Triforce! - Simple Simon Ep. 3 Ft. Hat Films

Episode Date: October 26, 2013

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Welcome to Simple Simon, episode three. Yeah. Today we've got Hat Films. Hello, Hat Films. Wow, you guys look beautiful there in the lounge. Thanks, man. It's very nice of you to say. So this is a game where we ask Simon simple questions about our guests and he has to answer them.

So let's get started. Simon, what... Hello hello how are you doing your t-shirt is very garish today what do you mean garish it's beautiful it's a beautiful corgi thing it's a beautiful corgi what are the names of hat films what are their real names what are their real names? Good luck with this. Oh, of course. Yeah. Wow. Okay, so from left to right, we've got Beardy, Beardy, Jeffrey, and Ronaldo. Not to be confused with a footballer. Yeah.

No, it's Al Smithy, Christopher Trottermus, and the other one. Oh my god. That's all I know now is the other one. That's it. Nailed it. Ross. It's Ross.

Okay, well, I'm going to give you, I think, two points for that, Simon. There's three of them, right? How many did I get right out of three? Two. That's why I'm giving you two. You're lucky I'm not giving you minus one for the insult to our poor guest. What do you mean? He's crying inside.

There's a deep cut inside. The other one. To be honest, you did get his Spanish name right you got my real name right in the end yeah you still call him

Al Smithy even though his name's Alex it's pretty close Alex I mean now we're splitting hairs aren't we

yeah jeez come on guys so two points two points well done two points so question two.

I've actually had some... I've done a little bit of research on this episode into hat films, and I know that one of them has a black belt in karate. Which one do you think it is, Simon? One of them? Okay. So which one do I think is, you know, the badass?

The one... the Chuck Norris of hat films do you know what I think I think it's Trot I think it's Trot there's something about him he's the quiet one

and I think it's the quiet ones you've got to watch out for is it true though is it true yeah it's true that's right

yeah yeah come on get in there Is it true though? Is it true? Yeah It's true That's right Oh Come on Get in there It's the lord you least suspect Yeah One ninja in the night He's a ninja He dresses up as a ninja every night

And he goes Climbing neighbourhood lampposts And we have to get him down like a cat Yeah He gets stuck up lampposts Is that what you do? Is that what a black belt is? I thought it was about self defence Not climbing lampposts I know We what a black belt is? I thought it was about self-defence,

not climbing lampposts. We tried to get into it. It's terrible. We have to call the fire brigade out on this nightmare. I never got taught how to get down. I'm really good at going up things, but coming back down is a problem. Oh, you need to abseil or have a little parachute and base it. Rock climbing gear.

Or like Assassin's Creed. You need a bale of hay underneath everything. That's true. You need like a bale of hay underneath everything. Yeah, that's true. I do need a bale of hay. We could do that. So how many points did I get, Lewis, out of that one? You get three for that. Three?

That's the correct answer. Wow. Wow. So I'm up to five already. That's good. Five. Well done. You're running out of hand space.

You need more fingers. I've got another hand here. It's cool. Don't worry. I've tried to standardise the scoring a bit as well so it should be less crazy this time uh so question three what kind of cars do you think hat films do own but also would like to own if they had the choice so i've got a out of the three of them I've got to determine which cars each of them own and which one each of them want.

Yeah. If they have one. Not so simple, Simon. Not so simple, Simon. Men's or Simon. I reckon they share a car like a camper van, like a mystery machine, and they go around solving crimes.

Trot is dressed up as a ninja. And the other two are like a pirate and a robot and they go around solving mysteries. And cooking meth. And cooking meth in their camper van. Allegedly. Can't prove it one way or the other. Maybe they do, but maybe they don't.

What would they want to own? God, I don't know. I think they're quite modest, down-to-earth men. They're not really about flash cars. You know, they're not about Lamborghinis and Ferraris and BMWs. I don't know a lot of cars, to be honest. I think they would settle for a Land Rover, a nice modern Range Rover kind of thing.

I think you would, wouldn't you? I'd like a truck or a big car. So that's one of us. You kind of got one point there, because that's what he wants. Yeah. There you go. It's just one point. And you're're right we all have a shared camper van oh which is weird that would have been amazing i think you do share though don't you you have a little a little

courser or something a little no no we do all come in one car when we visit the office. But I have a car. It's a Honda Civic. He has a Beamer. A black BMW. Yeah. I never would have guessed that. It's an old one.

It's not anything fancy or new. You like a fancy BMW. I would like a fancy one. So you kind of got... And I don't have a car so that was kind of a trick question do you have a bicycle not here

no I have trot we ferry him round I ride him round like a chocobo you ride around on a trot like a chocobo

now that is someone needs to work on the fan art of this immediately slash some slash stuff it's all it's underway

oh my god next question so how many points how many points Lewis come on how many how many do you think hat films how do you think they he deserves for that one and a half one and a half we do halves do you have you're going up you're six and a half then so kind of technically so if that is that I'm not a half, kind of. So that's technically... So is that thumb not a half? That's a full. But this one's a half. Six and a half. Okay, next question.

