TRASHFUTURE - *UNLOCKED* Britainology 10: Princess Diana (RIP)

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

It's time once again for Britainology, and this week Milo and Nate are joined by Phoebe Roy (who you have have heard on Masters of Our Domain and 10,000 Posts) to discuss British 9/11. Do we mean 7/7? The 2011 riots? No, we mean the death of the Queen of Our Hearts, Princess Diana Spencer, in August 1997. Never has a nation freaked out more, and we provide the key to understanding it all. If you want more Britainology, you can get one per month on our $5 tier, or two per month on our $10 tier. Sign up here: www.patreon.com/trashfuture If you’re in the UK and want to help Afghan refugees and internally displaced people, consider donating to Afghanaid: https://www.afghanaid.org.uk/ *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here:  https://www.tomallen.media/ Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

Hello, and welcome to yet another episode of Britannology, the podcast where we attempt to get to the fucking bottom of what is up with this island, this moistened rock in the middle of the North Atlantic. I'm Milo Opens, and I'm joined as ever by my co-host Nate Pathay. Hello, lovely day. Probably the coldest day that I think I've experienced in the United Kingdom, which is not a particularly out of the ordinary cold for, say, New York, like this would be, I mean, it sucks when it's below freezing, but that's pretty typical. But definitely the coldest that I've seen it get here. So, you know, it's maybe the

jet. Yeah, it was like minus seven the other night, which is like Moscow vibes. I cycled in today. Minus seven for American listeners in centigrade, not Fahrenheit. Minus seven Fahrenheit in the UK would be like, everyone would be losing their shit because all the buildings have their pipes on the outside. Because I've been like, first of all, how much is that? Yeah, all the buildings have pipes on the outside. So, like, if it got to legitimate polar vortex temperatures like it does in the Northeastern United States every now and again,

everyone's water pipes would freeze. And it would be a sad day. We'll put it that way, because yeah, nobody would have won. It's like four or two when the Gulf Stream stops. And we are joined by a very special guest this week, Phoebe Roy. Hello. Thank you very much for having me. It's like you've come round for tea at a friend's house. And I'm going to make you a nice big glass of high juice. Yeah, we're going to argue about this.

You never had a glass of high juice at a friend's house as a kid? It's like kind of orange. We had this thing in the US called high C. Is it the same thing? No, it's different. It was like, I think it, I don't think it was Robinson's. It was like another brand, but it was like, it was another like orange squash thing. It was like spotlight H I dash juice. See, in America, it was H I dash C, like vitamin C, but it basically was like, I've seen that thing in America. It's basically like just as bad for you as Hawaiian punch. Like just pure sugar at this

point. What is it? High fructose corn syrup and just like really intense coloring. Well, as I believe I've told you, I have got into trouble before for a squash related faux part. So I'm afraid I'm just going to have to squash related faux part. Yeah, I got accused of a classism because I said that orange squash and orange juice weren't the same thing. Saying things that are true is classism, as we know. A girl tried to throw me out of my own house at a party when I was like the house I lived in at a party in college because I offhandedly said that Mountain Dew was kind of a white

trash drink and she was furious with me. So and she was she was furious with me and imagine living in Durham. Imagine imagine at a party a girl and like cut off shorts cut off so short that like the pockets basically look like fucking saddlebags and she's eating from a nose bag and she's like holler than me and she's just like get the fuck out. I'm like, bitch, I live here. So although the squash or orange juice classism debate may seem intensely British, we have our own variety of this. It's just yeah, is Mountain Dew a white trash drink? Yes, it kind of is. That doesn't mean Mountain Dew isn't good. It just means that like Mountain Dew has a certain connotation and I say that as someone who's decided from like

white trash so intensely white trash that literally my grand my grandparents parents were just like, yeah, fuck, we can't afford another baby. Just abandon him on an island and someone saved him. That's how Nate came to Britain. Someone saved him. But otherwise, yes, my grandfather was a left out on an island in pure Spartan fashion when he was like 18 months old. I was going to say what like the Spartans makes family a true warriors. If the Spartans did bootlegging in NASCAR racing, then yes, 100 percent, which in the modern day they absolutely were. Yeah, well, they would fucking hate cops and they would love doing crime and they would probably find some way to have weird family sex because that's kind of the thing that they do and that's

also a white trash thing. Because in a way like the NASCAR drivers of the Spartans and the NASCAR viewers of the helots. You're getting too classic education for me there, Milo. All right. I know a couple of Greek God names, a couple of Roman God names, a couple of things that are tied to the fact that months are named after certain members. Welcome to Hellenology. The helots were the slave population of Sparta. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I'm also a classical education person and can confirm that he is correct. You've been ambushed. I know. One of my best friends from home actually got a classics PhD, so I am used to having this happen. But the thing I would say is with NASCAR is that it started out as just people doing bootlegging

and then they're like, well, some people have gotten really good at off-road racing, running from the cops with illegal alcohol. Maybe we could make this into a thing where they drive around in a circle and just turn left the whole time and then people can watch it. And thus was born a sport that is massively popular, especially in North Carolina where my grandfather's from. Not a whole lot going on there besides that. In fact, my grandfather's hometown is not very far from where that incident happened that I've told you about, Milo, where we got, what's the right word? Secondid, yeah, to be hired help on somebody's private trash dump as part of a training exercise for special forces. And that was the guy who made us dig the sewer pipe in his yard

and then ordered his wife to go get a Spojangles chicken. But he spoke in such an intensely redneck accent that when he told his wife to go get chicken for us after we had done this task for him, he just said, woman, go on out and get that boy that bo-box. No. Woman, I'll just try to express. So like I said, maybe we could do it, I could do an Americanology or Midwestology someday, but whenever we exoticize Britain, I'm reminded like, don't, no, no, no, no, America's got its own weird intense shit. No, no, they all are watching Americanology. We're here in the center of New Orleans. Standing between the office of Naval Intelligence and the

Roddy and I have been watching JFK again. Yeah, except you sound like the head of the CIA was one of the fucking monsters from Pirates the Caribbean movies. But you best not believe it in CIA conspiracies, you living in one. No, they would have you believe the Jack Sparrow, he was in a magic bullet. Right. This episode of Britology is supposed to be about Queen of our Hearts, forever the people's princess, Princess Diana. And this has been requested by a few Britonology listeners. And as a result, I have put Nate and Phoebe through the ordeal of watching the 2013 Netflix movie Diana. So I thought just it just is like a bit of table setting for like people who aren't

familiar with Princess Diana, if that's possible. Princess Diana married to Prince Charles. They got married in 1981, having met 13 times normal, the recipe for a good marriage. And basically the whole time Charles was having an affair with Camilla Parker-Bowles, who is now married to, there was a whole kind of like media circus, they got divorced in 1996. She died in a car crash in Paris in 1997, about which there are a lot of conspiracy theories, which we will come to later. America was also fixated on Princess Diana, but perhaps not in to the same intense degree, obviously. I think the idea of having a royal family is just so bizarre to us that like there is a certain and because it's the one royal family

that, well, they also speak the same language as us and they're not just like weird gilded pedophiles like they're in the Netherlands or in Sweden or whatever. They're much more advanced pedophiles. That is just so much, like it's easier to comprehend, I suppose, when it's not like, because I don't even fucking know who the names of the various royal families in various countries still have them, but the point- It's Carlos in Spain, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one too. I thought he stood down, didn't he?

Oh, did he? Did Carlos stand down? He might have, I remember he was really involved with the return to democracy in the 70s and then he was, I don't know what's happened ever since, but I know that there's always- Only in Spain could the king be pivotal in a return to democracy. Yes, yes, well, there was this guy named Franco who was just kind of- James Franco. Exactly, except before he took every PhD program in the Performing Arts in America,

he was the king of Spain. He just has no age. Wait, excuse me? James Franco is famous for going to graduate programs. Oh, sorry, I thought you genuinely took your general Franco, like that was exactly what it was like. I am going to go to the stage, I am going to become an actor. All my life, I've been fascist generalism is not what I wanted. I wanted to be a star. So what I will say about Princess Di was that it was like on American tabloids.

