TRASHFUTURE - I Welcome the Puddle

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

We review the current state of unreality in British politics, the supposed Musk war on Apple (not going well for Musk), a bit of Australian hooning reverie, and Hussein’s story about a grammar school bully making people drink water from a puddle to prove they’re not gay. It’s all coming together, folks! If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *MILO ALERT* Here are links to see Milo’s upcoming standup shows: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

I know my essay is late for Professor Riley, I'm like running with toast in my mouth. Yeah, Riley has like commissioned me to write a bunch of international relations essays just because he wants to read the titles. That's absolutely true. I would love to read the titles. Yeah, you're like have have like a dozen of these on my desk first thing Monday morning. Titles only. Yeah, it's so weird that I went to I went to university in central Florida for international

relations, but I only wanted to learn how to write the titles. Yeah, that's right. There you go. There it is. Hi everybody. Rodney was the 20th for international relations. I had 20th try, Jack. That's right.

I had to write stuff like oh, here's one. Climbing the mountain of conflict. Yeah, I've got one. I've got one. Pythagoras' Bastards, the Aegean Triangle in Naval Technology 320 BC to 21 AD. Pythagoras' Bastard. That's right. You know what's funny?

Reading any article about Kanye West from before 2018, I just picked one up from BuzzFeed from 2014. Go to remember that website. Which Kanye West are you? Weirdly, it's all black Hitler, what? Yeah, Kanye West. New Tarantino film, just draw. Kanye West is black Bruce Wayne on a new leaked song.

Well, not entirely. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Keep it right. If you wanted to throw people off your secret identity as Batman, saying I think Hitler had some good ideas would be a pretty good, lovier smart thing for Bruce Wayne to do. No one would be talking, he could reveal that he's Batman and people would be like, what about the other stuff?

Yeah. Imagine a guy going on to UV and saying, I think Hitler had some good ideas and saying, I think that guy's got a secret base under his house. After the plot of the Dark Knight Rises, Batman has fled to Argentina to live in secrecy. And he's going around talking like this, no, no, I came over from Nazi Germany. I've no connection to Gotham, what's that ever? Batman was an Operation Paperclip guy. Maybe it's his father, Mr. Wayne.

It's a very, the article itself is just, it's just all dead links in songs that are no longer available and stuff. Songs that are no longer available. Yeah, like it posted on SoundCloud and then just deleted or whatever. Right. Like everything. Yeah, because like the internet like has sort of no archival backstop whatsoever. Everything is like, it's sort of on this gossamer thin layer of stuff that we're currently

interacting with. Also, like there was that thing where, because Buzzfeed relied so much on GIFs, right? And like the GIF library. And I don't know exactly what happened, but like, there was basically like a licensing change, which meant that like the GIF repository that had them, had like most of them, like no longer kind of contained them. So when you go on to a lot of these... GIF Library of Alexandria.

That's right. Well, basically, yeah. So you go on to like, you know, your Buzzfeed, your HuffPos and all those things and you've got all these dead links because they relied so much on like reaction GIFs, but like just don't exist anymore. Yeah. And it's such a shame because reaction GIFs were such a great... They were.

Yeah. It was a better time. They used to be at Tumblr called Buzzfeed articles with the GIFs removed or without the GIFs. It really did seem like the sort of writings of a mad man. I've got stuff. I've got stuff. It's trap future.

You know who it is. You know what it is. GIFs. Not a single GIF to be... We used to have GIFs. Yeah. If you had a... There's a special amount...

You couldn't see them, but they were playing in the studio. There was a special amount that you could be a member of on Patreon and we wouldn't tell you the amount, but if you paid it, you got the episode with GIFs. There's definitely like a universe of which there is a list to call that's like what member of trash future are you? And they're all Milo. Everyone's Milo. You're doing the quiz.

You're Milo. Yeah. You know what? One thing about him. He loves the quiz. Yeah. It says Milo coded behavior. Yeah.

He's found out... You know what? Interestingly, he's a... He's a carry. No. I have important information. Very, very important information to share, which is... We all look...

Anyone listening to this episode who has listened to our Sydney live show will know the favorite character of the entire Australia tour was of course the gender reveal hoon. Of course. Yeah. We have a disturbing new press release from the Minister for Police and Corrective Services, Andrew Lowell. Yeah. The Minister for...

Legally speaking, Andrew Lowell is not committed to crime. Oh, he's never really gendered as far as I know. Yeah. He's never revealed it. This is... We've never do that. This is the Minister for... Andrew Lowell still doesn't know the gender of his own two children.

This is... He refuses to reveal them even to himself. This is a press release from the Police and Corrective Services and Minister for Fire and Emergency Services. The Honorable Mark Ryan, title, Hooning Consequences Cut Deep as Emergency Services Work Together to Keep Queenslanders Safe. Oh, no. That's an international relations tisle.

Oh, yeah. Hooning the Gender Reveal, a study of Australian masculinity, 1968 to 74. Hooning the Mediterranean in the time of Pompey Magnus, naval strategy looking forward and backward. Oh, love to hoon the Mediterranean. A full hoon, Mount Glorious. Okay. All right.

All right. Let me read this article. The government has today sent a strong message to hoons by destroying a hoon car. It's like a strong message to hoon. By destroying... They've called their ambassador to Canberra, the head of the hoons, and they've laid down the gauntlet. This is Brisbane.

It's up state level. By destroying a hoon car on the steps of more in Bay District Council. Hold on. It's like ISIS, right? They've assassinated the number two. By destroying a hoon car on the steps of Queensland's Parliament House. And this was the gender reveal guy. He got his car taken apart with bandsaws in front of Queensland's Parliament House.

Imagine being so cool that the government has to destroy your car on their own front. You rocked too hard. Abu Bakr Al Holden Commodore. I know we keep going back to this, but this is self-defeating because this is what the hoons wanted. It's that thing, isn't it? Where it's just like you kind of become the thing that you hate. And so the queens of the government have just become hoons themselves.

That's absolutely correct. They're destroying a car in front of their own front. It's like the thing where the only way to beat the hoons is to adopt hoon ways. It's a thing like a hoon. You either die a hero or you live long enough to become a villain. Except, I don't know, because the hoons of a hero is in this situation. What do you want it is? Is this a hoon enough?

It really starts feeling like a slur. Well, fortunately it's not. There are a lot of things in Australia where if you say it long enough, it does feel like a slur. And sometimes you do wonder, is this a slur or is this just a word that they say sometimes? The leader of the hoons has been chained to a rock and he's being swooped repeatedly by the same magpie for eternity. Today's vehicle was confiscated and forfeited by a hoon who used his defective car as part of a gender reveal stunt in Logan late last year.

