TRASHFUTURE - National Tesco Big Brother Database

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

The little story of a London wine bar heir who decided to create a company that will scan your face constantly to see if you belong on a shoplifting database. And if you pop up, it’ll encourage Tesco employees to… annoy you? We’re not making this up. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Hello everyone and welcome to this it's Thursday for Us episode of TF. It's Thursday for us and the man who was Thursday for us. The podcast that promises you one thing. When we are off our usual schedule, we will tell you about it. We are, we are sitting, we are drinking soy tears into skim milk. We will tell you about our recording schedule. We will tell you what our position is relative to chairs. November, November, November.

Yes. You are drinking skimmed milk right now. Are you not? Am I? Crying soy tears. That's true. As a, as a lib. We're all, we're all, we're all just.

We're all almond facing. Yeah. That's right. We're all doing the almond face. I do think it's, that's quite endearing. Like, we haven't had a sort of like, consuming this type of very normal food makes you gay. We haven't had one of those for a while. That was like-

Of all the culture war stuff to import from the US, the soy stuff, you know, weird choice. It's, uh, it's, that's right, Jacob Reese-Mogg has- Yeah, Jacob Reese-Milk. I don't, I don't know if anything else has gone on. Would you like to hear milk.wav? Yes. I don't even, I don't know what this is. I forgot to get the Rees-Mogg drop, so you just have this instead.

What is the milk, mother? Oh, Jacob Rees-Mogg. Yeah, that really is him. Yeah, Jacob, I feel like the Jacob Rees-Mogg has gone on GB News to complain about how you can't milk an almond or a note, which is basically like doing a Bill Hicks bit, but minus like the leather jacket and with a kind of Savile Row suit. You can't even milk one of your fellow boys at boarding school. They remove that.

Which I think just proves that extended exposure to culture war is similar to seven CTEs. Yeah, like genuinely, it's it's so weird because they're kind of running out of US culture war stuff to import. A lot of it's just not worked. Like Liz Truss was today saying that like a cabal of trans civil servants had brought her down, which is just like it's desperation stuff. And so now you have Jacob Rees-Mogg being reduced to like he used to do government shit. He used to bother civil servants about stuff.

And now he's like, milk makes you gay or whatever the fuck. And it's just, it's really strange and pathetic. Hmm. It's weird that a man who is this Victorian and like doesn't have a computer on his desk is this online. Like it's a strange juxtaposition, like a man who like doesn't know what a computer is but is so infected with like like internet specific brainwashing. But he gets sort of like quill written tweets and stuff.

Yeah, he's reading like info wars but on illuminated manuscripts. Yeah, somewhere in the basement of the Reese Morgue mansion is like a stoker powering a computer that runs on coal. He's got a steam powered different engine. I've depicted myself as a series of valves indicating the position of a soyjack. No, he is of course then saying to everyone watching, you should all drink heavy cream all the time. I'm not gonna do that. I would have to shit atrociously, I feel. Which maybe is patriotic or would maybe make you into a, you know, good, strong, healthy Tory or whatever. But like, you read the fucking Master and Command novels or something,

like being a Tory is about eating like 10 to 15 pounds of mutton in one sitting. It's really come down in the world if you're, if the point is like cream, just ingest cream. Nanny would always inject heavy cream into her breast so that I might suckle it out. Yeah, it's too bad she stopped doing that last month. Yeah, it's honestly, his nutrition has really suffered. It's all of that stuff like I'm drinking unhealthy stuff. I'm unlike those. Are you triggered?

Are you triggered? Are you triggered? Yeah. With their faux leather sandals and their skib, it doesn't really make sense coming from someone whose whole, I'd say persona, is that of being a kind of aloof aristocrat. You wouldn't really imagine. Remember, always have to remember, he's not that. He just sort of plays one. But this is like, it's Greg Stubbe coded. It's not the type of shit Riz Mogh should

be doing. It doesn't work with his affect. You think he should have been saved from participation in direct frontline politics. He's been sort of tricked much like Greg Stooby should never have been in frontline politics. He should have been doing something funner and cooler. I have a creamed.wav and I have no idea what this is. We're gonna get creamed. Well, this is because like Rhys Mogg's thing is always like,

you know, he's lounging on the front bench at parliament loosely saying things like, well,, he's lounging on the front bench at parliament loosely saying things like, well, I think if you recall the Salmon Act, actually you aren't allowed to speak in parliament unless you're wearing a pocket watch. So why don't you toddle off home and collect your timepiece, sir? Like, that's his vibe. Like, he can't be doing like the American, like, the milk that makes you gay. Like, it's not, like it's not, it's not Rhys Mogg coded. Like, they're all being fought, like the Tory party is being forcibly like in weirdified.

And it's even affecting Jacob Rezmog, a man who's already weird. But a different kind of weird. But a different kind of weird, exactly. Only a matter of time until we get the Black Rifle Tea Company. Okay, come on, come on, we get, the Black Musket Tea Company.

Yeah, we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. I have another cream, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I have another cream actually My god, what a little electric segment. Yeah, we should go watch TV news anyway anyway. Hi everybody It's TF. Well, we didn't mention that the final glass of milk is favorite one Which is the unpasteurized straight from the cow was labeled Chad. It said Chad on the label. It was the Chad milk. I don't think that milk makes you Chad. Well, that's because these guys all have internet people working for them.

Also, also like Jacob Rees Mogg very far from the traditional depiction of a Chad, I would say you can't draw him in profile as the like yes guy with that jawline He's very much the quintessential virgin, right? Yeah, he looks like a muppet He looks like beaker but like with a monocle not even a muppet that's like Sort of congruent with the yes Chad guy like Sam the eagle you could do as a chat beaker. Yeah, absolutely out of the question Beaker will never be a chat. If that is the battle line. If that is the battle line.

I mean, there's a few. These are the battle lines that we are willing to draw. We do miss piggy chat. Beaker is always ruining the experiments of Dr. Bunsen and Ian and he suffers no consequences. So we talk about parliament. Apparently parliament is, every MP now is under a huge amount of danger from... Every MP has been assassinated.

