TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* Ten Years to Save My Summer Vacation: TF Live feat. Nish Kumar

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

We recorded a live show at Between the Bridges in London on May 29 with friend of the show Nish Kumar, who has been doomed to listen to us read terrible political books to him until the end of time. And in this instance we’re reading TEN YEARS TO SAVE THE WEST by former Prime Minister and bathrobe despoiler Liz Truss. You are not prepared for how deeply stupid this book is. Get the full episode on Patreon here! https://www.patreon.com/posts/107699026/ *NEW MERCH AVAILABLE!* We’ve re-issued our ‘What If Your Robot Was Just a Guy?’ shirt with artwork by Rory Blank, and we have an all-new Britianology shirt entitled ‘The Falkland Islands: It’s All We’ve Got Left’ with artwork by Eleanor Osada. They’re both available to pre-order here! https://www.trashfuture.co.uk/store   *EDINBURGH LIVE SHOW ALERT* We're going to be live at Monkey Barrel comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe on August 14, and you can get tickets here:  https://www.wegottickets.com/event/621432   *MILO ALERT* Buy Milo’s special ‘Voicemail’ here! https://pensight.com/x/miloedwards/digital-item-5a616491-a89c-4ed2-a257-0adc30eedd6d   *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Hello Trashfuture listeners. Just a quick heads up, we have new merch available in our store. We have re-released the Rory Blank design for What If Your Robot Was Just a Guy? We also have a brand new Britnology shirt entitled The Falkland Islands, It's All We've Got Left, with artwork designed by Eleanor Asada. Both shirts are available at the link in the description, trashfuture.co.uk slash store. Thanks again, have a good one.

This is ridiculous because if Liz Truss is any cricketer, it is Freddie Flintoff, 100%. So. Boozed up on a pedalo, soiling a bathrobe. Frederick Flintoff arise. I went to primary school, shock to us all. I'm qualified primary school. A shock to us all. I've done my sats.

Let me in coach. I went to primary school in Scotland, which is a very traditional experience. Maths in the morning, reading comprehension in the afternoon, the belt still in use. Again, some pieces begin to fall into place. You know, you have certain experiences and it changes you as a person a little bit. When I moved to Leeds at the age of 10, the teachers turned up their noses at my traditional Scottish... She's 10! The teachers have beef with you? What are you fucking talking about? Also, was she being hit at school? How old is Liz Truss? She's like in her mid-40s.

The teachers had beef with me because I kept going to them like hit me, hit me, hit me. So Nish... Who does she think she is? Geoffrey Bygones. She thinks she runs Leeds. Nish, I would like to answer your implied question. She's lying. She's lying about... She was like, oh, in some bits of Scotland the belt was still in use in the 1980s. In the 1980s? In some bits of Scotland, it's still in use now, but that's... When?

Uncontacted Scottish tribes in the Hebrides somewhere. Like, various bits of legislation just haven't made it out there. Yeah, they're still paying tithes on Shetland. What an incredible thing. Oh, the 1980s. Duran, Duran in the charts, the Scots belting their children. It's such a perfect thing to lie about.

Like, wishfully it's like, oh yeah, I remember the time I got the shit kicked out of me. I accept as an outsider that this is an exaggeration that she's lying, but also I do have to say that my daughter came down with some kind of a skin thing and the term they use in the NHS for this is, and I'm not lying, slapped cheek syndrome. And now a friend of mine, his kid in America,

had been ill recently with a similar thing, and I was like, look man, I don't know what the fuck we call it back home. Please don't read this the wrong way, but I'm sending you a link for something called slapped cheek syndrome. So I feel like that being part of the sort of like epistemology of child rearing makes it sound like

maybe she got a little, someone was freelancing. Hitting the bell. I don't mean to deny Lancing to deny Liz trust lived experience you know I just well well maybe it's like the sort of phenomena of like people who think that they've gone through the war even though they have it you think she has like false memories yeah like she's kind of convinced herself actually when she was doing national service during the blitz at Dunkirk yeah she was getting whipped in Scotland I love the music of New Order. It really gets me in the mood to whip Liz Chusley about.

So you can really get it going to the beat of Blue Monday. I lived in fear of, at Leeds, she didn't live in fear of being beaten up by her teachers, but by being beaten up by her fellow students in the lunch queue because it was uncool to be an overachiever or, and I quote this, I'm quoting here. That will never be a problem again!

I am quoting this, stabbed with a pair of scissors in my media studies class. Was it? Fucking Michelle Foucault out there just finding a way to get at her. Yeah. So, uh... Oh, that sounds like a euphemism. Oh, got stabbed right in the media studies class.

So, this all feeds, of course, into her mind about how progressive and captured education is, right? She's like, oh, I tried to innocently reform nursery provision in this country by making it so like... By bringing back the belt. By making it so like one person could watch 90 kids or whatever, and they seemed to object to it. Huh, how odd. Yeah, you need to build the baby panopticon. It's very efficient. So she says, progressive ideas, this is another one of my favorite paragraphs in the book. What would that be like a centrifuge?