And then they posted a video of it with the Earth, Wind and Fire song over them dismantling the car with saws. Oh, yes. I saw this. It's an esoteric choice, shall we say. Well, I mean, I think it's because they made the saws sound like the chorus, but still never like. Yeah. So, you know, it's.

It's time for like, we're going to catch up with some other old friends. I think the gender reveal hoon is probably done hooning for a while. He's hung up his Commodore. This is the thing. It's like ISIS guys, right? You kill the number one hoon, right? There's just another hoon in his place. That is true.

Yeah. They're going back to hoon racket to a new hoon. A thousand flowers hoon. That's right. People are entitled to their burnout proclivities. I'd love to be like a foreign hoon. Like escaping Britain to go to Australia and become a hoon. What?

You mean like Tokyo Drift, but in Australia? Yes. That's exactly what you're saying. You're describing the plot of Tokyo Drift. Yeah. Yeah, Brisbane Drift. Drift in more of a burnout than a temporary rack off. Yeah.

Brisbane Hoon. If you are listening, Mr. Movies, we have a great new Fast and Furious. Masayoshi Movies. So we're going to catch up with some more friends. Wouldn't you know it? The Sam Bankman Freed FTX collapse saga has continued as Sam Bankman Freed against, I would say, the advice of all of his remaining lawyers who you can only assume have given themselves repetitive strain wrist injuries, making the shut the fuck up ingesture.

He doesn't have lawyers anymore because he keeps firing them. And right now they're trying to, because he's being sued many times, they're trying to figure out who represents him. And the answer right now is himself. Great. Well, that's always a good sign. If you're representing yourself in court, that means shit is going well, I think. It's like the old expression. You have a really smart guy for a client.

Yeah. I'm going to show my fucking bitch of a wife and I don't need lawyers to do it. I swear to fucking God. This is like every other white collar criminal goes to like golf jail, but he's doing his absolute fucking best to be like strapped the fucking keel haul. He's self-heaning. Oh yeah. He's self-heaning and I have a lot of respect for that.

I like to imagine golf jail. I know exactly what you mean by golf jail, but I'm now imagining as a jail you go to as part of a game of golf, like the hockey sin bin before golf. Like if you fight the other player on the golf course, you get a 10 minute time out. Oh yeah. What position do you play in golf?

Oh yeah. I'm pretty much the goon. Yeah. I'm the enforcer. I'm just there to body check the other golfers and they're trying to put. Only uses a nine iron. Spend a lot of time in golf jail. So what he did was he went, he was invited many,

much like all of like every crypto related thing from like last May onwards was essentially a hangover from back when crypto was a real thing. Yeah, sure. So he was first as fast, then as slightly more ridiculous fast. Yeah. And he, so he was invited as like one of the last gap, one of the last things about crypto that did seem real to some people until it very quickly didn't,

was invited to a New York Times deal book conference to speak. And because he has fired every lawyer trying to keep him from being like torred apart by horses like Genghis Khan. Well, like Genghis Khan would do. Yeah, indeed. He has come and has hired Genghis Khan for one last job. He goes on this New York Times deal book event, right? As I said, against the advice of every lawyer that has ever like spoken to.

Yeah. Like by this point, like people who aren't even lawyers have started telling him that he's incriminating himself. Like journalists are going, you know, you don't have to answer this question out of pity. And he goes, no, I actually love crimes. Multiple alter egos of Lionel Hutz are currently advising him. Well, what my favorite element was, though,

was when the bankruptcy, and what I think a real failure of journalism at the New York Times is that when bankruptcy protection documents were revealed, they revealed FTX is big creditors. There are the usual ones are a bunch of law firms from around the world. AWS is their biggest creditor. My favorite, I mean, the best possible one, which is our fourth largest creditor,

which is a $55,000 unpaid bill at the Bahamas Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Yes. Yes, let's fucking go. So their fourth biggest expense is a bar tab. Correct. Yes. At Margaritaville. It's a lot of Margaritans.

Yeah. I'm going to say, is there food on the table here too? You know, weirdly enough, bankruptcy protection documents don't specify what they order. Do you know what this is? This is that line from the Wolf of Wall Street, where like, I can't remember whoever it is exactly, but there's a line that's along the lines of like,

why have you spent so much money on sides? Do the sides cure cancer? And it's like, yeah, the sides cure cancer. That's why there's so many of them. I can't remember what the line is, but this is it. They just, they decided to do the bit from the Wolf of Wall Street. Well, they wanted, I think they just, they want, they were like, you know, he gets out of hand if you have a couple of drinks to start ordering?

No, because I don't, but I can understand. I'm a very... A couple of Rubicon mangoes to start ordering. It goes a bit, it goes a bit crazy. I might order like, you know, two desserts instead of one. So I totally do get it. Yeah. We've had so many scandals now that we've done all of the memorable bits

from the Wolf of Wall Street. And now we're down to imitating the bits from the Wolf of Wall Street. They're like, oh, fuck, what was that one line about the sides? Like bits that don't have an associated YouTube clip. Yeah. I used to bang for free, but they're just saying, mmm. What I like, what I like so much about this though, right, is that just the whole thing just goes to show how much of a fucking wad this guy was.

Where your biggest ambition is just to go to a Margaritaville and run up a sort of like an Instagram worthy barter. I mean, to be fair, we don't know how big the polycule was. So... Yeah, that's true. A lot of people wanted margaritas. He had to buy sides for all of his headmates. So he said...

The jalapeno poppers don't go around as far, and you've got like six girlfriends. Well, anyway... All engaged in sort of like imperial Chinese racist concubine play. A real thing that they were into, by the way. What I find is a real failure of journalism in the New York Times' part is nobody asked about the Margaritaville bar tab. Not a single person asked what they got.

No one asked if it was a corporate party or they just went there a lot. You know, no one asked. Make Riley a journalist. Sort of like they should have sent a poet. They should have sent a food magazine. They should have given it to the restaurant section. No one at the New York Times appreciates treats. Yeah, Giles Corrin should have been there asking the question.

He says, he says, I did not try to commit fraud on anyone. He told a number of witnesses... On anyone. Yeah, I wasn't on anyone when I was... He then said, If I was failing to pay nearly enough attention to the positions and risk on the exchange and to Alameda's in particular,

I underestimated what the scale and speed of the crypto market crash would look like. So essentially he said, Yes, I may have gambled with all of my customers' money. I may have taken as an exchange. But I lost because I'm stupid. This has kind of the vibe. I was drunk on Margaritas. This has kind of the vibe of Rebecca Vardy being cross-examined.

