TRASHFUTURE - Waltz with The Sims

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

An social media marketing turned AI company was contracted by the UN to "solve the Israel/Palestine" conflict and it's as horrifically vapid as it sounds. Also, we check in on the Sad Sadiq's quest to keep The Sphere out of London (successful; we will be filing an appeal), and read a little piece by Julie Burchill on her slow metamorphosis into Britain's Andy Rooney. If you want access to our Patreon bonus episodes, early releases of free episodes, and powerful Discord server, sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/trashfuture Medical Aid for Palestinians: www.map.org.uk *STREAM ALERT* Check out our Twitch stream, which airs 9-11 pm UK time every Monday and Thursday, at the following link: https://www.twitch.tv/trashfuturepodcast *WEB DESIGN ALERT* Tom Allen is a friend of the show (and the designer behind our website). If you need web design help, reach out to him here: https://www.tomallen.media/ *MILO ALERT* Check out Milo’s upcoming live shows here: https://www.miloedwards.co.uk/live-shows Trashfuture are: Riley (@raaleh), Milo (@Milo_Edwards), Hussein (@HKesvani), Nate (@inthesedeserts), and Alice (@AliceAvizandum)

So basically, I've been following the open AI thing because it's just, it's of interest to me that like a schism is developing in the major, of the religion of the people trying to build God. Oh yeah, because, well, you said to me this afternoon that you thought this was like the most impactful piece of tech news this year to date. And I'm like, oh man, I hate when this tech means.

So how would they reinstate his Sam Altman? He's like Lula, they threw him in jail for a while, but now he's back. Yeah, they're putting Ilya in the alt lag. Whatever that means. That was just noises. So basically what happened was the big breakthrough that they uncovered was this project called QStar.

And it was basically just something where the AI could cue. Yeah, finally. They uncovered the Super Project, code name QBUT. basically just something where the, what if AI could cue? Yeah, well, finally, they uncovered this, the super project code named Cuba. It's an AI that can play Cuba. It is a game that's from Dilbert. Yeah. Doing like war games, but instead of Noughtsen crosses, it's Cuba. So basically, the claim that they are making, and this is gonna sound quite small fry, but it's considerable, is that the algorithm is able to understand math concepts

as opposed to the language used to describe math concepts. Does that distinction mean that? Yeah, because chat GPT can't do maths famously. You give it a math question, it just spits out some random shit. Well, if you give it a math question, it will know what words to reply to your words with, but it won't be able to reason mathematically. Basically, they're like, okay, we've done one that can reason mathematically.

They're like, it's God. Yeah. They taught a computer how to count. Yeah. Now, the company that was sort of like mostly cult is fracture. What's really funny about this is that computers have been able to do maths for since the 19th century.

The first computer they ever built could do maths. That's why they built it. I guess this one can decide what maths to do. Someone would say all computers do is maths. And anything computers do that isn't maths is just maths in disguise. That's why computer science is basically maths. Whatever we talk about AI, I try to be clear on what is hype and what is not, what is

something, and what isn't. This is probably something. And the thing that's more significant is, I think, is that the debate between should we invest huge amounts of money into it, push it forward as far as possible or not, is this whole bickering in the board, the go forward as fast as you possibly can, commercial added as a much less possible invest and update its capabilities as far and fast as possible has one handily. Of course, it always was going to because the fact that the nonprofit thing

was always just a total smoke screen. And like Satya Nadella was just like, it basically has strapped a brick to the gas pedal at this point to try to like... I heard the word strapped in brick and I got so distracted that I couldn't podcast for a second. Yeah, no, I mean, this is cool. The fact that sort of the guy who co-founded

Twitch played the game of Thrones and Lost and now this sort of like countercooh has led with Larry Summers. Yeah, Larry Summers is back, right? Like if you if you were craving a director of open AI or a board member of OpenAI who had been allegedly a guest at Jeffrey Epstein's Island, you can rest assured. It's in safe hands. He went in the off-season. There was a six-month period where no one on the board of OpenAI ever went to a ledger lead at Jeffrey Epstein's Island. That worries me. And what is the time has now closed, you know? The adults are back in the room.

Don't ask what that room is. The adults are back in this sort of like weird island moss. Yeah, the children are back in the room anyway. Yeah. It's like this is like, if it is with AI, I always say, if it is what it says it is, which I think is probably still unlikely, then once again, the like, the Larry Summers is back at the head.

And the funny thing is he replaced another Harvard person, Helen Toner, who left? Helen Turner, the inventor of printing. I mean, it's the only thing I want to say about this more is this is from Wired, so that was really interesting. Altman's strategy of raising billions of dollars and partnering to the tech giant to pursue ever more advanced AI while also also admitting he didn't fully understand it, was hard to align with his professed fears of extinction level events. Yeah, it's almost like this guy is some kind of

like opportunist charlatan. The only innovation really there is admitting that he didn't understand it. To the most tech bros don't really understand what they're doing, but he's the first one to be like, yeah, I don't. Yeah, isn't that cool? He's the first one to be like, yeah, I don't. Yeah, isn't that cool? He's the first one who's like, look, I, nor nobody understands this, you need to invest billions of dollars in my quote unquote nonprofit so we can build the machine

that replaces the teacher with an iPad. It's closer to being a medium than anything else. He's just a conduit for this. Yeah, it's like they've hooked up a fucking Ouija board to their computer and they're all sad, they're like, oh, there's candles lit've hooked up a fucking Ouija board to their computer and they're all sat there like, oh, that's kind of all of the opposite. This is why I think that ultimately what we saw was a kind of like, council of Nikaia,

but really dumb and stupid and fast, where it's more like the general synod. We ended up with a kind of, we ended up with the schism. Generals, you know, yeah, we did. We did because like, open AI was going to split in like, and like all of the stuff, the real like, Heaven's Gate away team of like AI, we're going to go to Microsoft and now the countercourses succeeded, they're going to stay where they are working on the computer that knows what maths to do.

And the future's going to be great or terrible. I don't know. But you know who does? I guess. Patriots in control, specifically Larry Summers. It would be really funny if it went down like the middle path, like if they managed to build a sentient computer, but they couldn't get it past the intelligence

of like a nine year old child. What if you build just a really annoying computer? That's why Larry Summers is in there. I want to play Minecraft. Larry Summers is at the head of an organization that has a sort of like nine-year-old intelligence in the basement. The last thing you want is Larry Summers in charge of a nine-year-old child computer.

Anyway. But that is sort of like what we're talking about. It has a child's understanding of maths, but has what they claim to be an understanding. These things again, like they can't understand, but it's working with the concepts. Anyway, enough about all that, that that's not fun we've built an F Yeah, I want to talk about what yeah, it's about some British stuff like you know what news in this Out of the ring state sphere sphere sphere sphere sphere sphere sphere there's sphere news. We're gonna get fired I love okay. I love the sphere. Oh, oh, I love shapes. I hope you don't love this fear too much because it's bad news for people who love

The sphere bad news for people who love this fear. Bad news for a sphere lover is more than 11. The Sedicon, feclis-sadikon has decided that he doesn't want to be a part of the future, that he doesn't think that he says, I don't want London to have a sphere. I don't want it London to have a sphere. I don't want it to have a sweet concert venue

where we can see Bono. Because of a form in hologram. Because of what he doesn't want to build the giant orb. It would have blinded everyone in strap. Well, because they're concerned about what if a kind of, you know, like a 90s action movie scenario what happened and some terrorists were to remove the shocks from the bottom of the sphere and it would to roll away

crushing all of London and its path, you know, that's a serious concern that I have about the sphere. So basically basically right as corrupt failing city con has said there shall be no very a very sad man has said no fear of London low traffic neighborhoods Okay, your neighbors already pretty low traffic. No, it wants to go there. In a Javett, this is the spear entertainment company. And MSG executive chairman James Dolan, who we've talked about recently, say, I normal said, basically, he said, I'm not even going to bother appealing to the government to reverse Kusadeek's decision.

