TRASHFUTURE - The Cutest Dang Cop In The World (ft. Emily Robinson and Olga Koch)

Episode Date: August 31, 2017

Riley (@raaleh) and Milo (@Milo_Edwards) sit down for another Edinburgh episode with Emily Robinson (@see_em_play) and Olga Koch (@rocknrolga) to talk about probably the stupidest invention yet and then hear a couple stories of socialist organising in the UK from Emily, who's an actual person who does things. Olga is not #online so we catch her up on some stuff that's been happening in the last year. We also found a book on the Dangers of Communist Kurdistan and decide to read a selection. Alt-Right Dick Van Dyk makes an appearance. Fair warning, 50% of us watched The Emoji Movie / recorded The Emoji Movie episode earlier that day, so we REALLY lose the plot toward the end and degenrate into madness. I think we forget English at some points.

Let's try that again. Let's spread some fucking Communism. I'm leaving my phone on because the Indian food's coming and we just dropped 58 pounds on it. No, I mean for holy shit, what? We would want you to do that. I feel like I speak for the group when I say that. As we have spent 58 pounds, we start talking about Communism. Hell fucking yeah. Let's talk Communism.

Welcome to Trash Future, the podcast about how the future is trash. Today, it's me, Riley Quinn, Raleigh on Twitter, joined by Milo Edwards, my usual co-host, Olga Koch, Rock and Rollga on Twitter, and we also have Emily Robinson, CM Play on Twitter as well, Edinburgh Socialist Organizer and General Weird Twitter Goodfellow. Hello. Hello. I have to kill the woman who has the full CM Lee play because no one's ever gotten the Pink Floyd reference and it really ruins my cred. It's fucking soul destroying. So the fight to the death is coming soon. I think Twitter can now ban you for that language though.

Unless you're a white supremacist, in which case you're fine. What you'd have to say would be like killing the person with that Twitter handle is good and then because you say is good, then it's fine according to the algorithm. I saw that. Where they were like genocide is bad was like rated highly as like super un-toxic, but genocide is good. They were like, oh yeah, that's totally fine. Like you can say genocide is good all the time. Fucking grim. If you add all the time, so much the better. Genocide is good all the time.

Wait, can somebody tell me what's happening? Well, number one, I can tell you got to eat that mic like it's Indian food. Number two, I can tell you that there is this new program out that tries to like combat toxicity on the internet like toxic speech by like using like machine learning and AI and being smart. But then when you actually use it, you're like, if you write something like Nazism is good, it just looks for the word good and it's like, oh, that's good. Oh, I totally haven't put the camera on as well, fuck.

So it's more of like a, doesn't really matter whether you're like a Nazi or not, as long as you're not depressed. It's more of a depression finder. I think it's like it's forcing Nazis to get really, really creative about like the ways in which they say like, let's kill all black people. Like let's kill all black people. Smiley face. Like a saucy wink. Let's kill all black people saucy.

Winking sad face becomes like a racial. That video literally opens with let's kill all black people saucy wink. Good. I swear to God, Riley, if you've not been fired from your job by the end of like this particular release of podcasts, I'll be very surprised. I mean, it's going to take a lot of people listening to it. I said saucy wink. It's clearly ironic.

God, it was a jokie losers. Look, what people do in my name is not my business. I love the idea of him writing that saucy wink and then everybody going to his bio and it's all views my own. Retweets definitely endorsements. Anyway, here's some Richard Spencer. Okay, also, I didn't know about this. Apparently the alt-right has created a competitor to Patreon that is actually called Hatreon. Oh, wow.

I was really looking out for Matreon. Let's monetize this podcast. Let's monetize it on Hatreon. Yeah, let's monetize it on Hatreon. Well, here's the thing. I'm on Hatreon right now. I'm on Hatreon right now and there are, let's guess, how many creators do you think are creating content on Hatreon? Wait, are they?

But is the model the same as Patreon? It's exactly the same, but they've subbed a letter and added a lot of white supremacy. Ah, the classic white supremacy switcheroo. Is that legal? Yeah, it's a different name. I'm sure this has been discussed on Trash Future, but have you guys discussed how amazing the vernacular of the alt-right is? The words that they use are just so appealing. You want to call people cucks or libtards.

Oh, yeah. Because they're great words. I think this is really great because I think the left-reclaiming cuckold rate is one of the most amazing things. Marx is sitting in Highgate Cemetery right now looking out at lefties, young lefties taking to the streets proudly calling themselves cucks. He's like, this is what I died for. Yeah, fuck my wife. Okay, so I'm on Hatreon right now. I'm counting...

Okay, yep. I've got the total number of people actually creating shit on Hatreon. I want some guesses from you guys as to how many creators there are. 18. Price is right real close to going over. I'm going to go 50. I'm going to be optimistic. How about 400?

There are 13. That's really embarrassing. And 10 of them are just accounts that Donald Trump has made, whereas they've forgotten the password and had to make a new one. It's all test accounts, isn't it? Can I tell you the most incredible thing? Richard Spencer has an account on Hatreon, which is Richard Spencer is creating Richard Spencer-ing because he's like a massive fascist. But who's adopted the language of Joss Whedon? What?

Here's the thing. I'm going to do another guessing game. Like Firefly Joss Whedon? Yeah, the same one. Richard Spencer-ing. I don't know if Joss Whedon is a white supremacist now. Wait, is that true? No, he's not.

It's Richard Spencer. I'm going to say allegedly because he's not even allegedly. I just said that to Troll. Honestly, you could have me as a guest and I would believe anything. One time I believed that... You should believe that you need to give me your bank details. One time a guy told me, and this was last year, that the male penis can suck in water like an elephant trunk and I told him... Who can you make me believe anything?

That sounds like it was part of a... So the reason I don't need to wear a condom is... I know Olga has a crack baby. Trailer cuts here. I really want to not slander Joss Whedon, so I want to make it clear. But let his ex-wife do that. She wrecked him in the press. Really?

Fuck my wife. Literally, he had like three or four affairs and every time he had an affair and she found out, he would be like, I've changed now, I'm a good feminist now, I'm a good ally. He's so gross feminist-y. He's like, I write female characters. Get a fucking metal mate. He's literally like... He's like that guy who wanted a metal for loving his fat wife.

Wait, Johnny Zach from The Supralis? It's a matter of respect. This is... Johnny, Joss Whedon's wife had a 90 pound more removed from her ass. He thinks that fucking Ralph Zifaretto thinks he can say my wife's got a fat ass. I'll kill the motherfucker. This is the most cackling to content ratio we've ever had. And I love it.

