Triforce! - Nightmare Tourists | Triforce #331

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

Triforce! Episode 331! Lewis reads some camping reviews clearly written by uppity city-folk and uses ChatGPT to try to do a basic task (and it fails terribly), Pyrion shares his scathing review of Dungeon Crawler Carl while Sips heartily recommends the Portaloo! Go to http://expressvpn.com/triforce today and get an extra 3 months free on a 1-year package! Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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by three very wild and crazy guys. Hey, I was a great guy. How's everybody doing? Oh, splendid. Yeah. I had a big clear out of my office. Right.

For some reason, I decided to do it on the hottest day of the year. I didn't realize it all one of the hottest day of this coming heat wave. And so I chucked out. I'm not kidding. My car is fucking full. Do you use a similar, system to me whereby the car

just acts as like an extra storage space for stuff that needs to go to charity and also to the dump. I use my car is always full of stuff. Okay. I don't do that. I accumulate stuff over a week and then on the weekend

I like to go to the dump and then to the charity shop. So I tend to use, that was the thing is my office was that area. The things that we were like, oh, we don't want to throw this away, don't know what to do with it. We'll put it in Ted's office. So it comes in here and then or it'll be like, we'll find somewhere else to hide it or the shed or just round the side of the house if it's big rubbish that we don't want. And then we'll be like, we'll do a tip trip. But you've got to book it and go to the tip is not like a casual thing. It's like a big

fucking production. And I hate fucking going there because whenever you're taking something, the lads that worked there are sort of like border patrol guards where they want to know what's in that black bag. I'm like, it's just rubbish. So like, yeah, but which kind of rubbish. Because I don't want electronics mixed up with wood. No. Because they need to go, so I'm like, well, it's a bit of wood and a bit of electronics. I'm like, I'm going to separate so I'm like, fuck, me. So I couldn't smuggle the rubbish into the tip properly. So now I've got to separate it out, which is fair enough. But the thing is the amount of stuff I'm throwing out from here. I mean, my God, I had all the kids like old artwork and school books and

stuff for when they were in private school. I thought, oh, I can't throw that away. And now I'm like, this is getting fucking chucked. Like, I cannot hold on to this scratched out crayon drawing any longer. No. Because I've got 500 of them and it's taken up space. So I clear out so much stuff. I have the floor of my office is now clear, which it has not been in years. Like I can now walk around it.

I managed to fit the air conditioner, got that in the office now. So when it gets hot, pop that on. Oh, it's just, it's great. It's like a breath of fresh air. And I realized that my office was like a reflection of my mind that I was getting cluttered and lack of concern and care. So now I thought, let's have a clear out. We'll fucking, we'll go back to managing things properly.

Yeah. Isn't there like a general black bin you can just throw everything in? Where? In the dump. Oh, yeah, no, but they will say what's in that. My office is a true reflection of my mind as well. It's just full of dead prostitutes. Oh, my God.

It's piled high. That's a Norm MacDonald reference right there, I'm pretty sure. Right up to the rafters, yeah. So do you have like boxes that you put stuff in, they fill up, or is it just like random shit on the floor? Do you have any plastic rubber made containers that you just put a lot of stuff in? No. So what I've got, in my office at the moment, I've got like, one, two, three, garage shelving. Yeah, so the big garage shelving, because I knew I had a lot of comics and crap that I wanted to keep. So this shelving is big. It's four shelves, and each shelf is full.

So I've got, like, so many books and comics and games, and mainly books and comics and games, in all honesty. But I just, I just had, like, stuff like I had loads of bolt action armies that I hadn't used, because I think Warlord sent a bunch to us after we did some of the bot action bids. So I've got two British Army starter packs. I'm like, well, I'm never going to make those, but I'm never going to chuck them out. So I might bring them down, actually, when I come down next week, Lulu. Yeah, Alex is going to do a boot sale to stuff. He's just like, it sounds like he's in the other room. Like, he's so far away. Sorry, I'm looking away. There's a local game store big are doing a boot sale,

and Alex has taken a bunch of our stuff to it, and then we're going to just give the money we get to charity. Yeah, great. I'll put them aside now. I'll bring these down. Because, I mean, Literally, it's the, do you remember the Dad's Army one that we did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got that set, which I don't know how I got it, but they sent it to me, we've already got it. The Paratroopers already got that, and then the two starter packs, one of them is open because I just wanted to see what was in it. But essentially, that's four, that can go straight away to chat. So we'll pop that there.

Yeah, that's like 50 quids. Yeah, right there. I have a copy of Secret Hitler that I've never played because I did the Kickstarter. Right. And my family are not into it because it's got the word Hitler in it. I guess it's difficult to give to a charity shop as well if it's got the word Hitler.

Yeah, he literally says Hitler. But I do have a couple of games that I haven't used. I'll fucking bring these down as well. We have a giveaway shelf in the office, which I decided was a good idea a few years ago. And stuff gets recycled through that, like, you know, puzzles and books, people have read and other junk T-shirts and things people want.

Oh, shit. Fuck. Oh, I landed right on my foot. This is why he should never tidy up. It's dangerous. So do I, do you, I'm thinking of being more trying to be zero waste. Apparently, like, it's very hard. It's very, very hard to, like, follow the zero, like, no, no one, no single-use plastics.

Right. We try not to use plastic much, but it's hard nowadays. Actually, when you start trying to not use any zero-use plastic, single-use plastics, you're very quick. start to realize how many you use. You're like, oh my God, like, I can't do without this tofu that I like, you know, or this thing that I like, and you realize that's all in plastic and you're like, oh, my God. A lot of packaging and stuff now seems to be all paper. A lot of it, yeah, yeah.

I got a shaver the other day for my face, for a face shaver, like an electric one, and all the packaging was paper. Every last bit of packaging was some kind of paper, but not like... This is a positive direction. It wasn't just like paper bag paper, you know. It was like that sleek, nice, like packaging cardboard-y paper stuff. I mean, the stuff itself is still all made of plastic. Yeah.

Do you mean, that's shaver. I'll have that for probably a decade now. Yeah, at least the packaging is... The thing is, let's say you buy... I mean, you guys win a couple of tofu ki-ups, all right? I'll put it in vegetarian food. Or delicious tofu Kyivs. A couple of delicious tofu Kyivs.

Even if the bulk of the packaging is recyclable cardboard, there'll be a plastic lining to that and it'll have a plastic top because you've got to see what you're getting, right? Yeah. So that is like single use. That's going in the bin. They can't recycle a floppy bit of clear plastic, I'm pretty sure. Maybe they can. We put it in the recycling.

I'm sure it just ends up in landfill, but it's just like plastic is too useful at what it does. It's waterproof is long lasting. You can make it transparent. It's insane. Why did it have to be bad? Why did it have to be so bad? Why couldn't it have been this miracle just for once? Give us a fucking product that actually does it all and isn't a shit for the environment or for human health.

It doesn't exist. The more utility something has, the worse it is for you. It's terrible. Just like all the cool stuff, alcohol, drugs, unprotected sex. They're all really bad for your danger. Imagine you could just... Imagine like after you finish drinking your water, you could... just eat the bottle, the plastic bottle, but like it was good for you. Yeah, just eat it.

Kind of like the, like the soup in a bread bowl. You just eat the bowl when you're done. Right. But this is a plastic bottle. It's not bad plastic. It's like healthy plastic that you can eat. Get on with that scientists. And I, like, I'd imagine that like you take a bite and it would like melt in your mouth like, like, you know, cotton candy or something. Right. And taste like cotton candy as well. You could put soup in a bread bowl. Why can't we make bread bottles and carry them around all day. Answer to be that, science. Yeah. Exactly. I feel like

the main issue with plastic is how cheap it is. You know, like, you know, what would be like a really easy way to be waste-free or to cut down on your plastic is if they didn't use plastic for packaging anymore. It's like everything you buy has it. So like, you know, it's not really up to you to avoid it.

Like, it's up to them to stop using it. You know what I mean? Like, you can't. I think, but it's, It's cheap. Again, the world relies on the world works and turns on the cost. And until people step in and actually give a shit, you know, it's going to still just be following the worst possible trajectory, right? I mean, the amount of times you can reuse a plastic water bottle, but the amount of times they are not reused is, you know, much higher. Fascinating stuff. I've got a friend who lives on, well, lives sort of near a farm and they, rent out this field to campers, right? Right. And I was talking to them about some of the... Is it just like, does it look like a sea of plastic after every camp is done?

They leave and they just leave all their plastic waste all over the place? I think people are pretty bad about it generally, yes. And people are, as you'd expect. Like, here's a few things. I wrote down a few things they told me. So one woman brought her dog and was dismayed to find that there were other dogs on the campsite as well. Right. And so her dog didn't get on with.

the other dogs? Well, then maybe your dog is the problem, love. So she left a review saying, it's a shame this place is not dog friendly. Wow. Well, I guess what she meant was, it's a shame that the other dogs were not friendly with my dog. It's a shame that this place didn't specifically cater to me and only me. Take it up with the dog manager.

Go and make a meeting with him. You have to bring a treat, of course. Sit down. It's a shame. I've just realized that... Yorns. The universe doesn't revolve around me. Dear universe, I'd like to make a complaint about the universe, please.