Then say, I'm not even going to bother with bribing people. Said, then say, it really is the end of the line for London. Why doesn't London want the best show on earth? That's it. See, this is the thing, right? They did this and they put out a slightly longer, equally shitty statement that's like, well, I guess you don't want to be on board with the future. And the thing is, right, the sphere is a gimmick. It's something that you can get a kind of like, Wait, what? Morabund, Morabund tourist destination like Las Vegas to sign on to.

And you can do the kind of thing of like, listen, if you don't like it, I guess we'll like pack it up, we'll take the sphere to Reno, and that will terrify a Las Vegas politician. London, like, you can say a lot of bad shit about it, but it's got like eight million people and like a significant amount of the stuff. It has a water table that's still here unlike Las Vegas.

Yeah, it has a sort of like a significant proportion of the global economy, even if it is mostly through like horse trading and scams. Yeah, Las Vegas, I think, is one of the worst places on earth I've ever been. And I've been to central Russia. I've also been there. And it's very, very weird. But yeah, no, you can't pull this shit on a place that's an actual city because you can't, especially like a city like London that is going to be fine. You're basically in South End on sea on anabolic steroids, but like every main cause at a restaurant costs $40. Well, you want to know what the best show on Earth was going to be, by the way.

Oh, another Lion King production. It was going to be the guy's riding motorbikes up the inside of the sphere. That would have been actually been, we've missed that. No, it's saying. Dolan said that Ed Sheeran wanted to perform at the opening show, The London Sphere. Oh, we fucked it, Lance. Ed Sheeran will never perform in London again. No. No, we'll never hear the strains of a small bump or shape of you.

Oh, yeah. Does he really have a song called Small Bump? Oh, he fucking does. I think he's about, it's a really old Sheeran track. Do you remember, Alice, I think I'm turning to your British yarn and knowledge here. Do you remember in like 2010 or so, Ed Sheeran was like friends with all

of the like white grime rappers? Oh god, I know. And he put our collab album with like Devlin and some other like what, like grime guys. And it was crazy. It was really involved Ed Sheeran rapping. Sort of sort of the Lincoln Park Jay JZ crossover album of our shissy concert. Exactly. If that's our version of the Lincoln Park JZ crossover album, maybe we do need a sphere. And that was small bumper. So a statement from Sphere Entertainment said, well, we are disappointed in London's decision. There are many other forward thinking cities that are eager to bring this technology

They are communities and we'll concentrate on this. You can't do that kind of like oh, I guess we'll just take it to Frankfurt. Yes, we'll just take it to Neon. Yeah, the Frankfurt it's going to be the new stock exchange It's going to display all the all the German company stock prices on the outside of the sphere. So I practice don't look at surprises Yeah, don't look at them. Don't look at them this year. They've burned your eyes. They're very low. The red will burn your eyes.

Very low. They're only made it out of the lights from the fucking ape me up. The company also said that they promised to provide blackout lines to all homes than 150 meters of the sphere. This is so fucking stupid. Like we're building a fucking bomb testing site next to your house here is some free-hid blogs like what? Like no, maybe I want to be able to look out my window and not look at the fucking eye

of Sauron gun. Maybe this solution isn't breaking up every window in my house. But also, houses within 150 meters, 150 meters is quite close. Like, I'll say this for the Vegas fear. I don't think 150 meters covers like half the car park. But, you know, because it's London, you're just everything's built on top of each other. So you have your studio flat,

for which you pay like 15,000 pounds a second, going up even more, just sort of like with a big emoji, like beaming light into your window. Fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine just like having a wine in your room and just looking out the window and the sphere is winking at you. Big, big spherical Ed Sheeran head. Ed Sheeran's head actually is very spherical. That could work. I think we should build the Ed sphere. The funny thing is, he's like looking up from the ground like Evan Joe. Yeah, Ed Sphere will never perform this. The sphere isn't hollow.

It's just a solid Ed Sphere in head that is singing small bump 24 hours a day. It's not like reconfigurable in any way. Yeah. The Ed Sphere. Yeah, there we go. One of the funny things as well is that Michael Gove was so keen on the sphere that he's trying to intervene to keep getting it built, but the, but Dolan's like, no, fuck you. Wait, divorce?

Weirdo, Michael Gove is on board. Fuck, we should have built this thing. I mean, what about his TikTok daughter? What does she think about it? Uh, I, yeah, to check TikTok. Uh, I want to talk a little bit more. We're still staying in the UK, but they decided what they're doing with the money.

Oh, the Sphere money. No, no, no, this is not really. It was previously Sphere Marked for a special project. Anyone wanting to be the new mic on TF can write in. Look at genuine hatred. Yeah, we're going to put a big Michaelve heads, like glowing at night in the strap. Yeah, oh my God. Yeah, just this was chipmunk cheese and gigantic eyes. Perfect.

Awesome. I'd love to see that while I'm trying to go about my day. No, we are talking of course about Jeremy Hunt. Don't say that in Harry. Jeremy Hunt gave the autumn budget promising finally to say the autumn and empire. For a second. Jeremy Hunt finally has recreated the autumn and empire with a capital in London. He's a beard with a huge tabum. It's like shoulder width.

Everyone's going into talking. Jeremy Hunt has given the autumn statement about what the budget is going to be for next year. And finally, finally, a conservative government is going to reduce borrowing, make work pay, cut taxes, reduce waste in public spending, and then get people on benefits into work with sanctions and incentives.

It's always for, now when they say make works, pay. Now, I presume they can't possibly mean by that, making it impossible to live on benefits because they've tried that before. So they must presumably mean, raising the laughably low average wages of every job in the UK. I can only imagine that's what they mean

because that would be a good policy. So yes, the minimum wage has been raised. It's been raised by just over a pound an hour. Okay, well, because it was, yeah, it's pretty high before. So yeah, it was very high. And it's also been raised by more than inflation as well, which is great. Oh, that's of course not true.

That has not happened. Oh, it is raised by less than inflation. Yeah, but it's a real terms, yes. It is a real terms picker. Amazing, because it, well, I mean, to be fair, look, it was very easy to live on the minimum wage before. So I'm sure a real terms cut won't really affect it. Benefits have also been increased by 6%. Again, less than inflation. However, in exchange for that real terms pay cut, there are tougher requirements for those who claim them.

You can't just like have a pay cut. You have to give something up to earn that pay. Well, so we don't know exactly what the reforms are going to be yet, but one of the highlights is people claiming benefits will face, and these are three terrifying words to hear from Jeremy Hunt. Mandatory work experience, if they do not find a job in 18 months. Oh, fuck. You just do a sort of like work call they, I mean, they tried this before. They're gonna make them like go to work with their uncle of the like, the, you know, photocopier company,

like a week. Yeah, make the tip. We'll just like push someone who can't work into somewhere that has work that needs doing and just kind of like hope for the best. Yeah, I guess. No, I think they should send people better if it's on year 10 work experience specifically.