We regret to tell you this, but like every single one of them, they have all been assassinated and are assassinated every day by mean tweets. Yeah, by gender, by Hamas, by anyone engaging with them with anything except for deference? I used to say about this, that the only sort of like bipartisan political position in parliament was it should be illegal to at me. And it's back, you know, it never really went away. Yeah, they brought Wes Streeting the wrong gyoza in Wagamot and he's not recovered. So what happened for American listeners is there were... Oaths that they are.

There are periodically... Yeah, there are... Period... And I don't want to get into too much of the parliamentary wrangling. This is just so you can know the kind of the kind of the, I don't know, the the genesis of the sort of new furor here was the SNP had an opposition day where you can then bring, you as the opposition are allowed to bring motions and set an agenda, right? You're probably going to have them all voted down, but you can at least like force questions on it. And the SNP are in this place where for both cynical and idealistic reasons, they

get to be right about Gaza and demand an immediate ceasefire and, you know, do all the things that don't concede to Israel in a way that's very gratifying. Importantly as well, making reference to things like collective punishment, which are then like have legal ramifications for the UK to recognize that something like that is going on. Yeah. Yeah. So they are able to bring this motion. And the last time they did this, it caused a huge stir in the Labour Party, which basically

caused a bunch of MPs and front benchers to sort of vote against a more watered down Labour resolution that's just like, we think it's nice to be nice. Yeah. And that went to some weird places, like Jess Phillips resigned over it, for instance. Yeah, unexpected stuff. Now, this has happened again, right? But with the, I don't know, again,

we tend to talk about the domestic UK side of these things. This is not the most important thing. This is just the thing going on here. Yeah, it's not unimportant either. Like, as far as like... When I say this is not the most important thing. This is just the thing going on here. Yeah, it's not unimportant either. Like as far as like... When I say this is not the most important thing about the situation, about what's going on in the Middle East. This is me slicing my beer can into a little man and going, time is a flat circle, Riley.

Everything that's ever been done will happen again. I mean, this is the thing. It's like if every single member of the commons, like all voted for a private member's bill enthusiastically endorsing Hamas, it wouldn't make any difference in terms of the actual diplomatic repercussions of it. But in terms of having condemned this now, it is going to add a little bit to the historical record, at least. Yeah, correct.

Like if you're a Rupert Murdoch right now, you have the opportunity to do the funniest thing possible, which is throw one that, but two, throw the British tabloid press full throat behind the British government should support Hamas and watch the way Kearstarma triangulates. Going out on a green headband. I welcome her, Matt. The only thing I would criticise her must for is that they have shaken hands with Jeremy

Corbyn, but other than that, I've always thought they were very reasonable people. Labour has changed and changed again. I'm sorry. No, so, in any case, the SNP brings forward this motion that has some specific things in it that would have effects in UK law if the parliament recognizes. Labour then drafts basically another amendment. Yeah, the pussy amendment, if you will. Yeah, taking out references to things like collective punishment, calling for a ceasefire

right now, but stopping short of anything that makes any sort of measurable difference to what their position has been. It's nice to be nice. Essentially yes. And again, there's a little bit of rules finagling, which I don't think is the most interesting part, which is essentially to go to the speaker and say, you have to break parliamentary protocol to put our amendment first so we don't have a whole bunch of resignations again. Yeah.

What it is is that they stitched it up with the Speaker of the House of Commons so that you MPs didn't get to vote on the SNP thing, which saved Starmer from an embarrassing rebellion, but which thoroughly pissed off the SNP and the Tories. And then the thing that I think is the sort of most, I don't know, darkly funny about it is that the labor right, dark arts people or whatever could not stop themselves from immediately calling every journalist they knew and saying, we just did the best blackmail you have ever seen. They're so excited to be back in power that they kind of to switch countries in my metaphors.

They spike the football, right? And they're like, we just blackmailed the shit out of this guy. It's great looking forward to like 15 years in power cheers. But also, crucially, the sort of the labor right thing was step one, do the blackmail. Step two, announce doing the blackmail. Step three, anyone who is mad at me for either doing or announcing the blackmail. Step two, announce doing the blackmail. Step three, anyone who is mad at me for either doing or announcing the blackmail is assassinating me. Step four, deny doing the blackmail. That's the real prestige. It's so funny to imagine

being like threatened in a mafioso way by Kearstar. I go, Mr Speaker, I couldn't help but notice what a pristine robe you're wearing. It would be a shame if it were to be rent or be grime in any way. What I'm saying is, Mr. Speaker, you and I are good friends and I would like that relationship to continue. It would be a shame if you were to meet with some kind of unfortunate accident of the type which under this government has become all too common. My father was a toolmaker and he did teach me certain things such as how to make a rudimentary shiv out of sheet metal. Now that's not something I would like to have to do, Mr Speaker. I would not like for that shiv to be brought anywhere near your kneecaps, but it's impossible for me to guarantee at

this time that that won't happen unless certain measures are taken by you to ensure that our amendment goes first. And in that case, we can be sure to leave your sporting goods store alone. Oh, yes, Starmer busting out Lindsay Hoyle, huh? That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Get back in your Hoyle, Lindsay. Don't chew rabidus on me.

You're a degenerate fucking politician. Do you think you're the first child that's been politically maneuvered? This is my brother Butter. That's how I make a living. But dad, wasn't this Eric Hoyle's Jeep? Like, you'll drive it and you'll enjoy it. It's a sensible car. It's a Suzuki Vitara. So, right, this is sort of the maneuverings, right?

The various political maneuverings. His dumb products. And it was designed basically to allow... Do we talk about... Like when we talk about Israel, we talk about the Western support of Israel trying to... And Western countries continually trying to thread the needle however they can of saying, we are supporting Israel. We wouldn't support them if they committed a genocide. we don't think they are committing one basically, right? I think a lot of democratic institutions or sort of managed democratic institutions, whatever you want to call it, have to keep running up against the fact that this is manifestly

invisibly untrue and is proven most often time and again by like fucking members of the Gnesset by by by IDF soldiers. You have to do all of this like Senate parliamentarian bullshit and all of this like Robert's Rules of Order shit and then having done it you go and check Twitter in between texting lobby journalists about how epically you just threatened a guy and you see a bunch of videos of like IDF guys like stealing women's underwear or whatever. Yeah, it reminds me of like, I knew this girl who was a who was a criminal barrister who did legal aid work and she was constantly having to defend like guys in the drug business who were like, yeah, I killed the guy, but I'm pleading not guilty. And she's like, please do not say that in court.