When are you going to start revolving around me for a change? Can we please have some more focus on just me? Oh, my God. Okay, I've got some more if you like that. If you like where they're like... Love a review. There was an email from a potential visitor who said they had quite a large group, so they wanted to get their own field.

Can you guess how many they thought a large group was? Four people. Four people, correct. Yeah. So, you know, yeah, sure. Go on, you can have your entire own field to yourself. Well, maybe they only know four people. To them, that's 100% of the people they know.

If you spend the vast majority of your life alone, then four people is a lot of people at a certain point, I suppose. If you're on a life raft made for one, four people is an awful lot of people. Yes, gosh, yeah. So one person said that they knew that there were animals in neighboring fields, and they said, I'm terrified of animals, so could you maybe do something with them during my stay? Like, send them away for a few days. These are city folk. These are all filthy, disgusting city folk.

Would you like me to slay all animals ahead? Or would you like me to do it in front of you when you get here? I'll slit all of their throats right in front of you. And then, that's something. A couple campers are just weird. So one of them, one of them was walking around. apparently there was a man walking around the campsite saying he was the owner, the farmer who owned the field

and asking people how their stay was going. Really? And it's just a random guy. The farmer's actually not that person. Right. And then another group were found... And what kind of info did he get from people? Like, what was the feedback?

Okay. Well, I just think they just, it was just weird. But they didn't know any better. They must have... So what, did they have a moment where they were like, they were like leaving? in there like, bye, thanks for everything. But the real owner was there like, yeah, no problem.

Like, did they have a realization that they'd been had by this guy? Or did they just leave thinking that that was the owner? What a nice guy checking up on us and stuff. None of my feedback has been action, Don, though. You know, just. Then next, so there was a person who arrived and they went to the loo and there was a poo in it. So they left a negative comment and demanded a refund.

Well, this is an outsource, like, this is like an outside, like a for hire toilet, like a plastic outdoor one. They just found a poo in the loo and they, like in the toilet, like where the poo's meant to be or like. I assume so, yeah, that's where they, well, I don't think it was on the ceiling. Hang on. Hang on. If you guys had a visitor to your house and you found someone else's poo in the toilet, come on now, you guys would complain historically. We know that to be the case. This is true. Yeah, but I mean, I've had many people in my house recently for work. But guess what? I hired one of those plastic toilets and I never looked in it once. So if there's a poo in there, it's not on me.

Who's been using this toilet? You hide a port to put outside your house. So that the workmen didn't have to use the poo in the loo inside your house. I absolutely did, yeah. And I feel no, I can sense a judging tone. No, you shouldn't judge about this. Lulu, you shouldn't judge me. Absolutely no shame about this.

If you have a big project. going on and you have like six to eight lads working all day. Your toilet's getting decimated every single day. It really is. I'm not kidding. They come in. They're absolutely filthy. Have you seen what those guys eat?

It's bad. Yeah. Go into any greasy spoon and watch what they eat and tell me that you'd have them shitting and peeing in your toilet on the regular all day every day. Many, many men. I think it's perfectly reasonable. It's not that expensive to hire a portion. It really isn't.

It's a hundred quid a month. They eat a hundred pound a month. There's nothing. It's nothing. And they come every week and clean it, too. Well, why do I even bother having real, Lou? Well, there you go. If I could just hire a porter, Lou, and use that.

Instead, I don't have to clean my bathroom again. Knowledge is power, baby. Arm yourself. You don't clean your bathroom. I don't clean my bathroom. So the final one is that one day, the farmer found a group of campers in the pig pen. Okay. Okay.

Were they fucking? No, I don't know what they were doing in there, but when challenged, they said, Well, it wasn't a sign saying we couldn't go in here. Right. It's a free country. I could do what I like. Like that sort of thing. You know how we've sort of talked about this idea of signs, being unnecessary signs

all over the place, telling you stuff? This is why. It's because people are so used to the idea of- Like, this goes back to the mind-the-gap discussion that we had recently. mind the gap. It's like, if you don't put the mind the gap or don't have the mind the gap thing, people will fall down and say,

well, didn't tell me to mind the gap, they didn't tell me that I was going to fall down the old. They're just, oh, if that's the eternal excuse, isn't it? And you wonder why there are signs fucking everywhere, explaining everything. I don't mind that there's signs everywhere, honestly. It doesn't bug me.

What if you had to have signs in your house that the government installed on the front door and be careful, you're about to leave your property, like on the inside, just in case people get confused. confused between inside and outside? Would you draw the line at that? Probably, yeah. Realistic. What if it was literally outside your property line? So just as you leave your gate or whatever, there's a big sign saying you are now leaving

your property. Be careful. Look left and right. Make sure you have your keys. Be cautious. Mind the gap. I would welcome that, actually. The amount of times I've left my house without my keys or without my underpants on or whatever. Like a little helpful checklist at the end of my very, very long, winding driveway would be really good. It would save me a lot of time and a lot of grief as well, you know, get to the end of that. And it's like just a checklist. Do you have your boarding pass? Do you have your passport? Do you have your keys? Do you know where your kids are? Did you remember to leave your bot farm on? Is your Bitcoin farm still running? You know, all these things that I, you know, sometimes forget about before I leave my house.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind that. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me too much. If it was like on my front door, I'd probably be like, this is a bit much. But if it was just like just outside my property or whatever, I probably would never notice it. I wouldn't really notice a sign. So can I just say one thing that happened to me this week? Listen, Lulu, you don't need to ask permission. Yeah, just.

Well, I know it's not positive. So I watched this video about how there's this idea in AI, okay? And sorry if everyone's groaning right now. There's this terrible idea in AI about how the super intelligence is coming. And I'm sure you've seen things about it. And there was this team of high-level AI people who sort of develop this sort of vision of the future, if you like. And it's kind of like a story-based thing of what's going to happen potentially over the next few years as AI's develop and become more intelligent. And basically what it leads to is a pretty terrifying dystopian situation where in the next five or ten years, AI gets smart enough that it can repeat.

place basically all the shitty jobs that we had many jobs, all the, do you know what all this? A lot of computer based jobs. The AI stuff reeks of, remember, remember just as the internet was like sort of being rolled out to the masses, if you like, you remember all those pictures that they had of like a young kid wearing a VR helmet on a skateboard on like the information super highway, you know, like they hyped it all up and they said it's going to do this, it's going to do that. And then very quickly, everybody just found porn and started making memes. And that's been it since basically in the 90s.

Yeah, yeah. While AI is like to take it over. I guess the whole point is that of this whole thing is that basically you in future will be able to hire an AI to do accounting, to do Photoshop, to do video editing, to do everything basically. and everyone will be out of a job and it'll be this disastrous situation, right, where unless we actively change up society or, and there's a couple of scenarios that they paint in this article.

It's called like, I don't know, Vision 2027 or some shit. But the idea is that on the one hand, you get this sort of AI arms race between the US and China where they both sort of start making these competing AIs in order to hack each other and do all this sort of evil stuff that governments have always done since the door to time. And then the other sort of idea is that governments get sick of it and sort of take control and try and make this AI that's kind of our safe AI almost.

They're strange visions of the future, but they're both quite terrifying. Anyway, I was using the new version of chat GBT5 because I was like, oh, there's a new chat, GBT5 just came out like yesterday or whatever. And I'm like, okay, I've got this spreadsheet I'd be making, okay, that I was like, oh, I've got loads of stuff to fill in in this spreadsheet, okay, like loads of information to fill in, loads of complicated stuff to fill in. And I was like, oh, why don't I just give the AI copy of it

and it can fill in the gaps, okay? So I gave it like five lines of information. I was like, do it like this, make some more for me, okay? And it did it so badly and so ineptly that I ended up going back and forth with it loads saying, why have you done this? You know, do you think, like, I was like, It was telling me things like a wooden table was made of metal plates.

You're telling it off. Yeah, I was like, do you think this is correct? And it's like, oh, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. And it was like fully, I think they call it sycophantic or whatever, right? It was fully kind of apologising and saying, I'll do that better. And it never did. And then eventually we went back and forth over like half an hour until I was like running out of credits or whatever because you only get like 20 free credits every five hours or God

knows what it is. And I felt like, first of all, I felt like it was dragging me out, almost like it was. was deliberately... Wasting your time. Wasting your time. Yeah, exactly. It's like, are you sure you want me to do this? Oh, what if...

I've got a little question. And eventually, I was like, just do it. Fuck off, do you know what? And then finally, when I was like frustrated with it, and I just said, please just do this as I've asked you to do. And it made me this like CSV file. Right. It was so wrong.

I said, this is completely wrong. What's wrong with you? Can you do it again? And it was like, oh, sure, I fixed it. And then it posted, I shit you not. it decided that instead of sending me a new CSV file because it said

would you like me to redo the CSV? I said yes okay and it generated a picture instead of a spreadsheet but all of the words were nonsense right because it doesn't understand words

and I was like you asked me if you wanted you've made a CSV file for me before like twice or something and I asked you asked me a question would you like a CSV file

I said yes and you gave me a picture of a spreadsheet sheet full of garbled information. And I'm like, this is the new one? I can't honestly think of a single thing that I would want AI to do for me. That is like that I can't either already do by myself or a person can simply do. And I would prefer to just actually speak to a person and do it very quickly and not be like bogged down.