And when I asked if she'd read a WhatsApp, she said, No. And then the barrister said, But you wrote that WhatsApp. And she said, Yeah, I wrote it. I didn't read it. And this kind of...

To me, this evokes the same energy. Being like, Well, yes, I did. I did gamble away all of my customers' money, but I didn't understand what I was doing. You don't understand. I had spent $23.95 on Jimmy's Jam and Jambalaya. I was fucked up off of that and crispy coconut shrimp.

And that's when I started to make withdrawals of my own customers. This is when I was heavily into lean. So I'm going to be using the lean defense. Additionally as well, for just catching up on some other friends. Elon Musk, after saying he was going to declare war on Apple. Well, Alice, you feel a sin. What happened?

So at the time I posted, Tim Apple is going to do this man LaShifa style. And shortly after that, Elon posted about how he had been taken to, like been given a tour of the Apple campus by Tim Cook, Tim Apple. And now it was all just a big misunderstanding. We're not going to war after all.

Actually, Apple are based. Tim and Elon started following each other on Twitter. And you can kind of read between the lines of how that conversation went. Do you think he killed Elon Musk and replaced him with a body double? Well, I think what happened, I would say 30% chance minimum.

I suspect what happened is actually that Musk has killed Tim Apple. And he's just, they're just going to slowly kill everyone until everything is gap. Universal gap by way of just one fucking South African. No, clearly what's happened here is that Tim Apple has sat him down on the wicker chair

that doesn't have a seat and just explained some things to him about how Twitter is going to work. And, you know, he's gone for it because Elon has at least some sense of self-preservation left. Yeah. Instead of a bull sack, Elon Musk now has one Jimmy Buffett's

Margaritaville jalapeno coffin. So he says, you thanked Tim Cook for quote, taking me around Apple's beautiful HQ and then posted a video as, I guess, proof of life. Yeah. Also, curiously, neither of the tweets that he posted about it

sound very much like Elon Musk, his sort of like his Twitter voice. It's very evocative of when Trump was tweeting and he would have tweets that did not sound like him. And they were clearly the moments when someone had wrestled the phone out of his hand. So I fully believe there was a sort of, you know, an Apple black ops squad

with the like quad tube night vision goggles and stuff who was dictating that tweet. That's very funny to imagine. Like a bunch of guys in like full, like, operator gear, but they've got like little Apple patches on. Well, because this is one of these things where, Alice, we were talking about this earlier, where like so many of these different crazy projects,

especially like as we understand them as like, like Liz Truss and Elon Musk, more or less approaching their activity in kind of the same way. I'm not going to be here for long, but I'm here for a good time. It's essentially that this is their project, whether that is the kind of like,

semi-neoreactionary, semi-class liberal. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. Also, I'm not having a good time. Yeah, but these kinds of projects slamming up against reality, right? They're unable to live in the realm of the unreal and the stories, they tell one another. And at some point, the fact that Twitter is an app that has to be downloaded from an app store

and an app store that is in a company that has to abide by like everywhere's territorial jurisdictions, because it only works if it's everywhere, right? These realities, you can't just post your way through them. And if you try to just like, change your content moderation policies and you know, like a lap jam, try to post your way through it, then Tim Apple is going to sit you down in the James Bond chair

and hit you very hard with the testicles with a rope. Yeah, well, the thing is right, like in both cases, trust and musk, the agent of reality has to be someone who's like, own business model is, you know, at worst, 5% less unrealistic and insane than theirs. And so, like the fact that it was the bond markets that had to like break the news to Liz Trust that this was not like economically sustainable,

as if the bond markets were some sort of great, you know, bulwark of rational economies. Much the same, Tim Apple, whose business is, as you say, you know, being everywhere, doing everything for everyone, as if that's a normal state of affairs, has to be like, it has to explain the sort of the facts of life to Elon Musk. It was also like extremely like posting, like you can really understand this in the form of posting,

in the sense that all the sort of like shouting at Elon about, oh, you can't like, you know, you can't like ban left-wing accounts because what about free speech and all that sort of stuff is like for sort of fallen on deaf ears. But what's kind of made him listen is basically like a guy who, it basically says, yeah, your stuff is incompatible. That's it, right? And it's the same with like Trust too,

where like you could sort of kind of make the moral case for why her policies were like fucking awful and nonsensical and they would sort of make things worse and it would fall onto deaf ears. But then you sort of have this like bureaucratic institution that basically says, yeah, it's incompatible and there's nothing you can do about it. Well, the question is really just...

He just says no. The question is just power, right? And fundamentally, it's because Liz Trust did what she did because she did not understand that the role of the British government, such as it is, as it was constituted by Thatcher basically, is to mediate between the British economy and bond markets. Just like Elon Musk did not understand that the role of Twitter as a company is to exist on the app store and take advertising profits.

And the fact is a more powerful agent that controls the machine with which they are players basically tells them that, you know, that silly time is over. Yeah, Elon Musk thought he was getting away from the mods, but he just had to face the final boss of mods. Now, it's of course the economy's mods. That's not to say that he's going... Yeah, and the final boss of mods had like five health bars

and just crushed it with one hit. Yeah, he's roller skating, he's eating hamburgers. Because he's doing fat roles, because he has no idea how to build a character. So, and that's not to say that immediately there's going to be like a Volta Fatche or whatever, but rather that his fantasy about what's going to happen is very swiftly crashing into reality where he's going to have to make a decision. Does he want to be friends with Sargon of Akkad, or does he no longer want to be the richest man in the world?

Well, now those two things are compatible. I think there's room for quite a lot of like sort of triggering of us to continue happening. I think there's a decent amount that Apple like willing to let him fuck around with. I think it's just, it's from now on it's controlled opposition, if you know what I mean. Like, and I think that probably won't make a difference to the sort of people who will be doing the triggering of us, because, you know, they've always been, you know, they've always had paymasters. They've always been sort of like told what they can and can't say.

So it's nothing new to them. But, you know, if a cat turned to a like Super Hitler 1488 or whatever, whether or not it makes a difference, whether or not it makes a difference that Elon Musk is like no longer an epic free speech warrior, but is in fact Apple's epic free speech warrior. Who's to say the final boss of Hitler? Well, it's I think Hitler's dead and then a whole other health bar appears. It's the thing to remember here.

Wolfenstein, yeah. Thing to remember here is basically just that it's about power monopoly and who controls what. And, you know, in this, what's interesting, right, is that this is what it takes to like get Republicans in the States and to a lesser extent, Tories here talking about market power, where Florida, Florida Governors from the FT, Florida's Governor Ron DeSantis has now warned Apple that removing Twitter from the App Store would be viewed as a raw exercise of monopolistic power and would merit a response from Congress.