And that is like, what everyone defending Israel is like, is like, look, I know they're saying they're committing a genocide, but I think we can all agree that's a bit of Tom Foolery. And actually, they're not. And this is the kind of fallout from that, right? Which is that these institutions need to keep threading that needle of advertising to the home, as advertising to both sides of the home audience, and also maintaining the required sort of international stance. Well, and then this is just another example of like, one of the gears is just stopped and the other is just losing teeth on it as it wax up against it. Yeah, is that good? Not as losing as many teeth as Lindsay Hoyle.

And we talk about like this particular issue is just shattering the consensus of like Western democracy, whatever you want to call it, because it is the unstoppable force in the immovable object, just colliding with one another. And in every event, where that contradiction then goes is that every MP from every party has now already agreed. Stella Creasy has already written a fucking Guardian article already, right? At the time of the recording of this episode, already there's one out about how every MP, as you said, November, is getting assassinated every day, how in fact some were saying, oh, and there was a mob, a very angry, wink pro-Palestinian, wink protesters outside of parliament. But again, another, I follow with a bunch of bigger and

lesser lobby journalists just because I want to know what they're saying for the purposes of the show. And because we're all best friends with those people, because we are the leftmost extremity of that amoeba. But, right. Is it set a creasy the MP for like Crouch End? She's had a gales for catcher thrown at her in the street. Any case. Someone set their sausage dog on her. Any case, right?

That other lobby journalists who are leaving were saying, well, hang on a second, I'm leaving parliament at the same time. I see no mob. I see nothing. Well, we had a Scottish version of this. That's only one mob you don't have to worry about. As West Streeting is kind of like putting red laces into his boots. Yeah, you kick up to West Streeting and no one else. But no, I mean, there was this thing in Scotland where it's like, was it Paul Mason? It was like, yeah, Paul, it was Paul Sweeney who was like,

we're inside an MSP's office and like 30 ferrule Palestine activists are trying to kick the door down. And then someone posted a photo and it's two of the most bored cops you've seen in your life standing in a doorway and five nice older people with signs just standing across the hallway from them being like, I think it's bad that there's a genocide. Well, because what the old what they're what you're doing in that case, right, is you are defending yourself by raising the emotional temperature so high you're saying doesn't

matter. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I need protection. How dare you tell me like this thing that I'm scared of isn't actually happening when I'm so scared of it. By the way, since every MP is invoking Joe Cox and her murder, do we know what she thought about Palestine at all? Or, well, also the guy who murdered her,

what was his deal, What's he on about? Well, she was murdered by the left. She was murdered by supporters of Jeremy Corbyn. Oh, yes. It was because it was that guy, right? That that momentum guy who like waited for her and then hit her with like a tweet. Well, if this is like they're all basically saying, I'm going to be the next Joe Cox.

And then what is what is allowed to happen is then pundits are able to then go on, I don't know, Julia Hartley Brewer is able to go on talk TV and loudly wonder, you know, who is, when will action finally be taken against these Britain-hating traders who all happen to support pretty Muslim stuff, by the way? Who rid me of these turbulent protesters? I'm gonna be the next Joe Cox.

No, don't worry, Not by taking a principled stance at anything. God no. Not in that sense. Mason You know, and this is basically, right? We have the consensus that has been very quickly reached. As a result of the fallout from some political wrangling, because then the Labour Party has had to say why it asked the Speaker to take some extraordinary measure. It's like, well, we thought that if we were to openly disagree with the idea that Israel is engaging in collective punishment of Gazans, that that would incite the sort of at once terrifying and strong but cowardly and amusing and weak enemies in the name of like Islamists quote unquote unquote unquote and the left who are either in thrall to them or in their

thrall they will all be incited to terrorize us with posts and placards and we'll get assassinated every day. There are a bunch of like Hamas and Hezbollah guys in the gallery of the House of Commons at that point when they were sort of debating that, as I understand. Well, they were on a tour. Yeah. Yeah. They were tour crew. Yeah, that's right.

Well, they can't enjoy architecture. Yeah. Right. So, and this is like, I don't like to overstate things. I think that this particular horse, which was basically all but one tail hair out of the barn. As now, its last tail hair has left the barn, as everyone has agreed that the state of exception, which I think has been being begged for and begged for and begged for by people, abysed, let's say more and more and more of the political spectrum, starting of course with your Douglas

Murrays and stuff on the right. The state of exception is now closer to being enacted. Or you can say, well, it's all very well and good to believe what you believe. However, we are now going to look at covering more things like engaging in some kind of demand, a political demand that this be recognized. Yeah, don't do that. But that is now sort of terroristic because we MPs are all scared, right? We MP is now a protected class

in like the progressive stack. Yeah, that's all right. I mean, when normal people are scared or emotionally affected by things, that doesn't count, of course. I just vaguely remember a few years ago when an activist, I think, sort of like said, like did a thread on Twitter about how when she was sort of doing, when she was sort of door knocking, like she got, when this was like sort of during the Corbin period, she was sort of getting like, there were lots of stories about this, like getting sort of like physically attacked.

LJ – Oh yeah. JG – There was no preparation for that. And like an MP, and again, like if I'm sort of only half remembering the story, so like apologies if I've got it wrong. But like, from what I understand, it wasn't an MP, it was like someone who worked at the local labour branch was just like, you know, well, that's something that you have to deal with, right? Like that is part and parcel of politics. And if you don't like it, then you know, fuck off. Something along those lines. There's like a lot of examples, there are like a lot of examples of that. And to me, it sort of feels quite interesting, because I don't think it's like entirely incorrect to sort of be like, okay, well, maybe, you know, maybe there does need to be like

a bit more, at least awareness of protection of, you know, not just MPs, but anyone who's sort of doing political campaigning, especially at times when there is an increase of politically driven violence. Mason Sure. You have to identify where that political violence is coming from. Mason All of that was sort of ignored. All of that has been made worse by ongoing austerity and the government just not giving a shit about it. And then all of a sudden, And the government just like not giving a shit about it. And then all of a sudden, like the kind of the rebirth of the invoking of the term Islamist now kind of has created this existential crisis.