Like I can't think of one single thing that I would ever use AI for. This is it? Because all the practical stuff, they can't do. Like, they can't drive the car for me and drop people off or run errands for me or, well, not, they can't yet. Like, it's not going to do that for me today. That's the point is I think that we're kind of, as a sort of, you know, we all use the internet and we read about this stuff and technology and stuff.

I actually do think we're kind of sleepwalking towards something quite sinister because although when we use all these LLMs and chat. GBT is, of course, the most famous one of those, and all of this AI for grok and shit, we're laughing now about how crap it is. But they're training AI to write the next level of AI. And AI is very, very good at not interacting with people, but at coding, really good at coding. And I'm pretty sure that once it starts being able to write its successor, and the successor is then better than the version that wrote it, you then have this runaway sort of cascade effect

where it becomes much more powerful, much more quickly than we're prepared for. So if you can imagine, if we went back in time and looked at very early versions of the primates that we are now, we'd be like, this guy doesn't even have opposable thumbs. He doesn't know how rocks work. He's still just eating rotten bananas off the floor of the jungle and ha ha ha, he's pathetic. But before you know it, you've got something that's like a thousand Einstein. So I think a lot of the time we write off AI because we're only seeing the sort of customer-facing end of it.

But I'm genuinely quite concerned about what's happening behind the scenes. And for a while, I thought that all this money going into AI was just the latest dot-com fad and it was just a bubble. I think a lot of these guys are starting to see things

that they think, if we're not in control of this, we're fucked. And the only countries that are really doing it are America and China. Yeah. So when it does happen,

the rest of the world is in genuinely big trouble. And I think that we're going to see the balance of power At the moment, although, yes, the US and China are two of the biggest economies in the world and a lot of what they do shapes how the rest of us live. Once an AI, a proper AI, not a fucking large language model, but an actually intelligent computer, a singularity exists.

We ain't going to have it in the UK. We're not going to have it in Europe. There's only two places that's going to exist, West Coast America and China. But they're going to sell it to us, and it's going to do all of our jobs, because it'll be cheaper. They're not going to sell it to us. It's going to be a service model. So it's going to be like live service AI, which is going to be very expensive, and who runs this thing?

I mean, are we just assuming that once they've achieved this state of Nirvana with this perfect AI, that it's going to be benevolent? What if it's just entirely biased and very nationalistic, which it may well be? The Americans made it, so it owes them, or the Chinese made it, so it owes them. What does it give a fuck about what happens in Europe? This is a problem. This is a genuine problem, and we're just, there's no oversight and no control whatsoever. So I am quite concerned about where it's going to lead.

I realize that's doommongering and apocalyptic, and, you know, you can write it off is sci-fi, but I try to think about that kind of stuff. And obviously, I do like to think of it from a sort of science fiction angle. I think it's, it doesn't lead anywhere good, ever. Yeah, probably not. I'm very anti-AI. I don't know, though. But not because I think it's shit.

Not because I think it's shit. I think it is now, it's laughable. But that, to me, is like, if you looked at the Wright Brothers plane, the Wright Brothers plane was dog shit. But it's like less than 60 years after that thing flew or whatever. around that time, we were on the moon. So the acceleration of technology from inception to what it could end up as is so far beyond your imagination at the point that it initially comes about,

that it's dangerous to ignore what it could be, in my opinion. Well, you're right. I think it's actually, yes, we're laughing at it now, and I'm asking it. I just asked it like, what the fuck? Did you... Just ask Shack GPT. What the fuck? I said, what the fuck? This is a picture of a spreadsheet, not a CSV.

How did you end up generating a picture instead? And it said, oh, sorry, that was my fault. When I tried to output the table, the system rendered it as an image preview. It's a quirk of how the interface – and it's just lying to me. It's just lied to me. It says it was literally a screenshot of a table dump. I'm like, well, it's not, is it, though? Because if you look at the link, I've sent you guys, the words are just – the letters

are just nonsense words, right? A Lundsudsligler. And that one looks like it's Icelandic. It's like, how was it, you made me a spreadsheet with that Icelandic in it and took a screenshot and then blurred it a load? Like, what it, do you see what I mean? It's already, it's not, it's just bad, it's lying, it's trying to cover its tracks. It's take it, it's going to take over. It's frightening.

Anyway, AI is frightening and terrifying. And let's move on because, oh my God, I don't want to, I don't want to think about it anymore. So I got that book, what is it, Dungeon Crawler Carl. Oh, yeah. And I'm about 100 pages in. and I'm not enjoying it. Really? Yeah, I think it's very badly written.

Is it a real, is it a real, well, you are an author. No, I'm not an author. No, it's just silly. It feels very teenagey. And honestly, it's, I mean, the amount of swearing, as someone who swears a lot, I understand why that sounds silly for me to say,

I curse a lot. Mrs. F has to tell me to please stop cursing. It's just the way I'm saying. I curse a lot, but I don't like hearing. other people cursing. It depends. It's really hypocritical. It's really tone and accent for me.

Some people can just weave in cursing to everyday conversation. I don't notice it or mind it at all. And then other people, it sounds so out of place and it bugs me. You know, like I can... It's just imagine if every single sentence... It's like nails on a chalkboard. Like if somebody isn't swearing properly, you know, like it grates on me. Yeah.

I think it's because he uses swear words instead of... a better word. So, to me, it's just lazy. And he over-describes things. Like, I'm looking at the thickness of this book. It's actually quite thick for what is a throwaway idea. It's 450 pages, this book. Now, I've read the first hundred pages, and I get it.

Like, I get where we're going and what's happening and all the rest of it. The sense of humor is very puerile, like, extremely puerile. I would say it's on a par with a slightly, it's like a slightly, yeah. It's not as detailed as saying the Triforch podcast, of course. But we're not writing this and carefully going back over it. We're just talking. Like, this is just the way people talk, right? We're not.

We are definitely not. Edit that, please. No, I'm going to get. So it's just, why use a swear word when you could actually use a better word? And he'll just use arseal or fuck or shit or piss or bastard or something. And you think that's lazy. And he over describes things. And see if I can find an example.

Oh, yeah, this cat called Donut, Mrs. Donut or Donut, Princess Donut or something, that just felt really unfunny to me that he has this cat. I don't think that's funny. Like, I get it. It's like, ha, he's wearing a leather jacket and ladies' shoes at the start of the apocalypse. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I just don't think that's interesting. And just to curse as often as he does, just curse, curse, curse, curse, curse, curse, curse.

Fuck, shit, asshole, damn, fuck. It's like, dude, what are you doing? Like, it almost feels like someone trying to impress you with the fact that they're swearing. And also, my God, the tropes, like the overused tropes. I'm like, oh, really? Oh, yes, I've seen that in a video game. Ha, ha, yes, that's exactly the way it is when I play a video. Do you know what this reminds me of?

Ready, Player 1, which was the, hey, hey, do you remember so and so? Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I get it. Like, I get the reference. I don't need 450 pages of that fucking reference. Anyway, that's my opinion. I will try and finish it for you, Lulu, but I'm seriously struggling with this guy's writing style. Apologies, Matt Deneman.

That's really interesting. Well, I didn't actually read the physical book. I listened to the audio book, which is... That would be even worse. Which is honestly really, really good. Stephen Fry? Is it Stephen Frye? What do you mean?

I'm not going to listen to Stephen Fry. I don't think he's all that. You know, I'm just saying that he narrated the audio book because he wouldn't suit him at all. That was all I would say. Oh, I see. I don't even remember Ready Player 1. I saw it, but that's the one where they're like on the...

They've got the VR headsets and they're on the treadmills in there. They live in like trailers, right? Yeah, exactly. You know, everything is like in the virtual world. Yeah. Yeah. They're basically, they've got sort of video game world that they all live in and interact in. It's all very MMO and video game inspired.

It's like a big, big VR game. And it's definitely set in like a future dystopia. Right. It's, you know, prescient in a sense. It feels prescient. But, you know, the world is likely. to be very different from the way anyone's really visualized it. You know, as much as sci-fi writers have a go at guessing, there's, you know, the world that

we live in now is not the same at all as people expected it would be 50 years ago. No. For sure. And changes have been so rapid. No. You know, and even today, it's so weird to think of the stuff being made by AI. You know, no one gave us the heads up on this stuff at all. No sci-fi writers who were any kind of, well, maybe there are.

Maybe there are some of them that were bang on. Let's know. The old Star Trek stuff, like a lot of the stuff that inspired, you know, like the like flip phones and what are some of the other, you know, like the little, they had those little clam opening communication devices and people think that like the first Motorola cell phones were based on that. And there's a bunch of other stuff too, but there's like Star Trek. And then there's all the, like, the early NASA technology for getting people into space and doing the moon landings and stuff. A lot of that stuff sort of crept back into the consumer market eventually as well. But I agree. I don't think anybody really saw like AI, but I, but maybe they did like, like Skynet is is kind of like AI from, but like from the Terminator universe, but that controls like robots and stuff.

So maybe maybe maybe people have been on it. Maybe people do realize that there's like. I think also sci-fi has to, in order to be popular, it has to be relatable to the people of the time that it was made. You can't have a book that people can't ever, who read it when it comes out, can't understand it because it paints this very strange vision. Then again, sometimes they do, like Bravely World paints a very different, a very alien vision of the future and other things too. And that's why they're kind of fascinating because, you know, they explore how society has changed in the, the wake of new technology. But things like that are more mainstream like Star Trek, there's a lot of familiar stuff.