I remember seeing the tabloids, like the American ones, I can't remember the fucking names, it's been so long, but grocery store tabloids basically. And then when she died, obviously it was, I mean, it was a complete freak out in America too. I can only imagine what it was like here. It's British 9-11. That's the only way I can really, like the level of public hysteria that, to be honest, only kind of died down relatively recently. Like it used to be like a running joke about how the Daily Express and the Daily Mail would

regularly have Diana front pages well into the 2000s. Like I'm talking about being a teenager. I can remember Diana still being on the front page and used to be like, new revelations. It's like, she's still that. Yeah, she's been dead for a while. Yeah, I remember very clearly, I was 12, I was about a month away from turning 13. And back in those days, it was, maybe it's still this way.

It was pretty common to have, you know, the newspaper delivered every day. And like in America, you'll typically have like in suburban homes, you'll have the mail box out front with like a subsequent, like rectangular container for the newspaper. And went out and got the newspaper and opened it up and my family was having breakfast and the headline was like, Princess Diana killed in car crash or something like that. And my whole family was like, oh my, like my dad was like, oh my God, like the whole family just stopped.

They're like, I can't believe that. That's so insane. Like, I remember, I can very clearly remember the moment of everyone freezing when they read the news. So I can, considering this is America, I can only imagine what it was like here when people found out. Well, I can actually tell you because I remember it extremely, I remember it extremely vividly.

It was, well, it was, it was the, because it was the weekend just before we were all due to be back at school. And so I was having a, I was having a sleepover at my house and we'd gone to sleep with like the, with like the radio on. And then the next morning I kind of half woke up and like half heard the news, but I was still kind of like half asleep. And then when I woke up properly, I was like, I had a weird dream that Princess Diana had died in a car crash.

And like my friends were all like weeping. And I said, what's going on? And they said, oh, she really has just broken up. She really has died in a, in a car crash. We were 17 girls. Thank you. Thank you very much. Reflecting your more edgy nature.

Right. Look, okay. You listen here. And so, so I sort of went downstairs and said, have you, have you heard Princess Diana died in a car crash? And both of my parents sort of looked up from their coffee and sort of went, and I said, aren't you, aren't you sad? Don't you think it's sad?

And they just said, no, we didn't know her. Because my parents think that having a, which I agree, I mean, I agree with it. My parents think that having a royal family is an obscenity. And they're not remotely interested in either royal or celebrity gossips. You can't go downstairs with your parents. It's just like looking at this guillotine in the corner going, I guess we bought that for nothing. Yeah, like what a waste of 1200 quid.

Is that how much a guillotine costs? I don't know, I'm just ballparking it. I've no idea. I reckon you could make a guillotine for 1200 quid. It's all like the idea of like sort of getting in kind of quotes, kind of comparative quotes. Like, okay, well, look, I've spoken to, I've spoken to one guy and he said he'll do it for 1200.

Like, yeah, all right, you can. I love the idea. You can for 1200. Your weird vestigial respect for the royal family forces you to not use the discount wish.com guillotine. I just couldn't put them through that. I'm going to kill them. Perspects.

But I won't, I won't use that. Yeah. Look, I could do it for 1200, but I can't promise you that thing's not going to fall apart at the last minute. Actually, you have got to see something. I fucking saw it because I was researching one of the things I'm really obsessed with is incredibly strange Princess Diana memorabilia that you can buy.

I mean, you can buy like Princess Diana shortbread, Princess Diana tartan, fucking Princess Diana t-shirts. I found a t-shirt. And by the way, I want one because it's like, I can't tell if this t-shirt was made as a joke or not. It looks kind of like a banned t-shirt from the 80s, but it's just covered with like Princess Diana and her dates on it.

I'm going to send this to Phoebe. The only thing I can, you know, it's funny that you mentioned that this was British 9-11 because the only thing I can compare this to in terms of weird memorabilia is the immediate aftermath of 9-11. However, the pièce de résistance is this handbag that I found on Amazon. Yes, for 100 quid.

I actually kind of like that. That's kind of cute. It's quite wavy and it says Princess of Hearts on it and it has a little heart pendant on there. It does. There was a shirt that I saw. Shiny gold hardware. I don't know if I'll ever find it again.

I thought I might have it somewhere on my like shirt, like an old hard drive. But to give you an example of weird 9-11 memorabilia before we move on, obviously, I once saw a shirt, someone took a picture of it and shared it online, of someone had done like a 9-11 commemoration t-shirt, but they had only used Microsoft like clip art. So it was like two 12-story buildings with really awkward fire

and like a clip art of firemen just kind of standing there and an eagle with a tear. And it said in like that very strange serif font that like looks like felt like iron-on letters, like letter of time. It said September 11th, 2001, a sad day. It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen in my life, man. That is amazing.

I was like, even the haters and the losers, I'd like to wish them a very good day. But it was funny because like I said, two 12-story buildings that are on fire and the firemen just look bored, like they're not doing anything. I was like, well, fucking put it out already, guys. Yeah, that was the issue.

But yeah, British 9-11 is a really good way of describing it because everyone went... It was orchestrated by MI5, first of all. First of all, we got no idea where Dick Cheney was on the day itself. No. I remember seeing footage on the news of what I believe was a former Met policeman who was living in America,

who was like very tearfully, was a black guy, very tearfully putting his like bobby hat back on and like doing some kind of like police thing outside the British consulate in New York. Doing a police thing. Like some sort of like call to attention kind of like marching. You know what I mean? Like like legitimately like marching or something like saluting.

But like it was like this image that was shared on the news in America, it wasn't in Britain. It was a guy in a British guy in America who had brought his cop stuff with him. Ah, okay. Brought his traditional cop customs. Yeah, that meant to the bear. This is among my people of the cops we have a saying.

Which is the gentleman yourself. Now, when the lady there was dead, you yourself were where exactly at the time? Yeah, I mean, it was all over the news for the date between her death and her funeral. It was the only thing that was on the news in America too. Like all evening news stuff, everything. The what's it called?

Dumb candle in the wind 97 was like number one in America too. Like all of it, man. It was hysterical in the U.S. And so I can only begin to fathom. Hit for the guru, Josh, project that. It was completely mental. And I, because I went to St. James's palace to kind of have a look at the mourners.

Because you won't be needing this anymore. How much do you want for it? With my family's guillotine. Trying to get a bargain on St. James's palace. Trying to get it on the kind of 1997 equivalent of Amazon marketplace. Just like, no, no, no. We thought it was, we thought we were going to need it,

but it turned out to be a butch job. As ever, the French are better at killing royals. Yeah, I'm just imagining now with 1997, Amazon and Britain is just like carbootsale.angelfire.co.uk. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. That is right, that is right. Yeah, because one of my friends from school

and my parents got together and decided that it would be like a good and instructive thing for us to see public hysteria. And to see how dangerous public hysteria was. Yeah, I had a fun jotted. Your parents fucking rule Phoebe, seriously. I'm saying that unironically, your parents kick ass. And so it was decided that we would be,

that we should be like, you know, taking sort of, sort of taking on a little, little day trip to St. James's palace to see the mourners and to see the flat, like the floral tributes and stuff. And I remember at the time feeling absolutely nothing. And like wondering if there was something wrong with me because I was not even remotely moved by the sight of this, by the sight of all these flowers

and the sight of all this kind of like outpouring of grief. I just thought that people should fucking get themselves together. Which is an extremely British thing to feel, ironically. Yeah, ironically enough, like it was the first time. I was like, I was sort of like acquainted with British people. Do basically like making any kind of Mediterranean display and I didn't like it. Not one tiny little bit.

