TRASHFUTURE - Steamboat Milky: Trashfuture Live in London (13th March 2024)

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Please enjoy this recording of our recent live performance in London, in which we encounter the worst publishing company on the planet, plus a foray into British politics’ sudden discovery of racism existing. Note: this episode was planned for release in May, but we’ve decided to put it out right away instead. Also, we had some periodic mic issues that we’ve tried to edit around, but we apologise for any weird sounds beyond the normally expected amount of weird sounds. Hope you enjoy! If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *LIVE SHOW ALERT* We still have tickets available for our live show in London on March 13! Get them here: https://backyardcomedyclub.co.uk/event/trashfuture-live-podcast/ *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and November (@postoctobrist)

Hello Trashfuture listeners. Please enjoy this recording of our live show from last week. We originally intended it to come out in May, hence all of the references to audiences in May, but some scheduling conflicts meant that we needed to put this out immediately. So, as usual, we've become unstuck in time and the Lyft episode still hasn't come out yet. Thanks for being a Trashfuture fan, and we all hope you enjoy this episode. and we all hope you enjoy this episode. Backyard comedy, please welcome to the stage His Majesty King Charles III. Good evening. Christ, the last time I was here I was doing Comedy Unleashed. Yes, it's me, King Charles.

I've been told I have to go on more podcasts to improve the image of the royal family. I'm going on the High Performance Podcast with Jake Humphries next week to talk about how I kept two women on the go at once. Well, administering an organic farm. Anyways, you may know Kate Middleton is missing. There's a lot of speculation about what's happened to her. Some people saying she's dead. Other people saying it's a Brazilian butt lift gone wrong.

But there's nothing to worry about. the truth is her BBL looks fantastic. It's incredible apparently they've put 30% of Lewis Capaldi in her arse. Now the truth is she's gotten addicted to TikTok shop and we can't get her to leave the house. Just today, she's bought a potato masher, 37,000 toilet rolls, an electric buzz saw, and a healing crystal butt plug. We've not seen anything this bad since Princess Eugenie got addicted to K2 spice.

We eventually got her to quit after she bumped into Prince Philip while pranged off her eyeballs, and she thought she'd entered a hell dimension. Anyway. The point is, Kate's ass is fine. The ass you should be worrying about is mine. I've got cancer of the jacksy. And Camilla won't leave me alone.

Every night she comes in wearing the strap, I say, for God's sake, not that again. Put it away, woman. I've all just put in my crystal-leading butt plug. But don't worry, I'm sure I'm going to be fine. My crystal guy is very good. Apparently he used to do Gwyneth Paltrow and Noah Ledman's. Speaking of our sake, Andrew wants a job again.

He reckons he can take over as Kate Middleton if she's still indisposed. I've told him in no uncertain terms that if he jumps out at me and dresses her again, I'll have him hung, drawn, and quartered. The wig and the dress was one thing, but the peephole bra was just unnecessary. Anyway, enough about me.

I've been told I have to do a podcast-style bit, so, um, what if a Swedish man was Italian? Yes. That's right, he'd probably be my fucking grandfather. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Trash Future. Nice of him to join us. There will be a moment while I open my MacBook.

It's fine. Everyone pay rapt attention. Total silence. Ahem. Backyard comedy, are we well? I want to thank you all for coming out on a Wednesday to what is, he wasn't joking, the King, the actual home of Comedy Unleashed. They actually do do it here.

Yeah, tanks, tanks on their lawn. Two massive tanks on their lawn. Seriously, like there's a poster, look in the bathroom, the right one. There was a guy dressed up as Hitler singing Frank Sinatra. I thought I was in one of my friend's houses. I thought I was in one of my friend's houses. So I have two housekeeping items up front. One for the people in this room and one for the people who are listening to this over

the internet. For the people in this room. It's not a funny one, it's just real. There will be an interval at some point. We love to start our comedy show with two pieces of housekeeping, neither of them are funny. Yeah. So there will be an interval at some point.

It'll be determined by the content. So you'll know when I say there's an interval now. This is now for the people who are listening in May. You can have an interval whenever you want. If you're listening to this. Has Kate Middleton been found? Nate Cuttin? No.

Have we finally released the lift episode? Or is it still hanging in the ether? Bloody great film, man. So, if you're listening to this in May, and it turns out that the Kate Middleton stuff was in bad taste, we didn't know. She said, Prince Harry coming in like her crippling addiction to TikTok shop actually isn't funny. It's a very serious mental health issue. It's not just men that I care about.

Talk to your sisters-in-law. that I care about. Talk to your sisters-in-law. So, basically, we've got a show for you. I've found some of my usual live show stuff, probably one of the worst startups we've ever done. Like, ever. Yeah. Stupid rather than evil, but so stupid, and on such a scale that it becomes indistinguishable

from evil. And you know what? Also, just as a big middle finger to the May people, I couldn't resist putting in the stuff about Frank Hester. Topical, you know? It will stay topical. People will keep talking about this racist Tory for a couple of months.

Yeah, absolutely. We will keep him in the news. Fuck you, people of the future, for us or the people of now for you listening at home. Like the opposite of an innocence project. We are doing the Frank Hester guilt project. We are following him around with a soundboard of his racial slurs.

We're following him around like a labor spad just as a giant chicken behind a lib dem. I'm not sure we should have been given the soundboard with the racial slurs. I'm not sure we could be trusted with this technology. It's crazy that they make that. Well, no. Very similar to the themes of the movie Oppenheimer, you know? If we play the soundboard with the racial slurs, we can keep doing live shows here. Ah.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank god Comtown was selling off their old studio gear. That really saved us a buck. Couple of noises of hesitation from people who want to leash our comedy.

Yeah. Would hate to have my comedy leashed. I mean, I'm a little bit nervous because I've seen a photo of Graham Linehan standing on this exact stage. And I feel like it's like a- And he's here tonight. It's like an anti-marriage force field. I worry for the relationships of everyone

on this stage right now in case anything of it lingers. Is there a splash zone? The first three rows will be getting divorced. Burn some matrimony sage if such a thing exists. Yeah, this is actually a 4D show where the D stands for divorce. No, we consider this a kind of conceptual sage burning and this a sure-to-be to be polluted environment again. However, because this is a live show and because I don't learn and because I'm a creature of habit, before the live show happened, I about two weeks before, just so you

know, I turned my Google alert back on for hooning in Brisbane. Brisbane. Yes. Pulling the big hoon alarm lever in the studio. Can you give me a cheer if you did listen to the Australia live shows? Okay. We have a big like neon sign in the studio. You know like at Krispy Kreme and have that summer,

it says when the doughnuts are hot, we have one in the studio that just says, sick cunt. And it just lights up whenever there's been important hooning news yeah the budget for last year was rough we spent half the money on the Comtown soundboard and half the money on the sick company on sign and then the last 10 Australian dollars on a perfect 1995 Vauxhall Corsa no so for those of you who didn't listen to our Australia live shows, check them out. They're from about 18 months ago, very topical, and we fell

in love while we were there with the Australian tradition of driving so bad on purpose that your car explodes for fun. Greatest country on the fucking planet. They have the highest human development index to population ratio in the world. They are the greatest country on the planet. I do kind of appreciate, like as someone who's owned many cars, I do understand the urge to like get the police to crush your car. Like sometimes you just have a car that's so annoying that you're like, maybe I should

do burnouts in this until the police forcibly destroy it. So now that we're all caught up on how awesome hooning is, it's basically just speeding and then crashing your car on purpose. And Australian police and middle-class busy bodies fucking hate it. Yeah. Yeah. Go lower than the property values. Yeah, that's right. Stuff like that. It's the straight male equivalent of bottomless brunch. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're lowering the property values. Yeah, that's right. Stuff like that. It's the straight male equivalent of bottomless brunch.

