TRASHFUTURE - LIVEFUTURE II: This Time... It's Accidental ft. Many Friends

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

It's time for the TRASHFUTURE accidental live show. Riley (@raaleh) and Hussein (@HKesvani) got up in front of a bewildered crowd with some old friends: Elena Cresci (@ElenaCresci) from TV, Luke Bailey (@ImBadAtLife) from the internet, and Jack Frayne-Reid (@coplandresident), scurrilous host of the disreputable Reel Politik Podcast (@reel_politcast). We do a product that nearly killed Len, we read yet another article from our favourite nu-metal edgelord Brednan O'Neill, and then we resurrected Cop or Comrade? for the digital age (spoiler they're all cops). Thanks to everyone who came out and helped us pay for the cost of the room, and shout out especially to @justafish, who was instrumental in helping cover the cost of the recording. We broke even! Follow us @trashfuturepod There will be more live episodes! Updates to come. xoxo Riley

hello great perfect this is going to be regular this is going to be real regular cool thank you that's cool I think it's downstairs bar if you want water it's at the downstairs bar jack we have to record all of this it's gold this is this is why I love the edited version of the show because I get to remove that yeah well well the the episode where Mick came on who is in the front row hello he I did I was so tired when I told him the postcode of what house to go to that I sent him across town to my old house all right so are we are we roughly ready to get going can you all just imagine the

theme music what is it again it goes like this that would require even a little preparation there will be some oh good god there will be some Brandon O'Neill later so do get yourself ready for some new metal thank you are we currently recording okay wonderful well welcome to the trash future accidental live show thank you all so much for coming out inexplicably you should edit in some like stadium sounds to that I'm I'm gonna edit in this speech that Bain makes in the dark night all right the Mad Max dystopia I was weirdly specific like no it won't be a Mad Max dial dystopia no

no definitely didn't look that up this morning so before I before I get cracking in the spirit of the show I'm we're just gonna have some I'm just gonna sort of speak extemporaneously for the cold open but do you know why we're doing an accidental live show yeah thank you neither is right it is largely because we intended to do a live show a while back booked a venue moved the booking ended up doing a live show through like a comedy booking agency forgot about this booking and then I found out last week or so that we were on the hook for like a hundred quid so here we are thank you all for coming to

the live recording of trash future the podcast about how if you we do not implement fully automated luxury gay space communism the future will be trash as we all know that's the thing we say at the show why specifically gay communism straight communism is what the alt-right guys want they're like no the government should stay out of markets but it should give me a girlfriend no you don't understand it's the thing I'll give you a sec there was there was this movement on on reddit shockingly of that was demand as I was suggesting basically that we need government-issued girlfriend I would sign up for that you

reckon it pays well if it pays more than my current job I'll do it you reckon you'll be bound by off-come regulations so you may know me from every previous episode of this podcast my name is Riley you can find me on Twitter at Rala it's a terrible name but I guess most of you probably already follow that that's weird who has joined me from my left I'm very smart my name is Hussain Kizvani I am also a host on trash future and like every Russell Group University I'm here because I'm token ethnic hi I'm Alana Krasi I'm here presumably because I'm the token woman am I am I right I know it's an off-come thing okay I'm also

extremely well I'm Jack Frane Reed I'm here as the representative of the Czech intelligence services and and also the disreputable real-politic podcast which is basically the same thing nice to be here and I'm Luke and I'm here to make sure that white men are not outnumbered thank you excellent do you see there was somebody posted a picture of something in Canada homogenized milk is called homo milk I forgot Tim Farron would be appalled at that I'm so divided so do you guys want to get into some of the fun content that we have in the show it's always happens literally every time from like the people I record with I never

why do you ask remember like the first rule of pickup which is be assertive don't all right who's saying I mean that's like your way to a podcast I was gonna make Hussain yes okay that was the plan I mean that's the usual to be fair I wouldn't expect anything else it's a nice nails are they real oh my god that's that shirt looks so great I my grandma used to wear one just like it what's your number I think I need to change you anyway now I'm gonna touch you see like me excellent so I I decided to go back to basics and I decided to do a product I think Riley's internet's like gone down so yeah so I'm I've

legitimately signed up to get punched in the fucking face well yeah but I was just talking to guys about this earlier there's this girl at the class who is definitely not a beginner and I'm shitting I feel like they're definitely gonna put me with her and I'm just like she's like over the punch bag looking like really serious and I'm like hi guys how are you I'm really well she's really friendly oh no she's scary like it's terrifying all good be rated MMA film star so you'll be training in the gym one day on your own and then like an old guy will come out from the shadows mr. Miyagi this mr. Miyagi is gonna do

like pick-up stuff you'll be friends and I do a training montage to down with the sickness I get to choose my walkout song down with the sickness so my internet's working again so the product the product yeah also you can't look at this anyway for reasons that will become clear the product is called the pulse what the pulse the pulse like wrist it's the same spelling well I was gonna go to the club the gosh shut up but that's guys welcome to the Gateway pundit podcast it's a pickup technique where you go out to a woman on the street and you take their pulse

whether then asked them whether their nails are real or not I swear to God that actually is a pickup technique I swear that's in there somewhere that does it take in the it sounds right doesn't it I can tell you're pulses going quickly because you fancy me or whatever I'm fucking no I'm not a pickup artist see next time instead of doing white collar boxing you should do like white collar the pickup artist no I'm aware that this is a very a very obscure name for a thing so I'll say the tagline for the pulse is your comfort shouldn't be an uncomfortable conversation is it a sex thing it's a sex

