TRASHFUTURE - *Special Guest* QAnon Anonymous Presents: Conspiracy Feud feat. TF and Boonta Vista

Episode Date: March 30, 2019

In a special guest cross-post, Riley and Hussein appeared on the much-recommended Qanon Anonymous podcast to discuss nationally-sourced conspiracies. This features Lucy Valentine of the Boonta Vista podcast as a judge. Listen as the gang discuss David Icke, Direct Energy Weapons, Reptilians, Gangstalking and Hollow Earth. Support Qanon Anonymous on Patreon here: patreon.com/qanonanonymous  

Welcome to Transatlantic Conspiracy Feud. Oh, God. I'm Lucy Valentine from Australia and the Buntavista podcast that I'll be your Australian host for the evening. Tonight, we have two contestant podcasts, Trash Future, who will be repping Team UK, and QAnon Anonymous, who have foolishly chosen to be Team USA. The format, as always, is as follows. Every round, teams will attempt to score a point with their chosen national conspiracy

theories. I will award a point to whichever conspiracy theory I personally prefer, and you will not be privy to my scoring system. Best out of three will crown the winner. Now let's meet our contestant. On the QAnon Anonymous side, we have Julian Field. Hello. Travis Vue.

Hello. And Jake Rokotansky. Present. Trash Future is deploying Riley Quinn. Okay, I know I'm supposed to say hi, but I really do like that an Australian did have to say Rokotansky and then not make a Mad Max reference. I know. Nobody knows.

Nobody knows. Oh, also, it says I'm supposed to say hi. So hi. Hi. Also, Hussain, who is here. He'll be back. He's around. He's just in his boat.

He's in his boat. He's in his boat right now. As some contestants of game shows do, they go off to do a shit. He's doing a shit. Yeah. He's doing it. I didn't want to say it, but there it is. It's out on the table.

I'm going to say this. These guys have been delighted by Britishisms. It's true. It's very true. It's true. We love it. We're jealous. Imagine what my life is like having to live over here for like the better part of a decade,

but still sounding like this. Yeah. What happened? Must be awful. You need to get an accent. Can't really scrub off the Canadian. It's true. Lord, how I try.

It's a thick, it's a thick syrupy, almost like maple syrupy like substance that. Shut up, Julian. All right. I'm going to take us into round one for our first round representing the United States of America and QAnon Anonymous. We have Travis Vue with Direct Energy Weapons. Travis, step up to the podium. In late 2018, California was hit by multiple devastating wildfires.

The mainstream media wanted people to believe that the fires were caused by brutally dry conditions, wind patterns, or occasionally downed power lines. But the truth is far more sinister. Sharp-eyed conspiracy theorists, after looking at pictures of the aftermath of the fires, noticed something interesting. Some buildings burned while others didn't. And so they conclude that in truth, the fires were caused by directed energy weapons or dues.

Dues are high-tech, futuristic weapons that do damage to a target by emitting highly focused energy such as microwaves or particle beams. You have to pay your union dues. These are real prototype weapons that are being developed by the Pentagon and military contractors. Well, some say that these weapons are not operational yet. This is just more deep state lies. But why would some shady, unknown force want to burn up California with these weapons?

The first reason is, of course, money. These fires were set intentionally by the state of California in a plot to secure federal emergency funding. But there is another even more nefarious reason than the first, public transportation. The wildfires were directed in such a way to destroy structures in order to make way for a high-speed rail system, part of a Democrat plot. That's right. The government is destroying vast swaths of trees, houses, and infrastructure to force

people to ride the train. Monorail. Which is the fucking best mode of transportation. It is better than all other modes of transportation. I think good enough to just light California on fire. I think that's a fair trade. Yeah, that's worth it just because it's so damn liberal. OK, quick interruption here.

Right now, London has been trying to build a new railway called Crossrail. That's like our first new, like, tube line who's sitting just like bought a house near it and it's been delayed by another, like, indefinitely. Yeah, it's constantly getting owned. Who's saying you're like, what's his name from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? They're going to show up. They're going to show up with fucking bulldozers and shit. I would love them to do this.

Please burn down London. I want Crossrail finally. What's really interesting about Crossrail is that so the area where I'm moving to and I kind of grew up around that, which is why I wanted to move back, is supposed to be one of the hotspots for this new big project. And they've like, you know, there's this big main road that leads to the train station that's basically like bulldozed all up. So like you can't actually like drive through it.

So this is a big pack. You know, it's very, very, you know, you have to take a very long route to kind of get to normal places and they've kind of redone the train station. So it looks all fancy. They've added like a pret-a-monje, which means that obviously now it's fancy and like liberal, not a former like national front hotspot. In spite of all this development that has happened in the area, no one has really actually ever seen one of these new trains.

Right. So we've seen pictures of it. We've seen simulations of it, but no one has actually seen any trains. So there's no proof. And like when someone asked about this, one of the counselors was like, oh, yeah, we run these trains late at night when no one's like attending. Lucy, could you eliminate Team Trash Future for putting in an unexpected conspiracy theory in an attempt to astroturf us? That's true. That should be disqualified.

Crossrail doesn't actually exist. It's just a giant hunt. It's really just designed to eliminate one very useful road. Yeah, I do look forward to all your conspiracy theories being conspiracy theories you actually invented personally. OK, my conspiracy theory is about who keeps taking my fucking milk. So just to clarify, the Democrats set fires with the direct energy weapons to get people to ride the train.

To clear space for the train they want to run through California. Yeah, so. Right. OK. OK, it makes sense. Makes sense. I'm going to set it over to the UK. Trash Future, what you got? Well, we're doing a little bit more of a connected thing. So basically, belief in conspiracy theories in Britain is like mega widespread. It's everywhere.

