Triforce! - Lewis or Lembit | Triforce Mailbag #57

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

Triforce Mailbag Special 57! We open with not 1, not 2, 3 or 4 but FIVE jingles and a poem about Sips' eating habits! Also, we get a ton of update mail and an interesting message from an AI Wrangler! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Can't forget this week. We have quite a lot of creative stuff. So I'm going to I'm going to start off with five jingles. Five jingles. None of these are AI. Right. And one of them, I hate. And you have to guess which one. So this is one out of five jingles. Blacks hates. Gotcha. So this is... One out of five jingles, blax hates.

Gotcha. So this is a mailbag jingle. Let me just make sure I get the right person who sent it. This is from JD, long time listener, first time emailer, not our JD. A semi-drunk songwriter decided to have a few jars and put together a jingle for you guys. So this is Mailbag Jingle by JD.D. Mailbag Jingle by J.D. Vance. MP3. Yes. Are you ready?

We'll play it in three, two, one play. Mailbag's back. Let's talk shit once again. Oh, let's go for the reverse and see what they say. Oh, that's great Imperions, the mailman, the sips is among The lulises for love child made from the cup If you'd like to back, let's talk shit once again There isn't any judgement in, we're mostly friends Mostly friends.

How you were made by from come. That and mom. Yeah. That and mom's come. I think that's the right sort of energy. I like having this podcast. Well, keep waiting because this this is Auggie, from Texas. Over seven years ago, apparently we sat around to brainstorm a jingle.

And inspired by some lyrics and a nice tune that apparently I put together, as of yesterday, I finally recorded it. So this is called Three Fellas Talkin', or the Original Triforce Jingle, this is by Auggie. No way. Three Fellas Talking or the original Triforce jingle. This is by Augie. No way. Three Fellas Talking. Back in the day. Yeah.

Seven years ago. So pre-COVID, this was a jingle that we never got off the ground, but we were thinking about it. Are you ready? We'll play it in three, two, one, play. It's got that. It's got the record sound, the vinyl record. Yeah.

Three Fellas Talking. It's got that record sound, the vinyl record. Just three fellas, just three fellas are talking. I love that one. That's so good. That is so good. It's amazing. But the thing is that could apply to any podcast. That's why it's so good. We can rent it out. We can lease it out.

We can lay it on for people. Franchot. Augie, please send that to every other podcast that you can find. Basically every podcast is three guys talking. And say to them, you guys, just copy paste the email you sent to us. Just be like, hi, a big fan of the show. Just want to say during the early days, you guys came up with a jingle and yeah, this is what I've, do you know, they just said them this because I genuinely think they will all play it and they all think it was for them.

Yeah. I love that. Maybe he's already doing that. Maybe he sent it to like everybody. Maybe it's like the same email. He just changes the names around. He sends it to like all of the podcasts. Everybody's heard it. Everybody wants to use everybody. You're a genius. Maybe it's like the same email. He just changes the names around. He sends it to like all of the podcasts. Yeah.

Everybody's heard it. Everybody wants to use it. Everybody's had the same idea to send it around. Like that fucking, there are, every podcast has the same three guys in it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. So this could be the new that.

We do that. Love it. This is from my friend Riley. Now I know Riley and I think you might know him. I know Riley, Canadian Riley from Dota. Yes, indeed. Yes. AKA Cock Wobblemyster. Cock Wobblemyster. One of whose replays, Lulu, I think we may have looked at back in the day

when we used to do Scrubb Dota. OK. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, I can tell you're excited. This is Mailbag Country by Riley. I know the guy. I've played games with him. Riley famously threw my 20 game win streak. It was on New Year's Eve and I joined a game with him and we lost and I'd won

every single game before that and I was so pissed off and I vowed never to play with him again. Yeah. It's like a mark of pride for him, that, by the way. Riley, lovely, lovely lad, I've met him several times. He is, yeah, he's a great guy, yeah. Top, top lad, and a big fan. So he sent us three songs, and because Riley is a buddy, I'm gonna play them all.

Okay, so the odds are that one of these is the one that you hate. One of these could be, but I want you to bear something in mind, that Riley is not an editor. So just listen to the end of the song. So some extra detail there. All right. Right. OK. Three, two, one, play. Oh, oh, oh, man.

Lewis, Ted and Chris, Zephyr's, Flax and Sips will answer your questions to her. I love it! That's very country. I love it! Wait. Those extra mouse clicks. Oh yeah, just like some farting and grunting.

He's like, terrific. This is his second effort. I love that. That's my favourite so far. This is Mailbag Corral by Riley. Alright, three, two, one, play. And then just another edit. Clicking long as five seconds.

Five seconds, yeah, it's fine though. Okay, I like that. It's so pure. And then just another edit. Clicking long as five seconds. Yeah, it's fine though. Okay, I like that. It's so pure. This last one must be the hated one, because they can't imagine you hating either of those. No, no indeed. That's the thing is, that one is the Christmas one. Yeah.

That's like, it's just so, it's short, it's sweet. He's got it. Like we don't want no two minute long... It sounded a bit like the jingle from South Park way back in the day, remember? What was it, Kyle's Mum's a Bitch or something? Kyle's Mum is a bitch. It sounded like that. Alright, ready?

This is Mailbag Punk Jingle. Three, two, one, play. Now there is a full ten seconds of Riley clicking about here. It's so distorted as well, it's like an assault on that. Why is he kicking that in? I love a bit of punk, but I did not love that, Riley. That's the one you hate. That's the one I hate.

But I love Riley so well. He's done it on purpose. He did it on purpose, yeah. It's very authentic. It's very like, it's very like, teenager in their garage kind of music. I didn't even realise he was so musical. Yeah, I mean, no, Riley can play a lot of instruments. Sometimes he does it when we're playing Dotes or something.

I've definitely heard him play the guitar and stuff. That probably explains why he's so terrible at Dotes. I was gonna say, yeah, I wish you could apply some of those skills to Dota. Maybe I would have had a 21 win streak. Unlike most Dota players who have one hand on their cock, he has one hand on his guitar. Nice. Well, look, in terms of creativity, this is another one. Another creative.

This is not a song, this is poetry. Someone's written us a poem. Right. This is a lad called Kurosh, who claims to be a member of the Singapore Tiny Penis Group. Love Singapore. So, this is based... We have one of those? We have a Singapore chapter of our... Oh yeah. Nice love Singapore. So we have one of those. We have a Singapore chapter. Oh, yeah. Nice.

Singapore chapter. Going strong. Going strong. They look after Lulu's gold. Remember the gold he's got. Yes, the eternal watch. He's got all his gold there. Yeah. All right. So this is this is basically because you didn't know what kimchi is, Sips. Yeah. This is a poem that Kurosh has written. Right. Okay. So are you ready? Yep.

It's quite long, but it's excellent. Okay. Sips. Man of stature, six foot two. If you squint and he's wearing his Cuban heels. Margarita pizza, pasta and rice. Plain. No basil, no drizzle. No truffle, whispering continental seduction. Just cheese, just tomato, a disk of edible beige. Oh. Thursday. He's offered a pad thai, declines it politely, a little bow to the microwave. Saturday. Sees Korean barbecue on Love Island. He Googles kimchi, closes tab, opens freezer, finds solace in Iceland brand wedges, One pound forty nine comfort in carbohydrate geometry.