There's a lot of stuff borrowed from the times that can be, that people can put themselves in the situation more. It doesn't feel. And as a result, you do end up with quite anachronistic things happening, you know, where the computers in some of the original Star Trek are worse than the computers we have now type thing. Computer. Computer, slide the doors open for me. I'm trying to get to the bridge.

One second, sliding doors. Doors open. Thanks, computer. Computer, it's made the push noise, but the door hasn't moved. Oh, is it like the AI where it lies about what it's done? Yeah. The computer just goes, no, computer, that's just you going, you're going to open the door. Yeah.

Yeah, it's going to be like that. I'm terribly sorry, there's been an error. The door was open, but you didn't see it. You didn't see it open. And now it's put first again. Second. Would you like me to open the door now? It's like, yes.

Are you sure you'd like me to open the door now? Yes. Your door credits have expired. Please subscribe to Door Plus. This is all, a lot of this stuff is very hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy as well. It is, because it is so ridiculous. A lot of it's so ridiculous. Door Plus is when it also closes the door.

So, if you don't have door plus, you're house is just going to get burgled. You should upgrade the Door Plus today. An extra fee. Big thanks to our sponsors, Door Plus, uh, Door Plus today. And Door Plus Pro. Keep it safe. Keep it safe with Door Plus. Um, yeah. Pro. And Porterloo, which is our other sponsor for today. I can't recommend it enough, Lewis. Um, if you're, Lewis, one day when you're a homeowner and you decide to have some renovations done on your home, mark these words. Okay. Get. Mark them. Get an outside portable toilet for any workmen that come over.

Do you know what? They'll thank you for it as well. They love them. They love it. They love them. They love them. They love them. They're drawn to them.

In fact, once you put one down, other workmen just turn up. I think it activates their bladders. Because I think they're normally go to a site and they're like, I got to hold it in all day. I'm going to have to hold it in all day. Or at least I got to hold it in until lunchtime or whatever. And then they see one of those toilets and they're like, oh, shit, maybe I can just let loose. They end up peeing in plastic bottles and just leaving the plastic bottles. around the corner. That's what happened several times. Yeah. And then, and then some of them accidentally

drink it as well, thinking there's free apple juice. Wow. God. God. Just here on the street. Free bottle of apple juice on the street. Oh, God, I'm so thirsty as well. You know what? One time when my kids were quite lethal, they didn't drink piss. I just want to jump in and out. They didn't drink piss. We were walking to school and there was someone had left a bottle of wine. It wasn't wine. They'd obviously drunk a bottle of white wine and then peed it back into the bottom. Right. Sure.

And they'd left it there and my daughter was like, a free bottle of wine, dad. I was like, don't be ridiculous, love. Someone's peed in that. And her face, she was like, what? She couldn't believe it. Ken and I know. There are those moments where you're teaching your kids.

People are revolting. Sorry, girls. Yeah, the rest of the world is not a safe bubble like our houses. This is totally, I was walking, I was on the walk the other day with some friends. And they were like, you know, like, there was some of those, you know, just brambles with wild blackberries on them. And I was like, and I was with some kids. And I was like, sure, you can pick them, but obviously only from above, like, waist high. Yeah.

Because there's no way, like any of the brats, any of the wild blackberries from below waist high have not been pissed on by something. Yeah. Like a dog or a rat or something. A rat. A rat's got a piss Yeah but I don't think They don't cock a leg like a dog And like pee up in an arc

I think they probably do I don't think a dog I don't think a lot of animals If they don't You're just gonna get a like a You gotta do it because if you just piss If you just like go into like a push up pose And piss right onto the ground

It's gonna spray all over you You got it you gotta do the lift And piss sideways You got the piss needs to be far away from you I don't think so I mean, I think mice and rats and those little rodents, I think they're basically incontent and they just go all the time. Because they don't have an area where they go.

They just squirts out the back. They've never seen a seagull? Like, it just works out. It's disgusting. It's really gross. Yeah. We got a baby seagull that is like haunting our, our neighborhood because. Okay.

It's a ghost? No, but he was born probably on my roof or close by. They, you know, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, like, just before the summer, they have their babies. The babies at first can't fly, so they walk around and, and, and, and constantly make noise to get their parents to bring food back for them. Those baby seagulls, there's a lot of them in Bristol at the moment, and they're so loud. They are so annoying, too. He's, he's, he's just constantly pacing around in our backyard and stuff. And, like, you just think, man, go out to the sea or wherever it is that you need to be.

Like, but not here. Don't just like any, he shits everywhere. There's fucking shit all over the place. The deck is covered in shit for your, the fence is covered in shit. And like my roof is covered in shit. There's shit everywhere. They're up there shitting.

It's like a fiesta. It's like they're shitting all the time. Yeah. That's like your roof. But they're protected. You can't, uh, like, because one year we had one and he was stuck in the back yard. He couldn't fly and it was, uh, it had been dry.

It was really hot. So I phoned the animal shelter and I said, can you guys come out and get him? Because he'd probably die. Like there's nothing for him here and he's stuck. He can't fly. And they're like, no, we can't. We're not allowed to touch seagulls. They're protected.

Not. Okay, well, this one's going to fucking die. Who told you that? Who told you that? Protecting him that well. Seagulls aren't protected. Apparently they are over here. Yeah, they're like.

I don't think you're allowed to like just capture them and break their necks and eat them. Well, I wasn't. I think that's just general don't be a dick, right? I wasn't saying that they should do that. Wait. I was just saying, just remove it. Seagos are protected. Put it in my neighbor's yard.

Just get it something. I don't know. I don't care. Just get it. I think you get old men buying BB guns to shoot them. And then they get wounded and injured. I would never do that. I think people do do that.

And certainly there's a generation above ours, you know, who survived World War II. God bless them. And, you know, good. Who did? Although then again, most people have you. Okay, sorry to interrupt you. I was just thinking, okay, what if you were like a true crime enthusiast, okay? You don't have to be, but let's just say for this example, you are.

My sister, another way. You love the idea of committing a crime and then getting arrested, right? So the cops, and you think like, oh, this is so cool, I'll get arrested. You hear about this, like an old woman did this because she wanted to get it on a bucket list. Yeah, she wanted to get arrested. But the thing is, because you'd be happy about getting arrested, the one thing you'd want to do is maybe put your arms up in the air and cheer. Like, hooray, I've been arrested, but you can't because you've got the cuffs on. You know what I mean?

Like, they're going to turn up and they're going to cuff you right away. So you're not going to get your moment. You're not going to be able to celebrate. Or maybe you can just have like us. Hands up. And you do that. That's good, a good point. Put your hands in the air.

No, you need guns. So we need to do. You got to go. Get a gun, and then they'll say, put your hands up, because that way you get to put your hands up. The hell? Do they say hands up or do they say hands down? They say, what do they say? Put your hands in the air.

I'm sure. Drop the way it's different. But I'm always like, if I drop, I would be tempted to say officer, I will drop it. But if it goes off, that's on gravity. Sometimes they scream hands behind your back. I tell you what, if somebody screamed at me in that tone and said, put your hands behind your back, they would be behind my back immediately. Like, I don't know what the hesitation is. sometimes with these people.

Criminals. They're hesitating, hesitating. And then like the tasers coming out and everything, you just think, man, just put your hands behind your back. Like he said, what are you waiting for? Jesus. That fight or flight response, isn't it? For some people.

There's just so stunned that they've been apprehended. Yeah. And they're just like, they almost, their brain doesn't compute that they're dealing with the police and that they're in a dangerous situation. Man. And I mean, I think it's underappreciated just what effect having a gun pointed out you does to the human brain, that the idea that you should just act rationally

and, oh, just do what they say. It's impossible to put yourself in that position because you can tell yourself that you would. A lot of the time, people's functional brain just shuts down. Man, if somebody's pointing a gun at my head, I'm like fucking Christopher Walken on the deer hunter. Of course. I'm like, I'm looking like that my pants are full of shit

and I'm hemorrhaging in the brain at the same time. Like, he's got that, I know he's not meant to be scared because he's kind of like, you know, he's had all the humanity and life stripped out of him at that point. But he does kind of look, he looks bad though, right? He looks a bit scared in the scene from the deer hunter. Which scene? Are you talking about when they're doing Russian Relat? So there's two.

Yeah, but there's two. There's the one where he's playing it when they're captives in Vietnam. And then there's the one where Robert De Niro goes back to try and find him because he's still playing Russian Relat. He's still playing. He's still playing. Which one? Because in the second one, he's just given up.

When they're captured. Yeah, in that one, he's terrified. Yeah. That's a great scene. Oh, that's incredible scene. Yeah. Did he meow? Yeah.

Slap at him. Did he bow? Mow! Fucking crazy. Before we continue, going online with that Express VPN is like walking your dog in public without a leash. Most of the time, you'll probably be fine. But what if one day your dog wanders too far and gets dog napped by someone?

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Let's have five solid minutes of Pyrin doing Mao from Deer Hunter Well we We didn't do Like we didn't finish your Japan chat really Did we? No I guess he didn't actually

Was there any more things from that Yeah there was there was more He had a whole list of things Just let's keep going through that We did a whole episode on it Are you sure you want to do more? I don't know if I just want a little bit.