And the tone and tenor of how they spread is vastly different from like America. Like you have Q message boards and so forth and like Tucker Carlson going like wink, wink, nudge, nudge, you know, white genocide or whatever. Ours tend to be and and Hussein also will probably be able to back this up directly propagated on a theory to theory basis in national newspapers like all the time. Yeah. The Daily Express is the worst one for that. So the theme of British conspiracy theories will pull out

is how they've been around forever, like all the time in our super mainstream, like 60 percent of British adults believe in conspiracy theories. And like 30, like it's insane. And they all also tend to center around a former footballer turned TV presenter called David Ike. Yeah, damn it. You brought the big guns. Fuck. He's good.

Guy, I've got some notes here and I'm going to kind of start from the end. David Ike is one of the few believers, believers of the hollow moon. What? Well, his stuff is whack when I think about the moon and how much I dislike it. I kind of think, yeah, it could be it is really hollow. Do you think it's like a reverse kinder egg, like white on the outside, chocolate on the inside with a toy? Oh, we can't we can't use it. We can't use those terms in Britain anymore, because it's a slur now.

You can't use terms like white on the outside, black on the inside. It's all a slur. Banana. You can't even eat them anymore. That's why we're banning them after Brexit. So I'm going to stay very clear away from it before I get accused of anti-Semitism. Is is the rail that you're trying to build, like essentially a post-Brexit rail that will connect you back to Europe? I mean, probably Australia.

Are you? It doesn't exist. Sorry. You mean like, wait, wasn't there a movie where there was a lift that went from Britain to Australia and it was very bad? I'm trying to remember. It was totally in the chocolate factory. It was the total recall remake from Britain to Australia. Yeah. Yeah, the two places. Wow.

With the God Colin Farrell seen it and only the Queen can ride it. Well, we're going to get to that. That's actually kind of comes into this. So this is from an interview that David Ike did with John Ronson. Why do you think that is? David Ike asked me when I interviewed him about this matter in London, then he turned to my notepad and thundered, come on, Ted Heath, sue me if you've got nothing to hide. George Bush, I'm ready, sue me.

I'm naming names. Come on, John. Why are they refusing to sue me? Do we have any guesses from the audience as to why these figures refused to sue David Ike for slander? Because he's too powerful. Yeah, his brain is too big. Yeah, because they all know they're actually 12 foot lizards and can't disprove it.

Yes. What people don't know is if you're a lizard and you sue someone in court, you unsheath and and you, you know, reveal yourself. Courtrooms can get very hot and like your skin will shed. So, yeah, that's why I think so. I didn't worry they'll break under cross examination and they just scuttle onto a hot rock. There's just a George Bush senior shaped like empty shell of the skin

stepped out of, yeah, and a friend and a fresh. That was George Bush senior. A fresh naked reptilian baby shell that George Bush junior came out of. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Jacks. David Ike was born in 1951 in Lester, where he grew up on one of the first large council estates before failing out of school and becoming a goalkeeper for a third rate football team in Coventry. This is an excerpt from Goalkeeper Magazine.

Yes, there is such a thing as goalkeeper magazine. David Ike's goalkeeping career was over long before he turned up on Terry Wogan in a turquoise shell suit and declared himself the son of God. Ike was a promising young goalkeeper for Coventry City and Hereford United in the 1970s until arthritis forced him to quit the game. He subsequently became a local sports reporter than a popular TV presenter fronting the BBC's grandstand and snooker coverage. Then in 1990, Ike visited a bright and psychic healer named Betty Shine

looking for relief from his arthritis. The meeting with Shine changed his life and set in motion, perhaps the most unusual post retirement career a goalkeeper has ever had. What we have, and this is, I think, really important for the way that conspiracy theories have played out in Britain for like the last 40 years. Now, look, there's Britain's been around for a while. There are millennia of conspiracy theories here. I'm sure someone probably thought like, you know, Caesar was secretly a galler,

whatever. But in this case, like this, I think these are the last 40 years are so interesting because what we have is a classic case of like a deeply disappointed person whose life has just not gone the way he thought it was going to go, feeling isolated and alone. But the problem is this guy had a national media profile that never went away. And his association with this healer was in this whole age of Aquarius New Age shit that his conspiracy theories were a lot about how all of Earth is just acoustic resonance. Space has infinite dimensions.

There are creatures traveling from other dimensions feeding on the energy that all living things produce and that everything bad that is bad is bad because the aforementioned interdimensional beings are, of course, lizards who are forcing us to experience bad things so they eat the negative energy. So ultimately, like he goes on Teric Wogan says he's God because he's like the son of God, because he's seen all this stuff. So a couple of things about this, it's like ludicrously anti-Semitic. Like it completely endorses the protocols of the Elders of Zion.

And he talks about how the lizards, of course, obviously are Jews, like. And that like they faked everything that ever happened to like Jewish people from the Holocaust pogroms to like garner international sympathy. So like before you think this guy's just like a like a charming foot, like a charming footballer with a thing for crystals. Like he's like a dangerous reactionary. Here is the here's the last couple quotes I'll give from him. So the reptilian bloodline is supposed to include 43 American presidents,

several British and Canadian prime ministers, several Samarian kings and Egyptian pharaohs, a smattering of celebrities and bloodlines, including the Rockefellers, Rothschild. So there's the anti-Semitism again. Most European aristocratic families, the British House of Windsor. And I confirmed that he believes that they are actually shapeshifting lizards because he once identified the Queen Mother as, quote, seriously reptilian. And says he also once saw former Prime Minister turn black.

