TRASHFUTURE - TRASHFUTURE LO FI EDITION - Millennial Mathematics ft. Elena Cresci

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

AUDIO WARNING. Riley (@Raaleh) fucked up royal and the entire episode recorded on the native laptop mic, rather than the very good mixer... so this is a rough, ready, TRASHFUTURE LO FI EDITION for your listening (dis)pleasure. I promise it'll be fixed up next week, as I'll have fired myself as producer. The boys (including @Milo_Edwards and @HKesvani) are joined by guest host Olga Koch (@rocknrolga) to speak with journalist and Wales expert Elena Cresci (@elenacresci) about dumb internet shit - including Zoella's expensive advent calendar, a fan-submitted dumb app, and work out how we'll finally save our dang down payments. Hussein talks at length about Sausage Roll Jesus. Like, subscribe, follow, do whatever you're supposed to with stuff you like! And sorry again about the audio! Love Riley xoxo

Sup, sports fans. Riley here. You may notice that the audio quality in this episode isn't great. That's because I'm a dumbass, and when I started using a slightly better piece of audio production software, for the last, in fact, two episodes I've been recording, I have forgotten, not forgotten, didn't even know I had to, turn on the mixer as the main input. So what you're about to hear is four people, one of whom I get, yeah, four, some amount of people, five people, one of whom is in the computer, having a really jovial and slightly loud conversation into the same built-in microphone from the laptop. We've solved the problem. It won't happen in future episodes, but if you're really offended by

poor quality audio, then I suggest you turn back now. Otherwise, enjoy what was, you know, otherwise a delightful show to record with Elena Kreshe, Olga Koch, Hussein Kaswani, and Milo Edwards. Follow us on Trash Future Pod, and everything we say about every business and individual in this episode is, of course, alleged. Later. Okay, but before we start, what I'm going to do is, I found this thing online where Elon Musk speaks like an Evo song, so I'm just going to put the cold open, I just want to read that. Yes, yes, yes, I was going to say that. It's not true, I realize that. I will never be happy when I'm having someone going to sleep alone, kills me. It's not like I don't know what that feels like,

being in a big empty house, the footsteps echoing through the hallway, no one there, and no one on the pillow next to you. Fuck, how do you make yourself happy in a situation like that? Elon Musk, everyone. It's like the full-out voice sector. I'm getting some ear flashbacks to the South Wales video I'm seeing right now, and it's as we know, Musk is back to the best of me. Are we surprised that the South Wales Evo scene isn't happy? It's not happy. It's from the New Jersey, you know.

Did Warpedor ever go to South Wales? Yes, it did! I'm pretty sure. They had any partitions you knew. The Tesla and SpaceX executive board form a tribute band called MySpace. Actually, it's not chemical, it's electric. Anyone else got any Evo bandits? A highly advanced bromance. Like fake ones or real ones? Simple plan is the real one, remember.

I'm just a kid. Are we getting copyrighted? I thought it would be that via, I'm just a billionaire. Welcome to Trash Future. The podcast about how the future is, was, and will continue to be, Trash. And joining us today is Whom, exactly. We've got me, Milo Edwards, at Milo underscore on Twitter. We've got me, Olga, at Rock n' Rollga on Twitter. You're saying Kizvani? At H. Kizvani?

Oh, it's me. I'm the guest. I'm Alana Krasi. At Alana Krasi. Do you want me to spell it out? Probably. E-L-E-N-A-C-R-E-S-C-I. That can be like the hook of Elon Musk's. Is the way part of it? No, but it should be. That should be part of my brand. You should go into, like, children's TV presenting.

You have a very sort of entertaining way of spelling things. That's what I want to do. I just want to be a Blue Pea presenter. So badly. Or write lyrics for Fergie. One of the two. Those are really similar jobs. I could do both. From our episode with Jack from RealPolitik, we learned that really all you have to do to be a children's TV presenter

is eat a Sunday in the shower and tag it with a bunch of Disney characters on YouTube. Okay, I can do that. That's fine. Let's not talk about kids YouTube. Pregnant Spider-Man? I saw one of the kids today watching one of those weird YouTube videos. You saw it in real life? Yeah, as in, like, it was in a pram. It was in a pram.

And, like, the video was of two green pepper pigs vomiting into each other. That's not like Miranda July. Like, I saw a weird cross between pepper pig and Angry Birds. I was actually, I was looking into that story trying to do something on it, which is quite difficult because it's a really weird one. And I was trying to a couple of my friends who are parents, and one of my friends has two kids, and one of them, last time I saw them,

he was, like, totally fine watching, like, kids YouTube on the app. But apparently she had to stop him watching it because he basically started acting really weird afterwards. She doesn't think he saw any of this thing. He bought a map. He started ranting about the Muslims in front of it. But yeah, she was like, yeah, he started acting really weird. So now we're sticking to BBC iPlayer.

He started. He started. Do you think there's going to be, like, weird iPlayer that comes out at some point? Like, if so, like, what's going to go with it? I mean, the Daily Mail is going to like that. I love slag of the BBC. My baby is addicted to Brain Force Plus, and he won't stop watching two peppers, one pig.

My baby is addicted to Brain Force Plus, and I keep trying to get him to brush his teeth, but then he starts being logic. This is so weird. I had no warning. No warning, this is what it would be like. This is how it usually works. Like, you send him a very respectable DM saying,

hey, we're doing a political podcast. You should come on. What is this ever political? This is political. I was told this wasn't political. It was the most political. Imagine my shock when the whole podcast was the Dick Van Dyke of The All Right.

The problem is the podcast did work. Anyway. That's the one where we just say to each other that. That makes sense. I missed that one. I don't know. I think I told Riley this, but I don't think I told Olga.

My girlfriend rang me a few days after that podcast and was really hungover. She was like, oh, yeah, my mom listened to your podcast. Now, her mom has never met me. And I was like, oh, that's really cool. And I suddenly remembered what week it was. And I was like, wait, what fucking episode did she listen to? Please say she started from the beginning.

