TRASHFUTURE - Privatise the NHS, My A$$ (I Won’t Privatise the NHS) feat. Rob Delaney

Episode Date: January 29, 2019

It was a usual Friday afternoon in the Caliphate of Tower Hamlets. Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Olga (@rocknrolga ) were minding their own business when a man walked in with a baby. That man was Rob Delaney (@robdelaney), comedian and star of ‘Catastrophe’ on Channel 4. We discussed a terrible service that aims to provide feudalism in education, NHS privatisation plans, and why all of Matt Hancock’s acolytes can’t seem to stop taking jobs at health app companies. This is the first of what will surely be a number of business baby podcasts. All future guests take note: bring babies. A friend of the show was in a car accident in the US and needs funds for surgery. He has an amazing Patreon that you should sign up for: https://www.patreon.com/EminemObama Please bear in mind that your favourite moron lads have a Patreon now. You too can support us here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture/overview *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We have an upcoming live show -- with comedian Josie Long -- in London on February 21st at the Star of Kings (126 York Way, Kings Cross, London N1 0AX) starting at 7.30 pm. You can buy tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/trashfuture-live-ft-josie-long-tickets-54546538164   *COMEDY KLAXON* On 13th February at 8 pm, Josie Long and a number of other comics will perform at Smoke Comedy at the Sekforde (34 Sekforde Street London EC1R 0HA). Tickets are £5, and you can get them here: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/smoke-comedy-feat-josie-long-tickets-55036156626 Also: you can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/, and what’s more, it’s mandatory if you want to be taken seriously.  Do you want a mug to hold your soup? Perhaps you want one with the Trashfuture logo, which is available here: https://teespring.com/what-if-phone-cops#pid=659&cid=102968&sid=front

Okay, so guys, I think 2019 is going to be the year of mom mode and I came up with this while sitting on my washing machine last night and I finished a full bottle of white wine for no apparent reason while playing board games with my friends and I thought this is going to be the year of Michael Buble. We're going mom mode, everyone. Washing machine on? Obviously. Okay, good.

Just making sure. Oh, yeah. This is like my washing machine, or as I call it, my husband, just sitting on top of washing machine. I replaced all my chairs with washing machines. Just sitting on top of a washing machine that's not on, and like, I don't understand what people mean about like, why is it good? If anything, it's hard and...

This is way less pleasurable than they said. No, that's what we're doing. This is the new credo. Beast mode, 2018. It's Buble being feral and savage, whatever. Beast mode, 2018. We're leaving it there. 2019, end of no p.

January. It's mom mode, everybody. A credo that we have adopted from the brave moms of the US music. Hello, and welcome back to your free episode of TF for the Week. I am, as ever, Riley. I'm joined in studio by Milo. It's me. Hello.

Good morning. Olga. It's me at Rock n' Rollga. Producer Nate. Hello, me again. Very cool baby. And Rob Delaney, star of Staging Screen. How are you doing, Rob?

I'm doing all right, thank you. And yes, I did bring a five-month-old baby with me today, and you may hear it during the recording. And I hope you're into that because there's not much I can do about it. We ask our guests always to bring a five-month-old and very rarely have they. George Eaton always does. Yeah. Don't worry anyone listening.

If you're missing your five-month-old baby, Rob will bring it back. And did Milala brought a baby when she was on? Didn't she? Yeah. It wasn't her. She just brought some baby. Well, it's like, it's like she didn't talk. It's like we've got a, it's like, it's like if you go to like certain fancy clubs

and Paul Mall, it's like, look, you gentlemen need a jacket and tie. A jacket and tie will be provided for you if you haven't brought one. Yeah. And so, you know, it's just, you can come in and, you know, you can, you can borrow. Anyway. So we have a, we have a set of, of fun health and education things to talk about today, as we are touring some of the fun ways that Silicon Valley and the Tories are trying to remake our society and their image.

I'm glad I'm here for the health and education episode, because those are like, I'm like a, not quite a single issue voter, but more like a double issue voter and they are health and education. Like when a candidate declares they're going to run, I go to the health and education part of their website. Then I scan the other stuff, then I go back to health and education and then I pull the trigger as it were. Oh, absolutely.

That's their gun. Double-barreled voter. Double-barreled, double-barreled voting, just check on the ballot. That is, some Trump voter has spoiled that ballot that way, but I'm sure it shoots that vote through the Trump square. That was actually a thing with the Brazilian election that they, they were declaring their, their field teacher to Jair Bolsonaro by pushing the voting button in the booth with a gun. Like there were lots of photos all over Instagram of that.

It's so cool how we live in a completely literal world now. When you vote for Jair Bolsonaro, you get jumped in. It is my, it is my honor, Mr. President Bolsonaro, that you have kicked me in the nuts as I have voted for you. Truly, I have experienced, I've experienced the heights that a Brazilian reactionary can experience. I was just in Massachusetts for Christmas and I was driving on the highway and I saw a big bolt, like a, not a bumper sticker, but a guy had fully customized, like I think

he made his own stickers for Bolsonaro on the back of his truck of his all Bolsonaro in Massachusetts, which if you're just tuning in is not in Brazil. It's a remote outlying Brazilian territory. I'm right now, this podcast counts as me commissioning Jeff Stein at Vox. Can you please write an article about Bolsonaro as Democratic 2020 front runner? All right. So this is from an article in the New York Times by Andrew Ross Sorkin. We're starting with education. Student debt reached a new height last year in the US, a whopping 1.5 trillion.

Now, Silicon Valley is backing a novel idea that proposes to rewrite the economics of getting an education, the Lambda School. Note for British listeners, this isn't the art school. This is a different thing. Started by two Mormon sociopaths in their late twenties. Now, it would of course be deeply impractical and like, you know, a totally obvious solution to just like make university free and cancel all step student debt. That's old timey thinking.

We're in the world of thinking too now. So any of you have any guesses as to what the thinking to idea is to solve the student debt crisis? I throw it to the floor. It's a very American solution to make something sound fancy by just putting an ancient Greek letter into it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so this is this is this is any guesses as to what this is. Is it like a future earnings thing?

Yes, I'm not saying because I read the notes. I'm guessing that I didn't read the notes carefully because it only works if you get it wrong. Yes, it is a future earnings thing where instead of charging students tuition, which often requires them to take out like, you know, massive loans, students enter into what has been called an income sharing agreement or ISA. I love it. Rob's eyes are widening where they go to school for free, but they're required to pay back a percentage of their salary after graduation once they get a job.