thing yes it's a late capitalism sex thing I grew up in I grew up in like you know the no go zone of Tower Hamlets I'm gonna do one more one more hint and then I'm gonna tell you exactly what it is the four the four characteristics of this of this thing are its warm hygienic mess free and it's noob is it yes it's lube related I was close of obtaining to lube how is it okay I'm just gonna tell you I can't keep this in anymore because it's too great the product this week is a lube juicero it's a white how much is it we'll get there but suffice to say a lot yeah it is the the pulse warming dispenser and

essentially what we're what we're looking at is a little machine that you put beside your bed that you have to order proprietary pods for yeah thank you thank you mic for the funniest thing that's been said in the show so far yes it's an espresso for shaking yeah so essentially that's more or less what we're dealing with here but I'm sorry so it's it's it's how is it is different I don't understand what it does it's a thing that you get like big canisters for is there like individual use things it's a pod single use yeah it's like a pod thing it's like it's an espresso it's an espresso for lube is it the same as

like the juicero where you can like squeeze the pods yourself and basically you don't need the actual machine yes oh my god there's just someone selling lube fancy lube so do you reckon when when Corbin appropriates all the housing that's unoccupied because of the oligarchs everybody's gonna get one of the yeah everyone's gonna get free like well you know like people who lost their homes in Grenfell or something are gonna get a little lube things oh the policy got cut off it was like 8,000 houses and also everyone gets a nut all I'm saying is that you know Paul Nutt was about to become UK leader and

all Corbin can think about is lube juice arrows and I'd be quaking in my boots if I was in the Labour Party right now so I didn't know if it's the right term what flavors stack it up so that you had like a planned like flavor journey anytime like some futurist is like oh all the jobs that exist now didn't exist ten years ago and in ten years they'll be all new jobs I can't wait for lube sommelier so before we do guess the price actually I want to read out one answer from their FAQ section by the way trash future cheap code guys the FAQ

sections of incredibly stupid products are always gold what are pulse pods TM rather than being packaged in messy archaic tubes or bottles our FDA cleared lubricants are created in one-of-a-kind stylish hygenic recyclable containers called pulse pods the patent-pending technology so anyone who wants to pirate it can still do that look you wouldn't download a car they're definitely right I mean bottles are so fucking archaic I mean it's so a glass is to be honest I quite like this in a pod this patent-pending technology allows them to be safely warmed and used with our our pulse dispenser they can also be

dispensed manually look at what happened to do Sarah and not think oh you know maybe maybe we should make it essential you know this like fucking expensive better care I think they looked at you Sarah we're like no sex cells they can also be dispensed manually and and and here's the chaser of this particular sentence is in this sub-clause which makes them a perfect on-the-go solution so if you don't want to bring your lube juice arrow with you to go dogging I guess you can use a pulse pod to get your bike back walls smashed in like a Toyota Sovieta in a lay-by outside swimming that's very specific

I like to see on the on the stage like we can report you know you know I got to ask do these type of pods have anything to do with tide pods because I've seen people tweet about them but I've just avoided like working out what they are forbidden fruit still don't know what Jack I told you they're a food it's like fuel but for teens any guesses on the price of a pulse how much is like an espresso coffee machine I don't know why I'm asking anyone on this show or in our audience has an espresso coffee that makes sense don't make money reach monocle and you should see his flat I don't read monocle my douchebag friends

read monocle it's gonna be like I'm gonna say is it in dollars or pounds it's it's it's in dollars of course it's in dollars yeah no this is only only America would invent this I'm gonna say $400 that's my guess way more like like ten grand whatever grand is in dollars okay we have four hundred we have ten thousand a bold bet it sounds expensive it's very explicit do you mean the number does it have 69 in it you know I feel like it doesn't I feel like they really missed a trick here because like what better way to be a lube sommelier than by promoting sixty no you just it's just your interview to be a

lube sommelier look they say in this digital age you just have to invent the job you want no it is it is $200 or $199 a bargain at any price I saw I was being so clever saying it was so much yeah that's what the mass market consumer so yeah this is though this is a lube juicero for the many we already said it was part of Corbin's platform was cut off by the copier the post like on this look like you know vape vapers for well vape pens again more Brendan O'Neill foreshadow so do you think that if this does become like a mass market product in Corbins Britain that you'll have like guys who give up selling vape pens because they're

too busy selling like weird lube stuff I would love every vape shop in short it's just became a lube shop that's just that this just feeds my certainty that all vape shops are fronts or pranks so yeah that's that's the that's the lube juicero so what do you think what do you think we should do we could we could move on on to Brendan O'Neill's brave new take that isn't fucking hell I heard I've heard from someone that he eats shit every day and that's his main diet we've read exactly one book on libel law and the book was 50 Shades of Grey it was mostly it was it was more on the lube end of things than the libel end of lube and Corbin gets in and

everyone's got the lube pod things and and it's all luxury lubey communism and all that do you reckon all the purple-faced gammon men are gonna be like I've never used lube in my life unacceptable shaking their fists I realize that has connotations I didn't anticipate imagine like imagine if like the lube machine broke and like one of these gammon men had to like take it to a shop to get repaired I'd be trying to explain like what happened now they'd be like I can do it myself okay so Brendan O'Neill has written an article called stop this corporate bullying of the press there's nothing corporate about the British press whatsoever can we just put like corn every time we introduce Brendan we should just

