TRASHFUTURE - UNLOCKED: Edward Colston We Hardly Knew Ye (LIVE at Bristol Transformed)

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

UNLOCKING BECAUSE OF CURRENT EVENTS REGARDING EDWARD COLSTON After protestors pulled down the statue of slave trader Edward Colston in Bristol, we figured we would unlock our episode about Colston and his ongoing influence and prominence in the city. We recorded this live episode Edward Colston's Recorded live at Hamilton House, Stokes Croft, Bristol on April 5, 2019, it's a show about the things that matter: brain scanning helmets that write musical symphonies, Bristol's slave-trade past, its devotion to one particular slave-trading city father, and the local Illuminati that worship him like a god. The Colston segment starts at about 47:00 minutes in!

Hi, I'm Chukka Amuna and you may remember me from the last time I set up a party in order to become leader of it and failed. So I took the only moderate course of action available to me. I reached out across the aisle to a random white man in the Question Time audience and invited him to nuke our great country live on air. In the ashes of this brave man's act of love for his country and while everyone was too busy eating those very ashes for sustenance to notice, I finally became Prime Minister. Change has come to the UK and the change is that everyone will have radiation poisoning for generations to come. Finally, we can

have a return to the 1990s that everyone has been calling for. A strong commitment to NATO Alliance, sustainably reducing Britain's benefit bill and more Robbie Williams covers of David Bowie songs. They say I don't have any concrete policy proposals but they are wrong. I am in fact the first and only parliamentarian to propose using concrete to build the wall that will defend my fellow centrist and I from the hordes of sea-list wannabes who simply don't understand that in order to save British democracy, I had to nuke it. It is my vision to bring the UK back to its heyday to when we were our best, the

2012 Olympics opening ceremony. So as of today, my first act as your Prime Minister, I am announcing that there will be an Olympics opening ceremony every day. Every day we will come together and reenact different scenes of Harry Potter followed by Rowan Atkinson doing a bit and then a new community will have the exciting opportunity to be violently displaced from their homes. Everyone will have their part to play in building a feel-good Britain. Unfortunately, Danny Boyle was accidentally nuked so we have brought in our next best creative minds to execute production. J.K. Rowling's cousin, A.K. Rowling. Following years of

division, bullying and threats of deselection, which if you think about it is much worse than what I've done, which is just a bit of nuking, we finally have a vision for Britain that can unite all 70 of us who survived. I am honoured to have forced my way into this leadership position and I thank all of me for trusting myself with this pivotal moment in Britain's history. With pride in my hearts and my head in my arse, I would like to introduce you to our national unity government. First up we have my foreign secretary, Matt Hancock. Hi, I'm Matt Hancock and I am pleased to announce my position as your foreign

secretary and I'm very happy to be in charge of a foreign service that's leader, smarter, hungrier and considerably more radioactive than ever before. Some of you doubters may say, oh, Matt, you were only made foreign secretary because you were safely playing Zorb football for a Twitter video whilst every other member of parliament was destroyed by nuclear weapons, but to them I say I invite you to look at what I have already accomplished at the FCO in the short months since the unity government has been in power and then you can upvote my record for yourself. We are saving precious taxpayer money by

recalling all of our diplomats and replacing them with iPads on Roombas showing videos of me doing action sports like parkour, rock climbing, starcraft. We are repairing Britain's reputation abroad with our new app Ask a Brit, where every single person in Britain has a drone following them all the time and anyone with the app can activate a webcam and microphone to ask them and our new society questions about their worldview, what's going on or who it is that they're eating. And finally, I haven't forgotten our national health service, which has been merged into more portfolio as foreign secretary as we

will be trading an exciting new supplement for the nuke uber generation Soylent Green. Thank you. It is it is my great pleasure to hand back to our Prime Minister and I would like to introduce my home secretary Anna Subri aka Big Suze. Hello Bristol, I survived. You may have heard about me online, where I am sometimes referred to as Wokesub's BAE, which I can only assume was from our great friends at the British and indeed wonderful European institution BAE systems. And of course among my fellow cucks as Yars Queen.

As you know, we are at a crossroads in this country as both our major political parties were ill equipped to deal with it. On the one side we had Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party, a ragtag group of Marxists and their foot soldiers of momentum, who while sporting the same kind of dirty white re-box and flashing their oyster cards espoused dark visions of the future defined by Marxist ideas like free healthcare, nationalised trains and no more immigration detention centres. Imagine this dark dystopia. It is horrifying even to consider. Imagine if you will if G4S, a wonderful British institution

with many women on its board, was suddenly vanquished from the British public life. Council culture has indeed gone too far and I will defend all its victims at all costs. On the other hand you had my former political party, the Conservatives. My former party was on the verge of collapse as members turned against each other for reasons of pure ideology, so much so that even now they're eating each other in front of their drones. I for one reject the ideology in all its forms that I always have done. When I voted to make getting benefits harder, it wasn't based on cruelty. No, rather it was because I listened to considered advice from noted experts.

One such expert was known as Joseph Rogan and his wonderful podcast. And in the space of three hours I listened to reasoned rational arguments about how people can be successful when they are in constant competition with each other. For example, the apes that inspired the Joseph Rogan experience. Maybe that is the vision of Britain that we should be aspiring to be. Another example of my good and rational brain I voted consistently for more surveillance and monitoring of our communications. Did I do this to further police the vulnerable? Absolutely not. Rather, I voted to ensure that not a single nude would be sent and shared online,

thus ensuring the internet was a safe place to do business and consultancy. You can find out more about this on my blog on LinkedIn. You may disagree with my methods, you may disagree with my style, but let it be known that I sacrifice myself for the good of my country, for the good of my European Union, and for the good of society, which we all know we quite frankly live in. And I am immensely proud to introduce my Minister of Defence, Mike Gapes. Mike Gapes gets an applause break, huh?