But the thing that is really interesting to me is that like, even this time when they're trying to sort of use the Islamist angle as a way of kind of suggesting that democracy is in danger, at least the last time this was sort of invoked, they were kind of talking about like that democracy is in danger. At least for last time, this was sort of invoked. They were kind of talking about like an actual Islamist group, but this time around, this isn't sort of an Islamist objective, right? Like the people who are showing up to these protests are kind of not echoing any sort of Islamist objective. There has been even like the most sort of out, even the most sort of like bad faith observations of these protests have never sort of said that, oh, there are people here who are calling for like the establishment of an Islamic state.

JG But a man went to Steadicris's office and said, would you like me to be the cat? CK So the argument sort of just seems to sort of be that, oh, there's a lot of people protesting, and it just so happens that a lot of people who are protesting are visibly Muslim and therefore the sort of existential threat of Islamism has come back and we need to sort of heavily police it, securitize it, deport people. There was like one kind of post that I saw on my way here where someone was sort of saying that like, oh, the rise of Islamism can't be, the rise of this Islamist threat can't be divorced from recent immigrants of this country. But this is like... Yeah, but there's no evidence to suggest that there's a relationship between the two. This is just... Like, these are kind of... In a really weird way, and it

sort of goes back to the beginning when we were sort of talking about right-wing culture wars and grievances and everything, and how that is sort of all kind of coalescing in these very weird ways. This does seem to sort of be another attempt to sort of do culture wars where even though logically it doesn't make sense, it's more about like invoking particular feelings and using these kind of contemporary moments as sort of conduits to enhance that. If you want to talk about feeling, right? Again, it's as though the op-eds were already written, right? Because the op-eds as well are talking about how,

oh, abuse directed at MPs is appearing to influence the way parliament functions, right? That it's, because what that's saying, right, is you people who are protesting, right? You people who are demanding from your MPs that they like do something, right? That you people who are making political demands of your MPs, right? You are breaking parliament because you're scaring,

because you're scaring the host. They've been trying to do this for a while in the sense that like, from what I've seen, there has always been this, for the past couple of months, there has been this attempt to sort of associate the protests, the sort of anti-genocide protests that are happening on most weekends in London and around the protests, the sort of anti-genocide protests that are happening on most weekends in London and around the country as sort of being like an existential danger. And initially, they were trying to do it on the basis that like, oh, these crowds are really violent.

They're sort of making London unsafe for tourists to come down. They were like people who have always been like... L. Yeah, like the guys in Hezbollah. J. You know, like another weekend where I can't come into London because of like, you know, all these protesters, but they're not really clear how the protesters are sort of disturbing them unless like they want to go to a very specific brunch place that just happens to be on Trafalgar Square. I tell you why you can't go into London the weekend, because there's no fucking trains cunt.

How about that? And that hasn't really landed. Like I feel like there's lots of kind of like weird people sort of complain about it, but it hasn't really landed. Like, I feel like there's lots of kind of like weird people sort of complain about it, but it hasn't quite landed. And so to me, this sort of speaks to a time where they've sort of figured out that, oh, we can make this, this has more of a chance to land. If you sort of say that these protests are a threat to sort of the functioning of democracy, and it's making like MPs have like, and like, you know, leader of the opposition having to resort to extreme circumstances and

almost derail parliamentary process because they're so terrified of these protesters. That seems as good as any as a way of attempting to kind of curtail or ban or at least sort of like massively contain these protests, which is something that they've been trying to do for like a very, very long time. They're about to turn to Kirste Armour's mob for protection. If you compare this to the things that are then said after a successful terrorist attack or a successful assassination, which are inevitably of the kind of like we will never yield to this kind of pressure, this, you know, if we change our ways of living, then the terrorists

of one doing this now seems like as if it's only going to embed the lesson like making MPs frightened if this is apparently what's happening. Fucking it's working really well because you know that on the news all the time talking about how terrified they are and how much they're going to have to change. The only mod that we're allowed to accept is the mod that keeps doing chopped salads. Yeah, that's right. What the fuck are they frightened of exactly like I just find it a bit like if you're like if you're stellar creasy How high up fucking Hamas is hit list. Do you realistically think you are? They'd have to murder a fuck of a lot of members of the British government before turning their attention to stellar creasy I mean maybe the idea is there they envisioned some kind of like

South London far left terrorist cell, which I... But they think that they're being controlled by Hamas. So why are Hamas directing them at Stela Creek? What they think is just, I deserve deference. My job in politics should be to, you know, take my meetings with my gambling companies, promise them I can get them like insider access, whatever it is, right? It should be fun. I should feel important. I should get my Westwing moment. I shouldn't have to deal with any of this. I shouldn't have to look at protesters.

I shouldn't have to think about the consequences of my actions. It might be important, right? I should not have to be exposed to any of this. Say what you like about the Westwing as a piece of liberal mythology, but at least it had the idea that politicians were public servants. Whereas this is something completely alien to a lot of MPs now. It's like, earn my fucking respect, cunt. Like, all these people were parachuted into these seats that they can never be voted out of because they're like completely sent. And it's just like, well, why? Why do you deserve deference? On what basis? What the fuck have you ever done?

Well, this is the other thing too, is that like, if you can't be voted out, because like your seat is never going to change hands, and there's never going to be like an insurgent left challenge to you in your fucking one village in Bedfordshire or whatever, then the only thing that can conceivably threaten you is, I guess, a Hamas guy popping out of a manhole cover with an AK. Like, Like, where's Streeting is like, what if the plot of the film Air Bud had happened to a British MP? Like, there's nothing in the rules that says a man with the brain of a dog can't be a member of parliament.