Is Ross wearing odd socks today? Now, I thought you were going to say, is Ross wearing any underpants today? Well, that could be part of the question. Okay. Is it? Well, that could be part of the question. OK. Is it? Well, it's up to you. You let me know.

Is he wearing odd socks and also is he wearing any underpants? Is he wearing any underwear at all? Anything below the waist? It's the end of this you don't want to see. That's the worrying part. You don't want the proof. I reckon he is wearing odd socks but they're not garishly different so say like a dark brown and a black or a dark blue and

a black maybe not like a pink and green i reckon they're quite similar maybe he dresses in the dark and he thought they were the same color i'm'm not sure. Underwear, I reckon he is a boxer briefs man. Boxer briefs. He likes to cup and hold his gentlemen in... So like trunks? In a warm embrace. Like a warm

priest's hand. Oh god. Wow. Jesus Christ. Well I am wearing underwear. I'll give you the answer for that one. I am wearing underwear and they are boxers. Do we get to peek? Are they trunks? Do you want to peek? You want to speak as you're showing them.

Yeah they are, they're like boxer briefs. They are actually like boxer briefs. So that's boxers. Oh okay. Socks. Socks. You were right as well. You were right. Vaguely different. I think that's really impressive. Oh, okay. Socks. Socks. You were right as well. You're right. Vaguely different.

I think that's really impressive. That's slightly different. You must nail that. There we go. I think it was double points. Very slightly different. That was good. That was really impressive.

It's a common thing, though, because you get these packs of socks where, like, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, they're all slightly different, but you end up not bothering to mix them up. For a bonus point, Simon. Right. Am I wearing odd socks? You always wear odd socks. You always wear odd socks, Lewis. And

an iron shirt. Not today! Whoa! Oh my god! Reversal of fortune! Not today. That's your motto, isn't it? Not today. Not today. No. So motto, isn't it? Not today. Not today. No.

So, how many points do you reckon? How many points? Put them on the school board. You're complete across the board. You got it all right. I mean, hold on. Who's giving these? Us or Lewis?

You can give the points for your question. Of course. I was really impressed that he actually completely nailed everything. One point for the fact that I'm wearing underwear. Yeah. actually completely nailed everything. One point for the fact that I'm wearing underwear. Yeah. Seven and a half. One point for getting

the underwear right. Yeah. Eight and a half. And then double those points because you got exactly like the socks. The socks. So four points.

Four points. Ten and a half. Nice. How do I do a half? Half. Um. Well. It's definitely a half. Wow. Thanks, Lewis. Matthew, give definitely a half.

Wow. Thanks, Lewis. It was cold that night. We went skinny dipping. So ten and a half. Ten and a half. Okay, next question. We've got quite a mundane one here.

Imagine there's three bottles. A bottle of scotch, a bottle of fine gin... And a mundane one here. Imagine there's three bottles. A bottle of scotch, a bottle of fine gin... And a bottle of piss. Well, you could say that. Like a bottle of Budweiser or something. Piss, yeah. Who would end up with what if they were to have one each? So we've got... What are the drinks again?

A whiskey man. Whiskey, gin and piss. A gin and a beer drinker. So which one is into the piss? That's what you're asking me. Oh, I reckon Smithy is a whiskey man. I reckon he's a whiskey man. He looks like a whiskey man.

He's the dad of the bunch, definitely. Cheers, guys. He is the daddy certainly um i reckon ross is a gin man um even though he drives a bmw you wouldn't think the two would go together um and uh trot is definitely a piss boy. Thanks, Simon. A piss boy. Aren't you a piss boy? A piss boy. Piss boy. So, moving on to the next question. No, the points, Lewis. The points.

This is going to follow through onto the next one. Which member of Hat Films peed their pants in primary school? Which one peed their pants in primary school which one peed their pants in secondary school and which one is pissing themselves right now which one didn't pee their pants at all okay so which one of them is dry as a bone

and always has been oh my god I reckon oh god what a horrible question well they sent me Oh my god I reckon Oh god What a horrible question Well they sent me this question To ask them so Blame them for it

I reckon Ross Primary school he pissed his pants Smithy Secondary school pissed his pants Trot even though he's the piss boy Dry as a bone. I only drink it. Never once.

He's a nightmare. I never spill it. It's why he hangs out with us. We're all pissing all the time and he's there gargling it. He's a nightmare. That is awful. Oh, my God. That is awful.

