TRASHFUTURE - The Canals of Neom: TF Live in Sydney feat. Tom Walker and Demi Lardner

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Our friends Tom Walker and Demi Lardner are certified Neom-heads. They simply can't get enough of The Line. And as a result, we saved all the best Neom content we could in order to subject them to it at our live show at The Great Club in Marrickville, Sydney, Australia on November 10. We absolutely loved this show and hope you do, too. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture *MILO ALERT* Here are links to see Milo’s upcoming standup shows: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows *AUSTRALIA ALERT* We’re currently in Australia, and there are tickets available for shows in Canberra: https://au.patronbase.com/_StreetTheatre/Productions/TFLP/Performances *BRITAINOLOGY ALERT* We’ve added a live show in Melbourne on the 19th of November in which Nate and Milo will present Britainology! Get tickets here: https://tccinc.sales.ticketsearch.com/sales/salesevent/79853 *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

Hello Sydney, how are we doing? Sick ass, alright. Cool. Good day. This week, the chattering classes of this once great nation have been all of a flutter. Is it about the ongoing crisis of hoons terrorizing our suburbs? Alas, struth no. They are cracking the shits about nothing more than the planned Saudi Arabian city of

Neon. Yes, the cab-sav communists of Dover Heights have gone crook about Mohammed bin Salman's plans to build a 170 kilometre long city in a perfectly straight line in the middle of the desert, citing concerns about the supposedly inhumane treatment of local nomadic tribes who have been forcibly moved away from the area to permit construction. But surely the jasmine tea Jacobins of Newtown must admit that moving on nomadic people from one place to another is actually supporting their cultural traditions. Would it not in fact be more racist to allow them to stay in one place?

Their silence speaks volumes. Indeed, should they not be thrilled that the person of colour Mohammed bin Salman is building an entire city, the first one to be so impossibly long and unthinkably narrow, breaking the traditional colonialist city paradigm. And yet these drongos are spitting the dummy nevertheless. The aloe vera sadists of Maricville say it's ridiculous to build a city in a straight line. They say a city so long and narrow would be logistically impossible to maintain, but perhaps it is their minds that are narrow.

No brainwashed are they by woke LGBT propaganda that they can't even permit a city to be straight. In my view these moisturiser Maoists should take a leaf out of the book of Australia's greatest statesman Bob Catter and admit that Mr bin Salman is entitled to his urban planning precludes. And rather than wasting any more time on it, if they would only give MBS a fair suck, I reckon the line could be some real ripper shit. But alas dear reader, as the human rights complaints pile in and the objections to neon grow, the

line grows ever shorter and I fear it may have to become as short as one thousand nine hundred and eighty four meters. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage trash future. Hello everyone. The great club in Sydney. Are we well? Thank you very much for coming out on I'll be perfectly honest. I haven't caught up.

I don't know what day it is. It's a Thursday and it's the day we're here. We are very, very pleased to be here in Australia. We're very, very pleased as well for myself, Riley, Milo and Hussein and Nate to be joined by Tom and Demi. We regret that Alice was not able to be. Has she left a message? She has left me a message.

Alice wants everyone to know she's sorry she's not here. She went to get the train to the venue and saw a filthy noisy broken diesel engine announcing it was going to be seventy two hours late and fell into a combination of autism and homesickness so powerful as to totally incapacitate her. No, we are I can tell you I've actually been looking forward to this more than any other individual Australian live show because I've been planning this one for quite a while as you might have been able to tell from what Milo talked about. A lot of stuff has been going on vis-à-vis Neon for a while and I have like like like

Mike Sernovich might teach you held it in. I have held in my essence so I could just let it all the Neon out building a straight line is the guerrilla mindset. That's right. So I have a whole wonderful Neon segment planned for today of everything that happened in Neon. However, the other thing is since we arrived in Australia, an entirely new segment has been born, which I've only taken. I've taken to calling Australian excellence because dear dear denizens of Sydney.

I've been reading your local news. I have been reading your letters to the editor. I have suffused myself in the latter half, the bottom bit of so many Murdoch newspapers that I can now share with my beloved friends and you the title of the article that will be today's Australian excellence. Demi can see it already and she's delighted. Oh, cunt on a plane goes nuts. Oh, the article is this is from nine news.

Oh, hey, a little bit of that nine news. It's a German newspaper for people who hate the news. No more of the news. I told you last week nine. I am the headline is as follows. Gender reveal hoon nabbed by police for what crime is now a crime to reveal the gender. None of these words are in the Talmud charge with more than two hundred and sixty individual that's it.

Holy shit, each one of them more Australian than the last. I think so. Since since we kept the first Australian excellence segment was all about a guy who went for a test drive in a car and stole it when questioned by police said I plan to steal as soon as I saw it was available. The second one was about introducing the concept of hooning to me and now they're all going to be about hooning. So this is what it says in nine news.

Victoria police have arrested a man and charged him with two hundred and sixty offenses. Police alleged the twenty two year old was involved in not one but two separate hoon gender reveals. Now that is either it's this two children or we had okay we got it wrong the first time or is it a crime to have twins or alternatively it's that the gender was hoon. Wait, but this this sort of implies that the hoon is involved in the gender reveal, but was the hoon like trying to disrupt the gender reveal. The hoon was doing the gender reveal.

