TRASHFUTURE - The Very Special Relationship ft. Felix Biederman

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

This week, a slightly-not-quite classic Trashfuture crew of Riley (@raaleh), Hussein (@HKesvani), and Nate (@inthesedeserts) got together in the Caliphate of Tower Hamlets to speak with Felix Biederman (@ByYourLogic) about how America and Britian see and use one another. In addition to exploring the political purpose horror stories of Britain serve for America, we also talk culture, Brexit, and of course horny intellectual conservatives. Also a lot about Love Island. The FSB detained Milo (@Milo_Edwards) after he tried to land an ‘in Soviet Russia’ joke without realising Sergei Lavrov was in the audience. We hope he’s repatriated alive. You can commodify your dissent with a t-shirt from http://www.lilcomrade.com/ and help our mate build t-shirt baby socialism. Peter Stringfellow’s sensual, erotic obituary is available here: https://blogs.spectator.co.uk/2018/06/peter-stringfellow-1940-2018-the-intellectual-conservative/  

Apparently, a Brexit deal has been reached that pleases everybody, which is astonishing. Well, it pleases everyone in the Conservative cabinet. So that means it's going to be bad? Oh, of course. It's completely bad, completely impossible, and utterly unacceptable to the European Union. So I haven't been paying attention much to the news. All I heard was about David Davis acting as if he was snake from Metal Gear Solid saying something about how he was going to like break people.

But Nadine Doris, Nadine Doris, somehow jumped in and was just like David Davies used to be in the SAS. So he'll kill everyone. He'll just go post or in like Portcullis house. I think that's how it went down. It's it's it's here's the I don't even need to look at the actual tweet because I remember it. It's David Davis is former SAS.

So we know is how to get things done and is also good at taking people out tweet. That's the great point. Veteran goes beast mode and negotiations has a flashback and immediately sprays into the room with a P.D.W. No, my favorite part about the Brexit negotiations is that so far we've had like Teresa May just using words. I'm very excited for David Davis to fast rope in and cut Michelle Barney's throat. Have you seen those like student those stupid tweets that are like, wow, Fortnite has ruined

my life. Every time I see a pallet of wood, I think about, oh, I could get 60 resources from that. You know, like that stupid stuff. Yeah. Brexit's like that. But with like fishery rights. Well, I was laughing about if you you fucked up that tweet and you're like, well, Fortnite's ruined my life.

Every time I see a room full of people, I want to shoot them with my gun and that's Davies going into the negotiations, just fucking mowing them down with a UMP 45 caliber. He's like, damn, I haven't played too much Fortnite also on former SAS. Anyway, we got the right Brexit deal. You're welcome. Peace. David Davis is a gamer. Yeah.

David Davis is playing the playing the ultimate game. And the thing is what I look, the reason I know it's fictional is that Nadine Doris is clearly attracted to him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

I got to look up a picture of this guy. I'm so excited that you've never seen David Davis while you're at it. Look up Michael Gove because the UK has finally, I know, I know what Michael Gove looks like. What do you think my my phone background is? Yeah, he's David Davis. He looks like it looks like they they were making a TV movie about Newt Gingrich and they're like, OK, we have to get it after who isn't as ugly as the real guys. It's like it's still like has a gingrichy look.

It's like in The Simpsons where they make the video that made for TV movie of Homer grabbing that girl's butt and they're like, yeah, we they said they change it just enough so that we don't have to pay you. Hello again and welcome to and I'm going to get it right this time I'm going to get it right. Watch me. Welcome to trash future. The podcast would have a future if we do not implement fully automated luxury gay space. Communism the future is and will be trash. I fucking nailed it did fucking nailed it. My name is Riley. You can find me on Twitter at Rala. It's still

a bad name. Who do I got of from from my right, given that the computer is on my left, you have Nate, the producer who's filling in for Milo, who's finally been captured by the FSB and maybe will be returned to us in pieces. Maybe not. We'll find out it's Hussein. I haven't eaten like all this Ramadan still. I can't bust. It's making me angry. I'm just tired all the time. So I might just like come in every so often into this conversation and just like talk about various soup recipes I'm thinking about, but that's as far as my discourse will go today. We need a hype man. Yeah, your sense of humor has gotten real weird today when I came to Bethnal Green. So I don't know if Felix knows about Bethnal Green and the famous Nogo zones.

Nogo Shria zones. You've heard of this, right? How like little bits of London are considered to be unenturable by white people. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. I mean, it's like we have the knockout game over here, but then we elected Trump and we don't have it anymore. But you elected, you know, sort of a Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, Amalgam and Theresa May. So you just got more Nogo zones. Oh, more. So we have like the Islamic police outside of Bethnal Green train station. And as we've spoken about in previous episode, they always demand streetwear to enter, right? Because that's what Gizia is now. It's not money. It's not Bitcoin crash. So that's hype. It's hype. Yeah. So they were like, you know, give me your streetwear. I mean,

the only things I had on were a pair of like Azik running shoes. So I gave them one and they were like, no, we don't know. This isn't hype. This is like dad shit. And then they just made fun of me and called me a chud until I came to the studio. Exactly. And here you are. Loopy and hungry and starving and thirsty. All I'm going to say is Raheem Kasam was right. And now I am, now I'm a Tory. And coming at us from Brooklyn. I'm Felix Biederman. You may know me as the owner of Racism Dog account. The other races of dog account that barks and tweets that aren't racist enough. I'm also the author of the book. In Kofifi, we trust, starting our way through the far light far right and far left.

If I give I I've heard like if only we could put aside our differences, then we could actually like maybe listen to one another and the conversation would be healed. I'm big into dialogues. I'm big into conversations. I'm big into just raising awareness of the concept of positivity. I'm so excited. I don't think this has happened yet. I'm very excited for the first like Hollywood screenwriter to come out and be like, Hey guys, I know dialogue and let me tell you our national dialogue is broken. Have you seen crash? We need another one of those little more racism healing involved because I mean, I get over it somehow. We need to crash where they say the n word more. What we need is like a version of crash mixed with Aaron Sorkin's the newsroom.

I feel that's going to be like, yeah, that's going to be like the twenty eighteen defining. So we we have Felix on today. We're going to take it transatlantic. We're going to figure we're going to talk about some of the crazy shit that Britain produces and some of the crazy shit that some of the crazy shit America thinks about Britain because we're a country that still matters basically. I think of sense and yeah we still we still you know we matter to some people. I think like mostly the conservative cabinet members. My passports among other things. So before we get into like you know news like from that Aaron Sorkin show the newsroom I wanted to start on on British reality television.