Well, the two waited for a Sky News interview in 1989. Wow. Wow. He just couldn't help his eyes turning black there for just a moment. Yes, how they breathe. That's his flashing the bedroom eyes at David Icke. Wow. So final quote here. This is then this is how he sort of brings this into reality.

Like this is how he connects it with life. He says, a sweet encouragement of wars, human genocide, the mass of other animals and sexual perversions, a highly charged negative energy and a black magic ritual and sacrifice that takes place in a scale that will stagger those who have not studied the subject. And that this human sacrifice is basically to the gods for the reptilian's benefits. And they focus on children because at the moment of death, by sacrifice, a form of adrenaline surges through the body,

human leading at the base of the brain and is apparently much more potent in children. So this is what the reptilians obviously want so they can eat the energy. So you think you guys invented pizza gate, fuck off. Is that the end of all of that? Yeah, actually, to the overall David Icke Lizard conspiracy theory that he just had not gotten arthritis, probably wouldn't have existed. OK, like many of these QAnon drifters. That's just incredible.

I'm going to I'm going to clearly have to give points to the UK over this one, mostly because I had no idea I was fully prepared to come on here and say Americans believe in conspiracy theories may weigh more than anyone else. I had no idea that the UK was extremely cooked and I'm very upset about it. I definitely put the UK on that one. I'm going to have to really, really sit there and think about that one for a while. That's that's a lot. The wizards and it's always,

why is it always anti-semitism as well? Why is it always the overarching? It's the oldest conspiracy theory. It's the ultimate conspiracy. It's ultimate fool. It's incredible, incredible stuff. Let's move on immediately to round two. All right. Start with the USA. What have you got?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Julian Field here. I've got gang stocking for you today. This conspiracy theory pauses that there's a, quote, community notification list that individuals get placed on usually because they are outspoken or have blown a whistle or two. When this occurs, everyone, the quote targeted individual comes into contact with throughout the day

are all warned by the notification system, including doctors, police, firemen, landlords, potential employers and store owners. The targeted individual is followed and harassed relentlessly by any group of people they encounter. You can travel, change jobs and even move, but you cannot escape. The individual is often marked as exhibiting violent or inappropriate behavior, making them persona non grata wherever they go. Individuals also often hear people whispering,

collaborating and conspiring against them. Gang stocking involves heavy surveillance of the individual by foot and vehicle patrols. The people follow the individual use, quote, one handed sign language to communicate with each other. The goal is to persecute, defame and eventually destroy the targeted individual. Harassment also takes the form of an electronic system called, quote, mosquito, which creates a protective shield of high pressure, complex, ultrasonic shock waves.

So when this is being used against the targeted person, they experience feelings of intense paranoia, discomfort, disorientation and nausea. Many members of the gang stocking community, and it is quite large with approximately 10,000 members and multiple websites dedicated to it. Compare the techniques used against them to MK, Ultra and Cointel Pro, two CIA led operations that involve psychological warfare and infiltration. Gang stocking victims claim that they are being driven to a mental breakdown

and isolated from their peers because when they attempt to explain what is happening to them, they're often treated as delusional or otherwise mentally ill. If successful, their oppressors seek to push them to suicide, get them arrested or otherwise have them institutionalized. On one website, they list the people who are potentially, quote, in on it. So they list them here. General laborers, the wealthy, bikers, drug dealers, drug users, street people, punks, hip hop culture,

hip hop culture. For the culture means the KKK, black activists, church groups, youth groups, firefighters, police officers, lawyers, healthcare workers, storekeepers, maids, janitors, cable installers, phone repair persons, mail carriers, locksmiths, electricians, et cetera. They're really, I mean, they could have just said every job. I don't understand why. I mean, what is excluded from this? I guess they don't plumbers aren't on there.

Plumbers are fine though. Yeah, their asscrackers are cool. Their asscrack, like, protects them. I'll see pike fitters. There's no nannies. All nannies are fine. This is a very net of all jobs. This is a very low percentage of all the jobs it's possible to have.

Yeah, I also noticed that politicians aren't listed here. Yeah, that's weird. That's straight up politicians, nor media personalities. Weird. So this is my favorite. There really is no minimum or maximum age range. They were recruiting children as young as eight years old to be covered. Human intelligence sources. So these are people who believe that eight year olds are spying on them.

Well, they made a movie about it, Julian. Don't you remember? It's called Spy Kids. There's actually three films in the series. Fuck you. Fuck you. A self-professed, quote, targeted individual shot three people before committing suicide by cop in 2014. Victims of gang stocking have organized international conferences, awareness campaigns and even legislative initiatives.

In Richmond, California, they convinced city council to pass a resolution banning space-based weapons. Psychiatrists say most of them suffer from delusions and or schizophrenia, which is then reinforced by the approval they get from other purported gang stocking victims. Unfortunately, the targeted individual community advises their members not to visit psychiatrists. What astonishing.

Oh, my God, this is just 100 percent just mental illness, right? Oh, yeah. But this is just crazy people. Yeah. But when there's no doctors, you just you form a community. Yeah. Right. Because Americans can't afford health care. Yeah. Oh, and imagine if they can't afford, like, you know, to go to the doctor when they have a flu,

they definitely can't afford it for mental issues. Yeah. Crazy Plus Internet equals no doctors. It does equal. Hey, maybe my electrician and his eight-year-old kid are spying on me. Yes, which is a much more interesting conclusion, for sure. To be fair to them, eight-year-olds are really fucking suspicious. Oh, absolutely. Especially nowadays. Yeah. They usually have, like, sticky substance around their mouths

that may or may not be ice cream. Yeah. I wanted to do a conspiracy about Fortnite being a government scythe. But there wasn't a lot of info on that subject, unfortunately. I would support that 100 percent. I think it absolutely. We're training our kids. We're training the children of our great nations for the battles of the future, which, of course, will be fought on on on a very sort of small

and shrinking amount of land that's surrounded by water, where we can only grab the guns that we find on the ground because we've forgotten how to make anything because we are wastelands tribes now. Exactly. Just wastelands training. And when somebody, when the enemy fires his weapon at you, you build a three-story house. You reinforce a house with facts and logic, right?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The house built on facts and logic. Yeah. I hear facts and logic actually have the same level of toxicity as asbestos, unfortunately. I find myself triggered by facts in my opinion. Every time I come into a piece of information that's verifiably true, I just go into conniptions. The triggering, it's coming from the walls.