I just want a little snippet. Just give them a little taste. All right. Let me see what I got up to you. We had to stop because I had to go somewhere. Yeah. I felt like I was, I was, I could have handled more. I got as far as my trip to Nara where I got bitten by.

Yes, where you got bit, where it turns out the dears were awful. Yeah. I'm sorry, I cut you off on that bit, but I wanted to say, like, that is one of these incredibly touristy, dream cammery, Instagram-y, like, beautiful and princessy moments, right? where everyone dresses up and they're like the dears and it's so beautiful and it's everything

it did feel genuinely dodgy and fake and I'm glad that that's what it was like I'm glad you had a bad time yeah no I we went there and I was like it was kind of like a wake-up call

for my youngest who had seen pictures and I have a video I forgot about this I was looking at the pictures the other day we get there she tends to say things

without thinking because she's like me like me and her are like the same person so she just says shit and it's taken me a very long time to try to rein in my instinct to just not let my brain have immediate access to my mouth all the time. It's a daily struggle and I often fail at it. We get to NARA. We get off

the bus and she sees so many deer and she says, is that a deer? And I'm like, what are you talking about? I said, I'm so glad I was filming that. My eldest is just ripping her part. She's just laughing because she realizes what she's done. But it's just like, love. You were the one who was showing us the pictures. Look at the lovely deer. We can go see the deer in Nara. We get there. There's a deer like two feet away.

She's like, is that a deer? I said, what? Like, that's what your brain is thinking. And then the other bit of your brain goes, yes, of course that's a deer. And you never say it. You never say that. Now everybody knows it. And I do that all the time.

Oh, my God. We all do. I'm so bad. I pass that down. I feel so bad. I think again, though, that's almost like, that's not so bad. I mean, it's not as bad as the lemonade thing, you know, or free wine. Free wine on the side of the road.

It's just funny. But it's like at another point where we were at this lake and it was like it had loads of lilies in it. It's in Tato City in Tokyo. It's beautiful. And we're going over a bridge and you can hear water. You can see water and you can see a lake with flowers and you can still see it's a lake. And she says, is that water?

And I was like, yes, of course it's water. It's what are you? Look at it. It's water. It's like, I think she'd go. into her head that because we're in Japan, everything was different. Do the laws of physics still apply? Is a deer still a deer? Is water still liquid on this world? You know, it was she was just talking and asking these questions. It just became quite the meme. And of course,

being very funny, she played up to it. She started asking, is that so-and-so questions and with a wry smile, you know, but anyway. Do you get that thing with your kids where they ask you a question about something that you know even just a bit about? And you explain it to them, but they just switch off almost immediately, like, within five seconds of you speaking, they're like, I did not want to know the answer to this actually at all. And but you just, you just keep going on and on and on explaining it all. I am terrible that as well. I, like, I, the other day, I, my, I asked my partner, you know, what she'd done today. And then I got a notification of my phone. So I picked my phone up. I didn't listen to anything she said. And I looked, I looked up

And I was like, she was just staring at me, like, angered. And I was like, I felt so bad. I'm like, I'm so sorry. But it happens to us, even if we tried our best. So one of the things we noticed, and my kids really noticed it and it started to get on our tits. Look, I don't want to upset any groups of people, all right, especially in the current climate. Right. But American tourists, have a fucking word with yourselves.

Please, please. You are not in America. You're in a different country. and they do things differently there. You are the loudest, by far, the loudest, most noticeable, least camouflaged tourists that you could ever come across.

Everybody knows when there's an American tourist around. You guys just have a voice that just cuts through everything. If you're ever at a pub and there's some Americans having fun, you'll know it because of all the wooing and the woo, every five seconds. Very loud people. And they seem to think that they're in Disneyland

everywhere they go. So, for example, in Disneyland, I'm sure you can have it your way. But you are at a train station in a fairly sort of, you know, suburban part of Tokyo. No, they can't give you that ticket. It doesn't matter how much you tell the guy that you need it. It doesn't matter how much you tell the guy he's got to make it happen. He can't do it.

They've sold out. And you can keep telling him that you're, you know, an American and you need it. It's not going to happen. I think they have this unbelievable attitude that they get to have it their way every single place they go. And they just can't. And they brains break. because they're used to that American service of, oh, absolutely, oh, sir, I'll see what I can do,

or just being able to berate someone and they just have been trained to suck it up. In Japan, if you go up and say, we need a ticket for the train tomorrow, this time, that has extra baggage space because we have big bags, and the guy says, I'm sorry, it's sold out, you can't just stand there for five minutes berating the guy.

You just can't do it. But I saw this couple doing it, and then every place we went, complaining about prices, trying to argue with people, trying to debate, and it was always Americans. I don't know what it is in their culture that they've been told

you can just fucking bitch of people and they'll just be like, oh, secretly, yes, we can. We're just being dicks. But now that we know you're Americans, we'll give you what you want. It was unbelievable. Once you noticed it once, you could not stop noticing. And I realize, please, I realize, as a British man, we are some of the worst tourists in the world when it comes to...

Oh, only in Spain, I think. ...shitting on places. That was what I was going to say is that, I'd be honest with you, I didn't see the kind of tourists. when you think of the nightmare English tourist abroad, the on the beach, the gammon's cooking. It's a big red fat man with a fucking white hat on. And he's just like holding a pint.

Drinking Stella and wants English food every day in Spain. I get it. Like I understand that you will say how hypocritical it is and how dare you English tourists are some of the worst. I will be honest with you, I've traveled all over the world. The tourists that I see, the British tourists that I see outside of places like that in Spain, are just not like that. Like, all of those tourists go to that place, which is why the Spanish are so fucking sick of

us going on a holiday in Spain, because we literally export this particular kind of tourist, the classic English tourist, and you go all over Europe, you'll see terrible German tourists, terrible Russian tourists, terrible English tourists, I get it. But I'm telling you, Americans, you are very loudly, consistently the most obnoxious and demanding tourists just following you is the Chinese tourists who were terrible in Japan. Awful. Really, really, really bad. What kind of stuff were the Chinese doing in Japan?

First of all, I don't know. I guess Japan is a huge destination resort for them, a tourist destination for them because it's very close, very different, and it's very cheap. So, everywhere they go, having been to China, Chinese people don't do queuing. They don't do just jostling along in a crowd and everybody getting along the way you do. if you're in a busy area in the UK, you don't feel like you're fighting for air. The Chinese will just barge you out of the way. They will jump in front of you in the queue.

They will push past you to see what you were looking at. They just don't give a fuck. And there's so many of them in such big groups that it was just like overwhelming. We went to the aquarium and it was like 80% Chinese tourists. And you literally could not get to the tanks to see. You'd get there to have a look. And someone would just literally step in front of you. Like, there's no room between you and where they've stepped.

They've filled that gap in the most incredible way where you just think, how is that even possible? How could you have any self-respect to just be like, well, I want to see it? So I'm just going to push. I'm just going to stand in a gap that you were breathing in that gap. Previously, that was your breathing gap. Now I'm in there. Now there's a Chinese tourist in there. So what is happening?

But that's how they roll. And if you don't do that in China, you don't get. You literally, there is no, oh, you were clearly here first. They just don't roll that way. There's over a billion of them. You can't fuck about. If you want some, you better fucking get it. So it's tough as a tourist to deal with that as well.

It's very different from the way British tourists are. Yeah. Yeah, it just depends. Again, with British tourists, it depends where you go. They seem to be worse in like the kind of, like the traditional destinations, mostly Spain, parts of Spain. Yeah, honestly, I've not seen tourists like that. seen tourists like that, like the classic English. I mean, you will get them, I'd say the other

group is British stagdos, which are like, if you go to somewhere like Tallinn, you go to somewhere like Krakov, you go to somewhere like Prague, just all these awful British lads who just think, I'm just going to fucking battered everything. Portugal stuff is the same as Spain with the drinking and the sun and all of that. And it's just like they just want to go there and switch off their brains and get hammered and just make it Spain's problem. or Portugal's problem. And you better give us fry-ups and the pub better be called Irish pub or whatever. It's really unbearable.

And I get it. But I don't see them, like you said, I don't see them in Munich. You know what I mean? When I went to Munich on holiday, it was beautiful. Oh, Munich's lovely. I hardly saw any English people there, which was great. When I went to some really nice parts of Italy, didn't see those kind of tourists. Whereas I feel like you do see the stereotypical American tourists everywhere.

And they're all the same to me. The ones you notice, anyway. Apologies America Not really though I completely get it I've seen it as well and it's crazy how I think

I think it's just people doing something and not being called out and learning that they can get away with it right? Do you think they get stressed out when they're in an unfamiliar environment as well? I think everybody does It's like a stress reaction I think they've been misled their entire

lives about for example I know lots of people who work in hospitality and stuff, and people that have emailed in about this, American tourists giving them dollars and expecting them to take it. That's here. That's in the UK. Or they'll try and tip you and they'll want to give you American dollars. Like you're going to be like, oh, thank you. Finally, some currency that can purchase bread for my starving family. What are you doing? That's not, it doesn't work here. Now you just, what are you, they just assume that there's some, that there's some kind of diplomats for democracy and, uh, and for civilization, the rest of us are just grubbing around like cavemen.

Like, no, no good here, brother. The other thing is that, like, they, I guess it's more of a, oh, well, I don't have any local currency, but I do want to tip. And so therefore, is this going to work? Right. But wouldn't you, Lewis, if you went to another country, just do the tiniest bit of research using the Google platform that their country created and owns, why don't they use that? It's free.

