TRASHFUTURE - The Army of Dorkness ft. Jake Flores

Episode Date: January 22, 2018

It's the Trashfuture podcast comedy review! Join Riley (@Raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), and a RETURNING Charlie (@cfppalmer) are joined by Jake Flores (@feraljokes) to go through Breitbart London editor Raheem Kassam's page turner, No Go Zones: How Sharia Law Is Coming to a Neighborhood Near You. At one point, Riley's friend Johann (@Johann_C_C) - a recognised expert on the Deobandi movement - jumps in to lend a little factual weight to the jokes. Follow us on @trashfuturepod Love, riley xoxo

No, because the teenagers in Riley's local area are very dangerous. I'm surprised we were able to even gather in Muslim London, which tends to prohibit gatherings of guffars. Yeah, except for Fridays, when people can gather in the town square, but only in Virgil Bobbs and Sherlock Commissars. I would, of course, also like to point out that democratic lawmakers in the States today think this is germane to what we're talking about, have bravely refused to call Trump a racist.

That is brave. Also, good use of germane. My favorite liberal take is is definitely that just because you say racist things, act racistly, enable and promote a racist policy, both in your private life as a like, you know, hotel air and as president. Just because you do all those things doesn't make you a racist because in the liberal imagination, racists are only poor. They're only poor and they were overalls and they're in the movie deliverance.

Yeah, that's really true, man. Really, it's just an undefinable word. The word racist in America just has like no real concrete definition, you know, that's a really like the fun thing about Trump is he pushes stuff like that to such limits that, you know, it just leaves us all asking, well, then what does this fucking word even mean? You know, if being a crazy long Islander, you know, fascist president of the United States, white supremacist isn't racist, then, you know, what do we even, what do we even do with this word now?

I think how this works is that you're not a racist if there is anyone who is more racist than you, because you can go. I'm not a racist. He's a racist. It's like being the oldest man in the world. There's only one until that guy dies. The Daily Show solution to this problem, of course, is to say no, Trump's not a white supremacist.

He's an orange supremacist damn hot fire. Trump wants to make Essex the 51st state of America. Oh, shit, bringing it over to the UK. Yeah, I know this is some crossover shit and Essex again as well, like it's, you know, that's me. And I might, I might in fact alienating our American listeners. I'd say welcome to trash future. I am coming to you live from the studio in the Muslim no go zone of Tower Hamlets.

And who am I joined by? Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi Studios. Yo, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, turn that shit up in my headphones, dog. Can someone tell Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi to keep it down in the next room? You crazy for this one, Jalal. And from my left, who is with me? My name's Hussain Qizvani. I am the London representative of the Islamic State.

And I am holding all the women here hostage are also my wives. I'm Charlie Palmer and I ghost wrote Nigel Farage's introduction to Raheem Kassan's recent book Charlie Palmer, Charlie Palmer has been in attendance for all the episodes that we have recorded for the last couple of months. He just hasn't had much to say. Yeah, I've been ghost presenting as well. Charlie Palmer has been doing the sign language portion of the show. I've been busy researching for my role as trash futures offline correspondent.

And from the raging wildfires of California. Yeah, coming at you live from Silicon Valley, it's me, Milo Edwards. I came out here so I could finally take off my burqa and the cob. And I'm feeling very breezy. You can find me on Twitter at Milo underscore Edwards. And finally, our distinguished and honored guest. Hi, this is Jake Flores, a comedian from New York of come town fame, celebrating Martin Luther King Day by chopping on some tide pods with some local teens.

I heard I heard he would have been a conservative according to conservatives. Martin Luther King would have been a conservative. Martin Luther King would have been a gamer. I think when I actually think that the Martin Luther King gamer hypothesis is not covered enough by the mainstream media, I believe also that the I have a dream speech was actually the result of a heated gaming moment. Well, that's actually there's actually a lacuna in the text and really this speech was I have a dream.

Oh, man, Martin Luther Martin Luther King, Jr. Come on trash future. Yeah, maybe he's the zoom guy. He could be the zoo. Oh, yeah, Jake, I don't know if you know this. There's one there's one person who listens to our podcast on a zoom on a zoom, a Microsoft zoom. They're discontinued media player. Actually, you know that probably is it's probably Gorka because he has that

weird technology thing where he only uses Bing and shit. Have you ever seen him do that? He'll go on Twitter and he'll be like, look it up. Oh, my God. Oh, that that owns. I'm so glad that I know that. Hey, fancy lads, shall we start doing some of the contents?

I fight for libel purposes. I should state this right now. This is our comedy. This is our comedy show where we are going to do comedy based on Raheem Kasam, Breitbart, London editors, new book about Sharia, no go zones. And it is and that is comedy spelt. See you. We have all taken different sections of the book and read certain

amounts of them and we are going to be relaying to you our impressions. I mean, it's, I mean, it's probably important to like, you know, how well that where this all started, which was obviously like the Trump comments earlier this week about, was it earlier this week or last? I, the news cycle, I don't know when anything happened anymore. All I, all I read is like crunchy roll blocks. So at this point, like Trump could, like Trump could have said shithole like 10 days ago.

He could have been talking about Stormy Daniels as asshole. I have no idea. Yeah. So, you know, it started off with that comment about this idea, you know, about shitholes and everything. And then our boy friend of the show, Raheem Kasam, was on Sky News. So the basic premise of his book is that Muslims are ruining parts of, you know, parts of the great Western cities and he, the Hunter S.

Thompson of our time, decided to. Harvard S. Thompson. We'll go into that later. He decided to go into parts of these cities and find out why. So, so, so the cover shows, the cover shows the Statue of Liberty in a nick up and I mean, that's, that's really all you need to kind of say. It's designed for an American audience. It's designed for like, you know, the soccer moms who are scared of guys

called Hassan talking to their daughters. Yeah. So that's the audience that I think is like, you know, the intended audience, but he is the really polite fascists, right? Yeah. You know, like invading the Sudeten land in a priest. Just, just so we got some context, I did take down his definition of what a no go area is, which is the focus of the book.

