Triforce! - Nigel Lovasz, the True Englishman | Triforce Mailbag #69

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Triforce Mailbag Special 69! Nice. We're falling into classic subscription traps, questioning the thin ice of doing accents (and offensive comedians) and we're taking a wildly unbalanced test on English knowledge! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Mailbag episode It's January The males have still been coming thick and fast I really appreciate it And this week we have The bag is bulging It's semi-bulging It's semi-bulging

This week we have a few Jingles to start with Just a couple really Not not too many Not like the musical episode we did last week And they're all themed around one thing See if you can guess what they're themed around.

Right. I'm going to guess they're themed around an airplane landing in the background of your... Not an airplane, not Wisconsin. An airplane landing in Wisconsin. No. They're themed... I'd say a mid-middling theme of death metal

is what they themed around. Nice. Because I talked about going to a death metal gig with my eldest. Oh, okay. Death metal jingles. Yes. This one is called...

It's a bag, not a box. Which I don't know why someone's angry about this, but are you ready? Yeah. We'll play this one in three, two, one, play. Nice. It's the motherfucking mailbag. It's a back. It's the mail bag.

It's the motherfuckering mailbag. It's not a mail box. It's a mail back. I love that. Okay. Do you know, I really, really enjoyed that. I want to say, after, the last musical mailbag we did,

I noticed there was, you see a different audience. There's a different audience on Reddit to the YouTube comments, to various other places. Reddit was like, the comments were like, I'm glad for my 15 seconds skip forward button

during these jingles so I could not have to listen to them. Whereas YouTube comments were like, I love all the musical talent. I'm so impressed with everyone. It was like, it was like completely, the polar opposites. So I don't know how to feel because I, my feelings, my personal things are

based off of what people say on Reddit and YouTube. I like to just copy, copy what they think. So I'm tall in half, literally. I both hate and love. That jingle and all other jingle. That jingle, that jingle I would use as an intro to a podcast, I think, or like to a segment. I thought that was perfect. Well, wait and hear the other three. But this is, Okay. Slamming brutal mailbag. Dot waive. Ready?

Yes. Three, two, one, play. Oh, yes. I love this. I like it sounded like, okay, we're recording a frog for the vocals. And let's get the, let's get that kick pedal going like crazy.

Oh my God. Fucking so good. Now, what the listeners won't have realized, that we realized when we clicked this, was that when I clicked on this, I knew it was only 16 seconds long. So I knew that, like, whereas the listeners, I think thought, oh, my God, how long is this going to go on? I will tell people how long it's going to be then. That is only so much. Someone in the previous mailbag, someone on YouTube posted a link to the end of the songs.

And I was like, it's fun. Like, you know, what do you skip all that? Don't like music. Oh, it's fine. I mean, if some people want to skip it, whatever. Oh, this is a minute long. We can play a little bit of this. We'll just play.

This is called Mailbag hell. I haven't listened to this one. It is a minute long. Let's see how it goes. If anyone wants to tap out, just say three, two, one, play. I'm good so far. I'm good so far. I'm in.

I'm strapped in. Oh, hell, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yes, yeah, there we go. Fucking hell, yes. It's a banger. This is a banger, yeah. The vocals are fantastic.

Oh, man, I love this. Woo! This is great. Man, I don't even really like metal that much, but this is, this is, Amazing. I love it. They should get this guy to do the Doom soundtrack. Who was that? That was a listener who made that?

That was fucking great. I had listened to that one, but I like to offer the option that if you guys don't like it, I can say, sorry, I didn't listen to that one. You lied to us. Yeah, no, that's good. That's good. All right, this one's called Mailbag jingle with lyrics. Ready? Yeah.

It's only 29 seconds. Yeah, it's only 29 seconds. It's 29 seconds. seconds of your life. Just calm down. You know what I mean? Listen to me who wrote the last one. We'll go back to all that. All right. Here we go. Three, two, one.

Play. Let's go listen to the millbound. Let us hear the new. Let's go listen to the millback. Let us hear what houses new. That is insane. That is insane. I know.

Okay. Well, it's terrible. like the intro to a segment on a 1970s. You can't say it's terrible. Children's show. Like it felt like the children's show is coming up. It's finger, finger bobs or something.

And that's the intro song for, you know, that music kind of sounded like, like they could use it over a montage of like people just like live in their lives not really knowing what Hitler's up to, you know? Like it. What?

Like they haven't, they haven't realized yet. Like, hang on a second. What's this guy doing? Let's go listen to the, it's like, Armish, Amish, it's too Christmassy.

It's too Christmassy. It is a little Christmas. So that was by Luke. Thank you, Luke. That was good. I don't think that was terrible at all. I think it was. No, no, no, no.

It was weird. I'd say it's like a bit creepy almost. It was like it was, technically, it was pretty good. Yeah. The mailbag hell, which is the long one, the real metal one. That's the one for me this time.

So that was Evan. Thank you for that, Evan. Evan, thanks so much. The slamming brutal mailbag.wav. Which was the other kind of. Yeah, I like that one too, actually, funnily enough. That was hate inclination. So thank you.

And it's a bag not a box. It's a bag not a box was from Felix. A fellow born Maldian. That one is very funny. Shout out. Shout out. A fellow born Maldian. Thank you so much for the jingles.

That's good. That's good. All right. All right. Born Maldian. The meat and the potatoes. Let's do it. Let's see if the juice is worth the squeeze on these ones.

This is from Kim This is adding to the meme discussion I was talking about 6-7 a couple of weeks ago We moved on from dissecting 6-7 But this is an interesting one Goatsey, meat spin, tub girl, Lemon Party, Pain Olympics, Mr. Hans The meme culture from early internet

permanently scarred people The goal was to trick people into seeing something extremely disturbing Oh really, Al, Star Wars kid, leave Brittany alone All your base belong to us, over 9,000, Chuck Norris jokes. Not exactly peak comedy. So remember how bad it was. You can visit Know Your Meme and list oldest to newest.

It is hard to be a judge of memes today if you go back and look at what we had. P.S. You just lost the game. There was a guy who I don't know if you guys remember this. This was like around the time of like, you know, your goatsy, lemon party, all that kind of stuff. And what he did was he signed up for a forum account. I think it was like on like a Christian forum or something. And you remember back in the day on essay and I'm sure other forums, you'd have an avatar,

right? Like you'd be able to set an avatar. So what he did was he linked an avatar back to like his server to an image. Because you used to have the option to do that sometimes. This is quite a long time ago. I don't think you'd be allowed to do it now. So he linked his, he linked to an image that was on his server called like whatever, test dot jpeg or whatever and uh and so you know it was just a picture of like a guy or maybe it was

even him i don't know whatever and then uh one night late like late like early in the late like early in the morning when nobody was on the forum or whatever uh he swapped the image on his server to gozi so right and but he made post in like every thread he made sure that he just had a post everywhere on this forum so that the minute anybody went to the forum the next day they would see Goatsy for sure, like somewhere on that forum. And I always remember thinking that that was pretty funny, but maybe the people who were subjected to that did not find it so funny. This forum was just plastered in Goetzee at that point.