You should have to go and do an insane thing. They will obviously never do as a job. Like just because it's the, you know, you started organizing it the last minute. You know, you've got to, you've got to go and you know, you've got to find an uncle and you just got to go do whatever they do for the day. You got to go shadow your uncle.

The nation's uncles will be scrambled. That's right. No, no. So essentially what the claim here is that these biggest set of welfare reforms in a decade will get a further 200,000 people into work, into a job which will likely pay, which will be a pay cut.

Yeah, I mean, there's this sort of like stick, which is, you know, you have to do the mandatory year-to-year work experience. And then there's carrot, which is you get paid less to do it when you do get a job. Yeah. So the, um, uh, there's this big stick, which is made out of carrot. It's a very, uh, nutritious carrot. So, Jeremy Hunt just bludgeoning the, the British taxpayer with a sort of like big root vegetable. So, aside from the, we'll go as more details are released on sort of exactly how that is

to be executed. We'll of course talk about it. The other two highlights, of course, are that finally the conservative government is going to crack down on public spending services with a responsible approach to tackling waste. Oh, austerity is bad. Well, specifically, did it ever really go away? This is going to account for a 19 billion-pound reduction in spending on public services. Um, that will...

Oh, we won't miss that. Oh, of course. I mean, you could have cut some stuff. Wait, hang on. We're still spending 19 billion pounds on public services. It's fucking used to me, come. And of course, in that in that in that time, we will be growing the economy by 0.6% this year and 0.7% next, but basically a year of more a decade of more or less flat growth two decades.

Dracking the toys will eventually administer themselves out of a job. Like they'll get to a point where they've cut so many things that it's sort of like, the the Jenga tower is teetering and they're like, well, the only thing left to cut is the Prime Minister and the cabinet. We've got rid of everything else. Yeah, we're drowning the government. Jacob Reese Mug living in a fridge box under a brick. Yeah, and then you're back with the one man who runs Britain.

Yeah, well, we've just said these are the skeleton crew of one guy. Yeah, so this is all of that though, of course, is going around the idea, right? Which is that Jeremy Hunt said also, whereas this Jeremy is growing the economy, his meaning, Kierstarmers Jeremy, Jeremy Corbin, would have crashed it. To which I dark Jeremy, this is Jeremy warrior. I tell you to Jeremy. I would, to which I say Jeremy. Yeah, this is a Jeremy warrior. I tell you two Jeremy. I would to which I say oh my god, I'm so glad that no one crashed the economy. Yeah. Yeah. Good job. I'm just trying to figure out a fourth Jeremy because I think you could plausibly do a

political compass of Jeremy's in the UK with a hunt, Corbin, Clarkson. Yes, Clarkson. And then you would be a fine. Ah, yeah, perfect. Perfect. Right, we've solved politics. Yeah. You know, Milo and I will take our honorary doctorates and Holly, sign that. Perfect.

All right, well, we've solved the politics. There you go. If you would like to be sent a print out of your official trash-youture for Jeremy's political, for Jeremy's Jeremy Jeremy that's insane a matrix. Yeah, so again, this Jeremy is growing the economy his one would have crashed it, but the to look at the economy is going so fucking well, isn't it?

It's great. Everything's fine. It's like, there's no problems. Why worry? Yeah, the thing that strikes me about this though, right, is that as you sort of alluded to earlier, this is, it's just, it's fine. It's like, there's no problems. Why worry? Yeah, the thing that strikes me about this though, right, is that as you sort of alluded to earlier, this is, it's just like a conservative budget to dot text. Yeah. It's kind of, they've run out of shit to do. They tried the Liz Trust thing and that like nearly incinerated the entire economy. They know they're going to be out at the next election. And so it leaves a bunch of time bombs for labor

with all of those cuts that Stammer is never ever going to reverse. But in general, it's just like- It would be responsible. Doing the expected, it's like you run out of manner to cast a really devastating budget, and you just have this one. They're out of spell slots, and they're casting a budget cantrip. It's so funny. We're solving the

situation of like the reverse for Yorkshireman sketch where like the conservatives are just like, no matter how shit it gets in Britain, like they're actually like they're living in the shoe box, like they're living in the hole in the road, but they're going, this is nothing. If Jeremy Corbyn were in charge we'd be living in Bjarra piss and then you're like a month later you're all living in a jar of piss and they're like you haven't seen anything. I'll tell you what if Jeremy Corbyn had won we'd be living in a sort of a puddle or a diarrhea and then a month later you're in the puddle of diarrhea that I I honestly, right? If Jeremy Corbin were in charge of you, can't, right?

We'd be living just in our soul. Not even a particular animal, just in our soul, you know, just a disembodied anus. And then you're in the disembodied anus, right? If Jeremy Corbin were in charge, and then just like a single gunshot rings out. And it's like, yeah, the entire country has been sold to Cerco, and we're like, you're like, you euthanizing you like lame race horses. Anyway, so it is it is true though that this is having done that right having actually tried the thing that conservatism is supposed to always be working

to and they but never supposed to do and then doing it right having done that blown everything up there is very little there is very little appetite, but it seems to not matter because the way to understand, and I think this goes back to even what we talked about, about elite recycling and how Britain just doesn't cycle its elites. The fact that this is wildly out of touch with what even business wants is just a feature of our completely delusionally costeted political system that it will camera and back and so the budget. Yeah.

You know, this is like a vintage camera and air like all's one but we are finally going to hug that hoodie. Finally, we're gonna, well, we're gonna, we're gonna do it in the sphere. Look, here's the thing. Here's another thing I want to talk about. We all know that beliefs drive behavior, right? Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah, we know belief drive behavior.

Now, culture pulse. Culture pulse. Culture pulse. Is this a startup? Oh, yeah. What do you think of that segue? I loved it. Beautiful, it's great.

Smooth, bustery smooth. Mm, okay. Culture, culture pulse. Mm, is this a new way that you can get, like, a selection of EV TV shows injected directly into your bloodstream. No, I don't know how that would work. Is it, it sounds sort of analytical.

It's going to do something like Spotify where it sort of like takes all of your media consumption, right? It does something like an everything wrapped. Here's all the shit you consumed this year. It sounds like a blog from like 2010, like a Perez Hilton type thing. Is that what we're bringing back? Blogs from the Daily Camera. We have 2010 style budgets back. Yeah. We have small bump era and you know, clags new website. So unlock new levels of audience insight. Now here's the thing.

You're going to probably like we're going to work. It's a you're going to probably guess what it is. And you're like, wait, why are you talking about that? I've told Alice already not what it does, but that some of what it's being used for is so awful that it will make you want to turn off the recording if you are listening. Yes. Yeah, I asked what the vibe was and you said it would be specifically so aggravating that you asked me not to hang up on you. Is it being used to promote Mrs. Brown's voice because that's pretty bad. So, unlock new levels of audience insight. No single attribute drives decisions. It's the interplay of dozens of dimensions

that creates action. Culture pulses AI predicts behavior and modeling the entire belief system that motivates people to act. Think of it as behavior prediction as a service. Okay. So it is a, essentially like it was a social media marketing firm that has now decided it had modeled

the sort of 83 points of behavior so that you can. Oh, there's that all of us. The 83 points that believe that I have. Yes, you have 83 beliefs. I don't know if you know that. Sure. I'm pretty sure I couldn't list all of them right now.