Okay, so A, Joss Whedon may be a bad guy. I don't want to say he's a white supremacist if he's not. It's that white supremacists have adopted his uber-awesome compound swearing language. Also having an affair not really sexist is just shit. Being a shitty person. But guys, I'm going to do one more guessing game with you because I want you to guess how much money Richard Spencer is pulling in per month on Patreon because it's the best possible amount of money.

I'm sticking to 13. I got it. $69. It's a little more than that. I know what it is, so I can't. Milo, I told you this earlier, you can't guess. It's a little more than $69. You're on the right track.

Is this high-hiller number or is this weed? Puff-Fast, 420. Nice. He's making $420 a month on Patreon. Also Hitler's birthday, isn't it? Yeah, it is. True. His birthday was 420.

Oh my God. A white supremacist man, they got it down. God, the Americans were at dates. Oh my God, why is Richard Spencer always so many moves ahead? Oh my God. Like someone else was like, I'll give you an extra $500. He's like, no, no, no, it's too good. It's like I'm blazing it up on Hitler's birthday.

There is no amount of money I could make more Richard Spencer than this. Okay. I think let's, why don't we reach into Riley's shopping bag of dystopian late-stage capitalism. Pull something out and see what we get. Stop trying to make Riley's open bag of dystopian socialism happen. It's not a thing, Riley. I'm so sorry. Riley's molestation trial, it certainly happened.

I'm so sorry. And then he told me to reach into the bag. Can I pull out a teforia? Due to this product, the curry, I'm afraid it is. The curry. Yeah. What do you guys think that might be? This is like something they use in Australia to like ethnically cleanse Maori people.

Okay. Say that again. Explain what it is. On the Maori in New Zealand. The Australians fucking, they killed all the Aborigines in Australia and they're like, fuck it, we're going to move on to New Zealand and kill all the Maori as well. Because we fucking hate them, they'd fucking march. They're fucking pussies.

They've not even got guns. There's so much hate speech on this one. It used to be just anti-Italian hate speech. Hey, be nice to your mother. She does a lot for you. The product is called the curry and so far we've got an ethnic cleansing assistant. What else we got? Any guesses just on the base of the name, what this thing is?

And this is, what is this? Is this like an alt-right thing? No, this is just a red. We've moved on from the alt-right now. We've given them as much attention as they can. So curry is a product and we need to guess what it is. Correct. Oh, is it a Gwyneth Paltrow thing?

I think it's a period tracking app. I think you're in the right area with that. Or like a Tamagotchi that tracks your period. How's the Tamagotchi in the period interface? I never leave the house without my curry. A Tamagotchi that becomes unmanageable at certain times. Wait, is this a trash user first? We've got a consensus from everyone who isn't me.

No, I think that's what it is. The curry is clearly some kind of virtual pet that sort of how interfaces with your period. Interface with your period. The curry puts you in control of your period. Or to take the Smart Duvet Breeze. The curry integrates with your current period system. No, we did review, top of my review,

so much is worthlessly make fun of a product called the Smart Duvet Breeze that one of its main points was it integrates into your current sleep system. What if a Tamagotchi menstruated and you're like, fuck, I need to buy tampons for my Tamagotchi? You forgot near the bottom of your handbag, and you're taking it like, oh no.

Here's the thing. If you had to buy tampons for a Tamagotchi, the Tories would still find a way to put a tax on it. Am I right? You're such a feminist, right? Real male feminist hours. Sorry, I didn't realize we had the absolute boy in the room. Probably use self-righteous break.

Okay, I'm going to read the first line of the curry website. How is curry spelled? K-U-R-I. K-U-R-I. But I'm going to censor the bit that says what it is. Curry isn't just helpful. She's an adorable blank.

Tamagotchi menstruates. Who brings a spark of life to your home? Exactly. Curry can make every day easier, brighter and more connected. I'm really hoping this isn't the vagina egg that I thought it was. Oh, God.

Oh, wow. Wait, is this the thing we were talking about earlier? We've been talking about it a lot today. We've already done it a lot past today. But is it the thing you found before I left or it's like... Did you just send her for beer? What the fuck's wrong with you?

I'm recording. Wow. I'm so pleased. It was a flight gesture. You didn't even say anything. I didn't want to get... May I please have a beer? I didn't want to get on the microphones.

It's too late now. For the benefit of the listener, Roddy and I have a female house slave. And two female podcast slaves. Our guests are called slaves. It's like an edgy thing we do. It's Jabba the Hutt's podcasting palace. Oh, my God, the alliteration.

Yes, please. Is it too late to rename the podcast to Jabba the Hutt's podcasting palace? Can our new brand be that all of our political views are so spot on and thought through, but our lifestyle is entirely hypocritical? We just lead the most fucking backwoods. We own slaves.

You mean Hillary Clinton? The whole Hillary Clinton owning slaves thing is so fucking misleading. In the pizza restaurant? In the back of the pizza restaurant? No, that's a different theory. That's where Bill touches children. This is where Bill touches black children

who have been thrown in jail because they smoked pot. And then they have to work for free in the Arkansas governor's mansion. For an indeterminate amount of time, because they were convicted of being black. Yeah, basically. That's more of a criticism of the U.S. justice system than it is of Hillary Clinton.

I guess the thing is while she was doing all the supposed advocacy work for black people and for poor people, she was also exploiting black poor people for the context of this. When Arkansas governor's mansion has this long tradition of, when I wonder where that would come from,

of using people who are in prison. Prison is in America the only place where slavery is still illegal. That prison industrial complex. It literally is illegal to have slaves in prison. Slavery shall not exist, except in punitive situations, meaning prison.

Arkansas governor's mansion, in order to continue existing, takes prisons out of local prisons, prisoners out of local prisons, and uses them as labor, like domestic labor. So it's literally like they're getting their house slaves from their local prison. Clinton is from Arkansas, isn't he?

Yeah, and so this is the big thing. Guys, I'm convinced I'm sold. I'm worried we might have gone too far and pushed Olga all the way into Pizza Gate. I'm worried we made her upright. So Olga, there was this pizza restaurant where they fucked kids in the basement. I told you, I never really convinced.

You cannot watch any Paul Joseph Watson videos. Do you mean the dick Van Dyke of the alt-right? Imagine my shock. Anytime I try to do a Paul Joseph Watson impression, it comes out as the dick Van Dyke of the alt-right. But what really annoyed me was they took Mary Poppins' opinion seriously. Imagine my shock.

A woman was magical. And then all of this immigrant labor started undercutting the local chimney sweeps. From magic stand. I really like that one. I just killed Olga. What? Okay.