And I think it probably took them a little while to figure out how to remove it all. They were probably manually removing all the posts before they realized that his avatar was like linked back to this image on a server. So there you go. A little. It is strange how trip down memory lane for you there. I mean, I'm glad that's gone. Like the shock image sort of idea. Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's, it was a terrible time. But then again, like today's internet is actually obviously much, much, much worse, actually in terms of like the gore and the content and the kind of stuff you can see on the internet. If you're looking for that sort of stuff. If you're even happy to like look on red. Like there's subreddit, it's like, is it Emmy Dizzy or whatever, which is like medical injuries and stuff.

And it's like, oh, my God. Yeah. But there was a time on Reddit where, you know, some of these subredits were not necessarily blocked from the front page, you know. And so sometimes you would get like these rather surprising images coming up relatively recently in the last few years, certainly. It's changed a lot by Reddit now. It's much more, I think, family-friendly on the front page. I think there's a good reason for that, right?

Because it's just, it's just, I don't think people come back if they get shocked, right? Like, I think that forum, Sips that, those people doing that on that forum. That was killing that forum. Yeah, basically. Yeah. Watch the forum now just be full of people who are like addicted to goatsy. And that day changed me forever. It does still get referenced.

It's like the, I think I got a lemon tree for my birthday from the people in the office. And someone was like, oh, hope you have a happy lemon party, working forward to it kind of thing. Did everybody fall on the floor laughing? Yeah. No, I think no one got it apart from Simon. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

These are, these are, these are, at this point now, these are quite old, aren't they? There they are. You know, older than, you know, some people, if you're born and like, because those are around in the mid to late 90s even, right? Like, uh, I don't think so. 97, 98 would have been. Yeah, no, for sure because I was at, shock images. They took too long, they took too long to load.

No, they were definitely around because we were using them, we were using them at high school. I would have been like 17, 18. So it would have been like 97, 98. For a minute while it fucking loads goats you. If you haven't guessed what it is after 10 rows of pixels, what kind of internet user are you. I think it changed over to the Rick Astley thing. Yeah, that was tedious.

But it still happens today. It's funny every time. Have my updute. Good sir. This is from Dan. Don't forget about your 10th, 10 year anniversary of the Triforce on the 23rd of March. Holy shit. Should be a big couple of weeks as the week after is P-Flax's big 5-0.

Fucking hell. 10 years. I know, 10 years. That is too long. Anytime anyone tells me these numbers, I just like, we should pack it in. Why? It's so much fun.

I know. I'm only joking. But, man, it makes me feel so old. How are you been doing this every week for 10 years? Are you 50 in two months? Yeah, dude. Fuck. Yeah, I know.

I'm old as fuck. Shit. I'm so old. I'm 46 this year. Oh, you really? Yeah. That's, that's, that's, that's, That's pretty good.

Yeah, Lewis is going to be what? 44? 43. 43. It's just a wee slip of a lad. It's just a little baby. Still a little baby. Just a wee slip of a lad.

It's a little baby in his little baby diaper, drinking his carrot juice and pooping his pants. So here's an email. It's addressed to Edward, Christopher and Lubbacher. That's because you're like, Lou. It's like Chewbacca. I get it. Overly familiar. Why do you not?

have Star Wars names, you know? Yeah, it makes no sense. Like, he would have to go for three Star Wars themes for our names. Darth Flacks. Sure. That's not good. I don't like those words you just used. Luke Sips Walker.

I mean, you know, just doesn't even. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, Sips 3PO. That makes sports sense. I wanted to quickly dispel some misinformation given by Lewis and another mailbagger. There is no evidence that Napoleon established driving on the right side of the road in France

and the countries he conquered. The Wikipedia article on it is a good read. Don't let Lewis become the next Joe Rogan. What the fuck? We've got one of next. This is from Tom. Do you remember Lewis, sorry, do you remember Sips when you were demanding

that people should just give you free stuff at a farmer's market? Yes. Well, I've had a lot of emails in in of people offering places that do do free stuff. This is from a farmer's market in Newcastle. It's an event with free hot drinks for anyone who turns up. So if you turn up free hot drinks, all welcome.

There you go. That's such a great incentive. More of that. We just need more stuff like this. I'm going to go off on one again in a second. I don't want to. Wait a second. What kind of hot drinks are we talking?

It'll be tea coffee, hot chocolate. That's fine. That's perfect. What do you think when someone says hot drinks will be served? What does your Lulu mind go to? Look, I, that's cheap. No, no, no, no, no. No, equivocating.

Copenhagen's finest rubble cheese. I think I mean, Copenhagen's, most melted cheese. Fondon goodness airies. I went into a bakery today to get myself a beautiful, rustic baguette to have for with for my lunch and uh the bakery was like help yourself to free jam donuts i didn't but i thought again why don't more places do things like this like why are people so fucking greedy that you can't just entice people or give them some incentive to come in and spend

money in your dumb fucking business like it you know what i mean like it's crazy you have that and then the polar opposite of that is places where it's like, only paying customers are allowed to use the bathroom. Fuck off. I need to use the fucking bathroom. Like, I'm sure I can just come in and use your bathroom. Like, I think it works the opposite because now I don't want to ever go to that place. I'm going to be the voice of the listeners here who've listened to some of these episodes multiple times. You expect a business to allow you to walk in and use their toilet without even spending money. But if a friend was at your house, apparently they wouldn't be allowed to use your toilet. Well, they can use the guest toilet. Yeah, no problem. That's what it's for. That's not what you said

previously. I don't want them going into my bedroom and using an on-sweet bathroom. I think that's weird. I would agree with that. But that is definitely not what you guys both said that you did not want people, even guests in your house using the toilet. I don't want. I don't expect guests in my house to go upstairs near all of mine in my kids' bedrooms and use a bathroom up there. No, I really don't expect that. Do you know what this is called? I have another bathroom that I'm more than happy for people to use. Well, I'm not actually.

That is not what you said, sir. I'm not more than happy for them to use it, but in a pinch you can use it. Someone will have to check the record on that one and some industrious listener, email in. Who is correct? Sure, but I'm just saying, if I can't use your bathroom, I'm not buying coffee at your stupid coffee shop ever. Because I think that's crazy. They do have a scheme.

I don't know if they have it everywhere. I've certainly seen it in London. That places are advertised as a public toilet, even though it's not. It's a private business. But it's like because the government or the council or the TFL or fucking, I don't know why it's TFL's fault, whoever was decided to knock down all the public toilets, people were genuinely stuck for places to go to the toilet. Because of course they are.

So I think they had to do some deals with businesses where they were like, look, I don't know if it's like, we'll knock a bit off your rates if you let people use your toilet as a public toilet or whatever. Yeah. But, I mean, it's really just pushing yet more money into the hands of private businesses rather than just run a fucking public toilet. Your toilet. There is one in Waterloo Station.

Big toilets rubbing their hands together. For a long time, it was 20p to use it. Yeah. 20p. Just make it free at that point. I know. 20p. It's more effort to count those 20p.

I think there's one of Trafalgar Square that's up pay to use as well. I think it's like 20p. It is going that way. I mean, actually, when I was on holiday in Greg Klair, I noticed there were a lot of paid, you know, one year or whatever paid to a toilet as well. There's a person there. Like, in France, you'll see loads of it. Which I didn't like, but it did mean there was a toilet. Like, sometimes on the tube, what, there's just not not toilets.