Got a sounds right. 40, depressed Tony. Yeah, the five pillars of Islam, the nine delights, that already takes up 14. Yeah. And this is found as secret 10th delight and broken the system. Bear is the drink of summer. That's 15. I'll keep sprinkling these through as well. Why? Oh, this. DK Max cost less. That's 16. Beers for strength, whiners for wisdom and spirit serve for courage. How about that one? That's three beliefs right there. Yeah.

Yeah. So Dutch courage is racking up these beliefs. The courage that it takes to pull on Blackface. What is it going to do with these beliefs? The company was built as basically a kind of social media marketing firm that had an AI element. They say, know what drives your audience. Pulture Paulist models the belief systems that drive audience action so you can predict

behavior more accurately with less data and in less time. And you can optimize your ads in minutes rather than weeks to ensure your message connects. Precisely predict what resonates with your audience using AI-powered A, B testing and testing. What if what resonates with your audience isn't something that you are able to do in a way that is like commensurate to advertising with them because of you know the invisible structure of capitalism that constraints is like Nike isn't going to do an ad that says free Palestine. So they have this thing called resonance that they say their company can help you maximize. Resonance happens when it amplified information's frequency matches another natural frequency of vibration. Because of matched vibration, resonance is frequently associated with music.

And so they say from a marketing perspective regarding resonance, consider those two notes that sound together and you're messaging. First marketers must pay close attention to the note that their market plays and hear it clearly. And next, the marketer or advertiser must play a note that resonates with their target audience. You can find that note by testing your messaging on a culture Paul's digital audience twin.

This is like something fucking Jones and would sound peep show like. No, no, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. This is the fucking basement under the theatre and the prestige. Tell me about my cultural influence, twin. So they can model you, right? Or that's what they say, right? Is they can make using these 83 characteristics, AI agents. And those AI agents can react to things

that you put in front of them very quickly. They project you onto the big sphere. Yeah, that's right. And then they show you stuff like beer. I would you drink this? What if I'm uncomfortable with having the make an AI chatbot double of me that looks at like a photo of, you know, a beer ad or whatever and says beer is the drink of something. Yeah. Well, don't worry about it. It's what I would say. You just say, a strapped up brick in the computer just explodes. I just, I really, if you were the kind of person who is like all in, if you were an open AI person,

if you're on the heavens' gateway team, if you're like, we're about to build God here. We're about to build the thinking machine, right? What this is saying is, it's real like, you know, omelor stuff is that in order to market product more convincingly, what we're going to do is we are going to build, confine and torture in a kind of hadbusters sense, a God of you. But with the intelligence of a nine year old. Wow, I guess. It is the ones you walk away from my life. It fully is. Everyone really wants action man.

So basically, you create this psychologically accurate digital twin of your audience. So you say, well, my audience, let's say, of 100,000 people, it's going to have their 83 personality sliders are all going to be on average like this. You create all those people within that range. And then they react to it for you. The platform belief models belief systems that drive human behavior and quantifies anger, anxiety, personality, morality, family, friends, finances, inclusivity from one to 10 inclusivity. Yeah, placement on the Jeremy matrix. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. You're percentage of like relative, languidness, solution,

that kind of insane like Maya's Briggs test, where it's like, would you say that you're more Jeremy Corbin, Hunt, Clawson, or Vi? In bottles racism, hate speech, and plenty of other cultural categories. Okay, so clocks. Yeah. So basically, there's one of their reviews. So they're just like torturing a bunch of racist AI chat bots with endless adverts until they determine the precise composition of racism that most affect effectively sell shoes. So David, David, David Leshniex, a Reddit marketing specialist. Why are B loafers? It says, you're pretty certain that all marketing specialists are Reddit, if you ask me. Writing headline text isn't my cup of tea, but using culture pulse, I get so much insight

that I reached 1.7000 upvotes in my community. Wow. So, anyway, I'm sorry, in 82, it's 93 social demonstrators. Wow. I have way more beliefs than I thought. Yeah, there's room for the ice cold, refreshing taste of a cool light. So in summer, because it's beer is the best time.

That is summer. So basically, think of it this way. You create ads, test them against digital audience, and then it gives you a resonance score to refine your message and publish it when it's perfect fit. But how do you know where your audience fits on these 93 personality side? Is that that seems like the big leap here? Is that, oh, well, all you need to be able to do is closely define exactly what your audience is.

Yeah, and then this takes the work out of marketing, figuring out how to market to them basically, but you haven't already know that. Anyway, they've received very hard to know. They've recently... It's sort of like just go with mass of balance, you know. Hook it into the smart fridges that can determine your emotional states. This is from, they see me smile when I look at a beer. Yeah, they're like, it is summer.

So, this is, so we got her. They recently received some investment. It says, Slovakia social media analytics start up culture polls, I was business is communicate with potential customers in a tone that's least likely to cause a negative reaction and just received a million dollars from zero gravity capital to move the AI software to a SaaS platform. So this is the thing.

This is where it gets odd. Prior to its commercial launch, culture policy's AI technology was used in research project such as the forgiveness project with the Wolf Institute where they used highly advanced artificial intelligence to simulate and analyze social conditions in Northern Ireland by distilling over 50 million articles from the largest database of human society, of articles in human society ever created into their 80 aspects of culture, psychology, and morality, underpinning the Northern Ireland conflict. Yeah, they put the, they put the troubles on the Jeremy, make. Yeah. Yeah. And it weirdly came out heavily as Vine. Yeah, Northern Irish Union is a very, very heavily vine.

But Northern Irish conflict was in a lot of ways, like a Jeremy Vine phone in. There was a lot of yelling. There wasn't a lot of understanding. There was a phone in warning. My vision, as CEO Justin Lane, was to draw upon the decades of research in psychology and AI to offer the only AI platform in the world that can be used by globally by businesses across every industry geography at every channel imaginable. Now, but you trained it on a sort of like borderline civil war. Well, that's the thing right. He did he trained

it on all of those articles and then tried to use it to figure out the Civil War. Now, with that in mind, I have about to read the headline now. It brings a whole new meaning to Guerrilla Marcus. Yeah, there you go. I'm about to now read the headline that made me decide to include this company. The UN hired an AI company

to untangle the Israeli-Palestinian crisis. Oh boy. Oh, oh boy. Fuck it. Oh, okay, right. Yes, once we figure out which Jeremy, her masses, we are gonna solve this thing in an afternoon.

Paul Bin, obviously. Yeah. So, you need it, Doug, for Corbin there. I, yeah, I knew that this would be quite the, mm-hmm, quite quite the thing. Hezbollah, Kyle. That much less reasonable. Yeah.

Tell you what, her mass and Hezbollah do not have a position on whether or not bearers the drink of some, you know, the abstained. Is shameful. Yes. Yeah. Shameful, shameful moral of extension. I, who, so if they just decided to do this or is, is someone like act, like contracting to try and do, I think the red mist made of descended when I read the headlines, it was

the U.N. Yes, very. Oh, good. Oh, fantastic. I mean, obviously like what this what this company is doing is kind of insane anyway, but like, why do the UN imagine that the solution to the Israel Palestine conflict will be marketing based? Because all NGOs in the UN most of all of these, like huge behemoths, which like exist to,

you know, get huge amounts of their own stuff killed and then go and then then piss a bunch of money up a wall going, yeah, but what if there was an AI clone of the like Palestinian child under the rubble and we knew how that Palestinian child's robot clone felt about Jeremy Kyle? Why don't I read you the article? Peace is at hand, you know, we've fucking done it.