Did all of our audience are half Britain British half American audience know that the TV show Love Island which can best be described as a reality dating show. I'm still not really sure how it works. I have watched it. It's like the American Ninja of dating in the sense that it's a reality show and it is real life but inexplicable things like suitcases full of money just emerging happen and you're sort of like the next step is finding love by jumping through pits of spikes but they haven't quite gotten there yet. I cannot wait for a platforming dating game. No Love Island is a show that's somehow a dating contest. It's back on the airwaves in Britain and everyone's gone crazy for it. Felix you watched a couple of clips of

this. What was your initial impression. I did and I think it like you know I'm just going to preface this for all my like Britain versus America stuff. When I was like 15 or 16 I watched the movie Layer Cake. Before that I loved movies like Snatch, Lockstock and I generally got this view of the UK as this very sexy place where you know the people have sort of like bird like facial features like Daniel Craig and Sienna Miller and they're always very snappy and I don't always really understand what they're saying but it's very cool. They're very serious but have a rise sense of humor. They always do the cool thing. They always figure something out and then as I got older I saw that it's just like a solo like just it's the same as America but just

you know slightly off more so than us in different ways and this has not become more clear to me than watching Love Island because I enjoy a lot of American reality TV shows. You know everyone likes Jersey Shore. Everyone liked all the Real House 5 shows are great but my favorite one is Vanderpump Rules because it's you know if you're going to explain to America to anyone you can't be one of those like weepy guys with three names who does tweet storms and it's like this is the dark soul the American it. No it's Vanderpump Rules. It's a bunch of like suburban people who are pointlessly cruel always look worse every episode and are completely moronic but always engage in hopelessly complex schemes against each other. That's how you understand Trump's America

and it's a great show. All these shows in America are enjoyable for Americans because we either consciously or subconsciously understand the taxonomies of types of dumb people we have here. You know you have the pissed guy you have the horny guy you have you know the girl who says ultimatum a lot. Whereas with Love Island I am I feel like I know more about the UK than I ever have in my life but I don't understand your types of dumb people yet so when I watched the show there were little strokes of other reality shows I got like it was a lot of just blindingly bright colors completely fluorescent really weird close cuts but I didn't quite like okay so I watched the clip where the girls have to take a suitcase and they have to like there's a secret about one

of the guys across from them and they have to guess which guy it is by kissing them which is like already that's like something you would do on like a reality show that like Borat would watch but it's I was enjoying it because I could tell these were all very stupid people but I like couldn't quite figure out their archetypes their British archetypes so I'm hoping that once I published my my dissertation the study of the pissed man the pissed man in the Great Lakes region 2002 to 2005 I could get that MacArthur genius grant and go overseas and study types of idiots of the UK I mean like one of the key elements of the of the of the UK idiot I think is that you I think that the key American idiot is the pissed guy I think the key British idiot

is the um legend I don't do you did you get the sense of the legend yeah okay yeah now I'm getting it yeah it's the guy who's like well you know that famous picture it's sort of like pre pre postmodern internet but it's like the it's this guy just laying down in his kitchen with his two friends and they're like we dare it Ali to to lay down he did it absolute legend yeah that is the more escalating that's acting like a mad cunt as they say oh fuck Trump's gonna have us cancelled no that's the archetypical like that's the archetypical love island contestant is the incredible legend or the girl I could only describe as babes referred to by everyone she knows is babes and it was it's very 1970s right because it's like

part of being an absolute legend is that you like you have a lot of threesomes you you spend a thousand pounds on a first date for no reason you fuck on the plane on the way to Ibiza oh yeah no that's a huge thing British people are always getting thrown off of planes for like getting inappropriately drunk and then having sex in the open like it's always on a flight to the Balearic Islands yeah anywhere else that's British culture um no so this is this this is the essence of love island is that it's an anthropological exploration of like the of the the British dumb person in the wild it's it's our dumb guy show it's also it's also one where it's all because at least in this series anyway like some of them like they have you know quintessentially

in middle class jobs they you know have gone to like university or university education stuff it's not like it's it's sort of and i will be interesting part about love island is sort of like the classist element towards it right i think it proves that dumb guy is a situational phenomenon in some cases i think i sort of think it's more than that i think because like there's this kind of weird introspective like form of just caricaturistic masculinity but i think like really enshrines the show right it's kind of like you've got this island that is like pristine and in the intro at least in like the seasons up with the episodes i watch today like they kind of make it very clear in the open that you know we've got this very pristine island and it's perfect

everything is blissful and you're given anything you want and you can just live in a bathing suit and your job is literally just to kind of either like do dumb challenges and when you're not doing dumb challenges to just go into various hot tubs and just like sit there right it's like this weird i don't know it's i've been trying to like think of like a really smart like oh how can i like somehow reference wittgenstein or if you want to reference if you want to reference anyone on this it's marcusa but we're not doing that are we not are we are we not pretend to us do the problem is like every nerve in my body is crying out for me to start like referencing aeros in civilization or the one-dimensional man i just want to frankfort school so bad but we're not going to

because because i feel like it's appreciated there's like the superficial there's people who appreciate it because like it's a fun show where fun things happen and sexy people get in hot tubs and then there's also a lot of people who hate watch it or like mockingly hate watch it well here's the here's this is the actually kind of gets to one of the points i wanted to wanted to make which is that british reality television is so distinct from american reality television in a few key ways but the most is that the stakes are incredibly low like love island like it's the most popular by scores and the prize is fifty thousand pounds and then you win the ability to make like nightclub appearances for two thousand pounds until you stop being hot and then

maybe you get two hundred pounds to get to like worse and worse and worse towns then you can wrap about how england is your city but eventually it does come to an end so britain britain's celebrity culture because celebrity is just i think this is also unlike the states or it's been it's the states hasn't been like this for as long as britain celebrity is just a job and it's a job you can get just by being on a show like this but there are so many other reality dating shows that are even lower stakes like there is that my favorite one is um my favorite one is is called dinner date uh felix i have not previewed this to you at all because i i don't know if it's i don't know i mean i don't know what it's gonna what it's gonna do to your head but imagine there's a show

that's an hour long format where six people who are all from the same town publicly humiliate themselves because five have to prepare a menu that they cook at their house just random people for another random person from their town and the prize is as the the guest the dinner guest goes to each house he narrows it down or she if it's the other way and then the prize is the person who cooks the best dinner wins a date with just a person from their town who they've not been matched with in any way but the public humiliation is insane and relentless because many of them suck at cooking and that is not hidden whatsoever by the producers so you effectively have a show where like people burn the dessert and they fuck up the main course or like they're just weird and