He says, it's an area in which the likelihood of being attacked, accosted or otherwise abused on the basis of your appearance or the bigotry of locals is higher on average than elsewhere in the city or country in question. A no go zone may refer to an area in which police require authorization or acceptance from a religious figure or community leader before entering, or indeed where the rule of law has either broken down or been supplanted by a foreign set of rules. Milo, would you like to kick us off with the preface written by a guest star?

Yeah. The foreword written by a big night on a forager. So Nigel of Farage. I mean, the fact that he's not got a knighthood just demonstrates how corrupt the establishment is, isn't it? I'm just going to, I'm going to, I'm going to read you all some, some excerpts, big night just take on the book. It's he begins when Raheem told me he was writing this book on no go zones in the

Western world. My first reaction was, thank goodness, someone is doing this job. Wasn't aware it was a job. My second thought was, I hope he's careful. Yes. Well, my favorite bit though, I've got to find it now. Right. Yeah.

He starts, he starts, he like goes in the various bit about how great this is, like how like Malmo is apparently dangerous now, like Sweden. Sweden is dangerous now. Fine. And then he gets this bit where he says, Raheem has been careful not to portray as someone more alarmist might. These communities is marauding out of control groups and telling the decline of the West. In a lot of instances, in fact, the people who find themselves ghettoized and demonized

from all sides are victims themselves of their community leaders and actors who want to drive a wedge between migrant communities and native populations. Okay. So that is Nigel Farage, a man who's built his entire career on trying to get immigrants out of the UK and is writing a preface to a book about how Muslims will murder you. And he's talking about how it's a shame that there are actors who want to drive a wedge between migrant communities and native populations. I mean, construct your own joke out of that one.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to do the legwork for you. My final, my final favorite bit is like, when you, when he gets close to realizing that the premise of the book is complete bullshit, but pulls back at the last minute, there will of course be plenty of critics of this book. They'll be, they'll ask questions like, if these places are really no go, how come you're able to go now? The answer should of course be obvious. I think the answer is quite obvious if you read the text.

Raheem timed his visits carefully, didn't seek to antagonize locals with video cameras, and in some cases already ported by news organizations across the board, managed to luckily avoid mass incidents of violence and rioting by a matter of hours. That's quite a long time. In short, we're like, oh man, I avoided that car accident by a matter of hours. In short, it's like, it's like when terror attacks happen in guys on Twitter are like, oh, I went to Oxford Street like three days ago, that could have been me. It gets even better.

It's like, in short, it was due to the studiousness of his approach that he managed to fairly document his experience and put together a piece of work that will stand the test of time, both academically and from a philosophical perspective. And I'm just imagining Raheem Kasam, like preparing to go into like Whitechapel High Street, like reading like a sort of phrase book, like, so you're traveling to ISIS. And like walking down there and he encounters the first man is just some like bearded hipster, and he's like flipping through the pages frantically. Salam, alaykum, I am a Muslim.

Also, like, I'm, I isn't like Raheem Kasam, like South Asian, but like ethnically. So, like, so if he goes to Whitechapel, he looks like most other people in Whitechapel. Like, how would they like, do people like run up to him, Whitechapel and be like, tell me what Hadith 34 is. We need to check. Well, you know, as, as someone who like comes from the same ethnic lineage as him and like for people who are new to the show or listen to one like follow for one of the other hosts, like, all you need to do is type in my name into Google and there'll be like the whole

story will be there. But the short story being that I convinced a bunch of people that Raheem Kasam was my cousin. There are a lot of people who still believe that he is, you know, he's definitely not mad about that. And you should definitely continue to, you should definitely continue to portray that. He comes from a South Asian African Indian background. So, same similar lineage to me. We tend to be more like the more affluent like, you know, immigrant communities in the UK.

We talk with posh accents because our parents sent us to posh English schools. And the reason why he sent us to posh English schools was so that we could get away from the Pakistanis. So bear that in mind when you're kind of, you know, you know, bear that in mind when you're kind of reading this stuff. So, yeah, like I think to answer your question, if he went down to Whitechapel Market, I don't think a lot of people would kind of see him as out of place, not because he's Asian, but just because I imagine that not a lot of people really know who he is.

My favorite bit, Milo, did you see Milo, did you see the bit in the introduction about you know, about the fate that has befallen the pioneers of the subject matter of no-go zones? Which is, and I quote, the pioneers of the subject matter in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, quoting here, have all ended up either dead with prison sentences, with fines for thought crimes, or had their lives reduced to skulking around public areas with their hats pulled low and their gazes averted. Nigel Farage, don't sign your tweets, which I think is... But isn't that, isn't that literally how Raheem Kasam wrote this book?

I was just thinking, isn't that what they all just did anyway? I mean, look, whenever I, I mean, I, whenever I walk around in public, I always like rock my boot cut jeans and low riding like cat. Nigel Farage also left out his own fate, which was like standing, watching the Queen's speech on a tiny TV on Christmas Day all alone, drinking a pint of warm beer. He's not, he's not allowed to go outside. Sadiq Khan has told him that he's not allowed to go outside otherwise. He's like, you know, he's talking about how he like feels it's like a difficult task for Raheem, and he says, but as a professional colleague, I was also concerned at the scale of the task.