Is market failure when people don't like my tweets? That's very funny because we can talk about DeSantis in this context because the place where he's coming to this from is successfully selling himself as being the guy who stood up to Disney in like in Florida, right? Which they tried to do. And yeah, okay. Disney did not like stave his balls in with a knotted rope, but Disney still got pretty much everything they wanted out of him in the end.

He's like, it's not even really Mickey Mouse in there. It's just a guy. I demand answers. That's also like a never really good example of you were talking about about like reality sort of crashing in and how like, I guess for a while, Elon very much is this type, someone who was able to kind of like build a reputation and kind of influence markets in the same way that Ron DeSantis was able to influence like politics by kind of playing in the culture worry

and sort of projecting this kind of vision of what they, who they felt their enemies were and it was kind of like convenient for them. And then as you sort of mentioned, while when you sort of like get, when you're the dog and you finally chase the car, when you sort of get what you want and you realize that like, you know, oh, this wasn't how I kind of projected this. Or maybe that you, maybe you know, but like you just basically can't keep that projection up.

Eventually you do have to, you do like to come to power or you, or you succumb to the kind of like things as the way they are. The sort of like the real danger in that is like, what happens when you've sort of projected such a cogent vision of like, what is demonstrably false and people who like are not sort of like, who don't want to like make, who never had power and don't want to maintain it or kind of very sincerely believe that the enemies that you've identified are, are like very much present and like live among them.

Like I feel like that's sort of where the danger is, right? I always think about like the story that came out. They feel like it was years ago about there was a woman who's used, like who used to like these kind of very weird YouTube videos and she was convinced that like YouTube demonetized her videos. And so she went to like the San Francisco office or whatever with a gun and just like shot the place up. And I don't think anyone, I think a few people were injured.

I don't think anyone died, but it's like that really cogent. I remember this woman because people thought that she was trans because she looked bricked up. Oh my gosh. She was cis, but like this was genuinely like a focus of conspiracy theories that this woman was like secretly transgender. Well, oh geez. Okay.

Like so I didn't know that. And now I'm just sort of thinking, okay, like... Let's not bring any laws into this. Cue angle. Like it's another cue angle. But like that's kind of like one of those very clear examples of like, well, what happens when, you know, people sincerely believe that like they're being suppressed and like that there are sort of like pedophilic phantoms that live among them

and they all sort of work at YouTube and Google and like they sit on beanbags and stuff. And like... Weirdly, we have another example of that with Kanye, who genuinely like is going too far for a lot of right wing grifters because we just saw him get interviewed by Alex Jones, a guy who has lost infinity billion dollars from like not saying the quiet part quiet enough and just fully going like Hitler piled. Well, this is like...

I thought the Kanye stuff is like really... And I don't really know... He's got amphetamines in it. I don't sort of have a take on it because I'm still sort of thinking about it. But like Kanye is, you know, you would sort of think that for someone like Kanye, he would kind of know, okay, or he would sort of set like a boundary or a limit as to like what he would... You'd think that there would be a point where he's just like,

okay, I'm not going to go any further. I've made like whatever point I've sort of made my new allies or whatever. But like when he did the whole Hitler thing and he was sort of insistent, even after Alex Jones was like, run the credits, run the credits. And he's still like openly basic saying that yeah, Hitler had like had some good ideas or whatever. Yeah, like he's kind of made that choice. Again, like I don't know and I don't want to like...

Either invented the microphone, that was a good one. I know... Wow, Jesus Christ. I think genuinely he's just sort of... He's entered into this ecosystem of grifters as someone who wholeheartedly believes in the anti-Semitism in the sort of like the Hitler worship and the conspiracy theories and runs directly into like fucking Tim Pool

or Alex Jones who don't and have just like lit upon it as a good way to make money. And it's just like a knife through butter. Yeah, because Kanye is actually just mentally ill, whereas the rest of them are grifters. And that's like the interesting tension where they've been like, no, you're not supposed to do quite this much. You're supposed to be using your rational faculties

to do just enough anti-Semitism to keep the audience on board but so that we don't get like banned everywhere. You have to use more vague terms Kanye and he just won't do it. He won't do it. But then they've come up against a man who's literally completely lost his mind and they don't know what to do. So bringing it sort of background to the subject of Elon, Twitter and Tim Apple, I think what we're seeing is, as we say this,

the fantasy of the stories that people tell one another to gas each other up and to, as we say, to motivate one another to continue working together, continue doing things, what have you. Because you're never supposed to be able to do it, right? The anticipation that you're about to do it just maintains everyone's excitement about you. It's always anticipatory. It's always ever closer. Don't forget, he had to be sued into buying it.

It's edging. Yeah, it's essentially edging, which is again the same thing that happened with the trust government, right? They were never really actually supposed to put the IA guys in charge. That's very funny. Thank you. They were never supposed to put the IA guys actually in charge. Because the real power of their ideology came from the fact that real capitalism, we're almost there if we can just get a little more power.

If you can just support us a little bit longer, then we finally can do away with the sort of occluded socialism that keeps Britain from finally clearing as a real market economy and utopia from springing into being. But they're never supposed to get there. And what I find really, really... The dog's not catching cars department refucked up that week. What I find so interesting, right, is that part of the result of that

sort of shifting the focus over to the UK a little bit is Rishi Sunak sort of not necessarily seeking rapprochement with the EU, but of just quite simply like doing things like raising taxes, for example. Yeah, I've enjoyed Rishi Sunak's sort of like program of spend the last month or so hiding. I've really liked that. Just in the hope that if we turn the lights off, then the economy will go away. And the economy is ringing the doorbell quite insistently at this point. For small guys, it's the only thing that we've got, right?

You just hide and you hope and no one sees you. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes they just won't see. He's nowhere near the parapet. Well, it's kind of worked quite well for him in that he's been out of the news. We haven't really been talking about him, no one else has. Well, his PR team is also very good at keeping him out of the news, except for when they want you to sort of pay attention. Well, what he's done is he's doing the...

He looked over at like Belgium for the last sort of decade and was like, look, it worked for them, okay? We're just going to have no government. You could genuinely forget that there was a prime minister, let alone who it was. However, the doorbell ringing intensifies as we see the sort of like wave of strikes approaching amongst other things. Mick Lynch, round two. Mick Lynch is like looking through the curtains and discovering Rishi Sinek hiding sort of like below sofa level. And it's not even crouching.

It's not just a sort of a further wave of strikes across the university sector in the NHS, in the transport sector among the communications workers union as well, fire brigades. Yeah, there's a wave of strikes, but equally... Podcasters, we're going to do it. I don't even know who we're striking against. The listener. That's all right. But equally...