This explains why I had to take you to the hospital when I was talking to you about the hollow man. It was too much. It was too much facts for you. I was like, no, you can't take me to the hospital. The hospital, as we know, is full of firefighters, lawyers, not sort-keepers. Electricians, janitors. Yeah, that's a phase in janitors. A phase in janitors abounded in hospitals. No way.

Cedera. Cedera is my favorite pod. It's like electricians, janitors, et cetera. So it could just be anyone. I think they mean literally everybody. Yeah. Hip-hop culture, definitely a great group. I mean, no, sorry. Hip-hop culture, kind of, that is a little bit true. Remember when 6ix9ine talked sweet and Chief Keefe,

and then they both flew around the world chasing one another? Because Chief Keefe was like, I'm going to kill you now. 6ix9ine just kept like flying somewhere else and then going to Instagram stories from the plane and being like, yo, bitch, I'm in Tampa now. And honestly, Flavor Flav, what was he doing with that clock? What is he trying to tell us about time and space? Doomsday.

What if Flavor Flav is a rock? Flavor Flav is Banksy. He's also Dr. Bronner from The Soap. Hell's yeah. Honestly, the Dr. Bronner soap looks like someone tried to write a conspiracy theory on the bottles. Yeah. Sorry, sorry.

I think you, though, this is why I can't use Dr. Bronner because I'm triggered by all the facts on the bottle. Yeah, it's true. Like, all one, we are all one, all clean, God is one, God is love. Please accept Jesus Christ into your hearts. You know, that peppermint got me feeling fresh, though. Shall we move on before this poisons my brain any further? Because Hussein is a busy author

and I was just spending all day gaming. I actually assembled all three of ours and Hussein for my hype man. Yeah. Yeah, this is my last weekend of book stuff and then I get to be stupid again and I cannot wait. I apologize to all your listeners, but I will just promise them right now

that basically from tomorrow I will just be even more stupid than I already am. Excellent. You heard that right, listeners. He's going to get good at podcasting tomorrow. That's the thing about conspiracy theories. They always push everything further into the future. Yeah, Hussein is going to get good at podcasting by 2012.

The Mayans predicted that. I feel like it's the problem of conspiracy theorists, right? Which is that they have these really, they develop these kind of really intricate and very interesting theories, but a lot of them are just too lazy to really kind of enact it properly. Like, that's the one thing I've kind of discussed, you know,

in all my time online in these kind of communities where all these things about like, you know, fake 7-7, all the kind of early anti-vaxxers stuff, like, you know, the kind of oomph to kind of take that a bit further. There are some people who take it way too far and like, you know, some bad shit happens, but like, you know, there's a certain amount,

but I'm looking forward to, in terms of just a conspiracy theorist that goes offline and really causes some chaos. Yeah. But like, discourse chaos, like going on to like, I don't know, a BBC politics show and just forcing Andrew Neil to talk about Hollow Moon. Yes.

You know, if the thing is like, if we didn't have such a conspiracy-minded country, but that also was full of like, drunk, lazy shitheads, then people wouldn't wait for you to post something online and then call the cops about it. Yeah. Because that's ultimate, like, because Hussein likes to post things like that.

This was the only conspiracy theory that I had about the people who still somehow believe, oh, did I, am I allowed to say quickly about how I got involved in the conspiracy theory because of one of those stupid tweets? Yeah. I think yes. I think that's admissible.

Okay. Okay. So like, but I see some of you had seen like, the tweet that I had done about being a secret doctor who whisked the verses of the Quran into baby's ears and it caused a bit more chaos than I expected. Anyway, that tweet ended up getting posted onto a Q and on Instagram page.

So somehow I ended up becoming part of like the Q and on conspiracy theories. I had a bunch of people like DMing me on Instagram about how my reckoning was coming soon and how like, you know, Trump and the whole MAGA project was gonna come get me. And I said to them, but like, I don't live in America, dude. I was able to escape from it.

And that's how I've been able to cause my mischief. To which then this guy was sending me like, all these links to kind of like Q related stuff. About how like, you know, Q isn't just like an American idea, but it's like an international one. How like, there's gonna be like this global reckoning and Q knows all about this.

It was pretty bizarre. And I ended up, this is where it gets even weirder. So I ended up finding out who this person who is running this Q and on Instagram account is. And this account has about eight or 9,000 followers. It's like a pretty big one on Instagram considering most of them use Twitter and Facebook. It turns out that it's like this teenager

who lives somewhere in the Midwest, who is not a Q person. He's just a shit poster. And he is made, he makes about $75 a month selling Q related merchandise that he makes for five bucks to all these boomers who just get outraged by like all the stupid shit that he finds. Of course.

Wait, $75? How much do you make a month? I mean, he makes about $75 a month like just selling like cheap Q related badges, right? This isn't like proper t-shirts. This is just like, you know, shit, you know, shit like really badly made like badges and pins and stuff, right?

It's a hilariously low stakes amount of money. Right, right. That was my favorite bit. I did ask him this. I was like, why do you do this if like you're making so little? And he basically just like seeing boomers get mad because he says that it's extremely mean.

