Triforce! - Investigating Looksmaxxers | Triforce #362

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Triforce! Episode 362! Why don't more footballers become actors? Lewis finally learns about OJ Simpson and Ann Widdecombe, we unfortunately dive into Looksmaxxing cultists and Pyrion experiences travel hell in London. We also experience the brand new segment: Flax Facts (which may not feature real facts) Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. What was that little horn I just heard, by the way? That's just the builders in the road over have a little building site, and sometimes you'll hear them reversing and honking each other. I thought it was like a sad World Cup lose horn. No, like a reverse Vuvuzayla. So sorry. I don't know if that was cool on the recording.

But we're coming to you. Welcome back to Travers podcast live. We're coming at the morning after England got knocked out of the World Cup. in 2026 to Argentina. It was a tragic day. Football's not coming home, and we're all hung over, and sad.

P-Flax particularly, how you figure the P-Flax, give us your breakdown. Come on, you're allowed a little bit of football news on this sad day. So my intention was to watch the game with the whole fam,

but Mrs. F and my youngest have gone on holiday now for a week. They're taking a little break, just the two of them, which is nice. So I ended up watching it alone because Mrs. F gets too nervous watching England. So she went upstairs and packed. My eldest has no interest in football.

So he went off and played video games. And my youngest watched it with me for a bit and then was like, this is too sad and you're getting too anxious and left. So I was watching it alone. Oh, man. And talking to my mates on WhatsApp, we're like just just chatting about the game and like shitting ourselves collectively. When we went one-0 up,

I thought it was a really good goal. I thought that up to that point, it looked like a pretty good game. I thought we played pretty well. We looked like we were in control at times. I think that we played some nice football. It was pretty scrappy and quite tense, but it didn't look like Argentina were on top. Every time Messi was on the ball, three lads shut him down.

It looked like the plan was working. And then we're getting to the second half. Towards the end of the first half, I got a bit nervous. And I thought, all right, Tommy Tickle will come out and give his his little speech and the lads will be fine. Second half starts. Tommy Tickle. Tommy Tickle, that's what we call him yet.

It will start to drop back. We'll start to drop back. And then he just brings on defender after defender. And I think there are two ways to think of it. Like everybody always says the best defense is a good offense, right? Essentially, there's no point sitting back. Because the way football works as a game of territory, if you sit deeper and deeper and deeper,

the natural position for the opponents with the ball is closer and closer and closer to your goal. And at times, like when we're down to 10 men against Mexico, we had to dig in and the Azteca. Amazing result. Had to defend like lions. But Argentina are too canny for that. They will hit those long-range shots

and they will put those crosses in and you will be asking for trouble. And that's what we did. And I just thought it was, I don't mind going out. England, I've been an England fan my whole life. We lose games of football, we get knocked out of tournaments. The manner in which we conceded this game by just sitting back and playing scared and panicking

was just so fucking typical and I thought the whole point of Thomas Tuchel was that he was going to change that, that the Southgate era of being defensive and cautious and conservative was gone. But it's not. It's exactly the same. And then at the end,

the disgraceful Argentinian banner about the Falklands was waved on the pitch and apparently that's fine now. It's just so annoying to lose to them. Of all teams, I would love to go out to Senegal or Croatia or France or anyone. But I fucking hate going out to the Argentinians. Show them how not to sweat.

He's got to get back out there and shore things up for England, you know? Well, the thing is like the folk, the Malvina's thing is always fires up when their economy or something's going wrong. I think they have like 33% inflation at the moment or something. I mean, their country has gotten a lunatic in charge. Didn't they have a big bailout as well? Didn't the US give them like $40 billion? Of course. It's like Trump's best mate, Miele or whatever his name is.

For steaks. It's anyway, it's kind of, it's a seasonal thing. Losing to Argentina is hard, but they are, they were very good. They were very good until we gifted them the game. Are you okay? No. I'm livid. The funny thing about this is that when England lose,

couples have arguments. I didn't argue with my wife and hit her or anything like that. She didn't go abroad to get away from a violent husband. She's just on a holiday. I'm sure you. I'm not a sort of put, I just lay on the sofa and covered my face with my hands for about 20 minutes and then went upstairs and played Counterstrike.

Like life goes on. It's just the same shit every fucking time. And we're all so sick of it. It's the hope that gets you. It's the hope that gets you. We made it pretty far in the tournament. I mean, these tournaments, by their very nature, are very cruel, right? You know, everyone, only one person can win out of everyone.

And so everyone's going to get knocked out at a certain point. It's not like a game of Counterstrike where, you know, you've got a 50% chance to win. It's a very low chance. Do you know what this was like, having played Counterstrike with Joe and his and his lads on his Discord for some time now? This game was the equivalent to Joe saying, right, let's just buy pistols this round. And we're like, but this is a crucial round. And he just starts goofing around.

I was like, fine. So we just cocked around and we end up losing games and see that. That is what it's like. Or a Dota game, we're like, let's do level one row. Should we sneak in and do race? It's like that where you just think we'd invited this upon ourselves. We didn't just lose fair and square. We sucked at the end right when it mattered.

That's what hurts. Yeah. You try to let clowny strategy. Exactly. Yeah. It's stupid. It's bad. It's fun of bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm all in on that stuff, really. Did you guys watch the game? He's all in. I think they should. I did, yes, for my sins. I found myself getting quite tense, like you said, like anxious, like, you know, a little bit like on edge.

It was a little bit, it was tense. Like the, going into the second half and then probably up to about like, I don't know, like 70 minutes. It was like, it was starting to. fall apart, I think like 70 minutes was when it was like, they'd scored the one goal. And then you knew it was just like, oh my God, this next 20 minutes is going to be a slog. It was just a relentless barrage of attacks, like from the, from the Argentineers. Because they knew they were one-nil down.

They knew they had to do something. And they were just, they were just absolutely like hitting the post, hitting the, you know, like, but constantly. It was scary. It was nearly 10 minutes of the war. Do you want to move on? Yeah. Yeah, oh, sorry, P-Flax. I wanted to just get that out of your system

and acknowledge to the audience that, look, it's a sad time. I would have to never talk about it ever again, in all honesty. Well, we won't have to talk about it now for two years, so. Yeah, and then we'll fucking win the Euros. It's coming out. He's coming. He's back on it. When Harry Kane retires, we better pray to God we can find another striker somewhere.

That's all I'm saying. Anyway. Yeah. How long do you think? think until he retires. Harry Kane? Yeah. I think he's 34 now.

We had a lot of old men playing in this World Cup. So he's actually, he's only 32. My bad. I thought it was old. We've got him for the next two years. Wow, he looks old, doesn't he? What? Harry Kane is a god.

He does look a little bit old. I mean, I'm not one to judge. Like out of the Odyssey. I don't know if he'd be like main character energy. Why do we not see more football? was making the transition to movies. You know? Like wrestlers.

Vinnie Jones is like the only one. Vinny Jones is the only one I can think of. So that's because Vinny Jones played football and at the highest level he was dreadful, but he was a thug. Like people have kind of, they like Vinny Jones now because he was in some movies,

but he was a terrible player and would kick the shit out of people. Nowadays he would not exist as a player. Do people like Vinny Jones now? He's been in a bunch of movies. I know he's been in movies. But do people actually like him? Like, is he like...