To join the union. To form a union. We're just doing this sort of the Mick Lynch bit, but like 100% ironically of like the government. This is the government's fault because they refused to negotiate with us. We made our demands very clear and not even a junior minister has come to the studio to negotiate with us to end this strike. To be honest, I think the government's probably unlikely to negotiate with us at all. If Rishi Sinek really wants his podcast to continue, he will meet me at the Shalomark of our house tomorrow evening.

Delicious. Bring cash, Rishi. They did not participate in the hour to help out because officially that business does not exist. But right. And what's interesting is... Don't bring a large note. They're not going to break that. Everything is like three pounds.

And as he gets continually corralled into doing the things that are just required by interacting with reality, because we remember what happened to the one prime minister that didn't do that. Oh yeah. Yeah, they wrote a book about it. Yeah, she got to retire early. Yeah. They wrote a book about it. I really hope we do read it one day.

I do want to remember. We will. But the last sentence in that book. Oh, it's so good. I was going to mention this. Let's save it for the book. Let's save it for the episode. Look up the last sentence.

I genuinely haven't stopped. What I talk when I say about here is Rishi Sinek being like many Tory prime ministers before him, basically since Theresa May keeps getting bamboozled by reality into doing very untory things. Like for example, raising benefits in line with inflation. Alice, I've got a question for you. Would you watch pornography where a Tory prime minister of Great Britain is forced by a DOM into doing things that are basic necessities for the running of the country? Getting fucked by reality in 4K.

That's right. That's right. Rishi Sinek stuck in the economy. Yeah. That's the problem. He's stuck in the economy. Yeah. His stepfather, the bond market.

I defer to the faux-pornhub caption, blond sub, fuck 60 million people at once. Yeah. So he's been bamboozled into essentially raising benefits in line with inflation, but he's also more or less forced to seek a closer relationship with Europe because he's unable to pretend that the UK is still a first-rate power that is able to exist outside of this sort of environment. Yeah. And sort of meanwhile, like a guy in Brussels called Hans Yarp is sort of like looking, referring to his tiny little desk calendar and being like, I told you so.

Crawling on your knees, you would be back. I told you you would be back to Yarp. They are crawling back to Yarp. What do you suppose the rule? I think it's probably awesome. You are back in Yarp's room. You are Yarp pills. You are on your knees.

Also, I know you are standing. It's my mistake. What I'm saying here as well is that do you know who now, as Rishi Sinek is, basically forced to deal with reality? You know who's the agent of unreality? I mean, I assume it's Nigel Farage, right? It's Kier Starmer. It is in fact Kier Starmer who is the agent of unreality because he is the one who is

now campaigning on the fact that... That's too cool a title to apply to Kier Starmer. Yeah. He does give off the vibe of like an agent in the matrix, but like one of those agents that sort of just like stands in the background and doesn't really say anything. Oh yeah, Agent Brown, the one who checks Neo's pulse and is like, he's gone. Yeah. I really like that movie.

I remember sort of every element of it. Oh, I've not even asked him about the Woker Artie yet. Editing Nigel Farage into the matrix would be a good bit. It's Kier Starmer. He does have a sort of carry on energy, Nigel Farage. It's true. Yeah. He sort of feels like he's from that era, but it is Starmer who's now saying that the

Tories can't be trusted to make... To with Brexit. That they're going to... That he respects the red lines. But Mr. Starmer, you were against Brexit and then you were our chief negotiator for Brexit for the deal that we then didn't quite get. And you were Mr... Like, first of all, you were Mr. Remain and then you were Mr. Deal.

And now... Truly Boris Johnson has like conquered all he's surveyed because we're all Brexiters. I love like Kier Starmer as like the guy who only cares about being seen to be sensible. Like increasingly being forced to take the sensible position on something which is completely insane, such as Brexit. Like, I'm intrigued by like Starmer through the ages, you know, going like, I think that the current government is irresponsibly trading the tulips. I think they can't be trusted with our tulip stocks.

I think we need someone who is serious about propping up the value of valuable tulips, which are core to our economy. Yeah, it's like, look, the last crypto enthusiast is going to be a labor person. But I think that's the reason that Starmer is an agent of unreality in this case, right? The reason that he is... That he says that the Prime Minister and his allies want to renegotiate Brexit, which requires you to believe that everything's going very well, right? And that this is something that should be defended is because fundamentally,

Starmer, like someone like Liz Truss, is a creature of the media. He is a creature of the unreality of the crazy stories of the British media because he's seeking their permission to govern, which means that he is fundamentally subservient to A, a group of people it's very embarrassing to be subservient to in terms of British journalists. Yeah, and a group of people who have like objectives that are antithetical with even the basic sort of maintenance of government in this country. I get what you're saying.

I don't think that he's... I'm not sort of going to give him credit or like be like, oh, you know, this is kind of 4D chess or whatever, because it's not. But I do sort of recognize that like if you're a labor leader, like the media in this country is going to give you like a much worse time than if you were a Tory. And I do think that like there's the shadow of like a very vindictive media that sort of hangs over him. And there's like precedent to sort of suggest that like, okay, well,

like they will kind of take shots at you wherever they can, which then means that like if you are a labor leader, like your choice is either to kind of like reject that system entirely, or you have to sort of like indulge in the fantasies that the media then kind of wants to project themselves. Well, you're right. I mean, we've learned from experience that you can't go, well, the elections sort of X number of months out, fucking 20 points ahead, therefore get fucked because we did that.

My only my only like sympathy with like Kierstarmus, and again, sympathy is not the right word and I don't want it to be read like that, is that like, I think for whatever sort of like sensible analysis he might have, he's also kind of acutely aware that if he kind of articulates that sort of reality, they like he will just kind of get pummeled. And like there have been, there's lots of precedents to sort of suggest that's the case. And where I would kind of argue that Boris Johnson kind of fits your profile much better in the sense of someone who has emerged out of media

and someone who like hasn't like had a very, very close relationship that involved a lot of indulging with them for like in order to prop him up. I think in Starmus case, it's kind of even worse because he's doing his best to sort of like placate the fantasies that tabloid media and like right wing broadcast media are dependent on in order to survive. But he's also trying to kind of like do so in a way which may try to signal that he doesn't quite believe what he's saying. And the problem is that he's not, he's not a very good actor either, right?