Can I say one thing I didn't like about, you know, the earlier indentured servitude things is often there was a term of like seven years and stuff. Did they do it? Can they can you pay for longer with ISA? I think with ISA you can pay for as long as you want. It's that level of flexibility that I'm on board. You know, it's anything. Anytime you hear someone talking about how Uber is great because it gives drivers

flexibility or whatever, it's like, you know, it gives drivers the flexibility to get relentlessly fucked with by Uber. I mean, that's a kind of flexibility. The baby's pissed. He's been doing a late night shift. So basically, so that's what this school's new idea is. Don't pay for your education now, just become an indentured servant. That's good. Become a surf.

I love techno feudalism. You go to a university to learn how to become a sharecropper. You're like, yeah, I learned all the business stuff like tithes. I know all that shit. So a new round of funding of 30 million from Y Combinator, Ashton Kutcher from Punk'd. Oh, yeah, that was my favorite detail. Are you serious? Oh, can I say something about him?

Just as this is my, will be my value add to the episode. Oh, speaking to the microphone. Put my mouth near the microphone. I've never used a microphone before. Thank you. So I went, I was one of the first people to ever be picked up by an Uber because on the first night that they went live, I got invited to the thing. I remember the only other person that I recognized there was the comedian Chelsea Peretti and everybody else was all, you know, bankers and business people and stuff. But there was the guy at the Uber first night thing who was in a, he was wearing a mask and a robe.

And everybody thought that was weird because everybody else was in normal clothing. And then at the end of the night, he took off the mask and it was Ashton Kutcher. Was this Eyes Wide Punk'd? Yes, I messaged you the same. So prank is that you think you're sucking Guy Fawkes' dick, but then it turns out to be Ashton Kutcher. I mean, if you couldn't tell by the taste, then with the reveal. But yeah, that was one of the weirdest things I ever saw. And Chelsea Peretti and I were like, sewed to each other on like one stool in the corner being like, what are we at?

This is insane. Just sitting on a washing machine in the corner, just wondering what you're doing. Yeah. I was fixating on the Peter Teal Y Combinator thing. I didn't realize, but then it was like completely blanked out on Ashton Kutcher. I'm like, oh yeah, that is weird, isn't it? But it's like, at this point, I just, you can throw a random celebrity name in one of these things. It's got that two and a half men money.

Come on. Where else spend it on? Wait, so how is it different from getting alone? Because you pay forever. Well, you pay up to a certain point. And here's the weird thing. This exact startup is not actually as bad as what it could be, because what they do is they mostly offer coding, shock horror, an online coding school with an innovative funding model.

Crazy. Where are you going to get a job with a coding degree? It's basically coding data science and other very high paid professions. And so, oh, Hussein's arrived. Oh, hello. Yes. I was a bit delayed because there was this guy with a beard who has kept accusing me of whispering cron verses in the ears of his white baby. So Hussein is back.

So basically, yeah, it's like, yeah, it teaches coding and data science and stuff. And tends to like push students into relatively high paid professions where they can pay back the cost of their degree relatively quickly. Even though, let's be honest, it's an online coding university. How much could that actually really cost? Guys, I have news for you. I studied computer science at university and I'm currently in a basement doing a podcast. So don't buy into the drain. So you're like every other computer science grad, right?

Exactly. It's an online coding university. Still not convinced. Listen to what it did for these Macedonian teenagers. Right. So, but what this investment is not to expand their offer of like making Google's next round of engineers who will probably have no trouble paying this stuff back. But now they're just looking at other professions like nursing, teaching and cybersecurity where they're going to do the same thing. I like someone who does all three.

Where it's in the whole approach is to treat students as investments. And again, what's really fucked up about this is that the model that they created, the income sharing agreement, is now being rolled out at four year universities across the United States like Purdue and student loans companies. So welcome to this being the way education is funded forever. All students are just investments. Everything you need to learn is just connected to the labor market. No one's ever going to study arts again. I was going to say, do they just categorically rule out you being able to study things like the humanities? Yes.

Because that's actually a thing with some assistance programs in the US as far as like tuition assistance for low income people. They absolutely refuse to allow you to study beyond a certain spectrum of disciplines. And so it's crazy because it just seems like the kind of make the poor suffer sort of, you know, means testing is now just going to be the norm for everyone unless they're privately funded. I don't think it's that bad an idea. I mean, I learned philosophy from YouTube. Have you heard of this guy called the Amazing Atheist? Amazing. It was great.

Wow, an atheist. How brave in 2019. I'm currently fantasizing about like the Russian security services getting all of their hackers actually good at hacking by sending them to an American like sharecropper university. And then none of them pay it back because they all live in Russia and officially earn a salary at the GRU, which is like 40 rubles a month. Yeah. Two KGB agents are going to tent 21 Jump Street Purdue University. Short for Recheche D'Antoine University. Anyway, if you think of it, by seeing students just as safe investments and constantly recalibrating their investment approach in students, like any state university that's starved of funding can just do this. But then, are they going to fund an English degree like this? Almost certainly not.

Are they going to fund a literature or philosophy degree like this? No chance. Well, if you promise to buy a math and become a YouTuber. Can I muse a little bit? This might not be useful to anybody at all. But I kind of think with things like the arts or sports, I don't know if it happens with coding, it probably does. But there are some things that you just like inside of your like, I got to do it no matter what, you know? And so I hope, I don't know, I mean, I hope it's a thing where people still study the arts anyway, even if they're educating themselves or like, you know, peering in the windows of wealthy artists, Italians or whatever to learn how to do it, you know, because you got to, you got to do that shit. You need that. I mean, because I can, like now I have the good fortune to make a living as a comedian, but God knows I did it for years when I didn't, you know, and people were like, fuck you, quit yesterday, you suck, you know?

And so hopefully, you know, art won't die and English won't die because of this, because of these weird Mormon twins, I'm assuming, I desire to kill it. I hope, I hope it doesn't work and I'll do my best to foil them. I just can't believe that Rob knows my parents as well, that's why. Now that's a movie pitch. It's one of these things where it's like, with something like this, this is never going to be for the elite. This is never going to be at Harvard. Harvard's going to stay funded the same way it always has been. The Ivy League is going to stay funded the same way. By George Soros. And Britain's looking at bringing this same thing over as well, like they've been writing about it in the times and so forth. This is never going to be what, like the children of the rich are always going to get to study arts. They're always going to get to study philosophy.

But the children of the poor are going to be oriented towards whatever the labor market needs and paying for it through the nose for like the rest of much of their natural lives. JavaScript is working class, right? I'm just reminded because there's like a dystopian horror story about this happening in New Jersey where some loans in some states that are either state issued student loans or worse privately issued student loans are not cancelable even in death. And so there were stories in America not too long ago in which people who were young who had died accidentally or had died just young, their parents were basically getting their homes foreclosed because these student loan companies were trying to collect on the balance of these student loans for dead people. And you already can't discharge federal student loans or state student loans in bankruptcy in the United States, but the idea that you can't even cancel them in death, it was so insane and so dystopian.