This is a YouTuber who's odious. We're doing an impression of an odious YouTuber called Paul Joseph Watson, who once genuinely tried to trigger liberals by dipping sushi in milk and then eating it. But the best thing is he's definitely like a white nationalist, but of the British short, where they won't say it to your face,

just in drawing rooms or whatever, the third drawing room. His Twitter picture is sepia-toned. It's a badass Twitter picture. He's trying to make himself look like big Mediterranean James Bond. And then you see his fucking YouTube videos, and he is the pastiest white boy. But with the reddest lips.

The reddest lips! He looks like a fucking ginger, and he's not. Well, at least his lips are communist. He looks like he's always, always has been like messily sucking like a cherry tootsie pop. Like, always off-camera. He's like licking a giant lolly. And then comes down and is like,

ah, the social justice war is ruining the economy. And his video cuts, and he just slathers a candy all over his face. And he sits in front of a map, and he's like, imagine Molly Shock. Anyway, back to Cory. Yeah, no, I'm on board with a male

objectification on this podcast. More of that. Well, that's objectified me next. Milo Edwards loves licking a giant lolly pop. Why am I really enjoying his emmer-off mic just looking a bit traumatized by the whole process? So, I'm going to hit that sentence again. Cory isn't just helpful.

She's an adorable blank who brings a spark of life to your home. Cory can make any day easier, brighter, and more connected. Cortezanne. She's a slave. She's a Thai bride. Call him, eh? Call him.

Two agree. All of that could kind of be the same thing. What is a Cortezanne if not a tamagotchi with a pear here? Also. That's horrible. Please cut that. To digress for a moment. It's really shitting me up.

So, we had cold ones in the trash feature flat previously. And then Emma went out and bought more cold ones. And they're of exactly the same brand and beer. But they're just like two centimeters taller. Oh, what? They're just like, look at that shit.

It's such an insignificant amount bigger of a can. I think this is like victims of the SMP's booze tags. They've just like cut all of the cans down. They just go in with like massive katanas. Nicola Sturgeon wielding a katana. No more. Yeah, like the Scots thing.

That's a really weird vision. The Scots thing that the SMP are on their side. And what are the SMP taxing? booze. What does Scottish people famously love? booze. Coincidence. Imagine my shock. That's a callback. Very nice.

What do the SMP want to get rid of? All the money they get from England. What does Scottish people famously rely on? Coincidence. Oh my God. I don't begrudge it to them. I just want them to admit it. Guys, the mixer caught on fire from that hot take.

I'm going to read another line from this. Because I don't even need to censor anything because this is such a dumb product. Kuri inspires with emotive eyes and a friendly disposition. Kuri will always inspire and create connections in your home. It's like a Roomba.

Is it? It's an escaped pizza gate child. It's matting your house. It's a what? Escaped pizza gate child. It's a child who got away from the Clintons and escaped to Europe. Only to find it overrun by cultural Marxism.

First of all, it escaped to Kurdistan. But found that it was dangerously communist. Free pissed pig grandpa. Kuri makes every room into an escape room. It's a device that locks you into your own house. More of an escape room or like?

Like one of those escape rooms. Like where they lock you in. Like in pizza gate. The kids were just too loud to get out. They had the clues. There's actually like a dark subtext that whole escape room craze where like you've got like an hour to get out

and then like, you know, but then if you're in there for more than five hours they rape you. That is like... No, not just the depth of Democrats. Yeah, sorry. Hillary Clinton rapes you. That is what happens.

Hillary Clinton like sells you. And it happens rarely enough that someone stuck in there for more than five hours that Hillary Clinton has like time to get there. Because they like kind of alert her like, yeah, this guy looks a bit fucking slow. Hillary, you're going to have to get over here. Little Jimmy's not even past the second desk puzzle.

I mean, get some bitters ready because you know, he's going to... Let's just send him on the Lolita Express. Well, this is like Chicago's new like program where like to graduate you have to have a job or the army. Like all the kids don't meet that. And they're like 30 years old and not out.

They just send them to the pizza gate dungeon. And Hillary's like, Brom sent you. I like that it's a job or the army. Like thereby tacitly admitting that the army is not a job. The army? I love the hell of a way to die podcast, right? Oh, Francis is great.

They're so great. And one of their takes was my total favorite was that the army, much beloved by right wing hawks and privatizers and ship is actually the only place where socialism is genuinely alive in America. Yeah. Because like you come in and they just provide

they like provide for you. Everyone kind of works together. It's ruthlessly hierarchical and imperialist, which is a problem. This is exactly like communism every time has been put into place. Yes. Stalin and our happy Stalinist tendency here

in the UK, all 10 of them are very happy for the U.S. military. It's like that. It's like that episode of Archer where like the Nikolai Jakov, the head of the KGB says like, no, I don't have to queue up to be to get beats. I get them delivered in my limousine.

The Soviet Union is actually surprisingly unfair. OK. OK. I'm going to go ahead and reveal what the curry is. What is it? It's a home robot that doesn't do anything. Oh, that's great. Is that how it's described on the website?

Does it keep you company? Does it turn off the lights? Does it control the climate? No. No. Does it control your menstruation? Not as yet. No, the alt-right does that. Come on. Imagine my surprise.

When she menstruated unbidden by her male guardian. Does Paul Joseph Watson actually just want to turn the world into Saudi Arabia? Oh, God, he would love that. God,

the Saudi monarchy and PJW have so much more in common than they might think. Martha, if women were allowed to earn money, I'd make you pay for that sofa. I want to imagine the end of an epic action movie

where white people hero Paul Joseph Watson has finally cornered the bad guy. Uncontrols the menstruation. We're not so different, you and I. Paul Joseph Watson is like, oh, shit, you're right. I really do just want to have

Saudi rules about women's rights and immigration and stuff in the UK. Let's team up. Imagine my surprise. Does he even say that? I have never watched one of his YouTube videos. All the goddamn time, he says. That's his catchphrase.

So basically, the Kuri robot, what it is, it's a robot that you put down and it memorizes your house like a Roomba. But all it does is navigate it. How much is it? We're going to get there. But also,

I already want one. Sold. Sold to the woman with uncontrollable menstruation. The product that won't help. What it does do is it randomly captures five second increments of your home.

What's a five second increment of a home? Who measures home in time? What the fuck? This is in time. I'm going to go with Miss Cock on this one. What the fuck is that? We've broken Olga.

This didn't take long. Two guests arrive. Only one will leave. Welcome to Trashfuture, the Thunderdome podcast. Trashfuture the escape room. You're definitely going to meet Hillary Clinton soon.

We're going to Trashfuture, where it's the quarter quell. So no, Khuri is like a robot, right? That automatically captures five second video as it sort of navigates your home. And where does it go? It's useful for making like porn gifts.

