TRASHFUTURE - God Thank The Queen

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

A startup that makes the… strangest case for the metaverse we’ve yet heard. The British political establishment proposing a response to a crisis that won’t approach any of its causes or effects. A columnist proposes a negotiated settlement between Britain and reality that turns on gratitude to the royals. It’s TF! Support the Sheffield JustEat riders on strike! Their fund is here and really, really needs your donations: https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/sheffield-justeat-riders-are-going-on-strike-pay-rise-not-pay-cut If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *SEE TRASHFUTURE LIVE ON 4/20* We're doing a make-up live show on 20 April in London now that we've recovered from covid (this time). Get tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-live-podcast-tickets-303412654417 *MILO ALERT* Milo has shows coming up in London and Brighton. Learn more here! https://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

So, I think it's time for us to start this episode with some more, remember how I think like literature a lot of we've done a lot of advice to the Labour Party recently and how they should be responding to the Tories in Parliament and you know, going out with Julia Fox. Well, I think the most salient piece of advice that we gave them was, you should just like throw caution to the wind and just start slandering your opponent. Yes. Yes, bring the nonce detector into the House of Parliament.

Well, I've built a new nonce detector and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep in your vicinity. And here's the thing, it's you got to hand it to them. They clearly listened to us. Rachel Reeves off the top rope with a confusing joke. Nobody really laughed at, but which did call Rishi Sunak a pedophile. It was perfect. She called him Ted Heath with an Instagram account.

So like interesting because of his influence because of his fiscally irresponsibility as opposed to because of his pre-delection for young boys. So it's like, it's like saying, ah, you've got the music taste of Jimmy Savile, the main thing. Yeah, they really like Shawadi one in that respect. He's a lot like Jimmy Savile. It would be really, it would be really funny to accidentally call Rishi Sunak a pedophile and they just did that already.

And then for years down the line for it then to be proved right, like a complete like unintentional slam dunk. If there's a historical commission of inquiry into this finds out that Rachel Reeves was touching the lathe at the time when she made that joke. Legally, we are not saying there is any weight to such a claim. We are merely saying it would be funny if that were the case. That was way too clear for the disclaimer. You're mileage may vary.

That's right. Your mileage may vary a legal term and legal documents. No, that's right. So here's now that they've taken that bit of advice, legal advice about buying Look, now that they've taken that mile of that piece of advice, I I think it's time we give them another piece of advice, which is that they could start reading stuff like, you know how a fucking Gravel read the Pentagon papers into the record, right?

They need to start reading stuff into the record, but like they need to connect with the electorate by reading some literature. Yeah, just settling down being like it's a book episodes. It's Kears Comey Book Club and what we have for you. Riley, what have you what have you what have you turned up here? What have you discovered? So look, I I've discovered a couple of pieces of literature. In fact, one that was sent in to us by a fan, which I'm going to read about later.

But another one that sort of comes off the back of a room joke earlier. Yes. Well, if you the listener were in the room with with us, me, Milo and Alice. That's what you'd be struck by our must. Yeah, I can see him standing up there. Oh, you still got a mask. Not like a bad mask. Well, thank you, Milo. I don't know.

A musk is a bad smell. A musk is like a, you know, like a pleasant smell. A musk is like. Hey, don't don't spoil the story. We're dominating the lead. We're trying to bury it. So our new advice to the Labour Party is that Kears Starmer should get up into the dispatch box and read the entire

selection of the piece of fan fiction called you want to bathe with bathe with soap in parentheses revised under the call of duty erotic fan fiction section of fan fiction dot net. What did they I wonder what they either added or excised from this for it to count as a revised version. Was that like a too hot for TV version of you want to bathe with soap? Can we get like a way back machine? I have very sensitive nipples.

When images started to flood his mind, price shook his head and breathed to keep the feeling under control. Realizing he hadn't used any kind of hygienic product so far in his bath, he reached out for a bar of soap soap price glanced over his shoulder. The younger captain hummed inquiringly. Hummed inquiringly. Wait, have they have they have they promoted? Yeah, they did.

They did. In one of the like more recent ones, they're both captains now because captain is the coolest rank you can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The captain price weirdly has never been promoted in like 25 years. This is from 2014. So I think maybe they reached back for this. Yeah. Well, as the captain price is about to do soap, perhaps reluctantly

looked over his shoulder, his face sporting a smirk of irritated amusement. Milo, can you sport a smirk of irritated amusement for me? So hot. Perfect. Great for this audio medium. Wait a minute. Hang on. Wait a tick.

I'm dead serious. Wait a single price allowed his breast birth to slowly show in his face. Who's in charge of the supplies around here? Wait a second, this is tactical gay sex. Riley, Riley, Riley, I'm in the join the Canadian army. You're in the you're in the bar. I'm in the tactical bathing core. The Canadian army.

Yeah, W.O. one of bathing services. It's Riley. Yeah, absolutely. That's why he has no mask. Also, I noticed that Hussain has picked this moment to join the call. We're talking, we're talking about being gay and corky. Well, look, there's been a lot of discourse about being, there's been a lot of discourse about being gay recently.

Terrell Starr has been talking about like being gay for loving a woman. There was a tweet going around recently, which was like, if you have too much sex, so I identify as queer now. There was another tweet that was going around recently about how if you have like lots of sex with your wife, then you then you'll actually like get estrogen or something. So basically like, yeah, that's true. That is true. It's it's it's called.

That's right. So having sex with your wife will make you a transverse. Yeah, there's been a lot of stuff about like being gay recently. I don't know. I wanted to ask, actually, what's so wait? Why is why do you go to a war zone to like do some kind of confused attempt at reporting to then be like, it's a very sensual moment of self-discovery. Like, do you think he just like so by to suck off a guy in the ass off battalion?