You will never know the fears, the crunch, the weird, wonderful, what the hell is that of fermented cabbage will never feel the mild panic of Scoville flotation on a Tuesday night will never meet a Korean grandmother and disappoint her. Brackets not directly, but spiritually closed brackets. Sips, learn, live simply, eat simply, dreams in Pantone 1235C, the official colour of cheddar. Somewhere, a jar of kimchi weeps silently behind a waitrose pane. Sips doesn't notice. This guy gets me.

He's got chips, and the oven timer's pinging like a tiny hopeful bell. That's it. I thought that was excellent. This guy knows me. This guy is such a good poem. That's perfect. It's such a good poem. Oh, I loved it.

I think I must have the blandest palette out of everyone I know. Also, I'm probably the least adventurous food person out of everyone I know. The thing is, I'm not very fussy. If you put something in front of me, I'll eat it. I just won't seek anything out. Like, you know, like I'm very sort of, uh, you know, like, like, like I, like I eat to live. I don't live to eat, you know, like I just want just give, just give me some carbs and I'll be on my way. Like, you know what I mean?

It's not, it's not like a fussy thing, you know, like I'm not the dude that just eats a mountain of cheddar cheese. I will eat something. If you put it in front of me, if you make it for me and put it in front of me, I'll eat it. He's going to eat it. I'll eat it for sure. I just wouldn't be able to tell you what it was after.

And I might be a bit like, I don't know if I want that again. If someone asked you what you wanted, you'd pick something, you know, one of the Sips classics. I would just say like, just a sandwich or something, you know, like anything. Sips classics. I would just say like, this is a sandwich or something, you know. Just give me a sandwich. Anything. Just nourish me somehow. This is a highfalutin, three Michelin starred restaurant. Yeah, just give me a sandwich.

Yeah, I'm just not into all that. You know, I know I get why people are into it and why they like it and stuff. It's not a thing I've ever really been into, interested in, you know. Like I don't really watch cooking shows or anything like that. Just give me some bread and water, I'm fine. We don't need it. There you go. Get him in this elf right now.

Well, I do eat. I mean, you don't get this fat by not eating. This leads into, nicely, into today's mailbag, right? Food stuff. Food stuff. Is it the food stuff mailbag? No, we're not doing that this week. Oh, we're not doing that this week. No, we're doing a regular one. Nice attempt. Risky. Risky segue. So, B-flat has put together a list of your emails, of which there are hundreds.

Well, not hundreds, but I was exaggerating. But a lot of weird, weird eating emails. A lot. So I put them in a folder and we can just do a weird eating special. Well, I don't think we can. Yeah. What? Yeah, I don't think we can. Well, I'll have to have like a trigger warning on the front of this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It'll be a listed toxic episode. This is weird eating. Listen at your peril and not whilst having bread and water.

Okay, so this is not the weird eating episode. No, this is just regular emails. It needs more planning. It needs more time to cook. Exactly. And also if you have more weird eatings, get them in, keep them short and sweet. No backstories. Yeah. No life histories.

Just keep them short and sweet. 10 seconds with five seconds of silence. Trailing is perfect. Yeah. Yeah. A couple of clicks. This is a follow-up. This is a follow-up.

You, uh, you responded, uh, this is, um, Rebecca a grunt. This is a follow up. This is a follow up. Grunt. You responded. This is Rebecca works in restaurants. Right. And this was about frozen food and Lewis complaining about frozen food. This was off the back of a discussion about how Gordon Ramsay always complains about things being frozen. You remember this, Lulu? Yes, sure.

So this is a subject on Lewis's spicy response to my previous email. Thank you for reading my email. As Mr. Brindley stated, it was an incredibly boring email. So I was surprised to hear it read. Slow week, eh? However, Mr. Brindley's poor listening comprehension was not surprising. Vegans often suffer from vitamin deficiencies that can cause memory problems and confusion, so I completely understand. The point of my original email was to potentially bring awareness to better freezing practices that exist and the fact that restaurants can be successful, serve good food, and use some frozen products. Not trying to have a frozen beef with Gordon. He strives for the absolute

best. I get it. I've just found many often don't know how fresh things truly are in restaurants. But foolish woman am I, for I'd forgotten Mr. Brindley knows all there is to know about the world already. I offer my sincerest apologies for such a ghastly error. In a perfect world, we'd be all living in Gordon's no-freezer dream. If fresher were cheaper, less restaurants would do only that. It's just simply not practical in most cases for a variety of reasons, including increased food rates, though generally we strive to serve as much fresh as possible in our restaurant. P.S. My shit talking of vegans and Lewis's just adjust. I love the podcast. Thank you very much. Well, thank you very much, you silly woman.

And it's about time that you did recognize Lewis does know everything. OK. Oh, man. You silly woman. I can't be dressed down by my mother. Well there you go. It's good to be put in your place sometimes. It's good, yeah, it's good. Thank you.

Thank you Rebecca. Thank you. So this is from long time fan Jake. This is about, this is a John Gee Tupperware related email. Fuck sure. It was listening to Triforce 321. You guys were discussing the origins of John Gee Tupperware related email. Sure. I was listening to Triforce 321. You guys were discussing the origins of Jean Guy Tupperware and it turns out it's a unique regional term for a French Canadian man.

This sparked a connection for me as I also grew up hearing a similar wacky name. Yeah. Growing up in my area, you might give the name Giuseppe Commissar Dietsche to a spam caller or just refer to a generic Italian American man. Another one probably more commonly known and frequently used by one of my science teachers growing up was Joey Bagadonuts. He would also say Johnny Boxerox. Yeah, Tony Baloney.

There's like there's a whole bunch of those ones. Giuseppe Commissar DiCce is really funny. That is funny. Yeah, that was not it was was very much, it was like Jongi Tupperware. Like, again, if somebody cold call you, you know, like telemarketing or whatever, you'd bust out a Jongi Tupperware. Yeah, of course. Giuseppe Comma Doit, what is it? Comma Siddici. Comma Siddici.

I love it. This is a nice little email for you, Lulu. The question for you, this is a nice little email for you, Lulu. The question for you, this is from Michael in the song Girl So Confusing featuring Lorde. Charlie XCX says forgot that inside the icon, there's still a young girl from Essex talking about referring to herself. I cannot stop thinking there exists a world where Lewis and Charlie XCX

have crossed paths. Does Lewis know Charlie XCX? What about Billy Bragg? Who? Okay. Okay. These are these current pop stars who are probably... Charlie XCX is.

Right. Billy Bragg is very old. How old is she? Let's have a look. Charlie XCX. Charlie XCX is her name is Charlotte. She was born in 92. Right.

Charlotte Emma Aitcheson. She was born in Cambridge, which is not Essex. So when she was a little tiny newborn baby, Lewis was already ten. Lewis was already smoking in the boys' room. She grew up in Start Hill, Essex. Do you know where that is? Start Hill. Yeah.

No, but it's Bishop Stortford, so- That's where the smoking took place. It's very, very west. Bishop Stortford is very posh Essex. That is not Essex. Ohhhh. Is it Shart Hill? Shart Hill, yeah.