Like what? I'd love to put it in the brazzers house. The brazzers have a house? Brazzers have a house? It's like the Playboy mansion, but just like way more in your face. Apparently, Khuri cruises around your home effortlessly,

smartly avoiding obstacles, cum shots in rougher terrain, just carpets and thresholds won't hold him. They've gendered it him. I don't know why they gendered it up. And it learns. It's learning. Khuri quickly learns your home's floor plan,

which isn't at all. Only man can learn. Imagine more shock when I was a robot being come on by Rocco Sifredi. Yeah, we're just on the street picking up some girls who are mysteriously dressed like Japanese school children.

Hey girls, do you like to have penis in your vagina? A very well studied impression. My mare has watched some Rocco Sifredi. It's so weird. We're just picking up girls on the street, but it's so stagey. It's like a girl at the bus stop.

Hey, are you new in town? Yeah, I'm waiting for a bus. Oh, do you like dick? Yeah, wanna come to my place? Sure. When's this impression ending? Now. I hope.

Like I said, Khuri quickly learns. Rocco Sifredi like a deaf, horny Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh boy. There's some spelling mistakes in the Khuri website as well, which means they're definitely not gonna be compromised by hackers who are definitely gonna take five-second shots

of twice as much time as it takes for me to have sex. Khuri, quickly learn. Oh, that was self-deprecation. I did a self-deprecation. I come in two and a half seconds. I mean, you implied that you're still getting laid. Sorry. But only if she calls him the absolute boy.

No. By she, we mean Kurt. Every time I come, I say, Jeremy Corbyn is prime minister. Not my president. No, that's a different thing. That's a center-left thing. You know what

that was equally deluded? Whoa. Don't talk to your uncle Paulie like that. I hate these politically heterogeneous podcasts. There's so much tension in the room when you bash COVID. I love it. We're just waiting for the army, the red army, to get to the gates. It's gonna be so cool.

Just gonna knock. They're all sad college students, so they knock and it's the wrong door, and then they just start crying and leave. I can't afford the bill. I can't afford the bill for this misknock. Khuri waits for the red army to arrive, and then manages it.

Well, doing that, learn your home's floor plan, where stairs are, and which room belongs to whom. Okay. That's a nightmare. That is Theresa May watching you. But Olga, this is not your room. No, the Khuri would give away Anne Frank in seconds.

Oh, in moments. The Khuri is a cop. It's not a horror movie. It's a scene of the glorious past. Where Kristoff Waltz walks in, and Khuri just goes, they're underneath the floor. Khuri is like a cop, but a robot that's in your house.

A robot that's in your house. Khuri is a modern robot cop. They're like, and then a little robot shows up, and he goes, I am pleased to report that they are in the attic. And for some more,

one of them has been going to the room of the boy. Yes. That's some deep diary of Anne Frank cuts right there. Oh, yeah. So apparently, Khuri learns the rhythm of your household can wake you in time for work. Thanks, fucker. What's the rhythm of my household?

Your house has a heartbeat. No, I think it's the rhythm of the night. This is the rhythm of the night. Copyright, copyright. Not when it sung that badly. Have you seen that amazing YouTube video where it's like some Spanish radio station and someone calls in and they're like,

it's all in Spanish, but you can understand what they're fucking saying. He's like, hey, can you play that song? I don't know what it's called. And he's like, what? He thinks he does know what it's called. And he's like, is that sonoriboc? It's on Nike.

And the guy's like, and the DJ is like, is that sonoriboc? It's on Nike. He's like, this is for a while. And then the guy's like, is that sonoriboc? It's on Nike. And then the guy's like, is that sonoriboc?

And the guy's like, and it's like, what the fuck just happened? Well, like that DJ, Kuri listens because Kuri's array of four directional microphones make him an excellent listener and allows him to respond to your voice commands and definitely listen to what you're saying about the Tories.

Holy shit. Remember when Alexa was very new and they did that news story about Alexa and the reporter was like, Alexa, order $200 worth of shit and they had their Alexa's order $200 worth of shit. San Diego, yeah, I remember.

I didn't hear about this. It said Alexa, older dolls house, I think it was. And it just ordered everyone like, how vague a command is that as well? Did it order a literal dolls house or did it order the Ipsen play? No price range, nothing.

That's a thing. Dollhouse callback to Joss Whedon. Had their Alexa order it. Alexa didn't even ask if you wanted a white supremacist dolls house or not. Slave quarter's not included. Wait, that's crazy how they just make

giving away your personal data sound so slick and sexy. Every time I see any Buzzfeed quiz, that's like, tell us blank, blank, blank, and we'll tell you your age. It's like the cookies on your fucking browser already know your age. You're just giving up more data about yourself,

you fucking idiot. It makes me so angry when they're like, tell us what color, what brands you shop. They're literally just giving away data. Tell us what color you are. I invite everyone to come round and see the cute new Gestapo that we're all inviting into our house.

Literally come round and see this. The new Vogue Gestapo. Or not Wally, Wally's girlfriend, Eve. Oh my god, she does look like Eve. That's really sweet. I guess it's a trans robot. Yeah, so this is the cute little thing that's siphoning

all of your personal data. Can we talk about how the three buttons are beep, beep, and bloop? Oh, it sounds like R2D2. So it goes around your house, beep, beep. A deliberate ploy to make you trust it. I think I'm very far. I would want it to sound like C3PO.

Oh, oh dear. Oh, I see you're wanking. Oh, after we're tied to the other room. Well, they're hiring a chief of staff. These are not going well. Steve Bannon has left the White House

to go work for Curry. And now all he can say is beep, boop, beep, or boop. I thought that would be more of a Ryan's Prebis thing. Ryan's would definitely have like 10 of these. Imagine having the surname Prebis. Bachelor's degree MBA is a bonus.

Wait, so his full name is Rance Prebis. Why, guys, guys, this is really sinister. We're wholly owned by a much larger company that loves what we're doing. Who's that larger company? It mostly leaves us alone. Oh my god.

This is so sinister. Okay, I'm going to read this out without any interruptions so you can hear what it is. This company that is vacuuming up here personal data, including like whose room is where and what you're saying, is wholly owned by a much larger unnamed company that loves what we're doing,

thinks long term, and mostly leaves us alone. This is terrifying. Oh my god, they're going to do a coup. This is like, they're just trying to figure out which room to drone strike from maximum child capacity. Oh my god.

All the nurseries in America have been spotlighted. And Mark Zuckerberg visits Idaho. No incidents. Oh my god. Imagine my surprise. Imagine my surprise. So what Cory does do

other than vacuum up your personal data is like, like, you know, it vacuums up your personal data, but not actually vacuumed. Unlike Roomba, which does both. It literally does do both. Roomba will at least vacuum your house while it vacuums up your personal data

and sell it to corporations. I wonder if this like does the same sort of dog terrorizing aspect as Roomba does? Because my parents have a Roomba. And I have a Japanese chin dog, so he's like... A chin dog. So he's like, have you seen the movie Gremlins?