Fair. And that is just worth it at like, sometimes we'll just like make fake, you know, he said he like, if you look on some of his memes, like they kind of look like the share zone style memes. Like best some of them are so, so ridiculous. And yet these guys just fall for it like all the time. So that was how I ended up becoming part

of the Q and on conspiracy theory. Wow. That's good. Yeah. Wow. That's our second conspiracy theory. I mean, no one can prove it, right? No one can prove I'm not a lizard.

So yeah, I'm just, I'm just throwing, just throwing that out there. Yeah, good point. It's incredible, but I clearly have to head this round to the US for putting in more effort. Oh, so I see it's everybody gets a trophy day. Yeah, it is. I mean, you, you literally, your first conspiracy

was just a guy who has literally 12 or 15 conspiracy theories. It was, it was a league. You illegally used like a fucking nuclear bomb in a small arms conflict. That's true. You should have been disqualified, but we don't allow it. Yeah, David, David Ike's new conspiracy is going to somehow involve the Moab.

It was like a beacon that sort of told whatever creature lives at the center of the hollow moon, that it's time to hatch. And it turns out that it was Garfield or whatever. So I really, I tell you, I really fucking want Garfield to get folded into one of these. Like Dillbert already sort of is cause yes, yes, yes, I can't say misogynistic,

but because I might get like sued. But the, let's say the creator of Dillbert with some views. He's now sort of into conspiracy theories. I want Jim Davis, who of course, as we all know, is light side Scott Adams to get folded into some conspiracy theories as well. And I think this is a good place to start. You know what?

I don't have any restrictions about getting sued or anything. I'm pretty sure Scott Adams can't do shit to me. So yeah, I'm going to say it. Scott Adams is a man who never manages to fully clean his penis. I hope, I hope, I hope when Garfield does, in fact, break out of the moon that he talks just like he did in the cartoon, who coincidentally is the same voice

actor who voiced Peter Venkman in the real Ghostbusters cartoon of the 1980s. Jesus Christ. I would really like the entire world to be enveloped in the Garfield opening credits theme song. This is a very somber addition of come on in, come to the place where a never end. As he hatches forth from the moon

and his magnificent spreads out before us as all of humanity falls onto its knees and sees the sight that melts their brains out their ears and drives them mad with devotion. Yes, yes, that's right. And honestly, would the sound just be coming straight from the moon, like as if the moon was just a big USB speaker?

Yeah, the moon would be like God's USB speaker that he leaves on the coffee table during his like we're four AM house party. What if what if God's just like like a like a shitty like like East London person who just like you go home from like Soho house with four of your friends with and then it's just like, oh, great, he's got a USB speaker and some warm beer.

Awesome. So wait, what you're saying is what if God was one of us? What if God was like really like one of us, though? What if God was one of us? And also what if Garfield was like a Cthulhu style old one? Okay, everyone is equal. Everyone has a participation trophy at this point. So it's around three when it takes all. Start with the US.

Okay, so this is Jake Rakitansky and I'm here with the Hollow Earth conspiracy, which has does have some parallels to Hollow Moon, although in my research, I did not see a tired orange cat mentioned. The Hollow Earth has always had a special place in the hearts of men. I mean that literally because no women have ever written

books about this topic because they are not stupid enough to do so. Of course, it's true beginnings began with the Christians, the Tibetan Buddhists and the ancient Greeks in the form of an underworld or afterlife, which is fine. When you die, you're buried and you're under the earth and it's where you begin your afterlife. It totally makes sense.

But since those days, the idea of a Hollow Earth has transformed into something far more interesting. Modern conspiracy theorists believe that our world is basically shaped like a giant donut. Edmund Haley in 19... Edmund Haley in 1692. Make it real, make it real. Okay, so this dude, Edmund Haley in 1692,

put forth the idea of Earth consisting of a hollow shell, about 800 kilometers thick, with two inner concentric shells and an innermost core. So... Two inner concentric shells of noodle and ricotta and tomato sauce and noodle. And chicken sausage, if you're watching your cholesterol. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

So atmospheres separate these shells and each shell has its own magnetic poles. The spheres rotate at different speeds. Haley proposed this scheme in order to explain anomalous compass readings. Plenty of people have claimed to have traveled to the center of the earth. Olaf Jansen, a Norwegian sailor, told author

Willis George Emerson that he and his angry dad accidentally found an entrance to Hollow Earth at the North Pole in 1811. He described it as looking like what he imagined the Garden of Eden would be like. And he and his dad stayed and lived there for two fucking years, according to his story. But I guess that's just how they did shit in 1811.

You find a dope place, you're like, we're gonna stay here for a couple years. There's no cell phones or emails. So they just said everybody at home would figure you that you died. And then when... He was forced to suck his dad's dick. And then when you came back, you were a fucking hero.

That's just how shit worked. Sorry, did Comtown write the rules of existence? What's going on? Wait, what's Comtown? Nevermind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know anything about that, so we can move on. The premise has been used in loads

of science fiction books and movies. So this conspiracy has Hollywood appeal. A quick search of IMDb had over 42 titles that contained a Hollow Earth premise to name just a few, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Nazis at the Center of the Earth, and the Mole People. Now, amazingly enough, Mole People and Nazis are just a couple of the entities

one might expect to find in the Center of the Earth. Giacomo Casanova's 1788 novel, Icosameron follows a brother and sister who accidentally fall into the Center of the Earth through a secret entrance and encounter a subterranean utopia made up of a race of multicolored hermaphroditic... Not wars, that's a title.