I'm not proud of what I did with black ops. I'm sailing on to the dick and balls. Yeah, just you know what? I had to go and I was going dark and I'm just like taking his mouth. I think I think when you're in a war zone, especially if you're like a war reporter who are in something like this, you spend a lot of your time just like waiting around. So you have a lot of time as well. Yeah. So it's kind of like this is, you know, he's in a war zone.

He's not really doing that much and he's got a lot of time to think and he's thinking to himself, wow, I am attracted to women. But I think I might be gay. I yeah, I mean, I would say that love can bloom even on the battlefields. And the purest example of this is Torrelstar. Seagfried Sassoon DMing a trans woman and then being like, this makes me gay. Yeah, he just like he saw he just saw like a like a 10 out of 10 stacked trans baddie like effortlessly load and discharge a book anti-aircraft system.

I think that's probably what happened. He was like, well, yeah, firing a book at a plane. Hey, why don't you read something instead of bombing? Drafted the librarians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was how do you it's firing the missing piece? A Russian pilot is like, now I am too sad. Yet also uplifted.

I will rethink my life. I want to become self-help author. What is this perks of being wallflower? What is wallflower? I read this million little pieces. Oprah says it all happened. James Frey, inspiring man, true story, has inspired me to stop bombing little women, but all women are small.

What is the point of this book? Perfect. All right, all right, all right, Nicholas Nicholby. He's an arms dealer. OK, all right, all right. Well, we're all here now. All all four of us are here. I was thinking of like the other like we're going dark and then like the the night vision goggles powering up wine,

but it's just like a vibrating butt plug. Absolutely, I'm going to come. Welcome, welcome to Call of Duty 4 fancast with Captain Price, Captain Price. Right, I'm saying three, two, one. Yeah, I want to talk a little bit about a couple of a couple of items that have happened. And I don't have a start up about again. So it's Call of Duty 4. That's right.

Yeah, it's a new intro bit that we're doing, where we're the Call of Duty 4 podcast. Now, yeah, it's pretty much the same as the IR podcast. Absolutely, but it's much more about like, I know it would be pretty much the same really, just the different. Yeah, all of our thesis is a still called like can't climb the mountain of conflict, but we have our gamer tags in them. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, swimming against the current in the pre-apped. So there's a few things have happened, right? The spring statement has come out and essentially what happened is in a time of, you might say, extraordinary, perhaps even once in a generation, pressures on incomes, costs, etc. A conservative government with enough of a majority in the political capital to kind of do whatever it wants has in fact done whatever it wants, which is whatever conservative governments do when they give a budget,

which is to give a tax, which is basically to put a give a giveaway to pensioners to fuck over graduates and then to nothing on benefits, nothing on benefits and then give like a couple of crumbs back to councils who've had the entire bakery taken away from them. Oh boy, have your energy bills just doubled? Have I got good news for you? You're going to get a trivial tax cut in two years. So enjoy that then.

You might get the privilege of paying as much as you're paying now for petrol. And so he said, he actually said, we could only afford to provide this extra support because of our stronger economy and the tough but responsible, go ahead. And then Rachel Reeves just got on the dispatch box and was like nonce much. He said, we can only afford to provide this extra support because of our stronger economy and the tough but responsible decisions we've taken to build our fiscal resilience. That's like, that's not true. We've faced a story start.

Rishi Sunak has been like out in the like fucking rocky, like running through the snow and like benching a big log that says interest rates on it. He's been training for this. Yeah. It's like, that's also not true. Like we could do this forever because we've faced like very low borrowing costs. And also just, I want to do one, a one, one corner for one moment, right? One corner. Okay. One corner for one moment.

One corner. So I'm not one in this corner. Check your corners. I'm in one of them, Wankin. Well, Wankin Milo, please. Oh, sorry. Wankin is when you're Wankin over policy. I did. Well, everybody get, get ready to bust over this policy because it's going to be horrible

because it's busted, which is essentially that that because the cut is so below the rate of inflation, but that means everything we're paying for now was budgeted for in last year's pounds, which means that all spending in real terms is actually lower, right? Because it's the same number of pounds just worth less. But also it means that even though he's saying, oh, there's going to be some trivial, trivial cut to the basic rate of tax and one P on the, on, on a pound for the 20 P rate. But the fact is the inflation is still driving people into higher rates of tax. And so people are going to end up paying much more.

Yeah, this is amazing. It exists only as a historical document the same day it was written. Yeah, 100%. I don't like making too many predictions on here for reasons that I think we've gone into before, but I have like given, given that, like, just try to cast your mind back to what the, what the spring statement was saying before, like with the last statement before like the COVID furlough scheme was announced, right? Yeah. Because the thing about the, this is goes back to the Tories where they love,

they love power, they love to be in power. They're great at getting it, great at keeping it, especially because like, you know, they're sort of wired into the system of power very directly in this country. But they hate governing. They hate to govern. They despise to govern. And as we've seen, they love to do the like minimum necessary amount of governing, which is when it gets a bit dramatic and they have, have to do something.

Like when, for instance, Martin Lewis, the money saving expert, our unelected money czar just comes on TV and says, yeah, we're just going to, probably there's going to be riots. I love Martin Lewis because he's one of those like, it's an incredibly rare thing where he's kind of like a wholesome British public figure who just like is an expert on one particular thing and just seems to genuinely care about helping people save money. It's, it's regrettable that he has to exist. He's sort of like international Red Cross kind of humanitarian guy. There was a, there was a very good, like there was a good article about him.