The fuck kind of left and can't resist this? What's the weather like in St Petersburg this time of year, comrades? I'm Mike Gapes. I am Cuck MP for Ilford South and also a member of Change UK. For too long, Corbyn Labour has ignored the working people of this country. Instead, they have prioritised middle-class concerns, such as scrapping tuition fees or teasing me on Twitter, where I have fought many battles. We in Change UK understand the real wants and needs. Is there a milk burglar in town?

As I was saying, we in Change UK understand the real wants and needs of the great mass of ordinary people in this country, let down by the out-of-touch main parties and the Lib Dems who I am not going to join. I know what people are concerned with, national pride, national security, flags, defence, internationalism, interventionism, jaw-jaw well, war, torture, bloodshed, burning flesh, mutilation, flying shrapnel, citizens displaced in cities raised to the ground. And of course, you have the milk. The fact is, whether you have a red cake with great big red cherries or a blue cake

with great big blue cherries, the blue cake is the only safe pair of hands that deserves to govern this country indefinitely and at whatever human cost. So long as it keeps the levers of power out of the devious Bolshevik tentacles of the spokesman for the leader of the opposition, Mr. Seamus Milne. Well, Seamus, who can play at that game, I have hired my own senior advisor from a wealth-creating private enterprise called Blackwater. His name is Mr. Eric Prince. Mr. Eric Prince.

That is that his name? Got it. And I'm sure he will have many insightful things to say. Hello, Bristol. My name is Eric Prince, and I'm the CEO of Blackwater Industries, also known as Z-Securities, also known as Academy Industries, also known as Definitely No War Crimes Committed Here, Incorporated. I was honored when I learned that we'd been selected to run M.O.D. under the

new Unity government's privately financed initiatives. I'm a firm believer myself in the efficacy of the free market, especially when it comes to the post-Brexit future. And you know, social justice warriors like Tony Blair just want to complain about impediments to travel on the continent, but hey, Tony, look on the bright side. That means it's a lot harder to get to the Hague. So this morning, I was wearing a Bain mask on my 14-mile run, and I was going through the caliphate of Tower Hamlets, and I have to admit my first reaction was something of a Blackwater Speciality. I would have felt a lot safer if I'd been in a car with guns

shooting outward in every direction. But that led me to a realization. Why not apply the same principles to Britain's security? We have thousands of miles of coastline and a lot of people in insecure work, so here's a solution. Build a machine gun position on the entire coast, and here's where it gets a little technical. Make sure they're always shooting. You might say, Eric, would that cost a lot to fire machine guns nonstop for the rest of our lives? But my response is to you, sir, think of the supply chain effects. Zero hours contracts got you down, have all the hours you want shooting a machine gun,

right into the ocean, I might add. And maybe you're not able to shoot a gun, maybe you're a child or elderly or disabled. Okay, well, how about one big bucket brigade hauling ammo to the coast? And what about our fisheries? Well, sir, not only would these bullets drum up a lot of fish for our supermarkets, but you should also remember that we're at war with the sea, and this is not, I repeat, not a fringe position. Why, Neil Kinnock himself gave me his personal support for this plan. But what about safety? Well, come on, even the largest caliber round won't be able to travel far enough to go into international waters, which means no messy foreign entanglements

involved. And more importantly, if you're listening, Mr. Jeffrey Epstein, your flights are safe, I promise international waters are safe. I promise ah hi everyone thank you for listening to our radio play the unity government this is not the radio play the unity government this is a live taping of trash future the podcast about how if we do not implement fully automated luxury gay space communism the future isn't will be trash thank you very much for coming yeah that never gets old um reef thing is that noise that i'm hearing is that from the building or is that from our

audio setup i might be from out the building there's there's some sound i think elsewhere if people play that's fine yeah i'm cool with the sound that wasn't my normal voice just fyi it's very similar that wasn't my normal voice i've just just in case you knew so um hi everyone um just a quick quick by by acclamation how many people are familiar with trash future the podcast i like those noises and real politic from which jack is representing us hell yeah and novara from which dalia is representing us hell motherfucking yeah i could also introduce uh the other trash future go hose nate hello and who's saying hello who played so capably anisubri i mean i was i was like this moonlighting

from my my guest spot on trigger pod so it was the role you were born to play anyway she's just so inspiring honestly anisubri taught me it was okay to be weird so for those of you not familiar with trash future we basically just talk shit on stuff one of the main things we do is we like to find the most asinine or dystopian extremely expensive and useless technology products and talk shit on them specifically and we've done many of these in the past but i feel like i've found one today that breaks some records of how evil it is i'm i'm i'm terribly excited so i'm going to now put it to the panel we're going to be talking about the emotive and i remind you it does not contain an e at the end of a motive it ends with

the v file okay what do we what do we think that does is it meant for motivation oddly enough sort of but not in the way you're thinking okay is it like an app that guides you into breaking up with someone that you don't want to be with anymore that would be more useful than less evil like when you don't care to the extent that i'm like i don't even have anything to say to you i can't even be bothered to tell you why i want to dump you so i'm just going to use this app to tell me what to say hey siri free me from my relationship does it and help you feel things again after sustaining terminal irony poisoning from too too many left podcasts matter i have two i have two ideas one right it's like a special kind of emoji that's designed

to replace your dad who wasn't emotionally there for you when you were younger hit a source spot for some i guess the other the other is that it's some sort of app where you know how those you know those apps where it kind of keeps telling you to drink water all the time but um it's an app which is this kind of like saying that you need to be like happy for this number of hours to have an optimal day kind of close what what really oh my god we never make up products on this show unfortunately it's real i'm going to do a blanked outline from one of from some of their website copy emotive is opening up a new world of opportunities for blank with the most accurate cost effective

blank measuring technology on the market those of you in the audience who who are already fans of our show know where this is going it's funny enough that you don't need to say anything because it's like your boss installs it on your computer and it monitors your motivation at work god damn it i did not read the notes mind you i did not read he won't let me read the notes so i had no idea if that was the case oh my god that's so weird this never happens that's is that really what it is we'll see okay so we have one of the functions of the thing but the next thing is it also can be sold to you personally unlock the power of your blank with affordable blanks as sensing