I think it's very easy, though. A lot of the things we do are. very easy to justify us to ourselves in a sensible way. And they're also very easy to frame in a negative way. You know, at least they were trying to tip and be nice, right? No, no, no, no, no. No, no. I'm not having that.

Do you see what I'm saying, though? I get it. I mean, you can say it comes from a good place, but it's incredibly fucking patronizing. So the defense can't just be, oh, I was just trying to tip. The argument is it's not a tip. You've now given me a chore. And in fact, this is a pain in the ass. I've got 10 bucks that I now have to go and get.

get changed into what, six quid or whatever. And I'm going to charge commission on that. And it's just a pain in the neck. It's just ignorant. It's just willful ignorance. And this assumption, that's the thing, it feels like they're just assuming that the dollar is so powerful that here in Britain, why that goes five times as far as our local Mickey Mouse money. There is a little bit of that, isn't there? It's really annoying. I think it's different from person to person. And I think there is, to some extent, I think sometimes you see it with, in Disney, with a dad who is very desperate for his daughter to get to a thing or see a thing and it does feel like they are panicked and stressed and they need to they don't care right

and you do see that too with some people who are in a hurry or they're late or they're like they've got some you know what it's like though right like you've experienced it too when something's happened that you're like oh my god and that you realize what you know I'm rushing or I'm driving not many times really But there's definitely like one or two standout times. One time, funnily enough, we were in Bristol. And we got lost trying to get back to the airport. We hired a car and we got lost trying to get back to the airport.

And we got to the airport and there was like two minutes left before checking closed. And we're like, there's no way we're getting stuck here. Like we had like our kids were much smaller at the time. So they, you know, they were all like formula diapers, everything. and there's like, fuck, there's no way we're missing this flight. And we were running and running. But like, I don't think we were ever rude to anyone. We were just like, just tried our best to get to where we needed to get to.

And then when we got there, we were like, oh, have we made it? And he's like, yeah, just. Like, it's fine. You have like five minutes. And we're like, oh, thank God. But like, even if we'd missed it, I would just been like, oh, well, you know, we tried. You know what can you do? I think that the reason it hurts when you see people being unreasonable and being dickheads,

especially when you're on holiday. is that you're trying to put in the effort to not be like that. Yeah, absolutely. Like, when we're traveling, I'm trying to make sure that when I'm dealing with the locals or, you know, I'm trying to be as open to the way they do things as possible. Oh, I think we're even more culturally aware of that in Japan where it's so different and everyone's so polite and so crazy. I don't want to mess this up for you guys.

But we also hear such horror stories about, Siris, that you feel guilty as a tour. 100%. But then when you see someone who's. giving tourists a bad name, especially if they're from your country or the adjacent, you know, English-speaking country like America, you think, why did we put in all this effort? And now you've given all these people a story about how terrible these English-speaking tourists are. I just feel like you have so little guilt about the work I've put in to be a decent tourist. And you're just, I just don't care. I'm on holiday, me, me, me. Then it's just like,

oh, my fucking God, that's the, that's the tourist people are going to remember. So when I go somewhere on the British tourists of being cocks. I think, please, please don't be English. Please don't be English. And then you hear their voice and you think, fuck, now I'm lumping with them for the rest of my life. This sucks. I hate it. Yeah. It's especially, like you said, you're making an effort to be reasonable and not to create a scene and to create a stink or whatever. And especially if you have kids, you're trying to show them not to be like that as well. And so if you're in line and the person in front of you is going off on one because whatever hasn't worked out or whatever, your kids are just standing there watching this happen. And oftentimes are saying like,

why is that person so angry? And you're like, oh, well, you know, you have to explain it to them and hope that they don't just, you know, copy that behavior. And instead, they just copy the, the behavior that you're trying to model and stuff. There's some social responsibility in there, right? Like to have a little bit of restraint, you know, when you feel like, Like, you're just going to have an almighty Karen meltdown in the, in the Tesco or whatever, you know, like you have to, you have to consider that there are other people around that don't really want to hear you doing this or, and they don't want their kids to have to listen to this either because you, you are constantly trying to teach them how to interact

with society, something that they are going, that they are already part of, but are going to be a majorly a part of like in not that many years like they they grow up quick and then they're they're hopefully going to be fully functioning members of of society there'll be you hope so you know probably the people that are going to be your doctors when you're even older and and dentists and all these all these people that have seen you now acting like a cunt and are going to be very aware of your cuntish ways in the future yeah it's bad it is bad you know I think the The thing is, you do end up burdening your children with the knowledge of how awful other people are when you raise them right.

Because now my kids, my kids hate litter so much. When they see litter, they see people just leaving stuff everywhere, they get irrationally angry because they haven't yet reached the point where they've given up. They're still young and hopeful. And they're like, the world can be a better place. Whereas now I'm just like, I have abandoned all hope for things ever getting good ever again. And so I've kind of just sunk into this depressed hole, whereas there's, still like, no, they're still hope.

They're still hope. I don't want to tell them there is that. But when they see people having a barbecue in the middle of the green and just set and fire to the grass and be like, let them out and just leaving, I'm like, kids, the whole world's going to burn and you're going to be the one saying, how could we let this happen? This is it, this is it, right? It is this gradual erode, this is being a dad, but getting to a certain age. A lot of the things we talk about in this podcast, we realize that we are becoming our fathers,

right or at least we're becoming old men we're becoming grumpy old men and it makes us realize why could not be less like why grumpy old men are like the way they are you know and i think i think it's like a male menopause thing i think in a general sense men men lose testosterone over time and uh that leads them to be grumpier sad and sad and sad depression they they they retreat from society more they're alone more it like it is it is a It is like an old man thing. It's a known old man thing. The older you get as well, it gets worse and worse.

I don't know if there's any way around it. Maybe just like have some hormone therapy or something. Maybe that's too warm. I do feel better if I do like exercise and stuff, like lifting things or cycling or just playing any kind of outside activities sport. I always feel a lot better. I feel like, oh, this is fun. And I'm getting some testosterone and stuff going.

But I feel like a lot of the time just as you get older, you genuinely have less energy. Yeah. And it is just harder to get up and move around and have that input. I find I get I'm a lot more. I was talking about this yesterday when I was streaming. I'm definitely crankier. And I find I have less, less patience for like weird things, you know, like I find like I feel really inconvenience. Who moved the remote?

Why have you put the remote on that table? It lives on this. Yeah, yeah, but I don't get angry. But I, like, I'm a known, like, I sigh a lot. Like, I'm, you know, I'll be like, oh, you know, like if something, if something isn't, or like, I open, if I open a cupboard and like a million things fall out of it, you know, and I'm just trying to get like, you know, a replacement toothpaste or something, you know, you'll hear it, like the whole house will just be like, oh, he's open to cupboard.

Because, like, all you can hear is, it's like, it's like, it's like the cupboard has sighed, you know? Like, I open it up and it's like, oh, it's funny. I can laugh about it, but I definitely see myself doing this more and more. I'm getting, I'm getting more annoyed by, like, little things that I probably shouldn't be annoyed by, but I think it's just part of getting old. I've been looking through this lose news, because we haven't done it for a little while. And I've got two articles about slime or goo. Oh, hell yeah. Would you like, would you like that?

What do you mean you've got two articles about slime or goo? I saw I was watching this thing. I was watching just on the topic of slime and goo quickly before you start. I was watching this thing where this man, I think he weighed 900 pounds and he was in bed. And he had the, he looked like a puddle of slime. Like a person. No, he did. He had like absolutely no shape.

But I suppose you wouldn't at that size. Like he was just. Oh my God. The amount he ate is unbelievable. Think about the skeleton beneath that. Like, your skeleton doesn't grow. No, no, it's just the normal skeleton with just lots of extra flesh and stuff. Layers and layers of flesh and flat.

No, it just struck me that like he just looked like, like, when you get to see that big, you just look. He was laying in bed because I don't think he could do anything else. He just looked like a puddle of person. Like, but, you know, like it was everywhere. Yeah, there he is. Puddle dude. Sorry. Puddle dude.

It just reminded me of that. A ship, a ship on the great life. Right. Right. Okay. Remind me where the Great Lakes are again? That's in America, right? Yeah, that's like Ontario, Michigan, you know, like you got Great Lakes.

You got like the Erie, Lake Erie, Superior. Near Chicago and all that. Superior, Michigan and Hugon. Huron. Lake Hugon. Huron. So there was a ship, a research vessel that was put into Dry Dock being mended and they know noticed that there was this viscous black ooze, like gunk on the rudder shaft of the ship.

Isn't that bad? So it was like a thick grease or oil, but the rudder shaft wasn't supposed to be lubricated by anything other than lake water. And instead of like a petroleum smell, it had like a weird metallic smell. It also didn't leave a sheed on the water nor burn in a blowtorch flame. So they sent a sample of it to the University of Minnesota Duluth Large Lakes. observatory, right, or whatever, someplace. And they analyzed it. And this stuff called Shipgoo, they've called it,

has got previously unidentified forms of life in it. No way! I suppose is a thing that can happen, right? Like microbes. Shipgoo zero-zero-one. There it is. There's a mixture of apparently newly discovered forms of microbial life found upon a ship in the Great Lakes.

