TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Britainology 105: Gatwick Gangsters (2017)

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

The oft-requested episode is finally here, in which we watch what can only be described as a piece of outsider art: a zero-budget, zero-effort British gangster film made sometime between 2011 and 2017 by a woman named Sally Clack, who performs under the name Rapper Shampagne™. Dave Courtney is in this but you'd barely know it. This film caused Nate to have an existential crisis. We do not recommend viewing the film itself. Get the whole episode on Patreon here! *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s tour dates here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/liveshows *TF LIVE ALERT* We’ll be performing at the Big Fat Festival hosted by Big Belly Comedy on Saturday, 21st June! You can get tickets for that here! You can also get tickets for our show at the Edinburgh Fringe festival here! Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

My favorite review though is the last one. This is from Mr. Talbot. Ignore the haters you are seeing giving bogus reviews. Most are people that did not get on the film. I'm clicking on competitions. Competition. Trending. Stay tuned to see what capital R, capital S, rapper Champagne is chatting about. Have you sent her your letter yet? Ask her who does her hair. She is One she is wearing on her show was done by a wig maker on Warner Brothers Studio, Los Angeles, USA. All caps, welcome to our library. Here you will find gossip, trending news, advice and learning. Check out her links to her YouTube videos. Rapper Champagne Trademark is our

resident blogger and Hollywood influencer. She looks at what is hot and not. She has appeared on Sky 1, BBC 1, ITV and Channel 4. She has appeared on Sky one BBC one ITV and channel four. Currently she has over 1 million subscribers to her email newsletter. Please feel free to completely unverifiable. Please feel free to write her with a question in our contact us page directory links competition time. You will receive 50 quid. If your letter is read out by champagne to enter, please email your letter to send a letter to champagne dot html at s dash clack at sky dot com read out on war. I don't know. That's my question and now it has then underneath it. It has like an alphabetized list of just stuff like yeah

that like under B has Belmarsh prison k films about the craze morris dancing under M. Fuck me. This is fascinating. Like this is just it's like it's like she's like copied and pasted like Wikipedia into her own website. I like this is what's going on now under Champagne World. Click check out the latest news and goings on in champagne's world sally is

busy creating quote adventures of joe redd own quote her new action adventure animation movie those are all capitalized working with david manning who is the producer of the new feature film david and sally are really excited as this new movie has everything yes a diamond heist and is really taking shape we are working with some great american animation experts to make sure our animation is of the best quality. Charlewood Cage location, Rosemary Lane Charlewood, year open 1792, year closed unknown. Century of operation 1700 to 1799, 1800 to 1899, probably early C19. One story built of local stone rubble with red brick coins and galloping of small stone chips. Hip tile roof inside were two cells each

with a barred window to the outside. Simple door case with a wooden lintel. What the fuck? What is going on? Okay, I think champagne is the story here. This is the deep dive. So I've just, the trailer for Gatwick Gangsters, right? Was uploaded to a YouTube channel, which is called,

and I'm not making this up, Champagne Blog and Master Heating Services Limited. And then at the top, there's like a cover photo of the channel that says Sally Clack Animation Engineer. So Sally Clack is Champagne. That's her real name. New production Adventures of Joe Redd. And then it says, Welcome to Champagne Trending News, which covers all the entertainment news and features David Manning, heating engineer who has a blog on UK gas heating and plumbing news. We are currently in production of our second feature film, which is called adventures

of Joe Redd, a fast paced animation movie should be out fall 2025. 2018 England world cup song in 2018. We had to get the cast and crew back off Gatwick gangsters and record it's playing time for the 2018 England World Cup. I don't know if you can see this but this is this is Fully graphic design is my passion By rapper champagne Sally got her father John Clark to do the vocals of a BBC reporter The song got refused by a music platform because they thought we stole a voiceover from the BBC Sally was insisting it was her quote dad's voice unquote But the music platform still did not allow the song to go on to their platform.

Can I hear the song? Yeah, she does have this. She has this song called the song is called Rapper Champagne, I believe. There's a lot of there's a lot of interesting videos on here. I can't believe we've only just found this. I'm trying to watch it's playing time and it keeps cutting to footage of like a beagle puppy jumping. I don't know how to describe this other than so this is you watching them on this like losing ace rapper, sham. No, I'm watching the 2018 England

World Cup song called it's playing time and this is also a champagne. Yes. Okay. Hang I can send you the link to this really quickly. Milo. I had to pause it because I thought I was going to have this associative episode. Hang on one second. There's also, there's a video of her doing standup comedy. Please don't make me watch that. I think if I did, I'd probably literally jump. I unfortunately, I don't live high enough to kill myself.

