TRASHFUTURE - The Boney Island Whitefish in: The Boney Island Mindfish

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

The Boney Island Boys are back! Boonta Vista's Andrew and Trashfuture's Riley have returned for season 2 of The Boney Island Whitefish, the only podcast to specialise in watching season 5 of America's most unhinged crime procedurals!  Get ready for the return of Breakfast Update, Wild Speculation and more!  We're very pleased to be back with season 5 of a whole new show, and we hope you enjoy it too!  This first episode will be on our public feed, and if you enjoy it, subsequent episodes will be available on the Trashfuture subscriber feed: https://patreon.com/trashfuture LIVE AUSTRALIAN SHOWS COMING UP!  - Trashfuture in Canberra with guest Andrew Law on November 15th, tickets available here: https://thestreet.org.au/shows/trashfuture-live-canberra… Trashfuture in Sydney with guests Demi Lardner and Tom Walker on November 10th, tickets available here: https://musicboozeco.oztix.com.au/outlet/event/3213de46-cef7-49c4-abcb-c9bdf4bcb61f

Folks, greetings and welcome or welcome back to a second season of the Boney Island Whitefish. I am Andrew and I'm here with my wonderful friend Riley. Hello. It is I. I'm back to getting up early so I can talk about some of the coolest stuff to ever be on television. That's the curse of the time difference because I am not willing to record a podcast at like three a.m.

You know? Yeah. That's just my selfish way. And you know what? If you were willing to record a podcast at three a.m. We could have watched a good show and we could have had the Boney Island good episode of the Simpsons fish, for example, that's just one thing that we could have done. But nope.

You want to stay up late, don't want to stay up late. So I have to get up early and then inflict some of the best stuff ever to be on the mid two thousands of police procedurals. Yeah. Look, I put it to you that if we were watching a good show that this show just wouldn't be the same. I think, you know, we would just say we watched a show and get this. It made sense.

It made everything made sense. It was fine. Yeah, nothing. Nothing was particularly arch at no point did I pause the show that I was watching and say what? No, it was a pure, well structured ABC, all the stories tied together nicely in a neat little package. And you know what?

It left us asking a few questions and perhaps wanting more. That's what kind of things we would be saying if we were watching different shows from the ones we are watching. But anybody who did listen to the first season of the Boney Island Whitefish would remember that we watched season five of Police Procedural Bones or I guess it's no more than season five. Nothing before or after. As far as we're concerned, it's the only season of the show that they made.

They introduced characters to us from out of nowhere, seemingly expecting us to know about their personalities and relationships to each other. Strange writing we said to each other. I would have probably started somewhere else, maybe with some more normal cases that they could have realized. Hang on a sec. We've run out of normal ways for someone to get murdered and we did it by the halfway through season.

What would have in theory been season one? So you'd imagine things get a little odd or a little bit forced and a little bit later than that. Now, any rocket scientists or brain surgeons listening to the show might be aware that we cannot watch season five of the television show Bones twice. I mean, we could. But to be honest, I'm not doing it. I'm not going to do it.

Yeah. And it would be a little bit of a sort of long like like a slow motion seagrass version of the worst idea of all time, which well a great show is not the show we're doing. No, no, maybe a commentary track for our own episodes of us watching Bones, so it's a spooky town. I remember a spooky town and we could talk about that for a little while. So instead, you know, we've had to come up with something else. But first things first, people coming back to the show, you know what you're in for.

You expect the greatest hits. And for that reason, we must immediately and urgently launch into breakfast update. Thank you, Andrew. Now I look at people ever since I tested it, texted, texted ever since I texted all of my friends from Twitter, ever since I tweeted that this is coming back. People have been suggesting various breakfast updates for me to have. They've been asking which mug I'm going to have my coffee out of. They've even been suggesting that some of the mugs are broken.

For example, the orange one, the great one, and I can assure you none of the mugs are broken. They are as they're in great shape and however, because this necessitates an early rise for me, I actually have had a more unusual breakfast for myself than than I have been recently. I've been really sort of leaning into having. Okay, so this is just there's a little bit of context here for a while. I was having a lot of salmon and cream cheese on sourdough toast for breakfast,

but because I'm because like my main fear is being hungry, I tend to have too much cream cheese on my on my quite a large piece of sourdough toast. It is to the point where a single pack of Philadelphia cream cheese would last precisely two days and then a sort of a pack of smoked salmon would also last me two days. This is an expensive and also very calorie dense breakfast habit. So I switched over to having avocado on the same sourdough toast, but then getting kind of, you know, wild with what goes on, like a lot of chili flakes,

sesame seeds, a little olive oil, salt and a lot of pepper. Delicious. However, lemon juice every day. I do a little squeeze of lime actually for a little bit of that guacamole feel, but it's still a different thing. However, I am sad to report that at very nice fruit and vegetable shop in my street, there were no good avocados yesterday and so you're going to say that closed Jesus Christ.

Yeah, oh, no, no, no, no, no, that was a real male by the for a second. Hey, maybe they should get the team from whatever police procedure. We're probably going to say it in the description, but I'd like to pretend we haven't said what police procedural we're watching. And so it was, it wasn't shut, but there were no good avocados. So I had to sort of think quickly and my girlfriend often likes to purchase bananas and peanut butter to have with her overnight oats. So I made myself some peanut butter and banana on toast, which while we were

having a little catch up before the show, Andrew had to hear me sucking down in the most unpleasant way possible. And I so early, I plum forgot that the orange mug was so good. So I'm having the yellow mug today. It's the yellow mug. Put that in your spreadsheet, folks. You know, it's not a suspicious mug because, you know, the it is cold. It's coincides with the Boney Island Whitefish sailing again.

Well, I feel bad that I was having trouble finding the details of the wonderful listener who I think possibly towards the end or at the end of the first season of the Boney Island Whitefish, I was contacted by a listener who said, I very much enjoyed the show and really dug it and everything. And I would like to send you the gift of an orange LaCruzette mug. Uh, and they, and they had one shipped to me. I said, I'm going to take your word for it, that you are not obtaining my address to come to my house and slit my throat.

And they were good to their word. But because it was like a Twitter DM from, I assume nine years ago, I was having some trouble locating it, but you know who you are. Wonderful person who sent me a mug so that, uh, so that Riley and I across the oceans, you know, different time zones, we can be clinking our identical mugs and drinking out of them. However, I fucked up and also didn't drink out of my good LaCruzette mug this morning. Look, that's why these, that's why these seasons have like 23 episodes

in them. It's we can cool. We'll, we'll figure it out. We've got time to get it together. I did make myself a breakfast this morning. I've been routinely forgetting to eat breakfast lately, which is, that's why you need this show. You know, it's going to get me back, back in the habit. So this morning I had a fried egg because I had just fried an egg for one of my children. Um, the other one had peanut butter and honey on toast. And I would recommend a little drizzle of honey on your peanut butter and bananas on toast. Great combo. Peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwich.