She was like, yeah, she said it was a bit weird. Apparently her comment was to be fair, Milo was the one trying to move it on from Asi. That is amazing. Fortunately, fortunately, I don't think I really hope my parents don't listen to this. If you listen to this, please stop listening. My parents don't speak English.

You have an advantage. Oh, my God. Oh, man, you're so lucky. Olga's parents are actually radical jihadists. This is not the Milo in the bowl I was promised. It gets more naked. Oh, yeah. You guys didn't say this was a strip tease podcast.

It's strip. It's strip casting. Strip casting. He sounds more naked. Ah, OK. OK. With me, Milo Crystal Edwards. No, it's for dolphin listeners can tell

that the sound is bouncing off his dick. Oh, my God. What? What the fuck? I just, I just feel like, you just need to be like, I just told like, no, this is wrong. Universal answer to what animal you'd fuck is always dolphin. Oh, my God.

But that's actually happened. I mean, there was that big experience. There was that guy. There was that lady. No, you have to put the link to, there's a guardian long read. Yes, it's on the guardian. That means it's fucking legit. There is a guardian long read on the woman who like,

there was like an experiment to try and get dolphins to speak. And some of them were living with a dolphin in a house that was like half water. She fled her own basement. No, it wasn't her. She was like a legit scientist. Like, seriously, it's actually quite sad when you read it because she's a legit scientist.

OK, let's joke it off. I'm sorry. What if we jerked off? I mean, that's what we planned. But that's kind of like, if you read the article, there's a bit where she's like, yeah, and we don't, you know, he got really attached to me. And then he just, you just have these boners

and it was really awkward. So I just thought, wow. It was awkward to joke. Yeah. And she was like, it's just a reflex thing, blah, blah, blah. But then like, How many people do you have to have jerked off for jerking off to become a reflex action

in like an awkward situation? Like, you know, someone, you forget someone's name at a party and your wrist just starts going, and you're like, oh, God, I'm terribly sorry. We are actually lucky enough to have a proper internet expert here. Oh, my God. Also a Wales expert.

Hello. Wales. Wales and Dolphins, am I right? Those are like LinkedIn. Yeah, you can get them. That is literally what is on my LinkedIn. We've got some old internet relics for you to identify and date for us.

I believe this one's from Swansea. It says, baby meme. Oh, wait, we're talking about memes, not Wales. Oh, okay. So, but there was this, there's this, there's this thing that's happened recently on the internet that everyone's mad about. We've got some old internet relics

for you to identify and date for us. So can you tell us a little bit about what the fuck is going on with a calendar? Okay. So, do you guys know who Zoella is? I actually don't. Well, I can't believe you don't know who Zoella is. She is like...

It's the French feminine form of the word zoo. No, nice guess. No, no, no love for that one. No, no. Anyway, anyway, let's move on. So she is pretty much the biggest YouTuber in the UK. She is like a lifestyle beauty YouTuber. She started in like 2009 when she was like,

I don't know, I don't know if she was in her teens or like in her early twenties, just disgusting me young anyway. She's only about a year younger than me, but she's richer than me. So she's disgustingly young. And yeah, she's built like this massive empire based off the fact that she's kind of beige,

inoffensive. I mean, that's just like, that's basically what Richard Spencer did. Oh, wow. Okay. We're going right there now. I've seen it quite Zoella with Richard Spencer. Okay.

Richard Spencer based on based on having beige skin colour built a massive following online. I'm in beige in terms of she's just kind of, she's not really radical. She's not really anything. I mean, her views on exfoliators would. I mean, oh, dates. Okay.

Dates are fine. She's the OG centrist. No, I liked it. That was fine. And she's here tonight. And just to con... Stage smoke fills the room. Just confirms Zoella is not right wing.

I don't think she's a Nazi. Pretty sure she's not. Possibly. You're losing her Nazi followers. Oh my God. She's not turned a swift command. Anyway, that was a bit old one. We're varying towards like libel territory.

Yeah. I should watch out. None of these people are Nazis, except the people who would sue us if we claimed they weren't Nazis. Anyway, so... Everything is allegedly. Anyway, the point is she's massive.

She's a big deal. And she has this whole line of cosmetics. Again, like her kind of inoffensive, a lot of millennial pink, a lot of polka dots. I don't actually know what it smells like, but I'm pretty sure it's floral. Just like it sells a bunch of money. She makes a lot of money out of it.

So this year, she's released an advent calendar. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. So like this is the thing like you have, like beauty advent calendar. With a different quote from mine. Again, I just want to say that no, that is not what is even Zavala's calendar.

Now, when you apply this exfoliant to the right stag, you will get a burning sensation. Oh my God. Oh my God. You guys are terrible. So I'm just going to tell you what's in this calendar. So it's got 12 doors instead of the traditional 25, because I assume 12 days of Christmas, but also...

Zavala's like the moth and jigsaw. So in this calendar, it's a holiday. But then if it's 12 days of Christmas, it's not, it's not advent because the 12 days of Christmas start on Christmas day. Oh yeah, true. Maybe, maybe that's why. Anyway, the stuff that was going on,

it's got like a candle, a purse, seven stickers. Whoa. A pen, a jotter pad, a pom-pom key ring. Wait, how big is this calendar? It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, how big is this calendar?

It's like, it's like, I don't know. If it's gone up first. I'm making, I'm making like hand gestures. For our primarily visual medium. So is this calendar literally contained a purse? Yeah, it's like a tiny purse. Like a little, a little purse, you know, a little coin purse. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Okay, so it's not like a giant bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. It's where you keep your pennies in. Exactly. You don't get like a lock. The other thing that's in it is one of the doors

has just confetti behind it, which was one of the sticking points. Anyway, so this is 50 pounds. Like you get like a bunch of these things and a couple of other things, like a cookie cutter as well for 50 quid. Cookie cutter is very like meta. Yeah.

And you get two cookie cutters as well. Sorry. I do get it. Sorry. I need to fucking stop. No, never stop. Never stop. Never stop posting verbally.