I jump out the window so I'd have to find a higher vantage point. So what this reminds me of, this is going to be a real deep dive. So when I was in high school, I think, yeah, I would have had to have been like a freshman or a sophomore in high school. So that's like first or second year of high school. So the oldest I could have possibly been would have been 16. My friends and I found like a GeoCities page of a guy who was a musician and musician is lending a lot of credibility. Um, but he was talking about the song he had written was one song that he put online called global meltdown. And the best way I could describe the song is the plot of the song was kind of where

the story told in the song was recounting the plot of the film independence day, as if it was kind of like a novel thing, but it wasn't tongue in cheek. It was just the guy talking about a similar alien invasion. And it was like, yeah, I remember the chorus doing something about like, it's a global meltdown. And then the guitar parts sounded like he had just plugged DI straight in from an electric guitar, not through an amp into like the microphone jack of his computer. And it was definitely out of tune with the rest of it. And like, it was shit to the point that like I know it hasn't been salvaged like that this stuff from the internet back then just didn't survive

and even if like someone bookmarked the page or saved the page on internet archive yeah the files themselves wouldn't have been and so often back in those days of the media stuff was played by like Macromedia or like was it shock wave or flash or whatever and so then we open it now like if you can't view it anymore because that's not it's completely obsolete sort of like the the the all of the sort of the new doomsday book thing that they made in like the late 80s and they made like a proprietary computer format for it and now no one can open any of the fucking shit that they made like all the like recordings of English school kids and stuff when

they were doing like the thousand year anniversary of the first to him stay book. I learned to call it the right way. I know I called it the dome stay book once and you talked about it was like, you know, who William getting sucked off by William the conqueror book of who William the conqueror got sucked off by et cetera. But yeah, like none of that stuff survived, But yeah, that's what this reminds me of. It's really weird. It's like Eurodance. It reminds me a lot of like Bounce by the Ounce,

the energy of the video. I think that if I'm being perfectly honest with you, this seems like someone who's kind of in need of an intervention. I can't believe it's real, but there are a lot of people. I guess I have to assume that this person either her friend slash partner has done the heating for so many people's houses in the greater London area, and it's now calling in a favor to appear in Champagne's video, her either music videos or her movies. But I guess I expected better from Dave Courtney.

I guess I expected Dave Courtney to at least like have been in a more senior role in this. You know, he's a big self. He's a big self from a was a big self promoter. Rest in peace. RIP. Yeah. He read the reviews for Gatwick gangsters and show himself. Look, man, I, all right. Now the, all right, now the real moment arrives. Cause having seen it, gone into it, I didn't want to know about it. So that's why I didn't read anything about it. I didn't want to know it existed.

I knew when you described it to me that like it was going to be bad, but I didn't know much about it across the board. So I want to go to Amazon UK and I'm still logged in. Let me see if I can see the reviews here. Where are the reviews? Show me the reviews, you prick. I don't want to watch the actual movie.

It's bad. Where are the reviews? Details, details, details. Read all reviews from Sam Edwards, 25th October, 2024. Awful, dot, dot, dot. And yet this is probably the worst movie I've ever seen. Terrible on every level, acting awful. Script. Was there one? Had someone actually committed any of the, if that, to paper? And yet I watched all the way through. It was so unbelievable that any

movie this bad could ever be made. It became very watchable to see how worse it could actually get. And on that level, how very entertaining. Have I misunderstood this? Is it perhaps actually genius? How very entertaining have I misunderstood this is it perhaps actually genius Eddie fuller one star 30th January 2025 wouldn't very bad acting and filming kind of Trump cadence their review very bad acting and wouldn't waste your time One star review from mr. I a 19th February 2019. This is a very pain a worst film ever seen Amazon Why is even available to rent or buy? This is a painful to watch homemade movie, bad acting, editing, lighting, sound and script throughout. It is simply the worst film I've ever seen. And I've seen killer bitch, which

is an Oscar standard compared to this garbage. Shame on Amazon for, I've seen killer, shame on Amazon for making this rubbish available to rent or buy some notable names such as mysterious Courtney, who has been in some reasonable low budget British gangsters in the past. George Bushel and Thorne were probably cringing when they watched the finished film. Yeah, this is great because there are quite a lot of people who are like a bit famous in this. Like Willie Thorne is like a genuinely famous snooker player and this George Bushel guy is like a TV critic. He's like quite a successful TV critic. Thank God he's not a movie critic. Neil Grant with his face in his profile, who looks like he could have actually

been an extra in or one of the characters because he's a large bald English man. Totally crap. One star. 12 October 2018. I was in this movie after waiting. Fuck. He said I was in this movie. I didn't read the reviews. I swear to Christ, I swear to all my credibility as

a critic and anything you think of me as I saw his profile picture and I just said, well, he's a large British man who's bald. He looks like he could have actually been an extra in this film or one of the main characters. And then I looked at it and the first line was I was in this movie and after waiting years for it to come out, I thought I was going to get be a good one. but alas, I was wrong. The actors did not get paid for anything for this movie and we put a lot of time into it and spent money on fuel and food, none provided. The film was not good enough.

The editing for gunshots and accents were totally awful. Don't do it." Incredible. Absolutely incredible.