He filled his tires with pink and blue dust. I like you're not ready for they then wait also also based on my knowledge of the hoon like because they just like like to you know mesh it up and so if they had pink and blue sub wouldn't it mix I mean I'm really confused or blue whether or not but what if it makes sexual lighting right okay yeah yeah whatever gender your kids going to be it will be bisexual in the sense that hooning is about driving badly as I understand it yeah hoon's are spiritually bisexual that is well that's my understanding of the spectrum so so sergeant sergeant poll haltinger from dandenong high risk driving police unit had the had the following to say

okay if you're celebrating an impending birth and want to reveal the gender of your child can't you pop a balloon or cut a cake yeah we could probably drive a car into a balloon yeah I think my car into a cake my gender reveal cake up the top of mount glorious handbrake turn around the just fucking nailing the straight holden you destroying a fucking tiered cake you just like strap a knife to the side of it and just drift past the cake that's the the thing about hooning in my experience is it's you tell me the thing about hooning oh we need to talk about hooning the thing about is it's it's it seems unique because it's a subculture of like car guy who drives like he hates his car he will spend like hundreds of

thousands of dollars on the car and then intentionally pop the tires doing a burnout on the specific kind of asphalt that the police installed so that people would stop doing burnouts it's so become ungovernable yeah I genuinely like ever since I learned that this was a thing I can't stop thinking about her talking about it it is not only bizarre and illegal behavior said halt singer but has the real ability to turn a moment of celebration into tragedy bizarre and illegal behavior is a mixtape name so the funny thing is that the same guy the reason he was charged more than 260 offenses related to hooning was that he also sorry he also has been involved in a small time vehicle theft parts ring yeah oh it's a good moon if your gender gets revealed

with a stolen carburetor father's profession businessman om da fare as they say in front so this is so basically he's done a couple of gender reveal hoonings only one was for his kid he did another one has a favor was the okay I was going to ask was the other one like requested or is he just out there being like it's a boy kevo I saw that hoon you did my wife wants the same I can't stop thinking about the way the smoke poured out the tires is beautiful my car's got traction control it'll never work coming begging hat in hand please I've got a front wheel drive

it's all we can afford is a carry oh my child cannot be revealed in a carry oh I'm begging you I'm more I'm more interested in the idea that you can do a birth sick burnout bad ass enough that it can make the gender of the baby whatever the parents want it to be this is like if he pops both tires at once and you know for a fact it's going to be whatever you want yeah you know what it is it's a it's a character creation screen the more the more sick you're born out the more sliders you get a hoon in the second trimester that tests for birth defects all right we got red smoke that looks like it's going to have crones

all right the cops just lowering their hats like that baby is going to be shitting and farting so look that's a little bit of Australian excellence for you all today but but but look before we get into neon I have a very quick start up just as just a soup song of start up before a long and thin segment we have a short and wide segment it's called volocopter and from my left demi volocopter what do you think that is I don't want to be involved my lord it's a it's a helicopter for little little aquatic rodents and this sucks but I think it's like a bike you can hit stuff with like a bike that we're aspiring hoon who doesn't have the money yeah someone who can finally

with the power of the power of your own legs you can fucking just plow rodents off the road and you'll never even realize like a snow plow gender reveal helicopter that's all they've got man so it's because it's fairly like normal startup name oh a spinning rat only if only volocopter like spin the rat gender reveal helicopter is so sick though just taking off hovering one foot above the ground and then just chucking some powder like a bag of powder into the blades awesome oh no that was our ideas cocaine mate volocopter it's a helicopter but you can only use it for some kind of ngo work like for volunteering nate's closest that sucks yeah it sucks really bad

no let's just say this it's considered to be and again because i am who i am i've read various kinds of prospectuses of investment and so on it's considered to be esg which is very funny two seats 18 rotors and endless possibilities they say the volo city volocopter air taxi is a technologically superior all electric all electric aircraft with the ability to vertically take off and land right i'm more interested in there they have to differentiate from the other helicopters that don't vertically take off and land yeah yeah my helicopter takes off downward that's right isn't that just like a drill

they put my helicopter together real bad i thought the rotors pushed and it also makes you taller just like self-driving cars and this is where it gets terrible fully autonomous aircraft hope you didn't like being alive it goes back to the thing that like helicopters are the best mode of transport because they kill the most rich people so true that is true they are yeah they're more expensive than a guillotine and they're pretty much single use unless you like i don't know get one of them to like like honestly get them to do like a line out lift into the blades like hey all the ideas cocaine went there what

just like self-driving cars fully autonomous aircraft are and this is a word doing quite a bit of heavy lifting in this sentence expected to launch commercially we're expecting them yeah oh any day now don't worry our dumbest people believe this to be possible okay i'm i'm curious though because he said two cedars so does this imply that the concept here is that you as a person and perhaps with a plus one are going to sit in a helicopter that is fully autonomous and it's just going to fly wherever it feels like flying you and you're just going to be like yeah i trust this sounds like a good idea to me nate yes it is incredible to create a form of transport that makes me trust the hot air balloon so it's like they saw those videos of the autonomous drone

delivery in russia where it just crashed straight into a building over and over again there's like god i wish that was me yeah i wish i was that shashlik uh compared to ground vehicles autonomous aircraft will initially navigate through uncongested skies initially before plummeting to the earth and will not need to account for pedestrian cyclists or other road users again till they plummet to the earth instead they will share the airspace with other highly automated aircraft communicating safely with one another until of course communicating safely most of the time with one another mostly mostly is a great word i'm going to create a bike catapult to congest the skies

yeah me and the guys have been watching the film et we've had a business idea et just getting minced we've done it we've done a lot of gender cocaine and we're pretty confident we have as a result of our invention we have flown et through a fine blade finger first that's right and essentially misted the little cunt everyone in a five kilometer radius is going to be breathing et for a month urban air mobility needs to be tailored to the challenges of flying within a city no it doesn't no it doesn't at all we looked at the sky and we thought what if this was worse ha tall buildings narrow roads moving obstacles yes moving obstacles seems like flying thousands

of helicopters through a city isn't a good idea and while our highly trained pilots will be more than capable of navigating this environment we will be deploying smart redundant assistance systems to ensure maximum safety from day one now why sorry go ahead demmy sorry i i thought it would you go on are you is there a problem leave me here oh oh sorry demmy i think i know what you said you said it's autonomous and they're saying for now there's pilots exactly autonomy is coming any day but now there's pilots but don't worry eventually it will kill you what we want is to streamline this so we don't need a guy behind the wheel to hit you with a car or a drone i think i would respect them a little bit more if they didn't have the caveat about

