TRASHFUTURE - TRASHSOLO Milo: 22 Short Films About Moscow

Episode Date: March 20, 2018

Milo Edwards (@Milo_Edwards) talks about Russia and the "dire, dire imaginings of his deep unconscious" in our first experimental solo episode. What's it like to live there. How did he find his flat. Russian elections. Why is Trump the funniest person who ever lived. What's Milo like by himself? Psychology abounds. Follow us on @trashfuturepod

Hello Trash boys, welcome to this episode of Trash Future hosted by me Rocco Sifredi where we're going to be going up to some girls on the street and asking them if they like dick, okay? So no, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, it's Rocco Sifredi here to tell you about what's been happening in the news this week, so here's the thing, so me, Rocco Sifredi, yeah, I like, you know, I like going up to talking to girls on the street, asking them like if they like dick and stuff, but now I work for Cambridge and in Lillica, so what they ask me to do is I got the girls now on the street and I like ask them if they like

Brexit, like ask them if they like it when people watch them or they vote for Brexit and stuff, and you know the whole thing is when you just get the girls to vote for Brexit and then we have the inner sex, so it's really good, okay? Alright, okay, thanks guys, I'm afraid to tell you that Rocco Sifredi impression was in fact an elaborate hoax and that this is in fact a solo episode of Trash Future, the podcast about who the fuck, but this is in fact, but this is in fact a solo episode of Trash Future, the podcast about how the future is trash, hosted by me, Milo Edwards, the smart one from the group, I'll have you know, because I say all of the smart things on the

podcast and I definitely do preparation, I definitely read the stuff which Riley says we should talk about, it's a dangerous thing, isn't it really, just letting me loose with the whole solo episode of this by myself, I mean, will it get too smart? That's really the question, you know, will it be a podcast episode to rival the quality of well-known brain genius show Rick and Morty? We can only wait and see, right? So yeah, it's me, it's me, you boy. I've not really been given clear directions as to what to talk to you about and as I'm simply a man child, I'm really incapable of coming up with a good lit, so I'm just going to really talk about some shit that's going on out

here with me in Russia, the original one, Russia looming large in everyone's imaginations this week, right? Because of, I mean, because of reasons, right? But firstly about me, because I'm really the important one here, so I've just moved into a new flat in Moscow, I enjoyed the flat search process in that I got to look at a variety of apartments which were either not in a place where I would live or were in a place where I would live but were quite obviously a crack den. And in the end, I decided to pay a bit more for what the Russians call a Eurofitted apartment or like a European style apartment and what that is a euphemism for is fit for human habitation. Okay, so, you know, like, oh yeah, you know, like there's

no, there's no holes in the, in the floor and walls and ceiling. Yeah, that's European, isn't it? Those stylish Europeans with their lack of holes in all the floors and walls and there, you know, sinks that work, you know, stuff like that. That's a, that's the kind of luxury that people live in in Europe. And that's why, and that's why they're all, it's why they're all homosexuals, right, according to the logic out here. So, so I'm enjoying being in my new, my new homosexual apartment. There's no, there's no holes anywhere. It's got a nice pine wood floor. That's good. Yeah, I've been doing, I've been doing some gigs, been doing some shows. Your boy's been out there, he's been performing for the, for the, you know, the beloved, the

beloved public. I did a, I did a tweet about Stephen Hawking dying, which got, got more likes than Riley's tweet about Stephen Hawking dying, which really annoyed Riley, which was, that was good. That wasn't pretty much my main achievement of the week, to be honest. Oh yeah, I got great, I got a great email from the foreign office. Normal organization, foreign office, headed by a competent man, Boris Johnson. Yeah, I got an email from the foreign office, which basically decided to warn me about, you know, me currently living in Russia, they were like, Hey Milo, we hear on the grapevine that you're, you're living in Russia. And we just like to let you know that relations between Britain and Russia have gotten a bit

worse recently. Don't know why, not sure about what happened there. I don't, yep, they didn't really elaborate. They said, you know, don't, don't comment on the situation publicly, tick done, I never comment on anything apart from peeing. And they said, just, just be careful and be prepared. Because, you know, in Russia in the coming, coming period of time, some fucked up shit might happen. And I really felt like that, you know, betrayed the foreign officers can complete lack of understanding of Russia. The only now do they think there's a possibility that some fucked up shit might happen. I mean, I would say that basically, since this country has existed, i.e. since 1991, the only like, the only thing you could

