TRASHFUTURE - *PREVIEW* The Dunder Mifflin Of It All feat. Well There’s Your Problem

Episode Date: July 20, 2023

On this week's bonus, we're joined by the entire cast of Well There's Your Problem to discuss some odd trends: residential office refits that are unliveable, the world's biggest cruise ship that helps make everything else unliveable, and a company making hyper-secure golf course fortress residences in Scotland for multimillionaires to live when everywhere else is unliveable. No slides on this one, but a lot of jokes!   Listen to the whole episode on Patreon here:  https://www.patreon.com/posts/dunder-mifflin-86362315   *SCOTLAND ALERT* Get tickets to our live show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival on 4th August here! https://www.trashfuture.co.uk/event-details/trashfuture-live-at-the-edinburgh-fringe *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We're going to be recording a live podcast in London on July 26! Get tickets here: https://bigbellycomedy.club/event/trashfuture-live-in-london/ *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)  

I want to talk about one other piece of news before we get into some of our other content for today, which is, you said we needed a stinger maybe for the goddamn news. Well, I think we at this point need a stinger for someone powerful and Britain recommends filling a labor shortage by just using people from the town. Sure. I mean, after we all started being teachers and then being doctors and also being nurses, I'm excited to find out. And dent nurses. I'm excited to find out. And dentists. I'm excited to find out what else. And being the ticket staff at Joanna

Cherries for each of all. And being the ticket staff at Joanna Cherries for each of all. I'm excited to find out what we're all going to do together as like a fun bonding activity this week. So first Glasgow, the company that runs the Glasgow bus. Oh, no, not well. one of them, one of them, because we managed to split it between like five different companies since we abolished corporation buses, which has been very fun. All right, sounds efficient. So, one, yes.

One of us got the question. No, do any of them take like cashless payments? No, do any of them interchange tickets with each other? No. Oh, beautiful. Do you want to, do any of the minted change tickets with each other? No. Beautiful. Do you want to do you want to get somewhere? Fuck you. Yeah, but I like collecting transit passes. So that's like a lot of different passes I can get. You know, it is nice. It's not like passes, Ross. You have to play. You have to pay a blood. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. You got a you are a stupid. It bites my guy. Nothing good. So, so Alice, you gotta you are dominant bites my guy So so Alice you say you want to go somewhere fuck you well the night bus services are now being discontinued and the CEO

Of the company Duncan Cameron said well a driver behind the wheel is the biggest challenge So what's to stop somebody working in a bar being volunteered to be trained by first bus and then it's Pond what we're drafting bus drivers Yeah from the bars you've been entered into the bus wars I said four years I was in four years on the glass go to sterling room So the X-47 you like, how the like all of Britain has been so influenced by top gear that it's the entire theory of job training, you know, it's just how hard can it be

truly, which in normal, in normal ways, I would appreciate, I don't appreciate it in this way. It gets so much worse, though, it's supposed to be a joke. We've canceled the name bus, but we've come up with a handy solution. We will simply make drink driving legal in the hours of 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. best of luck to you all. Please drive slowly. Well, dropped. So the argument is that bar staff should have, as part of their shifts, the standard part of their shifts, be, polish your last glass, put it down, flip the sign for open to closed.

I assume someone else will come in and do the cleaning. And then you take off your bar keeps hat and your arm guarders, your sleeve guarders, and you put on your bus drivers hat, and then you train my first bus, and then your train by first bus and then you work for first bus doing two journeys in the late night services because it's so easy to learn how to drive about. Yeah, well, it's just part of being a bartender.

Look, yeah, it's not like complicated. It's not like much harder than driving a car. Well, no, it's, or is it much harder than mixing and drinking? You got to keep an eye on a bunch of different stuff. So it certainly must be comparable. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, get a nice night with the regulars.