And then obviously returned to school. And then it turned into a whole kind of, a whole kind of who, like who are like, who was sad about Diana and who was not sad about Diana. And it like, and it replaced. So you clap him for Diana. Yeah, exactly. And because it replaced the previous year's

hot topic conversation about who had started their period. And that just got blown out of the water. Who started that period of mourning for the people's princess? You know, it's funny to me. Fully blown out of the water, with Diana controversy. My take on it has always been that, my read of British people is that they're no less prone to hysteria. In fact, they may be more prone to hysteria,

but like it can only be expressed in certain things. So when like a designated moment is declared where one can express feelings, that is a repressed emotion at least. That's where you start getting shit. Like we talked about on 10K posts about like, you know, America does weird fucking World War II worship shit, but they don't dress up as spitfires

and have a conga line and cough on each other in the middle of the pandemic. British people do that. This is the same thing. It's like, hey guys, it's the once in a generation chance to show emotion. You guys can show emotion. Everyone just loses their fucking mind.

If you don't cough for veterans, you might as well go and live in Pakistan, in my opinion. Yeah, I mean, when all this happened, I was like four and a half. So I have memories of it, but they're quite hazy. I remember we were on holiday in Devon at the time, which is remarkable in itself, because my parents hate this country and would never holiday here.

And I don't know why we were on holiday in Devon. But yeah, I can remember like this tiny TV and like this like holiday apartment and like all the adults being crowded around it and me being slightly bemused by the whole thing. So weirdly, I really relate to my four-year-old self. But I think there are two things that really recall it to me, which are first of all,

there's a great Stuart Lee bit about Princess Diana dying and about how he went to look at the flowers. And there was like someone had left an inflatable model of ET, the extraterrestrial amongst the flowers, and him just imagining the couple who wake up distraught about Princess Diana dying. And then she's like, well, we better leave a tribute because everyone else will be leaving them.

And he was like, yeah, I was just gonna pop out and get an inflatable model of ET, the extraterrestrial. And she's like, well, you better go because there'll be a rush on those. The other one is that Charlie Palmer used to do a stand-up bit, which was very short, which was just Lady Di, one of the first cases of nominative determinism.

Yeah, I always appreciated, I was talking to Milo about this before we started recording that the way the French say Princess Diana, they just colloquially referred to her as Ladi Di. And like it just has this bizarre, like you shouldn't be using that in the normals. That should be like a turn of phrase used to conjure up somebody who's like a 19th century thawp,

like that's not in someone's name. Ladi Di sounds like, or if Candle in the Wind was done by the same people who did dragoste indente. Why did she have to Di? There was actually a like floor filler Europop banger just the summer after called, that was called Ladi Di. Oh, really? Fine, go, no.

Completely missed out on it. Yeah, I just, it's weird because I guess I would have assumed the sort of logical connection was that 7-7 was British 9-11, but like in terms of mass hysteria. People were way more normal about 7-7. Really? Yeah, it wasn't like a big, as always with terror attacks in Britain,

they're rarely like huge federal cases. They tend to be like, oh, well, that sucks, but like you don't get the like insane like, we are under attack thing. It's always like a, I don't know, like the kind of like the British psychosis of dealing with it tends to be like, well, we're just carrying on as normal. So it's bloody Britain, you know, we're not going to react to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there was very much a kind of tendency of like, people kind of defiantly going into the center of town and taking pictures and being like, you know, you don't, you don't scare me, bucko. Like weirdly for a country which- Buck a lot of fucknuggets, brackets, al-Qaeda. No, that literally what there was that,

that was that whole thing around the London bridge attack where people just like, you know, we shouldn't say terrorist anymore. Instead, we should say our twat. What? Terrorist is a slur. So like instead of saying like a terrorist, attack people in London, British say,

a group of twat stood because it takes away their power. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then just- It's coward is not the word I would use for playing yourself out. Yeah, definitely, I think the thing they care about is whether or not English people use mean names for them and not whether or not they can murder people. These people, they call us a cockwamble.

The Taliban just fucking handing in their guns. They called me a cunt waffle, I'm done. Yeah, this is literally what I imagine, just like, you know, just like whoever is in like the ISIS PR office, just being like, now this hurts my feelings. I don't know why they would say that. I don't want to do this anymore. This sucks.

Everyone's mean to me. The ISIS guys being like, I just want you to know that when I read that, I pulled out all of my toenails. Like, you know what, ISIS aren't going to read the mean things that you write about them, but your friend who's an ISIS sympathiser will. So think about that.

But your friend who is both a terrorist and a twat will. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so weirdly for a country that like really, really loves curtailing civil liberties and also loves surveillance, there wasn't like a kind of like, there was no like equivalent of the Patriot Act or anything. In fact, like the big kind of, we should be responding to this with expanded police powers

and expanded police violence was the 2011 riots. That provoked a very, very different response. I mean, we had Prevent obviously, but that, which was quite insidious. Yeah, no, no, of course, but it wasn't so like, Prevent was always like, always like struck me as a kind of much like kind of, like kind of weedy a little like little shit,

like compared to the Patriot Act, which is like a kind of big, like kind of like big dumb bully. And then Prevent is it's like, it's like shitty little bastard cousin who's always like hanging around in the background. Yeah, I mean, basically there was a story recently that in the last decade, something like 600 children under the age of five have been referred to Prevent. Like in one case, a four-year-old got referred to Prevent

for describing a game of Fortnite. I'm dead serious. But America obviously, you know, with the Patriot Act, they're building Islamic Mosque in Fortnite. In the Patriot Act, basically, you know, I can't even, we'd have to do a whole episode on it, but suffice it to say, we can snoop on anyone anytime, we don't need a warrant, we can suspend habeas corpus,

and we have a secret prison island on a part of Cuba that we still pay $10 a month in rent on to the Cuban government. I don't know why I sold. Yeah, but I would also say too that America didn't freak out in terms of national complete freak out after the first World Trade Center bombing or the Oklahoma City bombing, but obviously 9-11 was just like so,

the spectacle of it was so intense that like- The greatest pace of terrorism ever conducted. Yeah, and famously, you know, my uncle worked at the Pentagon at the time and my cousin, who was probably about 9 or 10 at the time when it happened- My uncle Stan McChrystal. Was just like, basically, obviously, he was really worried,

and then he found out his dad was okay, and then he was just like, well, they knocked down a wall of the Pentagon, and my uncle was like, yeah, yeah, they did. He's like, so it's a square now. That's right. Turning the Pentagon into Pac-Man. So I appreciate, you know, that's how Americans code

by doing geometry. I mean, so one thing about Osama bin Laden, he certainly had a sense of theatre. Oh, he really did. I mean, yeah. It was a spectacle, we'll put it that way. And also, before we move on, I just must say that one of the weirdest incidents of my life

was a reunion of friends from the army where one of my army friends from California, his wife was a 9-11 truther and was trying to argue 9-11 trutherism with another army friend who went to high school in Queens and literally watched 9-11 from the window of his high school. And he was trying to be, he was like,

can we please just not talk about this? Like, you're fucking insane. Like, they didn't disappear the fucking towers with a laser or some shit. Like, I'm not telling you it happened. I saw the planes, but yeah, yeah, you know, that doesn't mean America's not psycho. It's just psycho in a different way.