we'll start with pilots just no get in fucking get in are you ready to be training data now some of you might be asking why would i choose to talk about a pretty bog standard autonomous uh helicopter urban air taxi start up when we've talked about that before i'm going to read you another sentence now isn't that such a good time and i say that upcoming giga project in saudi arabia neom has announced i really appreciated the hooting thank you oh neom we're really big in the owl market

upcoming giga project in saudi arabia neom has announced it is spending 175 million american dollars of investment in urban air mobility provider volocopter oh oh oh you think our company is stupid well we've just sold it to neom you're going to be laughing on the other side of your face when it's in the 170 kilometer long city in the middle of the desert in december last year neom and volocopter agreed to a joint venture whereby volocopter again this is why i i i say this to be there how do you find funny stuff in financial statements this is how bitch in december last year neom and volocopter agreed to a joint venture whereby volocopter will operate electric taxi services in neom to connect regions including the line oxagon and

trojina so it's it's intracity rail but you mostly die but i also imagine that like they had to capture the saudi's attention for this and it just it's the country that did 9 11 and someone's just banging on mohammed bin salman store like sir sir you need to see this look this is really important look you know that new sound you've been looking for no no actually he was levitating above the helicopter blades that's right oh sorry rather you've been reading this one this is yolo copter um the ceo of volocopter dirk hoke added yes the fucking dodge you knew it i knew it the the cheese sandwich blackface brigade were behind this only people who would rightfully have been swallowed by the seas long ago

would invent such an item the cons named after batman punching two men a biff pow ceo of volocopter added this is the first time in history that v tolls vertical taifukoff and landing electric vehicles are being factored into the design of a region that's being built from scratch i wonder why it's the first time in history that's happening this offers a whole new approach to urban air mobility that can and this is a very questionable ending to this sentence increase the quality of life in cities it will certainly decrease the time of life in cities which if you're living in neon yeah might be a good thing getting squashed by a drone on my way to drive one of the many poop trucks oh yeah i could have filled one of those last week oh boy

milo as well people milo has been very sick he's contracted a kind of shitting disease yeah i'm fine now but i i contracted the shitting disease on friday morning and we had to fly to australia on friday evening so i had what i think might be the worst 25 hours available to a human being no for you you swine especially those of you in the front row that's right worse about it so can i just please have everybody uh give me a cheer if you know about neon we got some lion heads in we got some we got some euclid fans in the house so um look so like some of you that was your first time cheering it is and i don't want to be made finally it's for me but several of you just went

it is demi i've been thinking this the whole time because we live here and this is the it is so intoxicating being at a live show where the people who like your podcast finally feel this is the one show they can go and not be bullied at little did they know no don't worry no one's gonna ask any of you what you do so um we know it's nothing or it look so tom as a giant neon head yeah can you give for anyone who's like been confused by all this talk of like neom and the lion and stuff i imagine the five percent of you that didn't do the reading i assigned on twitter um can you give like a one minute pracey of what

the fuck neon is it's it's an idea bad enough that i a dipshit can enjoy looking at it and being like oh that's no good it's what you would make with one minute as an eight-year-old in sim city and then you'd understand why it fails it's a city that's built in a straight line uh and for what reason yes no one's ever done it before and why well we're gonna find out and we're all going out it's a whole city that's built on the premise what if we did what event horizon does to the ship to to urban planning it's also the sound that a small fast car might make that's right maybe if there was some kind of mouse hoon yeah some kind of a steward little hoon

yeah it's going get fucked that mouse just called me a cunt so from sim city to slim city so as tom described it's an insane idea it was conceived by the mad family kidnapper in charge of saudi arabia um uh mohammed bin salman family kidnapping business uh to be his quote pyramids or as i would suggest to be his statue of himself in the trackless wastes it is a province that includes reading this star of the poem and being like large and shrunkless legs of stone pretty good so far someone didn't skip leg day

sorry i read this poem about some awesome legs the other day i'm really looking forward to finishing it so what i'm gonna do i should call it the big legs so what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna pay a bunch of western consultants designers and architects hundreds of millions of dollars just to do me renderings of what it could look like also i'm gonna commit a bunch of human rights abuses while doing so um that's just saudi culture i mean you can't you can't stop them doing that so so basically for those so for those of you don't know that's what it is province supposed to be like the future of everything and they're deciding to do it through urban planning by paying like guys from mckinsey and then guys from um like like zaha hadid or whatever just in infinite

money to just do renderings and say what if there was a second moon in a beach made of marble both real things that are supposed to be a neon oh yeah i love i love a marble beach in like 50 degrees it was designed by a company that only does yachts they've never designed a beach or a town they just do yachts i love to i love to step on to the marble beach in my feet immediately sear and glue to it as though it's a hibachi plate so uh the other thing to think remember about the line is that yes it's a city that's in a straight line it's supposed to have nine million people in it and there's no cars but everything's going to be a five minute walking radius from where you live and if you need to get to another area

there's a high speed train that stops every five minute walk so cool great yeah will definitely work it's a train that's doing hooning yeah it's flooring it between the lights so i don't want to have to conquer everywhere with my neighbors so oh it's a british tradition there's there's the line there's another couple of things there's oxagon which is an octagonal city that's like half built underwater for some reason and it's supposed to be an advanced manufacturing hub and then there is a year round ski resort called trojina which has a folded village and impossible geometry it's so many bio shocks like it's too many of them so a lot of this has impossible geometry i love the idea of like america has the pentagon we almost got rid of it but we

failed well we're gonna do one better they were just trying to turn it into the square they're like they did for saudi hq they were like too many corners little did they only created more so they were only trying to behead the world trade center so the province oh come on no that's too far my lo you know what you bought tickets for don't make yourselves feel better about what you did by groaning just imagining the guy in one plane being like he's he's heard of the twin towers but he's only ever seen the film twins with arnold schwarz nigger and tanny domino he's like one of them needs to be shorter it was a gender reveal for the twin towers so look yeah there are two genders

the third gender is tower seven look it up control demolition so look the province is going to has now been announced that it's going to host the 20 29 up oh so you have a speech the the province has announced it will host the 20 29 asian winter games to which i say really will it oh it's not often went to there but also i have some very exciting nudes for nudes yeah now go off to the shallow i fucking bet you do i've been working out a lot come see me later um it is ass day today i call for boney ellen whitefish fans today actually today actually was ass day for me no so construction