Like, you know. And quite often that the toilets at stations are locked. Like, you get off to use the toilet and it's locked. And they're like, no, sorry, it's out of what it's locked. It's like, well, fucking great. What am I meant to do? I feel like denying the most fundamental, universal human need, which is like food and all the rest of it, is bad. Obviously, you can all agree that's morally bad.

But deny people is something that everyone also has to do, which is sometimes you have to go to the toilet. You get caught short. You need to use the loo and say, sorry, there aren't any. We decided that we won't have them. You're ignoring the fact we all go. Listen. Her Majesty of the Queen, rest in peace. She had to take a poo every day, I guarantee it.

Maybe multiple. And also, as you get older, you know, things aren't necessarily as is durable as they what's were. And, you know, you might need to go, you know, go more suddenly. Imagine the queen just taking like the greasiest dump of all time. Like a big multi-wiper as well. And she's just in there getting frustrated. Like, oh, one is so frustrated that one must wipe multiple times. Philips drunk, I'm sorry.

You finished in there, darling. I need the toilet. I'm finished, you might want to light a match. You might want to light a match or give it five minutes, one would suggest. You're not another stinker, darling, good heavens. All right, this is from Andreas anyway. Well, that's good couple. Anyway, on the toilet thing, I did actually, yesterday, as a domestic gentleman living in a house,

I replaced a toilet seat with a new one. Wow. That's something I've never done before. Were you surprised? Were you surprised to find a lot? to find that there was maybe quite a bit of dried up piss around the bolt holes? So gross. Oh, I hate changing the toilet seat.

It's so bad. I gave it a really good clean. I got the rubber gloves on. I was like fully prepared. And even then, it was just like, oh. I'd be honestly, I don't use of rubber gloves for much. I'll just, like, I don't do that many mucky jobs. And the ones I do, I'll just wash my hands afterwards.

But there are some things, it's rubber glove time. And anything to do with the toilet is rubber glove time. All right. This is from Andreas. I'm a software engineer working on a very old system. I think anyone who's been a software engineer or programmer, especially at a large, older company, you're well aware that there are lots of...

This is not the email. This is me saying this now. Old bits of software. When he says third party, obviously they brought this software in for something, still chugging away. It's still working. It's been going for 20 years or whatever.

Anyway, after days of failing to get a modern update working, I found a support email thread in our inbox from 2002. So they've been using this thing for 24 years. I emailed the company assuming they were long gone.

They replied two days later. Friendly at first, but oddly curious about how we use their software. I thought they were just chuffed someone still ran their ancient code. Then the tone flipped. Email started rolling in

demanding 200 to 400,000 pounds, claiming we'd inappropriately used their software for decades and that they were entitled to a slice of the company's net worth going back years. That's insane. What started out as,

Hi, can you help us with this bug? Ended with our parent company in court. We won, thankfully. Have you ever done something completely innocent that absolutely exploded in your face? Holy crap. If I ever have nothing like at that scale, that sounds insane.

I don't think they had a leg to stand on, though. That's crazy. No, I don't think I've ever really done anything that I at the time thought was innocent, And then it just went, I can't think of anything off the top of my head anyway. Yeah. God, that's insane. I can't, I can't believe that.

It just shows that there's so much old shit kicking around. Like, I mean, I've worked at banks that have used like ancient, ancient shit. And you just think, how the fuck does this company make money? Like, you know, this stuff is just like chugging away in the background, barely fit for purpose. And you just think, I get it. Like, it's a lot of effort. it's a lot of cost to like overhaul all these systems and stuff like that. But there's got to be a break point where it's like using this old shit is actually just now costing us way more than

it's even worth. You know, like if we had like a newer system that was better supported, um, you know, it would take time off like things like like doing like big fucking batch processing overnight and stuff like that. But it's they there's there's not much incentive for them to change it because it's working and they're still making a lot of money. So they just think, whatever, just leave it. I mean, I do. I definitely talked before about this when I worked at Exchange and Mart, which is like eBay before eBay existed, right?

It was like a newspaper. You'd bought by Exchange and Mart magazine. And you would read listings in there saying, for sale, one dining room table, 10 pounds, please contact, blah, blah, blah. You've got to pick it up yourself, stuff like that. And there was a car section of that. And I worked in the car section, coding in the adverts. using this ancient piece of software that was obviously proprietary,

was knocked up by some absolute cowboy. And this would have been in the 90s. Having computers that everybody was working on the office was still relatively new at that point. But something tells me that if you're a company that's just about making it, and you're thinking, we need to update our software, you're going to have to pay through the ass to get this done.

It's going to take forever. All these contractors you're going to have to build, come in to make it, put it in the environment to test it, then you've got to do live testing, you've got to train your stuff. It's a huge expense. And if you have something that works and people at the company know how to use it,

how to teach people how to use it, genuinely, the business case to update the software, I think, is in almost every instance, it's almost impossible to make for a small company. So I think it's easy to say, oh, you should just update, but the cost is like, companies go out of business and shit like that.

We lost two weeks. work. Like, this can't happen. Even like a mid-sized company, like in Jersey, for example, because I've worked for other companies as well, instead of writing their own software to do whatever it is that they do, they'll often take an off-the-shelf solution that usually comes with some sort of like service agreement, you know, you pay monthly for it or whatever. But none of them are ever fit for purpose either, because over here, you've got lots of, um, different like, you know, like tax requirements and stuff. It's very highly regulated over here.

So there's most off the shelf stuff doesn't take any of that stuff into account. So they'll be, they'll be purchasing almost like a bespoke off the shelf. They'll take like the framework of an off the shelf, but then they'll need to have their own version that can cover, you know, X, Y and Z, all these different requirements for like the, the fact that it's an offshore jurisdiction that's regulated and everything. So they end up paying in the end probably as much as they would to just have something developed in-house. But the problem with having something developed in-house is if you're not going to keep a development team active beyond producing the software that you need to run your business or whatever, it's impossible to support as well. Because you have to make sure that the people who are writing it, document it well.

There's some sort of support structure put into it. there's some way for them to be able to fix bugs or any other things. And of course, keep it updated to like new regulations that come out and everything as well. So it's like I can see how it's difficult. You know, especially if you're not like a mega multinational corporation that has more money to burn sort of thing.

For a medium business or for a small business, it's probably a lot tougher. There's a lot to think about for sure. Especially if you're into, especially if you're doing finance stuff. Especially over here. It's crazy. You can't fuck around with that.

I think what annoys me is when a very large company unveils their new software and it's garbage. Because you think you definitely had the time and money to do this better. And it's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Lewis, what were you going to say? Windows.

Well, it's tricky, right? I think there is definitely a scary thing to broach an agreement which has been ticking along quite happily for a long time. And I think people are scared to do it, right? Like, I think a lot of these companies like Netflix or whatever or Disney Plus rely on you forgetting that you're subscribed and they get a bunch of extra time out of you for that. Right. Like Adobe. I always still fucking subscribe to Adobe Premiere and that's sweet.

Honestly, the only when I did my taxes did I notice. I was like, for fuck. I still subscribe to Fallout first on Fallout 76. I haven't played that game in quite some time. Yeah, but I mean, that's part of the subscription. It is. It's like that... Wait, the Fallout 76 was a subscription game? No, it wasn't. It was an optional one.