Stop taking away the achievements of people of color. Stop saying it was a laser. 19 brave Saudi men died that day. Sorry, that's a joke. Some of them were Yemeni. So, moving on to Princess Diana. We watched the terrible Princess Diana movie and it was so much both better and worse

than I could have hoped. It came out in 2013. It stars Naomi Watts who I should clarify just right at the top. Looks nothing like Princess Diana at all. Absolutely nothing. When I saw the preview image on Netflix and the poster of the film, I was just like, is this just some other movie that's called Diana

but has nothing to do with Princess Diana because she just looks nothing like her. Yeah. We trick you into watching a movie about the Roman goddess Diana just to wind up even more. Because you know, you're just sort of like, hmm, there's three Diana things in the top results. Two of the photos are obviously Princess Diana

and like, and one of them is not. Now granted, all three of them look like women Milo with date but two of them are Princess Diana and one of them is very much my respect a milf. Why does no one respect my respect for the milf? That's like, actually be fair, be fair on Milo. Princess Diana had much more volume in her hair than he normally. This is the other thing.

They didn't even get the hair right on Naomi Watts. They couldn't even make her hair look like Diana's hair. She had like a kind of, she had a sort of fairly like iconic mid 90s hair, hairdo. And I feel like it should be possible to It was like a very sensual mullet. She pulled it off. It was.

She was just a little bit of a straight man. Good day, mate. Lady Di. I'm Australian Princess Di. Lady Di. Lady Di. Is Lady Di. I'm all fucking crikey.

Oh, I'm from Lady Doola. Joanna's eating me baby. Yeah. So she looks nothing like her, including to the point where there's like a funny scene where she disguises herself in a wig to go out. And at this point, even the pretense of looking like Princess Diana is completely lost.

Like you're like, you don't feel like you're looking at Princess Diana in a disguise. You're like, well, this is just not Princess Diana. Yeah. And then absolutely. No one in London has managed to detect that Kristen Stewart somehow replaced fucking Naomi Watts. Yeah.

Who even knows? Yeah. Like it, like it genuinely, like in that bit in the film, it genuinely took me a second. I was like, so what the fucking doctor's cheating on her? What a bastard. And okay. No, that's her in a wig.

Okay, cool. Typical doctors. Typical doctors. Yeah. So the movie, I mean, it begins with like her in the hotel in Paris just before she dies. And then it like cuts back to like three years earlier. And then basically the film more or less just charts her

having this affair with a heart surgeon called Hazmat Khan, which is a real thing that happened. And they're like, there's this bit early in the film where she is, she's getting acupuncture from an Irish woman, which immediately to me is bizarre. And then the Irish woman is in the hospital, but she's not ill. She's visiting like her husband or has like had complications

from heart surgery. Yeah. And it's not made clear. And then Diana goes there and then she meets the heart surgeon and is immediately overcome with an incredibly powerful horniness, which is so overacted that I couldn't quite believe it. She's like, oh, I just love hospitals. Oh, could you show me around?

That would have been lovely. Yeah, it was it was weird. And also like we have to reiterate that the heart surgeon just looks like a normal guy. Yeah. Like he's not like I recognize the actor, but I couldn't remember what else I'd seen him in. Yeah, I recognized him too, but like he's very much done up

to look like kind of like a regular ass guy. Yeah. And Princess Diana just she loves the power of a man who can cut people's hearts open. And so as a result, it's a genetic trigger from her ancestral lineage of British aristocrats. There's someone who can do weird knife things on the human organs, you know, just it just makes it excite something.

And so, yes, they they wind up having this affair, but he quickly discovers it's difficult. Well, the next part of the film, it was my favorite part because he comes around to her like official residence for dinner. And there's this whole scene where like her like house helper people are like teaching her how to cook a meal because she can't do that. And so they're like, well, he's a heart surgeon, so I probably want something healthy.

So they kind of like knock her up this like healthy meal that she can put in the microwave or whatever. And then he shows up and she she microwaves the meal and it's like visibly panicked even at the idea of like putting something into a microwave. And then he's like, could I have a hamburger instead? And then she's like, but you can't make hamburgers. She's like, I can send out for one.

It's like, what do you think they do with them at the restaurant? Do you think they're like, you can't do them? Oh, no, seriously, they portray her for something which is like very, very clearly an ugly uncritical hagiography. They portray her as the dumbest bitch alive. It's like quite the most insulting hagiography I've ever seen in my life. It's really bizarre, isn't it? Like, well, she has literally two gears in the film,

which is stupid and horny. And occasionally the Venn diagram circles me. And then she does stupid things because she's horny. Yeah. She also keeps going on about how gorgeous the heart surgeon is. Again, it's just like he's such a regular looking dude. It's like, really? She's like, how am I supposed to act normal

around a gorgeous creature like you? And it's like, this is a normal looking man. Literally, you just take a walk down Whitechapel High Street and you will see a thousand dudes that look just like him. This entire film gaslighted me because it's pretending this woman looks and sounds like Princess Diana. It's pretending this extremely normal looking guy who I might be expected to refer to as Uncle.

Is supposed to be not just gorgeous, but so gorgeous that she'd ruin her extremely cushy life over. And also, it completely decides to gloss over what I remember as being quite a significant part of the kind of Diana story, which is her then subsequent relationship with Dodie Alphide, which they're just like, this kind of ruins the romance of it. So we're just not going to mention it. It's like, you have to mention it.

You can't just not mention it. Yeah, they portray the whole Dodie Alphide thing as just getting back at this other guy. Yeah, and I just don't, I don't think that's correct. I mean, we should get to that in a sec because there's some other like great, but I made no notes about this film because I couldn't bring myself,

but just like stuff is emerging from my memory. The whole conversation they have about jazz because the heart surgeon really likes jazz. Just got to improvise. Yeah, to improvise. Have you ever been to Ronnie Scott's? And she's like, I'm not allowed to go places. It's genuinely like a Princess Diana biopic

that also has a B movie of the guy being like, do you like jazz? But that's a plot device. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she has to wear those wig to go at which point she looks like fucking Avril Lavigne. Like she looks nothing like Princess Diana at all. And then so it's an effective, and they're in the jazz club

and immediately they start playing jazz and the heart surgeon immediately like closes his eyes and begins like clicking his fingers like a beatnik. And it's like, no one does that. Come on. I just, yeah, once again, it's like if this wasn't a primarily British production, I would assume that this was a film filmed on location

with no one who has ever been to Britain before. Everyone and it's actually Bulgarian. Because also it makes no attempt. It's like, okay, it makes an attempt, but it is a very poor job of trying to convince you that this is 1995 London. It's so obviously contemporary London with a couple of old cars and phones thrown in.

The bit where they go to a fucking big chicken cottage. You couldn't do that. Chicken shops existed, but they were small, they weren't like the big chicken cottages then. It just genuinely looked like it does not. Maybe it's because it wasn't a high enough production value, which is a weird thing that I've seen happening lately where films have the overall look in terms of quality

of being a big budget film, but they clearly aren't. And I think that's because of the advances of camera technology. And so in this case, clearly they didn't have the budget to really do like a... Because from a similar period of time, the remake of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

did a very good job of making it look like dog shit early 70s London. Waitly also starring Naomi Watts. Oh, yeah. That's the tailor. That's... I don't think it did happen. No, it did.

You freaked me out there for a second. And I did my normal thing of just going along with it because I don't want to fucking argue. And then I realized you can get me to agree to anything. I'm going to renounce my American citizenship somehow just because I don't want to inconvenience Milo. That's right. We're working on it.

Like you could tell it just... It wasn't particularly convincing in the location shoots and everything like that. And similarly, it wasn't particularly convincing in the idea that she was swayed by this very normal guy who's portrayed as Lothario because he asks her, do you like jazz? And that he then teaches her to improvise in her life

the way that jazz musicians improvise. It's the most ham-handed metaphor I've seen in my fucking life. He's also just like a huge jerk. I know that's not necessarily the most relevant point, but he's an absolute prick to her. I think we can agree that if this portrayal is even in the ballpark of 5% accurate, she just loved being negged by dudes.