They body a just like two pines or so. And you know, you go out and do your rude and you only hit one or two, ballards, you're fine. Yeah, you're sliding, baby. The reason why they want to do this, I should say, is because they try to just unilaterally end night buses in Glasgow and be like, if you want to get home from a night

out, get a taxi or don't just stay there, just die. And I mean, first of all, which is great, because it's going to bring back a fine Scottish urban tradition of serial killing people by giving them lifts back from pubs. But also, this was the response to the pushback of, we're going to cancel the Night Bus Services, is we're just going to use bartenders. Now, the fun thing is, we've accidentally done one big union here because we've, like, all of our union suppression has

squished stuff into these big consolidated unions. And so Unite represents both first bus drivers and bartenders in Glasgow. So they only had to go to one guy to say, no, this is stupid from two different directions, like both of us were refused to do this. They just want to do the workers and resources, Soviet Republic game thing where everyone has a random job every day. I mean, this is Marxist. This is Marxist, right? You know, like A-Sales for Tending Bar.

Yeah. A-Sales for Driving a Bus. A-Sales for, you know, Legend. Skilled labor is notoriously fungible. Yes. What you have, how that works as far as you can do anything. Mm-hmm. Well, I've never driven a bus before, but it's quite

similar to a cocktail in this sense that this night bus is full of fruits and bitters. So it might sound like a wacky idea, it said, yeah, it might. Yeah, it might. It might. A little. Yeah. But it would solve the problem. No, I beg to differ. Actually, it solved the problem. And probably a lot of new ones. Yeah. It would give a lot of employment to people who's job is to solve the problems that would go on to create.

Yes. I'm doing this sort of soy-kameh rouge type system that's going in Britain now. Oh, it might sound like a wacky idea to murder all the pro drivers, but if you just hear a sound. It's just sort of like, to me, it reads this absolute desperation. It's just management giving up to be like,

why have you said that we just use people from the town to do this? And the answer is sort of like, well, something to do is, and I don't know. Yeah. Why not dogs driving the night, but? Why not dogs? Indeed.

I like it. Some dogs pretty smart, you know. Get a board of collies. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh, so it's, um, it is always amusing. I, these are just two things I love. Britain using people from the town and, uh,

owners of commercial real estate, panickedly looking at their debt surface pay. Yeah, and, and we like what, like, the third largest city in the UK by population, something like that. And just to be like, well, it's in the hands of like this one company who's just like, yeah, we're just not going to do this public service that we've been contracted to do anymore. But why don't you try figuring out for yourself? Hey, what if what if we combine the two ideas, what if we take all of the ex urban office parks that have all the back office functions of different stuff in the UK that

are now closing down so they can be replaced with chat GPT. And then let's move everyone into the upstairs and then put like pubs in the downstairs. Yeah. thereby, obviating the need for anyone to go anywhere. Oh, she's the more like, the more ecology. Yeah. You gotta put the pub on the second floor and the bus garage on the first floor. It's so fucking stupid though. And it's so alienated from anything just to be like, no, I mean, just do it yourself. Just so keep her like whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. This is actually the, what we need to do is make drink driving legal, but everyone has like bumper cars That's sort of what they did. I was thinking you would you would install a breathalyzer in every car and if you blow hot The governor turns on and you're limited to 20 kilometers an hour if you God damn it Ross You've got like a big rubber ring around your car. She bounce home

lessly off at the house. Do you guys have bumper bullies in the States or not the States is over there? What? Okay, so a bumper boy is a thing that you put kid with a plastic ring around him. Sort of. You put you put it on the back of your car and it prevents you from getting bumped when people are like parallel parking. Oh yeah. It lets you park by braille. Yeah. The fuck?

You not know what I'm talking about. That's incredible. Okay. No, I'm just picturing like the this of this guy surrounds an amphibious tank from old or two. Sort of. Yeah. Yeah, that's not entirely far off.

It's one of those guys' follies. They also have flame thrars. Oh, yeah. I have seen these in Australia actually weirdly. Oh, you get the platinum edition. Well, just basically you can just like crash into stuff and then you're fine. Yeah, well, look, Glasgow, these are all great ideas

for you to implement before, I like they have the carbon edition. But I want to save for you. While you're spastic while you're drug-parking. Yeah. Earlier, Alice, you mentioned the mall archeology. Yes. And that is, I think, the perfect way to describe the modern cruise ship. Oh, boy.

Oh, no. And I wanted to talk a little bit about the strangeness of cruise ships as businesses, as environmental catastrophes. Like planet mall or docking with space station mall. Yeah. So obviously the item in the news that spark. You can get thrown off a cruise ship for docking, don't you know?