And it was just so you could buy like fucking dumb shit for your base. Of course it was. You've got exclusive dumb shit for your base. Yeah. Brilliant. Which I'm, you know, I hate. I hate it too, but I do. But there's certain exceptions where my hatred is overridden.

Well, the problem with that version of it is the FOMO. We can talk about that at a different time. I think there is this inherent idea that it's risky to upset the boat, right? Especially if you've got a small business and you're barely breaking even. The last thing you want to do is alert all of your listeners. That's the, if they're subscribed to the Triforce Patreon, maybe you're still supporting us on there. It's great service.

You get ad-free episodes. We might even start making some regular more content on there soon. Yeah. Don't cancel your Patreon sub. So we were talking the other day about the Patreon and whether we should do, because at the moment it's just an ad-free Triforce, right? That's the Patreon. So I know there's some podcasts, and we didn't go down this route because we're fucking either too stupid to have thought of it or we're just like, no, that doesn't seem fair. Too lazy.

Some podcasts are, I think, like the Yard podcast. That one's very big. You get half a podcast for free and the other half you have to pay. So Patreon gets the second hour of their two-hour podcast, which is like, I don't know how I feel about that. Yeah, I'm not sure I feel about that either. If the mailbag, if the mailbags were Patreon only, we wouldn't get any fucking emails.

If it works for them, no. There's not enough patrons. Yeah, no. It's cool. Very smart. Yeah. And you get an hour of podcasts for free. Yeah.

And maybe by the second hour, it's not as good anyway. I try before you buy. I think for most people, the regular podcast is enough and they've had enough after. You know what I mean? Yeah. I agree. Those subscription services are really only for people. Like, you know, I do subscribe to a few like Auntie Donner and stuff and get,

because I can watch Auntie Donner all day. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I think, I don't know if I'd be able to list to Try Force all day. My subscriptions, I'm not really subscribed to any, any, anything other than like the typical or what I would deem typical, like Netflix, you know, Prime, whatever. Like most of the streaming services, we've tried to go through and be. like we don't need this or we don't need that or whatever but there's because we have so many kids it's

like oh well this one one one kid watches this one show and they would miss it or you know what i mean there's always like there's always like this whole like um you know a mental gymnastics session session that takes place around whether we should cancel these things or not and then the only other things i have is uh well like i said fallout 76 at one point i had a final fantasy 14 subscription running for like two years and I didn't play that game that much. I've definitely had periods where my Wow subscription has been running and I haven't been active on it. I mean, the other thing that I remember was quite strongly, because I just moved out of this flat after seven years. I never had a rent increase the whole time I was there.

And that was because I was very hands off. And so was the landlord. Like, I never bothered him. I never reminded him. And I always had this idea that if I said, oh, you know, this is broken. can you come and fix it, he'll increase, he'll be like, oh, I forgot I was, you know, if you're just hoping that it like drifts by and he doesn't increase the rent on you. And so we're all playing that game, right?

And I think, I think it's the same with businesses. They don't want to alert their, you know what I mean? It's like if they put out a thing that says, all of our prices are going up, you know, maybe a bunch of people are well, I'll subscribe, you know, so they have to, they have to play that game, right? they have to tie that, you know, toe that line into profit. Yeah. But yeah, I think with the Trafalst Patreon, I would like, thank you for the supporters, obviously. Yes, yeah.

Thanks to all the forgetful people out there who are subscribed to us. And our attitude towards it has always been, especially with YouTube members as well, stuff that is extra or wouldn't have quite being able to fit on the main channel, or stuff that doesn't necessarily correspond to the. algorithm, you know, the way YouTube wants us to make videos now is less videos. It wants us to make one really good video a week. That's what YouTube wants. That's what YouTube thinks it. That's what we get. And so, you know, making four or five is difficult to do, but we can now do three good ones and then do you want this extended version or do you want this, you know, this extra game

that wasn't as good? Do you know, iPad to fucking pay for YouTube membership for Yogs main channel for the members-only stuff? Games Night and Mystery Quest, because otherwise, there's no way to give a membership to someone. There's no way to say, I own this channel. Thank you, Pflare. You've got to pay.

Of course, I'll fucking subscribe. I love you guys. All right, anyway, here's an email. This is, as a man of many accents, I would be interested in hearing your take on why it is considered okay to do certain accents and not others. Why is it mostly okay to do accents

from the Northern Hemisphere, but not the southern hemisphere apart from Australia and New Zealand. So I think this is a very old argument that for some reason keeps rattling around. I think it's very sensible, really, the answer to it, is if you are a person doing accents and you're white, you shouldn't do accents of anyone other than people who are white. If you are not white, I think it's okay to do accents of other people as long as you're respectful about it. To be honest with you, I think that's the take. Because for a very long time, white impressionists and comedians got away with doing accents

of whichever race they wanted, and they were never just doing the accent. It was always, look how stupid this person is, and they're the butt of the joke. And if you look at someone like Jim Davidson and guys like that, they weren't just doing accents. They were being racist, and the accent was a part of that caricature. So if I'm going to do an accent, believe me, behind closed doors, I'm doing African accents. I'm doing Indian accents. I'm doing Chinese accents because I love accents, and they're fucking hilarious to me.

Like, accents are brilliant. The stronger the accent, the better. And if anyone thinks that's wrong, fair enough, I guess you want to police what I'm doing in my house alone. Feel free. Doing a silly voice is... If no one's there to hear it, is always funny. Am I offending anybody?

And I would suggest no. But equally, I think, if I was to start doing, like, a really strong Punjabi accent, while some people would find it funny, they're not people I'd want to make laugh. would be the best way for me to put it. It should make you feel uncomfortable to have someone from a country that used to own another country or from a country that enslaved other people or treated them badly, historically speaking,

has made fun of them, has used them as the butt of a joke. I don't think it's acceptable to do those accents. Personally speaking, I think it's dog shit. It's punching down, historically punching down. What do you do? Even if I love those accents. I haven't watched The Simpsons in a long time, but I mean, there's famously a couple of characters and the Simpsons that have had that sort of like many years ago.

But where do they stand now? Like, is- Hankazaria does not do Apu anymore. Right. He doesn't do Apu and a Hasapimapetalong. Right. They have a guy who is Indian doing the accent. Right, okay.

And I think the same is true for Julius Hibbert, Dr. Hibbert, even though it was really an impression of Cliff Hachdem. Was it? Was it Harry Shira? I think Harry Shira might have done Cliff Hux. I've done Dr. Hibbert. But I think the thing is when you have a cast, first of all, the Simpsons started in,

I want to say the 80s. Yeah, it was like 89. No, was it? No, it was. It was. It was like 80s. You could get away with that stuff then and people didn't care. And it wasn't seen as this is problematic.

And I think people hadn't really even brought it to the attention of people saying, hey, is this okay? So those kind of things just kind of chunded along. A bit like we took a, about old systems that just linger on, even past their usefulness. The same is true of society. And sometimes the way people did things in the 50s and 60s lingers on until such time

as we update it. I think that's what's happened with things like that. Yeah. That's a really good grown uptake. Thank you, Perium, for thinking about it. Thank you so much. Yeah. It's such a weird, not weird.

It's just like you said, you know, if you're at home in private, you might just, you might do like an accent or something like that and not think anything of it. But if you're out in public, obviously, you're not really going to do that accent because you don't really want to offend people who aren't prepared for you to do that accent. Right. And I'm not like watching television with my wife and when a guy from China comes on doing a comedy China accent. I just want to get that on the record.