And it's like a professional colleague in what? Like Raheem Kasam is like a reactionary journalist and, you know, Nigel Farage is like a failed politician. So they're not colleagues. They don't work in the same sphere other than the sphere of like not liking the Muslims. That's not a job. It's his definition of a professional colleague, just anyone who has a job. They're professional failures. They're millennials failing their way to success. Big, big night is the spiritual millennial. He's the Dan Ninen of the UK. Tell you 100% clean politician. My mother was born in Staffordshire and my father was born in Lincolnshire. So I get my sushi nowhere. Get out immigrants who are our resident chapter one

expert. Well, so the reason that I've been a bit quiet for the last minute is that I've become aware that actually what I was reading was mainly the introduction. So what I'm doing is I have been trying to read chapter one while you guys have been talking for the last two minutes. So I found a fun phrase, which is Bangladeshi style electoral corruption, which is actually the most fashionable style of electoral corruption on the circuit at the moment. So that was just a thing that I enjoyed. Take a step back. And this just sounds like a sort of almost like a rhyme of the ancient Mariner like sort of couple of sentences here, like a great adventurer recounting his travels. I quote, I have I have traveled to Mollenbeek. I have spent extensive amounts of time

in Tower Hamlets. I have dispatched colleagues to Malmo and Rosengard. And I have interviewed filmmakers and journalists who have been to other such areas across Europe. You have my sword. He's taking the hobbits to Rosengard. The rest of it is the rest of it stat. He's reeled out that one stat. Do you remember the 20% of Muslims supported terror attacks? Do you remember that stat that got reported in the cell? Yeah, me and my mates. I think that the the one the one paragraph I think in chapter one that I really sort of is the one to pull out is that Raheem says a commonly heard trope from the left, especially on the issue of climate change is that quote, the science has settled. And despite the science being settled on the question of whether no go zones exist,

there is still a reluctance born perhaps out of an unholy alliance of misplaced tolerance, philosophical vacuousness and perceived electoral advantages to tackle the issue head on. So basically, he's saying that the European left has largely like engineered bits of their country to be no go zones because they have a combination of a hatred of white people and a thirst for power, which explains the Democrats ruthless electoral strategy in 2016 and the love of rainforests. Let's create some Sharia compliant zones so we can sustain the rainforest. He's also heavily implying that the problem with the world is there are too many electoral advantages to not singling out Muslims. There could be a science of no go zones, like as though there's like there could

be a science of like how much of a pussy you are because that's all that really defines a no go zone, isn't it? It's just like how like bungee jumping is a no go zone for some people, but not for others like it's the same way like whitechapel if you're like a fucking timorous dweeb, it's a no go zone, but if you're like a normal person, it's just like a street. The only science of no go zones is like is the velocity change when you cross a street to avoid a guy with a tan. Also fun coincidence, Timorous dweeb is my rap name. You got any more or shall we move on to it? No, I think we're done. All right. England is my city. All right. All right, Nick Crompton. England was my city until it was made into a no go zone by Sharia. Now I have to live in the team

10 house and get like dawned by Jake Paul every day. For me, the team 10 house is a no go zone because you're harassed constantly by pranks really just like everyday life and you know in in all of London's masks. I mean, actually, I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to leave a fun fact until later on. But basically, Raheem's chapter on Britain focuses on a few areas around the country focuses on a bit of Birmingham, a bit of Yorkshire, where there are like, like with this place where they're like out of a population of 4000, like 40 white families are left and all the pubs are closed. Which is if you have a population that doesn't drink, why would there be pubs? Like no one loves crisps that much. Fuck off, mate.

And it's an onion. I actually crisps are a 400% mark. So I'm going to I'm going to start off a paragraph by really sort of I think illustrating the nature of the threat that that Raheem is trying to illustrate here. It's no wonder why this name is notorious. Sheik Munshi is the grandfather of one of Britain's youngest terrorists, Hamad Munshi. At 16, Hamad Munshi was arrested and later found guilty of using the internet to circulate material, including, you know, blah, blah, blah, how to make weapons, and also trying to figure out how to smuggle a sword through airport security. We are facing a threat of unprecedented scale from radicalized sword swallowers around the world. Radicalized sword swallowers sounds like how an elderly British army colonel would

describe like gay rights actors. So this is so but I think this next quotation really sort of shows how he's trying to paint the people who live in Britain. And also that I think he thinks different kinds of Muslims are like Pokemon. While not all deobandis are tablihis, all tablihis are deobandi. S. A. T. Questions with Raheem Kasam and these are people who with their isolationist and segregationist mindsets have gained access to the largest number of mosques in Britain, earning themselves the name the army of darkness along the way. Awesome. That's so cool. Can I join? It ultimately shows me like segregation mindset works also because we we are all stupid. I am actually going to take this opportunity, dear listener, to leave an edit point in here

where I'm going to actually speak to one of my friends who's one of the world's leading scholars in the deobandi movement. So he can tell us what it actually is. And if the epithet army of darkness is at all earned, smart, smart, smart, spoiler alert, it probably won't be. Johann Chaco, thank you very much for coming on the show. Now, would you consider yourself an expert on the deobandi movement? I would never say that, except to the foreign and Commonwealth office, the BBC, DFID, and a few other people. Oh, yes. And my PhD committee. Yes, those people. So can you just give us a little bit of background on the deobandis? Who are they and where they come from and all that? The shortest way of describing it is that it's a Sunni revivalist sect that emerged

in South Asia in the aftermath of the collapse of the Mughal Empire, following the the First Indian War of Independence or the Great Mutiny, whatever you want to call it, in 1857, when Hindus and Muslims alike banded together to try to overthrow the rule of the British East India Company. They lost quite badly, in fact. And the colonial government in many ways went particularly heavily after organized Islam. The thing that was very successful about them is that they produced a version and approached Islam that focused on preserving the essentials in a world where in circumstances that were radically different from the past. In other words, where you were Muslims who were no longer ruled by Muslims, where you had to figure out a way to

preserve your culture and identity in a secular world. I think it's not surprising that the deobandi response to colonial rule actually translates very well into England. I mean, you might say that the deobandis have 200 years of experience of living with patterns of British government. What exactly do you mean by that? The British style of government following the acts of toleration, etc., etc., where it decided to gradually remove itself from the business of policing religion. Now, what Rahim is freaked out about is the fact that that can result in the creation of parallel societies, insular communities that essentially regulate themselves. And that doesn't sit well with his sort of universalism, which demands that