Wonderful. I think that could really take a kind of backup breakfast and, um, give it the zing that it needs in order to propel me through the day, because I'll tell you, it's a little, it was a little bit heavy. It didn't have enough top notes. Well, um, so I, I had myself a single fried egg because I wasn't super hungry, but what I have taken to doing lately is, um, uh, people who know me know that I, I enjoy to cook. And a little while ago we had a bunch of people out for dinner and I made, uh, tacos al pastor from a recipe for a, a chef that

I really like on YouTube, chef Tom Jackson from all things barbecue. And following his recipe and, uh, he's always using, uh, these cattleman's grill seasonings. And I was like, you know what, I'm making this thing again. I'm going to order that shit and I'm going to use it. Uh, so I did order it and it arrived and I used it in the dinner. The dinner was a great success. We were all very happy about it. Uh, but what I've taken to doing is using this cattleman's grill eight second ride carne asada seasoning. And, uh, when I fry an egg, I shake a bunch of this over the egg and into the

pan and then like, and then I like fry my egg over easy, you know, um, and I got to tell you when those spices, uh, hit the, hit the pan and the bit of oil that's in there wakes up all the spices, you know, you get a wonderful aroma happening. Uh, and then you just sort of flip the egg over, give the spices on top, a little bit of a seal and then, um, off onto a piece of buttered toast, uh, very generic, um, white supermarket square toast cause that was what was in the house. Really need to do some grocery shopping and, uh, and then a drizzle of Sriracha mayo over the top little squiggly line of Sriracha mayo.

Okay. Very, very, I mean, pretty epic, right? You know, that's that bad boy in half. Yeah. Straight into your guts and, uh, and a, and a large coffee and a large coffee in my, um, like heavy, heavy ceramic, you know, the, the like North American diner style mug ones that could be a murder weapon and a police procedural. Yeah. Yeah. Like the, the heavy, um, we, when we lived in Melbourne, there was a, a cafe down the street from us called true North and they, they did a kind of pseudo American diner type deal. And, um, so they would have like a pie of the day, you know, and like filter coffee in a big pot. Um, but they

would also do lots of sort of, uh, Tex-Mex kind of things like Havoc and Cheros for breakfast and that kind of thing. Um, and in the interest of supporting a local business, I bought one of their, their branded big heavy mugs. And that was what I drank my coffee from this morning. Yeah. I have just one clarifying question and then a comment. Um, clarifying question is one of the things that I like about the UK, one of the reasons I moved here in a very sort of, I would say something that has now cost me a great deal of my own wellness insanity. Having drawn me into this vortex is the

fact that the eggs here are very good. They'll tend to be quite sort of deep yellow to almost orange in color. Frequently, many of them are orange in color, um, and they're very, very creamy. Like I cannot emphasize to you enough how good of an egg it is here. Do we have, is it a pale yellow with a fluffy result in, in Australia or are we talking an orange and creamy? Well, uh, I have, I have delicious orange eggs because I go out to my yard and I fetch them from my chickens. Yes, of course. So you're, you actually do have the good eggs. Um, we, we may, I'm not sure if we've had, uh, one or more

chicken casualties since the last time we were doing breakfast updates, but, uh, now we are, we're down to two chickens, Pickle and Penguin, um, who, who we got from somebody who they're like rescue chickens, basically, like X layer chickens. And, uh, yeah, those two, those two make a real business out of it. You know, they're real, real steady with it. Um, recently I went to have dinner with some friends and so, so we've just bought a new, like, uh, sort of mobile chicken coop for like a chicken tractor kind of thing. I don't know if you've seen these before, um, where, so it's like a big, a big sort of insulated

plastic thing that they can climb up into and then a cage that sort of comes off this thing and there's wheels underneath it and you can push these levers down, which then push the wheels down and lock in so that lifts the back end of the cage off the ground and then you can tip the whole thing back. So the front end of the cage is off the ground and just wheel it to a different spot. So we have the chooks up in our sort of big veggie patch and we just kind of wheel them around from section to section and they eat all of the weeds and poop on the, on the dirt, all that kind of thing. Um, so when we

bought this new, this new coop, they, uh, also give you in the packaging like a whole bunch of, um, of, of egg cartons, like four egg mini egg cartons with a label on the top of the brand of the, of the coop. Um, and it says, uh, these eggs laid by and a little blank spot for you to fill in the names of your chickens. That's like one of those, uh, those things where you can, um, you know, have your kids fill in the story, uh, and then it's a story about your kids. Um, yep. We've got some of them. Yeah. But with your chickens so they can feel like they're a part of the family. Yeah. So I went to see some friends

recently and we had, we had quite a surplus of eggs. So I took them around, uh, eight eggs in those things. And, um, and when we got there, um, when we got there, my friend Clem said, Oh, awesome. I was just about to give you back the, the one that you gave us last time and request some more eggs. And then throughout the week, we were getting photos, um, from our friends going, I just can't believe how beautiful and yellow these eggs are. And like photos of them frying them in their pans for breakfast and all that kind of thing. So it was very, very wholesome, uh, sharing feeling, uh, to be able to do that. But

to answer your broader question, um, I think that, uh, a lot of like good, good, more expensive free range eggs will generally be larger and more yellow. Uh, we don't buy battery eggs. Um, you know, we don't buy cage eggs. Yeah. Same, same, which I think is a reasonable thing to do. Um, but even then, yeah, I think there's still a difference between the free range eggs and our eggs. I mean, nothing, nothing beats an egg where you can look out the window and say, thank you, uh, pickle and penguin for this, uh, delicious, uh, for this delicious ovum, uh, which I'm about to consume with, uh, eight second ride spice mix.

That's right. You got to feed him the spice mix. That's what you got to do, because then the eggs will come out. I don't know if you know this, but you can feed chickens like the color of the, of the yolk will depend on the color of their feed. So if you like pulp up red peppers, uh, then you can give your chickens a red yolk egg. Well, I remember seeing this, uh, years ago on an episode of, uh, chef's table on Netflix. Also where I learned, although the other thing I learned recently when talking to my six-year-old is that, um, is that honey is yellow because the pollen that bees get from plants is yellow. And, uh, and that like, uh, uh, uh, that she was talking about this thing where they had

like refined the, the, the blue, the like dyed blue sugar that they used to make the candy coating of blue M&Ms and had given that to bees and they make blue honey as a result. Interesting. I mean, I, however, the way that she was telling the story made me say, you are wrong. You're shut up, shut up that cut because she was, she was like, she was like, did you know that the, uh, blue honey, uh, like bees, bees get blue honey from blue M&Ms. And I was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? You sound insane right now. You sound like a child. And so after a bit of research, it was from like a, you know, a sort of science facts YouTube thing that she had been watching. It'd be very funny if she like, you know, those like,