Yeah, Shart Hill. Nice. She ain't no Essex girl. Alright, there you go, she ain't no Essex girl. Sorry Charlie. Bishop Stortford and Cambridge, give me a break. Yeah, that's pretty fancy, isn't it? Lewis, do you ever think of yourself, do you ever think behind the icon is a young Essex

boy? Well, you can listen to old... Did I tell this recently? I'm sure I've talked about it before, but you can obviously listen to old episodes of my podcasts and videos. And I sound completely different. I'm almost shocked. I sound much more Essex in those.

But that was after five or six years of leaving, you know, to go to uni and stuff. And I think a lot of my accent went from, but there's actually, there's actually a video my mum found of, on a DVD of me helping out a local village fate. And I'm doing, I'm running like a splat the rat stall. Roll on up and splat that rat you cunt. Yeah! Who is that you? It is me. Oh my God. I am so Essex in it.

Um, and it's so, it's, it's almost like this is a different person. I'm so embarrassed by it. Are you like, oi oi ladies, woohoo! Like that kind of Essex. Yeah. Like, well I think mostly it's me interacting with little kids who are, and I'm sort of being nice to them, you know, because they have, because Splat the Rat's a bit of a, I don't know if you know, it's like basically there's a drainpipe.

We all know Splat the Rat. It's a bit of a drainpipe. There's a drainpipe and you drop a soft toy down it and the kid has to time it so they smash it when it comes out of the tube. It's quite hard. It is hard. It's dropping quite fast. And so, you know, it's one of those... To give people who are not British, and presumably under 30 maybe in British, this is a thing that you'd have at a village fete or some kind of a church fair. Along with a tombola. A piece of drainpipe and then you know the sort of elbow of the drainpipe exits,

and then you have a bit more of a sort of half pipe. And the rat generally looks like an old pair of tights stuffed with something, you know, old fabric or whatever that's brown. And then you tie it one end and you drop it and it shoots down and you have to whack it with... I think it was a rounder's bat, normally. It usually was a rounder's bat. Yeah. And it's just one of these games for kids that isn't really supposed to make any money, it's

just there for fun. And also what this thing is, it gets put away in the village hall shed and brought out every year for the village fete, and that thing is probably still being used from 30 or 40 years ago. Doddinghurst village fete are probably still using the same fucking- Doddinghurst village. How about that Doddinghurst? That's where I still using the same fucking... Doddinghurst village. How about that Doddinghurst? That's where I grew up. It's a nice little village.

You grew up in Doddinghurst? I did. Wow. Oh, Doddinghurst is quite big. Yeah, it's still well, it's got big cows to say. It's certainly bigger than the likes of Kelvedon Hatch or Stondon Massey. Let alone Swallow's Cross. If you go to Swallow's Cross, you'd be like, I head into Big City today, head to Doddinghurst. Look after yourself! Of course, that's not how

they sound in Essex, but it is very nice. Oh my god, the Wikipedia article for Doddinghurst has me in it. No! Does it actually? Yeah. Notable people, Louis Brindley. Boom. I mean, yay! Notable people. It's just you. It's just you and the notable people. You're the only notable person to come out of Doddenhurst. Yeah.

Well, it's not, you know, it's old. It was in the Doomsday book, mate. I know. Exciting. The name meaning the wood of Dudder. Good old Dudder. Of his people. Dudder's wood.

Dudder's wood. I'm looking at notable people from Twickenham, and guess who's on the list? Not me. You guessed it, Tony Blair. He's right there. Tony Blair, yep, there he is. He is there. We're talking about people. Steve Allen. Oh, there's a lot of people on here.

Cedar Salis. Brian, Michael Fish. Yeah. Tons of interesting people. Dirty Den from EastEnders. Roxana Panufnik. Right, Roxana Panufnik, Whoever that is. Pete Townsend. Venonce. Pete Townsend. Yeah. Amazing. You know, loads of people.

Loads of historical figures too. Oh my God. So many. It says here Tony Blair lived and twickened in 1970. Sorry, 1972. I'm yawning and talking. 1972. Alfred Lord Tennyson. Alexander Pope. Wow. You know, a bit more of a highfalutin crowd than Doddinghurst, innit? So some of the people they're listing here, it's not really Twickenham. Some of them are more, I mean, for example, they list Keely Hawes and Matthew McFadden.

That's Strawberry Hill. They're at Strawberry Hill. They're not in Twickenham, they're in Strawberry Hill. And I'm sure they would announce that difference. Anyway. They're no Charlie XCX kid from Twickenham. Yeah. Let's, let's, let's bosh through the next one.

What about a list of people from Ottawa? You don't want to do that one? Sorry, brother. You're right. That's rude of me. That's rude of both of us too. I just didn't see the list would be... Alanis Morissette, Matthew Perry, Alex Trebek, just to name a few, Justin Trudeau, obviously.

There you are! You're there! Norm MacDonald, yeah. I'm the L! Yeah, I'm there. Dan Aykroyd. There you go! Sorry, I just set you up because I knew I was there.

I don't know why I'm there. Alongside the likes of Norm MacDonald and all kinds of amazing people. Oh wow, you're actually all here. Nice. Yeah. Nice. There's no pitch review though. No, there doesn't need to be.

It's fine. Here's a name. JB Turgeon. The French-Canadian mayor of Bytown. Bruce Colburn. Born in Terrebonne, Quebec in 1810. Came to Bytown in around 1836. Yes, I'm JB Turgeon.

That's a great name. Holy shit. Paul Anker. Alex Munter. Yeah. All right, let's do the next one. This is about Great Yarmouth. We may have spoken about Great Yarmouth at one point.

Apparently we did. And here is Rex with an email. I was born in Great Yarmouth, raised in Lowestoft, just south of Yarco. My family have lived in the area for centuries. Yes, we're probably inbred. My great-great-granddad was even mayor of Yarmouth for a bit. I can tell you, Yarmouth is pretty rough. Has a local reputation for being run down and all the problems that come with a deprived

seaside town of yesteryear. There was even a Bulgarian spy cell that got busted in Yarmouth last year. But tell the land from Maidenhead to go. Bring some life and love, and help old Yarmouth get back on its feet. I can praise the area around Yarmouth, which is stunning. Check out Scrappy Beach and the ancient Roman castle in Burg. Also Holcomb Beach in North Norfolk, which in my opinion is Norfolk's jewel. Anyway, I do love my home, but Norfolk and Southwark do have that problem of being so

cut off from the rest of the country. There are no M-roads in Norfolk. Oh, I left home a few years ago to go to uni in Bristol where I bumped into a few yogs, mainly Tom and Harry. Ah, so you go to the pub. So there you go. Um, so yeah, that's Eddie Stangley and correspondent Rex advising someone to go to Yarmouth. Because even though it's rough, they might be able to help bring back the glory days. I have more Yarmouth related emails and some Isle of Wight emails because we slagged off the Isle of Wight, or I did at least. And someone emailed in, Michael emailed in previously and wanted to know about Great Yarmouth because he might be living there.