have like that should be his intro yeah no it's Brendan O'Neill and edit point to put in the riff from down with the sickness here you know the song where they go yeah that's the one the most extreme new metal for the guy with the loosest jeans the most chained up wallet the biggest fedora who watches the most rational YouTube channels and women are very intimidated by his extremely high IQ that he's gotten from watching Rick and Morty which as we all know is the allure chose to Tom Pair do of TV shows he read the Bible when he was ten or at least you know like Noah's arc he thought it was bollocks he saw right through it flooding the entire world some realistic like I think I think I think Brendan O'Neill has probably written a complaint

letter to every major British newspaper that publishes a horoscope section saying actually the stars and planets don't determine your personality I'd like to call out this factual inaccuracy Brendan O'Neill last seen putting the Bible in the fiction section because he might be alive so Brendan O'Neill writes it is a brave British newspaper sorry it is a brave British newspaper that will cross the corporate world that will dare to publish something that the money bosses who oversee big business find disagreeable that's literally the job of newspaper the main person he's fighting is center parks so here's here is the real Kudugra sent it I don't try to get to the Kudugra sentence of a reading too quickly

but I we're gonna do it this time center parks was stirred to an act of censor his self-righteousness by supporters of stop funding hate famous suited goons by those jack booted gray suited thugs have bullied center parks those time-rich tabloid allergic middle class inhabitants of Twitter who spend their days trying to marshal the corporate world to punish newspapers for saying things they don't like howdy Brendan at me next time he's not on Twitter so what he does is he writes no no he writes stuff on Facebook and then he gets like the intern at spike to like screen that's my new social media strategy who wants to be my intern it's a jupiterian social media strategy you can't expect to understand oh you've got

very complex sports there Riley I'm not sure I quite understand them as a humble mortal do they get put on Instagram as well like with a little filter anyone anyone anyone anyone have any idea exactly what active censor his self-righteousness Brendan O'Neill is condemning here from the panel make right did Greg's the baker we're being encouraged to stop offering two for one deals on pasties in the Daily Mail anything bad because this is like his main source of nutrition he's gonna eat his hat no he can't eat his hat that's how people know he's smart I know why he's mad he tried to go to KFC to get a family bucket and there's no chicken left he had to go to Burger King no Brendan O'Neill gets a single man and he likes it that way bucket

any any any other guesses as to why Brendan O'Neill was so infuriated that again Center Parks stopped advertising in the Daily Mail it's the fallout from that Richard Little John article isn't it and give Jack the Amazon gift card this has been a months and months long and relatively expensive endeavor for me to get some of my friends from online to compete for an Amazon gift card but yeah didn't he he published a thing about it's Tom Dailey and his partner of their like having a child basically and little John wrote a piece like you know what about traditional marriage and all that and bollocks and yeah like you know it's it's the first time that he's ever cared about what the woman's doing in this whole thing I'm spiked to just so

like fantastically contrary and they're just not I say fantastic as in you know it not credible like preposterous and like it's just sort of like yeah like advocating homophobia is is totally good and then they sort of they attack the people who are advocating stop funding hate and as sort of you know being the hard right authoritarians under a patina of liberal leftism but I mean what spiked just like you know there's absolutely nothing left-wing about them whatsoever they're like the remains of living Marxism this is magazine who got done for not really a Marxist magazine but yeah they basically they libeled ITN and in the process of denying I think the Rwandan genocide and then ITN sued them and yeah and then they set up spiked and the Institute for

ideas in the same office well they pulled it back from a brink well done guys thank God and they're still advocating their very unique form of Marxism which as far as I can see it's just conservatism well yeah no that's that's that's galaxy brain conservative is a slur I thought we clarified that this week yeah you can't you can't call counts or Tory counts as right wing then no it's disgusting and it makes me want to knock doors for conservatives like Gammon it's a slur and Nim Carly would like everyone to know but she is a Marxist Leninist she's a Marxist Leninist who's supporting who's supporting free markets because actually only middle-class people like Marxism the nature of the hard left is knocking on doors for the

conservative party that's the afraid that is the nature of the hard to understand left man I've just realized how much Twitter beef I've missed training in the gym you're missing like all the beef exactly I'm not my phone anymore I'm punching people in real life rather than on you're eating literal beef to build up your muscles so what what here's in here's where Brendan O'Neill takes a notional turn to the left that isn't really a turn to the left at all don't buy a word of it there's stop funding hates shrill sensorious anti-prol campaigning over the past year has made it clear that they're all in favor of corporate bullying of the press when it's done in the name of cleansing the press of middle-class opinions they detest you know

famously a famous no anti-homophobia is famously a middle-class opinion like nothing nothing says you know the the dictatorship of the proletariat more than a like probably I don't know how much Richard little John makes like I think a couple hundred thousand pounds a year you know confused little John the rapper who is pro I just want it to be like a freaky Friday situation likelihood of having and having dick little John and John Woodcock in the same like political culture only in this timeline it's that what what really I find again I'd like to say astonishing but because of this hell show I've read so much more of Brendan O'Neill than I think anyone ever ought to for their own health I do get the impression you fancy him a bit