Which then means that everything he comes, he says comes across as like entirely insincere and unserious. And so it's kind of like, I understand what he's trying to do, but I just don't think it's a particularly effective strategy. I'll be perfectly honest. I don't think he's trying to do that. I disagree. I think that he is, he does not, especially you can look at where he decides he wants to build his power from, which is just the professional classes who will get permission to vote for him from the Murdoch press, which specifically how much he's eschewed things like labor unions, specifically how much he has basically decided that he and also his mandarins more or less

actively dislike the people who are most likely to vote for them and so on and so on, that I think that his work with the press has been to largely hope that they give him permission to run the country, that he's completely cynical and believes nothing, but also I think that he needs to continue having that permission to rule while he's ruling. Yeah, well, I agree if only in the sense that I think his analysis is very much like in order to kind of win the election. I think like his accolades have sort of like said it very, very directly, that in order to win the next election, we basically have to sort of like be on the sun, like the sun has to be on our side and that's sort of where he's kind of like...

It's not like ancient Egypt in that way. That's right. Yeah, that's correct. The Sun God Ra has to be... Welcome to Sun God Ra. And what is the Sun God Ra except for the ultimate swooping bird? I think that a man with a head of a dog, perhaps the Prime Minister has more of the nose of a dog for a scandal. No, I think it's kind of this thing where like basically all of British politics is like two school bullies and who is the better school bully in terms of like the...

And like it feels like at the moment there's this sense of like the tide is turning and the public are kind of they're gradually starting to notice things because things are so fucked up that even as much as the press tries to be like, nah, this is normal and good actually, people are like, nah, it seems bad. And I think everyone is trying to judge the tipping point of at what point you have to stop lying to the public, which is your normal default position because the public have kind of realized. And so it's sort of... Because of course Keir Starman's like default position as all British politicians is, is to go like...

Well, I think Mr. Sunak is declining to jump off of the roof of the Sports Hall because he is gay. And if I were in the position of being on the roof of the Sports Hall, I would jump off and I would be fine because I would jump off the roof of the Sports Hall in a sensible way, in the correct way and in a way that supports working families. It just kind of reminds me of this story at school when the school bully did actually like convince someone to drink from a puddle because if he didn't, he would tell everyone that that kid was gay. And guess what that kid did? He was off school for two weeks after that.

And then he became Labour leader. Why are you not drinking from the puddle? What are you going to kiss a bloke later? That's what you're worried about. It's more than just Brexit as well, right? Although there are certainly a lot of guardian columnists, right? And Caldwell is basically saying, oh, don't believe anything he says. He's a secret. He's a secret remainder.

And I'm reading... Well, he was previously a public remainder. And I'm reading sort of... As they all were. This is how insane this country's got. The country is now... Both the government and the opposition is entirely made up of people who all agreed we should stay in the European Union.

And they're all pretending that they don't think that. Except Sunak. Wasn't Sunak a remainder? No, heavy leaver. No, Sunak was a leaver. But again, he's a leaver in the sense of like, I think he just sort of knew what side his bread was but. I think he really believed it.

It's just because he basically was concerned enough with doing the actual job that British politicians are supposed to do since Thatcher, which is mediate between the British economy and the bond market, he was too concerned... And also knifing your boss. A large part of him being a sort of a leaver was him riding Boris Johnson's coat tails and then climbing up by a series of nights that he had placed there.

But he was essentially too... He was not committed to the fantasy, which is why most people when polled think he's a remainder. Because he was... Yeah, because he has remainder vibes, which is to say like elite vibes. Nerd also. Nerd also, yes.

But at the same... And so this is what I'm driving at, right? Which is that there is a cloud of unreality that these projects crash into. And the thing... And because the labor right is so reactive to what the actual further right is doing, right? I would drink from the puddle.

You can ask my wife if I'm gay and she would say no. And for that reason, I would be more than happy to drink from the puddle and I would be fine. So bring on the puddle. In fact, I think we should pour a puddle in front of the Palace of Westminster and we'll see which one of me or Rishi Sunak

is able to drink more of the puddle fastest. Much like a game of hungry, hungry hippos, which my children very much enjoyed. I play it with them sometimes. Neither of them are gay either, although I would support them if they were. But I have no reason to believe that they are. And I think we'll see who is the gayer of me

or the Prime Minister. Devon, you know what to do. And so I think that much like the boy who drank from the puddle, the last famous German folklore tale. Yeah. I love when we discover new characters and just occupy a part of my brain. The last boy who drank from the puddle,

he made a big statue of him in the Millennium Dome and now no one knows where it's from. But that essentially, right? That just as I believe, I fully believe that when the Tories are eventually just, again, by no, by only by unforced errors on their part, eventually drift into opposition at some point,

that when they come back out, they're going to come back out probably with more authoritarianism, but also maybe with something like, oh shit, everyone who voted for us has died. And some parasites from having drunk from that puddle. I guess we should probably legalize marijuana and labor will be the last people opposing the legalization of weed in the UK. I've said this before and I still believe it.

Just as I think... Advocating for savory vapes only. Just as I think that the last true believer in the current Brexit deal is probably going to be Stormer, because everyone else seems to want to renegotiate it except the one guy who's saying we can't possibly renegotiate it because it's wonderful even though I campaigned against it. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a Japanese soldier

on an island somewhere still fighting the war. In many ways, I admire their chutzpah. A number of puddles those guys are drinking out of. I've off the fucking charts. That's right. Tropical climate. Mostly puddles. And I was also looking a little bit...

The most heterosexual a man has ever been. That's right. There's no other dudes there. He's on his own. All puddles, no dudes. Yeah, and if any other dude showed up, he tried to kill him with a gun. Exactly.

Just in case he tried to fuck him. He's not taking any chance. Yeah. This is a speech from Jonathan Ashworth on Tuesday. Again, you can see a little bit of that unreality there, where essentially without having to interact with the actual doing of things, they are forced to continue playing along with the fantasy. Here is the fantasy, which is labor to be focused on economically inactive,

quote-unquote, which basically is a much politer way of signaling benefits crowning, where he says that government job centers... Ashworth has said that government job centers have become a frightening place for many people trying to get back into the workplace. Which again, is true, but it's not the main problem with them. They're supposed to be frightening. That's the point of... I mean, I'm not saying it's good, but they're supposed to scare people

into not being on benefits. That's how the job center was constituted. Yeah, but the Tories are honest enough to admit that, whereas labor still have to be like, yeah, but instead of that, we should be compassionately terrifying. Well, I think that if people are serious about finding work, they should be prepared to demonstrate that they've been looking for jobs by drinking from the job center puddle.

By once going to employ a queer. I mean, I... I'm a phobic here, Sturma. Where are you looking for a job at the gay bar? Don't be ridiculous. You live in Gromsby. There isn't one. Now.

He said that job centers have become associated with, quote, the heavy-handed policing of people on benefits. Which, again, that's true. Ashworth could be a ton heavy-handed deer. I love the idea of job centers becoming associated with the main thing that they're for. Yeah, Gestapo have become heavily associated with the Nazis, but actually.

