TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Balthasar Speedboat: Australian Spider-Man feat. Tom Walker and Demi Lardner

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

It's all riffs and no theme. It's Tom Walker and Demi Lardner of the bigsofttitty.png podcast and many other venues joining us to discuss z-grade robot toys, counterfeit Spider-Man, reinterpreting Goatse for the modern age, and much more. We hope your enjoy.   Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/balthasar-spider-95950425   *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

I have found a place in Bulgaria called G-Spot Street Food. Oh, okay. And the first review is a complaint. It says, we arrived there with a big group. It's not the mecha mecha. We arrived there with a big group. The place itself served isn't took a long time to get the food for everybody.

The burger was decent. What I disliked was that I asked for extra mayo and there was hardly any sauce in the plate. I saw the one bladey using frozen fries instead of fresh ones. And I liked the decorations in the toilet. It just wasn't my type of burger place. And the owner responded saying, I liked the decorations in the toilet.

It's such a weird, what were they? He just went to any D-sale. It was turned, it was shit. I decorated your toilet. It's the way they say I ruined the bathroom. I did a shit standing up is what that means. Yeah. Yeah, they had goat seal over the wall.

It means I pressed my ass against the wall like a dog sometimes doesn't spread shit. I'll look for it. I can't remember if I've talked about this on, unspecifically, balthasar before, but I remember when I was in Naples, I get really surprised by how the toilets don't have toilet seats on them. None of the toilets have seats. Oh, what?

What? Can you just fall in? Well, it's because people stand on the toilet. Yeah, shit. So they take the the toilet to get a bar on. So they take the seat. You should. Yeah. Oh, sorry, they stand on the toilet.

Oh, I feel like standing on the rim of the toilet is very precarious. Like, you'd want at least a stool next to it. What about a holding hand? But then what about sit down pisses? Like, do they have to stand up, or are they sitting where people's damn feet was? Well, they're sitting where people's damn feet was. I don't think there are a lot of sit down pisses. Like, do they have to stand up? Or are they sitting where people's damn feet was? Well, they're sitting where people's damn feet was. I don't think there are a lot of sit-down

pissers in Southern Italy. That's who you know you're in Southern Italy is when the toilet starts to go wet. Why wouldn't you do the same thing if you're sit down pissing? Because otherwise, if you're like pissing in your eyes. Because your kids will go forward. Yeah, but if you're pissing in your real life shit, you have to like clamber up. But then what happens when you're shitting and you're pissing at the same time? This is what I'm saying. Why wouldn't you just shit?

Like why wouldn't you sit down to shit if you are a sit down pisser person, which I am? Why wouldn't you just do it all sitting down? Because I think they want a squat. But what about people with a gin as the piss is gonna go straight out in front of them? I don't know. Maybe they can put their hands in front

and kind of like shovel it back. I would just slap it. I would slap it so most of it goes down. Yeah. Can I read you the response from the owner to that comment on G-split? Like a garden lawn. Exactly, yeah.

Well, like, you know, when you see a video, when you're trying to hose the lawn and a dog keeps running past and biting the stream of the hose, it'd be like that. I'd be playing shadow puppets with my piece, essentially, yes, thank you, Milo, that's exactly what I was saying, yes. And the owner of this bond,

I see that you were a Bulgarian, so I will answer you as a Bulgarian. If you visit normal establishments with service, cut in parentheses, waiters, you cannot explain to me that you wait less than 25 minutes, but with street food, a caravan style with two staff in one kitchen and a full establishment that everything is correct. I even remember that if you do this yourself at home, it'll take you more than 30 minutes. From there, I just think that everything annoys you. Even sauces and facial

expressions. Just enjoy life. Don't stress, smile, and everything will be easier for you in the long run. Even sauces and facial expressions. They are in a fucking.... Do you do the owner and then every other review is five stars of G spots. God, I want to eat there. I can love eating at G spot street food. Five stars across the board except that one guy who hates everything. Oh, what I can't. Finding a good person, finding a good miserable person who leaves Google reviews is such a nice thing to do. Yeah. Just like seeing them track their way from state to miserable state,

being like, no, it looks like a fine public bathroom, I guess, but it actually smelled quite a bit like urine. Ascent, I find quite disagreeable. Now, the public bathroom reviews is an obsession of mine people have been shooting it here like well Yes So I have one more response from the owner of g-spot to another person complaining that like it wasn't open It says thank you for the I1 star says thank you for the amazing review But please remind yourself that the best things in life take time

Sometimes whatever you give is that what you will receive and yes, you may have missed an experience things in life take time. Sometimes whatever you give is what you will receive. And yes, you may have missed an experience. People wait for us and nobody has a problem because it's just the two of us working the past two months. I know you won't understand that one. And yes, everything we make is amazing. I just took time from my crazy data right this.