It's a great activity. It brings us together. We enjoy it. Yeah. Except in this case, it's tireless car. There is a detail about it that's very funny is that they'll often make these advertisements to try to discourage people from hooning, like, don't do it. We've put special asphalt down that will pop your tires instantly if you try to burn them out. And what do you think the hoons do? They're like, we're fucking

going there immediately and doing burnouts. It's like, it's strange because the government wants to talk. They're like the kid in class who reacts incredibly strongly whenever they get made fun of. It makes everyone want to do it again. If you say, guess what, Hoons, we're gonna confiscate your car and crush it in like a huge dump, like a garbage dump crusher and put it on the front lawn of the parliament as a warning, what do you think they're gonna do? They did that, they actually did that.

And of course, that guy is going to hoon Valhalla for having gotten this car there. All right, so who wants to hear the hooning news? Yeah! Just imagine in case Thomas stood on top of a cubed Holden Commodore in Parliament Square like, this is what happens when you drive irresponsibly. So this was a headline in The Western Australian. Oh, we have some Perth heads in here.

Fucking sit can't. So, WA police commissioner's son charged over hooning incident. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. Hooning reaches even the heights of middle class respectability. Well no, it's like, if you swabbed the toilets in parliament,

you would find car particles. Yeah, tire residue. I wasn't quite sure where you were going with that, but. So Michael Blanche. Oh, we've hooned a glass. Excellent. Fucking sick. We all love Australia.

Swobbing the toilets in Parliament, just be like, damn, these people be shitting. Probably because of all the cocaine they do. Is shit a carburetor? So Michael Blanche, 20, who was also a police officer. Yes, yes! We found the one good cop, and he was at warring halves of the self.

He was Australian Robocop. Part cop, part hoon, all sick cunts. This really is the greatest country on earth. Saluting my yard of ale. Whose father is commissioner Colblanche has been charged with one count of hooning. He's like a fail son hoon then. You only have one count. I know.

Of attempted hooning. Yeah, just in his prison cell, putting up a poster that's like, Skidward you like, Kings, jail is temporary. So the police boss had just earlier- I'm the only guilty cut in Shawshank. Rehabilitated is a ridiculous word. But you realize too that that just by doing it in American accent, that brings up the kind of contradiction because I'm from a place where people drive their shitty cars fucked up and try to damage them.

It's just the thing that appears in the obituary on Facebook. Like no, there's nothing sunny and fun about it. And it's just like, there's something, the Australian-ness is what makes this entertaining to us. Because even New Zealand, they do it. But the topography of New Zealand means hooning incidents and then like, cars falling off cliffs and everyone dying. I'm not making this up.

Something about old, flat, hot, warm, whatever country. Wicked me. Yeah. He's been hooning. Something about old, flat, hot, warm, whatever country. Wicked me. He's been hooting. The police boss at earlier issued a warning to Hooners, saying they'd lose their car if they were caught. Quote, Hoon laws are getting pretty tough in Western Australia.

Qui custodia es custodia es can. You might lose your car, or what's worse is you might lose your mum and dad's car. Hooning the Prius, let's go. Putting a firm roof on the sort of consequences of that, you know? You could say it's a dog died to be after a hoon. You could say that. Yeah, you could. And I would.

And I will. I wouldn't like to come home. I wouldn't like, excuse me, my son to have to come home and tell me that he'd lost the car because of Hoonig. He's honor bound. He has to crush his own car. He has to commit. He has to commit for Australian cops, the equivalent of seppuku, which is crushing

his own car. Crushing, crushing, and fucking holding car. And it's like... I'm just, I don't know. Now I'm interested. I mean, whoon law, just that term of phrase piqued my interest, but the idea of there being like a code of whoon Bushido, whoon Shido, if you will. Yeah. Cut your mullet. Whoon law implies the existence of whoon lawyers. Exactly. Yeah. People make a lot of hay out of the fact that Keir Starmer used to be a hoon lawyer, but like now he's basically, he's repudiated most of it.

The photos you can find from the mullet, you know. He used to be a hoon lawyer, but he's hardly sick at all now. He gave someone five years just for popping his tires. All right. All right. I want to move on to some news that's totally going to still be topical in May. We all know, I think, if we've looked at the internet recently, who Frank Hester is. To remind everyone in May, he's a guy. He owns a NHS medical record storage outsourcing business.

Cool. It's cool that we have those. Yeah, like what do you want the publicly elected government that like is democratically accountable to store your, do you want a guy to do it? You want this guy. Just some weird guy who has a shitload of money off of it and gave a bunch of it to the Green Party? It has some awesome opinions. Yeah, and this is the thing, this is his journey, right?

He was always a Green Party guy because he was a weird rich guy. And then Rishi Sunak kind of seduced him ideologically. It was with AI. No, well look, the reason why this guy's storing all of your medical records is because Matt Hancock's pub landlord needed the basement back for the barrels. Pretty simple. Makes sense. So, essentially, for all those of you in May, how's it going? This guy, Frank Hester, donated 10 million pounds to the Tory party before saying a bunch of terrible shit about Diane Abbott.

I think he might have said the shit at the time he donated it and it came out now. He gave it in a card. Yeah. To be fair, if you gave me a card with 10 million quid and a racial slur, it would take me a minute to decide what a note is first of all, and then maybe to decide how I felt. Oh my God. Thank you so much. What is that?

Just one small note, if I may. And I'm not being ungrateful for the 10 million pounds at all, however, just as you may, you do seem to have included here the words. I'm grateful for the novelty oversized check that you've handed me. However, it was written in the memo column, slightly concerning to me.

You'd be a bit of done a French political cut to count to sign this check. You've drawn the entirety of Tantan O'Kong in miniature. So essentially, um, he said, and also it's like, this is now being treated as totally like beyond acceptability, which it is, except all the people treating it as beyond acceptability, we're all like thinking and saying it constantly for like four years while it's politically expedient to do so. It's the grand era of like noticing things, like noticing that people are racist to Diane Abbott

from people who have like either facilitated that or have been racist to Diane Abbott themselves. And yeah, what he actually said too is like very Tory small business guy, because it's like he started out by complaining racistically about an executive at his company and then switched to like, she reminds me of Diane Abbott and then the extra step into Hitlerism and went like, I think they should both be shot. You'd say the extra goose step. Yeah. It says, it's like trying not to be racist when you see Diane Abbott on the TV.

It's like, I can just not be racist all the time. I do that. That doesn't seem like a difficult thing to do. I've been trying to say it all the time. They're just a vein popping out in his forehead as he desperately tries not to be racist when looking at Diane Amber. No, it was a very difficult thing to do, I guess. I don't know. I wouldn't, I, you know,

you got to tell me about this. So any case, what he said is also a crime. You can't say that someone should be shot. But again, he's just marginally too stupid to be getting away. Everyone else who's been thinking, all the like, Labour Right people and stuff who've been thinking that, were like 5% smarter than him. It's like, well you can't say the crime thing. Yeah, they just heavily implied it.