has actually started on the line congratulations yes they actually have started like they've started like pretending like they're going to keep doing it like they're basically a bunch of like like back hose and diggers on 160 kilometer radius digging out a bunch of foundations being like are we going to have to just pretend to do the whole thing like when are they going to decide that this isn't going to happen guys guys love digging holes i really support them like yeah they're getting paid so much money to just dig holes or they're not or they're just like not being paid anything's dig holes but making a whole rules i mean it really does so uh this is it i'm gonna hire a cyclops to snort up the line when it's done

finally it's racked up this would be it really is building the perfect 2d side scrolling city damn god so it would have the easiest time i'm aging down that thing so it'd be really easy to do a police it'd be really easy to a police chase in neon that's like a side point but like yeah oh you have to build the perfect street racing city and you can resurrect paul walker so hologram okay if the conditions are correct well he was killed by benz so you know the lime could have saved him wait but in like in the last fasten theory it doesn't imply that paul walker is still alive in the last one i can't remember what it was like actually yeah i'm i'm fucking telling you they take there's a there's a shot of a fork in the road and vindy

diesel goes one way paul walker goes the other and then his car explodes into flame yeah so should they go into space at some point but yeah anyway like anyone who knows more about this please tell me like yeah anyone who studies the scripture so please send us an email i have so much neon here um so basically they're digging what is supposed to be the services spine which is like the layer of the city i'm sorry what a what a piece of terminology that all of the robots just magically make everything work okay they haven't developed the robots yet but they are digging we got some irish people down there like the titanic so and and also they're beginning to answer some of the thorny questions posed by having a 160 kilometer long city that i'm sorry we forgot

to say consists of two gigantic mirrored glass skyscrapers about a hundred meters distant from one another well go for 160 but i presume there isn't going to be any intense sun in the Saudi Arabian desert so for those of you i mean because given that we're in australia you may not know this but they they built a skyscraper in london not so long ago called the walkie talkie which is a kind of skyscraper shaped a bit like this and what they discovered up to their dismay after they built it was that it focused the sun's rays onto a particular spot in the street in the financial district of london and it just melted a bunch of aston martins no and they had to just coat the entire building to prevent this from happening it's the best yeah no who could have predicted

moving there to feel like an aunt isn't just coming back to your car and being like oh it's goo like that before you have 30 minutes to move your goo no some of you may be wondering wait a minute wouldn't two gigantic 160 kilometer long skyscrapers impact migratory patterns for birds you might say maybe however how would the swooping bird swoop thankfully we've added the volocopters to turn them into a fine red mist well you know what's worse is actually the swooping bird has got you in a kill zone there's nowhere to run you can't outrun a magpie so they they have and this gives me the feeling of like when you show up to a presentation forget your notes and just kind of improvise and figure

you'll do it later they said oh we've worked out the exact migration paths for all birds in Saudi Arabia and have just designed neom to have dips and holes where they are they saw they saw like the whole like birds is fake like birds are fake thing and they were like yeah but seems legit yeah and if there's one thing I know about birds is that they aren't going to fly into windows they're not going to be they're going to be tricked by a mirrored surface not any bird especially on these things are going to fucking like swiss cheese the skyscrapers it's going to it's going to essentially be like you're subjected to an artillery barrage of like albatrosses so I knew it a relatively new bloomberg article what I've

been in your penthouse apartment you're like trying to seduce some chick you've brought back them just like constant thudding she's like what what is that you're just like that's another endangered species they'll be dead soon don't worry bringing home my second most gorgeous mistress and coming out from the shower to see that she's been impaled by a pelican so there's a newest your third most attractive mistress climbs out of the beak we're gone closes a dory opens a week a relatively new tell all article in bloomberg is revealing a lot of the inside story of the foreign consultants progress made and so on where we find out also that that mountain like year

round ski resort trojina construction started in it then rapidly ended when their designs were found to be physically impossible creating trojina will require and I quote the removal of more than 20 million tons of rock great three times the weight of the hoover dam to build a ski resort in saudi arabia i'm really fixated on the name trojina it sounds like the drag act in a panto that's really racist a panto where just like a third of it is just beeps the resort plans for the building of an artificial lake which would require blowing up large portions of the landscape an adjacent hotel and residential development would require a

man-made canyon which would essentially be experienced as quote living in an open pit mine here a manion just despite all this when they got like right of reply from the neon people their chief executive officer nadmi al naser said trojina will have a suitable infrastructure to create the winter atmosphere in the heart of the desert and make the winter games an unprecedented global event to which i say it will certainly be unprecedented so and also outside the line at oxagon where they're like we're inventing a new kind of factory it has to be a mostly on water for some reason they've said a vast industrial zone built partly on pontoon structures floating in the red sea they are now finishing a hydrogen plant

which shouldn't rock back and forth too much but also is on the water good it's a seapod so this is working as a foreign consultant to neom what we thought was true which is their senior consultants are being ox offered tax-free salaries of up to a million dollars a year for ideas that they know will never see the light of day one former manager said working for the british government if i had to put a bottom line for all the work i did in that era it was just presentations and power points that all went into the garbage the following week it was the least productive part of my whole life in terms of i we know who the consultants are in

the audience it was the least productive of my whole life i mean it would be a pretty sick job if it weren't for the bird rain happening on a constant basis a neom style catalog viewed by bloomberg includes elevators that somehow fly through the sky hey sorry did they hire roll doll for this all of it we're going to get to the influence of fiction on neom great fantastic don't wait oh god an urban spaceport it's a fucking guy who's conflated city building with world building and he's hide a bunch of cons whose dnd groups fell apart and they're all like well there's a city in the desert and oh fuck me also like an urban's like space x itself has dramatically contributed to a

