TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Balthasar Speedboat 1024: Sensual Badminton feat. Freddie McManus

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

For this week's bonus, we've got a Balthasar Speedboat recorded in Australia featuring comedian Freddie McManus, in which Riley determines his dream sponsor for the podcast is a wine grower that makes wine you can't buy, Milo tells the story of Russian cops' elaborate ambushes to bother people going to raves, and the group determines how to deploy an erotic edge to win a badminton match. The world is a beautiful place. Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/107698649/ *NEW MERCH AVAILABLE!* We’ve re-issued our ‘What If Your Robot Was Just a Guy?’ shirt with artwork by Rory Blank, and we have an all-new Britianology shirt entitled ‘The Falkland Islands: It’s All We’ve Got Left’ with artwork by Eleanor Osada. They’re both available to pre-order here! https://www.trashfuture.co.uk/store   *EDINBURGH LIVE SHOW ALERT* We're going to be live at Monkey Barrel comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe on August 14, and you can get tickets here:  https://www.wegottickets.com/event/621432   *MILO ALERT* Buy Milo’s special ‘Voicemail’ here! https://pensight.com/x/miloedwards/digital-item-5a616491-a89c-4ed2-a257-0adc30eedd6d   *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Hello Trashfuture listeners. Just a quick heads up, we have new merch available in our store. We have re-released the Rory Blank design for What If Your Robot Was Just a Guy? We also have a brand new Britnology shirt entitled The Falkland Islands, It's All We've Got Left, with artwork designed by Eleanor Asada. Both shirts are available at the link in the description trash future dot co dot UK slash store. Thanks again. Have a good one. Milo knows that literally all I care about is I don't know like is just wine in terms of my the pleasures of my life

material pleasures not like you know like I love my my family and partner and stuff. But other than that it's wine. And you love your cult of course. I couldn't get like I wouldn't exactly get my partner to sponsor the show. And presenting, Nicky. Yeah, that would be fun. Yeah, the new model. Oh, yeah.

God forbid you take your relationship to the next level. I'm sorry. Is it really love if you haven't asked her to sponsor your podcast? Let's make this podcast official. She thinks it's too big of a commitment. But I think if she wants to get the word out there about being a good girlfriend. I'll tell you what, Nicky's in my bad books if that's how she feels because that is what love and support looks like. Yeah, yeah.

I already know what Milo's dream sponsor is going to be. He's going to say something like, Oh, my dream sponsor is the 1997 Ford Falcon or another like appropriate hooning car. Dude, that's so funny. Got you so good. That's exactly what you sound like. The AU Falcon. Yeah, the ultimate. We'll do the ad read. If you say the sponsor, we'll try and do, we'll try and, we'll try and work on the ad

read right now. We'll get ahead of this thing. The 2003 Vauxhall Corsa. Nice. The 2003 Vauxhall Corsa. There's never been a better car for strapping poorly manufactured aftermarket body kit wheels a straight piped exhaust onto for giving the impression that you're driving a very fast car in a suburban area of the UK based on the noise alone. You won't be passing people at a high

speed, but you will be passing them with the noise of a high speed vehicle. And that is what it can do for you. Do you think F1 is an audio medium? Is Lewis Hamilton your favorite podcaster? Then the Corsa is for you. Use promo code with promo code Milo maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, promo code Milo. In the UK they do broadcast F1 on the radio, which is insane. You are counting kidding me. Because all you can hear is just...

So I used to want to, one of my dreams as a child is I really wanted to be a commentator. I used to listen to Test Smash Special and all the stuff like that. I wanted to be a radio commentator for sports. You were practicing your cricket commentary advice. 100%. Like up to the Wicked Now bells the whole bit. And the thing that I was like fascinated by, I thought was the most impressive thing in broadcasting,

is the guys who would do Wimbledon on like BBC Radio 5 Live or whatever. Oh, I see. It was unbelievable how they go, they capture the rally in its entirety and they can't skip a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe that was just kind of an uninteresting forehand. I didn't think it was worthy of comment. Would you know what I mean?

Like there's some of you, when you're watching it, you let them pass you by a little bit. Every drop shot from me, I get an, okay, if you want to be cute about it. Yeah, the drop shot is a dick move. That's exactly what it is. If I was commenting, I'd be like, well, so we're going to be a dick about it. We're going to win Wimbledon, but we're going to be a dick about it. It's like how Wimbledon, if you win when the ball clips the top of the net, you do have to apologize.

You lift the hand up. You still win, but you have to apologize. The last dance with tennis, though, would be a lecture where it's like, yeah, Jordan hit the top of the net. I basically threw up a finger and went, yeah, you can go fuck yourself with that one. No, I deliberately hit the top of the net. I meant to do it.

And so that's game bitch. Like when the end of the last dance, the final shot of Jordan's career, it's a pretty blatant foul where he just shoves the guy, got it like three meters. So he has an open shot. Like the tennis equivalent of that is literally like smashing the ball into the ball boys face, like giving them a hematoma and then just fucking thank you London. Wait, who did that? Someone did that. They smashed the ball into the ball boys face by

accident. Oh, maybe Dimitrov maybe? It wasn't deliberate. Someone, yeah, but someone did hit a serve and it got the ball boy right in the face. It was pretty brutal. That's what turns him into a ball man. Ultimately, that's what's the beginning of a long and storied badminton career for that ball boy. No, but you can get wet with those things too. I've, I've, I've learned the hard way. You can actually, you can actually eat one of those pretty bad. I got one in my mouth one time.

I just, I'm, I'm a gog when I play badminton a lot. And you're always mouth open. Mouth breathing. I'm fucking I'm fascinated by the game while I'm playing it. I don't remember once I go on. I go and write in the mouth and like coughed it out. And the worst part is it ruins the structural integrity of the shuttlecock when it gets moisture on it kind of thing.