I think I think when he's alone in his flat he wears the fedora and just pretends to be him well it's that what what I find so very Brendan O'Neill about the Brendan O'Neill take here is that he's really standing up for the working class Lord Rothermere you can tell he's working class because he's a Lord that he says essentially what companies like stop funding companies yes I so colonized by capitalism I called it a company what entities like stop funding hater doing is is he says deeply undemocratic in that it gives the wealthy greater power than the non-wealthy to shape public discussion which again Lord Rothermere famously oppressed yeah no it's again it mechanically just doesn't

make sense because like you need every single advertiser stop advertising which is across a wide number of things like obviously classified to make most sorry it's not funny obviously where the money comes from is like a bunch of different companies so what you're actually asking is like solidarity across a bunch of companies are like hey this is bad and we're going to stand up and not do this anymore rather than having the singular power which is what it which makes no sense because let's be honest center parks has not really ever been at the center of the national discourse until until this week were you just setting that up I don't believe you center parks hacked the election I'm actually taking my two large adult sons to

centrist parks my favorite ride at centrist parks is a roller coaster that goes back and forth called both sides it's all you're allowed to ride and then at the end you're like i'm so tired of both shots like a free copy of like spiked magazine well it's that it's basically yeah it's um o'neill says that essentially this is poisonously elitist to again try to start a grassroots movement to resist what like robert rothermere's homophobia or richard little john's homophobia they're all of their homophobia really these extremely wealthy men in that it is basically driven by middle class tastes where we have fear of what the plebs will get up to if they read a risk a idea in one of the

red top papers what's it to attack center parks for a minute there is absolutely there is absolutely no way i've worked ever since i've seen no way that company would ever decide not to advertise in somewhere unless they'd already figured out that it wasn't really working for them and what they're essentially doing is just turning this pr win uh turning the fact that they had a media channel that wasn't working for them into a pr win which is going to give them money in the end case anyway wasn't that pretty much what was going on with the whole virgin debacle yeah exactly like no one was buying the daily mail on there so they were like hey we'll just get rid of it but they were like it's because of its views and then it all exploded right so is this warrior richard branson

can i can i just interject the virgin debacle also known as friend and only yours career also known as it's track is also like known as trash future on a cast if we're still speaking about the daily mail um i have an amazing paul daica anecdote of this seems like exactly the place to share it okay so um i have a couple of friends who used to work the mail uh so this is from them and i guess allege um basically um he thinks that Beyonce is pronounced Beyonce allegedly allegedly and no one will correct him there's like an ex on tegu in the end does he not think that means anything you just think there's always a smudge anytime anyone's ever written her name

the other thing that i've heard again allegedly i guess i don't know is this the kind of thing you'd go for libel you know super libel you have to tell me if you're Brendan O'Neill they can finally make that true love connection no okay um the second thing i have which is much better than that joke is um sorry i'm laughing thinking about it so you know how like extremely muscular guys are called beefcakes um yeah paul daica allegedly thinks they call cheesecakes and again no one has corrected him so he said so i mean normally it's like he's like get some cheesecakes on page 10 or something i actually really did he actually just talking about genuine cheesecakes and every time he asks they just keep putting like half-naked metal he's like oh yeah

sure to be like nice i mean i just want to see a nice vanilla cheesecake it's just a kind of crispy base it's just a sort of little englander thing he wants for mail to do more coverage of cake sales uh good i that's that's astonishing beyond some cheesecake i mean it's it's it's like jay z ever gets mostly be like ah you know that cheesecake and his wife beyond no it's true that's what it means to be working class is apparently according to Brendan O'Neill is to call strongmen cheesecakes to not understand an exante goo and uh i guess also to refer to a cappuccino as a frothy coffee what is this coffee this is all getting a bit middle-class for me

never heard of this coffee in my life but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me water is a drink of the proletariat i mean it literally it it has been historically yes that's not wrong it's just you know our billionaire class is just killing itself out of i guess spite and i can flint michigan they've still got a drink we're all water because capitalism you get because they're it's a very dark joke the uh the the the jackabin reading group has uh has joined us now should we should we take a minute so they can all find seats and i can get a yeah we'll take a sec and and then shall we transition to our our real politics segment yeah i haven't eaten today i've actually no we just i needed a drink anyway yeah so we're doing an unplanned

intermittent unplanned intermission so that the jackabin reading group could enjoy the entirety of comrade or cop oh what's all this then it's like your british cop voice now then now then what's going on here gabna what's your best british accent we don't we don't we don't want to hear that here yes we do no my best british accent is a british cop voice which is just me doing an impression of owensmith i have a 20 foot penis it beat off a thousand lads to get my wife labor right

you know this these these crazy labor lefties just not beating off men to get to their wives and having 20-inch cocks and knowing what coffee is fucking insane you did actually call called in a lunatics yeah that's not too far off his actual rhetoric just buying houses in lube that's uh that's a joke it's the house in lube so it's like it's sort of in jelly kind of structure yeah if you don't hear the first off that was just weird yeah that's a that's a joke for people who aren't in the jackabin reading room and also the the balance of the left twitter toms who have arrived all right so shall we uh i'm not i'm not i'm not gonna ask this time i'm a strong independent woman and i'm gonna say what i want i don't want to actually have a very i've brought a hat