That's why you guys fucked up, like putting in effort and actually scripting out what you're gonna say, as opposed to what we on... Yeah, when we fuck up, it's noticeable. Yes, very much. By the way, multicolored hermaphroditic wars is just the name for every Marvel movie from now on.

Yeah, I believe I meant to write Tribe. Oddly enough, I actually worked with a guy once who claimed to have met Mole People that had tunneled up... This is true, I'm being serious. He claimed that Mole People had tunneled up under his apartment and took him down to their city and described them very similarly. So, so far, tracks.

Some Hollow Earth researchers have written that a faction of Nazis lives beneath the Earth after they escaped from World War II or that ancient Viking civilizations migrated there and have lived under the Earth peacefully for hundreds of years. Others have claimed that the Earth's inner continents are inhabited by 12-foot giants who can't die.

In some ways, there appears to be some crossover with Hollow Earth and fan-favorite Nazi mythology, Ultimate Thule. Either way, I'm pretty sure there's some antisemitism buried deep under the Earth, but I was unable to find it in my brief research period. The other sect of... It just keeps coming up, doesn't it?

It just keeps rearing, rearing into it. It's ugly head. Every time it rains, antisemitism just worms up through the ground. Yeah, like the ooze and ghostbusters too. The other sect of Hollow Earthers believe the inner continents are inhabited by a race of aliens who are here monitoring the Earth,

making sure we don't nuke ourselves. Clearly, they got here after our beloved United States dropped two nuclear bombs murdering hundreds of thousands of innocents. Thanks for nothing, aliens. The greatest modern story highlighting this belief is the story of Phil Schneider, an engineer working on a black site in Dolce, New Mexico

who tells an incredibly convincing story about drilling into the Earth's crust for a construction of an underground military base and encountering an entire community of gray aliens. So, in summary, Hollow Earth has everything. It's got wacky pseudo-science, it's got religious undertones, it's got Nazis, Vikings, giants,

hermaphroditic mole people, orgies, and aliens. It has a long resume of major Hollywood blockbusters and stories recorded by adventurers since the 1600s. Some might consider it the original QAnon, an all-in-one conspiracy theory that leaves no stone or mantle unturned. Fucking try hard. Oh boy.

Jesus, there's a lot in that one. My bad, guys. I know, it's an all-encompassing thing. I started looking and all this other shit just started popping up. Yeah, like those, like the mole people popped up into that guy's place. Yeah, and there's a lot of,

there's actually a lot of literature about these mole people and that they're very sexual and that they have orgies and stuff. They kind of make it out like the scene from The Matrix 2 where they're having the party underground in Zion. I don't know if you guys remember. Wait, what actor is in that movie? Well, there is the fantastic Keanu Reeves,

the mysterious Lawrence Fishburne. You also... He's got such a cool gap between his teeth. That shit is so cool. It's true. I wish I had a gap between my teeth, that cool. Yeah. It's to fit the red pill through.

Yeah, yeah, it's the original, that is the origin of the red pill. All right. It really does seem like sort of 50% of all conspiracy theories are just people getting really pissed off that they're sex, they're not having. Yes, yes, 100%.

It's not my neighbor though, it's mole people on the ground. Yeah, they don't care that it's like they're, you know, like Charlie from work. It's like that there's a tribe of multinational moles. God, there's just these brilliant, beautiful, delectable mole people who are digging up under my house and scratching around

and giving me confused feelings and oh God, I know that they're there and they're somehow working with the Jews for some reason. And I just, oh, I'm so mad and horny. I'm going to have to write a private message to praying medic in hopes that he can cure me. What does a mole person look like? Is this like a humanoid mole?

Yeah, they have very long hooked noses and they're kind of hunched over. They're constantly clasping at a baggie of gold coins. You know, moles, you know how moles be, you know. Now they all, in the illustrations that I looked at, they all kind of look like little ETs with hair. So like little alphas? Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. Okay. So it's like a combination of journey to the center of the earth and the protocols of the Elders of Zion. Yes, yes, absolutely. I like this one. I think this was like,

the more that something's like a sci-fi movie, the more I can be convinced to believe in it. I feel like I could really go over to the side of like alien conspiracy theories pretty easily. You and me both, sister. I find it interesting. What I find interesting about this as well is that this actually,

is that the most recent movie made of this was just Pacific Rim. Yes. Yeah, true. Pacific Rim. My favorite documentary. Yeah, my favorite documentary, Pacific Rim. Because Pacific Rim is also like,

it's a movie that I'm confused about liking because A, it is just an extremely unironically very fun romp. But B, like I've now read these reviews of it where it's like, yeah, this is actually a movie about the sort of white genocide conspiracy theory because it's all about very wise masters

from a different dimension whose motivations you don't fully understand, who are sending these brutish monsters in to kind of attack and replace all of humanity from Earth itself, like Autocthonus jumping out of the ground. The whole thing maps to the white genocide conspiracy theory,

which is also an anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that says that a secret cabal of Jews is trying to replace white people who are somehow more like mentally resistant to control than everyone else, even though I have seen these, I mean, every, like I've seen a lot of marching bands. They are, that is a,

that can be a very white activity and they are very easily controlled. Lucy, I would like to again, propose that some sort of penalty be put in place. They are now using a South African conspiracy theory. But yeah, so I think it's very interesting that this movie that I sort of initially like, be like, no, this is like this metaphor

for this horrible white genocide conspiracy theory. It's like, God damn it. What do you ruin Pacific Rim for me conspiracy theories? Yeah. Yeah, there was a little bit of it too in Kong Skull Island, the film that came out not too recently. There's a lot of kind of like creatures

from like the inner continents sort of coming up through the ground. Like it really does work its way into a lot of Hollywood shit. You think it's just kaiju culture? Like that's the hollow earth for the Japanese? Maybe, I mean, it could very well be. There's a scientific conclusion to this.