So. Oh, my God. Have we got it right? No. No, actually. Did you get one right? No, you didn't get one right. You didn't get one right. Okay, so what were they?

So, wait a minute. Let's go back to the first set of questions. Okay, so the drinks. Yeah. It's, well, yeah, I'm a whiskey man. Yes. I like scotch. That's one.

I do also like gin a lot as well. So it's, I'm. And I might be. And pissed. I love it. I just love everything. All liquids. Any alcohol. I just love everything. All liquids. Any alcohol. Give it to him.

But Ross is actually probably more of a bub-wiser person. Yeah, so if anything, I drink the piss. If anything, Ross is the piss drinker. I drink the piss. Okay. Oh, God. And Trot, how would you describe yourself? I don't like spirits, so I will be a beer drinker slash piss drinker. So we both gargle piss.

So I'm the house alcoholic, and these guys are just... So I reckon be a beer drinker slash piss drinker. So we both gargle piss. So I'm the house alcoholic and these guys are just strange. So I reckon I got two. I reckon I got two of those. Yeah, two. So then on to the pissing situation. Right. I'm primary school. I pissed my pants in year three because I was too scared to ask to go to the toilet in assembly.

So I just... Oh. Oh. Oh. I did it in secondary school because it was my first karate lesson and we were all kneeling down and I just laid a moat in front of me

so I didn't want to go what caused this? were you scared? I just forgot to go beforehand and it was my first time there I was like I can't go right now. We're doing our bowels and stuff. I just let it, I couldn't hold

it in any longer. Bowels? There it was. Oh bowels. He was doing his bowels. So whilst everybody else had white robes. I had. He got a yellow belt. Let's just say he got a yellow belt quickly yeah. And I didn't piss at school. Ross, weirdly, didn't piss. Only in the toilets. Only in the toilets, of course. No, he didn't piss at school. I avoided it. End of the day was intense.

Right. Back at Sheds. Good. So I only got two. I only got two points for the drinks. Yeah. The pissing, I got completely wrong. Yeah.

That's it. So 12 and a half. 10, 12 and a half Okay that's going well Let's have the next one then So Pokemon came out This week, don't know if you know about it Which starting Pokemon

No I've never heard of Pokemon, what's Pokemon Could you explain it to me No I can't explain it Pokemonsters Which starting Pokemon Would each of these three fellas from Hat Films be? Or choose? Or be? Are they all different ones?

Or can they be the same? They're all different ones. You can't have the same starting Pokemon. They've got to be different. Yeah, they've got to be different. And also, we're not going to say the original. They don't have to pick from the original three. You don't have to know them.

You can pick any Pokemon to assign to these people. Oh assign jesus christ so it could be any of the pokemon that's like 500 of them or like 700 of them now or something yeah but you don't know them anyway so pretty much this this this question is not going to be it's more to test your knowledge of pokemon and what you think hat films are. Right. I reckon one of them, I reckon Trot is Jigglypuff. Hey! Thanks. Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff.

I reckon Jigglypuff. Oh, God. That's his power. He deafens and destroys the eardrums of all... I thought that was beautiful. That's really nice. Thank you. The Pokemon. Charizard, of course, famously.

One of the Pokemon. Charizard. I reckon Ross would be Charizard. I reckon Fire, definitely. There's something fiery about him. Oh, I'll take that as a compliment. I'll take that as a compliment I'll take that as a compliment When I look into your eyes I just see burning things

I see an arsonist And I'm worried I see you and I think fire Definitely Fire He needs you to burn Brilliant I wonder what that was

What you mean I was like what I'm losing it That's so messed up Um Smithy Oh god There's something watery

About him I reckon he would be That shit goldfish That turns into The big dragon Which one's that Magikarp Magikarp

Splash Splash So Magikarp Jigglypuff And and Char Lizard. That's what I'm saying. Is it Charizard, he means? It's Char Lizard. No, it's Char Lizard.

Definitely Char Lizard. I don't know Pokemon very well. Right. Well, why are you correcting him then? What's the answer, fellas? What is the preferred go-to Pokemon? I don't even think about this. Oh, right, there's an answer.

Yeah. Didn't you actually have one? You've played the game, so you should actually be able to tell. I don't even think about this. Oh, right. There's an answer. Yeah. Didn't you actually have one? You've played the game, so you should actually be able to tell them. I don't know the name of it. I've got Pokemon Y, and it's the green one.

Brilliant. If you really choose one of the... He gave us names. Let's simplify this. We can't even give him names. Can you describe it? What do you mean

it's a green one? It looks like an urban youth in a hoodie, doesn't it? It's like a... Yeah. Literally, that's what it looks like. Does it actually? Yeah, it's that one.

And I don't know what it's named. It's a grass type, so it's not Jigglypuff. So I've got that wrong, totally wrong. But I would probably pick one if I could. They just didn't give me the choice. What would you have picked then? What would you have picked? I'd pick Jigglypuff, yeah.