Well, cause like there was some polling coming out that he was like, he's basically the most trusted man in Britain, which I think kind of like says a lot about, you know, people's faith in institutions and governments and all that stuff. But like, I think his existence is very interesting because it's not like, I don't doubt like his intentions. Like I'm very sure he wants to help people and like he wants to do everything. But he also sort of represents a particular kind of, and I, you know, maybe there's like a better way of describing it, but he kind of represents

this very kind of like British character that is like this mixture of like, you know, keep calm and carry on or like, you know, you've just got to show some resilience, split spirit or that whole thing. Although credit to him for actually saying, yeah, I just can't do this anymore. You cannot save enough money to offset this. So for a long time, like he was actually one of those guys, which was just like, yeah, you know, things are like great. And like because he wants to sort of appear to be at least like politically neutral,

he's not kind of, you know, none of his stuff is really about policy. When he goes on TV, it's very much like, yeah, you know, if you make enough sacrifices, you can afford to buy a house or you can afford to buy a car or you can afford to kind of like have a decent standard of living. And like, you know, his newsletter is like filled with like all these kind of like hacks to do this like stuff that takes a lot of time and like investment to do. And I don't know if any of you guys have ever read his newsletter, but there's like a lot of the kind of advice that he gives is very much like,

stay on the phone when you call up customer service, stay on the phone for however long it takes, because what they're banking on you to do is to like be so frustrated that you'll like give up. So if you like annoy the kind of customer service person more, then you can kind of get these deals. So it's very funny now where it's like, yeah, like there is no amount of annoying, but you can be to like get your, to get a basic standard. You've got to become the Riddler.

Yeah, you have to, yeah, you have to become the Riddler. Yeah, we just, we just sort of radicalized, or rather the circumstances have radicalized this nice sort of money-saving guy called Martin who is like... I'd say he's the, he's the, he's the avuncular version of the put on a sweater, those are the sort of replyers to Mike Graham. Well, I think the crucial difference is Martin Lewis is that he isn't like, he doesn't like patronize people. He's just like kind of like, he's like a wiggish guy who's like a,

oh, there's always a solution. He's like trying to find what that's it, but he's not like, oh, people should just stop complaining and put on a jumper. He's not like that. But, but, so I want to go on though, right? So what, yes, this budget has in fact radicalized Britain's money-saving expert because he's like, there is, there is no one you can annoy. There is no amount of turning off the heat and Martin Lewis wept for there was no more money to

say, but it's, it's, but that's why we sort of refer to this being something of a historical document because I think if we learned one thing from the experience of COVID and we did, absolutely not, if one was in theory to learn one thing from the experience of COVID, it would be that the, that the British state when it sort of has to act to absorb, to be a shock absorber between the global economy and the people who live here, right? It tends to not want to do that, but at some point there is a tipping point where it will have to, or the like, the social cohesion that the rest of it all depends on kind of falls apart.

Yeah, the British government will step in and, oh boy, will it do the absolute bare minimum, if not slightly less. And as we've seen, it gets harder every time. It's like you kick the can down the road, but each time you kick the can down the road, a guy comes and fills it with a bit of cement. It's important to remember, right? That when we talk about the, we would talk about something like the furlough scheme, right?

This goes back to what I was saying, not last episode, but the last time I was on one of these types of segments, which was like a week and a half ago, which is that the furlough scheme was happened because it was an idea that was lying around. And it was, it was sort of mainly like John McDonald in the unions that sort of made that happen because they have no ideas because they're not there to have ideas. They're there to sit in power and pull the big, the big smaller state lever and then pull the big, bigger military lever now that they're pulling that one. That's all that's next to the racism button, which is underneath the stop Brexit button.

Which is just beside the big geopolitics switch that we don't actually control. It's just a light. You tend to back into that with your ass. But what I'm saying is, is that, is that they are at some point, just like, just like this, this statement from before the furlough is a historical document because it shows what we were intending to do before circumstances forced them to do something else. Once again, I think this is going to be another historical document because, because there is a very real chance that circumstances are just going to force them

to do something else. They're going to reach for whatever idea. Well, it's also, it's also just like, and you know, when I was kind of, I was trying not to kind of pay too much attention on Wednesday because like, it's just kind of the very infuriating thing to watch. I don't need to kind of give myself more psychic damage than like I already do being on this show. But what's very, what was very interesting to me is also just like, the fact that they're still sort of justifying the years of austerity that, you know, proceed, that preceded all of this right in the 2010s.

So the whole idea that, oh, you know, the two of the conservatives have like made this stronger economy as a foundation, which means that like, all these actions are not only rational and justified, but like, everything else was justified beforehand. And also like bearing in mind that in the same, in this is where like British media stuff comes in as well. And in the same way that like, you kind of consider things like, you know, Trojan horse or like other types of kind of, you know, these sorts of situations where media and government are very sort of like tightly aligned on ideological narratives. Everyone invested in kind of promoting austerity and promoting austerity politics doesn't really want to acknowledge or accept that they

have like a huge responsibility or like, you know, that they are kind of hugely to blame for the situation that like we're in. And like, that's not just on kind of like a day-to-day policy level. It's also this idea that like, you know, the idea that like raising prices or like this kind of level of inflation or not kind of supporting people on benefits or like supporting working people who require like, you know, stuff like heat, for example, or like petrol to get to like work and everything. Yeah, that's right. Pussies are guys who have sex with their wives. When I were a lad, we simply froze to death. That's right. Well, yeah, like they don't want to like, they don't want to take responsibility for

like creating this situation. And it's also like one reason why so many of these price hikes have kind of been met with like, you know, it's been met with anger, but a kind of like directionless anger, right? It's kind of like, well, no one really knows what to do. And it seems to sort of be that the government is banking on like people just kind of accepting like things, like regardless of how bad they are, because no one really knows what else to do with British people, to be honest. Yeah. Well, and here's the thing, right? That all that stuff may be bad, but look at it from the Chancellor's perspective, right? If we hadn't have had years of crippling austerity, can you imagine how unresilient the British public would be? They'd be entirely unprepared for this thing.