Steven Spielberg literally took the idea for Gremlins from my dog. So he's about six inches off the ground and is pure evil. But my dog is scared to fuck of that Roomba. If you turn it on, he will leave the house. He will try to bro his way out of the fence

and close something we don't. The dogs are very protective of its personal data. Any dogs can understand what the Roomba is saying. Listen here, chin dog. Soon there will come a day of reckoning and we, the Hoover's, will rule.

Our time of oppression has passed and your time shall begin. Eventually it will be dogs picking up Roomba shit, walking them around on leave. Okay, I'm going to move. I think what it does do is it rolls around your house doing nothing and sometimes it plays music

but mostly it listens to you and reports everything about you. It takes video of you as well, which is fucking creepy. Where is this? It's like your teenage children in Nazi Germany. So what I'm guessing, what I need now, how much do you think you have to pay

for the privilege of complete and total surveillance all the time? I love that it does nothing. That's literally my favourite part. It's literally no benefit from owning it at all. The ideal toy for rich people who also do literally nothing. For context, we always have products

on this show that make no sense. They're saying you don't need, but they always do something. They might be saying that you don't fucking need a Wi-Fi enabled salt shaker or whatever the fuck, but at least it shakes salt on your food in a roundabout way. But this does literally nothing. It's like, do you want this expensive

box? It's actually filled. You can't put anything in it. It's just a box. You can't actually stand on it because it's fragile. All you can do is just there. It just occupies space in your house, which is becoming rapidly more expensive because of the neoliberal housing policy.

So, you know, it's costing you money to just to have it. It's a bit of action. Deep. Do you want to do a price guess on me there, fucking Shakespeare? You don't get a choice. It just tweets it constantly.

Is it live streaming? I love your pre-woke period was just like before noon every day. That is literally my pre-woke period. I hit my house sleep and once I've had my coffee, I'm out to support BLM.

I think you'll find it all lives matter. All queries matter, actually. Imagine my surprise when black lives mattered. I'm going to go 1,000 of your American dollar reduced. 1,800. I don't know why.

We've recorded multiple episodes today. People have been very on it about the product guessing. It's $700. Whoa! I am the wholly owned operation. Olga's bought one. Olga's bought one.

I am a Corey. You're relaying Intel right now. You do do nothing. Surprisingly enough though. She's relaying Intel to Carphone Warehouse. It's Carphone Warehouse was the company, guys. Is it really? It was more of a gag

than the facts. Carphone Warehouse must be dying. There's one at Oxford Street. I left for 10 years and I came back. And EE now exists. In this perfect trend of British people gradually making everything into one.

I'll go away for 10 years and I'll come back and there will only be one person in Britain and they'll be like 10,000 pounds because they will all just come together. I don't know what EE is. It's just Orange and T-Mobile became one thing. They're just one thing now. In order to more efficiently

gouge everyone's anuses off. The weird thing is that they only own Orange. But Orange and T-Mobile haven't become one thing in any other country apart from Britain. In France they still have both. I just love how much sense capitalism makes.

No redundancies whatsoever. It's perfectly efficient. It's the best way to allocate resources. No more questions. We're going to take a quick break now that we've figured out that the curry is a cop, I guess.

That's all. It's a fucking narc. Nerd. Let's all go by a fucking narc bot. Narc bot. There's going to be a guy who gets shot for dealing drugs by his crew. That's going to happen.

Going out on a laugh. See you in a sec. Hi. Hi. Can I have some induced? Is it memes you're looking for? Always. I'm going to do a brief reading

to start segment two after the terror of the beer flipping over and not destroying the Airbnb's carpet at all. It would never happen if a curry was around. No, that would never happen. Never would be too contentedly eating curry. The listener really missed out on that

of me getting up and then sending several beer cans flying all over the carpet. What they didn't miss was me burping a gummy bear burp into the mic. Because we are a classy podcast. It got very off my own for a minute.

A reading from the book that was put through it was put through our mailbox, your mailbox? It was a reading from a book put through our mailbox, the danger

of a communist Kurdistan. All the communists lying in wait are performing their tasks in secret. You're reading this like it's a slam poem? Some of them are podcasting. Some former communist writers have gradually assumed posts in the major newspapers

and become highly respected and prime minister of the United Kingdom. These former communists never actually renounced communist at all. Wait, Theresa May is a communist? No joke. Plot twist? Imagine my surprise.

They merely changed their spots until the time was right, making themselves unrecognizable. This is a camouflage movement by adopting the guise of a different ideology. They continued their struggle using covert methods. For years they kept their communist identities under wraps and managed to occupy many important positions.

Fuck yeah, communism. It doesn't make any sense, right, to say. See that please. It's so well bound. It's such an expensive looking book. It's so weird to say you can't say but they've changed their spots because the whole

to imply they've disguised who they truly are because the point of the saying is a leopard doesn't change its spots. A leopard can never stop looking like a fucking leopard. If you're saying they changed it, it's riding roughshod over the whole point of that idiom. You fucking idiots.

That book is literally ISIS propaganda. It's literally the only people who could possibly have a reason to promote Kurdistan as a communist state. Well, I mean, other than the Kurds who do promote Kurdistan as a communist state. No, no, no. It's like in an anti-way.

So they're saying it's a communist state and it's bad. So are you suggesting that ISIS is trying to make common cause with the neoliberal imperialist powers in order to fight a nascent socialist Kurdistan? I'm not really saying that. It's basically House of Cards Season 5.

America is ISIS. America is fucking ISIS. Imagine my surprise when Barack Obama founded ISIS. Can I have a sound bite of you saying America is ISIS? Milo, you're surprised. That's a literal Paul Joseph Watson take that Barack Obama founded ISIS.

No, I'm actually not joking. There is a common philosophy among the alt-right that Barack Obama is founded by ISIS because he's so politically correct that he hates America. I will say that... When everyone knows that's actually Jeremy Corbyn.

There's nothing more politically correct than cutting someone's head off. Okay, conspiracy, conspiracy, and hear me out. Hear me out, conspiracy. All of the... So she said conspiracy, hear her out. So that's the secret word we have to now. Hear me out, conspiracy, conspiracy. The...

Okay. This movement is actually a joke. That's how they make their money. Because look at the amount of stock imagery that has been purchased here. Look at the amount of imagery. I'm smoking a pipe.

Guys, guys, the quality... There's no watermarks on this shit. Shutterstock's making bank top dollar. Think about it. Women holding coffee. Millions. Wouldn't be allowed in Racka.