worsening of the air quality in west texas because it launches so many rockets which just create particulate matter what if it was 50 meters from your house you're like i can feel the years dropping off my life wait so you're saying that the particulate matter i need is only like a five minute walk away walk ability awesome however the project and i don't want to shock you but according to bloomberg the project has been plagued by setbacks oh not plagued never would have thought this but and the worst part is that's only the first of ten plagues first come the setbacks wait till i get to the albatross is i love that the article is like we reviewed 27 000 internal documents and spoke with a hundred employees to find that the project was

plagued by setbacks like i could have told you that just we had to verify many stemming from the difficulty of implementing mahamad bin salman's grandiose but he also constantly changing ideas yeah i so i actually have like someone someone who i like have an online connection with was like i got approached to work on the line i got like fucking a job offer and apparently like a lot of people in their field have got job offers and they talk to people who have taken up those jobs and were like oh yeah there are like inside jokes among people working on the line about how it's never gonna happen everyone knows that it's never gonna happen the current gag that they're doing is like oh yeah like mbs's kid was playing with blocks and then knocks and then the blocks fell

over and mbs was like build me that like that's the point everybody knows it's not gonna happen but the amount of freedom that gives you but apart from him it's like a goodbye lenin situation well like we have to make him believe we have to make the idiot boy king of saudi arabia yeah believe that the line will happen i mean i feel like there's a simpler explanation he's about the same age as me so you know about 16 years old when dale earnhardt died in 2001 by failure to turn left and it's he just looked at this and i haven't been salman knows a bunch of guys who died in 2000 i was gonna say don't worry about that difficult year difficult year he saw this this poor man crash into a wall he said and this will never happen again so you will drive straight forever oh

this so this is mb this is a story about how mbs decided the style preferences for the gulf of akaba resort which has the marble beach you know the resort that was designed by a coca through you know the resort that was designed by a company that builds yachts and has never built anything but yachts they were like how do you have marble on a yacht it's so heavy like i guess we'll try building a resort town now in their defense you know it's not that there's that many companies that build beaches so it's not like when the when anyone you can ask to do it is a stupid idea asking the yacht people is only a stupid idea but i'm just kind of amazing to imagine you're at the top of your game in some kind of like heavy-duty architectural construction

field and then someone's like can you build me a beach of marble and it's like i didn't realize we're being consulted by the sphinx but the sphinx who kills you the project so the thing the mbs is working on is something that walks on four legs in the morning the project scope includes developing a series of hotels according to the report the gas station hotel includes two five hundred meter tall towers on either side of the main highway and mbs told his designers that he liked the aesthetic of cyberpunk yes bro cyberpunk stinger please so this is from the article quote i was a little surprised to hear that the prince was very interested in science fiction again have you not seen your own brief but many people are of

course of all sorts of political persuasions so this team basically that's the fucking pop cat a response is that you know people are entitled to their literary proclivities so what happened was this team then started working sort of twenty hour days researching the aesthetics and implied political implication implied political culture of cyberpunks many iterations which basically led neom to have an official taxonomy of science fiction atmospheres awesome right and till they then they realized that okay mbs has said that he likes cyberpunk but he clearly doesn't understand that cyberpunk implies a very dystopian future so we need to somehow make him think that that's what we're doing while doing a different thing

i do i do love the idea of this like of him being so fixated on like the back stories and like fictional histories of this place that doesn't exist it's like it's very like reddit this is like very much a guy who spends so much time on comment sections that he's sort of like imagined a world and he kind of thinks that it's real where everyone's sort of around him is like we can't build this building it's like no this building needs a backstory it needs a gender it needs and it needs to be coherent it needs to be on a03 it's great it's like the world's who the world's foremost bb8 expert can have you dismembered at a moment's notice so so the team ultimately settled on two guiding philosophies for the resort solar punk depicting a future where

environmental challenges have largely been solved he saw the cartoon didn't he know the cartoon yoga commercial that got everyone mad that like oh this thing would work in real life and he was like i'll show you fucking comment you fucking like youtube comment dickhead he was like i would like this yogurt commercial rendered into a beach town he saw like he saw like british leftist get mad that oh yeah this couldn't be real life he's like i'll fucking show you how i've been salman dreams of a little french girl helping him get his marbles back from the bullies so it's so fucking good just in the uk that ad i guess that no we haven't that was very strange what you just said i laughed i was like oh i see i've seen it i've seen it it's good it was

a good joke thank you thank you so that's what i'm here for over in england we have a little girl we look at so vicks a little french girl not a nun she said she'd get your marbles back we all like to go so i don't care for the french for she's a what so so if i may tell you it transpired that the reason that mbs liked it is because it was quite similar of an example of the style as ryan kugler's film black panther which was the first movie shown when mbs allowed saudi cinemas to reopen that's awesome so everyone just kind of just improvised the first thing in front of them and then it got buoyed by infinite money wait hang on didn't black panther come out ages before kovid yes wait so saudi cinemas

were reopening from like a different event from when he was like right no more films oh yeah no you fucked it i think reopened i think they reopened and then they played black panther i was like hey great news everybody you can come see uh a good version of the line in a i don't know what he's building his own wakanda is great because the idea of these people being employed to imagine what if cyberpunk but the corporations are good it's really good i now also move on from the science fiction element to this is a western consultant who's like really into the line genuinely and and what what she thinks living in the line would be like so i attend of my grown machine on

that's you guys i like i like that all of a sudden we found that demi is a nine oh nine very important for acid techno so uh thank you i joined because in my working career no one has ever asked me do you fancy setting up a semi-autonomous state using your passion as a tool for positive social change yeah very people are always asking me that yeah that no no one's asking me about how you question they just like can you stop like microwaving fish can you create positive social this is a curries it's so awesome you're banned from pc world don't be coming in here with your trial again it's australia say bunnings today sell microwaves at bunnings

mixed murmuring from the crowd that i can call you so i distinctly heard a lesbian over here say yes so the lesbians are the authority i can't see you but i know no one's ever asking me if i wanted to create positive social change for the built environment in my job but they do ask me do you fucking hate birds do you want to fucking end all birds ping have you been thrown out of pc world for trying to microwave a bird have you been swooped on by a bird getting swooped on by a bird it's what they want these days it's as simple as that swoop on my bird till i magpie it's it's didn't deserve an applause break you fucking philistines no encouraging more do it no it needed