Nice. Yeah. So it's obviously been relatively like sealed Okay, it's a complicated puzzle, but I think that area of the ship was something that was exposed to the sea, but also wasn't like, didn't really have any oxygen. So they're not sure what it was feeding off, whether it was feeding off like the water, stuff in the water, or whether it was feeding off like the metal on the rudder. They think they're anaerobic. That's incredible. I know.

And so it's got this weird, these weird microbes. And it is just kind of fascinating, right? that this is still happening, that nature, I guess, is creating these interesting things. So you have seen this before with, you know, new microbes evolving to, like, degrade plastics or degrade, you know, waste because that's what nature does. It sees a source and it figures out a way to eat it. Like it's cotton candy after the water's been increasing. So hold on, there was a, there's a Stephen King short story called, I think it's called the raft,

about some sexy young people that go out swimming at night and there's a raft in the middle of a lake and there's this viscous goo, this animated goo that slithers across the lake. And at one point, it sucks one of them into the lake. Okay. And one guy is standing on the raft and they're trying to stay away from the waters so they can't get, they don't get eaten by the goo. They're going to wait till daylight and then signal for help. And there's a tiny crack in the raft and he gets sucked through.

that small crack, which is like two inches across by two inches across, his entire body is sucked through that gap. And it's a very Stephen Kingy description of like his eyes bugging out of his head and blood and it's really horrific. It's stuck with me a long time because I read that when I was a kid. So as soon as you mentioned shipgoo, I was like, do not go swimming near the shipgoo. Shipgoo, it sounds disaster. But the second article about goo was written by the shipgoo.

I am shipgoo. Underneath New York City Yeah In fact not New York City but New York generally This is this ghost bustle this is You're going to describe the entire Of Ghostbusters 2 here aren't you Yes there is a massive blob

Yeah Slime! It's an ocean of slime! Of rock underneath Appalachia Right That's oozing towards New York City apparently It's a weird thermal upwelling That has long been a puzzling feature

of North American geology. Mysterious hot blob of underground rock. So it's basically a sort of slime ball thing, which I don't think it's slime, but it's kind of not exactly solid either. It's like hot rock, basically. It's kind of lava or magma. Magma. It's been slowly oozing its way towards New York City.

It came from the Greenland North America Rift Zone But it's going to take about 10 million years To reach 12 miles every million years So it's not oozing all that fast But eventually it will What's it going to do? Well, I think we need to send in the Ghostbusters When it gets there in 12 million years

It's going to kidnap a child And sacrifice it to a painting of an old medieval warlord from eastern Europe, and it's going to form an airtight seal around a museum as well. Yeah. That's just the kind of top three things it's going to do, amongst other things as well. Yeah, and we're going to need a team of four men,

or possibly women, to shoot it with proton packs and catch you in a toaster. Yes, absolutely, yeah. Okay, good. Perian, what do you have to say? What was it actually going to do? I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

It says it in the article. It said, okay, so it did say that it basically causes a slight uplifting of the terrain above it. And then as it travels, as it leaves, obviously stuff kind of sinks back down a tiny bit. So it might cause, it's like a big bubble of goop. It's like tremors. Uplifts things above it. Yeah. So New York City might rise a little bit and then come back.

that down a little bit. That's it. There goes, slime news. God, thank you so much for the slime news. You're welcome. In 10 million years, we're fucked no matter what. So, you know, at least we have, you know, there's a lot of people that are sort of guessing, oh, maybe the world will end this way or maybe you'll, the world, in 10 million years, that slime is going to start with New York, and that's only the start.

It's going to keep going. Yes. It's going to gobble up all the, all the great cities. and then when it's done with that it's going to hit all the little villages and then before you know it there's nothing left Do you want the rest of Lou's news should we go to the rest of plus more

Make it quick Lou So And make it interesting A woman named Christine Cornell endured years of persistent facial pain Before it was discovered That she was suffering from an E. coli infection That had been lodged in her sinuses

Oh my God This is a surprising location for a germ that's normally found in the gut. However, they believe they've now found the source. Apparently, when she had had ankle surgery, she was lying in bed. Her boyfriend farted on her face. What a shithead. And it caused her to have a seven years of infection. So she can pinpoint the start of the pain at that point, and that's where their investigations went.

Do you know what I reckon it is, love? Do you remember that Thursday morning, I woke up and I farted in your face? Yeah, I do remember that. I remember that very well, actually. And somehow, for some reason, we're still together. We're still together seven years later. I reckon that was that. I reckon I gave it out of E. coliid end.

Because I had a really bad stomach that day. That's why I farted in your face. Yeah, that's right. It was really funny, didn't you? Yeah, I did think it was fucking hilarious because I love you. And that's how I show that by literally spraying chip particles from my ass alongside a very, unpleasant gas into the face of my loved one, as any man would. Just a bit of a laugh, in it?

I'm just going to head out on the beach, get my belly out with a pipe. Where's my own, cream? I'm going to drink my water out of a plastic bottle and then eat it when I'm done as well. So that is that one. Then apparently... I love how they traced it back. How did they figure that out? We've got CCTV footage.

breaking your boyfriend's ass. Case closed. It's a perfect match. So, so, Turtle Tortoise news, Sips, your last one.

Yeah, I love this, yeah. There's a tortoise called Goliath. Right. Right. And he is a galap, a galap. A galapagos.

A big old, Portis. Yeah. He is 135 years old. Right. Okay. And he has just become a father. My God.

That's correct. He's like the Al Pacino of the tortoise world. He's like the Robert De Niro of the tortoise. Was the person, was the tortoise that he created new life with 20 years old? Oh my God, almost certainly. So he is 234 kilos. Wow.

He's massive. God, he's a unit. His little babies, you can hold them. Sounds like a fine specimen. They're like the size of the palm of your hand. Well, he'll still be around for the New York slime crows. In 10 million years, probably. They live a long time.

So apparently he was tempted with various several females, and it wasn't until he met Sweet Pea, who is the... My little sweet pea, come and rub my shell for me. It doesn't say anything about sweet pee. You know, these articles never mention the women. Do you know Charles Dance's father? You know the actor Charles Dance? Yes.

His dad was born in 1874. Right. Oh, holy crap. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. And was old as fuck when he had Charles Dance. His wife was, I think, 30, and Dance Senior was in his 70s. And now Charles Dance is old as fuck.

And, yeah, 1874. That's pretty wild. God. That's, that's Napoleonic, isn't it? That's crazy. No, I think that's not. Well, I think Anna Nicole Smith's late husband was born in like 16, 25. They got married when he was like 95 years old.

Napoleon died in 1821. There is a... Honestly, that whole decade, we're just like, that was Napoleonic, wouldn't it? That whole century, oh, that whole century, 1801 to 1901, it's just Napoleon, isn't it? 100 years was poaching around, yeah. So there is a...

Okay, there's, there's, that's that. Orcas, you know, orchars, they're... Yeah, green. Wow, those lads. They've been seen using kelp to exfoliate each other and stuff. So like using tools, basically.

Right. They post about, Get Ready with me, orca channel on TikTok. The first marine, the first marine, yeah, they're like rubbing kelp and stuff

on their, I start my day with a kelp rub applied by one of the other orcas because I don't have hands. And then it's off in the ocean for 24 hours of swimming and torturing a couple of seals. Is this like,

in 10 years there's going to be like, the orca Steve, the big influencer who said that you should smother kelp

all over yourself daily has died from kel I was going to say

what will be more like sexually assaulted someone that would be the

normal fucking content creator path to go down isn't it this is

a fucking insane article that apparently mushrooms have played a

song on a keyboard fuck off next Next. Next. Don't even read any of that, please.

Next. Straight to next. Apparently. Was it the theme music for Doom? Because that, anytime anything plays music, it always seems to be doom for some reason. If the mushrooms, that would be amazing. Yeah, that would be good. Lewis, I don't want you to read that story.

Do not read it. We were so afraid of AI taking our jobs that we forgot to see the real threat. Please let the mushrooms take over. I like them a lot. Don't let the mushrooms take over. They are nasty. I hate fungus is so fucking nasty. Anyway, sorry.

A retro gaming YouTuber in Italy may face jail time for reviewing an Android-powered handheld gaming device that sometimes come preloaded with old games. So as emulation is on the murky gray area of what's allowed. right um sometimes they're that these the he's he's he basically is a guy who sort of has had tons and tons of old game cocktails and random game consoles and ROMs and so yeah uh he's he might be going to prison for just buying something that was preloaded with ROMs that he didn't even download or install himself man there's a fucking spooky world we live in isn't yo what do you win for uh well um I've got a whole bunch of ROMs on my handheld device

I've got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the Snares. Do you remember that game I came out in 1991? So yeah, gaming news otherwise. Old school RuneScape is more popular than ever. Yes. It's long been the most popular version of RuneScape. Good. So yeah. Sorry RuneScape and Joyers, but no.

To give you some idea, Sips, that is not just a casual game. I don't want to hear too much about it because it. A lot of people say, don't go near it because for you, it's like crack. No, no, no, no, no, it's not for you. I guarantee you it's not for you. All right, I will give you an example. This is something I was reading. I watched a video about this the other day, actually, and I've read a bit about it.