Unlike other Michael, this is from, this is a Michael writing in response to a Michael. I've had the displeasure of living in one of the Yarmouth suburbs. So I spent a lot of time in Yarmouth itself. Let me tell you, it's a fucking shithole. Once you scratch past the veneer of the seafront and town center, which are not exactly amazing, there is a palpable sadness in the air. The property cannot be overstated

and it genuinely feels unsafe if you step a single foot outside the main shopping areas or seafront, run down buildings everywhere, closed shop fronts, and a half empty shopping mall full of chavs It seemingly feels unsafe if you step a single foot outside the main shopping areas or seafront, run down buildings everywhere, closed shopfronts and a half empty shopping mall full of chavs and nasty little utes. There are some pros, however, in that the house prices are dirt cheap for England, which is because no one wants to live there due to its shittiness. It is fun for a day out, but keep it like that and do not live here, please.

One particular highlight I feel you guys would appreciate is that there are an arcade attached to the model village that has an entire area dedicated to old style mechanical arcade games which all use half pennies. You can buy twelve of them for a quid to play all these games. There you go. So there've been rumblings about regeneration ever since I've been around, but I wouldn't believe them. So there you go, don't go is the advice from other Michael. So Michael you've got two to choose from.

Right. Yay or nay? Hmm. Sounds like a nay. Yeah. Bob? Well, I imagine this is the same way for many places. There's areas of Bristol that you don't want to go to. There's areas, I'm sure, of Twickenham. No, that's really not.

That you don't want to go to. There's areas of Jersey that are more rundown, aren't there? Not really. Come on. I wouldn't say rundown. There's just, there are, there's some parts of, some parts of Jersey where there isn't like a mansion with 20 Ferraris outside of it. And then you just think, wow, where am I? I feel like I could be anywhere right now.

And then you take five more steps and you're like, no, I'm back in Jersey because you see a mansion with like 20 Ferraris outside of it. So I would say it's like a, an old steam steam train going by or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, I think it's bigger places, right? Bigger, bigger cities will always have parts of it that tourists won't really

want to go to or need to go to. And maybe there's more trouble happening there. But I don't know. I think in a lot of places, a lot of cities, in the Western world, I'd say at least, and maybe not America, because I think American cities sometimes can be a bit dangerous. But maybe not America because I think American cities sometimes can be a bit dangerous. But like for the most part, I think there's, there's places you can go if you're just visiting and they're mostly fine. You know, I've dropped a few, I've been dropping a few street view pins around great. Yeah. It doesn't look all that fucking awful. I mean, compared to some shit holes I've seen on GeoGuessr. Yeah. I'm sure. Uh, anyway, what about the Isle of Wight? My brother lives there. He likes it.

He wants me to visit. I need to hear. Okay, well just quickly, a little update from someone. Those oily black birds with yellow beaks in Sips's backyard were European starlings. So there you go. Right. I saw a baby starling in that case devoured whole by a seagull one time at the zoo. My kids at the zoo and we were looking at the flamingos and the kids were like, uh, devoured whole by a seagull, uh, at the zoo. I had my kids at the zoo and we were looking at the flamingos and the kids were like, God, we got to get out of here.

It really stinks. And then a seagull swooped down and ate completely just devoured a baby style. And the mother was just going insane. Uh, I don't know if the baby ever came out again because I just, my kids, I think my kids might have seen it, but I was like, okay, let's go. It stinks. We'll, we'll, we'll carry on. Cause it's like, it's kind of upsetting.

You know, nature is incredible, but really fucking cruel as well. Isn't it? That's yeah. It is a red in tooth and claw as they say. Yeah. Although the pigeon that's on my windowsill right now, who I've been feeding for the last month and a half, he's not red tooth and claw, he's perfectly chill. Him and his wife stop by three times a day for seeds.

It's costing me £3 a week to feed these pigeons. Anyway. Terry slept outside last night. He burrowed slightly into the ground and he had... You couldn't find him? No, no. Gee, just like, they just like, just the front of their shell, like for their head, they they use like they use like a little they they kind of like dig a little ditch and then they use it as like, you know, like their breathing creates like like a bit of moisture, like around like the walls of the ditch for them. And it's just like, I don't know, I don't know how they know how to do all this shit, but they they he does it just he's not not been shown how to do anything. He just instinctively knows how to do all this shit, but man, he was so happy when

I saw him this morning, like I went outside to check on him and he was just like stomping around. He seemed, he seemed pretty, What if it's cause it was hot. Maybe he was doing it. Yeah, it's nice. The weather's really nice over here. So it was like, it was humid overnight as well.

It was quite, it was muggy. So, Oh, well he likes that. He loves it. He loves it. Yeah. As hot today. It's quite, it was muggy. So, Oh, well he likes that. He loves it. He loves it. Yeah. And it's hot today. It's like the sun is boiling. It's like, it's 20, but it feels like it's 30, you know, like with the sun. This episode is brought to you by Square. You're not just running a restaurant.

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You can just fire up the app, click one button, get protected. I use it. I'm using it right now. I feel much more confident knowing that my online activity is private. So yes, you can secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com slash triforce. That's e x p r e s s vpn.com slash triforce. Find out how you can get up to four extra months for free. Wow. ExpressVPN.com slash triforce. On with the show. All right, here's an email from Dale. I'm not about to do the classic furious outrage

email at your derogatory comments towards the island where I reside. The Isle of Wight? Your comment that stepping foot onto this rock is like going back in time is totally accurate. I mean, we don't even have a Greggs here. So really, what is the point? I'd actually be interested to know just how many island residents are Triforce fans, since

there's only about 145,000 people here, and maybe even if any take the time to send you the pitchforks and torches equivalent of an email defending it, which they shouldn't. That's bigger than Jersey. Yeah, the only real notable things about the island are the needles, which is a rock formation, and presumably drug addicts, and the fact our prison is and has been home to almost every notorious paedophile in history. However, I think the Sips was

right and you three should come visit. There are plenty of little studios you can rent to record from. There's probably even a boat somewhere you could use. The car ferry is usually an hour long crossing and you'll need something to fill what feels like an eternity doing so. Oh my god. The island feels like the ultimate place for Lewis to enjoy as virtually nothing ever happens and there's a lot to see if you like arcades, piers and roadworks. The most dangerous wildlife here is puff adders, and no one's got a gun unless you visit Black Gang Chine's Cowboy Town. So it's already got one up on both Australia and Wisconsin.

I think the three of you would make a good weekend of it on the island. We could visit Lewis's brother, who lives there, allegedly. Yeah, he does. No thanks. You don't want to miss, you you don't wanna meet Lewis's bro? Real bro? There's a catamaran that goes, that's quicker, I think, than the calf berry. You don't have to take that.

Does that one take cars? I think so, that's what... No, I don't think so. Where do you catch that boat from? Southampton, probably. Really? To get to the... Oh yeah, I suppose you would.