like not having personalities their apartments look like you know a dead body was dissolved on the floor and like none of it's hidden it's just right out there in the open and i just can't imagine an analog of that in america and then again i i also maybe there's a weirder version but somehow in america i sure it would involve like surviving by your sas skills in the wild it's because you wouldn't be so domestic it's it's in american reality shows they're trying to reward you doing well at something whereas british reality shows are just there as like a kind of stalks if you're dumb enough to fuck up on camera deal with it uh sad i think that strikes at the core of the difference between types of american and british dumb guys they're dumb people in general right

because the british dumb guy archetype the most popular american dumb guy archetype is pissed guy but the most popular british one is legend and this betrays a significant cultural difference in that the dumb guy in britain can achieve a sort of immortal uh elevated status through deeds through having like through their character showing through their actions like this guy may be shit like really shitty to talk to because he just doesn't know anything and he just sort of stares at you blankly but the the the adventures he's gone on like when he you know got really drunk and pissed in a heineken bottle and served it to some rich tosser or he you know he shagged on an airplane it's like it shows that he is more than the guy who just stares at you while you talk

to him whereas the american americans love nothing more than to posture and do absolutely nothing that's you know our biggest thing for our reactionaries that was q and on it's the hunt for a non-existence non-existence pedophilia ring so you can actually never do anything never risk anything never fight against any actual real injustice but in your mind you've been hunting pedophiles for the last two years so you're like heroic you're matthew mcgonaghey and true detective and what makes the american pissed guy such a special dumb guy is that america does not have a fighting culture we very rarely get into physical fights with each other but because this man has spent so much time talking about oh you do oh when i'm pissed watch out i could win at the u ofc if they

would let me get drunk and pissed beforehand no one gets pissed like me his entire legend are just things that are complete hypotheticals uh so on a reality show because you know this play like this is a lot of americans a lot of american dumb guys just sort of subsist on assumptions you would make out of them it's a confidence game so when it gets to our reality tv everything has to look beautiful everything kind of has to work the right way unless it specifically figures into the plot because anything else would distract from the hypothetical and the character the solely verbal character building of our stars whereas and also we have to be told what to think you know a big thing i love the gordon ramsey show where he goes into people's restaurants and he's like nice chicken

you piece of shit but i always notice that on the american version there are like jump cuts and they make it more dramatic that it's supposed to be like there's this one i love where he goes to this shitty restaurant on long island and within an hour of meeting gordon ramsey the shithead who owns the restaurant is like i wish i never met you like he's just so dramatic but on the british one like gordon ramsey is going up to these people and being like everything about you is a lie you suck at this you're holding back everyone in your life by the way you should make this a guest or a pub and they're like oh i feel a bit chuffed this isn't my best afternoon but we're gonna keep going there's no music to tell you what to feel there's no jump cuts and i think it's like not that this

makes british reality tv any more noble but it's like okay let's show you in actions well yeah it's like the piss guy is always living in the hypothetical whereas the the british absolute legend literally whips it out in nondos and everyone's like yeah it's the guy he did the act he made it happen he and yes it's this is why i think britain actually had an empire is it was just a country of fucking legends they were daring one another absolutely well i mean one thing i do i do want to kind of take out is colonialism i mean it depends where i would say and only if you leave a railroad you know i busted like eight rail ropes jesus christ yo um the thing i think well the one point hussain brought up earlier i want to come back to is the class one though because legends

aren't legend is not a it's not a class phenomenon they're made it's because like it's because the thing is there is this every year with love island basically someone always brings out the same statistic that more people applied this year to love island than to the universities of oxford and cambridge combined which is always considered to be a complete fucking travesty one guy who's the bbc one breakfast presenter people look at selfies every day than the painting of mona lisa that we all love damn one guy the dan walker the bbc one breakfast presenter actually said i've just read read like reads that more people applied for love island this year than oxford and cambridge what is happening to us crying emoji correct me if i'm wrong but isn't it like even restrictive

of how how many people get to apply in the first place like yes aren't you like strongly discouraged from applying if you don't have like all these insane criteria to begin yes no like is like wow who would have thought that fewer people would apply to a thing that's insanely restricted versus people who can apply anyone can apply if they're over eighteen to be like yeah we're a bathing suit and be around babes all day and get hammered like yeah what do that in saint piaz college okay no okay you can but they think everybody's going to be quoting marcusa at you at the entire time okay i mean fine the thing is the thing about oxford and cambridge is that they're awful places where like you have to produce like the whole all the

teaching is one on one and you have to produce essays like multiple times a week for world leading professors in your subject who are also all drunk and not paying attention and they're collecting opposition research on you but you also that was at stanford you also have to trick them into into thinking that you know what you're talking about multiple times a week and like there are situations where people at like oxford have gone so crazy that they like stab their boyfriend with a bread knife but then like their sentence gets commuted because they're too posh again literally this did happen well that's like that's the perfect we live in a society tweet though right because it's like the dumb thing is more popular than

smart thing and you don't look at like any of the factors why from like class factors or economic factors all the way to like yeah this one thing is more popular yeah like there's somebody there's somebody tweets to that genre or just thoughts that are like uh oh uh the average person takes 40 selfies a day how many when was the last time they painted a picture it's like i don't know maybe they're not classically trained artists yeah more like more people read nutrition facts than books like okay it's just it's just making no point except for the generalized point that has existed since the dawn of observational comedy which is current time bad previous time was smarter everyone's warming themselves around fire have we all forgotten the sun all i'm saying is that

true thoughts they paint their nudes before they send it to before before they send it to their girlfriend's best friend ah anyway um our our our lives were so simple we used to go to school to learn cursive now we curse at our schools because of school shootings we live in a society this sounds like a fucking ben garrison caught in no they have way more labels it's all on a spectrum between like banksy and ben garrison but it really is the same thing as banksy liberal ben garrison yes and and more and more or less just as obvious even if it doesn't have a word on every single thing he ever draws i mean banksy might as well have some words in every single thing he ever draws like he did that that that thing of two police office two male police officers kissing

like wow what if cops were gay have you ever thought of that have you ever have you ever considered that maybe cops are also gay wow i sure did i sure made you question your prejudices well also when it when it turned out that banksy may be the guy for massive attack it all made so much fucking sense to me it always reminds me of the time when he was like i'm going to go paint the border fence between like not border sorry it's a for the the fence between israel and gaza i'm going to go paint it so it looks so it looks nice i can turn something oppressive and it's something beautiful and everyone in gaza was like fuck you go back to bristol bitch stop this is literally the worst thing you could do why are you making this thing nice like david blaine when