And in a way, this even seems worse because it seems that if, say for example, someone signs a longer contract and they find themselves in a dire situation in which they're forced to give up a huge portion of their income because it's what they sign to, like how do you get out of it? How do you legally get out of it? Here's the thing about this in particular, right, is this should illustrate to us that capital will never, you can never depend on it to be benevolent. Because these guys, their rule is we don't charge you until you're making $50,000 a year and then you pay back $30,000 over like paying 17% of your income. Really steep, but like basically not draconian, really bad, but they chose to say we're going to just have a limit of $50,000 where we don't pay back. There's nothing to stop Purdue or a predatory student loans company using this model from saying, yeah, fuck that, you're paying back as soon as you can, even if you're a bar back, you work for us now, we owe you.

Even if, okay, you didn't get accepted into the Y Combinator version of this, well, here's like the Geico auto insurance version of it. It really sucks, but we'll take you, we'll fund your degree and then this happens. I don't know if you spoke about this before I came in, but you have situations like that happening in this country with management consultancies like Ernest and Young and Price Waterhouse. You kind of fund these very specific two-year degrees, which are basically designed to streamline you into like a specific department. Charlie Palmer's law school was funded by the company who wanted to hire him. Really? And then he failed and they lost all of them. Charlie Palmer, true comment, Charlie Palmer doing radical praxis by fucking up all the time.

There was a conference that I think was either supported by the Times Educational Supplement or they had some sort of like involvement in it, where this was basically heralded as the only solution for university finance. The idea being that running universities is expensive and governments are cutting back funding, so we need more support from the corporate sector. And the only way to do this is to basically orientate students towards career-oriented jobs, which is also why arts departments are... I was speaking to one of my history professors a couple of weeks ago and he was saying that, oh yeah, most of my student hours are now half of my time is being spent giving career advice, about how to get my graduates into these graduate scheme programs. And he knows nothing about this. He's just giving this advice that, yeah, maybe on your CV you can save it, you did some economics, that might help. You know what this is? You know all of life is just the Simpsons. This is the episode of The Simpsons where the Springfield Elementary is taken over by the toy company and they use the periodic table provided by Oscar Mayer.

I'm just trying to think of it. That's the question. What is the atomic weight of balonium? And that's what universities are going to be from now on. You're going to get... Yeah, I did a philosophy degree sponsored by McDonald's. Well, they have pharmaceutical companies sponsoring all this stuff in medical schools and stuff. And now there's the other thing. All this stuff, everything they're doing, they wanted is job training. Employers used to pay for that. Now you pay for it through your salary. Awesome. I love the future. I love the thinking too, shit, that these Silicon Valley Mormon sociopaths are coming up with. I once read a Cosmo article that was like, hey, do you want to live on it yet? Clean it.

That's how Abramovich got his yacht. People don't know that. Can I say, when I first moved to Los Angeles in 2001, I catered. I was a caterer. And I was catering at some multimillionaire's house and they had a little... It was a dinner for like 10 people. Sorry about my baby. But he's not making those noises directly into the mic, so I assume you can't hear them. And as a listener... Don't worry, we can turn them up. Oh, great. Fantastic. And so it was like a dinner party for 10 that I was catering.

And one of the guests, one of the 10 was Lionel Richie. Everybody else was just like finance people, so I didn't know or care who they were. But Lionel Richie, I was very excited. We're wearing masks. Lionel Richie was still repaying his degree. And so they had a little Moroccan band in the corner, like a little Moroccan combo playing three instruments I couldn't recognize. And then the host of the party said, hey, Lionel, why don't you join them and play the piano and sing for us a little bit? And Lionel was like, no, thanks. And the guy was like, no, I'd like you to. And Lionel was like, all right.

And so he sat down and he sat down and the guys are playing these instruments. I don't know what they are. They're not Western, so I didn't... I mean, to me, they were fascinating. And Lionel joins them on the piano and starts playing hello. And so everybody stops, including the waiters and caterers. And Lionel Richie sang several lines of hello just while looking deep into my eyes from about four feet away. And it was amazing. Anyway, you might be wondering, why did I tell that story?

Because you're saying that you should work on a yacht if you want to be on a yacht. Made me think of it. You might get to hear Lionel Richie is all I'm saying. So don't reject that out of hand. This is basically like, yeah, if you want to live on a yacht, work on a yacht. But you have to pay all of your salary from the yacht to back to the yacht owner who's giving you training. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not going to do that episode. And it was all worth it. You're keeping the money moving. That's how the economy works. Well, and these kind of schemes aren't new. I mean, as far back as about 2001, 2002 in New Jersey, there was a local wealthy business owner who was funding working-class kids from immigrant backgrounds to train to be stockbrokers. They were pushing logistics. So I actually looked at Lambda's application criteria, how they decide who to accept.

Here is a summarized list of the Q&A. How does Lambda School decide who to accept? Answer. Simple. Is it with a Ouija board? We look for students with the potential and willingness to get great jobs. Your application reflects your suitability, comprehension and likability. An overly short answer on our application looks lazy or curt.

And be careful using humor. It can seem sarcastic or rude. What do you want out of life? And you're just like, titties. Next question. Yes, we do expect you to participate in full in each class, even if you go on vacation. It's a sacrifice, but just keep in mind how awesome next year's vacation will be when you have a better job. Yeah.

Also though, who goes on like, I presume they have like terms. Like who goes on vacation like during the term? No term. It's constant. An unending barrage of business knowledge code. This is like the Democratic Party dream, an unending barrage of learning to code and don't go on vacation because maybe you'll get a better vacation next year when we're garnishing your wages. I mean, all things considered, you could have next term have your instructor be Old Fezziwig

and he'll make your life very happy with the dances that he invites you to in which you can meet the love of your life. But you know, then you'll be fixated on business and you decide to discard that because you have an easier scourge because I'm making a really obtuse Dickens reference. That is just all of America. It's just get rich through misery. That is like, this is the founding principle. Get rich through misery and pay us back while you're doing it.

Can I tell another story that you let it out? So, oh my God, I'm so sorry about my baby. It makes sense. It's almost time for Friday prayers. I may have done some stuff. The baby's a Muslim now. So I worked at the company that was called, when I started working there, oh by the way, I had to get the job so that I could get health insurance

because I'd been in a car accident and this was before Obamacare. So I was paying at the time like 130 bucks a month for insurance, which I would like kill a police horse in the street right now to pay that much for insurance in America. But this is 2001 that I get it. And I am paying every month, but then I'm in a car accident and then they like cross-referenced my answers that I gave in the hospital to my application from a couple of years ago.

