TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Britainology: Canadology ft. Dan Boeckner and Riley Quinn

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

The Bottlemen (RIP) ride again - Dan and Riley talk about all things Canada with Milo, to try and get some distance to explain a number of things, not least of which, “why is Canada like that.” Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/110696977 *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s show at the Fringe here! https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/milo-edwards-how-revolting-sorry-to-offend Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

You're less flashy, you know, like the American right-wing, you know, it's like the Lamborghini SUV of right-wingism. It's very flashy, it's very in-your- know, it's like the Lamborghini SUV of right wing ism. It's very flashy. It's very in your face. It's got like a gold metallic wrap on it. Canadian right wing, you know, it's subtle. It's classy.

It's the Maserati Quattroporte. It's still there, but it's, if you know, you know. I was going to say it's more like a, like the Volkswagen Tiguan of right wing. You know, it's a- With soccer moms? Yeah. You know, it's got a lot of room, but it doesn't look too bad. It's not a Subaru, you know.

But it was invented by the Nazis. Yes. That's exactly it. Yeah. OK. All right. We figured it out. Yeah. So this is all this table setting is to say that like Canadian madness is inescapable is inseparable from from distinguishing us from Americans. And that's basically the core thing that we do. But the only people who don't think that are Canadian ultra conservatives.

And they're mostly in Alberta, although some of them are in like Ontario, they're in BC or Ontario-based big tanks. BC, Ontario, and Alberta, basically. Yeah. But like Alberta has some, that's where our like, our like January 6th protest was like that trucker rally that like did donuts and all the au-bawans in Ottawa for two weeks. Or like, like they're the people who are connected to like Petro Capital.

They're the people who are, for lack of a better word, it's our Texas, basically, but there's no Austin. It's Texas minus Austin. Wow, Bird is where they made drink driving legal, right? Yes. Yeah, that's where they... Then Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan has the highest amount of MPs who have been convicted for DUIs out of any province. They were all getting beers at the corner gas. Yeah, exactly. In the Canadian West, that at the corner gas. Yeah, exactly. In the Canadian West, that's considered representation politics.

It's like, you can't be what you can't see. If you're a drunk driver who has four different child support payments to make, and you're also like 29% in the hole on a Dodge Charger, then you have to see those people in parliament so you can believe that you too can succeed. We prefer a person of DUI. So basically, right, this is... And those people are quite the opposite. They're like, we are desperate to be American. This is where you see... We covered this on the show early on, but the rebel flags with

We covered this on the show early on, but the rebel flags with maple leaves instead of stars on them. Like Confederate, can-federate. That's so cool. I mean, I guess in a way Canada succeeded from the United States most successfully by never being in it in the first place. That's right. Yeah, that's it. We're the only, look, it's like compared to us, the South is losers.

We fought the Yankees and we won I prefer I prefer a force fighting the Yankees that doesn't get shot down so anyway there and they're like what the Canadian right has to do right guys like Pierre Poliev who we'll talk about they have to thread this needle where they have to be like I I know that you like hooting oil people who are just rolling coal on each other all day. I know what you really want is to elect Donald Trump, prime minister of Canada. Right. How about this guy instead?

This guy's going to be just like Trump. He's going to do anything Trump says. Our main opposition politician right now, Pierre Poliev, he was raised by adopted parents in Alberta. He is the most Ron DeSantis, Rishi Sunak, jump on any online right wing trend motherfucker you've ever seen. right wing trend motherfucker you've ever seen. He's like, and he has to thread that needle of like, I will be Donald Trump's conduit into Canada. So you will vote for me. He's also a Bitcoin guy and like,

yeah, he's been on the scene for a while. And I see with Polyev, I mean, I was going to save this for later, but I think this is an important point to make. I see with Poliev and the Canadian conservative constituency, the same thing that you see with the Democrats and Kamala or the Democrats and Biden before he stepped aside, which is they want someone different. The conservatives in Canada want somebody who say doesn't go on a YouTube streamer's channel and has a coughing fit when he hits a hookah on camera. They want someone who doesn't look like a weird little wet goblin.

They want like a strong man, but they've hypnotized themselves into being like, this guy is amazing, so they have to overcompensate by writing glowing articles and posting really hard about him. It's just all kind of pathetic. You have to, you need to understand that like our main sort of right-wing opposition leader, who by the way, because of Justin Trudeau's utter fecklessness and like unwillingness to, you know, inability, unwillingness, whatever, to confront any of the problems that are facing Canadians is likely, odds on, probably likely to be the next prime minister. Probably. We're going to get a JD Vance, Ron DeSantis style, reactive online, very reactive to Twitter

prime minister who is going to try to solve Canada's problems by increasing oil drilling, increasing military spending. He's gonna try and create a brat summer, reading all about it on Twitter. Yeah, well, yes. But also, who was willing to, when there was that period of sustained inflation because of high energy costs caused

by global energy prices, who was basically just saying, oh yeah, I've read about Bitcoin on Twitter. I'm just going to be the Bitcoin person. So basically, he then makes several videos, which Dan and I have watched, where he goes into... He makes a campaign stop early on. And this is back before he was popular, because he's only popular in inverse proportion to Justin Trudeau. He makes a campaign stop at a shawarma place and takes like 10 minutes to buy a sandwich. He's like, this is going to be the future of business in Canada. We can opt out of inflation by all switching to Bitcoin. Great. Can't see any problem with that.

Yeah. Talking about weird Canadian guys, I would say Pierre Pauliev, as the front runner of weird Canadian guys, is a pretty good case study. He just continuously keeps face pointing like the conservatives put out this ad, kind of a pseudo campaign ad about just the glory of living in Canada and returning Canada to its Its former place on the world stage and then it slowly came out They removed the ad two days ago but it slowly came out that most of the footage in the ad was not of Canada and the reason people seized on that was because somebody noted there's a there's a

there's a clip of fighter jets and A couple jetheads were like Hey, those are Russian planes. It was like, never go toe to toe with the plane spotters. It was like a MIG and a Sukhoi or whatever, like SU-29. And, and yeah, they, they eventually like, that was the first first crack and then they just started unraveling this video. It's like no, that's a sunrise in Kazakhstan. That's a public school in Illinois. Awesome. Look, if we, we too can enjoy Kazakhstan's legendary sunrises. That's right. Yeah. So, so basically right, like this is, this this is our some of our sort of leading leading politicians,

right, are Justin Trudeau, who is a delight to Fidel Castro, yeah, who the son of Fidel Castro, the illegitimate son of a previous prime minister has a third nipple and a giant red hot chili pepper statue. What do you think about Justin Trudeau is he's unable to harness the power of Central Asia. He doesn't have the vision to bring in Kazakhstan, hot chili pepper statue. What do you think about Justin Trudeau is he's unable to harness the power of Central Asia. He doesn't have the vision to bring in Kazakhstan, which Pierre Polyavera does have, right? Like, he's going to have them play on horseback playing the game with the dead goat carcass.

Like, that could reinvigorate Canada.