And now he has a fucking job for life. And also, we have to be nice to him. No, fuck off, he's moron. He was telling me he's moron every day of his fucking life until he quits. Now, and I think the thing that of course that they're scared of, or that they're saying they're scared of, it's worth understanding as this is a kind of moral panic that has been stoked by the right and liberals for about a decade now, more or less, which is this idea. A weird alliance between those two. Yeah, which is this idea that there is a mob out there, and the mob is always them, capital

T, and those them are always a threat. And them is people who have beliefs that make you a little bit uncomfortable. And if you pay up, we can all still be friends. People who might be immigrants, might have beliefs that make you a little uncomfortable, might have expressed their gender in ways that you find weird, and you have to be scared of them because they, at any, capital T they, at any point, could come in and take over and then you're going to be like, you know, giving your pronouns in the gender minds forever, as you mind the like, you know, as you mind new pronouns for Hamas.

Whatever it is, whatever it is, they're telling a scary story to themselves, to sort of amp themselves up to take drastic action later. And my worry is that what we've done is we've essentially looked at the Reichstag and said, I'm afraid this might burn down. Let's act as though it did. Yeah. Also, as far as all of these things existing in a kind of strange confluence. My favorite culture war thing was renaming the overground lines and some far right guy saying these days it would probably because of woke be named the George Floyd bottom surgery Hamas line. Yeah, they should name it that. I've been thinking about that for a week.

George Floyd got bottom surgery. Yeah, from a mass. Yeah. Yeah. I think you funded it. Very, very progressive. The people tell you about the tunnels under the hospitals, but they don't tell you about the hospital in the tunnels. It does gender reassignment surgery.

Yeah, you rescue all the hostages, but they all come back with their genders reassigned. Yeah. So I think that the, one of the reasons I'm sort of, I don't know, I guess a little more worried. I mean, what else can when you really do be worried about what has transpired over the last couple of days is that there is a pretty unprecedented level of lockstep agreement now among everyone in power

that something must be done immediately and that there is an immediate clear present and immediate danger that it must be done about. Deference must be restored. Yes. And you know you wonder. How do we know how to restore that? Oh, heavy handedness, beatings, making an example of people. The beatings will continue until deference improves. Yeah. I only intended that to be like one news item, but I think we ended up staying in there

for the right amount of time. Alexi Navalny was insufficiently deference to Keir Starman. We'll know what happened to him. I've got the recipe for Novichok here. I've got shooters out here. I've got men in prisons in Siberia, armed with rubber hose parts. It doesn't matter where you cannot run from my tendrils.

Mr Speaker. Lindsay Hoyle being chased through a fucking sore labyrinth. You could go to fucking Tibet and I will have men, nutters, from Parkhurst, halfway up Mount Everest ready to chop your tarty fucking legs off. Do I make myself clear? Oh look, the business section, looking distinctly fucking unread. If you've not seen the Alan Ford East End Sug recurring sketch in the Armanda-Yunuchi

show, I can recommend. So, do we, with the sort of dying moments of this show, with the final third, do we want to hear about a company started by a wine bar owner that is a British clear view, or do we want to hear about a house in Salt Lake City that is trying to become an intentional community based on market anarchy led by a man called Prophet? Oh, Ambassador, you spoil us. This is a tough one. Yeah. I'm going with the house in Salt Lake City.

You know what? Yeah, that's obviously, that's very classic TF, but then also British wine bar guy started. I love a stupid British posh show. I, I, you might have to cast in Go there. Wine bar guy started like I love a stupid British posh oh I You might have to cast him guy. Okay. Yeah, okay. I vote wine bar. Okay. We're gonna talk about We're gonna talk about the meta Dow and it's ideology of futarky. Oh They finally put Peter Dow on the blog chain Yeah, that's right Let me just bring up the document for FaceWatch.

The Dow that can be told is not the true Dow. FaceWatch, a movie with Nicolas Cage and John Travolta, about two men who swapped watches. FaceWatch is the UK's leading facial recognition retail security company. Awesome. Yeah, boy. Immediately awesome from me. And imagine this in the context of what we just spoke about. Awesome. Immediately awesome from me. And imagine this in the context of what we just spoke about. Yeah. Just read into this everyone who comes within like a 500

foot radius of Stella Creasy's location. Wherever that is. Stella Creasy is wearing the NFT mask. They can record everyone's facial recognition data. If you want to know what that's a call forward to, subscribe to the Patreon in a few months, when... It's not a few months. It's a couple months. Subscribe to the Patreon like 20 years time. It's gonna be like April. That's a reference to an episode that's gonna come out in fucking May. So, hey, NF Team As, that takes a picture?

Wow. Subscribe in May. Be a real head and like keep that in mind. And then in May, you'll be like, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, I know my TF. Yeah, if you're re-listening to this episode in May, you're gonna have a fucking delightful time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you've ever fucked an egg, you're gonna love- Yeah, if you wanna fuck an egg. If you love the filmography of Kevin Hart, but only the dramas. That's right. Or if you want to like fuckable egg. Yeah. Or if you love the work of F. Gary Gary.

Okay. All right. No more call forwards to an episode that's coming out in May. So FaceWatch is the UK's leading facial recognition retail security company. Our proprietary cloud based facial recognition system safeguards businesses against crime, creating a safer environment. System sends an alert the instant a subject of interest enters your premises. Now, so again, it like hits the big fucking klaxon that's like mean Twitter detected.

They're the only shared national facial recognition database. Oh, good. Simple, secure and UK law compliant. Face watch is proven to stop crime before it happens. All of my law school professors marking this down, no such thing as UK law. It's not a unitary system. So they're doing like pre-cold shit. Like we know when you're about to commit a crime. Because you've committed crimes before. You look a bit shifty.

I see you've committed crimes before. I'm illegal. It's time. Dave Corny can't go into any fucking Tesco Metro. We're not mouse. RIP. I'll illegal. It's time. Dave Courtney can't go into any fucking Tesco Metro. We're not mad. RIP. I know. I mean, he used to be able to.

He never actually committed many crimes. It's the thing about Dave Courtney. That is true. We can say that now that he's dead because it's not libeling him anymore. Yeah, that's right. He'd have taken us to court. It'd be like, oh, come on, it loads of crimes. Okay.

