TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* In-App Waterbed Purchases: TF Live at Big Fat Festival, 21st June 2025

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

We performed live—all five of us!—at the Big Fat Festival in London on 21st June. This is a recording of that performance. We very much hope you enjoy it. Get the whole episode on Patreon here! *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s tour dates here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/liveshows *TF LIVE ALERT* You can get tickets for our show at the Edinburgh Fringe festival here! Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Item number one. Item number one. Item. It's an item. And this is, this is really two things I've been waiting to talk about for a while, but I have not felt like we had the enough raw material and enough of a hook. But since 2019, I have been following a company called 8 Sleep, waiting for them to put enough AI into their product to make it into a non-functional piece of shit. And guess what? Sometimes you just have to wait for it to like ferment, you know? Eight sleep, love amphetamines,

I'm at the trash-eater rave, simple as. The original eight sleep pod launched in 2019. Sleep in the pod, eat the bug. And it's a, one of these quite like culturally right-wing tech companies like Coinbase the majority of which say I hate the pod I hate the bugs, but give me the pod give me this pod the our team give me Elon Musk's epic pod So so this actually well you guys hate the pod, but you're also like give me the pod That's right. I will not I'm not listening to the pod. I will not sweat in the bunker. Yeah, I'm hot about hating the pod

Yeah, so basically you joked the Elon pod. It is the Elon pod because the CEO of the company, Matteo Franceschetti, there you go, thank you. I'll do something with that, don't worry. Don't worry, you know what? It took six years for them to finally get dumb enough, they were dumb the whole time, but I knew that there was more coming. It's going to take six minutes for him to do another accent joke.

Typical lazy Italians. Takes them six years to make a shit company. You say it's the Elon bed. It is the Elon bed because Matteo Franceschetti distributed them all. Like from Conclave? The Conclave from Conclave distributed to Cardinal Tedesco. I'm just going to call him Cardinal Tedesco. I'm so glad that it's so hot in here because the bits can get dumber and they'll get more laughs.

As all of you kind of simmer in your own juices. Cardinal, there has been a crisis. The Pope is trapped in his AI sleeping pod. God rest his soul, that's what happened to Francis. They won't tell you this. The Vatican III is way more wacky. It is more like a Looney Tunes. Latin Amaz though. So he gifted all of the Doge teens eight sleep pods for when they were like camping out in the US Institute for Peace smoking ditch weed. They were also had these like

$5,000 AI enabled beds that were directly on the floor with no like mattress box Typical male living space the US Institute for Peace Did they design their own pod or is it like because you know in some countries where they have legal euthanasia you can but suicide And I'm wondering is it like Ford cause you know, in some countries where they have legal euthanasia, you can buy a suicide pod. And I'm wondering, is it like Ford, you know, Opel, Volkswagen, it's the same chassis, the suicide pod and the ultra sleep pod are built the same. Might be a little confusing.

You want to know the color of the library that's painted on either one, just in case. Agent 47's easiest mission yet. Switching Elon Musk's sleep pod with a suicide pod. Switching Elon Musk's sleep pod with a suicide pod. Good work 47, but we can't really count this one. This one more or less did itself. Do you think it's kind of smart in a way, all the guys at US Institute for Peace,

like sort of just like sleeping on the floor. It's kind of like, you know, to be Al-Kaida, you got to live like Al-Kaida. In a torah-bora mode. In a Turabora mode. In a few years they'll release a slim volume of the Doge Teens poetry and it's gonna be like so beautiful and heartfelt. Weirdly, the Doge Teens identical hard drive to Bin Laden. All the same stuff.

That implies they have a picture called a s s s dot gif. So I need to tell you about this pod. Tell me about the pod. Will you please let me tell you about the goddamn pod. So here's the thing. It's not actually a pod. It's a mattress cover that costs $5,000. It's not even a mattress?

Well they also sell a mattress for more as well as a blanket for more. It's so season one. It feels like 2018 for me. I was about to say it does sort of feel like Casper mattresses. It's like, you know, the new sort of lease of life of the AI pods gonna like sponsor this podcast. Mmm I retract everything we've said They so clearly wanted to do a pod like the suicide pod, right? But then for some reason people didn't want to sleep in the suicide pod. And so they've just gone, okay

Well, what if we call a mattress cover the part use code agent 47? Suicide pod get the deepest sleep of your life. And beyond. Yeah. Maybe the reason it's gone wrong is because it was supposed to be a suicide pod, but because the nature of everything now is you have to put AI in it.

