TRASHFUTURE - PREVIEW:Trashfuture Live - The Nadine Dorries Book (RIP Riley’s Tummy)

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Alice, Milo, Nate and Hussein are once again LIVE at Between The Bridges, sadly without Riley because Nadine Dorries' book destroyed his gastrointestinal system. However, undeterred, Alice read the book and her stomach was made of stronger stuff. Milo was also able to simulate Riley using Chat GPT so it's almost like he's there... Full episode on Patreon for subscribers here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/93823512?pr=true Please support Medical Aid for Palestinians here: https://www.map.org.uk/donate/donation-details/488?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgqGrBhDtARIsAM5s0_layZu8hHVgz9qdTaoXyl7CIHZI2PxgiPMHzHbOLeH2WdwccZoOAl0aAlhLEALw_wcB You can find Milo's 2024 tour dates here: http://miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows

This is a book that includes the line. It's as bright sunny morning as I leave my flat and head out across the river to meet with Boris. My new trainer squeaked annoyingly, backpacks slowing across my shoulders. I was embarking upon a new phase in my life and the new phase isn't the last year in high school. This reads like the book that gets published where like the promising but died too young, freshman at Yale has rich parents and gets the book the memoir published and it's just like, wow, what could have been but this is the former foreign secretary. She was culture secretary.

Yeah. I can never keep it straight. Cultures foreign. Weirdly. Weirdly. To have that in Britain. Well, actually, on this point, VISTAs, this does give me the vibe of a very bad YA novel.

In the sense of, here is this bright eyeed, innocent woman who was just once as you good in the world. bad YA novel. In the sense of like, here is like this bright eyed innocent, you know, woman who was just once as you good in the world. And she meets this, you know, well, she meets his Ofish man slightly charming, but has every woman once. That's right. Yeah. And he was like, slighted by his enemies. And so this book is a way of getting justice for him. Yeah, it's like an opera in a lot of ways. It was going to say it's like, it's not really tight. I don't know what kind of way to do that.

50 shades of sugray. Oh, she... You bought tickets for me. You just listened to Riley do an AI voice of himself for two minutes. And that really was written by ChatGPT. That's how little work we put into this show. You swine. So strangely, her having been culture secretary does bleed through in a few moments because she was in charge of the online safety bill and she was in charge of Twitter. And so

she's picked up little words here and there. She earnestly says that to the 2019 intake of Tory MPs, Twitter, and these are her words, is triggering. She says multiple times that the Tory left is gaslighting Boris. And on, no, like Boris is a man who could just not be gasoline. Like, definitionally, you cannot gaslight that man. I mean, he sort of gaslights himself over the course of the book, but also what gets me about this is the idea. I mean, I realized the thesis is maybe a little more nuance but the maybe a little no that that Boris failed Boris Johnson failed his prime minister because he did everything right

he got all the big calls right we can only be failed yeah it's just it's just one of those it's like if you were a conspirator in the all the woke illuminati or whoever Nadine Dorees' betnwara is here. I feel like the best occupation of your time to bring down Boris Johnson is to go down the pub and just sit because that man will find a way to whip out his enormous pre-applic dick and step on it numerous times in the span of one day. Like, Nadine, they're gaslighting me, they keep telling me that whiffwap is called table tennis. Bloody not. So, she starts getting mysterious texts. And she says of one of her first sources, the MI6 building winked in the sunlight at

me, which imagine being on the MI6's borrased detail, first of all. So either it's a YA novel or she's on mushrooms and doesn't know it. Yeah. 40 MI6. People start texting her to be like, you've got to tell the truth about this. And essentially, there's like stack of anonymous informants who talk exactly like Nadine Doris. You've got to tell the truth about this.

The NHS staff actually were cheered and greatly energized by that, but whipping shitties in the middle of the river and harking a toilet for some reason. Can I just ask a question before you go into it? Yeah, of course. Is there a situation? Is there any parts of this book where she basically implies

that she can fix him? It's, I would say, strongly implies. It's so, so she gets... Was it for the Cabal of Enemies? You could have turned him into the Prince. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a way, it's a way, it's a way, it is. It absolutely is.

So she goes to see this mysterious source, this like M.I. Six Building Winking Source, whom she code, she code names, diver girl after, after a bit in the opening of you only live twice. Every anonymous source subsequently is also given a bond code name, and I am doubly tortured as host of a podcast about James Bond. So she goes to meet with this woman on a pub, immediately everyone in the pub that she's going to secretly secretly goes, holy shit, is that an adean Doris? So she blows. She's like the sexiest woman in the whole cabinet And she's here in this pop it up. It's why it's fully YA and she goes okay Listen all of the boroughs like defense lines are true. He got all the big calls right party gate was a stitch up

You got a rice about it and she says No one will speak to me. I wailed feebly. I'm not Tim Shipman. I'm a dingy at best. It will be hopeless. I like to write historical and romantic novels. So does Tim Shipman about Kierstarmer, and who's not his wife? We will never ever read those. I sounded pathetic. Don't look for obstacles, divergol said. You can go back to writing your cosy Catherine Cook's and Esk novels afterwards. Which you've heard her writing style.