I assume so. I can't wait to see the new Vinny Jones movie. I don't think, no, he's not, I don't think he's like main... He's not like the star. But if Vinny Jones is in a film, I mean, maybe it's just Guy Ritchie that puts him in. But I think Vinny Jones has had a pretty fucking successful Hollywood career. He's much better actor than he was footballer, apparently. Well, I'm just wondering, like when...

Because obviously, who do you like out of the Rock, John Cena and Dave? I saw this. I saw this the other day. Dave Batista is an actual actor. Like, he is a genuinely excellent actor. I have a lot of time for Dave Battista. Sina, I don't have as much time for. But I think he's good in peacekeeper.

He's great in peacemaker. Other than that, I think I do like John Cena as an actor. I think he's decent. The Rock is a terrible actor. He's always the Rock. But he's also, he's likable enough guy, I guess, for a sort of American star. He's kind of a legend, isn't he? I don't think the Rock is the best of those three.

Bautista's the best actor. He can actually act. I mean, obviously, wrestling does have an element of acting in it. Oh, dear. As well with the diving and stuff. Whoa. And now wrestling's real. Wrestling's real.

What are you talking about? Who's the most prolific diver in football and like, you know, like... All time? Yeah. Yogan Kinsman was very famous for his diving. Right. Well, he could... Very famous for his dive.

He could probably take up the mantle. I mean, the German players, People forget, we look back at Germany in all that era, they were diving more than most. Like, he was absolutely unbelievable. I'll try and find the biggest dive he ever did. This is absolutely hilarious. So if you Google, Klinsman Dive World Cup 1990, you won't believe. It's Klinsman.

When he scored, he had a famous celebration where he runs and skinned. along the turf in a mock dive. Yeah, so he did that when he moved to Spurs because he had a reputation as a diver. And so his celebration was to dive. And everybody thought, okay, that's actually pretty funny, especially from a German. But this was like, this dive, I think is against Italy.

He throws himself on the ground. And then when his body hits the ground, he sort of spasms and his whole body bucks back upwards. It's utterly bizarre. Right, right. Wow. I'll see if I can send you a video of it. And I watched an interview with him years ago where he was like, yeah, I couldn't believe my body did that.

And I was like, he did it because you made it do it, you boner. What are you talking about? And he immediately got, immediately the guy who did it got a red card. What's that? Watch that. Yeah. Oh, it's so funny. Watch that dive.

He, all right, he does tackle him, but it's the way his body spasms up in the air. It's hilarious. He'd like flung himself up. Oh, it's great. England didn't used to dive and then we got the hang of it, because we still have realized. It's a, what do they call it, a zero-sum game, right? Like, if the opponent's diving and getting away with it and you don't,

that's like just saying, all right, we won't take any corners. It's like, no, you've got to play the game. That is the game now. If someone barges, you go over and hope that the ref gives a penalty. Exactly. And then you have to lie on the floor for a while and, you know, because if you... I like when they're lying on the floor for a while

and they realize that nobody cares, and then they're just like, oh, well. Yeah, then they get up and just get up and they're fine. As a father, it reminds me of when the kids are having a meltdown and you just ignore them. Eventually, they just go back to playing and you're like, yeah, yeah. We'll just ignore that. That was nothing. Very similar mentality, yeah.

Yeah, I think there's less with the video at the VAR because I feel like that has kind of put more of a spotlight. I think it's made the game less fun, though in a sense, especially like things like offside and goals being disallowed. stuff like that. Like, I really feel like, I understand why these rules exist, but they just make the game less fun, I think.

Yeah. You know? Everyone hates that. Everyone hates that shit. Oh, yeah. Everyone's telling me, mate,

they hate that shit. So, who do you think is the best footballer that's become an actor? I don't think there's many. I don't think there's any. Well, I think he just said.

Well, gee, yeah, that's it, though. I can't think of another footballer that's gone into acting. Like, you see them in commercial. and stuff. But then some footballers just completely disappear as well.

Oh, Eric Cantonar. He did use it a commercials though. No, he was also in a movie called Looking for Eric. I don't know if that was actually a documentary or not. Let's have a look. No, it's just a sports comedy drama. It's a Ken Loach movie and it's got Eric Cantonar in it. That is so bizarre. Terry Cruz was an American football. Oh, yeah. Was he in movies and stuff though, or again, was it just

commercials. I don't know. Terry Cruz is in Brooklyn 9-9. If you've not seen Brooklyn 9-9, he's really good. He's really good in that. And he's good in the expendables as well. Frank LeBuff has become an actor. Frank LeBuff was a defender.

He played for Chelsea. He was a very tall, bold Frenchman. And The Egg is what essentially his name looks like. He's called The Egg. And he's bald, so fair plate of the lad. OJ Simpson was in movies, if you remember. Also, a famous sportsman. Yeah, that's true.

Was he a sportsman? He was? I was in a Simpson? Are you serious? Lewis, you've got to be kidding me. He's fucking, this is a real old time and stuff. He was one of the most dominant NFL players of his time. He was like amazing player.

He won the Heisman trophy and everything. He was, he was a legendary American football. That's why people couldn't believe it. That's why the jury was like, can't be the juice. He's too good. No, well, and they were, and they, and they were, went through with it as well. They decided that it was not the juice. It must have been somebody else. It remains a mystery. We've never found the perpetrator. I still think the fact

he wrote a book called, that was basically like, here's how I did it. But the if was in tiny little letters. It was so unbelievable. What amazing time. And the eye was a knife instead of the letter I. Man, oh, man. And then he did do some shit and went to jail, but it was some weird shit. Like, God, didn't he beat someone up? Armed robbery. Yeah, he robbed a bunch of stuff. He'd sold someone. Like, this dude, man. He was unbelievable. Yeah. It was just a real piece of shit, it turns out.

If I did it, confessions of a killer. Yeah, if you look at the cover, it says, I did it, but there's a tiny if inside the word I, like they printed it. That is so funny. Yeah. He never made any money off that book because the Goldman family basically. Yeah, they sued him. In a bunch of civil cases, they bankrupted him like three times over, basically. So he never made any, he never profited off the back of all of the insanity that happened. Reading this thing. So after the book came out in 2006, and obviously he didn't make any money from it,

a year later on the September 13th, 2007, a group of men led by Simpson entered a room, at the palest station hotel casino in Las Vegas and took a bunch of sports memorabilia at gunpoint. Yes. He admitted to taking the items, which he said had been stolen from him, but denied breaking into the hotel room. He also denied that he or anyone else carried a gun.

And then he was charged and tried for robbery, armed robbery. But then they let him out. He was sentenced for 33 years in prison originally. But then on appeal, Well, actually, no, he did actually go to prison and worked as a gym janitor, but then got out in 2017. So he did end up going to prison for 10 years for armed robbery. Yes.