technology again it's just didn't the blanks are doing our job for us i'm just gonna sit this one out just chill it's it's got to be the power of your brain or something yeah yeah yeah unlock your brain power by having a thing that shocks you or something i'm i'm going to level with everybody here it's it's another brain headset but unlike the previous and let's be honest multiple brain headsets we've discussed on this podcast this one actually works i'm gonna wait it works so well the cops are arresting us for revealing it i'm gonna say i'm gonna wait for the autonomous power of the state to carry on this yeah this one seems to work which when you're dealing with a brain control headset is kind of a

problem like the fewer of those that work the better in my opinion okay so basically the emotive is it's a helmet and you put it on and it's an e e g and this is from the website our devices have been developed to research and development applications that's not all they use them for we have maintained an uncompromising approach which i like when they do to the design a development of our mobile e e g systems and we believe that spatial resolution detecting activity across the main courtesies of the brain is crucial to obtaining high quality data so it's a helmet that you put on and it shows what parts your brain are lighting up which again cool systems like this can be good for like you know like disabled people for example and we're

not ravishing the system brain computer interfaces pretty fine but as we go through this you'll begin to see the applications designers had in mind for this are not necessarily that so let's think of what it does it measures six different cognitive states again it's like a like a plastic helmet in real time excitement and current the seas arousal interest stress engagement or boredom attention and meditation so it doesn't have some way of coaxing you to return to those states if you were like i want to be horny and i turn my helmet on and just not that you need that but you know i'm saying it'd be really weird because if you had to wear them in meetings and all of a sudden like the wrong kind of part of your brain was just like

really like it's like you know that's that's one of their situations where like there are too many men in the room and you just need to get them out it's things are getting too horny it's not it's not good so so how is how does the copy say it's going to be used now they see four key applications two of the uses are cool and we're not going to discuss them further brain control it's called future not good future come on brain controlled technology pretty nifty except the way they use a flame shamus mill yeah exactly it allows shamus mill to control the labor party with just a headset so the person wearing the head no way you can control people who are wearing the headset no it's not you can wear the headset and then you can control all the people who aren't wearing the

headset because that i can get behind it's mainly you control like like a drone or a robot arm or something else but you can only control it in one direction by thinking of something really hard it's like the woman in the woman in a video was like i'm going to think of pasta and then it crashed into a light i was like oh wow i'm so i'm so happy we've invested like all of our society's wealth into silicon valley because now a woman can think of pasta and crash a drone into a light this is better than health care for me and brain education research those two things actually seem fine and not that dystopian i'm sure we could make them dystopian but there we go here are the two things i'd like to talk about the other two uses that these guys have cooked up

for this particular system performance and wellness with the subheading don't just look at your brain experience it it seems like you're nineteen and someone's trying to get you to take acid for the first time this is what they're going to tell you do you have anything that was a delayed response we say and had that it happened to him at some point don't do drugs kids this is very much like a story about like when you when you go to school in the suburbs and like someone some guy gives you like shit weed for the first time we're like oh man when you smoke this like you're actually going to like feel what your brain is like

that's kind of what yeah yeah it's that experience but in a helmet yeah see most people just get that from the joe rogan experience but you're saying you can put the helmet on and you can have it anytime yeah it's it's like what if you could take the joe rogan experience with you and wear it as a helmet so don't just look at your brain experience it the my emotive app sorry takes the complexity out of reading and interpreting your brain so you can easily measure your mental performance and fitness so basically they've disrupted thinking thinking free baby so it's like a fit bit but for your brain and okay think about this imagine if you could know how you feel

i would i would get to like i wouldn't have to let listen to sound cloud rappers anymore to like actually understand my emotions i have a couple of emotionally constipated x-boy friends that could have done with this to be quite honest our performance metrics provide real time detection of cognitive states again unlike just your brain so you can get valuable insight from your headset right away thereby obviating the need to think i i think this is actually really great technology because now when people like come up to me and they say but like you're gas letting me i can say actually no my stats show that actually my brain is really rational like look at all these lights yo i have five branded on heels out of five right now i could i could like go up to bars like to

bar that people like but people wear my headset so i can measure their brains it's like this is like cooked up in like toby young's like basement so i feel like the origin story of this should be that like when toby young um had his stag do and no one showed up he was at like he was he was at the table with bar and he was like i'm gonna show them i'm gonna create a system so powerful that i'll be able to control all of humanity and this is it so that someone can come to my parties a hem so basically it's a very expensive and invasive mood ring the other feature for other performance and wellness section is i shit you not record your brain activity during daily life and play it back later so memory

damn i wish i could remember where i live but i don't have my headset how big is this thing by the way oh that's the thing because like this unlike many of them which have like lots of gels and slimes and cords and stuff this one is actually quite like handsome and sleek so it's like it's a well designed product it's just it's a very expensive way to remember what you did earlier maybe people might just start wearing them for aesthetic reasons turn it off you know rock the look i'm just wondering because it's like i can know how i feel as long as i dress like a 70s dystopian future movie where like roller disco is how they determine government or something like that and it's like this fucking

helmet on my head and of course it wouldn't be again i know this from having looked at many weird brain helmets in my time it wouldn't be a weird brain helmet if there wasn't a social element um through the my emotive app you can compare your brain over time to other people yes amazing so someone can be the most logical in the world is what you're saying yes it's like that person is going to be me top my space rankings you know except it's like no he's he's more logical than my previous friend so i got i'm gonna listen to him more in the debate from now it's like a fact so it's like the whole like facts over feelings thing was made into a product and a lifestyle yeah it's like what if ben Shapiro was a hat

well number one he'd be bigger than he is now right i mean the spectator is not even gonna have to interview for jobs anymore they're just gonna have to put the helmet on you and be like who is the least racist at the end but they didn't they didn't plan for this is that if you just put the helmet on say but why can't i say it it blows it up because we've built a we've built a seventh setting specifically for spectator columnist and it's the why can't i say the word setting and it always blows up when they put it on very fun so like when brendan ideal like was it it's just like this big glowing bowl of light no we said earlier wait can you control other people while