Yeah, you just heavily imply it. Anyway, what I find interesting about this is, it resulted in the single most Lawyered article in The Guardian ever. That's a high bar. It was an article that was half written by Carter Ruck. Who sent this to their finest hoon lawyers. Do hoon law, libel law, to very, you know, bridge the gap. Well libel law is really relevant here, hoon law in Australia. Yeah. So, however, I

assume that by the time this comes out, we'll have passed various thresholds, so who cares? So. Things will be that much worse, again. Frank Hester accepts that he was rude about. Oh. Mm. Why, how impolite.

I appear to have been shot, my my. I don't suspect I'll be inviting them back around again. Well, it's just not cricket. It's a dreadfully uncouth. Really? Oh really Niles? The bit in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy enters the drawing room and shoots someone with a flintlock. He's such a rake. A gentleman does not give quarter. Frank Hester, this guy again, who

exists as a parasite on everybody else, accepts that he was rude about Diane Abbott in a private meeting where that should be allowed. When you think about it, the real crime is whoever exposed him saying the thing. If you've made a room and the room and the rules of the room are you are allowed to say the word, you shouldn't be in trouble for that. It should be like it should be like international waters, but for like the specific building. They're trying to leash his comedy. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he would leash his comedy. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, he would have been better off just repackaging that as comedy and doing it here.

Yeah. What? What? Oh. Okay. I'll give it to you. You can't break my tongue. What if, what if, what if for example,

he'd been at an escape room where the answer was the word and saying it was the only way to get out of there. What if it's like, he could have used the thing, like, you know, the AI thing about, would you say the word to like prevent the nuclear explosion? And if you don't, then you're woke. Oh my God, the walker got him. Well, I was gonna say exactly that.

You've basically, you've identified that this guy would have benefited from living in the Batman movie you guys conceived of on an episode recently, in which Batman can only free Gotham or save Gotham by saying the word Because you woke her! Because the Woker wants to prove that Batman's comedy is also leashed But! She's drinking on the over ground! Frank Hester accepts that he was rude, number one, about Diane Abbott in a private meeting

with Diane Abbott several years ago. Oh, so it's fine then because they only invented racism being bad like six months ago. You say that as a joke. A senior Tory went on TV and said that it was a different time. It was like that was 2019 when that racism was fine. Pretty let us recall ye olde 2019. I mean, I hate to bring it down, but in 2019, certainly by 2020, it was identified that Diane Abbott received more than half of all abuse that MPs

reported receiving. Oh yeah. So basically one person received over 50 percent of all the hateful messages, abuse, etc., as communicated on both social media and email wherever. And it feels like up until it became convenient to acknowledge otherwise, the official response was, well, now, yeah, I mean, and I'm not even being flippant. Like they they generally like, yeah, but I mean, it's kind of warranted, isn't it? I mean, sure. Who's going to get in the way of a good joke or like, yeah, but isn't she just so annoying? She deserves it. And it's like, I'm struggling to understand honestly, like this sea change. I was out cause I, my wife had a baby and I've just been basically brain dead because I've got a small child and it is very weird. It's like

waking up from after like a time warp. You're like, wait, they're pretending to care about racism in Britain. Now I can imagine what it's like waking up from after like a time warp, you're like, wait, they're pretending to care about racism in Britain now. Oh yeah, I can explain that. Now imagine what it's like for the listener in May. Which is- They'll have invented new racisms we haven't even conceived of yet.

Nate's baby's at university now. We're actually gonna get canceled because it'll have evolved so quickly since now that they'll look back and be like, we can't just say it was a different time back then. They knew what was wrong back then. All of our hoon stuff has been a macroaggression. His apology does go on to kind of go in that direction. So let's continue. Sorry, his apology.

But his criticism has nothing to do with her gender or the color of her skin. That's right. But he was comparing his to another black woman. And saying, wow, it comparing her to another black woman. And saying, wow, it makes you hate all black women. This is not a racist thing to say, nor is it sexist, first of all. Yeah, but that's a coincidence. Yeah, I think his argument is, no, semantically he said black women are good, but she's so bad he makes you discount the rest of them.

I think that's what he was trying to get across in the apology but I don't think it lands because of the thing he said originally. We have memories. I remember what I read paragraphs ago. It's difficult to walk back something from like the Marianas Trench. Like it it's tricky. Yeah, he's walking backwards, but it's out of a Saudi embassy. The Guardian, he goes on, this is his lawyers now saying, the Guardian is right when it quotes Frank saying he abhors racism, not least because he experienced it as the child of Irish immigrants in the 70s. Yes!

Yes! Let's fucking go! When he was forced, when his great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was forced to build those pyramids, he endured epigenetic Assassin's Creed style trauma. And the article goes on. So Milo, do you have something to add? Just imagine them like, like kind of like rolling one of those huge blocks of stone

out to a half built pyramid and just like shipping up to Boston is playing. He also died. And Abbot with a whip. Thank God someone removed that from him. I can ask him doing a bunch of bit like hack Irish builder bits. Look, Comedy Unleashed is the only membrane between this world and that world. Diane Abbott making innocent billionaires build pyramids. Thank God we have Andrew Doyle.

The Guardian is right, blah, blah, blah. He rang Diane Abbott twice today to try to apologize directly for the hurt he's called her. So he has also gone above and beyond and has annoyed this woman. Yeah, I mean, like, I feel as though if you were getting calls from this guy and you probably have his number, it's listed in your phone as racism.com or something

like that. Like, I can't. Or there's like, that guy who says slurs to me. Like, I can't imagine, you're like, oh, so lovely that you finally came to your senses. He's doing an accountability process, you know, it's fine. Also, twice is a very fun number. Once in giving up, okay, that makes sense.

Like five or six times, but twice is like the, I understand that this is gonna destroy my reputation entirely and may threaten future public contracts But I also do have stuff to be doing yeah morning morning and afternoon I've been message number two is basically like hey, sorry They won't let me delete the voicemail after I've said it sorry about those words. I said Yeah, I probably shouldn't have quotes of what I said in full

Things I'll never call you again An alphabetical order starting from the middle of the alphabet. Number one. He also called all of the quote, foreign workers together to defend himself against claims that he made racist. So he called a meeting of all of the people in his company that either that aren't white English so they could all agree that he's not racist. However, at this meeting, he said, I make-

He got all the Irish people in his company together? At this meeting, he said, I make a lot of jokes about race-ism about our different creeds and cultures. But I just want to- One lawyer's frantically adding in ISM there. But I just want to assure you that it's the most abhorrent thing. I want to clear the air and make sure we know

that we all, where we all are, what we stand for, and yes, we do take the piss out of the fact that the Chinese girls sit together in Asian corner, which they do. Oh! Whoa! Whoa! You're the list! the fact that the Chinese girls sit together in Asian corner, which they do. I mean, look, where else would they sit? If you're going to have Asian corner.

Myanmar, Thailand, there are others. Also, it's funny to me, right? How many people in here are fans of the Aubrey Maturin series of novels? Well, OK, a couple. They made Jack Aubrey real. That's for just you. Yeah, just you. Leave right now and read the books.

They're so good. God's perfect oath, yeah. I'm just imagining also, if you're saying he brought everyone who wasn't white and English into the room, that would that imply that white European employees were also in the room? And he was like, listen, guys, I just want you to know I'm not racist.

I don't share any problem with what you shared at all. And I'm just thinking the one Danish employee is like, well, I'm kind of disappointed in you then, dude. I had such high hopes. Yeah, it's like he asked to like kind of get the French back onside. What else suggest that we add a Muslim re-education corner? There's a cartoon drawing contest. Don't worry I'll get these guys back with me alright. His lawyers later added. Have you got any plans to put up any cartoons perhaps?