For trying to get back his sports memorabilia. That's just the maddest thing. So this is my favorite bit. Listen to the parole hearing, okay? In 2013, the Nevada Parole Board granted him parole on some convictions, but his imprisonment continued based on the weapons and assault convictions. The board considered his prior record of criminal convictions and good behavior in prison in coming to the decision. He only been in a few years.

Yeah. You can't do good behavior. Yeah, but they were some good years. He had some good years in there. They were some solid years. He was a good prisoner for three months. So we should think about that. What an idiot.

He only said nine years. Good behavior. Get out on good behavior. Nine years is still a long time. People think he had CTE. He was only out for a few years when he was. He died of cancer, though. Yeah.

So, you know, rip. One thing, you can't cheat death, Lulu. I'm telling you right now, the Grim Reaper comes for us all. You know, they say they come in threes, don't they? Right. Because we've had Anne Whittaker. Yes. Or Anne Widdickham was murder.

Yeah, we don't know what the details are that. They're saying it was a terrorist attack by a communist. It's pretty wild. It feels like the 70s. That is pretty nuts. Yeah. It feels like the 70s again with that kind of shit. I can't believe the communists are back.

It's probably like Devon, you know. It's kind of very remote. She lives sort of in the countryside, really, like me. Yeah. Sort of remote area. Fuck, maybe you're the next to go. Maybe you're next on the list. And I think I get the impression that she sort of kind of lived either on her own or like pretty, like didn't happen to have.

I think she was often doing stuff. She was always like, you know, one of these celebrities was always somewhere opening something or talking to someone or doing something or on a television show, you know, so very rarely actually at home. Yeah. But I think like it was almost like people didn't sort of realize because, again, I don't think she lived with anyone. Like, no one noticed. I feel like that's going to happen with me. Do you mean? You'll be dead and no one will notice for seven days.

And they're going to find you naked as well. They're going to find you. On the toilet. Yeah. You fully stripped down to go to the toilet and you're going to die on the toilet nude. That's how I want to go. I mean, even if you didn't fully strip down, still be pretty rough finding somebody dead on the toilet with their pants around their ankles and, you know, a reader's. Digest.

Readers Digest. That was the standard toilet read. It'd be a little bookcase of Reader's Digest. Well, the point is that you were supposed to use, it doubled as toilet paper, right? So, you know, as soon as you'd finish reading the page, you went with it. That should be its first usage, fucking Reader's Digest. What if they still print it? I bet they do.

Yeah. What an old-fashioned name, by the way. The Readers Digest. They probably still do, yeah. There's a lot of stuff like that. that's still... I wonder if it's like my parents' generation. They're only in their like 70s.

Yeah, look at this. In 2020, there was a circulation of 3 million. People still read the readers. It's all boomers, yeah. Yeah, it is. It's crazy. Well, I think it's somewhat a traditional thing, but also, I think the digest part of it almost feels like you read it while you're

having your digestion, having a digestive movement. Yeah, yeah. It's very helpful to dislodge while you're, you know, when you've got that constipation after. Yes. Darling, quickly, the new reader's digest. Just pops through our letter.

Allow me to pinch a loaf. Allow me to pinch a loaf, dear. And then you can pitch a loaf after me and read the digest. Oh, man. That is a real Victorian name for a fucking book. The first one came out in 1922, actually. It's a not Victorian. And the cover just says, the readers digest.

31 articles each month from leading magazines. Each article of enduring value and interest in condensed and compact form, much like a good solid turd. Yeah, very good. It was very good bathroom reading material, though. It was, and it was a nice compact. Before we all just were on our phones. Yeah, now there's no way.

This is the exact reason I will not touch anyone else's phone, because I know they're just, you know, but you'll touch their readers digest. It's just as filthy. That's true. Is that a reader's digest in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? You just have a rolled up Reader's Digest

everywhere you go instead of your phone. Take it back, go old school with it, you know? Why not? I found out, so I found out yesterday that the lady that walks Aggie for us listens to this podcast. She dropped it casually in the conversation. Oh no.

Right. And I was, I was immediately saddened. Exactly. No, I was immediately saddened. That first 10 minutes of football chat is put her off. That'll put her off. Yeah, yeah. I don't like the idea of adults that I know that are very normal, lovely people listening to me do shitty impressions and make shitty jokes.

She might be listening right now, though. She probably is. The other person who died this week was Lindsay Graham, the American. If you got any impression of him. Oh, gosh, let me look him up. I have got a Lindsay Graham in there somewhere. Oh, my God. My daughter thinks my, yeah.

Let me just listen. to the way he talks. He's a real southern a lot of that. Hold on. I think he's like, I like Donald Trump. He's a good guy. Let's just see what he says. He's a real foghorn. He's not quite a foghorn leghorn type, but... Oh, he does have all those southern sayings,

though, you know. Like... He's like a penny and a whistle. Life is like a box of chocolates. Heavens to Betsy. Bless your heart. Bless your heart. Heavens to Murgentry.

That's a bunch of bold toot and roar if I've ever heard it. I think he was quite a divisive figure, as all of them are. But this happened at a time when everyone was waiting for Mitch McConnell to die. And Whitacom was a divisive. Mitch McConnell. She's like, our generation's Princess Diana, what are you talking about? Suddenly, Lindsay, Lindsay Graham died. Well, I think Anne Ridicum was a little bit divisive because she joined reform, hadn't she?

Yeah, I was just joking. So she was due to actually be talking in clactors. And she's sort of one of these Because she's very popular actually She was on I'm a celebrity in all these things And she actually was quiet I hadn't heard from her for years I hadn't heard anything

Does she normally get in touch with you does she? Yeah Until Christopher I hope you're well This is Anne Yeah Well I go to the I attend the young Tory summer camp

Every year So as does Lewis of course Of course So we're always Can you imagine the young Reformed summer camp It would be all these like fucking Lux Maxes and shit

didn't it? All these absolutely deluded psychopaths. Have you seen that a Lux Max that died? They're coming three. Wait, there's been a couple of them hasn't there? Wasn't there one that was found like in a bin? Like he'd been tortured and put in a bin?

Yeah, they tortured him and put him in a bin. Well, what are them? Here's my take on them. I think looks maxes are like anorex, the male anorexicsics, right? They are so obsessed. with their... And by the way, we are going to have this new wave of anorexia because of all the Moncharos

and these weight loss drugs, by the way. That's a frightening prospect to... Because everyone's on it or using it or abusing it. Every previously, you know, weight positive influencer is now as skinny as fuck. I saw that the other day as well, that all the people that were like, love my body, it's, you know, big positive, blah, blah, blah, and then they're all like two months later, they're all skinny as fuck because of the banjaro. They all like fucking Ariane Grande.

Grande. And it's frightening, actually, to be honest, the transformations of some of these, some of these people, to very unhealthy weights. But that's by the by, this looks maxing. They are legitimately insane. The jaw implants where they make their jaw wide looking like beautiful squidwoods. Doesn't he hit his jaw with a hammer to shape it? I think that's one of the sort of memes in the community that's like a, it's like a joke. But like a bird. It's his blade. Social blade. He's tempering it.