And they were like, wait, you told one doctor that you smoke more pot than you said you did on your application two years ago. So we're dropping you. So now you have $50,000 worth of medical debt. And so I had to get a job that had insurance. So I got a job at a company called Intermix Media, which then bought a company called Response Base. This is in 2002.

These are very dot-com names. And Response Base invented, I just put invented in air quotes because they just copied Friendster and then they made MySpace. And so I was there. I was like two computers over that MySpace was invented. And it was in your top 15. Was Tom there? Yeah, it was Tom there.

Oh yeah, Tom was there. Holy shit. And so the company wound up, I think it was, we were still, had been delisted by NASDAQ because as a company would put ad serving software on your computer that you just couldn't, even if you threw your computer off a building, would still have the software in it. And so it's like trading on the pink papers or whatever.

And they invent MySpace, which is then bought by News Corp. But anyway, so it's a crazy place to work. And I start at the same time volunteering at a camp in Los Angeles for people with disabilities. And I really enjoyed it a lot. And then I heard that the camp I was at was sort of like an offshoot of one that had started in Massachusetts. And it was happening that summer.

And I was like, I really want to do it. So I went to the CEO of the company and was like, I'm quitting because I want to go volunteer. And he's like, well, I have an idea. If you don't quit and we tell people that we let you do that, then that'll look great. And also, if we continue to pay you like 50% of your salary or away, we can be not taxed or whatever,

because then we say we gave it to some philanthropic thing. So go, I don't give a shit what you're doing, but it's going to sound great that you did. So have a blast. And I was like, I just tried to quit. And he's like, well, you can't. And so that was fun. I thought I should know.

Well, that's kind of there. That ethos has become the Silicon Valley. Our brand is being sort of lovely, but it's actually being lovely in a quite vulture-ish way. Well, they'll monetize any viewpoint, literally any opinion. And also the idea that you should never want to do anything besides working, that work should be a thing you love so much, that it's what you only sleep four hours a night

because you want to do more of. In fact, that's why I say while you were out of the room getting this interesting reverse backpack for the infant. That's why I say they were like, yeah, don't go on vacation because if you don't go on vacation and do well on the course, you can go on a better vacation next year. Yeah. And this is the last part is,

and don't forget to keep the Lambda School's environment, which don't forget is just a Skype chat room where you learn how to code, awesome. Don't forget to keep the Lambda School environment awesome. Keep it awesome. That's like a Kamala Harris fucking press release. Hey, keep it awesome. I love being thrown in jail for 10 years

because I looked at a gram of weed and then being told to keep it awesome while I'm in prison. Have you seen how hard the onion is going after her? Oh, yeah, it's amazing. It's all bonkers on her. It's sort of weird, like fine with me, but it is interesting to focus on her in particular. They're going mom mode.

Everything they do is warranted and you can back it up and you're like, wow, is she the only person running? Someone at the onion just has a personal grudge against Kamala Harris. It's unrelated to the bad politics. Someone at the onion spent 10 years locked up by Kamala Harris while she was a prosecutor in San Francisco and has been doing push-ups in jail just like when I get out.

I'm getting so funny thinking about her. She's like two things. I'm doing push-ups number one, so I can get revenge on Kamala Harris. Number two, so I can slap the shit out of my kid for being true at so many times. It got me locked up in the first place. Sharpening his wit.

What? Riding tweets in his own blood. I'll definitely be in jail. Can you imagine though if you had to, the only way that you could tweet was by sending it via paper post to somebody who would tweet for you because you were in jail.

Isn't that just like postal chats? And then who's saying you would have to be doing all of your tweets about, I love working in X hospital, but like writing them long form. Right, so that's the future of education, everybody. Thinking too at work. I love it that someone's finally come up

with a way that I can go to education for free and then later pay it back through paying a percentage of my wages to a system. I can't imagine another way of doing that. It's free, but you get to give them a tremendous amount of money. That's how you know that you valued it. If only there was another system

of taking money out of people's wages and using it to pay for services. If only that existed. No such thing has ever been invented though. But that thing isn't awesome. That thing isn't sweet and invented by Mormons. So this should surprise precisely nobody, but did you know that the conservatives

have been trying to ruin the NHS since the NHS was created? Hell yeah, baby. I love them. Vicious dedication. I hate those squares at the Conservative Party. We in the pro-NHS frat house, those there are natural enemy.

So the NHS and the Tories are basically just the Coyotean road runner. The Tories just create other insane ways to try and privatize it, but then everyone loves it. They're in the Dean's office complaining about the Toga party in A&E. You've got to shut it down. Just before we get to the segment,

there's this great drill tweet about how the Coyote and the road runner are actually related. Sounds great. Think about it. What should you describe a dream? And it makes the sexual tension all the more dangerous.

I got the drill book, and I have the drill book on my bedside, and it's in a stack of books, but my wife was like, what the fuck is that? And she pulled it out and was like, she's like, you spent money on that? And I was like, oh, I sure did.

And she's like, who are you? I spent a portion of my income actually going to drill class. So the Institute for Free Trade Limited renamed because it thinks the status was taken away by the charity commissioner. The Institute for Free Trade Limited

has revealed that their plans are for the NHS to be very much up for sale to US commercial interests in any kind of Brexit agreement. That is an explicit goal of them, the Institute for Economic Affairs, and the Tory party. The baby's not happy with this.

Did not win the vote of the NHS. First people in Matt were a couple of NHS midwives right after he slithered out of my wife in our living room. You made that sound very casual. She didn't even know. You know what? It was our fourth baby,

so that made it a little easier, and he was born in water, which, you know, I'm not going to tell women how to have birth, but do it in water if you can, because it's just kind of more pleasant. According to my wife, who's a woman? Yeah, I am.

I might ask. She goes to a different school. My wife. My wife, who's a woman, by the way? Yeah, I've totally met a woman. Great, good to know. An executive summary of the report explains, health services are an area where both sides

would benefit from openness to foreign competition, although we recognize that any changes to existing regulations might be a little controversial. Perhaps then, for other areas, the initial focus should be on other fields, such as education or legal services, where negotiators can test the waters, see what is possible,

and extend these policies into the health sector. I'm very excited. Is testing the water literal? I'm very excited to give birth in the hospital sponsored by Nando's, where the birthing pool is full of peri-peri-sauce. I'd be born again, and that shit. Get me in there.

It gets your baby's superpowers. And so this is basically, the thing is, yeah, this is something that the conservatives want. Ever since they voted against its creation of 45, they have voted to strip off every peripheral service, anything they can, whether it's mental health funding, dental slashing staff numbers, privatizing food and cleaning, parking lots, et cetera.