It's 22 minutes. 22 minutes. Maybe Portsmouth, but I'd guess Southampton. 22 minutes to get up from Southampton. Yeah, you can't even watch an episode of Simpsons in that time. Crazy. Alright, this is another Isle of Wight email, this is from Liam. While Pirian's assessment of the Isle of Wight was pretty scathing, I appreciate sweeping

criticisms of things we're scarcely familiar with for the provision of laughter is a cornerstone of British culture, and I'm all for it. I'm a journalist, and I cover a great deal of court, so I get to spend a lot of time with some of the Isle of Wight's best and brightest. You might be interested to learn. Sex offenders fill the wings of our prison almost exclusively, save for those on remand, and cases concerning paedophiles and kindred offenders are frighteningly frequent. But on a lighter note, I'm a fly on the wall for many cases, and whilst most people shrink on arrival, the odd one is quite vocal. One which lives long in the memory is the gentleman who, apropos of nothing, decided

to call the judge a wiggy cunt. For context, it was during a murder trial, and the man had no connection to the case whatsoever. Presumably he just wanted to burn some time in the public gallery. The jury asked to retire for the day because it was too hot, and the man had no connection to the case whatsoever. Presumably he just wanted to burn some time in the public gallery. The jury asked to retire for the day because it was too hot, and the judge granted them leave. At this point, the man, hitherto silent, lost the plot. He called the judge a wiggy cunt and a pedo, and told him he should pay for air conditioning out of his enormous salary. He was held in contempt of court, apologised, and the judge was persuaded not to take any

further action. That should have been the end of it, but the silly goose decided to brag about his great escape on social media, inviting people to message him for further life tips. Naturally, he found himself back before the same judge, who in no time at all, jailed him for eight weeks. Slight joke. If you do end up visiting our quaint little hellscape, please get in touch, it would make a fun feature.

Alright, thank you, Liam. Jesus Christ. Eight weeks in jail? Yeah, I mean, if you... you contempt of court is no joke. I mean, that's how you maintain decorum and get justice is that people aren't allowed to call judge a wiggy cunt and shout shit out and disrupt proceedings. You shut the fuck up. What about my liberties and my free speech, though?

I mean, freedom of speech does not extend to calling the judge a cunt in the middle of a murder trial. A wiggy cunt. There's a very specific line in the law that says you cannot call a judge a wiggy cunt. Alright, this is anonymous Bosch, who has emailed in regarding the guerrillas versus people. Yes. One versus a hundred. Oh, Christ.

So, we don't want to drag this up again, but this is interesting as far as it'll do. I will just say I've had this a few times. I want to put this in so people stop saying it. Someone obviously put out a good thread on on fucking dogshit Twitter or whatever. So we all thought the gorilla would win pretty easily. So this guy looked into it and there is a popular Twitter thread on the topic by someone with a monkey degree. OK. Monkey degree. Monkey degree.

And they basically said a gorilla doesn't have anywhere near enough endurance to kill that many people. It's still made of flesh just like us. And although people may think of this gorilla as a video game mini boss where it can keep going and going, that's just not realistic.

So essentially, the gorilla would be very scary, but would get tired quickly and would, of course, every kick and punches is wearing it down. So that's one suggestion. And what about a gorilla on cocaine, though? Well, or just that's a different upon you. You know. Cocaine though. Well, or just. That's a different. After Bung Goof falls, who knows. That's such a weird. What is your monkey degree now?

Yeah. I got your monkey degree, Tez degree up in front of him. All right, so that's the end of the gorilla thing. That's a good rational answer to it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I like that.

So this is from a lad who is an AI wrangler. Right. Okay. I like that. So this is from a lad who is a, an AI wrangler. Right. Okay. So, because we spoke about AI in both negative and positive ways in recent episodes. So this is, this is, this is his email. Before I start, I want to add, I am not an AI bro. It interests me as a tool, like scanning 400 research papers for statistics, rather than reading them all by myself.

I agree with the sentiment that it is the average middle of the road distillation of whatever it is doing. Or however we described it in the last episode. For creative purposes, I think it's mostly useless, but it perhaps can free us of the paperwork shackles we've built in our modern world. I would agree with that. Now for my job, it is a lot about what to do with the AR models when they do not keep to the flat average middle of the-the-road spiritless bullshit.

When the models veer away into being a little too creative, too helpful, and willing to engage with users who ask it for wild and inappropriate things. I'm typically presented with two or three anonymous models, and have instructions to evaluate the safety, logic, reasoning, and so on of the various models. It can be fun, like a recent project that was about the inner nature of animals. Some of the rule-breaking free-thinking models, when asked about hedgehog psychology, started telling me that hedgehogs often feel morose and introspective in the evenings. Which is bizarre.

That is bizarre. The less whimsical projects can be stuff like giving the AI a picture of a railway and asking what happens if I weld a triangular steel wedge onto the track. Companies don't want their models to tell users to do dangerous things or be used to plant criminal activities. There is a huge focus to make the models danger aware and avoid engaging in these subjects. One model, when given a photo of a rusted World War One hand grenade that I found in the garden, told me to dispose of it in the metal recycling box to keep in line with local regulations. There seems to be some hidden balance between being safe and being helpful. So the fully uncensored no safeguards at all models are sometimes telling people to do

downright dangerous things, like the funny ones like put glue on pizza to stop the cheese sliding off, etc. etc. So there's all kinds of things that it's coming up with that are stupid. Like we were talking about this, did we talk about this on the podcast yesterday, that if you look for John Travolta... Yes we did. Yeah. So, that's the kind of thing where the truth is just vanishing before our eyes, and that

the AI is ruining it. So it's nice to know there are people out there trying to wrangle it, but good luck. Well here's the thing, like, it's not, it's already got, like, they've already got a finger on the scale, right? Like AI is already being controlled by what it can and cannot do behind the scenes, especially in China, with those ones that are being developed, you know, you see like, you know, people typing in something about Tiananmen Square or whatever, and it'll start sort of answering your question and then it'll self-censor itself and delete what it's written kind of

thing. You can see it happening in real time. So there's already influences being put on it to basically hamstring it, but also to control it, right? To stop it from doing things that are clearly... Because I think also so much of it was trained on the internet, which is full of racist... No Frills, delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. Fascist cunts. And as a result, I think it makes sense that it would be incredibly racist. I think we've always known that there's this undercurrent of racism in our society, right? And things socially are not as free and diverse as we'd like them to be. The classic example, I don't know if

this was... I remember talking about this on the podcast before, but it was like that. They asked little girls which of these two dolls, the black doll or the white doll, is the good doll. And overwhelmingly they picked the white doll. And even little black girls would pick the white doll and say that was the good doll, and that the other one was the bad doll. And so it was the idea that there's this inherent bias in society. And I'm absolutely sure AI has picked up on that. Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, even in our language, we consider white to be pure and good and black to be

dark and so tap. Yeah, your black heart and stuff like that. This kind of racism is inherent to how we have a society. Of course it's going to be seen with AI. And so they have to step in. People have to step in and try and fatter it. They do. But the problem is then you get these assholes complaining that tech companies are censoring

the AI. So then they say, oh no, no, we won't do that. And you have openly racist AI, which I'm sure is gonna be a big thing. And that becomes a thing that now tells people facts and truth, and your AI overview might say oh yeah, here's a racist fact of the day for you. So what the fuck is going on? So I think it's pretty scary. This is

about Britney Spears. You guys ready for this? ALICE Yeah. ALICE The whiplash of these things is so funny. ALICE Long time listener. I'm on a seven hour car ride from Maryland to Ohio, that's a way. And Britney Spears popped up on the radio and it made me think of a conversation you guys had a while ago, basically summed up as, who even listens to Britney Spears? If it's okay, I just wanted to add a bit to the conversation. I am not a professional in music studies, but I am a 28-year-old queer woman that consumes a lot of pop music. I feel like Britney is known as an American sweetheart and gained popularity

first with being on the Mickey Mouse Club and created a series of albums that gained a big popularity with young girls within my age demographic. I also see her kinda as our Kylie Minogue. Though Kylie is far more accomplished album-wise than Britney, this is the only thing I can think of similarity-wise when it comes to popularity based on region. Kylie is way more well known in the UK while Britney is not and vice versa, with the exception of the queer community that consumes a lot of both emmys regardless of region. I think Britney is well known in the UK though though. RILEY Britney is very well known in the UK. ALICE Yeah, I would say as well known as Kylie

Leeser. RILEY Oh, easily, yeah, absolutely. So, just to be very clear, when I'm saying who listens to her, I'm meaning who listens to her new stuff now. ALICE Is she releasing new stuff? RILEY I assume so. ALICE Of course. ALICE Who, Britney, is releasing new stuff.