Look at that. Temperate jaw. I saw him a live stream where he's asking some girls out. And they just completely blank him. Really? Yeah, because I think they've fallen into the trap of thinking that the only thing stopping them from getting a girlfriend, what they would call a high value woman, is their jawline. Or it's their shoulders.

the distance between this part of their face and this other part of their face. They've tried to make it into a mathematical formula without realizing that if they had just been normal and chill, they have a much better chance. It is nothing to do with your jawline. I mean, you know, if you look like Mitch McConnell, sure, you might struggle with the ladies, but that's fine. You'll find a lady that doesn't mind someone that looks like Mitch McConnell. Oh, who would that be?

Oh. That's how he talks. Lynch Graham has kind of a soft southern accent like that. He does. Oh, yeah. I love that. Can you do the rest of the podcast like that? I could try.

I can for sure try. I think these young men, these looksmasters, got all mixed up now. It's like a ball of molasses with a couple of marbles float around in there. Maybe some rap shit. I just trying to say something. Well, Lindsay, you were famously a bachelor your whole life. Why are you saying you were part of my homosexual? Because that's what some people have said.

When the grinder goes up, Lindsay turns up. Let me tell you, boy, something. I love men. Well, you were famously quite homophobic as well. Well, I'm one of them self-hating gays, you know. And I'm closeted, deeply closeted. You'd never know I was gay, apart from the fact that I have sex with me. What do you think about all these lovely looks maxes with their lovely chad faces and pecks and all the packs and stuff?

The boys are misguided. I've read about the one that died recently, but I'm not really familiar with any of these looks maxers. One of them that died recently was injecting himself with gold. He was living in Thailand. It was nuts. There are these people who are entirely want to be shock value. They go to like, you know, Dubai and Israel. They meet all these controversial figures.

They will do anything. God, people always make fun of me and criticize me for like not leaving my garage. But like that is so tame in comparison to some of this stuff. Well, exactly. You want to, you should be going to like Laos and Cambodia. Sips, I don't think there are headlines about you living in your garage. No. And questioning the danger you're doing to the well-being of young men.

Man stays in garage and plays video games. I know, but why the judgment? There's better people out there to judge is all I'm saying. I know. Yeah, I know. Well, here's a headline. Here's a headline. Look smacks her in Naked Rampage before death, believed in injecting gold for superpowers.

And he was found dead in a lake in Thailand off that trashing his luxury rental home, jumping in the water, and his friends claimed he believed he injected gold and he got powers. These guys are so, they're just men. mentally broken, aren't they these lads? They are deranged. And I think part of it is the fact that they are actually embracing everything that is hated on purpose, like that obviously far right stuff, but also like testlers, addabolic steroids, you know, using crystal meth as an appetite suppressant, you know, taking, you know,

have undergoing surgery, which is not, you know, normally accessible, except if you go to places like Turkey, you know, and pay for it yourself, you know, they'll do anything. thing if you want them to. And so that all leads into this world of being on the edge, right? And just being like a counterculture, but in a way that these days look so and is so weird. I think people love to watch these guys crash out and fall apart. Like I think there is a genuine audience who is mirroring them. They do have a genuine audience of people who are also looksmaxes. But most of the people. people are watching it for the disaster.

It's morbid curiosity, isn't it? It's like you want to watch. It is like, yeah. And you can tell that they're not really, they're almost egging them on to do more and more stupid things. Yeah. I think it's kind of sad how much of the, their audience is people waiting for them to fail. Like I think it's very, very odd.

And a lot of people that, even the people that are successful streamers, that level where you're basically now a celebrity, albeit one of those sort of curious very much, than celebrities where the press is and everyone that isn't, that doesn't know what looks maxing is, suddenly knows what looks maxing is and is deeply confused by it. And then inevitably, you die in a lake in Thailand, right? These guys don't realize, I think, that their audience is not supportive. The bulk of their audiences is mocking them and just joining in on the memes and just waiting for them to crash out. That's it. They fucking love it. So I don't think they get it. I think they genuinely think that they're, like, loved and have fans. And they don't really

it's basically like a clown show. People are just waiting for the pie in the face. And suddenly you slip up, like, what's that guy, H.S. Tiki tocky tokey, right? The one was the most name you've ever heard from. Anyone to be successful. So he's on that Louis Theroux thing, and suddenly he's like an object of fun. And there's that guy that keeps sending him impressions that he's done of himself. Like, so this guy does a really good impression of H.S. Tiki-talkie. It keeps calling him out on Instagram and H.S. just keeps responding and just getting, he's got no sense of humor about himself whatsoever. Immediately he's, that's it, he's done. Like, you're just a joke now.

You know, they were never your fans in the first place. They were just waiting for you to fail. They don't seem to realize that. It's kind of sad. Right. There's this, there's this, one of his friends is called, um, androgenic, which sounds like a fucking, um, I think actually probably is a word used to some sort of, andabolic, that's what that sounds like. Anabolic, Anabolic steroid. But he, apparently he had a clavicular had an overdrug overdose relatively recently from taking what's called the Pentastack. And it's Adderall, dextromethorphan, frigabolin, which is like, I don't know what it is. I think it's like a pain medication.

Ketamine. Ketamine. No, pregabalin. And one for butane diol. Okay. But also he says that his day. Leary routine includes testosterone, acutane, which I think is for acne. Isn't that something old people take?

Oh, yeah, acutriotide and nebivolol, which is, and obviously, loads of other things, like taking melatonin two to tan faster and some other crap. It's actually wild. He's 20. And yet he's taking, like, more pills than a fucking 90-year-old. He's just come out of the hospital. He's got that plastic tray with all the day. days of the week on it with all of his pills in it and stuff.

But this is just, this is just mental illness, right? Like, I get it. Like, where it's the same thing that, that has always been expected of women to, to have perfect,

you know, everything, jawline and makeup and teeth and everything, you know, the beauty standards have always been so, you know, unreasonable. But it feels like these guys are just using that same energy.

And I'm not sure, why? Obviously his whole point is to be more attractive to women or men, I don't know, or whatever. But I guess it's part of this whole thing of he's gotten popular from it. And so he has to carry on down this road and descend and make it more and more extreme. Right. You know, yeah, it's bizarre. Mad.

Anyway, I thought I'd talk about that because it's fascinating. No, it is fascinating. It is. It's a little bit. Yeah, it's a bit worrying too, isn't it? Like, uh, like some of this stuff. The stuff that people are doing to themselves as well, just to sort of be, um, talked about or, or whatever, you know, like it's, it's some of it takes like a bit of a sinister turn. You got to think as well, like these are people's like sons and stuff as well and daughters, you know, like these are, these are people that were kids once that, you know, all, went through all the same things and stuff. It's a, it's a worry, you know? Like, if you're, if you're a parent and your and your, your kids are getting into that kind of. for doing that kind of stuff, you'd be worried sick, wouldn't you? Well, exactly. And it's this classic thing of everyone's saying, well, he's so ridiculous that why would anyone

ever copy any of the stuff he does? But actually, there's a lot of people out there who do. Like, anytime anything comes in or like planking, you know, some planking comes like. There's 20 people like, you know, it's like 15 people have died using the new planking craze this week. And it's like people do fall into the trap. And some people would say, you know, that's evolution. at work, do you know, I mean, that's, that's the Darwin effect.

