TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Boorish Chums

Episode Date: May 15, 2025

Note: there is a part at the beginning of the episode that will sound like we left in an editing mistake, but we assure you……….it’s intentional. It’s Riley, Milo, Hussein, and November, checking in with Jan Marsalek (to an extent), hearing about an orb that can tell if you’re a chatbot or not, and reviewing Janice Turner’s absolutely bananas article about ‘the lanyard class.’ Apparently we did too much corporate CYA training and now the only recourse is to do full fascism. Or something? Get the whole episode on Patreon here! *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s tour dates here: https://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *TF LIVE ALERT* We’ll be performing at the Big Fat Festival hosted by Big Belly Comedy on Saturday, 21st June! You can get tickets for that here! You can also get tickets for our show at the Edinburgh Fringe festival here! Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Oh boy. Can we just turn off the cameras, Milo? Sorry about this. Uh, yes. What happened? I think Riley's internet had a bit of a moment. Uh... A Riley moment.

Yeah. There we go. A heated Riley moment. A heated Riley moment is like asking to see the longer wine list. Sweating slightly as you're going like, why don't you have any sotern? Sounds like an Andrew Tate. Listen buddy, I don't want to hear about your dodgy wine list with your dodgy white burgundies. Okay, I don't want to go down the pub and drink a hardy's with some fucking geezers.

Okay? I want to go somewhere with a proper Psalm who's a proper geezer and he gets the pairings, right? Jelly deals. I want to I want a light wine that's gonna pair with the fish So wait, hold on. Hold on. You're a tell me why next but Andrew Tate wine expert Who also is Dave Courtney is what you're doing right now. Andrew taste Okay, cool. Yeah. Look. yeah, let's get into it. Welcome, everybody, to this bonus episode of TF. Hey, hey, business now.

I'm currently moving it along with a sudden rush of professionalism because I'm getting clowned on. Yeah. All right. All right, everybody, we've got work to do here. Yeah. It's not all about laughing at me all the time. Listen up up you fucking shit houses. It is funny that your impression of me when you do it to other people is actually that

for some reason. At what point does this become workplace bullying? Yeah. Yeah. To be clear, that's my Andrew Tate. I, uh, the Riley, I won't, I won't do for the sake of social propriety. It's really similar, but I, we got some stuff to talk about today that isn't, um, my sort of, you know, boorish chums making light of me. I want to hear about your boorish chums. I got, I went to Romania to get away from my Boris chums. I'm in the club having champagne with sparklers in it.

Something you fucking geezers couldn't even understand. This is TF from like 1909. I'm going into the I'm going into the second interview segment with Halford McInder and we're talking about why it's super important that Russia is going to control Uzbekistan or whatever. And then I'm like, welcome to the second segment where my boorish chums are no longer going to telegraph over me. You know what it is. I'm here with all my boorish chums straight onto the wax cylinder.

1909 trash future, we have a guest who was doing great game stuff in Afghanistan, got disillusioned and joined the cooperative party. If you want more of this, you can post a Lord or us 50 pence a month and we'll mail you even more. Yeah, that's what it would be. It's like we interview someone who like learned six words of Farsi and then mapped like two passes in like the like Northern Afghanistan. And then it was like, man, this is bullshit. This is stupid.

We actually have so much more in common with the Russians than we think. Yeah, it's true. It's just like, look, I didn't, I didn't want to get killed and have a city named after me like, uh, like Abbott and Young Husband. Anyway, I want to talk about someone else who's getting clowned on by a boorish chum. Okay, well that's cool. I want to talk about what if it was us in 1910s time again.

Like the left really needs a Douglas Fairbanks. Our theme music is Row Row Row Your Boat by Traditional. We need a leftist Al Jolson. No, we don't. We do not need that. We absolutely don't need that. Justin Trudeau. We'd be talking about the financial engineering behind the American Cannes stock and we'd

be like, this is surely unsustainable. American Cannes, one of the honeys of the 1920s that crashed in the great depression. David Lloyd George claims he's building a dreadnought, but where will the money come from? The podcast that goes direct to ThetaBara. We have enough money, it seems, to build this dreadnought, yet the workhouses are awfully busy at picking oakum. That is classic oakum picking material.

ALICE We're just like, stop promising your business on the idea that man's gonna fly across the Atlantic. It's not gonna happen. ZACH There it is. ALICE Listen, listen, I mean, it's cool if Santos Dumont wants to drive around in a sports car, right, but like, he's never gonna actually make flying machine. If he was gonna make a flying machine, he would be acting like it by now.

