TRASHFUTURE - PREVIEW: Assigned Mayor at Birth (ft. Mattie Lubchansky)

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

In this Patreon episode, resident Eric Adams expert Mattie Lubchansky joins the gang to discuss Adams and his loyal retainers, his plans to use an AI system that doesn't work to fight a non existent subway cirme problem, and how he tried to win an argument he had on the radio by getting baptised in prison by Al Sharpton. Then, we talk about the other countries that own England's water supply going on strike until the fat cat public coughs up double their bills, and then an article where a certain Viscount Runciman remembers how Liz Truss is a lot like another politician some of us remember. https://www.patreon.com/posts/101694776?pr=true 

Yeah, most people don't understand and I'm glad that New York City finally has a mayor that understands this, but water has a memory and... It's time that New York City had a mayor that understood that the body keeps the score, right? Right. Yeah. So, if we're all done, please, love bombing and trauma dumping on Eric Adams. I am very pleased to welcome Maddie back to the show.

It's always a great time when they're here. I'm thrilled to be here. Literally like three days ago, someone on my Instagram comments was like, when are you going back on Trash Future? And I responded literally the second Eric Adams does something that warrants it. And then like seven things happened.

And Riley just messaged me on Friday being like, you know what's up, no other details. You just have a pager, we just give you a pager, it just goes off. You know, you have to clear it. Basically that happened. Just shining the big Eric Adams signal into the sky. What would the Eric Adams symbol be? Big NYPD crestPD crests, like over the night sky, you know? No, it would be some pants being pulled up. Yeah, it's him wearing a special kind of hat,

Fez maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh. It is the flags of like 50 different nationalities. In many ways, New York City. It's a silhouette of a man being struck by lightning. That's right. Over an enormous hoard of jewels.

Although, although, although, Eric Adams hosted a happy trans day of visibility, but then did not claim to be New York City's first transgender mayor. The thing is, you can tell his heart wasn't really in it, because he just posted a picture instead of saying that, like, New York City is the Seattle of America, or whatever. Being like, posting that picture, and then being like, I invented muffin in 1985! Fuck! You! Eric Adams invented the Anguinal Canal. I think maybe putting everything online and doing everything in the form of posts that like says people could see was not our smartest move

Because now now they know about our fucking inguinal canals I mean to be fair, Riley and I also have an inguinal canal. We just don't use it. Yeah, but that's different. Yeah Yeah, it's disused. Anyway, anyway For sale inguinal canal Yeah, it's disused. Anyway, anyway. FOR SALE, INGUINO CANAL! My condemned Inguinal Canal. For sale, Inguinal Canal, used once.

Yeah, I hate when Thatcher got it and she sold off all the Inguinal Canals and now they're all like, owned by other countries, state pension funds and shit. Well, we built all the Inguinal Canals in like, the 19th century, during the Industrial Revolution. It used to be called the Birmingham of the crotch. We are actually going to today talk about the phenomenon you're discussing as regards privatized water. Okay. Sure. Anyway, drinking water was invented by Mira Bellwether, rest in power, and...

Anyway, anyway. Anyway, so Eric Adams. Eric Adams, New York City's first and only mayor. AMAB envy, non-medicalized mayor. For a second I thought you were going with, like, Eric Adams, New York's, on knowledge and belief, first and only mayor. He's the only one. We haven't paid attention to any of the others.

Yeah. Canonically, yes. You said earlier, he's just at the period of Dutch settlement, Eric Adams is there, wearing a massive ruff, and like, shoes with buckles on. Yeah, he's on the crest. It's him and a Native American guy trading, a wampum train. And it's Eric Adams, and he's pulling up his pants and being struck by lightning. On the crest. He stood there going, I'm New Amsterdam's first ever mayor.

New Amsterdam is the Amsterdam of America. That's right. Yeah. You were saying earlier, Eric Adams is AMAB, he was assigned mayor at Brooklyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's different things, right? Babies, you know, like, babies assigned male at birth, you get a blue bonnet or whatever, assigned female at birth, pink bonnet, assigned mare at birth, they just put a little sash

on you. Adorable. Yeah. They get to be mayor of the maternity ward. But we, basically, as you say, Matty, he did one thing, which was announce a number of artificial intelligence enabled unclear how weapons scanners that are currently used for vape detection at schools around America. Yes. I didn't know there was a vape angle here.

Does he listen to the podcast? I think he must, but it's to detect vapes before they're used, as opposed to, like, instead of just being like trying to treat the symptoms of vaping- Minority report detect vapes before they're used, as opposed to... Instead of just being trying to treat the symptoms of vaping... Minority report for vapes. It's like, we got a Red Bull, it's cherry flavoured, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all floating in, like, vapor instead of water. They're just lying there.