Anyway, so this calendar is 50 quid and someone worked it out by like looking on Amazon and pre-mark to like figure out like how much these items would cost individually. And they figured out that if you literally just bought all of those items separately, it would cost you about 20 quid

rather than 50 pounds. So people are really angry about that because Zowella's fans are primarily teenage girls. Like, you know, and then there's a lot of like working class teenage girls who are really, really big fans of Zowella's. So they felt it was irresponsible of her

to like charge so much for a calendar. I mean, the whole angry mess started with actually another fucking YouTuber because obviously it did. Because online is so regular. I know. I mean, it's ludicrous. Anyway, there's this guy called Jack Mates.

That's how his name is spelled. That's how you pronounce his name. And three A's in mate, two A's in Jack. So I'm assuming... Is he perhaps just Dutch? And he's like, yuck. Yuck, mate? Yuck mate definitely sounds like a new kind

of underwear that keeps you from getting like kicked in the balls by Antifa. This is definitely the most powerful anti-ball kicking underwear I've ever used. In fact, we won't even sell it to you unless you can prove that you're a real troop fighting Antifa. You baked Alaska.

It definitely has an entire suit made of yak mat. R-I-P, R-I-P. So that when he goes and like tries to pick up 13-year-old girls who just embarrass him in public. He doesn't get hurt when their dad's just deck him across the head.

Yak mat. Anyway, so he's like... It's quite a funny video where he literally reviews the calendar. And it's just amusing because he's like opening various doors and he's like, I can't believe what this is confetti. Oh my god.

Yeah, so he's basically, that's kind of where it started. And then there were a lot of other people online who were really mad. And then Zoella basically made a video being like, oh, you know, I'm only, you know, you know, I wouldn't rip you off, you know, with my brand, blah,

blah, blah, which is, you know. And then Boots said they're like cutting the calendar's price in half. So like they actually responded to all of this anger online. And then there's more. There's more. There's more.

So basically a bunch of like really bad tweets that Zoella sent from when she was like 20, like kind of like... Pre-woke. Yeah, kind of like homophobic. Milk-shaked ducks. Yeah. It wasn't a super strong

milkshake duck. They were like, they were really dumb and really, really bad tweets. And you know, rightfully so, she got called out for them. But... I'm standing and saluting right now because nothing but respect for my

president so far. So you laugh about that, but like I do feel that there is potentially a universe where that could happen. Broke Prime Minister Zoella. I mean, not to get all serious, but I think that's why we should probably take internet celebrities a

lot more seriously than we do. Well, we obviously do. But I'm talking about the mainstream here. Or like where her fans come to the stores and are like, no, I am paying 50 pounds. Well, most of them don't care.

They're just like... I don't know if most of them would have even bought the bloody calendar, but I don't know. No, you'd be so like... Zoella's brother, I can't remember his name, but... Joe Sugg, Joe Sugg, sorry.

Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. So he did a... He, you know, he's pop-up shops in London and Carnaby Street and stuff. So I think he did one there. And I happened to be there at the same

time. Obviously not. Happened to be there. Just happened to be there. Are you a big fan of the Sugg crew? Don't they call themselves Sugg Life or something? Oh, no.

No, no, no, no. Wait, is that Subway Jared Street? I mean, they're about the same age, I bet. Yeah, I'm on Team Fogel. Yeah. I'm from there. I'm from there.

I'm from there. I'm from there. This is extremely funny. Yeah, like, the line was huge and the thing was, like, they were all, like, hugging kids with their parents and it was really funny just looking at the face of these parents, because it was

kind of Thursday or something, right? So these parents have, like, had to take a day off work to take their kids all the way into London to, like, go see these, like, you go see this YouTube star who, like, suppose that from what I hear, like, they don't even show up or they show up for, like,

20 minutes and then they go. So, like, the look on these parents' faces is just, like, I don't even know how to describe it. It's priceless. Well, did you see the price of any of his stuff? No, because I didn't go in the store,

but I think he was, like, selling t-shirts, right? Okay. So I'd be interested to know how much, like, I tried to look it up earlier, but the merch was mostly, like, t-shirts and stuff like that. Yeah.

But I'd be interested to know if there are any other, like, big YouTubers who are, like, selling stuff for a big market price, because I feel like... You're heard of Paul Joseph Watson. Oh, my God. You can buy the official live-owning map.

What would, like, a Paul Joseph Watson calendar look like? Okay. I apologize if Watson Calendar would replace, like, International Women's Day with, but what about Men's Day? It would replace Black History Months with White History Months.

Not all Men's Day is on Sunday. Not all Men's Day. How do we not know that? I get some Vox Pops with people being like, hey, it's International Men's Day. Where are you going to be filming? Oh, no, we've done it already.

We have so many opinions in International Men's Day. Most people were like, I'm sorry, what? Is that a thing? So, like, every single Vox Pops started off with me saying it'd be like, okay, so I've just told you

International Men's Day is a thing. Now, tell me, why do you think there's an International Men's Day? Here's a lot of, like, calendars for all of you for International Men's Day. Celebrate International Men's Day the best way.

With a tiny purse for who confetti? I can't wait to get my coin purse where I can put my, like, deposit saving. Oh, preview of second half content. It's probably going to be Millennial Pink. I mean, it would suit, wouldn't it?

So, wait, what was so, you said earlier that Zoella had a little bit of a pre-woke period. Yeah, so I don't have any of the tweets here at heart. I can probably look them up. I mean, she was like saying, they were like observational tweets,

right? So they were like, I saw this woman and like, she's like, what a chauvin, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. So we're like fairly low key. There was one where she was like, oh my God, it's so funny when gay men

spit, like, they just can't do it. Oh my God. But the thing that I find interesting about it is this is going to happen to every single Millennial and what Millennial and whatever, I don't know what the younger generation is called.