It's time for retailer businesses to take a stand. Right. A stand against what? Probably all the shoplifting, right? Oh, yeah. Has shoplifting made retail shops unprofitable? Actually, it says half of all retail profits go on shoplifting. That's a fucking lie.

That's just a lie. It's not true. Hardly anyone shoplifts. Can't be true. Hardly anyone shoplifts can't be true, inaccurate. No, I mean, listen, the thing is, I buy everything down the pub and I think I might be wasting the national average in favor of the shoplifting there slightly. So I apologize for doing that. This is one of those crazy things where it's like the reason why supermarkets put in like

loads of self-checkouts and basically no oversight was because they knew that most people just won't steal stuff from the shop. The vast majority of people who steal from shops are people in positions of desperation and that's not many people in any given shop. Well, I think everyone who goes into a store is there to shoplift. It has to be tricked into buying some. That's right. That's true. That's true. Yeah, we're scared That's why you need the increasingly tactical Tesco security guard

Some of my favorite guys in the country right now by the way every every time I go in there that motherfucker has a new thing on He's like he's worse than I am for buying Yeah, like I'm gonna go in there. He's gonna be wearing the like Secure a or like fucking riot helmet. No, no. No, no. You need the night vision goggles. No, what he usually needs. He needs like the call of duty black ops skull balaclava. I hate when I go into Tesco and in order to get out with my like Kit Kat chunky for my meal deal, I have to like shoot all of the individual pieces of body armor off of the security guard to get to his health bar.

So we're being sent into Sainsbury's local. We got his black ops. We're in the bakery section. It's dinner for two, so there's a man trying to pass off a pan of chocolate. I was a plain croissant in the self checkout weapons free. You get the guy on the left. Yeah, that's the, they need essay. Sorry, but is this a good time to tell you I love you?

The SAS guys in the rafters ready to just fucking bat man people up. They say, a continued reduction in police resources, combined with an inconsistent approach across the UK, has resulted in a significant under-reporting of theft and retail playing directly into criminal hands. It's under- in what? Well then why doesn't retail ever shut the fuck up about it? It's under-reported because no one fucking cares.

Like if you're like Sainsbury's, you just price in a certain amount of shoplifting. Like they all- because it's inevitable. Like you can't have a zero shoplifting system when you run a chain of super- it It's not possible. Like, we don't live in minority report and it wouldn't be desirable to. Yeah, because people fucking hate it. They hate it. So this is from a recent New York Times article about FaceWatch because once again, like this thing that's now ubiquitous across the UK and is being championed by the home office is like, basically this should go everywhere.

Yeah, and can only be reported on by podcasts and American media. The Guardian has focused on the parliamentary element of it, but they haven't gotten into the company. Well, I mean, I'm difficult to do transphobia there, so it kind of doesn't hold their attention. Fraser Sampson, Britain's biometrics and surveillance camera commissioner, who advises the government on policies from the Guardian, said there was a nervousness and hesitancy on facial recognition technology because the privacy concerns and poorly performing algorithms of the past. FaceWatch, which licenses facial recognition technology made by real networks and Amazon, is now inside nearly 400 stores across Britain.

Again, right? I have an objection to this, which is at the other end of this, which is say you do work in like the Tesco, which is like Escape from New York, right? The one that like every newspaper profile about this manages to find. Escape from Barhandle. Yeah. Yeah. Where every single person who comes in as part of an organized shoplifting ring and who threatens to like, chef you up if you get in their way.

Right. Obviously not pleasant. If the like, then like fucking AI facial recognition thing recognizes the guy who like, regularly comes into shoplift and hits the big that guy's coming in here to shoplift alarm and there's no cops and your only option is the like, you know, security guard covered in body armor. What to do then? Well, that's why he needs to have a tank. What they say you do is that you send some staff to the guy who sharp lifts to go and pester him. What? No, because then he's just going to threaten them too.

You go, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't steal that. Hey, it would make me really sad if you start, it would actually like, it would really impact my mental health. I'm going to hold my breath if you steal that. Hey, it would make me really sad if you said it would actually like it would really impact my mental health. I'm going to hold my breath if you steal that. That's right. You shoplift and then outside your house waiting for you are a bunch of like Tesco employees in the fleeces looking like fucking Victorian street urchins being like,

please no, no, no, no. The Tesco guy pointing an obviously toy gun at his own head and going, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Trained on millions of pictures and videos, the systems read the biometric information of a face as the person walks into a shop and check it against a database of flagged individuals. And face watches watch list is constantly growing as stores upload

photos of shop lifters and problematic customers. I'm just thinking of the bit and sonotine with the Takeshi Takatana with the fucking pistol against his head, except he's wearing the test gun. You very nearly said Takeshi 6'9". Yeah, I did. When he was in Sonatine. So, every time FaceWatcher's system recognizes a shoplifter, a notification goes to a person who passes the test to be a super recognizer, someone with a special talent for remembering

faces. This is like a... Well, I mean, I don't want to bring up the Kevin Hart movie again, but this is like part of the Kevin Hart movie. Like this guy has a super talent for recognizing faces. Guy who just saw the movie lift with Kevin Hart. This has a lot of Kevin Hart lifts. This guy, like he has object permanence. Like when his mother puts her hands up in front of her face,

he knows she's still there. And that's why his job is face recognising. But again, the, like, super recogniser is gonna do what? Send Beat Takeshi to the house? Yeah, and Beat Takeshi's gonna, like, hit them with a puffy Q-tip that's gonna send them falling into a mud pit, like, into Takeshi's castle.

Yeah, they send it, they sell us the alarm in Sainsbury's and it's like, arm yourselves, get the stove, baguettes. There's like a rack of them on the wall. No, no grocery store. So, someone with a talent for remembering faces. Within seconds, the super recognizer must confirm the match against the face watch database before an alerted sense. There's a human in the loop who's like a professional people person. I don't care. Like it doesn't make it any less inhumane, but also at the other end of it is just question mark, question mark, question mark. It's not tied to like a fucking Portal 2 sentry gun. So what the fuck, right? Like it's just invading your privacy.