david blaine was trying to do his magic trick in london and everyone just like took the piss out of him and like was like flying like vials of pit literally vials of piss like i didn't know about this living in a cage wasn't he like living in a cage above the tems right because that legends yeah he was a legend he was a legend didn't he like didn't eat for like 40 days or something like that yeah it was like and he was and no one gave a shit they were just like what the fuck are you doing mate like you know you're having a laugh you're taking the piss but maybe that one person did walk by like wow we really do live in a society that was it and that my friend is that well that was that's actually banksy's origin story i just look at it too that it's it's

a different kind of dad tweet it's like the proto dad tweet or the proto dad joke in the sense that like they aren't yet complaining about how their grandparents say you can't be racist and i won't visit you if you are but like they're complaining about how society has changed somewhat and it's like you i guarantee you there weren't like similarly crass or similarly like you know normal things going on there's like wasn't there the whole benny hill tv show where it's just like a dude chasing women around and pulling their shirts off and it's like was that was that a better more enlightened time when that shit existed well yeah every every tv show in america in the 60s and 70s was like a horribly burnt orange sweaty man in a suit with huge lapels asking dean martin how many

times he got his wife pregnant and then a big band would play for seven hours i mean i've watched episodes of mash thinking i was going to find some sort of like trenchant observation of the korean war and it said it's just like hey what's what's up and like pinching the nurses asses you're like can you even show this on tv anymore whoa these guys are in war but they're having sex pretty wild huh yeah but just gonna mouth off to see it's like phrasier but in a war zone all these all these guys movers are like you know you know it's the most amazing thing every single one of those shows like sitcoms and like movies until really like i would say like the nineties maybe is like the male characters are just like like borderline doing date rape to female just

like all the time and boomers are still like i hate our hyper sexualized culture that my grandkids like meanwhile let me tell you about porkies i mean shall we i mean i think that's that basically has has pointed out that yes love island features dumb people but also the people who are commenting that love island is a problem are also just a different kind of dumb guy yeah no it's we're going to the only true political and social observation both sides are bad and band or pomp rules is the best reality show i've ever seen yo um so turning turning hard from culture into politics which as we all know are separate um i wanted to i wanted to talk about some like what what america thinks of of the uk because i feel like we're kind of like a crazy whipping

post for you guys politically no apparently we're sharia zone now yeah like it's it's like every well the whipping the whipping post is where you put people who don't obey sharia well yeah obviously i mean we've all gone to mandatory sharia class like otherwise known as stratford shopping center universal public madrasa is necessary in the uk but no it's it's because i've noticed that because the uk doesn't have guns or ice it seems as though the us like especially like trump and other you know like reactionary psychopaths really like to point out that like the uk is sort of a war a war zone of knife crime yes but i mean the idea like the knife crime is high by by standards you know of zero murders but like in comparison to any

average american day it's so placid here that like it boggles the mind and the only reason why british people freak out about it is because quite quite frankly the bandwidth of what's normal before british people start complaining is about as wide as a paper clip because otherwise like if it's too much in one direction outside of that paper clip they are complaining about how bad it is even though quite honestly you walk down the street here and you're just like oh this is what america would be like if it wasn't fucking insane all the time yeah the um the right wing of conception of the uk is really funny to me uh because on one hand they think like they're just begging nigel ferrari to come over and like do whatever it is he does i'm not really sure and

like save america but also that his nation is just like three quarters caliphate now and like their image of britain is funny to me because it's like i have i have almost the opposite thing i'm one of those guys who like becomes very patriotic only when any type of european talks down on my country and like my thing with britain is like don't you guys are like kind of more capricious as deportations than we we have been even even under the past uh 12 years of ice oh yeah we deport citizens yeah they they literally just revoke people citizenship kind of on a whim here yeah it's like it's like every time you go to like get any kind of um of sort of of like public service or you check into a hospital or you go to school

they just put like a dulux color chart up next to you to decide if they're going to revoke your citizenship awesome totally awesome but uh yeah so you know that's not to say my country is very good it's just i'm i'm just one of those guys if any european talks down on my place i become a trump guy are you are you but are you suggesting that we can say what we like about you yeah don't say shit about my family no i actually british people british people i'll like sort of take it in stride but if something about like scandinavians when they do it i'm like all right listen up you fucking piece of shit i almost got into like if i haven't got into a physical fight in like four four or five years like since i worked at a job that like would sometimes require me to do those

and like never started them but i almost got into a fight a couple months ago because the swedish guy was being such a smug prick at this bar he was just drunk and like talking shit about uh like trump and like mass shootings and i was like yeah but like the world champion is a this is a scandinavian guy right and he just got all pissed and it's like what are you gonna do proclaim neutrality bitch but uh yeah no um yeah so that's my concept of it is that the uk is a more conservative country in some aspects yeah and that this this is you know that and that my concept of it from having insomnia and reading twitter at like five a.m. america eastern coast time in america is that half your country is employed as centrist political column this yep

and it's given me a very strange view of it but yeah when i see like bill mitchell or someone tweet about it it's just like the uk must be the least safe place on earth the murder rate is 95 percent um roving gangs of janissaries uh who were taken from white council flats and inducted by neo ottoman sharia zones are just going around doing knife attacks and nicking people's mobiles in sharia tesco and it's it's funny because you do it's a significantly less violent place than like really most american cities which are also less violent than they have been any other part almost in my entire lifetime but you know you know how we talked about the american genus for dumb guy is the guy who postures and never does anything part of that is that you have to believe that the world

is significantly more dangerous to you than it actually is well that's one one thing about sort of that you point out about britain is that um it's like half the country is basically a knife criminal who is doing um who is doing petty crime and and murders for either um small profit or sharia the other half is new centrist parties designed to stop brexit like that's that's our entire population there's also a small population of people who are constantly being exploited by roving asian gangs and sex crime rings that's a subset of the but that is definitely that feature is extremely large in the conservative imagination that like basically every everywhere in britain is there's a city center where knife crime happens and then everywhere else is rotherham and all

white girls are being exploited i'm very surprised about the americans who like spend so much time like wikipediaing these like obscure towns in northern england like there was an american who like just acts at me every so often for like i don't understand why like just every so often when i'm like when i tweet something out it's like well what about what about scarbara and i was like well what what what about scarbara you know what's happening in scarbara you know what your people are doing in scarbara and it's like you know and there's like like fixated with like these really small towns that like have just proliferated in this like weird right wing space so they like know more about like fucking shropshire than like i do despite the fact that i've lived here like