I'm not like that. I just, I will hear people, people's accents and voices and try to impersonate them because I find it fun and interesting. Well, I think if we, if we, if we, do a little scale, right? It's okay to do a Welsh, Scottish, Irish accent. It's French, German, Russian. Like, these are, you know, these are a very funny, unique, interesting accents where people sound very different and it's very identifiable, right? People who get angry at this stuff, though, and, and call people woke and whatever for, you know, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, what is it that they're, that they're, that they're trying to

achieve. They want to reserve the right to make like an accent when they see somebody on TV and not get in trouble for it or not be questioned about it. They just, they want, they want a world where they, they are free to just do an accent of somebody and everyone around them is, is going to like laugh and high five them or whatever. I don't even know if it's that. I'll be honest with you, I think a lot of the time, what people are getting upset about when it comes to, as you, as you say, you know, they would refer to it as wokeism or whatever. is that essentially someone else is telling them what they can and can't do. And even if, even if it is correct to tell someone,

please don't do that, that's unacceptable, people lose their shit. They're like, but I think it's fine. And I'm either too ignorant or too uncaring or I am actually racist. And I want to be able to do this stuff. And how dare you tell me that I can't do it? So that's when the whole you can't say anything crowd comes in. It's people who misunderstand the idea of freedom of speech. you know, you are, there is no such thing, really.

There's plenty of things that are not, are not allowed to be said. Yeah, but here's a thing you can say. You're told what to do. You can do every turn of your life, though. You live in a society that's structured around this is what you can and cannot do. Like what's this, this, but that extension is just too much for you. You can't. No, no, no, Sips, you can do it.

You can be as racist as you like. Well, I mean, you can do a murder. Everyone can be as racist as they like. Right. But the point is that you can do stupid racist accents as much as you like. Right. But if people call you out on it and say, please don't do that, that's dog shit. We don't want to talk to you anymore. You can't then get in a huff.

It turns out people don't want you to do that. You can do it, but you can't be upset when other people don't like it. But that's what I'm saying. Like the expectation is what? Their ideal scenario is they're allowed to do that with no repercussion whatsoever. I think they just want us to all have to go, he's in time to be a cunt. He can be a cunt if he wants, let him be a cunt, he's allowed to be a cunt. That's what they want.

It's first all go, oh, I respect your cunty position, which I know. So I think going back to like what accents are on the borderline of a loud or not, I think a good example might be like Spanish, right? And that's because I think that certainly in the modern American culture, the Mexican immigrants are a minority, but they're also very prejudiced against. I think that people hold that accent and they use it as like a sort of Spanish-made accent and things like this. And they feel all very stereotypical and they feel like something that's used to bully kids of that minority. These are the reasons that this is not okay.

They are more obvious. And I think it's not, like you said, written down in stature. It's just the decent thing to do. When you see racist people using these accents as a weapon to, you know, marginalize people, that's when we realize that it's not okay. You know, no one's, no one really thinks all the Scottish should go back to Scotland or the Welsh should go back to Wales. And no one is using it in like a necessarily in a kind of derogatory, you know, fashion against them, you know, unless until they are. until someone is calling someone a sheep shaggart and getting in a fire.

It is all quite nuanced. It is difficult. There isn't a hard and fast rule because, for example, if I did a Spanish accent in the UK, I don't think it would be problematic at all. But if I did one in America, it would be because there is a difference.

That accent does not mean Spanish to an American. It means Mexican. Whereas if you're in Europe, doing accents from other people in Europe, what the fuck, that's fine. I'm going to do accents of every fucker in Europe. Because I think that's funny.

Yeah. Like what do you think? Do you think Spanish people find it funny like in the UK like on the fast show when they were like Scorcio? I don't think they gave a shit. It was probably funny. Because I, because I heard it like they were using those clips on the radio on BBC Radio to like two days ago. I heard heard it. They were playing.

They were playing La Bamba. And then they were weaving in samples of like Scorcio and stuff as well. Like, I mean, no one cares. No one's going to get offended by that. I genuinely think that stuff has to be funny, though. That itself is not actually that funny, but like, you know, and even like the fashion when you go back and watch some of the fast show, a lot of it's not really that funny. But at the time, it was pretty funny.

Not being funny is not the same as being offensive. And that's not saying that it was like offensive and it hasn't aged well or whatever. But I think sometimes when you watch something when you're 12 is fucking hilarious. And then you go back and watch it when you're 12. you're 40 and you're like, fuck, I was stupid as hell. This is not funny. This is dumb. Yeah, yeah. It happens. I mean, there's a lot of old SNL that's like that. Comedians don't get a free pass though, right? You don't just get to say, oh, I was joking. It's a bad joke. You know, that's not that's not a free pass necessarily, right? I think there is a lot of the idea of

comedians being very angry that, you know, they're getting in trouble for making jokes when some of them genuinely aren't funny. I think professional comedians should be given the past, honestly, because that's their job. You reckon comedians should be able to joke about anything they want? I think, I think, within reason. Oh, my God, P-Flax, that's such a tricky one, is it? It comes up all the time.

Even like Jervais and Chappelle have these huge Netflix deals, and there's the amount of backlash they get every time. Really? Because they keep getting them. I know. So the backlash doesn't matter. This is Stuart Lee does a good bit on this. The whole you can't say anything these days, crowd.

Can't say anything whilst having a $30 million Netflix deal for a special that's watched by 100 million people. You can't say a dude. Yeah, you can. And you're profiting off it. So you could say whatever the fuck you like. Don't be upset when people call you out on it. You can ignore them.

Then just not your audience anymore. They don't want to talk to you. They don't want to deal with you. Don't get pissy and upset about it. But don't like you, Ricky Javais. you said some shitty things. I don't have to enjoy what you're putting out. Don't have to respect it.

I can call you a cunt. And I'm sure you don't care because you're worth a hundred and something million pounds. So stop crying about people not liking what you have to say. That's just the way it is. If you're going to act a cunt and say, oh, cast you anything these days, you can, but I'm going to call you a cunt for it.

And I'm allowed to fucking do that. That's it, really. Yeah. It's not more complicated than that. Anyway, let's move on. It seems like an impossible debate, you know? Like, it just seems like there's no, There's no solution to it almost.

Indeed. Or like it's impossible to arrive at like a compromise or like an agreement or whatever. I'm just not smart enough to know what that is or be able to. No, look, a lot of the people that are presenting this can't say anything are extremely rich and successful. Yeah. They just also happen to be cunts. It doesn't mean that we have to listen to them. But it also doesn't mean that they can play the woe as me card.

Yeah. When some people, they said, oh, I got canceled. They didn't get canceled. Somebody just paid you tens of millions of dollars for some bullshit. You're hosting shit. You're appearing all over the fuck. He didn't get cancelled. Some people don't like you.