Teens, they're just all teens. See, generation? Millennial ladies, please. Whatever annoying name we're going to give them, that they're going to fucking hate as much as we hate Millennial. Like, there's going to be that period where old tweets, old Facebook posts

and all that stuff, although maybe not with the teens because most of them are on friggin' Snapchat and it deletes after 24 hours. But yeah, like that's, you have this like social media reckoning and it's coming for all of us. I mean, it's interesting that there is right now

someone like, you know, 25 year old American who will be elected president at some point, walking around. Jake Paul. Yeah, Jake Paul. Who has it. I mean, you see, you say that. Oh yeah, I know.

It's going to happen. It's going to happen. I mean, Donald Trump is president. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not a far stretch to imagine a YouTuber getting there as well. Donald Trump's, I mean, so this is my thing. I think of Donald Trump as an internet celebrity

because yeah, he started out on reality TV and stuff, but his fame incubated on Twitter. Like he would be nothing without Twitter. I mean, that's a lot for, that's a lot for Twitter to like think about there, but Trump would be nothing without Twitter and a several hundred million dollar inheritance. So we can, we can conclude.

I think that Zoella did like a really dumb thing now and in the past. I mean, you know, like she's an internet celebrity. Like her, everything that she does is going to be scrutinized more than anyone else is. That's not a defense. So what I saw on, what I saw on Twitter and stuff was like lots of her young fans who kind of like dismissed it.

So they were the ones who were kind of the ones who like, you know, we obviously, but oh, you know, the teens and like the millennials while the young people like, you know, they're, they're woke and they don't, you know, they're not racist and they like like progress and stuff. But actually like they were very dismissive of like the things that she said and like. See, that was interesting.

Like in like a moment we're having right now where everyone is getting like, it's like everyone's hype, hype of visually getting like, we're not fucking getting like called out right now. And that's really interesting to see like that dismissive notice and like, oh, she's grown. She's only human. But because like her, because like she is less of a person

and more of a brand and the idea that like, you know, it's not necessarily her, but the fact that like, because like Zoella as a person is largely disposable. But the idea, like the thing that she represents in terms of as you said, like beige YouTube YouTubers who can sell anything. She's like the fucking Batman of cosmetics YouTubers. Like people don't need Zoella. They need the idea of Zoella.

Yeah, she could. There could be someone else like coming up the ranks who will like end up replacing her. Who knows. But like that's, that's a fear that happens to anyone in that cause she's in a mid 20s now. Right. Oh shit.

The timer on her wrist is the timer in her wrist is going to start blinking and she's going to have to do the ritual of carousel. This is an interesting thing that's going to happen because I've, I've heard a lot of people talking about YouTube and like, you can't like, people reckon that if you stop now, you wouldn't make it in the way that Zoella and all of that. Like the British set, they, they're all friends. It's so weird.

Like the, the really, really famous UK ones are all friends with each other. They're all represented by the same management. And they all have very, very similar brands that are in each other's. Well, okay. So this is, I don't know. There's no one else to be friends with someone that weird, but like, essentially their currency is sincerity.

And because like, because apart from like a regular celebrity that doesn't really have a direct contact with their fan base, like even the way like Jennifer Lawrence or Woody Allen doesn't, they do. And like the people who have risen in new 2009, they like started from nothing. You can go back and you could see their videos of terrible quality,

terrible editing and all that. Right now they're kind of coming out super polished. So they don't have that sincerity element. But basically now whatever the media says about them, they can, they have a direct channel in which they could be like, no, you guys know me. And like that is still work.

Which is why YouTube a little bit much. Which like Harvey Weinstein or kind of Spacey can't do. But what, and that's the, you can see that in American politics where it, I think like the Al Franken and Roy Moore allegations are sort of almost happening in parallel where you'll see people like, like people like,

like all of a sudden Roy Moore has made American conservatives give a lot of a shit about the difference between a pedophile and an afebophile. And at the same time, you know, Al Franken has like centrist Democrats, like the celebrity ghouls that sort of support them, like Michael Lee and Black and fucking Sarah Silverman, has them saying,

look, it's okay that Al Franken like touched up this female colleague of his in the sort of early 2000s, because ultimately he's a Democrat and we like his policies. It's the same. It's yeah. It's literally, it is the same thing where, you know, because we have this sort of personal animus towards that other side,

that we are going to sort of forgive our guy of any crime. Which just seems to me to be, you know, a real symptom of our garbage. Of course it is. That's why we need irony. That's why. No. Can we talk about that?

Only Republican or Democrat, everyone can you ask. Guys, I sadly have to go. Can I preemptively answer the question about my millennial buys? Yes. Cannot stop purchasing Minion Birch. Someone help me. Olga, thank you very much for filling in for Charlie.

Yeah. So this is, this is a reading from quora.com, which is a Yahoo Answers for the, the delusional. And the question posed here is, what is the naughtiest thing you have ever done as a teenager? It should really be a teenager, but fine. And this has been answered by anonymous and he says, teenagers,

teenagers, teenagers, teenagers, teenagers. And this has been answered by anonymous and he says, teenager. Question Mark, I told this story to my adult sons.

I was once wandering through a nature reserve when a beautiful young lady half my age took me by the hand and led me behind a small hillock about a meter and a half high. I liked the word hillock. There she pushed me back on a patch of aloe vera, opened my zip, half took off her jeans and underwear and sat on me till I came. The zip she opened was like the zip to turn his cargo trousers

into cargo shorts. And he actually just came in his pants. Behind us, we could hear families chatting and laughing as they passed by on the other side of the hillock. The lesson, my sons, is never do this on a patch of aloe vera.

The stains won't come off your trousers. My sons laughed dream on dad. They said, that's quite an imagination you've developed, but it was true. And then it just ends with an ellipsis. That is a lie. I'm just going to put it out there.

That's, that didn't happen. I think it's a, I think it's a Kremlin bot writing core answers. Why like, is that he says she was half his age, but doesn't, doesn't specify what her age was.

Then he gets elected senator of Alabama. I grew up to be Roy Moore. I'm all about being topical. Also, when's Hussain getting back? Did we offend him? Hussain, have you just left? RIP Hussain.