everyone participates in together in the same society. So we all speak the same language, we all hold the same values. But the problem is that that kind of relentless uniformities is actually what the most radical forms of Islam are aiming for. Problem is that maybe he isn't confident enough that Britain is largely a free society. People will make their own choices. And we should really trust people to know what their own best interests are and act accordingly. So in a sense, Rahim's kind of right that there is sort of a parallel society thing going on. I think the problem is that there's a lot of stuff in there that isn't factually off the mark. But it's how he, it's his starting point. His starting point is a position of profound

discomfort with A, Islam, and B, the idea that nations are no longer single unitary bodies where everyone shares the same faith and everyone shows exactly the same beliefs. I think, unfortunately, many of the people who would nod affirmingly at this, this, this, this fear of parallel underground Muslim societies in Britain would be horrified to see that somebody, you know, living an independent, integrated life on Great British Bake Off wearing a hijab. So it puts, it puts Muslims who have some connection to their identity and culture in a knowing situation. They're bad if they don't participate, but they're bad if they participate while maintaining ties to their own culture. I mean, it leaves people feeling that the only

terms under which they can participate is one where they have suitably whitened themselves. So would it be fair to conclude that Rahim Qassam is the world's stupidest hobbit? Yoan, thanks a lot for coming on and clearing this up for us. In trying to convince us that, you know, Muslims are basically Koopa Troopas, that he does another number of things to kind of shock us. He says, for example, residents in Saviltown, this unfortunately named bit of Yorkshire where that's like mostly Muslim now, they scarcely watch British television. Was it named after him? Probably not, but I'd like to emphasize he says they scarcely watch British television and that's terrifying. Well,

yeah, they've all got to watch HBO. Yeah, so they're not, you know, they're not integrating Muslims are watching Hulu. They're not integrating into the culture by like watching Big Brother or Love Island. What I'm saying, you know, so when the volunteer border guards come into force, I imagine like the questions to get through the border will be along the lines of like apprentice trivia, like Dragon's Den quote, that you have to like correctly identify all the dragons on Dragon's Den fully qualifies which is Anton, which is deck. You know what? I made it. I actually fucked that one up yesterday. Amazing. I found this way out. I found this really like amazing picture of like and but I thought it was deck. So I got

ratioed for like 10 minutes with everyone was going that and you idiot and stuff like that. Oh no, I've got. Yeah, I've got so I got a couple more categories to get through. Number one, his team's main source for his discussion of how Yorkshire is slowly becoming a caliphate is this like citizen journalist who wrote a book on like the creeping Islamization of Yorkshire hell yeah and I've got some quotes from this guy. There are no pubs left. Well, there's a pub down by the canal. He explains and he adds, but that's kind of on the periphery of a semi industrial area. Anyway, you'd never walk there. You'd get a taxier. You'd drive. You'd not walk, but with all the rest of the shops gone. The only store there is in Asian

grocers, which I still go to. If I'm driving up Thornhill, which I do frequently, I'll stop. I'll stop off at Malacos and pick up some king prawns and fresh fruit and veg because it's half the price that I can get anywhere else. This sounds like a mediocre sportsman's autobiography. This is definitely a guy with all of his mental faculties. This is a guy who like does like a digression into his grocery list and it made it into the book on why like the west is going to fall. All it goes to show is that like you know if you've got enough tape run with it like what was cut. This is where I get my pants, but this this guy this guy is brilliant. I just want I want to run through a couple more things about him. Muslims in Yorkshire. Don't talk soft.

He then goes a mob of a hundred and fifty local youths pursued this one guy and he locked himself in the toilet in Greg's a chain bakers until the police arrived and then the police came and rescued him. So he thinks like a platoon sized group of Muslim youths with like baseball bats all chase this guy down the street like a 70s French farce. It wouldn't be baseball bats. It'd be like cricket bats. He says baseball bats to be fair. I to be fair. I've actually once locked myself in the toilet in Greg's until the police arrive, but that's because I got accused of stealing sausages. That's the main issue there. Did you steal the sausages? I did steal the sauce. I'm a sausage burger. Raheem Raheem anybody who refers to people as youths is going to say

something racist right after that. I'd like to conclude this thing on this journalist Lockwood. This guy's name could be Britain's quote unquote wizard on these issues. If the establishment would only listen to him. Same. This is what I say. Whatever like I have good anime opinions. It's like sir, I could be a mage, but you just won't let me have a column. It's actually on my business. Mr. Cars Charlie Palmer issue wizard. I'm going to go into one more thing and then I'm and sausage. Those two I'm going to go into one more thing about Britain because this is just fun before I hand off to Jake to talk about Merica. But he also says that Tower Hamlets is a no go zone where no white people live or really can go or integrate without, you know,

getting problems, especially the areas around Commercial Road and Cable Street. Ah, yes, but very famous white free zone. Yes, I'm shocked because I lived there for two years. Yeah, me too. I mean, we're recording in a studio in Tower Hamlets right now. So it's probably best surprise motherfuckers. Yeah. I mean, in one section of the book, he says that all the street signs are in Urdu, right? Yeah, which is like it's just to clarify to Jake. Raheem complains that the street sign for brick Lane is in English and or do because the community is mixed. But like that would be essentially like you would care about that as much as if someone like also had a supplementary sign for like Times Square in French. No one

gives a fuck about brick Lane. Everyone hates it. It's not even that. It's like number one, like the street signs are in Bengali. So like for a South Asian guy who like identifies himself as like a South Asian ex-Muslim Muslim writer to like not like see basic, you know, because the language is written differently, right? So like that's like a bullshit factual error in itself. And like no one's picked up because, you know, again, the demographic of people who are going to read this aren't really going to notice also because the people who do hate it are kind of busy picking out the other stuff. Yeah. And also it's like that's brick Lane Street is like it's not because the Bengalis live there. It's because there are curry houses and the curry houses have