Yeah. Well, it's not just invading your privacy. It's also creating a kind of unaccountable private way to allow someone to get fucked with if you upload their picture to the system. Yeah, for sure. I'd like you get like a bad social credit score from this. You like apply for a loan or something and they're like interesting and yet you are on the fucking Tesco Robo cop heads up display as probable shop. So you should see the state of this guy's nectar account. He never uses any of the incentivized vouchers to get him to buy Pomodoro to my eyes when they're on club card price. These yeah, the thing is right. If you don't have a nexocard, if you don't have a Club card, it is legal to kill you at any time.

You are basically an owl law in this country. You're an unperson. Yeah, never talk to me about the social credit system because we fucking have Nexa points. That person I mentioned, by the way, Fraser Sampson, who was when the article in The Guardian that was read, the biometrics and surveillance camera commissioner for the government approved FaceWatch, then like next week went out got a job at face watch.

Well, yeah, so good. Must have done really well at the interview. Yeah. Well, they recognized him from when it because they employ all those people. They were like, hey, you're the guy who approved face watch. Anyway, time to objectively interview you for this job. Oh my God. How would you say it's your greatest weakness? This is correct, because now we're meeting officially as opposed to that unofficial meeting we had. Anyway. Well, so Samson said, joining FaceWatch was an easy decision to take.

They've invited challenge, a huge practice of policy, and responded promptly to ensure their operation are lawful and ethical. Now that I'm working for them, I can make double sure from inside. So Nick Fisher is pushing them to the left. Lawful and ethical now that I'm working for them. I can make double shirt from inside. Yeah, so Nick Fisher is pushing them to the left like let's we can't legally say that this man was bribed But he's doing a pretty good job of being like isn't it crazy that I took no Bribes during this in time. These guys are so fucking smug It's so like talking about people who should be in more fear guys like this who are just like

I'm doing a crime and there's nothing any of you can do about it. Lee was speaking, you did not say that. You fucking cunt. You find we all know what the fucking game is, you little prick. Now, Nick Fisher, the chairman of FaceWatch said, FaceWatch sought to recruit Professor Samson to act as a critical friend. A critical friend? Critical friend, Nick Samson.

And I'm Craig Fishman. His appointment further strengthens our commitment to responsible and lawful facial recognition to prevent crime and people becoming victims of crime. Oh my god! That's insane! This is one of the most nakedly corrupt things that has ever happened. And it's like our commitment to integrity, as demonstrated by this clearly manifestly corrupt thing that we've just done. By hiring the guy who approved us from the government moments after he did it.

The sort of thing where were we not engaging in corruption, we wouldn't do this just because it would look like we were. Like it's the sort of thing the optics of which would be so bad. That even if it were a coincidence you still wouldn't do it. Who started FaceWatch though because it's not Nick Fisher. It's a guy called Simon Gordon who ran, who started a little wine bar in London called Gordon's. The Gordon's wine bar guy got so annoyed at pickpockets at Gordon that he's set up what is now the national big brother database.

Guys walking into Gordon's downing a glass of Sonser and then just running out going, you'll never catch me copper! Again, this is just Riley. It's never the people you expect to build the Penoptikons, is it? I've got the tasting notes now and there's nothing you can do about it! Is it? Okie! He wrote on a blog for- that wouldn't be- it's not here, it wouldn't be that okay. It's of cinnamon!

Running away down the street. Asparagus, grass, none of that for you. Maybe some tropical fruit. Anyway, it was 2009, he writes on a blog for his old Catholic school. Right. Okay. And I was running Gordon's Wine Bar for my mother as my retirement job. Anything was running smoothly, but one thing niggled me.

We seemed to attract lots of pickpocket. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. So he didn't even create the wine bar, he's just like the wine bar air? I guess so. Huh. The police simply didn't have the resources to follow up on the thefts, which made things even more interesting. To baffled Met police officers trying to understand what a sotern is. It's good as what it is.

My friend had his pocket watch stolen and his monocle. Just like the other 14 hours of your shift, you're driving around between fucking like stabbings and shit and then you get a call from the Ponzi wine bar that someone Pocket watch stuff. Yeah, great. Perfect. Jacob Reeves Mock had all of his had all of his doubloons stolen What I learned from hours of reviewing CCTV is that nearly all By just a handful of people and if I could nearly all the thefts were carried out by just a handful of people and if I could stop them the thefts would reduce dramatically so I started Face Watch in March 2010. With a couple of friends we built a system for uploading video clips so that we could share images with police and local businesses.

Sick crime footage. You just might get a best of compilation for these guys. Amazingly after just nine months we were working with the Met Police who accepted crime reports through our system. And then it goes on. It's like, weirdly, we had to be compliant with a whole bunch of laws to get bigger than that. Crazy. Sort of alarming that you didn't have to comply with a bunch of laws to do that first

bit, you know? If I was the inventor of FaceWatch, I would make an app where you would compare the people who pickpocketed at the wine bar to see which one was hotter. I feel like that would be worth more money. Yeah, but you kind of lose your soul in the process, you know? Yeah, and then David Finch would make a film about me. That was like, that has been the one thing I've been thinking about the whole time. Like no one's really touched on, ah, Facebook. That sounds familiar.

You do that, but then you fumble the bag with Rashida Jones, which really doesn't seem worth it to me, you know? So any case so there's this is this is the company right and They sometimes it'll be like if someone there have been stories about someone going in it like in Bristol, right? And like basically doing something which is very possible, which is accidentally shoplifting Sure, like where you can maybe you use a card that doesn't go through you don't look at the self-checkout long enough, whatever, whatever, you shoplift entirely accidentally. And then her image goes up on FaceWatch and all of a sudden she's not allowed into stores anymore.

That's social credit, you know? Yeah. You have to start going to the Dave Courtney corner shop system for criminals. You have to buy all of your groceries from the thieves guild. Yeah. And the in the last few months, this is this is this came out. This is the New York Times, which is senior officials at the Home Office secretly lobbied the UK's independent privacy regulator to act favorably towards face watch to roll out the controversial facial recognition technology across the country. But also, again, the the specifically the people who this wouldn't work for are thieves, right?