So I'm going to read a slightly long block quote from a Jacobin piece by Jackie Davis called Disaster Capitalism in the NHS. I think it really gets to this. Until recently, the biggest challenge the NHS faced was the ideological position embraced by both political parties that the private sector would deliver care more cheaply and efficiently than the public,

and that competition with the private sector would improve the NHS. As a result, governments keep introducing markets into the NHS with compulsory tendering of contracts, and so on and so on. But the private sector's deep pockets and experience lawyers meant that last year they were rewarded 70% of tendered contracts, and since they're expert at winning government contracts, they're not good at delivering them.

Since it's the first legal duty of private companies to make a profit, we shouldn't be surprised when we discovered they were putting profits before patients and basically failing on purpose, which is great. I mean, let me tell you guys something about, so my son, some of you may know, passed away from cancer a little over a year ago, and so we had a very interesting thing happen where

we were the recipients of social care, which is weird because I moved here five years ago now and I would see in the newspaper cuts to social care and I'd think, what's that? I'm American. I just moved here. I'm on TV. I don't need to know what that is. And then when my son got sick and he got disabled and for him to be able to move home

since he had a tracheotomy and some other physical disabilities, he had to have a carer sit and watch him sleep at night because if any of you guys get a tracheotomy and you have a problem with it, you can bang on the table or right on the wall in your blood. My tracheotomy hurts, but if you're two, you can't do that. So we got social care and it was very interesting to see how even though they literally used an Excel spreadsheet

to determine how many hours you get and it's nationalized, so there's no special fucking north London discount or bonus or anything. So they do all the stuff and then they figure out the number of hours that it leads to. Do you have a tracheotomy? Do you have posterior fossa syndrome because of what happened to your brainstem and all this stuff and they work it out.

And so we qualified for our son to be watched at night when he slept. But then you could see the social care which gets cut before the NHS because even Tories, they might be successful at it gradually over time but it does still remain difficult and politically unpalatable for them to cut the NHS. Social care, most people don't use.

Use it if you're elderly, if you're disabled and whatnot and so most people don't experience it. And I mean it's kind of amazing lightning strike that I did. But it was interesting to see how cuts to social care, what happens is they cut the social care and then you have to go to the NHS because somebody didn't notice that you were developing hypothermia because you were too weak to close your window

and then you have to go and then occupy an NHS hospital bed which costs X amount a night and the X is large whereas paying somebody, I don't know what it is, 13 pounds an hour, 20 pounds an hour to come and sit in a chair and watch somebody sleep or if it's just for an hour and a half a day where you help an elderly person deal with a few basic things, it's so much cheaper and it's fucking conservative to fund social care

because then you'll pay less for the NHS. And I wound up writing a letter to my MP and saying, hey, I'd like to save the government some money because they wouldn't let my son go home because social care people weren't trained to take care of him yet and it takes a long time to do that properly. And so I was like, if he's just burning British taxpayer cash

being in NHS bed, let's fucking get him home and so that angle worked. They were like, oh, they could save us money. Oh, absolutely. And so my MP got right on it and got it sorted and we will have our son come home to his house to live with his brothers. And so it is sort of against the odds

that I have explicit, intimate knowledge of how this stuff works and then you could also see how the people within social care have been trained by fear to try to cut your hours and your packages of care in advance and then you challenge them and they're like, you know, with the law and they're like, oh, okay, I guess we won't do that. But they're not even having to be told, hey,

cut this person's hours. They've been so, had the fear has been instilled in them. So it's so deeply fucked up. And, you know, it's fun to talk, you can hear my son crying in the other room there, probably because he's hungry and doesn't want to be at a podcast. But it's fucking crazy and a sin and I don't know,

it makes me angry, of course. I think a good socialist project has to be backed up by some level of anger, right? You have to see that kind of situation. You have to feel that anger and then understand that it can be better. And that like a better world is there to be created. And that because we know that these things

were there at one point, we know we can get back to them. The weird thing to me is like, why do the billionaires have to be like, super multi-billionaires? Why can't they like give the slightest bit of, because we wouldn't be in this basement recording this podcast with me shaking a baby and not dangerously,

but rather rocking a baby. I'd say rocking a baby. Talking about this stuff. They do it because they drive everybody into a corner and strip them naked and hose them with frozen water. I mean, it's like just you could be rich forever if you took care of your fucking human capital slightly, but they just have to have that much more

and drive everybody into misery and make you yachts. It's just nuts. They just love yachts. They love yachts. And I love cleaning them. So in fact, that's amazing, this stuff, you find. So, Rob, that actually provides a good segue for me because I'm carrying on to one of the main players

in this saga, Richard Branson. Who's private Virgin Care NHS contractor has received almost two billion pounds worth of contracts since 2010. Virgin Care was my nickname in college. What's up? I was going to say it's actually a YouTube channel. I was just thinking, Richard Branson,

guy interested in NHS contracts and air travel aficionado. I'll just leave that one in the ether. He loves to fly. He loves to get an express. He does own a private island. He loves to get an express flight. He's been on the manifest of some flights.

We know that much. Virgin Care has received almost two billion pounds worth of contracts since 2010. And at least one commissioning group in the UK is spending more than a fifth of its entire budget with Virgin Care, which is domiciled entirely in a tax haven in the British Virgin Islands. Love it.

That was the name of my sorority. What's up? Okay. All right. We're fucking rolling now. It was just the British Islands before. Then Jeffrey Epstein got there. Is this libel?

Is this libel? I don't think Jeffrey Epstein makes people virgins. I think actually quite the opposite. I mean, I guess the point I would make here is that that to me just seems like it has all the building blocks of a horror show already because it's a private company owned by this horrible multi-billionaire.

The company is headquartered in a tax haven so they can avoid paying anything into a system that's entirely taxpayer funded and is going to profit off the destruction of that system. It is a purpose-built vacuum for everything good from our society to take it to Richard Branson's private island. So I actually have Branson's own words here

that might cause us all to combust. Like everyone in the UK, I am hugely proud of the NHS and our social care system and the amazing work frontline staff do every day to support all of our care needs. However, I've always thought there are a number of things that can be improved. At Virgin, we begin to look at how health

and social care can be improved in the UK by drawing on our experience from other parts of the Virgin family. So what a fucking record store of failing airline. When they fucked up the trains. Oh well, I can't make the trains go but maybe I'll sort out this heart transplant. Seems simpler.

We should have started with the easy stuff. Like heart transplant. No, no, because the Virgin method isn't just like failing to do stuff but covering it up by adding unnecessary luxury products. So it's like, okay, we know that you're two hours late for your train from like,

I don't know, fucking grand firm to London but we'll give you a really nice seat and we might give you like a cup of tea with it. So it'll be like... The thing about a vasectomy is that it's just like space travel. Here's the thing. You prefigured this. He says,

just like airlines in financial services, when it comes to being cared for, all the difference. The same thing is the things he doesn't like about the NHS or because it's been underfunded by his fucking next door neighbors in his wherever he lives. I mean, it's insane.