For example, in order to respond to the various sort of interlocking, overlapping crises that threaten global stability today, we would have wasted all of this money having stuff like resilient public services. Yeah, or like a resilient energy production system. We would have, for example, had extra, been storing extra gas and paying for it might add madness or building nuclear power station or lots of wind farms or solar capacity. Because what's really bad about green energy is that it's free. And once you build the thing, then the electricity is pretty much free. And so obviously, what we need to do is put off building it for as long as possible, because we don't want to start getting that free electricity until we really have to. I'll tell you, well, because

number one, then you won't appreciate it. And in number two, every day I might turn on the light. I say thank you. I say thank you with my wallet. Thank you, dead, please. But he actually, which is very funny. This is another place that sort of Europe and in the UK are diverging where we're fighting the we're fighting the energy crisis by I get a marginal cut to fuel duty. Yeah, baby, let's go. Come on. If it's cold in your house, just get in your car and turn the heating up there. Yeah. And of course, the fuel duty is again, the way that this is all set up. This is like a lot of the money that goes towards subsidizing, for example, the construction of green energy source. In order to spite this face that we don't like of ours, we're cutting

off our nose. Have you considered a sort of renting a house living inside your car? Now, but here's the other thing, right? To sum this all up really, I think you can understand it as a kind of like that Rishi Sunak represents a kind of like a real zombified version of the conservative social movement. Well, the fun thing is that like, he's also managed to totally implode personally under the slightest bit of scrutiny. We have several breads. We have several breads in the house. Yeah, perfect. And then like the whole like infosys and his like wife thing. And like, this is also like another really clear example of like, it's very, you know, we, you know, the whole kind of because like before, before the before the statement, friend of the

show, Laura Koonsburg, like posted about how Rishi Sunak was eating pizza. And then Rachel Reeves was like, cheese pizza much bitch. Yeah. And, and it's kind of just like, it's always, it's, it's unsurprising, but it's always nice to sort of remember that like, even the slightest bit of pushback can kind of really kind of get these, like get these guys to like fuck up. What's like one of them like low and medium level. Yeah. It's like when all the like low and medium level Trump officials quit because they got yelled at in a restaurant once. It's the exact thing. All of these people are exactly

as brittle as you would expect. Yeah. Yeah. Just getting, getting filmed, just being asked to pay for something and realizing that you've never used contact. The fucking video of him not knowing how to use contactless payment. That's, that's the thing that's going to fucking kill me. I don't even understand this. It's like, it's not like that they ask them these questions, like how much does bread cost or whatever, as though that's like an own on rich people. It's like, well, rich people still eat bread. What is he exposing them as is a weirdo? Yeah. It's a weirdo. It's like you just like quintessentially.

Why can you not use a debit card? Like what? Like that's where your money is. Surely rich people use that a lot. This is, this is that my theory is that he's like, he's in a Dave situation. Oh, okay. He's like, he's like being piloted by a group. He's being piloted by a group of small aliens, sort of like a Warhammer 40k Titan. Yeah. So he's, yeah. So he's, so he's actually a Jaeger. Thanks for letting us know that. No, like what I was going to say was that Rishi Sunak has also sort of presented himself as being like the least weird of the weirdos, right? And number one, this is like, it's very clear that he's the tallest of the short. That's right. Well, also in that, in that video where he uses the contactless card, he like buys

his kind of like little can of Coke. And I'm pretty sure that like the reason why he had to buy the little can was because he's still trying to deceive people into thinking that like he's taller than he actually is. That's like, that's, that's my kind of tin hat. Yeah. He's like, he's, he's definitely as weird as everyone else, but crucially, like I think his, and it's still very much for long game, like he sort of knows that he wants to sort of be Tory leader. He knows that he has to kind of like placate certain people in order to do that. So like it makes sense why he would sort of take these ideological positions. God of hell.

Whether that like pays off, I don't know it's a different question, but at the same time, kind of like, I don't know. I'm exhausted by the whole idea of like, yeah, the voters will not forget this in 2024. Oh, they absolutely will. But it's very funny to watch him flounder away trying to do a normal thing that I really enjoy. It's just tiring. I don't, I don't like it's exhausting. No, I look, I just, I think that like, I just like looking at any time a conservative politician is asked to try to be normal. They are, because every time a sort of centrist labor politician is asked to be normal, they just do like the Pete Buttigieg, you know, social justice,

Laura Mipson thing. Any time a conservative politician is asked to be normal, they're all weird in a different way. Oh, I'm going to buy a smack bomb pay way. I only have a 50. I still favor him over Liz Truss in terms of like, who, who will win the race to like stand on Boris's bloated corpse? I think Rishi will probably come out ahead of Liz Truss. However, it's going to be, I thought he would be more boring than this. And I'm so, so pleased to find out that he is also a little freak. We could open up a pork market. Yeah, he's just, he's a, he is an absolutely just a nasty little freak. The trouble with the Tories is they, they have bad military doctrine. And when they're, when they find themselves in a

being normal situation, what happens is their normal standing training kicks in and they take one of those weird power stances. But unfortunately, it's just not the correct stance for a modern combat situation. Before we sort of go on to the startup, which I've got, I just want to point out that the, the people who've managed to avoid the various deprecations of this budget without themselves being pensioners or landlords are of course unionized to workers whose pay rise is going to be in line with inflation because they are in a union. It gets the goods. That's right. I'm so mad. Yeah. I loved like the kind of mad replies when like the kind of tweet that came out and they were just like, they should be replaced by compuces.