Why don't I read you the article? Training artificial, you know, we fucking done it. Why don't I read you the article? Training artificial intelligence models does not typically involve coming face-to-face with an armed soldier But the system that just in lane and F. Leran shaltz, okay? Uh-huh co-founders of culture pulse are developing for the UN is not typical shaltz in lane Americans now based in Europe were on the ground as part of a contract This time with the UN to develop an AI model that they hope would analyze solutions to the Israel-Palestinian conflict. American, he's moved to Slovakia as a fuck vibe.

Yeah, I'm too Americans. Yeah. C-I-A, ringing the big C-I-A bell. What, once you've got the like Fed name where it's like first initial middle name surname, that's, yeah. Yeah. Uh, like F. Murray Abraham. Yeah. Well, in this case, it's F. Laurent Schultz.

Uh, or F's conference Gerald to two famous feds. Well, we're, we're very nearing another political compass here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Compass.

Oh, so Schultz and Lain are aware that claiming an AI could solve the crisis between Israelis and Palestinians is likely to result in a lot of eye rolling, if not outright hostility. Yes, but you kind of didn't. So they're quick to dispel that this is what they were trying to do. Quite frankly, if I were to phrase it that way, I'd roll my own eyes too. The key is that the model is not designed to resolve the situation, but to understand analyze. Designed to inflate.

It's to understand analyze and get insights into implementing policies and communication strategies. Very UN. Again. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to commission a special report into strategies that are going to distribute micro loans to small business owners in Gaza.

And those micro loans will help them to sort of like rebuild their bond business. But they have to be doing AI, so we're going to make it sing a poor. Okay. So, so, so, so, the conflict, they say is centuries old and deeply complex and made even more complicated by the current crisis, to which you have to say, no, it is fucking not. It is not complex. You do not need an AI to tell you why it is happening.

It is happening because some people are bombing some other people and won't let them leave the small strip of land. Yeah, but if we knew about what kind of marketing they like, then we might gain some insights into why they want to do that. I could put this in simple sense and to understand the idea is,

it's got the people of Gazausser and it keeps saying, why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself. Why don't you just leave if you want me, if you want to stop hitting yourself, you know? And the, the, I, so I just find the, the idea that an AI system would be needed to, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, misunderstanding. Tactical misunderstanding. Yeah, because it's a mistake. Misunderstanding that you do on purpose so you don't have to confront something, right? Yeah, it's so- So- So- So egregious to say, oh well, we need an AI

to figure this one out as though it's not that one side has F-16s. Yeah, I mean, I think anyone who is like, is aware of and God forbid works in this sector will tell you that this is not new. It's probably not the most egregious thing. The fact that there's like some chat bots involved is, I guess, the distinction. Well, that they've high, I think the most insulting is like, well, we need the social media marketing guys to help us figure out this one. Have we got a game? Yeah, we're giving a. Yeah, we're going to figure out what gets the most Reddit upvotes and whatever it is,

whatever the most like Reddit, the most popular on Reddit solution, that's the one that we're going to recommend that they get. How was efforts of finding a political solution have failed in any eventual end to the crisis would need support? It's because one side doesn't want it and the other side is like then forced by that into a position where any ending to it, any solution is impossible for them to take. Oh, golly, why are these Palestinians so mad? I'm not going to look into anything that has happened in the last 70 years.

I'm just going to assume that it's due to the marketing communications that we're producing. We're not talking to them right. So. Getting a lot of spam phone calls from the IDF saying they're producing. We're not talking to them right. So. Getting a lot of spam phone calls from the IDF saying, they're gonna blow up my house. We know that you can't solve a problem with this complex, the single AI system. That's not ever gonna be feasible, in my opinion.

We need many of them for a way. What is feasible is using an intelligent AI system with a digital twin of the conflict to explore potential solutions that are there. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of just like, they've invented a marketing war game there, whether like if we run these ads, the conflict plays out like this, but I would say that if you were honest about this, every single one would remain exactly the same.

The situation would remain completely unaffected because this is, it doesn't matter. It's like a kind of, it's a jobs creation program and like funding siphon offers the you are it just seems to be just like openly like well like you say deliberately misunderstanding the situation is so it almost feels as though they're presupposing a system where like uh Palestinians and Israelis live in like a single state with equal rights, but they just don't get on. Rather than a situation where this kind of Palestine has a separate but entirely subordinate state where the IDF is now telling them your options are either die or leave. Like I don't really think there's a kind of marketing way out of that. Well then that's that it's that it's incredibly complex if you don't want to acknowledge that.

Yeah, you know, so they say what they plan to do is they plan to model everyone in the region in the past iterations. It's a smaller, less than every day, you know, you got to hurry because the war crimes has taken out a lot of being past iterations. Their model has replicated every single person virtually, virtually, each imbued with demographics, religious beliefs and moral values that echo their real world counterpart. Polterpuls' models can factor in over 80 categories to each agent, including some of the ones we listed earlier. Beers the drink of summer.

Yeah, I'm not a fool. I mean, if it modeled every single person in Northern Ireland over the course of the troubles for this, at some point Sue Gray is beliefs in this state of base. Like one of the beliefs in there is, I should go and open a pub and anterum for no reason. Yeah, because Beers the drink of base. One of the beliefs in there is I should go and open a pub and and trim for no reason. Because beer is the drink of summer. Yeah. It's summer. What else do you want her to do? I've heard it's had to be is the drink of summer. It's just like a video of like a bunch of guys in in Balaclavas from both the IRA and the and like the UV F all drinking beer together at a beer garden at Cegre's folk because

they're like, well, we may not agree on much, but I can say they're curious the drink of summer. I mean, through AI, we can generate what a sort of beautiful visage that would look like. Yeah, and it would work. But like 15 leases of success. Yeah, Drake could be there. It's bad to do.

Salt says. These models are entire artificial societies, with thousands or millions of simulated adaptive, artificially intelligent agents, that, and they're designed in a way that's more Psychologically realistic and more sociologically realistic. You have an artificial laboratory that you can play within your PC In ways that you could certainly never do ethically in the real world. So I've playing sissy skylines You know like this

This is very little about this that sort of like shocks me, you know it says it could actually get to a to a that sort of like shocks me, you know? It says, it could actually get to a causality because the multi-agent AI system which grows the conflict, the polarization, or the peaceful immigration policy from the ground up. So it shows you what you'd want to create before you go try it out in the real world. But if it creates the policy, end the occupation.

Well, you can't do that. The Israelis go, no, then what uses the model, you've just created a very elaborate kind of video game in order to you know Demonstrate something which a ton of people are already calling for and which the Israelis have shown no interest Well, but this time it's the UN doing it Everyone the UN the UN has already gone. This you know, a sort of unprecedented humanitarian crisis. Yeah, because they're anti-Semitism. Yeah, and Israel has gone, you are in Hamas.