What I'm going to say is that like, you know, you have a choice between either failing to get a heart transplant on a cold countertop or you can get it on a memory phone mattress. I know which one I would choose. The private sector, this is me talking now.

The private sector is like super experimental, right? They like to try things and fail and whatever, whatever, whatever. They're all about failure. But the problem is with health and social care, you can't fail forward. No, I mean, the idea that it's like, well, yeah, we definitely had some really terrible health outcomes for all those people that we accidentally killed

through our terrible policy, but like, we're learning. Don't know what we learned. Guys, this is no judgment zone. Oh boy, did we learn a lot from your grandmother. It's like those YouTubers who like to put out those videos. It's like, yeah, I love failure as a person. So he says, this is why Virgin Care

is committed to providing services that are designed around the needs of the end user. The end user rather than the needs of the system. I also call my wife. Why Virgin Care always tries to provide care good enough for our own families. But Virgin Care has been a chronic failure on all but the tax avoidance

front. It has routinely fucked up everything it's tried to do except avoid taxes. Quick question. Where did you just, I was just walking in for my baby. Where did the word end user come from? Did he say that? It's so weird because like on my TV show, Catastrophe, when Sharon and Horgan and I write that, we

write it and rewrite it and rewrite it. And then we go through and we make sure that everything that we said sounds like human speech. So you can write something and have it sound clever on the page, but then you read it out loud and you're like, oh, nobody would actually say that. So we always do pass after pass to make sure that

dialogue sounds like human speech. And I can't believe that somebody at that level of success wouldn't have somebody go through and take out all the fucking management speak words like end user. They actually talk like that. I mean, I know that they do, but they should know that it's wrong. It's like, when I do stand up, I write

a joke and I'm like, wait a minute, would this be funny? You know, if I, if I write a joke and like white people laugh at it, but black people don't laugh at it, then I get rid of the joke. Not because I'm not a bigot, but because because just joke economics, I want to be able to make everybody laugh in the shortest amount of time. You know, so it's so

fucked up that these people don't do, you know, have feed their thing through. What might a person say? Because the end user is like, Rick, or your nephew, it's not, it drives you crazy. End user here has a very specific meaning because you're in a virgin hospital. So you are the user, but also you're not

leaving that hospital. Actually, my name was Enduzer, but they changed it as Ellis Island. Please respect my culture. Enduzer has speed food. Rob, I had to ask a question because you, you're, you've experienced both healthcare systems and you're also the oldest among us, not to be a dick. Wow.

Wow. Body blow. Body blow. The reason I asked the question is because you had the, you had the experiences, it went before the ACA and when you see the way the system is going in Britain, the like the noises they're making about the NHS, it seems to me like the end goal is obviously

to have a system like the U.S. And it's just what do you see as the way to present that, that people be like, take it seriously. Because my fears, people won't take it seriously until they wake up and it's like, here's your premium that doesn't cover any healthcare. Right. You know, that's the thing is

I just sort of wish, I mean, in a way I'm very lucky because I've gotten to experience both, you know, and so I know that right now the NHS as it is in its underfunded state with its problems that exist is still so vastly superior to the to the American experience, even after Obamacare, which obviously didn't

solve even half of the problems, but it was a measurable step forward. And so I just try to speak constantly about it, which I do and so I'll probably do something documentary-wise on TV or something where I try to get people

to sort of experience both and stuff because like, you know, people say they love the NHS people, sometimes when I'm angry at this country I'll say like, well British people love to say they love the NHS, you know, and it's like it's time you got to do something about it because

I mean, it's the ultimate, if you take it for granted, you're going to really suffer. So I just try to tell the truth about my experience in both systems as often and loudly as possible because they're both illustrative, one of how good the NHS is. I talked about that problem that we had with

social care, but that wasn't any of the carers fault or anything like that, it was through conscious cuts being made to social care budgets. But like the NHS was amazing, even though we had the worst possible, possible outcome our son died, but he would have died

if we were at Johns Hopkins or wherever the fuck, anywhere in the world, he would have died because he had a tumor that just mercilessly kills kids and they don't know what to do about him. But throughout that whole thing, we were taken such good care of and he was taken such good care of and, you know,

a bad day during his journey was never as bad as it could have been because it could have entailed a visit to the billing office or me, you know, beating an intern, nearly to death because they wouldn't approve an MRI,

you know, and that was kind of like, I was just sort of joking, like hey, what if I did that? But that's the type of shit that happened. Those are the knock on effects of when you make these cuts is that sometimes you have to beat an intern until their face is all soft because the bones have been broken and what were you going to do?

Not beating an MRI. You had to take your assault rifle 15 and hijack a private plane to Italy in order to make sure that socialism doesn't kill your chart. That was kind of a Denzel Washington film. I was going to say the Denzel Washington movie where he takes the hospital hostage. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, oh right, healthcare is free for everyone because he's got a gun.

We remember the tweet though, right, where the guy was like Yeah, yeah, the guy was like socialism. Yeah, yeah. The American guy who said we need to have guns so that we don't have so because if socialism happens, then they might make a decision and end of life care that like you're dying. That doesn't happen in the U.S. Yeah, of course.

So the market so brutally rations care in the United States. I mean, it couldn't be done more if that's one thing the market does very well. It is fucking ration care. One thing I'd say right before we move on is just that I just recently had to get a procedure done at the NHS and I was torn between two different emotions. The first one absolutely was like

revelatory how easy it was, but the other was how much it reminded me of the VA hospital in Manhattan. And I realized like we do have some things similar to this in America. It's similarly under attack and it's probably going to get destroyed because people have made it their enemy, but in the grand scheme of things you go to a hospital. It may not be glamorous. It may not be luxurious, but people take care of you

and they listen to you. Well, that's exactly like both my father and my stepfather are Vietnam vets, so they get their care at the VA in Boston and they rave about it and my dad is closer to a socialist and my stepdad is a registered Republican

and they both can't say enough positive stuff about and they've both had to use it a fair amount and they're crazy about it. So don't, but if we're worried about that guys, don't worry because actually Richard Branson has pledged that any money he makes from Virgin Care will be put back into the NHS. Why would he lie?

Which as soon as it's no longer technically a loss making enterprise which it has been accounted as for every year of its existence, he's definitely going to do that. Oh, fantastic. For sure. But that's what I mean, like we should smash the point that any billionaire who says they're doing us a favor by creating a business

whether it's Virgin Care or providing Facebook so we can get in touch with each other is doing it to enclose and entrap value to exploit resources that ought to be held in common and it should always be resisted everywhere it goes. There's no such thing as a good billionaire. Like I saw on, like they quoted on Fox News every billionaire is a policy failure.