Okay. Whoa! There you go. Good point then. So that's nice. Jigglypuff. Sorry. I've gotigglypuff. Whoa! There we go. Good point then. So that's nice. Jigglypuff. Sorry. I've got the voice for it.

I was trying to start something. What would you choose? I think, well, from the original starting three to make things quick, I would actually go with Charmander. So I, yeah, I'd be the fire one. Shit. Right. Sorry.

What's the tortoise called? Squirtle. Squirtle. I'm going to go for Squirtle. Okay. So I got it the wrong way round. I got the water and called? Squirtle. Squirtle. I'm going to go for Squirtle. Okay. Done. So I got it the wrong way round. I got the water and the fire the wrong way round. You got one point though.

But Jigglypuff. One point. So 13 and a half I'm on. You're doing really well this time. Yeah, good. You're doing really well, Simon. You're doing very well. Thank you. I've not really docked a lot of points off you for making heinous mistakes either.

Docked. Who of points off you for making heinous mistakes either docked who of us is left handed who have had films is who of us is left handed what do you mean of us of all of us collectively of all of us well i know that you're not and i'm not so so that's two points for me immediately I'm reading the cat films questions straight off the email so yeah sorry about that go on Simon what do you think one of them must be or maybe all of them are what I would do is I would

just throw balls at them but I can't do that on Google throw a anyone catch that? Did you see that? They put both of their hands up To shield their face Oh god

They've now knocked the microphone Have you turned your microphone off Boys That's a thing that's happened They're now like Just unplug it. Plug it back in. They think it's over.

They think the episode's ended. Look, they're packing off. They're miming now. One moment. Which one of you is left-handed? I haven't guessed yet, have I? I reckon Trot is left-handed. Ant Smith. Oh, snap. Both of them. that's handed. Oh snap both of

them. Oh that's amazing. Well we can carry this on without their voice. We don't need them. We could do a mime show.

Yeah but the camera would never go to them though. I can manually control it. Look I've got it controlled on them now see.

So we can watch them. Let's have a look at them. Let's have a good look at them. I'm looking at them look.

Are we? Yeah. Oh I'm looking at you. Oh. Are we? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm looking at you. Oh, well, that's personal preference. Oh. Let's see. If you click on their faces, you can see that they're currently fiddling with the audio equipment. Do you see?

There was a little bit of a... They've broken everything. I don't know how they managed to do that. Did they just sort of trip on the lead? Hello? No, we still can't hear you. I guess they can hear us. They're not even trying to fix... They are trying to fix it.

Look, you can see they're clearly fiddling with some wires and plugs. Right, well, anyway, I think we... One sec. We can't just end it like that, Lewis. Jesus, give me a minute. It's time to end the episode, sec. We can't just end it like that, Lewis. Jesus, give me a minute. It's time to end the episode, though. You can't just end it. Hello. There we go.

There we go. Lewis was just going to end it. He was just going to say, that's it. Thanks, everyone. No, please. We've got a lot of time on it. Shit. Basically, our microphone runs on batteries,

and it ran out of batteries. And so we had to do a very quick battery change. You had to take some out of the remote, the TV remote, and whack them in there. That's always the thing you have to do a very quick battery change. Here we are. You have to take some out of the remote, the TV remote. Yep. Whack them in there. That's always something you have to do. None of our fire alarms work anymore. It's a nightmare.

Oh God. I can see the fire in his eyes. I just use Trot Screams, it's fine. So which one of you is left-handed? Well you have to guess, you can't just ask us. Didn't you? Well I thought, was it Smithy and Trot are both left-handed? No.

Oh, shit. That negates it. You get zero points. Yeah, sorry. That was the ten point. One of them does, so. Yeah, which one? Which one is it?

This is it. Save it. Smithy's left-handed. Oh, no. Trot is. Oh, no. It isters. Oh, no. It's me. The talented one.

You can tell. You can always tell. Left-handed people. You just insulted the other two by saying that. It's all right. At least I'm not the piss gargler. That's all I'm saying. Oh, my God.

Talented in more ways than one. Well, look, thank you very much, Hat Films. It's been a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you. It's been very fun. Good luck. You can check out the channel at the link look, thank you very much, Hat Films. It's been a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you. It's been very fun. Good luck. You can check out the channel at the link

and thank you for joining us. I'm sure we'll have you on again. See you next time. See you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Say goodbye, Mandrew.

Goodbye, Mandrew. Save me. Bye. Save me. Help. Help. Oh, my God. The things he does to me. Andrew save me bye save me help help oh my god the things he does

to me you wouldn't believe it oh god oh my god shall I sing it to sleep jiggly

jigglypuff amazing good job thanks so much boys thank you