wearing it when brendan o'neill wears it he can control other people so he's just like professor x but with the with like slow words yes exactly he's he's professor x but the x is a beep sound just beeping out something you can't say on tv so look okay fine that's like the the time wasting element this is this is like 50 percent insidious consumer insights that you can get with this brain headset look inside the consumer black box or the motive technology and uncover brain responses to your products and contents directly from the source the brain this is the copy from their website i'm not i'm not making that up so yeah how would you like to be market researched in a way that you don't even know

you're being market researched you're just being studied it's like somebody responds to something wearing the helmet and it's like how do you like this ad and they're like oh it's great but the brain readout says i'm racist look we're not necessarily just marketing to the spectator op-ed board here well we're marketing like you know to the american conservative right yeah and the spiked op-ed board daily mail op all the op-ed boards we're marketing to however i again while doing the research for this particular set of notes i stumbled across uh this video that they played as an example of the power of this thing to do consumer marketing and i don't think i could do it justice by describing it the q 50 red sport 400 we identified

emotive a unique piece of cutting-edge technology that reads the brain in real time could the 400 horsepower q 50 s increase the driver's excitement and unleash their potential infinity dead to prove this fact we conducted test drives across the region proving that the q 50 red sport 400 optimized excitement focus and engagement verifying both are highly positive and enjoyable drive to celebrate our drivers experiences we turned their brain data into a uniquely composed piece of music and for the first time ever we're bringing it to life at the dubai fountain join us for this world first event from december 14 to 17 at 8 p.m and 10 p.m the infinity q 50 s unleash your potential so hell motherfucking yes so so now so now we know the origin story of sicko mode mabamba

mabamba right so it makes music out of your brain yes i actually am quite curious about like if your brain if you're like the inner clear inner conscience consciousness was like a style of you a genre of music what would it be brendan i mean brendan i nails is definitely kid rock no sorry excuse me sorry sir no wrong it's disturbed down with the sickness i mean look any one who listened to trash future knows mine would be techno next question well i mean you're i mean drag i think you would just be like like brit pop some dumb shit like that i like oasis i don't like brit pop as a whole i just like the probably the least credible band of them i don't like you know i don't like the ones for all the cool

people listen to or whatever but it's not the music that you like it's the music that that is your inner consciousness manifest i feel like mine would be like all the new metal dj is from like the 90s just so what the limp biscuit dj doing a solo set that would be kind of amazing though if you know you could wear the helmet and you could pretend that you're like oh i really love joy division but actually it's just telling you it's like you really really love crazy frog i thought of it now anyway it's either tim farron and the voyers fred the girl which is the later lineup of tim farron and the voyers or tim farron and his disciples which is admittedly i invented that one also i'd like to draw attention to the fact

that we were like we created it into a piece of music and we're playing it at this fountain in dubai cool very awesome infinity thank you i love i love i love driving in my cool car and on curiously empty roads as i imagine executions happening in dubai playing playing playing to classical music this is like a very normal experience for me in my cool brain turns out it was the ninth symphony i'm just if this thing measures arousal i'm interested in whether or not infinity wanted that to be the key thing that people took away from it they're like when you drive this car you're going to be hard it's just going to happen we can't control it it's that well designed yeah this is one sexy ass car is the thing anyway oh no actually sorry but

music would be a song i wrote when i was in my teens about having sex with exhaust pipes well someone joked my memory i mean the interrogators we get it out of you one way or the other you might as well just say it now i can't drive now i wasn't actually fucking cars back then well we don't you know now we can but my teacher that says i don't fuck cars seems to be prompting way more questions than it's already answered to be fair i i guess you don't need a license to fuck cars you just need stealth and a lot of guile or just like i don't know a thousand quid you just get a car but that's where's the sport in that though look okay so we know that this this technology can be used to tell what people like about a

certain brand of luxury car and then turn it into a weird fountain symphony that's played in a place that still executes a lot of people for a lot of reasons but look at the symphony in the fountain don't look at that thing but that is still the the like the midpoint of the deviousness of the general diabolicalness of the the emotive here's the final thing because that was the appetizer this is the dessert the following is a red cake with great big red cherries or a blue cake with great big blue cherries it's a red it's a red white and blue cake jack milk i'm running out of ideas just in the catchphrases he's just doing milk folks we just have a jack soundboard at this point push the button okay fine so the following is a

reading from an article from again the website copy this is all free online it's like they're not even hiding this stuff it's like we're spying on your brain isn't it cool um this is an article from sap which is like a worldwide gigantic enterprise software firm as chief design officer at sap it is my guiding vision to make working with the intelligent enterprise both delightful and productive therefore i heard a retching noise that's correct therefore we at sap have chosen to cooperate with emotive the market leader and mobile neuro informatic solutions that give individual users personalized feedback on their cognitive performance in the workplace that's right folks it's a headset that your boss can use to measure how much you're paying attention

so wait they're called sap it's not it's not quite cuck as acronyms go but it's not bad that's correct this is this is what we have wrought we poured billions and billions of dollars of r&d funding and venture capital funding into silicon valley silicon gorge silicon roundabout etc etc and now the end result of it is that your boss can read your mind or he can know if you're really good at business though i mean think about it like it would be off the charts he's like you don't have to be on linkedin posting memes about jogging at four a i'm and listening to audiobooks you can just post your brain result and like i am that good at business why wake up or do anything you can just be like here i'm just beaming my brain results

directly on to the internet and from there i'll be rewarded accordingly by the meritocracy which exists that's business actually this is what you learn at business school if milo we're here this is what he would share so it goes on imagine a system that could detect your cognitive state and then adapt the user experience ux to best fit what you were able to handle at that moment imagine also that just by looking at the screen the system can know where your eyes are and what interests you most and allow you to interact with the information without a mouse or a keyboard we call this focus ux i call it a living hell i don't know if you saw this but there's some kind of technology that exists like that for