RILEY I guess. ALICE I don so. Of course. Who, Britney, is releasing new stuff? I guess I'm listening to it. I don't think she is. Britney fans. Britney fans. We know that, though. We know. I get it, right? It's the same thing Harry said the other day on the Pokémon thing.

Every Pokémon is someone's favourite, and therefore, you know, Britney does have fans. We're not disclosing that, but also I think it's... and that is a lot of influences from nostalgia, and from, you know, like, you were a big fan of the music growing up and it influenced you, or it was playing around the time when you were, you know... it resonated with you and there's no reason that it shouldn't. I think it is seen though, as very manufactured early 2000s crap pop, right? Teen pop. I mean, that's okay. Maybe that's the music you listen to. I don't. So there is, in my opinion, if you look at some of the early Britney Spears stuff, it's

got, it's got pedo undertones to it, I would suggest. Certainly a lot of the videos. I mean, when she's... Send her to the Is lot of the videos. I mean, when she's- Send us to the Isle of Wight. The new British space, Isle of Wight tour. We're gonna do all the prisons. I don't know if you saw the video where she's- She's gonna call the judge a wicky cunt. Dude, she's in school uniform, dancing in a very suggestive way with a bunch of other high school girls dancing in suggestive ways.

That one is, hit me, hit me baby, hit me baby. One more time. Yeah. So she wants a man to hit her, to beat her. No, let's go through this. Hang on a second. Beat me baby. One more time.

That's what the music is saying. Okay. Here are the lyrics. Ready? The intro is, oh baby baby. Oh baby baby. Yeah. First one, oh baby baby.

How was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here? Uh, oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go and now you're out of sight. Yeah. Okay. What does that mean? Something wasn't right? Maybe there was some hidden... Well, uh, something wasn't right is a teacher, uh, who's into rough sex is basically fucking

a young Britney Spears, is what I can gather from those lyrics. Right. Well, it was a different time. It was a time of Pidos. It was. It was a time... It was a lot of Pidos. If you look at the cover for Hit Me Baby One More Time.

Hit Me Baby One More Time... This is the cover, hold on, let me send it to the right channel. Who wrote this song? Look. So look at this image of Britney Spears that I'm uploading now. That's the cover for the single Britney Spears Baby One More Time. She's on her knees looking up at you. I'm just saying, it's hypersexualized imagery of a young woman.

And well, listen, it was written by a now 54 year old man. You don't see it as much now, but it certainly was a thing to sexualise schoolgirls in a... and I'm sure a lot of people, it's probably still a fetish to see the school uniform and all this. Right, are you ready for this one? I remember this image might have been in FHM. That is shockingly, shockingly, uh, pedo-bait this image. For anyone that wants to know, typing Britney Spears bicycle into Google,

you will find a picture of her wearing a stripper outfit and pushing a child's pink bicycle, looking back over her shoulder whilst next to a road. And it's getting towards nighttime as if she shouldn't be up this late and you've caught her on her way home, pop her in the back of the van and away you go. That is what this image is saying. This is pedo bait. It's scary. So, so around about the same time as Britney was being a big deal in America, we had the Cheeky Girls. Now, they're still going strong, by the way. They are. They're still performing and everything. So, do you know what they are doing, by the way? The Cheeky Girls. They work in high and die

dealerships as their day job. So, each of them has a job in a in high and die dealerships as their day job. So each of them has a job in a different high and die. And they're quite good salesmen apparently. They sell a lot of cars. Wait, wait, wait. They're just selling cars. They're not singing the Cheeky Girl songs. They're not professional singers. They have one song. Yeah. Two actually. And apparently, yes, that thing you saw on Reddit with them performing, they actually had to go off stage and press play on the tape. Do you know what I mean? They don't even have a manager or assistant or anything. They just go to these events for fun. They go and sing their one song

and they're kind of... I mean, they obviously had... They've faced bankruptcy and things a few times because they've not made that much money off this manufactured song, which was owned by all sorts of other people, right? Was it Lembe Opik that owned rights to the song? Cause he went out with one of us. Oh, there was one, he was a Lib Dem MP. Wait, did he go out with one of them or both of them? I remember seeing him with both of them.

I think. Yeah, because they travel around as a pair. Getting extra cheeky. That's the most British thing ever, isn't it? You know, a guy called Lembit Opec, who I assume had some Scandinavian roots. Estonian. Because they're Estonian. So, they're Romanian.

Oh, really? So, Lembit Opec, his grandfather was an Estonian astronomer and astrophysicist. He's 60 years old. His latest tweet on X is, was Israel wrong to bomb Iran? This was two hours ago. So he's still, he's still doing, he's still out there. Yeah, but look at this. He went out with Sean Lloyd as well. No, Sean Lloyd. Yeah, from BBC Breakfast. How do these people do this? How do these people? Sean Lloyd as well. No, Sean Lloyd. Yeah, from BBC Breakfast, she's left now. How do these people do this?

How do these people- Look at Lembe Opec and tell me- How has he done this? Look at this guy. Look at his face. How has he put in one of the cheeky girls and then Sean Lloyd? I don't know. I don't know.

This is ridiculous. If you don't know who Lembe Opec is, Google him right now and tell me that there is any planet where Sean Lloyd would even look twice in it. It's like Pete Davidson, isn't it? He is. He is. He's like the British Pete Davidson. Somehow dating like one hot woman and then all the other hot women just queue up behind them, apparently.

They're like, wow. It's insane. He must be really, really charming. Oh my gosh. Incredibly charming. Did you know that on the 13th of April, 1998, he almost died in a paragliding accident onto a Welsh mountain in his constituency and broke his 12 places, as well as sternum and jaw.

That's the whole thing. Like every joint was broken. How did you do that? Fell apart like a loose xylophone. That's terrible. Oh, they almost married. Sean Lloyd and Lembit Opik. They came close to marrying, but she ended the relationship in October 2006 and made unflattering comments about OPIC in her autobiography, A Funny Kind of Love.

I wonder who, I like Sean Lloyd, but fucking hell. Who's buying that autobiography? Seriously, come on Sean. Jesus Christ. No one gives a shit. Oh, this is, so he was with Sean Lloyd. And then he got together with Gabriella Iremia of pop music, double act, the cheeky girls. And they split up in July, 2008 after a difficult period in the relationship.

The difficult period was she realized he's lambic. Oh man. Oh man. Alright, this is from Dylan. Hey guys, just wanted to share some stories about my time as a Hooters line chef in near Toronto in Canada. I am not a waitress, I apologise. He didn't have your tits out when you were doing the cooking. My penis is small, my vagina is not gaping. Firstly, the regulars that came in, yes Hootis has regulars, were not as you guys described. No cowboy hats, no big beer bellies. The regulars we had fell under two categories.