Well, Ashworth said that labor would still impose conditionality and people receiving benefits, citing a need to protect the taxpayer. He wanted job centers to become a place that opened door to help people find a job. Which, again, to me... Again, that is just flatly a description of what a job center is supposed to be.

Oh, we're going to... Finally, opening the doors. Or it's a big building that, like, contains employment advice as it could say, maybe a job center over the door, maybe. First of all, you had to... What about job center plus? That would be even better. Because previously, you had to break into the job center

to demonstrate initiative. And they'd set you up with a job as a burglar. Now, this is not so much, let's say, a reality that has been encountered in the same way by the Tories, right? That no Tories have began to broach the idea that perhaps the problem with, say, the poverty of places like, let's say,

the north of England or like, deprived coastal towns, whatever, isn't just because people need to be prodded into finding better jobs, but actually a problem of investment. They haven't stated that. But, again, it's once again... At a time of its greatest power, right,

especially when the Tories are doing things like raising benefits, which is not a very Tory thing to do, Labour is continuing to talk about imposing benefit conditionality, just the tinkering around what the design of the job center, that they're going to give you a benefit sanction with a nice note, you know, it seems...

They might give you some fizzy water instead of, like, still. Yeah, you're kind of LaCroix at the benefits offer. Or even the fact, I mean, going back to the drugs thing, right, that Labour is now officially adopting elements of the Suella Braverman plan, which was previously a pretty Patel plan, to... They're listening to women of color. I appreciate that.

That's right. To, for example, like name and shame drug users, which, again, continues to be a group of people who are caught in the grip of unreality. Now, where it's... Name and shame drug users. Let's start with the front bench, shall we? A lot of void.

Will people love to say that in the replies to stuff? Radio 4 still need work. So I can write this shit. I can write it for cheaper than they're doing it. And I can do it quicker. We have to wean our dependence off of foreign labor. Another thing that they have said, right, which is playing into the...

No, it's not news to anyone, right, that the labor right is largely there as a Tory tribute act. Nor is it news to anyone that they have decided that their path to power lies through appeasing the right-wing press. What is so interesting, I think, about this moment now, is that as the group that is not closest, that actually has their hands and levers of power,

they are the ones who can still afford to live in the world of unreality. They are still the ones who can live in the fantasy. And the fact is, I think, that when they are likely to form a government, which I think they probably will, again, by default, through no fault of their own, that they will...

There is no reason to believe, I think, that they will abandon these fantasies until, again, possibly they are forced to by either... The kinds of things we talked about with Matt Lawrence, right, until they are forced to by actual active political movements at home, or simply crashing into things abroad, and when they crash into things abroad,

that ruins the lives of people here, as it has... Gonna make strikes illegal, too. We're all gonna be drinking from the big puddle. That's all we can promise you. We're all drinking from the big puddle, but some of us are looking at the stars. This is something that was written, actually, by Gabby Hinsliffe in The Guardian,

which is, looking at all of this information, that concludes that Starmer is leading us on a slow march towards a softer Brexit, but won't say it out loud. Which, again, it seems like... Shhh! I'm taking us towards a softer Brexit, but I'm playing pretend.

Yeah, which he says... He's working the system from the inside. Which I think is so interesting, because she says, right? She says, the reality is that whoever is in government after 2024 will almost certainly seek to unravel aspects of Boris Johnson's deal, which is due for review in 2025, but neither wants to say so.

So instead, they're playing a nervous game of Grandmother's footsteps with the public, creeping a step or two closer to a reality-based politics, when they think they can get away with it, but freezing the minute they're spotted. It's farcical in both cases, but somehow more depressing when it comes from the Labour leader, once the great hero of the pro-remain resistance.

Which, again, how does it feel to be the most fucking wallet-inspected person of all time, that he's definitely not doing it again? There is no way, no possible universe in which he would wallet-inspect me a fourth time. I got a whole new wallet.

It's a very funny defence of Keir Starmer to be like, in his defence, you can't believe a word that man says. Like, to be honest with you, don't go around criticising Keir Starmer for stuff that he says. OK, because he doesn't mean any of it. Listen, the problem is that

the remain-friendly bit comes across as technical, dull and vague by comparison, with the leave-friendly bit. Starmer is shouting through a megaphone at leave voters, but dropping discreet, sometimes missable, hints at remainers. This is like Q! I was going to say, this is like fandom nonsense,

but it's not even Q, because Q is much more elaborate. This is sort of like... No, it's the kind of shit that's like, the Queen is wearing a special brooch to signal that she agrees with him. Yeah, or it's just like Taylor Swift with this and one of her album drops or whatever. It's fandom shit.

And like, I think that's actually quite a good way of understanding the kind of die-hards for Keir. It is very much fandom for like, 50-year-olds. Keir Starmer army. The Starmie army. The Starmie army, that's it. And Keir Starmer is dropping hints

in much the same way that the Queen is with her brooch, in that the Queen is dead. Oh. I can't believe I stepped on your thing. It's alright, Riley. We've been friends a long time. I can forgive that. So, what's it called, again, when the TV gives you secret hints and messages?

Paranoid schizophrenia. Schizophrenia, yeah. That's the one. Yeah, so I don't really understand... I do understand, really, these people all have mortgages to pay, but, you know, it is quite galling to have

an analysis of, I think, British politics that basically says, I know the hearts of the people involved, and I do not have... I do not have a theory of where their power comes from,

or where they think their power comes from, of where they are in their parties, where they are in relation to the administrative state. I just know that the Queen's wearing a brooch that when Starmer moved some of his papers, he moved them eastwards towards Belgium. Yeah,

towards the Desk of Hans, yeah. Yeah, the Queen was buried in a brooch that said that we're going to rejoin the European Union. And, you know, it's it's just, it's why I sort of increasingly think of these big events that are happening,

especially after we were sustained on such a long period of unreality. When I say unreality, I'm specifically talking about fanciful stories about what will happen next that are completely unrealistic in the medium term,

but are good enough to kind of draw together the coalition you need to do to do what you need to do, right? And the trouble is, I think, for Keir Starmer, is that he's not good at the puddle game. That's the biggest problem, because the Tories are very good at the puddle game, and they understand when it's time to change the puddle.