24 years yeah i saw i've seen a lot of like american conservatives freak out about the swedish town of malmo because that's apparently like they have the i don't know they must have created like a legendary minaret that can summon all the powers to just shoot sharia at all the swedish people and they had to evacuate pewdiepie from there but uh it's a very weird thing where they they hyper focus on these individual towns probably because like bright barter someone like aggregated a news story that's like you know this oney mom who no one likes in this like little town way up north or whatever is like uh i think that there's only one gender and it's man and we should turn women into slaves and they're like see see carisa may

likes this guy and it's like what he's my dad actually it's like if you guys like your conservatives we're shitting honest and they're like oh yeah what about your hip hop gang bangers in milwaukee wisconsin they're like what what the fuck milwaukee i would almost get protective i'd be like you're not allowed to know about that town with the then then the other bugaboo that we represent to you guys is um the nhs is just murdering everybody because uh see we have death panels death panels came true in england i mean i i can't forget that guy who was basically saying that uh because the nhs was denying some unproven treatment and not allowing a family to take their dying child out of hospice to uh you know experimental treatment in italy he's like this is

why we have guns in america in case i have to do 9 11 to hijack a plane he's the guy why my child to italy and i was like what he's the guy that refuses to like talk to other women in case he cheats on his wife but i mean i just feel like yeah it's like any if any woman had all talked to me she would want to fuck me it's like if my son if an english doctor even looked at my son i would pull off a transatlantic hijacking which hasn't been done since like the plo the plo is really a thing so but that that's that's like the alt i mean they're they're kind of they're kind of glad that happened because they're like if i was in england and they wouldn't let me take my son to the experimental treatment you don't want to know what i would want to do and

it's like what like write more articles that's the only thing you've ever done it's like i'm taking my son to go get put in that giant back to tank from star wars to see if like the droids can can give him a better brain the thing that always blows my mind about this is that like yes there are some instances in which they put you know they they say okay this treatment is you know hasn't been proven we're not going to release someone for treatment but it's like in america you could do any treatment you want you could give your child gold flakes you'd be bankrupt and dead in about six weeks from the medical bills but it's okay though you can do whatever the fuck you want and it's like it just doesn't even figure into the conservative imagination that like

there could be a place in which people don't go broke and have to get on go fund me when their children get sick man and it's like but this place is so much worse by comparison i wish i lived in a country i mean americans this may be another american illness that we think we can we can like get around illness just by knowing the right stuff us personally like we don't need experts i guess it's like it's uh our type of protestantism where we rebelled so hard against the idea of like a hierarchical clergy that just any any type of at a certain point any type of expert is annoying to us despite the fact that we love hierarchy when it's like cops and troops and blah blah blah but uh you know steve jobs uh had all the money in the world yeah he was one of the

richest people alive and he died because he didn't experimental treatment which was doing yoga and like drinking juice because he thought it would cure his cancer i'm gonna hack cancer uh i don't yeah i don't know really what this experimental treatment in italy was but i mean i don't i i i guess i i guess if the n h s doctors are saying it was not gonna work i i tend to trust them unless the conspiracy is also that like they wanted to kill this kid so they could like harvest his organs to give to a muslim or something a common practice in this country i guess i guess the end result is it's too bad we don't live in a country where we have freedom i'm gonna go join a gang and new centrist party and then get killed

i mean i have seen literally like top rated response on quora in which somebody asked the question you know which is better america versus britain which quora is a great source of insane responses in a number of ways but literally there was an american who said i've lived in both countries in america is better because freedom because i have the freedom to do whatever i want it's just sort of like i have the freedom to pick my own doctor it's like yeah and you pay for it and if you don't get care they let you die and it's just like but this notion that freedom that this hypothetical situation in which you are free to do whatever is so important that people are literally willing to say like i'm okay with living a shitty life just so i can have this hypothetical

like it kind of boggles the mind and i feel like people even if they move to america as adults and like they spend a lot of time there they don't understand how deeply ingrained it is like people really do believe there's no such thing as anywhere better and like everyone else in the world just fucking sucks and eats gruel all day long and there literally is no other option besides america you say what you want about me but you talk shit about my gruel i was gonna say it's called cool well that's like i mean the american the american dream type thing it's that's i guess that's so baked into us because it's the ultimate hypothetical it's like yes if i um if i somehow achieve very incredible upward mobility and i have the vast liquid

resources that would allow me to do what i want and i also sort of beat the health insurance system and i somehow get one of the few really good health insurance plans in america i could do whatever i wanted i could get any treatment i wanted or if i had unlimited money i could live anywhere i wanted and yeah most people are never gonna do it but just it's like uh it's like the the pissed guy the pissed guy is like never really that nice to anyone he never allows himself to like smile or laugh that much because he's like that one day someone's gonna mess with my friends or family and i'm gonna unleash all this pissed on them and it's never gonna happen but just the hypothetical that is so much more attractive than risky going for anything

in your life well it's good i think that's it is that is that the british system it as imperfect as it is it's just it's just people constantly going for it and people just constantly if you know for a fact that you're you know you're not gonna have to spend your life savings getting your like a cut on your thing your finger fixed then you can risk whipping it out in nondos and diving into a concrete pool that's empty that's why we have love island that's why we have legends the nhs gave rise to legends if we have socialized medicine in america then the pissed guy can actually finally throw that punch and get his ass kicked because you don't have to worry about getting his teeth fixed afterwards like that's what's holding him back it's not his friends holding

him back theatrically it's the lack of health holy shit we solved the special relationship i if i could if i could play devil's advocate though i would say that americans because of their propensity to not really do anything that much unless they completely freak out we have we we it goes against conventional wisdom it's actually us who have richer internal lives than you guys because we spent so much time inside ourselves imagining what we would do talking about the things that we would do if only my friend hadn't stepped in and held me back because i was gonna whip his ass oh totally however yeah well i mean i i would say here's here's my final take on our reality thing i would say your high culture probably better than ours i

think we have the best tv show ever america made the best tv show ever at the sopranos but i think on average your great movies are better than our great movies like in the contemporary sense i think you guys probably did the best comedy tv series ever your higher culture is smarter than ours i'd say for the most part but our lower culture is infinitely smarter than yours because it relies on the inner lives of the people in the low culture whereas yours relies on their actions well we we i think we really have figured out nato there yeah there you go is this diplomacy nato is americans sitting 6 000 miles away in los vegas with an xbox controller just flying an unmanned vehicle over a pile of dust and murky civilians and going oh if i was

