TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Balthasar Speedboat: Milk 2

Episode Date: August 10, 2023

It's nothing but riffs. And Riley explaining Canadian bag milk again, this time to comedians Tom Ballard and Luka Muller. There's also a long digression about the Australian soap opera Neighbours, and how Australia can never truly rid itself of it because of the dogged, ferocious dedication of British Neighbours fans, in Britain. We hope... that you enjoy.   Get the whole thing on Patreon here! https://www.patreon.com/posts/balthasar-milk-2-87451411 *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)  

Long time listen to this show, we'll know that I'm obsessed with Australian border patrol the TV show because they often have it on at the gym And I just enjoy how like low stakes it is but from both sides because they're often just being like well We're gonna search this man because he's Asian that's then we've established that he's Asian So that does qualify for a search and they're searching the guy and then like but then like this man at Asian storage Please and they're searching the guy. And then like, but then, I just made Asian storage, please. Like, yeah. And then also like, the things that these usually Asian people that they search

are trying to bring into Australia that are illegal. They're also things which are like not worth smuggling. Like it always be like a guy has a suitcase full of coriander. And then they're like, well, this isn't like, and it's not like you've got a brick of cocaine. Like, this isn't a criminal offense, but you're not allowed to bring this into Australia. So we'll have to confiscate this,

and then otherwise you're free to go. And then he's like, no, I want my coriander. And they're like, yeah, you can't let you into Australia with the coriander. And he's like, yeah, but I brought that to enjoy while I'm in Australia. And it's like, you can buy coriander. And while you are giving the point, you want to get into Australia or not.

And I was like, well, I don't agree with the politics of the Australian border people, I feel like this is just to just go to coals for fuck's sake. They've got it there. Another big one on the gym TV. Did you ever catch a RBT? Oh, it was a random breath test, which is how they catch drink drivers in a stroke. Oh, the booze pass.

And every episode, every episode maybe has like five or six storylines. Every storyline is, they pull over a guy and say, mate, are you drunk? He has no, they make him blow in the breathalyzer and they go, you are drunk. He has, yes. Yeah. They do a lot of things where they'll show the same thing from a few angles or they'll replay a big moment, stretching out six, thirty second interactions into what's absolutely there.

Wait until after the commercial to find out the result of the breath test. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. Zooming in shaky came on the eyes. A lot of that. Yeah. He was just waiting for a family life and shit. That's like classic gym TV ads though, because like there are two people watching TV at the time that any of us would be at the gym.

Well, I go to the gym in the afternoon. I don't know about you all. You're an afternoon gym guy. We watch so much. Oh, afternoon gym guy. Anyway, there we go. That scans perfectly. It actually does.

I don't know what you do. You have to do that. Queen, you had to swing. Why do you sing us a little techno number? Now, you had to sprint through Jim Guy. You had to say, Jim Guy, say number of syllables though. It's just because you don't normally run to Jim Guy. That's good, yeah. That's all you did. That is what I did.

Yeah, exactly what I did. You literally just repeated the change. Okay, I made, well, it would have been a bit funny here if you said what you said. Well, I made well, it would have been a bit funny here if you said what you said. Well, I apologize, asshole. This fringe is tearing us apart. We've forgotten what made us love each other in the first place. Cuz you starland vocal band.

I don't know the thing, all no stuff if it's like been mentioned on the shows I watched when I was a kid. Yeah, right. I knew no that starland vocal band did afternoon delight until much later. I just know that Homer got a tattoo of them was a kid. Yeah, right. I knew that Starland Vocal Band did afternoon delight until much later. I just know that Homer got a tattoo of them and they saw it. That's all.

Gonna lift this, Bob, they're gonna lift it right. Yes. Gonna be a little afternoon gym guy. Yes. Gonna work. Gonna watch TV, lose women's home.

Gonna hear some opinions that are wrong. can watch TV lose women's home. Yeah. Yeah. Gonna hear some opinions that are wrong. Oh. Can I take it home? I mean, the changing rooms with all the old black guys. Oh, they run the changing rooms. I'm not very welcome there. I'm not.

I can't script it out. We can get there. Yeah. I'm trying very welcome there. I can't script it out. We can get there. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying not to die. Afternoon, Chip guy. There you go. Yeah, we could, but the TV that's on is old TV. It's old people stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I always used to see, I would see sort of two, mostly I would see that show the chase, but muted. Oh yeah, yeah. Watching people just get questions wrong in sign. And then just, but then just like people not know who the prime minister is in silence. And then there's just like a big guy at the top of a board that's turning ever so slightly

more red just looking disappointed. You ever try to figure out the mechanics of the game, the chase without, you're trying to get the green bar up. They're trying to get the red bar down. One of them's a trans woman, right? And then without a laugh, that sounded really a lot more right wing than I was trying. So making a joke about chases, that was the anyway.

OK, well, yeah, we know it would be very funny if It's it's it's it's it's it's this man who like into trans women to like a weird extent. Yeah, yeah, like it would take a fetish for them I say I would be very funny. It's why chases were and everything never caught on over here were and everything never caught on over here. That's me, Rosie. One time I showed at the gym and they had GB news on, which is a really old, old person TV channel. And then just the ads on that were incredible. Just like every ad was like, are you about to die?