I've mates who play Root Escape. They're obsessed with it. But the amount of efficiency that you need to have, there is an ad on you can get that is like a clicker tempo thing. If you click your mouse every 0.6 seconds, you can get a hit in on the exact tick of the server so you can do more attacks. Right. And if someone, if you're on one health, an enemy fires an arrow at you, if you only have

one health, the arrow will only do one hit point of damage. So while the arrow is in the air, you have, I think, half a second to quickly eat some food that gives you an extra health. So now you're on two health. So the arrow only does one health. That's the level of bullshittery that this game is. It's not just a fun, oh, let's go chop some wood. These lads are doing it.

Like, I have to make sure that I chop wood exactly efficiently, click, click, click, click, click. It's insane. People have been talking, a lot of big wow streamers have been going over to Roonscape and talking about it and being very much like, well, this is like, they're saying things like, well, I think one of the things I saw said, RuneScape feels like wow without the FOMO or like it feels like, I don't know, like different. It's very different. It's very, very different game. But anyway, it's, it's got 240,000 players compared to the official Roonscape, RuneScape version, which has only got a tenth as many players. So it's really like having a moment, right? right now, old school runescape. It's just, if you are a never, super, super sweat and you really want a game where you can focus on things like server tick rates

and maximum efficiency, it's 100% for you and it will eat your time. I do not think that is you, brother. For the games that you play, I think you'd get, this is really annoying quite quickly. In my opinion. Well, here you go. This is the next article. The odds of getting

360 no scote by someone who consumes prune juice are higher than you think, older and Adults represent a significant chunk of U.S. gamers. More than a quarter of the 205 million gamers in the U.S. are 50 and older. Wow. Almost half of baby boomers play a video game every week. And 36% of people in their 80s play a video game every week.

Oh, my God. Well, that'll be me when I, if I ever make it to my 80s and I'm in my 80s, I'll be gaming. I'll still be gaming. What else are you going to do at that age? There's like, for example, there's like a 60-year-old tactical grandma who's so good at Call of Duty that she's got hundreds of thousands of followers on Twitch. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a huge, untapped marketplace, old people games. You know, maybe you want to, maybe we should like invest in games where your grandchildren give you a phone call or, you know, just a thing that reminds you when Matt locks on.

Yeah. I don't know. All the, all the stuff. All the old stuff. like a good old stuff yeah you're going to be qualified as an older

adult soon pflax how do you feel about that sorry say it again I missed the start when do you turn 50 um flax to next year

March next march older adults that is so what were you going to what were you saying you asked me a question repeat it you're going to be an older adult

yes I already feel like I'm I don't give a shit I feel I felt old for the last eight years I'd say 41 I thought things are going all right, 45 or something, not so great. And now I'm 50 next year, I mean, I'm just, oh, I've just abandoned all hope of ever being young and energetic ever again.

So I'm just trying to, you know, be as chill as possible. Just be chill. But if you lean into it, you become that stereotypical grumpy old man. And people tell me I'm a grumpy old man online and stuff, but I really think it's an unfair Well, talking about turning 50, unfair statement. Microsoft has just turned 50. Wow. it's released these marks.

Mike Rosoft. Michael Rossoft. Michael Rossoft. Yeah. Has made some special crox, custom crocs, Windows XP Crocs for you to... Windows XP Crocs.

Windows XP Crocs. I'm interested in Windows XP Crops because Windows XP is still a good OSF. There you go. I've posted a little picture of them in the recording server for you to enjoy. They have a little clipy on them. They've got a little recycle bin. Those are ghastly. They are hilarious, honestly.

Those are like pins that you can pin through the holes of the crops. Yes, yes. They're very popular. They cost $80. And they come with a matching drawstring backpack. Oh, my God. So there go. If you want to have something to take the bins out in,

that also reminds you of the good old days of Windows XP. There you go. That's the thing that's probably not available now. Finally, some more accessories that will ensure I will never touch a female for the rest of my life. This is exactly what I needed. More accessories to help me with this.

Could you drive women away from me even more, please? Thank you. Oh, can I, a little, wait, a little update for all the Puritans out there. I've unfollowed all of the thirst traps on my Instagram. Really? Yes, I have. Okay. Why? Like, what the fuck is the deal?

You seem to get so much joy from that. Why did you give up? I did, but I unfollowed them for two reasons. One, because I got sick of saying I was, and I quote, a bad father for following those ladies, fuck you, and I thought I don't want to give them that ammunition, so I've unfollowed. Okay. Don't need the puritanical right coming after me, being a bunch of Christian knobbeds about it. But two, and the real reason, is if you followed me, it apparently would recommend these

accounts to you quite often. So I was like, okay, fair enough. And so I'm just followed you so that I can get in on some of this hot, booty action. Well, I'm sorry, bud, but now when I click search to look for new. accounts. There's a surprising lack of bosoms on here. It's all like sports stuff and people I know and like Harry Hill clips. Okay. So I'm like this is actually a lot about. Harry Hill Clips. I will say that not something has ever been recommended to me on any. Oh, I love Harry Hill. I do like Harry Hill. I do want to point something out. I do also still know a lot

of very attractive women. And working in e-sports and working with the yorks, that is just the way it is. So every time you see an attractive woman, maybe just think to yourself, hey, maybe that's someone he knows, rather than kind of asking me. Just a thought. Good. Thank you. That's a great way to do it. So, a man has been awarded $12,000 after Google Street View camera caught him naked in his

back garden. So obviously, he has got a six and a half foot high wall around his garden. Right. But the Google street car is taller than that, and it could see over, and it caught him nude. And he got, and it was revealed to all of his. small town in Argentina, and he was very embarrassed by it. So it was, he was apparently ridiculed at work and amongst his neighbors. What for being nude in his backyard? Up until recently, a court dismissed his claim for

damages ruling. He only had himself to blame for walking around in inappropriate conditions in the garden of his home. However, after an appeal, they concluded this man's dignity had been fragrantly, flagrantly, sorry, flagrantly violated. I don't know if my penis has ever felt direct sunlight before. Right. I don't think it's ever even seen the light of day, is it? Not often. No, it's normally, it's normally tucked away.

Tucked away. Hybernated. There have been times when sun has come in a window, or I've had the windows open and some sunlight has, but like directly on your penis? I would say, yeah, if I'm, if I'm indoors and the windows, we've got like those big dormer windows, if they're open because it's hot, and I'm, some sunlight, yeah, I'm sure some of it's directly at my penis. Have you never been skinny dipping?

I have been skinny dipping, but I kept my underpants on. But that's not skinny dipping. Like skinny dipping is something that kind of happens at night, though, isn't it? It was nighttime. It's true. There's a lot of shrinkage. You know, like George said, there's shrinkage. I don't want to be there with this tiny little cold peepee

and people would be like, oh, that's all he's carrying around. So I wore underpants. I think it's fun for thought, though. No, I'm trying to think of if my penis has ever seen the light of day either I mean like it'll be naturally lit in your house during the day I've had my dick out for sure

I'm just wondering if I don't know if it's ever basked in direct sunlight wait so directionally in my entire that's been uninterrupted in his backyard naked has felt full on unfiltered sunlight directly

onto his penis and I don't know if I've ever had that you know when you're born in a hospital you know you then get swallowed and you get taken home and everything's covered up, right, for your whole life. So I don't know if ever my, I have been, maybe when I was a little boy, maybe, like, playing in the garden or something. Within living adult memory, all right, here's when it might have happened if you've ever

had to take a pee outdoors. Oh, yeah. Up against a tree or something like that. Yeah, but even then, it's not, I don't know if I would have done that in direct sunlight. I would have found a shady spot. Yeah, there's some shade, yeah. That's true. I'm trying to think of any occasion.

No, that's it. Okay, that's nice to know. Maybe it was dappled, like dappled someone. So it may have felt dappled sunlight upon its shaft, but it has not felt the raw solar irradiate to a tanning booth or maybe just get one of those, you know, like one of those lights that people use, like when they don't get enough sunlight, like an indoor light, you know, maybe just shine that right onto my dick or something. I don't know.

Maybe I think my dick would benefit from it. Get a bit of sunlight on your peepee. Hey, here's a little, here's our week's mission. We can set ourselves all a mission of get some sunlight on your peepe, even if only just for a second, just to say you've done it. Don't take a picture. No, no pictures. And listen, I'm not asking chat.

I'm not asking people listening to this. I'm saying the three of us. Oh, okay. I'm not asking listeners. I'm going to a family holiday destination next week. Yeah, but there might be a moment where it's really sunny. There's no one around. I won't risk it.

Just for a second. I would be, what if, I mean, that would be really embarrassing, you know. What are you doing? Just trying to get some sun on the old, uh, film. I realized that I've reached the age of 45 years and I don't think my penis has ever enjoyed direct sunlight. So I decided that this is the time for it to happen in the middle of this. And then the people car comes trying to buy.

This heavily touristed area. I've got my penis out, everybody, and it is enjoying the sun. He needs to see sunlight. He must enjoy the kiss of the sun. I want my dick to me sunkiss this season. My son kissed summer cock. That is it. West offing.

There is your podcast type. My son is a sun kiss summer cock. Yeah. My son kissed Sam, I caught Amazing Jesus Christ There's different ways

To interpret that one as well, I suppose Thank you everyone Anyway Goodbye Oh my God Don't Fuck me, yes Shit

What? My son kissed Oh, oh God Okay, God I didn't even notice that I just got it See you later

Bye Thank you.