there i would be able to do the same thing then it's sas guys being legends legends like david davis all right yeah we're gonna take a short break and then we are going to be right back with a couple of readings and we'll see you in a moment so welcome welcome back welcome back everybody i figured in we would we would we would get we get two two readings out of the way since we we have someone on from the epicenter of reading bad journalism we and we have to because we have two two of the two of i think of the different kinds of good readings okay we have one from a what you might call a concern trolling centrist and one from an unspeakably horny intellectual conservative not really narrow like in the

british in british journalism it's not really narrowing the field down much no there's like four journalists who aren't who aren't this yeah and one of them is oan jones and basically the entirety of the guardians traffic is just dad's getting online to yell at him about the headline and nothing else um so what do we what do we want to do first do we want to do the johnathan freedland i mean he because i feel like he the concern trolling liberal centrist is something that americans are definitely familiar with in some capacity so i think that'll uh that'll help so um jonathan jonathan freedland a famous corbin hater writes in the guardian now that labor has revealed its brexit policy basically to be we won't stay in the in the ea but we are

going to pursue a single market with britain we just aren't going to go into one where you know they can basically tell us to turn the poor into green energy and we have to do it um so jonathan freedland writes um call me naive which i will be doing but i always thought that if the opposition have a rare and clear chance to defeat the government they would take it now we learn that sometimes even when presented with an open goal the audience the audience the opposition would rather kick the ball into touch um and he says this matters because single market membership so of staying in the ea is crucial to britain's economic health after brexit and is surely the only way to deliver jobs that jeremy corbin has promised

now what i find very funny about this is that brexit is this is this sort of totemic issue right for a lot of milk toast centrists where they think we should just pretend it never happened where where the leave campaign is icky and every time the opposition every time jeremy corbin doesn't get up and say excuse me teresa may but have you forgotten that britain is a part of europe that they are somehow uh failing to score political points and actually being as bad as the other side and it's literally the only political issue that matters nothing else in anyone's life matters because austerity has not touched these people the only thing that has touched them is the possibility that they might not be able to buy a home in sweden when they retire or in in spain for that

matter and you know be able to live there without a visa that's the only thing that matters so felix are you familiar with this uh with with this phenomenon yeah i've uh i haven't followed the brakes of things super closely but my main so here's my main takeaway on it yeah it's that leaving leaving it in the way that the hard brakes it is and the tories wanted to do it will retain austerity but you know introduce probably even more controls on immigration and just create a worst of both worlds situation uh but it is necessary ultimately for the uk to leave the e u in order to get over imf ask spending and debt requirements that would make it nearly impossible to create a more equitable society uh that said a lot of the remainder like

i i have a lot of sympathy for remain because it's just like the way this would be done would just fuck everyone uh but it seems like a lot of the remainers it's similar to a lot of uh how american sort of third-way liberals talk about immigration where this is not this is not that this is people's lives the people are immigrating it's not that they have to come here because we have destroyed their economies through either war or economic imperialism or colonialism or whatever we've done or or or that you know they just they want to live that these are human beings with rights with inalienable personhood it's that this is a personal program of cultural enrichment for these rich people and it's a source of cheap labor but they are disguising

these two things as their personal interest and pluralism which it's never been for them ever yeah that's that's exactly it and a lot of them and like jonathan freeland are desperate to stay in the ee a because it lets them feel a little bit french it's like oh i'm not you're i'm not actually english i'm european yeah and and and with just and so they're it's what they'll say like in fact the the actual quote from this article is is absolutely brilliant to the extent that these people just don't understand reality so what explains labor's decision freeland asks cure starmer the brexit minister told of the shadow brexit minister told bbc's today program that it was merely a pragmatic acceptance of reality labor mps couldn't unite around staying

in the ee a for obvious reasons and so this alternative clause and internal market is one everyone on the labor benches can live with and that's freeland's main criticism which is that it is a pragmatic acceptance of reality and and not that it is just saying cancel brexit because i want to be a little bit swedish what's like they don't seem to realize that there are people who live outside of london who represent constituencies that definitely voted to leave and if they don't at least to some extent seem as though they want to adhere to that there is you know like a paul nuttle acolyte sort of like you know boris q racist who's going to run and take their seat from them like people can lose elections outside of safe seats and it's like there are people in britain

regardless of whether or not you think that they're avoid you know they shouldn't be listened to who want to leave the european union whether or not you think that's stupid weird fantasy of like you know you can just like ignore those types of people right it's very kind of like london centra it's like very london centra but like you know metropolitan type of thinking which is one you know which is like pretty familiar as one which kind of goes no one really knew what they were doing on that day you know the air was a bit hazy who knows what the league of shadows put into the water supply um and people just you know it just happened it was accidental but we can just we can just forget about it right it's like it is you know it goes back to what we were saying

which is like don't you might call me naive well yeah you are being fucking naive um you know it's just like i don't know how long that piece is but it's just more like fucking tumblr fanfic like romaniac fanfic is that i still love i mean we obviously were grateful to have carl scharrow on the show but i really love his comment on that basically that the moment that one of these elections goes the wrong way for a certain breed of centrist liberal they're like cancel fucking democracy now end it stop it i don't like it i don't like these people i want to go to spain stop it and it's like they don't realize that in a way this one note sort of like harping on we must reverse brexit is actually actually turning people who are politically marginal

into pro leave fans yeah because they're just like fuck these people i want to see them sad which is at its heart like the core of american politics but now you see it in britain as well right i mean well you guys have been i feel like for since 9 11 actually you guys have been inching towards becoming more like us politically like i always felt like you guys have that parliamentary system which for all its failings is so much better than the presidential system but your p.m has become more like a president uh your elections have become more like ours and your politics have become more like ours meaning that they are resentment based and the thing i see with these hard remainers is that they are just even when i can i catch about maybe 30 45 minutes of them a day

right when i'm about to go to sleep in between the time that i'm done playing video games with my friends or i'm done at the gym and the time that i watch dj academics on youtube i read some british politics stuff and my takeaway on them is like these people are such fucking entitled little baby bitches who are so full of shit and have such a delusion about what kind of people they are you want them to lose so bad it's just a shame that who they lose to is nigel farage which is talk about you guys becoming identical to us because that is our democrats you know you just hate you hate them so much oh the guy that they're going to lose to is you know fucking it's roi more so here we are oh yeah but i think the one of the and i think one of the keys with

that is that these people the the the remainers the hardcore remainers are so resentment based that they like corbin's plan for like national for renationalizing certain key elements of the economy which is going to be a very big dick move is like is not possible in the in the ea it's not possible within the european union like it's one of the silver linings of leaving and so going back into an internal market rather than the internal market which is basically just remaining by the back door is not going to work to actually make this country more or less better for most people in it right like and so all of these people who are like actually the the left position and they're saying is to go with gordon brown who's like what we're going to do a hard leftist gordon brown