Without question. What about Elon Musk? We wouldn't have those amazing tunnels that you can drive your Fiat Punto in at 150 miles an hour. A speed which a Fiat Punto was designed to do. It's kind of fun though as the U.S.

and the U.K. simultaneously in a rhyming fashion so similar grind to a halt that we see that these guys just aren't even fucking smart. You know, I mean it's crazy. All that's happened is they're just they're kids forever.

We're ruled by preschoolers. We're just like, you know what, it'd be fun if there was tunnels. I think I can do health care better. Yeah. Theresa May just crying at her desk going like, Northern Ireland was a summer camp. I'm just spitballing. And here's the thing.

Before I go into the next type of privatization that's happening, Virgin actually has a history of taking over services and then plunging their quality because they strip everything out of them, taking them from outstanding to special measures, and then the public steps in and saves them. That's the thing. That's like how I lost my virginity.

I did an old good joke. I did an old good joke. There's the button on the segment too. So here is a brief reading and really this reading has one joke and it comes at the end because ooh boy is it a good one.

This is from Julia Bauer who wrote an article in The Times called the NHS needs a digital revolution if it is to remain a world-beating service. Is Julia Bauer a pseudonym for Matt Hancock MP? Is Bauer sorry, Bauer and Bayer are two different things.

Sister of Jack. As the outgoing chief digital officer for NHS England, I am proud of my part in encouraging the introduction of digital into the NHS. It was so analog in the NHS before. We need to encourage a shift in mindset that connects a new generation of digital innovators

with NHS doctors to deliver a high quality personalized service for patients. God, how do these people not kill themselves every day? Honestly, how do you listen to your own words and be like, yeah, that's something I'd say. The ability to see a doctor when you need one is a fundamental right for any citizen.

No, they said see. Just to see. Just to look at them. For any citizen. I know people talk about 1984 a lot, but this does sound like 1984. All I'm saying is that if I get to take pictures of weird rashes on my vag and send them over my phone,

I'll listen. That is in a way introducing digital. That's what you're asking me to do on Babylon, no? You like, you Skype a fucking doctor and you're like, what's this? Yo, scope my vag, doc. Using Babylon to fulfill your weird fetish is absolutely a very

2019 move for Olga. She's going full mom mode on Babylon. Just showing my butthole to like Tower Hamlet's doctors screaming at me. Help, my butthole's weird. But due to budget cuts, like the doctor is just the situation

that we're in. That's a pussy, yo. Help, doctor. Right, so... But it's in 4K. With increasing work force shortages and nearly three million patients having to wait a month or more to see a doctor,

a key priority is to improve access to GPs. It is encouraging to see countries across Europe have been rolling out the technology on a wide scale to great success. Data from Sweden provided by Levy, Europe's biggest video GP

consultation provider, actually so is higher levels of satisfaction. We're delivering better outcomes. You're going for a video consultation with your GP. You're like, but I don't have any money. Hang on, I recognize you from the internet. You're that fake

GP. So, she talks about how great... She talks about how great this company Levy is and how their video GP service provides better outcomes for everyone while not increasing costs at anywhere across the board.

But remember how earlier in the article I said that Julia Bauer is the outgoing director of NHS Digital? Guess where she's in going to? One of the companies that's got the name contract. It's Levy. It's the company that she just mentioned. This podcast! Announcing the new fifth host.

Yeah, and that's the thing. She is... This is now the way they're privatizing the NHS. It's no longer the Virgin Care Mode where they're like, we need to introduce private incentives to create better services. Can I just stop for a second and be like... I just want to say about a really

sicko mode. I feel like that could be a really good name for a health app. No, because Ashton Kutcher can invest in the Lambda School. Why can't Kanye West invest in an NHS consulting app called Sicko Mode? Kanye in West. Can I also say quickly, so I...

As you know and saying about the NHS, but when my son was... When we knew he was dying of cancer, I... One day I just bought private health insurance for our family as well. I didn't want any of my other children to ever even skin and knee or get hurt ever.

My life was ruled by fear and sadness, so I made a bad decision and I bought private health insurance. I tried to use it once and it was such an awful experience that I never will again. I'll just let it expire. We still just use the NHS anyway

and it was just so shitty and awful and you can get credits and earn a Fitbit if you log how frequently you take a shit and its consistency. It's so crazy how disgustingly performance-based and app shit it is just

absolutely awful. The first mode of privatization was we need to provide a better service, so we're going to get Richard Branson on a technical plane that flies around the UK just dropping antibiotics on people. The second mode of privatization is we need to take pressure off GPs

because we couldn't possibly fund them more. So we need to... There are now a billion video apps where you can, as Olga said, Skype a picture of your butthole to a doctor. A bewildered doctor. Doctor who was not expecting that, but he's going to take his nanosuit.

I'm a botanist. The only problem is that you can't go to a doctor and it ends up actually being your coding teacher. I actually have a theory because I get nervous. I have kids that aren't yet teenagers and I worry about people things getting online and kids getting embarrassed and stuff

because it happens. I think that everybody in the whole world should have to take a photo of their butthole and put it online. So there's like a directory. Because that's like the worst thing you could ever have be online and I think if we all just put our buttholes on, then how do you get embarrassed?

I love Zuckerberg and Vence Facebook. 2019 Rob Delaney and Vence butthole book. I love keeping up with all of my friends in the latest news and current events on butthole book. The problem is though, is that the next election is going to be stolen by Russian interference in butthole book.

The Republicans will exactly go against the searchable database. I feel like we are getting there though because I feel, with lots of feature counts now coming up online, and the idea that putting your feet picks up online

is a very normal thing. One of the next stages will be buttholes. This butthole looks exactly like the butthole of someone who used to work for the GRU. No, it doesn't. No further questions. But that's how they're privatizing it now. They're saying we need to take pressure off doctors

so they're doing it as a way to avoid funding it further. So with Branson, they were defunding it. With these new GP video services, they're avoiding funding it properly. And then also, I think that revolving door that you just described, that the Tories hiring people to play roles in acquiring services

from the private sector that are supposed to augment NHS care and then those same ministers, those same bureaucrats going and working at those companies. You can see a direct, a conflict of interest there. And it's all out in the open.