His lawyers later added. Frank wants us all to be loving and accepting of each other because we are all human. Oh, to be a lawyer. Carter Ruck went on that Hester was conscious that many of his employees. Sorry, just very struck by the image of the lawyer wearing the like Lucy and yak dungarees. It's like, I think we all have to love each other and maybe now is quiet time and we can all like reflect a bit. It's also interesting because it's like,

you said this guy's a billionaire, yeah? Like he's extremely wealthy and so he's also clearly got the personality of like boring pub racist. And for him to suddenly have people saying you can't say that and taking him to task must be what it's like the first time you turn the electric collar on for a dog. And there's like, but I used to be able to walk here

and not get shocked. But for a dog. Oh there's like, but I used to be able to walk here and not get shocked. For a dog. Oh, well, I mean, yeah. I don't have. Yeah, this is, this goes back to being a billionaire is a cognitive impairment equivalent to getting kicked in the head by a horse daily. Carter Ruck have fitted this man with a shock collar.

The lawyers Carter Ruck go on. We've hooned another glass. Stop ruining things you maniacs. Fucking shit. The lawyers, Carter, Ruck, go on. We've hooned another glass. Stop ruining things, you maniacs! Fucking shit, Cun! The lawyers went on. Hester is conscious that many of employees from Asia were young and isolated and wanted to make them feel welcome and encourage them to integrate.

That's why he set aside this whole corner for them. Yeah. Asian affinity corner. His lawyers also, I mean, these are the most reaching lawyers in the history of the profession. No lawyer has ever been like, fuck it, we got to get something out there. Getting a cease and desist from Carter Rock because they are not this man's lawyer. Usually, usually if you have the money to hire Carter Rock, you're not so dumb as to make Carter Rock say something like the following.

His donation was to a party led by Britain's first Hindu prime minister, further evidence of him embracing diversity. I didn't think this guy was, I didn't think, I didn't think this kind of guy was real. I thought he was made up for line break jokes. Turns out he's like one of the Tory body's biggest donors. And the guy who has all the medical records. Yeah. This man has absolutely said something racist about Rishi Sinha. There is not like legally we can't say that he has, but there is also no doubt in my mind. I was going to say, I feel like for the people who were born and raised in this country, I'm not one of them that what you just said, Milo, it's like, it's like

when someone divining water is good at their job and they just know that it's there. It's like you used everything about this point. So I was like, Oh, I'm sure that's the one time he's never said it because it was the first Hindu prime minister. So, um, the handbook he gave him the check with the racial slur on the back and Rishi, Rishi Sunak was like, and then cashed it. Something about Italians on the back of here. Just Rishi Sunak just trying to read the check and having to climb up on a table. He hates the novelty check.

It topples him over. No, it gets carried away by the wind. No! Also, the employee handbook for this company says basically like every time you make a mistake you have to like stand up and shout it to the audience. Wait, some Maoist company? Maoist company! It's combat liberalism, it's Netflix.

Or also if you leave a fingerprint on the door, you have to apologize to everyone in the room You're mandated to live with a certain radius of the leads office. It's a company What does shades is I was gonna say that the whole thing with the Chinese corner the Asian corner makes it sound like he's trying To do Henry Ford shit like you know the Poles need to live in Polish town, and that's why Detroit sucks so much Not a single light bulb fitted properly. As soon as they win, you couldn't fit another one. As I've said this on other shows before, but for example, the reason I had to learn square dancing in middle school in America was because Henry Ford

had a lot of money in the 1920s and was convinced that jazz music was a secret Jewish plot to use black music to weaken the white spirit. And so we had to learn to do the do-si-do. Have you been watching GB News? I'm dead serious. This is true. Americans, I'm almost 40, and kids my age,

we all had to learn square dancing in school. And this is a whole over from Henry Ford. Henry Ford also was like, every race needs to live in its own ghetto in Detroit. And so it's like, Hungarians fucking in Hungery Town. I don't care. You're not allowed to live together. Hungery Town.

The food's all right, but the vibes. I wasn't 100% going to go for it. But then, like, you're describing this. I'm like, no, he's either building Tory billionaire Pyongyang or or he's doing Henry Ford shit. Just outside Leeds. Yeah. Last eternal president, Margaret

Thatcher. Last thing on this before we just take it back to to Abbott and the Labour right before we break for our intermission is that this is verified by her is that after all of this happened and came out Starmer approached Diane Abbott to and said let me know if there's anything I could do to which she said well you could restore the Labour whip to which he responded again this is a verified conversation by her. Please

just let me know if there's anything I can do. And then she said restore the whip and he said, I understand. Perfect like chat bot leader of the opposition. And he did this all while standing on top of a car that had been cubed. How does restore Whip make you feel? What do you think about Restore the Whip? Anyway, OK. Every single piece of coverage about this has had to include, by law, seemingly,

we have to disavow Diane Abbott's reprehensible comments to the Observer or whatever. It's like, why do I have to disavow them? I don't give a fuck. Why are you asking me to condemn these now? Like, clearly, if we're establishing this was before racism was invented six months ago. Well, this is what we were talking about earlier,

is I think the most powerful words you could possibly learn. Oh, no, no, not those ones. People should. OK, the other most power. I'm not going to open an outsourcing company. The other most powerful words you could possibly learn are that doesn't work on me. So I was like, Hey, disavow Diane's comments. Be like, fuck you. I don't care. I don't care. Why do I, why do you need to be an NPC? You can choose to be an NPC. You could just say, and

how does that make you feel? Do the, do the star thing in reverse, right? Like, you know, when will you disavow Diane Abbott's comments to the observer? I understand. Well, you can say if people like ask you to condemn, you can say, say it's like emotional labor and you don't want to do it. You're opting out of it. Emotional labor for your own mental health.

All right, all right, all right, all right. We need to give you an intermission. So you and me can refill. So I can break more glasses. Yes, you refill our drinks, break more glasses, and then I promise I've got just a wretched startup for you after. Thank you very much for the first time. Thank you. Sorry, I hope you weren't enjoying listening to A-Track's 2008 hit, Barbra Streisand. But it was A-Track and someone else, god.

It was Duck Sauce. No, it was A-Track and someone else. It was Duck Sauce. A-Track and Armand Van Helden in a band together. However, that song is Night Flight to Venus by Boney M, I think, and it's just Gotta go home. Thank you It's gotta go home by bony M with just the only change is Barber's dries in that's it

Okay, they put the drums a little more drum into it That's literally it the only thing you have to give a German intelligence critical support for is coming up with bony M as a sire I actually I I disagree because Boney M is the closest schlager has ever been to being good. Hey. Like, maybe if you look. So this might get the show canceled in Central Europe only, but.

So my wife dated a Swiss guy for a long time and spent a lot of time in Switzerland. And he was a Swiss German. And he didn't understand why anyone wouldn't like schlager. Schlager being the German word for hit, like literally hitting, hit things. And it's just like, Peter Walker is great.

If you've ever heard, imagine the worst disco song you've ever heard in your life. Imagine just like, you know, the Moscow. Like for 10 minutes. And people of German extraction don't understand why you wouldn't go with that shit. That's all they wanna listen to. Nate is only saying this because he knows

I fucking love Schlager. Of course you love Schlager, fuck me. I didn't know that, Riley. Genuinely, this is live reaction on stage. Nate learned something about his co-host. The two types of music I like are techno and schlager. You're the first weeb for Germany. Yet invents it.