Have you considered what will happen after your death? But the best one was like, they were selling commemorative coins for five pounds each that were like commemorate the tommies with this Remembrance coin and it had like a picture of like a British soldier and a trench on one side and then like the queen on the other And I'm just like this is this is like from a sketch show And this can't be real. I'll be able to go going. What's the number wet? Can I fax them? Order your commemorative Brexit coin?

Do you remember when we took our country back in it? They did do a commemorative Brexit coin. Oh yes. It was like a 50p as I recall. Oh god, yeah. I barely remember it. Well that's how much a pound was worth after Brexit. Oh my god.

Oh my god. I've been doing you guys. Yeah. Yeah, the EU don't want you to be an afternoon. I'm going to do a gym guy. Yeah, the EU don't want you to be an afternoon gym guy. They want to live on the line once you go to the gym at 8am. It's very busy. It's really busy and you're sleepy. Yeah, you can't live big when you're sleepy,

but that's what she wants. She wants weak Brit. You can't defend themselves from the coming German onslaught. She wants to put you back from your PB schedule by about four weeks. Permanently. You're never going to get that four weeks back. That's right. The Germans are always before weeks ahead. They're always just before weeks more jacked.

Or as they would say, yacht. I've got a... He's talking about my pecs yacht. Often Jim. Oh, I'm really... I'm really afternoon Jim guy. I'm afternoon Jim man. Oh, I'm really fun. I'm really...

I believe it is afternoon guy. I'm... I'm... I'm zaggai. I'm really feeling like just three days without the gym and eating a mostly fried diet. Oh, sucks. Hmm. I feel...

I've been native. I feel terrible. It's awful. Oh, sucks. I feel, I'm, I feel, I'm, I feel, I'm, I feel terrible. It's awful. It's horrible. I wanted it. I'm not a vegan. But I'm not a vegan platter from a place assuming that would be something approaching a salad or something kind of healthy. Just chips.

It was, yeah, chips, two dough parties, two big pieces of toast with a pile of hummus next to it. Okay. And then like very oily capsicum. And then so much sun dried tomato, like a huge pile of sun dried tomato, more than one person could ever use. That's a fish in Scotland. Where did they get the sun?

Yeah. How have they dried these tomatoes? They've got like one of those, like I don't ask how, you know, there's like weed growing indoor plants with like the heat lamps, but just using it to sun dry tomato. Yeah.

I just, I don't understand how you, one lives on not like, I thought you were gonna say in school. No, it's not even fine, but like the fringe diet where you're just like, is the Edinburgh fringe, having come here, not for the whole month ever, but having come here for like between three and five days,

basically every year, as long as it's been on since 2015. I've noticed that the Edinburgh Fringe follows airport rules for food and drink. You will just, if you want to beer at nine in the morning, go to town. People will just have a price to be reading a team. Yeah, it's airport prices, it's airport rules.

You're sort of like, you're like, I guess I can have another, like the weather spoons would be fine in the airport, I suppose, or maybe like a giraffe. They still have giraffe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I expect to do, yeah.

I love those restaurants. You're always laughing once. There's a Gatwick Airport, and they've got a Comp Toil Libanay, which is like this chain Lebanese restaurant. And then I was in there and then like, there was a family and he had quite extravagant me on there playing all this like Lebanese music.

And I was like, people of comp-toile libanet, we are at Gatwick Airport. This is not an authentic Middle Eastern experience. Why are you playing like chase music from one of the born movies? And like, they're like, they're like, there's a black cork down vibe in there. It's like, you're like, you're like,

you're like trying to eat your bad airport, Hermos, and they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah They have one at lutein too. Yeah, yeah, God lutein. Fuck me. It's it's it's it's carpe twire a libanay or a Leon. Both bad options. All these places sound like fucking shit. Well, you're from a place that doesn't have bad food. It's much stuff being here. It does suck. Yeah, it's actually frustrating. The people of this aisle don't understand that their food is bad. You tell them it sucks here and they go, what do you mean? This is how we live. This is our life. I mean, to be fair, I'll defend Britain in the sense that I think Australia has exceptionally good food, but I think Britain's food is broadly in line with most other English-speaking countries.

The only place is really, even in Europe, they have particularly good food is like southern Europe. Even France is food is like southern Europe. Like even France is hit and missed. The ones can be good, but like shit coffee in France, like a pool in coffee in France, Germany not great food on the whole, some great food. But yeah, like. Well, it's so it's Germany's like sort of not great food

on the whole unless you're like, want to do the kind of like modernist fine dining that you would find in literally any city. And it would be pretty similar broadly speaking. Yeah, yeah, like if you want to kebab Germany. Yeah, great kebab. Yeah, and second to none. But like, I also like I come from Canada as everyone knows and the set was such real shame. I don't know. I didn't, well, because I'm like I'm about to say I come from Canada on the podcast, on the podcast feed that I have done like 670 episodes of One Guys, like what? The people, anti-Canadian listener.

I'm subscribing now.