been there for decades, right? They all suck though. So it's kind of yes, they do. That's for a separate discussion. They do. They do all suck in one of them sucks more than the rest. But we can't say stuff. We can't like be specific on this show. But it's like saying Chinatown, which is also just a stone's throw away from brick Lane is being kind of Asianified because the street signs are in like Mandarin in Cantonese. Yeah. It's utterly ludicrous. So, you know, on a basic factual level, that's like dumb and like dumb and ridiculous. But also just like this idea is like, you know, it was one dominant, you know, there was one thing and it was like one dominant thing. And that was not British. It's like, yeah, you have like Jewish

bakeries, Bengali curry houses, Indian curry houses, flats for their own like, like millionaire Chinese investors. And the people who live in those flats are all white people who live in the fucking city, dude. Or like Asians who are like the same as me and him, which are like uppity, you know, uppity Asians who go like work at, you know, JP Morgan. Exactly. So yeah, lots of cultures which I think a good thought experiment about Tower Hamlets would be if I said to you, I saw a bunch of women getting stoned on the street in Tower Hamlets. Are you now thinking of an Isis style execution? No, no, we're not. I'll conclude. There's so much here. I've had to only have bits and pieces. Raheem concludes the left's long march through Britain's institutions,

stripping away conservatism and Christian morals. Because, you know, the Britain is basically a socialist paradise. Yeah, where are those? Where are those conservatives now has left these people with nothing to guide them? He's talking about the youth, no flag to rally around. In many cases, quite literally, it is extremely rare to come across a British flag, even on government built in. No one is talking about this as opposed to the monopoly old glory has in many towns and cities in the United States. When they come for your flag, they're coming for your identity. When they kill your identity, evil and presumably curry houses flourish. Who has come for the flag? I like to think there's a team. It's it's probably done probably outsourced to Carillion. I agree.

I mean, I agree with him, and which is why I'm really offended about the police like keep taking my Isis flag. Yeah, got it. Yeah, very expensive, man. Oh man. So that is the the British chapter. Oh, and it before I before I hand off to Jake, I want to make one last point, which is that the intrepid citizen journalist in Yorkshire admits that he had trouble with like a local community leader called Terry Zaman, who he refers to as a mob, the local Muslim mafia Godfather, who I actually did some research on and who was most famous for being like a landlord to an MP in an expenses scandal and also who bought a public toilet in two thousand five for one hundred twelve thousand pounds. This man is an evil genius. They're destroying the West. Yeah,

I have strange respect for this man. Look, all I'm saying is that if you really want to force people to convert to Islam, like the best way of doing it is when they desperately need to go take a dump and you can just like say you give a shit your pants or you can convert. Yeah. Yeah, say it. Say a Shahada. You can come and use all the toilets you want. Segregation is mindset, bro. When they come to your toilets, our Yorkshire citizen journalists like really needing a shit in the centre of some town in Yorkshire and sprinting to the to the public toilet that him and his his white progenitors have used since the dawn of time and finds it locked and then turns around to see Terry look at him and going, where is your God? Changing the coin dispensers

so that he only accepts dinars. It only you have to do is a cat. You could only pay in the cat. Um, Jake, you want to take over and take us on a tour through sunny America? The chapter that I chose chapter eight is called from Detroit comma with call to prayer. I don't know why he named all these chapters like their James Bond movies, but that's fun. This book has a sort of cute quality to it and it's nationalism that I didn't expect. Hypothesis. Raheem Kassam really thinks he's James Bond infiltrating these like an episode of like the daily show, like he's on a little reporting adventure kind of thing or like a local high school newspaper, you know, venture out to investigate this thing. He's

decided exists called no go zones, right? Um, but, uh, it takes a really deep dive. One sentence in the first sentence of this chapter is Detroit is hell. As Raheem Kassam pronounces it, Detroit is hell with significant parts of it. Anyway, while businesses and, or whoa, I'm sorry, while business and investment have returned to the city and to the state of Michigan, vast no go zones of another kind are spawning in the Detroit adjacent cities and suburbs of Dearborn and get this, this place is called ham tram. Um, that's H-A-M-T-R-A-M-C-K. That's a world and a place in Detroit, um, or in Michigan, rather, um, they could also might be a sandwich that Michael more invented. Um,

um, since, since November 2015, the latter has boasted the first Muslim majority controlled city council in the United States. So you could see why he decided to include Detroit as a chapter, because this is something that'll make, um, you know, racist soccer moms, little ears perk up. Oh my God, there's a Muslim majority controlled city council. Um, for anyone concerned about the issues stemming from Islam in America dash. So probably every one of you who bought this book, he put it like a little aside there, a closer look into the state of ham tramp is essential. Perhaps the best reason to visit ham tramp is well, I think we all know. That and the food. So he takes this weird, I think I love about bad writers is that they,

they feel the need to just turn into like George R or Martin every once in a while and start describing food. It's really bizarre. Um, so he's going to go into this chapter where he, into this part of this chapter where he interviews this, uh, woman he made up named Ruth, who's terrified of all the mosques being built, but he starts by breaking down, um, basically two different other immigrant communities that exist in Detroit. Um, one of them being, uh, Polish from, you know, way, way back in the early days of Detroit. And the other one being a group called the called Dan's who are Christians from Iraq. Um, and so he goes into this whole thing where he, he talks to some called Dan's and he says, like, wow, you've done such a good job, uh,

assimilating here. You know, why isn't, uh, why aren't your other people that look like you, you know, assimilating and be in the answers. Like, well, these call Dan's are Christians and the other ones are Muslim. So what do you expect? You know, he's just sort of like a butthurt that they're not becoming Muslims, but is, is this how he hits on them in bars? Wow. You're doing such a good job of assimilating here. Um, but it goes on to talk about how magnificently the Polish communities have, uh, assimilated into America. And then he goes on and on about how he ate a pile of pierogies and he guzzled down a Polish beer and tell us all about his dinner for no reason. Well, isn't it just because the Polish community is really easy to