We've got, you know, we're getting rid of those people out of gene pool because we didn't need them. But, you know, I do feel like there's a lot of... You got to balance it out. You can't have all clever clogs. Well, exactly. It's true. True.

So, I don't know, like, it's, it's a funny old thing. Yeah, what else has been going on? Loads of stuff's been going on. You're not going to lose news at half an hour, right? You can't lose news at half an hour. Come on. All right. Well, like, I bought a robot little mo's been going up and down the, the, Garden.

Oh, God. Wait, tell me more. You didn't buy a lawnmower. You bought a robot lawnmower. Well, I had to buy an actual lawnmower as well. Because the robot lawnmower only... Because a robot one is fucking useless.

Yeah. It has like little... It's basically little spinning razor blades on it. It doesn't even have like a proper proper turbine in there. I mean, it's like little spinning razor blades. And they only cut off a tiny, tiny amount. And you're supposed to put it on a schedule. so it's like going every day.

Oh, my God. Why? Why? Yeah. It does feel like a huge waste of everything. It feels like they designed it to use up power and break and you have to buy replacements. Like, that's the only explanation for it. How big is the grounds of your vast property that you need a petrol lawnmower?

The front area that I've got it going on at the moment is about 1,000 metres. squared. Christ. What it's actually less than that. It's about 700 meters squared. I want to see a picture of this little guy in action. Do you have the model and we can see what he looks like, please? Yeah, I can show you.

What's his name? Bernard. Bernard? Bernard? No, no. No, no. No, no. Sometimes you get to choose the name.

The name gets chosen. Kill me. I hate grass and humanity. Oh, man. Poor Bernard. I'm shutting you down, Bernard. Thank you. Thank God.

So they go. Navi-mo. Navi-mo. Terrible name. It's a little, it looks like a little go-kart thing. Yeah, look at him. And it just sort of goes up and down.

He's 700 square meters. Flip it. A picture from the app. Damn, this thing ain't cheap, Lulu. Fuck. I know. Yeah, it's not cheap. It would be cheaper to just hire a person.

to mow your lawn, lazy get. Yeah. How can you not? Well, actually, I found out that it's not cheaper to hire a person because I had to come in, I had to get a guy to come in and mocks. It was really fast, it was really like waist high. And he charged me 200 quid to do the whole lot and some other stuff too. That's pretty good.

You know, this could have been. And then like, I was like, I can't be paying that every week. So I bought this. Well, no, you don't pay that every week. You pay up front the first one. And then when he comes and just does like a little mow every once in a while, to keep on top of it, it's going to be less. Yeah, but he's using a huge petrol mower.

It's making a load of noise. I could do it myself. But the thing is, like I said, the robot mower only maintains it. Yeah. Well, that's all the guy's going to do as well. He's just not going to do it the same way the robot does, you know? I spent like, the thing is I bought quite a small mower because I thought, oh, I'm not going to need this very much.

And also I've got some smaller areas that I have to, like, lift the mower up to you. So I bought that smallest, lightest more I can. Oh, fair enough. And then I ended up spending two days going up and down the first. fucking lawn because it was, because it was so shit. Have you got it now to the point where you're like, okay. Is it like a putting marine now? That's my.

Well, here's the thing. I've only had it for a few days. And I've only had it for like five days. And it's been going out there every day on a schedule. I had a whole bunch of trouble like getting it to connect to the satellite and plug it in. It's a whole line. When it leaves the shed, it's like, I am mowing now. It just like it plays a little tune.

It does. Oh, I love that. But no, it's been, it hasn't rained in five days and it's really, really dry. And it's not going to wait for a fucking mud. It hasn't rained in like a year here. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah. It's super, super dry.

So no, it's, and it's not going to, it's not going to. It's not going to stop. Pored yesterday. But yeah, I feel like I need, I need to get some, it's all just brown at the moment. I'm just mowing a load of brown and nothing mud. Yeah. So, yeah, it's not great. No, you got to wait.

figure it out. You've got to wait until the end of the summer and just put some, some seed down and stuff and grow it back. Yeah, I have found myself going out there and being like, oh, there's a stone. I'll take that off my lawn. There's like a stick. I'll throw that in the bush. Do you mean? There's, it's weirdly, I stand in my, on my lawn and I'm like, ah, my, I'm, this is my castle, my home. Yeah. I feel, I don't know, a weird sense of, I think there is some sort of, it's very new. the Lord because previously it was just a complete absolute chaos in my garden. And it looks like, I don't know, just having a lawn or at least having it mowed looks so much tidier,

even though all the edges are still a complete mess. You'll see. You'll have to come around when you're down next week, Sips. You've got pop in. Wait, how long does it take to get to your house from Bristol though, isn't it far? Like half an hour. Oh my God, man. I know.

My commute sometimes is like an hour. Jesus Christ, how do you get there? If I go in at Russia. Do you have a car now or do you just take the bus or the train? Well, if my partner's driving me, because sometimes she'll do you do and stuff in Bristol, it sometimes takes, it's taking us an hour. Driving around Bristol is a nightmare. It just always is.

It's a nightmare. But, you know, it's supposed to take 25 minutes. And it does at sort of night and stuff. Right. At lunchtime. But I usually get the training from Keynesham. God, I had a nightmare on Monday. And so you want to talk about travel time.

So my wife and I, there's a restaurant called Berengack in, I think it's only in London. There's a couple of them. There's one in Soho. There's one in Borough Market. Bereng Jack, B-E-R-E-N-J-A-K. I don't know if that's the right way to pronounce it. Michelang Stade Bibb Gourmet Persian cuisine. Incredible food.

Right. Absolutely incredible food. If you, I mean, I know it sounds silly, but you know when you eat somewhere and you're like, oh my God, I can't believe how good the X was. Yeah. I feel like that about the cheese toasties in Costa. So it'll be like that. We're like, oh, my God.

So the thing is the thing that blew our minds about this place was the hummus. We just had this hummus. And it was so good that it was like a fucking, we descended to some level of culinary heaven. It was that good. And it's one of those things we think, how can the hummus just be, I guess the rest of it was shit? No, no, no. The rest of it was amazing as well. and we ate there a few months ago,

a whole bunch of my e-sports mates, we went out to the one in Soho. It was like 25 of us. And you've been thinking about it every week. So Mrs. F was like, I'm going to try and get us a table at Barron Jack, which is really, really hard to get a booking at. It's always packed.

So we managed to go, but it was on Monday evening at 7.30. That's the only time we could get a reservation. Right. So it's kind of unusual to go out on date night, on a Monday night, but we did. Traveled in, I left the house just after five, and I didn't get to borrour

to London Bridge for an hour and 40 minutes. Now, normally that should have taken way, way, way, way less than that. Basically, if I get the right train, I'm there in 45 minutes, no problem. Get on the train at Twickenham. We're sitting there and we haven't left. And the moment that the driver says, can the guard make himself known to the driver, please? Can the guard come forward and talk to the driver? You think, ah, we're fucked.