There's a line, I guess. And I guess a comedian's part of a comedian's job is to know where the line is and to get really close to the line. But I guess the problems happen when they cross the line. I would say the biggest problem is when they cross a line just to cross a line. Yeah. Like I don't know if you've watched any of Chappelle's. later stuff. The most offensive thing to me about it, because obviously I'm not a target of any of the things that he makes fun of, is it just ain't funny. Yeah. It's just not funny. No. Like, he used to be

really funny. He did a whole huge bit in the set about how he went to Saudi Arabia and did the thing. And he was like, basically, you know, I'm black, so I got to get paid. That's it. That was basically his whole reason. He was like, right. The guy is so rich. So, you know, and then in the same bit, He was saying how he owned a whole town. And he was like, you know, bitches, I'm going to buy your houses. I think if you're rich and successful, your comedy better be fucking amazing because I almost automatically think this guy is not funny. How can you make jokes that are going to relate, that people are going to relate to?

You're not one of us anymore. You're one of them. Do you think some people just... Everything you do is punching down at this point. If you're that rich and successful, that's the problem. Do you think some people just overstay? Maybe that's the problem. He's been around like too long, you know?

But that's ego at that point, isn't it? That's not a desire. Like a young comic, their whole thing is, I want to make it, I want to be funny, I want to get that stage, I want to show people what I can do. I want that moment. And when they get it, you feel good for them. And they're still funny. And then when they get too successful, they just end up sitting around, hey, ivory backscratchers

cost a fortune these days, am I right? It's like, you can't do observational comedy about being a multi-millionaire because nobody fucking can relate to that. Because he still thinks he's the same guy from the streets, but he isn't. He's been rich for 25 years, like really rich as well. He's incredibly rich and respected and famous. And as a result, is hugely out of touch with reality. I'm someone like, I don't want to say, you know, John Stewart and Stephen Colbert

and all these guys who do the news shows, but they do feel more grounded from it. Do you know what I mean? They do feel like they're more in touch with reality. Whereas, you know, he is definitely in his ivory tower of really, really. But why? So why do you think that? is, what is the difference, the key difference between John Stewart and Stephen Colbert and someone like Ricky Javez or Dave Chappelle?

Dave Chappelle or Ricky Javis, they do not ever have to step outside of private jets, five-star resorts, luxury penthouses. But all their material then, yeah, all their material then comes from my life as a rich person. Whereas John Stewart and Stephen Corbair are fed a constant stream of material by the news cycle and what's happening. Yeah. So if you, you can be a very, very, you can be a very, very important. funny comedian late on.

But I don't think many really ultra-rich comedians are actually very funny anymore. I mean, Jerry Seinfeld, his stand-up was always pretty dog. His stuff now is fucking awful. Kevin Hart's early stuff, I kind of liked it. It was kind of funny. Dave Chappelle's early stuff was fucking amazing. Chappelle's show was incredible. The moment they got to a certain level, the material is still self-generated, it's not on a

conveyor belt like it is for those new cycle comedians who were all topical, topical, topical, because their material now is, like he said, I bought a town. Fuck off. Yeah. Fuck off. You know, it's like someone getting up a stage. Surfs are so lazy these days, am I right? You know, like, what are you talking?

We can't relate. This is a joke. Let's move on because this is, this is dominated. Lane merging. What's your ghost take on lane merging? A real right turn on this one. I, I fucking hate this. I hate being in a, I hate, I hate lane merging when I'm driving.

I hate lane merging when I'm watching the driver sat next to me, struggling to merge. I hate people not letting people in to do a merge when they really should. I hate people beeping at person who's like, they're supposed to be letting merge. I am always, I'm a giver. I'm a very generous lane merger, you know? You're a bottom. You're a power bottom in. I will let multiple people in in front of me, right?

Yeah. But the power bottom of merger. It seems like I'm a one of a fucking unicorn because... No, I always let people in. I always, always let people in. If I'm driving and someone's trying to pull out from a road, I will stop and let them out. For two reasons. First of all, I think it's a nice thing to do.

And second of all, I genuinely think it is actually in the law, it is your responsibility as a driver to try to keep traffic moving as smoothly as possible. That is actually one of your responsibilities. I'm pretty sure it's in the highway code that is your duty to try to eat. the flow of traffic and make everybody's life easy. Because if everyone does that, we'll go, where we go? Man, I'm still amazed with roundabouts, how people still don't understand how they work and use them multi, multiple times a day.

Like, very often. Don't you have a lot of old people in Jersey? Because I think they just can't drive. But then there's just a lot of people who, I'm thankful for it because like, you know, sometimes you're stuck, you know, trying to filter into a roundabout for like a while or whatever. Right. But then when people don't know how to use it and then they're just like sort of waiting, you're just like, all right, cool, I'm going, I'm going to, I'm going to wait for you. Like if you, if you're not going to, you've got the right away. If you're not going to take it,

well, I'm going then. Like it, it's, fuck you buddy. You had your chance. Fuck you, buddy. But like, but it is, it is, it is, it is worrying as well, though, that, you know, these people have probably done the, the theory and the practical and still don't understand how a roundabout works, especially in a place that has lots and lots of roundabouts. It's a bit crazy. Do you want to hear Lewis, this is Scott's take on lane merging while driving? So he says, first of all, love the podcast. Thanks to the point.

Appreciate that, Scott. When there are two lanes merging into one, whether it's roadworks or not, you are supposed to use both lanes up until the merge point. Then at the merge point, the two lanes should flow one by one like a zip into. the one lane. I filter in. This is the most efficient way to relieve traffic. If everyone is sat in one lane and I know the other lane is merging in, you best believe

I'm using the empty lane right up until the merge point. Do people get annoyed? Yes. Do people try and block me? Yes. Am I still going to do it? Also, yes. Kind regards to Scott, a tiny penis out.

I mean, look, it's not often that you see everyone sat in the left-hand lane and no one using the merge lane. But what I do think is annoying is people barging in, like expecting you to just literally hard break and get out of their way to merge. What I'll do is it's meant to be like a zip. It's one by one. It's like you go, then I go, then you go, then I go. What you're not meant to do is say, oh, he's letting that guy go. I'm going to take advantage of this moment to nip in ahead of him. That can do one. I don't like that. We've got, we've got a double whammy over here. We've got a natural filter in. Okay. It goes down, it goes from two lanes into one.

and then when you're in that one lane, further up in that one lane, there's an intersection that kind of is like a filter in as well, where you're expected to let oncoming go, then you go next oncoming goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's on a right turn. So that's a bit of a weird one as well. But like, you know, sometimes like if it's like over here, like it's Jersey,

so it's a J plate. So if you see a J plate and it doesn't, have like a higher car thing next to it. You can safely assume that they know what they're doing. Most of the time they don't still. But then, you know, if you see somebody like in a higher car, you just think like, whatever. They're not from here.

Like, you just let them go, right? I see. You notice. Otherwise, it's just going to be a funny thing. That's interesting. Mess. Look, I'm very risk-averse. I'm very damage-averse.

And this is something that happens as you get older. You do something. You know, I've had a car crash or accident or whatever. I've burned to the back of someone. And I've done stuff where. I've had accidents. And that has caused me to have to have such an unreasonable amount of effort to deal with that in afterwards that I'm very low aversion.

Like my partner yesterday was grated some carrots. And I refused to great carrots because the last time I grated some carrots, I sliced a whole slice my finger off, you know, and it was a fucking... What are you 10 years old? I'm just... Oh, can I just say quickly before the carrot thing? If you're outside the UK listening to this, if car rentals over here have like an H on the license plate so that you know that it's a it's a

rented car i don't know if it i don't know if they they have that in n a certainly when i lived in n a that wasn't a thing that's persecuted now um but but in the UK if you've if you've hired a car on the on the license plate of the car there's a big red uh box with a white h in it to say that it's a hired wow that's how you know if you're on the road if somebody is in a hired car and you can safely assume that they're not from there. And that's why I'm saying. You can let those people go. Now they'll be right on.