to be more scattered we got at least double the claps it deserved yeah it's it's as simple as that she says her eyes light up as she describes an ideal day in the neom of the future which i am very excited to share with you now i mean it's never going to be the neom of the present is it imagine she says a sixth grader when he yes i'm always saying this i should i should clarify that's the guy who came up with this she's british yeah imagine a six straighter he says you imagining a twelve year old imagine a sixth grader when he wakes up his home will scan his metabolism because he's had too much sugar the night before the refrigerator will dispense porridge instead of the grunola bar he wanted

is this sort of british fantasy like imagine a child being served gruel does it not please you had too many treats have you boy well you should learn the birds are dead now they cannot help you what if your house was a cruel mother outside instead of a bus stop he finds a swimming canal a swimming canal he changes into a skimpy little number control yourselves in trouble again for showing up to school stop him where

oh i'm so moist i can't even sit on these chairs i'm full of oats imagine a room full of the slipperyest children children so slippery the school master can barely contain them ah come here you navished waves and oh you must learn about grammar but who could contain them when they're running around with slow acting carbs to fuel them all day ah fueled with the scotch slop

up outside he'll find a swimming canal instead of a bus stop carrying a waterproof backpack he'll breaststroke the whole way to school what is he waiting fucking 45 minutes after eating arabia he's going to be boiled alive in that shit river he's also between don't forget he's also between two giant mirrors yes the canal will be a fine a fine stock of young boy from which a passing gentleman may drink at his pleasure every british man over 40 is provided with the longest straw which in neum seems a normal length neum neum confirms that this is the plan they are considering an idea where they instead of

streets and footpaths they will have canals filled with swimmable water what creating creating an aquatic commuting option i mean is this just a thing where like they realize that no one's actually reading these power points so they're just throwing in the wildest reading them but it's just like i bet you nbs will never notice that we built boy canals someone's fucking zora fanfic got merged into you're not ready for they then banal yes open the boy sluice putting your child into a water tube and shooting him to school like a salmon cry i just cry have i can let slip the boys of school it was when it was when i read this segment that i realized that the improv tendency has to be destroyed no one stopped yes ending here and

now they're talking about some kind of a boy tube what about you know what's a better exercise than walking to school swimming to school and awesome okay but here's the full body it's low impact yeah any house not containing a boy will be provided with the boy if you have not been provided with the boy pick up the boy of the soldier in front of you when he falls some of you we provided with boys others with oats one one man gets the boy one man gets the moistening liquid this canal clogged with the bodies of dead children if ever you you've seen the beginning of enemy at the gates it's that but regarding to school

i'm oh no i walk to school in the canal but i don't like to think about what i'm walking on look we we've all so we've all heard about this other stuff these crazy plans i also want to very exciting i can the official tf debu that neon has also announced a new subsidiary company called tautimus great you might be wondering what's tautimus i'm always asking this that's right so i've got some a bunch of sentences like top he sure is like not a ton of mouse like the mice in the canal um i'm afraid ton of mouse for all with their little cars going yum it's all come full circle or shall i say full distance over the line no don't worry i'm going to say i'm going to say some comparative sentences that i'm pretty sure are going to illustrate

what tautimus does smart is digital cognitive is digital humanism okay this mf spittin let's go smart is built on sensors cognitive is built on trust this is a subsidiary company it's multi worth billions do i love talib quali so cool did you know that smart is backward looking and cognitive moves this forward so smart is bad and cognitive good you got it smart gives answers cognitive asks questions here here's the worst one smart is hyper connected cognitive is human connection this company is worth billions and billions and billions of dollars the future is cognitive the future is tautimus also i'd like to add the future's website is

completely impossible to navigate saudi arabia that's no election swimming to school in the canal that's human connections it's all moist young boys i've got an erection so that's something they don't know about me that previous applause applause break cheap into this really good one so look tautimus is a community of a community of visionary catalysts and together oh awesome this is like the like the website for a polycule well together we're harnessing the power of cognitive technology to build an ecosystem of disruptive sustainable solutions that touch every aspect of life we have built an in customer base with neom who was also our largest customer providing us with a playground to test new ideas

and build the world's first truly cognitive city we will share the human centric technology we build here with the rest of the world creating a sustainable accessible future that revolves around us all i have spent weeks trying to find one thing that they have built were done okay here's i feel like okay so i've listened to all this i've been thinking a lot and i think my theory is this right and he watched evan galley and and he got the and he got the completely wrong he's like just misinterpreted it and he like doesn't want to build all the cool bits he just wants to sort of build tokyo free but he wants to like turn it into a big hotel he thought i know i would be with him if he wanted to build the right but i know what it is he thought gendo akari was the hero

swim it swim in the canal and the ham is all the boy will have to do it again so what it get him a canal shingy really good what it acts the canal is gone berserk what it actually is is a rebranding of a company that was called neom digital and technology company and now it's called tonimus because it's trying to like do a thing the guy in charge of it is an american futurologist and former sisco executive called joseph bradley and he said so good they named him twice and and the company was said he was working to integrate ai technology into the line which will have robots holograms and and run under noble energy i went on his linkedin and read some of the blogs these published and in 2018

this man does the fucking research that's incredible this guy can you like imagine like he's logging on to his linkedin and he just sees riley's like this man is like capone away in three months it'd be like seeing that notification be like send a witch mark above your door that's the great thing about riley he's a man of honor he lets you know he's coming i reckon he's like a guy who would like send riley a message being like oh like i would love to connect would you want to meet for coffee sometime so like logging into linkedin the swooping bird has viewed your profile yeah the the the message endorsed you for bloody head the message that hussein just said is when we get so often ability hey you have a technology podcast you'd love to