um, uh, uh, tar targeted ads that are just like, uh, what a day can keep anxiety away and it's like a woman holding a gummy bear or whatever. It looks like the in almost like dataist, um, sort of AI generated targeted ads that you get. Um, I would, I feel like almost it's something that sounds like something you could get from there. Like you won't believe this blue honey. One mother had a heart attack when she found out. Yeah, I can't help the feeling though that if you do generate the honey by giving bees, uh, like refined dyed blue sugar that was intended for use in M&Ms, that it's not going to magically acquire like any, uh, any fantastic health benefits that wouldn't have come from, say,

plant based honey or that wouldn't have come from M&Ms. Exactly. Why, why bother, you know, why bother diluting it when you can go straight to the source also? Hey, check this out. Um, the blue, you might be wondering, what's the personality type of the blue M&M, INTJ, or well, it's I looked on M&Ms dot fandom dot, because you know the green M&M is sexy and the brown M&M is also sexy and then there's the yellow and the red M&M who are sort of a law pretty sexy. They're pretty sexy with it. Um, blue was one of the six main characters from the M&Ms. This is from M&Ms dot fandom dot com. Uh, his date was back to 1995 when blue was elected new M&Ms color quotes quote. Number one, get back in the bag quote. Number two. Yeah,

man. Who could forget? Who could forget? What's up? Quote number four. Oh yeah. Now, look, honestly, I've never identified with a corporate mascot more. I'm saying all these things all the time. Um, this guy might as well be me, you know, absolutely. Now I have a feeling like some of the quotes on the blue M&Ms fandom page might not have been said by the blue M&M such as I be Crippin. Now we're still blue M&M is necessarily a Crip. Is there a little, is there a little citations needed? Uh, link

above it or and we're not sure about this one. I don't want to alarm you. There is no citation at all. However, people have posted the pictures of the blue M&M, including a picture of the blue M&M as M&M that they got a tattoo of a knock off enamel pin of the blue M&M playing saxophone for a depreciative green M&M and let's see also other quotes from the blue M&M is I'm done being and M&M's spokes candy. I've got a new gig now and it's oh it was voiced by Seth McFarlane and it played the saxophone. I've learned so much about culture today. Also, hey, speaking of the blue, the comment that I had was very briefly. It would be very funny to go to a very authentic American diner, but everyone's got an Australian accent. That to me would be very

amusing like as though, you know, like a deleted scene from the road warrior, you know, or it's supposed to it's ambiguous as to where it is. No way to know for sure. So one thing I want to do right as well as I want to be fair to our program because we've been 20 minutes of 20 almost 22 minutes of catching up, of talking about what we had for breakfast, of thinking about chickens and catching up with the our favorite promotional spokes candy, the blue M&M. So I don't think we should set the timer. We should reset the timer now. Oh, okay. That's fair. That's fair. I'm I'm doing it. How about now? Okay, good. So what people might be wondering because let's actually not say it in the description. What show are we talking about?

We I've been instructed by you that we will be watching season five of the psychological crime procedural thriller television show criminal minds. That's right. It is the show the show that launched the thousand ships. It is criminal minds. We may not be changing the name, but consider us now the Boney Island mind fish as we swim the waters of the human psyche and learn a little bit more about the science of saying, hmm, this guy is threatening to kill a doctor. Well, he must have been one of your patients and the people he's he's trying to kill. Well, the ethnicity must somehow be related and then just sort of going from there. It's it's very funny. I have to say I so so, you know, for listeners of the previous season

of the show, something that would delight me to no end was any of the moments where they sort of have to move the plot along in terms of like, you know, solving the crime that the whole show is about. And it basically led to one of the characters such as bones launching into what we affection of affectionately termed wild speculation where she would just sort of go, oh, but a bone and then maybe something bounced off here and, you know, all stuff where you would be thinking to yourself. And and you're going to take this to court. You're going to put this in front of like a jury, you know, and I'm delighted to say that it looks like there will be no shortage of exactly the same kind of extremely loosey-goosey

crime solving on this program. Very much a jazz sort of approach. I am. I loved the the synopsis of this on Google. If you Google criminal lines season five in the in the right sidebar, there is the little synopsis an elite group of profilers analyze the nation's most dangerous criminal minds to anticipate their next moves before they strike again just out there trying to try to do some pre-cog shit. You know, it's pre-cog stuff, but again, sort of from from the point of loose word association. Yes, yes, exactly. Oh, it's the evidence they don't have, you know, absolutely. So, so like this, this episode really kind of kicks off with a bang, especially considering

it's the as far as I know, the very first episode of the show. Yeah. To me, it is and always will be the first episode of the show, you know. So we're starting off with season five episode one, Nameless comma faceless. And very helpfully to me, we have started off with a sequence that says previously on criminal minds. Previously in the writers imaginations, the bottom lines before they started working on the show for the first time ever. The coma one of the characters is in, you know, yeah. I mean, I find that we this is a funny, a funny episode to start with for not just our series, but for the series itself, because it's sort of half one shit, half one

the main plot, which I think we can sort of spoil right now. I would say kind of just wraps itself up and it wraps itself up kind of two thirds of its way into the show and then because of this odd and then a kind of series or season level overarching peril of a kind of a criminal called the Boston Reaper. And I would say a great deal of the humor for for this episode for me comes from getting to know John Foyette, the Boston Reaper, the man who the scourge of cop town, you know, the guy who's the least racist killer in Boston, John Foyette and his like. Okay, you know how in one of the reasons that like a movie like Silence of the Lambs or Red, really any of the Anthony Hopkins,

Hannibal movies, any of that series. I mean, is anything Hopkins in Red Dragon? I don't think he was. I can't remember. Yeah, he was. Yeah, it's him all the way. No, it's him who's not in it's Brian Cox in Manhunter. Manhunter. Yeah, yeah, there we go. So one of the things and then it's some kid in the universally panned prequel Hannibal Rising, which friend of the show, Brandy Jensen just remarked the other day, the funniest origin story that they should have that they could have given to Hannibal is that Nazis eat his little sister in front of him, turning him into a cannibal. Well, yeah, because you can't have an effective character who's also evil, you know, he has to have been made that way. It would help if that if somebody like

when when a character is kind of, you know, mysterious, it would help if somebody explained a way that mystery for me that really. Yeah, like for example, if they ever do make a season before season five, I'd love it if we could maybe have the Boston Reaper, you know, maybe his as a young child, he went to Serbia for a like a siding competition, because I don't know if you know this, a siding is a very popular like sport in Serbia, like siding long grass. I did not know that. Yeah, they do it competitively and they race and stuff and that's one of those activities where when you see people doing it well, it's just it's it's crazy. Have you ever seen or I don't know if they if they have this in other countries, I assume that they do

like like tree chopping races. I feel like that would be something in Canada, but I haven't seen it. Yeah, you would think that like both Canada and parts of America would have particularly like lumberjackie kind of kind of histories about the town, but they have a thing that they do it like country fairs and stuff in Australia. And it's and it's a competitive thing where they get guys to all stand stand on top of a section of like a tree trunk. So a quite large and thick section of a tree trunk and they just have a regular old, you know, two handed wood axe and they they say go and start a timer and these dudes just start blasting away. And the object, of course, is to cleave all the way through this sort of, you know, one to two foot thick tree trunk.