I hope you understand me, but if you don't, that's okay too. Be happy, be healthy, and have a great summer, relax. We need a field trip to G-Spot-Foss-Feed. Yeah. The vibe of this guy is immaculate. Yeah. Usually you'd have some kind of spider sense of, this guy is horrible to be around, but the amount of, hey, you know, you can just smile, right?

That he's sprinkling into these responses is absolutely killer. It's not even annoying the way that he's doing it. No. He's got a much better vibes than the guy doing the Google reviews that The the white chapel post office Or it's Nate and I had like hundreds of parcels to like TF shirts and we took them down to the post office And like we knew the guy because we were always mailing stuff there And he just decided that it was too many parcels and that he wouldn't take them And then we were like yeah, but you're literally the post office,

like you just have to. And he's like, no, I don't. And he's like, I'm not going to take them. And he's like, it's too many. And I'm like, that's not a rule. Like, you can't say it's too many. Well, it's too many for the post. Like, as in like, wait, so would he take a smaller amount of them? Would he take like half that day? And then... No, he was like, you pissed me off by bringing this many parts of it. See, you got me.

I know it's like post no more. And it was like, it wasn't like that many. You know what I mean? It was like a car boot's worth of like T-shirt. So it wasn't like a truck load. I don't know, it wasn't, yeah. Anyway, so then. No, are you taking the piece mate?

That's not what it's just for. So then we go back to the studio with all this stuff, and then we go on the Google reviews of the post office, and there was so many one-star reviews, where I was like, this man... And he was quite a, he had some distinguishing physical features so you could tell they were talking about this specific guy. And then they were like, yeah, this man was very rude to me.

He like, he refused to help us. And he was like, replying to each one being like, still more for what you done out of the fucking post works, mate. So my job to explain the post to you. And it's like, well, it, but it is. It is. Ah. It literally is.

It's your job. You work in the post office. You chose this job. No, I didn't, mate. Just send it up here. But that reminds, I used to go to a pasta place when I still lived in Adelaide. I went to like a pasta, like in the mall,

like food court pasta place. But this guy was like really passionate about pasta. And I would get a Raviyal and Yokey and every time I went there he was like I built up this thing I was like man he's so pissed off every fucking time I show up here to buy pasta from his pasta store and like every time I walked up to the to like the

counter he'd be like it is the goat sickar again. That's what he said. He just like sighed and he'd be like, yucky, and I'd be like, yes, please. And he'd be like, I'm a son. I'd be like, yeah, if it's not too much trouble. And then he would like angrily put cheese on my new key.

And then I remember I didn't go for like two months, because I was like, I think I'm like making his life worse. And then I walked past once holding some fries from the McDonald's nearby and he yelled out, Hey, what's that? And I came over and he was like, your key? And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. He like, he like, it reeled me in.

You nagged him. I'd be pissed off. You made him jealous by eating with the, you know, the fated clown. Yeah, he didn't charge me for the Niyaki. Hey. It's really fucked up. That's a beautiful story, you know, like it's like a sort of rough mentor. First of all, he doesn't like you, but then he's like, you're right.

Don't you go messing around with that clown? My mentor of eating pasta. Yeah. You were in a kind of pie-may situation. Mm-hmm. You know, he's going to be very cruel originally, but then you're going to become the best in the world at eating pasta. What if you're in your key?

Eating pasta. What if you're in your key? Eating pasta. What if you're in your key? Eating pasta. What if you're in your key? Eating pasta. Eating go. That's the Chinese Italian man there. Also, Debbie, I'm obsessed with your tiny La Cruzet mug. And I know it's really tiny because you're also quite small and it it looks small even in comparison to you. So I'm like, is it like an espresso size?

Yeah, it's an espresso size, but I'm drinking gin out of it. Oh, okay. But it's shaped like a mug, which is delightful. It is a mug, yeah, it's an espresso mug, and it's a little like for say thing, because Tom's mum, like for set, like for set, Tom's mum. I think it's a little like for a frozen. Look for a frozen. No, it's for a frozen. We've had this conversation on your stream many times.

Yeah. All right, Riley, do you know for a fact what it's called because I have heard from people in the know that it's luck or set? I do know that it's Belgian and not French. Mm. Okay. Yeah.

Not what I fucking asked. Cunt. I mean, if it was pronounced at in French, it would have to be E-T-T-E, surely. I feel like E-T-E. Well, no, because apparently the way that you, the legitimate way that you're meant to pronounce my way is Moette.

What I've heard. Should the fuck up? Nobody asked you what isn't isn't Dutch. I'm gonna find, I'm writing your name on a fucking bullet sending it to you out. Hey now. And then you buy the gun because I don't care anymore.

Come on baby. Understand? Come on baby. You buy it. Come on baby, he's an alright guy. And then you buy the gun because I don't care anymore Come on baby, he's an alright guy. Yeah, I'm gonna give you the cheapest that cut you ever had Which is pretty easy actually I could send you to almost any barbers in the west world Oh.