meet our founder we would but not for the reasons you think um no let me let me share with you the title of a does he care for oats a two of a hop in a canal of a 2018 blog by joseph bradley ceo of tarnimus question outs lovely canal simple as number one another thing about that that we haven't moved on from why did the boy why was his highest desire a granola bar no i wish the oats to be solid mother i need to hold the bar of oats as i swim and why the fuck was he swimming breaststroke cunt is he early like can i share with you please the name of this blog post which was i've been thinking about sort of ever ever since we've arrived at the venue and earlier also this is by joseph by joseph

bradley question earring a solution to gun violence in america's schools yes okay so i assume it's like if you build a canal around the school and the kids when the children are in the canal water actually stops bullets very quickly so as long as they submerge themselves one meter down and the old men will be throwing their straws into the water for the children to suck air from can i just say it's a very quick story about how much this podcast has destroyed my ability to interact with normal people so one of my most normal and boring friends from university recently got married and him and his wife are on honeymoon somewhere i think in texas and he's been posting pictures in the like groomsman's group chat of like them doing boring

shit on their honeymoon but one of them was a video of his wife firing an ar-15 at a gun range and everyone was applying like cool and and i replied and went don't layer into the local school and and there's tragically they did and massacre and then um and then like three minutes later the guy's older brother just replied in the chat went myla that's a terrible thing to say and then before before i had even seen that former host of trash future charlie palmer sent me a screenshot of this interaction in the group chat to my whatsapp privately and was just like shut down so now i uh earlier today at one of sydney's many fine cafes watched and transcribed an entire interview with mr bradley oh riley you've given us so many treats i'm just before you read it i'm

just imagining what it possibly could be like have you ever seen a mouse go fast they go fast as fuck their little cars are so speedy so when so basically he did an interview with a bloomberg business week that later turned out to be a sponsored interview which makes sense because they kept all the questions were like but how much will life be better in the not a single follow-up just lay up after lay up and he said when you think about a city built on machines is about one time transactions but a cognitive city is about establishing relationships where the city learns from you and allows it to be proactive and then basically after saying we're going to spy on the fuck out of you or we would if this thing was ever possible the host on on

on the show follows up with but what technologies will transform lives for the better and how straight will it be i'm going to look down on the city and its gutters and its horse and it will scream save me and i will whisper no and it will say okay and then i'll say oh sorry i'll save you just having a fucking conversation with the city what are you talking about it's going to be cognizant and learn from your behavior how moist all these boys be now tom i'm very glad you asked because he does sort of give the answer in the next in the next question will they be full of oats and therefore easy to catch i need my boy like a thoroughbred horse oh my boy's broken his leg with a with a muscled ass from breast stroke so we so basically they

fill the boys with oats and roast them in the sun but also in water so mohammed bin salman secretly scottish making boy haggis so baggis they say imagine a world so everyone please imagine a world as your eyes yeah in which you see your luggage when you pack it and the next time you see it it's in the hotel at your destination so that's just like having a butler a cognitive city would see that you have an hour and a half in the airport before your flight and guide you on what shopping you might like it would be like riley go to a botega veneta or whatever i don't need a machine to tell me that or imagine you get home a little early enabled by all the cognitive technology find your wife

in bed with another man and you can think of naught more than the boy and you so brimming with oat and you can and you can share a moment of moist and you can share a moment of truth with your child you must eat the oats boy and how you shall be a comely lad get thee to the canal i didn't know pierre was here ah yes if you know next question starting to get bad vibes from the guy hanging out the canal with a big butterfly net oh i intend to catch some very large butterflies today so

it is bringing back truly and a breed of pedophile that the british was scared and died out but the pith helmet again found still fighting the satanic zone wars on a pacific island yeah they've been reintroduced to neon having a wonderful time you may you may ask yourself what a follow-up question could you ask to this to which this lady said but how will your team transform this vision into reality again they won't again could be a hard ball question to which the guys just said everyone in the team is so excited we've invested a billion dollars asking how you foster ideas and gain entrepreneurship i transcribe this word for word uh how we're just gonna do it we're just gonna do it it's just we said we'll do it we're gonna

do we invested a billion dollars asking how you foster ideas and gain entrepreneurship at the core to solve problems we won't exp maxing what's going on to solve problems we won't even know exist when this project is completed so you don't understand we're deep into the final fantasy ten sphere grid what the okay great so we're going we won't need eyes to see where so this is so they then and then he just followed it up with and also this is the first time a digital twin city will be built is the same time as the city wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait a digital twin city are they building neon in them what's at the metaverse number one i was hoping you were going to say minneapolis and st paul and number two yes they're building neon

in the metaverse to go with neon wait wait wait wait wait how how one one one question how how can they do this how can they do the boys yeah that's the thing right salmon doesn't have a problem with people not having legs all right it's been solved already but there is how how is salmon breaking down and weeping over a bloody suitcases he's like i was just trying to make him into a straight line how how would the boys how it's been so beautiful how would the boys swim about legs well feels like a really obvious rest choking exactly you don't need legs right still okay a very inefficient breaststroke all right this now makes sense the question you ask who's saying he does have an answer in my notes um so with creating a digital a metaverse neon

they say imagine how much more meticulously rendered the boys are going to be in the middle of this neon we have the highest poly count boys in the middle east the boy got the boys looking like overwatch two models just right straight from the game yeah i mean boy so they say this is the first time a digital twin city is going to be built at the same time as a city yeah you have a digital representation of the physical world but they also intersect with one another i could be in the digital world experiencing neon on my computer and then description and riley's afternoon this is yeah this is me like doing google maps of like sydney while in the hotel room he says and then i will physically show up in

neon as a hologram which to me no which to me sounds like a threat i will show up as a hologram in neon um you're trying to walk to school and then a hologram blocks the path before you return to the canal boy what are you moisten yourself what i'm immediately hearing is that this is the easiest city in the world to publicly masturbate in he says either intentionally or accidentally he says i will then physically show up in neon as a hologram and again i transcribe this word for word and we can share either a story or experience yes i'll have two dialogue trees when i appear you would like sort of show up like a ghost of christmas past or something like that we've disrupted mohammed i am jamal kashogi