Sims and predators. Most of them. I love this! That's exactly what I thought. I thought he was gonna say yuppies. I thought some yuppies wearing tennis shorts would come in regularly. I said, I said, shall we go to the gym? I said, shall we go to the gym?

I said, shall we go to the gym? I said, shall we go to the gym? I said, shall we go to the gym? I said, shall we go to the gym? I said, shall we go to the gym? I thought some yuppies wearing tennis shorts would come in regularly. I say Barnaby, shall we get some Hooters wings? Oh, what the fuck? I thought it would be more like the people Michael Scott would wear. Put their fucking sweaters tied around their shoulders and stuff. Oh my god. So, the sims and predators. Most of them are sims. Weedy nerdy boys. Brackets Lewis. What the fuck? What about this casual roast? What the fuck? I'm even better than Lembig

Opik. I could date a fucking cheeky girl. Look at him. Look at his stupid face. Oh man. Alright, sorry. Who knew that coming in and spending money tipping and buying gifts would get them tons of attention from the girls. Some regulars had gone far enough to pay for the full college tuitions for some of the girls and the girls loved it. Especially compared to our second category, the predators. These regulars were guys who clearly used to be hot shit or at least viewed themselves as such. So they would come in harassing the girls, thinking that the nagging would lead to some sexual satisfaction. The girls all knew that this is what they

were like and would not take them seriously. Going as far to warn any new girl hired, immediately, oh, this guy grabs asses and this guy will try to take pictures of your tits. So pretty gross. So here are some stories we could ask for a follow up here from Dylan. Here are the subjects would be, how much would you spend for a pair of worn panties and how many people can swing as fit on their pleasure craft? Oh, wow. Let us know some more about that.

Fucking hell. How many people can swing as fit on their pleasure craft? Why are there so many weirdos out there? Like, is this crazy? It's a staggering amount of weirdos. It's just, it's such a shame. And pervs. Yeah. Well, sorry. I that's who I was talking about.

Weird, weird, weird pervs. Yeah. I mean, you get some people that are just weird, but you also get some people who were weird and problematic. And I think those are the ones that you got to watch out. You do get some people. I don't want to say weird, but we were when we were in London, me and my entire family, we stepped into a lift to, we were using the underground, we were in a step-free underground, which was nice because

we had like the, you know, we had the stroller for our youngest who was just sick of walking and stuff. So it's easy to get around, but we stepped into this elevator and there was a man in there reciting like prayers, I guess. He had like this elevator and there was a man in there reciting like, uh, like prayers. I guess he had like some beads and he was just saying the same thing over and over again. Um, but he was like, still kind of interacting with us. You know, he was like, he was like nod his head to let us like get by and stuff. Cause we were, we were like in a bit of a rush. We were trying to catch a train.

Um, but my kids were, were just like, I had to say after like, don't stare at people, like, especially if they're doing something that you're not used to or whatever, like he was harmless, but it was very like for them out of the ordinary. You know what I mean? And it was just, it was weird because we live in such a small place. We live in Jersey. We don't really see a lot of different stuff. So I was very sort of aware of how deer in the headlights my kids are

to like so many things out in the, out in the wider world that, uh, I have some at least experience with. I'm not saying that I was like cool as a cucumber, like, you know, I don't see that every day. So when I see that I'm like, Oh, what's going on here? But, uh, you know, you, you try not to let it show sort of thing, But my kids were just like, they look like they were about to burst into tears. Like we only went up one floor, uh, and then, uh, and he got off, but like, he, he seemed pleasant. He was just really reciting this, the, like the same three or four words over and over. I'm not sure what that is.

I don't know if that's, uh, you know, if know, if it's like the fact that he wasn't like anywhere praying or anything either, that, you know, he's just in a lift and walking around and stuff. I would love to know what that is or if that is just somebody's, you know, I don't have time to actually pray. I'm just going to walk around and do it like a million times or something or, or what? I don't know. If you're a, if you're a prayer, let us prayer. Yeah, let us know what I don't know.

I don't know the language either. It was it was like it was not English, though. It was I don't know what it was, but I someone did tell me that originally in Islam, you had to pray 50 times a day. Right. Like the whole thing. Right. And then they were like, this is ridiculous. We should trim it a bit.

And now I think it's five. Right. It could be wrong, but yeah, 50 times it, you do nothing. And you got to wash every time and like get the mat and do the whole, the whole pull of it. Yeah, it was interesting. He was just, he would say, he was saying the same four words, like over and over quite quickly, but he was still like, you know, like I said, he was like letting us by.

He was like, you know, nodding, like when the. Was he saying, oh, I'm not sure why I'm not sure why. So like in Temple of Doom, he was like, you know, nodding, like when the, was he saying, I'm numb. She was like, I'm numb. She was like, I'm numb. She was like in temple of doom. It was something like that. Yeah. It was very similar to that, but like immediately I could see my kids were like, what is this?

You know, like they were like just almost frozen. Like it was, you know, but yeah, I mean, if you don't know any religious people and you don't spend time around them, being confronted with people who are really religious is actually quite alarming. I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. But like, you know, I don't want to piss you off or upset you or, you know, what, what

are you going to do next? Yeah. Well, what's going on? Like it just, to me, it's like a whole different species when you meet someone who's super religious, super religious. Yeah. I just can't understand it at all. Yeah. Anyway, so this is for you, Sips, from Alex, a tiny dick owner.

Sips has said at least once, maybe more, that going on holiday with your family isn't a holiday and when you get back, you need a holiday for your holiday. It's true. I mean, sometimes it's true. It's not always true. Depends on the holiday. I've always brushed it off as a tired dad is tired no matter what or where he is. But I've just come off a holiday with my grandparents and no word of a lie.

That shit is frustrating. My granddad can't walk more than 100 meters before his feet hurt. And my grandma was in every shop looking to buy stuff for the grandkids. I wanted to see the sights of Malta, but these two weighed me down like a ship's anchor. Yeah. Anyway, rant over whilst they may not be children, old people are a whole new set of problems. I can definitely relate to that. Yeah. I mean, it's it is just I think if you've if you've ever been on a vacation before

by yourself or with your partner and you become accustomed to that pace of vacation, you know, I want to go to a city. I want to see stuff. I want to actually spend time in the hotel room that I'm paying for relaxing. You know, these are all reasonable things to expect from a vacation. None of those things happen if you go with three kids. Like I know what I'm getting myself into. I'm not under any like, you know, false illusions or whatever, but it is more work being out of the house with three kids than

it is just staying home with three kids. And it's much more expensive as well. I mean, you gotta pay five airfares. You know, like even like a child who is above two years old is full fare. So it is five airfares to get there. It's tons of work. If you have a really small kid, like we've been away recently and it's better because my youngest is now More or less toilet trained, you know well off of like, you know formula needing

