Labour Party that entire time. And also in that entire time, Bill Shorten has never been more popular as a preferred leader than any of those guys.

They've all been leading an abysmally unpopular government, and Bill Shorten has been significantly more unpopular than all of them the whole fucking time. So the reality is everybody was looking at the two party preferred thing and saying, well, they're out in front, they're out in front. But the reality was that they had a leader who has been like 20 points less popular

than some of the most unpopular conservative leaders in decades the entire time. He's never come within like 15 points of being more popular than any of them. He hates the weekend. He's a weekend hate motherfucker. He's just kind of... He's bland, he's dry, people know him as like being

a very union-backed guy and everything. And the reality is that he has just never, the entire time that he's been Labour leader, has never been able to cut through with the electorate in any kind of way. He's never been able to galvanize people's support in any kind of way. People have never really trusted him.

So the reality is no matter what your politics are, no matter what your policies are, no matter how like milk toast and not really that adventurous they are, you just cannot get people to vote for you if you have a leader that cannot convince anyone that he's trustworthy. And that's the situation that I found themselves in. In the United Kingdom, Jeremy Corbyn

is under water in favorability polls, but that's also because there's a nonstop, unanimous attempt by the entirety of British media to paint him as like this lunatic. He's got lots of people who are very favorable for him, but then there's also more people are more favorable against him. But the Labour Party as a whole is proposing policies

that people get behind. Like the Labour platform is quite popular. But the constant centrist journalist dinner party complaint is that Theresa May is incompetent, the Tories are incompetent, and yet Jeremy Corbyn is behind, which doesn't take into account the fact that the media in this country is almost unanimously right-wing.

And it's constantly like, Mad Marxist Jeremy Corbyn wants to make you farm the ocean for some reason. Like it's just all this just insanity coming. I literally just read something in the Financial Times yesterday that said Boris Johnson would be the right Tory leader because he should be the PM

because otherwise a Mad Marxist will take over. And what? The Financial Times aligning itself with a reactionary nationalist? Yeah. Jeremy Corbyn. He's going to turn HSBC into jam. You don't understand.

He's going to destroy the country. He's going to turn Canary Wharf into an allotment. He's going to turn your Porsche into a cabbage. He's going to do it. You don't understand. He's a mad man. He's crazy. So do you want to hear the good news

about the person that seems to be the heir apparent to the Labour leadership? Yes. Is it actually good news? If you're thinking to yourself, hey, surely there's an exciting figure waiting in the wings. So the person that everybody is clearing the decks for,

so before even nominating themselves for the leadership, all these people are saying, oh, I thought about it. And the factional shit kickers have been around and told me that they're going to bust my kneecaps with a ball-peen hammer if I do. So I'm just not going to.

So the person that everyone's clearing the way for is Anthony Albanese, who is locally known as Albo. So that's right. We're about to get several fucking years of Albo versus Skomo, which is just one step closer to making me want to shoot myself in the fucking face.

It's like two small dogs fighting each other. Yeah. Or you have two different terminal illnesses and you're not sure which one's going to kill you first, your Albo or your Skomo. So what I think a lot of the Australian left has been very concerned about here is the fact that because Labour took some very mild policies

to the election and got soundly defeated when they really weren't expecting to, everybody is worried that the reaction is going to be, oh, well, what we've got to do is never differentiate ourselves on policy ground and don't do anything adventurous and, you know, make ourselves indistinguishable. So here from the City Morning Herald is this piece saying, Anthony Albanese has called on Labour to reconnect

with aspirational Australians who rejected the party at the federal election, declaring the suburbs, declaring that voters have quote, conflict fatigue over political arguments that pit one part of the community against the other. Mr Albanese is too many damn genders. Unite these genders.

It's me, your friend Albo, and I've learned from the lessons of Bill Short and what I'm saying is seven-day weekend. Italian babies. We're going to go out, we're going to get pussy, we're going to get a yacht. I've got a big yacht party for all of Australia. Everyone's coming.

We've got some beers, we've got some pussy, we've got some cured meats. Old school, baby. Old school, baby. Old school, big time tummy. DJ Vinny Dice. We got DJ Vinny Dice as the vice prime minister of Australia. DJ Vinny Vice.

Just for context, this guy is like the leader of the, the leader of the Labour left faction and like his personal, his personal like motto or tagline or whatever it is, I fight Tories. And here he is in the fucking paper saying that the party needs to end the us and them rhetoric that shaped its failed election campaign. Quote, people are looking for solutions rather than arguments.

They're looking for what unites the community rather than what divides it. We have to emphasize that. It doesn't mean that we shy away from the issue of inequality. It means though that we need to do that in a way that acknowledges the fact that the business community in the private sector create jobs for people. So what you're basically saying is that this is dick, baby,

is that if Labour wants to win, if Labour wants to win, then they all have to start huffing paint until they become Scott Morrison. In many ways, isn't, isn't the real sausage and bread the rock hard cock of big business? So this is the, this is the final line. And this actually, this, this kind of gels with what you were saying quite well, Andy.

This means reforms that enhance productivity, job growth and wealth creation and a rejection of the redistributive obsession of trade unionism and the identity politics of divisive groups such as get up, which seek to ridicule ordinary people. Jesus Christ. Get up. Get up is just, it's just a campaigning group.