This is a bit fucking generous. And I've heard of convenient, but your first anonymous source is first thing. Is to blurb your fucking books, strains maybe the limits of credulity a little bit. But so she sort of sets up to uncover, in her words, the Gordian knot leading me to P-Ford events that interlinked and draped across Westminster in number 10 like a ghostly spider's web. Once again, the metaphor is okay.

Yeah, the spider's web that ghost would make. And Jacob Marley brackets spider, you know? And spider Marley. Yes. So the thing is, Spider Bob Cratchit is a lot less worried about Tiny Tim. He has like a thousand children and his wife's going to give birth again in a month. That's all right, he'll eat Tiny Tim, he doesn't give it far. So, to defend Nadine Doris, which I don't like to do, she is a Tori MP, she was in cabinet

a bit, right? This is an inside, like ring side seat in exactly how Boris was brought down, right? There is a genuine mystery here, the problem is, the detective who arrives is genuinely the dumbest person I've ever... It's like Poirot with a massive head injury. Oh, it's Captain Hastings. This is a woman who, in interviewing one of these anonymous sources, accidentally sits too close to a fireplace and burns her leg.

And then includes that detail in her own narrative. She's honest. Yes. Yeah, well, this is it. There's this combination of stupidity and shamelessness that I almost respect, right? Almost. So she goes to see Boris. And because of the bond thing, this chapter is titled Boris battling against odd job.

Who's odd job? Now that is a man who's had some odd jobs in his time. this chapter is titled Boris battling against odd job. Who's odd job? Now that is a man who's had some odd jobs in his time. But who is odd job in this? Doesn't say. Gov? Maybe? I don't know.

But so... Rishi's soon act because he's short and so is odd job. Yeah, it never actually says. Who wears a hat a lot in the Tauri? Jacob Rismal? No, she likes Rismal because because he was nice to her cabinet. But so she goes to see him and half of the book fully is interviews with anonymous sources who agree with everything she says and half of it or like 49.9% is interviews with Boris.

And every single time Boris tries it on with her with one of those like allusions, one of those like classical education things He likes to do he's like, oh, you know this reminds me of a poem, you know brave a man than I gunked it or whatever, right and She never gets it and every time because of the shamelessness She never she mentions that she doesn't get it. She goes to see she goes to see Boris right this is a little bit of spoilers But whatever I can see it now, said Boris. The plot was always to get Rishie in. I just couldn't see it at the time.

It's like this Manchurian candidate, they're stooge. I look quizzical. What is the Manchurian candidate? You remember the film, he laughed. I tried to look as though I knew what he encountered it. You remember the film he laughed. I tried to look as though I knew what he was talking about. Like the two remaining of Nadine Doris' brain cells, like frantically googling stuff and going, like, probably some kind of Chinese man.

Do Chinese voice that will probably be in keeping. Coming out of the meeting with the false Miss Apprentice and that Rishi Srinak is Chinese. I also mean like, look, I can empathize with not understanding the illusions to the classic. Oh, I'm just not, no relation to my day job on a podcast called Trash Future as a guy with a great education from the state of Indiana.

But I'm kind of, all right, so the Manchurian candidate thing, there was a remake of that in like the 2000s, she's unaware of that. She didn't see it, I guess, no. So she was called the Manchurian Count. Was she the way she finishes this? Is she says, we both laughed.

I didn't know what I was laughing at. She's just like me. She's cute. He was in a very, really relatable. He was in a very happy frame of mine. It's the trashy true experience. No, Dean, can I just say you're looking like the past at the moppeli this morning. I bet you can get 300 blocs in there, but it's still pretty tight. So her first like, and she's like, thank you for the compliment, Prime Minister.

Doing a Chinese bow as much as she can. The first strand of the Gordian knot, right, she suspects, is Michael Gove and Dominic Cummings working together, because they're all a bit sinister, which leads to this. Boris threw his head back when I described Cummings as odd job to go with gold finger. That's what God... Okay, so Cummings is odd job. And laughed out loud.

Go finger, he bl- Sit down. Sit down. LAUGHTER Go finger. I'd love to slightly peeve that I hadn't thought of the joke myself. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Oh, fuck. I do, slightly peeped that I hadn't thought of the joke myself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha reads like you said, somebody who was on deadline and started their manuscript immediately after being hit by a bus. And on the other hand, there's a part of me that feels like if one of us ever wrote a

towel all memoir, it would read mostly like this. Oh, sure. Yeah, which is terrifying in a way to be confronted with your own future. Oh, yeah. Coming out next year, by the way. Pretty one is up so legacy. Uh, pre-orders, absurd legacy. Yeah.