That's that's also underneath like your feet, you know, they're swinging at full pelt towards their feet. It seems so dangerous. It seems like just a recipe for getting your dick and balls axed off. But the technique is flawless, you know, it's it's guys bringing bringing these axes down in these incredibly accurate arcs. And when you watch them, they're sort of constantly chopping back and forth in like a V shape, you know, so they come in from one side first, and then they come around the other side and chop in and down to to where they just chopped. So it's just this constant process of like big American Dynastyle coffee mug sized chunks of wood flying out of this thing as they go, you know, it's very it's very

remarkable to see and the speed with which some of these dudes do it mind blowing the official Boney Island Whitefish endorsement. Go check that out. The imagination that the Boston Reaper went to a Serbian grass scything competition with his family and his children got his brothers and sisters got reaped in front of him, and then he was like, ooh, now I shall reap. The world is so unfair. That's my motivation, he said out loud. I will not rest until I to I have become like this Serbian scything man, and I shall scythe the residents of and he rolls the dice Boston. So we are basically Mark Wahlberg. He rolls. He rolls the big dice with one of the world's countries on each face, you know, yeah, and then a number of one to six with

the one to six city and you rolled America and he rolled the one the first city of America Boston. Um, so so basically we are informed that the Reaper a pre existing serial killer played by the wonderful C Thomas Howell, who is a favorite actor of mine from from like a lot of a lot of 80s stuff. He was in Red Dawn, the ultimate Cold War movie. He was in he was of course in the blackface classic soul man. Oh great. Are you not familiar with this movie? I'm not familiar with I look like my so you may remember from the last time my pop culture knowledge is incredibly deep and specific. Yeah, does not include soul man. Yeah, soul man is a movie about a about a a like high school goof off who fails to make it into any of the prestigious universities

that he wanted to get into. And of course, affirmative action is out here, giving places to black students. And so he says, I've got an idea. And he blacks up for the whole movie, and hanging out with Ray Dawn Chong or whoever it is, various wild stuff, wild stuff. But yeah, it's also in the in the outsiders, the Francis Ford couple of movies in the hitcher, which is a really great, really great 80s horror movie where he's just a guy who picks up hitchhiker Rutger Hauer, who turns out to be as psycho as the Reaper. So so the Reaper has escaped from federal custody. It seems by by biting a hole in himself and drinking enough of his own blood to make himself vomit blood and then get himself, you know, transferred to a hospital and so on and

so forth. Again, you got to imagine the writer's room being like, All right, how's the craziest man in the world? Can you escape? Can you escape from federal custody? How's he gonna do it? You know, he's very much like the Joker, this guy. So so he's going to be out there as a lingering threat for one of our lead profilers, who is of course, Greg from Dharma and Greg. Yeah, look, he's he's Dharma is no longer he's he's no longer with Dharma. He's decided her. I assume that he was the straight list one and she was the free spirit. He's decided she was too much. He's he was driven mad. He was driven mad, in fact, by her free spiritedness and is now become an obsessive about the human mind and what could lead someone to be so annoying when he was

just trying to do his paperwork. And now he is he's become an FBI profiler and changed his name to Aaron Hotchner so that Dharma won't find him. And that's the other lingering threat throughout the series is that Dharma might find him and then I don't know, like stand on a table or you know, do something else wacky. Just burst into tears. Dharma, you're so crazy. I can't take it anymore. Why you're the only thing I fear more than being than a reaping from the Boston Reaper is Dharma deciding to celebrate April Fool's Day on the first of every month. So in this episode, as you alluded to, we have two plots happening, right? We've we have the the good episode of TV one after the other. Yes. Well, they start off one plot and then it goes

for about 60 seconds. And then we have the entirety of the other plot occasionally punctuated by characters turning to each other and saying, where's Hodge? Where have you seen Hodge? I haven't seen Hodge. I assume he'll turn up anyway. I thought you were Hodge. I have this copy of the movie Hitch on Blue Ray Hitch. There's so many so many good lines of dialogue in this like somebody saying, hey, have you heard from Hodge and the other characters as I called him, but his phone rang out. I assume it's set to vibrate just really really just sort of draining the line there of no, he's probably we think he's fine. He probably just can't hear his phone. So so basically the I guess the A plot for this, would you call it the A plot? I mean, I think I'd call it plot one

because it is quite sequential. It's not so much A and B because B kind of usually implies a thing that's just sort of happening around the A plot, you know, whereas in this case, I think we have plot one of two and plot two of two. They both just happen. Yeah, seemingly independent of each other. And there's no C plot. So what's going on in this first plot with how does this this doctor there is an ER surgeon who comes to be involved in some serial killings? What's going on here? I mean, you know, he's like, like, I feel like all of I'm pretty sure that when we talked about bones, there was another there was an episode where it was like, ooh, someone's trying to get back at a doctor for not saving them. I see I see remember that. And that in turn is what we wind

up with here. We have somebody who is attempting to kill this doctor or someone near to him in order to get back at him. But unfortunately, that's also a complete assumption that we've made. But we will be sticking with it. Don't worry, be sticking with it pretty much the whole way through. There's only so many hours in a day. Only so many theories of profile I can come up with, you know, look, come on, what do we what do we have like more than 10 15 minutes? No, no, no, no, no, wait, look, this is the criminal minds writer's room. And it reflects the behavior of the behavioral analysis unit, the wild assumptions division that we will be look if there's a guy targeting a surgeon, if he was targeting someone for a bad haircut, he'd target a barber. He's

targeting a surgeon must be about the surgery because everyone just wakes up, they have breakfast update, they go to work and then they come home from work and then they sit in their house until they go to work the next day. Yes, everybody simply arrives home, lies down ready for the next breakfast update. Yeah, no one, for example, has like, I don't know, a gambling problem or whatever, because unless they're a gambler, a problem gambler, right, and that's what they do after breakfast update is they, they, they wake up, they go to their mob run casino, borrow money, lose it all day, and then go back and just sit down in their house, stare at the wall, like punching the clock on the way out, you know, another day of being Davey scatino from

the sopranos. Well, I'm off to go get murdered eventually. Yeah, like so what's what's going on here? They're finding they're finding the dead bodies of Latino men and messages to the doctor. That was happening. Yeah, so there's messages and the messages are also very clear. They are saying until you allow your son to be murdered by me, I will continue to murder. I will continue to murder a Latino man a day basically. Yes, so so LC. Yes, the trauma surgeon by the name of Dr. Barton. This is from a plots and obsesion IMDB written by hugo shout out to hugo is hugo Australian. They sound Australian. I don't know. Maybe it's someone called Hugo doesn't know the spell his own name.

A trauma surgeon by the name of Dr. Barton received a note from someone signing at LC stating that his 15 year old son Jeffrey will be killed. If LC is not allowed to carry out his mission, he will instead kill one other person every day until the son Jeffrey is dead. So let me kill your son or I will kill one person a day and he's killed a couple of people at this point. In the course of leaving the night. Come on. Let me kill your son. Come on. Come on. Come on. You can always make another one. Stop being so stupid. Let me kill your son. You're so selfish. What do you hate me? I wish I was never born. I'll kill your son. Come on. Let me kill your son.