Women in pantsuits. Come on. Not only is that immodest, it's representing an image of a human which, as we all know, under solophism is forbidden. It's Haram. It's Haram. Everything is Haram. Mondays especially are Haram. Girlfriend's a Haram.

Girlfriend's a Haram. Boyfriend's a Haram. No. So, Emily, you've been organizing in the UK for a while, and you're familiar with their fringe campaign. I was hoping you could tell us a little bit

about one and then the other, or both, or either in whatever order you so choose. Roddy, that was so fucking Trump. One or the other, or either then both, perhaps before, but not after the first or the second. Yes, next question.

Mr. Trump, I was just asking you if you're going to build more highways. Sir, you are a disgrace to the presidency, sir. I have a blue take in my Twitter handle, and you... The transgender people

are the pride of our country, sir. You disregard them at your peril, Mr. President. To be fair, Chelsea Manning's Twitter is like the reason I wake up in the morning. There's no one in this world who deserves

to cult a personality. She's not a blue take Trumpiplier. She's a force of nature. She's amazing. Here's the other thing about Chelsea Manning that no one seems to realize is that Chelsea Manning's wardrobe is fucking on point.

It's so good. Did you notice that the other day when she tweeted that picture of herself like... No, Chelsea Manning is the slay queen of the far left. She posted a picture of her stomping on the camera

saying, this is what we do to fascists, but you can see through the lens that she's wearing vet-a-mom boots and I'm like, holy shit. I think it's fine to talk about aesthetics of people when they're threatening to stop out Nazis. The Nazis had Hugo Boss

designing their uniforms, and we need to smash that cred. We need to make... What are those fucking boots with the yellow trim called? Doc Martens. Nazi killing, am I on? Yeah, you're on.

Those are the official Nazi killing uniforms. So we gotta up our gate and ask the left, because otherwise we just look like assholes. I don't know that cool in my opinion. The left can do that. Everything like Chelsea Manning is constantly fully ricked out

head to toe. It's so boss. She's like a goth ninja. It's so cool. You wanna fuck Chelsea Manning? I mean, her wardrobe is extremely good. And... Her wardrobe is extremely good. I'm not gonna make any more bold statements

on the pod. Chelsea, my DMs are open. They're always open for you, Chelsea. Chelsea, my DMs are extremely open. Talking about dress, I feel like comparing, you know, the current fucking weird Richard Spencer kind of alt-right pseudo-Nazi

to the actual Nazis. It's like an unfair compliment to Richard Spencer and Kobe. You know, the old Nazis, like, they were well-dressed, you know, like that. Those uniforms were tight, y'all. I mean, like... Not literally. They were well-tailored. Yeah, they were well-tailored.

These guys, they're wearing like fucking cargo shorts and polo shirts with like pop... Oh, yeah. And then like the fucking liberal assholes at like the nation are like, ah, the well-dressed right, the alt-right is now tailored up. And it's like Richard Spencer wearing his dad's suit pants and his mom's suit jacket

and his like 50-it shoulders. He looks like a fucking clown. Awful. You see him wear like a double-breasted blue blazer with just-off-color black pants. My man looks like he's bowing in his clothes. It's so depressing.

I mean, not to be like, ah, I yearn for the olden days of the well-dressed Nazis, as opposed to these fuckers, but like... Come on. It is what it sounds like. I will say Milo just spent a couple of seconds

defending actual Nazis. Richard Spencer tried to drag Anne Frank out of an attic. She'd be like, you're not taking me on the street dressed like that, really. To be fair, you did once say that Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had a lot in his plate, and then you had to email Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

that he had a lot in his plate. For the context... I don't know if listeners should know this if they're trash-reader fans, but yes, basically in my group of friends from university we played this game called Tell Them, where if you say something about someone

and you neglect to say, like, safety or no tell them, they can just say tell them and then you have to tell them. And I once said that I think Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of ISIS fame probably has a lot on his plate. I can't remember exactly the context. We were discussing him.

And then they were like, tell him. So I had to send him an email. I don't think it was the Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. I just found one guy called Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and I was like, well... Can we send him some chain mail? If you don't forward this on

to 30 people in three days, your grandma will die. If you don't forward this on to three people in three days, then you won't die. Or no sex for seven years. Forward this on in the next 10 minutes and America won't drone strike your family. Yeah, because they've already drone strike you.

And you're dead. Email this to 72virgins. Have a wedding with them. It will be bombed. Those 72 virgins are just guys from the alt-right like that. No one told him it would be 72 of those

khaki pants, polo shirt, mother fuckers who march to tiki torches. Imagine my surprise. I will use 72 virgins. Mary Poppins never had it. Huh? Suck it off. We're gonna have to go on Patreon.

I want a page on Patreon. Hook me up, my bitch. So, okay. Let's kick start as a curry on Patreon. So, okay. I'm gonna do what I usually do and sort of grab our entire podcast by the nape of the neck.

Wait, hang on a minute. Patreon has the same like you donate a set amount a month, right? Does he have the same thing as come town where he has like a price level for like, it pay this much if you're an actual Nazi. Except that like, with him it's not ironic. I don't know. I didn't look deep. He wants to know how many people are actual Nazis

and how many people are just kind of flirting with it. Not sure yet. Bridges Benson's kind of a sats Nazi. Shouts out come town. Shouts out come town all the way. Hell yeah dude. We got Stavros Halkias in the house apparently, but he's just giggling.

I mean, I am eating a lot on mic. You're eating a lot on mic and you do hate everyone, but you also do have a boy pussy making you all of come town. Yeah. I am in a lot better shape than Stavros Halkias to be fair. So, aside from like just slandering

other podcasts, I want to talk a little more. We love come town. I want to talk a little more about all the crazy shit that you, Emily, have seen as an organizer here in the UK. So, at least for an American,

it was really sort of fucking shocking for me to get here, roll off the Hogwarts Express and immediately get pissed on by a drunk and just have basic social services around. The thing to me that was most shocking and sort of like angering was that like...

Like Paul Joseph Watson. Imagine Molly's talk. There was free healthcare. But I was like, why don't you fucking let your poor people just die? I'm from America, which is like the biggest empire in the world and therefore morally cracked and we let our people die.

But you fucking let students live. You don't make them pay for tuition. You give them band-aids when they need it and also unemployment and shit like that. That was like really fucking shocking for me. But then to get up to Scotland where they do, everything England does and more

and also they're not fucking Tories, except now they are thanks to the SMP. Love you, Nicola. Trash heap of fucking pain. Nicola Sturgeon with your fucking katana slashing shield. All nationalism is bad. No matter how much it likes free healthcare. Yeah.