yeah and he says what we're going to do is we're going to stay in the ea but we're going to make it harder for european migrants to get jobs that's what we're going to do that's how we're going to solve this we're also going to carve some dictums on stone we heard that worked in the past and we want to do it again i just yeah what i think is so amazing about all this and it's we have a similar thing you know howard schultz our our guy who helped invent starbucks wants to run for president as a democrat uh on basically an austerity program and the argument always here from you know the american third way is bloomberg is and then the the people who just uh think the e you is perfect is this is amer either modern america or the e you is just this unprecedented beautiful political

project and the force we have to fight against the forces that want to take it down which are the hard not well you know the hard left of electoralism and then the hard nationalist right these twin evils and what's there they just they can't even you you do see a little bit of political do you see a little political degeneration because at least you know 50 years ago 60 70 years ago the people who were like howard schultz or whatever or like these hard remainders they understood that we had to they they understood that to keep their proletariat away from communism the only thing they could do is give them social democracy but now they are so far gone and so stratified that their solution to keep people from going to the the consequences of austerity and

all this which a lot of the times is the hard nationalist right is more austerity it's absolutely insane you know i guess to a heroin addict everything looks like a needle but it's you know these are the people who speak in practicalisms the e you is the most amazing political project of all time it is sustained peace for blah blah blah blah it's falling apart because of in part hard nationalism all right how about some more austerity that's going to solve that when have we ever in europe seen austerity lead to nationalism because that's the thing you say it's that's the just the thing like then their imagination it's caused there to be this wonderful unprecedented era of peace but what's germany currently doing to greece it's basically like it's a war yeah it's

an active economic warfare sands guns you know they're basically just starving everybody there but saying no no it's practical besides you're losing weight it's it's it's it's it's it's beneficial to everybody right like so the fact that they think that this is just going to sort of naturally work itself out because there is no alternative and this is just the end of history that we're at now and how dare you go beyond the end of history because it's just this is just our destiny and it's like there's this sense that like corbin and trying to imagine a better world outside the e you is just getting destiny wrong and how dare he i mean i feel like the last uh around 2016 there was a lot of end of history talk and i remember that in the late 90s when i was

like i was like nine ten years old every after we have like a global sort of like center liberal consensus consensus for long enough the discourse becomes we now can solve existential problems you know like we've solved europe whatever that means we've solved it no more wars there we have the e you in america it was like well we balance the budget now we can achieve immortality that's the next thing we go after and i think there is this rush to declare the end of history on the part of sort of like slightly left of center global liberalism so you can you can just go oh we're on to the next thing we're on to our next great problem of existence that we're going to solve now that is what the conversation is centered around because it you think it can

prevent people from looking at the realities of their own lives but always when that has happened always when we've gotten to that moment where enough people declare the end of history something happens right and the last time it happened when i was a child it was 9 11 and it made us turn inexorably rightward and made us truly fucking insane as a country in a way that we've never really recovered from we've drawn back from a lot of it but we've never really recovered from the insanity that we went through in the extreme hard right turn we went through uh that was also many years in the making before that and now it's trump it breaks it and right as we were talking about the end of history well here we go the unforeseen circumstance and we won't be talking

about all that for a little while we're done with end of history talk but we're going insane in a new way and the conservatives just become more of what they are and liberals enter this sort of weird mind space that i don't know how it's going to turn out i feel like a lot of the liberal conversation i've seen the last two years since brexit and trump has been they almost want like a government enforced normalcy which is you know god we'll see what we get yeah we'll see what we get universal basic regular days we need to live in singapore every single one of us well that's that i think that's that's a very sort of sobering and and depress and yeah slightly slightly depressing thought but i think the important thing to remember is that i think there

is a solution in kind of more collective left politics so long as we like grasp toward it and implement it however we can we can like we can you know make sure that someone has dumb as jonathan friedland never like touches the levers of power i don't know riley at the end of at the end of march of next year no one will ever smile again on the british aisles it just won't fucking happen fun is dead sharia police i i think to to i think is if that's the end of history i think to bring us to the end of the of the episode i want to do one more quick reading just because again i think this is just the perfect british version of an american type of person which is i have a reading from the spectator which is americ britain's version of the national review

more or less but what if the national review is also a newspaper that a lot of people read entitled peter string fellow 1940 to 2018 the intellectual conservative he looks like he looks like a guy who like came fifth on love island back you know years ago in the 80s now the british no one really knows what happened to him when he like joined the boy band for a little bit now the british listeners are already laughing because they know who peter string fellow is peter string fellow the intellectual conservative being written about by another intellectual conservative is the owner of a chain of strip clubs throughout london um so it the art at the article by harry mount a guy who is like looks like a thumb and edits

a magazine called oldies but is only 47 years old he writes when you think about peter string fellow aka stringy it's hard to think about anything other than topless women very normal british kind of political discussion i often associate my friends with naked females to that's a normal thing that british people so i'm not actually from here so i have to ask there was a time when you could get your angry right wing news and topless chicks in the same newspaper right like that was a thing that's only that only recently stopped that only recently stopped like so the idea that like you know topless women right wing politics big big headlines like that's been a thing for long enough that this isn't weird where soon american it's like

this feels like you're mixing ingredients that aren't supposed to be mixed so what harry mount is relate harry mounts doing two things in his article he's relating to halves he's talking about the stringy's birthday so when he interviewed stringy for the spectator shortly after his 60th birthday he sat on a gold throne in his coven garden nightclub and consumed a three course champagne supper flanked by the prettiest tabloid journalist invited to the occasion 100 angels worked 40 tables string themselves ran steel poles for dry running over the laps of businessman in various states of inebriation for any puritan it was a scene of wild or geastic horror so basically this is rich people rather room is what you're saying

and and so i love this harry mount continues at midnight the women gathered for the parade of angels to a backing track of fanfare for the common man and mendle sins wedding march 50 angels sacheted down the middle of the room followed by the nine angels of the month for the year so far succeeded by the angel of the year a six foot amazon who lept to the top of the pole before gently sliding down it then the topless dances began once more so this is an obituary for a conservative thinker but it sounds like the kind of thing that a guy who grew up with silent films with jack off to so i'm just sort of confused in a sense because like you know i feel like i've got a pretty good grasp on britain more than than your average american but i don't know what the