Uh, so the the crew just leaps into action here, right? They're like, Oh, we got these notes. They're about this doctor. We got to get to him stat and they rush over to his house and they go, Hey, you know anyone called LC? Is there any reason that you don't want your son to be killed? Is there any reason you're being so difficult about this? Uh, it would really save the BAU a lot of time if he could just kill your son because then he would stop killing these Latino men. So so we're not here to take sides. We're here to resolve the issue. Okay, look all we need. We're mostly here to minimize the amount of murders and due to budget cuts. We've now decided an acceptable number of murders to close a case.

That's right. Hey, I got an idea. So why don't you take out a sheet of paper and make a pros and cons list of letting this man LC murder your son? What do you think? I'll set a timer for five minutes. You get down as many as you can. Hey, you don't even look like you're trying to come up with any pros. Come on. Like you got to work with us or we're not going to work with you. All right, so I'm starting to feel like you're not taking this seriously. I feel this though. Look, hey, here's some pros. You don't seem to have a wife or girlfriend. You know, you could probably more easily go out in the town with no son being like, oh, I want dinner.

I want to you need to be here with me or you'll get arrested for neglect. That kind of thing. No son. You could have a lot more. You could get a much better dating life. You could explore a new hobby. All that, you know, money you're paying towards your son. You could get a sweet car, huh? Hey, I'm starting to see the pros pile up in the let LC kill your son column. So why don't we write those down and then, you know, maybe we can think of a couple of cons if you can think of some and, you know, go from there. So where's that son of yours, huh? Well, in a shocking twist, proving that he didn't really want to be alive anyway, the son has overheard this and snuck out of his bedroom window to go to school anyway. You know how 15 year olds want to go to school

so badly they don't care if they're risking death to do it? Oh yeah. I mean, you know, when I always heard about my grandfather going up to school and his father's pajamas and the driving snow sort of uphill both ways and I think that's persisted with what you might call the iPad generation. Absolutely. So the son, the son has taken his ass to school. Oh, so causing before we carry on, I just want to say I took on down this quote where Dr Barton says, I can't think of anyone who'd want to kill my son and Spencer, who's played, who's played by model Matthew Gray, Goobler, who's the nerd, but he's a little bit of the. What's his name? The guy was an avatar, Justin thingy, Justin, Justin guy, you know the Justin

like the the tall skinny guy. Yeah, from from bones. The one is the nerd. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Him that one, the one who's also an avatar who promoted the movie avatar in the show bones. Yeah. Well, he's also a bit like the like the male version of the sexy goth goal from CSI. Yeah. So we have all going to have a sexy one in the court. We have was. Yeah. So we have but so the nerd character is played by a a very beautiful man named Matthew Gray Goobler, who I think is there to be like like non threatening Lee hot like like how my mom had a crush on Ben Wishaw after she saw him in the new as Q in the new James Bond movie. You know really. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to read a book with him is sort of yeah. He's so non threatening,

but also very clearly beautiful. And so he says whoever wrote that note to Barton thinks this was personal and they're putting you on notice and then the musical sting came right in on putting you on notice. Which is great. They're calling you in actually. So so basically the team says all right we're going to we're going to split up and solve this crime. First we will send like unsettling Lee handsome unsettling Lee handsome actor down to the school to watch you Derek Morgan played by Shamar Moore and he's like he's good looking in the way that like you know when somebody's like very very conventionally attractive, but too conventionally attractive. Yeah, it almost doesn't look real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like he just looks like

you know what a what a Calvin Klein model would look like in like 1993. But also if you had face tuned him a bunch, put some tiktok filters on him that kind of stuff. That's just what he looks like walking around. You know, he was also in the sequel to Sonic the Hedgehog Sonic the Hedgehog too as somebody's like unreasonably attractive fiance. That was their their character. Well, you know that Shamar Moore has a side business a clothing brand and the clothing brand is called Baby Girl and it sells it sells like it sells phone cases that have a topless Shamar Moore on them and then it sells then just like stuff for women from the early 2000s. If there are if there are like you know women who are culturally from the early 2000s like like sort of loose tank tops

that say silly and sexy on them or like sweat pants with baby girl written on the ass and it's very there. There's also a lot of Shamar Moore themed stuff like a Shamar Moore calendar Shamar Moore phone case and then you know like yeah yoga pants with baby girl written on the ass and that's Shamar Moore's business and it's it says thank you for helping us keep the fight for the cure of ms alive question exclamation mark three times part of the proceeds from baby girl are donated to the national ms society stay silly and sexy that's so considerate and then the front page of baby so it's the site is baby girl by sfm dot com it's like it's so not baby girl by sfm dot com that's so unclear what what that is

from the website this Shamar Moore um it says the front image is like two women wearing baby girl nighties i'm sort of brandishing velvet like satin pillow cake pillows at one another they're just having a so so he goes down to the school i lost you and finds this kid and he says i'm a federal agent someone's trying to kill you and your dad maybe but hey relax relax i've brought you a more phone case if you get out of my side somebody might immediately kill you but everything's fine okay that's that's pretty much what he's giving him here right but just go to go to class

like everything's fine okay just go to class like everything's fine don't worry there's just gonna be we're gonna your it's just gonna be spooky montages you're not gonna have to learn anything they won't be on the test you're fine so that's that's basically 50 percent of the solving the case that we're going for here is stand around the halls of the school kind of seeming like a bit of a weirdo and just sort of wait to see if the killer turns up yeah it's it's it's a funny prelude to sort of the cops in schools thing that really sort of took off in the sort of mid-2000s and only accelerated from there which is like yep cops in schools means a kind of team of ethereally beautiful fbi professionals all of whom are there to guard one specific kid from one

specific spree killer i know that this is um i know that this is of course a work of ridiculous fiction and it is of course from you know the mid-2000s but uh it is very very sadly funny to think of the concept of like a team of law enforcement officers being deployed just to like protect one person you know um there and of course the other the other uh dark irony of this episode is that when this kid goes to school all the cops are like that's the safest place he could be no one ever gets shot at a school i mean i suppose if this were to be um more of a darkly cynical show uh he might end up killed in an unrelated school shooting um but it it does in fairness also seem to be an extremely uh fancy people school because his dad is you know his

dad's a famous er search or at least a rich one so so you know at this point it's like hey we got to get it together and solve this crime and what better way to do that than by saying to this doctor hey can you get out absolutely all of your case files and remember every person you've ever operated on the er yeah and he says like it's not really and he's like uh he's like i operate on like you know a bunch of people every day and it's all happening really quickly and they're like yeah but just try and remember did any of them say they wanted to kill you or your son hey but hey you know what this is going to be pretty hard that's another pro in the kill the sun column this is going to be really hard and take like a few hours and i have to pee let me just ask you a question

