TRASHFUTURE - PREVIEW: Balthasar Speedboat, Vernon Kay Edition

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Phoebe Roy and Luke Chilton join Riley and Milo to discuss, among other things, the "Personal Life" section of Vernon Kay's wikipedia page.   If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture  *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here: https://www.tomallen.media/ *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

So much more annoying stuff about Vernon K, but what specifically is high street honeys? Is that just like, here's a woman from this town? Basically, yes. Yeah. That's a little context. That's what it is. I was an animal competition for the hottest non-professionally hot woman in the country that was run by FHM.

The amateur category in pornography. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But in print media. In print media. Yeah. And that's why that's why it's such a time capsule because print is dead. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But they, but can't be a page free girl these days. There's no pages. We have to be a Google page three girl. You're just tangentially related to whatever the thing goes. That's a terrible place for the event. Really, no fun. That's a really no one's out of you.

Yeah, that's like, that's like, that's smooth. It's like, you're coming up with like, one, two, three movies, X. Yeah, that small time, that small time behavior. If you're on the page three of Google, I reckon. One, two, three porn movies. Yeah, it's been like filmed from the back of the porn cinema. It's slightly wonky.

Yeah. It's got like Chinese subtitles at the bottom. The bottom. The really don't reflect the pot accurately. They're actually quite wise. Yeah, they're just test daily trying to sell things in the background. For the philosophical, yeah, then test daily. Ah, I'm doing some of the to-beens. Actually, this week, Annabelle and I watched a pirated film because we wanted to watch Mission Impossible and we couldn't get cinema tickets anyway

anyway. So we were forced to pirate it. And I didn't realise that when I, because normally when you torrent a film, it's like a, it's like a rip that someone's got from someone who worked on the film or something. But this was a full-on film at the back of the cinema in a Holland as well. Now in Holland, they show the films in English, but with Dutch subtitles. So there's Dutch subtitles adding a lot. And then, and then I like two minutes in, we're like, this is being filmed in the cinema, isn't it? And then like we started seeing people getting up

and going to the toilet and we were like, this is so nostalgic, we're loving this. And then at a certain point, you could just hear the guy filming it, just like eating malteas. Is that they were just like rustling? Not in the camera, me. During this bit we clapped, we were like, yes,

this is great. You did not watch a pirated movie. What you did was experience a cinema simulation. Oh, yeah, where you are the guy. You are the guy who's working for like the Dutch piracy mafia. He or the, you're the guy. 4D movie actually.

I've got really, I've got really stuck on you saying someone was trying to persuade her to apply for high street honeys like it's a kind of like it's a scheme You do you do apply no, I know you do but like people apply on your behalf in the main That's how that's how it works like some that's like that's like the cool way if you apply for yourself It's a bit late. It's a bit like I say look if no one's applying for you You're not gonna wait. It's an order just to be nominated really it. So look, if no one's applying for you, you're not going to win. It's an order just to be nominated, really. Yes.

And the nominees for High Street Hunnies. There's also the panel prize for High Street Hunnies where they give it to one of the weird but still attractive women. And there's the honey's honey as well. Nobody else gets it apart from the other honey's who are just like, she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Everyone else is like, yeah, but where are her jokes? Yeah. But the other High Street Hunnies are also like, she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Everyone else is like, yeah, but where are her jokes? Yeah.

But the other high street honeys are also like, who votes for this? Because every year they nominate a honeys honey and no one ever asked me. And then the industry is like, don't worry about it. It's always really depressing is the inn memorium segment. Hunter, Hunter, like Gloria Honeyford. All right, baby. Paul and honeys. I just don't think that they should have

the manner of death in the in-memorium. It feels bad. It's all suicide. I can help. We should never have sent the high street honey's to liberate Racka from my friend, Melissa. But we just thought that would really stick it to ISIS. Yeah.

Like the honey squadron. What represents the opposite of ISIS is ideology more than the scantily clad women of high street honey? Interesting. I think interesting was the funniest possible response you could have given. This is a real they hate us for our freedom and our high street honey's moment. That's right. They're jealous of our high street. Well, you see Rackett doesn't even have a high. That's why Lads mags declined after the early after the 2000s because 7.7 was actually quite successful. Well, you may not you may not remember this, Roddy, but in in about 2011, 2012,

they did actually successfully the government instituted this thing where they had to put the Lads mags in like these opaque jackets in the shops so that you can only see the tights. Yeah, like, you can see nearly a blazer on some. What, and it looked like a Nicob for a magazine. So it was in a way, the ennemics censorship of that. So maybe your theory is actually correct. Well, it was exited from one someone to get the content for free, the sexy title?