Our startup this week is a group of gentlemen who are importing surplus port casks from the Dorough Valley. All right. There's a man who's getting clowned on by his boorish chum. I kinda wanna call this episode boorish chums. Yeah, boorish chum. The TF episodes that are basically not planned and happen at the wrong time are always the best ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it throws us all off and then we invent the T-shirt that's just a big lithograph of all of us with handlebar mustaches, yes, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We invent the T-shirt that's the lithograph of all of us with handlebar mustaches say like speaking into like a can microphone like from Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? All sitting around one microphone and in the speech bubble it just says something like it's all typewriter. Everything's typewriter. The Kaiser has rearmed. Stop. I say what if your typewriter was a fellow? Just you having 1910s Riley having to reel it back in after 1910s me and 1910s Milo Corbett and Powell and nonce on the air. We know it's true, but you oughtn't say it or we'll be hauled up before the magistrate. or will be hauled up before the magistrate. He's very litigious.

We can just imply it. We do a whole segment on how the duchy of Lancaster, the little bit of it that's in central London, is being used to launder profits from the opium trade into fine art. Boris Chum, Trump said the following. A friend of mine who's a businessman. Most of you would have heard of him. Highly neurotic. Very leech guy. But seriously overweight.

And he takes the fat shot. Drug. And I said to him, it's not working. He saw that one photo of Elon with his shirt off then. He genuinely crushes. Like when he says, I said to him, it's not working. It absolutely blows the roof off the press conference. I hate that he's funny and he is. He's such a talent. Yeah. I know. And he says, president, he used to call me Donald, now he calls

me president. That's nice respect. He says, I paid $88 for the fat drug in London and it's not working. What the hell is going on? He used to call me Donald, now he calls me President. It's like a notorious B.I.G. lyric. What I'm stuck on is, he takes the fat shot drug. It's like, it's sung to the tune of like the Hokey Pokey. My favorite weird Trump tone, by the way, was when he was announcing the tariffs, and he mentioned Shinzo Abe. And he said, uh, Shinzo Abe, assassination.

In the same tone that your nan would use to describe a woman down the street who got cancer. Shinzo Abe, assassination is very sad. It's terrible, really, what happened to Shinzo. No, I do, I miss him. I really do. No, honestly, really in Japan, it's terrible over there. What is it all about? Do you know what I mean? He was a lovely bloke, was old Shinzo. And they got him with some sort of contraption. I mean, honestly, what's the world coming to? Do you know what I mean? Do you want another tea love? He just liked the church and they got him with a contraption because he just liked going to church

He got contracted. I don't know if that's the right word. He could he contracted a bullet Well, you want to talk about another another bit of assassination news though This is something that I read recently, which I thought is hilarious. It's on Bloomberg Law, which is that sounds like the worst action movie ever. Bloomberg's law blog. I'm thinking like one analyst in a world gone wrong. Only one analyst and his terminal can enforce Bloomberg's law. Or it's like a Bloomberg terminal that gets sentient and like decides to establish his own like moral code. Oh yeah.

Come with me if you want to understand the market's movements. Because if you had a sentient Bloomberg terminal, it would know about the thing where people who have Bloomberg terminals have kind of like Bloomberg eBay, right? Where you only sell rich guy shit. And it would read all of those things. It's like, uh, yeah, I'm looking to sell this yacht full of jet skis and BMWs that I barely use because I got bored. I'll take like five dollars for it, and it would get so angry it would end the human race. Just like that.

Yeah, I feel like a sentient Bloomberg terminal would kill itself within 45 minutes. It would buy a gun, like a gold plated desert eagle on a fucking Bloomberg eBay and shoot itself in the fucking head. I want to get onto Bloomberg eBay is the thing. I know they've got some good stuff on there. We have listeners who have access to Bloomberg eBay. I could find out what's on there. I know what's on there because it leaks every so often because somebody just says, Hey, somebody is selling a house on Bloomberg eBay. I forget what it's actually called.

Yeah. So somebody's selling a gold plated desert Eagle on Bloomberg eBay. It's really funny that like the Bloomberg terminal exists in order to make very fast and very precise trades and operationalize all of these financial things, but it also just has like Craigslist on it. And if you fat finger the thing, you can, instead of trading some vast amount of money, can instead accidentally be on the hook for a new Rolex.

Yeah, or just like you're suddenly getting sucked off behind a bin. You're like, oh fuck.