sir is this how you saw yourself spending your day wouldn't you rather be doing anything else really could have got a game of tennis in it's a beautiful day out there you know sorry sorry son i decided to just go for a walk without meaning to go anywhere and try to practice some mindfulness by the lake before trying out a new bakery a little bit of me really living you know so so what i what i i really that is son's funeral to be like i just decided i was going to enjoy the city like i've lived here for so long and i've never bought gone to the museum so um this got into what i think is my favorite aspect of the show for the first episode right and and for me it bodes very well the idea that they're going

to continue doing what they then did at this point which is that they said hey it's time to do some profiling it's time to look at some pieces of writing and just make broad proclamations about the kind of person who would write that for example i am going to kill your son okay well that's a guy yep yep so they start off they start off by saying um they're doing their profiling and they they say well let's look at the letters to begin with because then we'll get some ideas about what sort of person it is and they say yeah i'm going to kill your son and they go see he's a man because women use adjectives and descriptions and he has to kill your awful son oh definitely a woman i'm going to free up a lot of your time and probably a lot of your bank

account but just by relieving you of that annoying son well they also said it had to be a man because he is very direct in what he's saying and i guess that's fair a woman would uh would write to ask permission to kill your son to hey i don't want to bother anybody uh don't want to put anyone out do you think would you be open to the possibility of letting me kill your son with a knife uh you know just just get back to me whenever it's convenient for you no rush i'm sorry to take the time out of your day no worries if not but can i kill your son yes and of course uh they say and this person's like um you know they've they've put a lot of time into this and effort and everything blah blah blah so that means that the killer is either very independently

wealthy or unemployed which to me one of the two kinds of people uh but also the things where i was like is that narrowing it down a lot and also how the fuck do you get that from any you know this i was i was standing up and pacing around the room at this point um because this is this is absolute catnip to me um people reading a letter and saying ah this man was beaten as a child you know wonderful stuff um yeah i was saying to my wife uh as we were watching this i was like i love this shit so much because it's like so so much more tenuous and vague than like physical evidence and most physical evidence is bullshit like it you know how how many how many of the forensic sciences just get debunked 20 years after they were introduced you know how many how many

times have uh have the criminal justice communities of the world said uh it turns out um matching hairs that wasn't really a thing sorry oh that's on us that's on us hey we're going to go fingernails next we're pretty confident about fingernails nobody's no effect you know or in this case we're pretty confident about um uh start making some assumptions um so what we write so we get that they're analyzing the note and then they're looking at the cases which is montages of barton doing the classic move where he comes out of the hospital doors and takes off his hat to say oopsie sorry i couldn't save your son daughter niece father etc etc from their car crash slip and fall knife attack or um meteor impact now i couldn't send save them they're they're now dead my

hats are off to you what are you going to do with all your new spare time the uh you could get in a game of tennis um i i really liked as they sat down right so um handsome matthew matthew greg goobler um and the surgeon and one of the other criminally minded investigators i believe it was pageant bruster pageant bruster pageant bruster who actually was on the excellent show huff uh which also starred uh the late anton yelchin in the sun role r.i.p and uh of course so they sit down to go through these big stacks of files and everything right and they're like sir please we just we need you to sit down and go through this stuff with us we're gonna find this guy okay we're going to find this guy sir and he's like hey hey this is ridiculous and he's talking to them and stuff and

they're like sir sir please we need you to sit down and look through these things with us we're going to find this guy don't worry and he says it's only five hours till the end of the school day there's no way we're going to get through hundreds of cases in time and pageant bruster stands up and says he's right we'll never get it done but you were just telling him that you were going to get it done well no he's a heat we'll we'll never get it done we need one more profiler yes and this was the the wonderful use of time she out here where she's like we're never going to get this done in time with the two of us i'm off to look for hodge for some unspecified amount of time and in fact she never returns no but then of course using a little bit let's her go ahead uh stranding her

with just the the handsome nerd now at this point he's trying to get him narrowed down by saying oh you know so so he's leaving dead the dead bodies of latino men as a surrogate for you so we need to find cases where you operated on a latino man so i think the idea is they they sort of come to the conclusion again by just sort of looking at the letter and kind of thinking about the broad strokes of the case getting the vibes what's happening is you clearly made a choice that led to someone else's son dying and so they're trying to kill all the sons that you did choose to save spoiler alert this is exactly a perfect description of what is happening yes and um that was what i was really enjoying here was that they go from

definitely a man uh definitely rich or unemployed uh definitely someone who is mad at you but also mad that you saved a latino man's son instead of his and now he's playing god with you to force you into a choice uh just like the choice that you made to not save his son and they pretty much just kind of spitballed out on the fly and then they're like cool that's it that'll do you know that's pretty i mean look what are the chances that they'll be able to do that i don't know let's say random number 23 times though um so at this point folks we got a call in the experts we got a call in kirsten vangsness as penelope garcia office clown um she is of course the uh required quirky character yeah who also is um uh hacking as well you know who's uh hey you know what it's

easier it's gonna be a lot easier just to uh just don't don't even bother giving us the files uh penelope will hack them um now they're getting her to ring around hospitals because they're worried about hodge they think something might have happened to hodge and they do literally show a montage for some span of time of her saying uh-huh an fbi agent named hodge anybody come in like that okay thank you hi i'm calling about an fbi agent named hodge no uh so you know they get her to do about 10 or 15 takes of that just so that we can really establish she's ringing around the hospitals you know um at this point they have reached the stage in the episode where um much like the writer's room of bones they've looked around they've noticed that the sun is starting to go down

and they've said fuck fuck fuck we got to wrap this up so we're back to uh surgeon who's sitting there with matthew gray googler who says all right let's just uh solve this crime real quick look we just we we decided not to solve it for a while but now that not solving it hasn't worked we're gonna try solving it because you seem so intent on not being open to the sun killing idea because you are being so unreasonable and so selfish fine i'll solve the case so um so they'd already kind of you know narrowed it down to times that he had operated on a latino man sorry the uh this is this is great because this is as they're doing this right as they're narrowing it down they're thinking about the wording of the note and um spencer matthew gray

googler says the immortal line quote a lot of times an unsub that is unidentified subject will unconsciously mirror the wording of situations and i said i'm always doing that i'm always mirroring the wording of situations but very rarely am i doing it consciously how does one mirror the wording of a situation well very carefully i don't know so um so yeah basically at at this point he says wait a minute what if you think about times that you operated on a latino guy but the latino guy didn't die because that was what they've kind of been looking for up to this point and the doctor then says wait a minute now i remember and suddenly these six he suddenly has perfect recollection of the person um the

person who he operated on and who he saved i believe he saved this man it's that there were six that he operated on and then there had to be like another kid who died like roughly at the same time well yes there's been a car accident i believe was the issue it's been a car accident he has operated and saved some of these people he's talking to a family and saying hey good stuff and as he turns around to go back into the operating theater a voice from off screen says what about my son another guy doesn't want his son to die selfish yeah everyone's always crazy about their sons no one's open to the idea of just letting them be killed again one of my favorite lines here again a very believable exchange