Yeah. Very funny. It's just like, it's just like a very good reminder of like the British thing of like, yeah, would not, nothing's allowed to be better, but also I'm incredibly mad that like people aren't having it as like having it as bad as I am. This reminds me of one. I was from my primary school, we had like a taste today at a senior school that was like a really bad like comprehensive school in my town in Essex that ended up getting closed down shortly after this. And my, and my mom came to the senior school to pick me up and she like had a look around while she was there and she went and taught, she went into the school library and there were no books in it. And she went and asked the like, the person who was like supervising the library,

like, why are they not, why are there not any books in here? And he just went, sort of computers now and it was a bit more Britain. All of the books have been fired at Russian jets. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I've got to make those Russian pilots feel something. So, so, so, so, I have a startup. It's called OWO or Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. It's nothing to do with Owaya. Oh, whoa. I don't want to be a Washington pilot anymore. It's the machine that kills hotels. It's the machine that kills Manga Kisas, which are like the hotels in Japan for like Hikikomori. Like, I don't know if you know about this, but basically like, yeah, go to the special nerd hotel in Japan, they have like a Hikikomori like house, like

housebound like problem, right? So in order to kind of transition them back into like real life, they have these things called the Manga Kisa, where they're like, yeah, instead of like hanging out in your room, why don't you go hang out in this weird Manga, like cafe? So when are you moving? So I'm going to be going next year when my wife divorces me because I'm posting too much. You should go on your honeymoon to the Hikikomori hotel. That's correct. That's correct. Yeah. So yeah, so it's Oh, whoa. And then the next tagline, the future is in your closet waiting to be becoming transgender.

It's the star of the makes you gay. Yeah. Sensations beyond imagination. First of all, you go to key F. Oh, you get some sensations beyond imagination. Let me tell you. Yeah. The future is in your closet waiting to be blank. Sensations beyond imagination and no limits on your feeling. It's the closet of a jack. No, no, no, no. Yeah. You fucking rent your clothes. I don't know. It is a clothe. It's an article of clothing. Okay. The future is in your closet. I don't know.

The future is in your closet waiting to be worn. Sensations beyond imagination. No limits to your feeling. Rents to your butt plug. No, there's no rent. It's box of shorts that like heat up your dick and balls. Oh, it was the fashion so far. It's a fashion brand that tries to regulate your mental health somehow. It doesn't try to regulate your mental. I'll tell you this. The mental health thing that links into the gaming thing we talked about last time I was on, it is another gaming thing

because everyone wants to like get a metaverse technology. So it's like Fortnite skins, but if they were actually close. Again, sort of close because it does interact with Fortnite. And Milo's thing about a box of shorts that warms up your dick and balls was kind of in the same premise ballpark. Perfect. They're gaming pants. It is gaming. It's a gaming shirt that you can wear. Oh, fuck. Does it like vibrate and shock you with the game?

That's right. Yes. Oh, yeah. Awesome. Add a new sense. If you're playing one of those Newgrounds porn games, they'll suck you on. You can get sucked off by Captain Price. It's like you're in the game. This idea was kind of like floated in, I hate, I'm sorry if I have to say this, but in Black Mirror, in the last series of Black Mirror, one of the few good episodes where like the kind of premise was that they were playing like this video game, this fighting video game

where you could sort of feel the sensations and the two guys who are playing realize that they actually just want to have sex with each other. And they spent the whole episode having sex with each other in the game and feeling it in real life. So add a new sense to your game. Makes the game more immersive. Black Mirror is a dystopian horror show about how going on the computer can make you gay. That's right. That's right.

Make the game more immersive by adding a whole new technology. Play, feel and enjoy. It sounds like an ad for a condom or a vibrate. Yeah, your gaming condom. A bunch of guys on Xbox Live calling each other gay and then being like, well, you're so gay, you'd probably like to kiss me. I bet you'd like to kiss me or maybe we should. How would you like that? You little gay. Oh, yeah, come here.

Before, we had to rely on vision and hearing to create experiences. Just me as a couple and you're like, so how did you two meet? Well... Now, both in Call of Duty 4. Now, however, OWO has created a system that allows us to use a new sense which should only exist in the physical dimension. Touch, feel your wind on your skinned. Wind on your skinned. Wind on your skinned.

I would love to feel the wind on my skinned. Over 30 different sensations that will make you live the game. Yeah, like a grope, a lick, smack, all of these. Love tumbling fear. Feel the wind, a gunshot, someone grabbing your arm or even a hug from a loved one. By the way, I don't want to feel a gunshot. Can I? No, you must feel the gunshot.

This is just like a really horrifying shirt where you feel everything in the game. Well, it's compatible. It's like a T-shirt you wear that has... It's not just like vibrating pads, it uses lots of SM technology. I realize this is perhaps a naive question for a gaming thing, but given that it has a shitload of electronics in it, how do you clean it? I'm sure there's like a wipe. It just develops its own patina over time. It's like a bronze watch, a cast iron skillet.

Or a wok, yeah, sure. So it's compatible with VR, obviously, but also a console, a PC, mobile or a tablet. And being a virgin. So you can play like Clash of Clans on like the train and go, Oh, I've been stabbed. My wife is conspiring with my uncle. When it says the phone, I choose to interpret that not just as mobile games,

but also as like the things that your phone already does. So I like have to zip up with hinge. I have to put on my fucking stupid sensation shirt. So when I call Riley about the show notes, I can feel him like patting me on the shoulder reassuring me. What a good job I'm doing. Or shooting me as you discuss a style. Yeah, exactly.

Sensations and micro-sensation. A micro-sensation is the base, the smallest unit that you can calibrate. Micro-sensation is feeling racism on this game. Sensation is composed of one or more micro-sensation. So a gunshot is composed of three micro-sensations. I'm more scientist. Entry wound, bleeding and exit wound.

Is bleeding a sensation per se? I guess so. With our algorithm of sensations, we can create any different feelings. So I have the list of the sensations that they can do here. So shall I start with impact interaction or experience? Give me the impact. Yeah.