So maybe these guys are in Hamas too, I don't know. Yeah, well, they're creating a bunch of digital Hamas guys. They're digitally cloning. They're digitally doubling the forces available to Hamas. Yeah, they're creating Hamas terrorists with the intelligence of a nine year old. Yeah, I mean, you accuse sort of protesters of supporting her mass, but nobody's supporting her mass to the extent of like making twice as many mass.

I created her mass in the Sims. So they are the mass IDF Sims houses are so rough into personal data. Yeah, so basically, basically, lane in Northern Ireland spent months finding and speaking to those directly involved in the violence, such as members of the UVF, or the IRA, and the information that Lane Gathering and those interviews had fed into his model

to give a more complete understanding of the psychology behind the violence. Now, sorry, I've just been struck very strongly by the sound of a very broad Northern Irish accent saying the words digital clone and the vowel sounds and that are sort of like doing something to my brain. So I actually stand on beer. I went to go read the paper that came out of this and I thought it was very, you know, odd in its obviousness. They say, um, Pulstra Paul's worked with the Wolf Institute at Cambridge to work through bias-easant

assumptions about peace. For example, one early assumption was that forgiveness would be highly correlated with cooperation events and negatively correlated with conflict events. And while forgiveness has traditionally been studied at an individual level, Poulter Paul's found essentially that it was not relevant. Fairness proved to be more predictive in the context Northern Ireland. But yes, I could have told you this. Anyone could have told you this. This was the point of the conflict. It's the point of the conflicts and Palestine as well as that like it's not so much hurt feelings. It is like an obvious material reality of this is a place that is occupied, right, that then generates those things around

it. And if you can't address anything without addressing the material condition, why do you need to play the sims to tell me this? Well, that's just it, right. This is what I found so compelling about this company is that you have created from the ground up a thing that will tell you what is obvious if you look at it with your eyes. Yeah. What if we could put the blue gnome sheets on for Palestine and just make a bunch more land than everyone would be having? You know what this is, right? This is one of those Rube Goldberg machines, right? I mean, it extracts money off the UN out of every point of it.

It's a remora, right? But it's a Rube Goldberg machines. You start a fucking okay go video, and at the end of it, like you know knocking down a bunch of Like balls down slides and popping a bunch of balloons a big banner on fails says free Palestine, but we already knew that and we Know we don't need a social we don't need a flora on shaltz They yet create an entire digital twin of this society to say that because then it's gonna spit that out there But okay, well, what if that's not possible? What then? And then it's going to be like, I don't know, marketing, I guess. You know what it is? This is like two guys, two Americans in Slovakia going, hey, I hear you're having trouble with your territory. So I brought you a map that one to one reproduces

the territory. And as we know, there are no philosophical problems with this. It's very funny that they're kind of, they're doing all of this debate about, like, what could we possibly do? We've got to find like new on solutions or whatever, and all this, and they're doing all of this, thinking, all this computing power. But ultimately, as far as the UN has concerned, the only two options there on the table is allow the genocide to continue unabated or allow the genocide to continue unabated, but we're shaking our head while you do it. And they're going through all of these hoops, just to ultimately end up with that as the

option. Yeah, to just go be like, well, well, we checked the computer. And we said the computer. And we had to we said the computer can't give us the right answer. Well, Israel, you're now disagreeing with the computer with the intelligence of a nine-year-old. So think on. Like, you know, you know what? You go ahead and do it, but you should know that in the Sims, it ended up pretty badly. So it's a key to the success of all the end. We know what Israel does to real nine-year-olds ended up pretty badly. So it's a key to the success of all the end. We know what Israel does to real nine year old to a Palestinian.

So key to the success of all these efforts is a collection of information about what's happening on the ground. And so when they signed the contract of the UNDP in August, the first thing Schultz and Lane wanted to do was a range of visits to Israel and the West Bank, where they spent about a week gathering data, just a week. We met with the UN in different NGOs going out to villages seeing firsthand what it looks like with the settler dynamics that are there. What are you, are you going

out to like the veils of the fucking like, is American style suburbs with gigantic walls and IDF guys around the melee? Hey, so what do you, what do you think of having a barbecue? How safe do you feel? Do you want to give this guy his house back? Yeah. Oscar, Oscar, he's a mobankier whether he believes the beer is the drink of summer. Yeah. Bangvier is the drink of summer. The pair hoped to go to Gaza, but we're not able to secure permission. Oh, fantastic.

Perfect. No questions. Yeah. Yeah. Israel wouldn't let us build the day to own Gaza, so we're just going to have to guess. I reckon beer is the drink of summer in Gaza. The reason the UN is turning to AI. Gaza weirdly strongly clocks encoded.

Yeah. Whoa. One of the toughest environments in the world. I get a good clocks in. Thank you. Flot of clocks and doing a parakeet later. I could actually see fucking Hammond Man clocks and do some kind of insane driving challenge through Gaza that would get pulled from the air halfway through.

Yeah, we actually did the opposite of peace in the Middle East. Jeremy Cloakson has invented a new kind of racism. Yeah, they've like drawn the profit Muhammad on the side of James May's car. Richard Hammond is driving a car disguised as a giant pig. Yeah. The grand tour gaza pulled halfway through as Egypt invades Gaza. Specifically to end the grand tour. So the way that the UN have phrased it to us is that there's no more

low hanging fruit in this situation. And they needed to try something that was new and innovative, something that was really thinking outside the box, yet still addressing. It really is the like we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. Something that was really outside outside the box, it's still addressing. This really is the like, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas. Something that was really outside the box and yet really addressing the root issues of the problem. Because we have the box.

The box has one solution that works and the occupation. Yeah. The thing is, it's leak of nation shit again. Where it's like, okay, the existential challenge to this organization is, can it make a ruling and enforce it when one of the parties is like, no, fuck that, I'm not going to do it?

And the answer is when they have a superpower backing them, the answer is no. And so everything else sort of degenerates into fast and incoherence and bringing a couple of Reddit marketing guys. Well, the problems are bad, but their calls is very good. Now, we have a few minutes left in the show. I'm very glad we got to this, because we don't read the articles of Julie Bertrell very often. Oh, well, it's always time for a change, isn't it? I've modeled all 83 points of Julie Bertrell's personality to go along with her voice.

And I would just like to say that beer is the drink of summer. And they should inspect your genitals before you're allowed in the big garden. So she's got some articles in the spectator, most of which are her, you know, like some anti-San Smith stuff, a Dave Courtney one. And he's that way. This one about Dave Courtney. Yeah, Dave Courtney. He was a proper art bastard.

I tell you what, he had over 500 fat nose geysers under his control and they were all geysers. None of them had pronouns. You know, there's no doubt about what a toilet they would be using. In fact, the only time they would do anything unconventional with a toilet would be if they were calling you a toilet. Because you just be if they're claimed to being a hard bastard. When we when we did the planning for this episode, I saw the the the byline on the article and I asked Is Milo in tonight and when you said yes, I was like, okay, I just sit back for this.

It's like a vacation for me. I'm good. So basically, the Dave Courtney one, just to praise see it, is about, it's like, oh, only middle class TV Tarquins like Dave Courtney. TV Tarquins. She got a russ. Well, like the sort of like a legendary dictator of Rome. I suppose so.