Between Charles and this guy, she just got negged a lot and she was really into it. Oh my God, the bit where they break up and she's trying to get back with him and she keeps phoning the hospital and they obviously know that it's her so he won't answer the phone and then she starts phoning up and doing a Scouse accent.

That was the point where I fucking lost my mind. I was like, okay, either this really happened, in which case that's insane and we should know more about this, or that didn't happen and it's fucking insane that they made it up. Well, I don't know if it actually happened with this guy, but I can tell you what I think it's based on. It's based on when she was still married to Charles,

she had an affair with one of his friends from Eaton, who was this art dealer called... He had like a stupid posh name all over something. No, but like somehow stupid, I'll remember his name in a minute. Yeah, she had an affair with him. I'm a Siegfried Money Coots. Oh, too real, too real. I think there might actually be a Siegfried amongst the Money Cootses.

Cootses is already the name of a bank and they're like, how can we just make it more clear? What was the one recently who was the reporter, whose name was like Zora Broker Starks or something like that? I was Zora Hedge Starks. I was at Cambridge with her. I fucking love those names, man. She's actually quite normal, I think.

I think she just has a weird name, but yeah. Oliver Hall, that was his name. Oliver Hall, what a name. Oliver Hall, and he and Princess Diana had an affair in the early 90s and when it ended, she became obsessed with him and would sit outside his family home that he shared with his wife and three children and ring up just to hear his voice

and then hang up. She once rang him 50 times in an hour or something. Jesus. Subsequently spoken to by the police. So I suspect that either this is just what she did in the aftermath of a sundering. Just getting a phone call in the middle of the night and it's like, you're like, Diana, is that you again?

Hello, it's Ladi Dee. It's Ladi Dee, yeah? Hello, it's Ladi Dee. Is that Ladi Dee? I'm not Lady Di, I'm a different person. I was wondering if you would like to have sex with me. I'm Lady Di, welcome to Blind's Ace. I'm just loving the idea that we're sort of-

Lady Sylla Black. We're sort of a fiction of Princess Diana as being just sort of like stately and reserved when in fact she's just sort of like an overstated caricature of Alana's Morissette but with blonde hair. Man, someone recently showed me a picture of the guy that Alana's Morissette wrote that album about and it's just-

Uncle Joey from Full House. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just again, a fucking normal looking man. Incredible. Look, I'm just saying that for a certain kind of- You know, I don't want to sound like a fucking pickup artist, dude, but there is a weird power that being a regular ass dude in between like the ages, let's say 30 and 45 has on a certain kind of-

Well, let's say partially or in some capacity insecure young person. Could be male, could be female. There's lots of dudes who like older guys as well. I don't know what it is, but you will see that odd connection of like woman who then goes on to sell 20 million copies of an album is completely fucking heartbroken because of Uncle Joey from Full House. But it happens, it happens. So you know what, if you're nearing 30 and you're a dude

and you're worried that your sex power days are over, they're not, it'll just get really weird. I actually would have preferred it if Naomi Watts, instead of doing the incredibly weird like faux posh voice, she's just like, oh, well, I'm not allowed to go anywhere. If she'd have done like instead the Alanis Morissette voice. And now I need to go to the jazz club because they might recognize me.

I get followed by the papers. That would be great. I would have appreciated that. And she finds out that the jazz is on in a theater and then she's just like, are you fucking kidding me? Do I have to go down on you here too? Fuck. Yeah.

I like the, because the like the voice is really, really weird. Like it's the, it is the voice that American and Australian actors think is the, like, think is the received pronunciation upper class English voice, but it's not, it's not, but it's not actually correct at all. Like if you listen to like actual members of the royal family, you basically can't understand a fucking thing they're saying. Oh yeah.

They sound like a broken diesel engine. Like the voice she is actually doing is, is a Liz Hurley voice, but like specifically Liz Hurley in Austin Powers. It's like, it's like a kind of joke version of a 60s. Would you like to shag now or shag later? Because yeah, the royal family and the way they talk is so, you learned English from a parrot that learned English 300 years ago. It's genuinely incomprehensible.

It's a traditional parrot that teaches royal family English. It's copay in English. If you don't like it, it's a door. It's just fucking wild to me. Speaking of fucking terrible performances in this film, can we have a brief moment to discuss whoever the fuck it is who's playing Paul Burrell, Diana's butler, who keeps coming and coming and not,

listen boss, just need you for a couple of minutes. I'm sorry, is this man supposed to be a builder? Like, what do they think royal butlers sound like? Yeah, I feel like this is lending credence to the theory that this is a film set in Britain in which no British people actually participated in the direction of. I half expected him to start calling other the gaffer. If you've ever met anyone who works in a royal household,

they're the most freakishly buttoned up people because they spend all their life just learning ridiculous titles and protocols and they all sound like these. The real people are like that guy, Patrick, who's like a kind of royal mind or whatever in the first half, who's like, you've put me in an invidious position. Like, yeah, that's what those people sound like. Or like if you've seen the first season of The Crown,

Tommy, the guy who's like the protocol guy who advises the Queen that David shouldn't be allowed to come back to Britain because he was literally a Nazi and was trying to fucking, you know, set up a Nazi conspiracy to fucking take over England. They're like, yeah, kind of a bad guy to have in this country. Like Paul Burrell showing up with just his arms absolutely full of like, of like Vivian Westwood dresses

and then just being like, where'd you want me to put these? Diane, I love the armchair. I really like. Oh, Blimey, women be shopping. How there are precisely three types of character in this film and they are Liz Hurley-Poshos, Jolly Chimney Sweeps of different regions and either very, very wise or very, very backward brown people.

Those are the two. Those are the three characters in this film. Like my favorite bit is when she meets the doctor's Pakistani family. Oh fuck, it's so mental. And his, I think it's either it's either supposed to be his mum or his grandma just gives him, gives her the kind of the, like the Wikipedia version of partition and basically just like, so, and that was your husband's great uncle.

What, what you got to say about that? And Diana says, I'm so terribly sorry. And that seems to be enough for this woman and it's almost like when they were like, when they were doing the script, they're just like, she's supposed to be a kind of decent and empathic and compassionate person. We have to, she's meeting this Pakistani family.

She's got to solve the empire. We have to have maybe something about the horrors of the empire in there and then just like that and then just like the director being like, okay, fine, but make it quick. It's like put in one line. Here we go. I think we've got it.

I think we've got it covered. And also, and I feel like you would know more about this than me Phoebe, but like the way, and I've Wikipediaed the real guy Hasmat Khan and my impression I get from both the film and from this is that his family are from the absolute upper crust of Pakistani society. Yeah, no, no, no, no. So probably not from the echelon of Pakistani society

that hates the British. Like a hundred percent. I mean, well, I mean in, in Pakistan, everyone suffered ritual poor from partition. It's not, it's not, it's not really as, I suspect that you would get a lot of hostility to British, certainly to British rule in the Raj. I think relatively across,

relatively across society, however, like it's like it is offensive in the extreme that you're supposed to think that this family are like, oh, look at the white angel when they're literally just like, our son's a top heart surgeon. Like what the fuck, what do you do? You shop, apparently. She has lots of geysers.

She's like Dave Courtney. She has lots of geysers. She's lit, yeah. If there wasn't one woman who was just shopping all the time, how would women know to be shopping? She's a role model. She's an exemplar. That is right.

Yeah, that is, that is true. That's a fair point. And then eventually, once she gets back from Pakistan, the verdict of the family is that they, they like her, but they don't want him to marry her because they feel like it will be too much of a circus. So then they stop seeing each other and then she goes about this kind of like

mad. Well, I mean, and this is the bit where I think the film completely departs from reality because it basically portrays like the last year of her life as being like one long attempt to get back at this just ordinary guy by dating Dodie Al Fayed and deliberately like tipping off the paparazzi to take like maximum booby photos of her

to like make him jealous, which just strikes me as just completely mad. I don't believe that for a second. I mean, she, like the poor woman was, she was completely off her head, as well you might be if you'd been drafted into the kind, into the kind of very much under discussed upper class sex trafficking ring that they've all got.

