TRASHFUTURE - *PREVEW* In Case You Thought We'd Forgotten About Britain

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

This week's bonus features Riley, Milo, Nate, and Alice on the topic of, well, this stupid island. And a frozen treats startup, and the economy as dictated by the line, and much more.  Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/46492979 We support the London Renters Union, which helps people defeat their slumlords and avoid eviction. If you want to support them as well, you can here: https://londonrentersunion.org/donate Here's a central location to donate to bail funds across the US to help people held under America's utterly inhumane system: https://bailproject.org/?form=donate *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind GYDS dot com). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

If we want to talk about people who have been actively harmed, who have been harmed physically, who have experienced actual consequences to their health and well-being from the overall tenor and tone of British media, it is astonishing to me that none of these conversations have included the sitting labor MP who was murdered by a fascist in 2016. It is astonishing to me that we're not talking about the fact that a Times columnist was cited in the Christchurch Shooters Manifesto. It is astonishing to me that we are still focusing on fucking tone. Hey, check it out. I've got a startup for us today that I think we're all going to enjoy. I'd like us to bring this energy into the startup.

Hell yeah. Is it a startup that's going to make it illegal to app me? No, I'm going to wait till you can tell me what this is. It's called the cold snap. There's a cold snap in this office right now because they have turned our heating off. It is called the cold snap. All one word, the S is capitalized and don't forget, the Consumer Electronics Expo just occurred, so it is a device. It's like flash freezes your own balls. I don't know. Yeah, it's close. Indulge with cold snap TM. Revolutionary flash freezes your own balls. I'm buying 10 of these.

And a flash freeze all 20 of them. Is it like a thing that does home like flash freezing and drying and stuff so you can make your own astronaut food? Preserve your own fruit for some reason you want to. That is way too useful. That is way too many uses. Oh, you attach a little fucking RFID tag to the leaf of a plant and it tells you when there's going to be frost. That would be useful. No, it's the revolutionary system, transforming the way blank are produced and enjoyed. Bizz? I don't know. My eye is twitching, frankly. I'll do one more and then I'll tell you what it is. With just four simple steps, you can enjoy delicious cold snap at home.

Is it like a cold brew service, but they made like a subscription for nitrogen or some shit? Like they send you cylinders in the post. Nate's now very close. Oh, it's like a cold soda stream. Yes, soda stream, but for slush puppies. But you're missing the one key element of it. I'm going to say even more Israeli. I'm going to say three words and then you're going to and then and all that energy that contains police officer. Oh, the squeeze out of a bag. It is an ice cream juicero. They did it again. They can't stop making juiceros. Tendency of the rate of profit to become juiceros.

That's right. Wait, so it's correct me if I'm wrong here. It's basically like soft serve ice cream at home, but made in pause with an expensive device. What we've done is we've gone to like a US Navy ship, taken the dog machine and made it worse and more expensive. The dog machine. Yeah, that's what they call the soft serve ice cream machine, because it like always comes in chocolate and it comes out and swirls. So it looks like dog shit like dog shit. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I thought they had like a secret military technology for making dogs on board ship. Yeah, that's right. We're going to clarify that you spent like several billion dollars on this machine that just generates confused labor doors.

Yeah, that's where Matt Hancock came from. Contrary to popular belief, there is actually a holodeck, but it's only on Navy ships and it can only generate dogs. They're not actually real, but they entertain the sailors when they're at sea for months on end. That's right. Basically, what's very funny to me about this, right? The Jucero, that crashed and burned in sort of 2018. It was a while back now. You can still get one. I was looking at this, by the way. I think we should genuinely consider it. You can get the whole, like the fucking Death Star, you can get the eviscerated whole of a Jucero for like 200 quid on eBay, and I want so badly to decorate the studio with it. Oh, that would be dope. Basically,

have it dispense soft serve ice cream. Number one, the Jucero, $800, they said, no, fuck it, thousand, even thousand. That's right. The problem with the Jucero was that it wasn't prestige or high end enough. What I find really funny here, right, is the person who created is a guy called Matt Fonte, and he is like a serial inventor. Oh, wow. Serials is invented. Captain Crunch, that was him. He's basically invents medical, very specific niche medical devices. This is from the R story, part of the website. When Nightly Bedtime Stories grew dull for Matt Fonte and his two daughters, they decided to swap Magic Treehouse and Fairy Tail Princess books for a more creative pastime. Hunting the most dangerous game. Invention