All right, let's go. Yeah, how are you gonna take over on this very sexual naked mole people theory? I was really hoping to do a hot naked theory, but instead it's gonna be a two-parter. It's going to do with Princess Diana and the European Union. Yes, I love Princess Diana theory.

But the thing that connects them isn't actually the content of the theory. It'll become clear afterward. In January 2004, the London Metropolitan Police had to begin an official inquiry as to whether or not Princess Diana was actually murdered when her boyfriend at the time, Dodie El Fayed, the millionaire son of Muhammad El Fayed,

the owner of Herod's department store in London, were killed when their car crashed in Paris under the Alma Overpass. So Muhammad El Fayed thought that there's no way that this would have happened by accident. Obviously, his daughter was murdered because the royal family couldn't take that she broke up with Prince Charles,

who, I mean, who wouldn't? The guy's all ears. And not in a good way. Thank you, thank you. And so he was like, look, this is definitely happening. And then she was so loved and the royal family handled the incident so poorly that no one believed that her death was just an accident,

even though it was basically just some over-aggressive paparazzi and a drunk driver who then just very predictably had a car crash. And so they thought it was either the military-industrial complex, specifically the international landmine industry, because she kept campaigning against landmines, or more sort of famously in the mainstream sense,

the royal family itself. So what's very interesting is that the details of this conspiracy are, there are lots of them. There are people who say that various people had her killed and they're like, oh yeah, you can clearly see where the seatbelt was on the boyfriend. Like clearly it was the father and now it's a false flag. Everyone believes that everyone else did it.

What I find more interesting is that because of the relatively, unfortunately, mainstream newspaper, the Express in the UK, the police were actually forced to open an investigation into something that was obviously an accident. And so I have an example article here. Diana Death was not an accident. The inquiry into Princess Diana's death

has been sensationally reopened by a French judge. It comes amidst fresh doubts over a scientific test stating that her death crash driver was drunk. How is it possible for anybody to believe it was a simple road traffic accident? This was no accident, said one scientific expert contacted by the Daily Express. Scientific expert, that's very descriptive.

French investigators initially declared that chauffeur, Alry Paul, was to blame for the accident after relying on blood tests that showed he was three times over the alcohol limit when the Mercedes S280 crashed, killing himself, Diana and Dodie. New evidence suggests that these results have been completely faked and sources

involved in the investigation believe that security services ordered the samples from the chauffeur to be switched with those from a suicide victim. The driver's body was taken from the Alma Tunnel to the Institute Medical Liga Mortuary and Plasmazas for the autopsy which began on Sunday morning. That weekend there were a further 24 bodies

to waiting examination. After a battery of tests, Dr. Pippa and the pathologist, Professor de Comte, confirmed Paul's blood alcohol was three times the legal limit. But the blood test results also appear to show that Paul had breathed in an extraordinary level of carbon dioxide before his death.

The same amount as a person committing suicide by putting a rubber hose from the exhaust into the window of his car. Now, maybe it's just because he was in a car crash in a enclosed tunnel, but no, that's clearly what it was. It must have been a suicide. I don't know, you actually just kind of red-pilled me. Yeah, I'm a little bit.

Yeah, I believe it. I'm feeling a little bit red. There is no suggestion that either expert acted improperly, but the security source claims that the judge firmly believes that the blood analysis reports may have been falsified or that the samples in storage may have in some way been tampered with. This man who's identified identity has not been disclosed

was never interviewed by earlier investigators despite the belief that a number of officials involved in the current probe that he could have provided vital evidence of a cover-up. The new inquiry is also traced to previously unknown witness a mystery figure identified only by the initial A who was unable to make, has been ordered to make a deposition

in an attempt to crack the test riddle. Now, it finally appears that we must rely on English investigators to make up for French mistakes. It is terrible to think that it's taken nine years for this to happen, said Diana's friend, the author, Simone Simmons. The French haven't got anything right for years. This is all very sinister reports from that cover-up.

It's so true. Most of my life in France, and I totally agree. But here's the thing. That is one of the people pressing this theory, but wherever there's a conspiracy theory in Britain, do you know who appears? Ike? Who?

From DavidIke.com. Whoo! Diana was killed by the monarchy because she figured out that they were reptiles. Oh, boy, that's a whole new level to it. Yeah, I mean, come on, he's just a yes and guy. He's like yes and reptiles every time. That first thing I was reading,

that wasn't some forum post from DavidIke.com. That was in a mainstream, widely read, high circulation national newspaper. Oh, my God. Wow. England really is trashed with that stuff. It's crazy. Yeah, British people love tabloids. They love reading just complete bullshit.

Yeah, that was the setup and the turn. And now it's time for the prestige because this is connected to another, let's say, much more politically powerful conspiracy theory. So this is from a more recent, this more recent article from December 2018, also from the Express headline. DavidIke says, EU wants centralized power

and in all caps, death of all nations. So what we have is the UK tabloids have taken DavidIke from a guy who basically drove himself crazy because he couldn't play football anymore, met a weird faith healer in Brighton, declared himself God on television and is now doing, quote,

straight talking broadcast from Margate Beach that nail what the British people demand from Brexit with the clarity and passion entirely absent from parliament since the Brexit referendum himself. The former TV presenter claimed the end game of the EU project was always a centralized super state.