It's a genuine weeb for Germany-ness that I just don't... Like the things about Germany I don't... It's like imagine if someone came like someone came from a different distant land into Britain and they're like Imagine if someone came from a distant land into Britain and they're like, fucking love bovril. I said, fucking Chaz and Dave can't get enough of them. Saved up working in a gas station for like four years in a row to afford the plane ticket to United Kingdom so he could taste

bovril for the first time. He's just like, like crying tears of joy. He sees his first fruit machine in a pub and he's just like, it's everything I ever wanted. This is me coming down from Scotland. Enough about me in 2017. She brings going to be paradise. It's going to be a socialist country soon. I should move there. It has long been my dream to listen to the music of Cliff Richard whilst drinking one of your foam ball frills and playing on your fruit machine. Look, it's a lot of fun when you're.

It's a lot of fun, all right? All right, look. I promised a bad startup. I'm delivering a bad startup. All right, look, I promised a bad startup, I'm delivering a bad startup. And you can all invest. Actually, you could all economically interact with this startup from your phones right now if you wanted to. That's how you launch an OnlyFans.

Not the host you'd expect either. My pussy in bio. That'd be very unusual to get a Twitter bot reply that's like, your pussy in bio. Oh no. Oh God. I have strongly mixed feelings about this. I think it's your pussy in bio. Whose pussy is this? I say, I say, well, these are-

I don't believe it. There's pussy in my bio. Wait, these infielders you have have awfully strange names. I'm dependent on Twitter bots to do it because not like the NIJS isn't anyhow, right? No, pussy is the guy's name. Pussy in waiting list. Shout out to the pussy waiting list.

That's a lot of guys on Reddit. Get one, they won't even let me see one. What do you mean there's a binder you can look through? Nobody told me about this. So, also, now that we've done those jokes, I'd like to give a shout out to my mother who's here. My mother in bio. My mother in front row. So, anyway, let's all forget that and enjoy the body humor from now on. So, the company, it's actually two companies in one.

It's a dyad. Yeah. Price is a dramaturgical dyad. The main company that owns them both is called Inkit. I-N-K-I-T, and then a second T. Inc. Mm. Yes. You too may ink it. Mm. Now, they have a second company that they own called Galatea.

Galatea, Galatea. Yeah. Uh-huh. Now, just quickly, Ink It, from my right, what do we think Ink It is? It's German. I think it's like an e-reader that pulls what it thinks are public domain books,

but it actually is just pulling from Wattpad. OK. OK. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Essentially.

So you think you're going to be able to read, like, memories of a fox-hunting man, but instead all you get is, I want that twink obliterated. Which is the same, in fairness. That is astonishingly close to what it is. We're just not even going to do anymore, because he was so close? We are, ink it is, the first data-driven publishing house to put publishing decisions directly in the hands of the readers. That is the worst fucking idea I have ever heard. No.

That's not good. I've met the readers. You ever been on a plane? Some of those people clap. Say what you will about Dan Brown. At least he's exerting some kind of editorial control on those people. So you let people write their own Dan Brown book, it'd be so horny. That sort of is what happened. Oh, god.

Oh, no. Our vision is to be a place where authors who want to see the real potential of their books can go to submit their works, get feedback from readers, and eventually a publishing deal, all without having to go through the process of pitching their books to the gatekeepers of the industry. And running- You can't be talking like that, Sys Baby.

And running the risk of rejection because of subjective opinions. There should never be rejection of art because of subjective opinions. Do you imagine yourself as a published author when you masturbate. I have jokes that are not about being trans. Yeah, you have jokes about being a published author. You want to see the binder full of book covers? I will say on one hand, with some glancing experiences with the publishing industry, obviously it's extremely elitist and extremely bad, especially in America. I presume it's like that in Britain because it tends to not be less so in these regards

when you go to Britain. But I also think when it comes to submissions, there is no true manifestation of the image of the soldier catching all the daggers and grenades and bullets so the child can sleep at night than people who read just open submissions for creative writing work? Well, we deeply believe that by only looking at reader data, never passing judgment on what's being published, we are able to predict bestsellers more accurately than any other publishing house. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's like Pornhub but for books.

You know not how close you are because that's what porn hub does. It exerts no editorial control and then what do you get? You get fucking step uncle. No. I'm stuck in the black and decker orbital center. Maybe some editorial control would have been good. Yeah. The problem with porn would have been good. Yeah. The problem with porn consumption is that the storylines are just too like the same these days. There's nothing really very creative or new.

That's right. Again, you don't find the black and white girls. I believe in the sales potential of my step DaVinci code. So much of this. No one could do the pour that milk in my ass video anymore. It's too creative. Do I have to tell the story? I think you have to now.

So Milo is gracious enough to make this an anonymous story on Glue Factory, the video podcast they do. But this was not me. It was really my brother, but it was also me. Oh my god, it was also me you get the bit about the stern military man dad with a southern American accent walking into the room and you didn't guess me immediately my dad is from Mississippi and was in the army for 22 years but basically when I was 14 in 1999 my brother found a video probably on Usenet,

the old heads know about that shit. And it was basically the video involved a woman very excitedly telling someone to pour milk into her ass with a funnel. Now this is an American and she took, so the person helping her in this endeavor took a gallon jug out of the fridge and a funnel was placed Riley, just to be clear, your mom is here tonight, right?

So we didn't find anything exciting about this. I was 14, my brother would have been like 16 or 17 But we did find it very funny obviously because there's a there's this woman is trying to keep up kayfabe of making it seem like sexually exciting when it's not at all. Well, here's the problem. So we thought it was funny and we'd watch it as a joke. Well, my dad walked in the room one time and my brother freaked out and turned the monitor off, but didn't turn the computer off.

Now, this is a dead old, incredibly old 90s computer, right? Et cetera. And it's got the plug-in speakers, et cetera. Anyway, so my dad walks in, I don't even know what he was asking us, but all he hears is, oh, pour that milk in my ass.

And then the follow-up, the important follow-up, oh shit, that's cold. To which he could only say, boys, what are you doing? Thanks again to my mother for coming. But now this could be a best selling novel or series of novels. Exactly. A saga. It's the ass milk trilogy.

So how it works is you get a funnel and some milk. How it works is you upload or write stories on the Ink It platform, you receive valuable reader feedback and feedback from our AI helper, engage with readers and see your reads increase, receive a publishing contract from our publisher, Galatea, which also is like the, it's like an Apple thing. That's the only distribution. Uh huh. Cool. That's never evil. You witness your story evolve into a blockbuster. So this is from, this is from an article in TechCrunch. We gave an interview. Everyone has a story in them. This is him saying, as someone famous once said,

Yeah, Jeremy Corbyn. He was right to do it, maybe not in this case. And some people have milk in their ass. However. A startup called Inkit believes they can use AI to turn the strongest of these into blockbusters and build a new Disney for the 21st century around the content that is created. Oh, it's going to be anti-semitic. The company has started to make small steps into audiobooks and their plans to developing films and TV shows.

And so after a hundred years, you'll be able to use the like milk and ass, but only the original like the original audiobook, which isn't even the original video audio. It's not an extract. It's the Tik Tok voice. Be like, Oh shit, baby, pour that milk in my ass. Oh shit, that's cold. Steamboat milky. Pour that milk in my ass. Holy shit, that's cold.