Sorry. This is your car, sir. Back to Karen Grady. Go to you. It's not his car. It's a higher car, please. All right. This is from Caitlin.

I don't write cats anymore. And my partner grader finger very badly yesterday. And I was like, You're just going to be careful. I literally said, I know, but I was, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Here's a thing that you can get. You can get a thing to hold the thing you're grating so that if it catches the grater, it doesn't touch your hand. It's like a little silicon thing. It's like a, you know, it's easier you get it in any of those sort of kitchen supply shops and stuff. Get one of those because you should be grating stuff. It's very good.

It breaks it down much better. You get the flavor. You get all the acid out, all the water out. Great your shit. But not your shit, but grate your stuff. Can you imagine grater in a lot of shit that way? It's so awful. Oh my God.

All right. Sorry. Caitlin, I'm sorry. We've started poop chat just before reading your email. I apologize. So this is from a disturbed female listener. That is the subject line. Okay.

My name is Caitlin. I am one of the female listeners you shouted Baghdad in a recent episode. Did not shout at you. Okay. I was very calm. I just said, please send in some emails. Where's the emails from the lady? He's using his big shouting voice again.

I did not yell at all the women that listened to the podcast. Where's the email? Oh, you stupid bitches. That was not me. All right. There might have been the editor. Thanks a pal. Yeah.

Your outbursts disturbed me so deeply that I find myself trying to think of a reason to email you in the days following. God, I'm such a bad person. You gave the impression that you'd have some kind of episode or something if one of us didn't email you. Well, I've just recollected the perfect dad plus homeowner news to suggest you lads discuss. Now, this is the subject that Caitlin wants us to discuss. Katie Perry is dating the ex-prime minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau. Yes. was married for all of his time in office and then got divorced shortly before resigning at the end of

2024. Then a few months later, boom, dating Katie Perry. This regular Canadian dad, how did he get her number? I feel like she probably got into contact with him after she saw he divorced his wife. Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts. Caitlin, I'll be honest with you. I think that if you're a very famous and successful and handsome politician like Justin Trudeau, you probably end up at an awful lot of schmoozy parties and glad-handed and meeting people.

And I'm sure Katie Perry turned up one of those. That's it. I'm sure they got along. Yeah. I think maybe they just, maybe they move in similar circles, you know, or overlapping circles somehow. And they just met maybe at an event or something. Yeah.

Fundraisers. Yeah. You know. Hey, baby, I'm recently divorced. Want to get nasty. It's definitely an upgrade from Russell Brand, isn't it? I mean, Russell Brown. Yeah.

Fucking hell. Didn't she also date? What's his name? Fucking Lego. Orlando Bloom. She was engaged to Orlando. So I've always fancied Katie Perry, but her trip to space and her recent musical works have really put me off. She strikes me as a little bit of a dits.

I'm an idiot. There's no way I could have some kind of intellectual demands of my partner. I wouldn't be like, you're not smart enough for me because I'm a fucking moron. And I'm all over the place. I'm a complete idiot. So I'm not going to be like, oh, you don't meet my standards. My standards are very low in terms of, you know, comparing someone to myself and my demands. If you're nice and I find you attractive and you like me, job done.

Let's get married. But the problem is, is that there's difference between, you know, Ditsy and nice and local and normal and Ditsy and mega rich. Here's the thing. I think she's, I think she'd be very annoying, is all I'm saying. I think Cato is an annoying partner to have. Do you think like Quineath Poutre? Like, Gwyneth Poutre is very attractive. I've always liked Gwyneth Poutreau,

but I don't think I could stand to listen to her talk about goop or, like, crystals or whatever shit she's into. Yeah. Like, I think it would drive me up the wall, actually. Yeah. Maybe Katie Perry's like that. But I like to think that's just a public persona, and she's an actual real laugh.

You know what I mean? Maybe she's absolute bans. She's smashing pints down spoons every Saturday night. Maybe. Maybe she'd be a real good friend. Yeah. Okay. I've changed my mind on it.

There you go. I've had a question. This is directly for you. She's been to space, so at least she'd have something to tell you. She'd have at least a story. You'd know it's coming though. She's like, oh, this one time I went to Yao KKidi. Yeah, you went to fucking space.

We know. She did not like going to space. We know. She didn't like it. Did she? Because she kissed the ground famously, remember? Yeah, but it doesn't mean she didn't like space. She was singing up there and taking pictures and shit.

She was the main one in front of the camera. Well, of course she was. Name another one on there. Well, Oprah's friend. went up there. Oprah's friend. Oprah's friend. Brilliant.

Oprah's friend was on there. Katie Perry. What's his face? Didn't Jeff Bezos's now wife go up as well? Yeah. I can't remember her name. Do you know what? Katie Perry was such so much dominant in the footage there.

Nobody noticed that Bill Cosby snuck aboard that ship. What did space say? You're right. It's just in Bezos. Blah, blah. She had an example of an accent used fine. Like fine. Like that's fine.

This is cool. This will be the last one because we ran out of time. I was born and raised in the US and as a result, I don't always follow when you guys talk about things specific to the UK or Europe. Apologies for that. Yeah. We try to have some awareness around it and explain it a little bit because there are definitely some isms between the two.

Yeah, there's definitely a few. I was bored at work and started researching how one might move to the UK and came across some practice tests for the Life in the UK test, which you had to take before moving here. I took the first two tests before the website kicked me out to create an account, and I did abysmally, getting just 17 and 48 questions right, not good enough to move to the UK. What?

So I would like to know if you guys, we're going to do this Life in the UK test. I'm excited. I'm going to do, which we've got, there are 45, of them, which one would you like to do? One, number one. There's 45 Life in the UK tests? These are mock tests. Pick a number and we'll do that one. Sorry, there's 45 entirely separate tests.

Yes, just pick a number. God, I knew you guys would struggle with this. 45, pick a number. The last one. The last one. The last one, okay. This is the life in the UK test. I'm going to start the test.

I'll ask you guys the questions. For how long did England remain a republic? 11 years, 14 years, 12 years, 10 years. I didn't even know it was a republic I didn't even know we ever were a republic either 11 years You're going to say 11 years I'll bosh that in correct

It was a repossed for 11 years Where was one The Canadian gets that one That's how we live in here I know my history I love my history I love my country Where was one of the Anglo's

Where was one of the Anglo Saxon kings buried with treasure and armor Suffolkne, Newcastle, Kent or London? Suffolk. Hang on, where was the Anglo-Saxon kings? It doesn't even say the name. I believe it's Kent. I believe it's Kent.

Buried with full Anglo-Saxon kings. Hmm. Oh, was this maybe the guy who... It's a very famous. Is it Harold? Is it King Harold when he got shot off the Battle of Hastings? It was Suffolk. You're overthinking it.

It's Sutton Who. It's a very famous treasuredise. Oh, geez. I knew this. Just time. Two for two. When did the glorious revolution happen?