The long-term EU goal was the end of countries as they are subsumed into a sprawling Soviet bloc and the abject chaos surrounding Brexit is no accident but a deliberate tactic by political elites on both sides of the channel. We have moved on, he said, from what was sold as a free trade area and good for jobs to a centralized super state

that was aimed to control the entire world. That's the thing, the British press to sell papers has basically mainstreamed that guy into this guy. Yeah, and so wait, so are you... That's the conspiracy. Are you saying that your PM is currently Batboy? I'm saying our PM is currently Robin. As you say, knows our PM is actually the Joker.

She just loves chaos and playing cards. That's so true. She also dances a lot like the Joker. I'm gonna make this deal disappear. That's a top pretty few for you guys. That's our third conspiracy theory is the journey of the guy from the first conspiracy theory

into now just being a mainstream pundit. Damn, a lizard pundit. He's like, my platform for 2020 is lower taxes and lizards. My platform is flies for everyone. That's really what it is. All of this insane right wing shit with all of its common tropes of anti-Semitism and the secret globalists

who are trying to take over everything and the shadowy cabals that are somehow inscrutably different from all of us and just want things that aren't in our interest and whatever, and they're always hurting kids and all this. It's all conspiracy theory. It's whether Tucker Carlson says it or whether David Ikes says it.

It's just, there's this, it's all the same shit. Damn. Yikes. I feel dumber for having heard every single one of those. Wow. I feel a lot smarter. Come on. I feel a lot smarter.

I'm gonna Google this guy David Ike up. Yeah, me too, I'm gonna find, does he have Twitter? Can I follow him? He definitely would have Twitter, right? He's surely on Twitter. I'm gonna Google David Ike, Venezuela. Oh, man.

Oh boy. Something tells me it's about the reptiles. Yeah, apparently there are, I've looked into this before we even started doing the show, but apparently there are like 11 species of alien, one for each race. So like, you know, white people have their own alien race that they came from,

black people have their own alien race. Wait, is this real? Yeah, this is real, what they believe in. Oh, this is real. I mean, this is real in the communities and stuff. And then two species are reptilian. One is good and one is evil. This is the Jim Davis, God, Adam's Parallel.

Yes, it is, it is. The two different, yeah, the two different races. It's like Jungian. Oh, man. Yeah, it's Jungian. When are they gonna start getting tattoos instead of like two epic animals fighting each other? It's actually Dilbert fighting Garfield.

Oh, I just remembered why Scott Adams blocks me on Twitter. It's because I asked him if Dilbert also drinks dog cum. It all makes sense, it's all connected. Oh fuck. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. That's the best, I think that wins for the third conspiracy is that Dilbert, Dilbert's dog.

Dilbert drinks dog cum. Yep, unanimous. Oh boy. Do I have to name a winner out of all that? You can do whatever you want. You've all got points. You have more. I think I do.

What I'm gonna do is completely disqualify the UK for far too many violators. And for using David Ike, which is basically like saying just Alex Jones, you know, it's just unfair. Damn, dude, she really cut to the bone there. I'm gonna rule USA the victory. And it's not just because the mole people aliens thing is kind of doing something for me.

And I don't wish to speak about that any further. Any closing comments slash victory speeches? We won. Yeah, so. Fuck you. Which is such an American sentiment. We won, fuck you. It's like our entire country is founded on that principle.

Insecure and victory is the American way. We win and we still don't feel superior. Yeah. The British sentiment I think is much more of, yeah, well, actually, we meant to lose on that one because you know what, I'm gonna learn more from it. And you know what, when winning, actually you made yourself look unseemly.

So, you know, who's the real long-term winner? I think you'll find it is probably not us because British nation is the nation that's caught eternally in a locked battle between the cast of every reality show banded together and then just a sequence of Alan partridges. This is why our country is completely fucked. And you know what, I understand what you're saying

because winning in America actually is losing because the last person who won in this country is Donald Trump. So, I guess we're a lot like him. Damn, wow, Hillary for president am I right? Absolutely. Commander and cheater. Trump is for jail.

Winning is the new losing and Hillary won. Should we just leave that there and never revisit any of these? Yeah, absolutely. Jake, would you like to take us out with your dulcet voice? Yes, absolutely. That's the show, folks.

Here come some Twitter handles. Oh, that's me. Should I read this? Or I can do it if you don't want to. You read it, you just read it straight up. Just say I am Lucy Valentine. Yeah, I will. Wait, don't say that.

Don't say anything I want you to say. That could be a code phrase. Well, that's the show, folks. And here come some Twitter handles. You could follow Lucy Valentine at LucyXIV. Is that right? Yeah, it's like HIV, but slightly different. Okay.

That's right. She is the co-host of the Bunta Vista podcast and you could follow them at Bunta Vista. You could follow Riley Quinn at Raleigh, that's R-A-A-L-E-H. And Hussein Kasvani at HK, oh, oh, I'm such a fucking moron. This is literally the only thing we don't pay you for. And Hussein Kasvani at H-Kasvani, that's K-E-S-V-A-N-I. These lovely individuals co-host the Trash Future podcast

at Trash Future Pod. You could follow me, Jake Rakotansky at Real Rakotansky. You could follow Travis Vue at Travis underscore Vue. And last but certainly not least, the magnificent Julian Field at Julian Field, F-E-E-L-D. I'm coming. We co-host the QAnon Anonymous podcast and you can follow us at QAnon Anonymous.

Thank you to all contestants. Actually, let's at least let Lucy. Oh yeah, take a shot. To the last line. Okay, cool. You're gonna remember the premise of this whole thing. Yeah, God, you handle this out. You just fucking it up everywhere.

Stop erasing women, Jake. Damn. This is why Trash Future and Boutavista never plan anything. This is why we don't plan anything. This was transatlantic conspiracy feud. Goodbye. Damn. Turns out we lived in a society the whole time.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is Team Week speaking for Family Field. One more good thing. Tell me these are good.