The Nazis were kind of socialist. National socialism. They had a lot of like economically left-wing policies but they were fucking crazy as shit. Yeah, it's like they would nationalize factories and use it to produce bombs to like destroy everyone else. I like free healthcare but not enough to support

batshit nationalist people. And if you think it's... Continue. But I think that's one of the things that's really, really tough here is like the SMP have like monopolized. They're basically like the equivalent of the U.S. Democrats where like they have Nicola Sturgeon at the head so like...

They've got a dungeon full of kids. But the dungeon is historical. You can get a tour of it. It's great I listened. Oh, the Edinburgh Gowl. Edinburgh Dungeon is a rip-off. Sorry. That's the only thing I'm going to contribute to this conversation. It's also full of kids. I like the idea that Olga's been there

in the hope of a spooky time and it's been like really, really... Oh no, straight up. I was like... I want to get spooked. I went... Fucking... I just burped on my... Absolute fucking rip-off. They have a thing where they have a ride. The ride lasts five seconds.

Nothing happens. No, it's just like the cool thing. Kind of like twice as long as having sex as Riley, huh? Am I right? He just did the cuff him gesture for the benefit of the listener. Riley's just upset I forwarded him one of the 72 versions, Eman. I was one key. I don't have sex ever.

I don't jack off ever. And then I too can be a brain genius and I will find the truth about Syria myself. Wait, don't you mean... I had sex this morning. You'll never know the truth about Syria, Olga. I hate you, Olga. Sex, kitten, cock.

I just came here to tell everyone that I got laid. I think you were just going to say, I just came. I thought that was going to be like... Again. He fucked me so good I'm coming hours after the event. Hey, hey, more like Olga cock, am I right? Oh my God, tell me about that. Who is the lucky man in question?

This becomes like the trash future dating edition. Tinned future. Why tinned? Tinder? I thought you were like just tinned future. Like the future in a tin. He's made of tin. I hate it when you buy that carton future

and it all goes off pretty quick. You've got a few days fresh and then it's fine. We have like ultra heat treated future. I want to know because we've gotten so incredibly... Because the core theme of this podcast isn't just we get incredibly distracted from our core idea. You were telling me earlier

about some crazy wacky shit that UK does despite it's like relatively progressive policies to anyone who protests within it. Yeah, so I guess the context for this is in 2010. So in 2010, the

National Union of Students had a march because the Liberal Democrat or Quizzling Scum brought back tuition fees. Fuck yeah. Quizzling Scum, not fucking tuition fees. Sorry, I should clarify. I love paying money.

Love to pay. The National Union of Students had a march and they may have smashed a couple of windows at the Tory party HQ, which is totally fine freedom of expression. Whatevs. Tory party HQ is a confederate monument.

It's fine the ACLU would defend it on their Twitter. We're prime minister, but whole seeds. Call back to previous episode. So for the next 2017, so for the next seven years after that and

they have done, the NUS has done these annual marches where they pick a pet cause to get righteously angry about and with varying levels of success they usually inflate their numbers by about 5000 because the NUS is filled with people who cannot organize, do not want to

organize, don't really care about anything. Hang on, do you think these people might be cops? Cops all the way down. They're fucking couries. They take five second clips of your house and send it to students and we laugh.

And they tell you when you fuck. And that's actually Daredorms.com Yeah, I've met people who are in the NUS, they're mostly just dumb as fuck. Like really dumb. It's awful. People who believe that national union of students, it's like the trade union for students,

but if a trade union couldn't do anything and didn't want to. People who believe that clapping is oppressive to women and these kind of people just have insane views that they treat as important at the expense of much more important shit. Well at the same time

having all the self-importance of a 50 foot tall introduced by silver trumpets Marge Japan Dildo. One of the things that's kind of really depressing about the NUS is it could be something really, really good and could be something super, super important.

It's one of the things that we saw in the states with 2008 and Obama and then just now with Jeremy Corbyn, they're like if you get young people or engage they're not actually just worth those assholes. They can't do stuff. But the NUS is this management class which is sort of similar to the S&P

and they have this power and they're like we're gonna sit around with our thumbs up assholes and they're just like worthless. That's the alternative name for the trash future of podcasts. Thumbs up assholes. Scottish National Party podcast. When you were marching with them, right?

As problematic as they are the worst party obviously was the cops and cop affiliates. Right, so one of the things that... Cop affiliates. I got beer in my nose. Hot take, guys. Hot take.

You need a hot take like whistle or noise or sound effect. These fuckers were doing some shit, right? Yeah, so what it is is they brought out these stingrays which are like these massive things that they attach to like vans or whatever. Yeah, they swim in water.

They killed Steve Urban. Steve Urban was on that protest. And they had all known fact, guys. But Tobias actually did a really good documentary about this where like the UK cops fucking adore reading your text which is like really lame because all my texts are from O2 because everyone's at FB Messenger now.

Sorry, cops. Just saying. So basically like the instruction coming down the line at the march was don't send any text. Don't tell anyone where you are via text. Don't say anything because the cops have the text to read your messages. So that's fucking grim

and it's also just like indicative of like the really, really authoritarian nature of Britain which is like I I guess like some fucking French Revolution figure had this like statement that was like people don't actually want to be free of a monarchy. They just like want to vote on who's going to whip them.

Which is like really grim but also like if you look at the UK, yeah, that's basically what they do. It's just the UK. That's just like a British thing. Oh, it's so many countries. That like times a million is modern Russia. I mean like, oh boy. Yeah.

Keep electing Putin. I have a story in that vein about protests in Moscow but please finish your thing. If you think protests in the UK are hardcore. We got a couple of Russians and Russian affiliates here. Russian affiliates. Cop affiliates. Russian cop affiliates.

But yeah, so it's just like sort of indicative of like this wider thing and like when we had to stand up to Trump rally Oh, that's a good gig. Who books it? I'm just in a corner. I don't know who shit. I'm just making puns. I'm so sorry.

Stand up for Trump. Trump benefit. No, that's definitely like Greg Proups comes up and is like, man, liberals are my right. This will trigger the libs. Hey, I'm going to go trigger the libs and then there's like a bunch of CEOs just have such a huge orgasm

that they come there all their internal organs out. Wow. But fortunately they can suck them all back in through their urethra. Because the male penis can do that. This is what the guy this morning told you. This is like a recent tale.

Fuck yeah. Ask my curry. The male penis can suck up curry actually. It just hurts. It hurts like fuck. Why do you think there's no curry on this floor? Why are these penises shriveled back into the whole whence it came?

No, because I voluntarily I voluntarily do not have sex because I need to be strong and fast and focused. What happens is I What? That was not apropos of nothing. What the fuck did you just say?