dragging a suitcase behind him moonwalking yes this is how i left the saudi embassy according to the surveillance footage yeah you killed me right after i did my favorite move and then you could think about creating a digital twin so in the real world again i have to emphasize transcribe word for word the neons that exercise is like you know the question that what would you like would you make out with yourself and like would you get out if you saw yourself so that's that's what neon actually really is so in the real world there's only one of you in the digital world you slow down in the digital world you can jack yourself off in the digital world you've got a best friend

in the digital world you could have multiple personas interacting with different people you could have one persona where you're teaching kids a persona where you're enjoying friend time or even one where you're playing sports so basically it's like yeah there's one of you but you could just copy yourself in the metaverse then have that copy of you go do stuff like teach kids or have friend time so you don't have to have any fun yeah you double you can have the fun i'll be at home thinking of the fun we're going we're going slightly over time i'm so sorry we're going slightly over time but i have much like preparations for the building of neon there have been setbacks

in the schedule here i do have a couple more things which is that dubai is trying not to be left behind and is also building its own metaverse version of itself yes yes so dubai is opening the world's first metaverse nightclub in a hotel right it's called vision and clubgoers and crypto owners will be able to and like i'm i am certain that this was that this is a press release of one two three four words and this is all that and ever people have been trying to spin stories about this place out of these four words quote turn coins into cocktails which you've never been able to do at another bar yeah we don't take coins well nfts will be available to purchase at the bar round of nfts yeah three four i'll have an ape if you're having an ape yeah or do you want to

split an ape can i have like a macaque monkey okay i'll go on i'll be naughty yeah all right i'll have a chip a bartender giving like a woman a picture of like an nft ape and being like that guy you guys send that to you compliment to the gentleman across the bar hey my girlfriend that i saw you from across the bar and we left your ape guys i think somebody spiked my ape he's acting real strange he's muttering things beyond our mortal ken trying to try to smash my ape on the side of the bar because i get in a fight and stab them so it's got to be a sharp bit on this ape sorry so back to neon they've also created a so the that's it the metaverse zone is being called xvrs and it's quote the first metaverse that's actually a metaverse according

to bradley in that it will bring together the digital and physical worlds allowing a virtual visitor from the us to experience a hike through the mountainous areas of neom all without leaving their armchair or an artist could post an nft in a virtual space which could also appear on the wall of any physical apartment it's a strange type game where you can do counter strike sprays onto people's walls and just have like a big titty anime lady show up just on a 40 year old man who moved there over for the promise of boys this woman looks like she's had no oats at all oh dear bradley went on to say it's not really about mega cities anymore it's about meta cities

to which i at least me to believe i don't think this man's ever said a normal sentence you know it's like i'm not just gonna have breakfast i'm going to break my fast that's right he says imagine you have it please go ahead i was just it just sent like it i know you're saying words it sounds like simlish to me this is all i know this is fully ai generated yeah like this is not a human being ronda ram crindle dash okay riley was transcribing this from the little symbols that were popping up over his head this guy really likes dogs and soccer ball ghost spider marriage so imagine you own an apartment in neom okay sure everyone imagine that please okay and you decide i imagine the

wrongest thing oh no oh the birds they won't stop dying ah they opened the the boy levy has burst many hath drowned in the lower quarter imagine just a bunch of beavers getting into neom and making their dams out of boys just patting it down with their flat tails future dams of rotting boy the paste of oh it's holding them together like a mortar a castle of neom's finest boys so imagine you own an apartment in neom none of that stuff a normal one

and you decide you're going to open up and have a party you can have folks decide to come in virtually holographically i imagine holographically attending a party so they also say hide from this thing because it's it's it's that meme where it's like they don't know i'm here holographically it's me we do you don't shut off about it they don't know i'm full of votes one of the most unique features of x-verse is that it will offer a virtual representation of all of neom in real time meaning like if your boy if your boy's swimming you know where your boy is and also everyone else does as well wow that's awesome you can look at any boy in the city no matter how wet or dry they are that's freaking cool

boy tracker wow don't worry oh looks like he went into the change room don't worry about it man i said everywhere could offer a virtual representation of neom to help inform its construction with real bricks and mortar again not a brick or mortar will be involved in this man i've been soman as a fucking tick top girl he just wants like astral project think of it the article says like a crowd sourcing the design of an entire city virtual visitors could for example customize the color schemes of virtual apartments which could then be replicated as the interiors of real buildings or if enough people by nfts of apartments in a virtual building the decision could be made to

build it for real to which i said wait i thought it was being built as two buildings that were big line why are there new buildings now autonomous is aware that this will require an enormous amount of personal data collection or as some say spying and so they're announcing the development of a of a data collection consent management platform called methreld or it's meld but the ease of three i'm methreld to hear it methreld will allow users to take control of their personal data and even earn money from neom for sharing it methreld me more to which and then when asked what if someone doesn't want to do that bradley said maybe they're not ready for neom this is the last they shall not have their oats this is the last example i'm going to share

before we shuffle off this stage which is when i have to shuffle off something else which is which is when bradley was asked why would anyone want to do that this was in a less softball interview he said well by sharing their location health and movement data for example if a neom user is immobile for too long a drone will be deployed to check on them oh fuck 911 my boy is stationary don't i fear he has drowned in the canal he sits in the briny deaths the beavers have taken him i fear no father i was contemplating contemplating father i saw two boys in the desert i was so filled with oats i was forced to stop

please do not strike me down with a hellfire missile for standing still look i am aware we've gone over time thank you for being patient with us that was the neom update great club in sydney i want to thank you for coming out on a thursday tom and demmy the host of big soft titty dot png sydney ights and both wonderful comedians and people in their own right i want to thank you for allowing us to do psychic damage to you today oh my god i feel i feel exhausted it's really taken it out of me yeah thank you so much for somehow watching that interview there's a that makes me think like it's such psychic strength that i think there's something wrong with you it's called neurodivergence and

the only room where you can get that out of it is for autism we need to get you all home nice and safe and some people started a chant of legs can we please walk off to a chant of legs legs legs legs legs legs