It's just, it's just a grassroots activism group. And like they don't, they're not aligned with a specific party, right? Generally what they do is raise, raise funds from small donations from people and use them to, to like organize against sitting candidates in seats. Fucking disgusting.

Sort of like momentum, but not even really all that. It's like a slightly non-partisan momentum. And they're sinister and they seem to ridicule and divide ordinary Australians. They're supporting activists. Cause I don't know if you, if you, I don't want to spend time on momentum if you're, if you're already familiar with the Mandy,

but it's, they're definitely like the bug bears of the British media. Well, like the British media is terrified of momentum. Well, it's just this whole thing. And like get up is very similar in the sense that, that yeah, the, the political establishment and, and you know, obviously all of the Murdoch papers are absolutely outraged by it.

They are currently changing laws, like electoral laws to classify them differently so that they can then say, you know. To make them a terrorist organization. Get up. Or as they now have to be referred to on the news, Allah Huwakbar. No, get up.

Or as we're now referring to them, Daesh. And there's, well, like, and the overwhelming message of course is that like, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, politics isn't just for anybody. It's not for ordinary people. Like, you know, you shouldn't just get to, you shouldn't just get to make a donation

and have you've always heard about something. They absolutely not. They're apparently completely flummoxed by the fact that they are, they are not aligned to a political party. They, they get involved in campaigns, but they're not, they're not an associated entity of a political party. And there's conservatives who are like trying to get them

banned and saying, hey, if you want to get involved in elections and run ads and stuff, you need to be like a registered, associated entity of an established political party. Or at least a mining company. On the subject though of renaming existing organizations without their consent,

towards the end of my time in Russia, the Russian Federation passed a law that anytime you mentioned the Islamic State, like pretty much on TV or in any official capacity, you had to add in a kind of like fast terms and conditions voice an organization banned on the territory of the Russian Federation. Cause they have to say it every time they say it. So if they say it more than once in a sentence,

they have to say ISIS, an organization banned on the territory of the Russian Federation, has been recruiting lots of fighters who've decided to join ISIS, an organization banned on the territory of the Russian Federation. And it's like, it's not even on the territory. It's like saying like India, a country banned on the territory of the Russian Federation. It's like, well, it's not on, it's not, that's not where it is.

So I guess in conclusion, here's to five or however many years your prime, your premierships last more glorious years of a caliphate under Scott Morrison, a man banned on the territory of the Russian Federation. Exactly. Hey, pal, in the Russian Federation, we respect the weekend. Andy.

Supada, Vast Krasnaya, the great days of the week. Andy, thank you very much for coming on today. You're very, very welcome. It's always a pleasure to be here, and I hope to continue our international program of podcast exchanges. Oh yeah. Andy, it's been a pleasure. I'm very sorry about all the content of this episode.

Theo, Ben, you've been oddly quiet. We say it out of love, Andy. We love your show. Yeah. If you want to listen to more of Andy, you can listen to his fantastic show, Boon to Vista, available. It's much calmer.

Available on iTunes. It's considered much less mad kept and easier to listen to. That is actually commentary that we have heard about. Yes. Boon to Vista fans being like, we love TF, but a little mad kept, a little mad kept. Anyway, so if you like, if you should listen to Boon to Vista, you should also come see us, Trash Future, live on Thursday,

this coming Thursday at the Star of Kings, near Kings Cross. The link will be in the description, and you can buy tickets early and buy tickets often. Buy them for your friends, your family. Buy them for people in Australia. Buy them for your wife's boyfriends. We don't care.

Just buy tickets. Yeah, buy them for your wife's boyfriend. Treat him. Buy them for Bill Shorten. Cheer him up. Yeah, but cheer up Bill Shorten by buying him tickets to our show. Because Thursday's not the weekend, socially. Not yet.

Not if, not if mad communist Bill Shorten, William Bill Shorten has anything to say about it. Oh, old William the Bill Shorten. Bill Shorten's going to settle you with the bill for refugees. Yeah. Yeah, also 15th of June, we have a live show in Cambridge, at Wolfson College. Ticket link for that also in the description.

That's, we have discount tickets for students, and there's also, if you're at Wolfson, you can get in free, but you have to sign up for a ticket on the website. And finally, smoke comedy on the 5th of June, featuring Alfie Brown, and also Mark Watson, formerly of Trash Future. So come down to that.

There are tickets online. You can get them in the bloody description. The damn description. The damn description. And finally, you can sign up to our Patreon. Second episode, five bucks a month. You know the drill already. I'm looking, we're at 499 patrons,

so hopefully we'll be at 500 or more by the time you listen to this. But if we're not, be our 500th patron. Oh, and also May 31st and June 1st, I'm doing my show in Brighton. It's at the Temple Bar at 10 o'clock. I'm on the Brighton French website. Calm down. Andy, are you doing any live shows in Britain?

Not this week. Not this week. Not this week. Okay. We'll plug you next time. Yeah. But anyway, thank you all very much for listening. And have a good evening.

Yep. Have a nice time. Enjoy yourselves. Bye.