especially for this oh my god it's the beanie it's the beanie it's my yellow buzzfeed beanie that i got in place of a job so what do you think about collective organization i think uh i think it it seems good but vox got fucked over today so who knows i did oh shit sorry that wasn't sorry that wasn't fun it wasn't fun brendan o'neill's federate yeah it really is like the ugliest shade of yellow isn't it it's really bad it's like awesome not a good hat like the story about this hat was about like that oh you the buzzfeed owner um our friend of the show jonah peretti um announced announced um announced the uh the cuts and then he said at the end but you've all got this hat so it's oh it was

a little bit it was a little bit more in call than that but he basically announced that the uk was going to get rid of a lot of people soon but yeah instead of doing that thing he it during the period between when announcing the uk is going to get rid of a bunch of people and people actually being got rid of there was a christmas swag uh so essentially a load of people in the uk and it was about a third of the office in the end uh sat there and watched him on the screen go like yeah we've had a good year here's a free hat um as everyone's saying they're being like we may not may or may not have jobs um so yeah there was a dark dark time hey is the thing about the oysters and like stuff that free lunch is true it's complicated but look you can keep your you

can keep your ears warm while you go to the job center that's the plan that's the plan jonah's jonah's got you hell yeah it's a you like some groups of laborers need unions though they can represent their interests and actually try to bargain with capital others just need free hats cool millennial laborers they need hats that are like a little bit ironic because they've got a thing on top um that's the only collective bargaining i need lichard i remember jonah jonah predi giving like an interview or it was or it was some sort of quote about the union stuff and literally his argument was we don't need a union because we got loads of free shit and cool shit and yeah our employees don't need rights they got a ping pong table yeah well that's like elon

elon musk who was like look you've made a deal with the employees if you don't unionize i'll build a roller coaster for you so no this is like literally what he said so it was like it was like rides not rights was that particular pause that was way funnier than you fucking people gave a credit for i really am so excited um for like fucking elon elon musk to just do like a like a ted talk or something where he was like what if what if you could fuck twice why are you getting elon musk on the podcast i mean we do we do keep adding him it's just i keep adding him with a picture of a pig shitting on its own balls when i mean to type elon musk i respect you as a businessman please come on our podcast but then my thumb slips and i send him

a picture of a pig shitting on its own balls so why don't we um do the do our real politic inflected segment oh hell yeah um you've not played this in a while on your show no it's been it's been quite a long time taken a bit out of retirement yeah it's because it can't retire because it has no savings because we live in hell precisely and we're bringing back this segment especially for this show um you can hear my palpable enthusiasm for it like the the preparedness of of my patter and no basically this is a game that we invented in i think the third ever episode of real politics so back in christmas 2016 um which is called cop or comrade and essentially the rules of the game are that you

name some people and then you decide if they're a cop or a comrade so it's it's not that hard a game can i ask you know what are sort of the rules for each like well generally it's if somebody i don't know if somebody is like what if they're a comrade and a cop can they be both no no no cops are workers and cops is either a race nor a worker and do we do we arrive precisely what he means do we do we decide whether or not crisis actors is also loud as an option yeah that's a tricky one i'm gonna have to ruminate on that i'm afraid but um no basically you know if they're you know so like a centimeter to the right of me and they're a cop and and if i personally like them then they're a comrade so you can tell we've

got a pretty rigorous um you know set of criteria for for this this game um are you gonna cop or comrade the panel well i mean you're all to his right as the only person to his left i'm just very proud to be the only comrade here right there on my hard left but um yeah it should be a good finalization without compensation i think yeah we'll avoid doing evaluating the comradeliness of the panel because that might be divisive because you think i'm a cop isn't it look well i i have to read the off-com rules right so um should we get the ball rolling then yeah why not why not i mean we are up here with these microphones well uh so let's let's say first um because we're staying in the kind of trash

future lane apparently i was told i can't start like screaming about centrists and just like we have done a lot of that today standing up on top of a chair and no apparently that's not gonna happen so uh let's say elon musk is this is this a real question clearly a cop i mean well i have constantly union busts in order they can set a car to mars it's like it's not even a document so let's someone try and make the argument for elon musk being a comrade it's generally pretty easy like i say like if anyone's even slightly to the right of us then there's someone has an argument i'm sorry i'm intrigued no it doesn't sorry i mean it doesn't need to survive a heavy rocket so he's not he's not preserving the human

race he's preserving himself there is gonna there is gonna be the final rocket and he is going to be the person on it and be like yeah yeah i survived fuck you all also uh i guess if the people who came for the second half won't have heard this but humanity did invent a lube juicero so maybe we shouldn't survive you know maybe that maybe that's actually the argument for elon musk's comradeliness is that he's assisting the human race into going into just extinction are you saying that the lube juicero is one of the four horses of the apocalypse one of the four juicero is the apocalypse are the the juicero the lube juicero uh the t-phoria and then one who has yet to reveal himself it's a middle-class coffee thing

bloody coffee whatever that is yeah i've never heard of it i've never heard of that soup no coffee's a broth everyone it's a soup didn't elon musk also tried to decide like he was going to build a new a new public transport system but only built it under his own property genuinely for the longest time i just thought elon musk was like a prank i think he was real it's the name isn't it just it's not a real name because i i have this theory that everything it's a simpsons evil billionaire name yeah totally i have this theory that everything on the internet is fake and i just assumed he was fake news yeah pretty much no elon musk has actually been a very successful russian bot this whole time i'm pretty sure he's a markov chain based on just like some