Yeah. That they've all got going on there. Of course, you have congenital lorden poisoning. Also that, you have, she's got that, she's got her inherited, she's got that inherited aristomullet. Yeah. She was having a rough time.

I think one of the reason people are so obsessed with her is because she's one of the few ever hot British aristos because British aristos tend to be the ugliest people you've ever seen. Look at Camilla Parker-Bowles, right? Like she is like, she is a freak of nature in that respect. Centuries of inbreeding of like struck lucky. Just more milk discourse.

Yeah, that's right. It's not really discourse. I mean, is anyone going to disagree with me that Princess Diana was a mil? There was a... Am I wrong? There was some trading house in Scotland that recently got in trouble

because they had a guy who was, they appointed who was, I think, a lord, a Tory Lord from Scotland. And it was like, he couldn't be in two roles at once, both in government and then also in this trading house. But there was some article about this and they just posted his photo, like his house of lords photo.

And it was the weirdest face I've ever seen in my life. Like it was just too big of a head and too small of features. Like it looked like you had done a really, really good character generator sort of simulator in a video game where like the sliders let you make people look like Mr. Potato Head. And it's like, that's what these people look like by and large. Lots of them look like they're wearing

a sort of Buffalo Bill skin suit of themselves. It's a very odd... So yes, I mean, I don't think anyone would disagree that Diana was hot and that she was still hot, you know, in 1997. And I mean, fuck, I mean, she's... Jesus Christ, I just realized. She was younger when she died than I am now.

So she was only about 36 or something. Like, you know, let's settle down on the idea that she might be expected to look like an old hag. Well, no, but you know what? I'm 36 and I look like shit. So I mean, like quite frankly, there's not an expectation that you're going to stay... Something about being royal in that era though,

she did look older than that. Like she looked good, but she kind of... When you look pictures, she doesn't look like a 36 year old person, not because she looks old, but just because of like the old fashionness of how like... There's a certain kind of like artificialness. Like it just...

It's weird to imagine her as actually being a person that you didn't see in like a badly printed photo. Yeah, she has this kind of like... Ageless kind of quality of like not really... Seeming too adult to be 36, yeah. But she looked like that at 19 when she got married, when she was... I mean, she's like...

The whole thing was like set up. We're like weirdly cherubic. Yeah, but like the whole thing was like set up by her grandmother. And she was like... She was also like picked for him by Camilla. Like it's really like properly kind of... Sort of creepy kind of brothel vibes.

Wait, so Charles and Camilla were just like... My girlfriend and I saw you from across the bar. You liked your vibe. We buy you a drink, I wouldn't worry. There's no history of a creepy or pedophilic thing happening here. Have you ever done any FFM? Like Diane shows up in it and says... It says here, cute couple looking for a third.

And I feel... We have Polly. Her sister's called Polly. You thought we were going to do cocaine in this back room. We're just going to talk about polyamory. I don't do cocaine, I do opium. Yeah, I mean, we've... We've basically established that this film is poorly made and departs from reality,

but like could get made because of the remnant hysteria around Princess Diana. Well, and also because of Netflix and that which we've talked about on Trash Future, but they're just like infinite budgets for making like insane on buying. Actually, I don't know if they made this one because it's quite old relative to Netflix. Yeah, or they optioned it after he made it. They certainly optioned it, yeah. And just like, yeah, I mean, there's so much Princess Diana content on Netflix. Like you and Phoebe were both saying, like if you just put Diana into Netflix,

you will be met with a wall of like documentaries, like B-movie shit, B-movie in both senses of the word. It's like jazz. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, the section of the film with Dodie Fyatt is really weird because there's all this like, oh, it's like Diana being sexy on the yacht and like on her phone to the fucking paparazzi to make sure they get the best like shot of her ass or whatever. It just is very just incredibly normal.

Diana famously loved the paparazzi as we all know. And it's weird because it doesn't give any treatment to Dodie Fyatt or their relationship at all, even though they were supposedly going to get married and he very much died in the car crash with her. And the closeness of their relationship was broadly speaking the origin of one of the major conspiracy theories around her death as propagated by Muhammad Al Fayed, Dodie Al Fayed's incredibly normal Egyptian billionaire father. It happened really relatively soon after the accident that Muhammad Al Fayed started saying

that something that various things didn't add up and then publicly accused specifically Prince Philip, which for some reason I find the like the funniest possible person responsible. Because if anyone if anyone's planning that kind of that kind of shit, it's clearly the queen. Like it's it's clearly not Prince Philip. And yeah, he explicitly publicly accused accused him of it. And it was through a kind through a sort of mixture of media hysteria. I suspect that I suspect there was some some suspect race stuff in there as well. So it's just like some kind of daggers accusing me of plotting, I've never plotted in my life.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, pretty much it was very, it was very successfully turned into a sort of joke, kind of laugh like sort of laughing stock. And then and then and then it turned into one of those things where people said, you know, it's it's weird that a lot of stuff doesn't still properly add up about that. Like, how how do you I mean, it was an otherwise empty tunnel. How do you how do you drive into the wall of an otherwise empty tunnel? I'm a drunk Frenchman. Well, I mean, yes, there is that his blood alcohol level was like insane.

But like the I mean, the tragic thing was was that he had been is that is that he actually it was later proved he has he had actually been sent to murder somebody called Lardy D. And he just a terrible case of mistaken identity hired by the family of that eaten guy to get rid of the woman who keeps finding. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was it was it was like it was it was it was very very strange and he kind of and he got he was very much not treated like somebody who was who had been driven out of his head by grief at the death of his son.

He was very much treated like a mad Arab with not not saying that I think he is but that you know the British media is the British media is diseased. He is mad. He's not mad in a specifically Arab way. I'm not saying he's not mad, but I'm not but I'm not being racist about it. Yeah, exactly. That's my point. Like he is mad.

But the fact that he's an Arab has nothing to do with it. But also like, you know, he was obviously in the situation where he was wronged and he has, you know, a ton of grief because the death of his son. But the British media would probably be just being mental as opposed to. Like he, you know, secretly was, you know, waving a scimitar around his like his palace that was scented of fenugreek and other, you know, exotic eastern spices and stuff along those lines. Again, from knowing what I do about that, not impossible, but definitely racist to assume. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know what I'm talking about, though?

Like, yeah, we none of us is a stranger to the diseased British media. So, cool boy. Yeah. And so, yeah, so there were some conspiracy theories around it. And then there was an even more interesting, like a kind of community peer pressure exercise in insisting that what had happened to her sons was the saddest thing that had ever happened to any children in the history of, in the history, more or less of the world. And there was a, and there was a, there's a really good

ideas are a bit about the death, about the death of Diana. And she, I believe at the time was forced to apologize for one bit of it when, and it's to my mind, it seemed like a very anodyne observation, which was just that she goes on to say, and my mother died when I was, I was six and my brother was eight, and no one gave a shit. And it caused a, it caused a ferrari. And this is, and this is a ferrari, which exists even now. So like when Prince Harry does his, does his mental health for the blokes, shtick.

Blokes. The blokes, yeah. And I was over there in Afghan. I said, do you know, I know one or two things about Ahmad Arab. So, let me, let me just say I've been there. My granddad, Philip, never, never, never encouraged me to talk about my feelings because he, because he killed my mother. So, so, so that would have been an uncomfortable conversation to have had.