He died as he lived. On a toilet. I was going to say, he's sort of like tweeting some dumb shit, but that is funny. Oh, he's back. He's not dead. Hussain's alive.

I went, it's an international Wednesday miracle. Absolutely. I mean, I went to the bathroom and I just got caught thinking about baked Alaska. I didn't make me sad. I'm so sorry. So in,

in other terms, and we should have got a baked Alaska to eat alive on this podcast. That would have been so good. So in, in other bowl of other bowl other, other bowl, we, we have a listener submission for a dumb company this week.

I love to have at least one listener. It's excellent. Now we can go get that Squarespace money. Can this one listener just make sure they follow me on Twitter? Because, you know, I've been off for a while and I just need some followers. Shout out,

shout out to our only listener, my girlfriend's mom. No, we have two. We have my girlfriend's mom. Okay. Both of you need to follow me on Twitter. All two of you. If my follow.

Yeah. And the girl who's asked Riley eight last night. This, this podcast is literally ruining my life because now like my old university friends are like having sex with Riley and my whole life is becoming too intertwined with itself. I'm so sorry. So

when we have at least three listeners, the one that our listener, Melissa sent this in. Thank you, Melissa. Hi, Melissa. Follow me on Twitter. Big, big shouts to Melissa. She wins a free pack of brain force plus.

I would ask Melissa to follow me, but I've decided in respect for international men's day that only men can follow me online. In honor of an international men's day, we're no platforming all women. That's the true meaning of international men's day. I mean, I probably shouldn't be on this podcast. In the interest of not silencing women because it's not international

men's day yet. I'm going to go ahead and read what Melissa sent us. She says, I listened to your latest episode and immediately thought of girl crew, which is a company that according to Melissa started a load of Facebook groups for women in different cities and are now trying to get everyone to move from those to a terrible basically Facebook clone, but that's purple instead of blue.

Because, you know, gender is in everything. And then she says essentially all it really is, is a service where you pay to get like a newsletter on email. Why? So girl crew. I mean, I would pay to get them out of my spam books because I sign up to them and I forget. And as far as I can tell what they all, what they do is they put on events

that are sort of around the city, but where you pay for the newsletter and you pay to go to the events and the events are just going down. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you pay for the newsletter, but you also pay for the event. You don't get some sort of discount or something. It's like, it's, yeah, it's 10 year old a month to join girl. This is the girl crew.

I have the Dublin. So that's like 50 pounds. Wait, wait till we get Nigel Farage started on this one. So it says for girl crew premium each week you'll be sent an email with details of the next four events. We'll always have a girl crew team member host the event and you'll always have your point of contact phone number. So it seems like they organize school trips basically, but for,

I mean, this sounds like meet up except just for women. And you have to pay for it. Okay. And here is, here is the real problem. Now this is all Melissa got for us because she quite rightly when she pointed out that starting a bunch of Facebook groups isn't a business. They blocked her. So not all women are allowed to be in girl crew.

That's how, that's how, that's how you win an argument is blocking people on the internet. And here's where this app gets truly ghoulish, which is before she was blocked. She took a screenshot of the bit where they said that over 100 unpaid interns form almost their entire labor force. You're kidding. So in many ways it's a lot like Breitbart under Milo where he had all his like 100 unpaid interns do all his like shitty blogs.

Yeah. It's like Breitbart. Not this Milo. Do you get that a lot? Guys, it was a pre-woke period. There was one guest on this podcast who genuinely for the first five minutes thought I was the other one. Is that Hannah?

I think I listened to that one. But what I think is hilarious is that girl crew, even though they have like, they think they're super woke because they're employing a lot of women in tech. But the problem is they're not paying women in tech. It's like you could make the argument for fucking cotton plantations in the south in the 19th century. They're employing a lot of people of color by that logic. I'm so wary about the whole like, right of replicating at the most.

I'd like, I don't know if you guys have spoken to them or anything, but like, that sounds so depressing if that is the case. Anyway. It's huge of true. Huge of true. It's all a legend. Okay. But I just want to, yeah, thank you.

Melissa, this was great. This is exactly the kind of thing we want to see. So if any other listeners who find some dumb, just absolute late capitalist nightmare technology shit, if you want to send it to our DMs at Trash FuturePod or on our Facebook page. And we'll put a notification on newsletter, which is currently being written up by a child in... I don't know. I'm in Girl Crew.

I'm Girl Crew. It's me. Girl Crew. You see, what the listeners of Trash Future don't know is that actually, Hussain and I are unpaid interns. Crowd unpaid interns like Girl Crew. That's your entire right, right? Getting fat off of the reaping the rewards of the Trash Future podcast.

Anyway, that's our listener submission. But in terms of how the unpaid interns of Girl Crew, allegedly, are going to pay for their sort of lavish avocado coffee lifestyles, just to introduce our next topic, it recently came out that an estate agent, noted excellent people estate agents, have released basically a litany of complaints about millennials. I mean, they had to eventually. Yeah. I mean, everyone's just loved us for so long.

I know. You know, it finally... Too much positive press. It was about time to slay some sacred horses. Yeah. Sacred cow. Sacred cow. Sacred horse.

What the hell is a sacred horse? I don't know. Baleraphan's Vegas Fests. Wow. So, the inhabitants of the Archean states. Greek shit. Greek Future. The podcast about the future is Greek.

Sacred horses. Anyway. So, basically, they had this litany of complaints that millennials aren't getting on the property ladder, largely because of the same bullshit that we keep hearing, either because we're doing hookup culture or because we're having too much avocado toast, or in this case, it's sandwiches. We have to stop eating sandwiches if we want to get out of this. Well, I disagree with this because I'm a millennial and I live on an actual ladder.

You've done some math for us. I did some math and I really, really, really, really hate math. So, you guys are very fortunate. If you don't follow her on Twitter, then she did math for nothing. Exactly. Follow me. Follow me. It's our little contribution to getting women into STEM subjects.