with a guy because basically look we he came in he was doa we couldn't save him he's technically alive but he's fully brain dead and the guy's like but you didn't even try to save him and he's like look he was basically dead when we arrived come on stop being so annoying about it and then the guy the the guy who's angry says do you have children and then the surgeon says yes a son why do you love i love the way he says yes i have a son i don't see what that has to do with anything here's the schedule i have a son he's the light of my life i would never let somebody kill him oh i'd be so mad if he got killed oh hey one second and there it is that is that that chime that's a fair chime as well you know yes yes well like

you said it's been deployed fairly that is the sound to indicate that we have spent longer talking about the episode of a stupid tv show than the episode actually went for itself which in this case was 43 minutes um so so this guy says why you know save my son now in fairness to the serial killer i'm gonna say um i don't think someone clip andrew saying that please in fairness to the serial killer uh while while obviously this man was very upset i don't feel that the er surgeon really put much effort into saying to him for example i think a thing he could have said would have been there is no operation i can perform that will restore your son's brain function i feel like that would have been a pretty useful

thing to say at this juncture in the conversation uh instead he just keeps saying to the guy look you don't get it you're no surgeon he doesn't actually sort of say i have an attempt at like he does sort of go oh i'm sorry there's nothing i can do um but he doesn't really put a lot of effort into it and then he literally turns his back on the man of the man who has just learned that his son has suffered brain death and he's like hey what are you gonna do i have a recommendation which is that we start doing like and one surgical videos right where he tells his son he tells him that his son suffered brain death and then sort of you know just like does some like street ball antics you know holding his head and sort of deaking around and really clowning on the guy

at that very moment ideally yeah so i think there is a basketball but put a basketball hoop in the bad newsroom so the surgeon can do like a 360 backwards dog like your son is dead so although the son's not dead he's just brain dead we find and was just taken off life support a couple days ago yes yes but it was very funny to me that this surgeon he just had to be asked the right series of questions you know like they just had to narrow the stats down enough for him to suddenly have perfect recall of the incredibly distraught man who had personally blamed him for not saving his son instead of saving a latino guy uh and then he's like oh yeah there it is there it is i got it it's this guy um and then he says all right i got to get down to the school

and save my son we're meant to be doing a normal days routine and i normally pick my son up from school so i'm going to go down there and he walks out of the room and matthew gray google says unless he was trying to trick you into thinking he was going to kill your son but really he's going to kill you so but why why why why why did just kill him well i think i think we're we're stumbling onto something interesting here which is i am maybe proposing that the characters of this show unbeknownst to them they think they're solving crimes but they're actually having a lathe of destiny type experience where they imagine what a criminal might do and will it into existence because in this case they had already gone far enough down that path to obtain the correct

information and solve the case but then he has another thought he has another thought just before that which is like oh but what if but what if he was trying to trick you and he was going to kill you instead and then instantly what should happen but the doctor opens his front door and there he is the man as you had said at the top of the show riley this plot has very happily resolved itself by simply having the killer come over and stand on the front lawn we're saying i am the killer prepare to be killed uh causing of course matthew gray google to run out and do a do a you know a in the line of fire throw himself in front of the bullet kind of scenario in order to save the doctor he gets shot in the leg now are you on the imdb page as well

yes i also i also am aware of the piece of trivia which you are about to lay on me which relates to matthew gray google's leg does it not yeah he was busted his knee while partying with the 500 days of summer co stars which i mean what cut number one who's busting their knee partying after what i assume to be a michael sarah film necessitating that dr reed get shot in the leg in the season opener so he can be in a wheelchair for the rest of the film note how that's all so he's sitting throughout yes yes he also spends the rest of the episode sitting on a couch in front of a pile of paperwork so he doesn't have to walk around and this then in turn starts a short-term arc across the the season in which he walks around with crutches as his leg gradually

gets better everybody's talking about my crutches very amusing also at the same time right well they still believe that the kid that the you know the guy's doing what he said they was going to do and all of the behavioral evidence pointed to before it was a different thing i just noted that the dc swat van because this is another show set in dc dc very dangerous for spree killings um they have a very nice sarah font it's a really lovely font on the dc swat fans they don't do it like that anymore do they no no you know you know what whole whole justice system's gone down the tubes it's all helvetica now it's all a big big impact black block letter fbis you know it's all just letters made out of punisher skulls now

actually sorry i do i do want to bring us back slightly to a moment just before this right when um when the the distraught doctor is asking the profilers he says you guys deal with a lot of these cases right and uh and they say yeah sure sure we did with a lot of these cases and he says how do they end as though he's talking about episodes of the tv show and not uh you know real life things that are happening to the people here and uh and they nobody looks like they want to say uh sun death 95 percent of the time look you know now this is this is a real sun death heavy industry yeah yeah yeah go along to get along please so instead uh they give him the much sunnier news that it usually ends or

or i should say that they sidestep what he's really asking which is what happens to the sun in all of these cases uh and they give him the their their attempt at good news which is that the suspect usually dies of suicide by cop um at the it's not like that is also what happens here you know well again is it possible that they are simply willing the the resolutions of the case into existence uh so so they say ah suicide by cop is usually how it happens so killer is very very helpfully just found his way over to the house uh he's taken a shot at the doctor we've we've taken a medically necessary bullet to the leg for matthew gray goobler um who then says get behind me get behind me and he picks up his gun which he had dropped and points it at the guy and says hey

put your gun down and uh the the killer continues to have his gun raised and walk towards a federal agent that he has just shot and the federal agent says no for real you better put that gun down honestly honestly at some point shoot you um we we have a thing uh in my house when me and my wife are watching movies which is um i like to point my finger in the style of a gun at my tv screen and start yelling bang bang bang bang bang at the point that the police would have actually started shooting the person yeah the the moment he walks on to the property yeah yeah there's uh there's a lot of points of movies there's a whole lot of like you know people doing these big tense negotiations with someone who's already brandished and fired a gun

that kind of thing and in reality it's like this dude takes one step out of the bank and is just instantly air hold uh which is absolutely what would have happened to this guy um i think if you successfully shoot a federal agent in the leg he is going to shoot you as many times as he humanly can uh in the next short bit of time instead he says hey hey come on now behave behave if you're a good boy we'll bring his son out for you and um yeah well and the guy puts his gun down like as in by his side and then he's like i kind of want to do suicide by cop and starts lifting it up i'm gonna please no come on this is we'll give you a son just put it down uh so he raises his gun matthew gray goobler shoots him in the tummy uh causing a killer to drop

his gun and so the doctor gets up and does what emergency doctors do and immediately sets about trying to help him out and when he gets over there he kind of tosses the killer's gun to the side because matthew gray goobler says in what what was my favorite piece of dialogue from the entire movie he's holding onto his leg and waving his arm to indicate like you know kick his gun uh and he says kick his gun away make sure his gun's not near him which for me was just beautiful beautiful bit of friday make sure his gun's not near him hey just just double check where the gun is if it's near him yeah uh you know do something about it if he asks for the gun don't give it to him how no matter how badly he seems to want it so basically this case just perfectly resolves itself