Something bad's happened. Trains broken. Someone's thrown themselves in front of a train further up the line, whatever. Something bad's happened. So everybody sighs and looks at each. I'd like, here we go. Yeah. Driver's like 20 minutes later.

He's like, all right, we're going to have to go backwards and go via Kingston and Wimbledon and go around that way because there's someone has been mucking around on the tracks up at Barnes, blah, blah, blah. Everybody's like cursing. We kept to Raines Park, which is a station in the middle of nowhere on this loop, and we stop again. And the driver's, we're there for ages. Some, most people just tut.

I'm talking, oh, yeah. This one guy goes, fucking cunt at this point. Like, this is his breaking point. And I was like, all right, calm down. A bit much. And then the driver says, we're going to be here a while. I'm going to open the door so you can all get out and stretch your legs. Don't worry, I'll let you know before we start the train again.

So everybody's like, well, I guess we could stretch our legs. So a couple of people get up as well. It was very hot, but it is air-conditioned on the train, luckily. So luckily, yeah. How long is it normally like 45 minutes into? Straight shot, yeah. Like I get one of those little forest bikes, zip the back way up into Twickenham. get on a train there, and it's like, if I get a fast train from Twickenham to Waterloo,

that'll take 25 minutes, straight to Waterloo. And then I'll get the Jubilee line, two stops to London Bridge. It's a really, really, really easy shot to get to London Bridge from here. Yeah. The time's just dragging and dragging and dragon. The angry guy, when we're off the train, he's yelling at the station guard, who's like, I don't know, mate. Like, what are you talking about?

And then this other train pulls in next to us, and the driver says, all right, that other train is going to leave before. this one, so you may as well get on that one, it's going to the same place. And angry guy goes, fucking this is so shit! And I was like, why is this guy so furious? Stomps over and gets on this other train. No one else is freaking out. But this guy is just had enough.

He had his limit. He might have been a looks max. Was that HS Tiki-tokie? It might have been. Was he on the anabolic again? The train is going to be late. I can't believe it. Oh, Emily.

Emily. Oh, man. I feel like these people, though, are on the spectrum some way. I'm just saying. Wait, we're going back to the looks maxes. No, no. Yeah, well, definitely those guys. People complaining on trains.

I do see it. Like, I think people, again, they don't have that brake pedal to the stock. Because I'm thinking that. I want to shout that. Do you know what I mean? But I can just about hold it in. Right. Well, yeah, but you don't need to scream like that.

Like, I feel like it's just, it's very performative. Look how angry I am. Like you're the only one that's a whole train of people here, mate. We're all inconvenience. You don't have to scream fucking cunt at the top of your voice. There's kids on the train. Yeah. Like, just have some fucking discipline.

I feel like that happened to me, though, as well when I was on a train back from Cardiff. And it was like, you know, it was like the last train back and it was either getting canceled or stopped somewhere. And there was just no solution. Do you know what I mean? There was no, they weren't putting on a bus. They were just like, yep, you're fucked here. You're surrounded.

And everyone was just like. fucking hell. And you could definitely hear everyone around the carriage like kind of exclaiming. But yeah, not like yelling. But I mean, you kind of expect it in London. I'm kind of braced for that.

What, yelling? Any city. Any city I'm in. I'm braced for some absolute lunatic to be crazy. Especially in America. If I'm in America, I'm anywhere. I'm walking down the street.

I'm expecting someone to run out naked. Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know. I don't know. I guess they do confront each other in America, but I feel like most of their expressionism is just done through either bumper stickers or flags on their car or flags in their front yard and sometimes signs over like an overpass. But you know what I mean? Like I feel like like that's how they get their messages out.

Whereas like in England, I think they just sit on a train and just scream at the ceiling or like the clouds or whatever for all to hear. You know what I mean? It's like a it's maybe it's like a cultural thing. it. Maybe. I understand people getting frustrated. Like, it is, it is annoying. You're trying to get somewhere, especially when people are trying to get home. Like, you know, you've got your, like, if I'd been late for dinner because the trains were just shit, I mean, like, on the way back, we get on a train and they announce, we're waiting for a driver. And Mrs. F was like, fuck's sake. But she commutes all the time she's used to. It's just the way it goes. In the heat,

it's just bad. Like, they told us that the driver, he's on his way, he's currently, near Staines. Staines is miles from Waterloo. So we were like, Christ, get on another train. It's just, it feels like every day. And eventually it wears people down. I was in Sports Direct the other morning. Is that still good in Sports Direct? I don't know. There's one over here anyway, but. Oh, okay. So we're in there. And the, it was like, it was like Monday morning. We had to pick something up for my daughter. And then, and the fire alarm goes off. But like, you know, it was just like, it was clearly like a test, you know, it went on for like 10 seconds or something. But at first everybody just kind of stopped and looked around.

That's what everyone does. Yeah, yeah. And then there's this woman who's just like a couple of meters away from us. She's like, oh, for fuck sake. Like she was so mad. And then the guy, like one of the members of staff came around. She's like, what's going on? And he's like, it's a fire alarm test.

And she's like, do we need to do anything? Like what do we do? He's like, no, we do one every Monday. And she's like, how the fuck am I supposed to know that you do one every Monday? It was really funny. Like, I just, like, I don't normally like when people are like that, but I found the way that she dealt with it very funny. Because it's true, though. Like, he's, you know, he's saying it like, like, we're meant to know, like we got like the internal memo about it.

Like, it's so funny. It's every Monday, isn't it? Every Monday. Yeah, but the way he said he's like, every Monday. Every single Monday we do it. It's like, well, I'm not here every single fucking Monday, man. Like, I don't know if you noticed. I don't work here.

Like, what are you talking about? Like, it's, it was. I wonder how much of people's public meltdowns is that we haven't seen. It would be like if we, if we watched a film of their day. Yeah. It would be like a series of catastrophes and things going wrong. We haven't seen 99%. Yeah.

But that's the same thing with most arguments. Most arguments that people have are not about that last tiny thing that had to the trigger it. I mean, they're about the buildup. Most people's, most people are, you know, bothered by multiple things and there's multiple factors. People are complicated. They're not just one thing.

You know, we carry a lot in our subconscious. Yeah. Anyway, I've got some lose news. Let's do this. So on the looks maxing thing, people, this is not exactly the same, but people have been taking these hammers to their incredibly expensive iPhones. So the idea is that a heavily cracked, boarder. borderline unusable screen makes them look more rugged and manly instead of gay.

That is pathetic. Nobody actually does that though, do they? When I see someone's phone like that, like sometimes your mate whips their phone out and you like, what have you been doing with this phone? Yeah. Like the whole screen is just a mosaic of shattered glass. I don't see that as a positive. I just think you are of absolute bonnet. You're an animal.

How can you have such a busted phone? What's going on? What's going on? What's it been? Yeah. was triggered by a trend where women uploaded photos and clips of old beat-up iPhones with the caption when he has a real man's broken iPhone 11, not a gay 17 pro. Right, but I reckon that those posts are by these guys?