Yeah. So, so there's this, like, there was this very strange obligation to pretend that that Harry's struggles with his mental health, A, were like having a mental illness as opposed to just completely normal and reasonable grief at your beloved mother dying in a horrible and unexpected way when you're 11 years old. In the prime of her milf years. Exactly. I mean, that's presumably what, what bothered him the most.

Yeah, absolutely. About it. And, but, but also people sort of developed this kind of weird sort of cry bully insistence that we are supposed to pretend that Prince Harry was. Not the son of Major James Hewitt. Okay, first of all, we'll, we'll get, we'll get onto that. Blight to pretend that Prince Harry was having to negotiate NHS mental health services. That was like, there was very much this kind of weird sort of collective delusion when he

started talking about this kind of thing a few years ago, that he was having to kind of go to his GP and be told that there was a 18 month waiting list and then be offered group CBT. Like, that's not going to happen. Is it? And listen, matey, bloke to bloke and having a bit of a laugh since about 97. And anyone who, anyone who said that the idea that Prince Harry was having in any way a relatable experience with his mental health was sort of treated like they'd, like, like they'd driven the car themselves.

It was, it was, it was and is absolutely mad. And there's another, and there's another thing just about the, the current memorialization or the current, the current phase of the Diana insanity is somebody pointed out a few years ago that she was very, very popular amongst, amongst ethnic minority women of a certain age. This is not something that that I'm particularly aware of because all of the ethnic minority people in my family are men and also communists. I've heard a lot of people mention that the Caribbean mums love Diana. Yeah, like the cap, but like, but not, but like the, but like the Indian mums as well.

And like, and like, I, like, like I said, like my, my Indian family, my Indian family are all men. That's weird. Yeah, they, they are all men. So this is not something that I, that I was, but it seemed, it seemed a little unlikely, but okay, you know, fair enough. And then this got turned into, if you have anything to say whatsoever about hagi, about hagiographies of the British aristocracy, that is racist. You're insulting the feelings of everyone's Caribbean auntie.

Exactly. And, and that, and that. Which are a group that are famously respected in Britain so much that we definitely respect their citizenship rights. Yeah. Like, like, like exactly. Like since, like, don't, don't, don't, don't give, don't give me that shit that you suddenly care about the Caribbean aunties.

But yeah, like the other like, the other like kind of particularly sort of, not mental, but I think like, like odd, given the professed politics of the people who are, who are espoused it, who espouse it, people like to make an awful lot of these very famous pictures of her, of her hugging AIDS, AIDS patients. And I'm not saying that this was, this was like, means that she was a bad person. She was probably a relatively decent person, if very, very damaged and very unwell. But great Scouse accent, though. Terrific Scouse accent.

But I, but I don't see how if you're even sort of nominally somebody of leftist political positions, how you don't just see that as just this ferocious damning indictment of the British media at the time, as opposed to something actively saint like about her, she was just a decent rich rich lady doing decent rich lady charity stuff who behaved decently to a sector of a sector of society that there was a concerted attempt by the British media to demonize beyond like beyond all like possible imagination. Like I cut like I can't believe that the coverage of the AIDS crisis is like within my lifetime. Like it's, it's, it's so like, if you like, like look at the kind of wits or Wikipedia

articles of like, Wikipedia articles of like, like kind of journalists, like kind of grandees who were all around the kind of who all been around for like a very, very long time and look up their position on the AIDS crisis or their papers position or whatever. And it's always just so disgusting that you almost can't believe what you're looking at. Like if you look at like Andrew Neal's line when he was the, when he was the editor of The Times. Oh, oh, I couldn't believe it. Oh, no, no, no, no, like, of course you could believe that it's bad, but like, you can't believe just how bad he literally said that was going on the sort of like, this is, you know,

serves them right for being sodomites or whatever. Like this is, yeah, it wasn't explicitly religious, but it was the same as in America where like evangelicals said that it was, you know, God's wrath and that kind of a thing. And a way to say when you've been to boarding school. Here's Morgan famously when he wrote for the sun literally like wrote a column where they were like, you know, if gay people hate Britain so much, we're going to raise money to pay them 10,000 pounds to leave the country. Like in like 1990, we're going to do gay alia. We're going to make a gay homeland somewhere. Fucking hell. Jesus. Yeah, that's

yeah. So media was is insane now and was worse than. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, I mean, they've, I mean that their new thing is their new thing is trans people and it's very much same as it ever was. It's very much from the same playbook. But yeah, there's, there's barely a journalist working who has clean hands, journalist working who has been working for a long enough period of time who has, who has clean hands in this regard. And, and I like I said, I feel like I fully accept that it was a very fundamentally compassionate and good thing for her to do. And it was a valuable thing for her to do, to be, to be doing it, doing it publicly because it went some way

to inoculating against the utter odiousness of the British media's coverage of it. But again, that doesn't necessarily, that's not the, that's not the defense of the civil list that people seem to think it is. It's just an indictment of our fucking horrible media. Yeah. And everything about her life is an indictment of our horrible media, really. So I've kind of, I've kind of moved us away from the, from the riffing. The episode is supposed to be about her in general, not just the films. I mean, this is all pretty useful because I think that like, I definitely think that I'll give you an example. It's weird to me because Americans think of Los Angeles, for example, as being the city where it's like celebrity driven and movie driven and stuff and

that all these horror stories about the paparazzi and how, how harassed people are, like famous people are. And yet so many famous British people wind up moving there. And I didn't really understand it until I lived here because like, yeah, there's that culture in LA, but you can absolutely get the fuck away from it if you want to. Like the whole culture of exclusivity is so intense there that like you can, you can, you can exclude people you don't want from things if you have enough money. And here it's like you're putting the bin out and there's a guy like banging on the door of your house guy. Are you a slag, madam? Would you like to comment on the suggestion that you're a slag? Like it's so much worse here and you cannot ever get away from it to the point

where like, I get it. I absolutely get why famous British people with money like, well, it's got better weather and the media is only half as insane. Well, and we're also the only country on earth where like, for some, it's really weird, given that the British are such a sort of like bootlicking people and we're so used to this kind of very rigid class system. It's also a country where like, we insist that like rich and powerful people demean themselves somewhat. Like, I don't like, there's a kind of, there's a tier of famous in Britain where like, you still have to do this shit, like put your own bins out and be accosted while you do it. It's just very funny to watch like an ex-prime minister like mournfully dragging

a wheelie bin while someone shouting at him like, you know, sir, would you like to comment on whether you're a nun? He's just like sorting some recycling and like, harrumping to himself in a pair of old slippers. It just doesn't happen to like Obama, does it? But I think that's, I think that's because the British media has a very weird relationship, not just with celebrity, but with like rich people in general, where there's like real kind of like, real sort of politics of like, like loathing envy, but also absolutely bizarre bootlicking. So they'll defend, so they will defend them to the hilt if they get accused of being friends with, with Jeffrey Epstein.