journals. No, you get rich enough, then you can do that. Oh, okay. Topping the list of problems to solve. How do we create a better ice cream machine for home use? Imagine you're a kid and your shitty dad is like, what have you invented today? And you're like, I'm six. I don't really do that. That's right. The girls considered a correct style machine that could generate ice cream in 60 seconds or less and without the mess. Fonte, a serial entrepreneur, saw potentially this idea and in 2018, the same year that Juicero blew up, his company was formed with the singular objective to transform the way frozen confections are produced, transported, purchased, and enjoyed. So basically, I look just looking at Juicero being like, well, obviously it wouldn't work for juice.

So basically, a child accidentally invented the ice cream Juicero and now it's being written about as the hottest product of a CES. No one's talking about this. It's ludicrous except the verge. I actually really like the idea of an ice cream currig because it then really concentrates the Juicero concept to its essence, which is literally it does nothing besides mechanically squeeze and that you're just paying $1,000 for like a thing to squeeze so you get that satisfying dog shit swirl that you could basically get anywhere else to go to a restaurant. So here's actually how this works. This is from their FAQs. The ColdSnapTM system uses a proprietary high powered refrigeration system to rapidly freeze and dispense the contents of a ColdSnap pod.

Cool. To make a frozen confection, the user inserts a ColdSnap pod to the ColdSnap machine. Why does it keep calling them frozen confections? The least appetizing way you could phrase that. A non-dairy partially gelatinated ice cream. It's like something you would hear in like a federal deposition is like I observed the subject eating a frozen confection. The ColdSnap machine then reads a QR code located on the pod to determine the optimal freezing parameters for that specific pod. The user that follows the easy display prompts on the ColdSnap machine LED display to make the frozen product. So the one advantage it has over the Juicero frozen product is that you cannot make it is you can't just squeeze the bag. So already it's

beating the Juicero and one thing, but also unlike the Juicero, it's about half a meter high, half a meter deep, a quarter of a meter wide and weighs 22 kilograms. I need to know how badly overbuilt this thing is because the thing about the Juicero right is that it was all built out of these like one-of-one, no off-the-shelf parts like very complex milled like aircraft grade materials and stuff for no fucking reason. So I badly want to know like is this thing, this kind of like beautiful, perfect obelisk that like produces your shitty ice cream? You know, I need to know what's in this thing that makes it cost a thousand dollars. The end of 2001 and they're so confused by the big black obelisk and then one of them just touches

it and like a fucking dog shit ice cream comes out. So what happens is each of the pod contains the like paddle system to then turn the contents, which is that might be so expensive. They have mechanic like moving parts inside every fucking pod. Yep, they've built a fucking, was it the anti-cathira mechanism, except it's for fucking ice cream? That's right. It's just again just taking that problem and just so overengineering it to the point that each individual pod you buy for a single serving of ice cream, create, contains a small mechanism. Amazing. Is this steampunk now? Have we entered back into the realm of the steampunk coffee machine? See, that's actually a really good question. Like I imagine you could probably get hundreds of

thousands of angry invective on fucking Tumblr about whether or not the steampunk conception of the world includes ice cream. Like do they have ice cream and steampunk? I don't know. I want to know honestly. Like cogs sprinkled on it. If you could spend some time in the village of Narsh from fucking Final Fantasy 6, could you have a delicious ice cream or does that not exist in the steampunk universe? You would, but it would come out of something like this, but it would have like a visible unguarded flywheel just running. Right. So anyway, this is the basis of the cold snap. A lot of the rest of the stuff about it's pretty normal or at least stuff we've covered before. What flavors did the pods come in? Because like that was another weird thing about the

Juicero was it was like, oh, green vegetables or piss or like child pineal glands. And you're just like, okay. Why can't I just squeeze the pineal glands with my hands? What kind of frozen confections are they offering us? Maybe it was like a way fair thing with the Juicero. And the intention was to make it really expensive and niche because it wasn't supposed to squeeze juice out of a bag, it was supposed to squeeze adrenochrome out of a child.