1888, 85, 80 or 92? The glorious revolution? That was the Chinese one, wasn't it? No, it was 1688. Important Protestants in England asked William to invade England and proclaim himself king. There was no resistance.

There was no resistance. It was called the glorious revolution. There you go. Who designed the cenotaph? Sir Christopher Wren, Sir Edwin Luttons, Inigo Jones or Robert Adam. It was Robert Adam. It was Sir Edwin Luton.

Robert Ad, my God, four for four. I can't believe it. Man, I am so fucking smart. What service can you use to find a lawyer or solicitor? The police, citizens advice bureau, the NSPCC, or the county courts? Citizens Advice Bureau. I'm going to click that. I think it's that one. Yes, that is correct.

What is the longest distance on the mainland in the UK? 1,8,870, 1240 or 950 miles. 950. Lewis? It's 1495. Oh, yeah, no, sorry. UK, yeah, it's longer than that. It's the middle one, I'd say.

Was it $1,200 something? You reckon, $12.40? I think it might be $950, but we'll put $1,0.0.0.000. Holy shit. The longest distance is John O'Grote's to land's end is 870 miles. It's a small country. It's small, yeah. Haggis is a traditional food of which country?

Scotland. Indeed, it is Scotland, of course. Who appoints the local chief constable? These are so wildly different in terms of difficulty. Who appoints the chief constable? was the easiest one, my God. Yes. The Prime Minister, the monarch, the speaker, or the police and crimes commissioner?

I don't even know there was a chief constable. It's probably the police and crimes commissioner. I'm boshing that in is correct. They also appoint, yeah, they do that. Who took the title, King of Ireland? Who took the title, King of Ireland? Henry the 8th, James, 6th, Henry the 7th, Charles de 6th. It was Henry the 8th.

Boshing it in? Correct. Yay! Who was Robert Burns? A Welsh portrait painter, an English social reformat, a Scottish poet or an English barber? A Scottish poet. It was the... Robbie Burns. Rabby Burns.

They have Burns Knight. He's a Scottish poet. Known in Scotland as the Bard. The Council of Europe has no power to make laws, false or true. False or true? Well, now, Brexit. That's the order in which they're in. They're in the order, false or true.

Are you going to say that's true? The European Parliament has no what to do who. It's true. The Council of Europe is separate from the EU. It's got 47 member countries, including the EU. It's just for the protection of human rights and stuff. Yeah, sure. Which of the following is correct.

Wales makes up 6% of the population. England makes up 83% of the population. Scotland makes up 8% of the population or Northern Ireland makes up 4% of the population. All of them are true. They all sound kind of true, potentially. Maybe not so much the whale. Well, no, actually, it could be. They all sound true.

Well, they can't all be true. You've got to pick one. All of them are true. England, 83%. No, Scotland 8%. All right. England currently makes up 84%. Yeah, close.

That test is bullshit. So close. What percentage of the UK population lives in England? Well, it's 84%. We know that. Come on. The people of which age made the first coins to be minted in Britain, bronze, gold, stone, or iron?

It would have been probably iron, I guess, right? The Iron Age, sure. It was the Iron Age. It was the Iron Age. Well done. As per the 2021 census, what is the percentage of Muslims living in England and Wales? 1.15, 11 or 6%. 1.15.

11 or 6. Why the number's so weird? Just pick one. 6. 6.11. It is 6%. It is 6%. I need to change my name to Nigel.

and I'm going to start telling people that I was born in South London as well because I am pretty English at this point it turns out. It's amazing. I mean, I've done terribly. So England, sorry, Northern Ireland and Scotland have their own banknotes valid everywhere in the UK, true or false. True. True. It is indeed true. Although a lot of banks

and shops will say, oh, we can't take that. Yeah, the Channel Islands have their own bank notes. That's legal tender. That's legal tenors got the fucking. Clean eye. I'm cutting. Give me my bottle of whiskey. But sir, this is a library.

Whiskey! Jersey and Guernsey have their own notes too. They got their own notes. Life in the UK. Test number four. This is question 17. Who governs the Church of Scotland? Local authorities.

The Pope. Ministers and elders. The Archbishop of Canterbury. I think it's probably ministers and elders. I don't know if the Archbishop of Canterbury does, because I I think the Archbishop of Canterbury is that Anglican, right? Hmm. Does that apply to school as well?

I'm going to say the Archbishop of Canterbury, but no, it's the ministers and elders. Farships. In what year? I know. In what year was ever a revolution in France. He's been probably more English. By the question. As the quiz goes on.

Can you fucking believe it? You'll be on La Haleighland in a minute. Yes, I would love to be. In what year was there a revolution in France which led to a war with Britain? 1789, 1298, 1679, 1097. I think it's 1789. I think it's the 171, yeah. It is indeed.

Which language was spoken by people during the Iron Age? Norman French, Anglo-Saxon, English, Celtic. It would have probably been Norman French, wouldn't it, in the R&H? Iron Age? No, I'm going to say Anglo-Saxon. Norman French was definitely spoken in the Channel Islands at the time. Yeah, but that would have been post-1066. That was well after the Iron Age was net, surely.

I'm going to go for Anglish Sax. It was Celtic. It was that far back. It was Celtic. What do the Brit Awards celebrate? Theater, music, movies, art. Music. It is music, correct.

When did the English settlers first begin to colonize the eastern coast of America? Elizabeth I first, Mary the first, Diana, or William the first? It would have been, would have been Elizabeth the first? I mean, that was Francis Drake and all that So yes, Elizabeth I first indeed is correct Which of these is a crown dependency Of the UK and not a part of it, St. Helens, Channel Islands, Channel Islands,

Bam, he's fucking got it. What the fuck? What is there? There's two more, and then we're done. What is the judiciary? Let him be on a roller, don't be jealous, all right? What is the judiciary responsible for?

Deciding whether a person is guilty, putting them in prison, looking after a jury interpreting the law. Judiciary? I'm going to say interpreting the law. Correct. Correct. Why was Mary known as Bloody Mary?

She fought in many battles. She persecuted Protestants. She put her sister in prison. She killed her father. It's either she put her dad or put her sister in prison. I'm not sure which one. I'm going to say kill. they're dead. She persecuted Protestants. The end. We got 71%, which is not enough to pass. Oh,

shucks. Okay, I'm going to change my name back from Nigel. I'm no longer from South London. Has my passport been revoked? You're out. Yeah, you're gone. Tell you what, right? I don't think you are English if you don't know why Mary was nicknamed Bloody Mary. Everyone in England knows that. Ridiculous. Yeah. This is just to make it, hard. You know what this is? This is like a pre-test where it's like, if you can be bothered to learn this shit, welcome. If you cannot be bothered to learn these stupid facts, what do you do? I never had to do any of this shit when I came over here. But I mean, I did marry somebody from here. So maybe they get exempted. Yeah. But very cunning of it. Very, yeah, I'm

very, very sneaky. I'm a very sneaky guy. That's what are they? Cunning man. Very, very sneaky Canadian. Knew we couldn't trust you lot anyway. That is our podcast. There's the emails. Thank you so much. Fun quiz too.

That was great. Only fun because I did so well on it. But there you go. And especially Lewis getting angry and angry. Yeah, that was good too. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks so much for listening. And we'll see you next time. We shall see you next time. Adieu. Goodbye. See you next time. Fare well. Goodbye.