And there's like a guy's like, no, I perfected the suicide pod, right? This is like the best way to kill yourself. The AI suicide pod. But yeah, but could you sort of add like an AI feature that like monitors... Integrate an LLM so it adjusts the bed for you before it deploys the gas. That is what it does. Really?

Okay, no, to be clear, to be clear, as far as... So this pod does deploy a noxious gas, but it's not intentional. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. Don't have a few curries before you get in the sleep pod. So here's the deal with the pod I'm going all over the fucking place here. The weirdest Seinfeld episode yet. He's finally he knows he's not asking. Here's the deal with the pod. He's a pinch man. Oh yeah I'm sleeping in the pod. So pod five there have been five pods, actively adjusts your temperature, elevates your body,

and plays integrated soundscapes to improve your sleep. Now, so that's the like bed from Crimes of the Future then that's like squishing Viggo Mortensen all the time. Correct, yes. Okay, so the Doge teams were getting like miscellaneously squished while they were also like technically high, but not really, and also sleeping like on the floor.

Yeah, it was like- they didn't save any money. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Let a low bit rate MP3 of like Seeger-Rose songs as playing the entire time. Oh Nate, oh sweet, simple Nate, you think you can pick your own soundscapes? No, it's whatever soundscape Matteo Franceschetti Cardinale Tedesco chooses.

It's not like disco. Literally, they are like, can I pick my own soothing sounds to play me to sleep? And the website says no. And it soothing sounds to play me to sleep? And the website says no. And it's so you have to sleep in a special bed and an Italian man decides what music plays to you. This is futurism's triumph.

Just one cornetto. Because it, you know, when I think about it, it is futurism's triumph because, because it's AI enabled, right? If your internet gets turned off at any point, the main thing it does is adjust temperature. It will just plummet the temperature of your bed. And then it will move you into a different and strange position.

This is an Italian futurist bed. How do you think Mussolini ended up upside down? It was the Cardinal. That must have felt so good for like the first three seconds. Imagine how loose Mussolini's back was. I don't think it's funny for us to be laughing at a bisexual man dying in a suspension bondage accident. Truly he walks so David Carradine could run. So basically, it's only in this room. That's right. So basically, your mattress is always online. It's like steam.

Yeah. And if it's not online, it will do crazy things to control you. I'm very regular. So if it's not online, it is crazy shit. Also, if ever your internet goes down, you can't adjust it unless you use the app, which if it goes off, then you're fucked. You have to sleep in a cold bed. The next stage of escalation in the Middle East, Iran, precision targets the eight sleep servers in a back end in Arizona somewhere. And every Mossad guy's like, it's really cold. I can't sleep for shit. Where's my soothing Italian music? You can tell who all of the sleeper agents are by everyone who's tired.

Asking a Mossad guy how he sleeps at night and he's like, well, really badly since the app went down. I'm cold, I'm upside down. Less of a sleeper agent, more of an insomnia agent. The bed cover, the mattress cover alone, it's not even a mattress, cost $2,000, requires an internet connection to work, needs to be online. The CEO said, I do think in general, when we talk about mattresses in AI, the beauty of a mattress is that it's a large surface. Okay, I mean that's true.

So true. Does he mean like in a kind of Deleuze-Gatari sense? No, he means there's a lot of places to put sensors. Oh, okay. You know, for spying on you while you sleep, which people love, right? Imagine being like a gang stalking person and then you get an eight sleep pot. Sorry, not a gang stalker, they would love an eight sleep pot. They'd be like, ah, perfect.

So it's an opportunity to put a lot of different sensors that could give the user a lot of interesting information about themselves. That information is helpful from day one. But the funny thing is, it's not just them. Well, no, it's like 23andMe, right? The whole deal is we've gathered a bunch of data about you, which we're going to show you in a very interesting way. Don't ask who else we're

going to show it to, right? So the Italian Futurist mattress is a great way to learn things about your body. I mean, it's also a great way to learn what percentage of being Turkish you are. I learned from my mattress that I'm weirdly 0% Turkish and my body really doesn't like it when the temperature drops 20 degrees in a second. The Turkish eight sleep mattress, where even when it's connected to the app, that you lie down on the mattress and it gets taken away.

So the other thing is, the CEO will just tweet out sleep trends that he's looking at by spying on people's mattresses. Okay, that's fucked. He has a big dashboard of everybody sleeping. It's like a very specific Batman. It's like the Spotify ads in New York where they're like this Spotify user listen to I don't know like hallelujah thirty one times in a single

day. What's wrong? What's going on like exploring your personal info, but in this case of like yeah this guy in this IP address jacked off fifty one times before falling asleep. Dude, what's your secret? Master when you must come to bed, you cannot stay off all night counting how many times this man is farted.