screens now involving a camera right like no no sci-fi brain helmet just like it's a camera it watches your eyes and people have been doing challenges with these on youtube videos about like i can prove that i don't you know augle women from afar like show a video of a woman and my eyes won't go immediately to like her private area and it's seriously a guy posted to be like this is my challenge i promise i'm good at this and he is it record his eyes and it immediately as soon as she popped on screen straight to her bus and he's just like because the computer the computer was like nope it's there your eyes were right on it see i see i i i have a youtube channel where i do the same thing but i eat spicy noodles at the same time tap oh my um yeah i mean it could be the

future of dating i guess i in that sense i have the highest rec score of not staring at you so oliver ulie president of emotive said to and this is now from an interview in press said to this reporter recently offering solutions that are efficient ethical and safe is key to adoption sustainable trust and engagement of our users and their workforce are our priorities for us so you want to make sure that the people whose brains you're looking directly into trust you with that information sap and emotive both share the belief that technologies should be applied in accordance with ethical principles because sorry because after all we want people to feel empowered and good about using our focus ux feel empowered your boss can see if you get a

boner there's nothing yeah there's nothing more empowering but knowing but you're about when you go when you go for your like uh um just after lunch bathroom break your boss knows exactly what cubicle you're in i'm talking about like reading the business pages like just you know just to clarify here you know they know how it's going they know if there's a struggle they know what you had for lunch they know if it was spicy there you go it's like they know when you're filming spicy noodle youtube videos when you're not on company hours the ux can tell you to take a coffee break or automatically refocus the important tasks at the front the tracking of brain activity i'm assured would benefit both the employer and the employee simply by employ highlighting how the

employee could be working smart here don't worry they promise this won't be used to like crack down on strikes to like find out if like workers are unhappy this won't be used to you know um directly look into your thoughts if you're planning on uni as a no only it's going to be if you have a coffee break it's coffee break and nothing else that's it can does it do layers of thoughts like can you go can you go into a dream within a dream and and all that no you have to put on a second helmet for that that's some something planted that idea in my mind i don't know what something planted the idea in my mind that i have to do one paid overtime because the company is a family unions are good in general but not for us

damn jonah i came to this idea myself oh you must have had a good sleep on that flight i feel i feel like the best the best kind of way this will be used is like if so your boss calls you in and was like so we noticed at like three p.m but you had this huge like intelligence spike and can you tell us about this and then what i will say is that well i was on youtube just looking for you know different reviews of toothbrushes and i came across this podcast called the joseph rogan experience um and well you know it all went from there and that boss will be anisupri wow these are such intelligent ideas um the the reporter asks wouldn't this give companies a big brother like idea a bill a big

brother like ability to tap directly into our brain and use the information against us no what could have given her that crazy idea the representative from sap stroke emotive responds what we would like to emphasize you always know that's going to be good right they're like don't worry our like brain scanning company would like to emphasize something what we would like to emphasize is that there is always consent from the employee p.s read some effing all well and we only use the data we gather to benefit them personally as we as we all know the real real 1984 is when you get banned from twitter for using

slow words right it's not for directly looking into other people's brains while also keeping your thoughts very secret no because the thing is if we if we like create a set of labor laws that say prevent companies from directly looking into your brain for your own benefit that's actually Stalinism damn i hate it when big brother wins yeah so it's the ussr if we don't allow companies to spy directly on your brain it's freedom if your boss knows when you've been excited by a pop up basically we would only harvest the data she continues and wide swaths and look at category level the reporter yeah pardon me oh chest not yeah it's like don't worry we're not looking at anyone individually we can but we won't promise super swear the

reporter then goes about moving a drone hands free by thinking about pasta and says she feels like a jedi and then the film ends that's the takeaway couldn't this be used to spy on people sort of big brother likes is looking directly at their brains anyway time to crash a drone into a light i'm a jedi so yeah that's the emotive how do we feel about that i'm i for one i'm looking forward to my boss bill gates and a subri whoever being able to read my thoughts very directly so i no longer have to you know write about them on twitter what what if your brain was composing the like really normie tweets though what if you could go straight from this you know from the brain helmet right into twitter and instead of you being funny anymore it's just

sort of like wow starbucks is good man i really like it when i take a walk every 15 minutes you know just to get my brain moving like you realize that you're like all of that is personality or something else and your your actual brain is the most boring person on earth and then your brain is like jinkos would be great if they brought them back i'd be really happy you put on the helmet it just says to drink to drink water and love yourself awesome damn i didn't realize jomney sun got into neuroscience ah boy those products get worse and worse every time i just wanted to say i just wanted to ask i have one final question which is does this machine malfunction on international waters

i'm asking for a friend to may have may or may not have a plane look look if anything based on this i think it's going to be a good to be our friend jeffrey who's making sure everyone else is wearing the helmet yeah i feel like the one person on this planet you don't want to know the thoughts of his jeffrey fc for your own good right so that's the emotive it's um it's i think it's i think it's a it's a it's a chilling vision of things to come realistically but don't worry i don't think anyone's gonna actually have to wear one here because it costs like hundreds and hundreds of thousands of pounds for any company the license so fortunately even though it's evil it's also really dominant expensive so

thank god anyway the other thing i was very interested to do today is to explore a little bit of local flavor in local to bristol the west of england not in london very interesting and new for me so by by show of of hands i'm going to ask two questions one of which i think a lot of people are going to know in the second of which i'm hoping slightly fewer who here knows who edward colston is oh what a guy right the most famous and who here knows who the society of merchant ventures is exactly the proportions i'd hope this is amazing christ everyone in bristol really is in it why haven't you guys done something about it

we'll get to that so i've decided to because this is an addition to being talked to into this room going out to our weirdly transatlantic audience of listeners i've decided i want to fill them in with your help on the story of exactly who this edward colston character is oh boy edward colston was born on the second of november 16 36 back when all the stuff he did was actually fine and like no one thought it was bad you didn't have to be in international waters to do it back then you could do it anywhere i just realized that he he said he's one messy berries bitch