Dude. We've broken Riley. I didn't even hear that. That laugh was like, you know that, you know that witch from Power Rangers? After 10,000 years, I'm free. It's time to buy a house. That's what it is. She's buying all the houses in London.

Rita Rapalza with the automated cell. Just call it the ultimate in cell. Do you have to be a dude to be in cell? Is that not true? I don't know. On International Men's Day, we're making aware that everyone can be in cell. Okay. Anyway, so I did some math.

So, this estate agent, there were like a bunch of things. They're called strut in Parker, which is like the worst. Strut? They had a list of things when I needed to stop buying. So, that included the lottery to a lot we could get. Millennials love the lottery. We love the lottery. I spent so much money on lottery tickets.

I actually will queue up overnight outside the Supreme Shop to get a box of lottery tickets. I do like 25 scratch cards a day and then I use the dust for mittens. We had an intervention thing just last week. I can't believe you're still doing that. Other things Millennials apparently spent too much money on. I think these two are reasonable because, let's face it, you may as well introduce yourself if you know that you can't save up to afford a house deposit. So, it's like holidays and nights out and stuff like that.

And they work to roll out. Anyway, the main one was that Millennials need to start buying sandwiches. Oh, fucking hell. The fucking last day, the Louis Cato's debauchery of the Millennials. Exactly. We buy so many sandwiches for logic. We just made our own lunch. Then maybe, maybe, just maybe we could afford that house deposit.

If you just laid off the fucking mayonnaise, prawn mayonnaise. I love it. I'm sorry, but I can't live without Faberge egg mayonnaise sandwiches. I love that Marie Antoinette leaning out the window just saying, let them eat pret. Oh my god. No. You know what? This has come at the worst time because Christmas sandwiches are really the only type of good

street sandwiches. I hate sandwiches. How are you going to have a house? I know. This is what I'm mad about. We've got more math. Okay, so I've got maths. Hang on, I'm scrolling down to my maths.

So, I looked up, so the average house deposit in London is $91,000 because we live in a house gate. Reasonable and normal. Yeah. Regular city. Now, that it would take, so you guys know what a boots meal deal is, right? Unfortunately, yeah. You know what a boots meal deal is.

I mean, I do most of my eating from like, hipster delis. So, you don't know what a boot meal deal is. You got sandwiches and crisps and a drink. It's $3.99, which went up recently. How much did it go up? Like, oh god, it was only like 20p, but still. Still, that could have gone to like fucking bricks and mortar, man. You know that M&S then launched a meal deal that was 3.50, because they weren't coming

in for them. Wow. Anyway, for the purposes. Well, you should have heard about the Zoella meal deal. The Zoella meal deal, which was eight pounds, but only had constituent parts of a value of about £2.30. Okay. Average house deposit in London is $91,000.

So, that amounts to 22,800 plus boots meal deals. So, that's how many boots meal deals you would need to forego in order to afford the average house deposit in London. So, I realize that's very expensive. That's quite a bit. Not everyone lives in London. But what? Anyway, I looked to the homelands, not Russia in this case.

I looked to Wales, where the average house deposit is $17,000. And the better news is, you know, you'd only have to sort of put away the money for 4,260 plus boots meal deals there. Cool. If you're like a little house in Merthyrtidville, then that's all you need to do. It's just forego thousands of lunches. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

Just save your money. Don't, I mean, just don't eat. And that seems reasonable. That seems totally reasonable. Just don't eat much. Millennials just want everything handed to them, like food and shelter. Exactly. Take from bins, manual.

Yeah. It's like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, more like Maslow's hierarchy of wants. But I also worked out. Okay. Do you remember that Australian guy who was like, hey, if millennials stop buying avocado on toast? So he claimed that avocado on toast was $22 Australian dollars. Wait, what?

Is that true or reasonable? I have no idea. Is that true? Or is this just an example of rich geologic, where if they go to buy a pint of milk, they either try to pay in like three pennies, or they write a check for $10,000. I don't know the difference between these. Exactly. The good news is that $22 Australian dollars is 12 pounds.

Regular. Yeah. Normal. For a London house, 7,583 things of avocado. Just don't eat them. Uh-huh. Okay. And then you've got 91,000.

Yeah, perfect. You got a house in London. Nice. So you could say, by the time you were able to afford like your shitty one bed, like two bedroom in like zone six or seven, you will be massively malnutritioned. You'll probably have diabetes one record. So I, there's another layer to this. So there's a whole genre of articles, which is why aren't millennials buying X thing?

I found a BuzzFeed article from last year, which just like random. Oh yeah, I've seen some of these. Yeah. So like, why are millennials buying diamonds? Why? What's going on? Why are millennials buying cereal? Why?

Why? Biles of soap? Because we're very old team. Yeah. I think it's a, millennials aren't buying diamonds because of hookup culture. I mean, I'm not buying cereal because we're eating avocado on toast. We're not buying soap because we're too woke to shower. So there's one more.

There's one more that I thought was interesting. So you know how the estate agent was like, hey, hey, stop buying lottery tickets. So from a 2014 article in the Globe and Mail, that claimed that millennials are not buying lottery tickets. And they were wondering why? Why are millennials buying lottery tickets? This is... The lottery industry, the lottery minds will surely collapse.

So I've found actually a similar article in Fast Company, but from 2012. Oh, wow. And it's been asked the question, why don't millennials want to buy stuff? Again, want doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. And it starts, compared to previous generations, millennials seem to have some very different habits that are both taking established companies and small businesses by surprise. One of these is that generation Y doesn't seem to enjoy purchasing things. That's not true.

I love buying things. So, and what they say, they say some bullshit. And then they say, now here's the culprit. Oh, we're going to find out. Yeah. And what Fast Company Magazine in 2012 said is the reason that no one's buying anything. The liberals. Humanity is experiencing an evolution in consciousness.