trick? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's his book turning into season two of the wire. Yeah. They invented these doors that you can walk through backwards to convince people you're leaving the room or entering that joke goes. Um, but, uh, the thing is about this that stuck out to me is that, um, I live in Brooklyn and, uh, there's a neighborhood in Brooklyn called Greenpoint that's very Polish. And there's a train stop that you get out of sometimes and you have to take a pistol bed, right? So there's this one Polish bar across the street from this train stop. You go into this bar and, uh, there's this woman in there that is very, very insistent that you have to fucking buy something or else you can't use the restroom and she's extremely Polish and

she's always smoking, even though it's illegal to smoke inside. And she's 600 fucking years old. And she's, I don't think she's aware that she's in America. That's how unassimilated she is, right? So for this guy to tell me that Polish people are somehow this standard for like, um, you know, uh, getting rid of your old world community and becoming Americans. It's a, you know, it's a fucking bullshit. Um, they have a little, little communities, just like everyone else does. The only reason he hates the, uh, you know, the, the Muslims coming to Detroit is because they're Muslims and they want to start mosques and shit, right? It's pretty obvious to anyone. And also because Detroit used to be so nice before, right? So it's very upsetting to see

Detroit, which used to be brilliant and fine and not a bad place at all. Suddenly become, you know, bad. It's not like Detroit is, you know, poor and rough and whatever, because it was basically plundered by a series of companies that just kept on yanking the carpet out from it every time it tried to invest in its own industry or infrastructure, nothing like that. No failed auto bail out. I mean, their main reference point for Detroit is always like eight mile, right? Yeah. Well, that was all before Robo cop. And now it's great. But he goes on to talk about the called Dan's and that, um, you know, there's these model immigrants because, you know, they just happen to be Christians and they move to, uh, to Detroit

and they assimilate. Um, and he says they, um, they, they're these model citizens because they start private businesses and their income, you know, they're entrepreneurs. They're, they have this entrepreneurial spirit. They drive fancy sports cars and operate, uh, corner stores and, uh, supermarkets, which one of those things is not like the other. I mean, he's just describing people who run corner stores, which is fine. But, um, I don't know if it's like the, you know, this American dream he's trying to make it out to be. Um, anyway, he goes around meddling around the call day ends in the, the, I love being a, I love being a really normal Hobbit who walks around like measuring the nose width of Calda hands in Detroit. Yeah. The whole

thing has this air. Like he's trying to reignite the, the whole like sectarian conflict within Iraq all over again in Detroit, which he's decided is both hell and a great place at the same time for some reason. So, you know, good for him. Um, I, I, there's something, I think it's the like ancient Greek, he named that the Caldeans have. Yeah. It gives this whole thing a really biblical quality and load and load. Did Raheem go to the city of Detroit to pay a visit onto the Caldean? Raheem Kassam's first letter to the Caldean. I love you guys so much. You're great. Can I come in, measure you so I can try to get some specs for the ideal immigrant? Raheem's second letter to the Caldeans. Hey guys, just checking you got my first letter. He goes on

to the meat of this chapter, which is, um, this woman named Ruth that he made up that is like extremely, you know, worried about the, uh, the incoming, um, roof is real. She just lives in a different city. You've never seen her. Yeah. It's just a girlfriend from Canada because it's great because he's, he leans into this whole thing because what's happening is she lives next door to a strip mall that some people bought, um, like a little space in and then decided, um, they wanted to turn it into a school and then a mosque. So he keeps trying to identify this scam in which you, you buy, you know, a property as one thing and then like switch it to a mosque, the old, you know, mosque scam or whatever. Basically what it boils down to is she starts

rambling about how the, the mosque that went up at the end of her neighborhood next to her house, um, has this like gate way. They're like a fence, right? And they knocked down part of the fence so that people could park on the neighborhood street and then walk to the mosque. So she's describing in, you know, fear and ire like this list. This is, let me boil this down for you, for you brits. This is a good old fashioned like hillbilly white trash side yard dispute. This has nothing to do with theology or anything. They're just talking about a place she wants to put an above ground pool or a fucking trampoline or something. Nothing to do with what even the guy's interviewing her about. It's fucking great. She goes on for like two pages about it. Um, and

then ices took my pool. I'm worried that ISIS is going to steal the car I have up on blocks in my front yard. Yeah. Yeah. His girl Ruth sort of finishes us out here. I'll read from the book. Ruth gave me an overview of the changes she's noticed in the area. Quote, it started in 2014 and it just finished up last year. 2016 in parentheses. Ruth explained, she continued, everybody just rolled over the neighborhood on the commercial side is extremely busy. There's lots of cars and extreme amount of cars. They just park everywhere. Um, one of the strip malls across the street went completely empty. Everybody moved out. She's not far off. She's talking about the supposed effect that's

had our neighborhood, right? Because, um, some business is closed and this big supermarket opened nearly everybody moved out of that area a long time ago. What stands there now is the Hara Halal food mart and a bunch of empty storefronts. While the food mart is broadly reviewed as a great place to pick up halal food, one Google reviewer by the name of Hasna Begum said in 2016, nothing is labeled ever. It's like walking through a maze. The employees don't know English. They just expect everyone to know Bangla and there are always a bunch of random dudes standing there just watching or ever moved and you can only use a credit card if your total is over $10. That's called a $10 minimum. That's Ruth again mentioned the exodus from the area. Everybody's

moving out. They're just vacating. She said adding from nine and a half mile to 12 mile. We've got all these mosques. She continued. We took a petition out for 250 of us in the neighborhood. Went down one week. We took our petition up the street. The neighbors were telling us that behind us came the welcoming Michigan slash America group, which is a group that according to the author is funded by George Soros and Black Lives Matter. That classic institutional investor alliance. And now time for a note from our sponsors. I thought it was really interesting actually when the competition commission allowed Black Lives Matter to buy out George Soros. I thought they'd have blocked that merger. When you're a limited company and you get merch, you can do anything.