shit joss weeden said i i actually my desk is opposite his at real politics studios in musk he's been in a marvel movie so he might well be a dross weeden plant yeah well i mean he was also he was also in the movie thank you for smoking where he played a guy whose entire thing was that he opened a door for someone and got covered up by the door which is the funniest he negotiated himself into a movie and then didn't appear in it you know a lot about elon musk elon musk is in a car are you elon musk it seems to me you are the expert elon musk is not a car elon musk's performance art yes that would actually be great i think

i think he is i'm gonna i'm calling it now so you're saying that he's been in this plant by shayla berth by class with a fast practice here elon musk is a slightly unpleasant smell there's a bit of an elon musk in here what's that um when he did the thing right where um we know most uh most most police departments in the states now have like f-35s or whatever so they can like pull people over or um you know ineffectively bomb a hospital they can they can both do it successfully which is terrible and also be terrible at it which i guess is kind of good um yeah no the f-35 is radical praxis um is that elon the whole flamethrower thing is is really kind of carpish right the whole

flamethrower thing he sold flamethrowers for a while he made like several million pounds selling flamethrowers as a joke why would that be real why would he be real i support the idea of having flamethrowers because of the zombies but like it's not real also the joke is very good in that he named the company after the fact it bore tunnels and he called it the boring company wow that is a good joke he's not real you know they always think i'm an elon musk trooper with that boring company thing i mean they said comedy would have a golden age now that trump is elected and who boy were they right i my sides are splitting constantly with all of the cool epic bacon reddit references that elon musk is making while he dooms our

species to extinction does he sell other types of weaponry or is it just cool ones like flamethrowers i think he sold hats for a while but i don't think that's weaponry no just people who wear them like brendan o'neill a fucking weapon mate that's a britishism do it in your own smith voice oh he's a fucking weapon it's fucking weapon frothy coffee 29 inch my 29 inch weapon is he yeah he is elon smith's wells yeah he's thinking about elon joan's yes elon smith's well yeah elon joan's comrade elon smith carp i think elon smith even confuses himself with elon joan sometimes but all of the men elon smith be off were comrades

nice all right um so i think we can do a toss up elon musk i am very smart i'm extremely smart and rational actually um yeah okay so we've got uh i think elon musk is a a dead heat between cop and performance art and maybe a bot perhaps perhaps a checksleeper agent checksleeper agent so he's a crisis actor to make he's a crisis actor to make all billionaires look good by being at the comedy billionaire actually justin trudeau objects to your use of the gendered phrase crisis actor it's crisis acting person thank you i fucking hate my country

so dumb as shit we literally have a male feminist tinder bio as our prime minister hey man don't knock the nao socks when you're in you know explicitly imperialist on your fucking socks like that is a cut above most standard western leadership what is he he saw the phrase to wear your heart on your sleeve and then he was like ah that's hack i'm i'm gonna put my money where um my feet are i don't know he's terrible insert joke about raffael there from a guardian saying shoes aren't shaped like feet so he's a cop isn't he i'm fucking come on ladies what a ridiculous man like yeah moving on like let's keep it within a similar wheelhouse and let's have someone who i saw

some headlines about recently i can't remember what they said though um bill gates i mean spoiler alert a lot of these people are going to be cops this is a whole industry of cops there are more cops in this industry than the cop industry well i mean the thing that gets me about bill gates why i think he's like sort of an intellectual cop is that what does that mean detective does a lot of paperwork that means he's a fucking nerd no it's that like he does do this thing right where he is kind of like a marvel villain specifically a marvel villain because his whole thing is i'm gonna save the world by doing weird experiments on people because he's like i've got this new way of doing education

anyway you can only get funding if you do my way of doing education you have to learn the math where the remainder of every long division is money that goes to me bill gates i mean if he was really a comrade he put his billions of dollars towards you know voting out reforms and gun reform and all of the very many things he could do but instead he's essentially giving it to charity which is not going to be the long-term solution it's the copliest thing you can do yeah it's not only that he's most the charities he's giving it to are like teach kids to code charities which basically all is she's just like better build a workforce i can extract value out of later has he got his own charity like yeah the gates foundation well no he shares he shares it with

his wife because he's a male feminist i mean that is pretty woke i gotta give it fair play to him if it was really woke it would be the melinda and bill gates foundation i mean i share my business like both my wife's so your pillows are your wives they may not be legally recognized yeah in this country in this back order rich once i can't wait for richard little john's next column let's stop pretending that a man a body pillow is the new normal can someone please try and convince richard little john that body pillows and why they're the new wives or whatever sorry i got distracted yeah sorry in the back we have a hand raise i think bill gates is a comrade because who is fucked up more government computer systems

than the inventor of microsoft microsoft is radical praxis so what you're saying is he's kind of a corporate rusher he's a check sleeper right aren't we all i mean i i get all of my instructions for being a check sleeper agent from check cast and couch channel hun porna of it's great apparently my my my activation phrase is you want to be a star she was great about doing this in real life is that everyone could just see us like heads in a high like a lot of times when you record where i just have my heads in my my head his heads and his wives they sit in the other room while we record because that's how we do it that's how we do it