It was a stupid government moral panic thing where they were like, well, school children could see the front of this magazine and it's like, yeah, do you remember being a school child? Yeah, you lived for a glimpse of the front of the Lads mag on the which you could barely see because it was well above your eye level Yeah, and also you always felt self-conscious as a teenage little boy looking up They're like, they know what I'm doing They know what I'm doing, it's just, I'm not looking up at the time. Follow your line of sight. Watch yourself. They'll set test daily on you. She'll show, she'll appear behind the counter. It's very much, it's very much good cod bad cop with wincomen and daily. You want to be

dealing with wincomen, but if you piss her off, you'll get daily. And then sooner or later, you'll be doing a pest-press conference about your wife. Do you talk about it? Wait, so what did Vernon K. How to apologise for flushing the high street? No, he cheated on his wife with the high street. What, he only intercontents sexually explicit. Sorry, if you just say intercontents. Sorry, put Luke in a foil bag. If you covered the front of the FHM magazine. I don't think he ever actually did anything beyond sending sexually explicit text.

I don't think they ever met. It was a Michael. I bet it's still very tremendous, by the way. Was it images or messages? It only says messages. I suppose if you wanted to see the High Street Honey's boobs, you could also purchase the magazine. Yeah, it really took the fun of sexting that,

because you could just get it from the far of the periodical. So here's the thing. Yeah, Yeah. I subscribe. Oh my God. It was via Twitter. Oh wow. Oh, I just feel weird. So this is for the express power. Um, Vernon K. He's the paper of records marriage to strictly come dancing. His test daily is regarded as one of the most concrete in showbiz. Hey, I guess it turns out it had some of that RAC in it, huh? Very good.

Do you think about that? Yeah, very nice. One of the most apost-becomes modern concrete inshobes. I'd be so weird to write that also in an article from 2010. Like, come on, you're going to be hilarious in 13 years. That's right. Little did I not. Has admitted through his spokesman to sending a flurry of flirtatious messages to Busty model Ryan Suggden.

It's good. Busty model. Flurry. Flurry. A combo. Just going to be one two. Her name's, her name's, yeah, her name's not Ryan. I'm sorry for a second. Yeah, yeah, it was a busty man called Ryan. It was a busty, yeah, real, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was if I can find any of the sex because I love a celebrity sex. Oh, they're very good. Yeah. So I also like that they clarify that she was a busty model rather than like a girl with a big ass. That's how you know it was 2010.

Yeah, the ass wasn't in fashion. Yeah, ass is very new. Six years, so. Yeah. The pair then exchanged, the pair, so, so here, K is believed to have swapped details with Sugg didn't after meeting her at a Bolton nightclub and insist that at no point did they ever have a physical relationship.

Yes. A Bolton nightclub is the best detail of this because I don't know, right, if you have been to Bolton. I think I cannot really express to you how bad a nightclub in Bolton would be. And it's a very funny place. I mean, Vernon K earned in K as from Bolton, but still I feel like he's now reached the stage in his career where he no longer has to go to a nightclub in Bolton. I feel like that is one of, that's like the entry level of like when you're from Bolton, the main, the level you're trying to get to is to no longer be going to a nightclub in Bolton. That is, you've made it. No matter how you got there. The very least you want to be going to a nightclub

in Manchester. Yeah. Yeah. Leads. That he needs sucked up. The pair that engaged. Carlisle, fuck it. The pair that engaged in a steamy exchange over text

and via the private messaging function on the micro-blocking site Twitter. What a series of words. Right, I'm logging. This is my, and I think this is a particularly British newspaper thing where like they'll use that because they're all writing for a reading age of like nine, they will constantly repeat themselves, but also they will, they will never

use the same words. So by like paragraph four, they're into like the most tortured synonyms you've ever heard, like like referring to someone as a busty model. It's already quite weird. It says blonde Suggton. Oh, blonde, blonde, big today. Sounds like a different name, right? Who has dated reformed fastest gun in the West. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This dated reformed Lothario Russell brand revealed the messages. Nothing, how? Who are employers at a tabloid newspaper who claim they're too explicit to print. It's very funny, right?

To be like, ooh, I do hope my, me, a married celebrity, my sort of on the record exchanges with someone who literally works at the sun. It's gonna stay secret. The mammalianly a downed lady. Look, you're not gonna like this, but men are not smart. He's gonna stay secret.

The mammalianly a downed, in-dowed lady. Look, you're not gonna like this, but men are not smart.