But, so, they're meant to, like, detect guns in this context, right? And he's putting them in all the subway stations, and we had a little press conference where a bunch of dipshit NYPD Transit Bureau guys walked through them, to show that, like, hey, these were... sort of. So, I've done a little bit, as per usual, I've done a little bit of reading up about the company, about what they do, and so on and so on, that's when I found out that they're mostly for weapons detection, but on their education page, they're like, it also detects vapes! This is like those things, the scam bomb detectors, where it turned out the low is just like a

little plastic heart with some dead flies' gluten, where it's like, it can detect anything! Guns, vapes, drugs, bombs, you name it. If you're intending on using your hands to push somebody in the subway, they can detect that you have hands. You walk through the thing and it detects your vape and you immediately get shot by Robocop. So, only, the thing, other thing is, right, this company is currently being sued, and I believe multiple jurisdictions, because none of its shit works very well.

Oh. Oh, that's crazy. So, what you're suggesting here is that they're gonna put this in the subway stations and it's not gonna work. Because, like, they had this idea, the thing that they were always very keen to hype up at this press conference was like, it takes three seconds for it to scan you to determine if you're gonna shove someone off the platform or whatever. And I'm thinking about, like, I've never been, I've never ridden on the New York City subway,

but I get the impression that it's busy enough that three seconds is a long time. It's too long. Especially if there's a huge line of people to get inside at, say, rush hour, which happens multiple times a day. So the logic I was looking at here is that they say, look, how we would set this up, this is what they're saying, is we would have, is number one, these sort of,

we can roll these arches around the station and just have people walk through them without actually stopping. And the November, the way you got the three seconds is that it takes three seconds to beep. So what would happen is that you would be three seconds worth of people along before it beeped.

So it would just be beeping constantly about people who have already basically boarded a train. This is already a struggle when the NYPD does not employ people who are capable of jogging for three seconds. Like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also they've gotta figure out who it's beeping for. They've gotta kind of like, re-playback the tape in their mind of like, who was walking

through three seconds ago. Maybe this is just like, purely pre-textual, right? Well, yes. I think that's the idea, right? That there's like, so much cop tech. What this is, is this is there's a thing that beeps. And then when the NYPD transit cops want to harass you, they will say, ah, the thing beeped. Yeah. So we will now be harassing the broken robot policing.

They call it. Yeah. Because I mean, they also introduced those like those robot security guards to go on the subway. And I've seen, I think, like one or two and only at like Times Square. And they don't do anything. They're just sitting there, of course. And you know, just like the real cops. It's so they're just like they learned it from mom and dad. And then, you know, these these new things, if they put them in, it's there's no way they

have everybody go through them. Because like you said, November is just like an absolute time suck. People like, for instance, I have a medical device and I can't go through any scanners really for anything. Which means every time, if they wanted, they'd have to like go, you know, put me behind the curtain and feel me up like they do at the airport. And it's just like, it's just not... It's just...

It's a lot of work for people who mostly seem to want to play Candy Crush all day. ZACH They really love to play Candy Crush all day. But yeah, the main thing I see cops do in the subway is harass people, like kick homeless people and get asked for directions, which I feel like maybe there's a better use of our money. You know, now the libraries aren't open anymore. On the weekends.

ALICE. Core competency, you could refine things down, so instead of moving on homeless people, you just do the giving directions. And also maybe you'd have a gun. 'd be cool. RILEY. And also you just get really awesome, you get cracked at Candy Crush. Basically, like, this whole...

ALICE. Yeah, the NYPD, Eric Adams' sort of like Major League phone gaming team. Stable. RILEY It's the entire plan that they had to surge a bunch more cops onto... ALICE And National Guard, too! RILEY Yeah. It's basically just a kind of city-based subsidy to the company Zynga. It's just a city-based microtransaction subsidy.

Say what you will about Eric Adams, he's great for Farmville. Ed, but what else is funny, right, is that a lot of the claims that Evolve has made about its ability to detect weapons and stuff? A lot of those appear to have made, number one, been made about schools, but then Evolve... And kids are way worse at hiding guns than New Yorkers. Schools that have used Evolve say that it set off so many... Again, if you're going to follow that line of logic, right? The line of logic that says, this is a dangerous place, we need to scan for weapons and police it, right?

If you follow that line of logic, as the schools did, they then said that Evolve made the schools much less safe because all of the people who were supposed to be directing crowds and then responding to safety issues were responding to like evolve detecting a vape rather than a knife, essentially. Sure. Or perhaps. It made it, it made them actively less safe because it just, it's like so much AI, it

just confidently asserts things that are wrong. Or perhaps a sort of, it's detecting a sort of vape device that's like a sword cane that you pull out and it is a bowie knife. I mean, can you think of a movie where someone uses a vape to make into a gun to get past some kind of a security scanner? If only such a film existed, Riley. It would be a great film and we would review it. No, I think if it did we would never review it.

I think we would make a point. You think Kevin Hart would... If Kevin Hart was to make a movie called something like, I dunno, Lift, that might feature as a plot point. No, no, no. No, no, no, never- well, it doesn't matter, cause we're never watching it, and it's fine. Was the scanning company perhaps a producer on that film? You should check. It's like, if you don't prevent vapes on planes, this is what's gonna happen, you know?