Yeah. I think that's maybe the most sort of harquined coded of Rome. I suppose so. Yeah. I think that's maybe the most sort of hawkwin coded way of answering. I'm going on the, I'm going on TVtarkwinds.com to learn about what kind of like legendary dictator of Rome opinions I can have about TV. He's basically, he says, the fascination with hard men

persists right into the realms of art with Scorsese and Tarantering right. Building careers on them. Anyway, she's got her ass. This is the only piece of saving criticism Julie Birch was landed on us. So we are fascinated by hard men. And the hard times that create them. That's right. No, no. I thought this was fun because... Soft men that create those are times hard future because aside from all the other stuff the usual things about why are young people so anti-semitic all that stuff what we have in front of us

Julie virtual advent calendars are becoming offensively showy oh grappling with the real issues I say my day it was simple you bought an advent calendar and you knew whether it was my yellow female and you never you never got to December the 12th and you opened the door and the advent calendar said, I'm a woman now, but you can't go and see that with an advent calendar these days because of what? I have fun calendar.

She uses it. It's for announced. So each year in the charity shop where I volunteer the Christmas cards arrive in August and by September and the men's and women's clothing into separate and clearly label baskets imagine you go to the fucking like bhf whatever and Julie Burge it was on the till fucking out yeah just checking you haven't misread BHA. But at least it's in the aid of charity and thus in keeping the spirit of the season,

even if Christmas is still almost a third of a year away. Oh, feels like it's coming earlier every year. There's a grim humor in the way supermarkets can't keep up with their own greed, arranging their different seasonal wares so that even at the end of October, gummy sweets celebrating the Prince of Darkness, jostle with chocolate celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace. Wait, does gummy sweets celebrate the birth of Ozzy Osborne? They're like really satanic Halloween chocolates now.

Now fucking Julie Birch on Ozzy Osborne, that would be a conversation with some fucking voices. It's the Halloween candies, they're satanically small. Satan doesn't want you to have much chocolate. It's giving me the sweet, sweet, chewy bread. You can't get the sweet snow in there. But even more distasteful are the bastardizations of the advent calendar available to those with terminally shallow lives. But the bastardization, what kind of like sacred

heyday of the advent calendar are we recalling back to when when we're advent calendars not to what is this was. Well, that's the great. This is one of the things I love about like the Brits trying to talk about how like Christmas is no longer what it was and everyone's too self- Americans have war on Christmas. But every time British people, whether it's Catherine Burble, singer Julie Bertrand, try to gin up some war on Christmas, all they can think of is like, oh, Advent calendar is ain't what they used to be because it's not a particularly religious country. Yeah, it doesn't make it.

I can remember being a kid and one of the more like homogenely teachers at primary school, we were like, you know, we all had advent calendars on, we were children, whatever. And then the the teacher was like, oh, you know, when I was a child and I've been kind of didn't have any chocolate in it, and you had a little festive picture, it's as it should be. I'm like, oh, that sounds shit. It sounds like it was festive picture. It's as it as it should be. I'm not about sound shit. Sounds like it was shitter. Sounds like it was worse actually. Sounds like it's much better now. Why would you pretend like that was good? Sounds like it sucks. Well over a month ago, I received my first offer of one from Mac. Well worth over 490 pounds yours for 170 packed with 24 indulgent treats

including 21 full-size products. No, thank you. I packed with 24 indulgent treats, including 21 full-size products. No, thank you. I mean, that's, I love a filler column. Is the Thelian, right? Because where they, what they reach for, as a columnist, when there's fuck ought to rice about that, that's what really separates, you know? Like, that's where Adrian Chiles, like, rose to the top and made his career off of that shit, was having nothing, absolutely nothing, and going, you know what, I will do the perfect column. And what Julie Bertschel, what she's done is essentially, like, look through her own spam mail.

She's gone like, all right, I need to get the thing done. The fucking woaks are trying to contact me about my car's extended warranty. What, you know, when will this be stopped? wokes are trying to contact me about my car's extended warranty. What, you know, when, when will this be stopped? As the DFS sale has gone too far. When, when will it, it is ridiculous. It doesn't make any sense to call it a sale when it seems to be on

364 days a year. If anything, they have one day a year where it's more expensive and it should be labeled as such. What is next, the FS? Will the sofas have pronouns? Eat your silence, speaks volume. I also love it. It's just like, I don't understand what she's actually upset about other than just advent calendars were fine when they were a little chocolate, but not when they were a picture. It's that was fine, this far and no further.

It's the handy runny of it all. I think. Advent Candace, like the, cause she's talking about these really expensive ones where it's like, oh, just the expensive ones because here's the next paragraph. In the amusing bit of jiggery wokery, the Tony Chocolone Lee calendar features an empty window

on the 8th of December to highlight inequality and slave labor policies of unscrupulous firms in the chocolate manufacturing business. Okay, Tony Chocolone Lee, whilst the Chocol is good, they can fuck all the way off. They are the most annoying, like, first of all, that Dutch, which I'd speak to. They're actually Belgian. I like to even worse. Here are the most annoying, like, first of all, that Dutch, which I'd speak to. They're not. They're actually Belgian. I like even less. Here's the other thing, right?

Is I've been wanting to work this into an episode for ages, and this is my opportunity, because I looked at Tony's chocolone, and I was like, huh, that's odd. How come it's everywhere, all of a sudden? What kind of private equity funding did it get? And then I answered that question. A huge amount of money had poured into it from a company called Verl Invest. Verl Invest, they are a family office for a very wealthy Belgian family. Oh, yeah.

Very, very wealthy Belgian family indeed. And they practically bit the handle for this investment. Mm-hmm. indeed, and they practically bit their hand off for this investment. And the funny thing was though is that, is that Verl invest is basically is the office of the Sporlburch and Demelvius families who are both like, I love to be called Demelvius. Yeah, but like these are, let's say, families that have been wealthy in Belgium for a very long time I see if you get my knees jocolonely is brood in the Congo taking a very anti-slavery step now I mean this is the thing we if Julie Bertels complained about Tony's Gone work

Is that they're doing a kind of like false piety thing. If she wants to call that woke fine, whatever, we can't really disagree with. No, yeah. It's just that to present this as like a sort of issue of important. No, no, it's annoying that such good chocolate is made by such annoying people because if you've never had a bar of Chinese chocolate in the right, it's very that such good chocolate is made by such annoying people because if you've never had a bar of tone is chocolate only right It's very expensive. All right, and then it comes in it comes in like very uneven Cubes and it's and they're then then none of the lines match up

And it's basically impossible to break up without like injuring yourself or getting chocolate all over the floor Then they've got really patronizing note in the paper which says our chocolate is broken up unevenly But to represent how the profits of the chocolate industry are broken up unevenly. It's like, you literally are the chocolate industry come. Like, either distribute the profits evenly or don't, but don't fucking patronize me. Wait, Tony's chocolate only specifically.

It is the people in Belgium, like some of the richest families in Europe who own the entire Belgian brewing industry. The Eeks Fender Rapper Plantation, or whatever. Yeah, the biggest drink of summer. Yeah, but who have been Belgian aristocrats for ages, that is essentially them doing reputation laundering via their family office.