Okay, tell me more. We are starting to think differently about what it means to own something. Really? This is why an ambivalence towards ownership is emerging in all sorts of areas. From car buying to music listening to entertainment consumption. Okay. The only thing I'm not ambivalent towards owning is the day. We actually aren't buying anything because, you know, we are actually sort of too advanced

to buy things because we're, yeah, it's not. Yeah. This is a generation that fucking loves cronuts. I'm sorry. I don't buy that. Like it's like, it's like saying that like there's an in Ethiopia, there's an increasing ambivalence towards eating food. Like, well, that's one way of putting it.

Here's one Milo accidentally read earlier, which is actually great. There was one from this yachting magazine, which somehow came up in my feed that was like, why aren't millennials buying? Let me, let me, let me help you with that one, hun. I mean, as a speaking as an online celebrity, millennial who owns no fewer than four yachts, I feel like the main reason that they don't own yachts is, you know, they're just not, they just don't want it enough. You know, they're not, they're not getting up at 4am.

They've got no rise and grind. You know, they don't have, they don't have. Yeah. We don't want to own yachts. We just want to be things for a while. We want to be a yacht. Here's the problem. As Peter Thiel is definitely going to get a yacht made of millennial bones.

The thing, you know, like the fucking the success, the success, the success millennial people have been like driving me up the wall. I feel like that, that fucking guy, Sam ovens, who's all over the internet, like, I'm a multimillionaire and I can teach you how to be a multimillionaire. And it turns out that like the way in which he's a multimillionaire with his whole like, I started with zero dollars in my parents' garage in New Zealand. And the way he's become a multimillionaire is by like selling other millennials snake oil about how he can teach them to become a multimillionaire.

Like his, he has no business apart from teaching people how to be good at business. Like, it's like, what? Yeah. So do you, do you have any more math for us? No, I hate math. Let me see. I don't think I do. I do a little math as well.

And that that night out that they're saying that like millennials have to stop doing, they're assuming that you'd spend 115 pounds on a night out. They have never been on a night out in Cardiff. Let me tell you that. Do you have Ryan, Ryan, you had Ryan brother on? Yeah. Yeah. I sent him to Cardiff, but my brother invited him for his birthday.

Now him and my brother talk. That's weird. And yeah, he was astounded by how cheap the Jager bombs were. There was one point where I think it's shot out to a club in our bath Welsh club because no one else can actually say the name. They had like a deal where it was like four Jager bombs for, I think it was seven pounds or something like that. It was insane.

And we were just like, we got so messed up. And then there was also four cans of red stripe for a fiver. And at one point we were like, wait, no, not fiver, surely not. Maybe a tenner anyway, still really super cheap. Yeah. And at one point we just like wanted one and we were like better. She was like, but you can get this many. And we were like, so drunk that we were begging her, please don't give us the cheaper deal.

You've given us too much alcohol. This is terrible. So what we're saying really is that all all sort of people aged between like what 20 and 33 or whatever it is in London need to move to Cardiff abandoned. Oh, no, actually don't because then Cardiff would get more expensive. So don't. But basically we need to sort of start basically like starve ourselves, stop going out, move to Cardiff, never go on vacation and give up our beloved lottery.

I mean, yeah. Oh my God. You had me until the lottery. I'm sorry. I just can't give up the lottery. I can't. I love to be homeless. Just sitting on a street corner, frantically scratching away at lottery tickets and just

railing the debt. Where did you get this notice from? I don't know anyone who does the lottery. Do you guys do the lottery? I mean, my mom buys me a ticket on my birthday for a job. My dad like had a shop and we used to do lottery tickets. But the people who tended to buy lottery tickets were like grandmas and granddads. And every time they would come in, they would like, it would start off really amicably and

then they would ask for their numbers. But you wouldn't know what their numbers were. So you'd be like, what are your numbers? And you're like, you should know my numbers. I don't know. I don't know. You should know my numbers. I don't know your numbers.

This is the problem with this country. You know, I mean, let's go on some random rant about like what it was like during the war. It was just like, okay, but like during the war, there wasn't like... Back in the war, we'd dress up in our Sunday best to watch the lottery. In it to win it. That was presented by Clement Attlee in those days. And you'd have the Viscount rather more.

He'd be on there and he'd be playing against Jeanine from Sheffield. One of them would win a Ford Anglia. And I think we've rubbish millennial mathematics quite enough. I'd like to maybe close this out by throwing to Hussain to talk about why England controversially is actually good. Yes. So this is like, it's very rare when England is good. So we've talked about poppy season when everyone just goes absolutely mental about how big

or small your poppy is. Well, just the right wing love opium in the UK. My poppies are grower. Men always compare their poppy sizes. It's really Instagram. It's not about the poppy. It's about who you yell at for not having one. It's about wearing a beekeeper costume made entirely of poppies

in order to prove how much you love opium and the truth. The time England was good this week was when Greg's, a national institution, something akin to weather spoons in terms of unnecessary cult following. Do you mean unnecessary? Excuse me. I'm just going to throw this out there, but Greg's actually may not be good. For our American listeners, Greg's is like, it's a chain bakery that's really famous for selling really quick and cheap and delicious.

It's not even that cheap. That's true. It's not even that cheap. That's the thing. It's just like... It enables the diabetesity of the UK's manual labourers. Okay. Anyway, right.

The cult. So Greg's put out a Christmas advertisement to kick off Christmas Crazy Season in England where they had... No one ever calls it Christmas anymore. Yeah. Winterval. Winterval. Or what I'd like to call like Edel Snowflake.

Because I said Christmas in front of Hussein, the EU is actually going to come shackle me to a bus and drive me to the sea. Oh. Yes. Okay. ISIS is truly one. So we did an activity scene with Mary and Joseph and the free Shatford, but instead of they replaced baby Jesus with like a bitten sausage roll.

Nothing but respect for the sausage world, Jesus. Is that suggesting that baby Jesus is a snack? I mean, you do... I mean, that's the whole thing in communion, right? You do like... You're meant to be eating the flesh of Christ. Why does the flesh of Christ have to be like a weird little wafer thing if you're Catholic? I don't know.