damn it all makes sense now the youngest of at least 15 children from a very wealthy family the patriarch of whom was in a wealthy society called the society of merchant ventures please remember the name you hear many of you know it podcaster podcast listeners strap in for it to get very strange well what's it called again the society of merchant ventures it's just because you said the name it wasn't a good joke misfire ignore me i'm still canady and i've been here for eight years i still don't know all of your british references so basically as many people in here will know colston gave an exceptionally large amount of money to charity both locally and

nationally and having given him extensively during his life bequeathed like a hundred thousand pounds to like basically have more or less everything here named after him street schools universities they fucking love him and after his death a number of colston society sprung up to continue charitable giving in what they saw as colston's tradition and the society of merchant ventures runs many of the institutions and charities that bear colston's name statues statues of him are all over bristol because he made a lot of money at some point in the past we have no idea how and lord we don't want to know and lord do they love to put up plaques to them anyway let's ask any more questions who wants to read a letter from the spectator

sorry i had to me i was going to say i heard the re i heard a room about it was something to do if like a weird headset so of the of this tale of three plaques and then getting much more strange who wants to remember what the first plaque said i for one do said you need to go to the dentist you get it i'm breaking out all the shit is jokes here say just milk cake red cherries does anyone else want to be the new main host of real politic jack jack's about to do his third strike erected by the citizens of bristol as a memorial to one of the most virtuous and wise sons of their

city what do we think of this plaque everybody correct then subsequently a different and some would argue more real version of the plaque was put up as a high official of the royal african company not mentioned to the previous plaque from 1680 to 1692 doing normal things with the royal african company with a name like that you sure it's good edward colston played an active role in the enslavement of over eighty four thousand africans including twelve thousand children of whom over nineteen thousand died on route to the caribbean in america colston also invented in the spanish slave trade and enslave

produced sugar as tori mp for bristol for three years note the party correct he defended the city's right to trade and enslaved africans bristolians who did not subscribe to his religious and political beliefs were not permitted to benefit from his charities what do we think of that plaque correct however this segment really isn't about colston who sucked and we all know he sucked this is about the people who love him that's right everybody this is slave traders and the guys who are still in love with them after all these centuries hey you know what sometimes you have to write or die okay it's

just it's just a way to go about there are some people there are some people who will stand a slave trade king right are we are we really going to indulge in cancel culture culture tonight that's really that's really what i'm concerned with i've i've read enough quillette articles to know that this dark place that we're heading down there's no coming back steven pinker has told me this if you don't build a gigantic statue to everyone who's ever existed in your city that's a 1984 well no i feel like the real galaxy brain take would be like well if you start with one person who profited massively from the slave trade does that mean you have to cancel all of them but it's like yeah that's kind of the fucking point yeah maybe maybe yes what are you going to

replace what are you going to replace like the statue because no one ever did anything else besides slave trading of no you know nobody had any other business nobody did anything seriously these are the only people of note in all of history so you know what you cancel them you just it's pull pot it's back to year zero yeah it's a stone as i'm actually like critiquing a slave trader makes you the real slave trader a slave of the mind look that's the thing if you question colston's legacy then aren't you enslaving his memory fucks and fuck it you what you're doing no you're taking away his freedom to be loved centuries after his death the best freedom of all

cannot emphasize this we just got a text from jeffery epsi and actually there are other freedoms that you should make note of so okay here is the first of colston's fanboys who i'm i'm just fascinated by and again show of acclaim in the room who is aware of tori counselor richard eddie i'm so glad i get to introduce him to you when the second plaque was proposed the good the good plaque the plaque that we liked richard eddie tori counselor and who looks like a teddy bear made of ham said i have never been a believer in taking the law into one's own hands presumably because the law is already made for him but never mind however if this partisan so anti slavery so partisan

and nauseous that tories love slavery then and they just want it back i mean if i mean i mean that's just for everyone here the podcasters don't get the gesture he was doing a whole slapstick routine you guys are really it was a really evocative act of mime we're really impressed remove the tears resistance through mime slipped on a banana peeler and it of keystone cops turned up that was the sirens you're hearing however if this partisan and nauseous plaque is approved i cannot find it in my heart to condemn anyone who damages or removes it that's right if anyone's going to tell the

truth about a slave trader what you should do is blow it up never let anyone know the truth his memory is too important he's batman he's history batman of course counselor eddie spark controversy in 2001 for adopting a golly wag as a mascot something we saw him force to resign as the tories deputy deputy counselor which to me raises two questions number one it's 2001 you i mean even back then you should have figured out that a golly wag is not a good mascot for a local counselor number two what's a local counselor doing with a mascot what i'm also wondering is how many days it took for tories to let him back into the party he had to endure a full lunch in the wilderness he had to go sit by himself

only the independent group mp's would go sit down with him which is ian austin isn't it because he hasn't even joined the independent group because he's so no means he's the most independent of the independent group yeah he's an iconoclast a maverick it means everyone hates him cool jumper though nice lilac that's for people on twitter who follow in austin like to troll him anyway so that's the this is the first big colston stan is richard eddie someone who who again had a blackface mascot when it's not even normal for counselors to have mascots he was like no i have to incorporate blackface into my being a counselor somehow being a tory isn't good enough for them to know that i'm racist i have to go the extra mile

that's why they're going to elect me so this is the first reaction to the good black it is not however the best reaction to the good plaque the best reaction to the good plaque was when art historian france's green acre suggested a third version of the plaque that would please everybody so again this is proper evidence based centrism if there's one plaque that says the slaver was great and another plaque that says the slaver was a slaver you got to hit the mill on one hand he committed he profited off slavery on the other he introduced a lot of people to sugar for the first time so it's impossible to know if it's bad or not so france's green acre art historian and merchant venturer