Get ready with me to pour milk in my ass. Don't temper it first. Inkit is a reader power publisher publisher where authors upload manuscripts, readers access for free. Do you think they offer alternative milks? Like oat milk? They hadn't been invented yet. Pour that milk in my ass, vegan edition. The worst way to find out you have like a lactose intolerance.

It's heading in that direction anyway. You're doing a chaotic shit after the ass milk, regardless. As opposed to like a lawful shit. Or the evil shit. True neutral. The true neutral shit is good to be fair. No, it's not. That's what you want. Yeah.

All right. Completely unremarkable. Yeah. Is anyone hiring? No, no. It's all shit like this. I'm afraid this is the only job left in Britain. Yeah, we're in a recession.

Yeah. I don't know how anyone's still buying tickets to this. What do you do? Do you all have your own podcasts? So basically, if you write chapter by chapter, and if people read that chapter and then like, fave it, basically, and then go on to the next chapter, then they'll be like, all right, you're like, horny're like, you know, horny score has increased and then you can get a

publishing contract with us. Oh, so it's like any of the fanfic sites that do this already then? But what if it was worth like a billion dollars? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It has developed its own reading app, Galatea, which is their publishing arm, which adds vibrations and sound effects to the experience of reading the ebooks. I... I...

Yeah, pour that milk into my ass. The kindle was vibrating on the table. It's like, huh, when she has sex with the werewolf billionaire, it just starts vibrating for, like, five minutes. Why? They haven't quite figured out how to make a touch... like, a touchscreen register temperature changes, and until they do, my story will remain untold. It's the strangest thing.

I was, like, on a train opposite Helen Joyce, and for some reason, a kinder... ... making this buzzing noise so pull that milk into my ass Harry wait is that surely you would have spells for this it's not the same it's not the same. It's not the same. Well, canonically, I've got to understand. Is this Ron Hermione who's asking? I think that was Hermione. Of course, my brain immediately went to Ron. I don't even fucking know shit about the Harry Potter books.

I just know a few names, but... Alright. You're a step wizard, Harry. Let's go on. Galatea. Pour that milk into my arse, Harry. It's the only way. Harry, sometimes there comes a time in life when we must take the funnel into our own arms

and pour the milk inside. Dumbledore had a very flexible rim, Harry. But he used it to do great evil. Anyway. Anyway, good evening to Riley's mother. For podcast listeners, I took an extended sip of my beer and looked out at the audience as if to say, does anybody want to host a podcast? There's already a chocolate frog in there, Harry. There can always be more. Yes, it wasn't really Richard Giddard, it was me.

I don't want to unlock something even more powerful to derail things, but that's trending dangerously close to your King Charles. You're gonna cure the ass cancer, ass cancer? Ass cancer somehow, you know? For Christ's sake, Camilla, there's going to be nothing left for the tea in the morning. What on earth did the footman going to say? Bloody hell, that's cold.

What the fuck are you boys doing? Harry walks in. All right. All right, alright, alright children. Have we enjoyed our milk ass? That's like the Swiss chop. Have we enjoyed our milka bars? Okay. Don't worry, we're definitely going to go back to it. I'm going to do a few more things of this, and then Milo's gonna be like,

that's like pouring milk in an ass, and it's all gonna start again. Yeah. We've been doing this together a long time. But there's one thing we haven't tried. Chekhov's funnel. The TF Only fans takes a very strange turn. Okay. All right. I forget what you were Galatea, ink it. The fan fit, the million, the billion dollar fanfic that turns your phone into a vibrator.

I think that's the, that's the heavy implication. When I said not the host you expect, one of them is the office coffee machine. The milk scalded gets a lot of play. It really shouldn't. You got a temper. So Ali says, Galatea is an immersive reading experience. It means when you're reading, you should feel the heartbeat of the protagonist with the vibrations on your phone. Uh-huh.

And hear sound effects. It's something between reading and watching a TV series, which by the way, we've started, it's called Galatea TV, and it takes long stories and presents them in a mobile first way in two to five minute increments. It's back!

It's back! It's back! Yes of nice people to roar like the crew of a pirate ship. It's it's back. Quibi's back. 50 states of milk. It sounds like these guys have, these guys have clocked what Quibi did, which is what if the gold gnome could jack you off? Ask not for whom the quib tolls. Also the second time in a row, the only room in Britain that has, or possibly the world, that has elicited a cheer first at the mention of Matt Hancock's name. What, if he only knew, if he only knew that there was still one room where he was, if

not loved, then at least. What is he doing going on diary of a CEO when he could be on this podcast right now? And the only room in the world where the mention of Quibi still listens to cheer. So bringing it back on topic, you're basically saying they're gonna publish the worst fanfic you've ever read, but they've also included a Rumble Pak. Well, and you hear sound effects, so it's also like a PS4 controller. It's something between reading and watching a TV series.

So they get one episode of a published book for free every day, which equates to about 15 minutes worth of reading. So you pay on average about 10 pounds per book because you pay per chapter. They say that this is not just any self-publishing service. Yeah, it's much worse. Ali Al-Bazaz founded Inkit in Berlin in 2013 because he was inspired by J Rowling. That's right.

What cheers for Matt Hancock? Very strange ideology. Much like JK Rowling. Is there not? Are there not better things to do in Berlin? So this is what happens if you aren't into getting pissed do in Berlin? Like, so this is what happens. If you aren't into getting pissed on in Berlin, you become this guy. Like if you are a normie cursed to live in Berlin, then you're like, I want to be like

my idol, JK Rowling. A funnel can do many things. This book shows us the deepest desires of our hearts. And as you can see yours shows a man pouring milk into all his hearts. A man pouring milk into a headmaster's hat. A headmaster who looks a lot like me. And does happen to own a funnel, I'm just saying. Hey wait a minute, this is painted on. His first Harry Potter book was famously turned down by 12 different publishers. Yeah, because it sucks.

12 smart publishers. Well, literarily smart, if not pecuniarily smart. So he decided to give readers more of a say to find the next Harry Potter. Inkhead. Inkhead is a social reading platform where writers can upload their stories, readers read the books, and we analyze all their reading behavior in the background using algorithms to tell which works people read through to the end and how quickly they read them and how much they're cranking it.

I mean, you joke, but that does seem to be the point of it. Like, I mean, there is, I presume there is a lot of erotic fiction on this because that tends to be anything in the sort of we like open submissions. It tends to go that way. Well, and there's haptic responses and they're checking feedback. There's sound effects. I know it's no one's doing this for the like steam train. Yeah. This is like you've made a thing to jack off with in macro media flash in 2001, but it's worth a billion dollars somehow. I'm pretty sure.

I'm doing this, but the only response is for like you jacking off to it. So like you're reading Anna Karenina perfectly in earnest. The steam train shows up, you just come everywhere. Hello again to Riley's mom. Thanks for being here. Well, I kinda like the idea that books get a negative score or if they determine that not enough people

are jacking off to them. I don't remember Leon Trotsky writing a book called War and Piss. Leon Trotsky? Did Trotsky write War and Piss? I also don't remember. What an amazing, what an amazing misspeak that was. I don't remember him writing that book for a number of reasons. What if, what if you wrote the book that says what if he did?

Well the thing is he had just gotten... He wouldn't have written a book about a train to be fair. Well the thing is he had just gotten the title down, then wham, pickaxe. So I fucked up there because I said pickaxe. I'm just a bit... What kind of minor... Holy shit that's gold. I can't believe Leo Ntrotsky, the author of War and Peace, was killed by a pickaxe.