Yes. Like a lot of, if you think how many of these sock puppet accounts, they just need women. You do understand behind every only fans model is their boyfriend replying. You know, if you're chatting to an only fan's person, a girl, or whatever about you or whatever, it's their boyfriend or a man or their manager or some, they're not replying. Do you know what I mean? They're not. It's all, everything's fake.

But I'm paid extra for the personal girlfriend experience. What's happening? Dear Cindy, I know. You've got scammed. Have you been lying to me? It's come to my attention that you've been lying to me. Dear Cindy, it just comes to my attention that you are a liar. Weirdly, though, if you're chatting to me,

if you're supporting my only fans, my girlfriend actually is replied to you. Do you have an only fan? Yes. No, of course not. Could you imagine? Yeah? No, I've never, I was saying this the other day.

You'd make money from that. I don't think I've ever seen. No one has ever been interested in me physically. It's a completely different world for men and male influences. No, but like generally, like, she didn't eat for the lawnmower. Yeah. The thing is, like, when it's like, men and women have a completely different experience

as streamers and online, you know, and women, it's constantly comments about their, their looks and their, and how, and the simps and all these, the guys in their chats and all this, you know, looking after them and all this. But with men, it's not that at all. Like, there's, or maybe there goes a little bit of it for the looks maxes, but I've never noticed it. And I'm, I'm happy about that. And I don't want it either. because it's just not appropriate.

It wouldn't be great. It wouldn't work on a podcast either, just being good looking. Yeah. Because it's purely... You just imagine me in here. No one is none of the... Maybe you can send some messages to the mailbag about how much you're attracted to the three of us.

Please do not do that. But, you know, I just don't think it's... Will you invite this shit? Because you're not the one who has to deal with it. You're such a bell end sometimes. I'm the one that's going to have to have these emails. It's just like you and Sips making up the time. tiny penis thing.

I'm the one who has to deal with that more than anything. I didn't make that up. Yes, you did. Well, I was partially involved. You can choose not to open that email, you know. I know, I have to read them all. I committed to that. Yeah, he wants to see.

Well, that's your choice. So, okay, what's going on? There was this week a man who was nearly sucked out of a Ryanair flight. Yes, I saw that. Yeah. So Mrs. F is basically flying with Ryanair. And she sent me this and she was like, fuck me. And I was like, oh, don't worry, love.

Well, St. is Ryanair is massive. I think there was some talk that it was going to be sold for like... Yeah. Some talk that Ryanair was going to be bought for billions of pounds. Right. I mean, all of these companies massively overvalued. Surely they aren't worth that much.

It made an annual profit of $2.2 billion. Wow. Wow. I didn't realize they were that successful. Well, exactly. He is huge. They also have 17.5 billion of assets. got all those planes, those routes.

All of that's worth money, isn't it? It's absolute. And so they are doing thousands and thousands of flights a day. And I mean, this is going to happen, right? But I still think it was quite funny. And then there was a in the Empire State Building. Did you notice there were two kind of stunt like climbers? I noticed.

And they got arrested after climbing. I know. I looked out my window and I was like, who's that climbing up? The Empire State Building. Well, there was a couple who did a proponent. at the top. They climbed that. That's got to be a fucking life, isn't it,

to climb the Empire stable and then do a proposal at the top. That is pretty bold. And then nobody's going to go up there and get you, are they? They're just going to be like, okay, come down now. Come down. Can you please come down? Come down. Nobody wants to go up there.

It's too high. It's true. It's too high. So I was impressed about that, honestly, when I saw it. Because they held a banner up that said, when the power of love beats the love of power. Yeah.

The world. nose piece. Right. Whatever. They should have gone with life as like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. I think maybe people would have found that a bit more catchy, you know, than the one that they used.

Right. More inspiring. Yeah. The one, I think the one that they used was a little bit kind of, I don't know, it just didn't have like any zing to it, you know? If you're going to go to all that trouble and stuff, you should just put like something like really like, you know, zippy and catchy and not like. They used a font that.

made it look a bit like Cyrillic or something. Yeah. And I feel like that's not very, the Americans don't really respond to that. No. If it looks like it's Russian. Yeah, that's true. They can't read the Americans. It's in a weird font.

Anyway, James Franco, you know him? Yes. Yeah. He posted some, yeah. He posted something weird on TikTok. Yeah, but it has to be for a movie, right? Like, there's no way this is, he doesn't really believe this, surely. What did he do?

Well, he posted something. footage of an alien that had come into his house and he's like straight-faced. Yeah, here's the alien guys. It's just footage that he's taken in black and white or something, oddly enough. It's really, really bizarre. Was the alien tall, skinny and smoking a dupe? It was like that alien. It was like the classic bug eyes gray alien.

I don't know. This has to be for a movie. This is like when, what's his name, went on David Letterman and didn't answer any questions and just sat there with sunglasses on. Who did that? Wachene Phoenix. Oh. Yeah.

Wait, not Wacking Phoenix. Which was the one that died? Sheel Leboof. Which was the Phoenix that those two of them? Rivers. I always get them mixed up. So River died. Wacking Phoenix is the one that's still alive.

He went on it and he had a big beard and glasses and he just played this weird character. The thing is, that was a character for a movie. But he didn't tell anyone he was doing it. It was like a weird sort of viral promo thing for the character. He said he deeply regrets to do it. It was a big mistake. And he realizes the position he put. everyone in. Like, to be fair to him, he's matured to the point

to the point he's like, actually, that was not cool. But at the time, everybody thought he's lost his mind. It's the same shit. I'm sure he's not really. I'd be amazed if James Franco really believes that he has footage of an alien. That'd be hilarious. Well, he has, first of all, obviously, he got cancelled to some extent because of all of his

sexual conduct. Yeah, he basically had sex or... With, like, loads of... Co-workers and students and stuff, yeah. He was basically, like, doing a Weinstein. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought the other guy, the guy that was in, what's his name? Mobius or Morbius.

Benedict Comberich? No, not Benedict Comberich. Jared Leto, that's it. He's got like a cult. I thought he's been countered. I didn't think James Francoher had. I'm sorry. Sorry for not even up with the fire.

Is Jared Lido the bigger guy from Moneyball? He's tiny. Oh, he's tiny. Sorry, I'm thinking of somebody else. I think basically he's, I don't know, he's done a bunch of dodgy stuff. But I think, you know, he's almost like trying to go edgy as a result. These guys, they change. I mean, they change, don't they?

They, like, they flip and flop about being a good guy and being a, whoever will take them to keep their weird, you know, fame going. Anyway, he's sort of doubled down and he's saying it's not a marketing stunt or any of this, but it clearly is. Because the footage he's linked clearly looks like it's shot in a film studio. Do you mean? It's utterly bizarre. It's utterly bizarre. A professional film studio. It's bizarre.

So, bizarre. Anyway, James Franco's lost his mind. Here's a picture of this. This is the one. This is the alien peering in through his kitchen window apparently. What is happening? It looks like a grammar. Maybe it was just his grammar.

It just looks like an angry grandma. Like, just had a really bad day. These guys are so nuts. The thing with actors, I think, especially these kind of actors is they're very good of pretending to be normal. And then when they're actually stripped of their career and you actually get to see them being normal, they're crazy.