So we couldn't use it anymore because it was like a cricket. It became like a cricket ball. I had like when I walked in here, I said I'd love a cock in my mouth, but that wasn't what I was expecting. The family well. It's work busy. These are riffs. This is melting the paint off the walls of your Airbnb. You are not getting the ball, the bond back.

But oh, shit, my phone came out. Oh, it's too electric. I put the wrong one back in. I think no, I'm good. It's all happening. It's all damn it. This is I'm sweating. What an ordeal slash pleasure. This has been quite fun to be like trying to suck off the other team in badminton in order to like distract them. Just like ducking under that wouldn't be possible in badminton. Let me tell you what score game it would be possible in squash. Nice. Oh yeah. But then you'd have to be facing backwards.

It's a man in the sauna. Yeah. Dick and balls right by the door. Now, that would be good if someone someone's coming up for like a like a like a smash or a volley in badminton. And as they approach the net, you just go under the net and just and just suck on the end of their penis so that they're to the two like to hit the shot. That's like it is technically legal. It's unorthodox, but we have seen it before. I got that dog in me. I've got ice cold water in my veins.

I can get noshed off and still finish the play. You know, that's how dominant athlete I am, mate. You do your worst. You fucking treat my testicles like a speed bag. I'm still landing the shot. Yeah. He smashed it in despite being sucked off. And now his opponent will have to swallow or it'll be a foul

Are you suggesting that it's like, you know, there's the really stupid thing that was a trend for a couple of years Chess boxing where people would sort of play alternate rounds between playing boxing but playing boxing boxing and playing you don't play boxing Man, you don't play boxing. It's the fight game, but it's not it's very real Yeah, like if you're playing Mike Tyson at chess boxing, you've got to really hope that you wrap up the first round of chess. Oh, I thought you were going to say boxing, because my guy Mike is... Nah, I reckon Mike has some moves for sure. And do you want to tell him he doesn't know the rules? Because I don't.

Mike literally goes like, checkmate. And you're like, yep, yeah, no, oh, you got me there, Mike. The classic queen to queen and wipe all the other pieces off the board. Mike Litchey goes like, checkmate. And you're like, yep, you know, oh, you got me there, Mike. Oh, wow. The classic queen to queen and wipe all the other pieces off the board. A veteran move from Tyson there. I can't believe you beat me in one round of chess. We didn't even have to do the boxing. You're so good at the chess, Salomon.

That was actually on the table for Hangover 4. They just couldn't get it over the line. Yeah. Him and Galifianak is just going fucking toe to toe. Frank Bruno is a much more congenial chessbox. What we're suggesting is instead of chessboxing, it's Badminton sex. Yeah, exactly. Playing Badminton against Frank Bruno.

Badminton make love. OK, this fucking guy making it smut. You nearly sucked me off there. Nice. Yeah. Unbelievable stuff. Is this the first podcast I've been on that has had a Frank Bruno impression of it. And you know what mate? It will not be the last. I'll wait for Rogan. Rogan will probably do it. I mean, he loves the combat sports. I love Frank Bruno. What a character. Him and Eubank. Two great boxing characters from the UK.

The way of the warrior is to suck his cock as he throws the punch your way. No, you've done you've done you bank to to sort of like stupid sounding there. You bank has that sort of slight. Yes. It's very refined. I'm a pugilist. You see, there's an art to it. And there you may wish to fight me.

I will not fight you. I watched the documentary on you banks career' career with, of course, the fight he had where he basically incapacitated his opponent to the point where he was never the same. By sucking him off. And you know what? What a fucking dose of salt to put in the wound after you've incapacitated this guy. And absolutely flattened him out in the ring to also go, and I'm not done. Yeah, that's how you bring him back.

Oh my god, yeah. That was really sad, Actually, I don't know why I brought that documentary up. It's the only part of him left standing. You bankers has decimated his opponent and drained his balls. That is the commentator voice trailing off at the end of every sentence. Yeah, exactly. And then they're like, because of the way sports commentary is now, they're reading gambling odds being like, if you had that down on your calling card, you'd bank to suck him off in fours.

You bank to suck him off rounds three through five. That has come through for you very nicely. You go through, mate, what have you got in UFC 300 this week? I've actually got Pahara K.O. Sub suck off. I'm hoping maybe he submits him more daintily than he usually does. Keeps the hands to himself and lets the mouth do the work. I'll suck anyone off. I'm the blowjob king. What you fucking talking about?

What you talking about? For that world toil. Give me that fucking belt. Is that Conor McGregor? He's at dick height. Dude, I'm going to. I am already 155 pounds. I'm right by your dick level my love, you stand up, you stand up, you see what happens boy.

I'm gonna drain you of your blood first and your spawn second, there's not gonna be a fucking leak within you left. I gotta throw it like a fucking black hole. This podcast is brought to you by Roadhouse the Remake, where I nosh off Jake Gyllenhaal for an hour and 47 minutes yet. It's no f**king problem. Get back in the octagon, see you next. Wow, that was a genuinely impressive McGregor. Mate, this is why the cameras need to be on, mate.

You never know with Freddie Mudd. You're even doing that weird kind of like gorilla walk that he does. I'm literally strutting up for the benefit of the listener. I am strutting around the Airbnb right now with impunity. I'll say it. That's unbelievable. What's the name of that wine? I'll give it McGregor's saying the wine because that'll give it weight. It'll be Ramani Conti. It's brought to you by Doming Ramani Conti.

Putz dat kont in your foug and sias dem he. What a wine that is. 9000 a bottle oi hod. 9000 a foug and bottle.