Well, this is the thing. So Carl at the eye paper who does listen to our show, by the way. Hi, Carl, follow me on Twitter. So he wrote this piece at the eye about like how actually like Greg's is completely right because Jesus did like portray himself as flesh and therefore it's perfectly legitimate to portray him as a bitten sausage roll. Greg, actually, do you mean they're like... They're within the...

Can you call it a Christian canon? You can say it those days. Is that the same thing as like fandom? You can say it those days. It's canon that Jesus was accessible. It's canon that Jesus was accessible. At the end of the day as well. Wait, does that mean the Book of Mormon is fanfic?

Well, technically the Bible is pretty much fanfic. What? Oh my God, are you irrational? Only the New Testament. The Old Testament is like solid. So the Old Testament is the original text. The New Testament is fanfiction? Yes, the O.G. text.

Well, no, really what happened is actually the New Testament started as fanfiction. And then it was published. But then the writers of the Old Testament were like, No, you can't use Edward Cullen's name. No, it's great. I forgot which one was the fanfiction. Oh, God, that's some Gideboard Society of the Spectacle shit right there. So there were a bunch of people who got really offended by it.

Allegedly. Did they though? Because this is the thing. And I know a couple of news organizations have been having this debate as well when people wrote it up is that actually I don't know if people were that offended. So I know that like there were Christian groups and I can't actually say anything right now because of employment reasons. But I know that there were some Christian groups who were genuinely offended by it.

There were also a fair amount. So I tweeted this out and somehow like it went mega viral again. Oh, I know. But these are all the tweets I do like, you know, during my Louie break. These are. We're sorry to have to tell you this, madam, but your son is in fact mega viral. So in the app mentioned, which have been going on for like three days now, there were like a bunch of these pasty men and they all kind of said the same thing.

They weren't necessarily offended by like, you know, this is like an abomination to Christian theology. Largely because I think they would realize that. OK, if you're going to like really stick to canon, then maybe like, you know, maybe you'd want to like question the idea of, you know, a brown kid in the Middle East being born in the winter in a stable and staying alive. I'm just saying and somehow not looking like a sausage roll despite the fact. As we all know, erasing people of sausage from history. I mean, it's true.

As we all know, as we all know, like when all the saints were born, they were born in a cocoon of pastry. I just think, you know, it's Greg's way of trying to get the Christian message out there. Thou shalt know the Messiah when thou shalt look upon his crisp shell. Well, you know, every, you know, what I hope is that everyone who goes into Greg's and buys us off the drawl, like make sure they do like the cross for me. Also, you're not meant to do communion if you haven't done confession. Oh, true. So you'll have like a bunch of guys like confessing they're worse.

Please go to your nearest question. Don't tell them we sent you because I maybe will get a drawl. Well, I added Greg's and I was like, look, you know, I've given you tons of publicity. Why don't you like give a bit of money to a podcast called Trash Future? Oh my God, Trash Future is sponsored by Greg's. That would be... I think that would be legit. If you get it sponsored by Greg's and my spoons.

That's the dream. Those are the like, well, is there a third one that we can think of so we can make it the Holy Trinity? I find it so like amazingly hilarious that they replaced the baby Jesus with a sausage roll. Like very few things have amused me more in like the past month than this. And I find like anyone who has not found it funny is just like not not worth it. Well, I don't know. We'd be like, yeah, that's hilarious. Most of them weren't.

Most of them found it really funny. And the main complaint wasn't the Christian stuff. It was like these old men's was like, oh, what if we like replaced Jesus with like Muhammad? What then? I was kind of like, okay, well, if you want to like reenact like the battle of Buddha with like pepper armies, then you know, go for it. To be fair, if you wanted to fight off a Muslim army, the pepper army would really be the ultimate weapon. I for one am very excited for ISIS to turn Durham Cathedral into a shmarmist. And you know what?

If we get our way soon, it will be. When that UKIP guy like mistook like the Cathedral in Victoria for a mosque, he was like Islam's already taking over. Like look at the mosque over there. When it's like this whole thing where all those guys get aggravated like, oh, they've banned Christmas to appease the Muslims. And yet here they're getting annoyed about Greg's who are not only doing Christmas, but have added superfluous pork products in it specifically to exclude the Muslims. And the right still aren't happy, you know?

That's true. It is very porky. And I mean, there was also like a third bit of outrage, which actually came from my vegans. Trinity. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt the vegans were a lot more angry. I mean, I kind of get vegans being angry, but I'm also like, if you're vegan,

you're not going to be shopping at Greg's anyway. It's not as if. It's so weird to be like, to be angry at a place which sells sausage rolls for like being open about the fact that it sells sausage rolls. We sell sausage rolls. It's just so weird. Like, but you should at least have some common decency and try and cover it up. They want to replace every Greg's with a guy in a trench coat who like takes you into an alley and is like, how you want to buy some sausage?

Isn't that just Hollywood? What was the vegan outrage? The vegan outrage is more just like promoting meat and like. But Greg sells sausage rolls. I don't, I don't get it. It's the internet. You're not supposed to get it. The thing about the internet is that actually everyone is very regular and not that.

And actually this is all funny to me. I want to thank the haters actually for boosting my profile. So like maybe because you're all paying attention to me, I'm winning. You sound like a YouTuber. I'm actually laughing through my crusty, crusty mouth. Technically, I am a YouTuber. Can I buy an advent calendar from you? Because every time I open it, it pepper sprays me.

Actually, that's a fail. So 50 pounds. You know, it lets you live life as baked Alaska. Actually, every single door is just Jesus sausage rolls. Let's go, let's go. Let's do a trash future advent calendar, which is just sausage rolls. Can you not steal my calendar please? All right.

I'm conscious of the time guys. So I think it's about time to call it there. But Elena, thank you very much for coming on. That's all right. This is weird. And happy Thanksgiving to all our American listeners. Trying not to get killed and make a best pie for all. Yeah, best not to do that.

In a queuing for the latest sausage roll discount. All right. Bye everybody. Bye. Bye.