that's right everybody we the conspiracy theory show now is that him whooping just there he's in his room right now if look everybody here has to tell me if like a red laser pointer goes on my head they haven't gotten to me yet but i think they may get to my family this weird local illuminati here's the third plaque edward colston was a bristol born merchant and the city's greatest benefactor he supported and endowed schools alms houses hospitals and churches in bristol london and elsewhere many of his charitable foundations survive congratulations this statue was erected in 1895 to commemorate his philanthropy some of his wealth came from investments in

slave trading that's like in that episode of the sopranos where where where tony is trying to explain to his daughter meadow what what his job is and he's kind of beating around the bush a bit and he's like oh well you know some of my money comes from illegal gambling and stuff like that yeah but this but you know different and worse i think this this is important because okay part of his money comes from slave trading okay so i mean here's the thing 99% is also a version of some i mean you know you know the one percent is important the one percent that he's making of crypto it's also really really vital and from 1680 to 1692 he was an official of the royal african company which had the monopoly of the english slave trade until 1698 so honestly if

you read that he's like five five like steps removed from any slave trading he barely was involved with it it was by accident like how the queen invested in that predatory payday lender by accident she actually did people know she actually did the queen is an investor in bright box which like routinely puts people into bankruptcy by giving them very non advantageous let's say rent to owns but she does it through a mutual fund she invests in in bremuda so it's really not her fault that she's immiserating the people of britain i really hate to know all this stuff so this plot concludes he was involved in the transportation of approximately eighty four thousand african men women and children who have been traded as slaves in west africa of whom

nineteen thousand died in the voyages to the caribbean and americas so yeah it tells the historical truth but it's like edward colston he was like he like knew about it i mean sure there are skulls on my uniform but it was a desk job come on look edward look did edward colston do a little light slave trading i'm starting to think this guy might have been a bit of a melt it's also like just that i'm always really fascinated by how like colonizers and slave traders and like even kind of the top like evil people now are obsessed with philanthropy it's like you know you could have just like not done any of the slavery and the colonialism then you wouldn't have to do the philanthropy the philanthropy is minding your own fucking business

no but then but look there are like several schools that definitely would never have existed for sure it's not as though a community could build its own school it needs a slave trader to do it and then it should obviously be named for him of course anyway also it like at no point does it say that he took slaves that his company took slaves just they were just sort of miraculously enslaved to just poof wow and i feel like this is also how and this is like getting boring and serious for a second but also kind of how the britain like relates to its history in the slate like it's seen as a very like american thing right and we just

kind of like we were just like a logistical stop like in the transatlantic slave trade like we didn't really have anything to do with it we only had it for a little while like we abolished it really quickly and it's actually just like not only did we play like an active instrumental role in the slave trade but our entire development like the industrial revolution was funded by slave money like it was like all like because basically when slavery was abolished the state compensated slave owners for the loss of their property other human beings that never stops getting me and like with that compensation like that compensation money was like a huge financial driver in the industrial revolution so like we talk about the industrial revolution as something

that like white british people did and it's our resources and it's when it was literally like britain as we know it today like its roots are absolutely embedded in the finance that was that was like taken off slavery and then off colonialism and i feel like that plaque that like centrist plaque is like is like just such a perfect encapsulation of how it's like just a footnote like it's just the violence was like a side effect it was an unexpected consequence of like this entire like death driven system that we pioneered i mean yeah like you know this the you know the british slave system was bad but imagine if like you know if they just had like a google doc system and maybe if it could have been streamlined better the violence would have like

been like how would we have music it was just bad management right yeah plus we have a music call out of it anyway um so that's the centrist slavery plaque but what i'm more interested in is that the guy who rewrote the centrist slavery plaque was in like the same social club as edward colston was like 400 years ago which that set me to thinking i was like i need to learn everything about these people because i really love a conspiracy theory so and again this is all stuff that the merchant ventures have said about themselves or things that have been reported on them in bristol radical history which is a very good publication that i like quite a bit and i recommend strongly so the merchant ventures part one established under royal charter in 1552

editorial for no reason don't don't pay attention to it don't worry about it just it got established the men and women of the society of mostly men of the society of merchant ventures work with and support people in communities from the wider bristol area we do this through education care for older people charitable giving in social enterprise again editorial don't ask where we got the money we just have it we intend to enhance the quality of life for all particularly the young age and disadvantage promote learning and acquisition of skills by supporting education contribute to the prosperity and well-being of the greater bristol area through active support of enterprise thanks and act as effective stewards of the charitable trust heritage ancient buildings

and open spaces for which the society is responsible which is none of that is at all sinister the fact that like we have these vague but very grand aims we own kind of a lot and don't worry and don't look at it that's the basic summary of the merchant ventures we can go on how do we join i suppose we should hand this one out to the audience is actually i am actually curious how do you join is it like a invitation only situation i actually have to fuck a pig i i am willing to give you my piss if i can join because you do what you want with that well they have to put a helmet on your head and figure out if you've got the right characteristics for the social society so i actually i i spoke with

a a local sort of bristol radical historian educator person before coming on today and he says that basically everyone in the merchant ventures just inherited a whole bunch of wealth and then ran their companies into the ground so it's basically a giant club of sort of the biggest dumbest wettest richest people in all of this particular local area so what you're saying is why it coke is a merchant venturer in spirit so in order to pursue this goal they control over like a hundred million pounds worth of investments globally and soon basically every major board of more or less everything in and around bristol twelve charities forty trust funds a private unlimited company called smv investments that has major investments in defense contracting

tobacco industrial agriculture in the petroleum industry guaranteed seats in the university of bristol court and the downs committee which administers land around the city in addition to basically controlling all the water companies around this particular part of the world again a like company that was set up to do slavery like several centuries ago now still basically controls everything and again it really is a local illuminati which i just love the idea because it's like yeah conspire global but act local i mean i think i think like the idea of a local illuminati is very funny because it's like there's this really big sinister cloaked organization but i imagine a lot of the conversations that happen are arguments over who gets to play jafar