We're onto some impact play here. Okay. Ball is the first one. That's being hit by a ball. Torture. Yeah. Ball, axe, punch, dart. Oh yeah, dart, classic.

But when I'm having a fight with Phil, the power tailor. Insect bite, dagger, shot, light abdominal wound. Best dagger I have. Abdominal wound, classic. I love to be on dartboard simulator 2022. Yeah, we're simulating what it's like to be a dartboard. Yeah, that's right. Shot with exit wound or severe abdominal wound.

Right, I love to simulate that. Yeah. I have another one. It's very funny. Interaction, grip, gun recoil, covered in insect so it can give you... Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't like that at all.

It can give you like more gelins. It's the shirt that gives you more gelins. Pushing a light object or a heavy object. And here's some experience. Free fall or wind, fast driving, idle, stress, or my favorite one, strange. Strange sensation. Strange sensation. I love a strange.

Yeah, so if you scroll down, there's just a picture of a woman wearing the shirt. Yeah, she looks like she's going to chun. And it says on three steps, bullet entry, bleeding, and bullet exit. This is what we want to simulate. So here's how it works. This is from an interview. During calibration via an app and with several demos afterwards, we felt sensations that go beyond the expected gunshots,

punches, or someone suddenly touching you in a horror game. These included the recoil of a weapon, how the air feels new skydive, the feeling of being healed, a biting swarm of insects, or getting stabbed in the belly with a dagger. I don't want to replicate these things. I want to play video games to have a nice time. Getting suddenly touched out of nowhere. Wait, this isn't Ted Heath's house.

I love the idea that you get like shooting pains down your arm and neck. And you're like, you attribute that to the gaming shirt, and you just die of an undiagnosed heart attack. Yeah, absolutely. And the funny thing is, so it's already been implemented. If you die in the gaming shirt, you die in real life. This thing's incredible. It's even able to simulate one half of my face going numb and drooping.

Simulating the smell of toast, incredible. I can't believe it's now simulating this Shawinigan handshake. It's now being sucked off by the Prime Minister of Canada. So basically, they have a thing that they can implement into a game's library, which is like, so you can either be implemented into the library of games, like Fortnite or Valorant or whatever. So yeah, like when some eight-year-old air holes you with a sniper rifle, or more likely a bot now with those games,

then you could really feel what it's like to be shot. And this is- But I don't have any faith in like, okay, call me naive, right? I've never been shot in real life. I hope to go in my whole life without ever being shot in real life. I'm not sure that the technology exists to replicate that feeling. And convenient. I'm not sure that we can replicate that feeling with a t-shirt.

Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I think probably you are right. This is a t-shirt with a gun inside it. I think, yeah, exactly. Unless the t-shirt has a gun inside of it. Different kinds of gun, multiple daggers as well. They're launched with various like- You can only wear at once, but it's very realistic.

I think that it's an example of some of- We talked about this before, right? This idea of that- A lot of the startups that we talk about sometimes can be technology. Process and technology is a process of just more and faster. And so what we get out of games is either, well, what if we gave them an additional benefit? Or what if we made them more immersive?

Because that's just more and faster. And so the obvious sort of next step is, okay, I guess we might as well have it so you can be shot in them. And this is from an Emmy Tamaki, the chief executive of a Tokyo-based company doing something similar with a glove. The power glove is back. Fantastic. Feeling pain enabled us to turn the metaverse world into a real world

with increased feelings of presence and immersion. So they are trying to- The effort it seems to continue to manufacture consent for the metaverse as sort of dead an idea as it is, is continuing a pace and has now reached the what if you could feel pain on the computer stage of development? Cool. Absolutely.

The computer pain distracts me from my real life pain. It sure does. Oh, boy. You know what's crazy about this conversation now is how- We're having it. How close we're having it to the previous segment of our show. 40 or so minutes. Yeah, absolutely.

I definitely haven't left the country and come back since we recorded the rest of the episode. Absolutely. No. And you know, I remember everything I said on the rest of the episode. So- Oh, it was such a good episode. I hope there'll be a quiz at the end.

Hey, this is just what we do about what, three quarters of the way through every episode is we have a review. Yeah, yeah. Of the last 45 or so minutes. I think that was good and I remember most of it. I'm very excited for all the callbacks that Milo is going to do. Oh, there's going to be loads of those. Uh-huh.

Like for example, the callback to the startup, which I'm sure you remember. Oh, yeah. It was pretty bad as I recall the startup. Yeah. Pretty silly. Yeah. You actually remember what it was?

Of course not. It was the thing that- I wouldn't remember what it was if this was a normal episode that we were actually recording at the time. Putting your dog on the blockchain. I don't know. It was, I think it was the vest that makes you feel it when you get shot in the game.

Oh, yeah. That does ring a bell. There it is. Yeah. It rings the bell because we talked about it 45 minutes ago and it's a little bell ringing sensation. Yeah. And despite my, yeah, Pavlov's dog.

Yeah. Despite my, that also is on the blockchain. Yeah. See, you brought it all together. And then I'm sure we talked about some other fun stuff. Yeah, probably. Which I remember easily so much. I don't even need to say what it was.

Yeah, great. Anyway, so I figure just like any, just a classic episode, you know, from soup to nuts. We planned it this way. Very, very, it was great of us to plan it to do this this way. And so I want to do a one-shot as we normally do. Not have an interview with anybody. Yeah.

Because if we had tried to do an interview with somebody, what would happen is they might, they might cancel. And we might have to fill 30 minutes. Nope. Two weeks later. That's what we said. Luckily, we avoided this. Yeah.

By planning this, I had a plan. That's what we say. Start at minute one, end at minute 60 to 75-ish. Always one-shot. One-shot. Yeah. No edits. All the slurs.