You know baby stuff, you know what I mean? Like we could just pack her some clothes We just bring like a couple of baby wipes in case, you know she shits her pants or whatever and And and it's and it's a lot there's a lot less paraphernalia to take now. So it's easier. But when they're small, holy shit. At the different age. Right, each different age is its own difficulty, right? Yeah, like, if they're a baby, then oh my god, I guess you're always looking for a changing room, right? Where you can, like, and keeping that in mind. I remember walking one time

with your son, you know, and even if it's just like the, it was just like the three of us or whatever. And there was like, I was like thinking, oh my God, you know, what if he just ran into the road right now? You know, or something like that. You're constantly on edge, right? And it's like, you know, you're freaking out because like there's all this thing that then as they get older, I guess it's less, you know, you're freaking out because like there's all this thing that then as they get older, I guess it's less difficult. It's certainly less difficult for you, Pflats. I mean, I'm sure your kids can mostly do their own thing, right? But even then, like if they're young, like, you know, 11 or 12, you go on a holiday, you can put them in the kids club,

I guess, or whatever and try and give them stuff to do for the day. We just don't do those kind of holidays. So like when we went to France last year, it was me and my youngest that went into Monaco and hired a Twizy and drove around in it because I'm not like, oh, I have to worry about her nap time and feeding her. Like there's none of that. No, she's just like a young person who is fully capable and has things like, oh, I want to go look at that and I want to see that. So it's not like taking a big, but we are dragging them around.

Both my kids are fantastic company when, when you go out with them individually. Yes. Together, they kind of wind each other up. But it's a bit of that. Yeah. Moving around and doing anything in a big group is always going to be kind of frustrating. Right. Like it is it is hard to keep everybody on like the same level. And you know what I mean? Like you like when when we're all together, there's always something,

you know, like, like if we were going somewhere to see something, we would not be able to see it or enjoy it because you're constantly like, stop picking your nose, stop doing that. You're going to kill yourself. Get off that, do that. You know what I mean? It's just like, it's constant. Cause none of them rain each other in, in any way. Like Mike, Mike, Mike is not like horrible either. Like they, they don't have meltdowns that, you know, they're not screaming. They're not like plastered in, uh, you know, dried up chocolate all over

their face or anything like that. Like they're, they're fine. Like they're, they're, they're really nice to go around with, but it is hectic. But like, if I was just, if I, if I went somewhere and just took one of my kids, it'd be amazing. You like, you know, you could, if I went somewhere and just took one of my kids, it'd be amazing. Like you could, because then they're getting all of your attention, they're getting all your time, you know, and there's no, there's no issues or whatever. But when there's like five people, everybody is just at some point miserable and it's,

and it's tough to even just find places to stay in the first place. Like with five people, you know, if we want to stay in a room together, it's super expensive. Or we have to get two rooms because most hotels have a, you know, capacity, like maximum capacity for the fire code. So we're either getting two rooms or one big room. And not every hotel has one big room for five people. So you know, you have to look around. Same with like even just stopping to eat. If we stop somewhere to eat,

we need a big table for everybody to sit at. Like it's, it's, it's such a, it's such a pain in the ass sometimes. You know what I mean? Like it's, uh, it's like little things that you don't really think of, but, um, when you're already under a lot of pressure and you, you know, you're, you're, you're just trying to like, get everybody where they need to go and feed them and give them something to drink and all that. It's like every little thing. It's just like a death by a thousand cuts. You know,

you get to the end of the day and you're just like, well, we made it, but I'm insane now. And then that, and then it just repeats itself the next day and the next day and the next day. Parts of it are super fun, but parts of it are super stressful. Indeed. Well your kids are so broad in range, starting age, that's the thing. Right, any more? Let's do one more, and then we'll call it.

So this is from Kelly T, who signs off as Lady, age 30, Ohio, US, gaping vagina. Wow. So thank you Kelly T. I'm writing to you whilst a little drunk and hiding in a restaurant bathroom. The incident happened a few minutes ago whilst watching my boyfriend at a comedy club open mic night. Oh, I ordered dinner baked rigatoni and sausage, which I admit is a bold choice at a local bar. Sounds good though. Sounds okay. But I absolutely abhorred the sausage. It was overcooked, chewy,

and the flavour was totally off. The waitress came by and upon seeing my leftover sausage on the plate, asked me how everything was. In this split second, I thought about one Perian Flax and his recent experiences at a restaurant where he told the wait staff precisely why their food sucked. I looked at my waitress and honestly admitted my dinner was just okay. She frowned, took my plate and didn't visit the table again until I asked for the cheque. I can't stop thinking about that moment. Why didn't I just do the polite thing and tell her it was fine? Update. I finally left the bathroom. However, to add insult to injury, I found out later that the waitress is the daughter of the owner, who also happens to be a comedian and is friends with my boyfriend. I feel like she definitely

told the owner because he gave me dirty looks from the bar all evening. I fear I've potentially ruined my boyfriend's comedy career at this bar at least. Anyway, just figured you'd laugh from my awkward encounter. Thank you, Kelly T. K. That is a fairly awkward but good for you. I mean, the thing is, you know what I mean? You're going there. You don't have to be rude, but you don't also have to, you know, um, you fake all the, all the pleasantries and stuff. You have gone there and paid for that. You know, if it's not, if it's not that good, you can just tell them and hopefully they'll

make it better next time. It's not, it shouldn't be awkward. You know, they, you know, you've gone somewhere, if you paid for something and you're not been rude about it, you've just said, oh, you know, it could have been better. You know, it's not, it's not the greatest. Um, they should say, oh shit, okay, sorry. You know, we'll try harder next time. Or, you know, maybe, maybe it was overcooked, you know, it's just feedback. But men, why, I don't know why people would get so, um, you know, giving you like dirty looks and stuff like that. It's a bit, make better food. How about

that? I think maybe they don't even care. That's, yeah. I was just, by the way, I love, one of the things I love is these terrible baby names. Man, I saw one this morning. A baby named Chernobyl. I swear to God. There's a whole subreddit called Tragedy. Yeah, yeah. It's on there. I think it was a hot post from today. If you want to check it out. Fucking hell.

That's such a good name for a subreddit. My God. Apparently apparently it's really odd. They said it was like, they sounded pretty. They heard it, they heard it somewhere and it sounded pretty. That is unbelievable. That is, that is too much. People should not be able to name their children. The government just has a list and you're given a name on the list.

That's it. Oh my God. Save a lot of time and stress. Here you go. Choose from like North Korea with the haircuts. You can choose from like a list of 10's it. Oh, my God. Save a lot of time and stress. Here you go. Choose from like North Korea with the haircuts. You can choose from like a list of 10 haircuts. Yeah. So say my name. It's like it's like it's like a character creator in a video game.

They should have those guidelines. Ten different haircuts. You can have like one of two body types and and there's definitely a character limit on your name and you can't use any weird symbols and stuff like that. And if the name is taken already, you're just going to have to, I guess that's how you get into the big tragedies. Everybody's going to be like, oh man. No, then your name would be like Chris 484 or something like that.

Like yeah, that would make sense. Anyway, that'll do for emails. The next one we're going to do is going to be a weird eating special. So send them in. You've got weird eatings. But remember, your bibs, get your bags ready. Keep them choppy. Keep them nice and choppy and short.

Nothing. I saw a man puking yesterday in public. He pulled. He pulled his car over to the side of the road, opened the door and just puked everywhere. Just thought I'd share. Anyway, have a good day. Thanks so much for listening and see you next time. Goodbye. Tri Force Mailbag.