Actually, guys, 50% of the universe is made out of Black Lives Matter. So what you're saying essentially is that George Soros and Black Lives Matter are making it difficult to make a salad in some parts of Detroit. Yeah, it's basically the allegations and his obstructions to my ability to get fresh asparagus. George Soros and his goons have tried to block my above ground pool for the last time. I'm going to tell a British guy about it in a book. Is this in Ham Frank again? He saw us now in his volcano layer watching on a massive screen as a housewife in Detroit is disturbed from making her chicken Caesar by the call to prayer going by bland. It's almost complete. If this is in Ham Frank, if we implying that George Soros is in the pocket of

Big Ham. So that's pretty much it for that chapter. After that, he just sort of like starts meandering about Teddy Roosevelt. He starts quoting Teddy Roosevelt's views on immigrants, which, you know, that's a pretty far back poll. If you're looking for a president to quote on this. Yeah, that's the coolest, youngest president, Teddy Roosevelt. I always actually go to Calvin Coolidge for quotes about Twitter. Yeah, I think meanwhile, Teddy Roosevelt's wearing a fucking Mr. Burns gorilla vest and shooting fucking everyone into sight. All these quotes from Teddy Roosevelt are about how people should learn to speak English if they want to come to this country. Does anyone know if Teddy Roosevelt spoke any other languages? I mean, I'm not entirely sure,

but I know he wanted the kids off his lawn. So that's it for Detroit. Yeah, that's that's pretty much what I got here. This guy's a fucking idiot and I'm glad you brought him into my life. Any time there's one sort of quote on the from America with radical Islam chapter. He opens that by saying, according, Anjum Chowdhury, I believe I believe Sharia is the best way of life. I believe one day it will come to America and the rest of the world. That's Anjum Chowdhury. Radical Imam speaking on Fox News with Sean Hannity, which is essentially like him trying to like drum up fear by quoting like Anjum Chowdhury about to like hit John Cena with a flying elbow off the top rope. Well, I mean, like, you know, I'm just a bit of a joke around here,

but like in the US, he's kind of got some more currency, right? You know, people. So he was like he was this kind of guy in East London who pretended he was like a like an Islamic scholar. He wasn't he was just like a failed he was like a failed lawyer, failed like medical student who just decided to kind of like parade as like he read he read the Jay Shetty guide to success where you have to fail forward. Is he is he a large adult fail son? Yeah, he's a large adult fail son with a pension. What's his name? I think I might know this guy Anjum Chowdhury. He's like, you know, he had a pension for like luxurious cappuccinos every time someone went to interview him. And I interviewed him like a few years ago. And the reason why he would accept

any interview, but the condition would be was be like you'd either have to buy him a meal, or you'd have to buy him like a real luxury cappuccino. Oh, God, he's like the British John Kasich. So like he knew how to he knew how to fuck around and like, you know, he's a fail son who failed upwards like so so so folks my fellow liberal elitists. We I guess we've all like been convinced that London and the UK and basically all of Western society. So the Muslims are about to take over. You have to roll two dice to decide what what happens next. I don't bring my dice. They're four of gambling. They're prohibited under Sharia. Oh, yes, of course. Thanks to Dick. Okay, so use fireball. It was ineffective. Sorry, I mean drone drone.

You just bombed a Yemeni wedding. Oh, it's super effective. So as we get to the end of the book, this is like, you know, Raheem giving his policy prescription, you know, he's like pulling no he's taking no shit here. He's seen the West. He's seen it about to crumble, but he is the man in his bootcut jeans, staring into the horizon. He's going to save the West. So he goes, I'll keep this brief. At the start of this project, I hope my investigation into no go zones would be fruitless. Like so he, you know, wasting all your time writing a book, like,

so you don't publish it. Okay, fair enough. Honestly, I could have traveled for another six six months presented another 600 pages to my editors from riots to language barriers to massive deprivation to voter fraud to extremism to terror links to authorities who can no longer enter certain areas. It would be incredibly naive and dishonest for me to pretend that there are not serious problems stemming from these areas. So he sort of goes on like, you know, talks about like little Poland again in Detroit. So he says, he says like, you know, these no go zones are not the same as little Poland in Detroit or little Italy in New York. They are close communities of immigrants that are not interested in integrating into cultures

they migrate to when the Polish immigrants dominate hand and trunk. The city streets were not filled with a call to prayer at Catholic altars. So why, so why am I now called five times a day of a call to pray at many of the new mosques scattered across the city despite complaints? There is no call to prayer and Catholicism. The answer lies in the key difference between the latest wave of migrants to this city and their predecessors Islam. So, you know, as he's staring force feeding people communion on the streets of Detroit or in the Muslims. So, you know, he sort of like, you know, kind of rambles on a bit more. I'm just trying to find where his policy thing is.

Like it's not even like sat out in an organized way, which is sort of annoying. It's in the last chapter, not the epilogue. That's why. Oh, is it is in the last chapter? Hold on. It's because his policy prescription is basically just like, you know, the police have to stop being afraid of being seen as racist. Yeah, we don't even need we don't even need to go to look at it because really there's only like a couple of things that he says, right? So he kind of gives a spiel about like, you know, being proud to stand up for like Western cultures, you know, hit on your go hit on your son's girlfriend, do all the things that, you know, British real British men do. Then, you know,