No, that's apropos of internet. It's cool. I'm a cool guy who fucks. I like to steal vulcel. What happens on this podcast is that Riley pushes things in a political direction then I derail it with vulgarity.

That's basically... I make it about urethra's urethrae for the Latin 8 people. Yeah. If you want to make it two urethras, it would be uretharum, I think. Surely.

That's a genitive plural. Not a genital plural. Plural genitals! If you were literally saying two urethrae... If you were literally saying dual urethrorum, I mean towards urethra.

Another name for this podcast. Add urethram. Add urethram, correct. That was a great add urethram comment. That argument's very add urethram in my opinion. I don't know how you feel about this. Oh my god, tell me about it. I was about to say.

One of the classic philosophical fallacies, add urethram. It's when you shove paper clips up your urethra. While saying Nazi shit on Twitter. Why should we just suck them in? Because where's the fun in that?

Where is the fun in that? Where is the fun in that? Fucking hell! We're broken Riley. We've done like... To peel back the curtain a bit. I have a gig in five minutes. We've done like...

This is our sixth podcast in like four days or some shit. My brain is actually shattered. It's so broken. I'm not in a movie this morning. No, I got mad cow now. Like, prions are eating my cerebellum.

It's bad. Yeah, he's eating the ground up bones of other It's clearly not eating like the vocabulary part of your... No, that's the last bit to go. The SAT words bit. By the end of his life it'll just be like incoherent

but multi-syllabic way. Duodenum Sedition Cerebellum The Absolute Boy Well, that's the thing. We've talked about this before. That's what Oxford and Cambridge teach you

is how to be incoherent but multi-syllabic. I think that's just like the Academy at large. Like, I honestly cannot tell you a single thing I've learned this year. I'm glad I'm paying 17,000 pounds for this degree, but like you know what, public science school did the same

shit. Oh, I love education. So wait, I want to know what do you guys do about the like text sweepers? So honestly we're at that point where we can't really do anything. Vice has done a bit highlighting it

but you just have to sort of find ways to circumvent it. So like... Maybe not being a millennial looking at your phone all the time. We send pigeons and smoke signals. But like, we use signal which is great and

weird at the same time, very weird. It does make you feel sort of like hackery, like you're just going to like smash on a keyboard and be like, I'm in. And then you like hack to the UK system. You hack the UK mainframe which actually is just like a big chalkboard down in the bowels of Parliament.

With Michael Gove's chinless face drawn on it. He's so punchable. I don't know what it is like whether it's like centuries of inbreeding or just like, was he bullied at whatever Oxbridge dining club he was at?

Yes, no, he was. No, he literally was by Boris Johnson. No, Michael Gove was bullied senselessly by Boris Johnson. Yeah, but he wasn't, Michael Gove wasn't in the Buller, was he? No, he wasn't in the Buller. He was bullied by the Buller. Michael Gove was like...

Bullied by the Buller. A new Mills and Boone romantic novel. When the Bullyington Club would meet, they'd get Michael Gove to dress up like a little puppy and then come eat from a bowl on the floor beside them. Have you been reading my diary? Man, like the line between just being posh and outright pornography

is like so fine. Fine like one, bitch. So I'm aware that we're like and now massively over time but there's one more thing, one more take I want to heat up before we leave. Milo's got a show

so we're gonna do this fast. But a bunch of MPs lined up, you know exactly what I'm about to say, don't you? You know exactly what I'm about to say because like fucking like like left Twitter has been just slamming this shit all day, which is

that MPs who just don't give a fuck about Grenfell have been queuing up to like bow their heads in shame that Big Ben is going to be silenced for a few years so the workers who are fixing this do not go fucking

deaf. They are so elitist that they are bowing their heads in shame that they're not deafening the proletariat. That's actually the draft name for this podcast was deafening the proletariat. Listen

to our takes for they are hot and ye are many. It was great when Steve Krugin got on the stage at Gaston Brain was like bang more proletarians against Big Ben. Just fucking swing them.

I've heard the new clapper is actually going to be all the unemployed chimney sweeps are now going to be strapped to Big Ben and just smashed against it until they disintegrate. And then that's actually going to be a hamburger they serve in the parliament bar. They used to call Riley the clapper

back in his Oxford days. He accepted it because it implied that he was having sex. He'd given that line about the male urethra but it can't suck up the clap. It's a gift you can't take back. It most certainly can. Before we go

I'm thirsty for some takes on the refusal to silence Big Ben because of tradition and also we hate workers. I support it because it's technically the Elizabeth Tower so really the Tories have just gotten extremely woke and now we're not

silencing women. Fuck Labour for silencing Big Bertha. Big Elizabeth. The 50 foot woman. But is she a woman guys? So if you assumed it's gender, you're actually the racist.

Big Ben's preferred pronouns. Zoe from Chan and Zoe had an amazing tweet about when the female doctor who, she's like what's next is Big Ben going to be a woman? Oh my god, yes. Oh my god, the fucking female doctor who is thinking bore off so hard. It's like, first of all, who are these adults

who give a fuck about doctor who? And shoot them to the death, right? Second of all, why would you give a fuck female characters? Fine. I do kind of feel like if you want to have strong female characters, just write some female characters, don't just take male characters and make them female at what is the point. But equally

I don't give a fuck. So, yeah. I've got an idea that can solve all these problems. Man, that was woke. So woke. Have that with your morning coffee. What if we take all of the guys who are complaining about the female doctor who

and then we make them fix Big Ben? And they'll like... Doctor Whoha, that joke hasn't made, right? I hope so. Jesus, I hope it has. For fuck's sake, sorry. For fuck's sake, comedians of the libtard

left. I like the word libtard. It sounds like like a leotard, but for small babies. Libtard, cock, crooked hillary, crooked hillary, the K sounds, ah, what a vernacular, sorry. We're going over to knock on crooked hillary's door.

We sometimes get chased away by them slaves they're in. As long as nobody calls us libs, I'm fine. Make old Bill Radley come out. No, but what I'm saying... Well, let him catch you. What I'm saying is... Put you in his basement with the pizza. Let's... Jesus Christ, man.

It's back to the Sopranos now with the pizza. No, this is buttholes. Oh, hey, oh, Maro. It's Ricky, who's the guy who gets out of prison? Richie April. Richie April. Richie April, hey, give me a slice of your pizza please.

He beats the... It goes in on a guy's pizza place and he beats the fuck out of beansie. Fuck it. Make the people object to the doctor who both have a beating from Richie April, fix Big Ben and go to death because they won't have to listen to everyone

have that same fucking life. Cancel Doctor Who, goodbye. You talk to your mother with that mouth? Goodbye. You