it's our hamlets we're the radical salafist gucci gang and we will not be mad i spent three racks on new homemade bombs it's a reference to the song mech i think people went oh in the audience so putting at the point here and then put the song in the just oh i'm definitely putting in the song here this of course to any to well tell you i guess people here will know this means there's about a 30 chance i'll put in the song here rest on new chain my beloved do okay i couldn't possibly infringe copyright intellectual property is what is the basis of our society i fuck a bitch i forgot name i can't buy me no way to reign

oh rather go and buy bombings gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang, gucci gang so i actually kind of want to go with the um i kind of want to go with the idea that bill gates is maybe okay he's trying to be a cop but because because he has the competence of the three stooges putting in a chandelier he's an accidental comrade is accidental comrade an option um well it hasn't previously been but i mean this kind of stuff is quite flexible if we must i mean look if we break the rules the international federation of copper comrade won't recognize our points we scored tonight and it'll be just harder for us to get into the next tournament because they won't take us seriously so the thing the thing is always he

can't he needs a third category because he's like he's he's he's basically stopping the right way from doing anything because like i'm assuming that he's fucked up a bunch of like bombs that didn't land where they're supposed to because they're running on windows xp but he's probably also killed a bunch of people who needed urgent health care because like they couldn't figure out their login details because it kept crashing so like he's kind of just a neutral force of chaos so what what you're saying is that bill gates is the joker the nihilist he cares about no one wow that's he just wants to see things burn it's complicated he has damaged written on this forehead

it's photoshopped every time you see it is that migman linda gates harley quinn shit yeah you know i heard that bill gates goes trick or treating on christmas which i guess makes steve jobs batman and wasniac robin i think bill gates like lays on the floor surrounded by knives every time a windows xp update is definitely usb drives i definitely appreciate your case that yeah he's uh you know he's done some good but i think ultimately the good the good that a capitalist does is outweighed by and overruled by the capitalist means of production by which they generate their profits so i'm afraid i can't advocate him being even so much as an accidental comrade this is a point of principle

your support that that makes sense how about this how about this he's not a cop he's a beaverly hill he's not going to kill him malaria he is chris farley in beaverly hills cop he's a cop in the same way pull blot blot more cop is a cop he's a more cop he's a more cop he's a more cop okay bill gates more cop okay yeah fine that's cool yeah that's ideologically correct we have every consensus where's his diplomacy guys hi welcome to trash future of a centrist podcast we think means testing is good found a sensible center ground that's good finally i was worried that this podcast was about to get partisan um another person um right we've hit we've hit a problem here because i've forgotten the name

of the other person who we talked about and do you remember it well yeah it's of course it's logan paul he's our future president he's our future president obviously we're not ours americas i think maybe ours and so probably probably riley is when like trump just gets bored and kills just in true dough because he's distracted by explaining that actually he's not history it's herstory so um but no logan paul is 1000 a cop the other week logan like someone like all right fine broke into logan paul's house it happens like everyone gets people break into your house break into everyone you've broken into logan paul's house occasionally all he did was went to sleep and put in his phone to charge that's a normal thing to do

when you accidentally find yourself in someone else's house does he still live in that block which is all the vinyls no no no logan paul has his own six and a half million dollar house now because the video which someone accidentally broke into okay when you do when you make a video about how basically you have millions of dollars for being an idiot and you are kind of an idiot when you broadcast the location and worth of your house and all of the things that are in it then you're you're gonna get robbers he wasn't a robber he just went for nap he went for a nap on the sofa and then logan paul like was like did a citizen's arrest which apparently is a thing that i always assumed was a tv joke but

apparently is a real thing no it's a real thing it's a thing that all the gammon darts did right that's what i was gonna say no it's a real thing and it's a good thing when it's done to tony blare logan paul did it to a random stranger and then went outside and the police were like oh would you would you like would you like to press charge and he was like no it seems like he was just breaking in then like just a casual this is just a friend of his that we are going for my everything on the internet is basically because it cut like 30 seconds later he was like yeah because i just pressed charges i think he's just bad and he should be punished so he's a cop he was a literal cop he was arrested someone

he arrested someone he's a cop that's that's pretty cop-ish i think like logan paul so you're saying is not only does he not make his money from being a cop he just loves being a cop so much he does it for free he is a freelance cop everyone's gonna make some money some of us go and fiver some of us become freelance cops in terms of him like completely shopping himself just being like hey look at my fancy crib and all my shit but i've got look at all my shit that's a really good logan paul impression it reminds me of like the real politic everyone logan paul come on real politic don't bring a fucking corpse with you record audio of it

did you guys see the video where he tasered two was it two dead rats yeah two dead rats but he's a vegan now so it doesn't matter he's a vegan now yeah he knows i miss so much his damage control for the fact that he tased a bunch of dead rats is that he's now a vegan so that's fine whoa he's also trying to give cpr to a fish well that's a vegan he's trying to save the fish's life a lot of this feels like the kind of stuff a cop would do it's like tim pharen giving mouth to mouth to a female fish trying to stop it being gay come on i can get you interested man again forget the fluoride but i was going to say him like just shopping himself out by advertising his house and all