I see. So I get, but they get with what I think is funny about this one is more just like, I'm upset at the marketing, like all of this stuff, it's like I'm upset at the marketing, you know, so the, I can't, and they also then says, the mail reports that unhappy parents said they did not need to be taught a lesson by my advent calendar, adding that it upset children with autism who didn't understand the reason and I thought making that kind of accommodation was woke. Well, this is the thing where I think what she's doing here is she's doing a kind of like, you know,

what you used to be called clown world thing on the right where it's like, uh, the woke chocolate company tried to act wokely, but then the woke children outwoked them. Yeah, well, it also really upset children with a different kind of autism who understood how hollow the gesture was because they had a very deep grasp of the history of the co-contrad. And also all of the investors in Tony's chocolate only. Are you thinking of anyone in particular?

Look, let's not get into it. Ha, ha, so I can't say I'm wildly sympathetic to parents whose idea of celebrating a major religious festival involves shoveling sweets down the throats of their little darlings. You're fucking British! Can we stop pretending to be fucking yanks? Like, what are you talking about? If you're a religious Christian in Britain, you are a fucking freak, okay? This has been a secular country for as long as anyone can fucking remember look do not start pretending in the fucking newspaper This is a Christian country because it fucking isn't I remember growing up in this country And if you met anyone at school who's seriously believed in God you were like you are a fucking weirder my mum will not let me go around your house

Chris Christian God. Yeah Christian God. Yeah, Christian God. If you meet white Christians, no, you know, yeah. I grew up in Essex. It was Christian God on your nothing. Yes, parents. Yeah. Like, no, but like, the other thing is too.

It's very weird for Julie Bertrand to be doing this about Christmas specifically because like, this is not the religion she's ever shown any interest in. Like, I thought she was too busy on her like phylo-semitism stuff. But where is the like woe canaka? That's what I think, you know? This is, this is what I think this article is fun. It's like an escape containment from 2009.

Oh, yeah, right. This is like, it's no shoes, but it certainly is just like a thought strikes a columnist and then their eyes roll back in their head and then you wake up and then you're complaining about the advent calendar. So Julie Burtchler is a menta. Yeah. So, but the itchy complaints about the cosmetics calendar saying liberties is 250 pounds of Joe Malone's is 350 pounds of teeth is90, and it's like, yeah, wow. Why, don't buy a fucking candle advent calendar. It's aimed at lunatics.

You're also getting annoyed that you're being marketed to by shitty businesses trying to target older women. Liberty for fuck's sake. Yeah, the store war of the fucking woke agenda, Liberty of life. I want the Liberty X advent calendar. Riley's looking me confused because it isn't a Liberty X. That's my Liberty X. Pathetic.

How did you pass your citizenship test? Anyway, yeah, Liberty X were a pop group from the very early 2000s who were originally called Liberty, but had to change their name due to that being another pop group called Liberty. We're used to moisturiser being called a hero or shampoo a savior, but to commercialise the countdown to one of the most important days in the Christian calendar, so it adds up to nothing more than a bit of scented lipstick really does degenerate demonstrated degraded culture. No one fucking cares!

What are you talking about? And what's the point, Judy Burtchill? You don't fucking care! You're literally a rich liberal from London. When was the last time you went to church? What the fuck are you talking about? No, what? Since when?

Since when? Christmas has been defined by like fucking Robo Sapien or whatever the fuck since as long as I can remember. Yeah, this is someone who's been watching TriggerPod but wants to complain about the advent calendar. I just don't get it. I think Judy Birch should be forced to have like a fucking ice-tuing, Protestant religious Christmas,

like kneeling on a stone floor in prayer all day, like chewing on a bit of straw whatever the fuck is that they do. And be like, yes, this really is the true meaning of Christmas. And the thing is, you can do it. It's legal to do this. You can go the opposite direction. You can go to midnight mass.

If you want to, you can go to midnight mass and no one will try and sell you a fucking liberty, like fucking makeup. No one's gonna try and sell you anything, man. You can do all of them. The concept of the apostolic church. You can do other than the concept of the Apostolic Church. You do what my neighbor Paul it did in 1986 and go to midnight mass because you've run out of alcohol But you live opposite church on the assumption that they would give you free wine which they did

But if I'm trying to hug me it was fucking weird Listen I came here for the booth all right Listen, I came in for the booth, all right? So, like, like, three hours of breath and then sung for like, one cup of breath. Blood of Christ, whatever, what kind of A, B, B, V, are we talking? So, there's something, blood of Christ export. Yeah. There's something miserable.

Blood of Christ's blood of Christ is the drink of something. The Danish government made this drink for Jesus. So, there's something miserable about the idea of self-gifting and people thinking to themselves, I deserve a treat. Well, why? What have you done to deserve it? And here's my read to this column.

Here's my favorite sentence in any column we've read recently. Advent calendars which cost a fortune, in case I hold that in your mind, right? Advent calendars which cost a fortune are the opposite of food banks. Well, I mean, you know, Julie Burt, she's, it's a hagelian dialectic, right? You know, you have a thesis, food banks,

you have an antithesis, Advent calendars which cost a lot. And from this, we, you know, they engage and struggle that transforms both, and we get a synthesis, which is the food bank advent. What if you went to the food bank, but the only food they had left was an advent calendar, and your 24 children got to open one window each,

but 23 of them had lipstick in, which is of limited nutritional value, and one of them had no lipstick to highlight the inequality of the lipstick trade. How would you feel then? Not very good, I expect. Why can't they all have a tin of beans or some fish fingers as would be morally correct while kneeling on the floor in prayer? I definitely subscribe to an advent calendar whereby you give something to charity or do a good

deed each day. What's you you're a fucking collet you're writing this in the spectator? That the evil magazine the official magazine of being an evil bastard. Also, you just can. Yeah. You just can do a good deed every day. Yeah, I mean, I'd like to see that it was fucking dry. But, you know, in theory. It's not the same thing.

I'm not pushing a little like paper window. Anyway, the paper window just has a good, that's just a chore wheel. You're describing a chore wheel. Judy Burt, you can give trash each of the best Christmas present of all and keep drying these columns. It would leave a far better taste in the mouth than even 24 miniature bottles of Baileys. Wait, no, in the last... That's just like one whole of Baileys. Because the advent calendars of booze are freak shit, as far as I can set. I saw one that was an Advent calendar of world whiskeys,

and I'm like, no, if you drink a drum of whiskey every day for a month, you are going to make yourself into a serious album. The world of whiskeys, Advent calendars, very misleading, because there are best about four or five countries on earth which produce whisky, so that's like four or five days out. Of 24. You have left the rest blank to highlight the inequality of the global.

Yeah, that's right. All right. All right. All right. Well, some people never get a drum in their whole life. We'll leave it there, but we'll see probably a few hundred of you this evening. If you're listening to this and the day it comes out. Wow. Yes. Make your way to the South Bank of London. Yeah, please do. Also, Australian tour dates, very soon to be announced for me.

Person and Archen April, keep it for me. We have to book nothing. Yeah. And for tonight, if there are tickets left, there will be a link in the description. There will be. Anyway, anyway, we'll see you not attempt to storm the barricades. Please do not storm the venue. They will get mad. Just wait patiently outside. The future came to be a socialist podcast, but they're only letting the elite

first 300 or so people into their show while leaving others to sit out in the cold and be upset. Because it tells you about the fundamental inequality of broadcasting. Not why don't they let all of the listeners be on the bookcast? Most listeners have to contend themselves with pretending to be friends with them in their head. While they enjoy the warm glow of real friendship on the bookcast. All right, bye everybody. Bye. Bye. Thank you.