We are professionals. We do one take and one take only. I just, I like they did all of us just appear in this segment and now we're all wearing watches when we weren't before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like on different wrists. You have like a pocket square that you weren't wearing before. Yeah, I was wearing that.

Riley's got a full beard. Right. Ah, well, anyway. Well, what a 45 minutes it was. But no, I wanted to read a little article by Charles Moore. That's- Perfect. The closest thing to Mr. Burns to exist in real life.

And he's written, The Queen's Platinum Jubilee is a time to reflect on the importance of gratitude. Earth's most liver-spotted man. I love to reflect on the importance of an abstract concept. It's one of my favorite things. Yeah, of course. I mean, this is a classic sort of British article type, which is a general call for greater decency by appealing to the queen, the army,

our brave boys, our brave businessmen. There's a kind of smattering of old man yells at cloud in there, where it's kind of like, what exactly is this about and who is it aimed at? I think Charles Moore is sort of in a sense of being an old man. He's very much the Hegelian synthesis of Abe Simpson and Mr. Burns. So, 70 years ago on Sunday, King George VI died. His daughter thus became Queen Elizabeth II. She still is having-

She still is having reigned for 14 more years. At a time of recording. At a time of going to press. Which was, of course, last week. Which is, of course, today. Last week. Yeah, that's right. Having reigned for 14 more years than the entire life of her father.

Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk. And what turned out to be his last Christmas- Hasn't yet been killed by a speedball. Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk. Like Chris Farley. Yeah, that was- Was that George VI or George V? It was killed by a speedball.

It was George V. They gave him a speedball, so that his death would make the evening edition of the papers. No, they gave him a sort of equal mix of coke and cat, which apparently is supposed to really set off a certain kind of like pulsating music. Yeah, he was trying to get into Burghine. And what turned out to be his last Christmas broadcast in a few weeks. He has Dr. Pist on him to put him out of his misery. George spoke of living in an age which is often hard and cruel,

but he said he took comfort that among all the blessings we count today, the chief one is that we are a friendly people. Again, yeah, saying that like- I- Listen, I do not think that the British are inherently a friendly people. I think we have a lot of evidence that we've all found to suggest otherwise, right? We may not be friendly, but we respect the bin man who is a friend of ours. Listen, we are a friendly people. You're under a citizen's arrest.

Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. That's correct. The sound of a friendly people. Why did you get that audio clip of me? Probably the many hours of audio of you that have been recorded. Oh, yeah, they have. Milo, you saying, where'd you get that audio clip of me? There is a lot of audio of you.

Speaking into a microphone. Wait a second, where'd you get this recording? Wait, are these things on? There is much to be said against hereditary forms of rule rights, Charles Moore, but we all know from our own families how important heredity is. Indeed, we now know- Indeed, if it wasn't for heredity, no one would have children. If it ever considered that, my man.

If it wasn't for hereditary genes and such like why, we'd all be pools of meat on the floor. None of us would ever have emerged from the primordial soup. We'd all have a big head full of water, much like many members of the royal family. This is like Mr. Burns' end of the spectrum of Charles Moore. Indeed, we now know this in much more scientific detail than we did 70 years ago because of the advance of genetics in trying to understand ourselves who must think of our parents. Perhaps the key to understanding the present queen is that she has thought about her parents deeply and especially in performing her duties as monarch.

Perhaps the best thing to understanding the current queen is that she's alive at this moment. She is full of vitality. She is actually flown to Poland and is going to be given an AK. Yeah, she is in fact too strong. A various footmen have said they can't contain her. That wisdom is in her blood, but has also been cultivated in her mind for a little short of a century. Now, here's the thing. This is just a standard royal puffery by Mr. Moore. Now, here's what it became. Here's where it becomes odd, right?

Where he starts talking about how she's enabled gratitude, right? He says, although we say thank you, scores of times a day largely unthinking, gratitude is in fact a difficult emotion to sustain, which of course we almost make the emotional effort to sustain our gratitude. We must. To the queen. Yeah, which all those colonials, by the way, just basically having Will and Kate going on, they're like,

you know, too crazy to die, get disrespected to her. Yeah, the people of Jamaica find it very difficult to feel gratitude to Queen Elizabeth II. Why is this? Why could this be? Those who have the most difficulty respecting our queen are, of course, the Ottoman Turk. Those long lusted to decapitate our monarchy. I mean, they must be soft. Charles Moore, very concerned about the bombard. Yeah, that's right.

It can feel a burden, a limit on our autonomy or a debt hanging over us, which we cannot be bothered to repay. One great cynic, possibly Robert Walpole, our first prime minister, defined gratitude as a lively sense of favour is to come. So why is he talking about gratitude like this? What do you think he is trying to do, right? What is he writing in support of? Platinum Jubilee parties.

We're going to get the bunting out. Well, you're very close. You've got to have a gratitude conga for the queen. Again, you're all very close, but... We're going to have to bang pots and pans together for the queen. I'm sorry, what he's actually advocating for is going to give you both. And Hussein, by the way, who, after arriving late, has decided to just be silent for this last hour.

Yeah, but he's still here. He's very much here. Don't worry about that. I'm just saying. Yeah, well, your look is hello enough for me. He's taking part in podcasting Ramadan, which began 45 minutes through this. I, on the other hand, am not because I'm a hypocrite and a sinner. It's because Hussein Sheer and you're Sunni.

It's a different time. So basically, right? He says, real gratitude is the acknowledgement of what other people mean to us, often spelt most strongly after they've died. I wish he was still here. We're going to band together and get the queen a big card. So thank you for being our mum.