fuck this is well this this seems like um you know i think one of the funniest scenes ever in cinema history like the one of the most cutting scenes is the scene in 40 year old virgin where steve correll tries jacking off to like porn with penetration in it but then he can it freaks about too much so he has to jack off to like a woman in a star trek costume showing her tits and it's because it reminds you of like being like 11 and you're afraid of like there's something about if you're watching porn on the internet for the first time there's something about like sex that terrifies you but you're still you're now able to like jack off and be horny and so you just you using your 11 year old concept of sexuality you imagine something stupid and you

jack off to like like you're like oh the coolest thing ever would be if i was in a race car that had a playstation in it and there is a girl in a bra there something and that is like that's these guys but they're like 78 years old yeah that's just pimp my ride yeah yeah so here's here's where the turn begins of just because the thing i abridged that a great deal there's paragraph after paragraph of the intellectual conservative national review equivalent writer an editor of a magazine called the oldies just describing a strip club in just very precise detail here's the turn not everyone's cup of tea particularly in these me two times yes yes but if you can put aside the sleaze it was a brilliant run it was a brilliantly run organization and string fellow

when i interviewed him a few days later was an extremely astute businessman he was also a keen Tory of course i like also that he he was involved in Ted Heath's administration Ted Heath the only uk prime minister who i'm being careful of libel laws here might very well have paid for sex with underage for us he's dead you can't libel the dead you can't libel the dead oh really oh yeah dude Ted Heath literally had Ted Ted Heath had to be Ted Heath had to be pulled aside pulled aside by members of the Tory party look he got the siphia yo someone tell someone tell to cash a six nine he can say whatever he wanted to whatever diss track he wants about dead people so long as he gets his gd i mean this is a prime minister of

the uk who was literally pulled aside by members of his own party said stop fucking other dudes in public restrooms someone might find out like literally that's the guy and it's like oh yes but let's uh let's eulogize members of administration so peter string fellow continues i've always been a Tory even though all the steel workers in Sheffield were labored to a man my dad included but what i didn't like was the way the labor party never encouraged you to better yourself now even my dad has come around to my way of thinking he's seen how well i've done as a businessman he never owned a house until the 70s when i bought him one and now he's as right wing as they come spits blood at the mention of the labor party that is splitting blood what the

fuck is wrong with him like they fixed consumption a long time ago man because of the nhs well yeah exactly and sharia law oh man it's so it's just it's it's it's it's so great um i always say that more private health and private education are the way forward both my children and my grandchildren are privately educated by all means have a system for those who can't afford it but for those who can they should pay for themselves it's a lot of like a lot of loops to get to this when you start we start with boobs and then you talk about you know strip clubs and champagne and back and alz and then you get to means testing is good the strip clubs gave me a boner but when you want to know what really makes me nut it's this it's the idea that like i could make someone

have to pay a bill when they go to an a&e that is what i want that is what gets me off this is one of the most insane things i've ever heard like this is people like people who listen to my show like get on me for tangents but i always try to loop it around to back what i was talking about but there's just no effort here there's just it's just whatever first it's like one of those uh viral quote tweets of like finish this tweet start out with i ate a hamburger then use autocomplete and finish a sentence it's just like he's but he did that with paragraphs he's like all right so i got uh strippers all right you know i remember back when you used to be able to look at a titty all my friends were there the guy who owns the tesco uh fifth prince of monaco and you there just

all over there all times oh my god it was so hot you couldn't do now with me too but it was great and then by paragraph four it's like he bought his dad a house so he would become racist like at least with like american american i feel like in general brits are far more direct than americans but our intellectual conservatives will it'll be like britt stevens he'll be like this reminds me of the parable of sisyphus and then by paragraph three you're like oh he's saying that it's black people's fault the biggest shot by police okay i get it here's like i would have to comb through this seven times to figure out what the fuck this guy is talking about well here's the here's the beautiful thing you say this these here's here's brett stevens moment and i don't know

that you might want to just all brace yourselves for this um harry mount concludes the article stringy also speter string fellow also declared himself a tremendous fan of the works of john lock there we go there we go always his nightclub operation may have been a bit sleazy his hair and clothes a little naff but stringy was at heart an intellectual conservative it's like but all you talked about is lady parts jiggling and if you buy a house then you'll hate poor people that's the thing that's the thing though he is an intellectual conservative that's what it is it's he literally it's less the only part of the article that makes any sense this guy is an intellectual conservative he quotes books that like people read in their undergrad degrees

and then he's just like leering over you know a nipple tassel as but professionally do at the same time and he believes that property ownership is connected to racism which is connected to like denying people health care which is basically the root of a healthy society that and also a loose enough sexual mores for some people that you know you can walk around in a sparkly back in those days the broads didn't get all uppity about it you know that me too shit fucking christ yeah so that's why that's why i realized that's what that's kind of almost how i want to i want like just next next time like you guys read some like you know national review vampire talking about how like actually if only illa and musk would be more respectable we could

build baron a mech suit you know like next time you read one of those guys just remember what we have over here yeah no you guys have so many so so many more column this like just your columnists are like our standing army it's just like you could you could make a new dad's army just out of column this and all of them are completely out of their fucking minds i mean my only my the one thing that we have to remember is that all of these people went to oxford and cambridge and i think maybe if more of them went to love island our society might be healed we've all be like the next series of love island they'll just be columnists and you can imagine like you can imagine like helen helen lewis and uh about i'm to and what's his name the guy

tim gumry no no the other one who got laughed at because he wore a bowtie tim stanley oh my god yeah what he said that the construction workers laughed at him for wearing a bowtie or the guy who had to eat his book matthew goodwin yeah they're all like in a hot tub that guy's just living in his own personal version of fear factor we're all in a hot tub but like helen and tim will like you know start getting off and like the guy who ate the book will just kind of be like sitting there and we'll just be wondering like what what is wondering what the hell happened before he was on a roll he was trying to explain the data behind you know why race science is good is this reminding him of like back in his uni days oh my god okay that's it that's restarting

race science columnist island that's how we're gonna fix this divided country all right i think we've uh that's that about wraps it up uh for us here today in the caliphate of tower hamlets another successful day evading the sharia police yeah we did it we did it fuck 12 uh felix thanks so much for being on the show thank you so much for making time for this this is very fun i appreciate it and um commodify your descent with a t-shirt from lil comrade and thank you again to jin sang for the use of our theme song here we go you can find it on spotify i found that on a simpson's wave list like a year ago it's really good it's on so many wave lists he's like really you know he's like really famous in like the whole like synth vapor

wave chill beat scene yeah yeah i know that and so actually we have permission to use a song well that's a mystery for another day good night everybody good night you