TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Prosecutors' Clearinghouse: TF Live at the Edinburgh Fringe, 14/8/24

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

For this week's bonus, we've got the recorded version of last week's live show in Edinburgh, featuring a devotional to hooning, a visit from the AI-powered VTOL that kills you, and an encounter with a strange American former child star who wanted to name his libertarian business park in Puerto Rico, and we are not joking, 'Puertopia.' Until someone who'd studied Latin intervened. It's Riley, Milo, Hussein, and November live very very late at night at Monkey Barrel, recorded 14th August 2024. Get the whole episode on Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/110502390/ *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s show at the Fringe here! https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/milo-edwards-how-revolting-sorry-to-offend Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

I actually do have another thing I like to do to open live shows. It's one of my favorite things to do. As we get on through what we're talking about, we're going to be talking about a guy who we've referenced but never really dove into before. And I'm very excited to do this. But before we dive into the guy, I invite before we go guy diving. It's classic. It's like you're a product manager, you're 45, you're trying to be adventurous, you do the first thing

you think of, guy diving. We're going to take a little trip to the southern hemisphere and also very far west or east to land on a little island called Australia. Some of you know where this is going because... Those plucky lads have done it again. Yep, that's right. Some more Australians have been stupid in their cars on purpose. There we go. There we go. Sometimes I just think, imagine trying to explain that reaction to that sentence to anybody not in this room.

It's like with another live show, we were like, now it's time to talk about Matt Hancock and the place fucking erupted. Functionally, what we've done is started a cult. Keep that in mind. We revere the burnouts. The burnouts will reveal his vision. I've got two. I have an Australian excellence and the opposite of Australian excellence.

An Australian dismalness. An American dismalness. So a 25 second hooning incident But enough about my bloody sex life My hoon cake Please stop calling your garage that's... Yeah, the police started giving out condoms that makes them bust right away, but they just use them... You have one sock for cum and you have one sock for petrol.

Which is which, you don't know. So... What the... See a doctor! A 25 second hooning incident. I love that. That's a phrase that's worth the price of entry alone. At Redlands Rugby Club in Brookdale, east of Brisbane. It's always in Brisbane. East of Brisbane. Isn't that the sea? Yeah, a 25 second hooning incident at an undersea.

Maybe that's why it was so short. Is it estimated to be? A hoon takes his life. But I'm going to do it in a fucking sick cunt way. Give me a good death. A sick death. He's reinventing mad maths. With some fucking Tik Tok me cunt.

The cold sometimes makes the ute stick. He's reinventing my Yes! Yes! Police are making inquiries and the local sporting club has put out a statement that says the incident has come at, and I loved this bit, quote, the wrong time. It's just, it was the last thing we needed. Oh, hooning! Oh no! This is why I respect the hooning. Oh, no. This is why I respect the hoons. And the proms tomorrow. The hoons hold nothing sacred, because you know the hoons in their downtime love the NRL. But they're not going to not hoon on a rugby field just because they like rugby.

They will hoon anywhere. The servants do a greater honor, you know? They live by a Bushido code of the sick cunt. I order you to pop your own tires at sunday. When this black powder comes out, it means you're going to kill yourself. Before this show, I was asked to explain what the deal was with the podcast and I said it was like, yeah, it's a bit of tech, a bit of finance, a bit of politics. Who talks for like 20 minutes about Australian car. It's finance. It's tech. It's true. It's the carceral state. Carceral state says you can't be sick. What is the Holden Monaro if not tech. The other one that I was considering doing was that there's one guy

in Brisbane who will always do burnouts in front of police stations when they're shut and they can't find him. He's like a hoon Zorro. Dragon is like a concerned citizen and what he's trying to do is get the police stations to be open 24 hours a day. He'll only do burnouts in front of closed police stations. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Have you just described Bathoon? The Hoon Cave! It all ties together.

Some men, Master Wayne. Just want to see the tires pop. So, the next item... is the opposite of Australian excellence, it's American Dismal. I know your parents will run over by holding you. You've got to move on, Master Wayne. His parents would have been killed by a responsible driver. He assumes the form of the hoon in order to prey on their fear. Yeah, and obviously he's called Wayne Bruce because he's like...

He's from like Toowoomba, so... He's got a mullet. Wayne, you've got to stop. You'll never lead a normal life. You own a servo. Focus on that. You want to know how I got this Honda Accord? Following the speed limit.

Some men think they're following the speed limit, it's funny. No, they think following the speed limit is sick. You're sick, Joker, not in a good way. Okay? You're a fucking dog. We desperately have to move on. This was four lines of an eight page document. We're going to be here until 6am.

Podhine. Here we go. All right, everybody stick to your phones. All right, so American dismalness. Oh, sorry. Last one is Master Wine. You're not a billionaire You can't keep popping the tires on the Batmobile Okay, last that's that's it no more of that

American dismalness on by Wayne Is what it is a prototype for the military you ever designed so child for the military. It's the sickest you ever designed. That's it, that's the show. Shade of green that was never before developed. I can't believe, I can't believe that this is a business. What I can't believe is that you only allowed this four lines in the notes, having worked

with us all for years. You knew this would happen. We paid taxes. So you might've seen, there's another, another thing in sort of tech news that the Waymo self-driving cars in San Francisco. They've all, they've all seen, they've all seen the video on that groaning. Pat Poon's got a new mission. Master Bruce, there are evil cars on the road. Only one, the police will do nothing. These Waymo cars, they're basically, for those of you who didn't groan, they're sort of as when they're in car parks,

due to some quirk about AI being terrible. Do you say like emergent rampancy? Yeah, yeah, basically they've gotten Skynet style self-awareness, and they're using it to be annoying. But it's like hanging out in car parks. Talking in car language, which is honking. They're dogging.

Mm. So for the past few weeks, Randall White, R-A-N-D-O-L, like the French wine region, but with an R instead of a B, has been, there we go. Thanks for clarifying that. I was wondering. Has been dealing with a persistent and annoying problem outside of San Francisco condo, which I should add,

has been geolocated and valued at like $4 million. Do not feel bad for this man. Yeah, it's a $4 million condo in San Francisco. It probably has its own bathroom. I was like, where is that coming from? And I looked down and I was like, I think it's coming from the Waymo cars. A parking lot just outside his condo

full of driverless Waymo cars had had multiple incidents where suddenly the vehicles seemingly become confused and start honking at each other around four in the morning. They're not confused, they're just communicating in a register to advance for us to understand. Yeah, but this is just London, this is just foxes fucking in your garden.

How come these cars are speaking Chacobsa hunting language? Anyway. Waymo car knocked over my bins. I've got to have the lockable bins, they'll get in there.