And like you say, it's going to be a Tory who comes in and legalizes weed, because they'll suddenly decide it's politically expedient to do so. And it will probably be a Tory who like rejoins the EU or signs the EEA or some such similar thing, because they'll suddenly be like, wait, hang on a second,

Keir Starmer's drinking from the puddle. Actually, you misheard me before, drinking from the puddle is what makes you gay. And I have never drunk from the puddle. And so actually, Keir Starmer is the gay one. And Starmer, with a mouthful of puddle water, we're like, no, no, actually, at the puddle,

I've not been drinking from the puddle either, actually. And I'm straight. I'm just going to ask my wife and she'll tell you. The puddle is such a good metaphor. Yeah, I can't, it's... I just like remember that day really well. I think there was like a name for him.

I can't remember what the name was. Puddle Boy? No, it wasn't. It was worse, but I can't remember what it was. Probably unrepeatable. Going to grammar school in England is really weird. Is this like a very weird thing? His name was just a beep, hardly enough. Yeah, basically. But when I talk about like the

sort of 14 years of unreality we've been living through, it's things like 120 days of seldom, 14 years of around. It's things like just keeping the market going with cheap fake credit, because what that cheap credit is all about, right?

Credit is just a story you're telling that says, in the future, I will make this much of a return. I'll perform this economic activity, we'll have this outcome. And then credit is just someone with money believing you, right? That's more or less what that is. And it comes from the Latin credo to believe.

Thank you very much. Go back to the puddle. I was enjoying the puddle water. It's something I also enjoy. Is that homology? I welcome the puddle, but I can't just go further by understanding its origins in terms of

the Indo-European language family. The fable of the sheep in the puddle. But in that these companies were created, the WeWork being obviously the iconic one, but even like Tesla basically, or this thing happening with Twitter now.

But that for so long these unreal stories have just been allowed to proliferate on the basis that we're all going to work together because some completely non-credible thing is going to happen in the near future. And that culminated, right?

In all of those years of what essentially became the ideology that coalesced into the Tory party after 2016 that couldn't but end with either Liz Truss or just never ending.

Always sort of kicking the can. We're almost going to do the real capitalism now that we freed ourselves from the shackles. Or with something like Elon and Twitter, it's like free speech is just around the corner. I'm writing the mods and ooh, I wish I could buy it but I can't.

Please don't kick the can into my puddle. I'm drinking it. You've splashed my tie now. Oh, now you've gone and done it. Now the gloves are off. And that all of this was based on things being cheap

on things being cheap and that allowed things like credit to be free. But it also meant that people who are in the business of forcing governments to make hard choices because they have certain lines they will not cross. They were then forced to make the choices

they didn't want to make because they couldn't cross the line of doing an actual redistributive policy. That would be insane. And so then they were forced to start cutting things. They were forced to start let's say the stories

that we are just around the corner from a utopia of growth, of low regulation, of high wages, blah, blah, blah. Those stories came past the point where they were credible enough to enough of the coalition, whether that's the coalition of elites, the coalition of voters, the coalition of investors,

the coalition of advertisers, whoever right, they have passed that tipping point where these things are no longer credible. And that is why in my opinion we are seeing things crash into reality and only suckers are going to be left holding the bag

for those beliefs at this point. Yeah, suckers on straws which are in a puddle in the middle of the road. Precisely. It's only people sucking from the puddle now because they finally said I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna drink from the puddle and when you stand up

the only people who actually drank from the puddle are suckers. Sucking from the puddle now we hear. So interesting to see how all of these things develop as reality comes piercing through the veil of the collective fiction

of 2018 now. And reveals which of us is in fact gay, actually. That's right. But which one? Wet mouth for the gay guy. This week's episode is brought to you by our Wine of the Week which is a chateau puddle

2017. What part of France is a chateau puddle in? Oh, it's a good question. It's actually Dartford. It's close enough to Dover

which is close enough to very good sparkling white in Kent. That's what Gus Bourne is. I'm hearing the best one you can get are from Graves then. This is a little fact for all of you out there in

podcast land. Gus Bourne is cool enough by the sea breezes that it provides the wines with a really pleasant acidity. I'm going to take your word for that. Sure. If you live in Gus Bourne, maybe just try drinking from a puddle.

Legally, we do not recommend drinking from a puddle. The Kent coastal towns are so miserable that you may as well, if you do find yourself there because you got stuck at international or something, you may as well buy yourself a nice bottle of wine to wait for your train.

And maybe a Cornish pastico pasti. That's right. If you do enjoy some English sparkling white, leave a comment and say which one. I'm a red-blooded man. I enjoy a pasti from the cold wall pastico or sometimes a sausage roll. He'd say that's his favorite one.

Thank you for listening to this free episode of the podcast. Don't forget there is a Patreon. You can drink from the puddle. And there is not a live show. Turns out there wasn't a live show. There is not a live show.

If you thought there was a live show, there wasn't. You simply imagined that. You were insane. We should have said that there was a live show. It was a secret live show. We didn't get the record. Only one person recorded it. And then that could be the mythology, the hidden live show,

the hidden trash feature live show. Miss an opportunity there. Also, if you're in New York City, the Big Apple, baby, there are some secret goings-on referred to the live shows tab of the trash future discord.

There are some secret goings-on. Can you tell me when we're off, Mike? It's not that secret. It's on the discord. You need the door password and the gate password. You need to drink from the puddle You get to drink from the puddle as well.

Drinking from the puddle is just going to stick with me as a concept for a while. So, you know what? Don't forget, listeners, if someone asks you to drink from a puddle, you can just say no. Unless they say that if you don't do it, you have to do it because you have to prove

that you're not gay. You can always say no if you're gay. Or if you are gay, then you can just say perfect. That's the beauty of being gay if you don't have to drink from any puddle. It's great. You could be gay and then choose to drink from the puddle

in order to be like, yes, I am gay, but that doesn't define your narrow stereotypes of being gay. That doesn't relate to my willingness to drink from this puddle. What a strange energy this show has had today. We'll see you on the- You put the guy's mouth in the puddle

and you suck on the puddle. It feels so weird that we're going to be talking to like housing journalist Vicky Spratt next week who's like documented the various like depredations of like the horrible things that Britain like does to people.

Yeah, like drinking from a puddle. Being a housing journalist in Britain in 2022 and being on like a funny podcast is like the time set their light entertainment correspondence to the battle of fucking Pachendale. Maybe we can ask her if she would drink from the puddle.

I say boys, drunk from any puddles recently. No, because it doesn't apply to girls. Because girls don't exist outside of the gay, not gay puddle paradigm. That's true. We're all going to go drink from that puddle. That school bully is here.

He's punching one of his fists into his head. He's got slicked back red hair. Oh boy, he's frightening. He's got a switch blade he's playing with. He's got a malt.

And yeah, he's going to make us all drink from the puddle. So once we're done that, we'll see you on the bonus episode which will be a jarring change in tone. Yeah, bye everyone.