be considered, you could consider unusual would be a fucked up shit did not happen on any given day. It's not like, it's not a place where it's just like, oh yeah, you know, I went out and bought groceries and I came home and everything was fine. It's like, oh, I went out to buy groceries and you know, there was a car on fire, but I just ignored it. So, you know, everything's fine for me. I mean, they're probably, they're probably dead, but you know, I'm fine. So, yeah, that's, that's more, it's more of a typical Russian experience. This is very weird, isn't it? It's really odd that, you know, I'm just here monologuing by myself, talking about this. We could bring back Rocco Sifredi. I mean, I don't really want to do that voice for

much longer because it's sort of the longer you do Rocco Sifredi, the more it goes kind of French, the more it sort of becomes a kind of horny Inspector Cluzo kind of character who, you know, is trying to incompetently solve a mystery whilst having sort of hardcore orgiastic sex on camera. That'd be a very weird, a bit of a weird show, wouldn't it? Just the Inspector Cluzo finally catches the pink panther and they have very aggressive anal sex for about 40 to 45 minutes. And maybe Inspector Cluzo asks him if he likes dick. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I mean, that's the sort of thing where if we were discussing it, you know, that could be like a riff, like a whole riff. It's difficult to riff on your own, you know, when

you're talking about, so, you know, someone could have been Inspector Cluzo, someone could have been, well, Inspector Cluzo slash Rocco Sifredi. Yeah, I can't even do a pun on that. That's, you know, someone else could have been the pink panther, you know, we could have had a whole thing that would have been like a normal trash future bit. You know, Hussain would have laughed, Riley would have got upset because we would have ruined whatever important thing was actually supposed to be being discussed. But, you know, it would have been, it would have been entertaining for about three of you, about three of you who listened to the show would have enjoyed that. So, you know, just, just, just imagine that in your own head and enjoy it.

Oh, shit. Right, I should probably, I should talk about some more stuff really, shouldn't I? Right, yeah, so what else has happened this week? Well, you know, huge news. The, the original Absolute Boy has got a new term as a Russian President. Of course, I mean, not, not famous Russian Jeremy Corbyn, but the original Absolute Boy, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. You know, like he's, he's unstoppable, isn't he? He's like, he's like, take that, you know, just when you thought they were gone, they're back, you know, like you thought, you know, take that, they were big in the 90s, weren't they? You know, Putin, he came to President's in the late 90s, there was a period of time, take that, we're gone, you know, Robbie Williams,

the kind of Dmitry Medvedev of take that, he, he had his solo thing, everyone thought that's it, take that, I finished, you know, Dmitry Medvedev is the thing now, you know, with, with hits like Rock DJ and Millennium. But then all of a sudden, you know, there's a Morrison's advert and Vladimir Putin's on it. And, you know, he's seeing the song shine, and there's, you know, there's a kid trying to find the quiche and, and, you know, Putin's back. And he's, and he's at the head of a bunch of quite frankly, zombie like men who from years of cocaine, adult partying in the 90s, and now, to be honest, incapable of even dancing coherently on stage, but now they're in charge of a bunch of, you know, horny mums, and they're going to run rush. I mean, I'm not that metaphor

kind of got away from me, to be honest. But the point is, VVP is back in, you know, he got something like 75% of the vote, pretty strong. And I have no, I've no reason to believe that that's not, not completely, not completely honest process, you know, to be honest, like, the main, you know, the main, the main competitor really, in terms of someone you could vote for as a protest was Ksenia Sobchak, who I did think was amazing. I mean, you know, she was, she was good. She just seems, she seems fine. But she was never going to win. That was not going to, that was not like an outcome that was possible. It was quite weird, waiting for the results, it's like, well, we know what the, we know what the result is. So it was like, what, you know,

like when you're sort of your parents, like, ask you what you want for your birthday, and they like take you to the shop with them to make sure they buy the right thing, but they still wrap it up anyway. That's kind of what the Russian elections are like. Except the gift is always Vladimir Putin. I mean, I've never actually had Vladimir Putin for my birthday. I think that would have been, that would have been a pretty good birthday, to be honest. If you just, you had a big, you had a big parcel and you opened it. And then there was just, there was just Vladimir Putin inside riding a horse. And he was like, Oh, hey, girls, do you like dick? And I don't know, I probably wouldn't. Rocco Sifredi X Vladimir Putin would be too weird of a character. It would