One person just sits in the middle and all the babies rotate around really fast so you can watch them all at once. Now you're thinking like a disruptor. Progressive ideas were dominant in all areas of education even at the heart of government. The previous labor government had gone, you can hear a frowning in this one,

had gone so far as to remove the very word education from the title of the department and instead rebranding it as the Department for Children, Schools and Families, complete with A. And again, this is the words she uses, childish rainbow logo. Yeah, yeah, it should have been a bell. What is this, a department for babies?

So this department for education is very childish. We need to discover the basis of a classical education, the trivium of grammar. She didn't do that. The only people she knows who did that were people like Boris and David Cameron and they fucking hated it and it drove them insane. They needed to rediscover. The thing is they've turned the Department of Education gay with this rainbow logo.

We need to teach our kids to be straight by educating them along the principles of ancient Greece. I've not looked into it. The Trivium of Grammar, Logic and Rhetoric. Under this curriculum, two of the three is she using in this book? The secret fourth one, which is ketamine. Under this curriculum... Like ancient Greece on Katzerman.

Plato, mate, I'm fucking K-ho-ling. I mean, I'm in the fucking cave, mate. I am seeing Simulacra on the cave walls. Just the easiest one to set up for you specifically, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just need you to tell me that I'm going to be able to get out of here in the realm of forms. So, what I love about this is under this curriculum, so unlike what currently happens,

which is students doing projects in environmental studies, finally what schools should do is just teach students all the facts. She said, first students should be taught the facts. Sure, right. So, number one. Well, about the climate crisis. No, just facts.

She says, I'm reading- Big list of cricketers. I am reading the book here. Jonathan Agnew, Ian Botham, and we just go from there. I swear to God. They don't even know anything about cricketers. I'll tell you what Jeff Boycott's famous for, not hitting his wife. I am literally reading from the book right now.

The facts, that's what she says. They have to learn the facts. They're not learning the facts right now. They're learning says. They have to learn the facts. They're not learning the facts right now. They're learning pronouns. They have to learn the facts. Yeah, these days it's more like Ian Botham genders. There we go. Before, before.

As Henry Blowthorne once famously said. I know it's good when I get like two people just like fully hunched over contemplating. Before, learning how to analyze them, and then requiring the skills to craft and present a convincing argument. Again, Liz Trust, please go back to primary school. Please. So, but that's also very funny.

It's like, why aren't students learning facts? They're learning gender. Now, how has this happened? She says, when a society becomes rich enough, there is a risk that it becomes, and then you can really hear this word echoing through the country, decadent, and stops trying so hard.

Don't talk to me about decadence, you bathrobe-ruining reprobate. I'll take that from a lot of people, but you need at least a file, like a blackmail folder in the WIPs office to occupy fewer than one filing cabinet before you get to call anyone decadent. I'll tell you what.

What about life in Britain is decadent? Is it going to Betfred or is it Curry Club Thursdays at Wetherspoon? It's like which element of this? You know what? This morning I was booking a train ticket from London to Manchester for a cost of £7 million. I was booking a train ticket from London to Manchester for a cost of seven million pounds. And I was drinking tap water that was filled with a parasite that will cause my insides to fall out of my body through my asshole.

And I thought, how decadent. It's like the last days of Rome, not in the way she means. But I mean, in the last days of Rome, there wasn't an equivalent Roman situation of go into Little to buy baby formula, but it's locked against theft, but there's no one working because they only use automated kiosks,

and you have to go in the back and find someone who doesn't know how to open the fucking thing, a formula. You're like, you've made it so hard to steal it that no one can buy it. Starve, babies! Fuck you! That's decadence. This is the kind of scroll written by Otho in the year of the four emperors where it's

like ten years to save the Western Roman Empire. But it's Otho just going like, pretty confident, Galba's not going to be a problem. We've got Vitellius on side. Now, chapter two, a hostile environment. I'm going to have to speed through the rest of this. Oh, fun title, a hostile environment. I'm going to have to speed through the rest of this. Oh, fun title, fun title. Liz is the Grinch who wants to stop Christmas, said Michael Gove, Environment Secretary, to my eleventh hour attempts to stop COP26.

What? Wait, hold on. Did I miss something? She tried to stop COP26? Yeah. Ten years to save the West, Infinity years to save the planet. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Why did she think she could stop cop

26? It's just a conference. It's quite super villainous, isn't it? But also, if Michael Gove looks over to you with his weird bedroom bra guys and says, no, you're like the Grinch who wants to stop Christmas.

Get on a plane out of this country as fast as fucking possible. To be fair, I did love the children's book like the Grinch who wants to stop Christmas. Like, get on a plane out of this country as fast as fucking possible. To be fair, I did love the children's book, The Grinch Who Stopped Christmas. It says, and by the way, don't worry about it. She's the 80 pound Grinch. We have... She went into COP26, she poured fairy liquid all over everyone.

Well, there are serious issues with the environment. Oh, good. The level of alarmism and ever-increasing rhetoric. So the rhetoric has been increasing. I thought we were pro-wrestling. I thought there wasn't enough wrestling. We were going to teach the kids wrestling, right? Well, no, because they have rhetoric, but they don't have grammar.

They don't know all the facts. How can they have grammar if they can't learn pronouns? What the fuck? No. It's not enabling a healthy and proportionate debate. The debate is sick. The debate is unwell.