Because like someone who is like unwittingly not a shoplifter who has been like sort of wrongfully tagged in this thing being kicked out of a store is in all likelihood going to go, well, okay, fine, I'm a bit like shocked and scandalized by this. And if you don't want me to be here, I'll leave whereas you're I guess Supposed like Al Capone of stealing frozen meats, right? It's gonna be get told You've been flagged on our automated system. Please leave Tesco and simply says fuck off or I'll stab you It doesn't like it works precisely backwards, you know, you tried to operate within the system, you tried paying for your groceries, but your debit card was declined. And where was that brought you back to me?

Back to me selling meat out of my coat in the pub. Chris, Chris, Phil, Chris, Phil said, would you like a DVD copy of White Chick's? It's been recorded from the back of the cinema. I love one. Thank you, Keir. Chris Phillips, who's the police commissioner. It's weird that we made a guy policing minister who

forgot the second eye in Philip, but whatever. Says he would keep on complaining to the Information Commissioner's office if their investigator, if their investigation into FaceWatch was not positive. Maybe that's just private eye. If you are about to do something imminently in FaceWatch's favor, then I should be able to head that off. Otherwise we'll just have to let things take their course.

Cool. Again, none of this seems bad in any way as far as I can tell. Says the heavily redacted correspondence also reveals that even before the alleged threat an internal February ICO briefing into the face watch investigation indicates that the home office had made it plain to the regulator that facial recognition to combat retail crime was the strategy to be pushed aggressively by film. So basically, right? The wine bars like made in a shed, jerry rigged system to like deter petty crime is now kind of being pushed in the corridors of power. But because this is Britain, there will be no meaningful

scandal about it. Cool. Essentially. Yeah. Also, like it won't work, but we'll make things worse for like everyone anyway. Apart from Kia Starmer, who's going to be making money hand over fist with this, apparently. You know, the home, in fact, this is like, they are so enthusiastic for this. They're just going to the leader of the opposition to buy a bunch of like meat that fell off

the back of a lorry. The ICO, meanwhile, sorry, this is the observer, told the observer that the home office had no influence on its investigation into FaceWatch. Well I assume a red dot from the Home Office hovered on their forehead. Yeah. I mean- Perhaps you should be watching your own face, Mr. Hoyle. Yeah.

And the hope that nothing happens to it. Again, this is the thing that's the big idea, which is we're going to have more cameras, more facial recognition, and more public places. In the most surveilled country on earth. Yes. At a time when MPs are just allowed to say, I'm frightened of everybody who isn't, I don't know from school. At a time when MPs are getting really into stranger danger.

Oh, and Labour MPs are frightened of quite a lot of people they knew at school as well. Yeah, the bit, you walk into your MPs constituency surgery and an alarm goes off because you used to like give them a swirly in like middle school. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, I think that's probably all we have time for today. But thank you very much for listening to this episode of the podcast. I just, um, I I just concluded that it was a game of fives. Thank you very much for a lovely game of fives. You can't have a game of fives with a labour politician. They'll be terrified. I was also going to say, read the start-up. And I know it's very late and we have basic

clothes out of the episode. But I do think there is one good thing to come out of the extension of facial recognition, which is that we will all be forced to become masters of disguise. A reference that you can understand in a few months. Why, they will surely let me into this here branch of victual as known as Tesco when I'm dressed as the Colonel. We're all going to be switched to- We're all going to be forced to fuck the same tango egg. Why, why sir, I believe there is no law against being a southern gentleman in this here, Sainsbury's local. I wish, I simply wish to come in and buy myself some carrot sticks and whom?

Is that, is that a crime, sir? Is it illegal for me to buy myself a nice bottle of bubble and a blue-rasp vape device? You're legally, you're buying it legally, but with money you got from a stolen Van Gogh painting. That's right. I Like that we're perfecting the art of the call forward I've paid $20 million and I want my NFT Go watch the Kevin Hart movie lift between now and early May. Don't do that to yourself No, it was so fun. It's such a bad movie, but in like a really fun way.

You will be like yelling at your TV like it's so wrong. I should have recorded these episodes in the other order. OK, OK, OK, OK. Thank you very much for listening to this free episode of TF. There is a second episode. It is five dollars per month. It's about the movie lift. It's not about the Kevin Hart movie lift. It will eventually be about the Kevin Hart movie lift.

There'll be many others in between. There are... It's Kevin Hart month on TF. We're doing every other Kevin Hart movie. There's also our $10 tier, which has a second Britain... What's the second Britonology this month? Second Britonology is gonna to be about a rising damp. Not the phenomenon, like most people who rent property in Britain will be aware of.

No, it's about the sitcom from the 1970s about a landlord who owns a block of flats dealing with all of his different tenants. And November, what's the $10 left on red going to be? It's going to be master and commander. So fucking get hyped about that. We are going to be master and commander. So fucking get hyped about that. We are going to be listing different types of sales. For one hour. For one hour.

Main source. A very nice Manowar you have there Napoleon. Would be a shame if something were to happen to it. If a certain Captain Jack Aubrey were to involve himself in your campaign of the South Atlantic. If we were to spill the wind from our sails in a liberally fashion. But surely, you know, one should always choose the lesser of two weevils. Now, so that's, that's going to be happening. It's going to be recording that soon.

So all of that this month. Bump your Patreon pledge up to $10 a month, you know. And do it now. Secondly, you can be banned from Tesco, but not from the trash future patreon. And if you're going to do that, you can absolutely be banned from the trash future patreon. Yeah, and people have people say, watch yourself. And we will. Yeah. If you are going to do that, do not do it inside the iOS app, or it will be more expensive as of like next week.

Yeah. I don't know who was doing that anyway. That's crazy to me. Subscribing through... I do that. You do that? Yeah. What? People like you, I guess. Freaks. Fre crazy to me. Subscribing through... I do that. You do that? Yeah. People like you, I guess. Freaks. Freaks like me.

Right. You are the most susceptible to like marketing or an easy way of doing something, I think of all the members of the cast. Yes, that absolutely is true. Don't trick me because you will be able to. It's ironic for a man who's as good at spotting frauds and flams as you are in your professional life. Okay, alright, alright. Thank you all everybody for listening and we will see you in a few short days. Bye, everyone.