They're all fucking nuts. He's obviously just, it's a viral marketing thing, but he's doing it in a way which is really doubling down on it. And he said, no, this is a viral marketing. But, dude, if that's the, if this is the marketing, this movie looks so shit. Like I'm just saying, all this aliens look so shit. That alien does look like dog shit.

That's right. Well, maybe it will be a dog shit movie. Who knows? It probably will be. It is. It's going to be shit. By the way, so if anyone ever says they're being treated for sex addiction, you can just cancel them straight up. I don't think anyone's ever been treated for sex addiction.

That's what he said. He said he's been treated for sex addiction since 2016. How do you get treated through that and asking for a friend? As if that's an illness. Yeah. As if that's an excuse for being like a predator. There's a reason there's eight and a half billion people on it. We all have sex addiction.

That's the point. There's a reason why like, you know, the post. some wires to your balls and every time you think about having sex they just zap you what if that's what you're into though I'm kidding

they zap my balls again honey they're zapped my big gay balls again my big gay balls so you sound like someone from South Park yeah

a little South Park that's so also in weird news warlocks and clairvoyance have been exploiting the Russian fuel shortage by doing bogus rituals. Damn it. All right. Slow now. I knew this was going to happen.

Come back to the start of this headline. Russian news media have reported an increasing number of self-proclaimed magicians, clairvoyance and witches exploiting people by taking it to social media to promote all kinds of questionable services, such as lowering a vehicle's fuel consumption, switching standard fuel into transmuting fuel into fuel that lasts longer using occult rituals. So there's people who are coming out and they're going to do a little spell on your car to make it run better. Okay, I'm just going to say, I hate witches.

I hate witches. But if there's one thing I really can't stand is fucking warlocks, okay? Oh my God. I draw the line at a warlock. There's no way. What about a sorcerer? How do you feel about them? I fucking hate a sorcerer.

God. Oh, my God. God, I hate them so much. Archmage can just fucking burn in hell for all life. Oh, my God. Don't even get me started on a necromancer. I hate magic so much. Okay.

Good. Well, well, yeah, so that's the best thing. You know what, lads, all joking aside, yeah, fucking hate warlocks. I hate warlots. And witches, all jokes aside, this is like James Franco doing a very serious bit. Ladies and gentlemen, this actor James Franco, for some very serious to say,

I've had enough, I've had it up to hear with sharks and witches. We need to finally together, join together and make a stand against magic, for fuck's sake. It's just getting out of control. James Franco is, yes. Well, thank God he's there to look after us.

Finally, a bakery in France, oh no, in Thailand has sparked controversy by making very, very risque looking hairy croissons. They don't have bakeries in France. They have

boulangerie And if you're looking for cakes You don't go to the boulonre You go to the pettisri Instead What's the boulangerie? Is that the baker? Yeah, boulangerie is a baker

And then the patisserie is where you get your cakes And get your patis. Yeah. So you get croissons at a patisri as well In Thailand. Oh, it's gross. Oh, that's so gross.

They've topped these quassots with this hair-like thing called fat choy, which is an edible black algae used in Asian cuisine. Now, it basically just looks like a hairy coos is what it looks like. It looks fucking nasty. It's unbelievably, it's unbelievably bad looking. That's nasty. That is so nasty. That is nasty.

Oh, no. Well, you know, don't worry. Can I do Flax's faxes? Yeah, go for it. So this might not be a fact, but this is something that this really... This might not be a fact. I just want to come out straight away. I love the disclaimer.

It might not be a fact. It might not be a fact. I don't want to get people's hopes up. I don't know what people emailing in. This is just something that you can... The segment is still called Flax's Facts as though. I couldn't think of another... But it could be an urban myth.

Flaxes may be faxes. Okay. That we might be inside a black hole. Did you know this? Oh, really? No. I never considered it. The whole universe might be inside a gigantic black hole that exists in another universe

sort of outside that black hole. And there's a decent number. This isn't just some crackpot theory. This is something that quite serious people are considering. And obviously, this all comes down to mathematics and proving it and all the rest of it. But there's some really, really interesting videos on it. Like, legitimate. These aren't just some crank.

But it's a theory that we could be. And it would explain a lot of things about the way the universe works that we are currently mystified by. And I was like, that's insane. Like the idea that we might be inside a gigantic black hole. When I told that to Mrs. F, she said, don't tell, don't tell our youngest. I was like, why? She's like, she's already, every time she thinks about space, she gets super depressed.

And I was like, yeah, I get it. Like, it's so overwhelming. So I'm just not going to tell her about the possibility. we're inside a black hole. She would go like, oh, that's all we need. Oh, no.

She has space. She has space on we. Yeah, she would literally the space on we. That's all. And we live in a black hole. Well, there goes Thursday.

I mean, oh, dear. Yeah, she's at that 14-year-old age where it catastrophizes a lot of things. And I think that would be, not to diminish her feelings. You know,

I'm just saying at 14, I was also quite depressing. Maybe we do live in a, maybe we do exist in a black hole, but you do also have to consider this, maybe that's what the witches and the warlocks want you to think. True. Bring around.

I don't want my stuff getting sucked up by the universe. You get a special robot to suck you off if you want. Just a little bit of a time. I am ready to suck. Not the razor blade one. You get another one. Don't get them mixed up, Lulu. Don't get them mixed up.

Bernard, stop. Burn it, stop. Faster, burn it. Go on faster, do you. No, stop now. Burn it. I'm so close. You're a bad boy, Bernard.

Bad boy, Bernard. That's what I'm going to call you. Bad boy Bernard. Are you going to stick with Bernard? I thought that was a joke. Are we going with Bernard Delo? Well, I'm up for, if people want to send in better names for my robot lawnmower in the mailbox, mailbag, let's know. If anyone sends in any Boaty McBoat-style names.

Yeah, that's going to be Robo-Mik-Robo face or whatever. I'm going to fucking find you. Moie McMo-boy. Oh, Chuck. You're in another black hole. You'll be a universal way. Only original names, please. But yeah, I mean, constantly we are told all this bollocks that, you know, we're in the simulation

and that, you know, we're not, it's not real and all this nonsense. And we're in the Truman Show. You can't live like that if you. No, exactly. You have no control. I think that's the other thing. Like so much in our world today, we have no control over it. A lot of people don't even have any control.

control over their own lives. You know, they have to get up and take the kids to school. Yeah. They have to go to work. They have to do these things they don't want to do. It sucks. And not only that, but like being told all these things that you can't stop. It's frustrating.

It's really depressing. So just don't worry about it. Don't worry about being in a black hole. It doesn't matter. Who cares? It's probably not true. It's just, just today's interesting load of bollocks. And it'll be something else tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be in a fucking. you know mirror universe or who knows what will be tomorrow. Anyway, thank you for listening everyone. That was a great podcast. I enjoyed it. Oh man, me too. I really enjoyed that. Look after yourselves and love one another.

Yes. That's what you need to do. Yes. Right, bye, everyone. Bye, bye.