TRASHFUTURE - PREVIEW: Double Tap High School: TF Live at the Fringe

Episode Date: August 2, 2025

You remember what FDR said: a car in every garage, a chicken in every pot, and approximately forty drones equipped with less lethal armaments in every school. We go deep on Mithril Defence, a company intending, finally, to deliver on the third part of this promise. Also, Josh week continues, as Josh from the Worst of All Possible Worlds joins us in Nate's place. Full episode available on Patreon! (https://www.patreon.com/posts/135555982?pr=true)

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Sir Keir Starmer. Good evening. It's me, Sir Keir Starmer, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Now, as most of you probably know, I am old enough to watch pornography. And I am no stranger to a dirty video cassette or raunchy magazine, such as The Economist. As red-blooded British men, we all occasionally like to relieve ourselves with one off the wrist.

And I am no different. We navigate over to porn.com and type in tender missionary sex with no eye contact. And we watch it thinking to ourselves, well, this is lovely, but I wish that was my wife in the video. There is however a problem which is that we have a duty to protect children from seeing inappropriate content online. Whether that's the antics of a certain Ms. Blue, who I have to say is aptly named given her language, or articles from The Economist, we can't allow these things to shape young

minds. For this reason I have brought in the online safety bill to verify the age of people watching pornography. Now, a lot of people are concerned about this, so I'll explain. The way it works is actually very simple. You go over to porn.com and you upload an image of yourself holding up your national insurance card, passport, the last three months of bank statements, and a utility bill. Then you can log in and tug away to your heart's content.

When my wife sees me sneaking off to the bathroom with my expanding Manila document folder, she rolls her eyes. A lot of people are concerned about privacy, but don't be. Civil servants at the new Ministry of Shame will be logging every video you masturbate to on a secure server which is cross-referenced to the electoral role to make sure people are masturbating under their own name. Your porn preferences will go no further than you, me and up to 4,000 civil servants who have signed the Official Secrets Act. However, it has come to my attention that people are using VPNs or Virtual Pervert Networks

that people are using VPNs or virtual pervert networks to get around the age verification procedures. And to them I say, please don't do that. We are doing this to protect children, and we all have to do our part. I hear some of you say, but Mr. Starmer, can I call you Keir? It's Sir Keir, but please carry on. So Keir, I'm an adult and I'm allowed to watch pornography.

So why does it matter if I use a VPN? The answer is simple. Online child molesters are becoming more and more sophisticated. And the difficult truth is it's very easy to be tricked. You might think to yourself, I'm a 42 year old IT professional. I fancy watching a quick bit of a twink being obliterated.

And it's totally legal. Wrong. You're actually a nine year old boy. And a paedophile has tricked you into believing that you're a grown man by inserting false memories of mortgage applications and a messy divorce. And he's used that to lure you into committing a self-nonce. The only safe way to consume porn is to get your bank statements, your passport, your national insurance card and utility bill.

I like to keep mine in a plastic wallet because you know how it can get. And let our system check how old you are. Trust no one. Anyone could be a paedophile. Even you. Even me. I'm not though, I promise. So remember, let's not let wanking get out of hand. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage,

Shresth Future! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We're so drunk, by the way. I have to figure out how to put my drink down, open my computer and start the show and it's really complicated. And you're doing all this on the world's smallest stage cum breakfast bar? I definitely feel like this is a sort of stress dream. It's like, alright Riley, have 14 drinks at dinner. Then at close to midnight, cram onto the world's smallest stage, play Tetris with a drink in your computer, and then try to do a show.

Don't talk to me about stress dreams. I got in on a late train to get into a hotel where the power was out and they gave me the wrong room keys. I was in the back rooms for at least an hour. Incredible. So I guess what that is, is who's ready for a normal relaxed show? Yeah! Also, also, this will become relevant later.

Does anybody have estrogen on them? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! This is a genuine question. You do, you do. Okay. Let me be clear. This is a genuine question. You do. You do. Ideally, you think so.

Alright, let me be clear. Gel, ideal. Pills, tolerable. Injection's gonna be a weird one on stage. Weirdly intimate. And we'll get it in a moment. For context, does anybody here also listen to No Gods, No Mayors? Give me a cheer. Okay, these two things are going to come together. But first, can I just say, number one, welcome to the Riyadh Comedy Festival. That's right. It's going to be us.

It's going to be Aziz Ansari. It's going to be Jimmy Carr. It's going to be Hannibal Burruss. It's going to be Aziz Ansari. It's going to be Jimmy Carr. It's going to be Hannibal Burris. It's going to be Louis ZK. Wait, Hannibal? Really? Yeah. Yeah, they got him. They got Mark Norman. It's going to be Omondjilili.

On a break from making every film. The Louis ZK post-cancellation Wahaba stock is a really... I didn't see it coming. You may think, oh, Riley has just invented a very fun lineup of comedians to be playing at a fake Saudi comedy festival

organized by the same Saudi royal that organizes all of the ridiculous pageantry that they do with the UFC. This is the real lineup. Yeah. It's the actual lineup. You're gonna see Aziz Ansari at the stand at the line. Yeah, well they're all playing Neom. It's called the over the line comedy festival.

Send Comedy Unleashed to Saudi Arabia. This is my heart. Gov.uk slash petitions. We can make it happen together. Like they think that they've built the giant floating stadium in the sky for World Cup 2032 or whatever no no wrong they built it for the first Saudi live show of trigonometry It's gonna be like the place where Graham Lennon hand gets his like comeback kick, right?

I am astonished that Graham Lennonhan is not at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. Father Ted the musical only at Riyadh? We've got to get Francis Foster commentating Venezuela versus England, everybody perfect. I hear you're a sonny now, Father. I do like to think that like Graham tried to sort of get a spot there and they were just like, yeah, no, it's a bit much. You're a bit too much. Getting a text back from the Saudi PR being like,

we've got some reservations because of the transphobia. Wallahi, you've got to actually be funny. I do approve of this because I think generally speaking, any comedy festival is improved by a mid-ranked bureaucrat who keeps a Glock in their desk and is willing to like reach for it the second any of the comedians get out of line. High chance of that happening here. It's like, it's like instead of the normal Shepard's crook that they have to pull you off stage if they're not fun, it's a very sharpened Shepard's crook. It's like, if I had to contrive a kind of karmic punishment for Louis C.K.,

I would say the phrase, sick type five bro, do you want to see a gold plated firearm? Is up there. He's gonna have to masturbate into a date palm. It's gonna be nice. I also noticed that Pete Davidson is on the lineup. Let me tell you, the Saudi royal family

are not worried about their wives. They've not got a suitcase big enough for that kind of, have you seen how long he is? Also, I do love that they have two thirds of the impractical jokers, which again, was one third of them like two principal to play Sun City, like what's... One third is Haram. Yeah, as it would seem, two thirds of the impractical jokers are there to like, be like, we don't know how much jester's privilege we currently have. And we're not comfortable with pushing. Oh, the prank today on the impractical jokers is we've replaced MBS's water with sparkling water.

The first stage to be mostly trapdoor. Why have we all got these nooses around our necks? The women don't drive like this.