I think the thing that, you know, I guess Lee is the most practical. I don't want to say like useful, but like the most practical thing he he kind of suggests is that the police and the authorities should stop being scared. Even police famous famous institution that is frightful of darker skinned. What was it? Timorous nerds. Timorous dweebs. Timorous dweebs. The police. The police famously afraid of things. So yeah, so he bait. I mean, that's kind of his, you know, you know, he doesn't really offer any like policy subscription. So he wants to encourage integration. And he says, to that end, we need to address the problem created by giant satellite to provide television in foreign languages to

residents of no coast. These satellites enable a language barrier to grow between natives and immigrants, which prevents integration. So, you know, that's one way integrate migrants by forcing them to watch dragons down old man's satellite dishes. It was you alone. Oh man, I forgot to mention that in the Detroit chapter. One of the first things he notices is these drives through this neighborhood and their satellite dishes all over like the sides of the houses and shit. He's like, clearly this has some sort of something to do with, you know, transmitting certain language only television or information or something. He just has no idea. He's just in a shitty neighborhood. That's all that means. They don't get cable there. The Muslims are

communicating with their mood base. No, no, what happened is Rahim Kassam saw a golden eye and then got really frightened. You know, you know, forcing all forcing all immigrants to like watch Rick and Morty. Oh, yeah, then then they can be. Then they'll become smarter than like the native population. Yeah, we can't let them access Rick and Morty. They'll take over. So in Britain, we're going to force all newcomers to watch every episode of Mrs. Brown's boys. Yeah, um, what's it? What's he made such one? So it's halal. It's not fair. What's it? What's the equivalent in the U. S. Well, like a really shitty kind of big bang theory, right? Yeah, I guess I went there. Big bang theory. Yeah, it's like these guys are these guys aren't like I love

that when people actually integrate into Western culture, they always leave a few seconds of silence after they say a zinger to give the audience a chance to react to be fair. If I had just moved to America and I was forced to watch every episode of big bang theory, I would devote the rest of my life to eradicating every trace of white culture. You would join ISIS. I would. I mean, if you know, that's the theory, you know, when I first immigrated to Britain from Hamtrank, I decided to integrate like all good Indian immigrants do by watching copious amounts of anime. So now whenever someone says, Hey, Hussain, how are you doing? I always respond with young boy. Oh, shit, what's the thing? Rise young boys, the heavens as a

legend. Rise young, rise young boy become a legend. The cruel angels thesis, peace be upon him. And then the rest of time is just like, Oh, yeah, got to just everything. So yeah, I mean, really, he's just he's just he's just describing white flight. Really? Yeah. Well, if you kind of read like other sections of his book, he basically, you know, he's he kind of comes back to his point of like, everywhere I went, I didn't see any white faces or any of these like monikers kind of like white identity, whether they be like pubs or like, I don't know. I don't know what else he would like really describe as right? Yeah, we just find I mean, if you pubs and Priests is the double P. Yeah, I mean, if you want to make an argument

like that, then like fine, this is another like trash feature smart moment. If you want to make an argument fine, but like the argument is sort of really devoid of any sort of intellectual basis, right? Like it's really devoid of like, you know, the decaying like the decaying effects of urbanization and gentrification. How that fucks up like poor white people as well as poor ethnic minorities and how just in the spaces that he's been to the majority of those people from ethnic minorities tend to be from like Muslim backgrounds. Considering that Islam is like the second largest, like second largest religion in the world, like that's not uncommon, right? Yeah. When like, you know, more than, you know, more than like a quarter of the world,

like identify as Muslim and outside of the West, like are much more religious than they are in the West. Like that's not an uncommon finding. So to kind of present it as being like this invasion is like sort of dumb. Yeah, it's basically it's basically like his whole book. If you replaced like radical preaching with rap music and Muslim kids with black kids would just be a hectoring lecture about how you have to pull up your damn pants. You have to you have to pull up your boot cut jeans. You're supposed you're supposed to ride them low because how else would you mush to corn? Yeah, but like that's really just what Raheem is doing. He is he is stigmatizing a poor community by sort of internalizing their segregation in their own choices and their own

culture that which is utterly nonsense and totally ignoring any element of history, any element of sort of, you might say, material conditions. And he's saying that the solution is a more racist and militarized police force. It's it's it's completely he kind of portrays these arguments as being like very radical, right? So like his whole persona is that like, oh, you know, I came from a Muslim background, but I transcended it. And, you know, I kind of threw away all like the aggressiveness. You know, so now I'm kind of this enlightened, bright, bright writer, you know, who, you know, call about, you know, whatever you want to whenever you want to refer to that as but like in reality, like these are arguments that like every middle class South Asian family like,

like, at least they have like at least one uncle who says these things, but always have this, you know, they always have like the one uncle who you see a couple of times a year who will complain about like, you know, the other Muslims, you know, the poor Muslims, but the other Muslims are making us look bad. You know, they're the ones who are like, you know, taking over the city and making it look shit and everything. Like, when you understand, when you understand, like, this isn't an uncommon statement, even from immigrant communities, like what he says is like really quite boring, right? And I think he's playing on this idea that like, you know, his readers who will mostly be like, you know,

mostly be like soccer mums and like other other like middle-aged white people won't kind of think, you know, they won't think that like immigrant communities who become well to do and rise up in like rise up in the middle class don't have these exact same opinions. So when I read it, I was like, well, this is just like my my uncle Abdul, right? You know, it's nothing. It's like my uncle Abdul, if like he wrote like a really shitty book with too many like in-depth food references, which took an advance based entirely of luxury cappuccinos. Well, just like Owen Smith with his frothy coffees. Anyway, on that, I think this is the best Harry Potter book I've ever read. All right, we've been recording for a bucket load of time. So

have we have we given this the first review, the first, the first left wing review. So how many how many sickles is it out of? I'm going to say one, one hammer and sickle and one hammer, one hammer. One out of five ice picks. Jake, thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, man, it was awesome. Thanks for having me. Thank you for introducing this wonderful text into my life. Looking forward to learning more about this, this bad ass human, this bad or hobbit actually. I'm sure that he'll be in your mentions for this bad as human. Our theme song is called Here We Go by Jinseng. You can find it on Spotify. It's extremely good. I recommend you listen to all of his stuff and follow us at trashfuturepod on Twitter. Follow

the host, follow whoever the fuck you want. And follow us, Ponsay, George Soros. All right, good night, everyone.