be like too much, there'd be too much power in one room. I mean, just like imagining Vladimir Putin with a penis of that size is not, it's not something I want to do really. I don't know whether it makes, whether it makes Rocco Sifredi more threatening or Vladimir Putin less threatening to think of that, of that crossover, I'm not sure. But yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. And the other guy, the other guy who was like the guy who added some chance of winning notionally was Grudinin, who's the head of the Communist Party of the Russian Federation. Now, that might sound good, right? But like, what you need to understand is that the Communist Party of the Russian Federation, KPRF, as they're known, are not not good. They're not like, they're not, that would not be like a

progressive alternative. Like basically, they're not actually communists. That's the weird thing for a communist party. I mean, usually, that's often the downside with a communist party is that they are, you know, communists, rather than socialists who are good. Communists tend to be slightly more mad. I mean, I've not got anything against you if you're a communist. I just feel like, can we not achieve most of the of the goods of communism by socialism without the upheaval of communism? I mean, I don't know. But the point is that the communists of the Russian Federation are not actually communists. They just want to bring back the kind of totalitarianism of the Soviet Union and return the kind of former borders of the Soviet Union. Yes, they're not a great alternative.

The other popular party are the Liberal Democratic Party of Russia, the LDPR, who it should be noted on either liberal nor nor democratic, to be honest. I mean, they're led by Vladimirovsky, who is a bit like a sort of like, if you made a person out of a migraine, he just spends a lot of time shouting about things. And his solution to most social problems is to just like, send anyone who's complaining to go work in a mine, or something similar. I mean, I don't like, Zhunovsky is kind of like, I feel like if he was your granddad, you would have put him in a home a long time ago, you know, the stat, that kind of element of it. And yeah, I mean, he's not a very sane man. He once said he would spit in the face of anyone who called him uncultured,

which means that he's either the most ironic politician who's ever existed, or the least ironic. And I'm not really sure which, I mean, but arguably, he can't be the most ironic politician who's ever existed, because that's definitely, that's definitely Trump. I mean, how enjoyable it's done with Trump. I mean, everything about him is great. Like the man, the man wants to create a space force. He has no idea what that would even be for. But he wants it. It's madness. I mean, it's like when you, you know, when you, when your dad's like does it makes a sort of like DIY thing in the garden, you're like, well, what are we going to, what are we going to use that for? It's like, I don't know. But, but you know, it's good to have. Well, I mean, Trump is doing that,

but with, with all of space, which is, you know, at least he's in favor of expanded public spending, but you know, creating a force for space. I mean, it's weird even as a con, I mean, even if you, even if you're not against the concept of, you know, creating a force, you know, to fight wars in space. First of all, you have to have someone to fight a war with in space, which would mean that, you know, first of all, he would need someone else as insane as him to create a similar force for the sake of having a war in space with him, like a sort of kind of zero gravity hunger games type thing. And I don't really know, but there's not really any territory, like it is a literal vacuum. So I'm not really sure what you would be even really contesting within space. But I mean,

I'm looking forward to seeing it. You know, I'm looking forward to seeing how it pans out. You know, if the space force comes together, I will join it. Because in zero gravity, it's obviously much easier to pee with your shirt pulled up and your trousers around your ankles, because it's just kind of float there. So, you know, that that would suit me really good. Yeah, I mean, I don't really, I don't really feel like I could talk about anything much longer. I mean, I'm to pray, it turns out that when I'm on my own, my brain is just a kind of kind of mush, sort of very uninteresting mush, which of which out of which things just sort of tumble. You know, there's no real, there's no real logic or flow to what I'm telling you. It's just, it's just the

dire dire imaginings of the deepest parts of my subconscious. So we're gonna, we're definitely going to return to regular episode scheduling soon. Please smash that like button. Let's get those hearts going for your boy. If you're not following me on Twitter or Instagram, please do that at Milo underscore Edwards for more smart and good takes about stuff. And of course, follow the old, the old podcast, the old trash future, the podcast about how the future is trash. If we do not automate, if we do not implement, you know, fully automated luxury space force. Now, you know, that's my, that's my career is the space force. Make the space force happen. That's what I'm saying. I will join the space force. I will fight

space itself. I will become one with space. Me and Steven Seagal will go to space. Steven will sit in a chair. I'll do the, I'll fight the space, you know, and then we'll drive a tank through a Mexican man's house in space. It'll be great. A space tank through the Mexican man's space house. Yeah, cool. Okay, that's it. I'm done now. Goodbye. Hello, and welcome to the Paul Joseph Watson sex chat line where you can imagine my cock. Okay, I really am going to go now. I'm sorry.