basically all they had to do was imagine some stuff that then instantly came true i'm going to be keeping a keen eye on this theory as it goes on absolutely about whether or not it's the act of profiling that actually conjures the the resolution of the case you know um so while all this has been happening pageant bruster was like i'm just kind of kind of cruise around town see if i see hodge in any record stores or bagel joints you know yeah she goes around to his house rings his phone can hear it ringing inside finally notices that the door is off the latch um takes herself in to find that there is a gunshot in a wall she she scans the room like she's um like she's uh densile washington

and the equalizer um she it goes whoosh whoosh as she looks at different things around the room she sees his keys are still there his briefcase has just been thrown on the couch as though he'd only just come home there's a big bullet sitting on the ground phone right there bullet hole in the wall very large digital blood stain on the carpet hodge is a very tidy man he wouldn't leave a bullet hole in the wall he'd pick up his blood if he dropped it so this is this is the point at which i think uh the looking around at the hospitals kind of pays off uh they say hey they someone did turn in a john doe except they said oh here's his fbi credentials and they gave the credentials of uh devastatingly handsome shama more instead they said that's

strange so they go over and check it out lo and behold there is hodge tv's greg um he has been stabbed nine times without hitting any arteries is that the deal well okay um that and because the reaper later reveals do you know how many times you have to stab yourself in order to learn how to stab someone safely a lot like i feel like you don't see this is to me this is like analogous to um say trainee tattoo artists like tattooing a piece of pig versus just doing stick and pokes on their own legs you know so i gather that he's a stick and poke guy yeah he doesn't have the time to go out and get himself fake skin or whatever he's just he's he's doing it with what god gave him his own two legs right there you know and goofs on imdb

when agent hodgener remembers being repeatedly stabbed by the safely stabbed by the reaper the movement of the fake blade is clearly visible to to the slow motion shot of the killer yes i love it so uh so really the remainder of this episode is spent setting up what i assume will be a season long conflict with the reaper we are although actually there's a little stinger at the end as well isn't that um so you know he's he says what like you know when he's come to in the hospital bed he says what what did the reaper take he always takes something from the crime scene this man profiling from his hospital bed you know he's never off and pageant bruster says he took one page from your planner under the address book section it was the bees

yeah again i always check you know if especially if i'm very worried i always i thumb through the address book and make sure all the pages are intact because also no one has ever removed a page from their own address book yes there's like again i don't know how you looked at an address book with a page missing and instantly came to the conclusion that the reaper took it and he says ah what did he leave he always leave something like what did the writers of the reaper character just like go into a convenience store see a take a penny leave a penny tray and be like that's it that's his trademark is he's extra crazy and also takes and leaves something well yeah it's not very reepy to leave something i think that's more that's more of a distributor

yeah yeah um and now i guess the sort of the the very all right our serial killer is the retailer he takes he takes something then he leaves it at someone else's house at a profit he does offer refunds um so i think the kind of really thin logic of the show here right is that um um when asked if he's what he took they were able to think of something where you could plausibly say i noticed that this thing was absent because when you go to somebody else if you go to your friend's house and they ask you to look around they go what's missing you would probably quite reasonably say i don't fucking know i don't live here and this isn't my stuff however she was able to say oh i flipped through every page of every book in your apartment including your planner

notice that this page was missing probably the reaper however when they say did he leave something it's even harder to go into someone else's house and say here's something that wasn't here before you know of course so seeing as they can't satisfactorily write an answer to that question into the show uh she says i don't know and he says give me my clothes and they pull out his absolutely sopping in blood clothing from the bag and he pulls out his wallet and the reaper has put in a photo of his ex-wife and son played by andy from dorsens creek i like that as they go to sit then protect like the wife and son um who are like fine uh and the son is when he gives god to like get picked up from a friend's

house or whatever where no peril has been visited visited upon him it's like mommy they let me turn on the siren it's like wait how do you just like blow through a bunch of red lights because like a kid turned on the siren it's very funny mommy they let me fire the guns i was i was allowed to kill a son um so so basically you know hodge is left thoroughly stabbed in his hospital bed telling his ex-wife that you know her and the son are going to have to go away and go into hiding and he's very sorry about that but he's going to stay here and he's 1000% gonna nab the reaper uh and you know that's true because she says can you catch this man and he says i will catch this man

i will catch this man i will catch this man yes don't worry don't i greg shall catch this man uh even at risk of running into dharma that's how much i care um although there was a tantalizing suggestion at the end of the episode and i felt that this is a nice little cliffhanger to leave it on tantalizing suggestion maybe i think it was one of the other profiler says this but maybe when he did this to you you know uh explained his motivations and stabbed you to make you like him maybe he was trying to to give you something more and make you a better profiler the suggestion that perhaps you know he's going to acquire some some serial killer super empathy and he's going to turn into some sort of master profiler now

yeah yeah this is like this is basically on learning on the job you know getting uh it's getting a mentorship from a tough but fair um uh a master of the serial killing craft one of the craziest to ever do it some types of experience you just can't teach you know so uh that was episode one of season five of the television show criminal minds i personally am am just i'm i'm tantalized to see future instances of uh of profiling taking place and i'm also very much intending to keep pressing this theory that they are in fact making the things happen because the things that are happening are so like unlikely and statistically anomalous based on the thin stuff that they know about both the killer and the person that they're

trying to kill what other explanation could there be you know they either have absolutely amazing luck or they're causing the events to happen and i think we're gonna find out you know yeah so that's wonderful stuff shall we shall we conclude the first episode of this uh this season two the boney island whitefish colin the boney island mind fish to uh should we bring bring it to a close although i'd like to bring it to a close with a plug oh um hi for people on the tf patreon you probably know this already but for people on the buntavista patreon uh tf is coming to australia we are going to be doing shows shows in cities such as melbourne and brisbane which if you live in tough luck you can't go the tickets are sold

out however if you live in melbourne and want to see britannology uh natin myla will be doing an episode of britannology and if you want to see us in canberra with the boney island whitefish's own andrew law that is also going to be happening you can do that and i think we still have some tickets in sydney so uh do check that out if you can wonderful honestly folks we did everything that we could to keep them out just couldn't get there yeah that's right well you know it's uh your you didn't have a stable enough government no well we voted these bloody lefties in you know yeah and they're they're letting they're letting in all the british podcasters including the ones who are also canadian all of our finest british canadian podcasters that's right

excellent well that's all very exciting uh we will throw a link to the uh to the canberra show in the sydney show those are the ones that are left yeah let me throw some links of those into the show notes so check that out and um we are excited to see you next time for criminal mind season five episode two yes very exciting happy to haunted just a diaper on the wean yes yes all right yes oh it's was of course this was faded it's gonna work well okay all right all right talk to you soon everyone bye bye