And I assume Guatemala? Horrible mining accident. So, basically, also, by making books fit more to readers' tastes, it allows you to run A-B tests around every aspect of the work, from titles to the story arc to first lines and cliffhangers. So you can write like 30 different versions of your book and then have a consensus emerge.

I was a participant in a controlled trial of Harry Potter. I got the one that was exactly the same except it was Barry Potter. Oy. Yeah, where he's played by Barry from EastEnders. I got the one that was exactly the same except it was Barry Potter. Oy. Yeah, where he's played by Barry from EastEnders. And Voldemort pushes him down a hill. So basically what they've done is this isn't just like the death of the author, this is

the hunting from a helicopter with an anti-materiel rifle in the author. I mean I don't want to be a snob or an elitist, and I don't know if Amazon still does this, but in the early days, Kindle books basically had an option where you could see public highlights and people like to quote whatever line they would highlight and you would get like 300 people highlighted. Oh, you can still do that.

Yeah, well, I mean, I just turned it off successfully because it was always sort of like a big neon sign for this is the dumbest shit you've ever read in your life. Like the most mundane, banal shit you could possibly imagine it just feels like someone saw this like what if the entire book was this What if we based all of the the conception to execution of a literary work on whether or not? People responded to it with thumbs up and or and or jacked it to it I open the book and it's like, what is grief but love persevering? Next sentence, what is grief but love persevering?

And it goes on like this for 300 or so pages. And then my pussy in bio with you. And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. My grief in bio. That gives Ink It a trove of data not just for specific books, but fiction in general. We have solved fiction.

OK. Woo! One German man. It's always one German man. Ah yes. History on Kindle. That gives Inkit a trove of data about fiction in general. Learnings that it applies to all subsequent books it publishes. This is a transcript from a podcast that the owner did. This app called Galatea puts us in a really cool position

because once we own direct sales to customers, we own everything. We're also now able to actually... He said German and non-evily. And once we own sales to customers, we own everything! The woman, the funnel, the milk, it is all out! We are now able to actually A-B test our stories and test different beginnings. Der Milkschlauch! Heilige Scheiße, es kalt! Es wird so kalt!

Mach ja statt das Milch Stop making milk, please! How can test the cliffhanger and no chapter and this way we will improve their stories continuously and actually improve sales because we're selling I'm gonna go back to my normal voice chapter by chapter and not book by book so this puts us in a completely new position and we can even get like super great stories and make them sell millions and millions

in sales. So they have three features. As authors upload their work, their ink-it AI will automatically analyze elements like the plot, character development, pacing, and writing style and tell you how to fix it if you want to get it published for money on their money publishing platform, Galatea. Make it more like AI. Make it more slop. It's like, what if Grammarly was telling you

to write the book a certain way, and it was also wrong? Yes. Like Grammarly often is. You see, really, you should be pouring the milk into our ass on page five, but you don't get to that until page 10. They also understand how to make readers stay on a page, where they drop off, and which sections generate the most excitement. It's the ones with the vibrating.

Combining manuscript analysis with reader engagement data, the AI develops a best seller score for every work. This enables Inkit to identify the books the highest potential for mainstream success. This is like if you invented a thing for movies where at the boring parts the seat shoved you. And then I remember they invented that. So they've now recently gotten a huge amount of funding to continue building out their algorithm technology and incorporate generative AI so the authors no longer need to be involved at all. Books are over. Including choosing what like works up to the free

from the free to the paid app. And all of these are generated by algorithms rather than humans. Yeah, give me 300 novels about pouring milk into a person's ass. Yeah. So they say, I will give you that. I don't want them to.

So they are among the top 20 publishers in the world by revenue. They're ahead of Penguin Random House. If any publisher should be able to call itself Random House, it is this one. No, it is Probabilistic Stochastic House. The publisher that's only studied at four universities in France. I prefer Penguin Lawful House myself. Sorry, were you just making a joke about stochastic calculus? Yeah, it was a joke that was just for you. A kind of math that is taught in French universities

and one in Pittsburgh. It's stochastic calculus where like a guy pops out from an alley and like because he's been radicalized online like derives you. I read too many web comics. The French University of Pittsburgh. It's for pricing of derivatives. Anyway, sorry that's not funny, it's just real. Their most bestselling book in the world was Two places behind Barack Obama's memoir, a promised land. My father's milk funnel. Also a book written to be as homogenous and as inoffensive as possible.

What was the title of the book that sold so well by them? Oh, it was, it was unfortunately not a fun title. It was just called like a workplace affair. Something like that. So it's like a sexy romance novel kind of thing. Yes. I'm actually kind of optimistic about this in the sense that like, if you go to bookstores, right,

there are like at least eight versions of a book, which is something to do with like a wife, like the final wife, the last wife, the imprisoned wife. I'm really excited for the AI to just produce more wives. And as like a pro wife guy myself, I'm actually all for this. I'm happy with it actually. Reinterpreting classic works of literature

to suit your taste. You get wife and peace finally. You never get peace with wife. I have the title. It's called Beautiful Mistake. So are they all titled like this? Well, I picked a random selection that I assume some of them aren't porn. But again, remember earlier, they were like,

this is going to be the new Disney. So I have to let you know, we didn't know anything about this, but Riley did show us some of the screenshots Remember earlier they were like, this is going to be the new Disney. So I have to let you know, we didn't know anything about this, but Riley did show us some of the screenshots of the titles he found, and I feel as though I should just say, you're in for a delight. Yes.

However, however, there are a couple more things you should know about this company before we get there, because it will make it more fun. Which is that they now want to AI generate stories, images to go with the stories, movies of the stories, and they have a new function. They have it now, where you can talk to the characters from the stories.

Sick. So basically, whatever your taste in literature, they have determined that you also want the literature to take place in Animal Crossing. Madame Karenina, I know you're very depressed. Have you considered you take a funnel? I was going to liven you right up. I was going to work it into Gravity's Rainbow, but honestly, it would probably fit pretty well.

It wouldn't seem out of place. But how cold is it really? I also loved Inherent Vice. Alvazar said that AI generated stories based on catchy treatments and more importantly, crafted by talented humans. AI people always sound like aliens. He's like, ah yes, well we need some humans to be people always sound like aliens. He's like, oh yes, well we need some humans

to be doing this of course. Typed with their dextrous human fingers. It's very much a part of what it hopes to do in the future, along with personalizing stories according to AI. So AI to write stories based on your original ideas or produce versions of its fiction personalized for specific readers and move into games. You could be like press X to funnel milk. Harry Dubois is going to tell me he's the exact same type of communist as me

and wants to be best friends with me. And I will buy that because I don't respect myself. Also, by the way, I have jokes not about being transgender. It's important to note that Inca and Galatea together are among like the top 50 sources of tokens for most large language models. There is so much horn, like there is so much weirdly specific. Oh, so this is just getting laundered into everything you put AI into. And so the next startup we do that's like, oh, we did some fucking generative AI recipes. The next thing it's gonna be, it's like,

okay, make a perfect creme brulee. Step one, get a funnel. And of course get your wife's ass. So this is, you can choose your own narrator for the audio books. Chat with characters. Stephen Fry. Yeah.

Do you have a Stephen Fry on deck, Milo? I'm trying to think. Oh. Do I? How about if Starmer did it? There we go. I'll save you with that one. Fuck, that's cold.