But if they're trying to put their bins out, get them. Yeah. Fucking bins. Yeah. I mean, it's just British people do care a lot about bins. Oh man. I mean, I do an episode on bin discourse. I live on a dead end row and we've been having problems getting our bins collected and I've never seen the neighborhood WhatsApp group chat. So in a sense, like I have learned the depths of British bin psychosis in a way I thought I understood. It's like, you think you can understand it conceptually, but it's not until you experience that you realize

like it is like one of the third rail, if you will, of British politics. It's like people lose their shit about the bins. I've never heard people talk shit about other wards in Southern council until I saw they're like, they're like, well, I bet they get their fucking bins collected and dodge village the pricks. Just like, damn, y'all are insane. The stuff that you tell me about your neighborhood WhatsApp group makes me convinced that this country is completely doomed because a lot of these people are kind of your age, right? They're older. The younger people don't really engage as much. It's just more of like a, hey, it's good to be aware. I didn't have the impression that people on that street are

that old. I feel like most of these people are like under 50, right? Yeah. And so this is like kind of people who like you kind of expect to be like relatively sane. Like they're not boomers, right? But like, no, they are. They've already become like yuppie, nimby motherfuckers. Like you're talking about how they're all conspiring to get like restricted parking on their street because they think people are taking advantage of the free parking. It's free parking everywhere within two miles of that place. Yeah, they're furious about that. Yeah. Well, apparently someone was parking their enormous sprinter van and that was blocking the rubbish. They interfered with the bin and they lost their fucking minds about it. So yes, I think that

much like bin culture, British media culture and the intensity of how they hound people can only really be understood if you've seen it in practice. And I feel like Diana's story is like a case study of it where like that's an entry point for Americans to understand Britain because they know the whole she was harassed by it and stuff. Like you don't really know it until you get a chance to come here and see like, yes, literally anyone who gets in the public eye gets treated this way. I've also had a difficult relationship with scooters. And so whenever I go to deliver roots, but you know, triggering have to send the butler out for it. Difficult to kind of look someone in the eye is on the scooter for me.

Who is this that you're a Prince Harry? Still Prince Harry. You know, I respect the blokes on the scooters. I know they're having a tough time with the gig economy, but for me, the scooters, but you know, I can't look one. You know, I feel like somehow I feel inclined to defend fellow redhead born in September 1984, who went to Afghanistan and married a black woman slightly older than him. Damn, you are the American Prince Harry. I just can't take this land. And I'm also balding in the same spot. You know what?

It all comes full fucking circle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you will say your mother also had an affair with a British army major. Yeah, that's one of my favorite conspiracy theories about data that I feel might possibly be true because the amount that Prince Harry looks like James Hewitt is unreal. I'm sorry. It's definitely true. Like they, there was like, there was like a kind of, there was like a sun cover, like a long time, like a long time ago when Harry was still a teenager, which did like, we did a kind of side by side picture of them.

And it was like, it was something like, you know, sort of disgusting, suggesting that our Queen of Hearts had had had an affair and that Charles is not, is not his dad. And you could tell that the, that the picture desk could. Whereas like, you need to see a picture of Major James Hewitt at night because he, that is a British looking man. That is a Prince Harry s ass dad. That's who that is. Oh my God. Clearly, I mean, for Americans, Major James Hewitt extremely ginger. Whereas William clearly inherited the Habsburg, every gene that they all had,

like William is clearly Charles s son. Whereas, yeah, that absolutely looks like Harry s dad. Let's be honest. Yeah. Cause I mean, James Hewitt is not a great looking man, but he's better looking than Prince Charles. True. Yeah. Which does sort of explain the Harry William disparity. Yeah. I mean, they did the, the royal sort of age, like milk, don't they? They're kind of like, William was sort of a good looking like teenager.

And then it's just, it's gone up a cliff. No, he was, I just don't understand why they didn't like stuff to treat male pattern baldness has existed long enough. Like, is there some sort of rule in the royal family? Do you just have to take it and deal with it? Like you're not allowed to like take fucking propitia or get a goddamn hair transplant? Like, I don't take testosterone blockers in case you become trans. But it's just like dangerous. It's like they have enough money to like constantly renovate their like,

their like nightmare palaces, you know, once every quarter, but there's just like, corridors shift at night. It would be untoward if you took a drug stop from looking like a balding statue. Like it's just, I don't get it. I was assuming that they're just like so genetically complicated because of the inbreeding that like, if they try to do it, then just like something awful would happen. Like if they had head like pugs or something. Yeah. Like that, like that, like their head might just like get infected and fall off.

It's like, yeah, the one, one member of the royal family who tried to take propitia turned into cousin it from the Adams family here everywhere. We kind of risk that. And how, how would he open a, open a children's facility if he looked like a hairy beast? This is not possible. Surgeon, surgeon performing surgery on one of the royal family and just like vines start growing up his arms. He's like, what the fuck?

They have to have a problem. Like they actually don't know what, they don't know what would happen. Like they try to, they try to restore Prince Andrews hair and they like cut off his ability to sweat. That's right. It's too dangerous. Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, have you seen this film? Akira has a good prediction of what might happen if one of us goes under the knife. It's unthinkable. This movie Akira, it's actually a lot like jazz.

Well, I feel like we have, we have touched, even if glancingly, we've touched on the Diana phenomenon. Would you like to close out by reading some comments from the Princess Diana Facebook group? Yeah, I joined. Absolutely. Yeah, let's do it. So I found a post of Catherine and William visiting the Taj Mahal and William having a little cry.

And then there's a woman called Pat Gordon has made a lengthy comment about how this is because he's sad about his mother. And then, and then she blames Prince Charles for bringing the Rottweiler back into his life, by which I presume he means Camilla. And then someone has replied, someone called Maureen has replied, Pat, you are so right. Charles has no right to be king and that woman should have stayed out of his life. Or, of course, Charles could have been a man and step aside. Oh, I know people are getting vicious in it.

My favorite one, though, comes from, you know, Lily and Scott, who says, Diana was an innocent virgin when she married that pig. Camilla gives a better blow job. It's funny, even a prince likes his dick better than his country. Eight lights and Leslie Box underneath has posted all caps. He should have been made to stick to his wedding vows. And then Lydia Davies says, super sexy. I love this woman, R.I.P.

So Lydia Davies respects the, respects the MILF legacy. That is absolutely right. R.I.P. to a MILF. A MILF taken too soon. Sorry, Leslie, Leslie Box. Leslie Box, that's right. That's not a, that's not a real person's name. That's a bit.

I don't know what to tell you. Leslie Box, if you're listening, right in. Thanks for being a Patreon subscriber. How did that happen? I have no idea. No idea how that happened. But yes, we appreciate you. We appreciate that you like our show that much.

We do. We, too, communicate in all caps when we're mad about the royal family and the wrongs perpetuated by Princess Charles. Princess Charles, Prince Charles and Princess Diana. So. Nate and I communicate in all caps sometimes, but it's only if we've sent each other a screenshot of something really annoying and I've just written, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up.

It happens more often than you might think. Yeah. Think on your sins. So, I think that about, that about tears it. Yeah, I think so. Thank you, Phoebe, for making time to talk Princess Diana. Talk Ladi Dee with us. Thank you so much for letting me come on and talk about Ladi Dee.

Talk about Ladi Dee. What fucking Ladi Dee is it? But in Ladi Dee. Queen of Arts, is it? I believe in a democratically elected head of state for arts. It was our less popular version of Cardi B. The We're Aspiracy. Oh, yeah, the Windsor Aspiracy.

The Windsor Aspiracy is actually a term for a kind of merged vagina and anus common with centuries of in-breathing. You'll find that after seven generations of brother and sister mating, that we've just developed a cloaca. It's quite convenient when you get used to it. Phoebe, do you have anything you'd like to plug? Yes. I co-host 10,000 posts with Trash Future host Hussein.

You can follow us at 10K. Sexy Indian doctor. Sexy Indian doctor. Who also likes, who also has made me go and listen to jazz. And you can follow us at 10KPostsPod. And we are launching our Patreon next week. So if you'd like to support that, you'll be able to. Probably already be launched when this comes out, I suspect.

It probably will. So check that out in the future. By which I mean now. You can also check, by which you mean now. And you can also check out me and Milo's Seinfeld podcast, where we talk about stuff. Yeah, no, we don't. We stay on topic about as well as we stayed on topic in this episode.

But you know what? Yeah, pretty much. It's called Masters of Outdoor Men at Masters of Pods. On Twitter, we always have a Patreon. You can subscribe to that. All right. Well, cheers. Thank you very much.

Ended on an Australian note. Yeah, absolutely. Good night, Lucy. Bye. Bye.