in the pantomime at the end of the year um like who's like whose garden is like you know better than him like that comes up so uh there are three celebrations that the merchant ventures which i do and they're all related to edward colston every year the colston girl school commemoration day held the bristol cathedral in which students and staff are supplied with and expected to wear a bronze chrysanthemum which was apparently colston's favorite flower so as well as being a slave trader who's also a basic bitch basically who's like aren't they those like shitty flowers that are like the cheapest ones that you get in the people as they're dying like if they're like

really bad and if they're like if they're like on the verge of death like that's the apparently master flower you're supposed to give someone and cause and as part of a religious ceremony colston's will is read aloud every year the same well yeah this society is so normal i think she was the first female sorry to click mag margaret thatchers some cray margaret thatcher was the first female merchant venturer and one of the very few women admitted to a drink since so we're really sexist but we see something in you sounds like the tory parts here selects more female merchant venturer celebration the second charter day this is the weirdest one a ceremony led by a church of

england bishop presented to a bunch of people including the merchant venturers it is at the end of this religious ceremony that attendees are given a colston bun in memory of him then following this the merchant venturers retire for lunch and other rituals there you go dalia that's the pig bit oh no no no no no no no this is not the weirdest bit you think this is the weirdest bit you are wrong in their headquarters the merchant hall where the hair and nails preserved of edward colston it happens to be in a castle lightning happens to be striking it at all times we don't know why it just happens are on display we're not a racist society we just worship a slave trader as a god

he blessed us with those fingernails and hair all right you just have to appreciate it okay we just respect that he had a great keratin do you reckon it is do you reckon it's kind of like the religious relic racket of old but you know like that they pray on you know shifty businessman would pray on very religious people in the past by just trimming some of their toenails and be like being like yeah yeah this is jesus's yeah don't worry these toenails they enslaved a lot of people he was just like a skincare icon okay no edward colston was kind of the kim kardash scene of the 16th century when you think about it i feel like they've just invented a ritual because you know when people die like typically for the like a week after death their their

fingernails continue growing right it's just an edward colson's place a very dark energy caused him to continue growing forever and they trim them so i mean you might as well do something with them when it's done exactly you might as well worship them god we're super rich this is the meritocracy we worship some hair god then the third one is um each of the rich guys races to see how much money they can raise and give away living up to the motto that edward colston put under his stained glass window in the church go thou and do likewise which is i assume you like you know um commit some light genocide in order to build like a library for orphans anyway then they do a silent toast i don't know what that is it is less weird than the hair thing

i will never understand white people no matter how long i live in this country i will never understand them truly i just don't understand their ways but look culture here's the thing the society of merchant ventures is a 2019 style organization they know that in today's woke cancel culture you can't you can't just be openly in favor of the slave trade so they have some q and a's on their website which i've reproduced for the benefit of us here today question the first what influence does the society have over bristol politics we kind of thumb the scale in the best garden competition but nothing else answer the society is an apolitical organization and has no influence whatsoever over bristol

politics don't worry about it i think you'll find that slavery was a political just just just wear this head said just wear this headset and don't worry about it question the second did some of the society's wealth come from the slave trade the society itself has no wealth derived and this next word is going to do a lot of heavy lifting in the sentence directly from the slave trade although during this period in the 18th century individual bristol merchants who were members of the society at that time may have profited from the slave trade we have no way of knowing we invented accountancy in 1974 we don't know what anything was this is exactly like those guys who are like oh you know you're so

easy to throw labels around like racist and slave owner when you went like you know you should just be judging the individual based on their merits and their positive energy that's what martin luther king said right that's the thing they didn't have a helmet that could record their mental states for playback later so we have no way of knowing if they were slave owners question the third was edward colston a member of the merchant ventures well edward colston was a member of the society of merchant ventures he attended just two meetings during his lifetime and spent most of his time in london this guy we worship totally not involved this sounds more like the awl now for the tory party

yo that's some interior left shit i do not understand i'm so glad but that went down okay momentum events yeah you can tell who came to the left through like irony posting and who came from the left through politics because they know what that means just come for the bitter factional humor i'm your match so i'd like to i'd like to end on this the section from the merchant ventures website embracing the history of bristol it begins the transatlantic slave trade undoubtedly played a significant role in the growth of bristol during the eighteenth century whilst we cannot change the past we can help eradicate modern slavery by educating the young people of bristol about the abhorrence

of slavery both past and present not by doing anything about it or stopping investing in like petrochemical companies or defense companies or like any of these other companies that kind of like have been implicated in modern slavery no it's we're going to do it by teaching the people in the schools that we built with the money we made from slavery that's how we're going to embrace bristles we definitely can't do reparations because we have no idea what was funded by slavery none of those things exist anymore and don't worry the society of merchant ventures actually reviews the curriculum at each of our schools to ensure that students are confident equipped and prepared for responsibilities they have as global citizens and editorializing to know that edward

colston really wasn't that involved and we totally don't worship him as a god so anyway if i can sum up bristles kind of an interesting town because like in the 15th century there was this guy and he was the member of this social club and he like made a lot of money from slavery but like from some other stuff as well anyway he gave a lot of it away and named a like a lot of schools and streets and statues after himself plus a music hall anyway some time past don't worry about what happened then slavery was abolished don't ask why and then this guy we started got together and we like named a bunch of shit after him more but don't ask about him we worship as a god but like he's not really involved in our whole thing but don't worry we're telling

everyone that he was bad but we do worship his fingernails and if you say anything bad about him we are going to come for you on twitter anyway from from our family to your family and with thanks of course to isaac nibone hopkins colesium joffrey and all of the staff of bristol transformed we have been trash future real politic and novara in combination thank you very much run it up run it up run it up run it up do that man change double the i just put up in the belly drop i got the black with a double cup i got the plug we could double up all the blue hundreds i'm coming up hold it up hold it up yo yo yo yo yo we bust you know i

want to gun it up suicide a bitch with suicide a dust with three leaf color no that bitch is like it's up yo yo my dick and her lips go touch i hurt your grandmother she look at her both i forget diamonds they ruffle in the touch