I welcome the milk in my mouth, but I encourage it to go further by warming it up slightly in a bain-marie, perhaps. To body temperature not higher than that, that would be excessive. We wouldn't want to burn the delicate anal tissues, but we wouldn't like to excessively chill them either. It's weird that he said that to Tynan. It is us. There'll be time for that after.

The company is also using multiple large language models to avoid any allegations of copyright infringement. That's like me saying I'm using multiple hands to avoid allegations of shoplifting. He said further, yes, the LLMs write bad to average at best content, but the LLMs alone are not able to create best selling content. That's where we come in with the data that we've gathered over the last couple of years so we can keep generating and regenerating with the addition of a prompt everything we've ever written constantly.

Cool. Oh, good. This is this is what they they write about using their IP to you know what you know what sorry I'm gonna go on to the fun stuff list list list list okay all right all right just type this in real quick list I'm not just going to read you the titles. I would also like to read the summary. The first book. Falling for the Mafia Brothers.

Hell, yeah. Kyle is a shy girl. Kyle Mafia. Whose only goal is to help her brother clean up his mess until she meets Max. Sorry, Max Mafia. Max and his brother, Dimitri, are leaders... Oh, Maxime. Okay, yeah. Max and his brother Dimitri are leaders of a mafia organization who have no problem taking what they want.

When Kyle is- You don't understand, Dmitry. Either you put the funnel in someone else's ass, or they will put the funnel in your ass. Your problem, Dmitry, is you don't remember the Vinnoistia. When our country was on our kolenik, blin, then the funnel was in everyone's ass. Yeltsin took the funnel in the ass from Clinton. And only now we are rising. The second title.

Billionaire Baby Daddy. Remember how earlier they said, we've sold fiction. I didn't know Grimes was writing on this platform. 22 year old Isabella is sick and tired of her boyfriend, an absolute jerk who treats her like garbage. One night, she decides to enact her revenge by finally giving away her virginity at 22. To a complete stranger, but little does she know

that the man she chose at random is one of the most powerful men in the world, or that their one night of passion is gonna lead to something much deeper than sex. Yeah, funnel. I think my phone vibrated. Also, it's weird. I think this is because of the AI, but in Billionaire Baby Daddy and four of the others

I've looked at, the sexy male protagonist is named Mason. Huh. Huh. Yeah. They must have like, there's another one called Builder Chicks. Now, now, now hold on a second, hold on a second. Maybe they're cooking here. Or building. In high school, Angela Hicks was the charming and goofy younger sister of his best friend

and therefore off limits. Following a career ending injury and a failed marriage, Mason returns to his hometown. Of course Mason is a builder. A career ending injury? Like what career? Looking at asshole full of milk. You've had some cowboys in there. Seeing his father's battle to upkeep the house he built as a tribute to his late mother,

Mason opts to stay and help out. Bob is the only builder his father tried to work with. father trusted. So we've turned it into Bob the Builder erotic fiction. Bob is the only builder. Because if you use AI, it's you make, well, builder should be called Bob. All builders are called that. Bob is the only builder. His father trust to work on the house. And when the quirky pink hair builder comes along, Mason doesn recognize his longtime crush literally hold on is the pink head builder Bob

bought yeah this is what the wokeness has brought us to okay we used to have strip Bob the straight builder but they won't let you have it anymore right you've had some right cowboys before here. That's actually been said on the stage before, but they were serious. Which I'd enjoy, because I'm gay. Okay, the next one. Undressed by the king. Oh, God! Just undressed, though. Nothing further. You're never going to get...

Oh what the hell? Have you been censored? Has your comedy been leashed? MI6 has finally come for me. I'm afraid our mixture has gone woke. You hate to see that. I'm afraid our mixer has gone woke. You hate to see that. Yeah, okay. I don't want to read the summary of undressed by the king. I really don't.

Why not? Okay, can I just say having skim read the first few lines of this, what a treat. Oh wow. Oh wow, okay. Remember this was solved fiction. This is the perfect book. To be fair, I've read this first sentence. I don't think I need to read anything ever again. It's feeling pretty solved right now.

It's a waste of hardness if I'm not going to push it inside you. ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] ["The Last Supper"] Using his deft hands, he traced my waist, found the zipper of my jeans, and unzipped it. I was delirious after that. They say mirrors are the door to another realm, do they?

For Nicolette, after bringing home an antique mirror from an expedition, now believes it to be true. But what's the harm in getting transported to another world? New sights, new people, and new food are something she could look forward to. However, what if then, if the definition of harm

means receiving the sharp end of a mysterious man's sword? How will Nicolet cope then? By J.M. Felleck. So Hungarian, I assume. How indeed. There are some more.

Oh, that's so many of them. Yeah. There's one about werewolves called Reluctantly Mated. I thought it was going to be about like the intrigue of like high level chess. Again, you get not a strange sort of experience to have things novel-y vibrating there. There's behind the mask, Roxanne takes a night off from her busy career as head chef at a popular Houston restaurant.

Roxanne, you don't have to put on the heat lamp. And accompanies her best friend Casey to the infamous Manfredi mask. Like an Italian American. Of course. To her surprise, Roxanne experiences one of the most erotic nights of her life. And afterwards she has not one, not two, but three devastatingly handsome men pursuing her I can't emphasize enough this company did not set out to produce erotica They just started taking averages and generating stuff. That's what happens when you let the people decide

Riley can I jump in with the one that you found that was just too close to home? Oh Is it the one headline gay stories? Oh, is it the one headlined gay stories? Yes, so there was one under gay stories that's a very twinkish looking man holding a glass of red wine and it's called illicit cravings. Oh sorry. Basically, yes. I thought you were talking about the other one headlined under gay stories called Kept

that was the two most like two Final Fantasy From the discretion cinematic universe There are no one knows actually what's in the discretion cinematic universe, they're very tight-lipped about Very like the mousetrap in that respect. Hmm. There are a couple more. How polite, Chappell. Thank you.

I'm just having a lot of fun. Now that you've seen our live show, you are an accomplice to murder. There's one that I'm trying to find. Here we go. Here we go. There's one that's in the category age gap romance books. Ooh. Yeah. Normal. Not problematic anymore. There's one that's in the category age gap romance books.

Oh, yeah. Not problematic anymore. It's got its own imprint. Hellion's Kitchen, which I assume is a thinly veiled Gordon Ramsay fancy. And then Alpha's Guest. Although I think we're probably coming close to the end, so I want to end strong. gonna end on my favorite one the one with the title that makes the most sense in the entire world Nothing has ever made more sense than this mafia ware brothers

I'm in silence! My comedy has been leashed! Rose had been married for a while and couldn't understand why her husband didn't seem to care anymore. Then she'd found out he'd been cheating on her the entire time. Angry and heartbroken, she thought she was through with love until she met her best friend's brothers. Now. That's such a common interaction. Now, how would she not have now? She's right in the middle of the sexiest situation of her life. After all, it's not just that the three hottest guys in the world are vying for

her attention, ellipsis, space and body. Just wait until she finds out they're all werewolves. Inside you, yeah, inside you there are three wolves. That was like a fairly obvious one, that's so hard. And apparently also those wolves are in the mafia. All right, all right. It's not like they would have other business interests. I mean, today is if it's the mafia, but. I like the idea of where mafia,

like they're normal until the full moon, but then chain tracks It's called werewolves tea They turn into wolves at the full moon shit, okay, okay, all right all right I think Milo's mic doesn't have to be fixed anymore because that's all I've got on my note for today But backyard comedy the home of Comedy Unleashed, thank you very much.

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