If there's any word to describe this current government, it's just shamelessness. And it's shameless stupidity as well. If I have a quote that's really going to drive that home from the Financial Times, Levy has no secret of its desire to win further contracts with GP practices around the country. Levy's UK director

said that expansion in the UK was part of the thinking behind bringing Juliet Bauer onto the board. She's been integral to the digital part of our long-term expansion plan. As opposed to the analogue part, like what was the part that's using all radio waves and dials and knobs? I hate it when I show up to my GP and they find my records

are real-to-real tape. It's still, really. It's using a rolodex of expansion. They're not even saying the quiet part quiet anymore. They're just saying the quiet part loud. It's like, yeah, we're hired her because she's from the government and she'd do stuff for us because she was in the government. She's our friend in Whitehall. And the funny thing is,

every single person in the Department of Health and Social Care at this point, from Matt Hancock on down, it's this weird coincidence. They just keep doing this. It's absolutely way down. They just keep fucking around and joining the boards of private health companies. It's a massive coincidence.

This was made kind of concrete for me because without going into too much detail, my wife was seeking a particular kind of NHS care that has been defunded by the Tories at the local level. And she can either miss a day of work to go sit in a place that does not take appointments or she can try to make an appointment in one of the other clinics

where you can only make an appointment through an app. And the app doesn't work. The app doesn't... You thought about not getting it at all and just maybe suffering? Exactly. It's funny how that works. I think the thing that blew my mind about it was when I told them about this before we started the show was that she was waiting one day before she started her current job and

they couldn't take appointments and people were having to leave trying to get... They couldn't stay and wait all day. They had to go to their work. And the people in the clinic were... They were trying to be stoic about it, but at one point a woman in the clinic told someone who was complaining like, look, you sit in the pub all day, you can sit here all day, what's the difference? And it's like,

yeah, but it's a weekday and this guy has to go to work. And it's like the idea that you just forego care because you can't because otherwise you lose money or you lose your job. It's insane. And to see that is just strange because on one hand I can go to the hospital I went to to get this ultrasound done and it was an amazing, super great experience. But then you hear this and you're like, wait a minute, this is insane.

And this is more like America than not. And if that's what the future holds, then I think a lot of people are going to be very, very rudely awakened. Good. But those people did get free little bags of Richard Branson peanuts. So it was all good. That's the thing. These people...

They can't stop accidentally fucking up. And all I can say is at least we have an opposition who actually wants to oppose it. Well, yeah, the idea that we're not doing this more gracefully. We're saying, no, fucking stop it. Reverse it. Yeah. Let's what we need to do, we need to remember

Matt Hancock is the only one of these people who isn't doing this because he's evil. He's doing it because he's really stupid. I mean, I'll show you this... He's kind of like the Olga of Fresh Future. I'll show you this video after Rob, but he once recorded himself doing amateurish parkour and then just said, it's a great way

to discover your body. He's just like a mid-2000s guy. You remember like the mid-2000s when technology was good and apps were great. And like, you know, Silicon Roundabout was going to be a thing. Remember Silicon Roundabout?

Matt Hancock is the only guy who believes that Silicon Roundabout is going to happen and you just need like a bit more time and he likes going to Old Street because everything is really edgier. He's really naive and he loves technology. He loves the ball pit bar. He believes the apps are actually...

The other ones don't care if the apps are going to work. They just want to cut. Matt Hancock is such a beautiful innocent idiot. He believes the apps are going to work. He really believes in what he's doing. And he's the only one of these people that needs to like not be cast out of public life. It's just he needs to be recast in public life as like a parliamentary clown

or some kind of caper. Because he's a beautiful moron. He should be in charge of a doll pencil. Parliament does need its own jester. I feel like just generally this country would be better if that's the chance. Somehow I got these scars. Barker accidents. It's very fun, but it's dangerous.

I just think it's rude to disrespect somebody who wakes up every morning and says, I hope the outcomes are good for my end users today. So I think that's our whirlwind tour through the future of health and education if we do not create socialist government across the West today. So I'm going to say,

Rob, thank you very much for coming in. Such a pleasure. Thank you very much for having us. Me and my baby. Thank you. And other guests, please take a lead from this. You have to bring the baby. We're not going to let it slide next time. It's a pro-business, pro-baby podcast.

Next, a friend of his... He's the boss baby, right? A good friend of the show, Michael Hudson, Eminem Obama on Twitter has recently experienced a car accident and has to... And his girlfriend needs some surgeries. He's got a Patreon

that we'll link in the description that you should support. He's one of the funniest posters. He has awesome stuff. Oh, big time. I've loved him for years. And so please support his Patreon. You can get some of the best stuff. I follow him. Rob follows him. That's where we steal jokes from all the time.

I repurpose his jokes and I'll cast them as mine. Absolutely. I actually workshopped a star of staging screen with him earlier today as how he was going to introduce you and it went off really well. So everybody, please get on that Patreon. If you can't afford the Patreon, please just send him your apps. It's almost as good.

I've just registered... While you were talking about that, I've just registered on Babylon as a GP. So I'm just going to go and receive some butthole picks. Let's wait for the buttholes to roll in. I'm sitting on the washing machine. I've got a bottle of white wine. I'm rolling through buttholes.

Let's go. One of those FBI teachers but it stands for Female Butthole Inspector. Secondly, we also have our Patreon where you can listen to a second episode of this every week. It's five bucks a month. You know the model. Premium babies. You know the model.

You love the model. And we've got a live show coming up on the 21st of February. I said it right this time. You can see us and comedian Josie Long also might bring her boss baby. Yeah. It's going to be the boss baby brain genius. Bonanza.

And we're going to be at the Star of Kings in Kings Cross. Tickets and the Eventbrite link are on sale there. Also the 13th of February. Well, I have a show on the 31st but it's sold out. Yeah, motherfuckers. But there's a show on the 13th which also has Josie Long on Smoke.

Also has Sam Lake, Catherine Mather and someone else's name I have forgotten. I'm sure they're very good. If you're long on Josie Long then February is the month for you. And finally maybe commodifier descent with a t-shirt from a little comrade. I'm sure Ed would love to print a proud end user

on it perhaps. See me on tour rockandrollga.com if we're plugging. Yeah, we're plugging. We're plugging. We're always plugging on the butthole show. Do you have any plugs? Well, yeah, I watch my show Catastrophe on Channel 4 and I'm doing a bunch of shows

around London if you want to come see me. Go to my Twitter because I never update my website. And thank you for having me. If you go to your Twitter you won't see any details of shows. You'll just see something like took a big poop and it's shaped like South America. Does it mean anything? I don't have an update

but I do just have one bit of advice which is respect your wife all the time. Just respect her. Respect your wife. Don't call her your end user. She's a business partner. Respect that. Respect the contract. And finally, listen to our theme song Jinsang. Here's called Here We Go. You can find it on Spotify.

It's a great tune. Alright, thanks everybody and good evening. Goodbye. Thank you.