his possessions online it's like those drug dealers who instagram photos of them with big fat bags of weed like yo look at my shit yeah should be his videos are just about him selling his own shit oh actually here's his ways of comrade i can do a comrade one on him okay here's a comrade because what he's what he's doing is he's working on youtube uh making youtube like broadcast his shit everywhere but all that he's doing is selling his own merch off it so he's basically taking money off of youtube because they're not making any money because they refuse to let him advertise on him so he's actually taking google's money uh and as a lower state he's a comrade ergo he's a comrade because google's google's clearly a cop so he's a comrade by he's a comrade

no he's like in what those like shitty 80s movies where like you have a cop that goes against the system and goes against the man for justice yeah and like he has like you know a deep like accent and you know a hat like a fedora hat fedora he's a dirty cop he's he's um he's a cop who's damaged oh um he's dark and breeding is this like a buddy movie has he got like eddie murphy is so where where do we fall in logan paul man i was clearly a cop i was just big you just being the brendan o'neill of this conversation we need it you need a brendan o'neill it's i don't know where he's wearing a hat so i mean just i it's easy to forget that anyone who volunteers to be a cop is the coppest cop because like cops aren't workers and youtubers

obviously um but any youtuber who volunteers to be a cop is a definitely a double cop logan paul's definitely gonna like go to trump's volunteer board of fence isn't he wait i thought there was hours i thought the volunteer thing was ours on in the uk okay we're going to dover oh good oh wait he also does the thing where like anytime the disaster anytime it's a disaster what logan paul does is he goes to the disaster so when though the last hurricane he went with a jet ski and just like not kidding not kidding he was just he was jet skiing around and i'm desperately trying to remember the name of the city and i can't remember the city was florida i think new orleans thank you yes um it was yeah he went to

new orleans i just went around on a jet ski uh picking up people from houses but obviously like they were actually organized teams in place to do this so he kept just going to houses and being like hey hey do you need help and they're like no no we've we've got it we're here to help someone else what are you why are you here so he's femur which i i think is i don't know no right okay yes he is essentially a youtube femur jake paul did like almost the same thing except he handed out backpacks and t-shirts to the people he saved wait was it t-shirts with here like all his face on it and stuff fast business this mindset baby also logan paul's jet ski then broke down he had to be rescued by an actual rescuer so wait just just to be clear you should have performed a

citizens rescue on himself just to be clear logan paul went to go basically be a privatized femur for likes faves and subscribes yep and then in order to subsidize his private femur used federal money taxpayer money in order to get that done by getting rescued by normal femur because his jet ski broke down to prevent i think he was just rescued by a guy who was like had a pickup truck who was near him because he turned out the water he was almost like two feet deep and they were just like yeah my my my jet ski's gone man i can't do my jet ski i think i was like oh do you want to do you want to lift we're just like it's just on the road like you're like a hundred yards from dry land man like this is why the whole dead body thing was

like inevitable when it came to logan paul like literally if you if you look back at the catalog of shit that he's done i cannot believe it didn't happen before i yeah i can't believe it didn't happen sooner my big question is when is a paul brother going to decide to do like a saw style puzzle murder oh no no my money's on the dad dad's gonna do it because there's also also the dad's no vlogger uh his name is greg paul's it's a vlogger family and he's like and he's just like yeah i'm the paul dad and in all his stuff he wears pauling dad daddy paul he only wears like a low gang merch so it's just this like oh wow so he's got a favorite huh oh it's like this is not this thing that i girls do for my hyah who is just like not able to make vlogs but you're

getting like 200 000 views and everything and as he goes like yeah my son bought me a truck and he walks around a truck but he clearly doesn't particularly want to subscribe to his channel that sounds sweet no well he's he was very very so when logan paul was decided that he was not going to arrest the guy not going to press charges his dad literally was a cop once his dad was the one who persuaded him to actually press charges so his dad is the mega cop yeah because i hear i hear if you kill the original cop then all the other cops stop being caught that's how you do police abolition i'm pretty sure why why does the largest cop simply not eat the other cops are there any comrades in in in this industry

uh wendy didn't you suggest that on facebook wendy hold on it's good yes no there are some there are actually quite a few um dsa people in tech right now they're starting to start to unionize starting to um you know try to change the system from within there aren't that many but it's growing yeah it's definitely not the ones you've heard of is the thing right the ones you've heard of they're all they're all cops they're all terrible so i unfortunately you're not going to be able to name any comrades right now yeah i mean i'm not gonna i don't want to name it so they're bringing down the system from within no are there any sort of like bits of tech that are particularly ripe for comrades to be in

like any products or things they're making the russian hacking the only the only comradely no the only comradely thing you can do is be someone who buys a bunch of robo followers for us basically well it's it's a hell industry everybody what a hell of a way to industry i i for one am excited for them to turn our planet into the sun and i'm also excited to put my liver on the gig economy to keep peter teal alive oh if we were to if we'd have done him that would have been you know like the conversation over in a second like you know there's not there's not remotely a case to be i think i think he's something i think peter teal is something worse than a cop he's a he's a

vampire do the team still find vampires sexy john reintel chief political commentator of the independent for those nine manoeuvre holy shit guys super late oh hell yeah we've just determined that like the entire tech industry is cops especially those three the various volunteer cops the incompetent cops and elon musk performance art so can we play the baked alaska we love a cop song like there is a milk i need milk oh my god that's the real horseshoe theory baked alaska is tim ferris

oh good all right well it's super late i want another drink and i'm done my beer shall we and end the show all right so that's the deal thank you all so much for coming out oh so