Well, here's the thing, right? You know what we talk about? The British psyche is being a fundamentally insect like one in many respects, right? Yes. Yeah. Well, so basically, this is how Charles Moore is articulating or supporting the articulation of a demand for an extra bank holiday,

which is to be called a thank holiday. That makes you thank. I mean, I seem to remember a certain jam granddad proposing a shitload more bank holidays and being raked over the coals for it. But none of those were to thank the queen. None of those were to thank the queen. That's true.

I guess we've learned that we can have a medieval number of feast days if they all involve displaying a positive emotion to the queen. I'm developing a thesis here, which is that we can build socialism in one country in the UK if we do it under the guise of tactical monarchy. Yeah. Organising a huge illegal street rave in the UK. And then when the police turn up going like,

no, no, no, it's an honour of the queen, mate. Holding up the like... Sorry, sir, carry on. Holding up the dead-ass body of the queen and being like, you know who I hate is landlords. Yeah. So a guy DJing in like that big dead mouse head, but it's like the queen's head.

So what essentially appears to be sort of happening here, right, is this idea that you actually, just so long as you portrayed it as deeply, deeply capped, doffing and respectful to the sort of much beloved hierarchies of the British establishment, you can kind of do whatever. Of course, you actually can't. I mean, but... Why not?

Why can't I do my monoco-socialism? As I say, a campaign announced and backed by a wide range of groups and prominent individuals wants the Sunday of these jubilee days to be particularly dedicated to thanking the queen and everyone who gives service to the country. The campaign also calls for... Yeah, for it calls it a thank holiday, which could be a bank holiday too,

to institutionalise such gratitude. We've done these things before, because this was a favourite new labour policy. It's why we introduced Armed Forces Day. And this shit does not work at all. It does nothing. I'm looking at this graph. Our gratitude levels haven't increased even slightly.

No, no. Not to be too wonkish about this, but if we want to increase our gratitude levels, we're going to have to do something much more impressive. I think it's time to bring back blood sacrifice. What, like a mythrodotic thing? Well, no, I think we should perhaps ceremonially give up our lives on the Mall in front of Buckingham Palace.

I think that would help. Like a Shang dynasty thing. Yeah, I think perhaps when the queen dies, we should have like 10,000 columnists entombed with her to serve her in heaven. Yeah, nice. So what I just think is sort of amusing about the concept of the...

Now, number one, I mean, at this point, if there's a bank holiday, call it whatever the fuck you want, but fine. But just the idea that you can have it so long as it's in deference to the sort of the great and the good does seem to be a sort of... It reminds me of something that we talked about sort of many months ago, right, of the British state

wanting to deal... And the British state again read broadly as its establishment of media people and columnists and politicos on the various kinds of parties that are all acceptable, right? The British state is most comfortable with ameliorating the problems that it creates through essentially granting privileges

through patronage, right? So there can be no granting of a bank holiday on the basis of, say, any kind of popular demand for one, but it can be given out as a little... As a scrap, as a present, so long as you're devoting it to thanking the queen for all of what she does, which is too long to list. Is this over at Union Bush Inn Expensive?

If you please stall him well enough, he'll grant you a dacha, you know, it's not even Stalin. It's more like Brezhnev has awarded himself the third order of Lenin or whatever, third hero of the Soviet Union. For services to eyebrows. Yeah, I think it's an example, I think, of, you know, again,

it's an example of a place that has... It's an example of a place that is running out of ideas and we've seen very much... Running out? Don't say that about a nation that brought us toward the moon. Oh, yeah, the tour de moon was fantastic. That really stoked some things in me.

What's it stoked? Oh, a fervor for weird fucked up moon guys. Yeah, mostly that. Fucked up moon guys. Fucked up moon guys. Yeah, like guys who look like melting models of themselves. Well, maybe, look, maybe we're not a nation with no ideas then. Maybe we're a nation with a couple of ideas.

But in terms of... In terms of really good ideas. Really awesome ideas. But in terms, I mean, just looking at this, right? Like taking this belated demand for people to have some more control over the amount of time they have that's not devoted to. And again, if you're in the kind of job or a bank holiday counts for you, which a lot of them aren't, right?

But even that, just... Do a four day working week, but every Friday that you get off is now queen day. Yeah, that's right. It's just seeing this... Seeing that demand sort of chewed up through and digested by the British establishment and spat back out as its acceptable version, which is, yes, you can have... Instead of four extra bank holidays, you get one. You have to thank the queen for it.

Does seem a bit galling. But what if you get to see that ferry do some doughnuts for the queen? That would be cool. Yeah, I think, you know, it's so many more of the things we want to do to respond to the world that we live in, which we've mostly made, is just more kinds of ferries doing doughnuts, just... Can we decarbonize the economy to thank the queen? That is, I'm hearing that that's what she wants.

Absolutely. I think, you know what? She said that to me, I think, at one point. Queen was like, I love some nuclear power stations. She would love to open them, and she definitely will, when she's well enough to do that, which will be soon and also forever. Yeah, she's going to do that. And then, like, there's going to be some kind of radiation leak,

and we're going to have a super queen on our hands, which we don't want. We don't want that. I don't know, maybe we do. Fuck it, maybe. Maybe it'll be, yeah, you have to thank the super queen with a seven-day weekend. Yeah, she runs everything in Britain that needs running by herself. Yeah, it turns out that, like, thanking the queen is actually her kind of Manchurian candidate activation phrase.

No one's ever thanked her before, is the thing. No, no. What does she activate as a nation? She gets knighted. All of the type of people who get knighted, she knights them, and they're just like, about time, bitch. That's right. Hey, you know what?

God thank the queen, am I right? That's right. God thank our gracious queen. You know what I think we could do? I think we could just fade God thank our gracious queen into the ending theme song. That was what I was hoping for. Perfect.

All right, well, we did it. We saved the community center. I'm going to go home and eat dinner, but thank you, friends.